Zippers, welcome to this episode of the Tea With Me podcast with
me, she, and Todd. Before we get into this episode,
I need to tell you just a couple of things with just a couple of
things #1 patreon.com/tea with Me podcast.
It's blowing up with the 4000 mark.
Thank you to everyone for being part of it.
The Patreon just going to grow bigger and better.
We've got specials on there coming out of our ears.
We've got the the last comedian stars in your eyes.
We've got our live version with comedians of Who Wants to be a
millionaire? We've got live pods.
What else have we got? The roast the roast of Willie T,
which is there an old unedited glory and and you know, we do
the live stream episodes, the bonus episodes Lazy boys
exclusively on Patreon. The link for that's in the
description. Also comedian stars in your eyes
is December the 17th, 18th 18th hosted by Andrew Ryan.
Last year we did a big sold out limelight one.
This year we're going to the Ulster Hall to do it.
It's going to be fun. I've heard what people are doing
for it, some are great choices, some are awful choices that I'm
so excited to see because I want to see that in front of a live
crowd. It's going to be a lot of fun.
Your favourite local comics? Just going for it?
Last time was a brilliant night. Andrew Ryan hosted everyone
backstage. Very nervous but it was a fun
time And there's a big charity prize for the 1st place winner.
Yeah, yeah, the first place winner and then the 1st place
winner of best. Sort of Best costume.
Costume. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anything else before we? Hollywood Blend is available.
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Chairman Pro. No Chairman amateur here.
What do you love? Just the name of the chairman.
That's very funny. The Chairman, MO.
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Don't worry about it. That will be the chairman, just
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So what is this Perriman probe? Oh whoa, look at this.
Some 4 blades on top. Well, it's certainly not 3.
Oh my God for your 4 bollocks. If you and me I just want to
stand in a line and do them. It's like a Newton's cradle.
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You know better than me. It's for your, your face, for
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That'd be great. Yeah, just one bald now.
They're like T Bolt. I would hear it.
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Should give one away. One of these, Yeah.
You're going to part one of these.
I'll give one away. Going to give one away.
Really, what do you want people to do?
Like say in the comp? Should people in the comments
section just tell us why they why they need this?
Why they deserve it? Yeah, and then and then you can
pick. I'll pick.
You can pick next time you're on, you pick who's deserving
them. Do we want real, heartfelt
stories? Yeah, give give me X Factor
audition stages. Show me how sad you can be.
I'm that's who's Christmas will fix OK?
You can also know comment on Spotify so if you want to
comment there as well. Jesus, actually tell me pigs are
flying, folks. We're joined this week by none
other than one of my best friends, really good friend of
mine, a young guy who looks very Can I tell you something?
And I don't know how you'll take this.
See, at the minute you look a wee bit HD.
So you're gonna say Asians? No, sorry.
Easy. No, you.
Look like a little like you're. Does sound like a mate you'd
have. It's the.
Easy read David AIDS We call me Easy for short.
You you look very defined. Oh, thank you.
You look like a guy. Thank you.
You look like a thank God. Thank God, so much appreciate
that. You look like, you know, like
guys from like around or somewhere that would use like a
lot of philtres on their face. Does that make sense?
Just that's anyone with the Snapchat philtre.
I look like an Iranian with the Snapchat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.
Look like an Iranian. Let me rewind.
You're like an Iranian with the Snapchat Philtre and Iranian and
Iranian. There we go.
But you're looking really good mate.
I think that's very kind. You know what?
You look like you have a little bit of weight off your
shoulders. I don't know what's happened in
in your life or your personal life.
But it's don't have but. Yeah.
Oh, you mean metaphorically? Metaphorically and physically.
I'm just, I'm feeling happy. I'm feeling good, mom.
Which can only mean something terrible's about to happen.
That's what I'm thinking. Because that's what life does.
So that life is like Joe and Affleck show that keeps you on.
And you're like 5 episodes and you're like, this is dragon,
this is shite, Yeah. And then something good happens
at the end. Keeps you on.
That's what about shows where you think that's going to happen
and you go just you wait for this last episode and then it's
over. Like the Nicole Kidman when I
watched. What was that?
Say nothing or something. Say Nam.
Like cold Kidman, say Nam.
This. Year.
Say naman Nicole Kidman in Saint Naman What?
Was that show? Her and Leave Schreiber were in
a show. Perfect couple.
The perfect couple say, say no perfect couple.
And it threatened to be. I was like, this is going to,
we're going to get into it here and we just never got into.
It never took off. Never.
Took care it was it was like it was like the flight we tried to
take dumpster. Now oh never took around hassle
people for 10 hours before. Oh God, those I'm going to do to
Europe with him and have fun. It's going to be two, two very
different vibes on the trip. When I go to Europe and under
Ryan, I'm going to the Middle East for Willie T.
Yeah, because when you travel with Willie T, you learn he is
the most laid back man. Willie T Here's all you need to
do on a flight. Willie T You put him in the
overhead storage compartment, and you go and relax.
Get my wee bag of sweets. Yeah, I you line it.
Yeah, we better. We better sheep's wool up there.
I think what you like at the minute.
Yeah. And you set Willie T up there,
you close it and as soon as seatbelts angles off, you'll do
a week. Well, you're right in there and
you're you're delighted. Once you open it, once you open
it, it's like it's like dry ice opening with all that.
I've been vaping in the department, just checking me.
There's just smoke coming out of my.
Can't be up in the Middle East. Can what?
Can what?
I can't be up in the Middle
East. I don't think so.
I'm what fucking going on? Maybe you can.
Oh, you can. They love it.
Right, that's a very you're not allowed to they love they.
Smoke so much out there the boys like.
See, that's what I thought. See, if you go in the Middle
East airports, they have like, smoking rooms, egg rooms, but
they're wild. Yeah, like boys are just been in
it. Because me and because you can
tell it's like people are on layovers like we were so from
was it door to New Zealand on the way back or New Zealand the
door on the way back and we were in that little layover.
Yes. We had three hours of me and
I'll find the smoking room just to see what it was like.
Yeah, went then just to see what it was like.
There was just to. Expect.
I don't know, I thought of it. But what would it be like if
people were smoking in a room? You couldn't understand that?
That was just a curious. It looked like there should be a
like a dodgy poker game in the middle of this room, but there
wasn't. Do you know what it smelled
like? Do you ever go into boogies?
Fix a shit one. No, I know what you mean.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah, like a real, like a
fucking like a wee chain franchise bookies.
You look like guy who'd always be in the bookies and giving out
tips that are, like, never come true.
Yeah, like a really bad tipster. You're like, well, I take from
here. I've got one for you and it's
always wrong. Yeah, and I look like the kind
of guy I'm young, but because I'm always in the bookies, all
my mates are 75 and above. Yeah, my mate Desi's here.
I used to. I did.
When I first started playing for the for the football club in
Hollywood. I used to do like a wiaka on
Saturdays. I did it like twice.
We are. Well, we are.
You said to. Couple of reactors I did, we are
a couple of weeks in a row when I was like this is what you do
when you play football, you go, you get Iraq, you get to be
accumulator on beforehand. And I did it for like 2 weeks
and then I was like, I don't like.
Did you win either of them? No, but like you, you pick like
loads of teams I. Know how it works, I was doing
these from the age of seven. I know how it works.
I that was my dad's Saturday treat because he would always
have mates over and he'd give me a fiver to stick a bet on.
I'm like 7 or 8. They'd be like stick.
But he'd give you the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he'd give me the money, turn and give me the teams because
you used to get the big pink sheets out of the bookies.
And I wouldn't know it was gone. So I'd just go back and take.
And I would win a lot when I didn't know how to do it.
Yes. And then, once I became old
enough to know how it worked, didn't win a single time.
Because you're almost thinking about it too much.
Yep. Whereas I was just like, oh
fucking Oxford, that's silly, let's go for.
Them, I won them whenever I was about, I don't know, 10 or 11.
My dad's meet in the gym was my dad used to go to this gym in an
industrial state in East Belfast called Pete's Gym.
And it was like if you were making a Lady at Ease local
movie about guys just shift in 10 guys.
Just like no cardio. Like I think the the rule for
this gym was no cardio and you were, if you remember you were
just given a key and you could just go into this.
Do you know where I was? I think the Beers Bridge Rd.
How's your dad even find out about a gym like this?
Just boys. Boys would whisper about it
like. OK, so he's here in Westburn.
You would just hear a whisper about here you need to go this
place and there was like no ever.
It was just it was cold and it was just big fellas pump on our,
you know, like, like no Stairmaster, no treadmill, no
gloves, no, and a lot of this noise.
Our hands on wish. A lot of those kind of noises,
yeah. And them.
And my dad's mate was doing a bet on the Grand National and he
said to my dad, you know, if you want to pick a whole angle and
down here if you want to give us a favour, I'll put one on for
you. And my dad goes, I'm going to
pick a horse. He goes, I'd put a favour in
from you and you pick a horse and I won and I'm £70 and I'm
like say I was 10 when you won £70 on a bet.
Yeah, like life doesn't get my mind was I was like, umm, should
I move country, you know? Yeah, You're like take.
Me to Smith's and I'll decide what I'll.
Have and I'll just click. And you think that that money is
unlimited in your head? 70 LB buys you whatever you
want. Yeah, I fell a trolley at
Smith's and then my dad goes. Here's the thing.
When we were going to Dundonald to pick up the, my dad was going
in to get the money. My dad goes get something for
Tom to say, like, you know, cheers for putting on the bed.
Might I? And I was like, like what?
I'm starting to panic. I was like thinking of my money
going away and my I go like what?
My dad goes, you know, like a six pack or something.
But he meant obviously like 6 cans of beer.
Yeah, because they were gym guys.
I'll never forget how I felt in this moment because they were
gym guys. I thought for some reason that
he meant, you know, those machines that give you a sex
pack. I was like, I have to buy him a
sex pack machine. And I think they.
Also sorry, you said you know those machines that give you a
sex pack. No myth.
Do you want to? They were, they were.
Huge drop. Tap me over.
They were huge. Back in the day there were
machines and Cristiano Ronaldo used to advertise 1 and you
would strap it around your waist and it would like Sam pulses or
like it would like they're obviously it's obviously
bullshit. Yes, yes, there was a fad for a
long time like. A fat burning machine and it
would just like tickle your belly for.
Exactly, Yeah. And then and I was like, if the
option was there, I'd go and physically tickle his belly
instead of shelling out for this.
And I was like, that's going to cost more than 70.
I was like, I'm going to have to buy him like a 200 LB sex pack
machine and then I loan him money for it.
And then I was like 600 beers. That's great.
It's much better. But I've just never got in the
like the bet I I I honestly think it would ruin the love I
have for football a bit. I like watching football with
like no pressure on it and I have just the right level of
enjoy it. Really does.
You shouldn't be sweating watching Swansea versus late
Lauren. You shouldn't be on your feet
piercing the room because it's one each.
And boys would be losing, like fucking losing a lot.
And the names of the teams undermine their situation.
Yeah, he's like fucking Russian and Diamonds.
You know, like she's fucking Inverness Caledonia.
That's all. Holidays over.
Fucking Dagenham Red bridge again.
Fuck. Sick.
I remember. You know why I don't back?
Because. It was like and it was like
foreign teams to die. Fucking Mundo FC you bastard
from a team Thailand. In the world, you could have
went. We could have went Dynamo Kiev.
No, instead you go Mong Dong, which sounds what you call me
when I wear a tracksuit because I look like Kim Jong Un whenever
I wear shell suits. Hilarious.
You're saying you're saying that if you were in like a we all one
unbranded sports tracksuit, you might look like a Middle Eastern
dictator called? Mongong Dong.
Yeah. I look like a guy who dies in
the first round of squad games. When I wear a tracksuit like
you, you immediately see me go. He's not getting far.
All right, P Mundo. And Squid Game.
Soon as the big honeycomb game comes up, I'm fucked.
Yeah, second one of that type soon.
Boxing Day, Squid Games 2. It was excellent.
But a bit harder. It was excellent, but I don't
know if I'd watch another series.
I enjoy it. You know what?
I. Mean so good I've been busting.
I'm a purist, like I'll do I get enough?
I get enough of that vibe from Takeshi's Castle, you know?
What's that vibe? The fuck does the fuck does that
mean? Boys in a certain.
Part do you want to see squid games that I had a Curry earlier
now you're right I've had enough of that here's.
What that vibe is boys in a certain part of the world having
fun, that's what that. Is not what Squid Games is.
They're dying. They're getting murdered.
Do you watch that? Show me like what a fun time
someone gets their next. I'm watching the Titanic thing.
Like, yeah, it's a holiday. You know what I mean?
OK, it's a shit holiday, but it's a holiday.
Years. It's going down to the kitchen.
Would you rather be at home? Would you rather be at home?
I know I stopped betting as a kid because I did use the bet a
lot and then when I was like 12 or something my dad gave me £20
to go to the Ice Bowl. He was like, have yourself a
good week Saturday night. £20 yeah.
What are you, the ambassador of Switzerland?
Yeah, 24 lbs British pounds in my hand sent me down to the Ice
Bowl. I spent it in half an hour on
the poker machine. Which you?
Couldn't reach the top. See I was going to say you that
would look weird if I did that as a kid, but you always look
like you could either be a kid or a 47 year old man.
I'm telling you, watch. Watch Penguin.
More Penguin. Look at the flashbacks.
Is when he's a kid. Yeah, me.
I don't know. I was because I got a foot up.
Thieves not on fully me. Yeah, he's just a wee chubby.
Kept it like Hey Ma, you deserve the best.
We'd be any Penguin. Yeah, I am.
Yeah, I spent the £20 in the poker machine.
Are you? I'm pretty sure I used to get a
fiver for a night out. Yeah, but we're like 10 years
apart. Yeah, but inflation didn't go
four times. I've met.
I was a credit. I was a fucking credit crunch
baby. Recession hit me hard.
Yeah. So I mean I was about 10 in the
credit crunch it. 10-11 I used to get a fiver and it was more
than enough until Odyssey started.
Because that's your. First, Angie Con, you wouldn't
spend them. Apologise.
I'm sorry you're not stingy. Fee see for some reason I I
would I would hate getting accused of being instead.
I know you would. I would say it because I know
you're not OK, but it's kind of ruined the vibe that I've had
that immediately. I would go the other way.
You are me to say yeah, but I would say.
I would say you are very generous.
Thank you. I would say we both are them.
Yeah, I would say that. Yeah, you're like, you're one of
those you're hard to let someone pay for you, which is a nice
product, but I'm a nice product, that nice quality.
It's a nice product. You got kid.
You never let someone pay for you.
But I'm, you know what I'm like, I'm like, let me get this.
And you're like, no, you don't need to.
And then we end up arguing constantly.
How? Here's a real question.
What do you have there, Tony? All right.
Is that a personal thing or to do with the podcast?
Podcast. Podcast What is it?
I think it's the new year time. What's that?
One of your own machines. On the machine.
Sex pack machine Somebody are we computers?
Are coming in next week just grating cheese on their ABS like
boys love it. But you talk to me about your
weightless. You're still in the half down.
Yeah. What's the goal of your goal in
mind? Just just a look.
Cease to exist. Do you want to be spelt?
What? Just that I just want to be
molecules. And people like Willie's looking
well. And I'm like, thank you, but you
can't see me. You can see, like a thin outline
on me. Yeah.
Like a ghost in Harry Potter. Yeah, I will be translucent,
Right? That's what I want.
Yeah, so you want to be translucent?
Translucent. Umm, do you have a target
waiting mode? Not really, right?
Usually look and feel good. I have a more a target look
rather than a a target weights because.
What's the look, boy? Shredded.
High definition Iranian. I want to be a boy one more
time. You want to be a shredded high
definition Iranian boy? Yeah, that's the dream.
That's the best people to be right now.
Do you do you feel better cerebral palsy wise?
Like less pressure on your joints?
That's a genuine question. I know, and it's because.
When you're heavy, when you're. Feel better cerebral palsy wise.
No, but like when you're fatter, you are like heavier.
Sorry, sorry. What the fuck?
What? No.
No, finish your question. When you're when you're more,
when you're more weight inclined.
What the fuck does that mean? When you have more of a surplus,
yes of. Stones when there's an excess of
fat on my body. That is harder on your joints,
Yeah, because you've got to walk that around.
Yeah. So then you walk worse.
So what I'm? Saying my body, I've got to walk
that around. You've got to go in public with
that. No, you can't have chips.
You have to go outside. Do you when you have less
weight, is it easier to walk and bring your arms on?
It is, yeah. I'm not my arms.
Arms wouldn't be affected. What?
It's been your. Joints, Fatima, that my arms
like way 3 stone each. Are you asking me if I have a
better wingspan when I'm scaly? Is that what you're asking me?
But for my legs, definitely, yeah.
Because that's. I know what they are.
The only muscular bet the mouth. You can't see the Montgomery.
But they're here. I didn't leave.
Didn't leave. Fuck you.
That's why you can't see them. Yeah.
Do you not know?
My legs don't touch the ground and I sit back on this.
Suppose you just can't see. I kick my legs all the time.
I'm having a great way to. But, yeah, so my, my legs are
like the most muscular part of me because they have to carry
the fucking weight about. So I know that's the one benefit
is. Yeah.
I have outstanding calves. Yeah.
On the plus side, cool calves. I'll die at 40 and they won't be
able to close the coffin because of these.
Fucking yeah, Balmoral. Don't know that about you.
Deplorable man. Yeah, but those calves?
Some calves those. Calves.
Yeah. What kind of funeral do you
want? Would you want the sad one?
Would you want the breath? Would you want more that's more
of a celebration of your life, Or do you want people to be sad?
I want a roast Yes Joe, when Graham Chapman died from mother
Python Python. Monty Graham Cox and I'm
thinking what is your Graham Cox in a blur?
Graham, There's Graham Cox. Graham Cox?
Yeah, but what about his youngest?
That's Graham Cox. It is Graham Chapman, isn't it?
From multi Python, Yeah right. So when he died, they all
roasted him. At his funeral John Cleese got
up and was like I just want to say good riddance to this cheap
bastard, good read the good rubbish and just slags them off
for like 10 minutes. I want that, John.
Cleese been annoying me recently.
Ha, say I'm fucking John Cleese. He's been there.
I don't know. He just pops up and we'll do
like short interviews or whatever and you're like.
He talks about things being woke.
It's like everything's too PC now.
That's why my wives keep leaving me because of the woke, because
I woke. No, no, I'm not doing this
because I need to promote the tour because I'm on my 14th
divorce. No, no, no, it's just things are
too woke. It's almost like.
Why is it every time a man gets divorced they just go on YouTube
and start giving off about being 1GB news wouldn't have any
presenters if just met all the marriages.
Yeah, they're all yeah. What is it about getting
divorced where you wake up, look at the empty bed beside you,
feel a little bit lonely in the house and go fucking Muslims?
Why is that a thing that's happening?
Fucking. What's his name from here?
Eamonn Holmes giving off, You know, don't give me a face.
Fucking right. No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm on board. I'm on board.
He's giving off. He's like, oh, here's how I've
no one ever cared how you thought about things.
That wasn't your thing. You stood in the corner and you
interviewed Peter Andre on a fucking Wednesday morning and
Gino Gino would make you a wee dish and you eat it.
You fucking clean that plate every time.
And now he's giving off about all the new John Lewis advert.
Speak to your kids. Do you know what's the deal?
What? Oh man.
That was in me. That was.
I needed that. You think they're like, like,
having problems in the marginal and they just look at that bed
and they're like, I know what I need to do.
And their friends are like, yeah, like, speak to speak to
your wife. And he's like, no, no, no, no,
no. Get in touch with GB News Save
their heart. Yeah, it's like a guy Billy
Piper left him. What's his name?
Lawrence Fox. Oh.
Fuck, Don's got personal be for Lawrence Fox, but he's the same.
No, I mean, wife leaves them and I was like, oh, they're letting
the gays into the schools. The fuck are you talking?
About yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe. Just like, you know, maybe.
She's too woke up. No mental.
Yeah. But the idea of like, yeah, that
is that is the the interview thing that annoys me is, is
going, it's all too woke nowadays.
Yeah, can't say anything anymore.
You can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just did. But it's, but it's so much time
spent saying that you can't say anything, that you're not saying
anything. Yeah.
Well, then what are you? What are you saying?
Yeah. You know.
But that's if you go there like what do you want to say that
you're not being allowed to say yes, don't know just.
Just don't show up. If.
You want to say sure it's. Just a black woman hosting
football matches now. Just don't like it.
Yeah, it's every Joy Barton interview.
Yeah, well, he's he. You're on the side.
Shut up. He wants he wants a job like
love. I think I'll die in myself.
I, I, I, I think he's not. He feels like he's not loved.
Do you think legacy as a footballer, he's not respected
and he feels that or more personal level of love, like
he's not getting hugs in the morning?
I think personal level, right, I think he's real because the
people that are into him and, like, support what he says are
all in. Yeah, he could tweet anything.
Good on you, Joey. You're telling it like it is,
not. Someone has to say it.
So I think he is receiving like love there and positivity there
and all that. So I don't Ness.
I don't even think he means a lot of what he says.
Yeah. But I think because from some
corner of X, whatever, he can get this positive reaction.
I think he's doing it. And I actually think you don't
like in goodwill hunting. Yeah.
Like I think he needs a Robin Williams to be like, it's all
good, man. And he'd be like, no, no, no.
And the guys. No, But seriously.
Women's. And you go to, you go, Joy.
It's OK. It's all right.
And he's like, no, no, I'd had 1000 penalties past the England
female goalkeeper. I'd score 1000 you joy.
And then I think. Rangers wasn't your fault.
I think he'd breakdown and. He would, he would.
But that is the I think now the thing of people who can't get
jobs on TV like old presenters who were big them through.
Whatever happens they then go Oh well I can make money off
YouTube by pretending I give a fuck about this thing.
Yeah, I think base level they do back some of their opinions, but
I think there's a need then to sensationalise your opinion.
It can. Also be they have a normal, not
a normal opinion, but a somewhat controversial opinion, but it's
not that bad, some of them. And then they'll get a lot of
pushback from like Twitter and stuff because those people don't
go outside, yes. And then they start getting
abuse from that. And then they'll start other
people who disagree will be like, now you're one of us now.
And they end up going into that pipeline.
Yeah, Because it's like, Oh well, these people aren't
cussing me out, so I'll just be there.
If GB News wanted to host, hypothetically, right?
Yeah. And the CEO GB News.
Yeah, don't isolate. Would not shock me, we're not
shock me at all. And you would pay no attention
to what happens on the channel. I would think we were liberal.
Someone sent me a YouTube club. I believe Kamala lost and
everyone's giving you dirty looks.
I am. I'm see your GB News.
I get in touch with you. I go Willy, we would like you to
chair a panel show every night and it's called that.
It's called Willy Whispers. It's a working title.
Running through the town and. We want you, Willie whisper, to
have a load of like commentators on that kind of thing.
No, it's going to be it's going to be a right leaning show.
OK, OK. And we want you to, if someone
does make a point that's very much on the right, we want you
to we we want to close up to you, call Willie, come and we
want you to go like this with a big thumbs.
Up I mean women these are so I'm always right leaning, but would
I do? But it's, it's, it's 180, a 180
grand a year. No. £1,000,000 a year.
That was be. Real.
Be real. Your stations go on the ship
because that's awful negotiating.
Give you 50 grand though. 3 million.
All right then. Am I allowed to sabotage it or
do I have to agree? Have to agree.
No can that. You have to release a statement
once a month going I back all this.
It's all quotes of things they've said and me going
grilled linens. All right.
He was my favourite one that's went down that rabbit hole.
Not to touch on his initial points because it's not
something I really know about. But see, when you're getting to
the stage where 2 in the morning you're dressing like a little
girl on your own chat rooms, maybe take away step back.
Even like the chat room. Still odd.
You know that doesn't add to make it weirder that you decide
to jump online, do you? Know what I mean though?
He was like, oh, the he's like. There's a lot of weirdos about.
The Internet made my wife leave me and you're like, you're you
know, we skirt at 3:00 in the morning.
The fuck are you? Doing Joey like if I was a big
animal rights activist, I'm really believed saying that,
like that's a mental thought. Really believed you like
shouldn't have dogs off. I thought something woke like
that. I leave them in the car, not in
my dogs. I scramble them up, put them in
my car, leave them there. I feel like leaving the airport
car for but like if I really believed in animal rights and
then at 4:00 in the morning I'm dressed up like a weed.
Believed in animal. I really believed in some woke
shit like that, right? If I was gay, I believe that
you're not allowed to punch cats or whatever.
And then at 4:00 in the morning, I'm just dressed up like a wee
cat, shitting on the floor and all.
That's weird. What?
You would do that?
Let's sit on the floor dressed like.
A wee cat. Yeah, I hate cats.
What about with cartoon the the West Ham player?
It was that, by the way, is that it was that fucking like
deplorable video where like he should have gone to gaol for
like attacking that cat some. Fucking striker.
But he should But. It's so connection the fuck.
But to me, right, to me, he should have gone to gaol for
that. And then what about laying four
weeks after? And he was part of the reason
why he's left English football is because like any ground he
went to after, when he walked onto the pitcher, kicked the
ball, people just go. He was getting me out.
He had to leave English football.
I don't. Remember that video because it
was one of those always in trouble and you're like, oh, is
it like assault or what's he done?
You're like this, Volley the cat.
Yeah, like multiple. Straight, no video that they put
it out. Yeah.
It's like, what do you call that woman like 10 years ago got in
trouble because she was on CCTV outside the shop stroking a cat.
She just picks it up. See if that if she had just left
that if she had left that like five years and done it during
like the COVID times. No one bats and I people go, you
know, live your. Truth about the week?
Yeah. Live your truth.
But for them, that was news. Ever.
That was a time before everybody was mental, yeah, you know.
You could throw cats in a pen. Remember, no one said anything.
To wear leg. Maybe it was a different time,
Maybe, but that was just the way.
We live our country. You'd go out, you'd throw a cat
in a pen home. Chinese on back Saturday night
take away. But I love when she got
interviewed. About that, I suppose Alton
Decker being you know, they're being recast now.
Suppose they're black and gay now.
Anthem deck it's not even out and deck it's 8 Muslim men. 8
Chinese trans women or it's it's 8 disabled.
Chinese trans men or and there's this wasn't called that mountain
deck. Not my breath.
We don't run the waves anymore. I know from people to We used to
be an empire in the 1700s. You were born in 19. 90 by the
way, by the way, your etiquette wasn't superb when you didn't
have that empire. They they, they, they, they just
went to far lands. Or excuse me, would you?
Is there any chance we could like rent this?
Like would we be able to? And the local people are like,
yeah, no problem. Yeah, just rather love their.
Wave them off. Thank you for everything Jesus
Christ. I think all empires should give
stuff back like. Who?
What? Sorry.
All empires should be giving stuff back in museums and all.
Yeah, been B series, the Elgin Marbles and all.
The what? Elgin Marbles.
So do we. What's the Elgin Marbles?
I think they're from Greece. Yeah, yeah.
A part of me is like yes, and then also a part of me is like.
What's the no part and why is it no?
Learn how to fight, life's not easy you don't scrap I get your
shit. Also as a couple 100 years ago
at what point does just me on me having it?
Does it become mine? Like if you and like if you give
me a if you give me AT shirt and then 30 years later you come
look at it back, it's kind of your fault for not asking for it
before then I may have. But then I'd be like, will you
still have it? So then can I have it?
Yeah, but I've had it for 30 years.
It's. OK, but my smell, right?
Well, I'm sure you've enjoyed it.
What if I gave you money for it instead of giving you the thing
back but at a reduced value because of I have No, I've been
watching for 30 years. That's not You think a shirt's
going to be the same value after.
Yeah, but it's my sentimental value meet.
You've enjoyed it for 30 years. Good for you.
Brilliant. Could I have a back then?
Because you have it. I could easily just have it.
I'll come pick it up. Don't even drive to my house.
If I was Grace, I go. We'll be over.
They'd probably get a deal on EasyJet.
Because Stelius. That's mine.
Who's Stelius? Stelios owns EasyJet.
Said like it's a guy you know. Steli the documentary.
I don't know what you're. Talking fly with me is that what
it's called? All but EasyJet.
Stelios owns EasyJet. Is that is he the guy that
dances with his son and Britain's got down?
Stavros, and that's my dad by the way.
I'm joking. I do think they should give
things back before. That gets done, done, done.
Cut that out. Fuck that out.
No, don't cut that out, I do think.
What a shit guy. It's just funny because that's
not the opinion everyone. Else would GB news What if GB
News Well, William, we want you and your dad to do Stavros
flatly performance every night and even if you aren't talking
or whatever run close is that would pay your loads and be
reliable be when we have me. And Dave could do me and dad by
the bats giving away with Sarge Risers doing stuff.
Ross Flatley. They they they had some wrong
when you breakdown what that. Is.
When you when you breakdown what that act is, they would, they
would, I'm sure they got. Physically didn't run, but no,
that's very physical act. That's me being bitchy.
I love you're backtrack on everything in this episode.
I believe you should give that back.
No Starbucks flat. No.
I'll respect the art. Yeah, that works better.
They could do with their own. And then remember the dancer,
man, I couldn't do that now. No, the we like, Yeah.
Yeah, I know. I'm always great.
Do you Have you ever been to the Ulster Museum?
Maybe once or twice. You have made in recent years,
no, it is good to walk around like and see some because you're
like it is mad. But I still what are we stroked?
We we're no, we, we don't. Huh.
Who's mommy? He stole someone's mommy.
That's my mommy in there. It's bastards.
It's. Bastards my nose.
Doesn't my nose always look like I'm trapped in a glass case?
Same place. Help me.
We have a wee mummy but I don't think that's stolen as such.
Where Egypt has fucking where else?
There is not mummy from. Up the road, I think Egypt have
low. I don't.
I think that's like on loan to the Ocean Museum, you know?
What? Mummies are like old Pharaohs
and stuff? They're not just hand in the
mouth Pharaohs. Yeah, Pharaoh.
Yeah, 600 BC Jesus love. I'm so me.
I'm 2 year old for us here. Oh, here people come.
Jesus, Jesus, I remember him coming out.
He was then, now that term, like a fellow's elbow, he was.
Back in the day and Jesus couldn't get away from him.
Good thing hanging, right? You wouldn't need a back Harriet
bottle levy on Do your stuff. Funny to think it's actual
mummies in the Austrian museum but that.
But I don't know if stuff in the Austrian museum stolen.
I hate to think. Where to get the mummy from?
Can you buy but? You can.
You can load that they'll have. Stuff We get a tea with me,
Mummy I. Would love that.
Oh yes they have stuff on loan from other other museums,
certain collections. But I mean it actually is mad
when you look at something you go that is from the Bronze Age,
like that we Arrowhead or something is from that time and
it's just that close to me. That's what they tell you,
anyway. It's all spoof I think.
It's all spoof. What is 1000 years old?
Joe Way? There's Pete Young Earthers.
I'm younger than. That's not even that old.
You think it's a thought? Yeah. 1000.
Years old. 600 years old. Yeah, yeah, I think it's as old
as I am. It's 28 years, 29 at a push.
Yeah, I hope we don't have stolen stuff, but if we do it
would hope we would give it back.
So the mummy is called Taka Booty.
That's right. Taka Booty.
That's right. I've seen him.
I've seen it. Was acquired in the ancient
Egyptian city of Thebes by Thomas Gregg from Hollywood,
County Down, and brought to Belfast in 1834.
So he just saunters into Thebes, Thebes, Thebes just saunters in,
takes their mummy. No, I don't think it was quite
like, I think you you buy it. I don't know in 1834?
You acquire it, but they're being with.
Any crypto like you know, I don't, I think he's stolen.
I'm reading a book about the way they excavated those terms.
Don't care. Thebes was a huge site and they,
yeah, all like archaeologists. That's what you interrupted me
to say, that you're reading a book and that's all you have to
say about. It you have a thief, but I
didn't know there was. Your your take away from a book
about excavation. Your takeaway point was
archaeologists. That's what you have.
You read one word of that book and then put it.
That they found so many. Yeah, there's loads.
And the way like the way the sites were preserved underneath.
See if you see the the the tomb of of Tutankhamun.
Yeah. It was preserved the way it was
left. Yeah, it wasn't he the youngest?
He was only in par for like a year, yeah.
He's like 19 or something. He's dead weak and all, wasn't
he? Yeah, because they have this
beautiful, like they portray him as being beautiful.
And then they did like a reconstruction stinker.
Complete stinker. But he was buried with toys and
all, not like anal beads. And not I didn't think I don't
think it was I was going to be what you mean like monopoly and
like don't wake dad. No, like we couldn't come in
like. Actual a lot.
They found lunch boxes and stuff in his what he was buried with.
The founder of those Simpsons fridge magnets from the 90s and.
Loads of shit in there. The we the we rubber things you
put in the top of your pencil. We football kits, he had them.
He loved collecting, like all corners.
Tamagotchi still alive after all this time?
Here's a. Fun to walk around.
About pyramids, like you're saying from like 600 BC, do you
know in Cleopatra's time they were still like the ancient
periods? They were further away from
Cleopatra than we are from Cleopatra.
I sounded like that could have been real up until I said that.
You're right, you're right because we think of that period
of Egyptian history as being like a couple of 100 years old.
Yeah, but then the the fact about, I'll butcher this, but I
remember them about the Romans that we are further, we are
closer to the Romans than the Romans were to.
So it's that Cleopatra. Cleopatra is closed closer to
the iPhone than she is to the pyramids, yes.
That's what I was trying to fucked.
It up wild is that? Yeah, Rosa Parks was live and
Shrek came it. She was, Yeah, she was.
Was Shrek the 1st movie released after 911?
If we say yes, what are you going to say?
There is conspiracy? What's a conspiracy on this?
Conspiracy. What do you think?
I think Farquaad did it. They track about 912 I think.
I think it was like the month after.
A month after, yeah. Yeah, I think it was or.
You used to bring in movies all the time.
That feels like there's not that many.
But I'm a time recording. I'm going like this Saturday
night after the SSE to see Gladiator 2.
You are? I haven't seen Gladiator.
I invited you, but you can come. I know, I'm sorry.
I'm on terror so like I haven't seen Gladiator 1.
You're joking. What?
The fuck though? Maximus Decimus around us.
Don't do bets from movies I haven't seen.
Husband doesn't give it away. Husband to a murdered wife,
father to a murdered to a murdered son.
And I will have my vengeance in this life next.
Does he get it or did he die? Does he get his vengeance?
Yeah, one hand, yes. In the other hand, no.
He does get his vengeance, but he gets.
Murdered straight after? Yeah.
I haven't even seen it predicted it.
You should watch the movie I. Predicted that 25 year old
movie. It is, it is unbelievable.
I've heard it's good, but I'm saying.
One of the best. Will you watch it?
No, why? It's not my thing.
That's a great cinematic movie. We.
I've discussed always with Karen.
I discussed this. I've seen every terrible movie
known to man, every good movie I haven't seen.
Yeah, Joe, I mean. Kerry cracks up when I've seen.
Thunderbirds Argo I haven't seen fucking don't be mad please.
Stop the hating, just be clear. I don't remember the movie or
just remember that song, but I did see the movie.
Movie is awful. Is it?
Still Thunderbirds on and the the plot is.
Hold on, do you see an impression?
Thunderbirds, Yeah. What the fuck?
It's not, so do that again for. It's the old time when they're
on strings. Yeah, I should have put that.
Just look like a lobotomized man.
Oh, imagine saying that. Don't worry, he's here to see of
the day. Brains and Virgil and all the
boys like I love the Thunderbirds growing up.
Before my time. Every other one looks like
Thunderbirds. But wasn't Thunderbirds.
Oh, Captain Scarlett. Everybody wanted the the T100,
what it was called the Thunderbird ship Green.
Anchor with the T2 or something or.
T2 might have been it. It was green.
And big Auberg looking. Yes, and everybody want If you
went to someone's house and they had that, forget about it.
Because it had the yellow one inside it.
Was that Thunderbird four? Yeah, that we sub do.
You know what, the next toy that I remember being like, if people
have that, fucking forget about it.
The I turned into a deli owner in Brooklyn there.
Forget about it. Yeah.
He's got the he's got the second Thunderbird, the WWE.
Titan from where the wrestlers had to be metal strips on their
legs and if you pushed it on a certain part it played their
entrance music. It was so cool during the Titan
Tron. But it was on rail it.
Would always go in the stone if because some of them that would
have like they wouldn't be available on the titantron but
they still had the wee metal things of the boat so that if it
was one of those that we just always play stone cold thing
yeah I love that I remember just getting the elimination chamber
but they. I didn't like the I had the
ring. I just had a standard we ring.
Yeah, to play with the figures in.
But I didn't like that. I found it difficult.
Yeah, I, I, I just freestyle. Yeah, I would love them, just
like jumping off the TV and stuff because the ring
constrained me. I would love it.
When do you? Believe me if I told you I still
have resolution. Yeah.
Would you? Yeah.
And I believe you more if you told me they were up your bum
right now. Weirdly, I think that's where
you. I think that's where you keep
them. But I I had them.
I used to have a wee belt but my belt was WCW.
I bought a Goldberg, got a WCW belt but I would make my mainly
WWE wrestlers. The Goldberg with a big metal
fists. Yep, and you because they used
to, but I didn't like when I just liked the we rubber
wrestling figures. Yeah, I didn't like it when they
added. Remember there was the sweat
one. No.
So they made like Hulk type versions of them so they didn't
look proportionalized like the wrestlers.
They were like big Jelly ones, yes.
No, they're plastic, but you put a bit of water in their back,
like a tiny bit, and you could press a button and they had wee
holes in them where it would like, come through like sweat.
But I didn't like gimmick type stuff.
I was just a purist. Give me the rubber wrestling
figure. Yeah, but I had the WCW belt.
But I would still act like it was a WWE promotion.
It was just never talked about. Yeah.
And I would, I would like it. I would like it because some
wrestlers will ask about it, you know?
Yeah, Was just a WCW. I don't have a fish.
And them, is that not copyright? Shut up on them.
I would love it. He's.
Being wrestling for. And I would love.
It all the build of all company. I would sometimes give a
wrestler who you wouldn't expect a title push, a title push, and
it stirred everything. I remember Al Snow was my
heavyweight champion for a while.
Asked even though I know you're a child that's fucking.
I know, I know, but he was champion for like 2 days.
I I used to like giving them we raise or do you know what?
Let them have a good match. Yeah, yeah.
Like they wouldn't win, but they'd have a good show.
Yeah. I know what you mean about
gimmick toys though because I remember having my wee sister
and she would always get dogs. Not a toy.
I hate this gimmick of a sister fucking come up with something
new, guys. But she would always get dolls
every year, and every year that we'd be more outlandish, the
stuff the dolls would do. She had a baby where you'd make
the mix this little formula and feed it to the baby and then the
baby would projectile shit everywhere.
I remember this. I never saw one, but I remember
that he's came out, yeah. It would do, yeah.
The change is not it. Would do like a BP oil oil spill
shite all and you'd forget to put the nappy on.
So we go. Was this an official BP product
that they brought out to help as offset some of the cost of the
spill? Little baby spill.
BP bomb spill. It's called like baby boom.
Boom or something. We did.
You play with action, man. It was up before your time.
Had an action man in the bath but never played with it.
What you need to do next question What you doing?
You know how creepy when you're like, you'll just bath with me?
I mean, I had just toys that were bath toys, but auction man,
I never I would have loads of bath toys, but I didn't like
action man. It was it was a lot bigger than
the other toys and it didn't make sense in my world for this
guy to be at foot and everyone's tiny yes.
So I just had sort of had like a cock chair in the bath and
Action Man which just watch me play with other toys and they
always had like a wee smile on his face.
He enjoyed it. Do you think Premier and sell?
We like cock toy shows. There's.
Always a wee char in a hotel. I think I actually liked, I
wasn't a big action man guy. I did A1 action man but then
there was a body called like Doctor.
X. And his doll was better than
anyone he. Had like a wee laser eye and
like a spike and all. Yeah, yeah, I always used to
want the bad guys toys because they look so much cooler.
Nothing was better back in the day than getting a figure, a new
figure, especially wrestlers. I the balls of like pulling it
out of the thing that I love that.
Yeah, I still do. This day.
If I'm in a shop and they sell them will be like, well, I mean,
not that I don't have a Shelton Benjamin.
Like my I was out of. Sleepover as fuck.
I was out of sleepover to mates house maybe like first or second
year in school and it was his birthday the next day.
So on the way to leave me home is my took us to Smith's and he
got a 2 pack wrestling thing and it's like a 10 or something.
And I really, really want the 1. And I said to his mom, it's my
birthday too. And she looked at me like she
knew it wasn't and I was lying, but you couldn't accuse me of
lying just because there's a wee kid.
And she was like, oh, is it she's like your birthday today
is right. You didn't your mommy didn't say
anything when you were dropping you off.
And I was like, Oh yeah, it's today.
I just remembered. See.
If a child ever did the face, you did to me and, well, it's
your birthday. Oh yeah.
It's the weirdest thing I've ever.
Oh yeah. And she had to buy me one.
And it was the rock of mankind, Tupac, and then the rock mankind
on Tupac. And, and I was, and I was
sitting in the back of that car feeling so under I was like, I
shouldn't lie about that, but I wanted them so bad.
And I could tell by the tension in the car that I that she knew
I was lying. But I'm so happy to get those.
Oh, I loved it. I can't believe that she never
questioned you on that ever again.
I think she was like. She never questioned.
Why are these fucking killing me?
All right bro, that's hard sore. She never questioned you again.
Not really. It wasn't a long lasting
friendship, but this guy, not because of that.
It was just I think we had one sleepover, you know, it wasn't
like a regular thing. I.
Was just like a one night stand of a.
Friendship stand, one night stand.
What I want to ask you about is tour.
So have you started Tour? Yes, yes, so far.
Will it be on the road? Yes, of the Neri, Maher, Felt
and Coleraine. Yep.
Umm Coleraine was lovely, Neri was very good to marvel.
Felt was sorry that. Thank you for coming out.
The worst I've done, just not a great one for me.
Yeah, it's really bad tomorrow. Men bombing on Friday night and
then Bangor, which is sold out on the Saturday.
How are you? Are you in courthouse, your
grand social courthouse? How did you enjoy last week,
which would be a good few weeks ago by the time this was out But
the boys doing the SSC? So fun.
Smile and. Seeing I'm glad I didn't see the
seats before I went out, that would have freaked me out.
We obviously did sound check to the empty arena when all the
seats were, and it felt big, obviously, yeah.
And at the time it felt big, yeah.
But looking back at the photos. Shit.
The scale of it, it's fucking weird.
And the scale of it stopped me. Like as soon as I walked off
stage, my head was spinning because I was like, this is so
much to like, quantify, Yeah. And it's so not normal.
You have been reading. I was under pressure when I said
it was like, please be right, umm, that it took me until
Sunday, like the day after it to go.
I love that. Yeah, at the time it was just,
it was just too much to process for my server.
Yeah. I was like, I can't.
It's not. You do.
Look like a wee robot man. We Cyborg boy, but I know what
you mean. Yeah, it was.
I didn't even really take it until the next day.
I was doing busy laughing at Andrew the whole day.
Fucking sincere. We do.
We'll always do this thing especially for big gigs.
Wait for us to get rid of nerves too.
We're like you will look for any opportunity to say for example,
well, he's talking about he's like might do this joke to open
standard response. I will.
I would help. Right.
And it's like it's set in stone that we all do this.
Yeah. Or like 10 minutes for someone's
going, you know, we've been nervous, like should be.
I've seen your material. Yeah.
That's the standard deflection type thing.
Yeah, Andrew was doing that to other people, but couldn't
appreciate when it was being done to him and not being a bad
sport. He just forgot that we joke
about that. Yeah.
So before he went on, I was getting my haircut by Coco in a
different room, but the door was open to where yous were and
Andrew was talking about. He goes, yeah, I think I'm just
going to go some tried and tested and I went don't do any
material he did with me in the Opera House.
Jesus. And he goes.
Is that why he goes? I won't, then I won't.
It's not like the whole day. He was like, did I do that at
the Opera House? And I was like, Andrew, I don't
remember. See 2 minutes.
Two minutes before he went on stage, he was like, man, I'm not
doing any opera stuff. I went.
I was like, this is what we joke about.
I went, you do what it's your set to do.
I'll never tell you what material do.
Do whatever you want. Yeah.
And he's like, are you serious? I was like, we've done this for
years. This is like our ongoing thing
for years. We're.
Also leaving out a detail of it was freaking out a bit.
He was like, do you remember those wee things you'd get in
school? Like the wee round things on
wheels and you'd put in an input and it would just hit the wall,
right? He was like, I'm just walking in
the walls because he was just not paying.
Attention, he was. Walking in the people and shit
and every time he had a serious question he got annoyed because
we just kept not making them because there was 2 wee sponge
balls being kicked about. I put in a last minute request
for two form footballs for backstage and everyone was just
not make like everyone was on edge because people were being
nutmeg left right and centre. I came in with a fucking
scalding hot iron asking if you needed it, and you just kept
trying to not make me. And I was like, actually fuck
off because this is roasting. Yeah.
And I was like, eh. It.
Was great, yeah. But Andrew, every time he was
just panicking. He was like, should I just not
make great? And then the one we listen to
him, God love him. God love him as right.
So I mean after I set him down. I was.
He was wired up after. He was wired up, but he was
fucking great. They all were.
It's not long until you're a big show the.
Waterfront, 13th of December. We've got the yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I got it. Give me a word that describes
the vibe of the outfit. Blue.
And think you're going to say what's?
The vibe here, blue, a specific colour.
It's blue. Are we talking like a powder?
Are we talking the dark? Blue.
Baby blue. Baby blue, Will they take baby
blue jacket? You'll break my heart.
Baby blue jacket we baby blue jacket.
Baby Boo. Very serious.
My wee boys all grown up, but I'll not be there to get a wee
hanky and rub your cheek just where you go on.
I'm excited. For it though, because I've done
the waterfront before, but never from my show and it is just the
best room. Yeah, that's a great.
Show and you're comfortable in the room on the stage.
You played there before, like you say, yes, just yours, you
know, and that's even more exciting.
Yeah, I feel more pressure when it's my show, Yeah, I think.
But I think I'm gonna say like I enjoy supporting more.
Well, with support, it's almost like being the bridesmaid.
It's like you're part of the wedding party, but you can relax
a bit because. Yeah, and it's also, it's like
it's only 10 minutes. Just their killer 10.
Yeah, if you fuck up, OK, it's not good, but it's not the end
of the night because all the days go with the guy that
started with shit, but the rest of it was good.
Whereas when it's your show and if it's shit, then that's all
the remembers. But then everyone's there to see
you, you know? So it's going to be, yeah, it's
going. To be it's a good show.
What? Are you going to do after?
In the car, go home because I'm in Derry the next night.
Serious. Yeah.
Did you mean to book it like that?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just a wanted out of the way because we're I've been on tour
from like with you and from like September.
Then that stopped their mind started them of the middle
Easter in the middle of it, then coming back for the end of those
shows. So I just want the time out.
No, because I'm in London the 17th as well.
Why? Why are we extra excited about
the Middle East? You know what are we going to
see? You can tell them we're going.
To go Eminem. We'll go see Eminem.
Going to be so good. I'm so happy.
See, you sent me all that just. Like do you think beforehand we
could be like, oh man, shave the beard off the air blown.
Not make it like old times. Don't.
Remember, I did that. I just look like Ruth Patterson.
You did, yeah. Do you think we can create the
set? I don't want him to do anything
post 2003. Do you think I thought you're
going to be like you think we could meet him?
Do you think we could sure read career his entire?
But. You'd want some post 2003 or
some good stuff, yeah. Monster.
I like that. Monster love the way you lie,
not afraid. Yeah, beautiful.
We made you. Are these songs?
You think I'm sure we're going beautiful.
We made you. I I can't wait for that.
That's going to be great. Boys are just like boys are
gonna have a nice time. Yeah, it's gonna be fun.
We've got the show, get the Eminem concert.
We're gonna go see some of the formula.
One but nervous going to Dubai. Was 0 interest from Formula One.
Why I? Don't know because this.
Is a totally different culture. Just a completely different
culture. And I'm like, I don't know what
you can and can't do. Yeah.
So it's just that little bit of apprehension.
Not that I'll be doing anything mental anyway, but just just now
knowing that I can't is more annoying.
Oh no, I think it's going to be one of those things really.
Like, you know, you can't be wild.
So like it'll be like a voice in your head is going to go go
wild. Go to Buy Wild.
Yeah. No, I don't.
I don't want you to get in any sort of.
Trouble. I won't.
I'm. I'm a good wee boy, Yeah.
I feel like I'm going to have to keep you like Hannibal Lecter in
out there just like, completely like.
Chained up? Yeah, entirely.
Thing in your mouth and somehow you'll know through it.
I will people go over like struck me at all.
But I I can't be the feeler son of the face Will.
That's yeah, because is anyone else depressed as fuck with this
weather outside just because it's so dark, so cold?
I'm sad it's. Can I say some?
No. And this is the rest of the
episode. No, What?
What we got say. It's so mild.
It's so much. We are getting it.
Here's the trade off. We had a shit summer, but it's
13° this morning. First thing.
It's T-shirt weather at the minute.
It's cold. Not yeah, it's getting cold now.
See. The coat I came in with
freezing. You came in like Paddington
Burr. I did.
Or flat, see if I was slightly longer.
Had to flash his coat. Line between Paddington and
Flasher. Would you like to see my
marmalade sandwich? That's not a marmalade.
Sandwich. Patting the new E Pervert, OH.
Great, my heart, if he was ever done.
I'd be so upset. Yeah, like he's not in from
Peru. Yeah, Asylum.
This was only a voice. Yeah, padding to my.
Not even from parent, Parent from Sydney.
Paddy, call me Paddy. Yeah, I'd be.
Reach under Marco. Oh, I'd hear.
That now panic then, is the one that's keeping us all panic.
That listen keeps. When people forget the manners,
you get a hard stare. Yeah, I do a great product and
hard start. OK, say something.
Weird, eh? Well, I feel like I'm going
through a long menu at the minute and I just don't know
what to pick. Go ahead, go ahead.
Eh, You. You look like a grace.
Yeah. I don't know why you're doing
like a big underbite is the only thing.
You think? You're doing a hard stare.
This is what you're doing. You look like someone when you
did look like someone who's been caught by paedo hunters.
I can't. I got yeah.
Are they still going? Yeah, yeah, there's.
Still as big a thing. There's times I can't sleep at
3:00 in the morning, you'll just go on tech talk and they're just
live streaming, catching a bit of fun.
Yeah, there's one. America's his name.
Vitali or Vitali or something. That's bad.
He gets like a call sing to them.
Tell them about the pumpkin. Not funny like, but do you know
with pumpkin? Tony, do you know with pumpkin?
So there's this pedo hunter or pedo who gets cornered by pedo
hunters in. America, they do it differently.
Yeah, they're allowed to just beat the fuck out of them for
some reason, but they're in it like a supermarket.
And the guy is like, not like just arguing.
And he goes. To the 70.
Yeah, this is a real man. And then someone lifts a
pumpkin. I think there's going to pop him
in the head of his throw a pumpkin.
I think they didn't count on the fact that hadn't been hollowed
out. So you just crack him in there
with this fucking pumpkin and he hits the ground is the funniest
thing I've ever seen. They obviously thought it would
smash open. Yeah, you know.
Like in Looney Tunes, would be a.
Great. Yes, exactly.
They just don't them with a solid.
It's it's the biggest. Pumpkin I've ever seen in my
life the. Guy can't really get it up.
One of my dirty bastard and then it just like.
Because the doesn't break it. Goes to get up and then he's
like. Because it's not even like it
gets hit and stumbles, it gets hit and fucking instantly.
Collapses. Yeah, yeah.
And then tries to get up a couple times.
Yeah. But it's that you're like,
because it's so confusing when you're like, what was that?
That hit me. And you're like, that's pumpkin,
bro. But I also I hate ones like that
because you shouldn't feel bad for the person getting caught.
They've done something bad but you end up being like great
lads, come on, stop torturing them.
But you shouldn't. You've always said getting
answers with hollowed out pumpkins.
You you've been consistent on I've.
Always said pumpkin, not nonce. Yeah, I've always said that I've
Kamala had a round on that. She would have won Pumpkin, not
nonce. Can I get your predictions for
will you be watching the Jake Paul versus?
It'll have happened by now, But the Jake Paul, Mike Tyson fight,
we should give our predictions on it now because by the time
this comes out, people will know it'll be right or wrong.
Do you know what? Because I think it's an
exhibition. So I think it's scripted.
I don't believe it. I think Jake Paul will win.
I think you're right. I think if it isn't scripted,
Tyson, Tyson, if he does it early because see all his
training videos, he's obviously like people say they're speed up
a bit. He's obviously still got the
par, the speed, the technique, and he's a killer.
Like, yeah, but if you watch those training videos, they're 4
seconds long. And then I saw a video the other
day where people were helping him get AT shirt off.
So I'm like, if he gets in, he's going to like gas so quick.
Yeah. And Jake Paul obviously has the
facilities and the resources. Yeah.
He's. Like and there's 27.
And he's as fit as an Olympic athlete would be like, yeah, it
is his life, whether you like him or love him.
And I don't particularly like him.
I don't know a lot about him, but I don't like him.
But I'm like, I do respect how into it he is.
Yeah, you're defending a lot. I get that you don't like him.
Yeah, I don't like him. Don't like 7 times?
What I respect about him, do you love him, is how into it he is,
right? And how much he does all the
training, know whether he's getting a boost.
And I thought, wait a bit, don't make steroids, all that kind of
stuff. Oh I'm an idiot.
I thought you went to someone like standing underneath him
like so you can get taller. Like he's on his mid shoulder.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think if it's a real fight
and Mike Tyson gets into him close early, he'll of course
knock him out. But Jay Paul's, Jay Paul feels
like way bigger, like Mike Tyson getting that age where he's like
shrinking. Yeah.
And he's got we neck and all. Yeah.
And Jay Paul looks like he's a big guy with a big reach.
So I think I think it'll go to points and Jay Paul will win.
And I think that's predetermined because you look at Mayweather
and all those exhibition fights. Yeah, you can tell he's just.
Held the may as well go. This is scripted reality and I
thought it like WWE. It would almost be like it
wouldn't sell tickets, but it'd be nearly easier to understand.
Pretty much. Is that by them going exhibition
they're crossing that line into This doesn't technically have to
be real because it's not sanctioned by a Commission.
But I think there's no way Mike Tyson, at his age and in his
condition, could go sex rounds in and still just be boxing
normally. You know what?
Freaks me about Mike Tyson know when they interview him about
how he feels about fighting again and then he goes off on
these weird monologues whereas like there's the person named
Thad. Me, I had to lock away.
That person scares me. He's coming out and he's going
to want blood. I'd be like, that's fucking
terrified. The good thing is in the run up
to the promo if he's too busy training or knackered they could
get you to do his voiceover. Yeah I'm really looking forward
to this fight. I tried to do a funny version of
yours and it end up being better.
No, it didn't. No, it didn't.
That's about my idea about. OK, let me do, let me do.
I remember in the documentary Tyson that came out.
Yeah, it was at that moment I realised they would never say
that to me again because I will fucking kill him.
That's actually. That's a good Mike Tyson you're.
Quite a good Tyson. I would like to kill them.
I am Michael Tyson. I am Star of the Hangover.
It was at that point I realised they never say anything to me
again because I will fucking kill them.
You did the exact same voice. You didn't change anything
there. OK, and I'll be Mike Tyson
interview me over this fight. How do you think the fight with
Jake Paul is going to go? He's the manifested killer.
The difference is the difference is no, because I'm fuck off.
I'm trying to. I want to flip between you're.
Doing it feels like Marlon Brando was seen to Tyson, Mike
Tyson interviews. I'm just trying to do his voice.
The difference is he's the manifested killer.
This is amazing killer. I'm a natural born killer.
Come to my dad, my house and the damn my daughter's wedding.
You come to my house and the damn my daughter's wedding.
Weirdly, a better Mike. Tyson.
And I'm Mike Tyson. I'll fucking kill them.
My name is Mike Tyson. I don't fuck around with that.
I broke my back final. It's my.
Favourite final? Final yeah, but Joe, when he
does those weird monologues and he's all glossy over his eyes
and be like, I used to have to fight for my life and now I have
to do it again, I'd be. Scared.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that line, he said.
He goes, Jake Paul's a manufacturer killer.
I'm a natural born killer. Your money's on Paul or Tyson.
Jake Paul. Yeah, I think so, but I don't
think it's a real fight. But I think the outcome will be
he wins. But like, it was stupid.
Anyone want to go otherwise in this room?
Anyone want to go Tyson? That's what we'd all love to
see. Everyone wants it.
We'd. Love to see an early like Jake
Paul's putting it on Tyson. Tyson just pops up because he
boxes like so low if you see him and then he explodes up and
still got that. But it's whether how long does
he have? It but I know what you mean.
You know, he doesn't have the big Tyson stature that he has
because people forget back in the day when he was 20.
I wasn't born when he was 20. Yeah.
He was just and it was, it was like his look.
He wore black shorts out to the ring, black boots.
He didn't have like a big fancy walk out.
It was like, get me to the ring as quick as I can to win this
fight. Yeah, but I can chunks out of
people. I suppose the more he does like
the Hangover movies and you know, when he got the tattoo in
his face, you're like, OK, it's a bit of a sideshow now.
Yeah. But yeah, no, all he needs is 1
snippet, like one press junker type thing where you go.
Oh fuck yeah. So I don't know.
I don't. I think it'll be Paul, but I
don't like any of the hype for the fights are always fantastic.
Yeah. But then you have to have the
fight. Yeah.
And it's never good. Yeah, You know what I mean?
Yeah. Umm, well, he one more time.
Plug Plug your waterfront tall show.
But Waterfront 13th of December, come see me.
What date does this come out down?
The 4th of December. She Intel comedy.com for my
European Tour dates. I think I'm in Europe at the
minute as this comes out European Tour dates Middle East
will ET on the 6th of December we are playing there's a bill
theatre in Dubai come along with that stars in your eyes 18th of
December baby. Everything is in the description
below and I would just like to say thank you very much for
watching this episode of tea with me with my guest, William
Town Don't. Forget to get your fair trade
Hollywood blend? Get you with silky tea.