Prime Big Deal Days is coming October 8th and 9th, which can
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October 8th and 9th. Me and these gentlemen are doing
tea with me. live in London. Will he?
When is he? 26th of May.
Kerry where? Is Islington Town Hall,
Islington Islington Assembly Hall 22nd of May.
Do it again. Do it again.
He's pushed for time. Do it again.
Guys, we are doing a live tea with me in London. 26th of May
Oh my God, I'm gonna marry to you.
Sorry guys, we're doing a live tea with me in Belfast on World.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. What time do you honestly want
your heart at? 12 No, no, sorry I'm late.
I'm. Sorry guys, we're doing a live
tea. I'll get it.
I'll get it right. I'll get.
It. Guys, we're doing a live tea
with me in London. The 26th of May is Lincoln
Assembly. Is Lincoln Town.
Hall, Islington Assembly Hall No.
Islington Town. Hall is Lincoln Town Hall.
Here we go, Assembly. Rooms Here we go, here we go,
here we. Go here we go, Assembly Rooms.
Assembly Hall. Assembly Hall.
I need to leave like I am now. Leaving.
Let's go. Don't need to go all bracks.
On us. Guys, we're alive.
Be with me in London. Whoa.
Well, he went as a 22nd. Mission Karen, where is it?
Islington Town Hall, Assembly Hall.
Guys, we're there alive, guys. Guys, we're there with me.
In London, Willie, where does it?
Take the man, Karen. Where is it?
Islington Assembly Hall. I know, I know.
Fuck it, I'm literally sorry. I know, I just don't remember
the desktop. I don't even have time to
connect us. I'm just going to have to.
Go. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast with me, she and Todd.
Before we get into this episode, I've got to get through a few
sponsor messages. New sponsor alert and done right
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This copy. Yeah, we give it the bullet.
Points and it came up with are you being serious?
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OK, just your manscape London. All right, hi, Karen.
Hi. We're sponsored also by
Manscaped, the number one in men's below the Belt room.
And Karen Bartlett is not on the episode, but he's just walked
into this room. He's taking his trousers and
pants down all the way down to his ankles like he's doing AP
One piss. And Jesus Christ, I can see
myself in his balls. Look at that.
Karen can see the back, too. It's like, well, the Bible and
that there's no other chickens left.
Karen, that looks really smooth. Is that what manscaped you've
done that the lawnmower 4.0 and William was driving it.
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I, I let's get in this episode. There's a lot of men in this
room. There's a lot of men and.
This wouldn't get me it on BBC One.
No, this is the new one show right now.
This might be the new one show. My guests are Patty McDonald and
John Zoo, and there's a lot of guys behind the camera too.
There's good energy in here, love.
Yeah, there's a good energy here.
We're having a good time. Can I just say it looks like you
2 are making a political statement the way you're dressed
And if. You weren't Celtic bottoms too.
It's, it's, it's, it's. I'm starting to see it creeping
in. There's something, really.
Lagging today but then I can see it happening just it's creeping
in the every everyday life now. Willie turned up in yellow and I
had bright green and we were on stage and we were like a massive
Tri colour. So Kieran, you could get your
balls out again and flash them in the middle, or that can be
the white, that could be the neutral.
Kieran's white balls. Kieran's wet balls you don't
want. Green, pink and orange.
That would be a great new flag for New Ireland.
But is it triangle or just Karen Bartlett balls in the middle of
it? This is fun, right?
I want to talk to you about loads stuff.
You're about to go to Ibiza. Yeah.
Are you, are you just always in Spain?
No, no. I don't, I don't hear him.
I'm. Talking to him.
I used to be when I'd done fairgrounds, but I don't do any
more so. I went to Ibiza a few times, but
only for a few days. Yeah, it's not for me.
I don't know whether I'd never been to Ibiza and I don't know
whether I missed out on, you know, it's.
Beautiful. Like it's geographically it's
stunning, but see all that club culture and all it's mental.
What is your first go to Ibiza? No, it was.
It was only a couple of years ago I went.
I'd lived in Spain for about three, 3 1/2 years before I went
there. Ibiza.
Are you fluent in Spanish? No, my brother is, he just
learned it. He just learned it like he
didn't like learn it, you know, academically or not.
He just picked it up on the street, like, but I can speak
about 10 words, you know? You're you're, you're about to
tell me you speak Spanish. You don't.
Cinco peso Grande pallucci. Yeah, Pardon.
Exactly. What is that?
Means $5 for a big praise head here.
Did you? You didn't work in a.
Fur in Spain, in America. Who are you speaking Spanish?
There's a lot of people speaking Spanish.
And you and if I walk past you would have said what?
Hey, single peso Grande Palucci. Could you speak any more than
that though? Swavi a key easy here.
So you showed them where to hit the rim right?
The win. Well, you could have been a
prostitute too, yeah. Yeah, well, but that.
I know I beat this somewhere I've never been, but people go
to the islands beautiful, but the strip or whatever is meant
I've. Been there before I'm going back
again. I'm doing an eye before I get
too old. Now.
I don't want to look like Wayne Vinegar when I'm married.
He's going on 18 year. Old boys.
Now you have to. Do you know about his tattoo?
No. Oh, what that hair supposed like
you told me. You and I'm William.
Tattoos. Is.
It. A.
Real tattoo. No.
The background of this is him and William got tattoos for the
for the podcast, but the idea was mystery tattoos.
He picked his, he picked his. You had no idea what you were
because people were going. They've worked at it beforehand.
The only rule was no sectarianism, no sectarianism.
If I'd haven't been the rule, what would you have done?
I don't think I would have done that there.
I don't think that would have annoyed Willie that much.
Yeah, don't get me wrong, it would have been shit if you had
to get something IRA or a fucking Iron Badge or something
like, I don't know. But I think there could have
been a hell of a lot more than I could have done.
They annoy him. Do you know what I mean?
But I tried that when I was doing it.
I was like, I will try and have something that looks like a
cartoon. Yeah, it was trying to be funny.
And you can sort of have us like, Oh, yes, he got that
because this, this, this, this. Tell him what you got that boy
permanently tattooing his body. So I, I got well, he don't like
potatoes, right? They make him sick.
He doesn't need them, right? So do you want to just show him
This is why I got it, This is why I got what he got, but on
his cough. So he got a potato in a
wheelchair. Williams disabled.
I can count 2 potato. 2 potato is the quote.
Run it. I can what?
Count 2 potato. Williams cerebral palsy dump.
That's actually all right. Yeah, that's the main.
Like if you see that from a, but I think when you see it from a
distance, it has that character to it.
It's a cartoon. It's a fun design.
Yes, yes, you know, whereas he just got me the disabled bots
like it's little everywhere. Oh, I see that user.
Bastard. He didn't do nothing, did you?
Laugh. I'm laughing.
I'm laughing for this reason. But everybody laughed.
My kids laughed away, laughed. Everyone has laughed at that,
right? Because.
William has cerebral palsy, right?
Yeah. He's absolutely disabled.
Paddy constantly gives him shit for being disabled.
So when you turn the joke, turned the joke and did that and
you say what? That would always be a reminder
of you. Every time he thinks of me or
every time he sees that, yeah. I now.
Have to walk about Ibiza with a massive limp, yeah.
I don't like. It.
Like that. So nobody asked me any
questions. That's solely why I'm doing it,
because people's going to go why?
There's no. Cartoon.
There's no do. You know what I mean?
So. People's going to go, but they
might. Just think he's got family who's
disabled or something, you know, and he's paying homage to them.
They're just going to look at. Me and go he's a spastic that's
what they're going to say no, but they.
Could say that's my sister talking about, you know what I
mean? So my.
Dad had a a grenade tattooed on his right and then he got his
leg amputated, right? And.
All that was left was like the end of the grenade, so it looked
like the grenade went off. And then this is before God.
I'll show you something. You know what he done?
He got a tattoo on a stump saying I'm stumped.
That's real. Got his.
Leg amputated and on the stump. God I'm stumped on like the
bottom up like the on the. Actual stump, everybody.
Wants me to get a nail tattooed on that.
Or did you lose your? Finger.
How'd you lose your finger? Bit off Bit off by high.
We stay in the door and it was bit off by a fellow, bit off by
a. School teacher A school.
Teacher, I know, my goodness, he took me to.
Court. Did they said pally?
'S finger tasted stinking. If he actually tried to take him
to court, no I. Took him well, I didn't.
It was the Peelers took him to court, but he got off it.
He got off. When you said your.
Dad got a grenade. That too genuine?
I thought he was like a Bruno Mars fan, no?
I only know the history of his dad because of the songs.
So that's why I laugh when he says he got a grenade on it
because there's loads of like ex paramilitaries I know and have
like guns and stuff. But there's this one on these
called Trigger, and I always thought he was called Trigger
because he liked Only Fools and Horses, because he sort of
looked like your man. He was tall and stuff.
Then something, Michael. Called it too.
No, but that's. What I thought but then somebody
says no when gaol when they were giving him the tattoo, they run
out of the ink. So the gun that the tattooed on
to his arm and Indian ink didn't have a trigger and he constantly
was like when I get my fucking trigger and they were like don't
have any ink and they just left him for like 7 years.
He's in deal. So he's called trigger, but I
always thought it was that yeah. But then one day I seen the
tattoo with a trigger and he just says don't even fucking
say. When you say.
Grenade, I just went. Have you tattoos?
May have uncovered no tattoos. What was your first tattoo?
First one was a wee Shamrock when I was like 18 and then I've
got like got covered in them. The last one I got there was
Popeye. Got Popeye.
The last one before it was an Ireland badge.
There you. Go and the last.
One before that was like Genghis Khan, Loads of them, you know,
got a big turtle on my leg. What?
What's that you're not for? Genghis.
Khan. There was a theme.
Why Genghis Khan? He was like a Chinese guy.
No, he. Was Mongolian right?
Mongolian. He actually took over China.
Took over the. World that boy, yeah.
But I, I think he's, I think he's very demonised in history.
No, they do. The demonism because of what he
done and because he was an Asian man that was able to conquer the
world. But like, but a lot of people
underestimate see Mongolians, Jackie Chandler, they see.
They. See boys who come from them,
countries that fate in the UFC and all their fucking animals
like they're proper. So everybody's only been one.
Chinese champion. And that was Wei Ling.
She was a girl. She's like a Wee Mulan
character, but she was animalistic.
But that's the only Chinese champion there's ever been.
But why the Genghis? Khan tattoo You just like the
history, no? Yeah, well, I studied Genghis
Khan like and I liked them. What I loved about Genghis was
he wasn't a dictator of of course, he didn't try and
enforce a religion upon anyone or anything.
And he realised that the Chinese were were like for thousands of
years, they were like paying off the tribes of Mongolia, the war
against each other. So he united all the tribes, the
warring tribes of Mongolia together and they destroyed
China then, you know, and after he destroyed China, they went in
the like, the Hashishin Temple and then destroyed them.
He said he didn't believe in cities.
He said cities weren't fortresses.
There were like, presents. And that's what he'd done.
He would just go and camp outside of prison and cut off
all their supplies. And we'd have to turn into like
a living hell, you know, in the city.
So I like Genghis, you know, and I think when was is.
He like olden times, Yeah, at the. 1200s, right?
So he basically seeds them until they started eating each other,
Yes. That's correct.
They're like a living hell, you know, But he didn't believe in
like borders, right, or lands or, you know, individual
countries and saying I'm the king of this country and up
until this river, then it's your land and you're the king of that
land. He just said now he just
flattened everywhere and said humans aren't supposed to live
in cities. That's it's not how humans are
supposed to live. They're supposed to live on the
land. Like what's it like?
Cities for trading. Think government, things like
that. But people should live, probably
noticing. That they were controlling back
then. He was ahead of his time in a
sense, but it's. Also what he said was it's like
a nomad lifestyle. So they were saying you don't
own any land. If you think you own land,
you're you're deceived because if you want to like build upon a
piece of land and say this is my land and you waste your whole
life, your limited years sat on that piece of land and then you
die. You know it's not your land
then, is it? What happens?
Is it you find that the land you're actually the lands, the
land owned you, right, Because you wish that your whole life
just sat on that land, but it's there long after you're here.
Do you know what I'm saying? So Genghis, he would like they
would set up, he was actually called Temujin, but they would
set up on like a tent and then when the grass all died around,
they'd pack up and move and the grass would replenish.
You live me. So they would just live off the
land like that. And the thought of like, you
know, turning the grass and the concrete and building big walls
and saying this is my, you know, fortress.
That's all. He didn't agree with any of
that. And I like that concept.
You make them with. The grass element they.
Made you say the. Hashish Temple.
Yeah, yeah. They were that was the original
has the Hashishians, the assassins, the assassins, the
term assassin that was. They were like a Muslim cult who
left out in the in the in the temp in the in the cult like a
big massive mountain fortress. And for years they would like
they would like raise up kids and then send them out as
assassins where they smoke. Was that where and they would
smoke? The Mahash?
Yeah, they would. So they're assassins?
But they might take, they take their time getting there.
Like, yeah. But you know, destroyed them
all. You were dead to their temple.
Destroyed the whole temple as well.
Well, if he. Took if he cut off their food be
a nightmare. There's an.
Amazing set of books by Khan Egulden called the Conqueror
series and that's all about Genghis Khan.
I would advise everybody to read it.
Paddy, who's your? Favourite history guy?
Like. You know, like someone from
Olden House. I'm trying to think.
Abe Lincoln was good. Why'd you like him?
I just. Thought that he had the right
thoughts, he just put people like he was trying to abolish
slavery, which is obviously a terrible thing if fake.
Teeth. Is that right?
It wouldn't teeth. It wouldn't teeth, no So.
It might have been somebody else.
George. Washington I wouldn't teeth, but
you mentioned people eating each other.
If you were to eat someone were and you I mean, you had to
right. So say say we were say there was
a say this whole building there was a war.
It got boarded up basically we we weren't getting out here.
I'm going to guess between three of us.
I might be I'm just going to I might be the first one to get
it. Why?
But there's? Not a lot on you, I'd say one of
the big fellas. And Karen's going to last a wee
bit longer so we can get him that before he fades away if we.
Got one of the big lads, we'd all be feasting for a while.
You're with me, but if you get you, that would have to be a
Roy. Rumble to see John and fucking
Karen. I'd be more of a.
Side what I would, I'd be a side order what I would.
Like you're like a. Corn on the cob.
And Nando, yes, by the. Way I was told.
On Friday that your card was cancelled and you had to pay for
your thing. Yeah, your black card was
cancelled. There's no such thing.
No, no, no. So the manager in the Odyssey
was telling lies. Must have been.
They don't exist. Well, I think Ed Sheeran has
one, but that might be it, says she and Todd.
Black card cancelled or didn't work and he had to pay for it.
That's just it. I was actually and I didn't.
Do you believe? That I didn't even.
Know I don't. Believe that I didn't they just.
Talk shit. About your brother jealous.
And is that the Odyssey? Stankers fucking.
We're going. In do you?
Know do you know the one the odyssey?
I don't anymore after this. That's what they said on Friday.
Genuinely see if I did have a. Card and it expired see the way
you got angry for me there I go him and I say ask him if I can
have a new card because tell you what to give me a new card but
if you came with me. They would give me for nothing
because they give me for nothing.
Pardon. Exactly.
They give me the meal for nothing.
That's some sense. You'd be better going with me.
What do you go with? Heaven.
I don't know the black card. I only knew about it on Friday.
And what do you do if you get? Stuff for free on the party,
they could get a. Black card.
It means you can eat an alley Nando's for nothing.
It's a Nando's. Black card if you could have.
A magic card for anywhere food place because you you like turn
around sampling different grub in different places, Yeah.
Karen's away. I have.
To. Leave.
All right, man. God bless bro.
See you later. Good to see.
The clean balls. But you put the treasure up.
My Karen, if you want. Toca bogie mate, take it easy.
That's. Exactly what he just.
Eat, He translated that. Any place, but it has to be like
a chain, you know what I mean? It has to be like a chain of
places. I like June.
I loved BBQ when it was in Belfast.
Unbelievable BBQ food. Remember when like Man versus
food was really popular on TV and it was that like brisket,
ribs, things like that. I love that.
Lawns you want a black card for. Luns.
What's Luns? He wants he.
Just wants to get jewelled up. If you had that you'd wear way
too much jewelled. But you said a food.
Place I'm trying to think of a nice food that I could just go
in and get free food all the time.
Marks and Spencer. I was thinking.
Somewhere like that, Mark. Genuinely not what I.
Expected marks. I was at Marks and Spencer's
just the inner Falcon. But boom, here.
It's good to see that you're you're able to afford in here
now. And I went only in a Sunday.
I get I get the Sunday row stuff in here.
Here's me. Well, you're.
You're obviously doing our interview, he says.
Listen, I sell gear. I have to get rid of case.
I just walk away from me and Marks.
Right, OK. It's just started to tell if
he's going to catch me, I go. I love it.
The gang out here we need to get rid of some this money Porsche I
will say from a lot moxies. Get the 3rd for one Thursday too
bro. Yeah, we bought the chambers.
I used to be addicted to. Percy Pigs had a problem.
Yeah, I like a. Percy but to change the the
ingredient, the vegan, the only flavour that's nice is the party
mix right you have. To get the.
Multicoloured party mix. Yeah, but you didn't.
Expect John to know too much about Marks and Spencer's didn't
that not not Percy. Pigs.
No, because the. I have been like Genghis Khan.
Loved them. The real pigs.
He didn't believe in cities. But he believed that Percy pigs
like he just was a. Nomad, he was like, where's the
next nearest March Marks? He's like, even though we won't
all do it, doesn't have to be a big one, does clothes and all,
he says. Just I don't know.
That much about history, but there's a guy from I think the
Mali Empire and he was called something Musa or something.
This is only go to history. I know Mensa Musa or something
like that. And he was a king and he thought
maybe you could check this out a little bit for me.
He went on a Mali was like the biggest empire in the world at
the time. And he went on a pilgrimage.
He was going to Mecca and on his way there he brought something
like 10,000 camels, all with gold on the back.
That's how they were such a big empire, because of gold.
And he got all these camels with gold.
And he was just just so people knew who he was.
He was going through all these different countries and he was
handing gold to the people on the street saying this is who I
am, have some gold basically. And he thought this was the best
thing ever. By the time it took him to get
the Mecca, on his way back, he went through, he, he bankrupted
with inflation every country he went through because the people
had so much gold. So money became pretty
worthless. So he thought he was the man on
the way there. And then his way back, he's
like, Oh no, he just fucked it in everywhere.
He was Egypt, loads of different places.
So he tried. And it just made me think you
can't be right for doing wrong. Mali.
You know, in Africa, yeah, Yep, they were golden up.
I listened to a podcast called The Ancient Civilizations.
Unbelievable. The fall of civilizations, they
reckon. There was these unbelievable
places in the Amazon lost cities.
And they reckon that. The Spanish brought a flu and
wiped them out. Wiped.
Them out for seconds. Yep, well, that's why there's.
Our place, that island, that still something I was thinking
of, Senator. Yep.
Sentinel. Island they they they will.
Kill you if you come on the beach.
Yep, it was. 1970 names. The last person tried to get on
it was an American, yes. Tried to preach God and they
killed him. Yes.
On the beach named Adam, Yeah, No.
That's mad that there is a place that because nowadays obviously
they're like God, they need to know what the modern world is,
but they definitely are not interested.
And there's those pictures of like, I think they flew a
helicopter trying to get footage of it, and they're shooting the
arrows up to it. That's class that there is still
a place. They literally had Apple
maximal. They think there was somebody
was delivered. Amazon, but they already said
nobody knew I think. They don't want like they don't
want the modern world to an extent.
But I think if the I always think I'm good at talking to
people and I think if the three of us showed up and they gave us
5 minutes, I think we could get a bit of a Chuck going with
them. I think if John.
Was able to get them a smoke first, yes.
Yeah, if John. Would they be smoking?
Would they be smoking something, do you think?
How many Times Now? Did you ever see that, that film
that the gods must be laughing at us?
No, it's a cracker. It's an old one, but it's about
one of them tribes that has never seemed like modern
society. But a plane drives by and the
pilot, it's only a be small plane.
The pilot's driving me drinks a bottle of Coke, and he throws
the bottle out the window and the bottle of Coke lands.
And the you know what the tribe and the tribe think?
It's a gift from the gods. You're with me.
Have you not seen it? And they're all looking at this
bottle of Coke. Then you're with me.
And they're all like, wow, that's from God.
No. And then they'll learn.
It's like a musical instrument. And then it's like a turtle and,
you know, they can like, you know, fill it up with water and
all, like they're all, all the different things they can do
with it. But then it starts to breed
jealousy in the tribe. And one of the tribes has let me
have it and that's mine. And they try to gain possession
of it because before then there was no possession because
everyone shared everything. You've heard me.
But now because there's only one battle product placement.
Yeah, product you've. Never seen it, it's genius.
Like you need to watch the film. The gods must be laughing at us
intensely. I like.
Documentaries that explore places like that.
But I I wouldn't like to go. Yeah, you know, I mean, I like
other people to go and tell me about it.
Of course. Did you see that ancient?
Apocalypse No, on Netflix section they find like these mad
gaffes and all they're like like out in the middle of like
mountain tops and they think it's like it predates even
anything. Yeah, the phone is.
Temple, Yeah. And basically it predates the
the record books. So what they're saying is
history is like this temple and how they built it and they built
it for sort of like the times of year for the late and stuff like
that. Well, then we'll have one here,
Newgrange. But there's lots of things in
Newgrange. There's a temple Where?
Where's that? Navin County.
Navin where the lake can get into this entire building at one
time of the year and it's the equinox.
So when that gets there it's Shane's the late table to get
right in to the middle of this. And it shouldn't like it's it's
they're saying it's physically impossible.
We couldn't have built anything even now.
Yeah, back in the day how they built this this things mediates
the the pyramids. Can you get into it?
Yeah. Yeah, it's a tourist.
Attraction. See, I I like.
I'm obsessed. We're getting into there's
tunnels under Belfast, and that's only the ones they're
telling you about. There's a river under Belfast
called the Faucet. The farcet.
Yep. That the fault?
No, there's a. Faucet, too.
A faucet. You think the faucet's good?
The faucet. Is named after the Faucet River.
It's the most of the river, actually.
I know, but there's another one too.
Right, but there isn't, I just said it wrong, but there's
tunnels. That river is under Belfast.
Well, and there's tunnels and you could City Hall.
Or. Something, no.
See the. See the the leading up to the
Odyssey? See the side of the Odyssey
you're driving over the bridge. You see that it's like a tunnel
of water that was hand dug. See the Odyssey island that was
hand like that was made and used to have a big thing called the
Crystal Palace in the middle out.
Did you know it? It was like a big greenhouse
owned by the queen like that. And then you could go onto that
island and that was a big greenhouse and stuff.
It's a similar. Motorway, isn't it?
That was all Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was all underwater.
What would you like to get in the?
Top I want to get thinking into. Top Gear they drove in it being.
Serious 100%. Top Gear got cars and done like
the same as the Italian Job and I think they were using
Reynolds. I think they were 100% happened.
I can see the three of. Us and actually you would want
to go into the. Tunnel.
Yeah, I'm not into tunnel. I want.
Someone told me there's tunnels on Rundrum Castle.
I want in there. I don't want to be.
I don't want to be all dark. And if there's a wrap there,
anything, I might have a kid. Devilish.
When we were kids. What tunnels tunnel?
Of course. No, I don't want to.
Tunnel I don't want to like, you know, be like, you know, the
guys should go pro on their head key.
I don't like Kiev. I just want to be able to walk
into a tunnel and go. There's one underneath the the.
Crumlin Rd. That goes over to the
courthouse. Yes, I've been in that.
But I want more like there was one used to go.
Underneath the bakery at the back of our houses and it came
out so you could go under and only halfway up you could stand
up. But apart from that, you had to
be crawling, you know, like and anyone could go it.
Was just lying open. And it was like a river, and
then the river you don't like, you don't like it.
It's too close. To hell for me bro.
It's tunnels, yeah. It's.
Creepy and imagine, like, I don't know, it's like, you know,
you're locked in, like you know what I mean?
You could keep going, get stuck or something, you know, But I'm
talking about big. Open tunnels, yeah, And at the.
Start it's it's. A wee bit narrow and then you're
going castles and all would. Have tunnels traditionally
anyway. Yes, I I don't want the.
Public to I don't want, you know, the I've done the Chrome,
Chrome and Rogeo. Yeah, I want someone to go.
Yeah, I'm not a common. Tunnel.
Yeah. No, I want it to be exposed.
Castles and big. Houses in England at the time,
the whole parliamentarian thing was going on and the Catholic
and the Protestant thing, and they were changing over.
They would hate priests and stuff 'cause there were some big
families were just like, we're staying Catholic.
So there'd be a priest hole and a priest tunnel.
Yeah, it. Goes deeper than that too.
So I said that there was in the 70s they had uncovered like
there was secret tunnels down from nunneries and monasteries
and then, and they all met in the middle and there was like a
baby graveyard in there 'cause these nuns and priests would
have like mass orgies. Then the nuns would go into like
a nine month silence retreat. But really they're, they're
pregnant. They're not the tunnels.
I want to go down and sacrifice. The babies and all.
You with me bro? I mean I want to go.
To tunnels where the transported chocolate or something.
Yeah, you know what I mean. Like the one where they got out
of the. Maze, huh?
Yeah. Is that still there?
The Great Escape. Yeah, that would be some.
Sex, yeah, but again, it would be scary, right?
I've seen something on TikTok did you just be us escaping the.
Balmoral Show. Did you see that thing?
Have you seen the video been viral of them all?
Like getting this pipe and the mall, all the men cracking the
pipe open and the crack it open and there's a man in the pipe.
He gets pulled out of the pipe. It's like a viral video I've
seen in the maze. Not in the.
Maze, I don't know where it was, but it's like I've seen it on
one of them Really things. You've seen the wee baby.
And China in the in the sewer pipe and the to cut it open the
house to get it out. There's no way in China there's
like they're not allowed to have no more than one baby or
something like that because of the population.
So people are flushing babies down the toilet when they have
them, you know, and they heard this noise and then they got the
baby out like it was amazing to see the wee baby.
We're still alive. I'm.
Interested in three of us at the at the Balmos.
We start. The Balmoral show and we've got
5 hours to get to get the city. Belfast City centre below
ground. Yeah, be too fucked up for me.
I couldn't. No, that's a wrong.
Attitude. We can do it.
Yeah, we. Can do it.
My dad. Like, don't like, you know, like
all that you know in the escape in the maze.
But he's seen him. Like, you know, doing all the
like going and exploring the the caves and all you've made.
But I can't remember now where it was loads of places.
Like remember he took us camping up at Cave Hill.
Well, that's the donkeys. The donkeys arches on Cave Hill,
is it the side of The Cave? So if you look at it, there's
Donkeys Arse at the side of it, right?
The call to Donkeys Arsenal when it gets wet, like you'll just
slay down that. So we used to go up there, you
went down to Donkeys Arsenal into The Cave when it was
raining. I see The Cave.
There is there one or two caves in Kiev?
I've only ever been in one SO. I couldn't tell livers to no.
You could. You can climb up to that, of
course, yeah. Must have been mad.
Shit in there over the years, yeah, you're probably part of
it. No, no, we literally only went.
Up on a Sunday day, like maybe it's that he was like ex
military and he used to take us up and he used to go.
Reggie used to go through the trees.
I'd take the path, meet this at the top.
He used to give us like 3 custard creams and a wee flask
of tea. And we were only like 9.
And then but you had to get your way through the trees up to the
top of the mountain. It was a noon.
Yeah. Hagley.
And. Then you got the top and if it
was the rainy day you could slay there and then sat in the thing
and had our custard creams. That was your reward at the end
of it. Custard cream's hard to.
Work and a cup of tea best. Basket, but I like.
A firm custard cream. Do you know what I mean?
Like it's too easy. To take part of it off exactly,
yes. You want them.
I want to stay. Together.
Oh, you want there to be a week and.
What was a strawberry? Custard cream, but it was like
strawberry cream. Oh.
Yes. Do you know it was unreal.
My granny used to get, I think they were Tesco brand.
It was like a medley of biscuits, but we're talking the
staples, custard, cream and nice biscuit.
I get them all. The time we shortbread.
And they're all. They're different colours.
They've got the malted milks, the shortbread, the Barber,
chocolate Barber. We still get them now £1.50
there. Oh.
Yeah, £1.50. For Tesco I can get.
The cheap I can get you a magnifier metre he can get.
That's what we transport. Through the tunnels like
important magnets, important the the 1st.
Ones they always go are the the custard creams of course, and
then the chocolate bourbons. But custard creams have stood.
The test of time. Like yeah, those boys and the
Amazon probably packets from a birthday.
Yeah, I can pick a pack. Instantly.
Like what do you get for your birthday?
See packets of custard. Cream.
You got a cake. Patty did the SSE on Friday
night and he got a cake on stage.
It was his actual birthday. Cake was amazing.
Was it good? Yeah.
It. Was good, but it was really
skinny. Personal, right?
Doesn't look like me. What was it like, everybody?
Was it? Yeah, But.
Not your type of. That's just say but weren't.
Listening to Bob Marley. I've never had it, but it was,
yeah, it was just a cake. It was made for me.
It was a stand up. It was a girl from Balandari
made. It was fantastically best.
Cake I ever had my wee sister made it for me got some can of
sugar off really Wonka and that was mad like and then what sugar
can of sugar. So it's like really strong
sugar, you know, so my wee sister came over on holiday and
she's like a master Baker. So she I said use that sugar
instead you're with me. So she used it.
You know what she made me Guinness cake.
Have you ever heard a Guinness cake?
No, no stone on problem. Made from Guinness?
No, she. Puts it, but you don't have
that. I got to imagine you doing a
wee. Dancer in it.
It's kind of sugar. It's yes.
Yeah, it's kind of with. Sugar, yeah.
Oh, that makes. Sense, yes, so shortened.
It but anyway, malicious makes it makes us cake Guinness cake.
She puts a bit of Guinness in the actual cakes, like a
chocolate Guinness cake. And then she makes us like like
a like a cheese cream, you know, top so it looks like a pint of
Guinness, you know, the black cake.
And then the girl fucked me up to it was real good.
Do you? Do you?
I don't think Guinness. Would sponsor that, Yeah, yeah.
Do you take game? So we're I was talking to the
party about I was at the show on Friday and I said, did you like
take it in at the time? Because I wanna, I don't, if I
do a big show or like have a great show, it takes a day or
two for me to to go what the really process, how it went.
Because at the time I come off and I'm just like totally calm,
very chilled. And then sometimes on the way
home I'll go flip. That was unbelievable.
But I have to really think back on it, if that makes sense.
At the time. I don't fully appreciate the
scale sometimes of what I'm doing or how good a show it was.
Do you? Are you someone who, after a
class show, you still have that adrenaline after the show's
over? Yeah, I'm a bit of.
A weirdo like I sort of know like mid show even, you know,
mid performance, like if it's going well or not.
Do you know what I mean? If I'm like in the zone and I'm
just going nuts in the crowd or loving it, no, then I'm just
thinking artists a second, then I'd know straight away it was a
sex show. And then the same, same if I'm
performing, thinking arts is terrible.
I've done a show there. I've done a show there a few
weeks ago and I just couldn't fucking wait for it to finish,
right. Yeah, with me it was just
melting. See, sometimes it can't.
Be just like work, you know what I mean?
A kind. Of advantage I feel we have over
music when it's when it's going bad is we can pivot and do
anything else. As in you can change your style.
You know, if you're like the, you know, you're telling a story
and they don't have the attention span.
You can go back to quick short bits.
I can do, crowd work I can do. But I feel like when you're
doing music, especially if you have other artists on stage with
you or you're in a band, you can't.
You've got a set list. Yeah, of course you're.
Stuck in it all with it, yeah. Yeah.
That is true. But it is good to improvise too.
You know, like sometimes if I'd get on stage with thinking, oh,
it's not going down well, this or something might cut a couple
of tracks and then say like, or switch them around and say like,
OK, put this one on Now you know what?
I'm like the shit you know, Or even just cut it there like an A
Capella sometimes try and like, you know, scare them a bit and
then you know, I was. Actually I was playing nice.
I was born in Belfast. On the way home the cops came
flying up the road and I said they're going to stop me and I
had Podrick and Eve in the back and I says we'll see.
And I stuck it on. I had a full blast and he said
they stabbed me. It's just going to hear I was
born in Belfast. And then the cops just.
Would drive me and on up maybe I was like AG AG you.
Know that. Have you seen that?
Blue lights? Yeah, we're just talking.
About it earlier on, I'm only but three episodes into it.
Well, I watched it all. The reason I watched it all is
because the the this woman was emailing me for about four
months to see if I could use my track, but I just ignored them.
I'm a terrible man for ignoring people but would.
You no so listen I. Ignored them and ignored them
and ignored them and they kept messaging me like so.
Then I eventually started speaking to this woman.
She was a lovely woman. I know who it is.
Went and. Met her lovely woman and I was
chatting away and they said we really want to.
No, I just mean. Just just said a.
Lovely woman? No, I bet she was a.
Lovely woman, like real pleasure.
Normally woman. Yeah, I've got a.
Girlfriend. I know Saudi.
I'm away. Window shopping?
You didn't say. I think you were just like
lovely woman. I just, it's like me and you sit
there. I know for a fact if me and you
were sitting there in a Cardwell pasta in a bikini and we were in
Ibiza, you would go to me. She's a lovely woman.
And I would go, oh, oh, listen. You found that my baby, you'd be
doing that every two seconds. There's a loads of lovely.
Women, Oh my God, I can't wait to.
Go over it and show my wife all the lovely women in Ibiza and
there's another lovely woman. Look, Patty, with the dark.
Sunglasses. That's the secret.
To it. Oh wow, dark sunglasses.
I can't see what way your eyes is going through.
She's over there. You can look at her, but you can
still be looking at her. Put your head still.
Make sure she. Can't see through them, right?
Right. So.
Listen. She I think your mom was a
lovely. Woman.
Yeah, right. They want to use your track.
The one that they use. The track but then by the time I
got back to them they said we've already finished the first
season so talking about using it for season 2 that we're going to
use you know when they were going to use it there's one I.
Was thinking. But they said they're going to
have it. When they pulled up to threaten
someone at a petrol station or something, they were going to
have born in Belfast playing out the car I was actually going to
walk. Out it one time I was going to
send you a. Message both Couldn't have done
it the same night Or was this the boxing match?
No, you're going to do I'm. Just going to.
Use it as a gig, like coming out.
I hate that I couldn't. Use it at live.
For you I. Couldn't use it at a gig.
I couldn't use it at a gig. You heard this here.
He's called it the live next gig SSE do it live.
At the Boxing for You SSE. Yeah, man.
Fuck me town. Yeah, that'll be it's.
Unbelievable. The.
Crowd, That's it. Fucks.
Me, because I you'd have to do Born in Hollywood.
He made me.
For the boxing, simple means Belfast child and then it goes
in till Warrior like a rave track, but the same idea and I
was like like I was born in Belfast would have the same
effect because I'm so Belfast. You know what I mean?
It's just the first line of it. Yeah, now I don't.
I don't just want your music used in Season 2 of Blue Lights.
I want us to be in. I want blue lights.
I want to be in. It's so bad.
I mean, that's if we're in What if.
We're in Devis flats making a Guinness cake with kind of
sugar, yes. We were talking about.
Lovely ladies. Yes, right.
And then they kicked the door in because I was selling magnets.
Yep. And he was selling DVDs on
Genghis Khan. I know where we escaped.
To what do we escape to? You were making a.
Tunnel. You were making a tunnel till
the Balmoral show. Get out the tunnels.
And then we end up the. Balmoral Show and the same as
Jason as the end of season 2 will come.
Up the tunnel, Nathan Carter on stage doing waggon wheel.
Hugo Duncan's on stage with him to make often.
And you start doing I was born in Belfast, live at the Balmoral
Show and all the culture are taking their their brown boots
off and put *** Max on them because I want to.
Be I want the three of us to be in a genuinely, I wants to be in
I know I would like. To be in I loved your Belfast
Blues as well. Do you know the mad thing?
About that when we made that like.
Thank you. It was, well, the.
People thought we made that after.
People think we parodied. They came out about four years
ago. So blue.
Lights paraded goo then that's what they're saying.
That's it, I. Know and the only way to.
Resolve it is get us in Season 2.
Yeah, I like I like blue lights, like to just what did you I did
I what? I liked about it was some of the
characters had real depth to them, like Johnny McCann's
character, like Marty. Which ones?
Marty. Marty.
Plays like the policeman, the old policeman.
No, no, he's great. Too Richard Gordon.
He's game of. Thrones Marty's with the
English. Woman the lovely.
Lady the English. Woman who saves the day.
He's with her, he's with, he's with her.
Marty's. Character we haven't seen fully
what the crack is with him. There's a lot more story to him.
Marty's best actor and. I thought he was.
Brilliant. Do you know who's?
Unbelievable. In it, Patty Jenkins plays
Happy. Do we manage?
Yes. Happy.
Happy was. President.
Patty Jenkins, but. Sure, he won the Oscar.
That's right. See.
See, I was doing Pamela Ballantine.
He came in and I was. She's a lovely lady.
You're on the show. What?
Are you kidding? Get dark glasses all here.
Won't see it there. Stick ammo.
That's the end of the Blue Lake Season 2.
Just being better, Palmer, but pounding.
They've called me. Pamela called me.
Julian Simmons comes in and goes.
I can't deny. So, so Pamela.
Ball pain show Paddy Jenkins result and he was telling me he
couldn't go to the Oscars because he was doing the Hole in
the Wall gang tour Instraban now.
Now, Can you imagine? Could you imagine, right.
You've won What's the biggest music award you can win Grammy?
A Grammy, right? But the other show?
Sorry, I have no. Background in music.
I don't know why I said that. I don't.
I don't follow. The system.
But you know what? I mean so.
Say it's the biggest. Accolade you could get in your
thing right? A mobile.
Yeah, a mobile. Right.
And you're told you can't go because you have a show booked
in Instagram for 100 people. No, but you know what I mean.
Well, Polly Jagger's done the exact same.
He didn't go and done the Oscar. He went and done Letterman
proud. Of him, proud of him, but if I'm
Tim at the same. Time I go party taking it off
where you go they were. Like it's a council run fan, you
have to do it. Think that's what?
He was told. I was like, I've been there.
Do you know what council run? Venue I've uncles that can get
them close for them. What about the Council?
Run venue I did. Who went when, when we were
doing like outdoor shows, doing outdoor tours.
Just after we were like the restrictions were lifted, able
to do shows again. The whole tour was 20 minutes.
Port act 15 minute break. I do 50 minutes.
That's what it was billed as. Everyone knew it as show up to
the only council on venue on the tour.
They go. So this is a 2 hour show.
I said it is not a 2/2 and 1/2 hour show.
I said it isn't the one. Everyone is expecting this.
I went, it doesn't say any words. 2 1/2 hours, my phone,
people we know and go yeah, who do all my promotion work.
I said I don't have this amount, the material.
I only have one support act. Willie was there and we had the
phone. Any act that was in like a five
mile radius. Jordan Robinson, who's a stand
up made of art. Yes, yes.
You were phoned. She already had the leave a
trolley in Tescos tescos Newton breeder and drive over and do a
set because they season 2 blue lights just.
Jordy leaving a trolley. Yes, Tescos, that's all that
happened just. Slow trolley moving across the
thing crisis until I think. A race crispy.
Nice picture at all, I haven't asked.
To be in that so bad, we'd be unbelievable.
I'm not joking. I would like to be in it you.
Know I I say I always want. What part would you play?
Well, I've always wanted. The first time I thought I
wanted to be an actor was shameless because I lived in
Manchester and that was filmed in my estate.
It's filmed Important really could have been in that.
And I always thought and. I have exactly the Irish family
and I was thinking I'd be the cousin from Belfast or something
with me. Yes, but I mean in blue lights.
I don't know whether I like blue lights.
It's like, you know what it reminded me of?
It was like the police perspective of like, love, hate.
Remember, love, hate. Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm watching
that again. That's the best John Connors is.
Amazing. Yeah.
Who's that Nedge? No, not that.
He is, but you're talking. About John Connors is a.
Traveller. He's a which actor, of course.
He's the pipe maker. Yes, yes, he's the pipe bomb.
Peter Cunnan. The guy with tooth?
Yeah. That's.
Love hate is so good because I'm aware everyone on his teeth, but
he he has a tooth that he he did say excellent and had wooden.
Teeth a moment ago, that's true. Can.
I just remember people that you said.
That I'm. I'm watching it again.
Love, hate is not. Good because it's so well cast,
you believe everyone in it and not if I'm watching something
and it's like from Dublin or from here, if warm accents out
of place that dolls get in my head, I go.
I thought that were. Blue lights.
I thought there was most of the cast.
I was happy with, you know, like most of them.
I thought they were all really well done.
You know, for me it just takes I'm.
Not it shouldn't annoy me, but I go if I can't believe you in a
role. Yeah, I struggled.
In to get the. Whole thing, yeah, but I always.
Felt that with in love here to the member John Boy his accent
slightly threw me off Ian Gill because.
He's yes. It's like like.
He would go like, come on now, you want to bite you or
something like, I don't know. It was a bit like, you know what
I mean? I'm just and he played.
Queer as folk, pardon. Queer as folk.
Yes, yeah, that's how you. Started any Game of Thrones and
loads of stuff. I hate him.
And Game of Thrones. Little finger.
And he's. Fucking.
Little finger he stole Paddy's nickname.
No way. Why didn't?
The sauce that obviously fucking little finger if you don't.
Blue late, you should play a pastor.
I would love to see you playing a pastor, a street pastor.
No, no, like a. Pastor of like a like a
Pentecostal church or something? Yeah, but why?
Because there is no Pentecostal churches and blue lights.
No, but they can't be. And then what?
Happens, but you could be like. Rolling a racket, do you know
what I mean? So you live like a double leaf?
So you're rubbing? I think it'd be a great cat out
of the Tabernacle. Or something and they could
shoot you. I could be pastor.
McConnell's son or something like that.
See. You doing?
A few. Like see you doing a few raps on
stage like as a thing and then they're in a new a rapping
pastor. I think it'd be great.
And then he's. Also affiliated with the crime
family, Yeah. For man and.
The drugs. Into the church and I.
Play like I'm like one of the altar boy.
Yes, I'm the. Old altar boy.
I'm like the oldest altar boy and they're like Belfast.
No way he should still be doing this.
I don't think Pentecostal churches have altar boys, but we
can definitely this one goes and.
Under my cloak is the like my Kip or whatever.
I have Kip gear, I have all round Kip and I've got gear in
them and then I bring it outside.
If you have him. If you ever smuggled gear.
And deal with a concert or anything.
Look at me, you wouldn't do it. I smuggled hummus in.
There, you wouldn't. You wouldn't.
Do it under a cap thrust me. Well, it could be a quite.
A good this guy's people will be like, there's no way he's got a
Cape, he's done that gear already made-up here.
Well, back in the day when? You took ease.
It was under your force. Can they?
Well then I'm. Fucked, yeah.
Jane got 1. You were no good in a rive.
It wouldn't make me. Reconsider, but I'm glad I don't
have it. But you would really put it in
foreskin or under a coin ring. Definitely do it under the.
Coin ring if it's an option between those two, probably go
under the coin ring. I was like.
I don't really like wear coin rings.
But one of my mates had to. Put it in, Yeah.
How big is your foreskin? It's like a rock shack.
How many were you? How?
Many were you expected to get in?
I never done this. I'm only telling you what was.
Done right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. I took them before I went in.
I remember. In Energy 106 disco someone
bringing in Malibu and I was mad though.
Yeah, over. They were the head kisses.
Oh, why? Where was this energy?
One was the non ice ball. Yeah, I know.
That was definitely the modest thing that happened.
One of the best nights of my life.
Yeah, it was, only it wasn't easy.
Did you smoke it in the shampoo bottle?
I got suspect if I show up and go alright, just walk.
A bit of head and shoulders brought fog in the.
School and a champy bottle, right?
And they were. Sick.
Not because of the father, because it was.
Should have gone no more 10 blown bubbles.
I've never even even like bringing drink deal when at the
bottom, you know, smuggle it. I would get like I'd get
flustered about that. Like is it do Protestants?
Do that too. I'm not proximate.
So I don't know William, I'm no, I'm of no reason to my.
Brother's Web. Did you?
What kind of drink I but still turn around.
Not like a wee weird. Oh, you know, did you have a hip
flask? And his foreskin I.
Didn't. And did you drink from?
It was Willie. Drunk your bro's red.
Blocked. That's disrespectful.
In it, it was just that one. One stage like and I wasn't
drinking because I'm running after my kids only so I was
melted by about half a lamb and I seen him.
I've got sent videos of you by the Bond.
And I sent the. Photo like a picture of him
getting the picture taken. He has a you have a tongue like
a deck. Pardon.
He has a. Tongue like a deck, like a Swear
to God, I'll choose the picture. It looks like a wee knob coming
into your mouth. To be fair, that might have
been. But and then and.
Then I was like, well, we'll have the William.
We stayed and the hotel was how many minutes away from your
house? Last minute book the.
Room.com. That's a long website.
You are. So taxi or 100?
What's this man? No borrowed away man, he just.
Bought a 75 LB T-shirt there. Is that right?
Yeah. He must come in the pay.
Off huh? Really bad T-shirt he.
Got someone in Belfast? Didn't.
It so see me. No.
He's making a. Joke anyway.
What was What was your most recent extravagant purchase or
something you went I you something you treated yourself
to Windows? 10 ground on windows being
serious. Did you get antivirus?
Free Boot no. 10. Ground on windows, double glaze
thing in the middle. You can go up and down.
No, no, not a size. Window.
No, you wouldn't. No.
He done that the T. Of that joke.
And ground on windows. And that's a treat, that.
Was a treat. Though but like I mean for.
Your show you're a nice jacket for your show Yeah, on the day
of the show. I love that.
I love getting something on the day of a show for the show I got
the day before but. That's OK.
We'll say it's a day. Just for this and you treat.
Yourself. Any nice recent what?
A barista. Bar there that expensive?
What do you mean like the like? The the button machine No no.
Not the machine. I wish I got the machine.
Just a coffee. All right.
Nice bag. Large, You know, 2 flat whites
in the one you know. Now we.
We talked about this before. See if you get a regular
Americana with it, you can get a large and do a small cup.
Yeah, standard pro. Obvious.
See when I do. That the adrenaline rush I get
terrify. I worked on the site.
In the town, the student accommodation, right.
And if you bought 10 coffees, you got a free one.
Yeah, I bought a stamp. Yeah, you're AG.
I sent away. For the stamp and every day.
Came. In and the guy was like, how do
you have so many? I said I drive everybody into
work every morning. All my men work and that's it.
So I got and he was like right and I had free coffee for a year
and a half right, right. Yeah.
Cost me a fiver. From Etsy or something?
Yep, Stamp. I love that.
Because no one's losing sparring going to miss it, yeah.
I mean it cost almost. 12 P for a cup of coffee.
So I was, I was stealing 12 P often, yeah.
You're not stealing. It either you know what I mean.
It's like using your head. Exactly.
Listen. Not only that.
They. Want a wee?
Card with 10 stamps on it. Yeah.
So they don't care how you've got that card with 10 stamps,
They just want that card with 10 stamps.
It was near. Enough going to have to start
ordering cards because then somebody clicked on that.
I'd done that and was like, I'm going to tell them, unless you
get me a coffee too, right? I stroked the fish pen out of
the aquarium on a school trip and cried on the way home.
Did you? Yeah, like, not like full tiers,
just like Sinead O'Connor. And not conversion.
Caffeine Nero years ago leaned over and robbed the stamp pen.
That's a we at. Different last we at a level up
from him to take it from the shops I bought from that he.
Had the decency to go. On Etsy him.
But no, he took it. From the shop.
That's what he did. Bad boy.
Yeah, that's. That's the.
Whole thing that kicks it off. His mate stays a stamp with
caffeine Nero. And then they investigate us and
then that's how that's all we. Just wrote the second.
Yeah, I was with a fellow. There, all right.
I was not incriminated in any way, just for anyone to know.
But we're in, we're in, we're going to.
And this is years and years ago because I've made a pact and I'd
never go to McDonald's ever again, you know, for like
coffees or anything at McDonald's here in Manchester.
Who did you make the pact with? My wee daughter but.
She broke it. She's.
She's like. Daddy.
Explorer. I had never eat a McDonald's
again. But I stuck to my I just needed
five guys me, you know, and but anyway, we used to go to
McDonald's all the time for coffees.
And I says I heard that the police, they get their coffees
for free, you know, a mantra from McDonald's.
And then we pulled in. The police would always be
around McDonald's. And then we pulled in and there
was the police, you know, right in front of us in the drive
through. So my mate wends the window down
and listens. And the policeman in front then
goes, yes, we'll have our two latte and two caramel latter's
please. And that look at and the one
goes, yes, OK, officers now come on round.
No. So then my mate winks, OK.
And then we get to the to the thing, you know, and he goes
same as my colleagues in front. Right.
And she? Goes okay no worries so he
drives around you know and I've then like you said I started
thinking hold on this could go wrong here you know if they say
they reviews behind us no I think we'd get arrested here no.
Personating an officer you know. For coffee and also thinking oh
shit so then next time I love the.
Next thing anyway. The pass it in, you know, and
then the look at us, you know, so I've sat there with a seat
belt on. So I looked at the, you know,
the McDonald's worker and he looks at us and like Roger
61936, you know, thank you, you know, like that.
And then she was like, you know, I say.
This guy talking. Into a seat belt, yeah.
Just give them the coffee. Come.
On We've got to go away. We've got it, we've got it. 2291
what? That you're saying like about
that was in Manchester, like at the McDonald's, the place were
around. See, did you what was the what
was the wildest moment you ever witnessed at like a rap event
like in Manchester? Like were you ever on stage and
there was like a raid or like something kicked off?
Was there a moment you've been scared on stage talking about
it? The other night when the man I
laughed yesterday on the phone to my man that says, can you
remember Joshua Brooks? And he was a big fat rapper
called analyst. He was a maniac.
He was he was like a proper alcoholic, you know, terrible
like big massive fella. And he loved like crazy rap.
You know, he would just think of the most wildest shit the, you
know, like shark people. There was this fella and he was
just listening to him rapping. He just walked on and just
knocked him clean out while he was rapping the event based on
something he'd. Said I don't know what it was, I
think. I think he had said something
outside to someone else or something.
The guy was like a Raven alcoholic, like Give of Me, but
he was like a big, like he was actually a good rapper to
believe it or not, you know, he was actually good, but he was on
stage rapping. The big foul just comes over.
Danked them one time, you know, I'll tell you another one.
I went there. This is a funny one.
I went the Blackpool and it was just me and my mate and asked me
to perform and it was there rapping.
And next thing this big fella came in and there was wasn't
many others, about 50 people at it and there was this fella at
the back and he kept on like heckling me and all you know,
and like like mocking me and shit you with me rapping you
know, and like shouting you with me.
It was like putting me off. So I looked at him and all and
he says you might be quiet and all you you know, or I won't be
rapping, we'll be fighting. So I'll be watching me fighting,
you know, instead of rapping. And then like, he'd come right
over to me, you know, and he was like, what?
No. And then I started rapping and I
like putting my face into his, you know, mine was rapping and I
was like getting angry. And he kept on saying stuff.
So I finished my set and as soon as I finished the set, he'd come
over to me. But I thought he was going to
attack me. So I just bottled him with me
and he dropped like, And then I walked over and says, mate, I
think it's going to be there's like, there's a load of them
there. And this is in a different city
and shit, you're with me. So I says to the bar lady gives
2 bottles of Wicked, there you have me.
So I have two bottles. I think it's going to go off in
here. The next thing the big fella
comes over and goes, did you just hit one of my workers?
No, I heard you just punched one of my workers.
I said didn't punch nobody. I said I had buttered A fella
like you know, come up in the face and says he came up into my
face. I thought he.
Was getting a that's 100%, yeah. So anyway.
My mates were with me too, so it was like there was I was there
with two mates and there was about fucking twenty of these
lads and they were all are shouting out as in black
powered. Well you have man, there's loads
of fights like that. I'd seen over and did you just
want the? With the wickets, just to calm
you down. No, they were in.
Case the wrapper around their heads.
Oh. Well, in case he knocks.
On me out. So he's going to wake them up
with the wicket, you know? Now but you have to protect
yourself too in them environment should have made a different
city as well as ever punched anybody as a gig.
No, I. Think I told someone the shush
wants I I punched anybody at a gig, you definitely would have
heard. If I punch on the gig, you'd
have heard about it. Yeah.
No, I had to do it in. Castlewell.
There was a what? Was a guy shooting?
Was it he, he thought? Some was very.
Literal you were saying is that it?
And he's like. You're top he was behaving the
seat going on your man all that I'm going I have fucking say yes
isn't praying he's good and then he says he stood up.
Here's me. You're man.
I says, oh, you're man. I mean, I'm actually going to
tell her about you the night when I'm hanging out, right?
Or something like that. And he was like, what don't you
talk about my man? I'm like, why are you going to
do? But I mean, don't let them egg.
And he actually jumped on stage at me.
So what are you going to do? Yeah, since you're clapping.
Them yeah, so you just. But everybody was like, I can't
believe the gig's still happening.
And I was like. So did you crack him and then
carry on with your set? Yeah.
Did you catch him? Nice.
I mean, he was. Mider right now, do you know?
What I mean it was never. Going to end well for you.
If you jump into something that's physically sitting like
that, it's going to be sore. I didn't even have to swing it.
I just held it up. He jumped in there and the
puncher was like, what do you want me to do it?
I mean, do whatever you want. Just hold him until I finish
this. And then so he was like, I want
to feed you and all. He's like, no problem once I
come off. And then I went down and we were
all outside the bar, but he was that drunk.
I was going to punch like there's no, there's no point
even fake this guy, but I'm not going to lap it.
But he run at me and know the concrete ballards he run into
that I'm a friend. I ended.
Up running them home. I felt sorry for and then when I
got him home he jumped out and it was like a farm.
He got out and he was like come on, he's shooting the brothers
names, not sleepover. Come on, I've got an.
Armstrong, come on, do you want to play man Talk?
To Rollins here, mom. Adam and then.
Adam and then.
That was a good Nate. Back in the day when you stay
in, your mates just got to watch a video.
He got Nate 11 dead. We got gold.
Know the big fairy gob stoppers? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh wow, I remember that. Remember him?
Yeah. A sleepover.
With it, when movies was good, yeah, you'd have.
To be careful with the stand up comedy, wouldn't you like the,
you know, the mocking the people now?
Like I could imagine. Does anything happen to you like
nothing worthy? You don't really mark.
People. But you do tell them to be quiet
or something. You know where the line is.
I've never been worried someone's going to.
Are you laughing because? I've said you don't mark people.
He just says he's right. Right.
Patty. The because you mock people look
at your calf, yes. But he's my mate in furnace in
the SSC. The other night there was a guy
shooting out and the late he couldn't see, so I started
shooting at him and slabbering and then the light went on.
He was in a wheelchair. And then I went.
Well, I've already started slabbing at him and he's been.
So I was like, listen, your mates will get fucked out and
through it you'll get pushed out.
And everybody laughed and then he went, it wasn't me, it was
him. And then I looked at the guy
next to him and he was like that.
And I was like, right, OK, I'd be sorry about that.
What's your name? He says, Chris, I'm sorry,
Chris. And then your man started and I
went, listen, Chris isn't even in a wheelchair.
He only has it because he's got an Audi.
He has to keep ices, but I'll get him to get out of that
chair. And fuck, I thought you but also
you were like because I've. Started he he would appreciate
that more they did interact with them all better or not, you
know, loved it. Patty.
Patty pushed. Him into the lag and after which
was sly. Pushed him around the marsh from
next year. Me and Chris collecting a lot of
money for Charter for the. Willie.
Thompson Foundation. What dates your next?
SSE, November. September.
The 8th I think.
Yeah. I've got the Millennium.
Form on the 4th and I've loads of T-shirts left.
What does your T-shirt? Say.
I've seen. I've seen the.
Dagger and the other one is Paddy the dagger.
Just so plenty and all says Paddy has tattoo on his Dick.
Paddy has a. Tattoo on his deck of a dagger.
So that's. Why I'm called Paddy the Dagger.
Legitimately on. His deck.
Do you know who else had a? Market on their penis.
Genghis Khan, Yeah. And Alexander the Grit.
I think you might. Think we're joking, but Patty
has a full tattoo on his deck of a dagger, and that's why Patty's
nickname is Patty the Dagger. And you might be the only man in
Northern Ireland that has not seen it, I can see.
I can see John's new track. Daggerdeck.
I can see a common that you.
Don't want to get stopped Daggerdeck.
And then what? When it gets hard, it turns into
a big sword. Well, that's.
She to say no. Only want to see.
Lovely ladies. I like a bit of swords while
one. And that's part of Season 2 as
of Blue Light. Blue lights too.
Well, we're. Going to be in.
We've decided I definitely do want.
To be in Season 2 blue lights, Yes, remember we were.
Talking about when you when you want to make a freestyle, you're
on the pod before and you just went to your mates ocean.
You basically told them we're producing this tonight.
This is going out tonight and we have no option.
We find out where the production office is for and you just you
just tell them we're in it. Of course, just walk in and just
go listen. Move.
We're filming. There's actually.
No reason. Why they would say no?
You know what you said. After this episode, there is
there is. There is but.
Jacqueline all writes it by the way.
Yes, that not him write it. Yes.
Well, do you know the? Fellow who writes blue lights,
Yes, we'll give you some address.
Yes. We're going after this now.
But, well, we'll grab. Them and put them on the spot
and just say listen, no, that scene from that.
Movie and your mom, Ben Affleck, walks in that actor and he goes,
I'm going to ask you to get in the car with me and we're going
to go and fuck up some shit. And you can't ask any.
Questions. And he goes, Whose car we're
going? That's us.
I would. Like to do an addition Like I
might go and say to him, do you want to just pretend you want me
to go with you when you are? Yes.
And I'll just. Say we look intimidation.
We turn up to the house and go listen, Yes, we're.
In blue legs. You look like we're not ten.
You look like a Buddhist monk. On holiday?
A Buddhist monk on holiday? Yes, with that hood, with the
ginger beer. I think we could I.
Think if we go and put it on them, I'll leave and then
afterwards say that's just to show you to show.
You the. Character I could play, yes,
like Tiger. I'm not a fake tiger kidnap and
then we'll just say. This is.
Legit this is just showing me what we're.
Capable of and I'll. Say I'm taking a finger off and
then we're like actually, but we reattach.
Obviously. But bring the police.
We're not going to be wanting police.
Characters. What if they offered you to be a
policeman? I don't think.
He could do it. He couldn't put the uniform.
He couldn't. Put it on the track.
The only time I've ever done it. Was when I was I.
Said it was about to say they could plan it for a coffee so
you could play it for mommy. Like it's not, I don't know.
I don't know that it wouldn't be believable.
I'd be like that. But what if?
You were a rogue rogue officer. Could you do that?
I like an undercover but. No, to see, this is the thing.
I'll tell you the truth, right? When I watched Blue Lights at
first my girlfriend told me to watch and I was thinking I don't
like his place, shows and all. They're sick.
What is it? Northern Ireland Bell?
You have me the bell. Northern Ireland and there was
an army and the English woman there coming to save the day and
now and it was winding me up. But the thing I liked the most
about it was is that that show like police corruption and all
in it too. And and like I'm the old
policeman. He grabs a wee fellow, has a 10
bag of weed and he goes up. Let it leave him alone.
No, he's just a fucking 10 bag. I like that we pardon it.
No, like the one real life like. They're sick, the police posted.
Up on fucking Facebook and all they've done a drug busting or
as a wee 10 bag and all, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, we've got 2 million of drugs actually on the New
Lodge Rd. Suspects same fleeing the
Balmoral show. Yeah, so I.
Liked it like because it didn't glamorise.
Them either. You left me.
It sort of showed, Yeah. And it showed the flaws.
And this is the. So I like that too.
So. There's corrupt at the top, yes,
no, I'll get that. So I would be in it like.
You know, like you said, we could say Dundee.
Just not a peeler. So Dundee, what would you look
at me but like? A peeler.
He does look like a peeler. He does.
Definitely too, but one who doesn't.
Want to get out of the car? I just showed from a.
Window don't be out that now. No yeah, yeah, no.
I avoid it all night and the Osho was very good in their
part. Blue list and I could.
See you being the guy that you came in and you just sitting and
you're judging people, you know, even by the stuff that they put
out, you know, like they start up.
I sent you and you're like, I sent you.
Yeah, straight away. Like straight away.
Like where'd? You get that?
Where'd you get that track suit? She's old McDonald's, I guess I
could see you. Doing that, you could be the.
You could be the new recruit of the police.
And then we know where you live and we come there and say,
listen to this. You tell us everything that's
happening here and on. You're a wee bit shook.
No. No.
Yeah. You think I'm shook.
It was my plan all. Along all right, so you plan it.
You see, he can never be. He has to be on.
Top you were getting the coffee on the top you were getting the
coffee at McDonald's. I overhear yous, Yeah, and towed
on us. They're not really.
And I go no, no, I overhears. And I go just I go to counter.
I'll just read out my address here.
I'm a peeler. And then you, you can't believe
you're lucky. Write it down.
You're right at my house, but I was really expecting this.
I because I have custard cream suit firm ones and I go and you
buy all silver and we've become. Touch.
Would you be a? Toad Joe.
No, I couldn't be. I couldn't even play a toad.
I could. My area has a.
Lot of touch, yeah, I wouldn't mind playing.
The fellow who shoots the toad I.
Could do that and I could say come.
On. Say, if you said your prayers,
do you love me? If you.
Wrote your letters. Do a favour.
Don't look at me when you're saying that, even as a joke.
Lads, thank you very much for. Coming on your.
Podcast just Slabber yes, many of you.
You've got Lola 12 episodes done.
I've I've done it. It's brilliant.
You're doing loads more. Of those people, just if they
want to find that, just type just labyrin in YouTube, just
John Sue, just Slabber. Definitely.
Yep. Who's your next guest?
Come on, Cello. From from Dublin, yeah.
From you told me earlier, yeah, but he's a good rapper.
He's like a. Says he created a new.
Genre Gaelic drill. So he combines like, traditional
Irish music. Well, like drill music, you
know, I have to listen to that. Yeah.
He's quite curly. Like cello.
Is it cello It only? Takes you to it.
It's like cello. Tape red.
OK, so it sticks? Yeah.
That was the name of his. Mixtape here.
Cello tape man of his. Cello tape.
Duct tape, man. Thank you for coming.
On No. Gorilla.
Tape.
Yeah, doesn't work. Doesn't work.
Duct tape. Duck tape.
Doesn't leave any more. On that note, thank.
You for watching? Thanks for listening
patreon.com/TV. Podcast appreciate just coming
on lads. Really enjoyed that.
Genghis Khan, if he was good, I take it.
If he's bad, take it out that I said.