I'm Michael Che and I'm Colin Joseph, and we've got a little
secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little like how we're hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock.
Exactly how it's called New York After dark.
And it's a comedy show that only features drop in comic boom, you
nail into Michael Chase phone numbers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, New York After Dark.
It's some kind of comedy thing, and it's streaming now only on
Peacock. You love it.
Separate welcome to this episode of the Tea with Me podcast with
me, she and Todd. It's first day of the new
lockdown when we recorded this, we get to be here in the studio
because it's classified as work. Although you wouldn't think it
because I'm looking across had two of the most unprofessional
guys that I've ever one of the guys smiling and one is not OK,
I'm looking across it. I mean, one of these guys were
nothing but a pair of shorts, naked from the waist up, drink,
drinking a can of Fosters and I'll tell you which one it is.
And then the other guy sitting over there as he likes to be an
old dark in the corner, all dark in the corner wearing those
glasses that have painted on ice, you know, like he's awake,
but he's snoring behind it. And it's a good time.
We're here, we're in the studio. It's good to be able to kind of
get out and and do stuff. I was thinking recently like,
we're allowed to do this, right? But could we just start?
Can we start a new podcast? And the podcast is, and it's
filmed obviously. And the podcast is like me just
eating dinner with a lot of friends.
Like could I, could I launch a podcast called Pints with mates?
And it's just like the key thing of the podcast and remember it's
performance art is it's just me and like all my mates just
having a load of pints and there isn't even, you know, the
content. There's not a lot of 2 camera
stuff. It's just the podcast observes
what happens. I mean, I want to start a new
podcast for me and 50 friends. I don't have 50 friends, but me
and as many friends as I can gather go to Thompson's and we
open up Thompson's and it's but it's not a night out.
It's a we are actors playing the roles, actors playing the roles
of just a full squad of guys. Just get getting on them.
Do you want it? Does anybody want let's start a
Patreon for our new podcast? Go on out where I play, where I
play a fictional version of myself who dresses and looks
exactly like me and all my mates play themselves too.
And we for the role like we're all method actors too.
So it involves like shots, shots, shots, shots.
It involves everything. We're going to get someone to
play the guy in the toilets given a lollipops.
We're going to put let's hire some bouncers.
That's our DJ. I think it'd be a nice time.
Can we like can we do that just like shaking on your head if you
think we can yeah, genuinely to nod to the head, but that's what
2020 is it's people asking other people that are just their mates
like if you can. I just want to Facebook last
night being being like here. Does this lockdown mean I'm
allowed to go out for non essential journeys and is Auntie
under wrote? Yeah, So what I'm saying is
let's let's do some research into them and let's maybe start
a new. We may not even upload the
podcast, but we'll want to record a podcast called night
out on the lash cast and it's going to be a great.
I mean, I think we could do that.
Then I hope you're making a note of doing that.
Or maybe you're just texting other comedians being like, do
you need a podcast producer? I'm supposed to record an
episode with Patty McDonald, which which will be also at some
point, it might have even been before this, But for some
reason, I knew it would be difficult to get Patty to come
to the studio and give him the location because Patty
McDonald's a guy who just he'll show up if he shows up.
You mean he's reliable. But what I mean is he's someone
who doesn't follow directions, I don't think.
And I just showed him where our offices and he's just written.
Is this a setup? You know, he thinks it's some
sort of you've been free and type type show, but it isn't.
And also tea from Coffee Yard this week.
People got to get out, keep going.
The coffee shops get takeaways from places.
Although sometimes, like yesterday, I drove to yesterday
on the way home from Belfast, I drove to a cafe and then parked
up outside it, phoned Dave Elliott, talked to him for like
15 minutes about a work thing and then drove away thinking I
had been into the cafe and eaten and not weird.
I drove off and like 3 miles up a road I was like, oh, I didn't
even go in there for the purpose of me being there.
But it's a, it's a good time. And look, I don't know, I hope
that's locked on dollars just last two weeks and then we can
do shows and we can get out then.
Like when was the last time you kissed a friend?
You know, when was the last time you just went up to like a meet
and you were like lesson pro, I I love you, you know, and just
give your friend. But like I would like us to
bring a bit more contact back amongst friends when this is all
over, because, you know, I like the I like the hug friends, Dan,
you know, I mean, like, you know, I've been friends for fif
1516 years would have would have hugged.
There's been contact. There's been contact.
Dan, you may have only ever shaken hands once.
Yeah, once you remember it stands out.
Never again. It stands out because always a
comedian. I had a way electric buzzer on
when I shake a sound. Yeah.
But would you rule out, do you think that after this COVID type
thing, do you think it's going to, the fallout from that is
going to be no contact really like handshakes with strangers
or not strangers, But like handshakes are going to
disappear people you first met and it'll just be like a nod and
a hello or you think it's going to come back or you think it's
going to come back even more and people will be so happy to be
able to do that again. I don't know, I haven't got on
board, you know, people have started the elbow sort of touch
to try and keep something going. Yeah.
I don't really get that. People almost do it.
No, I don't think anyone does it in like a genuine like hello
greeting way. It's more of the like, what do I
like at the minute? You know, it's like people
always prefix the elbow now with I think we'll have to do this
now. It's like, what do you mean?
You think you've been there for nine months, decade?
I think it's what is this what it is?
Is this what it is? We've done it every time we've
met up. Yeah.
The elbow I can't get on board with maybe like what I mean the
elbow I don't I don't like because you kind of have to
you're all you feel all like vulnerable when you do it, you
know, like get all your elbow and close and that you know, to
touch the point to someone's elbow and then you're near the
funny bone as well. And what if you like, what if
you like, if you spot on somebody's back, just something
like that or? I was thinking more like take it
out of a football, you know, a little top in the ass as you
meet them, you know, well played.
Yeah, I mean, I think that's how Harvey Weinstein started.
He's like, now these ones just play for my football team.
It's like, do you play football? Maybe he's misunderstood them.
We top on the arch. I mean, it's weird that like are
we top on the arch like from a friend is great crack, but like
you've got to know that your friend really is your friend
because you could, I could be friends with Mike for 16 years
and then one day, like after COVID, just because people get
so weird about touch and I, I could be like, Oh my, like after
the first time we meet up and then you leave and I'd be like,
I'll see you later give you a tap in the bomb.
For all I know he was straight to PS and I, he goes straight to
PS and I remember I had AI, had a football coach and this was
like not that many years ago. So bear in mind, let me point
out I was in my late 20s and I love.
What age did you look? What?
What age did you look? Yeah, I looked half that and to
be no OK, I got in this room. But all I will say is he used to
love a bum touch and it was the slowest bum touch ever.
He was like the guy in a what do you call that show bonsai Shaky
Hellman. I mean, he wasn't shaking
anything, but he would he would pack your bum for a long time.
And I liked it. I like, I like contact from men
and maybe lockdown has given me time to think about some things
and I've realised that I like contact from men.
I like it when a big man gets me in a headlock.
I like you when a big man I don't know, says come here, you
bother and get headlock. Might a giant's ring walking my
dog. I don't have a dog, but I like
that. I like that kind of thing.
I like like, you know, like I kind of, you know, that kind of
like people be like all lads, lads like there's a lot of
negative connotations, but lads lads I'm not allowed.
But some of the contact that lads has due to you if you're
their friend is good. You know, I like some of it.
I just I miss it. Like I'm an emotional guy and I
like, I miss like just touching people's face, like people I
know, you know what I mean? Like I love to touch both of
your faces and I love you both to touch my face.
And maybe after we record, we switch the cameras on.
Maybe we switch cameras on and we just see what happens.
But what I'm saying is, could we get funding for my new podcast
nights out? I don't know.
I would like to do that because we can.
You can film stuff, but you can fill them anything.
So maybe I just find this sick home where?
Oh, listen in this hilarious sick call.
Me and me and the boys go to Ibiza.
Oh, and this. What's it about?
It's just about a trip to Ibiza. We're going to film a couple of
nights in Amnesia. Here's the thing.
I've never been to Ibiza. I just know Amnesia from Kevin
and Perry go large. I don't know if it really is a
club. My it is good.
You've been to everything. Good spot.
I'm special, remember. And Don, have you done that?
You ever done like a real, not even a lot.
It's holiday. But have you been to one of
those places like Cos I and Appa?
I could see you and I and Appa, you and a few boys from OMA
heading over in like circa 2008, heading over to I and Appa
dressed like a couple of like League 1 football, like like a
couple of Gellingham play, you know what I mean?
Like some boys like a little bit of blame, you know what I mean?
Like like vests and a few boys like padded up and stuff.
Heading over to Iron Appa for a bucket hats, Kindle bucket hats.
I could see the boys on vestments, the old boys checking
out a few vespets they had strip.
And I, I mean, I mean, I've been to Magaluf a couple of times,
but we've been like out of season, so there's nobody there.
And I'm like when I was younger, never went to any of those big
party places, But that is exactly the holiday I want when
this is done. I want to go to a foam party.
I want I want DJ Sammy to be DJ. And I don't know, but hope
hopefully this it doesn't make us all weird.
That's my fear. The people are like, no, you
know, no, I don't go out. You know, I want like, let's
just let's do things as a as a big group.
Let's everybody in Northern Ireland do at least one activity
a month together. And I mean all of us, it goes
one of two ways. Either we all come together and
we're like flipped. You remember we had to sit
inside for a year or people are just inside getting even more
like reagent about Protestants and people maybe just sitting
there really laughed for Catholics like there maybe some
guys before this who like didn't like the other religion and then
just been sitting inside for a year.
See us here when I get back out. So I, I don't know, but one
thing I do know is I just announced the show what's on
sale now I'm doing, I'm playing SSE Arena in Belfast and I've
cracked the Joe. I've done a couple of press
interviews for it. I'm just warning people that
every press interviewer do for it when they say, so you're
playing the SSE Arena. That must be a really big deal.
I say every time. Well, it is Pizza Hut.
I'm doing the Pizza Hut restaurant in there.
It's not the real, it is the real arena.
And I'll be using that joke every time because to be fair,
it's very funny. It's very funny.
But yeah, I'm doing the SSE in November next year.
It's a it's a curiosity for me. It's it's scratching away edge
of what would that be like to play an arena?
And also it's AI don't know whether I don't know whether
I'll do it and go. I'm trying to predict will I do
it and then next year play a venue like that or will I go
back to slightly more intimate shows?
Because I kind of I kind of like both.
I like doing the big, like the Waterfront Hall shows we've done
and then like even shows that are smaller than the Limelight
1. So I don't know.
It'll just be really interesting to see what that's like for a
night, because that'll be the biggest, the biggest crowd I've
ever played to. And, and yeah, a couple of
people have asked me is, is it the same show as the one that's
been rearranged for the Waterfront?
It's a, it's a totally different show.
So basically I had a show ready that should have been finished
by now. The whole tour should have been
done by now and it was called, somebody told me that was my
solo show. We put it all back to March
originally in the middle of COVID.
And then we just thought, you know what, in a venue of like a
couple of 1000, because that's a problem.
Like that is an issue I have. I tend to sell tickets and sell
out and, and it means that we don't have the luxury of being
able to say, look, let's just leave it at half the tickets.
You know what I mean? It's, it's a people say, you
know, it's a, it's a problem I have basically I just sell
mostly full capacity and, and that is my burden.
You know, it's my fault for being really good, really good
at. No, it's something I'm working
on. Like I try and sometimes I try
and go out there and do a set that's not even that funny.
And then halfway through I'm like, who am I kidding?
Who am I kidding, you know? But yeah, so, so I'm rambling
here, but that that whole tour should have been done by now and
I should have been moving on to the show that I'm going to be
doing at SSE. But because it started locked
down like March, April, I had that show ready for a couple of
months later. Because I like to be prepared.
I'm able to like park that show. I'll do that and then I'll tour
before. So my plan at the minute is
this, I'm going to tour summertime just after the summer
next year with the Somebody Told Me show.
I'm going to finish with the Waterfront Hall, the rescheduled
show. And if you're at the last
waterfront, it was the best night of stand up I've ever done
for loads of different reasons. It was incredible.
I can't wait to do that. Then once that's done in
November as a one off for no other big solutions around it,
I'm doing the SSE with the show chancer.
Then early 2022, my plan is to tour that show chancer and
eventually I'll even it out and I'll just tour once a year or
whatever. But I've I feel like I've got
the material. I just need to like get back out
and be on stage. And I don't know if I talked
about this in a podcast recently, you may correct me.
There's a series on Sky called the Comedy Store and it's about
the come I yeah, literally the last time we recorded, I talked
about this. I've seen.
Have you watched any of it since Sydney?
Honestly, the episode during our long.
It is phenomenal. I mean, it's bittersweet because
it makes you miss stand up so bad.
But if anyone's like stuck for something to watch in this
lockdown, it's on like Sky documentaries.
But if you've got Sky, you get it and catch up.
And it's a documentary about the Comedy Store that is it's almost
like torture for me to watch it. But then but yeah, the SSE
tickets are out, Ticketmaster, all that kind of thing.
And it's going to be an experience, you know, arena
show. And The funny thing is, like
once or twice since then, I've driven past the Odyssey on the
motorway and just looked over. And it's like when you look at
that venue, you go, that car park is going to be filled with
cars and there's going to be a queue up to it and people are
going to be walking over the bridge.
You know, when you go to a concert at the Odyssey and you
maybe have a couple of drinks in city centre and you walk over
the bridge in a big mass group of people, everyone that's doing
that is going to be coming to my show.
And that that is, is like an exciting kind of scary.
So I've, I've put, I've put a stand up clip up last week,
although in reality it was yesterday from the BBC One stand
up show. It did.
I'm going to put in on a couple of other clips from that out.
And that was kind of a dilemma I had because I've been doing this
material, like the material, but my baby being like a big massive
baby and another bit about cash machines in Northern Ireland
being stone. And part of me is like, do I
just wait and do those as part of the somebody told me show or
I just release those videos now because I want my stand up to
kind of be out there. I want people to like be seeing
clips and that kind of thing. So it's hard to know what the
like what material to burn. That's who you call it as a
stand up. If if you release it, you'd be
like, I've burnt that material. I need something new.
But probably in reality, I'm just going to put loads of clips
out. And I'm really not into the idea
that we talked about of streaming a stand up show from
here. Get a couple of comedians in.
We've got like a nice space here and we'll just do like a, I
don't know, Facebook Live or YouTube.
Maybe it doesn't need to be live.
Maybe you film it as live and we caught it.
In fact. Is that better?
Because someone might say something because that's a good.
Yeah, that's a good point. Sometimes we stand up, you're in
the moment, you might make a mistake, and then it's like,
yeah, maybe we just film it and then we do it again.
Oh, a couple of boffins sitting across from me here.
I mean, I say you're boffins. You guys are just like probably
have a very average IQ, but mine is so low that I think that that
what was the thing recently that's was one of you 2 told me
I was like, can you do that? And you're like, yes, there was
something really like, I don't know.
I don't know whether I'm I'm 5050 on whether I'm an
intelligent man. Or thick, I don't know.
I think sometimes I have moments with both, you know, sometimes,
sometimes people, sometimes I'll do something, people go, I like
it. That's smart.
I actually have a really good general than you will know,
particularly some no, sometimes I have very good.
My references are good. You know what I mean?
Like you can kind of chat to me about most things and like give
me a subject and I'll talk about it.
Tesla. Tesla is I believe I'm right.
I'm saying a budget supermarket originally from just as a
Glasgow. No, obviously Tel Tesla is a
Tesla or Tesla being serious. Tesla.
Tesla is a brand of car that Elon Musk owns and then Elon
Musk wants. There was a guy, there was a guy
who owned the submarine that said he would go and try and
rescue the those like Asian boys that were stuck in a cave.
You're laughing like I'm making this up.
There was some Asian boys who were stuck in a cave because
they were on a football trip with their coach.
And I might have been that coach I was talking about earlier
because he literally was like gone the parents less than we're
taking them. These boys on the end the season
trip always going Alton Towers nor going in their complex
underground cave system. I don't know what they were
doing down there. I think he does.
But then but then this guy, this British guy was like here I've
got a submer. I had this equipment.
I could try and go down and like do a rescue thing.
And then Elon Musk was also trying.
Elon Musk was like, I'll go and rescue them.
I have a submarine and everybody was like, you can't get a
submarine down there or they could get out because surely the
submarines bigger than these like small E I'm not saying no,
I'm not saying they're small because they're Asian.
I'm saying they were boys. So you're going to be small if
you're a boy unless you're a big a big boy.
And then you look at a big boy and you're like, are you a big
boy or a small like a small man? But here's the thing with Tesla,
Elon Musk was like, I'll fire a submarine under this British guy
was like, no, I have this diving equipment.
I'll go down and get them. And then Elon Musk just went on
Twitter and was like, oh, this guy's Peter.
And that is all I know about Tesla.
So good luck to him. Fair play to him for doing it.
And also, I know about Tesla from the Christian Bale, Hugh
Jackman film The Prestige, which is we talked about on the
podcast, the Patreon podcast before, a quality, quality film.
But David, by the way, plays Tesla and he talks like David
Bowie and he say he has a moustache and he's all weird
zippers. Let me really quickly interrupt
the podcast. I mean, I'm in an unnatural
position because I still haven't got the arms put on to the
chair. So I'm having to sit in a way
where it looks like the arms are just permanently attached to the
chair. But listen, let's be honest,
they're just not. Let me really quickly interrupt
to mention one of our big sponsors which are
manscaped.com. The thing is we all, we all want
to look good under the belt. You know, it's not hopefully
it's not something that we're showing regularly, especially in
public, but whenever we're in private, we want our privates to
look good. And listen, I am a Manscaped
user, but I hadn't been a Manscaped user in a couple of
weeks. So I needed to go in there.
I needed AI got a fresh cut here.
I have got a fresh cut on my head and then I got a fresh cut
somewhere a little bit lower and producer Don just looked towards
my belt area. So I don't know what to do with
that information. I feel a little hot under the
collar. He's done it again and I don't
blame him because under there, under there in my underwear,
it's looking bare. Not BEAR, by the way.
OK, I've gone from BEAR to BARE coming up to Christmas.
Hard. It's hard to know.
What do you buy your dad? Do you buy him a book?
Boring. Do you buy him a bottle of wine?
No, you don't. You say to your dad, listen, you
need to get up to date with the times, OK?
We're keeping a trim down there. I don't know if you've got the
memo. You go to manscape.com.
You get yourself a lawnmower. 3.0 it is.
Let's just get down to it. It's a razor for it's an
electric razor for your balls and your dad might go, but I
can't see down there and on how I'm going to make sure I'm doing
it right. Hey dad, shut up.
There's a light on it. There's a light and he go, oh,
but what if I get water on it and on then it electrocutes me
and you go dad, why are you being such a nerd?
It is waterproof. manscape.com. We've got so much on there.
Honestly, I'm a use. Sorry, there was a, there was
like a midgie or like some sort of young fly there like a small,
like a child fly there. And honestly, for a second I
thought I was going to die. I thought I was going to be
murdered. manscape.com. You just go tea with me for 20%
off and free shipping. If you're looking for a
Christmas gift for someone, this is a great way to do it,
especially if you know them well for a husband, a boyfriend or
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I mean, it makes a statement in the office.
If you're like lesson Denzel, you need to sort yourself out.
They have ball toner, they have ball wipes.
I mean, listen, head over to manscape.com, see what all the
fuss is about. Manscape are everywhere at the
minute and for very good reason. Couple of things I want to look
at. 1 is this Day in History, which I haven't done on the
podcast for a long time. So the day we recorded this and
I'm looking at what's happened this Day in History and in 9th
in in the year 1095 this day Pope Urban the second.
Who the fuck was Pope Urban? Pope guns were FUBU.
Pope Urban and in the year 1095 beaten a button, a pair of Air
Jordans, pair of timberland boats.
Absolutely love this Pope Urban and Pope Urban.
The second is a Pope. Imagine being the first Pope and
they're like, listen, your name is Gareth.
You just want to be Pope Gareth. He's like, no, call me Pope
Urban 1095, obviously killing it.
Pope Urban the second makes perhaps the most influential
speech of the Middle Ages giving rise to The Crusaders by
calling. I mean, I didn't know they were
playing them, but that is that's a historical club.
He called all Christians in Europe the war against Muslims
in order to reclaim the Holy Land with a cry of Deus vault or
God wills it. I mean, I wouldn't say that's
the most influential speech of the Middle Ages by some guy just
going Deus vault God wells it. I mean Pope Urban probably would
have come with a way fresher styled, maybe had a back and
bait, maybe freestyle, I don't know.
But umm, yeah, I mean Pope Urban sounds like for a lot of
reasons, he's a little bit of a character.
All Christians in Europe, the war against Muslims.
I mean, that's ambitious to be like every single Christian in
Europe and quite a lot of quite a lot.
And probably wouldn't be that effective because a lot of
especially like Presbyterian, like older and Christians like
what like wouldn't, I don't think in a bottle would be like
really getting them. Like I'd say you'd have a lot of
volunteers to make the sandwiches for the soldiers
because they like, they like to do that, you know what I mean?
Like, and that'll be good as well because if you're on the
battlefield in the Middle Ages and you're fighting against the
Muslims, and if you're one of the Christians in Europe,
Hungary, you know, so you're going to have a lot of like the,
in 1095, you know, the Muslim soldiers probably eaten a lot of
mate, they're probably eating a lot of, you know, spices and
things like that. But the the I don't know who won
that war, but I just know that the Christians probably had a
hell of a lot of like egg and watercress sandwiches and tea.
Born Odo of lingerie in 1042. Largely looks like larger and
made me think a larger. And I was like, no wonder he's a
character. Urban was a protege.
The great reformer Pope Gregory the Seventh.
Yeah, Pope Gregory way more of a normal name like Gregory.
He made internal reform his main focus, rallying against simony,
the selling of church offices, and other clerical abuses
prevalent during the Middle Ages.
As but myself, Urban showed himself to be an adept and
powerful cleric, and when he was elected Pope in 1088, he dropped
a fat bait. No it didn't say that.
It says he applied a state craft a weakened in support for his
rivals, notably Clement the third.
I mean Clement the third sounds like a fucking loser.
Clement the third? I would beat Clement the third
in a fight, no questions asked. Clement the third, Oh Clement
the third. Clement the Third sounds like,
sounds like he has a really, really long hooter on him,
really long nose. Clement the third.
I hate Clement the third. There's loads more and not that
I'm not, I'm not really interested in, but I'm more
interested in this as as important new as this news is as
important. In 2005, Aerosmith and 50 Cent
headlined the $10 million bar mitzvah.
What a lineup, what a lineup you know, to go from the raw emotion
of I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall
asleep. That's $0.50, but Bruce Smith
are like my new fucking playing our Best Song and to go from I
don't want to miss a thing that in in the club.
What a day. They took the stage at New York
City's famous Rainbow Room in the early hours of 27th November
2005 as part of a but mitzvah in Long Island.
And Aerosmith reminds me of two things #1 might have said it in
the podcast before. I've been on a roller coaster
with actual Aerosmith. Have I said this?
Yeah. OK.
The full band. Yep.
What happened was I was in Disneyland when I was about 12.
They were opening the The Rock'n'roll roller coaster,
which is like Aerosmith roller coaster.
I don't know if it's still there, but it was close.
So it said it wasn't open and all the things it was like
closed, but then some people were just like dandering into it
and like don't look closed. So they were doing like a soft
opening of it where if you just happened out of curiosity to
walk in, they were doing actual rides.
And then we were like 3 rows back and it was like it should
have been like taken off and everyone was just waiting and
waiting. Like fuck is thinking about
getting off And then all of a sudden Disney people were just
like not like Pluto, like you know, Mickey Motional, like
proper Disney staff were ushering through just Aerosmith
a big deal. No, obviously I only knew them
because big Steve Taylor's mug. You know what I mean?
Like he stands out like a sore thumb.
So they got on the very front and and they play like Aerosmith
music, go to speakers and it was dude looks like a lady as I was
on it. So that was pretty class.
And then and the other reason Aerosmith sticks out to me is
whenever I was about 10 or 11, I said Ben.
I mean you 2 look disgusted that have been Laurie would have the
audacity to be picking up Ben's a ticket in Hollywood.
I mean, when a Ben Laurie comes out in Hollywood, a lot of time
people are just chucking out their old cash.
People just being like 5 point notes.
No, people will be like, I'm not carrying a 5 point note.
You know the neighbour, the neighbours will talk about me,
right? So whenever I was so Aerosmith,
I don't want to miss the thing was obviously like the big song
from the film Armageddon. And I think I was about 10 or 11
when that came out. My mom took me to Yorkgate
Cinema to see it, to see Armageddon and we went to
remember Harry Rammstein's at Yorkgate.
What Harry Rammstein's was class.
They still have Harry Rammstein's in some service
stations, I think in England. And that's a hey, man in the
corner in the darkness over there knows the service stations
in England, AKA the trucker's friend.
But yeah, you go into some of the service stations and they
have like a food court and they always have a Harry Ramson's.
But I think Harry Ramson should have been elevated to just, it
shouldn't just be a food court place.
Like Harry, Ramson's was a brilliant fish and chip set in
restaurant. Yeah, but it sort of keeps a bit
of mystique for it that it's only available when you're on
the motorway. Yeah.
Do you think anybody was ever getting onto the Ring Rd just to
go to hurry? Oh, absolutely.
Yeah. And so I went to see Armageddon,
my mom and whoever else we were with, like my mom briefed me the
whole time. This film is a 12, so you have
to say that your date of birth is 1/9 to the 6th 87 a year,
making you like a year older. So I was like, right, yeah, no
problem. She's like, they probably won't
ask, but 9th the 6th 87. What is it?
9th the 6th 87? Whole way, whole way through
dinner, just to be sure. No, 9th the 6th 87.
Yep. What is it?
9th the 6th 87. We get the orchid.
I'm pausing to see this film because everyone was talking
about it at the time and Ben Affleck was looking bit.
And then we get up to the counter.
My mom's like, Yep, 3-4 tickets for Armageddon.
The guy goes, ah, young man, just to double check, what's
your date of birth? May 9th, the 6th idiot.
And he did some quick maths and he was like, oh, this is a 12.
You're not old enough to see this film.
And I, my mom, like looked, stared at me with complete
daggers. And I went, Oh yeah, mom, what's
my date of birth again? I'm almost like 9 to the 687.
And the guy looked at me like, you've put such effort in the
coming to see this, it's fine. In fact, it probably wasn't like
my mom was probably getting on, like I was going to go to High
Bank Young Offender Centre if I hadn't got this wrong.
I think the guy was like, looking back with hindsight, the
guy's probably like me, I'm 19, I don't give a fuck.
I could not give a fuck right now.
So I think I got to go in and see it.
And in 1942, Jimi Hendrix was born.
One of the best drummers of all time.
I know my music in 1911 White Like why is this the thing white
White House housekeeper frets over William Hard Taft's
waistline 1911 Elizabeth Jaffrey, a White House
housekeeper writes in her diary about her conversation she had
with President William Hard Taft and his wife about the Commander
in Chief's ever expand on waistline.
I mean I could look more into that, but I won't.
I just like the audacity of the housekeeper who's like listen
when you tell your husband he looks like a fat bastard at the
minute that's a present that's a fat man and Colonel George
Custer massacre Cheyenne on the Wichita River.
So I actually know loads about, I actually know loads about
Native Americans and their struggles and battles with the
American government and army. Could you expand on that?
I can expand and say there were, and by the way, this is not on
my screen. You had a lot of big tribes like
the Lakota, the Cheyenne and more.
I mean, that's 2. Yeah, you.
Just read 1 off the screen. Well, basically the reason I
know a lot about it is I listened to a podcast series
about fuck, what was he called? Not little.
Don't be disrespectful. It wasn't little Bigfoot.
I know, I know it wasn't, but it was Crazy Horse.
Crazy Horse because they're always called something like,
you know, Hardney or two years. But Crazy Horse was I listened
to, I listened to a really long history podcast about Crazy
Horse and the Cheyenne and the Lakota and the fact that their
lands were just taken off them and they fought against the
Americans for so long. And it genuinely, if anybody,
there'll be one person be like me, that actually does sound
interesting. I'll send you the link for it.
If you message me and you're like me, I'd be interested in
that. But it was just a period in
history that I found very, very interesting and cannot recall a
lot about. But but one thing that was
interesting I heard about it was this that I can't remember what
the tribe was, but some Native Americans when the Europeans
brought over horses, there was this try.
Oh, this was in Mexico. Like this was like the the
Spanish, what do you call like Spanish invasion of Mexico.
What happened was there were these Mexican guys and everybody
was shitting on them and be like 01 girls, like bullying them and
stuff. And they were less tribe, but
like they were, they were nothing like they were no good.
It's like us in the podcast world, you know what I mean?
Like they're relatively like new.
They're kind of not one of the main ones.
And all the big boys were like, you know, getting them in
headlocks and steal their lunch money and pushing them about.
And then the Spaniards brought over horses and all of a sudden
there was this tribe and they were like, wonder if you maybe
jump on these horses and see what happens.
And they they started getting on the horses and they started
learning how to hunt and fight on horseback.
Fast forward like 100 years, these guys are running the show.
These guys were like, look at, you know, loving it and and, you
know, am IA historian. No, but I found that interest at
the time. In 1940, Bruce Lee was born,
born in San Francisco. Wow, I didn't know.
I didn't know that at all. A freak storm happened in
England, 1703. Boring.
And in 1978, Harvey Milk was murdered.
Look, there was a lot. There was a lot going on.
Clearly, I don't have time to go into the complete history of it,
but I do know that we've got to do a couple of things.
Number one is we've got to put Patreon, which is what?
Party one minute. We're just wrapping up this
first podcast. So do you want to chat?
Is there a chair in there if, for instance, we'll give you
one? No, we're ground.
Yeah. All good.
Yeah, all good. Cheers.
I like your trainers. I like your trainers.
So just to be preview there probably McDonald's going to be
jumping on episode with me shortly.
So we're going to plug Patreon, which is patreon.com/tea with me
podcast. You get the bonus episode every
Monday. Me and Don, we do the live
episode once a month. When when we do in London like 3
weeks, 2 weeks. Yeah, just.
Before Christmas, Just before Christmas.
Also, we need to do some sort of Christmas episode, something
like something that stands out. We need to do something with a
little bit of a little bit of gravitas to it.
And I'm not sure what it will be.
Maybe we by then maybe we will be allowed, maybe we could go to
a different location from one episode.
Just thought maybe we're. Somewhere noisier, maybe.
Somewhere noisier? Yeah, we could go to the to the
Ben Laurie Centre. We could do it from Ben Roy HQ.
The dump. Yeah, that's way better way of
saying it. Yeah, Yeah, I went to the dump
yesterday, right with just card like so I had a big cardboard
box and there's loads of like other card.
But I did all my Christmas shopping.
Basically all the packaging went in it.
So there's like plastic cardboard, all that shit.
And then because I knew it was going to dump fart a few other
random things in it. I go down to the dump fellow
work in there goes or I mean, what have you got?
I said big cardboard box household waste in it.
He goes threw it all into the first one into the blue skip.
No problem. Thanks man travel park.
I'm in a rush by the way. Threw it all in class when you
just throw one big thing into the dump.
Big shot put you right so threw it in.
Get back in my car. Fella walks out of the In fact
he runs out of the office comes up to me window down window down
window down. Yep, thought he went on
autograph. He goes you're not supposed to
put that in there. I said, well your mate told me
to, he's not mine yet. I just felt so bad for the first
guy, then he just walked off. So yeah, patreon.com/tea with me
podcast. You get the bonus episode.
My old standard special from 2019 from the Waterfront is on
it. I will put something new on it
stand up wise as well soon and we'll do a trailer for that and
all that kind of thing. Patreon the column slash Tea
with me podcast. Christopher gets in touch.
If you open your own bar club or comedy club, what would you call
it? Umm, if I have my own comedy
club, Well, I do the she and Todd show on BBC ready Wolster
on TV. We do previously with she and
Todd. This is a team with me podcast
with she and Todd. So if I have my own comedy club,
I would definitely called she and comedy club with she and
Todd or she and Todd comedy club or she and Todd's laugh fight or
the she and Todd crack den or funny man guy cool boy Shinto.
I don't know, but it would have my name in it.
I would love to open a comedy club, but I could I probably
could not be bothered because there would be so much admin
that would go with it in politics and like Dave Elliot to
be like, Oh man, can I have a spot?
And I'd be like, how do I tell this guy he's fucking, you know?
So it'd be difficult, you know, I mean, I'd be like, oh, you can
be a buncher, you know? But how much does Dave look
like? I would love to open the comedy
club, Christopher, but I don't think it would happen.
I would run a night, maybe. I don't know if it was like, if
I felt like after this covert thing, there wasn't enough
comedy happening, maybe I'd be like, I'll just put something
on. I would try and make it happen.
Emma, Max says, would you rather shade a watermelon or Pesha golf
ball? High level content would rather
shade a watermelon or Pesha golf ball.
Oh. You know what it's a real hard
on dancer. Let me get a consensus in the
room first. Watermelon.
Yeah, probably water. So 2 two votes here say
watermelon. I would probably pitch the golf
ball yeah, I'd probably piss the golf ball to be honest.
I don't know, like your ass is kind of a.
Bit more. Flexible.
It's a fucking watermelon. Your ass is a bit more flexible.
Well, I'll take your word for it.
Expandable. You were like that.
Actually, you didn't even break a sweat that I was like shadow
watermelon. You're like, oh, I could shadow
watermelon The mule. You're actually making one of
your trip to Maghaberies today. Mcgavry's like I'm Bora.
You go to Mcgavry's. Jimmy wants me to see this.
Italian singer Adriano Killanado released the song in the 70s
with nonsense lyrics meant to sound like American English,
apparently to prove Italians would like the English song.
It was a hit and resulted in this the greatest video ever
seen. Know what he's saying.
Yeah, Jimmy, I like that video a lot.
Unlike the song, despite not knowing what's happened, Cormac
Menahen says. What's your favourite condiment?
Oh, it really, really depends on the situation.
I'm going to, I'm going to say red sauce because that's what I
would have mostly. But I mean, if you give me a
rack of ribs, I'm putting BBQ sauce on them.
You give me a bowl of Stew and fire and brown sauce in it.
It really, really depend. In fact, I put brown sauce in
vegetable soup. Just a little bit of brown sauce
and vegetable soup flavour that water up and I actually got in
see Asda Asda in there. We double packs of avocado.
We're doing wee tiny, we tiny sachets of green Tabasco.
So you'd open your avocado and you'd be like, what the fuck
says there's been a mistake? And then we Tabasco was like,
hello, Mr hello. You didn't buy me, but I'm here
and I'm like, get into my bowl, big man.
So I like that, but I go red sauce and Heriti.
If the milk we drink come came from dogs instead of college, do
you think people would happily still drink lots of milk?
And have you any experience milking dogs?
No to both. No to both.
To think people would still be happy to drink it.
Well, if that's all we had ever drank, yes.
If all of a sudden you were like, listen, this came from a
German Shepherd. Probably not.
Eamon sends me his. Eamon sends me his collection of
football tops. He says my collection thus far,
not hugely impressive, but I'll continue to add to it and grow
it. No, that is good.
I actually like pretty much every top I see there.
I like the way you've laid them out.
Eh, that Republic top is an absolute smasher.
The white one with air comb on it, which reminds me of that
World Cup and eh how Goodman was when when I went out did I don't
go in penalties at World Cup. Remember the air code, the green
air com Robbie Keynes, the player I think of whenever I say
I love that shirt. But no, I like I like our
collection like Germany tops a builder too.
Dave Shaw who would win in an Irish league?
Managers. Royal Rumble big Debbie Jeffrey
has to be the favourite 100%. Without DJ would Stephen Baxter
would would probably a fact boxer probably for the cardio
eh? I think from the boxer and DJ
Baxter would probably take it or the party party eh?
You call Cliftonville manager him, I think he'd be good too.
Callum Beckett, would you rather have no potatoes or Turkey with
your Christmas dinner? No potatoes or no Turkey.
I was going to quickly be like, obviously no Turkey, but I go no
Turkey. In fact, in fact, the last time
we recorded a podcast, I just had Turkey by itself.
So I go no potatoes because I like, I like Turkey.
As the boy saw, Eamonn said in an earlier tweet.
I believe you're a retro football shirt collector.
What's your best shirt? My favourite shirt that I have
is don't even know if I have one that really, really stands out.
Pro man and I did 95 shirt, black collar, red shirt, sharp.
Everybody had it. It had like Old Trafford on it.
And I have 7 Countena on one of the like an original shirt of
that. I love that and I wear it very,
very rarely because I love it so much.
Eh Liam Reynolds always, it's always who'd win the fight?
Liam Reynolds Who'd win the boxing match?
Two time European champions Chuck, Two time European Cup
winner Martin O'Neill or Christine Lamport and Mary
McAleese as A tag team? Martin O'Neill 100% Matthew.
If you were to play upfront for any team in the Premier League
at your current level of football and pro, yes, played
every minute of every game, how many goals would you get in the
season 7? We've had this before and I
disagree with. You do you know what I think at
score 7 purely for gambling on the keeper, Every free kick that
was taken, every shot, I would just follow it up.
Like remember Paul Dekov played for Lester, he was brutal and
all he did we Scottish striker, he used to just follow up every
time. So I think it score seven, yeah,
maybe 6-6 goals. I score six goals in a Premier
League season and a lot of people are like the strikers
bought for like 15,000,000 that score less than that.
Exactly. Seb is a hot dog sandwich wise
up. I don't know.
It's a good question and it's a hot dog sandwich.
No, it's not a traditional salmon.
You know that it's not. You know it's not when you've
asked that, but you know, there'll be technicality.
We were like, well, I guess probably technically it might be
I'm going to blast through these.
Oren Kane says easy views. Thank me later.
So this is for a video. I'll do it on the next record
and because we're doing episode with party and I'll enjoy this
video and it's entirely Connor McCrory.
Why is your right eye? Why is the right eye on your
sunglasses much darker than your left?
Just personal preference. I like customise machines and
mix it up a bit. Umm, now I don't.
And the other thing is I put that video up asking for
questions and said there might be women's glasses.
I don't know where I got those glasses.
I just have them and they look like they could have been my
grannies and just out of the Second World War.
Well, Willie Palmer, what's happening, Broar?
I'm moving to Bergen, Bergen, Bergen in Norway in the new
year. If I scope at the comedy clubs,
find a decent one and try and get you a hookup, would you do a
gig there? I'd even go halves in your
flight over just to the banter. Cheers marker.
And no, I wouldn't like to be in your debt like that because then
you would be like, after the gig, you might be like, let's
admit, you have to come to my house and you have to come to my
house and watch every Royal Rumble in history with me before
you can leave. So I would fly over myself.
But it will if you can get me a gig. 100%, bro.
I'll be in Norway with you doing some stand up.
We can have a nice time. Find some Norwegian gluten free
traits. Yeah, I would.
I would. But I like that you're, like,
moving over and already you think you could get connections
at a comedy club? Enough connections to book
someone to come over for a show. I like it.
I'm on board. Thanks for that, Dean.
Carol. Eh, You look like Johnny Bravo.
You've got Buff and turned into Bravo.
And yeah, I guess I have. Not really a joke there.
Not really a question, just an acknowledgement of the mass.
Yeah, I yeah, yeah, Yeah. I did look a bit like Johnny
Bravo, to be fair. Yeah, I'm.
I'm a young. I'm the young Johnny Bravo.
All right, Let's call this episode John.
Johnny Bravo. Last question, Matthew Merlin,
What's the best or worst bits of Christmas dinner?
Worst bit is cranberry. Best bet is Turkey skin.
Brian Ross, what's the worst thing to happen in 2020?
He sent me a picture of Julian Simmons and Gillian Porter have
left UTVI. Mean that has kind of ruined my
year. But the worst thing that
happened this year is, I think, is the fact that we still
haven't got a Netflix special about Pope Urban because that's
what I would really like to see. We've got some more questions,
but I'm going to roll those over for our next record.
Thanks to everyone who asked one.
I just didn't get around to it, but we will do it, I promise.
But the recording episode, Paddy McDonnell, we're keeping the
episodes going Wednesday and Wednesday and Friday, YouTube,
all the podcast platforms. Tell your mates, read, subscribe
it, live life, love, tattoo yourself with tea with me, all
that kind of stuff. michaelfoster.tv.
Ready to film your Bar Mitzvah with Aerosmith and 50 Cent Dan?
Ready to come to your house, sit in the shadows and just record
audio of you just living your life.
It's a good time. Separate SSE tickets on
Ticketmaster for Chancellor on the 6th of November.
Cheers. Good night.
Good luck. Take it easy.