I'm Michael. Che and I'm Colin Jose, and
we've got a little secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Like how we're hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock, exactly how it's called
New York After Dark and it's a comedy show that only features
drop in comic. Boom, you nail.
Into Michael Chase phone numbers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea With Me podcast with me, she and Todd.
Before we go anywhere, let me plug the Patreon, which is
patreon.com/tea with Me podcast. We'll do a bonus episode on a
Monday, live stream episode on every Friday at 2:00, and loads
more in between. Also going to thank everybody
that came to the SSE Arena shows.
Really appreciate it we had a nice time and the crack was good
and look by this point with this comes out of may have announced
a new show who knows we're sponsored by as always
Thompson's tea those blooming Thompson's always making their
any time you call for one of the Tom's show you coming out John
play football can't make making tea.
These guys have been doing that since the 1800s.
That blows my mind since the 18th.
And it's the same people, but they're just fueled by tea and
they keep it going. Panjana, you know, you think,
oh, is that made somewhere exotic?
It's made in Belfast and you don't get any less exotic than
Belfast. They make decaf tea.
Irish Breakfast. They've just, they're just
running the tea game. Northern Ireland's number one
selling tea. You know, they're the Ogs of
tea. That's what they call
themselves. They run a boat like, you know,
I was going to say beating up the other tea companies that
don't do that, but sales wise they do.
So just keep drinking Punjana. We're fueled by it on the
podcast and we actually are down.
We're like, we we could just say that we actually drink another
brand, but we do downstairs, we drink pyjama.
Yeah, they they gave us a life supply.
They gave us loads in fairness. So we're just going to keep
working our way through that. And we're also selling that on
the side as a wee bit of a hustle.
So we've got 9000 tea bags, but anyone wants to come down the
studio. We're also sponsored by
Manscape. Now look, I thought manscaped
was just pubes and that's OK, That's OK in life if you're just
pubes. But I found out they also now do
a thing called the foot duster. No, yes, yes.
A lot of people have bad smelling feet.
Couple guys in this studio, you know, remember, you remember you
had a sleepover when you were like 14.
Most most other most other boys had smelly feet, but I didn't
because I'd be with my feet. But Manscaped have the foot
duster, which is a foot deodorant down.
You didn't even know about it. You're looking to make sure if
it's true, it is Manscaped. They're a company for men's
growing products below the belt mainly.
And you know that when everything gets below the belt
gets a wee bit sexier and Manscaped are taken care of.
They've got a Cologne, which to be fair, you should probably
wear above the belt. But if you want to wear it below
the belt, no one's going to stop you.
Manscaped have things like the weed wacker from nose and ear
hair. They've got the perfect
performance package. Shave your bets.
Take care of yourself, for God's sake.
You know Santa's going to be coming soon.
You know, that's a guy with a smooth sack.
And I know because I've seen it. One year when he called Don, he
woke me up. Sorry for watching here, but but
yeah, man's gift. Have all the men's below the
belt room brush. We have a discount code which is
tea with me for 20% off and free shipping.
But yeah, the perfect gift for Christmas.
Winter is coming. And if you are, make sure you
look at dinner. My guest today is someone who
had a gig only last night or the night before.
I described as I brought him on stage and said this guy's great
comedian. He's a good friend of mine.
He's the biggest bear in the forest, ladies and gentlemen.
RAR. It's Dave Elliott.
Yeah, good. It's my bug.
That's what you do. I just that was such a nice
introduction that you startled. Me, you're my best friend.
Appreciate that slightly. There are three other contenders
in the room you just set up. Yeah.
What we're looking at, it's a couple of top ten guys right
here, but but you're top of bulbs, you're #1.
Yeah, like if Bieber was back, would everyone in the room be on
your Yeah, like we top 16 wall. 100% well by birds.
You got to let them know you're kind of interested.
So although they're not actually your best friends, you pop one
in there just to be like, listen, I've got my.
You know it was, do you know, do you know how you fucked it?
You put a girl too high in the top 16 and she's like, why am I
third? Nobody known you for two weeks.
And you're like, you know, that guy in the main was brains about
the person, like, oh, it's an accident.
My sister came in and did it. The top 60, like a lot of people
watching won't know what people is people was like before
Facebook and Instagram all that, but you're top 16.
You positioned in order of. Here's how much I like you in my
friendship. And I mean what I, I still in my
head to this day, have a Premier League of people alike.
And, and the good thing about it is like, again, especially when
we're children, people are like, oh, do you have a favourite?
I'm like, well, it, it does vary each day.
Like they can do something to. To be in that topic.
So, so you're, you see your friendship group in your head.
If you visualise it as a Bebo top 16.
Yeah, right. Like, if I find out, like, some
of my friends or like, save toxic, I say, you see a story on
Instagram, you're out for, like, lunch with, like, Aaron Butler.
But I've not heard about it. Yeah.
You, but that bumps me down. I mean, no, I just go, well,
there's some sort of dark art and deceit here.
Yeah. Why?
Why have you not told me at least just tell like I'm a wee
bit like a jealous girlfriend. At some extent they.
Are and you start wearing yoga clothes.
Yeah, like, I mean, listen, if you're going to left the life,
dress for the life you want. You texted recently and said
you, you invested in some yoga clothes.
And I said, oh, is this something you're thinking about
getting into? And you're like, no, no.
Fashion and then award to the gig the in fact award before
your SSE show and for before you played the biggest show your
life you were more obsessed with how sweet I looked for change
yeah excited. I did libraries a few months ago
and wore a non branded Shikomo burgundy.
It's. Jacamo.
Like the people, though, it's Shikomo.
It's like whenever people say little, no, it's little, yeah,
you got said you need a wee bit of, but that's what people don't
think You're a Trump, you know? Panda Chocolate.
Exactly no. One said Panda Chocolate.
Panda Chocolate, Yeah, that sounds like.
Panda Chocolate. Very cheeky isn't?
Man, you need to go around the pad of chocolas boudoir.
What for? Who knows A good time.
Did you think it was Panda chocolate?
No, it's no Pano Pano. Pano chocolate.
No, it's Pano chocolate. Yeah, yeah.
Oh well, I think Pano chocolate would be bread.
Of chocolate. Well, excuse him why, but I've
made a mistake. I mean, I didn't see us going
down this. What about like?
In French, would you learn about a French in school?
And then you think you're doing well and they're like, now
there's like masculine and feminine words.
And you're at that point I'm, I'm going.
I just say it more like a woman. Yeah, like, so I'm speaking a
little bit about you. I never say I want Bungie.
And they're like. That's not how it works.
Yeah, I'd like to see you speak only exclusively in your
feminine French accent. I.
Think like with English. Yeah, like such as now.
I mean, it's just a Bungie. Don't you miss you?
You know, like if you're kissing like, you know, trying to stay
great. If you're great, a guy kissing
each cheek. Yeah.
If you're just, you know, kissing in the feminine, you
neck on. I think you and I were probably
a little bit more. What would you say like, like,
like maybe a kiss in each cheek kind of guys.
And then before COVID and since then, we've not really got that
back. So would you be interested in
like? Yeah, listen, I'm open.
I feel like Master are dropping and what's going to drop next,
you know? Yeah.
I, I, when we were doing radio show, remember lockdown, like in
the middle of the lockdown and in BBC, it was like, you have to
walk in within, you know, you have to walk.
And then I, I couldn't, I had to wait 10 minutes to walk into the
same corridor and you had to breathe into your shoe and you
had the clothes both that remember there was like all the
safety stuff, walk clockwise and you know, all this kind of
stuff. And then we're walking through a
corridor after a show and I give you a kiss in the cheek and you
were like, you can't, don't do that because.
I just thought of BBC, there'd be people watching, you know,
because there has, there has factually been a time before
where I've said something like innocuously maybe on a podcast.
I thought no one here and they were listening in there.
They're like, we can't have you do this because we heard you say
something about BBC. What would you say?
I just made a wee comment about, you know, something on BBC not
being amazing. How dare I, you know, and they
were like, we can have you on. You slandered us.
And I'm like, well, what did I say?
And then they said they were like, they had like it recorded
on the computer. This I said, well, that's not
me. And what's on your podcast?
Well. I could have been a guest.
You don't have guests. Well, yeah, Yeah.
And then they played it and it was like, I mean, yeah, what?
The thing was up bad. And then the guy who played to
me is like, well, you're right, but just don't be sensible.
How naughty would you say in general you're on a scale one to
10 and 10 being really naughty and generally or yeah, just
generally like and the real I'm talking about the real you like
in in how naughty do you think you're?
Well, I'm. You're naughty like you're
naughty, I think. Yeah, I mean, I like the, I have
a problem that if I, if I see something, I automatically
think, wouldn't it be funny if I did this?
That's my first thought. And then I do that.
And sometimes I haven't thought it through what I've done.
Like, for example, I remember once when I was in school, a
friend of mine, we were, we were doing art and we were like,
whatever I thought DJ and I thought to myself, wouldn't it
be funny if I put a bit of glue on this guy's hand?
How, how banter am I? I didn't realise that the glue
from the glue gun was scolding hot.
So I was sitting like putting loads of glue on this bit of
ball. So and he was sitting there like
this and I went and when I lifted it off I took like half
the top of his hand off with the two and he had to go to like
hospital. Think the nurse had taken the
hospital, but I just thought that was a bit of banter, but
really I did. Yeah, you, you do look like sort
of guy who would do stuff like I'm like, I didn't know.
But then I do stuff, then I'd. Be like you like you.
Kill like 4 people. I was.
Like why be a Dick 4 don't get me in trouble.
Like my hands full Burt my hand live here.
But yeah, I just I can't help but I feel like you know you you
I like to be a bit naughty and then sometimes want to do it.
People, you can't be naughty. What are you doing like?
Do you get to a certain age? Do you think you can't be
naughty? I think definitely you get to an
age where you have to be less naughty.
Yeah. At what age?
I mean, I think I've had 20 age. Yeah.
I think the sort of, you know, whatever, Pete, like your
friends are all maturing ahead here.
They're all because there was a period of time before I was
married for any kids. I was like the single one of my
group of friends and I had a mate who actually used me as an
excuse. He'd be, oh, Dave made me do it
to his wife. And then I wondered why his wife
wouldn't speak. To me, why'd you kill this
prostitute? Yeah.
It was Dave, but she'd be like, I get it was one that he went
out with a group of workmates and Garpsey hammered didn't come
home until like quite late next day.
He couldn't look after the kids. He's dying.
She's like, you're a disgrace and all why'd you do?
I was like, oh, hadn't seen Dave in ages and he told me to,
whereas I'm sitting all wrapped up in bed, you know, and then he
rang me next morning. Can you do me a solid?
And he's like, oh, Mrs hits me and I'd rather hit you than me.
So because. I've known you for so long, but
I only really picture you as like a marry guy, like a marry
that used to live. I remember you used to live in
the Lisbon Road and have like room, like flatmates.
Yeah, loads like foreign people and.
Stuff. I mean, I'm an oldest guy.
I welcome everybody, you know. You know, you look at me like
foreigners. No, no.
Yeah. No, just with your, with your
stance. I just didn't think.
But yeah, you used to live with like I remember there's a French
guy like I was when I just got to know you.
Really. Eve, yeah, good guy.
What? Eve.
That was his name, Yeah. Was he a fan of Banda Chocolate
I. Mean he was the fan of
Babestation. I don't know about a pad of
chocolate, but he definitely. Like you didn't give a fuck or
he was no what the. Grace Most I went out with my
housemate who was, you know, a local only white guy friend of
mine and and we went we're like, we're heading to the pub here.
Dave, do you want to come? And he was like, no, miss you.
And I said just call me Dave. And we went out and I went out
and I said, oh, bollocks, I forgot my wallet like back in
the days when you needed a wallet.
So we went back to get my wallet And by the time we had left and
went in in the living room, Eve had just dropped to the floor.
Like he was on the floor, lying on the ground.
And we're like, you all right, Mitten look at the screen.
Just Philby upstation. So he must have just been
himself, heard the Dorgo and his first moves, the dive to the
ground like so he either really hurt himself or was just trying
to hide it. But he didn't acknowledge we
were there, so he was all right. I don't think you need a, you
know, you don't need to hide babe station.
No, there's something about Babestation that's that's funny.
Do you know what I mean? You get up, you get up.
Babestation on as ambient, I think.
I don't think it's socially. What would have been 10 out of
10 if you just sitting with a cup of tea or something on the
TV, We walked in. He's went bourgeois.
Yeah, there's something aggressive about watching the
Pornies with a cup of tea. Just watching.
Just like just watching. I was a friend of mine, a guy I
used to work with. Right.
He was telling me a story about a mate of his.
They call him Tea and Toast. His name's Tea and Toast.
Why he called Tea and Toast? Yeah, but I'll tell you why.
He said one of one of his mates was a window cleaner.
So he said he went to the Tea and Toast house one day and he
was cleaning the windows and he just saw in the movie Big Blue
movie on the screen and he just saw his arm going a fucking
dinger like. And he said the weirdest thing
about it as he looked aside. He had a big plate of toast and
a pot of tea sit beside him. As in ready to have after.
I don't know whether that or some going or everybody said it
was too much toast and too big a pot of tea.
So yeah, you're dehydrating yourself.
But he was like, you know, ever since he's just been called tea
and. Toast.
I think 3 rounds of toast is too much dope.
Yeah, but I mean, you're watching porn like.
Yeah, but like back in the day too, like they're saying it was
like the videos and also like you had to have actually gone,
called the video, got like you got himself ready.
This was an event for him. Yeah.
It was like nowadays you whip your phone out and you know they
go well and but. You whip your dad's deck out and
then. That's fun, all right.
But yeah, so like back in the day, it was a bit of a make a
deal of it. You know you got your the
barter. You know you swap your.
I remember you remember watching Euro trash would be in like
this. Might be as graphic as it gets.
Yeah, I actually I would be more of a softcore fan because of
Euro trash. I think like I always enjoyed
just, you know, a little sneaky bit of boob here and then the
full. Sneaky boob.
You like sneaky? Boo.
Because I mean, I think nowadays people are spoiled.
Like you see, it's graphic and all people are like putting
stuff in the people and farting stuff out of themselves and on
you're going. That's I don't need to see it.
That's thinking, you know, I mean, just give us a boob, you
know, and you're happy as Larry. You sneaky boobs are like, yeah,
surprise boob or whatever, we thought.
About it, you know, yeah, like highlight, like your trash is
all about that, yeah. I would just love to see you at
City Hall needing some sort of like rally where you're like,
listen, people are sticking things in people out of people.
I like it. If you just went really against
porn. I like, you know, the guy who
got porn banned. I mean, but then what would
happen would be there would be some sort of like newspaper
article they get into my Internet and then it'd be like
that Rich isn't. It yeah, horny hypocrite front
page of the Sunday War. I mean see if you start.
Your 100% look like I do an advocate for the ban and a porn
and then they find out like you have some much on your hard
drive. Well, I mean, just normal shit,
let me just point out. But yeah, more always says it's
more than just a little bit of boob.
Like, yeah, yeah. What?
Was the first What do you remember the first porn you ever
watched? No, I thought.
I thought it would have been like I would have seen a
magazine, probably first I would have said.
I remember being in a friend's house and there was quite a lot
of us in his house one day. Yeah.
And he had. Do you remember?
Did you ever have chip cable? Tell.
No, you didn't. No.
Are you scared to say? No, I was.
I was well off growing. Up Oh yeah but then there used
to be a guy who could come around your house with cable
tell which is like the earliest guy Oh yeah and there was like I
don't know 100 channels and channel 61 and 62 yeah were the
pornies. Yeah right.
And I remember where one of our mates, there was like 8 of us in
his house just like one afternoon and one summer if mom
and dad weren't in. And they like you like stuck the
pornies on. Yeah.
And I think everyone in my friendship group had seen it
before, but I hadn't. Someone's like, ah laughing at
it and stuff. I'm like half watching it and
I'm like, ah. And I was very asthmatic as a
kid. And I remember watching it for
like 3 minutes and then really, really starting to get a wheeze
on. And then I took my inhaler and
everyone laughed like I'd done it as like a.
Bit you know but. Genuinely, I thought, I thought
I was going to die. Yeah.
Oh, there's more than that. What a way to go.
There was more than that. I was like, how that's like when
I used to start going on nights out and you'd see like, you
know, when you're like 16. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no. That feeling is reminiscent of
when I started going nights out and you would see what about the
first time you went a night out, right?
Like a Limelight school disco or something.
But they used to do school disco nights when you're like 18 and
you see 2 girls kissing on the dance floor and everyone take a
look at that and you're just going.
I'll be straight on the PSN, I get that fucking shit.
The gaol stinking. Come on.
You report. It like what is it about though?
Especially it was like, do you remember though?
It was like the teenage boy's dream was like the I started off
the 10 minute Freeview and it caught it to five and it was 2.
So it was like they're really. But why was it the most
aggressive, like pets should ever say that people are like,
oh, what? I was always like the music.
Don't go me, you fucking slag, And I was like, why are people
watch this going? That's what I want.
He goes Oh fucking remember your ass, like all right, She's
Christ. The first time I ever properly
watched it, it was a it was a Britney Spears party on like PVX
and she was called Pitney Spears and.
To be fair, that's good. I think she was in the recording
studio to do Fuck Me One More Time.
And hey, the producer, let's just say he did.
Yeah, he did. I mean, that's frown upon
nowadays, the music industry, isn't it?
Yeah, Yeah. Back in those days.
What is what is that these fears doing?
Like she turns up the studio. She's kind of like.
I think she's just. Bust this thing, you know she's
pretty, but I mean done. Speaking of great what The thing
is about porn? You look like a retired semi
retired male porn star. I mean, yeah, I I mean, you
would, I could well play that role until.
It was the guy with the long hair, the guy.
And then it was French. Was it, was it, Was there a guy
called Johnny Marino? I think he was in a lot of the
British ones. He's a cat dealer from Belfast.
I mean, Johnny Marino, Johnny Marino's coming up to help you.
More, Johnny Marino was a solid left back for Hollywood.
His name was Johnny. He just lived across from the
Shell Garage. But yeah, could someone, could
someone look up if there is an actor called Johnny Marino?
I think he had long hair and he was like the Television X
Freeview guy was Johnny Marino. I'm talking about the French
guy. I think he went by just one name
and he was in some movies, like as in like mainstream movies
cameo. He had like long hair and his
house was like he's like a slob. They were like this Tony.
Was this in the movie or his real life?
In his real life, would you look up famous French male porn star.
You got it. Is that Johnny Moreno?
Johnny Moreno was real. That's a stats for Don Della for
the season. Does he have any like any any
like what's? It dance they play that of his
movies in he's a popular Hollywood actor.
Johnny Marino. So he hasn't.
Has he done porn? Type Johnny Marino porn in so
you get what is it about porn searches too.
They're so basic, you know, you pick a person's name on a body
part. Search Johnny Marino Web.
Johnny Marino, Me. John Marino.
I'll tell you what's the thing I do enjoy the most about porn
aside from the porn is, is, you know, the way they make like
remakes of Hollywood films and they just give them a slight,
like A twist, like a party name. For example, Edward Penis Hands
is just a guy with two big roots instead of hands, right?
The best one I ever saw and I remember laughing my head off.
This was the dead of party. A man in black that was just
called Man in Black Man. I mean, it's better in some of
the actual sequels to be fair. Johnny Murray, I like the Johnny
Murray was just a genuine actor and you've claimed this big porn
star. If you were set like back in the
day when you were like a single young guy, would you for the
right money, would you have done porn?
I think anyone would have put this out of time.
Yeah. Eric Everhart's another one.
Eric Everhart. Yeah, like if he's just a
regular, like he's neighbours or something, I mean, but like he's
done them again, yeah. Yeah, you're like, oh, I knew,
he said Rolf Harris, but he's. A dodgy fellow and I, Yeah.
Yeah. All the good ones.
Your face, you're like, you think you know.
So all the good ones are dirty bastards.
Yeah, that's true man. And but.
The man I'd art attack, he's not done and has a.
Neil Buchanan, he's clean. Well, he's not being all room.
He'd be when I go on, though. Yeah, yeah.
Remember the other guy used to do the kids TV shows?
He that killed himself. Mark Speed.
Yeah, Yeah. Things are tough for him for a
while. Yeah.
Yeah, just so she show you, you'll be happy.
So like, where do you get your influences from in comedy?
Is your material like all yours or do you?
Yeah, yeah, people say that, yeah.
Do you write your own jokes and all?
But I mean, some people don't. Some people like see other acts
and just RIP it off. Like.
Anyway. Yeah, there's a there's a lot of
want to chat to you about David. Yeah, but them.
But let's start off with this. Let's start off with this.
Yes, you have done something to me recently.
I got tagged in an Instagram story last night.
Somebody was at a pub quiz and in the background I could see
the projector. And the question was, who is
this local comedian? And it was a picture of me, but
it's that picture that you photoshopped.
So they've done a Google search and it's me doing promo pics for
Radio Ulster and it's that one where you've taken my right eye
and turned it a lot more right and you've taken my left eye and
made it look a lot more less. So subtle.
That's why it's so. Funny, yes, and I bet you people
fucking got the answer. That's what pisses me off.
The three things I moved the eye slightly, made the ears a bit
bigger and the teeth yellower, and that's all it is.
But it's enough that like you could put it up and unless
you're going, yeah, you wouldn't see it.
And that's the best. But you know, that gets me so
well. Like a fucking.
It was like the Radio Ulster. I think it was the last time
we're here. We spoke about it, the promo.
Pickles fingers. Get longer every time and you
were sharing it every week. Do you know what that is?
Sharing it do that is naughty. Yeah, that is naughty.
That's naughty. But it was, I'll tell you
something I did that was again, we're speaking about naughty
When I was in work one day, it's a couple of years ago, I was I
got was working with these like it's just me and like these five
sort of like 60 year old women. So, you know, you know, when
you're around like that, you sort of you're like a chameleon.
You sort of change your your. And I was just the compass most
fun guy to work with these old women.
And I would be all. Stop it, David.
You're a wee chancellor, not you.
Yeah. And I was, I guess.
So one day one of them left their computer open.
Like. So I thought for a bit of
banter, I would just, you know, go in and look something funny
up in Google Images. Leave it.
She'd come back and be like, what's he like?
So I went then and I typed in sexy Asian bodybuilders topless,
right? So I went then and looked up and
just got all these ejaculation guys, like topless just on the
screen, locked the computer and that was fine.
I didn't realise it was the end of the week.
She'd just gone home over the weekend, left it on, come back
in a Monday, open their computer up and rhyme music.
Did you look up like topless Asian guys on my computer?
I was, you know, very obviously I went no, no knee.
And she went on though it must be a virus, right?
Well, if it is, that's where it's come.
From rather than me go, I was very naughty so rather than me
go oh, I was just I let it simmer.
So then she phoned like the help desk and all.
And then she was like, listen, I've gone out for whatever
reason, it's just popping up these naked men on my computer.
And the guy I was like, well, what you've done, what's
happened here is you've, you've gone into Google and you've
typed in like hot Asian guys. And that's why it's there.
She's like no one ever. No, she's a wee old woman from
West Belfast region and no one ever didn't know.
And he was like, well, I'm telling you that we've tracked
it back and this is what's happened.
And then she got raised and the whole big thing went around to
be like, you have to lock your computer for safety and data
protection and all. I still haven't told her this
day that. Was.
But The thing is, the reason why you've mugged her there is
because it's specific. Yeah.
If it was sexy bodybuilder guy, that's a prank.
If it's sexy Asian bodybuilder guy, that's a kink, you know?
Oh yeah. But yeah, so she doesn't know
that was me. That is kind of mischief.
And like, everyone did that at school.
You know what I mean? Change the background, do all
that sort of thing. Yeah, the classics and that you
you phoned me during the week and said that you like played a
prank on your mom, No. And you thought?
Didn't know this wasn't a prank. This is just bad timing, but it
was it was one of the worst and also best moments of my life
simultaneously, like for anyone doesn't I was on well last week
like really nearly died in a cold and it was the touching
yeah, I got it's a bad cold right.
So I'm I had obviously to look after the girls because fucking
my kids and all, and my mom and dad were like, listen, you're
you, you look really bad. Can we'll take the girls for
you. I said no worries, no problem,
thank you so much Left. They went come got the girls.
I was like in a dressing gown at the door.
How do you go? Eric Everhor, Johnny Marino,
just favourites, you know. So they took they took the girls
and I was fine, said look, I'll come and get them.
So this would be a Friday night. I went round to collect them and
I went then and both my mom and dad were like startled when they
saw me and like, you look terrible.
I was like, well, feel much better.
But then, you know, yesterday my mom was like, no, you're you're
really pale. Like you, you're almost, you're
skit. You look like you're dead.
You're dead. And my dad was like, yeah, it
looks like it looks like you're about to go in the organ.
Feel your mate. And I was like, all right,
Doctor Elliot, what the fuck? I said, well, feel much better.
You'll get defensible. Feeling much better.
And my mom was like, yeah, you look bad.
Like your your skin's pale. You're, you're very fat.
Well, that's nothing to do with the cold.
That's it. She's like, but yeah, I should
do something about it. You're jolly and all right,
That's fine. Took a.
Girl, take a Turkey. Yeah, for the swollen Turkey.
He's like, don't touch me there. So I I took the girls went home.
I was fine. Then once the girls were bathed,
put them in the bed. I was like, right, I'm still
feeling a bit shit at your show to go to the next night.
Didn't want to be sex while at the bed like 8:00 so that when I
woke up in the morning, I'd like messages from a moment.
Dad, are you all right, son? Just checking.
You're all right. Answer me and missed calls.
Not I was like, Oh no. So they're at home thinking.
I've died. They thought you might have
gone. I mean, that's a nice way to put
it. You know, that's another thing.
It's just a side note. Seeing people, like when people
he's gone, he's gone home. He hasn't.
A big man went home last night. They died.
That's why it's a weird thing to put it, isn't it?
And then for them, I'll be the worst, you know, way if like,
you lose your grandparent and all people put photos of them
holding their hands. Yeah.
Imagine just my big fucking fat Trotter.
There he goes, he's away. So yeah.
So I woke up and texted him and said I'm fine.
They're like, listen, you're still feeling a bit rough, come
around, watch the football, your dad make lunch, you'll help the
girls a bit. So I said that's great, went
round, watched football, had your shoe to go to at night.
So I was a bit rushed and stuff. My Catherine, my wife was
working. So I went home, I got the girls
back. Catherine came and I was like,
have you walked the dog? And I was like, no, So amongst
everything hadn't walked the dog, still feeling a bit sick.
So she's like, you need to walk him, you need to tear him out
before you go to a show. And I've obviously felt bad
again leaving there with the girls.
So get ready for your show. So I thought, I know my parents
this big field down the side of their house.
So go park there, bring a dog down, fire a ball for him, tyre
him out, the happy grand. So I'm heading over at my mum
already worrying about me. I ring her, I'm like, listen, my
car's going to be parked outside your house, don't worry, you
know, I'm not coming in or anything.
I'm just there to walk the dog. So no, nothing's happened.
There's nothing to worry about. Relax, she was all right.
OK, So I go and park the park the car, bring the dog down and
fire the ball for him. Firing.
He's coming back. It's grand and firing again.
He brings me then a fire and he's just not coming back.
He's like sniffing around, sniffing his bitch, chasing his
tail. I'm like, Vinny, come on,
fucking come on. Fucking time, Come on.
He's not coming. And it's really starting to
stress me out. And I'm like, and he's miles
away, so he can't even like just chase him.
When you do chase him, he thinks you're playing the game and
nothing. And I was like, fuck's sake.
I remember we got a book when we were training the dog, like part
of it was hard, like working recall and stuff.
And in the book it said that if your dog's not coming back to
you, if you pretend that you're in some sort of trouble, the dog
will come and check on you. So in similar sort of ways, if
like a bear's going to kill you, you play dead, the bear will
need you, you know, he thinks so I thought to myself, I'll
pretend to be, I've got to lie down the ground here in my arms
by my side and pretend to be dead.
So I lay down the ground facing the like face, like flat like it
was planking on the ground, bag of dog shit beside me and the
wheat thrower at the hand right I'm lying there.
As in like. Like, you know, the big.
Falling with it as in like. Like, it just looked like, yeah,
it was on the ground. So I'm lying there, the ground,
eyes closed, and I'm waiting for the dog to come, right.
And I'm expecting to hear his feet coming to check on me.
But there's only sound I hear before I hear.
This is David. David because my mum,
unbeknownst to me, when I rang her and said I was going to walk
a dog, she thought herself wouldn't it be nice if I stick
to leading our dog and come and meet him.
So she's gone home, stuck to leading her dog come down for
me, walking me and my dog to see me from about 200 metres
effectively dead. She's good.
I don't. So I hear my 65 year old mother
Roman. And then eventually I was like,
I'm going to. It's two minds to stay there and
wait for the dog because I mean, you have to give a time or do or
do a letter, you know, hard to. And obviously I wait to push the
mouth to mouth and then and then, yeah, but that was an
awkward bullet was there, but. Oh, that's, that's, that's a
point where you probably need to go on a health check when your
mom thinks you've died over. Maybe he's trying to get the dog
back. Yeah, you know, yeah.
But I mean to be think about it, it doesn't look like I'm in a
good way. Yeah, really.
Still the dog, just around like. I mean, if you're lying there
with your eyes open, yeah. Texting, you know, come on, dog.
Johnny Marino. It's a fact that you're like a
method actor and you've gone face down with the catcher.
But the arms? But the arms by the side like I
just, I just set the catcher. And the dog.
I don't know why, but you won't die.
You will definitely die with your bags around your ankles.
I know I. Just know I don't know doing
what but like you'll die with your.
Bag, a guy who, when he died, was in a similar sort of
physique and looked at me. He was Elvis.
Yeah, he's a guy having a cheeseburger in the toilet.
Yeah, that's a good way to go. That is a good way to go because
that you've lived a life like that's the way you go.
Apparently too, there's I don't know if this is true, I've made
it up, but either way I'm going to say it.
And apparently that one of the things you do before you die is
a massive shit. Apparently it's your body's way
of just getting it all out of you and then you die.
So that's. Well, that's no, that's because
you don't want to go up to the Saint Peter and the party gates.
Yeah, I mean the shape. And I'll be awkward, be like,
he's like. You know, here you're going to
bring into heaven. You're yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. You're capsule female, but
where's the shatter? Right under the stairs, mate.
I am. I don't even ever play dead, but
I do remember the darkest humour of all time was my my granny.
You know the way when like granny's and granddad's, like
your granny's in hospital here and you know, we don't know
what's happening but you're like prepared for it, I thought.
Just for. It.
So like, yeah, so you're like prepared for it.
And like I think my granny, there was maybe 3 or 4 occasions
when she was in hospital and you were sort of a kid but told she.
Just roll your eyes. Here she is 3 or 4.
Times no, no, no again. But I mean, like, it's like,
it's tough because as a parent, you know, but my dad would have
said things like, you know, hope she's going to be OK but going
to do all they can. And she always like kept her
humour. Up as well right?
Say your dad what a fucking shit that he's like.
Listen, hope she'll be OK. Hope you're all right, but you
know what I mean. She might be ready.
So to him, my dad took two of my cousins of the seer and they
would have been about, I don't know, 12 and 13 at the time.
My dad took him up and my granny was sitting with my Uncle Jim at
the time and and she was sitting there chatting to him because he
was obscene her first year. You've got like an hour visit.
Yeah. And Jim goes, oh, Dennis is
coming up with two my cousins. Yeah, who can you name your
cousins or the cousins? I can't remember so so Jim goes
Dennis is coming up with two to the kids and my granny went when
you hear the lift or like when you see him like from Don
Corridor. She was tell me.
Yeah, right. OK, so she's chatting away with
Jim and then Jim goes. I think that's got to him.
My granny just grabbed the white like blanket that was on her,
put it. Over.
And said, put your head in your hands.
And just lay there. And didn't move.
So Jim was like, by the way, how sick of him that also he just
was like, all right, well, in his hands.
And he said, my dad walked in first.
And Jim looked at my dad, went no, which is like, horrific if
it's just my dad. Yeah, But there's two kids there
as well who are coming up to see their granny.
And they walked in in the first. Whatever, and then and then the
other one like started like nearly cry like it was all quick
moment. And then my Grammy just like
apparently you could just see like the shoulders going and
then she just here's Grammy, this is back.
I mean, like, that's sick. Yeah, but I mean, this gets good
banter too. Because even like, and you know,
that's, that's like the boy who cried wolf.
Because even like at the funeral I was like.
Yeah, no, that that's to give the best banter when people are
really sick and they find it within themselves to pull out a
joke. Yes.
My aunt was dying of cancer and I went to see her one day.
She pretended the book on me like she was sitting at the
side. And I said, besides, you pretend
the book. I like my natural reaction.
I jumped up fucking up, but it was good crack I.
I get we I I don't like the sea bodies.
Call me weird, but see open casket.
Yeah, I don't like. It do you like it?
No, because. Do you like it?
No, I don't, but like why I don't like it is it's it's see
when you're you're in a live person like you like do when you
come here to you, you're somebody that's very particular
about your style. I'm very alive.
Yeah. So you're alive and you style
yourself when you're no one else styles you.
So any time I've seen people. And the chocolate.
But like my my family have died and I've seen the coffin.
That's a lot because I love your mom and dad.
Your family have died. You know, when my mom saw me
die, it triggered a massive. And they're all gone.
All gone. Yeah.
I'm like Stalin. Once one goes on like that, they
know too much. So sorry when people in your
family. Yeah, so my point is like
whenever you're like you do your own hair, you do your own, you
shave yourself and all, but when you die, you go this random dude
and the undertaker is like style them.
So then they style them how they kind of wanted to look.
So any relative of mine haven't looked like themselves in the
coffin. Like my granddad, he died and he
like he was he looked like me little bit balder, but yeah.
And he just wore a wore a blue shirt, right Blue shirt all
time. I was him smoke constantly.
I was at when he died. He looked like Frank Sinatra.
They'd like like put a hairpiece on him or something.
He looked at me 40 years younger, porcelain like do.
You know what I'm very like relaxed on death, you know, like
I'm not someone who like protect you.
Like you can't know until you're like fierce, but like, I'm very
like laid back about that. But you have now made me the
opposite because my main worry is that, like, what if when I
die and I'm in a coffin or something, what if he, like,
does Mcquiff, the undertaker goes how you were just Quiff to
the right? I'm like, I don't mean to go to
the left, It's natural, but what happens?
If he's like, if he just wants to comb your hair right back and
it's like, you know, a pompadour.
I would honestly like, I would hate that.
True thing. And this I remember the time
being like, what are you doing? Well, my granny died like she
had been sick for a long period and lost a lot of weight.
So naturally when you're old, your skin is not as sweet as it
was cute. So whenever she was in the
coffin, like her skit, like her smile didn't look like her
smile. It was sort of a bit like the
Joker and a Batman. Was like.
But my, I was kind of like trying to find another.
You put some fucking cotton her cheeks or something like she
doesn't like herself. I think that don't worry about
it. And he was going, do you have
any fun? Cotton pot or something?
And you're not. What are you going to do?
But. See the fat metal cheeks you
know, because she didn't look like herself sometimes thinking
to myself, is he going to try am I going to watch my dad like for
like what someone go and seen your mom just fucking sticking
cotton butts in there and. Don't talk about the corpse of
your granny and go see someone. No, that's all right.
And then? See, you're going down 911.
Is this going to 911? Is it the granite?
No, My other granite died 911 But just clarify not No, She
died on the 11th of November. The 9th of November, yeah.
But up here, yes. Here, of course no.
But she I was a sagging because I'm I mean, I don't know how I
should say this because I've said this recently and people
like don't say it here. And I was like, mate, back to
1940 or whatever. I'm from mixed marriage, right.
So I'm from I go to parole funerals.
I go to Catholic funerals. I love them both, you know, and
yeah. And why is it every time I come
in this podcast, we talk about funerals and death.
I don't know. I don't know.
It's it's foreboding. But I am was with my granny who
died 911. She obviously had an open casket
and she, she just, she just had a heart attack and died and fell
in a rake in the garden. So they're like, she's all
bruised and all. So they had, I don't know
whether to put a teeter over or something, but it was.
Not as in she stood. She stood on it.
No, she just had a heart attack and dropped.
Oh, and fell on a rake that was already on the ground now, which
was. That is like quite a slapstick
way to go. It's like you take your final
steps and then stand on the rake and.
Then I'll be Mr. Bean. But yeah, so she like had to
like put a sheet over her and all.
It was very pretty. Sad.
Yeah, Mr. Bean, like I Oberon Atkinson, that eventually dies
in a funny way. Yeah, You know what I mean?
Like something just. And he falls off a building like
the start of Mr. Bean. You're like.
Nice. Remember the I remember watching
the episode of Mr. Bean where he needed to paint this flat and he
couldn't be bothered like paint on the walls and then a couple
of coats. So he covered everything in
newspaper and set off like a wee bit of an explosion, white
paint. And I used to watch Mr. Bean and
go. But what is the what is the
problem with that? Yeah, what's the issue?
No, Mr Mr. Bean was great. And what's what's great about
Mr. Bean is now there's a cartoon series so I can like my
my daughter watches. Mr Mr. Bean is one of the
funniest things that like Mr. Bean is also funny all around
the world. Yeah.
Like he's popular in, like all different players.
Like they'll be Taliban guys right now.
Yeah. Sticking a bit of Bean on.
IS he's universally brilliant because he doesn't speak very
much and he just gets into hello, hello, hello.
You know, we should start doing that.
The stand up, The universal stars.
But do you remember, you ever remember the time?
I don't know for what reason, he was like a DAB&Q or something
doing some DIY and he couldn't fit all his gear into his Mini.
So he like he was driving as many on the roof.
No, he bought a seat, so he's on top of the seat like a mop and
he was driving people like what's been out there.
What about the swimming pool? And like the kids egg them on
the off the top diving board? And he, you know, he was like
that, like Mr. Bean is. And in the movie, remember the
movie, he was working in an art gallery and he like there was
the famous painting and there was something on it.
And he like spits on a hanky and then he starts to reckon he has
to replace it and. Can I just say I think you've
done the most unbelievable full circle here because, you know,
Mr Bean's holiday when he's like, run the boat with a wee
boy and there's a woman who's like his love interest in it.
You know, she, I think her name's Emily de Koon, who is
Antoine de Koon's daughter, the host of Euro Trash.
What about that? There we go.
Mr. Bean and Euro Trash have some of that.
I mean, by the way, I'd like to see.
Mr. Bean, imagine what she's like.
Can you look up if there's a Mr. Bean porn please?
As in a party. Yeah, I said I mean, or if just
ruin Atkinson sex David watch either, but imagine.
Flicking the Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean.
Yeah, but imagine. Mr. Bean got her butt all takes
place in a mini. Imagine the high jinks that the
publish he create cure stick goes up.
Teddy tags in, when he comes he just goes.
Can you imagine the facials of Rowan Atkinson doing a sex
scene? Mr missed her bane.
That's enjoyable. Please, please see if this
exists. If there is a Mr. Bane.
I don't think there will be. I don't think there will be.
Well, I mean, he's checking on it.
Love that. Yeah.
And Big Show coming up next month.
Big shooter. Yeah.
And can we talk about like career?
Yeah, we can. We can talk about anything you
want. You're jacking it in, not
comedy, but like you're 9:00 to 5:00.
I am, yeah. I'm called full time.
Full time funny man just. Full time funny man, full time
dad, full time career community worker.
Yeah, all in one eye. So.
But like, that's a that's a big move, yeah, to leave the
security of a job and go into the.
The Hahab is into the end of the lols here, so we'll see, but I
just sort of figure that there's no time like the present in the
middle of a global pandemic. The.
Why not Jack? Of the job.
And why not a? Couple of kids house, mortgage
fuck up. Yeah, come and tell me tales.
Yes, do. You think some people will think
you just go to like a joke shop every day?
I don't I don't know, because what's funny in in my day job, I
would work with like a lot of communities and stuff and when
times people go, I heard you're a comedian.
I and I'd be like, yeah, go, you're not funny, mate, you're
fucking boring. I'm like, yeah, what do you
want? Me to yeah.
You're at these community meetings about funding, mate,
and you're bringing no punch lines to it Yeah, you're just
telling us about ways to get funded.
Normal. Yeah.
And I was like, well, yeah. And what do you want me to do?
Like come in and be like, oh, tell me jokes?
No, like I'm. It's called being professional.
Yeah, no. As the time starts taking
towards me leaving, well, I start throwing in a few hijinks.
Very possible. It's a couple of weeks, couple
of weeks away and then yeah, and you're going to do it.
Yeah, and it's exciting, but it's also equally terrifying,
too. You're taking a like a year,
year off, but. I don't want to go back.
That's what that's what I'm saying.
Are you treating it like a year off or you in your head going
I'm just. I just got a new sky contract
for 18 months so I'm at least I'm at least to present to be
not just got getting the sports package and cheaper Internet,
but I'm. Going, I thought you would.
This is your way of dropping that you've got an exclusive.
That's my what I want to do without is me.
Like I don't want to not be at work before the bloody animus
guy contracts up. So at least you know, 18 months.
So if a lot I need to be doing to be.
See, when you do full time, all you do is in the morning you go
to the joke shop, see what they have a ham buzzer.
Yeah. Are you like in the joke shop or
all the other me? Mickey and Colin meet up every
morning and Jimmy Crockett and go to the joke shop and.
This time ever come in or Tim McGarry?
Is he too busy I pedalling gear? He's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's too bad. I forgot that.
That is the showbiz feud that just will not go away.
Yeah. You and Tim McGarry.
Yeah, but listen, you know I he calls Beers Beard.
Call Tim. Do you know what's really sound?
There was a there's a comedian that's home for a while and he's
going to do the podcast, but he can only do today.
OK. And I was like, should have
moved things around. And then we're like, no, we'll
just keep it to what it is. Pretty sound.
And. Who?
Who is it? Can't say, can't say.
Can. You tell me.
All fair. I just give you a major clue.
Oh, I know exactly who it is. Yeah, yeah, that'd be a great
episode, but hopefully we can get him again.
Just go go to see him if you're kicking about.
Do you have any like? That was a really good clue by
the way. Very good clue.
Do you have any ambitions, specific ambitions with stand up
in the next year where you'd go that would, is it all like
financial? Not not financial as in like
that's obviously not why you're doing it, but do you have like a
barometer of success where you go in the next year?
Or if I can do that, that'll let me know I can keep doing this
well. I've I'll sort of look at it
like, umm, like McCall or Tell is the Arsenal manager right he.
You want to be the Arsenal? No, soldier.
So he's basically he started and he's shit.
Yeah, for a good bet like. But he keeps saying trust in the
process. I know.
What's called Everyone's lagging him.
Yeah. And he's like, no, no, you'll be
all right. I'm kind of like that.
I'm like, I don't quite know what my process is yet, but I
trust in it and I'll make it and make it work.
So the thing I keep forgetting about is the fact that I'm doing
the Ulster Hall. So like you're trying to
function in all your like what they need during here, what they
need during there. And I keep forgetting I'm
playing a theatre like in a month.
So that'll be a nice weak start. And for me in terms of that is
the see, we'll see how it sells this year, how the show goes
again. I might, may or may not do it
again next year. And just make sure that it's
either at the same level or above.
So to keep it being steady, because I think sometimes it's
you have to do things in a steady manner right as well.
And and. Would you consider bringing like
wires and incorporating wires into the shoe like next year?
Oh, that's. I mean, this year I'm coming up
from under the stage, fire away like elevator thing to enter.
Next year might get lower. Oh yeah, actually, no.
Because I was like, why? I've done the overall?
Why I never been told that's an option?
Yeah, I mean, it probably is. No, like if it was me the thing
would like it would not come up for ages and people would have
stopped the plot and then it would take me too high up.
Then you just beat your head up and you have to do the whole
show like your podcast logo you like.
All right. But I know you're like, that's
the thing. See with with your show and like
it'd. Be better.
Just head. Any big show though, like they
ask you, they basically you can do anything.
You can cover the whole back, you can we can paint the whole
place, but then they're like, we're going to take all that out
of your money and you sort of go.
Yeah, you go. Listen, I've got a concept for
this. I want to see some wood
panelling behind me. I want like a brick stage and
all this. It's the week of the show and
they go, that's three grand and you go, we'll see.
Whatever way it normally is, Have it, have it.
Yeah, have it that. Can you put a light on me?
Yeah, we can do a light. Brilliant.
When does this episode go out? Will this be out after you do 24
last SSE show? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We talk about the big baby costume because that was a lot
of fun. So for anyone who was at the
show, you'll know. And if you weren't your Judas.
But the way my show finishes is. Basically, is there a way that
you can, like Don can stop people who don't go to your live
show from listening to the. Tune we're working on that.
So see at the end of the show I talk about my baby being really
big in the show when he was born and you come out as my son at
the end of the show. So many people said to me after
like you're terrible bastard, I thought you were bringing your
stomach like so many people did. But I've watched the show back
from the first one at this point and the pop would not happen
just. Class, Well, I mean, do you ever
come up with like stuff in your head?
You're like, would not be funny if this happened.
When I said you should get someone coming to, I didn't
think. You suggested it.
But don't think it's going to be me.
And at times it's be good banter.
Then, as you're dressed as a giant baby, stand behind a
curtain going. I'm about to leave my job and
try to become a credible comedian.
You're a triple XL adult baby costume.
I'm actually. Not a triple XL.
Let's tell people it's a women's called woman's a woman's costume
because they only have the way they only have and it's a weird
it is a very Northern Ireland dynamic, to be fair.
And a male female couple that like an old older man will be
like a wee where we small or medium and the moment will be
like a 24. I get.
So that's a big Belfast like hookup style.
So I was wearing like a size 20 women's baby costume.
Surreal moment where like, you're backstage, but walk out
at the SSE Arena, yeah, to close a show and you're like, yeah.
We do you do think that in your head you go I'm actually going
to the SSE here. First time ever on stage yeah,
yeah. What this to carry?
But it was good. Fun.
You started talking to me during it as well.
Like, obviously, like the adrenaline of the show.
At the end of the show, I'm like, that's the biggest show
I've ever done. And like, you're coming as baby.
And then at one point you were just like chatting and I was
like, what the fuck off? Because we like, I didn't think
it. Was we sort of heard what we
were going to do and you were like, you want to and I was
like. I was just making noises.
I was like Johnny Marino, like Mr Bing, like this.
But yeah, it was, it was, it was great.
It was fun. And what is your opinion?
Haven't played Ulster Hall where I'm playing as a venue to
perform in. Haven't played Waterfront and
SSA. What what are the pros and cons
of of each? Is there one of the three that
you go? I prefer it as a strictly from a
standard point of view. I prefer doing or.
From a standard point of view, Waterfront, yeah, Waterfront
because it's bigger than the Ulster Hall.
Like the Ulster Hall is probably more set up for stuff to happen
in the middle of the hall. Yeah, like a box, like.
Because I, I think that's original, not what the venue is
built for, but that's like what it's really known for was these
big boxing shows the. Orchestras and the Music and
the. Orchestras, the Conlins are
doing bringing boxing back there, which is unreal.
Actually promote my show as well.
They are. Yeah, making changes.
Is there an undercard of your show just like Scraps?
Just there's, I don't have an opener, just a bag of matches.
Yeah. And then me so.
Like that'd be part for the middle of the theatre and then
you haven't people round up and then the balcony here looking
down at that, like that's that's what that's meant for.
And I've had real good shows there.
But I think Waterfront, even though it's more people feel
more intimate because you're on stage, it goes up quite high,
but they they're quite, they're in close to you.
And I think the the atmosphere, the acoustics are better on
Waterfront. And it's just, that's the one
where I was like, yeah, this is. But I think the show was was
better in SSE for me. And you know what, I've
announced already what I'm doing next year.
I think by this time I'm doing Opera House next year.
And that's not like I never really like the more people come
and see you, the better. But I don't really get like, I'm
not about what's the biggest venue I can do.
I did SSE out of curiosity, and I actually find it more intimate
than I thought. But Opera House, all price is
all price nearly the same size. The Ulster Hall.
So I'm going way back to do hopefully like multiple shows
and it's just to do a different venue.
I like doing that. I like going around different
places and seeing what it's like.
Because I did like the waterfront in terms of the setup
for stand up, Yeah, I nearly fell off the the balcony and
died. Should have been pretty
traumatic on. During my show, at what point?
Because I had to go, I had to go.
Back to like. I'd be like Travis Scott.
Like honestly if you fell over a balcony I'd be like who the fuck
you used to tell me to stop doing this show?
Honestly if you fell off the balcony and died at my show I
would think you were a selfish. Bastard.
Sneaky big. I'd be like, fucking drag him.
Let's get a lot of guys. Let's drag this guy out the
fucking freight. But little.
Bit the last time I wanted to show Waterfront I was sat in the
wings drinking 10s of cider and I like it was very loud.
This time I wanted to go into the audience and actually watch
and I enjoyed it enjoy a lot. Again, probably for me I have
seen most of your stuff from the SSE show so you know like the
but I hadn't really seen or remembered a lot of stuff from
the Waterfront show. So it was like nice to just go
back and see the whole show. And I thought as a show it was
cracking for the SSE show was great as well.
But just for me, haven't seen so much and gained so much with
you. It was nice to just almost be a
fan for the night there, yeah. Because that's what I'm going to
do. Your show.
I'm going to probably watch from the side as you walk on.
I want to be standing with you as you walk on.
Yeah. And then I'm going to go sit in
the audience somewhere nice. Yeah, no, I think, I think
that's a good way to do it. You can't gauge really from the
side of stage, no matter how good or bad it's going.
You don't know until like you're in where the audience are.
It's like a thing I like today. If I was watching you, I'd like
to see you do your show from like an audience point of view.
And then if you're doing to, I like to watch and see how the
Crowder respond to as well, just to see.
It was so hard, like with SSC to know how it was going.
Yeah, until it was about halfway through it and it was like this
grid, but like you're you're just working the audience,
you're working the remote to see how do you do this?
And then so I know for this week, which will already have
happened, and I'll know a couple of things, like, weird on that
laugh. Yeah.
Because that's a great thing. Like Waterfront, so big.
But the laugh comes back to you pretty quick.
Yeah. Because of the acoustics, SSE is
always a far bigger space, higher ceiling.
So it almost comes back to you in a wave.
Yeah. So you got to, like, trust that
the laugh is coming. Yeah.
And it's probably no point, not one second for the laugh to come
back. But when you're up there, it
feels like 5 seconds. Yeah.
And how unnatural is that? And stand up to Alive for
Silence to wait for the laugh, because then you're like, what
if I wait for it? And just you know what?
In real time, this is how I think it's going, blah, blah,
blah, blah. She fell out of the bath.
And that you know, but it's not that.
It's not that size at all. Yeah, no, it was when I was
doing Laverys last night. I did it a bit and you know,
when, just when our reaction from somebody hits you really
weird. I was talking about final lump
in my testicles and I went a final downstairs thought it, you
know, might have been cancerous and some guys on his own.
I was like. He loves it.
All right, man. Yeah, what's what's the point?
Whereas if I was in the in the big venue, I don't wait 5
seconds for that. They'll probably be away.
But what's this guy? This guy.
He'd follow you to every show now, but.
What I what I did think was interesting about SSE 2 is like,
because of the lights, it was almost like like a black box
theatre in many respects because you could only maybe see a few
people. So it was, it's probably good
because you have your R Darn. You can just deliver your R
whereas like I think somewhere if you can see people in
temptations to maybe have a better crack of them and they
think, oh he's my mate now and you know.
SSE do a brilliant job because when I first heard about this is
an option to do big theatre shows there because it's not the
full If anyone thinks it's not the full arena, it's half it.
But they do make it feel actually like a theatre because
when I first heard about it, I thought that's going to be just
like cut the venue in half and then that's it.
But they the way they configure it, the way they light it, the
stage, it is perfectly. Yeah, it's really this.
Class, but I don't know, like I said, you as well, but doing
like the like year after next maybe I'll do a real small venue
and do like a long time. Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah. Well, you just, you gotta keep,
I think if you do the same venue every year.
Yeah, there's like nothing. You need to have some form of
progression, otherwise it'll be steel for you.
It'll get steel for people. Yeah.
You know, if you keep doing the same venue, you know, obviously
say for me, if I sell X amount in Ulster Hall, then next year I
maybe want to come back, try and fill out or whatever that is.
So again, as long as there's some form of progression.
What would be your? Like.
Don't give a fuck. Dream show to do as in like no
barriers you can just do it. Don't need to be realistic, you
just be like, that's what I would love to play.
Honestly. I.
I don't have any goals that far ahead yet.
For me, it's like I just need to make what is happening now work
for me because again, I've been in stand up now for a long a
long enough time to know what works for me.
But then again, I'm getting the wage in every month, so I know
what that works. So for me, it's just, you know,
being able to, you know, live comfortably and be able to do
bigger and ultimately each show at each time.
So for me at this moment, Ulster Hall, that is I'll be I'm sure
afterwards I'll reflect on that and go.
That's a big achievement for me to play a room in the size and
then just try to keep, you know, make make sure that sure that
people have come to show be like I have to come and see him
again. The shows, you know, that funny
that I have to come and see it again.
That's effectively I've got I have the most couple of goals
the. Shows in the next Would you say
it? Yeah, because why not like it?
And if it don't happen, like, oh, you said you want to do it
like I know I want to. Do one of the best things ever.
Few wasn't a few years ago we had chat and I was like what's
your goal? You're like one hour and
1,000,000. In a year, because I know this
was like this was not like two or three years ago, this was
like 7 years ago. We were like we should write
down goals for the next year and one of mine was earn £1,000,000
in the year. It's fair to say, it's fair to
say that I maybe didn't make I was maybe about 970 grand off it
or. Something.
More my goals would be eh, honestly and not in any order.
I want to do a show. Sea park outdoor and Hollywood
done. Sea park playing fields, big
outdoor show during a summer? Yeah, outdoor thing.
Then all three are a door. Actually I want to do a Bell
Sonic, I want to do Ormo Park and the other one is I want to
do Kingspan Stadium. They're all.
Achievable again, summer events, outdoor.
Yeah, that's, that's what, that's what I'd like to do.
Yeah, no, they're all achievable goals.
And now you've said it's in the ether.
You know, people nowadays are a big believer in that, that you
once you said it's a good vibes. Yeah.
We need to get into all that shit because we're not into all
that crystal progression. No, no, no, like well, self
development, progression, visualisation.
Said it'll happen. Yeah, we need to get into that
hype. You know, we need to be like,
hyped about things. A lot of people are hype guys,
whereas it's like I believe I I think I'm AI would I would argue
that I'm both a glass half empty and a glass half full guy.
Like, I'll be positive about certain things, but then other
things will be like national. Yeah, people be be like the
maximum you, be the you you've always wanted to be like.
Why the fuck would I be the me I've always wanted to be to be
Harren. Yeah, I'm just see.
The way some people like they get all hyped up about
everything. Sometimes I think, well, I'm
you're going to come and see me be funny.
Like that's it's not, it's not like a stand up.
It's, it's not a, it's not a life altering experience.
You're not. We're not like, yeah, it's like.
Oh my God. Like, you know, those guys come
with the preachers. They're like, I'm going to suck
the demon out of you, brother, honey.
And these people like, oh, God. And it's not like that, you
know, you come to my shows, you have a wee giggle.
You go as a good time, mainly a few drinks.
That's a lot of fun. It's not like we're not on like
I'm not on a cult leader. Yeah, yeah.
That wants to make. It silly.
It's just silly. Like stand up, silly.
But listen, if people want to get hyped, they won't get jacked
and I'm pumped by all means. 17th of December, Black eye
Friday. I mean should have thought about
that one and booked them come out.
Let's let's have a dig a match. Let's watch some.
Call. You know what we should do as an
audience? We should, after you finish,
rush the stage and beat the shit out of you for Black Eyed.
Friends, I mean, that's that's a clip.
It's insensitive nowadays to be urging people to do that.
Yeah, what I would say, unlike some other performing arts, I
will have PSNI, I'll have event SEC, I'll have security.
If you come near a stage, you'll be teaser.
There'll be more event. Shot, shot.
I'm just say, listen, don't worry about a teaser.
Shoot people and none of this, you know, in a way now it's like
you shoot the Kelx. If you're missing the IT could
be dramatic. Bring back a good old days.
Shoot people out of the paramilitaries work on my show.
Ladies and gentlemen, you're like Sinatra with a mob at you
in the UV. What the good thing about it is,
because I'm a Wii mixer, I love her as well.
I love the UDAUVFRALVF, you know Ogden Heron in LA, All the boys
come all together. All the boys come together and
have a laugh. I think I'll learn.
Played for Holly fucking Mickey Mourinho or?
Olga Heron and Johnny Marino. Clip up over the paramilitaries,
guys. Thank you very much for
watching. Listen to this episode.
My guest is the on what's on something flappable,
unflappable, unflappable. Dave Elliott.
The unlistenable unwatchable. The chocolate panda himself,
Ulster Hall, Big guy loves it. Yeah, thanks for watching
Manske. 20% off Free ship and patreon.com by the way.
If people want this is not a thing.
I don't know if you find this, people are like how do I get
tickets to your show? What you can do is my name is
Dave, Dave Elliott. You type it in the Google with
Ulster Hall and then he gets there.
And then once you finish doing that, Johnny Marino or Mr Bing,
look for them both and have a good time.
Yeah. 17th of December, Pillow Talk.
Brother, I'll be there. Or be square, yeah.