I'm barefoot and a clearing and a forest.
Did you hear that noise and we? Heard this and Karen goes the
fucks out and everyone's like a Boo.
I know I was like, I was exotic, Kyle.
Everyone else was like a bull and I was like, right, sorry, I
don't know every an animal noise ever.
I've never heard a noise like it wasn't.
An overreaction? I'm sorry, I don't know that's
that's a mum on a holiday under pressure when it's 32°.
That's where I idle. Mentally I'm idle and that's mum
under. Pressure, you're a you're a too
warm holiday mum zippers.
Welcome to this episode of the Tea with Me podcast with me, she
and Todd. Before we get into this episode,
let me tell you a few things about a few things.
First of all, Tea with me live sold out at the wall Garden and
Bangor as part of Open House festival.
But we're at the Waterfront Hall on the 29th and 30th of
November. Wow, 29th is pretty much sold
out. Some single tickets left and
tickets up at the back couple of rows, but it's good to sold out
30th. We still got tickets left.
We will announce the lineups closer to the time, but Needless
to say it would be great they'll be able to stand up.
The crack was good. patreon.com/tea with Me podcast
for extra tea with Me bonus episodes on a Monday.
I did a pest on a kayak a couple of weeks ago on one of those
episodes and we do the live stream every Friday.
Sometimes we do Lazy Boys with me, Mickey Bartlett and William
Thompson, which is exclusive to Patreon Fosse.
Was that any other housekeeping the need to go through?
OK Shinto comedy.com I am on tour.
By the time this episode comes out, I don't know what dates I
will have announced but the UK Ireland tour is coming up soon
and some of those tickets are not selling.
I'm looking at you Newcastle, Manchester, this is most of
them, Cardiff, Bristol, Liverpool.
Some of these are a disaster and I'm not going to lie about that.
If the left in Cardiff in the Glee club holds 18 people, we
could do the gig in the lift. One person would have to get out
because that's a clear myth. So the 18 tickets, it's 450 cap
and so please go, go to shantargoni.com if you're coming
to the UK now until shows, get yourself a ticket.
There are plenty. So if you like to spread out and
have a nice seat, that's what you can do.
Before we get into this episode, we're sponsored by none other
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Go to manscape.com, use a code tea with me for 20% off and free
shipping. My guest this week is none other
than returning hero Kieran Bartlett, My Mysteries Co host,
the host of the No Blasters podcast.
The man, the myth, the legend. He's taken some time off
recently. I'm delayed to say he's eased
himself back into things and he's eased himself into me this
week. Please enjoy this episode of the
Tea with Me podcast with my guest and my friend Kieran
Bartlett. You know, there was a viral
video from years ago of an American kid this week, like
ginger very camp American kid. And he stopped the traffic
lights. Yours in this no.
So girls are recording at the window of a car.
And then he pulls up with his mom and they're playing not
unwritten, but has you better feel.
And he sings the chorus to them. And then as the car is driving
off, he just gets the last few words and you've never.
Seen that? No, always.
You know I enjoy the better staring at the blank.
The gospel choir. Yeah, that's great.
They went like because you never knew he had a sister and then
she is he was sort of on the back burner.
She jumped out with a couple of big songs and then she went away
too. So is it like, do you think
because they were never big at the same time he.
Had he had like a terrible accident, didn't he?
And then she had children and that's why both their careers
dipped. Some mothers thrive and have
children career ways. Yes, but as a, as a, a pop star,
you take time off to have kids and your, your window closes.
Like you know what I mean? I mean, I'm speaking from
experience here. Like you know how good was the?
First time you heard got to get through this, but then in.
Bed. Ah, I was.
He made it in his bedroom. That that was that was huge all
out there yeah he showed me it before and then I fell on him up
was the terrible accident they help with the life changing
injuries but they. If you're not the one, I love
that it's a great. You know, that's that's a great
song for seeing if you've still got it vocals wise, because it's
all soft and all. And then there's the the more
powerful I don't want to run away.
And then there's the fucking. Is there any?
Way OK, just be being serious just do that bit just do the
falsetto but be no no, no, start again start again start again
well be serious with. Just go from the.
Start. Not the start of the whole.
You know what I would. Love.
I would love a note. I would love a note and I'll
sing it where Daniel sings. I kind of get it on the phone.
Yeah, because you're shooting up for this.
I want, I want the note because I don't want to.
I don't want to not sing it where he sings it because people
will go, oh, you're not saying as high as he does.
Yeah, because that's the sort of thing people.
I'll I'll try it as an amateur musician as well to you while
you do this. Oh, as opposed to the
professional singer Kieran Bartlett?
You. Literally are a professional
singer. I'm literally not you've.
Been paid the singer before then.
For a success, a success. Gary Language, a professional
footballer. Former professional footballer.
You're a former professional singer.
Former. But that still means you were a
professional singer at some point.
I've never been paid the singer I've.
Been paid the how many? How many Spotify listeners do
you think this one's hot? If you're not the one with
Daniel Betterfield, 624 million. 181 million.
That's not a lot considering how good that song is.
And fucking gotta get through. This is only on 86.
Yeah. 9 million, Yeah. That's crazy.
James Dean The the second, the the second single from that
albums in there. That was awful, Yeah.
You'd be James Dean in the movie.
That was the first time he went out of the bedroom.
He did not want the attic. He couldn't see.
Let me get this note down. I can't believe we're doing
this. I'm all we're doing at all.
I'll never know what the future brings, but I know you're here
with me now. We'll make it through when I
hope you are the one I share my life with here.
We're into it. I don't want to run away, but I
can't take it. I don't understand.
You're saying like a black guy? Look.
Thing I made for you. Then why does my heart.
He's got he's got it. He's got it that I am is there
any way that I can stay in your. It's nearly there.
It's not there. No, it's congratulations.
It's all crack. You know you.
You stop being white halfway through that.
That was great. Just my purple.
You transcended race halfway through.
I feel like, I feel like if it was stand up and didn't feel the
pressure that I feel right now, yeah.
You're a BSG. What's a big soulful guy?
Close, Chloe would say big sexy giant, but that's that's that's
just what she calls me. A nice.
That was really nice. I like it was a.
Good song to test your fault Settle.
Yeah, you're watching Olympics. Umm no, I was talking about this
or day. The Paris Olympics has had no
impact on me. There's but like no but.
What? What?
Let me ask you this then. What Olympics?
What Olympics have had an effect?
The 92 Barcelona Shame Barcelona umm, I've, I've watched I I have
vivid memories of 92 Barcelona, 96 Atlanta.
What do you do for 90? Like 6.
But I have I have memories of Lenford Christie and that
Olympics. Look, I.
Have I saw him at the Mary Peters track once?
Really, I have memories of the 96.
Atlanta Olympics was Sydney 2000.
I think it might have been. What was Tokyo over there?
Fuck knows. That's the one I remember.
See, when they're in Asia and South America, you never see
them, so it's all on it like fucking two in the morning now.
Standing the knackers. Why you?
So now I was up last night watching the curtain.
Oh yeah, I, I love the Winter Olympics.
We're, we're the, the Winter Olympics.
There's more jeopardy. Does it remind you of cool runs?
It does. It gives me cool romance.
By the time that I coach the Jamaican bobsled team.
It reminds me of, it reminds me of the, the, the game we had on
the saga for what I think were the 94 Winter Olympics at
Lilyhammer in, in Norway. There was a Sega game of that
which was big in our house. And then just the Winter
Olympics, there's more jeopardy. Like a team who have done 2
perfect bobsleigh runs can absolutely crash and burn like
or freeze and and lose like and somebody else will sweep in or
like. Do you remember the time?
There's some two things. Speeds getting fucking brilliant
because there was the time when everybody went in their holes
and the person who was in last won the fucking gold.
When they won, one falls and then they all.
Fall and then there was one where this was like, I think I
think this was either at the world's or like the last
Olympics where some woman, a speed skater like.
Some. Woman some fucking hard on
skates right no, some caught that some some speed skater.
You know they all they when, when they're doing say 10 laps,
they all fuck around for six laps, right?
She just went, you know what, on the.
Way. And she lapped.
She lapped them and sat at the back the rest of the race and it
was like they all forgot it like they all just like.
So when they do the last lap Clapper, it's only for her,
right. She's on her last lap.
Everyone else is fucking and some of them, some of them get
over the line. Think of one stop more like what
the fuck are you doing? Yeah.
So I love I love the jeopardy of that.
I. Love the visual of you sitting
on the couch. Just like showing criticism at
elite winter athletes. I I do it here, I do it for
gymnasts as well. There was a get, there was a
guy, there was an Asian guy who. Was Watts.
It's just. On your.
Yeah, all medics. It was an Asian guy who's
brilliant speeds getting up in the normal ice ball back in the
day. Really.
Wait, don't nobody was like way older than like we were kids
going up to the ice ball. Yeah.
And there was one like me, like adult male Asian guy who was
just fucking brilliant speeds. Kidding.
He was like in his mid 40s. Yeah, but he's brilliant.
I haven't seen one minute of the Olympics.
It's born, it is born. It's a born.
But what's all the controversy about the opening ceremony?
I thought people liked the opening ceremony.
They did. They did something about the
Last Supper people were not happy with.
I don't know they depicted. It in a certain way yeah,
exactly. And I think Céline Dion was
would be singing that up. But then.
You know what, you know what the the two great Last Supper jokes.
So one is, you know, do you ever see the paint in the Last
Supper? And in the corner there's a wee
blue bag, Judas's carrier top author.
And then the other one is they actually had the, they actually
ordered that table for 26 because they're like, yeah,
yeah, starting us, but we're all just going to sit on one side.
Yeah, I love others. What was your Last Supper be
servers ever interrupt this podcast very quickly just to
tell you that this show was sponsored by Better help.
You might know better help. They've been sponsoring us for a
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focusing with better help. The link is in the description.
Back to the episode. What would my Last Supper be?
Tell you what, there wouldn't be 12 religious guys hanging at me
when when I'm doing it. My last What would my Last
Supper be? Interesting.
I would go nuts. We were just not.
Yeah. We were talking earlier.
Bag of KP we were. Talking earlier about how 90s it
was to have a the imagery, which you don't see any more in like
films or anything, of a pirate, a lovely pie resting on a
windowsill being stolen by a villain.
I I used to enjoy the, you know, the smell, not the smell hand,
not the hand of the smell of the pie.
That's. What we're talking about, Yeah,
those. And drags you to the pie.
I used to enjoy that. Yeah, that's that's a that's a
unwashed pie that gets you by the smell hand these days.
Look, I was driving the other day.
This is true story. I believe I was on the motorway
and a massive stink of pests entered my car.
Like huge like holy fuck, there's pests in my car.
And I was like, have I I do. Do you ever do like a wee a wee
page before you leave the house? Yeah, like, no, but I mean like
as a as a rule, like I passed no seconds before I leave my house
so that I don't get caught. Right, Right.
Needing a piss out of the house that's.
You guess the police will pull you over.
Yeah, let. Me check out plotter.
I'm sitting there like a Pillsbury to avoid.
So they, they, yeah. So I went for a patient and I'm
driving down the road and I'm like, because this has happened
once or twice in my life where I go have I somehow pissed all
over myself and didn't realise that?
You know what I mean? Yeah, like where maybe I've
taken my eye off the ball, as it were, while pissing.
Well, you think if you don't look at your.
Genitals I'm going, I'm going. I haven't maybe I haven't.
I couldn't remember whether I whether I gave myself like a
proper, you know, a stirring arm while I was pissing or not
someone and and it turned out that the smell I I looked down
at my my treasures and I hadn't pissed all over myself and I'm
going. Is there a pair of pitchy
fucking cocks sitting in this car somehow?
Is this somebody pranking me? And then I realised there was a
massive truck filled with like sheep and cars I think, or I
couldn't tell by the faces, but you.
Could you know? So you're saying?
If you don't. Look at the face of a sheep and
a guy. You're like.
I was driving. I was driving past them at this
point and it was only as I drove past them and the smell stopped
that I realised the smell of fish was coming from the truck.
But man, that my media thought was it's always good when you
think you smell like a herd of cattle.
Yeah. Or that that's possible, but.
You say you saw just a face and you weren't.
It could be either it's a keep, you know, a show you don't know
what it is. And then there's a, there's a,
there's a specific smell of manure that can, you can work up
in a, in a two or three day. I haven't had a shower.
I've had the flu sort of stink on yourself or like a, like a
gym stink that you might get sometimes.
And so sometimes when I would be driving in the countryside, I'll
be like. Is that clear?
You're the field. Please let that be the field
right and and to be far the last little times it has been, it has
because I keep a tight ship these days.
Yeah. What are you doing different?
Usually I don't have a loofah. I have a wee.
Have a wee, I have a wee like, you know, wee char ball like a
wee yes, yes, later, yes. It's on like a wooden stick.
It helps me get into loose hard to reach our issue.
And is this for the bath of the char?
Sure. I don't.
I don't take baths. See that?
I think I will surprise a lot of people.
Not that I'm not a big a big baler.
Yeah, I could see you being a big bath guy.
I love a bath but I don't do it in the house.
What do you do? In Swiss hotels.
Swiss like genius. Yeah, yeah, like in a nice
hotel. Care will only But that will be
such a barometer of success. Care will only have a bath in
Switzerland like. All my boss need to be taxed.
Would you like that where we talk about his Fort not America?
If you could live in another country, where would you live?
This is where we're assuming that the island of Ireland is a
32 county thing here, aren't we? Because if not, I would
definitely. Off this end.
Yeah, yeah. So thanks for that.
Italy. Yeah, I would, I would, I would
do Italy for sure. I, I could definitely do Rome.
But I'm, I'm starting to become intrigued by like the real
Italy, like the, the wheat hounds and all or like, you
know, there's like we passed the shop and somewhere woman making
bread. I was in Genoa and it was shitty
as fuck. Really.
I didn't think that, but then everybody there told us, like
walk in the Main Street, a lot of pickpocket there.
No, I Naples is a wee bit a wee bit crazy as.
Well, I'd like to go there. It's a it's, it's not an overly
nice city if the area is lovely like Sorrento and.
If you were there right in Naples, sitting outside a pasta
shop on a wheelchair. With nipples.
And somebody went, he's an underworld figure.
What do you think they would think you do?
I I've said this before. I, I believe I have the look of
a trafficker. Yeah, Like I traffic in human
flesh. Yeah.
You know, you're you're from somewhere that's been recently
bombed out. I take all your money and tell
you I'm giving you a better life.
That better life is on some sort of raft that goes somewhere
where bad people are waiting on. And I could see you with glasses
on string and see when you put those glasses on it's just a
look at figure with a. Calculator.
Yeah, that's that's for me to go with 2000 of these per bastards
today. I get you.
Know what do you think? They think if they went, if I'm
sitting on a stool and they go in Naples and they go, he's an
underworld figure. You have, you have two looks for
me. One is you could be quite a good
grey man, like a good like a like a good assassin type, you
know? Thank you, I love.
Like a, like a blender, like a like AI blend and like, you
know, and yeah, like, you know, but you blend in the certain
areas and people don't remember you.
They're like, oh, it was just a guy.
It was a grey figure. I don't remember.
You know, you think that started great.
You were like, you could be an assassin and know.
What I mean because because you could, you could pull off the
holy Italian guys know, you could pull off the you could
pull off the Italian fashion so you could blend in in Italy.
But then, you know, it's sort of like I could escape to.
Poland, yeah, nobody would think anything.
Yeah, or, or you could be like one of those sort of guys who's
worked his way up through something to now run up.
So you used to be like a lowlife kind of maybe like a Gopher, a
wee lowlife drug Gopher, Yeah. And now you're running like a,
some sort of heroin plantation or like.
But you think they? Respect where we rent, boy.
And now you're running like a whole load of rent boys.
Right. Yeah, yeah.
So I'm not the rent B. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're the landlord. I could see you being a corrupt.
I could see you being a corrupt some bed distributor.
All my things are like all all to do with just with flesh.
But I think they. It's, it's tanning.
It's, it's, it's fucking trafficking people.
It's, it's, it's selling weird mates.
I know like horse meat, but I'm telling you it's beef.
I think people come up to you to rent the sun lounger in Naples
and you're like, you know, €20 for the afternoon but you don't
write them a ticket for it. You're like, I could write you a
ticket or this could cost you €18.
Yeah, I'm definitely that. I I definitely.
My dad used to offer the guys that do that in Tenerife the
option. Say it was €10 ego.
Don't worry about a ticket if you don't want to.
So they give them the option of keeping it, which I thought.
All right, I would, I would definitely be a corrupt.
See, if I was ever a traffic warden here, yeah, I, I would
absolutely be the guy who's a complete can't writing tickets
for people, you know, someone sitting on double yellow lines
to pick someone up outside a hospital or something.
I'm, I'll pounce on that and go, yeah.
I mean it can, it can be £45 or it can be 20.
Is it true that they have to write out a certain amount of
tickets in a week? Or I think they have quarters,
yeah. Otherwise they could just walk
about doing nothing really. Is that it?
I think they do mostly walk about doing nothing that I mean,
I mean, here come, come at me, Wardens, don't I?
I I hate their full authority that they have.
I was outside of Cafe Nero getting the, My plan was get the
prom out of the car, get the kids in it, give them in.
Then my wife was ready in there. Yeah.
And I go and move the car. I literally park up on West,
but, but I'm not like stopping it.
I'm on a side Rd. I'm not stopping anybody getting
by. And then I literally stopped
under the traffic ordinar and I start taking the stuff out and I
went, I'll be literally 2 seconds here.
I was dead on. I was like, I'll be two seconds
here. I'm going to fire them in the
prom, leave the prom in. I'll be out of here in 45
seconds. I just thought 43 seconds the
time was going to be there. And you're expecting the traffic
warden to go here? No worries, Take your time.
She goes. He was in oh, she was in human.
Shows you need to move the car. I went a well when I'm done and
she went no, but you need to move it now.
And I went I could be done by now and I I went through but I
didn't get the tape. Mental, mental.
I there was 1. So.
So I feel if I was telling that story, you would have been gone.
But were you on the double LS? And I'd be gone.
Yeah. Yeah, but what was the double LS
mean? No problem.
Anytime. Was it Anytime.
But also. Joe cracks me up.
People on us, people that don't understand, like parking in
terms of people like maybe not from Belfast on a Sunday at
10:00 PM Yeah, yeah, on street park on Oh, where do I get a
ticket? You.
Don't I know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like that here. I I think, I think this should
be a bit more human about it, yeah.
So like, but they do get talked to like.
Shit, everybody hates them and it is probably one of the I I
would suggest that some people hate them more than what are
traditional. Sort of like hate figures.
Yeah, all their authority figures, you know, some people
don't like the cops or whatever. I think.
So I I would personally dislike. What's your opinion on?
I would personally dislike traffic wardens a bit more.
Do you know who I dislike the most?
The speed camera people. Oh yeah.
Oh, I've no respect for them. Of course I'll see them and I'll
be under the speed limit and I'm still human.
I say, yeah, you're fucking scamming everybody.
It'd be lovely to see like the actual speed because yeah, when
you, yeah, exactly when you see if you're doing 36 and a 30 and
then you see them, you don't go down to 29 you don't like.
Eat my life. Yeah, yeah.
Like this way I always drive. This is the.
Do you do this The other cars coming?
No. If there's a speed camera, no.
Just let you know. I won't, I won't do that because
that looks like I'm patting somebody on the head that isn't
there. But I'll I'll I have
occasionally. What do you do?
So I'm driving. I've flashed the lights a couple
of times. All right, I thought you might
come in. All right.
Yeah, Yeah, I don't. I don't doubt I'll just go.
Do people respect the truck? Do you find like traffic wardens
stuff like that would respect your truck more?
No, I think people hear it, although I did expect it.
I got good info off for try to see.
I dislike them as a as a. Concept.
As a concept but I have spoken to a couple who were very dead
on but when I speak to them I turn into my mouth speaking to
like a cop or something. Well, I thought you meant like
an Eddie. Sir.
Yes, you, Sir. I know you meant like an Eddie
Murphy movie. You'll go away for a minute and
come back as my Bartlett. Yeah, Yeah.
No, I'll. It's just Norbit.
Yeah, no, I'll, I've been over being like, you know when you
know, when you know you're potentially going to get a
ticket. Yes.
So you better sweet talk. Do we do a?
Wee bit of a flirt with the truck.
And I know you just get a Titan. All people send your wankers all
I love. I would never say I like defend
you yeah, yeah, yeah, I defend you No, I'd be like I I so I'd
park the truck one day, but the the bumpers were both bumpers
were over the space because. You weren't in the space.
But it was Shane, if you'll allow me to finish because
because so both bumpers were over.
But it was, it was because, sorry, not both bumpers.
The back, the back bumper was over.
The person with the person in front of me was also in like a
truck and it was over. No.
You're not your brother, so. I so I spoke, so I spoke to
there was 2 traffic wardens walking about and I'm like why
do you go around in Paris whenever anyway, right so.
Sorry, you're you're in over 2 spaces you see a traffic
wardens. The back of the truck is hanging
over and I'm sitting there and I'm sitting there going.
I've heard stories about like people getting a photo taken of
their, you know, a bumper hanging over or something.
But it's actually the wheel if your wheels are within the
space. And this is from the mouths of
two of these traffic wardens that if your wheels are in the
space, you're in the space it is here.
That's what they said to me. And I've and I've gone with that
ever since because it was a white van that was in front of
me that was fucking me up. But his wheels were in, right?
And so if your wheels are in, you're in here.
That's what that's what they said.
They said they wouldn't take it me.
The position of the wheels is irrelevant.
Well. You're like, you're like me on
tech talk looking at scientific advice on supplements.
You see one guy say it in the video will be like seaweed or
cure childhood trauma. And you're like order some.
Seaweed but this was no but this was this was a guy said it.
This was 2 traffic wardens who both went.
We, we never take it for that. Yeah.
And I'm like. Right.
Maybe they said it in sarcastic. Because I even said them, I went
because I've heard like, you know, pictures get taken of like
stuff hanging over the over the line and they're like, no, no,
that's not what they anymore. Yeah.
And I was like, right. And I was like, your trust.
I was like, did you both really want to be police and then get
in? Would your that's.
What I asked him about. Them Would your truck be good
for the environment? Would yours?
And how a truck you have a Jeep low?
Yeah. Is it good for the environment?
Yeah. Does it fuck?
No, but mine is actually good for the environment, you know,
it's ultra low emissions, is it? I don't have to pay the charge
in London in the US zone because it's so fresh.
Karen I thought we could do we history things we haven't
plotted together I. Was sorry I was my Peacock pride
plumage coming up. I thought you were doing a Hulk
Hogan. No, no, I'm sure you're.
Not coming for lunch? After this I thought you were
meaning like I was just going to go entirely racist in a video
that I thought was private. Oh yeah, brother, I thought we
could do a history related thing and we've got this article of
the unluckiest people in history and I Glen free hub knobs.
I I thrashed those before the bonus spot recording at like 5
John Much is for packages. Yes 360.
Oh my God I thought 250 was mental.
Because they've got you by the balls.
Because they know you need them. Yep, they know it has to be
gluten free. It's like big pharma, you just
have to pay for it. Sorry, what's this history
related thing? So we're looking at the
unluckiest people in history. Mantle, WB.
It's. Forced.
Yes. No one is WB.
It's unlucky, yeah. You know that story about like
where he was He so he was after someone called mall gone
forever, like forever wrote, wrote poems and all about her
and was chasing it hard, like and fucking asked her to marry
him a lot of times, right. She just kept going right.
And then she married one of the guys, one of the leaders of the
1916 Rising. I thought everybody said in 19.
70 and he was still floating around.
Yes, we're still floating around.
Who'd you rather your wife married?
Uh, definitely one. Of that he leaves from the 1970
no. Because he's he's getting dumb
noisy for those dirty weird stage kisses that he does.
He did one in Malaysia and they didn't like it.
What does he do you? Know where he, like, plucks
somebody up out of the crowd and cheques her ID and then, like,
licks the back of their throat? Yeah.
Like it's not a normal, like it's not like a we're pulling
somebody up on the stage and, you know, give them a hug.
He like deeply, deeply snogs gets into them.
Like I, you know, like the sort of snog if you saw somebody
doing it in a bar, you would even go all right mate.
Yeah, but you're still looking. But you're not even looking to
stir. You're trying.
You're trying to get your paint. Yeah.
And somebody you.
Can't get past your ball? Here you know you can hear it.
Yeah, yeah. A lot.
A glimpse into the kissing technique.
And then just like, don't fucking say to me do your kiss.
Fuck off. I know how your brain works.
Kiss that, Mike. No, I'm good.
So anyway, don't. Eyes open or closed.
WV it's all closed every time. That would be occasionally open
in the middle to see if her eyes are closed, but I'll close it
again. But then the do you ever?
Touch your face. Rarely there.
So I think you double. I know.
Yeah, just Baker like a vice. I said, is the Baker from
fucking meow meow from fucking what?
What? So so he he asked her mom all
the time. She that marries this guy who
becomes like, you know, a martyr and all that.
And then he's still hanging about and then he he hangs
around for her daughter and goes with the daughter for a bit and
then ends up he asked her Mariam like five times or something.
She just kept saying though. And then he ended up bucking
her. And when he did, both of them
agreed wasn't worth a heck. He's played the longest.
Game the longest game ever to end up with a That wasn't great,
was it? Nah, no synergy.
Because he probably did not move in an author back then.
You wouldn't. I I reckon if you ever look at
pictures yet and then you know, he's a poet.
So you're like, he's the sort of guy we wore like a white school
shirt, like in his actual everyday.
Like 8:00 at night. And yeah, and he's not, I bet
he's a guy. I mean, at that time as well,
there's no way he's wiping his whole all the way.
So it's just he's going to have streaky monks and all these,
that sort of guy. Yeah, Yeah.
So he's going to, he's going to get up off like a leather seat
like this, and it won't smell like washing.
It'll actually smell a wee bit like a zosh.
Yeah, Yeah. Let's look at some of the most
unlucky people in history, Costas.
Mitts socket mitts attackers. Costa Smiths attack us December
2011 The small Spanish village of Sedero transformed from a
real farming community. India suddenly wealthy enclave
thanks to a lottery win of 950 million.
Oh, I heard about this. So the whole town shared that.
So the whole time we're doing a syndicate.
Yeah. Where they and they won 950
million. Everyone in town shared the
riches except for one man. Their their Christmas lottery
known as El Gordo or the Fat 1 isn't exactly the Powerball you
may be familiar with. Government prints out multiple
tickets number from zero, 99,000 and distributes them to local
offices throughout the country. Anyone purchase a single ticket
but then people break them up into tents or fractions, right?
Here You know what though? If if there's only 999, what was
that? 99,000. 99,999 I mean, that's
good odds for winning a lottery. Look, 11 and 100,000 because the
odds to win the actual lottery are like, fuck it, you're more
likely to be struck by lightning twice, yeah, than you are to win
that. You're more.
Here's a great fact, You're more likely to die on your way to buy
a lottery ticket than you are to win the lottery.
True story. No, I can't believe you can read
that from here. That's like fucking.
Well, not read the whole thing, but every day, every year the a
local housewives association in that village would buy a
collection of tickets and everybody bought in.
So it was a way to raise money for time functions, right?
Right, Right. I like the sound of this.
Yeah, they all drained the cash. And then together that year they
won 950 million people. But then they won.
People flooded the streets in celebration, waking up Costas.
What's he called here? Costas Mets attackers.
He was a filmmaker from Greece who moved to a barn in the
outskirts of the village with his girlfriend.
I love that. I was like, sounds great.
It was. The Housewives Association
simply forgot to reach out to him that year, leaving him on
the outside looking in as a massive women's were split
between 70 households, 130 grand.
How many households? 70, each winning between 130
grand and a million. Oh my God.
He said it would nice, it would be nice to have been part of it,
but he didn't hold a grudge. He's but he's going to make a
documentary about the impact the lottery had in the village one
day. Oh my God.
Should that be? But I'll do we film Why?
Does it say why he didn't put in in this one?
I think he lived because he lived on the outskirts of the
village that forgot the wrap his door to say join a few tickets
and. I wouldn't think it's saying
here divided by 71. Would you hold a grudge about
that though, if that was you? I if if I had been paying into
it previously and then the next time somebody in the Housewives
Association forgets, yeah, I'd be like you're.
Real for Garrett. Glass.
Yeah, sort of. So, yeah, yeah.
I thought, you know what, I would do something mental and
I'd be like, well, that's the cost.
But do you think they should have just sorted them out?
Well. You think they should have just
sorted them out? Though I would have, if I'd been
in, if I was in a Spanish housewives association, I would
have left Flex film. I would have sorted him out.
I'd have gone here. He normally pet in.
I mean, how much, how much like? A couple euro would take it.
When you wouldn't you at least have gone.
Wouldn't you at least have done somewhere you go?
Let's cover the cost of his house.
Yeah, you know, you know what I mean.
Let's slap up me. Let's buy all the trimmings.
Do you want you want if I was send you right now, do you want
to slap up mail or your mortgage pet off?
What would you take? You would take the mortgage
every day like pays mortgage for fuck sake.
Yeah, or or, you know, do something like that.
Falsely, they're all too long. Is there none of them that Who's
this Ronald Wayne? OK, January 2022, Apple's market
value had three trillion. The foundation of this was laid
by two men, Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak.
But there was a third guy you probably don't know about,
Ronald Wayne. When they decided to form a
company together, they wanted Wayne to have a 10% stake in
order to solve arguments and guide administrative decisions.
One early decision from back before when Apple was previously
incorporated. So Wayne helped Wozniak
understand the importance of Apple having proprietary
circuits. He also helped the more
unconventional ways by designing the Apple's company's first
logo. Was that the the multi coloured
apple? Probably.
Was that their first one? Unfortunately for we and he
would end up cutting ties with the future world bidder before
it took off. He sold his 10% share after 12
days. Oh, you deck, he did.
Sorry, he lasted fucking two weeks.
Not even for that. He got that.
You know what he did? He got to the second Friday.
How much do you think he made though?
It end up being worth 3 trillion.
He could add 10% of that. Which would be what, 33 billion?
Yeah, it'd be a lot. Fastest furiously giggling.
This. How do you get Google?
They appear in like a wee thing like that.
No. 3 million three. No, no, there's more. 10% of 3
millions, 30 million. I know that and I have
borderline academic problems. How many zeros are in that I
got? I got 1010% of 3 trillion close.
So he's gone by me. I don't have academic problems.
What? What is a trillion?
Is a trillion? 1000 billions.
That's hard, isn't it? I hate maths.
That's what you said, a Chloe event, you go, I love you a
trillion trillions and then you say.
Truly, truly, billions are some that we would say.
Truly billions. Yeah, like a trillion billions.
Truly billions. But just by itself.
Oh, truly, billions. Yeah.
And then and then a bigger. Truly billions.
And then how do you? And then and then close my eyes
and. Anyway, he sold the shares for
$800. Oh, you Dick, you absolute Dick.
But that's like people who even have well over 200 billion.
What do you call it, man? Stewart Stuart Sutcliff, wasn't
he like the 5th Beatle, all right, to be another Beatle?
And he left before the. Yeah, he's like, oh.
When they just had twist and showed.
Yeah. So like that's pretty unlucky.
Who's OK? Up Adolf Sax.
Oh, surely the saxophone guy is he?
He invented the saxophone, but that's hardly the only musical
instrument he put his name to. He also created the Saxo tromba,
the sax horn and the sax tuba Dirty Bastard.
His other claim, The fame former Absurd.
He suffered a comical string of near death experiences to be
right at home in a Harold Lloyd movie.
It started as a young child when he toppled down three flights of
stairs, punctuating this mishap by whacking his head on a rock
and as the story goes, in the coma.
There was also the time he fell into a let stove and suffer
burns across his body. Fuck sake, Sax.
When he nearly joined in a river and was fished out by someone
passing. Dragon, he just called
everything like by his name like that, you know, somebody's like,
what's that in your arm? He's like a Saxo burn, you know
what I mean? He's just burnt himself, or like
I was on a sax corner there. I'd love to play a saxophone,
really. Yeah, it's it's a cool
instrument. Like have you ever played any
any wind instrument, anything like that that has like our
brass, anything that you've to blow into essentially No a
trumpets quite hard. But I've heard a thing the other
day where you were sort of passing around and you just
went. So my God.
When I did an elephant. Is that what it was?
Yeah, why would you think it was?
I didn't know but but that is a good you need.
To buy when I guess I went, I guess.
No, I definitely was not. It was like a high pitch that's
perhaps more like a horse. You definitely went.
Hold on, hold on. Let's appreciate this a bit
more. Close your eyes and imagine
there's a horse outside. Close.
That's pretty good. You question that or you just
go. Well, I know that there isn't a
horse, I said. Or rather, I know I don't know
that, but I know that there's a guy doing a horse impression
there. But like when you did the thing
that you need to be able to do something like that, you need to
be able to do something like that to play a trumpet because
it's the what I call the ambusher.
You know. Is like the shape that your
mouth needs to take and you need to you need to be able to do
that in the trumpet or it won't make sense.
I couldn't play any musical instrument.
That because I had two trumpet lessons before and I actually
have a trumpet. I could see you being have no E
bugle. I, I really, I would love to
learn the trumpet, like, I love trumpet music like Miles Davis
and all, but like, I should have started when I was younger, I
thought, I thought, I can't do it now.
I could see you leading like a soul lane in New Orleans.
I got yeah for like a funeral or something.
They do those. You don't want a trumpet line.
A trumpet line for a funeral. Come out and do that.
You ever see fucking, I mean a business on the heavily racist?
Say the guys in Ghana with. No 11 Let Die the the James Bond
movie, which is probably not a great representation of culture
in New Orleans, but. Who's the bond in that?
Mirror. It's mirrors.
First Bond. Because do you know Timothy
Dalton is in the Yellowstone Prickle, 1923?
No, he's the body, but he's fucking great.
But where's he been for years? Why he's not been in more stuff?
I thought he would be really old or dead.
So I think with he does a lot of theatre.
So I think with, I think with Bond, the he was there was meant
to be 1/3 Bond with him in it, right.
And it got into it got into development.
Yeah, it got into development health.
So he did. He did.
From Russia with love and licence to kill.
Was he a good blonde? I like.
Them sorry, live in daylight. It's not from Russia with love.
It's all in Russia. He's a good looking guy live in
that the living daylights with aha on the they did the thing
they did the music and live in daylight.
Sorry, yes. And so there's the it's the one
with the cellist and she she's the, the, the main bond guard
and not like who? Who would be the worst musical
act to do a Bond theme? Jedward yeah, or choose
something you know, and act like that.
Or. But if you were talking about I
don't like Adele's Skyfall song. Skyfall.
Yeah, it doesn't go anywhere. Give me, you know, it's a
fucking grip on song, the Chris Cornell one, the fucking oh
here. And don't even don't even start
my own Passy, because we'll be here all day.
You like hers? Some of her ones are class.
Diamonds are forever. Yeah, Goldfinger.
Yeah, I'm saying she's. Good, no.
Go finger. You have to, yeah.
Umm who? Diamonds are forever.
Yeah, down like this and. Then you you show your old mum
hole. That's what Charles, that's what
she does. Old Mum Hole is definitely like
a bluegrass band. You could be Karen Barland, the
Old Mum Hole boys. You not you, you're you're a guy
that you know what these who plays.
Bluegrass. You know what Bossy is like?
Bossy is like somebody. She's like somebody's slightly
tardy hunt. I'd like a like a caravan sites
summer talent show, right? But she was the biggest star in
the world. She's got it for ages.
She is actually a really good. Singer what other bluegrass
bands could you have been in and it's you and like the guys
you're with rotate but you like to drink I.
Would like it if my name. Yeah.
Well, what about big nips in the moonshiners?
You know big names. This new one by Big Nips in the
Moonshiners. What about?
Let me see.
Big truck in the wheels. Push.
Pushy, pushy. Foot and something like that,
you know, like. Pussy and what range?
Big, big Zeke in the pushy foot. Or you know what I mean.
Or like. Big Zeke, you know, I'll give
you your character background. You started off as a preacher, a
very talented like child preacher, and then you left the
church and went the other way. Oh yeah.
So all of it was like. The Jewish chiefs got on me
back. Bum bum, bum, bum bum.
Reverend. What can it be called?
Something like the Reverend. Love.
Reverend, Reverend Love. Reverend Moonshine.
Reverend Moonshine and the.
The loved on. The chicken tenders, Do you know
what I mean? Something like that, Like a
reverend. And the.
Chicken and the and the Texas # handler.
Do you know what I mean? Something like here, there's a
guy we've been listening to recently, what's his name?
Jake. Jake Vadalan.
He's like country, yes. So he lives.
He lives as if it's like the 1940s, fifties that no, but that
the music. Though Ah no, he looks Joe.
This looks like I've had a breakdown.
Shane lives like it's the 40s now.
Say again, What news? You're like, man, people are
worried about you. Say God, God, why?
We're going to do something about Pearl Harbour, you know
what I mean? I'm not selling any tickets.
Gee, where's? Where this guy, this guy, She's
left you. She's left you, this guy.
That's a bunch of sauce strawberries.
Unbelievable. Down to the set the image 2nd
row left. That's me.
I think he looks like a mad Rick Astley.
He sort of looks like Mark Lamar.
There, what does he do? Like a Buddy Holly kind of
thing. It's kind of more country.
It's kind of like a mix of like Johnny Cash, Marty Robbins,
Everly Brothers, that kind of stuff, right?
Really good. Like Marty Robbins.
You ever hear his stuff? He sends that guy cleaned your
window. They're all like, they're all
like he had an album. Marty Robbins.
Called gun gun Slinger ballads or gunfighter ballads, and
they're all like they're all songs and one of them's in the
last episode of Breaking Bad, the Fleet, it's got the last
that was sort of Breaking Bad. It's called Felina and they use
the song at the start of it. What do?
You think of Post Malone at the minute, you up on his stuff,
He's just taken over the country world.
I need to just say this, though, the fact that they've called it
Felina is really good because Felina is the girl in this song
and the story and the song in this ballad is a guy in New
Mexico fancies this woman and somebody else comes in and gets
with her. He cracks up, shoots that guy,
leaves town, and then rides back in the town knowing he's going
to die because he needs to see Felina again.
And that's what Walter White does.
He leaves town and he rides back in and he's going to die because
he needs to see Jesse and his family.
I've broken it apart. Vince Gilligan, if you're
watching, I know you're watching.
I'm ready to work. I'm ready to do whatever you
want. I don't know what your next show
is going to be, but I'm ready. Do you like the what post
Malone's doing in music at the? Minute I don't know what he's
doing. I can't look at.
That, you know, he's a rapper. He's just gone country and he's
getting he's doing collabs with everybody and he's going to put
an album so. He's calling who he's calling
Beyoncé. He was doing this.
Was he before Cowboy Carter? Well, well, he'd gone more, I'd
say around the same. Have I just bothered Post Malone
or however. No, I'd say he started doing
that around the same time. I have you heard, Cowboy Carter?
I hate the first song so I won't listen any more.
Of it was the first one I I like Texas hold them.
I like up. I like up.
No, sounds like the gambler I hate probably is really good.
But posting alone, listen to someone like Homes, he's just
what he's doing. What I like is he's just getting
the biggest country stars. He goes, I'll write a sweet
tune, we'll make a fun video, and he's got an album coming up
with Dolly Parton, Tim McGraw, Lacombs, all these people.
It's getting people like me in the country music.
I've I've been in the country music here.
I've been being in the country music.
My dad used to really like Hank Williams.
Like, he like Hank Williams. You know, he like the guy called
Hank Snow and he like, he liked a Yodeler guy called Slim
Whitman. Now, those songs, they were
fucking hard going. Like, yeah.
Of course it's yodel. It's like a tape.
Out on the car and I'd be like and it was, it was you.
Can you? Not really, no.
Come on, give us a bit. I, you know, what's that?
No, I think as far as I can go with it is the sort of the
start, you know, the start of a little like that, like the, you
know what you're singing anyway. Yeah, the Garth Brooks vibe of
like sort of, you know, where you sort of just go like, hey,
I'm nobody, sugar baby now I can't really do it.
Being serious. Yeah, I don't know what to do.
I can the other way but. Do you think you could write a
country album? I would want to do a whole
album. I could write a song.
I could write a song on a country song.
Reverend Moonshine. Reverend Moonshine, that's what
we're going to go with or we're going to go Reverend Moonshine
and the chicken tenders or we're going Reverend Moonshine and the
and the old Mom Hall boys. That's it.
Reverend Moonshine and the old Mom Hall boys.
To finish three, I'm in California first OR.
Separate Oh here three, I'm in California.
It's on the back burner. We're making a sketch you and
then we're going to focus. On yeah, we're not.
We're going to focus on it. I love that.
Yeah, yeah, we're doing sketches at the moment and then we're
going to focus on our music career, right?
What's our song called? So.
Is it about your preacher type background?
There's a couple. There's a couple of there's a
couple of themes that are always interesting and sort of you have
to decide if you want what what, what type of country songs you
want it to be. Do you want it to be a fucking
right or do you want it to be a spiritual or do you want it to
be a ballad? And if it's going to be a
ballad? Not a ballad.
Right. OK.
That's sad though, because if it's going to be a ballad, you
can go for the is this going to be like a gritty ballad, like
say something like Thunder Rolls, which is all like I've
had an affair and my wife's going to fully shoot me in the
face. Or you can go for like the
there's a Marty Robbins one is some guy has called his wife
almost somebody and he's fucking plugged them both and he's
waiting the behind this. Is more I think you're, you're
on the run because the church is trying to call you back.
So here's the here's the song. You've got the devil on one
shoulder, God on the other. Yeah.
And they're pulling in both directions, so you're confused.
Ripped apart by opposing daddies, yeah.
Well, let's workshop that title. But they they're trying to pull
you in all directions. But you, you've got a, you've
got a taste, you've got a. Taste.
I really wish I had my guitar with me because it would inform
this massively. Is there a keyboard?
Yeah, yeah, if there's a keyboard, I can do some
rudimentary chords, give us a wee bit of a tune to beat like.
Bum, bum, bum bum. But it's more like, you know,
that butter, butter. Oh, like more of like a like a
sort of country bluesy. Yes, yes, yeah, like Holland
Wolf. Remember him?
Dumb, dumb, dumb. Barrel it out.
Yes, Bluesy, They bowed. Yeah, like.
Bone in the field didn't have no front door.
That's pretty good. Didn't have no front door.
That's fucking good. I was born in a field, but I
quite like the idea. See, you could go Garth Brooks
vibes with us though and go short of for that up tempo, you
know, up tempo kind of like, you know, like a hillbilly rap.
Like see instead of you. And like the nice cowboy hat and
the expensive shirt. You want to see me and like
racked dungarees? But it's drawn your.
Way, Yeah, OK. Sitting at a gas station.
Do you know what? Do you know what I will say?
Let me come back to you with us with a guitar and I'll, I swear
you, I swear we will write this. I will write a song about that
devil on my shoulder. It's got to be something like
devil on my shoulder, God in my heart or something like that.
You know what I mean? Or Angel.
Angels on my shoulder and the devil in my heart.
Oh my God, I'm ready. It's too long, though.
No, no, But that's the line. That's the finishing line of the
chorus. We'll just call it angels on on.
My shoulder. They will lay my heart and your
moaning man. I'm ready.
Look, I'm fucking meany moaning. I'm on my fucking.
That's a good place to start, Angel on my shoulder.
In my heart by moaning, moaning, moaning me it Give me a guitar
or piano, I'll do it right now. I can't even really play a
piano, but I know enough. I'll do it now.
We don't, but that'll be. We used to.
So where's the ground? Get me a bit.
I need a baby Grant. Get.
I need a baby.
Grant Yeah, I can't. I do you ever see, ever see John
Legend just sitting down and playing the piano and just
singing? I bought his first time without
any single releases because he was Kanye West back and.
Did that have or ordinary people?
Yeah, the album was get lifted and it's excellent.
He's. He's one of the best guys for
like a noise, for like a. I'm sure he'd be happy to hear.
That no, but like a like a, you know, in ordinary people he goes
like something like times we get sicker love, sometimes we get
sicker. Seems like it's harder every
day. Yeah, yeah.
And then there's one and giant and the jungle song he does.
I'm a vigilante, but he doesn't always in that too.
Where do you were like, could you ever see yourself perform in
live music and just music? I would have to rehearse for a
long time because it don't really sing anymore so imagine
like I hate the way it sounds right now.
I thought about this earlier. Imagine one night you just
showed up to The Dirty On and played with Kev on a night on a
Friday or Saturday night. People would go, that would be,
I should say, pleasant thirsty goat.
Just so sorry, Kev, Pleasant thirsty goat.
I I would be, I would be torturous.
Do you know that that can be that can get quite rowdy in
there. Yeah.
Even like just without me. Yeah.
So like people's faces being there.
I hate. That we get a barrier you.
You would think a barrier would be enough, but me and as Johnny
and I would tell you, like when we used to play we we have.
Barrier and enough is another. That's another reverend,
Reverend Moonshine and the the whole mumble boys.
That's so funny. Me and Willy are the.
Old man, I just yeah, so like. We we like we like you bottom
boys. You know, I want I want to have
you know that you know the old bass thing that's like it's like
a mop with a big string on it and it's in it like goes into
like a milk charm type thing, right.
And you actually make the notes by like how far, like how far
you're tightening it. What's the most basic instrument
I could play that actually sounds good?
A harmonica probably if you had if so, like this is true if we
if we could, we could literally do this, right.
I have a have a box of harmonicas, right.
So like, I don't know, because I used to sometimes have a wee bit
of AI used to, I mean, right, so.
Now she just passionate there. I thought that you had
harmonicas. There was a time.
This time was after finished the PhD on a started PC.
Yeah, after I finished the first one I started getting.
I wasn't too well around that time, but then when I started
getting better again, there was about a year before I was really
backed in comedy again, where I took music pretty seriously.
So like late 2014 to late 2015, right, I was taken away more
seriously. I'd improved a lot on the
guitar. I bought another guitar so that
I could have one sitting beside me that was like tuned
differently. And I would do all my weird
tunings on that one. And so when I was doing some of
that stuff, so, so for instance, the the set would range from
like, you know, Kings Of Leon and fucking Cooks and stuff.
Like other people wanted to like stuff I wanted to play that was
like, I would do Heartbeats by José González and I would do
like I would do or José González, sorry.
And then I would do like, I would tune from that TuneIn into
something else and do that. And then at half time we tune
our guitar right down into like C TuneIn and do some John Martin
stuff in the second-half while also still doing, you know, the
shit that people are actually. Asking I want to dance with.
Some I would sort of go like 3 for them.
One for me would be the way it was.
But then some people started like the other weird chit was
done and some of the weird chit required a wee harmonica bracket
and. The wee harmonica here and you
could do like. No.
Did it require it? Yes, because because a couple of
songs have harmonica in it, so I would like to play it.
And all you need to do is if I say to you, well, this song is
going to be in D because there's two different types of
harmonica. There's the chromatic ones that
have like every every note in it nearly and you need to know what
you're fucking really doing to play that.
And then there's one that's just like this is for the key of D
And those ones will just nearly anything you do on that will
sound fine. So I could play that.
You could play that and then we can get Willie.
Do you know what we should get Willie?
We need a bit of precaution here.
We'll get him an old. An old washboard.
Yeah. And just fucking scrape it.
I'd like. To play, you know, the wee box
that we wouldn't box all the Kahan.
But it's that harder to play than you think.
It looks easy as fuck. When when a drummer plays it,
you would see that it you know, but like a civilian could also
just you. Can.
Get like a you can get like a, you can get a kick, a kick pedal
for it. So if it's just 4-4, you know
1234 and then you can start out and then like.
Even though I even I couldn't do that.
I could try to go kick like kick, tap, kick, tap, kick, tap,
kick, tap. It's already starting though.
I was better in your first go. Yeah, really fast.
That's like a blast beat, right? You know, like.
I'm going to Edinburgh tomorrow and I wish it was last year and
you were in the Fringe because then I could hang out with you
at the Fringe. And although was that?
Last year, the year before, last year, remember, we went to Byron
Burger, remember? Yes, but it was a long queue.
It took forever. You were shooting at someone.
I was, well, shouting at someone.
Give off. This.
Oh yeah, I doubt. Yeah, that's me in a restaurant.
I'm always so my fan on Anonymous.
But that was it was a great meeting from what I remember.
It was a great meal, but it did, it did literally take forever.
Like we were all pretty much late after that, If you
remember. Yeah.
Where? Should I eat after the gig
because I'm I'm done at 7:20? Depends really what you're in
the mood for. Suppose if because I have some
wrecks for. I've got some good recommends
for Edinburgh if you want like a wee dessert.
Haute cuisine. Oh, sorry, haute haute, not
haute cuisine, Haute Dolce. You sound like an old for a
while. Haute Dolce is like a dirty,
just big dessert restaurant. Amazing.
It's near Gordon Ramsay St Burger.
It's in that big. Yeah, it's in that big shopping
centre, I can't remember what. It's called St Somethings, yes.
Saint James, Yeah. And then Red Box is near the
poetry and it's a wee build your own Chinese.
No, it's like a wee restaurant. It's lovely.
You build your own and then they make it.
Williams. Dinner I need to go and look
after. Be burger for a fairy dirty
burger look and it's. Oh, I know where that is.
It's near the TV, yes. It's great.
It is great that they would be my favourite.
Are you delighted not to go in Edinburgh this year?
Yeah, didn't love it. Like, I like the time.
Yeah. And I like the areas outside the
time. Yeah.
Rosslyn Chapel was amazing. The the big Da Vinci Code thing.
That was class and we went to a castle called Thurlaston for a
WE tour and it was brilliant. I like doing stuff like that.
I didn't love the didn't love gigging every night for a month
was dog shit. Do you like we're making a
schedule? Yeah, yeah, do like I'm just,
I'm fucking knockers. So it's very hard to like, but I
am enjoying it. It's been good.
I think. I think people are going to
enjoy it. Some of the stuff we've done has
been quite. You didn't like being bare feet
in the forest? I want but I but I went for it.
You did it. I definitely.
I definitely felt for pretty much the rest that day until I
had a shower that there was insects eat me alive.
And there might have been, Yeah. But it's a.
Good though, because one of the guys she's working on with us, I
goes, I'm going to get fucking Lyme disease or something here,
which is like you get out of a tech, you know, gets into your
fucking leg or something. And it was all this isn't the
country set. And I'm like, I'm barefoot and a
clearing and a forest. Yeah, This is the countryside
there. Did you hear our ball?
Did you hear that noise? The water, the ball.
Don't make me sad. The bull, the ball.
There was a ball squealing. Dennis Robin played for the
Chicago Bulls. Yes, he did.
There was a ball squealing. And you and we heard this.
And Karen goes the fox out and everyone's like a bull.
No, I was like, I was like Kyle. Everyone else was like a ball
and I was like or a poodle and I was like, right, sorry that it
didn't fucking. You know, I don't know every
fucking animal noise ever. I'd never heard a noise like it.
It wasn't. An overreaction.
I'm sorry, I don't know me fucking out.
That's that's a mum on a holiday under pressure when it's 32°.
I don't know any. That's right, that's right.
Idol mentally. Do you know what I mean?
I'm Idol and that's mum under. Pressure you're a you're a too
warm holiday mum. Don't make me get fucking old
mom all out like you know what I mean?
Diamonds are following the hoops out like.
You were scared in the Telegraph building too.
Oh fucking right, I telegraphed building was actually.
Derelict bar where they have the concerts which is a tiny part of
the building. Yeah, and we so we were up in
one of the old. Let me point out we've been
there the night before, me and Mike filming in the middle.
So I was only there for like an hour or whatever, but it was
like there was a, there was a bit, there was like two or three
minutes, you know, You know, I went down to pick stuff up and
save me the bother of having to fucking go downstairs and lift
stuff and all that. But in that minute when you were
away. Because it's very quiet.
It's very quiet, there's spiders everywhere, there's massive rat
traps everywhere. I was just shaping myself and
it's very dark. And do you know what I thought
to myself? I thought I'll go over to the
window here because there's light coming in and the windows
are just covered in dead things like literally just fucking
spider webs and I'll like. Well, we filmed, not to give
anything away, a torture scene the night before in there, and
we were like screaming. It was like somebody hostile.
And then we were loading gear and it was terrifying.
I actually can't wait to see some of the stuff.
I can't because I wasn't nerve fat, so I can't wait to see that
stuff. People are going to love it and
I think the one in the forest was a lot of fun.
How good that friends of ours are just in it too, and killing
it. They're all killing it, Mickey.
Mickey is. Fucking an Oscar level actor.
This is something I said to you the other day, even we're like
fucking about. It's enough of acting for me to
go. It's just hard like.
Yeah, but you don't make it look hard.
Oh, it's hard. Like it's like, I mean, no, I'm
because I'm going or to learn. I'm going like I'm fucking about
and I think it's hard. How hard is it to do like?
To be a real actor. To do like, actual shit.
Like this? Like you mean real like?
Real, real acting and have it be good.
You need to have a talk. Like that, yeah, but it's going
to be like, like, I'm not like obviously people like DiCaprio
are at like the top of that game.
But like, it's that's when you realise like, you know, he's
he's Ronaldo and you're playing Wolsey.
We were made, you know when. Does it be out October?
I think, well, no, I think we deliver in October and then I
don't know when that we haven't got that date yet, but it'll
probably be, I think it would either be around Halloween or
Christmas. We'll probably put it out around
something like that. Do you want to I need to pee so
bad? Do you want to plug some stuff?
I'd plug some stuff. Yeah, I will pee.
Guys, thanks very much for watching and listening.
Yeah, I need to go 10 out of 10. No worries.
So I'm doing my my Opera House shows 23rd to the 20th of
September. All singing all.
Music. No.
So it's a musical comedy show. I have all new songs.
The music is produced by there's going to be extra production on
it and it's written by me and Gianni, so I'm very excited
about that. Produced by Gianni, so we're
doing that. Tickets are available.
goh.co.uk. I'm not touring this show, so
this is the only chance to come see this show are going to be
the eight shows that I'm doing on those six days.
So there's two shows on the Friday and two on the Saturday.
It's also the last solo show that I'm going to be doing for
some time because I'm taking a break from from stand up after
this for a bit and I'll only do one or two gigs just to keep my
toe in the water for a good while.
So I'll be taking an extended break and this is so no tour
last show I'm doing. Get your tickets If you if
you're being dead on, you don't care what night you come on.
Buy tickets for the Tuesday and Wednesday.
Help me out because they're selling.
I like a dog shit and that would be great.
So that's it really. No blasters.
Oh absolutely. Yeah, falsely.
Just like fucking No Blasters. No Blasters comes out every
Tuesday on all your podcast platforms over patreon.com/no
Blasters. We have all our Patreon
material, all our extra podcasts that come out every Thursday, No
Blasters, Extra time, quite a lot of.
Cross pollination as well. There's fair few sippers that
are on yeah, yeah, and vice versa.
So. Yeah, so like you recognise
there's loads of stuff on there as well.
Like there's about two years now of patrol material.
Just all like podcasts, My comedy specials are on there.
We've got Never Mind the Mark blames on there.
We've got live streams, a cookery segment called Smells
Bitching, and we've put it all into collections, so you can
just sort of go in. If you just wanted to watch all
the Smells Bitchins, they're in there.
So it's a great old time. And that's a Pedro on the
Confortational Blasters. Other than that, I'm good here.
He's back good feel a wee bit later.
Yes, 10P. I know sometimes after I do it,
I feel like I've pitched a pond. Do you ever do that?
You feel like heavy with piss. Yeah, yeah.
I have a wee bit of pitch going on like that right now.
Yeah. Yeah, like I could probably
pitch, but I'll hold it. Why?
Oh, wait, you mean like right now?
I thought you remember before you leave and I was going to say
then you'll break your. Whole no no, I would actually
literally rather hold it now and then pitch seconds before
leaving the building. Love you.
Love you mate.