Zippers, welcome to this episode of the Team with Me podcast.
With me, she and Todd, not just any episode, episode 300 of the
Team with Me podcast. They said we never do it.
They said we wouldn't do it and here we are down long.
We've been doing this nonsense for five years, five years next
month, five years, 300 episodes. I know.
Well. Done, boys.
Look before we get into this episode I'm keeping I'm keeping
it short for the 300 episodes. I'm keeping this short.
I'm saying we're doing the SSC arena team with me live on the
23rd 23rd of May All right, the IT know that it's a new year on
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I was going to wet your whistle right.
That was that was the apparent TF does that come first?
Yeah, this is the main course. Get ready for a big bit of beef.
Course, you've only one tooth. No main Course we've imperative
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does that? This episode we recorded just
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Links in the description folks, please enjoy this episode of the
TSP Podcast with my guests. One of the most confrontational
episodes that we have ever done with my my guest, the brilliant
Andrew Ryan and the very brilliant Colin Murphy.
Please enjoy this episode. Andrew was in a mood for your
amusement. Cheers.
Are you working over Christmas every fucking day?
Your Christmas Day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day since
Steven's day, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, the whole
Christmas man. The only time I have off is
Saturday and Sunday. Nobody's listening.
Double the listenership in 18 months.
Christmas. Morning, we're all by the way.
Just a second, do you listen? You don't listen.
This man's working more than. You listening to what?
BBC Radio 3 or 4. Listening to my family enjoying
themselves and I'm listening to them having fun saying thank
you. For that, well, you weren't very
positive. We're talking about your kids
last night. I can.
Tell it's all the lonely people. You weren't talking positively,
but you were asked me to get the tickets for Arsenal last night.
That's not fucking gone. Oh, it's very expensive to get
Arsenal. So I know someone again not come
in here and say no one's listened.
Double the listenership, double the listenership in a year and
have been offered another contract.
You're then asking me can I come in and promote my tour?
You asked me last night can you come in and promote my tour and
now you're saying no one listens.
Why the fuck do you want to come on a radio show when no one
listens More listeners than Two FM anyway?
How are you anyway? I.
Wouldn't have asked know that you were on Christmas.
Day I'm on Christmas Day, 7 to 10 live man.
I'm the only one. I'm not doing pre records.
We're we're doing a live night. Is it just you?
No, it's me and Amy. Collars off.
He's 4 kids. We're giving him a break.
He's open presents. But I'm feeling good about it.
Yeah, yeah. I'm not a Christmas guy, so I
don't. Know the perfect person.
No, but it's like, you know, I play a few extra songs.
I hope you all get what you want, you know?
Yeah. Happy Christmas.
Today's a good day to tell your family what you think of them.
But Andrew, for some people, you will be the only person they
hear Christmas Day. You'll be you'll be there is
somebody in their house? Yeah, there is.
People like that, you know, and, you know, so it's important.
Like radio and TV is important for people on Christmas Day, you
know, So, yeah, it's a shame they're going to have to start
with me. Yeah, but they, they can
obviously change station. So.
But, you know, we do all right. Like, you know, it is what it's
very. We're doing very well, Colin.
Like I think I'm not. Saying a lot.
It's just, I don't know, apart from the people who really are
alone on Christmas Day, who's listening to the why.
Don't you tune in, call it on Christmas Day and see what the
vibe is like. We, we, we talk very positively.
We talk about people who are working on the day, the staff,
people in hospitals, people who have gone through a difficult
year. We also talk to celebrating the
kids and be very quite respectful and we do a lot of
shout outs and. The phone in.
No, no, I don't speak to. I don't want to speak to them.
I know you give all this, but don't.
Don't talk to them. No, every phone caller we get on
the radio is pre recorded. It's always a minute behind the
phone. Yeah, Judge you.
Couldn't trust the people here on the phone because what do you
do? Stuck out our Dick.
I'm just. You know, couple couple of
little hangovers here. Well, hints of a hangover.
I didn't drink something. Oh.
OK. We did the blame game last
night. Yeah, I did the radio version
last night. It was my first time doing that
and he. Didn't know he thought it was
the TV I. Thought it was the TV.
Did you get dressed up and everything?
I bought a shirt, Yeah, but I think a lot of the audience
thought it was the TV as well. I mean, I thought I did OK.
I did very good. I did.
I was. I was.
Everyone, I was being the dealer last night.
Everyone said you did great. Yeah, I was a little bit out of
my comfort zone in terms of being topical and you know, you
only get the news stories a couple of days beforehand and
stuff. So it is a little bit different
for me. It's not the normal kind of
stuff that I do. I thought I held my own fine.
I didn't think I looked out of place.
I probably looking back and they could have contributed a little
bit more. In some areas one or two little
bits didn't work as well as, but I think overall you would I
wouldn't have looked out of place.
I've never had punditry. We were on the same team, we
were on the same. Team 100% yeah, Moving forward
to not really bringing it up and pushing from the back.
If they scar 1, you need to scar.
One and then that's 2. Can I ask you something?
Have you had like worked on to your dimples?
I know you've always had dimples, but you've never been
more dimply. Yeah, I'm very dimly at the
moment. Why?
Why is that? Is that a seasonal thing?
About my mood. Right.
It's about the stress in my muscles, in my face, because,
you know, having dimples as a disability.
I think it's chips. It's a lack of muscle growth,
disability. It's a you.
Can get a DLA car. You got to know I can do, I can
do the Olympics. You mean Paralympics?
Yeah, you mean the Paralympics? Yeah, I could do Paralympics.
It's a lack of yours abroad. My event, Yeah.
Admin spreadsheet. Promoting my radio Promoting my
radio breakfast show to non believers.
Yeah, here's the wheelchair. My my lazy man's getting the
gold medal on Microsoft Excel. Yeah, I love that.
But yeah, my last name was fun. My nipples.
Yeah, last name. Was your nipples.
Didn't ask you about your nipples.
You said your nipples. Do you realise you said that?
Don't say. Difference.
Yeah, yeah. My, my difference, yeah.
I didn't say nipples. My nipples are big at the
moment. You know when you get cold, they
go hard or don't? Yeah.
Well, not that. You know what I mean?
It's great to be here. It's good to be here.
Like starter buttons on a JCB? Yeah.
Very good. But yeah, you had a good time
last night. You were you.
Yes. But you're do you call it at the
right time? None better than when you wake
up and you last night called it at the right time.
No, I yeah, There was a moment when I was in a bar and it's one
of those you're having a pain, you're thinking, oh, hold on.
Yeah. And yeah, but yeah, a slight.
Oh, it's having cocktails. Don't normally do that.
What sort of cocktail? I was having espresso martini.
Oh. Colin, you call you Lisburn Road
or something? What are you?
Yeah. Very nice.
Or road or something. Espresso Martina.
Yeah, yeah. You like it was everyone.
It was like kind of cocktail night like Tim and.
Me and Rigsi, Yeah, that was it. Yeah, Yeah.
That's a fairly showbiz thing to walk past you you and rigs you
on the cocktail. His idea?
Pen wouldn't be a cocktail man. No rigs.
He puts an umbrella in a pint of Guinness.
Yeah. Thinks he's mad for the crack.
Yeah, he's mad for the. Crack.
I am he. Was texting the half it this
morning like about clips. Oh fucking no.
I am and I've got it before we go on with the pod, right?
I've got AI got to confess something do and you're going to
fucking lose your mind. Like you will lose your mind.
So you've done something to me, Yeah.
A long time ago. Have you learned this fest
recently? Recently.
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Take Me podcast. I don't want to say anything.
Thank you. So me and Andrew went to Europe
and we're going to talk about that.
I want to talk to you about different European cities on
this episode and stuff. Get you get your take on some
places. So me and Andrew going with
Andrew, everything worked perfect, didn't it?
Travel. Charge.
Oh no. No.
To the. Not as bad as you think with
travel and stuff because so many people go.
Is he a nightmare to? Clean the simulator, The stairs.
Did you go on that one? He said, he said every night
when we're doing the gig, I would say as we're leaving the
venue, I go, what time do we need to be in the lobby in the
morning? And he actually, you would
imagine he goes way too early to the airport.
Andy Ryan will give you 45 minutes post security.
He will give you 45 minutes of browsing time and get yourself a
coffee or a sandwich or something.
So I've got to say he knows his times.
He knows the airports. He called that, he said Berlin
airport, he goes, we're going to leave a bit more time.
Don't really like the security there.
And he was right. He was right.
So everything worked out great and we'd had a bit of, I'd had a
bit of travel chaos come back from Dubai.
You also you left your laptop on the plane which isn't like you
as well, so. Business class.
Why are you so nervous? You panicked?
I've never seen anyone trying to impress someone.
So you. Brought your laptop so you look
like a businessman. I'm doing business.
I said to the guy beside me and will he walk past Indigo and
said the economy and I said I part of the shoulder of the guy
so. Use were in.
Economy. We were in economy.
No, basically we were in Dubai and I was saying a couple of
days into the trip I said lads business is only 600, like if I
upgrade I just have to pay £600 or more more.
Yeah, yeah. But I thought I'd never done
business before. I don't premium economy.
But that's nothing like right. And I thought and Shane and
Willie were like, do it a little treat.
You've had a good year. Yeah, you have a little treat.
I'm back pace in the hotel room and like I'm doing it.
And I bought it £600. And I'll tell you, once you go
business, you never go back. I am telling you.
We'll we'll put a picture in. I'll send you this was We'll put
a picture in. The experience of experiences,
it is phenomenal. I walked past them and it was
like, you know, in a home Alone, too, when he's in New York.
I walked past Andrew. He'd been, he'd probably got on
the plane 15 minutes ahead of us.
You talk about someone making the most of it and getting every
penny out of that 600. He had, by the way, we're in
Dubai. He had a blanket wrapped the
whole way around them, just up to his neck.
He like, I guarantee there's no way he tucked himself in.
You must ask him do that for you.
He was tucked in. He how did we handle it like
this? Champagne, glass of orange
juice, little champagne glass of orange juice.
He had like some snacks out in front of him and he was beaming
and we walked past him and I patted the shoulder, the guy
beside him because you're in like A2, someone beside you.
And I patted shoulder guy beside you.
And I said, mate, I don't know who you are, but God love you
because I give it 20 minutes and he'll start talking to you.
And then we walk fast, and we talked.
For two hours, but we waited to the end of the flight to talk
and he it fair. So he knew who we all work
because when you came on he was like he I've seen you know when
the hour comedian he was like all right, He worked in
aeroplane sales. He was a he least air aircraft
that he did Europe in the Middle East.
He worked for some Airbus or something.
Like that, his pitch, was he like, do you like this plane?
Yeah, yeah, but he was brilliant.
He was. No, he was a gentleman.
He was from a County Limerick and he was a lovely fella.
We chatted for ages and yeah, we follow me on Instagram and all
that like so. I did first class to 1st from
Hong Kong to London. Is it was it, was it like were
you doing like a corporate or were you sent?
No, I got bumped because Virgin used to sponsor the gig in Hong
Kong, right? And the other act that was out
with me got bumped on the way out, right?
You got. Bumped into it and I got bumped
on the way back. How did you feel when he got
bumped on the way out? Did you?
We understand forever. You feel like why I.
Was in a premier economy on the way out so I thought this is.
You're delighted with that, Yeah.
What did you think of first class?
I've obviously never done it. Well, it was.
Before the port, before the individual pods.
Not quite a lie Flat, but nearly, yeah.
What year we talked? Oh, 2001.
After 911, Yep. Excellent.
Things would have changed and. Yeah, very serious.
If it was pre 911, oh we've been more.
Loose. Oh, but yeah, but.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. More.
Fun like. Yeah, yeah.
You'll be going to the could be allowed to hoppers and things.
Into the cockpit, bring knives on to The Hoppers.
Sniff. No.
What is this confession? Right.
What I'm saying is everything worked out great because in
Dubai I left my back in the airport.
Oh man. Got on the plane with I did my
laptop and my car keys. Mall, but the embassies are
involved now. The.
Embassies are involved and the UAE and the Irish Embassy
speaking to each other about this.
You're going things are basically.
They're going to end up in gaol. I thought my your.
Man's just got back from. We we got back and we landed and
Andrew was in business. So he met us at Baggage Carousel
and he, we were very lucky. He spoke to us, the business
class man, and then he spoke to me and me and economy Willie,
and he said economy Willie, he said.
Listen. That's you had something for?
Pleasure in yourself if you get out of Poundland.
The Poundland vibrator. Economy, Willie.
He said isn't business was amazing.
I said yeah, I left my bag in the airport and then Andrew went
fuck, I left my laptop on the plane.
He went and got it and came back and I'd driven us to Dublin
Airport from my house. His car was at my house and he
said well look, at least you have your car keys.
I said actually just thinking a bit of funny you mentioned that.
I don't they're in the bag. So we had to get an Uber from
the airport to my house. Half the price of his business
flight. Or a boss.
Why did you get an Uber? Why did you look at the?
Boss would just I needed to get home.
I just I just. Car was at his house so I just
throw him off then like right. So as long as you get home.
Anyway, chaos, Chaos, chaos. Now that now the hold up is I
have and I my driving licence is in my wallet in the bag and
because there's an ID they won't give it to my friend and the
buyer didn't release the bag so she can send it home.
There's ID so she could technically steal my identity.
The embassies are involved. OK, I'm going to the top.
Which embassies? The UAE Embassy and the Irish
Embassy. They're not getting on very well
at the moment because. Well this is going to either
bring them together or the straw that breaks camels back.
They're not, they don't. Not getting on at the moment.
There's issues between the two embassies and countries.
Yeah, you you've heard the news. Is he is he the reason no Israel
of left so Ireland Dublin. This is it, my bag.
They were like, this is the last thing.
That you're talking to UAE Israelis what the no so UAE
won't put won't the rest and then put him on a plane back to
you know behind it if they do the port I'm just give his bag
yeah to the new. Airport and meet him kill two
birds with one. Stone yeah, he could be there in
the cops. Could you imagine that is going
wrong, guys? Hi, I'm Shane Todd.
Nice to meet you. Here's my driving licence.
Anyway, go on. Let's see his patron.
Fausty beep a lot. So anyway, anyway, this time me
and Andrew just went to Barcelona, Brussels and Berlin
from my tour and we got back to my house.
Travel went brilliant, everything was smooth.
We'd record a bonus podcast in my car on the way back and that
was that was grand. Got that done, Get to my house,
my kids run out, I go away we go.
Here he is, he's back, Andrew said to me as I left the car.
Have you got everything? And what did I say, Andrew?
Yeah. And did I have everything?
No. I thanked Andrew, got my bag,
went into the house and I realised I've left my phone in
Andrew's car. And I walked the road like.
He's 10 minutes away, 15 minutes away and I had to, but I had to
ring. You didn't have signal.
Whatever, whatever happened. Oh, I didn't have my phone.
That's why I can ring. It was in your car.
I did get my wife to phone Andrew's fiance, but then phone
Andrew. Andrew comes back and I know
he's not happy. He's not happy at having to do
this. Comes back, Andrew goes.
I've searched everywhere in my car.
Your phone is not there. What's going on here?
I was like, man, it is. I walk closer to his car, the
phone not. Bear in mind, I don't have to
tell you this, but I'm telling you this out of respect.
You I have figured this out. Give me your theory.
You had the phone but you had to pretend it was in the car to
justify me coming back, you absolute fucking rat.
So. You did a whole place.
You did what you fucking did. I looked at him in the car.
There's no phone. He went in and placed the phone
in the. Car.
I didn't see it I. Planted it and the planted.
What happened was I walked towards Andrew's car.
My big son goes, my 4 year old son goes instead of your phones,
there it was on the ground. I dropped it on the way from
Andrew's car into the house. And I went, oh, yeah, you should
be quiet though. And then I took it.
He's in a flop. Show me all different panels of
his car. Keep the phone behind my back.
I put it under the seat and and I went, oh, here it is.
Andrew and I, he looked everywhere and I could see him
get annoyed at himself that he hadn't find it.
And I was like, don't worry about him.
And I was like, thanks very much.
You tell me not to worry about you planting a phone and we care
and I lost 20 minutes of a day. You're a fucking disaster man.
Why did you ring your Oh my God, I don't understand.
What do you mean? What when you couldn't find your
phone but he knew it was in his car or he thought it was in his
car. Battery was dead.
How are you? How do you live?
You are the most disorganised on
I can't like. We're at two different levels of
the scale. I'm on.
I'm Champions League. Your conference.
Yeah. Like, I don't understand.
I can't believe you. I was called back when from when
Stacy rang Julie to when I arrived in your house was 10
minutes within that 10 minute gap.
When was the phone found? The phone wasn't fine till I was
walking to your car so. As I pulled in, yes, so you see
me coming in, you walk out, you go oh God, and you quickly think
up of I can't tell him I had the phone all the time.
And then I had that dilemma. I go, do I just tell him and go,
sorry, mate, here's the phone, or do I make you feel like I
needed you to come back? And then my other thought was,
you know, this will be a good clip.
What I'd have done is I'd have picked it up right as he's
driving in and gone. But then I thought he'd be
reagent. Oh, I mean and.
Then go back in the house. Let him do.
Because you went to stop. Yeah.
You'll get an invoice for petrol.
I can't. I can't you've.
Been more annoyed if I had found it as you were driving.
In can I just say something based on experience of
travelling you? We've been away twice, right?
First of all, here's here's some feedback on you right when you
get this. Right, right.
So it's like I just sent you. Shane is very easy to travel
with. OK right?
He likes to go off and wander right #2 is very solutions
based. OK.
So you'll see it he creates problems for himself and then he
finds easy solutions. But I'm saying but you wouldn't.
Give me an example. What does that mean?
Like like I offered you a like a given example, like you'll
arrive in a country and you come out and he's just like, we could
get nice, get taxi and I will, you know the train could only be
€5 or could be €3540 in a taxi taxi.
That's the solution to the problem, right?
I go with. I am paying it.
He's paying. Throw money at it.
Right. It's just throw money at the
problem. But then there's times where
it's like you could eradicate the problem.
So like, for example, if you're a kid, like turn up on time,
like you've missed loads of flights in the past, haven't you
like to turn up earlier, man? Like for example, we went to
Dubai. I said to him two days before
Dubai, which car package book? Which car package book?
Is it the red car park? Was it the blue car park which
is in a different country? Is it the one the red 1 you have
to get the bus in? Are you in the green one?
Anyway? Nothing.
What? Sorry, hold on.
You said you had old New York Jew.
I said to walk. I said to.
Walk a pre book and nothing Andrew.
Hey, car park. He said he hadn't booked the car
park, so I said to him, but what are you going to do with the car
then? And he goes, I'll just drive it
into the airport. That's what he said.
I'll just drive it into the airport and I'll go into one of
the car parks. They're like the closest one.
By the way, a very pre 911 attitude from me.
Right. And I in my head is do not know
on the news every so often Dublin car parks are all full.
It's massively overpopulated. So we're driving down to Dublin.
I'm thinking, and I'm thinking this fellow's not getting a car
park space because he. Hasn't all you're thinking, only
thinking. So he eventually arrives in and
it's like €20 a day. Is it €40 a day?
Well, OK, I'm, I'm saying, you know, you really dropped me out
by bringing this up. But what is it?
Whatever, 20, whatever. I had to go back and eventually
get my car because my keys weren't.
A grand. No one here. 200.
No, no, it's one in between but. 5.
I gave I gave an Oscar winning performance to the guy on the
intercom. Little discount.
Big discount. Good.
What did you tell? Patron, I, you know, we give it
the whole, you know, you should have done this.
You should, should you not have done that?
Yes, Mr, you know that. Yeah.
I should have gone with you on that call.
I should have gone down with you for that.
So got out of it OK, we're OK. That's fine but my point is like
I don't understand The problem there is you're overpaying so
your solution is I'll just pay it.
Whereas if you pre booked a car park you'd have saved yourself
even more money. So what you're doing is like, if
you're not planning ahead, that's creating issues down the
line. I feel like I'm in a family
dispute here and somebody's dad is telling the but.
But easy to travel. Very easy to travel.
Too easy, but usually he he, he said.
Is this weird in Berlin, Man United match 1/2 five and Andrew
went, we'll watch it. We'll watch it at my laptop,
come into the come to my room. We'll watch a match.
We get there and then Andrews, like, do you mind if I sleep?
And I was like, yeah, it's fine. So I'm sitting at the edge of
the bed on his seat and then the laptop one for the game.
And then I just watched him sleep for about 70 minutes.
That's where it isn't. That's very weird.
That's where that's creepy to go.
He like he makes comedians what you wanted to.
Watch the match. I just got a bit of tiredness
like and I just went, I'm in the bed.
I trust them. What to not doing anything do
you? Know not to not take anything.
I know he's down a laptop on a wallet.
So, you know, he could have, I trusted him and like, you know,
and I woke up, I went to sleep at half time and I woke up at
like 83 minutes past. And then we literally had to
leave it in 2 minutes, 83 minutes past the game and then
as we left the school. The game 83 minutes past.
The game 83 minutes. This is my first language.
I'd like to pre book some car parts.
Excellent. When you come back in the 23rd.
What time? 83 minutes past, the game will
be back. Right.
It was 83 minutes calling the game, so I said go into your
room there and get ready for the gig, right?
So. So that's a go in there.
I need to get ready so to do me tea and all that right, I did
morning breath, morning breath after we sleep like right.
So he goes off anywhere he puts on his his T-shirt right that he
wears for. The guy was wearing one.
Right, so I. Just the idea of him in the bed,
snuggled up you topless. What you watching the game?
But he didn't take his. Rubbish out of the room.
Sleeping Beauty here. Waking.
Up. I had to put the rubbish back in
the bag. OK, what rubbish, what rubbish.
No, right, OK. He didn't pay for it but like.
I got us a new bridge, I got us a lot of tacos and stuff.
But the tacos were delivered. We had them and Andrew and
Andrew's room, OK. Lovely.
So it's not up to me to take my share of the rubbish away with
me if it's all one and breed just firing in one bag in your
room. I went and got it outside and
brought it in, you know? But that was the deal.
The deal? What, like you came into my
room? Yeah.
You leave the room as you see it when you enter.
No. OK.
Not true. Well, I got rid of the rubbish
anyway, right? And we put that in the bin.
Put it in the bin. All right, taking the Robins out
of your room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I put it in the bin. Yeah.
Outside in the corridor, like by this lifts, there was a big
well, I don't want that satellite.
Thing in your. Room and then that was it.
Then we went to the gig and we had a great gig.
And where was? This time Berlin need a
brilliant time. We went Barcelona, Brussels,
Berlin. Where were you playing and?
Barcelona, the clubhouse, which is like.
Unbelievable. The club take a very Edinburgh
Fringe type basement venue. Comedy club.
Yep, comedy club really good. Yeah, I played there once.
Not, not, not place, but I played in Barcelona and Madrid.
Barcelona was brilliant. Yeah, Brussels.
Brussels is great. Where did you?
Play in Brussels. With an early Late Show and they
were brilliant. Yeah, in an Irish.
Bar called the Black Fiddler, Black sheep, Black sheep
fiddler, Fiddler of the sheep or something.
Like that? The Fiddler of the Sheep in an
Irish bar. And it was.
The gigs were. The gigs were.
Great. The gigs were brilliant.
Berlin was like a fringe venue, but Brussels is a city.
It was freezing over there, grey.
It was raining the whole time. Maybe we were just in the wrong
part of town. He don't like Brussels and I'm
not sure what are we missing. Brussels, I'm kind of off.
What are we missing? I like Brussels.
And I don't know, I just, I just, I've been there like four
or five times, got off 13. 1000. There's a gig in a theatre
there, so everything goes to it. They all work in the EU and
they. 13,000 hours. So, but this was brilliant
because you're playing too, so there'll be like the Spanish.
Yeah, yeah. Contingent would be there, the
Italians would be there. But it's been there.
And it was brilliant, absolutely.
Brilliant. I haven't done that.
Now I've done a few little clubs like 80 seaters, 100 seaters,
but I haven't done like a big theatre there.
It's easy to get, you know, it's very European, but I don't know,
I just. We're going to mention no names,
but Andrew once told me about a show Rep.
We'll keep us vague. Told me about like a show Rep
based in a city and then like told me months ago.
And then we got the one on these shows and it was the guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Andrew told me about this crazy
guy who like promote shows and like imagine that you don't want
to meet this guy was that was the Rep but but Brussels I don't
like the show is great. There is loads Irish people
there but I felt like there was none to go and like do your see?
Yeah, we spoke to a few people that were there from Newry and
they were saying like, they're there.
What? What's wrong with that Newry?
Just like who we're going to ask.
I know two boys in Newry who hit everything that isn't in Newry.
But I get like, I need these people to come and make up the
numbers of the show. But you get so many people who
are over from here for a weekend somewhere.
Yeah, and come see me. And I'm almost going like,
please don't like, for your own sake, go and explore the city.
They're like, no, we're going to the hours.
We're drinking in the Irish bar all day, then your show at night
time. I mean, it's great for me, but
for them I'm like, yeah, you know, you don't need to come,
you know? Yeah, there's the.
I didn't go to it. It's the big, what's it called,
the Tom tone or something? That's the.
Oh, me and Karen with the big metal thing.
Yeah, I think, yeah. See, when you see a, there's a
lot of things, I think seeing a picture of it is the same
because you if somebody going to imagine yourself, well, you can
imagine yourself up at the thing.
OK. Do you know what I mean?
I've never been to the pyramids in Egypt.
Yeah, but you've seen them enough.
But I'm, you know, I can see myself there, and I you.
Don't need to go. I don't need to go.
Yeah, I'd still go. Yeah, be enthusiastic about it.
Like, yeah. I'd go.
I could see them see the the but what they call the mammal, not
the mammals. What about the mammals?
The mummies? Mummies.
Mammals. The mummies.
The mummies not mammals.
The mummies. They're wrapped in toilet paper,
not. Toilet.
But they're wrapped in Cafferty, whatever the Egyptian Is it the
Air Lords or what's it called? Air Utah?
What are they fair us? Fair us.
Let's break out this quiz night. The Air Lord, Sorry the.
Mammals and the Air Lord wrapped in Gafferton.
I know. I think it was something Coco
told me about. I don't.
Know the mammals and the Air Lord sounds like the last two in
the local Battle of the Bands. Yeah, episode of Doctor Who.
We went. We went to Berlin.
Yeah, Lords, the Lords of the air.
I'm a ride. Yeah, we went to Berlin, which I
loved her. I love Berlin.
But you know, what can I just say, you gave me a really good
tip, actually. You went around the city.
We, we, we arrived in Berlin and we both went and did our own
thing to their own 6:00 or something, right.
And I went for a walk. I went down to Checkpoint
Charlie. I've been there before.
I'd seen this rights grant and then, you know, East and West.
See the weird history? Yeah, East and West coming
together, right. And Shane gave me a good idea.
He said he went through and listened to a podcast about
Berlin while he was walking number a good idea.
And I've been to Berlin a couple of times and every time I go
there, I always, the last two times I've come away, I've gone,
yeah, I'd live here. Like, yeah, same here, live
here. I would totally live here.
But this time I don't know. So we everyone I spoke to was
like, when the weather is nice here, it's a totally different
city. Yeah, I think it's the winds are
great. I was there was cold, freezing.
That's exactly what I wanted. Really.
Yeah. That's how I see Berlin in my
head. Do you think going to like a lot
of World War 2 commemorations and all sort of thing, Do you
think it's almost like disrespectful to be there and
like shorts and a nice lolly sort of thing?
Yeah, kind of. What?
The real experience you want to feel like.
I see you know. Argus.
Grew up in Cold War, so that whole, you know, spy thing is so
interesting that that's the most of it I find more interesting
all the spy stuff. I love all that, right?
Cold War stuff if you. Could be a Nazi.
Colin, if you could be alive. I am.
But if you could be alive and. That's the shittiest businessman
of all time. Yeah, yeah.
If I could help, if I could make you be alive.
I already have. No, exactly €50.
If, if you could be alive in any period of time in the past that
you were experienced, so, for example, would you have liked to
have been there when the Berlin Wall fell?
Would you have liked to have been in New York when 911
happened? Would you have like sorry?
Sorry. Sorry.
Who? Who would want that?
Yeah. No, I'm just saying that.
But you still survived it like. Yeah, but you're still you're no
one's walking out. I go.
Whoa, yeah, I made it. Like, I'd love to have done the
1916 race. I'd love to have been in that
time just to see what it was like, No.
No, but I understand. And shapes your history.
I understand more examples you're going to give after this,
Yes. Why do you think it would be?
Why high on your options list is would you like to have witnessed
9/11? No, what I'm saying is it's not
like, oh, I want to be there because it's it's it's a
horrific thing to have happened. But what I'm saying is, is that
like there's moments in time in our life where things happen.
For example, in the fall of the burden one was a massive thing
for East and West, things like 911.
Things like where where you would have seen the error in
Manhattan. No, but these are moments in
time that will stick. JFK assassination, the 1960
rising and you know, the Tiananmen Square in China,
things that. But all the ones, all those, the
German square, Berlin Wall and 9/11, they were all on telly.
Yes, I understand 16. I understand that.
Yeah. You know, that's Roy Keane
Saipan. You know which I'd like to have
been in the hotel. Hell of a range, but you don't
like being there. Tonight.
Riverdance made his debut at Eurovision in Mill Street.
Watch that and telly as. Well, yeah, but my colleagues
are achievable. When you're talking about Berlin
and you see Berlin and the spies in the water, would you like if
you could be, you could be there, but you could be
invisible and you could just witness this and things have Oh
my God, I'm watching history in front of me.
What were they? What was it like?
What was the what was people feeling like?
Look at the wall falling and the people from East Berlin coming
together with western, the miscommunication with the
Eastern Germany government and and the town.
They could have free travel. When they told me that it was
immediately when it shouldn't have been immediately.
You could be there but be invisible to see see history
actually happened. Do you know what this is like?
Yeah. You ever have a sleepover when
you're younger and you just want to get the sleep?
Yeah, a lot of the kids is just still going for too much coke
and you're like, yeah, I really need to get a sleep here.
Like you know you should have that.
Last Mars bar Yeah, you're. Invisible.
You're invisible. Would you would you like to be
like, would you have liked to have been at the corner flag
when Man United won the Champions League in 1999?
One source got put it in like. Give me a plan.
Might be a sporting type thing. Yeah, I would probably like to
have seen a bit of the the Wild West or something.
OK, Cowboys in India. Like, like, OK, you just get to
be there for an afternoon and nothing dramatic happens.
Yeah, you, you're safe to be safe there.
But you can't be killed. Yeah, you can't be killed.
You're safe. No one sees you.
You're invisible, but you're in. I don't want to have to be
invisible. It's up to you, but if you're
not invisible, there's an option you can get hurt because they'll
see you like. Yeah, they'll see you.
They'll go. So I'm dressed like this.
You could. Be whatever you want you get you
get teleported back to that day of anytime in history and you
just observe history, but you're in the moment, you know.
What it's actually like right now, it's like.
This is a good question. It's like someone's gone.
What would you like to do, Colin?
He wants a sport. And I like Tudor time that you
know. Could be Tudor time, Yeah, see
all that. So yeah, King Henry the Eighth
the. Walk the walk around.
The yard to go, all that sort of thing.
See what yeah, yeah. Or really, life was like.
Maybe even like. Smelly, I would reckon, yeah.
I might even like to just walk around here around Hollywood.
Really. Yeah, that's the height of your.
Ambition but in like this the the 1500s or.
Something. Oh yeah, I mean not much here.
Like 15 hundreds. Well, when whenever it started,
I'd like to be there it. Started somebody went yeah for
suit session call this holy would.
I don't know, I'd like to like, I'd like to see like, you know,
real olden times, maybe not even a specific, just like generally
in a city or a time. General olden times, yeah.
Yeah. Something like that.
Which century? 17th, 18th.
Like 17th. 17th century is good. Something like 17th century but
you just be run the bike down. Yeah, it'd be like killing then.
No, it would have been quite rough back then.
But would you not think of God? Right?
I'm going to go back and then, you know, and like that movie
The where everyone forgets The Beatles songs.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So would you not go back and
make a fortune? Don't go back too far.
But then you'll, man, I don't know if you see back the future,
you're going to mess with it because he had the Almac, you
know? Almanack.
Yeah, he had the Almac and Almac too.
But you then you start messing with things.
You mess with the future. Maybe the future is and that I'm
minted. The Roman Empire.
Yeah. Go to Rome.
The Coliseum? No, to see all that.
No, no, no, no, I'm not in that. What about if, like
Michelangelo's paint, the Sistine Chapel?
Born. It would have been so hard to
watch him watching. PNW good and go is a fire on
ball or what like and you can like move the dial of any messes
it up you like. What would you like to go and go
and see? I'd like to be on the 1st
aeroplane that ever flew. With the Wright brothers.
Yeah, and they flew over it only went for a couple an hour.
So I don't know what didn't even go for an hour.
I don't ever been 5 minutes. OK, maybe the second or third
I'd like to baby beat on the 1st aeroplane or the 1st jumbo jet
or the 1st, something like that. Like, I like you from Concord
because I'm not picking. That was my ultimate history
thing. But that was new flight from
London, New York, and what, three and three, 3 1/2 hours.
Yeah, how was that? I'd love to go on the moon.
I'd love to have done. Go on the moon.
Here we'll do a crowdfunder we'll send you.
I'd love to go. You can go.
I'd love to go on the mood. I'd love to have maybe done
that, you know, one small step firm.
Well, you were going to be the actual you're going to one small
step for man, you know, for a boy from Cork, it's amazing.
But you know what? I mean up here just criticising.
I'd say I would like to be in a place or.
Listen to Q 10. No, it's Q Radio.
I would have I'd like to do something that involves a the
fall of regimes. You're on the something that
always looks like loads of fun. The day they overturn, the day
they overturn, it looks like it's cool crap.
Here we've been looting, but a little bit of the trainers, like
get some trainers. Yep, Yep, Yep.
Like you see the weird stuff that people lifted though in
Iraq when the. Saddam Hussein went down.
Yeah, there was a boy running down the street with a fan, you
know, like a big like legging it with this fan going, oh, when
your family say this. Do you remember when they pulled
the main statue? And yeah, but it was so
aesthetically unpleasant because it didn't properly come.
Back sort of way it got. Stuck at the last bit.
That's so annoying they're. Slapping them with the shoe and
all. Yeah, yeah.
When If North Korea ever falls to the South Koreans, I'd go
over. Right.
Would you? Oh yeah, you reckon, you people?
Got what? I've been to the DMZ, I've been
into North Korea, I've been to the Demilitarised Zone.
So I've looked. I've been there.
I've been to. Not in North Korea.
I've been in the demilitarised on the DMZ, so I was.
I've been to South Korea twice, Seoul twice and China.
I've done a lot, I've done a lot, right?
What was that? What was the the military zone
like that? Right.
So basically does, I think it's a couple of kilometres.
What was your business or just checking just tourists he got
very passionate about, he said. When North Korea falls to South
Korea, very specific so. And you've done a few Rackies,
no? No.
So I've been there twice, right? So what I did was I brought.
Up a lot of peace, done all the stats.
For my SO, I did a bit of research on the Korean War many
years ago, right? For a prop for uni.
No, just just just researched. You mean you wash?
Just from MASH, No, just from your knowledge, like, and the
war is still active, like it's still an active war even though,
even though they're not fighting, Yeah.
Those boys are, they're not chilling.
Yeah, no, but there's a place between North and South, it's
called a DMZ. It's a demilitarised zone,
right? And you'll see it never would.
You what this is like being in the rest is history.
You know, when Trump crossed over and you have to deal with
Egypt, you have the two blue houses, the little caravans or
not the caravans and huts and stuff, right?
Example. So what you do is I'm in Seoul.
We paid for this excursion. You hand over your passport, you
get brought right up into it and you go right up and you look
into North Korea and they built a fake town, a fake city to
prove to the South Koreans that they're thriving and their
flagpole has to be taller than the South Korea flagpole.
Their soldiers have to be their tallest soldiers and all that.
It's eerie. It's completely eerie.
And I. Was like, do you actually see
North Koreans? Yeah, You can see the people in
the distance, though I couldn't get down to the actual place
where you, the guards are facing each other like like 20 feet
apart. We were just back up.
We were. You have to have like, there's a
hot the cross. Yeah, it's hot that they
actually go in and talk. Yeah.
And that's the kind of like neutral zone to talk.
And you have to like 7 days notice you have to pay the 200.
Grid I think a line across the table.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
It's crazy. That's where the one is, the all
the documents there to be signed.
There's stuff there. Yeah, he's.
The thing and there's. Something signed this.
They're just basically during a ceasefire, but it's not ended
right, Right. I can kick off at any time.
They're sort of still who goes first.
Pure over blinks first. We're fucking going to go like,
but now the North Korean soldiers are fucking in Russia.
They're fucking in Russia. No, no, I imagine.
Listen, it's none of my business what to do.
Well, allegedly that's this is what happened that because their
access to the Internet, they don't get it.
They. Don't get in their.
Loving us the landed in Russia was the first thing they did.
Someone one of them looked. Monster All Ireland final 19. 99
Google Ted said. He's like, there's no way that
works. Oh fuck yeah.
Yeah, so there's North Korean soldiers in Russia all getting
friendly with Putin. It's all kick it off there.
And we don't know what's going to happen.
So that's another place where that could Syria's just gone.
Something's gonna. I think something could happen
the next 5-7 years. It's a taste of this.
You're sure? You're going to do in Christmas
Day. This could be your last
Christmas. Here is Taylor Swift.
Let's shake it off. You missed the opportunity.
This could be your last Christmas, and so is this.
Why don't you come in, Colin, but you don't listen there if
you want to sell your fucking tour off.
Starts in the 24th of January in Bellamena.
I would I would love love the gross choice career I'd like.
Use Gigster. There's a massive Irish
community, they're all teaching English.
It's massive to do. The Teflon teaching course did
well. Teflon.
The Teflon teaching course. Teflon TEFL.
Sorry. You learn it, but it doesn't
stick. I do worry about the problem.
I do. I do worry about my speech
sometimes. But.
Yeah, at least you're a radio DJ.
Yeah. I'm good.
I know it's scramble. People, people, you know, it's
different. Yeah, I would.
I would. I would love to, I'd love to go.
I'd love to do. South Korea may better, but
Japan? Yeah, I did China and I stayed
in a hostel in the workers football stadium.
I went in 2002. So what?
I was my brother. Why were you just lying low in
2002? We mean the friends went.
Yes, you're in America. Before.
Hold on a second. I'll give you this.
I'll give you a story. My brother's friend went over to
Japan and Korea for the World Cup in 2002, All right?
And he came home and he said to me, brother, it's good crack
over there, Let's go over. For you, I said sorry, said that
to your brother or he's all Cogan brother.
So my brother's friend Michael went to support the Republic of
Ireland in Japan and Korea, came home after whatever four or five
weeks, says to my brother. Listen, I've just been in Korea.
Good crack. You have to teach them jobs.
Do you fancy it? So my brother when he did the
Teflon tell on course course right?
So my brother did the. Ten lady course.
My brother, my brother Emma, my brother Emma and his friend went
out and got jobs teaching in Seoul, right?
And when they were out there, Michael met a girl and they had
a baby. And Michael is still out there
to this day, right? But my brother came back after a
year and a half. But in that year and a half, I
went to visit him and when I Michael.
Or your brother. Michael right.
And my brother, they were friends like yeah.
So So what happened is I went out to visit my brother and
obviously no new Michaels. We were all hanging out.
We went to the to the races, the sole races and they were a few
nights out and blah blah. 2002, pre social media, pre flip
flones, you know, Nokias and all that great time.
Fell in love with the people and came back and in the following
year me and my friends went that will be tagged in a week in
China. I went to China for the week and
we did the Great Wall born. Yeah.
Ah, wasted. Yeah, I can see that shake.
Like yeah, just the wall. Yeah, big wall.
No. It is a big.
Wasn't that it wasn't that big with the bit.
The bit we were on one big, no bigger than my own garden wall.
It was brought. The Mongolians are attacking it
like. Yeah, Oh yeah, they don't.
How can you build it from? How can you see it from space?
There's different areas are bigger like.
I know, but. Do you see everything from
space? If you have a good enough camera
in theory. But China now, it's tough going,
like, yeah, tough spot to go. Big, big, different.
Big culture shock there, you know.
Yeah. I like China, China about
poverty and just, you know, walking in the street.
I don't. Know that offended you but.
There was some tough, no, there was some tough scenes, you know,
poor children and stuff and then his height of money and I don't
know, it's just a bit tough. Contrast.
Yeah, I went to, I went to Tiananmen Square and went to the
gardens. What are the gardens called?
Yeah. The big garden or the gardens in
China called the big gardens all the the.
Yeah, Chinese. Garden the Chinese gardens.
Yeah. And that the food was good.
The food was good. The Chinese food was good.
I liked it now. I'll be having some of the
Chinese food tonight. Yeah, it was good.
I enjoyed it. But listen how you recommend go
to China with you could do it in Asian Asia tour, you know.
Barcelona was brilliant because it was 13° from were there and
we had a bit of top off top off before the show and is it not
for dinner after the top? Is it?
Though how is it not that? Because that F thing is only in,
I can't remember whether it's in it's a Catalonia or in Peoples.
Yeah, it's different or. We were in Catalonia and.
Then we we were for a dinner after the show, but all the all
the European rules were early, so we were having dinner like
half at night. I was pretty old on.
Glass of red wine and everything.
Yeah, it's beautiful. Walk back to.
Barcelona is brilliant. Barcelona.
Unbelievable. Yeah, no.
Not for common. Yeah, I went through in summary
and it was all touristy. Yeah, yeah.
It's very touristy about you, but it's a lot of things.
Yeah. But if you go out to the
suburbs, you know, you go to where like where we were
performing in Berlin. No, I actually thought we were
in East Berlin, but actually we were in West Berlin.
That area that we were in, like it was very suburb.
He was that suburban like. So it was good.
It was good. It was good.
Nice area like. What is both your favourite
European cities? Oh.
I've to Ghent. Ghent, Yeah, In the Netherlands.
No. Belgium, Belgium.
Belgium. What?
What's good about what? Small and it's just gorgeous.
It's like, it's beautiful. It's just still, it's not a big
city like it's, it's just, it's cute, cute.
Where else? European, so I'm a massive fan.
I do like Vienna. Never been.
It's it could be a bit stale, bit lacklustre sometimes.
Steal and lacklustre. Doesn't get out of third gear
sometimes, but you make over what you what you were like.
I always say you can go to a five star hotel Colin, can't you
with the wrong people. Let's have a craft time.
You can go to a one star hotel with the right people, have a
great time. That makes no sense.
What's your favourite pencil? I like Berlin and Paris.
We went to Paris on this tour. I only see the very touristy
parts of Paris. I think I've been three times
and I only see that I only have it.
I went for football twice and then this time for the gig and
it's literally walks down the Champs, Elise and then the gig
and that's it. Instead of a couple of friends
that live there. So there's probably like, that's
probably like going to New York and just in Times Square, you
know, I need to go and actually see proper bits of it.
Can I just say I'll never go Paris again?
Why? What happened?
I've done, I went for a few days and I've had enough.
It's just not it's it's I can't get on board with them.
In what sense? They just.
What are they trying to get you on?
Board with just very on. They're called, they're called,
they're unusable, unusable. Like you can't really get
involved with them. They're just too a bit flappy
with them. They.
Don't want you? Yeah, I just, I just found it
very like, I don't really think I'd fit in here.
I don't fit and feel very welcoming.
Yes, yeah. It was just kind of like we
walked in to get some wine. I said, oh, look, I know nothing
about why can you just recommend like a Merlot?
Well, but how much you know, rather than OK, no problem.
You know, it was very like, well, well, I don't know what
you I'm like, all right. Fucking hell.
The tour Rep at the Paris showing, in fairness, might have
been the same guy. We may.
Well, he walked in more. It's a lovely venue.
It's like we'll remind you of the Edinburgh Fringe.
He went OK, I said, yeah, just it's a brilliant vent.
Like this is perfect, like low ceiling, he said.
I said we have some food with us.
Could is there a fork? Would there be a fork anywhere
in the building anywhere like do you think anywhere there might
be? Like is there like a staff
kitchen? I was like, I'll leave it back,
I'll clean. No fork.
OK, Left the venue at the end of show.
Thanks very much, man. Really appreciate it.
That's cool. That's the French.
No, no, no, no. Joe, what?
I'm giving a go. I don't know if you've done it.
I'm going to be. I'm going to go to Birdo
Bordeaux. Bordeaux in France.
I'm given that one to go. Birdo Bordeaux.
Bordeaux. Yeah.
Bordeaux. I mean, Jude what?
Bordeaux. Bordeaux.
I've got it's going to Mordor. It's gone.
It's bottom left, anywhere right?
Me and Jude, have you been Stockholm?
No, I price Stockholm for two, for three nights for me and
Julian March, and I'm going to give Sweden a go.
Have you done Sweden? No, don't spend on Finland quite
a few times. Yeah, Do you know the fee?
Former Prime Minister of Finland, Santa Marin?
Yes, she's good looking. That's why you're going.
Which is not in the power anymore.
I follow her on Instagram. That's weird.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I.
Mean I'm going to be a fight for coffees.
I am I want to do. Follow any other world leaders.
Solinsky. He's busy.
Kim Jong Un sent him a DM, they say hello next time.
Went all the way there for you in the blistering call for four
hours. Thumbs up not.
Today, No, Let's say I like, I like, I like it when you see
young, young men and women like in their late 20s and early
turties get involved in politics, you know what I mean?
And stuff like. Do you seem like a sort of guy
would send like professional footballers, like Premier League
football DMS before a game saying like have a good one?
I don't, I do it to rugby players.
You do genuinely you're saying like.
I've messaged Robin first. Say Johnny Sexton before a Six
Nations game. You're saying the DM?
Yeah, all the best, he's replied as well, actually, before.
You don't need just tell me what he said.
I don't. I believe you.
Really nice to meet you. I met him at the night often
here. But no, no Johnny Sexton has
replied to Adm No can I? Sorry can I apologise?
Johnny Sexton DM D me first and I'll show you if I have some.
Signal her to pay the bills here.
What did you mean? I was doing an event and he was
on Oh You. Were talking about last night.
Yeah, I was doing an event and he was on and he's a lot bigger
in real life. And you?
Didn't think that rugby player. No, but like from the TV?
Like from the TV? Not that it's.
Loading and there's no the Wi-Fi is connected on second turn and
who else? Who else have IDM D?
I'll tell you now, who are there you go now look 325,000
followers. OK?
No, he didn't reply to my last message, right?
But that's fine. Why?
What did you What did you block? There you go, first message
Johnny Sexton direct to me. Good to meet you last night.
Sorry, didn't get a chance to chat properly.
Cheers. And I when you 2 man was a
laugh. I'm sure we'll bump into you
again sometime. You had a good night, right?
And then I messaged him. That's that's a long.
He was promoting his book and I offered him an opportunity on
the radio show to come in and promote his book.
OK. All right, Colin.
He didn't reply. He.
Didn't reply. He's busy promoting it and I've
messaged who has my message? Tiger Woods.
To say what? Just just give me a favour.
You know what I tend to do? I tend to message the caddies of
the golfers rather because that that gets closer to the to the
golf. What, so that mid while they're
walking between holes ago, the caddies don't?
The caddies don't get a message from Andre, he says.
Bend your knee a bit more. I've messaged.
You know who replied to me once? Well I feel the Ulster rugby
boys, they always reply. I might even go for a drink with
them if they invite me out and then they.
Invite you out. Yeah, I would hang out with some
of the Ulster lads if they. Wanted.
They wanted them to. Yeah, Hey, DM Tiger Woods.
I would I would have dinner with you if you're if you're up for I
would. Yeah, I've messaged.
I sent one to James Dean. You know the actor 1950s and
someone him, but he would have quite for dinner if he was
alive. You're like this sort of guy is
in like a forum for like soap fans of where to meet King
Bengal. You're like, this is where he
has lunch you. Know who's who's somebody that
you obviously I know you wouldn't do it, but who do you
really admire in life that you would love to have a coffee with
away from comedy, but skinny somebody shame that you would
really admire that would be a little bit off off field that we
might not think somebody you'd like to have an offer.
On Larry David. Really.
That's good. Yeah, Larry David.
Yeah, but that's comedy related. Yeah, give me some differently
related. Give me some that's non comedy.
Radical who? Would you I would go David
Hockney a past David Hockney in street in painter in London.
Last time I was over and he was passed me he was at a wheelchair
because he's very old and his nursing assistant was winded
down the street. First time I've been the
property like with my kids. And the nurse was really nice
because he saw me getting flustered about this.
And so I was pointing down the street after and what?
And the nurse sort of smiled and I went, and he leaned in and
told him. And you know.
Said that's lovely. Was somebody that really, you
know, Yeah. And so I'd like to have, yeah.
I met my one of my favourite golfers in Dubai to remember.
Daddy got so nervous. Oh man, we're in Dubai Mall.
It was just me and Shane. Willie T had gone off to do
something else. And Eddie Pepperell is an
English golfer. I don't know.
Eddie Pepper was, he's on the Challenge Tour at the moment.
He's on the DP Tour and we're in Dubai and a lot of the golfers
will be based in Dubai because they're links to the Asia Tour
and also the European Tour. It's a good location, right?
Yeah, whatever. And I'm not commenting on that.
And Eddie Pepper was walking past me and I just went to
share. There's Eddie Pepper.
I said who? And then he walked past me and I
just went for it and I went, hey he.
Did he did. How close was he when you
started? One foot.
And Eddie Turner, you could see his shoulders gone and I went,
hi mate, you're really funny and all the best.
I love your golf. Understand.
Was it? And just walked away.
You're really funny. He is a very funny guy.
All right, OK. I read his blogs and I read his
blogs and stuff for a while and he's very funny on telly and
he's good interview and he's just seems like a top lad.
For maybe Mugabe like, like somebody like that, just to pick
his brain and be like, imagine over coffee being like, what do
you like? What's with all the killing?
Yeah, I just be like, fuck him for a penny.
Like, you know, wow, you know, just go for it.
Like just to get inside his mind and be like, come on, Robert,
what are you doing? Do you know what I'd say?
Be great crack if you get him on a good day.
Barack Obama. Boring.
Do you think he'd be bored and boring?
I don't think so. I think he'd be.
He does a podcast.
I think he'd be like, he'd be like, yeah, I think he'd be
like, too smooth, you know, too. I don't.
He's not giving me any dirt. You know, I want to Polish like,
yeah, if I want to war leader. I think he'd be a really nice
guy. But you know, you reckon.
Mugabe will be a bit more crack. I'm not saying that.
I just think he'd be more like here, listen this shit, you know
what are you here? I woke up in a bad mood to the
whole village. Got it.
Yeah. Kind of thing.
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know.
I'd be a footballer for me probably, but I'm trying not to
give that kind of answer. I.
Was in Uganda and I was in a restaurant was doing Uganda.
I was making a we filmed for charity, Charity.
And the fixer was with us and he said you see that woman in the
tables were sitting basically rehearsing and he said that's
one of Idi Amin's daughters. And like, you didn't mean
proper, you know, like. He's a boy.
Legally cannibalised a few people, yeah, and that's Idi
Amin's daughter and I grew up 70s.
Watch this in the telly. Apparently loads of kids like 40
or 50 kids, but that was. There's, there's a video of Idi
Amin and some of his like, you know, inner circle and they're
in a swimming pool, like at a mansion and they're doing
swimming races. He's making them do swimming
races. And he's like.
Really out of shape and they all like jacked soldier army guys
and they're all like, oh, you've won and he's like got an awful
form for a stroke and he wins every race.
Oh my God, Oh, you would it's great BA and he can't talk.
He you know, few boys. I don't, I reckon he looks like
he try and beat him. He looks like guy who'd
volunteer to get eaten and then freak out at the last minute.
You would get into, if you would get into a rabbit hole with
cannibalism and you look like a sort of guy who would respond to
your cannibals out and be like, yeah, yeah.
Well, like, see what this is all about?
Yes. Like a man a few years ago.
Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I haven't done a lot of African
history now, so I don't really know.
Knows the guy is in Belgium or somewhere.
Germany. Yeah, Germany.
And they had his cock together, Yeah.
This guy volunteered, went to this guy's house.
And he cooked him his car. And they had a day that did he
alive between them. They're still alive today.
Well, I don't know what happened here, man.
I don't know. Wait, what?
Where are you in your life when that's a good idea?
I think we'll move away. From this like where, where,
Where do you go? What are you doing today?
Yeah, yeah, I'm bored. Yeah.
Hear me out on this one. It is.
No, I like. So Berlin.
What do you go and see in Berlin, by the way?
Carmalism desire him. Him.
Yeah. This is what I'm saying.
This is how are you going? Nice to me last night.
I am. In Berlin I went to the did you
go to the spy museum? And there was a spy museum and
there was a Museum of East Germany, which was brilliant.
All I did was really good. I didn't have enough time to go
to actual museums and things, so I put in a podcast.
But the history of Berlin, hopped on a wee Lime scooter and
then popped around all the way places they were talking about,
which was great. So they're like my own sort of
guided tour that's good. I had.
I went to the McDonald's Checkpoint Charlie.
It's one of the best McDonald's I've ever been to in my life.
Surely they're all the same and they're not.
You go to, you think that, then you go to this one.
Unbelievable. What was so brilliant?
The big win. I'm sitting in a big window at
the front that's clean. It's a nice store.
I just got chips and you're just sit at the window and just look
at Checkpoint Charlie and just eating chips.
That's where like, you know, communism and capitalism meet.
Like I walk past the one last night I was a Primark and it was
bombed and cops all over the place and it's a bit sort of
Checkpoint Charlie there isn't. It yeah, it has like full
vouchers at McDonald's. I'll be No, I wouldn't.
It's a sad state of affairs when you live in a place where
takeaway food needs security. Yeah, like that's a sad.
Hold on the Central and O'Connell St.
In Donald. Yes, has full time security.
Daytime. Yeah, yeah.
Yes. I don't understand how people
aren't able to go just function daily and get get through their
lives. Yeah, like it's, it's people
have a tough, it's tough for people like, but what?
Are you doing join us on Queue Radio?
Happy Christmas. It's just like this tough goal.
Like what are you doing today? If shot like hope everyone gets
on you know? Andrew, our.
Is your. Is your tour new?
Your tour isn't done. You're.
No matter break. And when you started?
I start again in Alma in the middle of January and I've got
Alma Opera House in Belfast. Two nights in Strabane, first
night solo at the Alley, second one is nearly doing really well
and then I'm back over to England, Leicester Square
Theatre, Brighton, Guildford, Liverpool, Manchester, another
one in Glasgow and in Leeds. So Andrew and comedy.com
finishes on the 2nd of March and then I am not performing for six
months. You told me Leeds is great,
great city. Leeds is a great city.
Leeds is a lovely city. Leeds and England.
Yorkshire. You highly recommend York for me
to York, yeah, no Yorkshire. York.
Oh, reminds me of Ghent in Belgium.
Lovely little cutie. Yeah, yeah.
Cute and it's all New York. Roman is always kind of built
in. It's it's York and Ghent are two
great places. Do you collect?
Those wee cottages, you know those.
He seemed like a man that would like those wee things little.
Souvenir. Yeah, little, little.
Trinkets. Cottages.
No ceramic things. No, I just like thinking about
it and stuff. Yeah.
OK. You're neuters about to start.
You tour, Yeah, it's Murphy Buku.
No French in it and just like a pun.
And it starts 24th of January in Bulamina.
And then Strabane not sold out. And where am I then?
Everywhere. Yeah, yeah, Portaferry
everywhere. And weird places like Livid
Valley. We'll put links to.
Dot colinmurphy.com. Parley, Parley Frosty.
Parley Frosty. We call that in test.
Party No. We come see comes in Petit no.
Jeep Jeep Petit Petit Francais. Just be baguette.
Yeah. Jumbo.
I. Am sure.
Can I ask you, are you finished now?
Are you done? Derry was Derry last night.
Best shorter? Lenny, man.
Bear sure the tour and I don't know whether it was for this
reason move the back in our forward now.
Can I just say something? Can I just say something?
And I think you'll agree with me and I think, I hope you will
agree with me. My next tour 6:00 Do as many
shows as I can at six. Even weekdays.
Thursday night 7:00 start. Get him out by 9.
I think the punters would like them, yeah.
The best shows I've done on my tour 4:30 in the stands, you
know going on go on around weekends, go on around 5 eh OK
Thursday nights go on around 7:00.
I am telling you know that is the future and people can finish
at 8:00 and this. Is the club night that happens
now in in the Telegraph and it starts at. 6 and finishes in
nine. Yeah.
Oh, is this you over 36? Like. 5 or something that goes
on until nine, yeah. I'm telling the future, it's the
future. I think I'm going to do that,
yeah. I'm going to become the six
o'clock 7:00 comedian that's I'm going to people going after.
It Yeah. Oh, I have a full night.
Or you or you've been early morning.
Or you're not waking up hungover and it's so much better than
coming out and also as well as you're getting them.
Hopefully when they get to the gig, you're their first drink.
Yeah. And they're not coming to the
gig with four or five pints in them.
But I got to say, I kept saying or not saying on this tour I was
like, I don't believe in. I was like, I don't want to jinx
it, but every audience has been brilliant and so well behaved
and great for the support act And then and I kept going, this
will be the one where it goes wrong.
Then Derry, last night, I'm going, you know, people probably
finished work maybe that day for Christmas.
So, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is their Christmas
night out. Unbelievable.
Must say you're audience SSE were Yeah, what do you know,
experience really. Do you?
Know what I feel like the they go and see comedy a lot and they
know that they just, they go and they they're like, we'll relax
and just watch the show. Because I've been to a couple of
gigs that already like gigs in massive rooms and but the other
ones have been to have been hecklers.
Yeah, yeah. And you're thinking, what is the
point of heckling in an 8000 seater?
You know what I mean? Yeah, Yeah.
And you've just been an arse. And so I was expecting that and
then went out and. No, I knew they were.
Lovely. Yep.
No saying you you couldn't get a
better crowd to stuff or at that.
Man, it was an absolute wonderful experience.
Delighted I've done. A highlight of my year really.
It was. It was, it was.
So only now am I really thinking about it.
I did that and then the very next night, so it wasn't very
next night was the American bar, 4040 people.
Yet we're probably packed. My dad was a boat.
He was, he was. I told him to, you know,
everyone to come along, let me know, and he didn't.
I know he pays him. I went to, I went throughout to
Shane's dad's house. Oh, did you?
Yeah. You got a tour.
He wanted to collect my inhaler before he.
Went on his inhaler for the boy he forgets.
Andrew lives around the corner. There's.
A lot of things. But yeah, she went into the
house and. And then he went, can I show you
around? And I went, all right.
And then he, you know, his kitchen, right?
20 years old. He's never turned on the
dishwasher. Is that his TV's from 2002?
This is all information I collected I didn't need.
This he watches by hand. Old school, Yeah.
Lovely house as well. Very nice house.
Please move in just for the material for the me and Dennis.
Yeah, we'll put both links for the tours in in the description
to me live at the SSC on in May. What date down guess?
I'd guess the 23rd correct 20 we.
Gave away tickets this morning and for that on the radio.
Did you? We gave away 2 tickets this
morning we got. We didn't sign this off.
Whoa. At the PR guy we gave away 2
tickets to SSC. We had hundreds of entries for
it and we gave away 2 tickets and we gave A2 plugs this
morning on the radio station that you don't listen to.
I would have come on. Now you're in all the time, but
you know what I mean. I can do it for you as well.
Yeah, it could be busy like. Closer to timeline.
Thank you very much. Cheers.
Happy New Year.