I'm Michael Che and I'm Colin Jose, and we've got a little
secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little like how we're hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock.
Exactly how it's called New York After dark.
And it's a comedy show that only features drop in comic boom, you
nail into Michael Chase phone numbers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, New York After Dark.
It's some kind of comedy thing, and it's streaming now only on
Peacock. You love it.
Zipper, welcome to this episode of the Tea with Me podcast with
me, she and Todd. If you're watching the video
version of the podcast, you'll know that I just held up my tea
with me, she and Todd mug. And if you're listening to the
audio version, you go, why did you take so long in between
saying welcome to the Teeth Me podcast for she and Todd, it's a
good day. It's a Wednesday episode of the
podcast. We're feeling nice, feeling
really nice. I just came up to the studio.
I didn't even tell Big Mike this because probably not worth
telling the story twice. It's not even really a story.
It just happened as I was coming up to the studio.
There was an American lady standing getting shelter from
the rain and and she said, can you tell me where what she said
in her American accent? Can you tell me what part
drivers me? And I said, yeah, I can.
It's up there to the left. And then just keep going.
No, up there to the right and keep going.
And. And she goes, OK, thanks.
She goes. And is Hollywood a good place to
live? And I said with a tear in my
eye, I said, it's the best place in the world, you know, and I, I
broke down like I started hysterically crying.
Maybe because of COVID, a delayed reaction to this
pandemic, maybe I'm having a breakdown, but I just fell to my
knees and just started slopping into the concrete pavement.
And, and she was like, do you need help?
And I was like, it's just, it's the best time.
It's the best time and, and it's a good time.
But she did ask me, is it a good time?
I said, it's the best time in the world.
And I realised when I said that I sounded like such a child.
Yeah, best time in the world, a real time.
Stupid. But maybe I made that woman move
to Hollywood. And if I had, then it's a good
time. Because the more we don't really
have, like they're definitely our international residents in
Hollywood. But I'd like to see more, you
know what I mean? I'd definitely like to see more,
you know. But it is, it is the best time.
That's where we're coming live from Hollywood.
And it's the Wednesday Tea with me episode and it's all good and
we have a sponsor before we get into this podcast, Man Skipped.
Man skipped have been a sponsor of Tea With me since Pussy was a
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And Manscape will probably watch this and go like, you know, that
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But that is just the way it is. Manscape.
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But I just mean you. I just mean you will have less
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Manscape.com team with me and I think that covers it pretty
well. Cyprus, it's a good time.
We're in Hollywood, We're doing the episode, got a lot of things
I want to talk to you about. The first thing I want to talk
to you about is I want to thank people for watching the TV show
previously with Shane Todd. Everything I do is just with
Shane Todd. Tea with me, with Shane Todd,
previously with Shane Todd. What else?
Youth hostel and machine Todd It's it's a good time, but the
TV show went on really well. There's nothing nothing fills
you more with a like oh boy, than when you have something
going on local TV and you check Twitter because there will
definitely be virgin nerd guys ready to go shite.
And you look at the profile and it's the Man United badge, you
know, And it's a guy. And his name is like a
footballer's name. You know what I mean?
His name's Phil, but his Twitter username is Phil Ryan Giggs Paul
Schools. His name's Phil Ryan Giggs Paul
Schools, Glory, Glory Man United.
That's his handle. And he just write shite.
And then you go, oh, maybe I value his opinion.
And then you go on this printer Twitter profile or put it, well,
I would get a lot of my SO, I do a lot of my social media on
printer. But you can also look at his
Twitter and he's like, you know, he's tweeted about in the last
hour. He's tweeted about my TV show.
He said that there was too many. And I quote darks in Northern
Ireland. And then he's also entered a
competition for, you know, maybe Blue Chicago or giving away
like, you know, chicken burger. So it's not exactly Mark remote,
you know, the the respected film critic.
But but the feedback to it was really good.
You know that's a victory when people here tell you that
something isn't shite, you know, you'll always take that like
people who you know and love go on.
I watch the show and see, to be honest, not shite.
I enjoyed it and you're thank you, thank you very like that is
the highest praise possible in Northern Ireland when someone
tells you something essent shite because what they mean is they
fully expected it to be shite and they're surprised that it
wasn't. And you got to you got to take
those wins. So like BBC, we're happy with
it. I even though I mean, it was on
the 10:45 so I was fighting it to stay awake.
And then when I came on, of course I was like, yeah, that's
brilliant because I love to watch myself.
And. And it was, it was good.
Mike, did you watch it? You haven't seen it yet.
Wow, thought you were my friend. OK.
And you've actually been off last couple of days.
Well, basically from today. Yeah, from today, Bora and
previously Bora and previously Machine told to watch.
I mean, they have both being they're both will have been
watched by the same amount of people, essentially.
Oscar talk OO talk. Yeah.
But it's just because the cameraman previously was called
Oscar. That's what that is.
Yeah. I've got to talk about the Poro
movie in a second, but then. But yeah, no, honestly, cheers
to everyone to watch it. It's a, it was, it was great
that people enjoyed it because even though you do something and
you think it's good, you never know if people are really going
to enjoy it. I think I remember doing a, an
experiment in school, like as part of a school subject, not
an, I wasn't experimenting in school like, you know, snogging
guys, but this was a thing that we had to do in primary school
in P7. And what we had to do is make an
instrument out of household items.
And I crafted this thing that I honestly thought was going to
blow people away. And it was a Tupperware We
Tupperware box with the lid off. And I put 5 elastic bands around
it and took it in. And then everyone said what is
it? And I said guitar.
And then I what was a song name me a song in like 1998, late 90s
with a bit of a but a bit of rock like a better baby bird
girl. What be a gorgeous That's the
best shot of all time. Also, that's one of the best
songs ever because you're gorgeous.
I'd do anything for you. Music back there like I think
music now ship music back there was so bad.
Baby bird, you're gorgeous. What?
What about in that song when he's like, I made this up where
he goes? You told me to hitch my knees up
high and pulled my legs apart as you to get fucked.
You told me to give birth even though I'm a man because you're
gorgeous. The fuck was baby bird?
Baby bird, you're gorgeous. You know what else is a really
good? It was a really good song from
that time and used to like, I used to really, really vibe out
to it was Tony Rich Project Nights are lonely.
The days are so sad. I just keep thinking about the
love that we had. Now I'm missing you and nobody
knows it but me. No, Tony, everybody knows
because you're singing the most depressing song of all time.
Baby Bird is a music project centred around songwriter and
multi instrumentalist Stephen Jones, who's been releasing
music since 1995. Yeah, he's still going.
Fair, fair playdion. You're gorgeous.
God, that was a hold on. Let me see if I can.
When was the last Baby Bird concert?
Baby Bird live. Baby Bird live.
Anyway, I brought in this this Tupperware with here he was
still touring and he did the O2 in Manchester in 2019 as baby
bird. Yeah, people still really loving
baby bird. That is a big as you're
gorgeous. That would you get if you're
baby bird for 20 years because you're gorgeous.
That that era also reminds me of the blue something breakfast at
Tiffany's, because that was that was the most radio friendly song
ever. And and I remember going to a
car showroom whenever I was about 10, not by myself, some
sort of Sultan chat. And I remember going like with,
I don't know, my mom or my dad, the like a cars and I got into a
Fiat that was open and I turned the radio on and it was deeply
something Breakfast at Tiffany's and wasn't playing that loud.
And then I just got out of the car and didn't turn the radio
off. And that still haunts me to this
day that I met around the battery down in that car.
But anyway, I took this Tupperware box.
I took this Tupperware box in P7.
I was in a group of like 4 people and I said like, don't
worry, I can craft an instrument.
Like I was like, I'm Fender himself and I brought in
somewhere box 5 elastic bands around it and I remember saying
it can play any song and someone I took a request and somebody
was like, baby bird, you're gorgeous for Toxic.
And I said, oh, and thank you, Sir, I appreciate it.
I said OK. And I remember plucking the
elastic bands along, but I was just, I was like, bump, bump,
bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump.
It didn't sign anything like the song, but I thought I could play
any song on it. And I remember the teacher being
like, yeah, though that's just quite disappointing.
And I remember everyone in my group being like, you fucked
this here, like, because if we hadn't known this is what you're
going to bring in, we would have done something.
And then I remember this guy called Matthew Timely, who is
real name, who was in my class. You may well listen to the
podcast. I haven't seen him since P7.
I remember he turned around me and went, can I keep it?
I was like, oh, you villainous monster, really want to take it
home. It's not a good thought.
Like it's not an instrument. And he's like, oh, I just really
was hoping no, you can make it yourself.
That's such a that's such a primary school thing to do is
like here, can I have that? Like you have no concept of
entitlement. Same year, P7.
I remember the school was how I went to shout out Strand Time
primary school, which was the best primary school ever.
And my mom recently told me it's the biggest primary school in
Northern Ireland. I think she might have made that
up, but I remember there was like a seal for Africa or
something. And in the assembly hall people
like moms and stuff were moms and grannies and all were
selling themselves. They weren't.
They were selling like 10 foods and the baked stuff.
And I remember there was a chocolate fudge cake and me and
Andrew Brown. Andrew Brown, you may remember
being the boy that I hit with baseball bat when he came for a
sleepover at my house and and he had to go home and never talk to
me again. But that's just the way that
happened. But then I remember there was a
chocolate fudge cake and it was being sold.
I still remember this for 1.25 and me and him I did up that day
and he lived closer to the school than I did.
But I remember we both sprinted home to get money to run back to
the school and buy this chocolate cake.
And then I think about five years later, I realised I could
have just got it at the shop, but I needed that one.
Like that was the one and he and he got it.
And listen, I don't bear any, any grudge.
But weeks later from that I did go and hit him with a baseball
bat. So make it out what you will.
I don't know what I was talking about there, but I just know
that it's it's good to be out. It's good to be in the podcast.
We're being very socially distance here.
Big mics over there with the mask on.
Now, to be fair, it's not a like COVID mask.
It's not a it's not that kind. It's more of the rubber variety.
But he's wearing it. He likes it.
He's got a big fun. I don't know what he uses it
for. Maybe Wales or I don't know, but
or like deep sea dives because if I can describe you as my it's
a rubber. He's got a rubber mask on and,
and he has like a big funnel, like the at the front of it,
he's got like rubber mask, a big tube, a big tube.
Also, where both of his eye holes are, there's two little
like doors and there's 2 doors and they say insert here and
then and then yeah, he just has this big funnel and then and it
says it says on it. I don't know what this means
attached to bomb. I don't know what that means.
But he says it's keeping them fit and healthy.
And he says if any guests eventually are able to come here
in the next couple of weeks, they can provide them with 1.
So that's that's good. Imagine just going to central
and the full game mask. Hey guys, can't be too careful.
Oh, it's fun. It's a lot of fun.
So yeah, thank you to everyone who watched the the TV show.
Appreciate it. We've got two more episodes,
which is good because most stuff I've done before has been like a
we one off, you know, I'm like a thief in the night.
I arrive and then I'm gone as quick as it came.
And and but this there's more episodes, which is good.
And it's on the iPlayer and I think people like it because
we're like looking back at ourselves.
Why don't we like looking back at ourselves?
Oh, what were we like? Well, of looking back at the
Troubles, we call what were we, what were we like?
We're like looking back at the pain, on the misery and going,
oh, it was also having an unhappy sense.
Oh, do you remember? Do you remember when there was 9
editions of the Belfast Telegraph every day purely
because they had to keep up with the horrific things that were
happening? Good times.
But yeah, it was good. Also, there was no live audience
like there used to be with the pilot episode.
So we had to do a bit different. That's what I was worried about.
That was my main worry, that people would have seen the pilot
where it's almost like a comedy club audience.
And then they look at this and they're like, but it's just you
in a big studio. But I don't think it felt like
that because the pace of it was good and it was well edited.
It was well edited. So thanks for watching that.
And then I just want to quickly mention I'm not going to do any
spoilers. The Borat movie.
My cousin seen it. The Borat.
I was so worried about the Borat movie because I loved the first
one. Like we start when the first one
come out. 15 Well, ten years ago more, yeah, say 15 years
roughly. And I was just so desperate that
this one would be even half as funny.
I was like, please don't let this be shit.
Please don't let it be shit. And it takes a wee why I don't
think it's like as gag heavy as the first one, So there's not as
many like quotable bits. But I think like any good like
character like Steve Coogan does with Alan Partridge, you like
evolve the character almost. And it's not you're not watching
because if you watch this, how many things do you watch at each
badly because people it's just the same thing.
But so much time has gone past and the world has changed.
That's why I love Alan Partridge, because when he when
Steve Coogan brought him back for the AP film and them and for
stuff that he's done more recently for Sky, the character
dresses differently. His delivery is different, even
the Reitman stuff. And I think there's less laughs
in the second board, but the big laughs that there are are bigger
than the first one. Like there's just a couple of
moments. Again, without, I swear I won't
spoil anything. The debutant ball, the scene
where they go to like a ball and there's an there's like an
abortion scene where what not Yeah, they're not Yeah, people
are like people switching off in their droves.
No, it's a scene where they go to a Christian clinic that
promotes you not having an abortion, basically.
And that is very, very funny. But I I just.
I think like, even though, because when I watched the, the
Rudolph Giuliani clip, you know, wrote, Giuliani used to be the
mayor of New York. He was married during 9/11.
Very, very, very famous politics.
I think he's Donald Trump's lawyer.
He's like Trump's right hand mom basically.
And he got into that compromising position in the
hotel and there, you know, where it looks like he put his hand on
his trousers and then everyone's like, no, he's just on talking
his shirt. No, he was on talking his cock
is what he was on talking, I think.
But then I, I watched that clip and I thought all that's what
the film is going to be. It's it's it's going to be just
these like stunts, you know, it's going to be that kind of
thing. But it's not at all like that
wasn't even one of the 10 funniest bits of the film.
Really, really, really good. I loved it.
I don't think people are going to enjoy watching it, but but
the thing as well is like I was chatting to comedian friends
about it and can remember who said to me they're like, it's
almost like sad how good it is because no one's getting like,
no one's really able to make stuff at the minute.
And you just watch that and go, that's just hilarious stuff, you
know? But I loved that.
I thought it was so good and also I've been watching
DuckTales. I got Disney Plus and Disney
plus sponsored the podcast. You you can watch anything
basically Disney have ever made. And I never watched DuckTales at
the time. I don't know why I wrote off
DuckTales and now I'm like, I just watch DuckTales all the
time and I say I'm watching them with the baby, but the baby's
three months. The baby doesn't know what is on
TV. He just sees colours on
television. But I say I'm like, oh, me and
him just watching DuckTales, but he's not watching DuckTales.
He watch anything. The only thing he likes is 4 in
a bed and Channel 4 like rating B&B's that's he likes that a
lot. But everything else is just like
white noise to him. But ducktail.
Did you watch ducktails when you're younger?
Scrooge Mcduck So good. I think the one on Disney plus
is like a new version of it. But but they, it still looks
like the classic episodes, which I like because you know, I
remember watching a cartoon channel recently and it was all
like, it's like, it freaked me out because it was so like well
animated to the point where it nearly looked realistic.
And I'm like, just give me the old cartoon style.
Top Cat was my favourite cartoon.
Top Cat was so good. And then they remember they made
the film, but they, they made like a top cat film, but like 2
years ago or maybe a bit more. And instead of making it in like
California through one of the big studios, like some Mexican
company made it. It's apparently like the worst,
the worst, like cartoon film of all time.
But I know I haven't seen it before.
We do listeners questions. One thing I want to do is and
also by the way, let me announce that we have a new sponsor
during the Friday episodes. And listen, we've got manscaped
on a Wednesday. We've got a new sponsor on a
Friday and a lot of podcasts will go.
Let's just talk about them on the Friday episode because
that's the one they're sponsoring.
But on the tea with me podcast, when you sponsor the tea with Me
podcast, you just become part of the you just you're just in the
pub. You're in the pub and Dub dub
sweets WWW suites are sponsoring the Friday episode of the
podcast and they send us loads of class sweets candy, you know,
and I think on the Friday episode I could see us having
some sweets like I could definitely see us having some
sweets. So they're sponsoring the
podcast and and that's great because I was actually I think I
said this on a Patreon episode recently or maybe the actual
episode where I was saying like maybe we just go down to 1
episode a week now and then maybe do 2 for Patreon.
And then I said this to producer Dan.
I was like maybe do 1 episode a week publicly now in two Patreon
episodes And he he drove around to my house and like open hand
hit my nose, you know like you would do with the dog.
And then he put a collar on me in a leash and he took me for a
walk. And on that walk he said if you
ever say that again I will hurt you.
And that no he didn't. He just basically said the the
lesson of figures for this are so high compared to what they
started out and they get bigger all the time.
So we're just, I think we just maybe are going to keep doing 2
episodes week. I'm not too sure but but that So
what I'm saying is thanks. And if you ever want to sponsor
an episode, teawithmepodcast@gmail.com.
Before I go into this thing that I want to do, which I think will
be a little bit of fun, let me plug the Patreon, which is
patreon.com/tea with Me podcast on the.
Let me just double check that it is that because sometimes I say
the wrong one. But on the Patreon you get a
bonus episode that me and Don do every week.
Yet my stand up special from last year, you get the live
episode. Yeah, tears me patreon.com/TV
with me podcast. You get the live episode that we
did with me, Dave, Kieran Bartlett, and then all the
sippers were just getting involved as well, which was a
lot of fun and we are committing to doing one of those a month
now for Patreon. So with Patreon, you're
supporting the podcast, but what you're doing is just like buying
more content that hopefully you already enjoy.
So let's do this thing, which is an article that caught my eye
recently. It's the Northern Ireland bucket
list, the 25 best things to do in Northern Ireland.
Now, I don't know if these will definitely be the 25 best things
to do, but let's just go through it and see what people are
saying #25 a Game of Thrones tour.
Yeah, Northern Ireland is the home of Game of Thrones.
Several tour companies explore all the major filming locations.
Notable highlights include Winterfell castle, The Cave
where Melisandre gives birth to a dark spirit, Renly's camp in
the Stormland and the Iron Islands beach.
Yeah, I don't think I would like to do a Game of Thrones tour for
the purpose that for the reason that I think there would be too
many enthusiastic people doing it.
Do you know what I mean? Like people who are just like, I
would do it if it was just me and like all my friends that
like Game of Thrones, like you like Game of Thrones, Mike, I
like Game of Thrones. I think we would enjoy that.
But at the same time, I don't want to be on a bus and look
around and have two people beside me from, I don't know,
Russia or Congo that are fully done up in the in the Dothraki
gear because I wouldn't like that.
I'd laugh at that at first, but then I'm like, oh, we're also on
a four hour journey with these people.
You know, I don't want to turn around and see two people
dressed up as Lannister soldiers.
They're just sitting there with a packed lunch on their knee.
You know, that's not the vibe I want, but I don't know.
I mean, you got I think the big tour companies that do this
would be a lot of fun. But then I think there would
also be some Cowboys doing like, you know, on the sly Game of
Thrones tourists just trying to hook in tourists.
But it's boys who have never seen Game of Thrones.
You know, guys on guys on like an old mini bus window MOT
taking a bunch of taking a bunch of Japanese people being like
this is this is where all the Dragons and all this like, yeah,
same things that aren't in Game of Thrones.
Like yes, mate, all the big, all the big, all the big demon
horses and all mate lay run around here and this is where
this is where you know, just like names wrong.
This is where Johnstone. This is where Johnstone got shot
made. What guys taking you down to the
docks and being like this is where Jon Snow got kneecapped.
I don't know if he did get kneecap guys just taking you
right, yes mate, this is where they filmed the majority of Game
of Thrones. Is it because this is the car
park at KFC Butcher? Don't know if this is where they
film the majority of Game of Thrones.
Just complete Cowboys who just do like just a lap of a lap of
where they live just because they can't be fucked taking it
too far. So they just they just take you
around city centre pointing out things.
Yeah, made sure this is where the Red Wedding was.
That looks like now those on the Dublin Rd.
Yes, mate, that's where the film that I don't know #24 Saint
George's Market. Saint George's Market is very
good because you can think Aaron Butler was talking about this in
the podcast a couple of months ago.
St. George's Market, you can kind of
get so many quirky things, like it's the only place in the world
within a 10 foot radius you can get.
It's the only place you can get, you know, prescudio ham on a
caricature of your DA2 stalls beside each other.
You know, you can get you can get artisan fudge and a tshirt
that says northern iron. By the way, I know this is sly,
right? I know this is sly to say, but I
hate slogan things up from here. Like you know, you ever you ever
like be in a shop and there's like a 50 year old da at the
tail beside you and he's got a tshirt on that says that's us
now. And you clock it and he looks at
it and he goes look at that. And they're like, no, I don't
like that people slogan T-shirts are the worst.
But then again, I'm a hypocrite because when I was 14 I bought a
T-shirt from Top Man that said it's my duty to please that
booty. And let me tell you, at 14 I was
pleasing 0 buddies. It was false advertising.
Mike, do you remember the time we went to a guy from Tax House
for like, you know, a night of drinking and Donna good day and
I wore a tea. So I had a big jacket on because
it was winter underneath it. I had a teacher and I was like
what, 16? I had AI had a T-shirt on.
That's it. Porn star wanted inquire within
it was a silhouette woman with big set of tits, but you could
see the nipples. And I misjudged the thing
because when he said come around for drinks, I thought I was just
going to be us young people there everyone will love this
T-shirt. And turned out it was a family
party. And I walked out with that
T-shirt on of like the kitchen into the living room wherever it
was. And he stopped me and he was
like can you not wear that in front of my family?
And I said is it bad? And he's like, it's this porn
star wanted inquire within and it's a it's a busty woman with
her boobs out. But we all make mistakes.
It's one of those ones. Like I didn't even know until
someone pointed out to me that that was bad.
And I've slagged slogan T-shirts and I was running with a dirty
T-shirt. I said you look like I need a
drink and like we army man sent to the pub to the pub.
If fine, please return to the pub.
I think I did a better stand up whenever I was like 20 that
never went anywhere or never was funny.
Where like all my material when I was that age, which is I used
to do a bit about archaeologists digging up people our age in
like 1000 years and getting clues about, you know, us as
people buy our T-shirts. So you'd have archaeologists dig
one of us up and look at our T-shirt and be like, we're fine.
This man, we must return him to the pub or like dig up this man
and be like, we can tell there's profession by his clothes was a
female boob inspector. You know, what would that have
entailed? FBI.
Do you know, I remember whenever we went to tech there was a
popular T-shirt loads of people had, which was I'm a bomb
disposal expert. If you see me coming wrong, like
the worst, like, like back then, like no one had personnel, none
of us had personalities. So you relied on your T-shirt
being funny and doing the work for you.
You just pointed at your T-shirt.
None of us had personalities. No #23 Clive's climb sleeve
Binion. Clive sleeve Binion.
It's ATV detected from Leeds. Clive sleeve binion.
Hello Detective Clive, Slave Binion, the most beautiful peak
in Northern Ireland. So I think Slave Binion is the
one besides Sleeve Donard. And I think it's on this list
because some people get to the wall, the wall when they're
going up Sleeve Donner where you get.
So if you go from Donner Park, you get up the Sleeve Donner,
which if you don't know if you're an international zipper,
Sleeve Donner is the biggest peak in Northern Ireland.
So you go up sleeved onward, you've got 2 sleeved onward.
You have this big Stonewall and you can go left up the sleeved
onward, which is the highest, or you can go right the sleeve
binion I think, which is not as high, but it's still pretty
high. And I think this is on this list
because a lot of people go, that one looks actually even nicer,
but it's just because you're fucked and you can't make it.
Like Stephen Nolan went one day age memory documented this on
Twitter. Nolan was like, you know what,
I'm going up sleeve Donner and he documented the whole thing.
I think he was supposed to be on radio at like 10:00 that night.
And he set up going up sleeve Donner at like 1, having never
gone up a mountain before. And he posted a thing about he
was struggling on his way up. And eventually he posted this
picture at like 6:00 of him with like his hands up in the air
victory. He's like, I did it.
I did it. And there's a picture of him at
the wall at the bottom of the peaks.
And everyone's like, no, you didn't like you have to go, you
have to go up to the peak, like don't go, don't go that far and
then not make it the rest of the way.
And a spoiler alert. I'm pretty sure that he had to
phone the the mountain rest. No, no, no, I don't think I had
to phone the mountain rescue, but I think he I think he missed
his radio show that night or there was something where like
there was some major drama or like it was dark when he was
going down or whatever. And I would have liked to.
I mean, I would definitely go rambling with Nolan.
Not a problem if he if he wants to go up Steve Donard.
I like going up Donner to people who haven't done it because not
that bad. But like the view on a clear
day, the view from the top is smashing.
Mike, you're going to Steve Donner.
I wouldn't have thought you'd been up.
I just think you. I don't think you're a
mountaineering guy. The hotel at the bottom.
You've been to the hotel at the bottom.
All right. What's that guy called?
Ran all fines. I've been to the hotel.
What? Bear grills.
Bear grills? Yeah, yeah.
Remember, Bear Grylls did like a world tour of the deadliest
places on earth. And he went to, like, the
Amazon. He went to, like, the Rockies.
And then he did an episode in Donegal and he pretended that he
was stuck in a bog in one episode.
And in the background, there's just like guys just walking
about. There's just like fellas in the
background smoking a pipe. And he's like, I am deserted in
the middle of nowhere. And you're like, are you?
Because I can see, I can see a cost cutter.
I'm quarter of a mile in the distance behind you.
So Clive sleeve Binion, I think, look, if you've done Donnard do
Binion, Clive, I'm Clive sleeve Binion and you're necked.
And I would say if you've done sleeve Donnard do sleep Binion.
But there's another one. Krub.
Krub, I know what it's called. I know he's the UFC fighter.
And no, I think Krubib is that. Is that UFC fighter for Conor
McGregor and Steve Krubib, is that it?
Group Sleep group? Maybe it is.
Yeah. I won't do that one. 7 #22 the
dairy walls. Dairy.
Yeah, but if you're there, you know what I mean.
I don't think dairy walls are worth a trip to Derry to see the
walls unless you're 68. I think if you're there,
definitely take a nice walk around the walls.
Look at the cannons. If you have an old cannonball,
stick it in. Might be a bit of fun.
Yeah, Derry walls are fine #21 the SSE Arena, Belfast to catch
a Giants game. I mean, this is, this is a
bucket list thing, so I don't know if I think you'll have a
good time for sure. I've been the Giants game.
It's enjoyable to see a sport I don't know a lot about and used
to get fellas taking the head off each other, but I don't know
if it's something you need to see before you.
I don't know if I would ever be on my deathbed if I hadn't been
to see a Giants game. I don't know if I would ever be
in hopefully decades and decades time surrounded by my family.
I don't know if I would say come closer.
I have one regret and they go, what is it, grand?
What's your regret? Your hair on your TV show?
And I go, no, fuck you. And I would say I never saw a
Giants game. You know, I don't know if that
would be a big one. But yeah.
And I think that's list is lazy because #20 is Kingspan Stadium
for an Ulster rugby game. I mean, again, these are good
things, but they're not things you need to do before you die.
And #19 is Carrickfergus Castle, and again, that's one of those
ones. Like in this picture, it looks
beautiful. But now do you know what castles
are fun? I'd like to do an episode.
Can we do an episode of this from a castle?
Shane's castle? Can we do an episode in Shane's
castle? Does anyone listening have
contacts in Shane's castle in Antrim?
And can we go and do an episode in Shane's castle?
I'd really like that. Zippers.
Please get on and make that happen.
I'd appreciate it. Also American Folk Park.
So I stuff like that is a really good day to think, but I don't
like things like that on the folk and transport Museum that
have people, actors acting as people from that time because I
don't like that because that's because you're not, you know.
And I get the kids and all like that and it's maybe fun.
But at the same time, I don't like walking in the OE Thatch
cottage in the Ulster American Folk Park and then some woman
sitting by a fire with a big bonnet tied around her head and
she's sewing and she's like, you know, I, you know, it's just
like my children live in this, you know, eight of us live in
this house, you know, and I turn butter during the day and I'm
like, well, I saw you drive here in the sun Micro.
I saw you in the car park. I saw you in the car park
playing crazy birds on your phone.
And also, and also, you know, there's a cafe near croissant
down beside you on a hot chocolate.
So you're not from this time. And don't do that because it's
weird. It's weird.
What you should say is I am like someone who would be from that
time. Don't say you're from that time
because I I don't like it. I know somebody and that
somebody is me who went to the Austin American Foot Park before
and didn't realise that there was the other half of it.
When you go in the boat and make it to the New World, what do you
mean you didn't know there's another half to it.
You know where you like go through the boat and you make it
the American. Yeah, Yeah.
Only that only saw all the treachery and the family.
Also, you never got to see the. Yeah, because you get over to
America and it's Clay, you know, everyone's class, everyone's
something. Good time.
Discovered that. Yeah.
Oh, wow. Yeah.
It's weird. You spend a lot of time in the
Austin American Folk park #17 go to the Northwest 200.
And I've been to the Northwest 200 many times because my dad
was a motorbike racer and he took me to a lot of races.
And you know, anything it's definitely good to go to for
sure. But more I'd say for the social
side of it. You know, people go to the
races, they have a drink. Actually, probably the best bet
is walking around the pets. The pets is, is where like all
the teams are set up where all the bikes are being worked on
and all the riders are walking about.
And that is actually class because you see like the big
teams like, you know, Kawasaki or Honda or whoever who have
like all top of the range. You know, technology, they've
got about four bikes sitting there.
They've like even things like there may be sponsored by an
energy drinks company. So you've got like these big
fridges. And then the more you walk out
to the fringes of the pits, you just see guys who are like, you
know, doing their, their, their own mechanics or they're just
working out of a small van and it's just them and like a friend
or an uncle or or whatever. That's always really interesting
to see, to be like, you know, there's boys racing here at the
speeds that are literally just doing it all themselves, you
know? But the actual racing, it's hard
because if you sit say like in a grandstand and watch it, I don't
know, I just find that like everyone goes past you in the
flick of a switch. So you're not really getting
the. I like to like continuously
watch sport, like a game of football or whatever because I
like to always have something happen.
And whereas with Rd racing and people will be like, fuck,
you're absolutely wrong with this road racing, it's like you
get to see such an intense flash of sport for a split second, but
then you've got to wait like a couple of minutes for it to
happen again. And I know some people a lot
like my dad, love it. But the best, the best thing I
did when I went to watch racing, I don't know if it was
northwest, might have been the Ulster Grand Prix was we almost
like stood in this ditch with loads of people and you're head
is like at eye level with the road and their narrow country
roads and the bikes go literally past your face.
And that was when I went because I've been to racing before.
I was like, it's this is fine and it's not really a sport I'm
into. But then whenever I went and saw
that, I was like, God, I can now appreciate just how fast they're
going on, how nuts. This is number 16, Rathlin
Island. If if you're a long time
listener to the podcast, you know, I love Rathlin, you know,
been over there to gig quite a lot.
It's an actual island off the coast of Ballycastle.
It's beautiful, 4 miles by 6 miles, population about 100
people. And I think I've done about 5 or
6 gigs there and I love it, love the people, all of it.
It's really real that that is actually something everybody
from here should do. Not at the same time and not at
the minute, because that would just be irresponsible. 1.4
million people making their way over.
They think they were being invaded.
Yeah, don't do that. Ring ahead before you come over.
But we had some great gigs there.
I remember going over with. So I would like bring comedians
over for like comedy nights and me, Dave, Aaron McCann, Colin,
get us Rory Woods, Aaron Butler went over by like 2 two, three
years ago. And when we were on the ferry
over, there are really nice people that have AB and B, like
right where the ferry leaves you off.
And we were standing in the hostel, but I'd stayed in the
B&B before. So they saw us coming.
They saw me and they went out and met me and we're like, he
only met me once and the guy was like, here, here's the keys of
my car. He's like, take your mates
around the island if they want to, because I think it was maybe
a bit to rain or something. He's like, take your mates
around the island if they want to see it all and sure, just
throw the car back to the driveway.
And so I was like, yeah, that'd be class.
And the boy jumped into the car. Some of them walked back to the
hostel and I think me, Kieran and a couple other Iron maybe
and somebody else and Rory, we, we got in the car and I drove
them around the island. Now a lot of the island, there's
like very, very narrow windy roads and it's like kind of
middle of nowhere because some parts of the island they're like
pretty densely populated. And then when you get outside of
that, it's very, very sporadic. So we were going up this hill on
like the far side of the island and I'm driving this like really
old Peugeot and the road is just all stones, but like really
spiky stones. So I stick it in the first and
I'm driving really I'm having to give it loads of Revs to get up
this hill. And I was like, I don't, I can't
I can't go any faster. So I just have it in first and I
Rev for like over a mile and we're going up this hill and it
was like a cartoon. So it's like me, Aaron, Rory
Woods and Kate or anything. And we go up this hill in this
clopped out car and then the timing belt I knew just just
went and we, we had gone up this hill.
And then like a cartoon, we just kind of all looked at each other
and the Rev stuffed. And then we were like, ah, we're
just travelling backwards. Like we just started going back
really slowly down this hill, picking up Piers.
And I was like, I don't know what we're going to do.
So I had to just, I had to just, I think we drove, I think I
reversed about a mile down a really steep hill, like really,
really slowly. And then I got it turned and
then I had to drive it back to this BNB where the people had
given me their car and I had to drive it back with the timing
belt broke. So the steering was fucked.
And I like, it was like a like a film or something because I just
got it to their driveway. It was making this big noise and
I knew the timing belt was gone And I got it back to the
driveway and we all piled out and I had to just like throw the
guy the keys and be like, your car now it doesn't work.
He's like, oh, is there a problem with her?
And I was like, the problem is the car no longer works and
never will work again. And I felt I was like, I'm going
to have to buy this man a new car.
I was like, you know, how much is it going to cost to get the
car off the island? They're going to pay for
repairs. I'm going to get it sent back.
And this is what the people are after.
Like, I was like, I'm so sorry. I was like, listen, let me know
how much I owe you. I'm so sorry.
I was like, I just, I was trying to navigate that hill.
And he was like, do you know what on the island?
Because they're not really driving forever at all.
He's like, we just buy like no one buys like top of the range
cars. He's like, you just buy like a
runaround car and we buy them for like really cheap.
And then you can sort of sell them a scrap and then you just
get something else that around the same price.
So I was like, what do I owe? He's like, I'll just get a new
car. What do you mean?
He's like, yeah, just spend like £250, get a new car.
But he's like, I'll get like £250 for this.
And I was like, right. And that is Rathlin.
That is Rathlin. It's class.
And I really want to go back. And I think, I think if you're
like a writer or a creative or anything like that and you're
like working on something, like I'm working on a script at the
minute. And it's hard to like get in the
frame of mind to do it with so much going on.
But if you have the opportunity to go to Rathlin and stay in
like a cottage or whatever, go and do that.
It's class. I can't recommend rattle enough
of fire through one or two more of these.
In fact, you know what, we'll continue this.
We'll continue this another time because I've got so many
listeners questions. So let's just get oh, and my
hand fell off the side of that armrest.
OK, We got quick, by the way. That's another good sign because
whenever I just put the call out for questions, sometimes you've
got like one or two questions and people are just asking a
lot. You know, a lot of questions
these days, which which is great, eh?
Corey says. What's the biggest mammal you
think you could single handedly sell a tape to a lamp post?
What are some mammals? Mammals.
It depends because if the animal like was was up for you doing
that. I don't know if there's a mammal
I could a whale as a whale mammal.
Think that's one of those ones where technically it is.
Oh, single handedly, yeah. Let me see, let me see a chart
of OK, yeah, mammals, mammals and single handedly.
But is the animal like playing ball?
A stun on what's What sort of stunned animal could I single
handedly sell it to a lamp post? Walrus, no, walrus will be so
heavy. I think a big, a big, big fat
Otter, a big fat Otter or a very, very, very small zebra.
Mel Mel says Woolworths are apparently making a comeback.
Did North Dine have one? If so, what was your favourite
pick a mix or fun sized drink. And certainly Hollywood never
had a Woolworth. Don't be silly.
No, Woolworths would not have gone down well here because one
thing people in Hollywood do not appreciate is value.
OK, we don't like savings, we don't like value.
And but banger would have had banger had Yeah, banger.
Yeah, Banger did have a Woolworths.
I think I used to buy CD singles out of it when I was like 14
because I was cool. I think I used to go and get a
pecker mix in 21 seconds by so solid crew.
Woolworths making a comeback. I mean, why?
Why is it, you know, the pecker mix was good, but I don't know,
didn't know. Yeah, Arch probably had a World
Wars 2, but Hollywood, definitely Hollywood.
What I like, one thing I really like about Hollywood because
it's best, best time in the world that you basically.
And what I like is that there's not many chains of businesses
here. You know, it's a wee bit like
the Old Town of Edinburgh in a way, which is one reason I like
that city and not it's a lot of like independent shops.
It's quirky, kind of smaller places, but Woolworths, if
you're thinking of making a comeback, you're saying to come
back to Hollywood. Fuck off.
Philip Wilson says just this doesn't make sense.
He goes, why so lonely, Philip? I don't know if you're asking
why am I so lonely or I, I, I don't understand so I can't
answer that. But I am not lonely because I
have at least seven friends and we have at least 7 listeners so
I think I'm doing all right. Hey man, I don't understand the
question. Lonely child.
No, it was too long ago. Stand up.
She'll be very niche reference. Philip, if it's you saying that
you're so lonely, you'll be OK. Like don't.
I think during the time of pandemic people can feel lonely.
But what I would do, Philip, is just reflect, take this time to
reflect and see, you know, what you can, what you can do to not
be lonely. So I don't know.
But your lesson, if you listen to the podcast, you're, you're
one of the separate. So don't feel lonely, man.
Mark McCann says, have you ever considered plastic surgery?
A question to ask a close friend, a great conversation
starter. Have I ever considered plastic
surgery? Not plastic surgery, but I did
consider getting my ears pinned back whenever I was a child in
school, which is always a good thing to be in school.
Yeah, my ears were big and I haven't considered plastic
surgery. I do actually have quite a lot
of wrinkles around my eyes. Isn't it good that I can always
poke fun at my physical appearance?
Isn't that good because you know, all the people will be
like, you know, you're such a good looking guy, Like you know,
do you take yourself so seriously because you are like
also being very attractive. It's good that and it's good
that a humble guy like me can make fun about his physical
appearance like because a lot of people go all your appearance,
the only thing you got going for you because you know, you look
like you should be modelling. I don't know Tommy Hilfiger or
whatever, but you're a comedian. But I actually really, when you
break it down, I'm not really a good looking guy, but sometimes
I can bet because here's the thing I've talked with this.
I keep my head busy. I move around a lot.
Like I never really keep my head still.
I never really let people see me face on.
Like a lot of times I'm at an angle.
I know how to make the lighting work for me.
I know how to contour and but have I ever considered plastic
surgery? I haven't considered plastic
surgery, but for sure I would if I was balding.
I would definitely go to Turkey like the paramilitaries and get
my hair done 100%. I go to Rishi soon.
I can Turkey and get Marin on Stone's mullet, says, Oh,
Michael Stone's mullet, which is the Twitter account we never
knew we needed. It's it's looking like, do you
know who we are as as a society with, with COVID and all this
stuff and social distancing and the economy?
We are as a country, as a people, we are Michael Stone
stuck in that revolving door storm.
And just like just like hanging in the door, you know, like
having been twatted on the head with a button by a female
security guard. We are northern the Northern
Irish people or Michael Stone stuck in the revolving door
storm and going. I didn't think us through like
we had the best intentions. Like Michael Stone.
What I'm not saying yet, but in his mind he was like, what I'm
going to do is get in here, kill some politicians, even though we
said it was performance art. But what happened is he couldn't
negotiate A revolving door. And that's us.
I mean, covert at the start just felt like going through a
relevant door. It's like, look, we're going to
have to do it shouldn't take us too long.
We'll be on the other side in no time.
And we're still just, you know, hanging in that door with one
security guard holding her arm and a female security officer in
Stormont having just absolutely mugged us with a with a button
to the head. You know, Mark Graham says, OK,
are you joining the Waffle podcast?
When's the join in? Did I will definitely do an
episode of the Waffle Irish League podcast.
But as we've already established on this podcast, we will be
doing down the line some sort of spin off Irish league limited
run of podcasts. So I've already signed for
another team, basically. Martin O'Neill.
Does Marty's pizza deliver the pole glass cheap pizza?
Yeah, I'd say I'd say we Marty would deliver the pool glass if
the, you know, definitely if it was an attractive lady who'd
placed the order, he would definitely like head over there
And Michael Thompson says, are you taking the weak hub trick or
treating this year? I presume talking with Dave
Elliott. No, I'm not because, you know, I
don't think with social distancing people can trick or
treat this year. But I do know that one year me
and my cousin went trick or treating and I do know we made
over £20. And I do know because he thought
I was too young because even though he was only a year older
than me, I think he thought that I didn't really know what money
was. And I think he gave me like a
couple of coins and he's like, this is half.
And I remember thinking this is about 75 P.
So I'm still owed a lot of money by that.
George, the worst thing is when people go trick or treating and
they just say trick or treat. You've got to do Halloween's
coming and the goose is getting fat.
Will you please put a penny in the old man's hat?
If you haven't got a penny, hit me.
Will do. If you haven't got to hit me,
God bless you. If you come to my house and just
say trick or treat, I'll be honest, I'll slam your head off
my door. But if you come and you deliver
a song with a little bit of flair, maybe, you know, vibe a
little bit to it, you will get yourself 20P in an apple.
Not a problem. What I'm going to call someone's
house and they give you 10 P in an apple.
You doing give me cash, Give me cash.
What are the notes up? But then looking back with
hindsight, you were always a bit suspicious if someone did give
you too much money or like, what are you trying to get out of
this? Craig Murdoch?
How's Desi Buckets getting on this season?
And is his sack back to full health or is he still feeling
it? I love when people give niche
Keith Cruz metaphors. Desi Bucket.
Yeah, that's right. Desi Bucket ripped this ball
back and he's had it sewn up, but he's having to ice it.
And he's hoping that he's hoping to earn himself a contract with
and might get a lot of thirds pierced already.
Have you watched a new Borat? Yes.
Loved it. Alan Armstrong felt Sodor, felt
bop. I'm married, you pervert.
Matthew, if you had known how 2020 would pan out, would you
have done anything differently in preparation, IE not done all
your lockdown jobs around the house in the first week?
Well, Matthew, instead of doing that, I probably would have
given people heads up. I probably, I probably would
have made a few phone calls and then like, listen, what we need
to do is close the borders. What we need to do is phone
China and say, listen, put the bats down because this is going
to kick off. Would I've done anything
differently in preparation? No, Well, no, because the week I
painted the fence in the first week of like locked down all
out. The weather was unreal.
So what would have done differently in preparation?
No, it's been all right. You know, I made the point in
this podcast that, you know, it's obviously a terrible time,
like for like everyone was having struggles of some sort,
but you know, got to do shows. What I would have done in a
serious 1 is probably filmed more stuff before, but then you
would never you would never know and then a film start during it.
So I don't know Jude Ellie. I would have invested in PPE.
If I don't know, I would have found the top PPE companies in
the world and invested all my money in Jude Elliot.
What's the biggest animal you could beat in a fight?
Forsake and probably a big fat daughter.
As long as you sell DFD alarm post.
Just keep punching his head, MO says.
Would you rather eat all of your toes or only half of your
fingers? Half of my fingers, Because if
you don't know, if you didn't have any of your toes, you
wouldn't be able to walk. But you don't need half your you
don't probably need the top half your fingers, do you?
Well, oh, yes. Do you mean 2 1/2 of my fingers
or half of every finger? Because I'd probably want to eat
half of every finger. I would say this is hybrid
content. Robbie Purdy's going to save us
though. What's your opinion on butter
digestive biscuits? Well, I think they are a snack
exclusively for perverts. Butter digestive.
But if you butter your digestive biscuit, you belong in a very
specialised unit of macabre because what are you doing
butter in your digestives? I think it's disgusting and I
think it should have a minimum 10 year custodial sentence and I
think anyone who does that also watches animal porn.
Ross McKenzie cooked Cookstown or Danny sausages.
Hey man, I think you mean Danny, but I don't know who this guy
Danny is slinging sausages around the province.
But I'll go Cookstown because Danny who shows up in a van
selling sausages. So I say, all right, dodgy
bastard, but I don't even, I don't even need sausages
anymore, man, so. But cooks Cooksteiner are good.
Robert, what do you think of Scooter's new 2020 song?
First we save rave, then the world.
I I don't know Scooter has a new song.
I sent Scooter a message a couple of months ago on
Instagram to get him on the podcast but he didn't ever reply
to it. So Scooter can go fuck unless he
does do the podcast. Scooter 2020 song Scooter as
Uncle Fuck. It's called FCK 2020.
Very smart. Like what you did there.
Let me see Scooter. I mean, it's a different sign
for him anyway, and definitely not just him talking over a bit
quite loud. Yeah.
I mean, one thing I'd say about it is it's fucking brilliant.
I mean, a lot of what Scooter is doing is just kind of saying
things that I don't think he's thought of beforehand over a
beat. Is it a Bird?
Is it a plane? It must be Dave.
He's on the train. What?
I want to get you. What I want to get you.
Yeah. You know, I don't know.
I wouldn't say he's a wordsmith, but I think he knows his way
around a bait. And I like him and I like that
he's never aged. And I I, but I don't like that
he never responded to me trying to get him on the podcast.
But yeah, it's a tune. I like that Scooters back.
I don't know where he's been, but I would like to collab with
him in some way. Hang on, hang on, hang on a
second here. Maybe a few people using dirty
language here because that goes into a separate one.
Our McClean says why does everyone outside Belfast buckler
cars something to do warm, You know, if you've driven it
somewhere, the exhaust is going to be nice and warm.
Remember that documentary where the guy fucked his car?
Can we get some of that video for next week, for Friday?
Let's do it. Let's get a little bit of video
and we can talk about it, Fletch, 82, says.
What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?
Hashtag, hashtag. Ask Sheen.
And oh fuck, I had done a gig in Lurgan.
That's not the most embarrassing thing I've ever done.
And it was one of my I'm in standard for that long.
And I was trying to do some joke where I was talking about
paramilitaries. So I list in the in whatever the
joke was in it, I list some paramilitaries.
So I'm like UDAUVFIRA blah blah, blah.
The next night I was in Belfast on a night out and I was walking
to meet friends and I passed the northern wig and it was around
election time and there was some pointers chatting just amongst
themselves. And I have them to walk past and
over here and I heard the guy talking and he goes, you know,
DUP, Sinn Fein, SDLPUUP. And for some odd reason in my
head I thought he was quoting my joke that I did live in Lurgan
the night before. I thought he'd but not the gig.
And he was telling the rest of the bouncers about a funny joke
he heard. But at the time I didn't realise
he wasn't sent paramilitaries. He was sent talking about
political parties. And a lot of times they
crossover. But I didn't just walk past and
go, oh, he must have seen my shoe.
I stopped and went were you at the show?
And this bouncer turned around and went what?
And I said oh were you at the show last night in Lurgan?
And he said bear in mind he was just talking to his mate about
the elections and he said fuck away off.
And I then realised he hadn't quoted what I was talking about.
And then I was like, but also if he hadn't just been less than
paramilitaries, maybe he was talking about something else.
I'm not one of the 11 people that was at the gig I did in the
Cellar bar in Lurgan. That was that was the one of the
worst of all time. And someone else said they knew
me once. I know you, I know you.
And I said, have you seen my videos?
And they knew me from living in Hollywood or something, like
years before I did videos. And the Carlsberg video I did a
couple of weeks ago was based on on that.
The fact someone's like, I know your face and I'm like, oh, here
we go. But it's something else.
Daniel Mctiernan, why do you hate Dave Elliot so much?
Just because he's a horrible man.
He's a horrible guy and he's a Judas and I hate him.
And if your granny had balls, would she really be your grand
know If my granny had balls, she because my grandda had balls.
So my granny would just be my granny, but also additionally
having balls additionally to my grandda, you know, it would just
be two grandparents, 4 balls. I think my granny used to say
not that phrase, but she would go when I was a wee lad.
My granny used to say it all the time whenever I was a kid and I
never, I always thought that my granny had been a wee lad as
well as being a wee girl for a period of her life, but not in
like a what we say like a transition way.
In my head I was like maybe some P as a kid.
I was like maybe someone never thought about this since I was
like, maybe some people get to live as both genders when like
old, old. Maybe that was something they
did in the olden days. It was really weird that I that
I thought that and only didn't think that up until about a year
and a half ago. Connor Diver, how long did it
take to do each episode of the TV show?
Cheers. No, cheers to you, Connor.
I appreciate the question man. It took about to do the actual
studio stuff. It took about 3 or 4 hours to do
each episode and because I would watch the clip and then had a
script. So because we went from accrue
about 35 down to accrue of 1, it meant everything was a lot
quicker because you're not waiting on this guy to do his
job so this guy can do his and you're not waiting on this guy
to tell him. Yep, I'm sort of with this.
It's just you and one person. So it was a lot.
It was a lot quicker. So I think we did 3 studio days
for three episodes and then another day for additional
sketches that were filmed outside the studio.
And then I probably spent in total like 2 hours doing
voiceover clips from home. So anytime you see me doing a
voiceover to an old archive bit of clip, I just did that in my
living room, which is pretty mad when you think that it's an
actual BBCTV show. So I don't know whether that's
way longer than you thought or way shorter, but I think
ordinarily, like when we did the pilot episode for a 25 minute
episode, it was ours and ours and ours because it's the first
time we've done it. Carl Cunningham says do you
think you would be able to Co commentate on one of the Irish
League matches and how do we make it happen?
I would love to Co commentate one of the Irish League matches
because BBC do brilliant coverage and even like I know a
lot of the Irish League clubs are doing their own stream of
the game and doing like commentary and all that kind of
thing. So I'm up for it if any Irish
League club want me to come and commentate on a game, you know,
to be like not the main commentator, but the yeah, if
any Irish League club want me as Keith Cruz to commentate on a
live Irish League game on your stream, I'll do it for free.
So the offers out there, any Irish League club want me to do
it in the next few while I'll come, I'll commentate in the
game and and I would love to do that because I put out a tweet
about the BBC coverage be like the week before being like this
is so good showing Irish League games.
I love Irish league but because I play football on Saturdays, I
never get to see Irish league matches.
So getting to watch it like I watch Irish league with the
Premiership at the minute. Umm, that's class.
But at half time in the games there's just like a card of like
who's playing and unlike elevator music.
So I would love to like make stuff to be shown on BBC at half
time of the game, like Keith Cruz sketches, bunter sketches,
all that kind of thing. So the offers out there, if any
Irish League club want me to in exchange for a load of training
gear, if they want me to come and commentate in the game, I
would. I would love to.
Dawson Clowns. Would you rather fight off 1
horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses?
The number one podcast question of all time.
The most asked podcast question ever on any podcast.
I'd rather fight a horse sized duck.
Probably because I don't think they'd move that well because
they're big web fate. So just stand the web fate and
just smack as big. Yeah, this is weird.
There's an account, Soothing Soothing Yoga Voice who just
commented on one of my posts recently and just kept
incessantly asking like, why was I verified on Instagram and why
are they not verified? I, I don't know.
I, I don't know why you're asking me that.
Why am I verified? Because, Because I'm cute.
I think I'm verified because I'm killing it and I think I'm
verified just because, you know, there have been fake accounts
that I don't know why this thing happened, but loads of fake
social media accounts got set up for loads of comedians where it
was like 100 grand cash giveaway and I had to report so many
accounts caught. It happened to call and get us.
They can happen to some other people I know as well.
So maybe they're clamping down on that.
I don't know. But from looking at your
profile, you've got 396 followers, your profile pictures
picture of a dog. I I think you're not verified
because that might seem the people to be boring and I'm not
one of them, but I don't I honestly don't know what's the
first comedy comedy gig you went to live was probably the Empire
when was with 16. We were attacked.
I remember going to see comedy Antnine Bar and being blown away
and being like, these people are from here, a few of them and
they're doing stand up. I didn't know you could.
So that kind of fueled my desire to to to do stand up.
Cheers for the question. Dane Carroll says you're on
trick or treating and what's your favourite suite?
I've answered trick or treating, but my favourite suite, Winset's
my favourite. But you know what I can
definitely appreciate A a blackjack.
We blackjacks, we fruit salad and we blackjack.
Very 1995. Yeah, blackjacks are good.
James Wilkinson, if you were sent to gaol, what crime would
it be for? And how would you survive your
time inside? I'd survive my time inside, but
just keep working out like I'm doing.
And I wouldn't take any shit. And I would say I walk in and go
here, I'm not taking any shit. And what crime would it be for?
And probably crimes against hairstyling, if you watch the
pilot on my show or so any promo images?
Crimes against fashion, maybe something very fashionable.
Umm, Matthew Myrnan talk about Guinness.
Not zero point percent, 0.0%. Umm, yeah.
I mean, it seems very logical. Unlike why has that not been a
thing? Because there's so many algor
free beers. People want to drive, but they
want to have a beer. I don't know.
As long as the taste is good, then it's good.
But Guinness is such a particular taste.
Like I love Guinness, but such a particular taste that I think
it'd be hard to replicate without alcohol because any beer
I've had like alcohol free that isn't doesn't taste like the
beer it's supposed to be, if that makes sense.
Apart from Peroni but pro gluten free Peroni gave me a hangover
for two days and very recently I had two bottles of it and
honestly had a day long hangover so but it it tastes very very
good. It's a nice taste in gluten free
beer, Fat Peter Wood says. What's your favourite thing to
do in ball and hench? Probably purchasing myself some
gluten free hob knobs in Carlisle's garage.
That's just a very literal answer to that.
OK, OK oh that's funny, Jenny says.
Shane, could you maybe do me a favour and stop interviewing all
the girls from athletic class of 20 2010, making me feel like
I've done nothing in my life in the last 10 years seeing all my
classmates doing so well. Cheers.
Only medicine. Love the podcast and just wish I
was an MMA fighter or a Broadway actor so I could get on the pod.
All right, so we're Christina Bennington, the actress on the
podcast last week, who must have been the same year as Liam
McCourt, Bellator MMA fighter. So yeah, I didn't realise that
they must have been the same year in school.
So yeah, Jenny, how paranoid would you be if just I literally
had everybody from your year in school on the podcast but not
you? You'd have a complex.
Jenny, do something mad. Get yourself well known.
Get yourself on the podcast. Maybe you're already well known
and I don't know about it. Do a stunt, you know what I
mean? Like can't if you were to break
the land speed record on a BMXI. Definitely have you on the
podcast, because I have a lot of questions about that.
Luke says, What's your order from the poke fan?
And well, thing about poke vans, which is ice cream vans for
people outside of Belfast. Ice cream vans.
Whenever I was younger and in this theatre, the road here, the
ice cream man you would find like would you know you had you
had your ice cream on right. I think ice cream on.
He was called Robert. Maybe your Robert ice cream man,
who's a one of the a legendary ice cream man killed it.
Unbelievable really good ice cream.
But then you would get another ice cream fan that like once a
month would put into the estate. And that fella sold everything
apart from ice cream. Like I remember going to him
once and being like, all right, mate, could I get a 99 and a can
of coke? And he's like, fuck you talking
about you. What a can give you is a bottle
of Lens vodka and a Man United top a sheer 9 on the back, you
know, and I and I was like Alan Shearer doesn't play for Man
United and he's like a nobody will kit.
I told dodgy ice cream man where he thought he had the inside
scoop on English Premier League transfers so you could buy any.
You know, there was ice cream men run the boat.
There was legit ice cream men and then there was ice cream men
run the boat selling, you know, selling knock off, knock off
copies of Flubber too and out of the way ice cream dispenser.
It was an ice cream. It was just tenants, you know,
ice cream men selling pints to 8 year old kids.
But my order from the Pope ban, Pope ban, buy buy border bump.
A boat ban would have been a 99 with a flake in it and we got a
strawberry sauce Jack. Or who would you last longer in
a fight with Conor McGregor or Khabib?
I'd probably take both him about 3 rounds.
But I would say, I would say it last longer with Khabib because
McGregor probably just kicked my head off the shoulders.
And Khabib could do that if he wanted in fairness.
But he would wrestle me to the ground and then he would just
maul me. But that would take I think a
couple of seconds longer. But I don't know, like if I
think if I moved well enough, I could maybe get, I think I could
submit McGregor and probably not go Khabib.
Kim McGivern. If you were stranded in Yuri and
you're only allowed one item, what would it be
if I was stranded in my car? Because then I wouldn't be
stranded in Yuri anymore and I could drive back to my house.
But maybe I would want to do something in your like maybe I'd
want to, there's actually a nice wee garage in the way out in
Yuri towards Belfast. Like nice wee garage, you know,
and if I'm gigging in your eyes stop at that garage on the way
home and I get a cup of tea and a biscuit.
I need to pee and there's loads of questions here so I'm going
to just rifle through these. Aaron McCauley How long until we
see you commentate in Irish League games this season as
Keith Cruiser yourself? Yes, this is a movement.
A movement that started Irish League clubs.
Listen to me. Linfield, Glen Torren, Glen
Avon, Dungannon, Swifts, Portadown, Warren Point,
Cliftonville Crusaders. Coleraine, Ballymena, United,
Carrick, I think that might be them all, but if I've left one
like the fans from that club will get extra annoyed.
Get me on. I'm going to commentate in the
game. You've got the option.
I'll commentate as myself and I'll do it semi seriously or
I'll do it in full Keith cruise mode, whatever you want.
Dara says what's happening? Shane, find a photo of me and
you from when I was 16. My question is how was your
service in the restaurant that Oh, thank God, how was your
question in the restaurant that day that the photo was taken?
If it was horrible, don't be afraid to say as the place is no
longer in operation, I think is that place.
Ah, that was in Saint George's Market where I got a fry.
Dara. The service was good mate.
I think he did a fine job and I had a good time.
So yes, you, you deserved the sizable 1.25 tip that I gave
you. No, it was good mate.
Ruben Wilson. What celebrities have you met?
All of them next who half when I met Cliff Richard Nick, who'd
your ideal or realistic guest? Who'd your ideal realistic guest
be? I think every guest is in a way
realistic because if you don't ask, you don't get.
Like when I asked Snoop Dogg to do an episode, but I called him
Jamie because I copied and pasted a message from Jamie Foxx
and now people know that. And then I said, hey, when
you're asking a question, just call me Jamie.
Just say hey, Jamie. And people started doing it.
And every time I see that, it makes me laugh.
But no one's off the Tate. Like, look, I've tried to get
Scooter, I've tried to get Snoop Dogg.
There's no one I wouldn't try and get.
In fact, I floated the idea of getting a very prominent ex
paramilitary member on the podcast and I said the dam, is
this a good idea? And in his role as producer, he
said no, I said, should we get this guy on because you'd have a
story or two to tell? And he said no, we shouldn't.
And then I said, but for what reason?
And I named 15 Reasons and I went fair.
Maria Quinn, since we're locked on and everyone's supporting
local, who or what local companies would you recommend or
support yourself? And loads no more so than
michaelfoster.tv. I'm looking at him.
He's doing your video work. He's making you a nice video of
whatever you want. You got a business.
You want a really nice video done.
Or if you're just an individual and you're like, listen, I am a
guy from Helen's Bay, but I want to be AK pop star, like Korean
pop star. And you've written an original
song. You want to shoot a video done
Helen's Bay Beach of you with dyed blue hair in like a PVC
tracksuit? Doing moves in Helms Bay Beach
like a foster of TV and weirdly that's his real name.
Will come down and shoot it and you'll enjoy it.
You'll have a nice time and loads of places.
I'm not actually going to specifically name place off top
my head, but I do honestly like to support local.
That's the thing. I mean I'll still do them wrong.
So go to the old near, go to the old Starbucks.
But when I buy teas and coffees, we have so many brilliant places
in Hollywood. Here we've got the Bay tree
right under us. We've got Coffee Yard, we've got
Home Bird, we've got Edge Coffee, there's there's
Alexander's. There's so many businesses I
love here in Hollywood. So it's a small town and there
and sometimes corporate like big bigger businesses come in.
They don't last because people go I know what I like or
butchers Stevie and Jerry Darren, the best guys in the
world or just brilliant. So I I love supporting local and
I love my time because it's the best time in the world.
OK, that's the end of the questions, but but I got a
message from autism and I who have said Shane hope you're
well. We're having a virtual glow walk
on the 7th of November. Love it.
If you could maybe mention that for us, our fundraising struggle
during the pandemic and this is a great event to get our autism
community together. Families can sign up for free
for a free glow pack by visiting autismni.org and we'd appreciate
your help. Well, guys, hopefully that that
does help. We're getting that message out
there to the zippers and autismni.org if you, if you want
to get involved with that autism.
And I probably don't even know this, but my sister is autistic.
So I think that is a that's a great 'cause I'll go do some
reading about it, see what you guys are doing.
A light, light the night in a fun 5K walk.
So they're doing a virtually, which is probably a class family
idea. Saturday, 7th November 2020.
So you go, we'll put a, we'll put a description for that in
the, in the link of the podcast. And I wish you the best of luck
with with your event. Also, we were doing charity,
loads more charity reads like that over lockdown, people doing
fundraising. If you're doing an individual
thing or whatever. And if you have anything you
want us to mention on the podcast, tmepodcast@gmail.com
and send me it and we'll read it out and put it in the
description of the podcast and all that separate before we go
patreon.com/tea with me podcast. If you want to support the
podcast, get some extra content. You do that there.
Also manscaped.com Tea with me for 20% off from free shipping.
Michael Films podcast and Michael foster.tv give his
e-mail address like it's personal.
So michaelfoster.tv, if you do want to, if you are a business
and locked on going unless someone need to get the word out
there, we need to we're making we're doing something cool over
locked and documented. Get the big guy to do it and
separate. Thanks very much for listening
and watching the podcast. You know, if you want any merch
with tea with me mugs, we've got separate T-shirts, money to
T-shirts, which I actually need to get myself one of each to
wear on the podcast shopify.com, she and Todd Comedy.
You'll find that over there. Thank you very much for
listening and watching. The TV show goes out again
Friday, 10:45 BBC One Northern Ireland.
It's available on the iPlayer previously with Shane Todd,
thanks much love support local autism and I.
It's a good time. Watch a Borat movie.
Matthew Townley. No, you don't get to keep the
Tupperware with the elastic bands on it, but I hope since
school you've made your own and I hope you're still playing
tunes on it, man, All the best. Keep riffing.