Because we're just talking about it before we start the episode,
I'm just going to tell you about when I when I've eaten this.
Oh, yeah, don't know. But yes, absolutely.
So I was 16 when I've eaten myself.
Can I remember it? Because I had, I actually have
more. I said this before I said again,
I have more Chester than than you would think.
Yeah, you've got that nice, sexy Chester.
Yeah, I said that wrong. No you didn't.
I'm hard from take that umm, all I do is not is pretty umm.
What happened either? So did I, I called them Labour.
Did you? But.
I said I'm I'm hard right and jokingly I said from take that
and then did an impression. What does take that could do
with eaten? It doesn't.
Right. But I meant when you said I had
sexy chest. There, I've got then erect.
Yeah, off the back of that. But what's erections going to
take that? Because then I pivoted.
Right. You didn't pivot differently.
I pivoted. I did because then I went I'm
hard and then I jokingly went, but from take that meaning I'm
not erect. I'm just a member of the 90s boy
band, right? And then I did an impression of
hard, which is difficult because you didn't sing a lot and take
that. Oh, pray.
OK, when you said hard, I didn't, you were saying Howard.
But I would never say Howard. Yeah, but you'd said hard and
you just said hard again. Yeah, but I thought you just
went I'm hard from tech that I'm like tech that makes you hard.
Well, but you miss Howard. Yeah, the other way one makes me
hard. Mark Owen.
That's the one, Yeah. Clementine.
No, that's. I know that was a dirty wank
joke, but the fact that I pulled Clementine out of the back of my
I. Was thinking 4 minute warning
which is more than 4 minute warning but Clementine's more 4.
Minute warns also how I have sex. 4 minute warnings.
What you say when Mark Owen comes on TV?
Yes, that other people in the room.
Yeah, I actually give you a form and I ejaculate so quickly I
don't come. I I went.
Yeah, I went and there's no build up to it.
Yeah. Umm, anyway, you're feeding.
Yourself. So what happened was I was not a
house party and there was beat there, a deadly party,
basically. Yeah, there was.
There was Veda in the room. Yeah, by chance?
Definitely. That's the difference in working
class and middle class parties. But there's no hold on, Hold on.
What working class parties were you at?
I was. A little working class parties.
No, you weren't. Yes, it was Sinn Fein, the
working class. Party.
Yeah, it. Was the right of the party
whatever invited me? Like carry out a bottle of feet.
The only parties, the only parties I went to, people were
beating themselves. So that tells you you wouldn't
even want to go to these parties.
Actually. False.
He was at this party. What?
You were at this party. It was up the road.
Yeah. So.
But you wouldn't necessarily remember this element of it.
So was everybody victim? Nobody was it.
Was a VAID party VAID? Was just there.
Somebody's mad a vaid. Exactly.
So I I must have said what the hell is that personally
throwing? The party goes goes, oh, you put
it gets rid of all your hair and I disputed that.
I said there's there's no way is it?
You're a quack. That's what I said, fool, right?
But his party was in what year? The Victorian Times.
And then I said there's no way, right?
But I said this is hyperbole. And then?
Hyperbole was the guy who owned the house.
He was like, no, I swear it gets rid of it.
So, so right. So I I said there's no way.
She goes, the host goes the only one way to find out here.
And I said, you're right now I wasn't going to put it on my
head. Obviously.
The only other place that by law I could have got out with her at
that time was the little what do people call that the.
Weed Treasure trail. The Treasure Trail, No, that was
at that time the only bar pubes, the only real hair visibly I had
on my body at the time. So I said, right, I'm going to
do that. No, I was going on holiday the
next. Day, right?
OK, perfect time. No, that I felt like that was
the only wee bit of manliness I had that treasure trail treasure
trails sexy back in the day. Yeah.
Well, you found it really what I remember like that being a
thought as I was talked about, Yeah.
You know, umm so so I lathered. I was always fat to mine, always
went like that. I was just under the belly.
I just got back into me. So I I lathered up.
I put on too much meat if anything, and I laughed.
She had 15 minutes. That's good.
That hair is gone. I said it won't be.
So I put it on enjoyed the rest of the party.
I think I put the T-shirt on over again right And then I
looked up, looked down at this thing in 15 minutes later and I
could see all the her in the same place with the vaid over
it. So I said there you go.
Hasn't worked. So I get whether it was a cloth
or I've got a kitchen roll. Wipe the cream off.
Treasure trail goes with it. Had to go on holiday feeling
like a eunuch. I felt like a eunuch.
Nick, you wasn't Game of Thrones over Christmas.
Yeah. I had nothing there.
We did. I've always respected victims.
I veto the guys. Well, sorry, I was at a party
where a guy's eyebrows confused. Hold on you, but you started
that by my. Genuine.
He didn't because at the time we were trying to shave slits in
their eyebrows that to be cool boys and I took a shot one or
two. I was just going for one, but I
accidentally once did like a big eyebrows did like a about 1/2
inch gap right. So there was like, I was like,
but you can. Afford that.
You can afford that with your eyebrow.
No, but it was the gap should have been there but I don't
unibrow with like a thing here. So I was going to leave his
eyebrows alone and then someone was like, we'll try the V1, the
V doesn't work and. These are the working class
parties your working. Class party.
It was universal. People injecting vape.
Yeah, exactly. But I remember like, yeah,
putting the guy's eyebrows and he was asleep on the couch and
we thought it's not going to work.
Yeah, like maybe I remember thinking because.
The thing of the concept of that.
But I remember being dumb enough to think, Oh no, Vape knows the
difference between pubes and eyebrows, so we're going to be
safe enough. Like, he's not going to be
angry. And then he like woke up and was
like, and then just like just looks so surprised.
But you can, yeah, you can tell. You couldn't tell you just like
no, but you look great, yeah. Because I was all like, I think
I did the eyebrow thing and like, you did too much.
Yeah, why don't we? Why are we doing that?
Do you know what? See when it was done right?
It look it look good on about four people.
I it looks good on mixed race pop stars like male mixed race
pop stars or some like members of social crew someone who am I
thinking of specifically MC Harvey?
Yeah. We looked at MC Harvey and went.
See him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There was there was narrow Caucasian could get wet.
Mary, by the way, is another good product for getting rid of
her. There was no Caucasian could get
away with the slip in the eyebrow.
No, very. Eyebrow What Caucasians could
get away with it? Peter Andre.
Peter Andre, perhaps, but he's Greek.
Yeah. But you still why don't?
No, I think he's separate. Separate.
He's vegetarian. Yeah, very few white men could
get away with that. Did Eminem have one at 1.0?
Definitely would have. Remember used to see people that
like guys were in the like, fucking like, they're in that
like monkeys. They were in the like.
Rock music would have several of Australia.
Slayer culture, where is it? We'll just listen.
That fucking disturbed. No, that's that's you're mad
System of a die. No, it's disturbed.
No, it's disturbed to go oh. Yeah, it's Disturbed to do that,
but that's what the band says. Disturbed do this hello door.
No disturbed brought that out years later but was like an
early 2000s disturbed so the seconds is called.
You're thinking of that. That's not disturbed.
That'll be a good punk rock cover, Barbie.
I can. Oh, mysterious car.
What's happened? To.
This pocket. I've been on my desk over New
Year so this first time I've been out and speaking to people.
It's there's I there's nothing worse than a fucking I have good
days and flu like will he lost what he got huh?
Then a bed sweating all the time.
Yeah, I'm a Zambic umm. Helping them umm should we do we
well let's intro this up ladies and gentlemen well this episode
of the TV with me podcast I hope everybody had a great Christmas
great new year. Then I'm going to tell you
something I hope doesn't offend you.
I started this year all sick, not feeling good in my bed, Exp
and warts and I get kidna mediaeval thing.
Lance Yeah. Man with a pointy mask.
And then, do you know, man in the arm mask, I didn't realise
was just one guy until years later.
I thought, yeah, I thought, you know, that's Leonardo DiCaprio.
For years I thought Leonardo DiCaprio had an identical twin
who was also an actor but didn't really do much after that film.
Crazy. Fair enough.
I. Yeah, I felt bad for that other
guy. I was like, he was good in that
too. He was good in that like, yeah,
he really wore that mask well. But I'm coming into 2025.
Can I, can I just say this? I'm coming in cute.
Yeah, I'm coming in cute. Dumberly.
But it's a trade off, yeah. What would you prefer?
Cute or smart? Yeah, cute.
I hate being a sliver. But yeah, I felt them, you know,
I just the new year and I'll just just.
Do you do a resolution every year?
Do you? No.
No, I don't like, I don't like all that.
Yeah, it's. A way life.
You should be doing that thing anyway.
Yeah, yeah. You know, agreement.
I agree. Keep it up all year.
I don't know, because it sets you up to feel, I think.
And then people get all hard on themselves when they don't, you
know, keep. It up like from tech up?
I guess no, it's time. For me to give up next.
Year me to give up but but yeah. I was close.
I'm getting closer. Wow, wow, babe, I'm back again,
but we're back. TV podcast 2025 See more
patreonpatreon.com/TV me podcast things look, things that are
coming up stars in your eyes make you missed a good night.
Oh, you missed a good night. That's going to be.
Every fucking green room but then since.
It's going to be. Out all the boys like me, you.
Fucking missed you missed out. They're all put that hooker down
and stop taking all this cocaine.
You're Paul Co host Connor Case. Yeah, as von Morrison.
Unreal. He transcended himself.
The man I remember and this. Is I can croon?
He can. This is a story that I I've said
on podcast before, so we can't get annoyed, right?
But I remember seeing the first time I ever saw him sing.
He's he's in a band. The commitments to the do like a
commitment tribute thing. He words.
They didn't, yeah. They were like, oh wow.
It's just too disturbed. But they're committed.
But I remember being like, like, like hold a year you were.
I was like attracted to him, like real, real attracted to
him. And I remember like saying about
his wife came to see him one night and I was like, how
quickly was your Willy in your wife's mouth after she saw you
sing? And he goes lad.
The front door wasn't even closed.
He's great and. He's fantastic and.
He became Van Morrison. But he'll tell himself, see,
whatever he gets a real good, if you give him a fucking a good
set of couple of songs, you can see women come to the front of
the stage like, yeah, he's just a big, big daddy.
He's class. People say there's people go
he's him. Yeah, he's him.
Yeah, you know. Wants him to.
Louis Armstrong. Yeah, the piano.
Anyone could do later? I'm strong in furnace.
Yeah, it's true that one, obviously with the flu.
How you feeling, Shane? Pedro on.
The comments that to me, podcast stars in your eyes will be going
up there, the Waterfront Hall podcasts.
Yeah, Mickey and Willie will be there on end of this month.
The Mickey and Willie apps going to be up at the end of this
month class and Pedro on the column slash TV podcast links in
the description. We're doing the SSE, we're doing
the SSE Arena in in May. Is that fair to say in the date
in May? It is in May, yeah.
It is, and it's towards the enemy.
Would that be? Right, it is, yeah.
Would it be the 20? Lower yeah, yeah.
Friday 23rd Friday The. 20 Jump on an English shirt.
I know. You'll be part of it, I'll be
part of it. You're just doing a disturb
mentally at the start. Cibbers.
Let me take a real quick minute to tell you that this episode of
the TFT Podcast is sponsored by our friends A Better Help.
What do you want your 2020 five Storey to be?
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2025. Maybe you're ready for a plot
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And then I've got to do this. And then a couple of weeks in,
you don't get a chance to do it or you forget and then you kind
of just throw it away because you, not that you feel that it,
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I don't know, I've always struggled with their goals at
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get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com/tea with
me. Back to the pot.
What's happening? These drones, brother, that's
something I kept seeing over Christmas in New Year.
I must look into. I must look into this.
And then I went, If one man's going to know, it won't be
making. Me, I can, I'll take a stab, but
I think everybody got them for Christmas.
No, but people's people are going over New Jersey.
Oh, why all that stuff? What was the crack?
Did that ever get answered? I don't really know.
I kind of, I don't know. I was, no, I think did not put
something like that. It's they're just military
drones that they were out looking to make sure there was
no Chinese shit coming through. So they're just taking them for
a spin. Yeah, they've got them for
Christmas in the military bases. They're just having a play.
Joe Biden's like fucking last day at work.
Fuck it. Get the drones up.
The fuck? Yeah, but you would, absolutely.
It's like bringing your video in from home at school.
Yeah, you know, it's like your last day.
Why not take the drones? It's.
Porno. Do you think he was on them?
On the drones. No.
What do you think? So are you saying are you
sending your last day of school? You brought in porn?
No. I would love the last day of
school. One of the teachers brought a
tape in for us to watch and it was porn.
No, it was Robert De Niro and Ronan.
Have you ever seen that? Ronan what sort of porn?
No matter, De Niro was like just don't say nothing.
Don't say nothing at all. Are you fucking me?
I don't feel anyone else you. I've got nipples running.
Could you milk me please? Robert De Niro, Roni Keaton,
your last day of school. I'll be, I guess, an hour and a
half. Take notes will be a cute at the
end. Why?
Why my two years? I brought in Mr Toad in London
or something that was called. I brought the video.
That's a weird porn of saying that one.
That's a lot, lot more awards. Last night, three, I brought it
in. I, I was the video guy, really.
I said I got this and it was something like Mr Told in
London, you know what I'm talking about.
Mr Told in London or something wrong about London.
Having a great time. Again, middle class we were
watching my dad was just tape rats and make.
Greenwood Primary. School that is one thing.
Sorry that happened as is off topic, but during Christmas I
watched my dad just get drunk and watch footage on YouTube of
old Northern Irish rats. Like like like the way black?
Gorvaki 96. Like the way people might watch
like this? Like a World Cup final.
Or the World Cup, Yeah. He's like, I was a fucking good,
we says here. Just for an assist.
Hardball douche. I know.
The Adventures of Toad. Yeah, and he's in London for one
of them to think, OK, people popping off everyone, like even
the teachers were like, great. The one thing I have seen that
and the one thing is in London it's not really an adventure.
He's just on the Tube, like, yeah.
Herbert Who? Herbert.
They said Herbert. I was trying to do a rabbit,
then I realised frogs or toads don't do that.
To the toads go. But I think if you still riveted
for a toad, I don't think that people dispute that.
Probably right. You know, probably right.
I don't think anyway, I think you'd have to be a despicable
individual, someone riveted as a toad to go.
They don't do that. David Attwood just comes up
behind me actually making toads go toad.
But what noise to toads just go like that's a sheep.
But so my niece got one of them VTech things because you're
trying to remember them all. No toads.
Toads probably like red. Like, do they probably rivet
too, you know? Google this for me right?
Is it true that's gonna sound fucking mental.
Sounds out loud that animals do have accents.
Yeah, I think. I think like cats and dogs do,
if they're like in a house with people from different countries,
they sort of pick up on intonation and stuff.
Really. Yeah.
You, you can hear dog Wolf. You know wolf, Wolf for dogs
here bark. Yeah, fuck off, Fuck off.
Yeah, yeah. Australian dogs.
Wolf. Yeah, I've heard a couple of
shooting cats. Yeah.
Yeah, actually. Turned out it was just a guy
driving past me in the car. I yeah, I think they would have
the would have accent. It'd be great to know what
animals think. I always think that.
Do you think like I know what? I know what a cat thinks a cat?
Thanks. Fuck you.
Yeah. Cats are evil.
You shouldn't have them your home.
Umm. Dogs.
Dogs only think we like. But do you think we'll have that
technology ever to know what animals are thinking, or do you
think it'd be hard to implement? I don't know why that's.
I don't know why that's puzzled me so much, like that question
so difficult. I don't know what I'm thinking.
But where do you start coming up with that technology?
Where do you start? There would.
Be some weird shit on a dog's head and be all.
I was in Joxer when we were going to meet before this part
and I just looked at people in suits having like a business
meeting and being like, is everyone bluffing?
Barn. Is everyone bluffing?
Everyone's bluffing. Is there?
Is there set of things to say? Or who's in charge of the
minutes? What is that even?
What if it's longer than you know?
Yeah, why you get somebody else and if it goes past 59 minutes
they're. In an R.
Yeah, there's an R. Oh, I am.
Yeah, imagine. I was like, imagine.
Everyone's bluffing. Like the person called the type
field first. Yeah, that must be the most
stressful fucking job in the world, I think.
Imagine you just fuck it up a wee bit.
Like you just. More stressful than that?
You. Like you, you told the police
over to the dock. Off.
You'd be off, No. Yeah, but.
No one else has taken notes, so they don't know that you were
wrong. I was the reader back later.
They probably don't do it, probably don't know, but.
Here's my thing. Everyone's blossomed 100%
because you're people see all the people that are like the
people, people doing stuff like like like CEO's and all yeah,
they, they're like both, but they're like our age and
younger. And I look at that.
I remember looking around when I was younger going none of us are
going to like. I have this thing and it's it's
it's been striking me this like the start of this year.
I'm 38 in March, right? Yeah.
Listen. To this, but it's the first
year. It's the first year I'm getting
like proper nostalgic. Like it's the first age where
I've gone. Oh, I'm not young anymore.
Oh, I'm thinking. And there's certain things that
annoy the fuck out of me, right? And then I started thinking back
and I realised I never did homework and I started getting
flashbacks of the stress I was a of being in school Monday
morning. Choose every morning.
Do it. Do it.
Trying to do it before. I was teaching like, yeah, yeah,
yeah. How the fuck I got the uni is
unbelievable. Like I like bluff my way through
uni. I didn't open a fucking book and
got a 2/1. My mock GCSE, you know the way,
Like that's what my mock GCSE spelled out the letters in them.
Yeah, that is that too. And then and then somehow,
somehow I just. Got into tech?
What the hell? Hello.
It's been 20 years still. But for me, the actual GCSE
results I got were unbelievable. As in, if you look at the mock
exams and what I was projected to get versus what I got, it was
like the the the ultimate underdog story.
I pulled out of the bag because I just learned some things I
thought might be in the exam and I I just landed on my feet with
all of it. A cold revision like.
Yeah, but no, I didn't. I wouldn't even say.
I I think back, all right, I'm the same like I remember getting
a be GCSE Mads and I I'm telling, you know, I can't
count. Yeah, like I can't fucking do
counting, counting their numbers.
I can't even. I have no money.
I'm famous. I consider I consider myself
dyslexic but with numbers and I don't know what.
That's a real thing. Is that the scalculus?
It's called, yeah. I'm not.
Yeah, I don't have that. I the other day, I don't know,
again, fuck me, I decided to buy a puzzler, Right.
So we books like crossword puzzles like fucking Engage.
That's such an old woman thing to even call it.
Give me a Bring me my puzzler. Tell you what, first one it was
like fuck like fucking stupid anyway.
Yeah, even what do you call Like it's the crosswords where it's
not just the vegetable rhymes with ashram, right?
Cryptic. Who's doing the cryptics?
Who the fuck? There's others.
There's ones in that book where it's like numbers based
crosswords and but you have to write the word backwards and
all. I'm like, what the fuck?
I tried. This is some CIA thing.
If you can pass this to go like sometimes with your front door,
like Mr. Johnson, you want to come work for the government?
You're like, no, I'm 90. Yeah.
And a woman. I tried to do the a cryptic one
once on on like a train on the way to your gig and I was like
I'm trying to pass time not getting into Hogwarts.
They're so hard, like I was. I work in the civil service.
Yes, you used to do crosswords all the time because there was
nothing else to do, right? So I used to, and this is
because it was broke as well. I would get 10.
Bears loving here. And do 10 packs out of
crossword. So we could do it.
Yeah, Someone has already done it.
Yeah. And you're trying to like, not
read the answers. Yeah, And then you're like,
Blitz is going. I must have read some answers
because I tried the other day. I thought it was dead cute.
New year, new me. No drink When I said I was like,
Alexa, living room lights move and the light moved up,
crossword, bought a new pen and all.
And then 5 minutes and I'm like, fuck, I'm going to play.
Fucking stupid players. Yeah.
I and I hear all the cryptic stuff, Fox's foot made of Latin
ceramic. You know, it's, it's never even
the thing it's supposed to be. But you're not.
You're doing dry jam. You're going to do more.
Than I want to try to do dry January, February purely
because. This would be like this will be
like me pulling off like seizing my GCSE if you can do this.
Whoever he was, no idea. There's this definitely on the
correct Mr C. That's your mom.
I I just yeah, I'm just going to try and fucking.
I know it was going to get fat. That's.
Right, because at the end, the last year you said your goal was
just a. Fat thing is a dead lost its
own. Since well done brother.
I got fat done, completed. And no, I'm just, yeah, I'm just
going. I'm trying to just, I'm too old
for a night. It's just at that point I'm all
too like I was. I sort of, I was sitting on New
Year's Day and I was like, I can feed my fucking organs.
But you we're still young, but we're too.
I'm not 20 anymore, generally. I'm officially and have been for
about 15 years. Too old to be like 20.
Fuck it, let's go like. Yes.
You know what I mean? Yes.
So I'm just going to fucking take a wee tolerance brick.
I'm old too. Like we're getting old boy you.
Feel it like it's fucking. And sometimes I don't.
Sometimes I look around and I go, we're given into this thing.
Oh, I'm old too. Too early.
So I have a theory, right? That because we do a job that we
fucking love, Yes. Right.
And it's not really that hard. Yeah.
Babe, I'm back. Again, we have a bum and the
people you went to school with and you go.
I'm trying to make a point. I'm off for a coffee.
Ever. But we were having so much fun
I. Don't know we're not taking that
songs. Yeah, but I only know one.
I'm not even sure of a note. I.
Guarantee you know 10. I don't this.
Could it be magic back? That's not even them, it's
logging. Patience, that's not even me
telling you the name of song. Sure.
No, it's Cher. What was the one with the did
with the woman? There was what it.
Could be magic Lulu. Yeah, yeah.
Remember that one? OK, eh, it only takes a minute.
Oh why I think I'm beside more of these.
Umm the umm. Rule the world.
Rule the world, what a song. That was one of the new.
Everything changes. I was a back for good for back
for good. And one more.
Million love songs. Million.
Love, that's a classic, that is, yeah.
Sorry, what we said I'm just saying if for the rest of this
if anymore if anytime we say hard and we're not talking about
her from big that let's have fun.
But I don't want to go into my brain and like if I get home
tonight, my message that get hard for me and I'll be all.
Here, here. Shagger, by the way.
Was he is, He still is. I'm saying in great shape, great
dancer. And great shape, was he not?
Was he not the one that was rumoured that was?
He's an orange. What?
Is one on gay was another. There was a rumour for a lot.
I think she's an orange, very private guy and I think let's
not miss you. Won't be here again.
A lot of those guys are not private.
That's true. Another thing.
You're done with the least
private guys. In the world, I think it's
really gay guys that he had pride.
Oh, definitely. Every fucking year.
Probably. That's a git mask.
I think, I think there was always rumours about Jason
Orange, yeah, But I think the guy just likes keeping his head
down in that. Whatever.
You I feel like, yeah, I feel like it was a remember everyone
at some point. Yeah, all boy band guys to go.
He's the gay one. There has to be a gay one, they
say. You know.
But then like Stephen Gately came out.
I remember Stephen Gately came out.
My mom went. I was about 10 and my mom was
like, you know, if you were gay, it wouldn't be a problem.
And I was like, Oh no. And then I was like armour.
And then I was like, am I giving off a vibe?
Right. Yeah.
Remember Barry Manilow came up, Did he?
No, I know. He's still saying straight.
Umm. Barry Manilow was gay.
And I did it and then we did he joke there too.
We what? I did.
We did. He joke there, too.
I did. Barry, Man.
You said I got up too early. I said Barry Manilow came out.
You said daddy. I said no, I think he's still
straight. I'm really not fucking.
I know, no, I think, I think we're both as it's a new.
I always think about it like this.
I've always said comedians doing pods in the new year.
It's a bit like an old steam engine.
It's on the tracks and it's moving, but they're just it's
getting warming. Sometimes need to.
Pick up a wee bit of place. Yeah, at the minute it's hard.
Isn't it? So sorry, you were saying?
I My mom said if you were gay, it'd be all right.
No, I'm talking way before this. What was the same for that?
Getting old, Getting old. You're getting old.
Say saying, saying that, saying that.
Great schedule. What is that, though?
Nothing. That's just the ice cream
thought. You're getting close to
Hollyoaks for a second. That's something.
Is it? But it's just a thing.
Yeah. That's not chopsticks.
No chop. What's chopsticks?
Three things you eat with, so you're getting old.
I can't remember. I'm just old.
I just feel, I just feel that like.
You have a theory. Yes, my theory is is that we
don't look as old as people are age who do jobs they don't like.
Yeah, do you? Know what I mean?
Like I've I've seen people go to school or went to school with I
don't go to school anymore. Let's go man, you go.
Fuck, you look old. Yeah.
But then, then I'm wondering, they're looking at me like you.
Like we've talked before, I think about the suit, then
sometimes it feels weird. People want to work in suits.
It's like, I feel like we're in a very modern age, probably the
most modern age we've ever been in.
And a lot of people, a lot of people wearing suits.
It's like, I don't think anyone would care if you weren't.
I reckon there's do you reckon there's still people?
I think I'd be the kind of person, so if I worked in a job
where I needed to wear a suit, right, kind of put a uniform on.
Like with stand up, you kind of you get changed before you want
to do a gig. And there's a wee bit of me the
needs. I think if I worked from home
but was in a job where I used to wear a suit, I'd still have to
wear a suit in the house really. Otherwise I wouldn't do it.
Really. Yeah, if I'm in my jammies, I'm
not doing any work. I'd have to fully be like, let's
go into the office. Remember Karen used to wear
jammies on stage? Remember, you wore the onesie.
The onesie? Yeah, that.
Was an area you see a tusi. Nice, nice.
Sorry, can I love you? That was an era, wasn't?
That was an era you look like down in the video and Batman.
I just saw Matilda for the first time.
These were your. The motion pitcher.
You've only said it's it's a
classic. With what?
Matilda Yeah, it's an amazing movie.
Yeah, it's brilliant. I didn't.
Know that I know the first time. Seen it for the first time.
That's insane. Really good.
It's it's yeah, it's fucking fantastic.
Parents are piece of shit. They are.
Do you know what other sign you're getting older though?
What whenever you look at like? The parent in the movie.
Yeah, like when I was watching Home Alone over Christmas in the
map up on the screen, I was like, fuck you would rightly.
I think that's the sign of getting old.
I think it is because when it was 10 I didn't think that.
Right I. Wasn't looking at Kevin's mad 10
being like but not. You were looking at those girls
from Sweet Valley High. Fucking right, twins.
Remember those twins? Oh.
I remember, remember those twins.
I remember. What were they even called?
Sweet Valley Heisman? Who cares?
Yeah, who gives a fuck? Who cares?
They're women. Sexy 1 and sexy two I'm met gay
who? Gives a fuck about their rights
and their They were so sexy. They were pretty hot.
Who else was it? We do this?
I think we do this probably every year We start talking
about old school babes. Right, but let's go that era of
PV instead, right. So the girls between Valley
High, Yeah. Umm, what do you call?
What do you call the thing? And I'm Mr Belding.
And what was that show Saved by the Bell?
The the nodded. There not the blonde girl from
from fucking. Kelly Kelly Kapowski.
The tall one. Big, tall, blonde one.
No, I'm talking about the brunette.
Brunette. Brunette.
Yeah, the brunette. Yeah, she was stolen.
She was gorgeous there. Was a couple of girls around
like neighbour like do you remember the what were the three
sisters? In Edinburgh.
No in in neighbours, the Holly Holly Valance and like her
sister's staff. Well, I didn't know she had
sisters. And and neighbours, yeah, there
was three of them and they were all stunning.
Remember Holly? The Scully?
Scully. Sisters.
Kiss, kiss. Yeah, it wouldn't indeed.
But when the Scully sisters turned up in Neighbours,
remember that being a do you know what this is?
This is too much. This is this is too.
It's too weird, right? But again, I'm just having this
nostalgia thing. Yeah.
Do you remember how fucking horny you were?
Yes. As like a 14 year old.
Yeah, right. And this is don't clip us right
because, but keep it in, but don't clip it.
I remember one time having a wank in my school uniform
drinking a Ribena Right. Like just fully.
Carting a bottle. Carton clearly I came into my
head. I remember sitting.
As in, you were that horny that you couldn't even get through a
tat. You know, it was, it just had to
come out. It was.
Yes. But I just remember having this
like, like lying on, like my arse, like my legs off.
Lie. Standard shit.
I was lying on the bed, but my arson legs were like flat on the
ground. So it wasn't lying down on the
bed. It was like it was lying against
the bed. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Do you like this uniform with the right bean?
You're lying down, but you're sitting strawberry or black
currant. Strawberry.
Actually, you tasted it. They'd won't be excellent.
Strawberry in the picture here. Just flash into my head the
other day just being like, I can't believe my mom was living
under the same roof as that creepy wee fucker.
Yeah. How was the shame after that?
I didn't have shame back then, I just had another wank.
It was. 14 yeah, being horny a lot.
And not knowing what it was because no one talked to you, No
one was like we I didn't get any chats for my parents about like,
thank God, what things? Just like there was no birds and
bees talks. No, no, but the time, the time
the birds in the bees chat that I got, I was fucking 20 and my
mom jokingly when I think it's time your dad told about the
birds and the bees and my dad said the words, son, get as many
birds as it can, but don't come crying to me when you get stung,
right? And I was like.
Why is your dad a 21 year old girl?
He's just, he's just a quick, I can do it.
But I just, I think about the fucking filth.
Yeah. Of a fucking teenage boy and my
poor mother lived in the same house as him.
My dad said again. My mom said my dad speak to him
and my dad speak to him. I.
Gotta talk to the boy and. My dad said genuinely.
Maybe. I don't know if he's had it in
the episode of the party was on. Always work this verbatim.
Always wear a decky boot. End of conversation.
A decky boot. Always to always, always.
But really hard to say that either when.
I used to work, yeah, I used to wear them day and night.
Yeah, I wore. Them but I, I, I remember that
age of you talk about me getting into tech when I used to get the
bus every day in the Belfast. Boss.
Very hard. I permanently hard as soon as I
walked onto that bus. When I walked off always hard.
Just waiting for Gary to take it away.
I missed. It I missed it I missed.
It back, baby. Oh no.
But yeah, it was like, remember, like the times that you'd be in
school is like you come up like write something on the board.
Perfect one. It was the perfect one.
I just missed it. Oh man, yeah.
Always called up, always horny like always.
But it wasn't horny. It's not horny the way like
whenever you're aroused as an adult.
It's just background. It's just fucking yeah.
Somebody hit that with a breaker, like, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Like the idea of even being with
a girl wasn't even interested. I just need to drain that.
Yeah, you are. You get.
Fucking somebody drops a gravy chip, all you can do is go.
Yeah. And you get home and you're just
the smell of the bedroom stinking.
Your bedroom was clean, that room, like a cat.
There's no cleaning it. Everything's covered and come.
The only thing to do is payless. It was just fucking yeah.
I think about. I think about my having to wash
my teenage boy underpants. Do you know what I mean?
Just fucking skid Marks and jizz and I had the balls to complain
about dinner. Don't mean I can't believe I
wasn't beat to death before I was 15.
We're hoping to again fuck up you spunky shitty we can't you.
I can't believe I lived this long and I'm starting to think
about that now as I'm getting older.
But I think, do you not think with her, they're gaming and the
social media and all that, they're probably not even like
that anymore. They've got porno.
Yeah. Yeah, 100% like that.
I'm not the now you think sex is like a fucking UFC fight.
Yeah, so we were glad. We were glad we have feel the
warmth of a daddy outside. Do you mean like you fucking
you, Curt? Somebody in a failure?
Like you have boys to men got. My house for Thomas's class,
right? And but now either.
Fuck. You would have.
You would have put your hands through her hair, you know.
Yeah, unless you beat it exactly.
Excuse me? Like, I don't know where it is.
That's another thing is disappeared pubes.
Pubes Pubes are good pride and. Pubes are class because.
You would pump them up the. Good thing about pubes was
right, you knew where you knew how to find the clip based on
where the pubes were. It was.
Now imagine. Fingering for the first time
must be a fucking nightmare. It was like your bellies real
long. It was like a red a red carpet
at a premiere. Exactly like a red carpet, you'd
wipe your feet for you with them.
You know, it's like nowadays, it's like a plane and you know,
it was like back then, the guys waving in the land.
And now it's like a dolphin's back.
I mean, there's a holder somewhere, but I don't know what
it does. Must be tough.
Needle in a haystack. Exactly.
Well, that's yeah, she said the first time I did it.
So it gets bigger when it's not as cold.
We do this inside sometime. Imagine our young fellas turn
off their like imagine they're they're going to pop their
cherry. They're even called them.
Here's the other thing. It used to be called you.
Probably have to be a gluten free child.
Whichever. It used to be if you would do
like how many people you'd fucking had sex with her finger
or whatever was your magic number, and now it's a body
count. That's how aggressive it's
getting. Did you used?
It used to be called What's your magic number?
You'd be all not telling you 69 though, right?
But now it's a body. But how aggressive?
Graphic. Yeah, it's not as fucking curvy
and like, yeah, no, it's like, you want a fucking fuck?
It's gone from. I don't want to wait for my.
It's not, Yeah. That was the person on the bus
beside me put. That down, he's hard.
I'm shame. I used to target after toggle
back into the waistband every day.
I never had that problem. I could be hard.
I don't think anyone ever saw it like but.
Just hide it on the machine, yeah.
And then, yeah, we've talked. We're not getting into this
territory. This is our resolution.
But not some Zoo magazine, because that's what you were
buying for the boss. See, I never had money about
them, but I do remember like going in EMA.
Buddy I. Remember going to the eastern
setting an EMA? So the tables have turned.
The tables have turned. It was a small table, no food on
them. But I remember like used to go
into easterns and like screenshot them.
Do you mean if one if one didn't?
Have the least screen if. One didn't have the sleeve only
be all. Yes, yes, yes.
And by the way, that's not the magazine.
Remember, like there used to be somebody we knew somebody would
steal porn mags. So that was at the thing has
disappeared is finding a porn mag in a hedge.
Yes, which I like people older than us have talked about that.
That was the thing that lasted maybe 30-40 years.
Oh man was you could walk into a field anywhere in Northern
Ireland or the world and you'd find a porn mag like.
Absolutely the remnants of the remnants of.
You know you would find pristine ones.
Well, you know what? It was an agreement between
young men, right? So what?
You screenshot it, go home, do what you need to.
Do God's library. Exactly.
The Lord's Library. I remember the first time I saw
like a proper dirty one with full virgin.
I'm going. I might be.
Yeah. Because that's fucking
disgusting. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it was. It wasn't what you thought it
was. The magical butterfly thought it
was, Yeah. No magazine, it was some 40 year
old woman with a tattoo and her neck going like that.
Yeah, yeah. Just trying to open a sports bag
and I was like, yeah, four men wanking beside me.
It's not you mind. It's not as.
Beautiful as I thought you thought it'd be like a wee flesh
butterfly. Yeah, I thought like something I
don't know that would pop in a chariot, pop your zips, but I
was discussed. I was too far.
Yeah. But I just the word needs to be
more wholesome again. I think so.
As I'm getting older, I'm getting more like, can we all
just chill the fuck right, man? Yeah.
And you know what? Let's just let's just be nice.
War. What's a good fortune, I tell
you? Absolutely.
Nothing. Yeah, yeah.
I don't know what it's a year of what those guys in China are
doing this year for the year of. Can I not just be the year?
Nice. It's probably the Wrath of the
Dragon. Is it?
Always is. I was, but you know your Chinese
birth year. Some people call me.
The Year of the Woods, Nick. As people are calling it.
So what's what's next? Did you have when you were
wanker in? The much of the RAM.
I I was born snake. I'm a fire rabbit according to
Chinese astrology. What does that mean?
I don't know how it works, but it's basically whatever year you
were born and then I'm guessing there's a month involved.
But I'm a fucking fire rabbit. I just.
Started watching squid game season.
Two I've never seen. I started watching the first
series and then it was kind of like.
Here, stopped writing your comment under this.
I'm aware it's not Chinese. Unrelated.
So it's one of the other ones. Man, can I say I had no
aspiration. See, after the first season, I
went leave it. Perfect season of television.
Leave it. The guy who created it goes.
I'm not doing anymore. Netflix opened up the circuit,
by the way. So I I just have coffee in my
hand and I'm aware that wasn't a clear representation.
Yeah, that's someone opening. That's that's.
Fucking. That's me on the bus, I.
Was fucking Ken Begley but the guy got decapitated by.
Yeah, but that wouldn't what are you trying to say?
That's how the show that the video will be.
So what I'm saying is they said they weren't doing a second
season. Second season comes along and
say yeah, yeah, yeah. Hear people talking about
watching it. Yeah, yeah.
I watched episode 1 a couple of nights ago.
I thought episode 1 of the new season was better than any of
the episodes or episode 2 of the new season was better than any
of the episode ones. My it goes it's going to get
better. I went, I don't know if I can I
what an episode that was. I need to iced.
I'm so behind on TV shows right? I just started watching
Heartbeat Blue Lights which is similar right?
Very good right? Thoroughly enjoying it, only of
still using 2 episodes to stand often.
I just finished. Don't spoil anything for me.
Well, I mean it's. A rough idea.
Can I say one of the best cast things ever?
It's Yeah, we. Often times like it's to get it.
Wrong from here yeah they'll bring in too many actors and
from here just distracting this is one we go that person
actually he's she's a me it just there are a lot of people
stealing the show we're. Looking forward to watching the
rest of that. But Squid Games, one that I'm
like, I need to fuck. I have you.
Just seen the first one. I I started watching the first
episode and my problem is I definitely have some sort of
fucking Eddie HC. I know everyone's diagnosed
themselves, but I can't watch ATV show unless there's somebody
in the room beside me and I put the phone down.
I get so distracted so easily. Yep.
So I need to be like, I need to be able to go fucking hell.
I'll say new football. I might get a week until it was
done or something. I'd be like finally getting the
set down and watch a full of football match and I spend the
whole time talking to my mates about the match.
We're not watching the match or I'm on Twitter.
You know, the player does something.
What's a reaction to that? So I'm I'm all.
I also don't watch. The thing that sent out, but the
way the MEC TV shows, movies, it's second screening.
There's another thing because everyone's doing the same shit,
yes, So it needs to be. It was you meant when you told
me up. They make it really obvious and
basic and explain everything three times because you're going
to miss the first two. Yeah.
Falsely. What are you saying about Square
game? You had a look that suggests you
put an opinion on this watch. The season 2 but there's like a
mid season break which is annoying as fuck.
Are we caught up there? Is the next?
Better yet, when are we talking? Like generism?
Oh. For fuck's sake.
Do you want to real team Stranger Things, the final
series coming out this year? I can't believe we're still
making that. It's been so long since the last
series I no longer care about it and I love that show.
I loved it and then definitely got to a point where I went, Oh
no, no, not for me anymore. I don't know what that point
was. Whatever.
It was made for making like 80s nostalgia.
Nostalgia. Like it's fucking.
Is it still, are they totally reinvented the show or is it
kind of similar to what it was? It's still similar, still set in
like the early 80s or many of these, whatever, but it's just
it's fucking great. They still make a cobra guy.
Just finished it. I haven't, I haven't, I haven't
so that it had a meet mid season break and I haven't watched the
second-half because I don't want to be over.
See the wee boy, the main boy that got fucked up, Remember in
like the second season they had the fight.
Yeah he fail or whatever. Does he recover?
Grand 100% here's the thing about cobra Kay This should have
it's another one of those series where you go you should have
left out at one series because you.
Were the first guy talking about it.
I loved it way before I I paid. On YouTube and not.
Start on YouTube and I paid for YouTube subscription just to
watch it. I remember and it was fucking
great. It was kind of dark.
Yeah, funny what's happening? I think because there's maybe 6
series now and basically it's the same story every series
where the kids are all fighting each other than they get along.
Then one of them is like, I don't like the way you talked to
me yesterday so I'm going to be your arts and nemesis now.
And it gets a wee bit like yeah, just put more down all the
rules. So when it like but yeah, I
still don't want to be over. So I haven't watched the
second-half of the last series. My Karate Pyjamas in the wash
so. I'm going to, yeah.
I love that you're you say that the bad guys, I'd love to to
fight you, but my karate pyjamas are in the wash.
In the wash. So you wave because that's a
very low demo. You're lucky I'm waiting for a
whitewash. Yeah, you're fucking lucky.
And it will be a whitewash, yeah.
Right. Yeah, be a bloodbath.
Then I'll have to wash them again.
Card Douglas. Kung Fu fighting.
Phenomenal song. Phenomenal song, raises me.
Listen back to it. One day my sister was begging me
to do that at Stars and I was like, I don't think my career.
It's some of the names he throws in.
Yeah, funky Chinaman. Yeah, there was funky China man,
little funky Chinatown and little Sammy Chung He just.
Little Sammy Chung, Yeah. He just throws me just.
Throws right there, Yeah, little like do.
You think that's big in Asia? That's all.
Do you think they like it? Maybe it's like their fairy tale
New York. Do you know what I mean?
Maybe, like, maybe in Asia, like, like we're not going to
say Funky Chinaman do. They do Christmas.
Chinese. No, they're not.
They're not a mainly Christian country.
Maybe they do something a different day.
The new year is different then, so probably probably do
something more in February. Yeah.
Hard to get time off work with factory though.
We're not, you forget. You like in the factory they
just put on they just put on Kung Fu fighting for.
Them there you go to be in Chinese get the new iPhone for
Christmas like man for five built that.
Work man's holiday last month. Holiday.
I'm on holiday. I'm on the factories like.
Bad crack. Like if you've like they're.
Going to knock on the head like are they doing more?
Any new? Lenses can you put in the phone
You know what I. Mean, you know, apparently
economically like something like 20-30 years ago China was like
near rock bottom of like major countries and I all of a sudden.
But I don't the money doesn't philtre under the the
population. It's the same as anywhere.
It's like because, because a lot I think now I could be pulling
this completely out of my whole, but a lot of those companies
that were in China are all western companies that are
essentially using slave labour. So they're paying for cheap
labour. And then because it's still a
communist country, the the government cons are probably
getting digging and getting big fucking fancy houses.
But the actual people that are trying to fucking kill
themselves in the factories because they're working too
hard? It seems.
America, America is like, oh, we're the greatest country in
the world. You go really?
Because I've been there and there's fucking human shit on
the streets, like. I've got some debt, fucking some
debt, trillions. How can they?
How can? How does everybody owe money to
one person who haven't shot them?
What? Like how does every country owe
money to who's owes? Do you mean what central bank
isn't? Isn't that easily cancelled just
to go right? I owe you 20 million.
You owe me 30 million. Tell you what, Why we just call
it quits I. Think the Central Bank of
Central Reserve. The central bank, there's a
World Monetary Fund, I believe. Is there?
I don't know anything about that.
Going ahead, boys, keep talking. Welcome to my world.
So but. You know what I mean?
Like surely. Yeah, yeah, like all these
fucking everyone spend the money on guns and stuff and the poor
people are fighting each other over resources.
Go no, do that guy. Everyone owes him money.
Why don't we just? Or they could, like you say, go.
Don't worry about that. Now, yeah, the one guy who I've
enough. But inflation, maybe, maybe I
would do some new inflation. Just this, would you do
inflation? I don't think that.
I. Think they've tried to do that
in places before. And then there's always pictures
in textbook of kids playing wheelbarrows full of cash.
And they're like, this is worthless, this money, you know?
I was one. I was 1933 or not.
Yeah, I. Think we had the same textbook.
Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah.
Kids in Nazi Germany just playing with.
Cash. I was like, who's hard?
Did you write your name the inside of it?
Yeah, I was trying to take that song in the German, but I don't
know any German. Takes this no.
Yeah, takes that. All I do each night is pray up.
It only takes one minute for online.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good times.
What? What's going to tempt you the
most? Is there like a drinking thing?
Come. Is there an occasion?
See, that's not a beautiful thing.
So my birthday is the first drinking thing I can the 1st so
10th of March, just give someone to buy me a present.
So like yeah, my birthday and Paddy's there the only two times
I can foresee at the minute. So part part of the reason why
I'm like, I really want to stop drinking as well as like I had
two weddings in December, 2 weddings, like relax skin should
talk about a bitch. But yeah, like 2 weddings and
then like just Christmas, New Year's, all that sort of stuff.
I fully went. I've drank for a month there.
You said before we came on, hope you won't, Mommy said this.
You were like, I had to drink loads over Christmas in New Year
because you had too much drink in the.
House. I had to get out of the house.
But I can't have any like you couldn't just.
Can't cut. That's like, it's I know people
who had to. Yeah, I'm probably an alcoholic.
I haven't seen anybody about it. But all the symptoms are there,
right? Like if it's if I have whiskey
in the house, I will come home from a gig and go.
I'll just have one and then I'll be all.
That's not enough. Yeah, I'll take it all.
But then I go to bed. I live in my own.
But if you were an alcoholic, surely you wouldn't be able to
like, see the way you've not you didn't drink yesterday, the day
before, whatever. You haven't drank since what?
Day New Year's New Year's Eve, so it's been 8 days.
But that hopefully makes you realise you're not no.
No, it makes you go fuck, I love drinking.
Right. You want a pot, right?
Well, no, it's weird. I don't think I think I I love
drinking, but it's boredom is is the reason I'll drink.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. As opposed to Tuesday, Yeah, I
mean, fuck it. Yeah, I do have this one thing I
would love to once just like, like drink, like fuck, go to
sleep, wake up and then just start drinking again, Right.
So that's definitely alcoholic. You want to.
Do that. Yeah, a dream I have is go.
I'm going to get 2 bottles, Jack down right, four big bottles of
Coke, smash 1 bottle, pass out, wake up, crack the other one
open. Just keep going.
But I think part. Of that why do you want to do
that I. Think it's part of me is like, I
wonder how much I can handle, right?
Another part of me is thinking, I bet you you're actually some
sort of immortal. Do you know what I mean?
I've got like. Because there's two options.
Either you are or you're not. Die like, yeah, I think I've got
like positive body dysmorphia, but also have that in in in a
soul sense of like I'm probably on dead special.
Yes, I get you. I'm.
Probably not even normal, even though I've had several medical
conditions over the years. Yeah.
Indicated I should really not
drink every year. Yeah, But yeah.
But I think. Yeah, if you ever seen that Bert
Kreischer speech, we talked about how much he loves
drinking. Yes, that's my he's.
Never going to quit. Fuck, I love that.
How, How quickly before. Because you've done this before,
you've had times before where you've gone off it How quickly
before you feel different in a good way, you know, like.
A week honestly feel like after not drinking for a week I'm like
I feel great. And do you get any like
withdrawal symptoms? Not really, because I think.
Like people should talk about headaches and things.
No having any. I'm sleeping better like because
I think for me, like I if I have a hangover, I've real bad
anxiety and I'm hungover, but I'll just go, Ah, you're just
you're I just damn. But then you don't do any work
and you end up like, I have one e-mail to send and because I've
been drinking all month, I haven't sent it.
Right. Like you get loads of stuff
done. It's it's not it's way more
productive than not be a piss head like yeah, that's what I've
learned 38. Well, I'm going the opposite.
My New Year's resolution. I'm getting on it.
You'll love it. Yeah, it does.
Wonder Shear skin, same age. Yeah, I am.
I don't know. I, I, I really like, you know, I
didn't drink much, but we would have like gigs.
We would have like drank after and art gigs a fair bit like
back in the day and then I think it was when the kids came along.
So that's the thing, I everyone else could marry, had kids and I
didn't. So my lifestyle hasn't changed
as. Well, but I know people, people
who drink more when they get married.
Kids. Yeah, but like, you know, I can
see how you would, you know, because days can be long and
you're tired and I can understand why you'd want to sit
and have a drink at the end of the day.
Yeah, but I the hangover is what I fear.
So that's what put me like, put me on, yeah.
That's I need somebody with me to go.
Ah, that's enough. Wow, that's enough because
otherwise I'd be drinking. Yeah, Yeah, I need a wee fucking
no. Yeah, I would love it if you had
an actual wee pet monkey. I would love to stop you drink.
I nearly bought 1, was drunk once, turned out it wasn't a
monkey. Was 1/3 same they love doing.
Yeah, the big, big price difference, so.
You think it was a very exclusive ferret?
You'd get a ferret for £30 if if you were getting shot maybe.
The time we saw the guy by the ferret in.
Edinburgh. That was for a Tanner.
Yeah, and we both went. My joke, Mighty.
I'd say you're if you're paying £30 for a ferret, your mental
top and priceless. That's a top.
Depends on the. Year, doesn't it?
Like a car? Yeah, that's a 2016 ferret.
You go. Very hard to come back.
That's what cost an awful lot to keep up in the road.
But but a monkey. Monkeys, looks like.
You'd know that. Come on.
What you looking it up? What type of monkey?
We. Ah, good point.
Chimpanzee. Now you don't want them beaten.
Your face off. Yeah, you want.
What do you call the wee ones? Squirrel.
Monkey. Oh yeah, most passive monkey
wouldn't get yeah. Can live up to 25 years in the
wild. Lifespan can depend on
captivity. Maybe 10 to 12 years in
captivity. What about a flattened organ?
Yeah, get up. Three months.
Most people don't live that long.
The bodies I have to walk through every morning.
Would you ever get like would you want to be pet?
I would love to get another dog Yeah, definitely.
I love animals like I'm a cute we dude.
I know what spider cute We did you.
Were like, would you ever get like we match and yeah.
I've done it before. What did you get me and my dog
matching pyjamas? Like when I was still with my
ex, there was matching pyjamas in the house for Christmas.
The dog had yeah, he didn't like I was wearing his and he was
wearing mine. I was I was put AI had a piggy
blinders phase went through I remember.
I don't think you're out of it. Yeah, I'm not and.
The difference in it's like me when I wear sometimes when I
wear a baseball cap, I go, good luck.
I mean everyone. All you need to say is a petrol.
Doesn't suit you, Yeah. Because I know how you feel when
you put that black cap off and right, Mr Shelby.
Peachy fucking blind Just but he actually looked like how old to
do I buy a dog for you like but there was one time I were the
dog was on the couch and he was clearly he was.
He was still quite a young dog so I'd walked him loads, but he
was also he was like fucking I want to play some more and I
couldn't play anymore as I'm. Going He's like also fourteen,
yeah. And I got energy.
Yeah, yeah, energy, right. And I was for a selfie.
I put like an extra piggy blinders hat on the dog and took
a selfie and the dog went as I know what he's thinking.
He's thinking, fuck this fat bastard.
You've got you're doing a taping.
Yes, 1st of February, Mandela Hall, take it to flying lads,
but 60% sold, you know the last few eventbrite.com or just
we'll. Put the link in the description
what's show called or just just. It's just one night only.
So it's just we're just taping an hour.
Don't know what it is. Yeah, don't know what I'm doing
yet. People asking what material it.
Could be Kung Fu fighting. Could be for.
An hour so. I have no idea.
It's going to be hard. Dead hard.
Oh, I'll be there. I'll be hard.
We can both be hard. You be shame I'll be making.
And he becomes. Build a boy band right now from.
Loads. Boy bands, yeah.
I need five guys. Can it be bands that also just
like in The Beatles, do they come to the boy band of their
rock band? What?
Just FYI, I listen because we're Brian McFarland and Keith Duffy
on the pod last week. I listen to what?
What is it? Brian McFadden was on Nikki
Burns podcast right leaving Westlife and I listened to that
and then at the end of it, Nikki Burn goes build your ultimate
boy band. So I'm taking that concept and
giving a straight to you. You can mix UK an American.
But it had to have to be exclusive a boy bands like that
manufactured. Or can it be?
Can we like The Beatles? Rolling Stones. 100% but the but
they are going to be doing boy band type music right?
I'm not saying build a band. I would love to see Freddie
Mercury singing boy band type songs because he blitz it right.
It'd be easy to him. He probably he probably would
still be alive. He wasn't singing so hard.
I think it's what kill him. So you're putting him in?
Yeah, Brady, Mercury's in, I would say to him ago, Freddie,
don't sing as hard as just hang for Queen, because that's what
killed you, right? I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was. It was the the reins that killed
him. There's nothing wrong with him.
Nope. Nothing wrong with him, Right.
I'm pretty sure that's what killed him, says Freddie.
Listen, you're in the band. Yeah, we're we're we're having
yet. Relax.
Integrity, relax. Yes, yes, yes, umm, very
ultimate front man. And then I would have you know
what I want to be tough. Being on a button way boy band
with him because he's. Yeah, I would have Stephen
Gately. I mean, I don't know what he's
doing right, but it would be great to see him back.
Umm, I would have you see what's going.
Who has dead net? Carter just because I like him.
You're building a great bonder, eh Stephen Gately?
Was the voice of boys and by the way, that's not taking Stephen
Gately was the best singer in Boys and.
I hear you, babe. OK, I hear you.
I want you to know you're heard. But I think you needed him and
Ronan. I think Ronan needed Stephen and
Stephen needed Ron. But.
But that's salt and pepper. But.
It's also like said in West because Mark's the best singer
in Westlife. You don't let him go under that
radar. Don't let him go under that
radar now. Mark's the best one.
I'd say Mark was big set pieces. He was the loudest.
What you want? He was the loudest.
No Mark, no key change, no Mark. They're on the start of the
whole song. If Mark wasn't there, Westlife
set down the entire time like that, right?
Without Mark, they're not getting up.
I think they're not. They're flying without hope,
without Mark, right? They're walking without feet.
They're not flying without wings.
I think they're they're sitting without chairs, without Mark.
Shane takes you to the well marks drinking it up.
No, Shane brought you there. Shane takes you to the well,
Mark fucking sings out of it and you go fuck me.
And then Mark flies out without wings and goes.
You're welcome boys, get on my back.
I am fucking. I'm a gryphon, I think it's a
flying dog or something. Right, right.
Sounds like it's it's Mark Field.
He's not Mark. Yeah, So what?
I have. What is it?
Freddie Mercury? Yes, we have seen Stephen
Gately. Yeah, Mark from Westlife.
Excellent. Nick Carter.
Yep. Need one more?
I've gone no, you've got a Backstreet Boy May.
You've got. You can take some of the
instinct. Justin Timberlake.
Yeah. I mean, there's going to be a
power struggle between him and Freddie.
Yeah, yeah. Step, JD.
Step, brother. You know, step aside.
Move move to the back of the queue.
I think you've got a lot of, you've got a lot of front men
there. That's what you want though?
You imagine 5 front men. What a fucking group.
Yeah, do you know what I mean? Imagine if Ringo had the balls
to go. Fuck yes, I'm still at the
front. The big.
Yeah. Instead of that shit they were
pedalling all those years, right?
Yeah, I'd also have Jermaine Jackson as a substitute.
Doesn't give one. Got sick?
Yeah, that's a weird. He's weird.
Tried to go in there. No.
Yeah, but he could win a front man too, actually.
Yeah, it wasn't for that cracker ass brother of his.
A fucking weirdo. Yeah.
What about your 5:00? You got 5.
I'll go, I'll go different to you.
I'll go. Freddy.
I like what you've done bringing him in there, but in my head
he's a solo. No, he's not solorist.
Well, he was. He did a couple of, yeah.
I'm going to go, umm, I think your lineups very white and
that's OK. Do you mean Jackson for some?
But he's oh, so he has to be the other the black guys himself.
No, he just happened to be laughter thought.
Aston Marigold because you can do that backflip.
Fair enough. Very good tool to have up your
sleeve. People are mesmerised by a
backflip. Very true.
So he's in Umm, I'll go, eh, I'll go, I'll go Ronan.
Yeah. Yeah, Ronan Keaton, I'll go JC
Chase from Bless You and Sing because I think he was under the
radar. Which you want to see.
He was the other guy, not Timberlake, but the other guy
did a lot of heavy lifting. Jordan will say as well, what do
you call? What do you call the slightly
ugly dude from blue? Anthony Costa.
He was the voice up. He was the voice, wasn't he?
Did you don't think, do you say? Anthony Costa was the voice.
Was he not the best? He was.
The fourth voice. Oh, no, he was not the best
singer. I don't think so.
Oh, anyone was good. No.
Keep going, Becky. Keep going.
Yeah. Don't neglect one of the best
singers of his generation. The meal.
Adele, AKA Lee Ryan. I'll make you watch a Breathe
Easy video, man. If you don't.
If you keep us up. I know you might be fair enough.
Lee, Ryan. The Meal Adele, you listen to
breathe. He's.
Not the meal, Adele. There's no meal, Adele.
Adele's the best. After Lee Ryan voice of his
generation and breathe easy when he does it, there's a moment
where he does that where even the rest of blue are like Jesus
Christ Lee. So Anthony Costa, any Costa?
Jesus Christ, Lee, that's how you do something, is the.
That's. How you do something bad
Christian. So it's very Jesus Christ, Lee
of you. Well, him saying breathe easy,
Jesus Christ, Lee, Oh my God, unbelievable.
So the best Lee Ryan's in my know.
Do you know who's a boy band no one ever talks about anymore?
Remember A1? Absolutely banned from a one,
yeah. The binoculars.
Always the sun and same old brand new you.
What a song from them. They did a cover version of
Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton.
Beautiful. It's beautiful.
Beautiful. Yeah.
It was in one of those doing those like, fucking shitty CDs
you'd buy with, like, Bay sides. Yes.
Now that's what I call music or something.
Well, what they would have with I can't.
Believe how much boy band knowledge I still have.
No, that's what I call it, I. Can't do long division.
We're probably one of the best ones in terms of having loads
hits on there, but you're right, Tracks won the.
Set. This one was always a belter.
By two you were like haven't heard.
That before, by the time you got to like 20-3, yeah, you'd be
having like fix. You don't remember them, say
later boy band PHIXXI think they were spelt.
They were just after the the golden age of boy bands.
Because there wasn't that many that made it through.
You mean you had boys when you had Westlife 55 for maybe 5
songs? Yeah, do you mean?
Forgetting blazing school blazing.
Not the boy band area, you're right, you're right.
And then One Direction kinda brought.
And then that's the last one. There hasn't been one since.
You're right, there hasn't been a the one.
The one. That gave it a good shot.
The one to give it a bash. Couple of great songs, yeah.
Glad you came. And there's some good songs,
yeah. Silly good, silly business.
Yeah, What happened to them? One of them is dead as well.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Is one of them sick? Is there another one that
wasn't? Yeah, yeah, over Christmas.
Yeah. Oh, really?
I don't know. She I wasn't a documentary, but
this isn't funny, but the documentary about the game, the
one that he passed away and his wife sort of after he died I
couldn't watch it. Fuck off Heartbreaking.
I couldn't watch Very strong woman for a player.
I see any like I'm gone with anything like anything.
What did I cry out over Christmas?
I think I cried again. Stacey Oh mixed it up for
fucking Smithy. I was like oh for fuck.
Hey, wet ice. Oh my God, Soaking.
Drenched. I got wet ice too.
There. That was it.
And and do you? Do you cry often?
It doesn't take a lot for me to have a tear in my I wouldn't cry
a lot, but it would. It doesn't take a lot for me to
go on my way. Here, I'm a sucker at a wedding.
No, never. Fucking soccer.
Never cried away. I could be a + 1 of the wedding
and a bride. She's fucking gorgeous.
First time I've ever seen her. Oh my God.
It doesn't at the breakfast. Yeah, I swear to God I'm a
soccer for a wedding. Yeah, I could get emotional
easily, but difference and not in crying.
I think there's a thing to it. There's the way man cries.
Very different. Like I don't go like yes, I'll
get welled up and then it's that or like like going for it.
I remember the last time I fully cried was at fucking the like
the second, the last that was with dairy girls, right?
And it's a bit where Tommy Tiernan has to tell spoiler one
of the girls that her mom's passed away, right?
And he gets out of the car and says 2 words.
And I remember like putting my head in my T-shirt and being
like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The there's an episode of Say Nothing.
I was. Really.
Oh. Yeah, Oh yeah.
But. Jerry admits it.
So glad he's found his truth. He's being his real self.
Umm, yeah, like even, uh, what was the juror in between
Christmas and New Year? Was it or was not that I I all
the days are blurred, but I had to take my youngest up the
hospital, eh, like a respiratory thing and he's fine now.
But there was a Christmas tree up there's like a kids any in
the month. And once we got through the main
anything and then we were in that one.
I was like, I'd been there for like an hour and he's lying
asleep and I saw the Christmas tree and Jenny just had the
thought there was kids in here on Christmas night and I'm way,
yeah, and way I'm like. And then the doctors and nurses
were so lovely, just like they are to everyone.
And then I went. They'd have been working
Christmas night. They probably have kids at home
or whatever gone. Oh man, I'm I the reason I've
decided no, not to have kids is because I will never stop
crying. And as anybody was bad to like I
would murder their entire family.
Like I my my level of like, I have a six year old nephew who
I'm like, I'm waiting for this to turn.
Like I know you're in P2 and it's all nice.
Everyone's cute. You get about P4, You want to
meet a cunt and I'm going to fucking beat his dad of there.
Yeah, in front of him just to go leave him alone.
My son was talking about an imaginary friend that he was
telling me a silly story and he said he talked about an
imaginary friend who thankfully hasn't mentioned before since
because that would freak me. Yeah, I'd beat your son.
But he said he said his imaginary friend hit him and
I've been looking for him since. Like if I find this
motherfucker. Yeah, I.
That was, by the way, nothing will free me more than if my
kids genuinely were like, I have an imaginary friend and he, he
says, he says he's going to get you or whatever like that.
Yeah. Or, or one of your kids says
this, you know, you say something like, but you're only
5. And he goes, yes, but I lived
before. Yeah.
We're moving house and you're not coming.
My girlfriend said to me one time, have you seen my tarot
cards? And I just put the kettle in the
bath. I'm done.
I'm fucking done. I can't have spooky shit in my
house. Yeah, yeah, I can't.
I fucking. I won't have a Monopoly board in
case somebody writes letters, aren't tries to contact the
dead. I can't fucking.
Imagine you woke up in the middle of the night like just
sort of restless a bit and then and your girlfriend was just
sitting up with her eyes open like this.
She talks and sleep happens all the time.
Yeah, she said. What if she says she want?
What? She says I said bolt upright,
started laughing and then just let her down.
Went to sleep and I was like fuck that.
What if she was like, I'm a I'm a wee Victorian boy, the freak
you. Oh no, I get me red before Gary
Bardo. Do you clean chimneys?
It only takes a minute, girl. We'll put the tickets for the
special tape in in the link below.
SSE Arena to me live. May the crack is good.
Tickets going very fast for that.
Tickets. Cool.
Takes one I guess. Yeah, and that's fast.
That's very fast. I'm talking fast than a
Victorian boy down a gym. I haven't fucking been in a
couple of year live podcast and performed.
They're also kind of they're great fun, so.
What's great time you to be important?
That's good to be part of it. Thank you.
We go for lunch. I've had a Big Breakfast, but I
yeah. Going to go for lunch.
Namaste. Namaste.