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October 8th and 9th. Oh, yes, it's the, it's a
Wednesday. It's the She and Todd cast.
I want everybody to, I want everybody to take your drinks.
All right, If you got a if you got a drink in your hand and I
want you to throw it up in the air right now upon listen to
this. I don't care whether it's tea,
coffee, water, patron, it doesn't matter.
Let's just have a great time. What episode of the of the
podcast is it what nerds care about that it doesn't.
Nothing else matters. You know, in the words of my
favourite band, Nirvana, nothing else matters.
It's just, it's just podcast. That and then my phone.
Just baby. Yeah, it did.
Here you go. And it's Kieran Bartlett.
OK, It's Kieran Bartlett who's in Hayden.
Because all people do is say to me, where's Bumpter, mate?
You know, where's Bunter from the Keith Cruz and Bunter
videos? And, you know, the person to ask
that question to is Kieran Bartlett, who plays the
character of Bunter. And it's a good time, guys.
It really, really is a good time.
I feel I felt not creative for the last couple of days.
So what I've channelled that into is practical tasks.
I mean, not like not doing DIY or anything, but like cutting
the grass. You know, I cut the grass
yesterday. What else did I do?
By the way, if anybody's going, man, it sounds like a building
side outside your house, It is OK.
And also you should know that because you should have listened
to the last couple of podcasts. And if you didn't, but you're a
new listener, then I like it. You know, I like it and that's
good. But also also, if you're any of
the builders who listen to my podcast, you know.
Build. Quieter on a Wednesday morning.
OK. Or just drive a massive lorry
past. All right, that's good stuff.
Enjoy it. Yeah, I just did stuff around
the house yesterday. Sometimes you just need to read
it like that, don't you? I just did stuff around the
house and then a man came around to look at my roof and I've
never felt more like a man myself because.
I held this ladder. I held.
The man's ladder and that's not code for an end and hold this
deck. But what happened was this guy
came around OK, he goes, I need to get up this ladder, mate.
Can you put your foot on the bottom of it?
And I said, yes, I can. Although halfway through I was
like, how much pressure should I be applying to this?
Is it just, you know, for Peace of Mind that I'm doing this or
should I be pushing the ladder in?
Then I started to think, what happens if I kick the bottom of
the ladder in? And then he was toppling off.
Who pays for that? You know, if he were to, if he
were to break his head or whatever.
But but it was all good. And it was chapped with a man
who is a builder. And he was saying things about
being a builder. And I was going, yeah, I know,
but I didn't know. I didn't know any of the things
he was saying. You know, he goes, I maybe.
I mean, he needs a bit of silicone around the frame.
What do you think? Here's me.
Yep. I go.
I know. Well, thank God you said it
because I've been thinking it all week.
But a silicone around the frame, you know, you can't go wrong,
can you? He's like, yeah, you can't go
wrong. Because if it didn't need that,
then we'll be the point in doing it.
I was like, I know, but I just silicone everything.
You know, my tits were one. Imagine I got a boob job.
Imagine I got my material money this year and did what?
Like Katie Price does what loyalist paramilitaries do.
Went over to Turkey, you know, which is not the plastic surgery
capital of the world. So you shouldn't go to you
should only go to places that are what people say about them
is they're the insert, whatever it is capital of the world.
You know, if you, if you need to go and get life saving medicine
for your, for your knee, although I don't think you're
going to die of anything related to your knee, right?
But I don't know how science works.
But you know, if someone's like, oh, you got to go to Ecuador and
you go and it's the knee capital of the world and you should go
to it. But you shouldn't be like, go to
Newton Ards. Why?
There's a guy there who does knees.
Is it what I mean, that is true, you know, paranoid.
But I don't really know what I was saying.
But what I'm saying is what I'm saying is I just always agree
with when a man comes out and tells you something about
building and a lot of people might be going.
Can a woman not be a builder? Absolutely.
But in all the times I've needed a builder or a tradesperson to
come out, it's always been a man.
And I hope next time it's a woman.
I hope it is. I hope it is and she'll go.
May need to put some silicone around this and I'll go.
I know, I know. Thank you very much.
But it's all, it's all sorted.
It's all sorted. I think.
OK. You know, there's maybe a
problem with Maroof that I take care of it.
Yeah. What I mean by that is a fond
man. I don't take care of things
myself really apart from myself. Hashtag self-care, you know, I
tweeze in between my eyebrows and brush my teeth.
So it's all good. Hey, what fun I've had doing
this tour, this stand up tour. I, I've, I've honestly just had
the best time And I think sometimes when you're travelling
around doing shows, you can have nights where you go, I don't
know if I'm, I'm enjoying this show, you know, as a performer,
as the person who's written the show and is performing it.
You cannot enjoy it. Last year there was just a
couple of times where a couple of times where you have maybe 2
ones in a row that don't go great and you start to go, Oh
no, you know, but but that's, I'm not really natural.
Like any comedian will will tell you that.
But this year I've just really, I've just really, really enjoyed
it. Like sometimes you go and do an
or stand up and you feel like you're working, You know,
you're, you're saying to yourself like, OK, I've got to
try this, I've got to try that. Like you're not saying it out
loud. You know what I mean?
Because I would really. That would really be awkward for
the audience if you're on stage. I need to try this.
What am I going to do? I mean, it might get a laugh,
but I wouldn't do it. I'm going to have a sip of tea
here. Bear with me.
Yeah. I don't know if I muted the mic
there, but I hope that I really, really hope that it did.
Because if it didn't, then what it means is the rest of the
podcast to be muted. And I'm not recording it again
because we've got to go and meet my friend Tony for a walk.
So yeah, the tour was great. On Friday I was in Coleraine in
the Riverside Theatre. Riverside motherfucker.
Worst song of all time. But yeah, it's not in Coleraine.
Connor Keys went on before me. It was a good time.
You know, certainly some people might say, hey, man, here's the
thing. When I go to a venue, I like two
things. Number one is fruit.
OK, fresh fruit, what? Washed in a reservoir.
And the second thing that I like is a little bit of music.
You know, when people are coming in, little bit of music at the
break, all that kind of thing. And you know, what I like is a
bit of pop music. I like something a little bit
funky and in Korean. Did they have, were they playing
Dolly Parton Very, very low down?
They were. Was it still a great night?
It was so, yeah, really enjoyable.
Got that one filmed. And then Saturday night was Uma
Daily's Daily's comedy club in UMA.
It was incredible. It was when I say about having
fun, like obviously you want the audience to have fun, but you
want to have fun as well yourself.
And I think Saturday was probably the right balance of
look, we're all having bloody fun.
OK, so again, go to filmed Who? Who am I?
Prince going? Yeah, OK, a thin creative guy,
yes. But am I?
Am I guy who's just going around getting everything filmed?
Yes, I am. And what I'm going to do is chop
up all that footage and make this very sexy stand up special.
And my MacBook is just that I'm recording this podcast on has
just said, hey, man, your desk's almost full.
So what I'm what I'm going to do is just delete a lot of videos
as we talk, as we talk. And you can you can even hear
that going into the trash. But but you know, love is love.
Yeah. The tourist rift on, on Sunday
we did a charity show in the limelight in Belfast with about
15 comedians on and I, I think Kieran Bartlett who was kind of
running it said that there was 4 1/2 grand raised for motor
neuron disease. So you know, it, that it's a
nice time. You know what I mean?
What's better than reason? What's better than raising 4 1/2
grand for modern neuron disease? Not many things, you know,
reason for 1/2 grand for modern neuron disease better than
raising 4 grand, you know what I mean?
So it was, it was good. And obviously once I get because
all the comedians that are for free bar me so, so once I get my
cut A4 thousand £4290.00, then there's going to be some money
going to the modern neuron disease people.
Disrespectful to say money, neuron disease people.
But you know, I don't, I don't know exactly what the charity is
called, but I've got a gig you don't want.
Oh, my God. I'm going to promote charity
shows before my own shows here. Pride of Bretton Words.
Not for me to say. Not for me to say.
This Thursday night I am in the Sunflower Bar, OK, In Belfast.
Me. William Thompson, Rory Woods,
Diona Doherty, Aaron Butler. OK.
Is there more people there? Could be.
There could be. But I can't remember.
Because I've just been in such a tizzy.
I've been all over. Here's three places I've been
this week. Here, there and everywhere.
OK, I really have from pillar to post, from pillar to post.
And then and why? I just do it for the.
I do it for the love. I don't have money on my.
Mind how did Sam Smith get like a full music career?
I was about to say how did he, but then I realised that Sam
Smith wants to be referred to as THEY.
How the fuck did they, right? I think, by the way, I think
they is an unbelievable singer. I think they is a special once
in a generation performer, right?
But if I was to sit down with they, I'd be like They.
How come you have such a successful career, but your
first song was that one? Money on my mind.
He's such, he's such a brilliant
singer, like Sam Smith. Oh, such a good singer.
OK. But the first song he sings is
oh, oh, wow, John, John. It's really embarrassing.
Do you ever like have someone open their phone to show you
something on the Internet and there's porn on it from when
they've been looking at it? They're like, oh, no.
And then you go, oh, what the fuck?
Why are you looking at that? That's a that's a monkey fucking
a fucking a post box. This was not as embarrassing,
but I had whenever I typed in YouTube there, it brought the
last thing I watched on YouTube and it was a general Fiasco
song, You know, so, so I'm definitely a 17 year old girl,
but I think General Fiasco was great.
And last night I was editing a video and I just started
watching General Fiasco videos. So there you go.
And I think they were a great band and I know that they're
doing stuff. It is some comeback gigs and I
wish I would do some more because I think they're really
good and I think Owen is a great singer and yeah, I think they're
really good. So shout out to General Fiasco,
who had for a band that like we're probably going for, I'm
going to guess 5-6 years for the local band.
They achieved a lot and they had some brilliant songs.
So there you go. No worries.
But don't worry. Money on me, mind.
I do it for the I mean, I do have money on my mind as well,
but I do do it for the love. But I just don't know how it
sounds how they got a career after that first song, you know,
because he has such an amazing voice.
And then he went in the record label and they were like, big
man would really look. And he goes, hey, don't you dare
call me that said we're looking forward to the first song.
Is it going to be like Whitney Houston?
Like, it's going to be like a ballad?
And he goes, yeah, I'm going to start off singing and then I'm
going. To go money on my mind, money on
my mind. And they still went, fuck it.
You know what, in the long term, it's probably going to pay off.
But let me just have another receptive tea.
And I think, actually, I figured out a way to drink tea there for
the first time, doing podcasts where you won't hear me swallow.
Let me just try one more time. Right?
Yeah. I mean, you can maybe hear a
tiny bit of swallowing. Some people will get full roots
to that. But I think if I really tuck my
chin in, you don't hear it as much.
So you go, what the fuck is this podcast all about?
Well, nothing really. But yes, the Sunflower Bar, it's
a charity show. It's for a mental health
charity. It's this Thursday night.
You get tickets on the door, people are going to go.
What time does it mean Never ask me what time a gig is.
OK, here we go. Oh, big round, never ask me what
time a gig is. You know what time gigs are
regular gig times usually like 8, half, 8-9 maybe.
But what you do is you Google it, OK?
You don't ask. Getting ready for waterfront
last week, mate. What time will you be on?
Hey, I am worried about other things like how can I make my
fingers look smaller on stage? Because I'll be honest with you,
I've got a lot of photos back from the waterfront that I got
professionally done by the Hype Factory.
And I don't know whether they've gone in and photoshopped my
fingers to be longer. But if they have it's good
banter, but at the same time so sly.
And then I am doing a night in the Empire with them.
Well, I'm just one of one of many acts.
It's a music and comedy night. I'm just checking the empire
website. I'll plug these really quickly.
And then I've got I've got funny hangs for you is OK, So what
about that? Yes, here we go.
It's taken me a wee while. The oh just clicked in the guy
show that it didn't mean to hit, meant to hit load more.
But I clicked on a guy called Jake Clemens and I don't know
who that is but if he's listening I love you.
OK, yes, it's a night for Cole. So Michael Cullen was a
beatboxer from Belfast and just a creative guy who was really
well known and his friends have come together and organised the
night and it's for a fantastic cause.
So if you want to come down to that, it'll be great.
It's on Friday the 15th of November.
OK, OK. And it's going to be a great
time. There's music and comedy.
So yeah, that's, that's the plugs now.
Now I want to do this. I was thinking I was talking to
somebody, another comedian recently about jobs we had
whenever we were trying to make it in comedy when we had.
Money on my mind. And, you know, we were just
trading stories about what bad jobs you had.
And I was a dishwasher in a restaurant, which isn't like
that bad of a job, but it's definitely not as good as being
a brilliant comedian. And I got thinking about that
before this podcast. So I decided to research the 10
worst jobs in history just to see if, you know, being a
dishwasher was worse than these or not.
Now I'm really interested in like, mediaeval jobs.
So the start of this says bad conditions, bad pay and even
worse prospects. If you think that describes your
jobs here compared to these 10 jobs that will be done in
history as the worst of the worst.
So by the way, I need to plug in my laptop charger.
I've had to do this in the podcast before.
It's very embarrassing for everybody, but yeah.
I'm plugging it in and you know. You just have to, sometimes you
just have to let people do what they need to do.
So that means we can keep, we can keep doing what we're doing.
And also on a side note, we're doing another series on Radio
Ulster. But I'm seeing it as a new
series. It's a rebirth because I've done
a couple series on Radio Ulster before and I don't think, I
don't think I was giving you what I should have been given
you. Does that make sense?
I was AI was a complacent greengrocer.
You you guys want pineapples and I was giving you figs, you know,
and nobody really wants figs. I mean, like all people probably
want figs, but nobody really wants figs unless they're
constipated. And you guys were coming in not
constipated. You just wanted tropical
pineapple. So what you're getting this time
is a pineapple medley, OK? And there is only one kind of
pineapple, so it doesn't make sense of pineapple medley, but
it's different sizes of pineapple.
So me and Dave Elliott are going to have a new series for 10
weeks from Radio Ulster starting at the end of this month.
And I'm going to make a big statement here.
It's going to be really funny and we're going to be playing
good music and it's going to be a nice time.
So I'm going to say it's like a new series different to what
we've done before. And there's going to be no
sketches. It's just two idiots talking
with intermittent breaks of music.
And if that hasn't sold it to you, I don't know what will.
And the reason I bring it up is I got a text there.
I'm going to drop a name from Stephen Clemens.
And he just said, well done. And I say to that, thank you.
But I will say it back in text message form because don't know
if he listens to my podcast now. Here's some of the worst jobs.
OK, I'll. I'll go in reverse order.
Number 10, by the way, this definitely sounds like this
definitely sounds like a Snoop Dogg album.
Gong farmer. OK, Gong farmer.
Oh yeah, that'd be Bong farmer. Oh yeah, Gong farmer.
So what is it? So I haven't looked at these yet
beforehand, but I'm going to guess that a gong.
So to farm gongs and you talk about gongs as awards nowadays
people be like, you won a few gongs for that Gong sounds like
gong. I don't know if it's just me,
but gong sounds like someone has made their Dick perfectly
circled. That would be a gong.
You know, somebody's like, oh, I did, I did have a penis, but now
I have a gong. It would just be like a.
Yeah, like a bagel type deck and maybe a gong farmer, somebody
who goes and tracks them down for people who are interested in
having gongs. Here's what a gong farmer really
is. The neighbours weren't so keen
on the gong farmer in Tudor times either.
These night workers who did the essential job of clearing human
excrement from England's cesspits and privies were
restricted to living in certain areas.
The fumes were a known job hazard, too.
Yeah, no shit. That's a job hazard.
Well, literally shit. And so a gong farmer used to
clear shit from cess pits. I mean, if, if your job is
clearing shit you want to be doing in like the Ritz Hotel or
something, or, you know, like a palace, you don't want to be
clearing it from cess pits. Like that's probably the worst
place to assess pit. Where do you work, man?
Assess pit. Or do you do something cooler
like your manager? Now I clear the shit in the says
but. And a Privy.
What is a Privy? Privys.
It's a toilet located in a small shed.
Yeah. Gong farmer wouldn't be good,
but it sounds like quite exotic off the face of it.
A gong farmer? I'm a gong farmer.
Oh, sweet. No, it's really not clear shit.
And they had to live in certain areas.
Sly #9A sin eater while a sin eater sounds like something from
Game of Thrones, so I'm going to.
I'm going to guess a sin eater is someone who goes around and
murders and then cannibalises people who sin.
But what it really is, is, through a contemporary lens, the
bygone job doesn't sound too bad.
The Sin Eater helps cleanse dying people's souls by taking
their sins and rituals involving eating or drinking at their
bedsides. Surely there's a high job
satisfaction there with a little eel and brown bread thrown in.
But in this day, the senator was vilified by the superstitious
villagers as a thing unclean. I mean, Senator for being #9 and
the worst jobs in history maybe shouldn't be because one, I'm
gathering there is when someone was dying, the senator just went
around, had like a, a soda and a cup of tea with them, like, so
it's not that bad. Also, you're not really going to
get bothered if someone's dying unless they're like screaming
and in pain. You know, they're probably just
like passed out, you know, just slipping in the death and the
senators just beside them, you know, having a half and a couple
of sausage rolls and a pint of cordial.
I, I would have, you know what? I don't know if I'd hate being a
senator. And so I don't think that's that
part of a job. Number 8 chimney sweep.
I mean, come on, There's people that are still chimney sweeps.
It's not nice to think that they have the eighth worst job in
history. All right, no, because here's
what they said. Children were still being sent
up chimneys to clear out ash and dust in the late 1870s.
They rest injury, accidental death and chimney sweeps cancer
too. I mean, chimney sweeps cancer
sounds horrendous, but then at the same time also sounds like
it might be a bit of a game show, you know, and it's a game
show that you do not want to win.
You know, you definitely want to, You definitely want to go
out at the first stage of chimney sweeps cancer.
Chimney sweeps cancer sounds like a children's cartoon, and
it sounds like it shouldn't be called that because that
undermines it a bit. You've got chimney sweeps cancer
a happy days. No, no, no, it is just actual
cancer. We're just putting that in front
of it. Oh no #7 in the top ten worst
jobs in history model ARC Mudlark.
I don't know what a mudlark is. Sounds like someone who, you
know, gets himself into like, a a big bath and mud and just
larks about, you know, having a great time, maybe drinking a
couple of cans and eating a pineapple medley.
But a Mudlark is another tribe in 19th century scavengers.
The mudlarks would pick over the debris of the banks of the
Thames at low tide back in the day when the river was filed
with raw sewage. Not to mention the old dead
body. Well, what were they looking
for? You know, if if you're going to
pick over the debris or something.
Pick over the debris. Like the bins or the back of
Marks and Spencer's back in the day when the river was foiled
with raw sewage. Yeah, it still probably is.
Not to mention the old dead body.
I mean, the Mudlark sounds like the shittest scavengers of all
time. 00, right, Right. I was getting.
I was getting scavengers mixed up with savages and I thought
there was some sort of tried to be some sort of scary tribe
group but actually all they did was like pick up shit and put
the bread out of raw sewage. Mudlark.
So many scavengers in a river for items of value.
I'm a little mad luck. Hate those guys, I don't even
know them. Number six is a torture.
Hey, we all, we all know a few tortures.
My name is Sean Connery and I'm a tosher.
Tarsher. I don't know.
A tarsher sounds like someone who comes up and pinches you,
pinches the back of your knee. In Victorian London, there was
no shortages of bad jobs. The city's tarsher, for
instance, stank of the sewers because they spent their day
scavenging for tradable treasures.
Well, that I mean. Model arcs are just going
through Ross Sewage trying to get some food.
It seems. Tarsers are trying to get some
loot. You know, they're trying to get
expensive. Nice things, but they're down
the series. Umm, yeah, I prefer to be a
tarser than a model arc. You know, not.
Definitely sounds like a a song that some singer in the 50s
would sing for. I'd rather be a tarsher than a
model arc, for I'd rather be a torture than Oh my Lord yeah,
shout out all my tortures out there.
Number 5 resurrectionist. Now a resurrectionist sounds
fucking class. Why is it #10 In the worst jobs
in history, a resurrectionist? I mean, resurrectionist sounds
like someone who literally brings people back from the
dead. This rather fancy name for body
snatcher or did nothing to redeem the job.
Alright, so it's one of those ones where it's a really cool
name, but in reality, it's terrible.
In order to supply corpses to medical schools,
resurrectionists drag them from the grave, and some even turn to
murder to keep up with demand. All right, fairly sly thing to
do, you know, ringing up a medical school here.
Do you just need a body? Yeah, we do.
We've got a corpse. Well, he hasn't yet, but give me
20 minutes here, you know? And then they would get 5 point.
Yeah, it's pretty sly thing to do.
Like, you know, just straight up murder people and you know, the
murder people and then sell them.
You know, I mean, both, to be fair, equally sly as individual
acts. You know, I've always said it's
very sly to murder people. And, and I mean, Oh my God,
right. This is, I feel bad saying this,
but I have like loads of files I don't need on my laptop.
And you're probably going. How do you know that when you're
doing your podcast? Well, I keep getting this
message saying I'm such an idiot.
I've been doing video editing for years and I've never deleted
anything. Maybe I should do that.
OK, that's more of a note to myself #4A fuller.
OK, someone's a fuller. I'm a bloody fuller.
Am I right, guys? A fuller And filling is a
manufacturing process that cleans in second woollen cloth.
That doesn't sound that bad. It was a job so bad that it was
left to slaves in Roman times. That's because it involves
wading in urine, a powerful cleaning fluid.
Well, I prefer Lenore, thanks to its high levels of pneumonia.
The Fuller's lot was much improved in the Middle Ages,
when Fuller's Earth replaced urine as a cleanser of choice.
I don't really know what that involves.
Slaves in piss, No one's winning there #3 Weapon boy.
I mean that. That's definitely the job I
would have in Victorian times is a whipping boy.
I'm off to work here, what do you do?
Whipping boy. How does the role of companion
to the to Renaissance Prince strike your fancy?
Yes, Yep, I would do that now I quit stand up to be a companion
to renaissance Prince. Not a problem because you
wouldn't have the pressure of being the Renaissance Prince.
You're just as mate. That may sound like a cushy
number, but the prince's playmate was also his weapon
boy. The stand.
Then you take the finished physical punishment meted out
whenever the Prince was naughty. So the Prince is going out to
people being like, here. Do you want to be my mate?
Yeah. Yeah.
Sounds good. You're the Prince.
Yeah. You're going to travel around
with me. We're going to have a great
time. You're basically, like, hanging
out in my palace class. I should just point out.
Yeah. What is it, Prince?
What is it? I should just point out that I
nicked a jar jam from the DA earlier.
So you're going to get 6000 lashes and your leg cut off, But
you need to do that for me. But I thought I was a companion
to the Renaissance Prince. If you look in the small print,
you're you're the whipping boy. All right.
OK. But maybe it was just if it was
just a little whipped to the backside.
Some of the whipping boys were loving it.
You know, weapon boy is a good job if you're like, say, 18 to
21. But I feel like once you hit 22,
you can't really be a weapon boy anymore.
You know, you wouldn't get the respect if you're maybe up and
maybe you see the weapon boy post as a stepping stone, but
you can't be like a 47 year old weapon boy.
You wouldn't respect your dad if he was going to work as a weapon
boy. But you're dad as a weapon boy.
Yeah #2A snake milker. I mean, snake milker sounds like
a Drake album name. While we're on dangerous jobs,
here's one that still exists today.
Snakes have long been been milked for their venom, which is
then used to create an anti venom to treat snake bites.
One renowned milker, Bill Haste. Alright Bill Haste, you're
renowned milker. That sounds like such an insult.
You're renowned milker. He survived 172 venomous snake
bites during his long career and lived to 100.
I mean, what a deck for counting.
I've actually been bitten 172 times here.
All right, Bill, fuck up. He probably lived that long
because he just. He was on a mission to tell as
many people as possible about that number one, the worst job
in history. Leech collector.
I mean, not ideal, not ideal. Not something I'd be that
interested in becoming. Until the late 19th century,
leeches were high in demand from medicinal bloodletting, the
withdrawal of very small amounts of blood from a patient.
This therapy, Despite the demand, Leech gatherers were
poorly paid. Yeah, no shit.
It doesn't sound like you'd be balling out if you're a Leech
collector. Worse still, they often
collected the leeches by letting them latch onto their own legs,
a practise through which they can lose dangerous amounts of
blood. I mean, it felt like that was
just one guy who was so fucked off.
He's like. I may as well just let them get
on my legs. You know, just walking back The
Walking back the land head, the tone leeches.
So they're apparently the 10 worst jobs in history.
I would like to be the whipping boy, but if I couldn't be, I'd
probably be the senator. And the one I would hate to be
the most would probably be probably the Gong farmer.
OK, so Gong farmer, definitely the name of this week's podcast.
Definitely, definitely, definitely the name of this
week's podcast. I'm going to do some listeners
questions. OK, I'm going to do some
listeners questions. Hopefully there is some because
I only put the call for these out 20 minutes ago.
Hey. Oh, yeah, we got some.
Oh, we got some. Don't anybody worry about that.
We got some. Yep, Yep.
Yep, Yep, Yep. Johnny says.
Have you heard about Ari dosing Bert?
I'd love to hear your thoughts. I don't know what that is.
Ari and Bert are two different people.
I don't know who that is. Oh, fuck yes.
I know exactly who that is. Ari Shafir and Bert Kreischer.
Yes. So Ari Shafir and Bert Kreischer
are two phenomenal comedians, 2 American comedians and and they,
they're, they do Joe Rogan's podcast quite a lot like that.
Well, they have their own podcast, but they're good mates
with Joe Rogan and they're part of this like collective of
comedians that, you know, do shows together and just our
mates, I think. And a bit like what we have
going on in the Belfast comedy scene here, except none of us
have over, you know, £400 in our bank accounts.
That's a lie. That's a lie.
You know, David Light has 420. But they they do a thing called
Sober October, which is loads of people do it.
But they like, you know, do a load of podcasts about it,
document all they're doing sort of like roast each other as
well. And Ari Shafir, who by the way,
I went to see once in Edinburgh and he, there was nobody on the
slot. So in Edinburgh he had a one
hour slot usually, but there was nobody on after him in his room.
So he's just like, do you want me to just do 2 hours?
And everybody went, yes, yes we do.
Do we need to pay extra? And he goes, no, I'll just do
it. And it was great.
And Bert Kreischer, me and Anna Butler went to see in Dublin.
You might know Bert Kreischer because he doesn't wear a shirt
doing stand up. And he he is really well known
for the clip. The kind of I think launched him
even further was the machine story.
So if you haven't seen that YouTube Bert Kreiser and the
machine phenomenal storytelling bit of stand up.
Anyway, have I heard about what happened?
Yes, from listening to the two bears podcast, which is Bert
Kreiser and Tom Segura. I think Ari Shaffir spiked Bert
Kreiser as they did a podcast as they did Joe Rogan's podcast.
Maybe, I don't know, I'm I'm slightly behind with podcasts
just a little bit, so I have to properly listen to it, but I'd
love to hear your thoughts. I think he spiked them with like
literal drugs for a bit of a laugh.
My thoughts on that are kind of irrelevant because I don't I
don't know them. I don't know what their what
their friendship is. I mean, I think they're really,
really good friends, but you know, every, every friendship
you have has a different like dynamic.
Some friends, you know, most friends, you probably can't
spike them with drugs, but there's maybe a few friends
where you're like, you know what?
He would love that. He would love it.
With me, it's Dave Elliott, you know, Yeah.
Would it be funny if like the next time Dave goes on stage if
I just spike them with like 6 Viagra?
Yes, it would. And yes, I'm going to do it.
I, I don't know. You would need to know exactly
what their friendship is like. Have they done that sort of
thing back and forth before? Were they in an environment
where it's like, you know what, none bad's going to happen to
him here? I don't know.
I, I, I really don't know if, if Bert Kreischer wasn't horrified
or offended by it or whatever and thought it was funny, then I
mean, off the face of a spiking somebody funny, Absolutely not.
But if it's between friends, I don't know, I I need to listen
to the podcast or find out more about it.
But I don't know. I've heard about comedians doing
that before. I think I want to say I heard it
on a podcast, but I can't say who it was.
They're not based here anyway. But I think a comedian put an E
in another comedian's drink before he went on stage once.
But then the guy who he did it to his best me, it was like,
fuck you, I don't care and still did a good gig.
So I don't know, I mean, I feel like if somebody put, you know,
if somebody put a small amount of Monster Energy drink in my
water before I went on stage, I felt like I might pass out on
stage. So I hope nobody, none of my
mates spiked me with drugs before I go on stage.
I would hate that. But I don't know, Johnny, I need
to hear more about it. What a terrible answer.
I mean, completely valid question.
And all I've really answered with is I don't, I don't know
because I don't know them. There's a clip on YouTube here.
Let me see. So it was on Joe Rogan's
broadcast. I need to watch.
I need to watch the full thing. Maybe I'll watch that next week
and talk about it. But though that sort of group of
comedians out there are just great, you know, the way they
they all have their own podcast that kind of do stuff together,
but then they're known as themselves and it's kind of
what's what's what's happening here, which is great.
And you know, someday was good evidence of that of, you know,
loads of comedians on the bill. But we're we're friends first
and foremost. And that, you know, we're kind
of like, we're not OK. We we got to know each other
because of comedy, but but roommates because of so much
more, Michael Boyd says. What's your production for the
Holland game? Holland, Northern Ireland.
I would be really optimistic about A1.
All draw I think would be class. I'm sad I can't go to it, but I
tried to go to the game but it doesn't.
It doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for me.
Where's my whipping by? But yeah.
I hope I get a result. Jim McGuire says who's Big Decky
Donnelly's toughest opponent. I mean very niche, you know,
very, very niche because Decky Donnelly is fictional and but
I'll make up a name and big Decky Donnelly is tell us what
it was. We we William Winkerton.
OK, so we William Winkerton. There you go.
Jared Watson. When you going to scare your dog
in? I can't for a while because my
dad, because of time has got older.
And, you know, my dad does have like quite a dodgy heart and
it's not getting sweeter. You know, one thing that I
discovered about hearts that I didn't know is the kind of if
someone has a bad heart and then, you know, they get older,
it doesn't improve. So I could keep scaring my dad
like I'm doing, or I could save it for a while and then do one
big one. And yes, it might be fatal, but
if it was really, really funny, it might be worth it.
I don't know. But, Jared, it seems like some
people want to bring it back. And I will.
Oh, Jared, I didn't. There's a mad sentence.
I didn't know you were Jared. I looked at your picture and I
was like, yeah. Shout it to Jared Watson.
Yeah. OK.
Yeah. I, I, I, I will.
I will scare him a dagging. I'll definitely scare him a
dagging Callum Robinson says Tyson Fury versus Wayne Rooney.
WWE Raw chat to me. So I don't watch wrestling
because I'm an adult and triggered 6 guys.
I mean, there's definitely more than six guys who listen to my
podcast. I like wrestling, but but they
hate that. Well, you watch documentaries,
don't you? You you watch TV dramas, Same
thing. Isn't.
But yeah, I used to love wrestling by the way, and even
though if if WrestleMania was on at 7:00 PM once a year, I would
watch it as the Royal Rumbles on a Sunday morning at 10:00 would
watch it. But but I saw Tyson Fury was on
WWE having a bit of a fight. I think that's that's good.
That's good crack. Like he he is a big character
and and can talk on the mic, which seems to be like one thing
that there isn't many of them in wrestling that can do that well.
So I think Tyson Fury should keep boxing for another four
years. He should try and just beat
everyone because he is an unbelievable boxer.
And then I think he should go to WWE and just enjoy himself and
he'd fit in really well. Nick Boyd says big question.
Eddie Rockets are five guys. I'm gonna go Five guys because
I'm I'm not well versed enough in Eddie Rockets.
I've been a couple of times, but I feel like I don't know what
the big thing is there Five guys.
I know it's burgers and chips, but with Eddie Rockets there's a
bit too much in the menu. You know, I like places that
just are what they are. And so I would go, I would
probably go Five Guys and Five Guys is dear, right?
But fuck up about it, you know, but well, it's, it's, it's a
point for a burger. No one's no one's going in at
gunpoint. No one's been dragged into five
guys at gunpoint. Open your wallet.
Eat that burger. You know, So I, I'd go five
guys. It is deer, but I think it's
delicious. And is it, is there 4 stone of
salt and all your meals? Yep.
But it's delicious. And I'm sad that I can't have
gluten free burger buns with the five Guys, but but that's fine.
I'm going out to America. I talked about it last week,
probably going to talk about every week in the podcast to do
shows in Boston, Philadelphia and Chicago.
So I'm looking to have some juicy burgers when I'm out there
and then to balance it out. Also loads of vegan food, so
much out. But if anybody's living in or
spend time Boston, Philadelphia, Chicago, and you went to either
an unbelievable burger place, ideally somewhere that isn't a
franchise, I want someone to be like.
Hey, you got to check out wise guys.
Burgers, it's under the pier, you know, I like I like that
sort of stuff or or, you know, really nice vegan place in any
of that them places. Let me know so if right now, if
you know people that live Boston, Philadelphia, Chicago or
you're based out there or you're going to be there whatever, I'm
doing shows at the start of November on the I hope I've got
these dates right. On the 6th of November I'm going
to be in Boston doing my solo show in the Ellis Room.
OK, which is in Boston, yes, 2nd of November, the Ellis Room.
On the 7th of November, I'm going to be in Galway Bay Bar in
Chicago, Galway Galway Bay bar bar bar bar.
And on the 10th of November I'm going to be in Suna Pub and
kitchen in Philadelphia and the streets are Philadelphia.
So I would like it if if people came to those because if not,
you know, it's just going to be embarrassing.
So, so let me know if you know people out there or whatever.
We'll probably get a ticket ticket link up this week and and
that'll be great. I can't wait.
I've never been to any of those places before.
So I'm absolutely buzzing to to go out and spend a bit of time
there. And I think Philadelphia is the
only city that I'm just there for basically a day.
So I'm not getting to do loads there, but but I get in early in
the morning so I'll go for a big walk.
But Boston and Chicago, especially Chicago, have got a
lot of time there. So I'm looking to just hang
about. I'm seeing what's happened.
I want to play 5A side football. I want to eat food.
I want to go shopping. OK, So help.
Help me. Yeah.
I'll get ticket links up for that.
And, you know, I appreciate nothing more than when people
sort of say to their mates, you know, I should go and check this
out. Or people who send mates down to
shows or even enemies, you know, if you want to play a prank on
them and get them done, if you think they won't enjoy it, get
them along because I still get paid.
So yeah, I'm really looking forward to that.
Oh, I have a couple questions on Instagram as well.
Giles Strutt, the main man Giles Strutt says good morning.
When when the man boy cheeky thinks of his childhood, what's
the first song springs to mind? It's a niche one, but it's a
song by a band called Dodgy and it's called Good Enough.
And it goes like this. I'm reminded of it because I
went to the Isle of Man with my dad to see the TT, which fair
play to my dad, you know, I don't don't like motorbikes in
any way. But he took me to the Isle of
Man for the TT, which is a very specific trip, you know what I
mean? And as much as I don't like
motorbikes in any way, we had a really great time.
And for some reason, I just remember every day he'd listen
to Manx radio because that's Island Mountain radio station
and they do all the TT coverage. And this song was played like
every day. It was an unbelievable summer.
I must have been like, I want to say 8 or 9.
And this was the song that I just feel was played that whole
trip. Here we go.
It's so white, by the way, such a white man song.
Here we go. If it's good enough for you,
it's good enough for me. It's good enough for two.
It's what I want to see. I mean, don't, don't be that.
I mean, I'm so annoyed that the words are that If it's good
enough for you, it's good enough for me.
It's good enough for two. It's what I want to see.
No, Make the last word be do If it's good enough for you, it's
good enough for me. It's good enough for two.
It's what I want to do. Makes way more sense.
And I I remember being I remember enjoying the trip and
loving that song with being so fucked off that it didn't say 2
at the end and the band dodgy. If you're listening, rerecord,
rerecord. But yes, I wonderful childhood
and that song, really. Brings it all back.
Thank you, Giles. Matthew Merlin, good morning.
Matthew Merlin says bit of I'm in the start.
Fighting Talk podcast is great. OK.
You said last week Fighting Talking 5 Live was a good show.
I said I didn't know it was still on the air.
I don't get to listen to it. What you're doing is you're
pointing out that there is a podcast version of it, which is
very sweet of you, and I will listen to it.
Get yourself a Bluetooth FM transmitter and your phone plays
over the radio. Yeah, I remember having one of
those back in the day, but it seems like too much hassle so I
won't be doing it. I will get a new car, I hope.
He also says thanks for the car feedback.
Yep, a past comment on Matthew's car and which is the car of a 22
year old hairdresser who's called Kellyanne.
But no, it's better than my car, so good luck.
I drive a Passat. I drive a Passat.
It's it's a, it's a divorced taxi driver's car.
OK, it's a fat divorce taxi driver's car and I do not care.
I do not. I don't care for cars.
I don't care for them. If it drives, I drive it.
I was going to get a nice car and then I looked at my Passat
and I went, what would a good car do for me?
Really? I like the Passat.
I'm going to drive the Passat until I can't drive the I'm
going to drive the Passat till I won't drive no more.
And that doesn't really go with that song, but there you go.
Matthew's question is, as well as the radio voice, I'm also a
big fan of your Steven Watson. What TV are you into at the
minute? So you like my, yeah, my radio
voice. Also a big fan of Steven Watson.
What TV am I into at the minute? I'm actually not watching TV at
the minute. Whoa.
I'm a futuristic space man. No, I just, I just haven't.
I just haven't had the bloody time to watch television.
I don't know. I'm not watching the series at
the minute. We watch Surviving R Kelly and
my conclusion that is R Kelly, Dirty Bastard.
OK. And I know some people are too
afraid to say it, but I'll say it, R Kelly, you're a dirty
bastard, man, alright? And you should be in gaol.
And yes, you have some phenomenal songs.
I believe I can fly. But that shouldn't be taken into
consideration. You're a prick.
OK, R Kelly, you're you're listening in gaol.
Hey, come closer to the come closer to the laptop you're
listening on. By the way, you shouldn't have a
laptop in gaol. Alright?
How did you get it up your bum? Secondly, you're a prick, OK?
And I know, R Kelly, you just sent a big lorry to drive past
my house there and then drop that, but fuck you, OK?
I believe I can play. Still great song, but Yep,
that's it, that's it, that's it, that's podcast.
OK and Yep, I've got 2 shows. I've got 2 shows left of my No,
no, I've got more, I've got look, I've got shows.
OK, I'm going to be in Anna Skilling.
I put AG on the end because I can.
Friday the 18th of this month. I can't wait.
It's the Ardoin Theatre and tickets are selling and I'm
delighted about that. So if you'd like to come to
that, I would like to have you. I would like you to come.
I'll be at the Galway Comedy Festival.
People are going. No, you're not.
Yes, I am. Am I doing a solo show?
I am doing a solo show. It's the first year I've done a
solo show at the Galway Comedy Festival and it is on Saturday
the 26th of October at 9:00 in the Mick Lally Theatre.
Tickets are €15. You can get them on
vodafonecomedycarnival.com. Wonderful, wonderful.
I'm going to be in Liverpool. Alright mate, yes, because I'm
going to be in Liverpool Hot Water Comedy Club.
Where else would I go? Why would I not go to Hot Water
Comedy Club? Because it's great.
And I went last year and the room was like a wee granny's
living room and it. Was smashing, it was smashing.
And if you went, come back and new people come.
Oh fuck, I've just seen Call and get us on the website for No,
no, please. Umm Colin's doing a show there.
I'm doing a show there. Did someone say take over?
No, they didn't. No, they didn't.
Umm, searching my own name here, not getting any results.
That's great. That's fucking great.
Thanks a lot. Hot.
I think the date's the 3rd of November.
Hot water she and Todd. Yes, yes, I'm going to be over
Sunday the 3rd of November in the ground floor studio Hot
Water Comedy Club in Liverpool. How do you get tickets?
You shut the fuck up and you're on hotwatercomedy.co.uk.
You search. What do you think?
You search? That's right, she and Todd and
you get tickets and you actually buy a lot of them, OK.
And on the night, you also bring cash and you pay me again.
And it doesn't say on the website, but that's the way it
is. Guys, thanks so much for
listening to the She and Todd cast.
If you want to hear more of these, you can.
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Signcloud, the whole deal.
The video podcasts are coming back.
They're coming back, but I've been really busy.
And that's not an excuse. But once I get back into those,
I'm not stopping. I can't stop.
I can't stop, OK? I mean, I can't have done before
and I probably will again. But look, let's enjoy it while
it lasts. Thanks so much for for
listening. Sound like I was going to get
emotional there, but I really wasn't.
I just happened to take a breath.
So thank you very much for listening.
There's been the Shane Todd cast every Wednesday.
We love it.