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October 8th and 9th. Separate Welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast with me, your dad's sacred boyfriend.
She and Todd before we start and I always say the fact Don always
says, oh, Mike, put yourself on like get give Mike a mic and
then Mike forgets to give himself a mic.
But let me ask you this question and we don't even need the
answer. Have you seen food before?
Because I bought him a tray BIC. OK, well then the senator got
him a tray BIC and you think he is a 40 year crack addict just
getting the biggest hit of his life.
I've never seen someone eat something as enthusiastically.
He's eating with a big smile. He's trying to be all quiet and
he has a root, but he's enjoying it and we enjoy we enjoy snacks
of all kind on on the TV with Me podcast.
So guys, it's it's Friday. It's Friday.
We don't know what's going to happen with the executive.
They're making an executive announcement.
I think it's too late to say. I don't know what an executive
is. I don't know what the executive
is. Is it the government?
Is it all people in the government or is it just some of
them who gets to be in the executive?
I don't know. But then I don't know.
I mean, stand up could stand up, could be we could be back on, we
could be back in business because over the last couple of
weeks we have not been in business.
We have not been in business, but I don't know if we if we get
an update during the podcast, like just tell me.
But you take your time with that Trayvik.
Just I mean, it's hard to watch. It's incredible.
I mean, you can get, you know, you can, anyone can buy those in
the shop. You're Yeah, it is you.
I mean, it's bigger than I thought.
And then I mugged myself off because, well, I mugged myself
off through this way. Primarily.
I have some unknown reason, a tower mark on my head or I don't
have it anymore. Up until 5 minutes ago, I had
walking through described as a cartoon tower mark in my head
like I was a body in Wacky Races that have been yeah, I'm deck
dastardly. I'm deck dastardly.
And by the way, please make a note that's in the end of this
week's podcast. So I don't know how you know
when like you know when you have toilet paper on your shoe, under
your shoe and you're like, Oh no, how long is up in there?
When you have a cartoon power marker on your head, you want to
know how long it's been there? Because here's the thing, Mike
told me about it when he arrived.
And when you have you been run over by the Antel mob because
you have tower marks in your head.
And I didn't know, obviously the tower marks in my head.
But then when he told me that, I meant to rub it off, but I
didn't. And then I just went out into
the town centre of Hollywood and just did various things.
I went in the centre. I had a proper like business
conversation with the guy who works in the building too.
I played electric and I'm all like, yes mate, no, what's a
crack with a metre? And he's looking at me being
like, what's happened to you in the last hour?
Why have you survived Peugeot 26 running directly over your
forehead? It's not mean.
It's not even just like a slight mark.
It was a perfect, it was a perfect diagonal mark across my
head. And The thing is, yeah, I just,
I mean, it looks like I've done Ash Ash Wednesday, but even more
aggressively than any. It looks like I've done Ash
Wednesday in a rush. Like I didn't even have time for
the priest to do the wee squiggle.
I was just like, I need to get out of here.
I've got things to do and people to see.
So, yeah, that's probably, you know, Donald done a lot of
damage to my street cred in Hollywood, which already
probably was not. That was not very high.
I hate it when things I get like, like whenever you have a
wee bogey and then you see it and you're like, Oh no, who saw
that? You know, or, you know, or your
fly's done. People, people don't the older
you get, people don't alert you that your fly is done.
You know, that used to be a big thing in school.
People go insert name of the football team you support Man
United or Bottom of the lake and you go, we're not we're top.
We're going to do the treble. And then you go, ah, the fly is
done. You know, eh, but but no, it's
like, it's like almost a, it's almost a taboo thing because to
acknowledge that someone's fly is done is to acknowledge that
you have been looking at their penile area, at their genital
area. Whereas in school you you could
do, you could definitely do that.
You know, it was fine because everybody was weird in school.
Honestly, the best reaction I've ever got to a joke was in
school, a primary school during PE, I was running these black, I
was running these black shorts and we were sitting like cross
legged in the PE hole before PE or something, I don't know.
And, and I was making a Daisy chain with the girls and
whatever way my shorts had washed, it looked like there was
loads of grey hairs coming out of where my, let's say childhood
penis would have been around that area.
And, and I'm one of the girls in my class or somebody made
reference to it. I was like, what the fuck is
that? And I, I honestly, I must have
been 7 or 8 years old. I said I've started early.
And honestly, never before has anything got a reaction because
people lost their minds. What made it so much funnier is
the fact that they were grey. So the joke was almost that not
only had I got puberty, but they they were no grey.
And that like floored people that absolutely floored people.
And the janitor loved that. He's like, let me see him on.
We didn't, you know, in his house.
But yeah, I mean, whenever you whenever you made a joke in
school used to you All right. This is so undignified.
I swear you there, there are. And I think everyone will know
what I mean. There are Asian businessmen that
would pay money to stream you eating the tray.
Big disgusting yet sexual thing I've ever seen in my life.
It's so I think the fact that it's pink as well and you've got
like your face is a bit pink now and you're sweating and Oh my
God, it's just really, really hard to watch.
But at the but and I'm also hard to watch it.
Yeah, primary school. I am.
I was in the school, I was in the school choir and I used to
mime. So that's just a little bit a
little bit of trivia about me. Here's the thing in the audition
for the strand time primary school school choir, I knocked
out of I just felt inspired that day and I knocked it out of the
park, I think. And also it was like X Factor
because you had to just go in with a song of your choice and I
sang Amazing Grace and that is that is true.
That's just true. You know, obviously a very
inspirational, a very culture defining song being sung by a
six year old boy from Hollywood. And then I joined the choir and
realised that actually I was just inspired that day, but I
couldn't sing. And our choir into loads of
competitions. And every time I was my man, I
never sang. There's a lot of one.
There's a lot of more talk about on the episode this week.
But before we really launch into it, let me plug Patreon, not let
me plug our Patreon. Not just Patreon as a site,
although I will plug Patreon. So it's a good idea.
patreon.com/team with me podcast you get, we all like it when we
get extra things, but we're not entitled, so we can't just
expect extra things for free. We get this podcast.
You get the Wednesday podcast, but on patreon.com/tea with me
podcast, you get a bonus podcast that I do every Monday with Don.
And sometimes they're like as long as these ones, sometimes
they're they're more bite size, but they're very fun podcasts
and lesson on the one just passed there.
I talk a lot about censorship and I think it was definitely
enjoyable, the lesson and it was certainly one that I text on
after we recorded and said, should we release that podcast?
And he said yes. So that might that might quite
your whistle. And also we do a live episode
once a month. We just did one with Dave
Elliott, Kieran Bartlett and then interviewed a lot of
zippers as well. And then and we'll be doing
those once a month And the next one is going to be in a week and
a half, two weeks time and a release a lineup for that.
So that that's only for zippers. They get to watch that live and
I get to see them on zoom and a lot of times they forget I can
see them and they do a lot of on Christian things.
Let me just say that patreon.com section with me podcast.
You want to support the podcast? You can do that there.
I want to crack into this. I I fulfilled a little bit of a
little bit of an ambition, a little bit of a a curiosity
dream, which was I commentated on an actual football match this
week as one of my alter egos, Keith Cruz and it was a lot of
fun. By the way, I got us tea, but I
think I remembered that at the time Mark on my forehead, so I
forgot to put milk in the tea. So this is black tea.
I like black coffee. Black tea is horrendous.
That's real. That's not good.
It's not good. It's just tea is milk makes tea.
Milk really does make tea. Like we love tea, but it would
be nothing without milk. It's a little bit like Anthem
Deck, phenomenal. Presenting due by themselves
would be abysmal, I think. I don't know, But yeah.
So I I, I wanted to commentate in a football match for a long
time just because I love football.
Since I when I studied journalism, I always thought
wanted to get in sport journalism.
That was something I thought maybe I could do So Portadown
Football Club said I put out a tweet.
They said yes, you know, would like to get you up commentate on
a game. I am I missed 3 calls since we
started in the podcast. That's the most calls I've ever
received in a day. And Portadown said yes, come up
commentate in the game for their club live stream.
They were playing Linfield and when they announced that, some
people were raging and not to me was very funny.
Like they announced that. And then all these guys, a lot
of like more Linfield fans than Portadon fans were like, I'll
not be listening all. And this is an utter disgrace
and madness. And I was like, guys, we are in
the middle of a epidemic, pandemic, systemic storm.
And I don't think in the grand scheme of things, me doom
commentary is Keith Cruz would be in the top 1000.
Worst things that have happened this year in the top 2000, yes,
but not the top 1000. You didn't need to get that
annoyed about it. And people were getting really
annoyed. And this guy put up one of my
favourite tweets ever, which, and by the way, I won't I won't
really interact with someone if their profile picture is a
football badge or a footballer and just isn't them because I
don't know who I'm talking to. And this guy put up a tweet,
someone under it was like brilliant mate, looking forward
to it. And then this guy on the road.
I won't be watching and heard a few that aren't.
I heard a few a few others that won't be.
And the fellow who initially was like, great mate went when you
serious? And the guy I wrote, I know of
at least four others who will not be tuning in as if me or
Portadon Football Club would at that stage go this is a fucking
shitstorm. There's four boys here all
called jury not listening. And but yeah, people were really
annoyed about it. Part of me gets it because I'm
like, you might just want to watch a football match.
You're not getting to go to the game.
Do you really want to hear a fella talking about hitting big
boosters, talking about blasters, shooting?
He doesn't want it. And that is what it was, you
know, because a lot of people were like, he's not going to
take it seriously. And I was like, yeah, it'd be so
weird if I commentated as Keith Cruz.
I'm just providing genuine analysis.
Like that'd be so that'd be way worse.
I was like, let me just have a bit of a laugh with it.
And I commentated with a guy called Davey Wiggins.
And then he he was, he was brilliant.
So he did the like proper commentating.
And then I was just sort of talking shit on the side.
And it was exhilarating because I was getting actually go to a
game, like watch a game for the first time and so long and I
don't get to go to Irish League matches because I still play
for, I still have so much to offer playing why he's at club
level so I never get to watch an Irish League game.
All in all it was class. Although you're like in the
stand without, so it's socially distance but you're in the stand
with everybody else. So there's people like a row in
front of you and you're doing the commentary.
And there was like 5 old boys in front of us who were just loving
it. And then they started giving the
referee loads of abuse. And I just find, I find that so
funny. I could be so quiet and one of
the fellas would be like, go ahead, referee a fucking mug.
And I'm like, this guy's idiot and he's having the best day of
his life. Like, I like, I thought at some
point you might lose that. You might lose that, you know,
caring so much about, you know, football or whatever.
But it turns out you don't. And it was class.
I mean, I'll be honest on the microphone, if you listen, you
heard that I was looking to get chips the whole game.
I'm making jokes about this Keith Cruz on the microphone,
like where's the nearest chippy and all and do we get chips?
But in reality that I mean, it was very clear I want the chips
and they weren't provided. So that was that was really the
only downside. But it was great.
And then halfway through, this guy comes up to me and I'm on on
the microphone and this guy gives up.
Lovely guy must be involved in the club.
And he hands me a plastic bag of like a goodie bag basically for
coming the common deported own to do it.
And obviously I didn't, you know, charge him my usual 15
grand, but the guy just gave me a plastic bag and it was like
they put it down away shirt, a face mask, like a put it down
face mask, a bobble hat, a pen and something else.
And he handed me as I'm commentating, but I was Keith
Cruz and I was like, should I say, mate, thanks for that and
all. And then I was like, but he's
done a nice thing. So I want to be genuine back.
And I tried to turn my microphone down, but I didn't.
So halfway through I'm like Keith Cruz and I'm like, I was a
shake tackle and then the guy had anything.
And then you just hear me very genuinely go thanks mate,
appreciate it. And then I'm back into Keith
Cruz. I don't know if anyone picked up
on that, but it was brilliant. It was really good.
And after the game, listen, it was divisive.
It divided people. Some people are like, never do
that again. That was the worst.
Some people were like, this is the worst thing that's ever
happened to me and I've been kneecapped 7 times.
But I enjoyed it and some people enjoyed it so it was good.
I think I'm going to do ones for Glenavon Football Club on
Warrenpoint and then I'm going to hang up my microphone from
commentary. But yeah, it was good.
It was really good because you kind of get into it.
Although there were times where it was like, to be fair, stuff
is happening in the match and I was just telling along and I
don't as Keith Cruz, but I enjoyed it and I appreciate them
having me up. I want to talk a wee bit about
the the vaccine. You know, news has come out in
the last couple of days that there's there's maybe going to
be a vaccine. They're they're talking about
bringing it in like before Christmas.
And Mike, you look really, you heard, you've heard of it this
way. OK, OK.
And, yeah. And, you know, they're saying
all these big pharmaceutical companies have come up with it
really fast and they've tried it on a lot of people.
And my attitude towards it, like the big debate and any what's up
group I'm in is would you get it?
Would you get it? And then I think my answer to it
is, yeah, I probably would because there's some people
saying do get it. And some people would say don't.
And the no, like I could be doing it wrong.
I could be totally wrong. I could go this this vaccine
actually isn't safe and I could never release it publicly.
But the people saying do take it or mostly like Oxford scientists
and top people that work in labs and the people that say don't
take it are like my cousin's mates from Hillsborough who
don't work in top scientific centres, but they work in
retail. And like, I get that some
vaccines in the past or whatever might have been thought, you
know, but they're probably like probably in Northern Ireland or
people who do like chip vaccines and stuff, you know what I mean?
Like counterfeit vaccines, vaccines have fell off the back
of a van. So those ones wouldn't be good.
But it's just funny that like even the suggestion of a vaccine
is is surely like a good thing for like a lot, especially like
elderly people and stuff. But when that I mean, you want
to talk about a red rag, do a Boo.
Whenever the likes of Belfast live, the Telegraph release that
story, everybody, there's a there's a faxing.
That is when some people see that and just like crack their
knuckles and they're like love clear my diary.
I've got to get to work here because some of the comments
I've seen and I'm going to read some of them.
I haven't looked at these really beforehand.
We'll just look through the comments feed and read out the
best ones. But like, some people are often
offering their opinions just need to take even 2 minutes.
And if you still want to post it, post it.
But I don't. I just think it's funny that
they're like, yeah, there could be a vaccine for this thing that
has caused so much disruption and death in the world.
And some people are like, you don't catch me taking it.
I'll stick that my tried and tested cure if I get it, which
is Lamsep and I'm a wank. Here's the thing.
All you need to do is pull the wire off yourself and drink
plenty of Ribena and you'll be sweet.
And the reason I know what is because is because my mate Desi
drives a van. So I would know.
I don't know. I don't know.
I'm going to get I'm like, I'm going to guess like big pharma,
whatever you call these companies.
Yeah, I'm going to guess there is like evil there.
I'm going to guess these are billion dollar, multi billion
dollar, umm, money making machines.
The the I think they care about more more.
I think they care more about money than like, you know,
everyday people getting access to these things 100%.
So so I don't think these companies who come up with this
stuff are essentially eh, Knights in China normal.
I don't think they're like they're doing this because they
just care so much. Obviously some of them will and
there will be an element there, but I definitely think a lot of
it is cash driven. So we're like, yeah, we've got
this vaccine. I'll probably wait till I get
tested on more people. But at the same time, as an
influencer, I have been working with Pfizer.
So what they're called Pfizer. I've become, I'm working with
Pfizer. So if you use the discount code
zipper, you will get 20% off and free shipping on your vaccine.
So do check that out when you're getting your vaccine.
Just an Instagram live video of you.
And I want you to just say tea with me podcast sent me.
I don't know, let's get in. Let's get into some let's get
into some comments about this because the calm, let's face it,
the comments section is the new Saturday night TV.
And we're not looking for like measured opinions in the
comments section. We're looking for the most mad
opinions that we can find. And this, this brings it all
out. OK, hang on.
Right. So yeah, so the new executive
announcement is about to come out.
So that's kind of dominating the news.
But yesterday, yes. OK, here we go.
So the headline of this is new vaccine more than 90% effective
against COVID, say Pfizer comments.
Michelle straight away goes fine for those who have underlying
health conditions who wish to take it.
I'll rely on my immune system, thanks.
I mean, you don't need to be sassy towards the vaccine
because the vaccine isn't even a person, you know what I mean?
I think I just stick to my immune system if that's all
right. I love it.
Also, what's funny with a real divisive negative comment is
when someone comes in with just a straight up genuine comment.
Like when someone just feels the need to be like, listen, let me
just fire this in when someone like Linda goes a bit of
positive news. Let's hope the further tests go
well. It almost doesn't need said.
It almost doesn't need said, but Linda's like, no, let me just
throw my weight behind this. OK, Hang on.
And he goes, brilliant. The vaccine that's 90% ready and
not tested, but you'll hold your arm out.
Phil. Philip.
I don't know. I think Philip might be someone
who, you know, is a bit sceptical towards the vaccine
because he says stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
I'll take my chances. I mean, most people will get it
in the arm, but Phillips basically saying he wants it
rectally, stick it with a sundust and shine.
So he's in there like taking no chances, pants and trousers
down. He's bent over and he's like,
listen, I know you normally do this into the veins in the arm,
but do me a favour and whack this right up my bum because I'm
not taking any chances. It's right, right.
So this person follows the theme of like anytime anyone takes a
picture of themself up at Stormont or takes a picture of
Stormont when they're out for a Sunday walk.
This is said in the same tone as the people who commented that
and always go you could, you could do a better job Garth.
You know whoever puts a poster a picture of of themselves at
Stormont, always their friends are under a being.
Like say they call Brian, you go Brian, see when you're up earth,
see if you can be first minister.
You do a better job mate. David goes.
I'd suggest that all MPs and MLAs take a first dose, let it
sit for several months and see how good it is.
I can see them kicking the door in to join the queue.
Clown emoji love it when you finish up without it's like a
punch and say hey, clown emoji. Wow.
I mean the people that made the app.
Then Paul says I'll take my chances with COVID-19.
Paul judgement profile picture. You're 95 years old so don't
take your place. Paul, whatever you do, do not
take your chances, eh? Oh shit, Janine, but insider
info here. So it's nothing to do with 150
billion Pfizer gets from making it before the end of 2020 and
then this emoji. So a little bit sceptical.
Umm, I had a Dorothy would approaches precaution as if
they're as if they're not, as if they're going to read this and
go, oh, maybe we should test this.
You know, like Dorothy, like listen, do me a favour, make
sure you're safe as you possibly can.
Dorothy's the sort of person who go who goes that.
Listen, do me a favour when you're going out for a night, I
just mind yourself, OK? I will mind myself because I
wasn't going to mind myself. Sherry doesn't trust it.
Where's the proper testing for these vaccines?
Seems like they're just pumping them out for.
No, pumping them out, not good. It takes years to get a proper
vaccine, right? I mean, yeah, but at the end of
the day, it is happening not, you know what I mean?
So it is happening now. So if they get it now, they're
not surely good. Michael, I always said they'd
get a vaccine when Trump lost. 16 likes.
Oh, for Fox sake, right, Let me just enter up the podcast.
Well, someone has interrupted the podcast.
Dave Elliot. No, no, socially distanced.
I'm glad to see you wearing a mask.
What? What do you do?
Do you want a mic? What?
No, I don't know. I'm just here.
Yeah, you're just here. We, this is my podcast.
We don't do. You're here for boy time.
We don't do this together. No, we don't.
But fuck, I genuinely didn't know Dave was coming.
Get a mic, there's one that there's a stand.
Get the stand next door and your mics here.
I genuinely didn't know this was this was happening by the way.
Getting the. Band back together.
No, no, no the bat. No, I need.
This I need this I can't stay. At home by myself anymore.
Oh man. Listen, I know you took it hard
that we stopped doing boy time, but Mike, is this going to be OK
for Frame if I move over? Absolutely nothing?
Absolutely not. But we'll make it work.
I'm only staying for one minute. I just had to come back and say
bring it back. No, I need this no.
I need all probation I. Need a hand I need taking that
to the dump. I can't do it anymore, guys.
I miss you too, Mike. I miss my.
Listeners, no, please. No.
You're not supposed to be here. No, no, no, no.
It's OK. No, no, no.
Why are you so sweaty? Please.
I'm so desperate, I'm desperate. Are you?
Are you OK? Why are you here?
I don't even know. Yeah, so back to Dave.
I genuinely don't. I genuinely don't know why he
was here. He doesn't even live in this
time, but it was good to see him because since we stopped doing
boy time, that's the first time first time I've seen Dave
Elliott and more up of the vaccine comments.
Any anyway, I probably should have looked and picked out the
best ones because that was just a bit rambly, but that's just
what what a podcast is. Dave Elliott there flip guy is
not doing well. I mean, to be fair, obviously we
still share. I don't know if people know
this. We still share a studio.
That might explain why there was a pillow and blanket here when
we got here and toothbrush and stuff.
I think he's living. And hankies.
Yeah. And you know what he was using
those for. I think Willie tears.
I think he I the saddest countries on them all time
Willie tears. My wife left me and since then
I've been crying Willie tears. And yeah, I mean, what I would
like is people to reach out to Dave Elliott because he needs it
and I won't be doing it. We haven't spoken since Word
Time podcast ended. We share the studio, but Mike's
kind of the middle man and make sure I'm not here when Dave's
here and vice versa. But Jesus, that was tough to see
with this executive announcement today.
I don't know what the crack with stand up is.
I'm hoping that and I'm hoping we can announce this hope
everything works well, but I would I hope that we can do a
run of shows in December, a bit like the last Limelight shows
that did socially destined all done properly.
I'm really hoping that would happen.
That would that would be class because the last couple of weeks
it's just been tough with like no gigs and no real signing
gigs. You know, I get the idea behind
the circuit breaker. It's so tough on hospitality and
stuff. But but if we know that like,
OK, we're done and then it's going to be a bit more normal,
that will be good. But like it's just been shipped
with like not no gigs and then not being able to even plan
gigs. But hopefully there's some sort
of, there's some sort of news on that.
I'm going to do that. My battery's went today on the
laptop, so I'm going to do listeners questions.
So yeah, we've got loads of listeners questions I can
address the state of the place. Yes, mother, I can.
So we're I mentioned the podcast not that long ago.
We're renovating, we're spring cleaning.
Dave has a wall in this room, which is great.
It's perfect. It's the old boy tone wall, so
it's already painted. He's got a sign.
He's fine and dandy apart from having a breakdown there.
This is my wall, but we have the design for it.
But we're a week or two away from actually getting the wall
finished. And then we're going to have a
sign and we're going to have shelves and it's going to, it's
going to be glorious. I've got a new chair.
This isn't it? But I've got a new chair I
built. I built this table today.
And hey, that all comes from Patreon money.
And so, yeah, that's why the wall is kind of like this.
Can you see the way Hollywood's in?
OK, cool. I mean, it's quite sad to put
that up, isn't it? Because it's like every better
to just have a blank wall. But yeah, the studio will be, it
will be something pretty soon. Mark Beatty gets this Twitter.
First of all, Mark Beatty says who's better commentary, Keith
Cruz or Martin Tyler? Yeah, Mark was the guy that
arranged me going up to Portadown to to do the match.
I message him like the day before.
And I said, mate, there's some people like saying they're not
going to be tuning in, they're unsubscribing for this game.
I was like, do you want me to like step aside and not do it?
Because at the end of the day, I don't want you to actually lose
out of money or whatever. And he goes, trust me.
And I thought he was going to be like, trust me, mate, you're
brilliant at this. It's going to be great.
He goes, trust me, the amount of people will lose.
I'd say we'll get some people additionally.
So we'll make up for all those people we're going to lose.
And I was like, OK, and went up and Mark and his team, by the
way, all those guys that do that.
I, I was talking about the Irish League, all the people that do
that, all volunteers, like they're like media team, they're
streaming the game, they're running the social media
accounts, I think all that kind. I mean, there's like four or
five of them more maybe. And it's just class to see all
absolute gentlemen. So, so who's better commentator?
Keith Cruiser. Martin Tyler cruising 100% like
Martin Tyler's never going to never going to ask his cool
commentator who he thinks the sexiest player in Irish League
is. Simple as that.
Matthew Mclarty Do you reckon Keith Cruz has a shot of cold
commentary for the Champions League final or even bigger
Northern Ireland's match this week?
I think I can understand why people might go Nah would get
slightly irritating because it's 90 minutes of Crozier and people
only used to like a minute and 1/2 at a time of Crozier.
But I'd be willing to take the call up.
There is like a thing of people doing their own commentary, like
comedy commentary on football matches and sports things and
all that. So I don't know, maybe it would
do that at some point. Alex Mcgreevy, how did you vote
in the US election? And are you still legally dead?
Yeah. I mean, the the thing I find
quite funny about it is like, Trump has obviously gone on
these huge rants and capital letters on Twitter and he's
like, oh, they're illegally voting and all this kind of
thing. And listen, I don't know that
they're not, I don't have a clue.
I don't know if they're not or if anything come with, I don't
have a clue. But I think some Trump
supporters are doing videos that I've seen a few of where they're
like caught on, caught red handed, stroked, Look at this.
And then one I saw there was this guy dumping mail in ballots
in this box, all for Biden. And they go up to the guy and
they're like, so are they, what, what are you doing here?
And he's like, oh, just putting these votes in and all he's
like, they're all for Biden. And on the side of the guy's
car, there is a Chinese logo as if he's like working for the
Chinese government. But it was like duct, it was a
four page duct taped on. And I think if you're going to
do that kind of thing, like do it well, hire actors, do it
right. Because I, so I don't know if I
talked about in the last, I think they talked about in the
podcast earlier in the week, somebody I know very well shared
a picture of George Clooney and Barack Obama on a speedboat
from, I don't know, years ago when they were like, I don't
know, hanging out. And it, there was a photoshopped
young Asian girl in the boat with him in this picture, but
they hadn't cropped around her head properly.
It's like something I would make on Microsoft Paint.
And this, I know this person who is intelligent and like dirty
bastards. And I'm like, who's The Dirty
bastard in this? In this case, who is The Dirty
bastard here? That's like, what about this
thought? You know, I just think how are
these these guys not getting better Photoshop type people?
Like why is like Mike here not getting the call up for, you
know, far right or far left people to be like, listen, can
you edit, you know, can you edit Lady Gaga into this thing where,
you know, skulls are being eaten?
You do you do a worse job? No, you do a great job at that.
You actually do a lot of that in spare time.
My hello, michaelfoster.tv. But yeah, I mean, I just David
Blevins in the podcast earlier in the week who's a journalist,
a very good one. And I was like, he was busy
saying everyone's a journalist, not everyone's news outlet.
And he's like, but take two minutes and look at what you're
writing or sending out and just think, can I back this up?
Do I stand over this and stuff like bad Photoshop?
I mean, Jesus Christ, Clive Gilmore says why are the Bakken
singers on Motown Records so negative?
I love Motown and I don't really get, I don't really get the
reference why. But Clive, give me more info on
that and we'll, I'll talk about it next week because I like
Motown and you might be on to something there, but I don't
know what it is. Jamie Mckevitt, are you a butter
and jam on Toastman or just one or the other?
If jam was if jam, what flavour? PS Hope you enjoyed the neon
Osman joke. Well, yes, I did because I'm
looking for a neon sign for the podcast background.
I put out a tweet saying do I know anyone that does neon
signs? And Jamie Mckevitt tagged as
mate and referred to as mate as neon Osman.
And that's rhyme. And that's a rhyme with Leon
Osman. It's a pun.
Leon Osman, who's play for Everton and I really enjoyed the
niche nature of that. Really, really enjoyed it
because I'm sure there's more famous Leons, not that I can
think of, but yeah, I enjoyed that 10 out of 10.
But am IA butter and jam on Toastman or just one of the
other? Let me flip the script.
I am a jam and honey on Toastman because what I do is I get my
little gluten free toast. I put a spread a jam over it
usually. Raspberry seedless I prefer but
I can take seeds and then I pour a little bit of honey on top of
that jam and honey. Good combo after the jam bro,
you know what I mean. Triple denim disaster says
great. No such thing.
Great enchanto. I believe we all have some OCD
to some degree. I've been crossing roads before
and felt that weird feeling of having to get across before a
car even sees me, never mind gets near me.
Do you have any old phobias like this?
Yeah, I mean, that is, that definitely is like an OCD one.
But I'd say there's a lot of people who do that who are like,
I need to not see a car in the distance before I cross.
You know, I'm a thrill seeker when it comes crossing roads.
Like sometimes I'll do it. And I'm like, because you're
saying I'll never run, I'll never run across a road because
what if I triple my lace and break my neck and then get run
over by a car? So, you know, that's it.
And I always make sure I'm on laces type because of if you
don't, you'll break your neck. But crossing a road, yeah, I can
understand. Like I, I'm trying to think if I
have any OCD type things with driving.
Yeah, I mean, the obvious one would be the temperature in the
car has to be an even number, you know, like 20 to 20° or 18
or whatever. But apart from that, not really.
I mean, that is that is, that is a weird one.
Sean says. Do you remember going into tech
in the mornings in your wee blue 26 with a ball with a ball of
jam bones from Spar and a ball of jam bones?
And that's John Hughes, my mom, John Hughes, who used to go to
tech with. Do you remember going to tech in
my blue 2O6? Yes, but the sad thing is the
two O 6 was the better of the cars I went to tech in because
bef well, no, that's not true. So I used to have a silver Corsa
when I started going to Tech and John, I'm sure you were in that.
And my so the Corsa was the first car I owned and it cost to
£150. My first car, my Corsair cost
£150. One litre flying machine as my
dad would say. It goes like shit off a shovel.
And I remember like when we were in Castle Ray Tech and I had
that car. I also remember, sorry, John was
the one that told me that my car got broken into.
We used to park at the bottom of the falls and one day he came
into class and went, your car got broken into your windows
bust. And I was like, ha, ha, and then
got back and realised it was and there was a note from the place.
Genuinely, my course got broken into and they didn't take like
they didn't take anything. They didn't do any damage inside
it because they must have regretted, you know, they must
have broke the window. And then we're like, this guy
drives A1 litre Corsa that clearly has a street value of
seven points. It's not like he's going to have
a Rolex in the car. So and for too long I just like
had cardboard on the window of so bad.
But then I had a 26 the get ready for this, my dad did some
sort of deal and I got that car for 50 quid, £50 and it was a
206 and I had a class on roof. It was the video Michael we shot
MC Beazer changes with and I loved that car but my door got
fucked basically and the door opened and buckled back into
itself. So the whole side of it was
dented. So that car was class until that
happened, and then that was a bad look for a long time.
But yeah, I, I, I used to love that because like, like even
just having a car, you felt like the man.
You know what I mean? Like, you know, when you, when
you think back to getting the bus, a lot of bad things about
that. It might be raining, you're
sitting on the bus with other people, you might not get a good
seat. And also, when you're a young
guy on the bus, you're going like the vibrations of the boss
meant that five days out of five you were, let's just say on the
bus you were hmm, you were sounds route, if that makes
sense, you know now. And that was an awkward because
you then you're like, I hope this goes down before I get off
the bus. And I hope that that wasn't just
me, because if that was just me that happened to then, then that
is weird. But I don't I don't I don't
think it was. In fact, it wasn't because it
was a guy on the bus just always get my attention and go look and
show me his. And it's weird to get the bus
with your uncle. But I wouldn't have said John
had a ball of jam bones from from spot.
I wasn't. I've never really been a jam
bong guy. I don't like I don't like jam
bones because you don't know how much meat is inside a jam bong
until you bite into it, you know, and sometimes you get let
down and sometimes there's too much in it.
So I would more have been sausage roll bop kind of guy
iced finger, coconut finger. If you're feeling particularly,
let's just say not a heteros, like not 100% heterosexual that
day, you know, because the the ice finger is the DUP of baked
goods. But the coconut finger, that's a
that's a party at Club Tropicana.
You know, mark bags with the apocalypse eminent.
If you had one last wish before you visit the pipe works in the
sky, what would it be? Hashtag good morning.
The pipe works in the sky. Oh yes, I mean now that used to
be my Friday night back in the day was go to Sky Nightclub and
then finish with the nightcap and the pipe works with
apocalypse. At what will my last wish be not
to have a tower mark on my head. Is it fuck, is it like is it
like I've touched something and then I've touched my head?
Oh no, Jenkins, is it noticeable in the podcast using do what I
did? Fuck, I just did my hair the
other way. This been a terrible day.
What I did with the podcast will be my last wish that I didn't
look like a fucking cartoon villain, you know?
Umm, Rory organs. Would you rather be blind or
deaf? I mean insensitive, but what
other would I rather be blind or deaf?
Probably deaf because I watch a lot of European crime dramas
that are subtitled. So for the R that that's on, I'm
OK because I'm still getting to see it, whereas if I was blind,
I wouldn't get to see my reflection again.
So ideally neither if there was an option for that Philnez.
But if an island went on sale on the coast of Ireland, you were
able to buy it and declare it as your own country, what would you
call it and what would what would some of the laws be?
Yeah, I would buy it. I would call it, I would call it
Pipeworks Island and it would retain a lot of the etiquette
from the the business for me known as the Pipeworks.
So let's just say it would be let's just say if you're coming
over cum, I wouldn't bring the family all idle at all bits.
Do you ever Potter around in a shed?
No, no, Oh, fuck, that's a horrendous question with
paedophiles. Not that one, but another one
that I saw there. Do you ever Potter about in a
shed? No, I'm not a I'm not a I'm not
a I'm not a Potter. I don't think I ever will be.
I Potter about in shops. Definitely, you know, in in
like, you know, JD Sports or whatever.
I can Potter around for a while, but not in it, not if I'm in a
shed. I know what I'm there for.
And then I'm out. I'm in and out like a fiddler's
elbow. Mark wants to see a mockumentary
star on myself and Dave as the Spanish singers.
I mean, yes, yeah, that would be incredibly enjoyable.
The Spanish singers trying to get a record deal in Northern
Ireland or just like the Spanish singers rocking up the working
men's clubs in Northern Ireland, singing the Penny Arcade in
Spanish. Is he?
I don't know. Why was he here?
Because he didn't leave anything off or fuck, I don't know.
Is he? Do you want me to see if he's
here? Let me just message Dave Elliott
and say, are you still here? Yeah.
The Spanish singers singing like Sweet Caroline in like the Kong
club on the Newton Rd. Enjoyable.
Especially it was like hidden camera just to see the reaction.
What we get, Ryan Bell, who's better look at me or Andy
Waterworth? I mean it's close contest when I
don't have oil on my head, but when I have oil in my head it's
Andy for sure. Ordinarily probably Andy
Waterworth. Best looking player in the Irish
league, 100% Ali Campbell. Was that a wee Cliftonville
number you had on in the gym? Also, is Aaron Butler
homoerotic? Two very different questions
there was it AI was wearing a Cliftonville T-shirt in the gym
earlier Yes, I'm trying to get a little bit of apparel from all
Irish league clubs. I'm about halfway there and I
have a Cliftonville training T-shirt.
So yes I was wearing that. Is Aaron Butler homoerotic a
main let? Well, let me let me look up the
dictionary definition of homoerotic.
Well that's weird. I just typed in homoerotic and a
picture of Aaron has popped up and homoerotic tending to engage
or arise sexual interest or imply an erotic connection by
one man for another. Yes, yeah, yeah.
Aaron Butler is is homoerotic because homoerotic and
homosexual seem like different things.
But I can. I can't.
I don't know if he's homosexual or not, but is I've never asked
him. But homo.
Is he homoerotic? Yes, does he engage or I sexual
interest from one man to another?
Yes, I'm not mine. It's me.
So yes, 100%. But we'd have we'd have to get
him on the pot again. The really dig the really dig
deep. Owen Kelly.
How the fuck is it only Tuesday? Good question Dave.
Earlier I posted up a picture, ask him for questions and his
microphone was in shot and he just wrote to me this to say do
not use that microphone. Maybe that's why he came down,
just to make sure we weren't using his microphone.
A fucking psycho. He's not here, OK?
Jason says. Would today's kids be able to
cope with the level of banter and rake and that was handled
out in school? No, no, I mean because it was
not just for our blow. It was physical.
Like we used to play this like game.
I said game in school where this really shiny floor, wooden floor
in the assembly hall and people would walk through there to go
to lessons. And I remember for about 6
months, if you saw someone you knew that's terrible, you would
literally go to Portal for this night.
You used to just Sprint and then with two feet slide tackle the
person onto the hard wooden floor.
And if your hands were in your pockets like that, for me, that
was the line. If someone had their hands in
their pockets, I would never do it.
But if your hands were out of your pockets, you were going
fade overhead. Definitely ours over Ted.
Definitely. That was horrendous.
If that happened now, geez, kids would like be off school for a
year to cope with the with the fucking trauma of that.
Some of the verbal stuff was was horrific.
I'm going to assume that that still happens in in school, but
maybe it was more and not acceptable.
There was an acceptable level of a back in the day.
I mean, you would get some days you were going to school and
just get rinsed by your mates. Sometimes you were handing it
out. And I think that I think there
is definitely a difference between that.
I hope there's a difference between that and bullying.
But like if you did something wrong in school, like if you
wore like the wrong thing, you're fucked.
You're so fucked. But usually it was in a good
way. With kids now I'll be able to
cope with that level of banter and rake and that was handled
out. I mean, I think what we've
realised now with hindsight is that it wasn't banter and rake
and it was just assault and abuse is what it was.
But yeah, I mean, it's probably good though in a way that there
is more stuff like, listen, the idea of safe spaces, I still
don't really know a lot about that, but it probably is.
I mean, it can only be a good thing.
And you can be like whenever I see stuff like a uni is band
clapping because it can be. What was the reason for that?
Because do you remember this Manchester University band like
clapping as a way to react to stuff because it could offend.
Maybe it was an autistic thing, I'm not, I'm not 100% sure.
Right, But that is different than the idea of having a space
where people can go if they're feeling like anxious or, and,
and, and people can go anxiety. We didn't have anxiety back in
my day. Yes, we did.
We just didn't have a name for it.
We just didn't have a name for it, you know, like people would
definitely like fucking feel pressure.
People would panic and stuff, but it was just, but like back
in the day, it was just like people would say just being
weird. And now there is like a proper
term for it and they kind of sorted out better.
So like it does all sound like alien to me, like safe spaces
like this, this thing and not but but then I'm not in school
now so I don't know. But that's just their reality.
But back in the day, like, there's probably pros and cons
to it, but like, school was more of a war zone.
I would say Aaron's asked me something I've got to go and
verify before I look at it on Wikipedia.
Hang on now. Yeah, on the on Wikipedia it
says that I was arrested for drunk and disorderly behaviour
and was fined 180 LB at Belfast Magistrate Courts.
If you listen to or watch the podcast, you will probably know
that on a list of people who would be drunk and disorderly,
I'd be very, very low on that list because I don't really
drink and I'm not disorderly. So I don't know, it's kind of
fun to have that out there. And people, if they see that and
believe it might go, I wonder what it was for, what the
circumstances are. So I'm OK with that.
But apologies to say, weirdly, that entry of Wikipedia is not
true. So I was not arrested for drunk
and disorderly. I bribed officials and got away
with it. Lee Mitchell says Northern
Ireland, much talk about that. Yeah.
Big match on Thursday night. I think Northern Ireland will
win, I think they'll do it and hopefully we can just go to
Europe's Jay McGee says. Where's Mike?
I am also MM McGoldrick is a fictional character so he is in
a way here and I will be doing more McGoldrick stuff soon.
I just haven't thought about exactly what I'm going to do.
Owen Campbell ever do a show in dairy?
Owen I've done many to show in dairy mate and I dare say I will
do many shows in dairy again. Hopefully the tour is going to
be all properly rescheduled and Derry will of course be on Ocean
Crossing. Says were you, Why are you not?
And I'm A Celebrity this year. Toddy I'm not and I'm A
Celebrity for about 44 reasons. And the main one is they weren't
having it in Australia this year, they're having it in
Wales. And I was like, guys, no, if I'm
going, I want to get a time. No, I I don't like the idea of
doing reality TV. And also if I went on I'm A
Celebrity, there would probably be 7 and a half million tweets
of people saying, I get all these celebrity guests.
But who is this weird looking young old guy?
That's also one people will be like, who's this guy or girl in
either their late teens or early 40s that's walking about saying
to people, you know yourself, Warren Mercer.
What? Oh, OK, so that that's that's
not about that's not a podcast question.
That's just something that we were chatting about on the phone
about some about some business. So so that's unrelated to
everything. I ignore that I've said that.
Matthew Hewitt says, Hey, Jamie, hey, Jamie to you too.
Forever. Anybody doesn't know, I asked a
lot of people to do the podcast, send them Instagram messages,
including Snoop Dogg. But I copied and pasted the
message from Jamie Foxx. So I said the Snoop Dogg, hey,
Jamie. And I think he didn't get back
to me because I disrespected him and called him Jamie.
And if he ever does get back to me, he's like, I'd love to do
the podcast. Why'd you call me Jamie?
I'll go Northern Ireland. That's just slang for like home
homie player, you know what I mean?
We go, all right, Jamie, mate, what's happening?
Annie Lennox says. Walking on, walking on broken
glass. No, it's not Annie Lennox from
the Eurythmics. Annie Lennox said if you went
and mastermind, what would your special subject be?
My special subject would be. Let me see, what do I know a lot
about my sub? My special subject would
probably be something for boringly.
It'd be something football related, you know, the
Premiership or something. I don't know.
Or, or the life and work of what do you call them?
Versace? Two questions.
One, one question left. Oh, no, it's just another.
Hey, Jamie. No, it's not.
Top three places to eat in Belfast from B Morris Top three
places to eat in Belfast. These are not like the I'm not
talking like the Michelin star, whatever.
The three places I like to eat are Nandos Nandos Dublin Rd.
Not in any particular order Nandos Dublin Rd.
Nandos Butcher Rd, Nando's, Victoria Square.
I like my check in. I like Nando's.
Somebody sent me an E voucher recently because they're like, I
just joined the Patreon, missed some payments, which by the way,
I'm not going to foreclose in anyone's property.
If you can't support the Patreon, that's great.
If you support the Patreon, then you're like, listen, I'm going
to drop out of Patreon. It's all good.
But if you ever do that, you must reimburse me with checking
because I love that. That was so great.
But yeah, I just like my Nando's.
I want to plug one thing, which is the I didn't drink any of
this, by the way. What I want to plug is
merchandise Shopify. In the description of this
podcast, we post the links for the Shopify, which is where all
the merch is. We've got separate T-shirts,
money to T-shirts, mugs, the Keith Cruz T-shirts sold out,
but all the merch is there and you can check it out on
shopifypatreon.com 60 With Me podcast.
If you want to check that out, get yourself some extra stuffs
you can do michaelfoster.tv. He's the man behind the camera,
getting overcoming down on the sugar, on the sugar, come down
from that tray back, still licking his lips like some sort
of confectionery pervert. And it's all good.
I'll get the tarmac off my head for next week's episode.
Have a good weekend. Keep living the dream.
Keep sipping.