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Welcome to. 
He cast the official podcast of 

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he changed it. 
My name is Mike Chisholm by the 

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way, right there, you just got a
preview of Our Guest today. 

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Today's guest is Scott Ryan, but
before we get to that unfinished

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business, if you haven't 
downloaded the, he changed it 

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app. 
What the heck are you waiting 

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for? 
Download it, technically that 

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bad. 
Boy is still in beta but it's 

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already effective. 
As a lot of guys who keep 

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reaching out saying, thank you 
so much for the resources. 

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Thank you so much the community 
starting to grow. 

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I think that it's pretty obvious
what the app is going to be and 

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what it's turning into. 
Lots of cool things coming. 

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I sound like a broken record 
when I say that but I'm married 

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to the founder candy and her 
team are doing so many neat 

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things and I get to see it 
firsthand but I also get the 

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easy job of just hosting the 
podcast while they do. 

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The heavy lifting but he changed
it Community is growing, check 

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it out. 
He changed, it.com has all of 

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the info. 
Also, if you wouldn't mind 

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sharing subscribing, liking in 
whatever order you want this 

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podcast, we would very much 
appreciate that as well. 

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What whether you're watching us 
on the YouTubes or you are 

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listening on your favorite 
podcast platform. 

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Thank you very much for all of 
the support that you've given. 

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He changed it so far, you know, 
like Like candy keeps hearing 

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from from from folks who are 
advising on on this company and 

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its growing. 
You know, it's not necessarily 

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low-hanging fruit, but the 
orchards are full of men out 

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there, who just need a little 
bit of a helping hand. 

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She's calling it. 
And she her shorthand for. 

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It is prevention in your pocket,
but at the end of the day, 

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there's a lot of guys right now 
who are connecting in the area 

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of mental Wellness, in all sorts
of facets, today's facet is 

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going to A continuation of a 
recent podcast that we had with 

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Bruce Ross. 
If you remember, Bruce Rossi, 

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battled depression and has for 
45 years, and he talked about 

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his journey. 
We are going to talk to another 

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friend of the show, who has 
battled depression, Scott and I 

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have talked about him coming on 
and talking about this for a 

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while now. 
There's a perfect opportunity to

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do it because we're also going 
to do it. 

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Coinciding lie with the release 
of his new book. 

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Author Scott, Ryan has released 
all It's of amazing books to do 

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with the tell with television 
universes. 

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His book on 30-something, his 
book on Moonlighting which he 

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was already on here as a guest. 
And of course my favorite of his

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the the last days of Letterman 
Scott is man. 

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I I'm going to say gigantic in 
the Twin Peaks community. 

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And if you know the show Twin 
Peaks cult show from the 90s 

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revolutionary, King television 
that has spanned decades, 

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really? 
Because a couple of years ago, 

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Twin Peaks the return was filmed
on Showtime phenomenal book end 

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to the series in the 90s. 
Continuation, Scott has been 

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part of that community and a big
part of that community. 

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In the fan fests and different 
things. 

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He wrote a book, fire walk with 
me, your Laura disappeared. 

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This is a deep dive into To the 
big screen adaptation of Twin 

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Peaks the prequel to The 90 
series fire. 

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Walk with me was David Lynch's, 
man. 

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I don't even know how you want 
to say it. 

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I cure all of his films are 
curious and unique. 

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This one here, as a prequel to 
the series, very complex, lots 

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of very complex ideas. 
Lots of themes, that are what 

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some would say, taboo to talk. 
About and at the end of the day,

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Scott wrote a book that goes in 
and does a deep dive about it 

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but it coincides with his own 
life in that book talking about 

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the the show's Legend Laura 
Palmer. 

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He goes in and makes it 
autobiographical in many ways 

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and he really shared a lot of 
himself in this book and what 

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came out is how he personally He
battled depression and how this 

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movie helped him deal with that.
And as he and I were talking 

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about it, he reached out to me 
and he said, hey look, I would 

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love to come on your men's 
mental Wellness podcast and talk

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about depression. 
And I'm like, well, the lineup 

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of people who want to talk about
depression is long, but Scott, 

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Ryan you feel free. 
Come on in. 

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You want to talk about 
depression? 

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Let's do it, man. 
Scott, welcome back to the show.

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My friend, thank you so much. 
I'm Sort of embarrassed to be 

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here today because when you said
we were going to talk about 

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pocket prevention, I thought it 
was a completely different 

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subject and the pocket 
prevention. 

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I had in high school that that 
really saved my life. 

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I think would have put me on a 
different path. 

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That's right. 
My friend. 

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Lots of other lives to were 
saved. 

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So now after really Rethink 
what? 

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We're here to talk about today. 
But thank you so much for having

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me. 
I appreciate that. 

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It's, I love you, man. 
And, and I'm so glad that you're

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here before we get to the the 
main subject of why you're here.

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I got to say this as far as Twin
Peaks books, go and and and and 

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different things. 
You've got the official stuff, 

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Laura, Palmer's, diary and 
things that came out officially 

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Got to put this at the top of 
the pile of Twin Peaks 

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commentary material. 
This is a phenomenal book. 

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If you know, if any of our any 
two or three of our listeners or

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viewers come there, Noah Twin 
Peaks fan get them. 

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This book, Scott Ryan 
Productions Fayetteville, Mafia 

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press, you know, fire walk with 
me your Laura disappeared. 

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Oh my God, this is a phenomenal 
phenomenal book. 

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Clearly you wrote It from your 
heart. 

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But you also very much use your 
mind and the minds of many other

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Twin Peaks experts out there. 
How long did it take you to 

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write this book? 
Um, this was a very strange book

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for me in that I did it in 
different sections and that is 

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the first time I've done that, I
really was working on 

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Moonlighting while I was working
on this book and I would go back

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and forth and I would do some 
interviews for both and it was 

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kind of a strange thing because 
I have this deadline of the 30th

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anniversary of fire walk with me
that was coming up so whereas my

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other books I didn't really have
like a specific deadline that 

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they had to come out, but this 
one had to come out in 2022 to 

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beat the 30th. 
So I think it probably took me 6

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months but I think I probably 
worked on it for a year and a 

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half because I was getting 
interviews and going back and 

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forth. 
It was a little strange and 

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honestly, the book would be 
completely Lee different if I 

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worked on it. 
Today, I sort of just wrote what

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I was feeling that day and 
stories would just pop out at 

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me. 
What I was going to call this 

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book is a movie Memoir because 
to me that's what it is. 

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This is yes. 
It's about fire. 

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Walk with me. 
Of course it is but it really 

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isn't like it has nothing really
to do with the movie at all. 

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Kind of like I don't really get 
into it. 

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The movies about really, I mean,
it's more how I carried this 

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movie with me for 30 years in my
chapters, that I'm writing. 

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And then I interviewed the 
people who made the movie. 

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Yeah, it I appreciate where 
you're coming from. 

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When you say, you know, your you
were writing about how you were 

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feeling that day I would submit.
Maybe you were also writing how 

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you felt over the last 30 years 
as well. 

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Like this is, this was this was 
probably a pot that was On, you 

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know, simmer for a long, long, 
long time because you were 

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pulling out all sorts of 
memories, you know, all my 

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favorite albums right now are 
turning 30 years old, and a 

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bunch of my favorite movies are 
turning 30 years old fire walk 

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with me being one of them. 
You know, you, there's a long 

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Rich history that you had that 
is very evident in this book. 

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Well, it's always weird when 
someone asks, what's your 

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favorite movie? 
And I rarely give Answer fire 

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walk with me because it's a 
weird movie to be your favorite 

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movie. 
Like, why is this your face? 

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Like, what is that saying about 
you? 

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I mean, it's definitely the 
movie. 

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I've seen the most in my life 
barring, The Little Mermaid, 

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which played non-stop at the 
video store that I worked at in 

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the 90s. 
But I mean, as far as me 

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choosing to actually sit down 
and watch fire walk with me, is 

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the movie I've seen. 
The most and it's because I 

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don't know, like, if you aren't 
feeling great about yourself, 

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it's a good place to sit. 
It's a nice. 

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You know, I mean, it's a 
horrible movie as far as topic. 

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Sure. 
Maybe, you know, it's the worst 

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topic of any movie ever. 
Yeah, but I wouldn't say that. 

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That is what the ending is. 
To me, it has a beautiful If all

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positive ending and so that 
cathartic experience that you 

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get from fire, walk with me, I 
mean I can't think of another 

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movie that's like it. 
I really can't that you had that

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really puts you through the 
wringer but you come out feeling

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like there is hope. 
I think that's a beautiful way 

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of looking at it, a really, 
really hard journey to get to 

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the hope. 
And I think that that's where a 

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lot of guys are right now. 
There's a lot of guys who have 

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Silently battled whatever demons
they might be badly and might be

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depression and might be 
addiction. 

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It might be, you know, not not 
living their true life, living a

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different life. 
Being I mean, I know we've 

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talked about we talked about 
this in the last podcast you 

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were here. 
It's worth reiterating, 

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certainly worth reiterating. 
You talked about it in the book.

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You had this fear going through 
your college Years and beyond 

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that you were going to be stuck 
in a cubicle and ironically 

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that's what You got stuck in a 
cubicle and it was every bit the

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hell you thought it was going to
be, You Broke Free of that. 

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You know, you talk about that in
this book. 

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There's so many men that are 
going through this the topics 

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he's talking about by the way, 
everybody if you haven't watch, 

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Twin peaks' Twin Peaks, is this 
amazing. 

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Quirky piece of art television 
brilliant Series in the 

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nineties, about a gal, the in 
the first episode in a high 

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school in a small Washington, 
State town, a girl is murdered 

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and and the series unravels and 
then as it starts to unravel who

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killed Laura Palmer was the. 
The the Mantra was the the 

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headline 30 years ago who killed
Laura Palmer was everywhere. 

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Some of our listeners or viewers
might remember that and then the

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movie comes out and the movie 
shows Laura Palmer's, life just 

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before she passed away and it 
wasn't good. 

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There were some really Hard 
things in there. 

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There was sexual abuse, there 
was incest, there was 

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psychological torment, there was
a supernatural torment. 

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There was all sorts of these 
things that were happening to 

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poor. 
Laura and and and you know this 

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is these are the themes that 
Scott's talking about and I love

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how art many times and I think 
there's a clue here you said, 

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Scott that this is a good movie.
If you weren't feeling right 

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about things, whatever this is a
good movie to sit with. 

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It's relatable, right? 
Art. 

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Is that the thing with art is 
that we can kind of relate to it

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a little bit here and it helps 
unlock maybe what we're feeling.

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Well, I would submit that it is 
art with spaces that allows you 

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to set with it. 
And that to me is the difference

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between a David Lynch film, and 
let's just call it not a David 

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Lynch film because I don't even 
know, you know, like, there's 

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kind of no one like, David Lynch
that This, but he could care 

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less if you understand what's 
going on. 

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That is of no interest to him. 
He his feelings about you are 

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really low, like he doesn't 
care. 

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What about you? 
And in art, that's a really good

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thing, because what he's doing 
is he's only thinking of the 

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story. 
He wants to tell and he's not 

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worrying if you're going to get 
it. 

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And even better, he's not 
worrying. 

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00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,200
If your Mom's going to get it or
your aunt. 

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00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:31,100
He's just going to tell the 
story and in doing so there are 

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so many pieces that you have to 
put in. 

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So you get out of fire, walk 
with me or Lost Highway or 

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00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:44,000
Mulholland. 
Drive, what you put in to it and

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in the movie, I'm sorry. 
In the book, I talk about that. 

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I saw the movie, the day, it 
opened in a very small town in 

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Ohio and it Was to me, the just 
like crazy that this movie came 

224
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:06,500
to Little Old Canton, Ohio. 
You know, I mean, just like 

225
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:10,300
what? 
And, you know, there was pretty 

226
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:13,200
much nobody there. 
I mean, there might have been 26

227
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,200
people there on opening night 
Friday night. 

228
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,900
So, you know, I was there with 
the people that I was 

229
00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:24,000
surrounding myself with at that 
point in my life. 

230
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:28,600
And they all hated it. 
Sure, they hate it, they 

231
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,300
thought. 
No, there was no doughnuts. 

232
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,700
You know, where was the coffee? 
Where's the humor? 

233
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,100
What if this wasn't, what I 
signed up for? 

234
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:42,900
And they just really hated that.
Well, I was like rocked to my 

235
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:49,600
core because I had felt like 
someone looked in at me and just

236
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:53,600
threw it right there up on the 
screen and showed everyone. 

237
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:57,200
And of course, everyone hated 
what they saw, which is really 

238
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,300
what you makes, you feel real 
good about yourself and you're 

239
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,800
like, oh my gosh. 
I think that's movie is just me 

240
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:05,100
and, you know, like critics 
hated it. 

241
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:10,700
Everyone hated it. 
Um, and I wouldn't say that I 

242
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:14,100
loved it. 
Like, you know, I was quiet. 

243
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:18,100
We all went out and stood in the
parking lot and everyone bitched

244
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,800
about it. 
I just was quiet. 

245
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,900
I went back to see it, three 
days later by myself, in the 

246
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:29,000
afternoon. 
Like, I snuck away to try to see

247
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:33,800
this movie again, and I saw it, 
and again, it was probably the 

248
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:38,800
second time that I really could 
focus on Sheryl Lee, and that 

249
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:42,100
mattered more to me than the 
plot. 

250
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:44,600
It was the actress who played 
Laura Palmer. 

251
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:51,600
Why did her cries seem real like
she cried with her whole body? 

252
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:55,700
Torment was everything about her
in her eyes and no one could see

253
00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:58,100
that she was tormented. 
No one could see this. 

254
00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:00,200
Everywhere she goes, she's the 
homecoming. 

255
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,600
Queen, everyone loves her, you 
know? 

256
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,900
And critics. 
It's so funny how people view of

257
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:10,700
piece of art that is really good
because they were like, well, 

258
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:13,600
this is dumb, everybody saw 
this, they should have known. 

259
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,000
What was happening. 
Yeah. 

260
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,600
Yeah. 
That was the point you dumbass, 

261
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:22,000
you hated the movie, but the 
exact reason that it's Great 

262
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:26,700
like yeah in front of everyone, 
she is drowning and nobody sees 

263
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:30,200
this and then of course she dies
at the end of the movie, that's 

264
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,200
not a spoiler because she's dead
at the beginning of Twin Peaks 

265
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,100
and you know, that's coming 
which is another thing like 

266
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:40,500
it's, you know, I always say 
like if you have depressive 

267
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:45,200
Tendencies, oh a happy ending 
where the main character dies? 

268
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:49,200
Like dial me up man. 
Now we're talking about right 

269
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:53,900
where I want to sit like yeah. 
Give me a happy ending where 

270
00:16:53,900 --> 00:17:00,100
they died. 
So I sort of kept that with me 

271
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:03,000
you know and what I would do is 
every year on my birthday. 

272
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:09,800
I watched fire walk with me 
through my early 20s, which is 

273
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:14,000
probably not what you should do.
I mean that's not what you 

274
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,800
should be doing on your birthday
but it was like my thing to do. 

275
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:21,000
It's like I'm gonna do my fire 
walk with me watch and it all 

276
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,800
had to do. 
Do with like studying again, 

277
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,200
Laura Palmer's, not real, I 
don't consider myself to be 

278
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,200
Laura Palmer where I was never 
sexually abused. 

279
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,200
And I don't, I don't relate with
that. 

280
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,700
So many women. 
Do they go to Laura for that? 

281
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:43,300
And she is a great. 
She's like an icon for women who

282
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:46,400
have been sexually abused 
because she takes control of 

283
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:50,700
what's happening to her. 
And I mean, you could debate 

284
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:54,000
about it and 20, Fans do but in 
my opinion she does win in the 

285
00:17:54,000 --> 00:18:00,000
end and and you know takes gets 
control back of her life. 

286
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:07,300
I mean she dies but that's 
neither here nor there but I 

287
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,600
don't know. 
That's it was Cheryl. 

288
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:14,400
Leave that as an artist. 
It was her art that I kept 

289
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,300
looking at. 
And why can't I do that? 

290
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:22,500
And why can't I say who I really
am to people and But instead, I 

291
00:18:22,508 --> 00:18:26,700
would hide it with comedy with 
jokes, the smiley face that I 

292
00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:31,400
put out there as that person and
even though I'm not doing what I

293
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,700
should be doing, you know, 
nobody noticed. 

294
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:35,000
Nobody cared. 
Yeah. 

295
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,800
And so that was a place for me 
to really sit in through all 

296
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:41,400
those years. 
I, I'm glad you brought up 

297
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,700
sherilee. 
We're going to get to her. 

298
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:50,100
And actually, you know what, 
talking in the book about until 

299
00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:53,800
you know your book culminates. 
With an interview with with with

300
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,800
Sheryl Lee and and this is an 
interview that isn't just you 

301
00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:00,300
meeting her for the first time, 
this is after you guys have you 

302
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:03,100
to have established, a 
beautiful, Rapport and 

303
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:08,000
friendship and for you a dream 
come true, you know, kind of a 

304
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:11,400
kind of a situation where you've
become friends with her and and 

305
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,400
then you have an interview with 
her that's that's near the end 

306
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,400
of the book. 
But going through the book 

307
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,300
though, talking about, yes, you 
talk about some of the different

308
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:21,500
plot points you talk about some 
of the different tie. 

309
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:25,300
Ins hidden meanings and then 
behind the scenes stuff. 

310
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:29,400
But as that's happening, is a 
narrative that's building where 

311
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,500
you talk about Cheryl's 
performance, as Laura Palmer in 

312
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:37,500
this movie. 
And there are cast, there are 

313
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:43,400
crew who are talking about 
Cheryl's mental state during 

314
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:48,300
filming, all those years ago and
how there were people who are 

315
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:51,000
really legitimately concerned 
for her. 

316
00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:54,400
And and you talked about this 
performance, that's on screen 

317
00:19:54,400 --> 00:20:00,800
that that you were able to 100% 
relate to and and and see that. 

318
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:07,500
And and during filming, people 
were concerned about her, and 

319
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:13,100
that's how real the performance 
is its somebody who is going 

320
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,900
through that right in front of 
you. 

321
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,700
And they're burying it for 
everybody. 

322
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,600
And it's timeless it. 
You've watched that movie every 

323
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,900
year since since it came out 
like on your birthday like it's 

324
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:29,300
still in the hive up like crazy 
but what it does hold up and no 

325
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:31,400
II haven't. 
I don't do that anymore. 

326
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,600
I don't watch it on my birthday 
anymore. 

327
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:39,500
I haven't, I probably haven't 
done that since my 20s because 

328
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:44,000
once I had kids, you know, your 
birthday becomes about them at 

329
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,000
you. 
Yep. 

330
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:50,500
And then by the time, The kids 
are out on their own. 

331
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:55,600
I'm in a different point in my 
life where I'm actually not not 

332
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,000
who I should be now, right? 
You know, like, there's a 

333
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,700
different spot so and actually, 
that's there's many reasons. 

334
00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:03,900
The book is called your Laura 
disappeared. 

335
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:07,400
Comically. 
A lot of people think it's 

336
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:11,100
plot-based because in the new 
Twin Peaks, they do a thing that

337
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:13,500
maybe Laura did disappear. 
And I was like, oh my God. 

338
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:17,200
I was even thinking about that, 
like, if it has to do with me, I

339
00:21:17,208 --> 00:21:21,000
mean, in one way, Way. 
My Laura has disappeared because

340
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:28,800
I I met Sheryl Lee and so Laura 
Palmer at that icon in the 

341
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:35,000
homecoming picture is gone. 
So the last time I saw fire walk

342
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:40,800
with me was after I had spent 
some time with Cheryl probably 

343
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:45,900
like four different times and 
now the movies completely 

344
00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:49,400
different to me like because I 
know she'll Are all and I know 

345
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:54,500
Ray Wise and they're actors to 
me now. 

346
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:57,000
So my Laura has really 
disappeared. 

347
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,700
It's really hard for me to lose 
myself in the film anymore. 

348
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:04,100
To be honest. 
I know that everybody wants to, 

349
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,500
you know, like if I was a real 
performer, I'd lie. 

350
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:10,800
And say it still means the same 
to me but it doesn't, it's 

351
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:15,300
disappeared because You know, I 
get it now. 

352
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:22,400
It was a mystery to me, I didn't
understand how she was Creating 

353
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,300
this thing I've never seen on 
film. 

354
00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:27,500
Now that I know her, it's not a 
mystery to me, that's who she 

355
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:29,200
is. 
Okay. 

356
00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:34,600
That being said to go back to 
that previous point the, your 

357
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,300
friend Sheryl Lee, who filmed 
this movie. 

358
00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:40,800
That there are people out there 
who say it's the greatest 

359
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:45,000
performance by a female actor in
history. 

360
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,300
There's a, there's people who 
have submitted that that she 

361
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:52,600
was. 
So, Deep into that role and and 

362
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:58,100
what was asked of her what she 
gave what was asked of her and 

363
00:22:58,100 --> 00:23:01,900
more and more and more and more.
So your friend Cheryl still went

364
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:03,800
through a lot of shit when she 
made that movie. 

365
00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:08,000
Definitely and this is me 
talking. 

366
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:12,800
I've never asked Cheryl this 
shows, never said this, I'm not 

367
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:16,800
giving away a confidence. 
This is me just completely 

368
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:22,500
talking out of my ass. 
Okay, I believe she has PTSD 

369
00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:28,400
from the filming of that movie. 
Even to this day, I think it did

370
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:32,400
affect her and has affected her 
every day of our life. 

371
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:37,500
Because that's literally Early 
how much she gave to this role 

372
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:42,500
because if that, you know, she 
put herself in at that much and 

373
00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:45,700
I could see someone shrugging 
their shoulders and thinking. 

374
00:23:45,700 --> 00:23:50,000
Come on it's just a job and I 
think that could be true for 

375
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:54,300
many actors but that is in 
Cheryl like I've spent time with

376
00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,800
her. 
She's that way about her coffee 

377
00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:02,100
or about you telling her a story
about anything like she really 

378
00:24:02,100 --> 00:24:07,200
is in with you. 
You your mesmerised by her and 

379
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,700
it's not just me. 
Who says that you could find 

380
00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:14,600
thousands of people who have met
her and they would say that and 

381
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:19,000
she's had to carry this. 
Thing about being an icon for 

382
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,100
Abused Women and so many women 
are sharing with her there. 

383
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,900
Honest-to-goodness true stories 
wherever she goes and you got to

384
00:24:25,908 --> 00:24:28,700
take that all the time and I 
just can't imagine taking that 

385
00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:34,000
in everywhere you go. 
She's just an incredible person 

386
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,000
to Me. 
Maybe the most incredible 

387
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:40,000
person. 
Well, you know, and I, I don't, 

388
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:44,300
I can't diagnose PTSD. 
But when you, when you read the 

389
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:48,200
interview with her at the end of
the book, And she's talking 

390
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,800
about this time in her life 
where she was in her 20s, early 

391
00:24:51,808 --> 00:24:54,900
20s and she was 23. 
When the she filmed fire, walk 

392
00:24:54,900 --> 00:24:57,600
with me you know still trying to
figure things out. 

393
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:02,900
She's working with world-class 
actors with, you know, arguably 

394
00:25:02,900 --> 00:25:06,900
one of the greatest otters. 
I don't know if I'm even using 

395
00:25:06,900 --> 00:25:10,700
that word, right? 
But David Lynch is certainly is 

396
00:25:10,700 --> 00:25:14,700
one of the greatest directors 
that we've ever seen, you know, 

397
00:25:14,700 --> 00:25:18,600
and she's trying to figure out 
All that out while diving into a

398
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,800
role that has all of these 
really difficult things like you

399
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,900
say. 
Since that movie has come out 

400
00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:32,000
she is a beacon or a, you know, 
certainly a light in the dark 

401
00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:33,900
for people who have gone through
this. 

402
00:25:36,100 --> 00:25:39,200
And you yourself at the same 
time, you know, the reflection 

403
00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:43,000
of the stuff you were going 
through silently and seeing this

404
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:48,100
on film, I mean, certainly it's 
evolved her as to where she's at

405
00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:49,500
right now. 
If you read that interview I 

406
00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:52,000
don't know if it's PTSD or not, 
but it certainly has made its 

407
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,800
imprint. 
You never the same. 

408
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:59,600
After some of these experiences.
I want to I want to talk about 

409
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:03,900
chapter 11, a little bit of this
book because there's a want to 

410
00:26:03,908 --> 00:26:07,700
read a little bit out of it. 
Because you get really raw and 

411
00:26:07,700 --> 00:26:09,700
you get really vulnerable and 
we've talked about being raw and

412
00:26:09,700 --> 00:26:12,100
vulnerable before. 
But I want to I want to go 

413
00:26:12,100 --> 00:26:17,400
through and talk about Scott and
his 20s versus Scott and his 

414
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,400
40s. 
Now with all the different 

415
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,100
societies. 
It's 50s. 

416
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:25,700
It's okay 50s buddy. 
Yeah I think I'm 52 it changes 

417
00:26:25,700 --> 00:26:28,500
every year so right, I'm not 
sure. 

418
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,300
Okay, your fifties. 
Now, for those of you who know 

419
00:26:33,300 --> 00:26:37,300
me in person or from my online 
Persona right here, okay? 

420
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,400
For those of you who know me in 
person over my online Persona, 

421
00:26:43,700 --> 00:26:46,100
it might come as a shock to you 
that I battle chronic 

422
00:26:46,100 --> 00:26:48,700
depression. 
I've spent the majority of my 

423
00:26:48,700 --> 00:26:52,000
life putting on a happy face, 
and entertaining strangers 

424
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,900
because of my inability to 
experience joy for myself. 

425
00:26:58,900 --> 00:27:05,500
That is a heavy admission when 
you wrote that was it were you 

426
00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:08,400
in the zone and just writing and
writing and you're like yeah 

427
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,700
this is what's naturally going 
to come out or was there like 

428
00:27:10,700 --> 00:27:14,500
writing writing writing a pause?
Alright am I going to go down? 

429
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:16,700
Okay, yeah, I guess I'm going 
down here like like when you 

430
00:27:16,700 --> 00:27:22,500
wrote that and you admitted that
was that impactful for you or 

431
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:25,900
have you done it so much in the 
in the maybe, the more recent 

432
00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:27,900
past? 
That it was very Easy for you to

433
00:27:27,900 --> 00:27:29,200
talk about that. 
Its water. 

434
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:33,600
It's a path. 
You've gone down if I remember 

435
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,500
correctly. 
That's in the first paragraph. 

436
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,000
That's yeah, that's right. 
Begin chapter 11. 

437
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:43,500
Yeah, I mean that's it's 
interesting because good writer 

438
00:27:45,100 --> 00:27:47,100
would have put that at the end, 
okay? 

439
00:27:47,100 --> 00:27:49,600
But see I don't want to tell 
that. 

440
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,300
So that it's funny that you read
that sentence because I tried to

441
00:27:54,300 --> 00:27:58,900
hide that sentence because I 
Didn't really want to say it. 

442
00:27:58,900 --> 00:28:04,500
So I said it early and then I 
talked about other things right,

443
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:11,600
you know, because I don't really
want to, but I, when I I knew I 

444
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:17,000
had to write this chapter 
because I have loved fire walk 

445
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:21,200
with me forever. 
And I've, you know, people knew 

446
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:25,800
that I did and they also knew 
that I had a love for sherilee, 

447
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:29,700
but over time, I could see that 
people thought that the way that

448
00:28:29,700 --> 00:28:34,000
I felt about Sheryl Lee was like
how you know a teenager in the 

449
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,800
80s might have felt about 
Madonna Like I was in love with 

450
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,300
her or you know I wanted to 
marry Sheryl Lee or something 

451
00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:42,700
like that. 
I mostly because I always say I 

452
00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:46,900
want to marry sherilee when I'm 
on that could be where the 

453
00:28:46,900 --> 00:28:50,800
confusion came about but really 
it wasn't true. 

454
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:54,000
It's not that I don't think 
she's beautiful and she's one of

455
00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:56,800
like, my favorite actors. 
But, you know, it was more than 

456
00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:00,200
that. there was and I thought 
look, if you're going to do this

457
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,700
book You have to tell the truth 
or otherwise. 

458
00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:07,000
Why am I doing this? 
Why, why am I picking this movie

459
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:11,500
and talking about it? 
Well, I have to be honest and 

460
00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:17,400
say that, you know, Laura 
Palmer, cannot experience joy 

461
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:21,400
and that's why she, you know, 
does the Meals on Wheels and 

462
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:27,600
teaches Johnny English? 
And or I guess Josie English and

463
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:31,700
teaches Johnny school and does 
she all she does is give Yep. 

464
00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:35,500
Because she has a black hole on 
herself because she's been 

465
00:29:35,500 --> 00:29:41,900
sexually abused. 
And she was an early teen and I 

466
00:29:41,900 --> 00:29:45,600
mean, I had to just be honest 
and tell a part of the reason 

467
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,300
that I'm the comedian. 
I am not all of the reason 

468
00:29:48,300 --> 00:29:52,300
because I was I just was born 
that way, but a lot of it has to

469
00:29:52,300 --> 00:29:56,100
do with that. 
I cannot feel those things. 

470
00:29:56,100 --> 00:29:59,900
So why not give them, it's 
easier for me to give them out 

471
00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:01,800
because I do not experience 
them. 

472
00:30:02,900 --> 00:30:05,400
I think it's interesting that 
you talk, like you are, you are 

473
00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:11,400
so much the Twin Peaks 
Aficionado and and you have a 

474
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,400
Amazing. 
You know, critical thinking 

475
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:18,300
mind, that's able to take pieces
and discern and to and to make 

476
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:26,800
leaps and conjectures in just in
looking at the art, you know, 

477
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,800
just like a Star Wars fan, many 
times has an encyclopedia 

478
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:33,200
knowledge of droid names and 
things like that. 

479
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:38,100
You you, you didn't have to 
write that Scott like you, you 

480
00:30:38,100 --> 00:30:41,500
could have easily faked it 
without going into the A 

481
00:30:41,508 --> 00:30:45,900
autobiographical nature like 
you're that much of an expert, 

482
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:50,400
but the movie intertwined itself
with your heart so much and it 

483
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:55,300
did have this impact with you. 
I'm going to say this flat out 

484
00:30:55,300 --> 00:30:56,900
because a lot of guys who are 
listening to this right now that

485
00:30:56,900 --> 00:31:00,000
are battling depression or or 
don't even know that they're 

486
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,800
battling depression, they just 
know something's wrong and they 

487
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:06,900
haven't diagnosed it or had it 
diagnosed or they don't like the

488
00:31:06,900 --> 00:31:10,900
word. 
You could have faked it. 

489
00:31:10,900 --> 00:31:14,100
You could have glossed over it, 
the way that so many of us gloss

490
00:31:14,100 --> 00:31:17,900
over these feelings that are 
inside of us, but you didn't, 

491
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:22,200
you, you came out and you talked
about it, I want to ask about 

492
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:27,500
the joy and and, and, and is 
that finite the idea that you 

493
00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:31,300
don't experience joy. 
And so you want to put Joy on 

494
00:31:31,300 --> 00:31:34,300
other people and all that, is 
that something that is a 100% 

495
00:31:34,300 --> 00:31:38,800
constant for you or have there 
been windows or times before 

496
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:44,200
during Since you know, um I mean
I don't know if I could answer 

497
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:49,200
that as far as how would I know 
sure because I don't know what 

498
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,300
other people experience. 
But true enough. 

499
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,300
I mean, I would say it's true 
enough that I just don't. 

500
00:31:55,300 --> 00:32:02,000
That isn't where I sit, you 
know, like, I don't know. 

501
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,700
That's just not where I come 
from. 

502
00:32:03,700 --> 00:32:09,000
That's not what I'm about. 
So, it's hard for me to really 

503
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:10,900
know. 
No, I'm I mean because there's a

504
00:32:10,908 --> 00:32:13,900
difference between having fun. 
I have fun every day. 

505
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:19,600
You know, I am not a sad person.
You you would not see me be a 

506
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:22,800
sad person. 
That is not, that is not wearing

507
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:30,400
my gear is, but do I feel like I
guess part of the other thing 

508
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:34,900
is, I could see how simple it 
would be for someone. 

509
00:32:35,900 --> 00:32:38,400
Like I said, when you keep 
saying that I'm a Twin Peaks 

510
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:42,200
Aficionado and I know all this 
stuff like that just doesn't 

511
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:46,100
sound right to me. 
But, I mean, I guess it is true.

512
00:32:46,100 --> 00:32:52,000
I do know a lot about Twin Peaks
but I didn't want someone at 

513
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,100
home. 
That's weird. 

514
00:32:55,100 --> 00:32:57,200
Why would I say at home? 
Because to me it's a TV show, 

515
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,900
but it's really a book about the
thing. 

516
00:32:59,900 --> 00:33:02,900
But you know, I didn't want 
someone to go like, oh what is 

517
00:33:02,900 --> 00:33:05,900
this guy? 
I mean, he gets to talk to Mark 

518
00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:10,100
Frost and Sheryl Lee and you 
know, all these actors. 

519
00:33:10,100 --> 00:33:14,100
And he don't know nothing about 
being depressed or he doesn't 

520
00:33:14,100 --> 00:33:18,700
know that's bull. 
He's got everything and it's 

521
00:33:18,700 --> 00:33:25,600
like I worked so hard every day 
to get Here, I don't have 

522
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,900
anything like I've been giving 
nothing. 

523
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,700
There's not one thing that I 
really have. 

524
00:33:31,700 --> 00:33:35,900
It's been things that I have 
clawed and begged and scrapes to

525
00:33:35,900 --> 00:33:39,800
get out of I mean and that was 
sort of the point of that 

526
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:44,400
chapter to say because the book 
so many people, get the book. 

527
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:46,500
And then they said, I mean, I 
skipped right to the sherilee 

528
00:33:46,500 --> 00:33:49,400
interview and then you think 
yeah, you missed the point of 

529
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:53,300
the book because you really want
to You're rolling to that. 

530
00:33:53,300 --> 00:33:56,400
That's why it's the end. 
Oh yeah, it builds. 

531
00:33:56,400 --> 00:34:00,900
If you absolutely you want to 
get there and before you can get

532
00:34:00,900 --> 00:34:04,000
there, I had to take you back 
because I do talk about seeing 

533
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,000
the movie in the first chapter, 
but I'm not exactly honest about

534
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:10,000
saying it. 
I, I sort of just set that 

535
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:13,300
thing, but I don't really say 
how where I was. 

536
00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:19,600
Yes, but it was more like, I 
felt like I had to be honest to 

537
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:23,900
that, idiot. 
That 22 year-old Scott who I 

538
00:34:23,900 --> 00:34:27,199
abhor so much, like I can't 
stand that guy. 

539
00:34:28,699 --> 00:34:32,199
I mean, he needed to know like 
it's going to get there and I 

540
00:34:32,207 --> 00:34:37,400
could have got there that day. 
I mean, had I why didn't I say? 

541
00:34:37,699 --> 00:34:40,400
I love the movie. 
I thought it was great. 

542
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,199
I think she's telling us all 
something there. 

543
00:34:43,199 --> 00:34:46,699
Like y'all missed it, and why 
don't I start writing been? 

544
00:34:46,699 --> 00:34:48,900
Why didn't I say? 
I'm actually going to find 

545
00:34:48,900 --> 00:34:51,600
sherilee, like, I'm gonna find 
her. 

546
00:34:51,699 --> 00:34:59,400
You know what, I just heard Dave
has takes interns Like, I'm 

547
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:01,400
gonna go to New York City, and 
being interned. 

548
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:05,400
Yep. 
With Dave, because I can do all 

549
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,600
these things. 
Like, look what she just did, 

550
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,300
but it wasn't in me at that 
time. 

551
00:35:10,500 --> 00:35:13,300
I didn't have that like, the 
person, you know, today there's 

552
00:35:13,300 --> 00:35:18,200
not anything of that person here
I wasn't, you know, I had to go 

553
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:22,500
through so much to get here and 
I don't go into all that in the 

554
00:35:22,500 --> 00:35:24,200
book because it is a Twin Peaks 
book. 

555
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:28,300
Like so I immediately liked I 
have that sentence and then I 

556
00:35:28,300 --> 00:35:32,700
don't really go back there very 
much because I didn't want to 

557
00:35:32,700 --> 00:35:40,800
overshare because I am Gen X. 
And you know, we don't like that

558
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:44,500
sentence was enough. 
And then I just tell the story 

559
00:35:44,500 --> 00:35:48,200
of yeah, I was so fearful being 
a cubicle and I was there, and 

560
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,500
I've told the story here before.
So who cares? 

561
00:35:50,900 --> 00:35:54,300
But it's worth repeating? 
No, no, because you were there, 

562
00:35:54,700 --> 00:35:56,700
but, you know, and we do wish 
that we could. 

563
00:35:56,900 --> 00:36:01,700
That that, that that wand and 
and the the the angel dust him, 

564
00:36:01,700 --> 00:36:06,900
throw it back on on to us at 
that age to say, wake up but 

565
00:36:06,900 --> 00:36:10,300
it's really a progression and 
growth to get us to that place. 

566
00:36:10,300 --> 00:36:15,000
And you did go through darker 
times with the tools. 

567
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:18,000
By the way, to help at least sit
with it, this movie being one of

568
00:36:18,008 --> 00:36:21,500
them, you know, you went through
these darker times and these 

569
00:36:21,500 --> 00:36:25,200
realizations, you know, you did 
get thrown into the cubicle and 

570
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:29,600
then suddenly Break Free. 
And Claw your way to living the 

571
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:33,700
life that you want to live, that
leads to genuine fulfillment and

572
00:36:33,700 --> 00:36:38,000
it's more than the 
paint-by-numbers situation that 

573
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:41,300
we're taught to strive for. 
Its you actually doing the 

574
00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:45,900
introspective work and and the 
admission, I'm not happy. 

575
00:36:46,100 --> 00:36:49,400
And I'm going to do what I can 
even though I may not feel Joy 

576
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,200
the way others feel Joy, because
it looks like they're feeling 

577
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:54,500
different things that I feel, 
but I'm not happy. 

578
00:36:54,500 --> 00:36:56,700
So, I'm going to work my ass 
off. 

579
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:01,900
To get to a place where I can 
just realize, oh, it's just a 

580
00:37:01,900 --> 00:37:04,000
mindset. 
If I chew if I wanted to, I 

581
00:37:04,008 --> 00:37:07,000
could just choose to walk in the
other direction but it takes a 

582
00:37:07,008 --> 00:37:10,000
lot of work to get to that. 
Truth, doesn't it? 

583
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:14,300
Well, it does. 
And you know one of the things 

584
00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:18,500
I've been dreading this podcast 
all morning. 

585
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:22,500
I just did not want to do this 
at all. 

586
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:26,400
I kept hoping you'd have a 
horrific accidents and we 

587
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:32,000
wouldn't have to do this. 
But damn it, you were safe 

588
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:39,400
yesterday, but one of the things
I was thinking that I wanted to 

589
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,500
be sure that I say it's me. 
I don't blame my parents. 

590
00:37:42,500 --> 00:37:46,100
This isn't about my parents. 
This isn't about my friends. 

591
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:51,100
This isn't about. 
You know, any exes I had that's 

592
00:37:51,100 --> 00:37:54,100
bullshit. 
This is about me, it was who I 

593
00:37:54,100 --> 00:37:58,500
was then you know, it is true. 
No one ever said to me, you're 

594
00:37:58,500 --> 00:38:02,100
majoring in business. 
Thank you should be a writer 

595
00:38:02,100 --> 00:38:06,200
like your you've already 
written, like, for movies and 

596
00:38:06,700 --> 00:38:09,600
two novels, and you're doing 
what, you know, because I was 

597
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,200
already making stuff as a kid. 
Yeah. 

598
00:38:14,500 --> 00:38:16,100
No. 
One ever said that to me. 

599
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,700
And who knows what that would 
have, if that would have helped.

600
00:38:20,700 --> 00:38:25,800
But I don't think it was, I was 
truly shy and I just didn't have

601
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,600
what I have now. 
I mean it's like when the time 

602
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:33,300
came And of course any 
opportunity that comes my way 

603
00:38:33,500 --> 00:38:34,500
man. 
I'm on it. 

604
00:38:34,500 --> 00:38:38,900
And that's the thing like 
Yesterday, I interviewed 

605
00:38:38,900 --> 00:38:43,300
Patricia Arquette. 
Yeah, that's huge. 

606
00:38:43,300 --> 00:38:47,100
That's the biggest get I've ever
got my first Oscar winner. 

607
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:49,700
Yeah. 
And, you know, it always amazes 

608
00:38:49,700 --> 00:38:52,400
me how people take it, like, 
well, of course, gots. 

609
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,100
Interviewing Patricia Arquette 
was like, no, you know, how hard

610
00:38:55,100 --> 00:38:57,400
that is for? 
Someone as small as me to get to

611
00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,700
someone like her, like, it's 
impossible and like even she 

612
00:39:00,700 --> 00:39:05,600
doesn't realize it. 
And we had a great talk because 

613
00:39:05,700 --> 00:39:09,400
she's used to talking To people 
who don't care. 

614
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,400
And so she got what I give 
someone, when I interviewed 

615
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,700
them. 
Which is that warmth? 

616
00:39:14,900 --> 00:39:16,300
Yep. 
We're just like you. 

617
00:39:16,300 --> 00:39:19,000
Do you create the space where I 
can tell things that? 

618
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,400
I'll regret sure as hell. 
Never listen to this my whole 

619
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:30,100
life and but also I did play 
with her and made her laugh and 

620
00:39:30,100 --> 00:39:31,800
so she was comfortable and 
things like that. 

621
00:39:32,100 --> 00:39:35,000
But you better believe she 
wanted to see some of my books 

622
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,700
after its Eye Center 
Moonlighting and Walk with me 

623
00:39:37,900 --> 00:39:42,400
but I put a note in it and I 
said, like, you know, I'm a 

624
00:39:42,408 --> 00:39:45,400
small business. 
I struggle to get by if you 

625
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:47,700
enjoy either of these books and 
you feel comfortable and 

626
00:39:47,700 --> 00:39:51,100
tweeting a picture out or 
instagramming it really make a 

627
00:39:51,107 --> 00:39:54,300
difference to me. 
Yeah, that little thing right 

628
00:39:54,300 --> 00:39:57,200
there. 
That 22 year old sitting in the 

629
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:00,700
dark and fireworks me he didn't 
have that I was going to say how

630
00:40:00,700 --> 00:40:05,200
much growth did it take to ask 
this your first Oscar winner. 

631
00:40:05,700 --> 00:40:07,700
Okay, so big deal. 
Right. 

632
00:40:07,700 --> 00:40:10,600
How much growth did it take for 
you to be able to write that 

633
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,600
sentence? 
Could you please, or would you 

634
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,500
please? 
Or would you mind, you know, 

635
00:40:14,500 --> 00:40:17,200
asking for that help. 
And that's where so many men are

636
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:22,800
right now, is, is it that place 
of vulnerability is 

637
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:25,900
vulnerability is the short way 
out of where they're feeling 

638
00:40:25,900 --> 00:40:29,600
right now, but it's like lifting
10,000 tons. 

639
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,900
It might as well be like trying 
to open a vault door. 

640
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:37,700
It's unlocked. 
But what we bring to it and the 

641
00:40:37,700 --> 00:40:41,000
thoughts that we put at the, you
know, the armor that we put on, 

642
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:44,500
won't let us get through that 
short distance. 

643
00:40:44,500 --> 00:40:47,900
And this is where your message 
is so damn important. 

644
00:40:48,100 --> 00:40:51,300
Because like you say you could 
have gone back to that, 22 

645
00:40:51,300 --> 00:40:53,800
year-old, if you could have snap
the fingers and showed that 

646
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:59,200
realization, holy that is a big 
piece of light but it took, you 

647
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,500
know, a couple decades of growth
the whole bunch of books where 

648
00:41:02,500 --> 00:41:05,100
you battle imposter syndrome, 
you're battling All these 

649
00:41:05,100 --> 00:41:07,700
things. 
Plus you know the depression 

650
00:41:07,700 --> 00:41:12,500
stuff I want to leverage the 
fact you talk about this, here 

651
00:41:12,500 --> 00:41:16,100
is what I don't remember. 
If I put this in that chapter I 

652
00:41:16,100 --> 00:41:21,200
don't remember if I did or not, 
but back then, you know like I 

653
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,400
went to college and major in 
business because that's what my 

654
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:26,200
dad wanted me to do. 
Yeah. 

655
00:41:26,900 --> 00:41:31,500
And I did it. 
So I did what I was supposed to 

656
00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:35,800
do and really nobody cared what?
I did, no one was interested in 

657
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:41,000
me and no one cared what I did. 
There came a point where I said 

658
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:43,600
I'm just going to do what I want
and I'm gonna say what I want. 

659
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:45,700
And you know what, no one cared 
what I did. 

660
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,700
And no one was interested in 
what I did. 

661
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:51,900
And once that realization came 
to me and that is what I always 

662
00:41:51,900 --> 00:41:54,800
tell people. 
I've lived life both ways, I've 

663
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,700
lived it for everyone else and 
I've lived it for me. 

664
00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:01,400
And to be Sweetie had no one 
gave a shit about me either way.

665
00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:06,500
They don't no one cares about 
you and accepting that no one 

666
00:42:06,500 --> 00:42:09,100
cares about you. 
In fact, I have a title. 

667
00:42:09,100 --> 00:42:13,900
If I ever write a autobiography 
or way to live a life, the title

668
00:42:13,900 --> 00:42:17,400
of my book is going to be your 
not important and neither are 

669
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:22,300
you because it needs to be said 
twice, because that is the key. 

670
00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:26,300
Like, I don't matter, my little 
thoughts, like, Patricia 

671
00:42:26,300 --> 00:42:28,400
Arquette is not going to get 
that letter. 

672
00:42:28,700 --> 00:42:32,900
And think a thing about me 
asking her to tweet it, I mean, 

673
00:42:32,900 --> 00:42:35,300
she's either going to first of 
all, she may not even get it, 

674
00:42:35,300 --> 00:42:39,300
it's going to her agent and her 
agent other people's books and 

675
00:42:39,300 --> 00:42:41,400
he may throw them right in the 
trash can. 

676
00:42:42,300 --> 00:42:48,200
But she might read Moonlighting 
and be like, wow, this is good. 

677
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:51,400
I kind of like this guy. 
It was look a book. 

678
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:55,100
She might take a picture of it 
now because it's in her head but

679
00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:56,600
she's not going to think about 
it. 

680
00:42:56,800 --> 00:43:00,100
Yeah, he's not going to care. 
It's not Change our interview, 

681
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:02,400
she's not thinking about me 
today. 

682
00:43:02,900 --> 00:43:11,000
And realizing I didn't matter is
what made me matter that is a 

683
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:14,300
profound thought. 
And there are a lot of guys out 

684
00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:17,300
there who are taking themselves 
and their situation. 

685
00:43:17,300 --> 00:43:18,600
I'm going to be very careful how
I say this. 

686
00:43:18,900 --> 00:43:22,000
They're taking themselves too, 
seriously, almost there that 

687
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,300
they need to. 
They need to have their adding 

688
00:43:24,300 --> 00:43:26,900
extra weight onto their 
shoulders for no reason. 

689
00:43:27,100 --> 00:43:29,500
When at the end of the day, they
could just shrug off that weight

690
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,100
in that the freedom in that 
statement that you just made 

691
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:38,300
isn't is incredible. 
We think that we matter more 

692
00:43:38,300 --> 00:43:42,500
than we do to the people around 
us and all that. 

693
00:43:42,500 --> 00:43:45,800
But at the end of the day we can
let a lot of that go. 

694
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:49,600
If we even just choose to like 
sometimes it's that simple. 

695
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:51,000
Isn't it right? 
Yeah. 

696
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:56,400
I really think that's the truth 
and it sounds and I get that 

697
00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:00,700
when you're in it and that's the
thing like When I wasn't 

698
00:44:00,700 --> 00:44:06,200
creating, the Depression was 
humongous, it hangs on you and 

699
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:12,000
it's hard to start something out
when you are creating in like 

700
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,900
now, because I got that 
interview and then it led me to 

701
00:44:14,900 --> 00:44:16,800
other interviews. 
Now my next book is going to be 

702
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:19,200
on Lost Highway and I didn't 
know I was going to do this and 

703
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,700
things lead to another thing. 
Yep. 

704
00:44:22,700 --> 00:44:27,600
Because you get in, you don't 
get those opportunities when 

705
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:30,700
you're scared and you're You're 
for, and you're hiding, and 

706
00:44:30,700 --> 00:44:35,100
you're shy and I get that like, 
I don't know if someone was 

707
00:44:35,100 --> 00:44:40,500
listening for them to say again,
that guy doesn't understand, but

708
00:44:40,700 --> 00:44:44,200
I can't, I don't really know, 
sherilee like we've met. 

709
00:44:44,700 --> 00:44:48,400
Let's say five times and I 
suppose I could call her today 

710
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:51,300
if I really wanted to. 
But and then what, like it 

711
00:44:51,300 --> 00:44:53,700
doesn't really change your life.
It just gives you a bit of 

712
00:44:53,700 --> 00:44:56,100
confidence. 
She's not like coming over for 

713
00:44:56,100 --> 00:45:00,100
dinner and you know, we're 
watching room Runs the Seinfeld 

714
00:45:00,100 --> 00:45:04,200
or something like, although she 
should, that would be great. 

715
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:11,000
I think she'd have a good time 
but it's just like the same like

716
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:14,900
with the Dave people or whatever
like meeting these people and 

717
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:19,700
you know hearing Brian Ted has 
story is the one that really 

718
00:45:19,700 --> 00:45:22,200
hits me because he just did what
I should have done. 

719
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:25,100
And yeah we're about the same 
age and he just went to New York

720
00:45:25,100 --> 00:45:26,900
and he was like I'm gonna I love
Dave. 

721
00:45:26,900 --> 00:45:30,100
I'm gonna work for Dave. 
I never would have had It's not 

722
00:45:30,100 --> 00:45:33,700
like I have it and I didn't try.
I didn't know you could just go 

723
00:45:33,700 --> 00:45:35,000
to New York. 
Yeah. 

724
00:45:35,500 --> 00:45:38,000
And Beyond and start working for
days. 

725
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,900
Yep. 
I mean, of course, I should have

726
00:45:40,900 --> 00:45:44,500
done it. 
That's what I wouldn't work for 

727
00:45:44,500 --> 00:45:47,300
the guys out there who don't 
think they could write a book, 

728
00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:51,300
or paint a picture or, or write 
a song or learn an instrument 

729
00:45:51,300 --> 00:45:53,300
or, or whatever. 
The thing that they want to do, 

730
00:45:53,300 --> 00:45:56,500
that just seems like the boulder
that's impossible to push up the

731
00:45:56,508 --> 00:45:57,800
hill. 
It's actually not impossible. 

732
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,800
You know, we can go and do 
anything sometimes. 

733
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,700
We just don't give ourselves 
permission to do it. 

734
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,900
Ryan Tedder you talk about that 
had no baggage in that 

735
00:46:06,900 --> 00:46:09,600
department and said, oh yeah, 
yeah, sure. 

736
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:12,200
I'm going to go become an 
internet Letterman and and start

737
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:14,400
moving. 
Always up my way up in his 

738
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:15,900
company. 
And then when let it retires, 

739
00:46:15,900 --> 00:46:17,600
I'm going to go over to the view
and be the executive producer 

740
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:20,800
and accept the enemy and at like
holy shit, really? 

741
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:24,500
You can just do that. 
Yes, you can just do that and 

742
00:46:24,500 --> 00:46:28,200
and you know for guys who are, 
you know, there are a couple of 

743
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:31,300
kids or a wife. 
A job and a career in to where 

744
00:46:31,300 --> 00:46:33,400
they're at. 
I'm not saying you can unpack it

745
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,800
that day but you can start 
building things on the side that

746
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:40,500
day and start making, you know, 
plans and preparations and 

747
00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:43,700
dreams and aspirations. 
And you you say them out loud 

748
00:46:43,700 --> 00:46:47,400
and say them to a person or to 
and boy, it's surprising. 

749
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:52,400
Sometimes how quickly those 
Boulders start rolling and 

750
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:55,900
you're like, oh man, and you're 
starting to Live Life in Color, 

751
00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:57,800
whatever that looks like for 
you. 

752
00:46:58,500 --> 00:47:05,300
When I was 22, I was working at 
a video store and this girl 

753
00:47:05,700 --> 00:47:10,100
transferred over from another 
store to work for one night. 

754
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:13,500
I did not know who she was. 
I've never met her before me and

755
00:47:13,500 --> 00:47:18,300
her are closing. 
She was probably two years 

756
00:47:18,300 --> 00:47:21,200
younger than me because she had 
just started college. 

757
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:24,700
And I think I was in college and
I said, oh, where do you go to 

758
00:47:24,700 --> 00:47:27,100
college to Bowling Green? 
I said, what are you going to 

759
00:47:27,100 --> 00:47:29,600
college for? 
And she said, Movie editing and 

760
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:31,900
I said, oh my gosh, I want to be
a director. 

761
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:36,900
And then I was and then she like
walked she's like cool walk past

762
00:47:36,900 --> 00:47:39,200
me with some videos and I just 
sat there. 

763
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:42,300
I've never said that out loud to
also human. 

764
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,800
Oh wow! 
And I just it came right out of 

765
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:50,700
my mouth and, you know, I didn't
follow it up. 

766
00:47:50,700 --> 00:47:52,700
I shoved it back in. 
I was like, why did I tell 

767
00:47:52,700 --> 00:47:54,500
someone that? 
And that girl, never worked 

768
00:47:54,500 --> 00:47:56,500
there again. 
Did I ever see that girl again, 

769
00:47:56,500 --> 00:47:58,400
I never did. 
You know what I mean? 

770
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:00,400
Like she just was there for one 
night. 

771
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:04,900
We part talk about movies all 
night and And I went back to 

772
00:48:05,300 --> 00:48:10,500
doing homework on accounting and
stuff that I knew, and I never 

773
00:48:10,500 --> 00:48:13,500
did get a job in any of that. 
Like, I graduated college and 

774
00:48:13,500 --> 00:48:17,500
did not do that because I 
couldn't like, can you imagine 

775
00:48:17,500 --> 00:48:22,300
me doing numbers all day or 
something like it was? 

776
00:48:22,500 --> 00:48:24,900
I can't do it. 
That isn't who I am? 

777
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:30,500
No, but it was something how it 
came out of my mouth because 

778
00:48:30,500 --> 00:48:32,500
I've never met anyone. 
I couldn't believe you're going 

779
00:48:32,500 --> 00:48:35,200
to college to edit movies, like 
what? 

780
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:38,100
And I would love to know. 
I don't even know who that 

781
00:48:38,100 --> 00:48:39,400
girl's name is. 
I really don't. 

782
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:42,200
It's like one of those people 
that flashes in and out of your 

783
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:43,400
life. 
Yep. 

784
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,600
What is she doing today? 
Is she a movie editor? 

785
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:48,900
Who knows? 
Maybe she's mom and she's happy 

786
00:48:48,900 --> 00:48:52,100
and never worked in movies at 
all. 

787
00:48:52,100 --> 00:48:55,300
Or maybe she is an Oscar winner 
to. 

788
00:48:55,300 --> 00:48:57,300
I mean, I wouldn't. 
Yeah. 

789
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:01,400
There's one other thing. 
I want to make sure we touch on 

790
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:03,500
before. 
For we finish this. 

791
00:49:03,500 --> 00:49:08,900
So you know, forgive the if it's
an indelicate segue and 

792
00:49:08,900 --> 00:49:13,100
indelicate segue, by the way, 
should be a have something. 

793
00:49:13,100 --> 00:49:17,300
I don't know. 
It's grammatically, I don't 

794
00:49:17,300 --> 00:49:20,800
think it's right indelicate now 
I think it's an x-ray so it fits

795
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:22,500
you perfectly anyway. 
Yeah. 

796
00:49:22,500 --> 00:49:23,400
There we go. 
Perfect. 

797
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:25,200
Yeah there's the name of my 
autobiography. 

798
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:29,700
Yeah, right there. 
I want to talk because you know 

799
00:49:29,700 --> 00:49:31,300
you're going through this in 
your 20s. 

800
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:36,400
The Is that you have now in your
early 50s light years past what 

801
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:38,900
you realize back then and how 
you know, yourself and your 

802
00:49:38,900 --> 00:49:42,900
introspection. 
Yep you met a partner, you made 

803
00:49:42,900 --> 00:49:46,900
a life partner. 
Did does your does your wife 

804
00:49:46,900 --> 00:49:53,900
know or did she know what the 
time that you experience these 

805
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,800
bouts these ups and downs or 
these, you know, you might 

806
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:02,200
experience, Joy differently, did
she know that instinctively at 

807
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:07,900
the Um, I don't know. 
I'm sure she didn't and you 

808
00:50:07,900 --> 00:50:13,100
know, she is like every single 
good thing that has happened to 

809
00:50:13,107 --> 00:50:20,700
me has happened to me since I 
met her and I believe it's was 

810
00:50:20,700 --> 00:50:23,700
because she has never told me 
now. 

811
00:50:24,500 --> 00:50:28,600
I mean, when I said, I think I 
want to start a magazine about 

812
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:31,000
Twin Peaks because it's coming 
back and choose the kill you. 

813
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,700
Should I think you could do that
and If I want to, I think I'm 

814
00:50:33,700 --> 00:50:37,900
going to make this movie about 
about this person and she was 

815
00:50:37,900 --> 00:50:40,500
like, yeah, we could do that. 
And you know, I'm gonna, I 

816
00:50:40,500 --> 00:50:43,300
thought I am gonna contact the 
thirtysomething people. 

817
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:47,700
I mean, she never says, I can't 
do something and I never had 

818
00:50:47,700 --> 00:50:51,800
that before. 
And so it's hard for me to 

819
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:56,400
separate the two, was it that I 
got older and I was just ready. 

820
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:58,600
I finally grew into who I should
be. 

821
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:00,600
Or was it having someone that 
just said? 

822
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:02,600
Yep. 
Yep, you can do it. 

823
00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:04,800
We'll make it work and I'll help
you. 

824
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:11,300
But when she met me we met at 
that corporate job and I had 

825
00:51:11,300 --> 00:51:14,900
sort of literally go Mall life 
the whole my whole life. 

826
00:51:14,900 --> 00:51:17,100
I've lived a small light. 
I was a stay-at-home dad, I 

827
00:51:17,100 --> 00:51:20,100
never went out into the world. 
I just avoided everything 

828
00:51:20,100 --> 00:51:23,700
because I didn't want to be in 
that cubicle, but then, 

829
00:51:25,100 --> 00:51:27,700
Situation became situation. 
I had to get a job. 

830
00:51:27,700 --> 00:51:32,500
And I went into this place a 
phone center, and what I found 

831
00:51:32,500 --> 00:51:35,700
out was and I'm sorry to say 
this, I don't mean to be a gift 

832
00:51:35,700 --> 00:51:40,900
egotistical, but that the masses
at the corporation, the workers 

833
00:51:41,100 --> 00:51:43,500
loved me did that? 
I was hilarious. 

834
00:51:43,500 --> 00:51:47,800
I was entertaining from my 
cubicle telling jokes because I 

835
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:52,700
had an audience and I had been 
packed in for 15 years. 

836
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:58,200
And so, He sort of, she would 
come down the hall, my not the 

837
00:51:58,200 --> 00:52:01,100
hallway, whatever cubicle way 
is, and say, I'm having a bad 

838
00:52:01,100 --> 00:52:02,300
day. 
Make me laugh. 

839
00:52:02,700 --> 00:52:06,500
And I would tell her jokes, then
she would leave. 

840
00:52:06,500 --> 00:52:09,300
And then all the other, she was 
a supervisor and all the other 

841
00:52:09,300 --> 00:52:11,900
employees were looking around 
and she likes you. 

842
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:15,900
Wow. 
Analysts to here. 

843
00:52:15,900 --> 00:52:16,900
Dammit! 
Yep. 

844
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:21,800
And so that's sort of help to 
just because I had an audience 

845
00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:24,200
for the first time and then I 
thought, well, maybe I do have a

846
00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:26,600
voice. 
Like it up to this point. 

847
00:52:27,300 --> 00:52:30,400
I thought I didn't have a voice 
that was worth sharing and all 

848
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:34,100
those steps sort of help. 
Now, it wasn't working at that. 

849
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:38,100
The higher-ups at that company. 
Hated me because I also was that

850
00:52:38,100 --> 00:52:43,200
funny in meetings and, you know,
the phone to customers is right.

851
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:47,000
Well yes, I mean just causing 
Havoc everywhere. 

852
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:48,200
I went. 
Yep. 

853
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:51,400
And I could feel this wasn't 
going to work out in the long 

854
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:57,600
run but so yeah. 
Jen, I would, I don't, I can't 

855
00:52:57,600 --> 00:53:00,700
say, I can't imagine, I would 
have made it well, and you bring

856
00:53:00,700 --> 00:53:02,900
her up in the book, which is why
I felt comfortable enough to 

857
00:53:02,900 --> 00:53:04,300
break. 
We don't do a pre-interview 

858
00:53:04,300 --> 00:53:07,100
folks. 
Surprisingly, we don't do a pre,

859
00:53:07,100 --> 00:53:09,300
we just do in delicate 
transitions. 

860
00:53:09,300 --> 00:53:20,100
That's that's exactly like it's 
a very similar, you know, 

861
00:53:20,300 --> 00:53:24,500
glowing set of compliments to 
her about that, by the way. 

862
00:53:25,500 --> 00:53:30,900
You know, in a moment of your 
greatest hell being in a cubicle

863
00:53:30,900 --> 00:53:33,300
office environment which is not 
you clearly not. 

864
00:53:33,300 --> 00:53:35,900
You I think it's very evident 
through the conversations that 

865
00:53:35,900 --> 00:53:40,100
we've had to everybody that 
that's just not you you know 

866
00:53:40,100 --> 00:53:44,500
horrible horrible situation you 
ended up pulling an angel out of

867
00:53:44,500 --> 00:53:47,400
hell you know you ended up 
getting getting some of that. 

868
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:51,200
So sometimes when you're going 
through this shit boys you know 

869
00:53:52,300 --> 00:53:54,700
you're still going to pull some 
amazing life-changing. 

870
00:53:54,900 --> 00:53:57,300
In things out of this, these 
horrible situations, not just 

871
00:53:57,300 --> 00:54:02,300
the learning, but sometimes you 
get a North star of a partner, 

872
00:54:02,300 --> 00:54:04,500
or, or something out of that as 
well. 

873
00:54:04,500 --> 00:54:06,500
So so there you go. 
That's a, that's a nice little 

874
00:54:06,500 --> 00:54:12,300
piece of PS on that one. 
Yeah, I mean it, but I also 

875
00:54:12,300 --> 00:54:16,400
think you had to be open to it 
and as much as I wasn't where I 

876
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:21,300
wanted to be, I was closer, I 
was at least driving my own ship

877
00:54:21,500 --> 00:54:25,000
and I was really just there for 
money and at that time, I 

878
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,500
started writing, Scott luck 
stories, which was the first 

879
00:54:27,500 --> 00:54:29,400
thing because these stories were
coming to me. 

880
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:31,800
And I was telling them is really
what was happening. 

881
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:34,600
I was meeting new people and I 
would just tell them a story 

882
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:37,000
here and there and they were all
laughing and then people would 

883
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:39,900
come and be like, tell him that 
story about your twins. 

884
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,200
And I'd be like, then I was 
like, is this? 

885
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:46,300
This is funny because I had to 
up to that point been told no, 

886
00:54:46,300 --> 00:54:51,000
you don't tell those stories you
don't act up, you don't try, you

887
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:56,400
know, you are an embarrassment, 
you got a Conform got that 

888
00:54:56,500 --> 00:55:00,300
right? 
Yep, and as soon as I let me 

889
00:55:00,300 --> 00:55:05,500
out, I have been successful. 
Now, it's a fear to me. 

890
00:55:05,500 --> 00:55:09,300
That's where the depression. 
Still, they can come up, but I'm

891
00:55:09,300 --> 00:55:12,900
also doing what I want to do and
that makes it so much easier, 

892
00:55:12,900 --> 00:55:15,100
but it's also a fear. 
Like, will I get put back in 

893
00:55:15,100 --> 00:55:17,400
that cubicle? 
I mean, that's my greatest fear.

894
00:55:17,500 --> 00:55:20,900
Okay, oh, well, I love this. 
Is something I wanted to talk 

895
00:55:20,900 --> 00:55:24,400
about if it does still come up 
and what you do, like, God talk 

896
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:26,500
about Ah there's a professional 
Segway folks. 

897
00:55:26,500 --> 00:55:30,800
Right there this stuff this 
stuff it's not like this stuff 

898
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:35,000
went poof and it's gone, you're 
not 100%. 

899
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:38,400
Still in me 100%. 
Yes it's still there. 

900
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:43,000
The difference is I'm doing what
I'm supposed to do and I'm I'm 

901
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:45,900
actually am making a ton of 
people. 

902
00:55:45,900 --> 00:55:48,800
I don't know happy which is 
really all that I ever really 

903
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:50,700
wanted to do and that makes it 
better not. 

904
00:55:50,700 --> 00:55:54,400
Not as many as I should be. 
I could have another tongue. 

905
00:55:54,400 --> 00:56:00,500
So You know we could eat too but
but board is enough. 

906
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:07,700
So yeah, it's still there but 
now I know it's like it's like 

907
00:56:07,700 --> 00:56:11,000
that friend and it's like it's 
going to tell me I can't do it 

908
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:13,500
but then it's hard to look. 
I look and I'm like well I got 

909
00:56:13,500 --> 00:56:15,400
don't know I got all these books
on the shelf for that. 

910
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:18,600
I think maybe you're wrong and I
can do it. 

911
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:25,200
And then also I have to do it 
now because I gotta keep And out

912
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:29,000
there or this doesn't work and 
just like the Lost Highway book.

913
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:32,100
I didn't know I was doing a Lost
Highway book four days ago and 

914
00:56:32,100 --> 00:56:33,800
I've already made the front 
cover. 

915
00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:38,700
I'm, you know, I called Bill 
Pullman's manager to try to get 

916
00:56:38,700 --> 00:56:40,200
an interview with him for this 
book. 

917
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:42,600
I mean, they didn't take my 
call, I put it to voicemail, no 

918
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:44,800
one's called me back but what 
they don't know is I'm going to 

919
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:49,400
keep calling. 
Absolutely yeah, yeah and that's

920
00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:53,400
the thing. 
So that's why I wrote that 

921
00:56:53,400 --> 00:56:57,200
chapter more Again, it's not 
about me. 

922
00:56:57,200 --> 00:57:00,900
It's about that. 
Stranger that maybe things will 

923
00:57:00,900 --> 00:57:03,900
this guy. 
He's got, he knew all these 

924
00:57:03,900 --> 00:57:06,400
people like there's no one in 
that fire walk with me. 

925
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:08,700
But that I knew or had a 
connection to. 

926
00:57:08,700 --> 00:57:11,400
I got each one of those 
interviews by begging and 

927
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:15,000
pleading and giving and being 
nice to them. 

928
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:19,200
That's the key. 
I'm not I'm not fake nice. 

929
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:22,400
I actually care about what 
they're saying and I'm giving 

930
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:25,200
everything over to them. 
We're going to Finish with 

931
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:26,700
kindness. 
We're not going to quite finish 

932
00:57:26,700 --> 00:57:28,600
right yet. 
I'm gonna hopefully be able to 

933
00:57:28,607 --> 00:57:31,800
insert one more Point into this.
I wasn't going to do it because 

934
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:36,900
I felt like, like, okay, just 
full disclosure this podcast 

935
00:57:36,900 --> 00:57:39,900
very, very, very easily could 
have been. 

936
00:57:39,900 --> 00:57:41,900
Hey, let's talk to him Peaks. 
And let's just go down the 

937
00:57:41,900 --> 00:57:45,500
rabbit hole and talk Twin Peaks 
because I'm a huge Twin Peaks 

938
00:57:45,500 --> 00:57:49,800
fan as well. 
And this book is like, holy 

939
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:51,600
shit. 
Is it ever? 

940
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:54,600
It's like like chocolate and 
marshmallow and graham crackers.

941
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:57,300
A campfire. 
How beautiful and perfect it is.

942
00:57:57,300 --> 00:58:01,300
We could have geeked out over 
Twin Peaks and and I'm hoping 

943
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:04,300
before we're going to finish 
with the kindness and because 

944
00:58:04,300 --> 00:58:06,500
that's how you finish the 
chapter by the way and you talk 

945
00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:09,500
about and the book you talk 
about your religion being 

946
00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:11,500
kindness, I want to finish with 
that. 

947
00:58:11,900 --> 00:58:15,300
Let it be the angel at the end 
of our episode about depression,

948
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:18,300
but there is one other part. 
I'm going to bring up and the 

949
00:58:18,300 --> 00:58:21,200
reason I'm going to bring it up 
is because you talked about it 

950
00:58:21,207 --> 00:58:24,500
with Patricia Arquette. 
And and I think that I can I 

951
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:29,800
That it can translate to folks 
because it's a beautiful analogy

952
00:58:29,800 --> 00:58:34,200
of not waking up. 
You woke up, it took years, you 

953
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:39,700
figured it out and you became 
aware and then vulnerable. 

954
00:58:39,900 --> 00:58:42,300
And now you're on the path to 
doing what you're supposed to be

955
00:58:42,300 --> 00:58:44,100
doing, which leads to 
fulfillment. 

956
00:58:44,100 --> 00:58:47,000
I think you've done. 
We've done a really good job of 

957
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:51,100
making that point. 
It's also possible to live in 

958
00:58:51,100 --> 00:58:53,900
blindness and and there's an 
example out of the book. 

959
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:56,500
I'm going to go back to with 
Patricia Arquette. 

960
00:58:56,500 --> 00:58:59,800
You wrote her a letter, have 
her, your books sent to her. 

961
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:06,400
It may not get to her and and it
might say it or people, right? 

962
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:09,800
Sir. 
Look, you talk about your 

963
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:16,000
encounter with Chris Isaak and 
and and oh my God, this part 

964
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:19,200
broke my heart. 
And maybe, I don't know if you 

965
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:21,600
want to, if you want to maybe 
just or if you know where I'm 

966
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:23,400
going with this, but I know 
exactly. 

967
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:26,500
And you know it. 
An interesting thing because I 

968
00:59:26,500 --> 00:59:29,400
could have gone a lot of ways 
with that part in the book. 

969
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:32,500
But I just thought, I'm going to
send a tell this as it happened.

970
00:59:32,500 --> 00:59:37,800
So if you are a Twin Peaks fan 
there really are two interviews 

971
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:41,000
that people are dying for and 
really, one is Chris Isaak, and 

972
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:44,800
one is Moira Kelly and neither 
of them are in the book. 

973
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:49,300
And but, you know, I think I got
to both of them but, but neither

974
00:59:49,300 --> 00:59:51,400
of them are in the book. 
I mean, hey, it happens. 

975
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:54,600
So, with Chris, I thought he was
this. 

976
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:58,700
When I was living in Ohio and he
was performing in Cleveland, so 

977
00:59:58,700 --> 01:00:02,800
we bought tickets and I even 
paid for the meet-and-greet 

978
01:00:02,900 --> 01:00:04,800
which was something like three 
hundred dollars. 

979
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:07,900
It was a lot, but I was like, 
whatever. 

980
01:00:07,900 --> 01:00:10,600
Me and my wife went, we paid for
the meet and greet. 

981
01:00:10,900 --> 01:00:13,500
It was actually pretty cool. 
He comes out and he sings two 

982
01:00:13,500 --> 01:00:16,700
songs on the acoustic guitar 
with just the meet and greet 

983
01:00:16,700 --> 01:00:19,200
people. 
And then you go up and you get a

984
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:20,800
picture and he'll sign 
something. 

985
01:00:21,300 --> 01:00:25,200
So, I brought up a blue rose 
magazine and I slid, It across 

986
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:28,500
there and he said, blue rose. 
That's my line in the fire. 

987
01:00:28,500 --> 01:00:33,000
Walk with me. 
And I said, I know, I know and 

988
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:37,700
he said you started a magazine 
from my line of a movie and I 

989
01:00:37,700 --> 01:00:43,600
said, yeah, I did and I said I'd
like to interview you and he was

990
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:45,900
like, I want to do. 
They interview with the guy who 

991
01:00:45,900 --> 01:00:48,900
started a magazine from 
something, my said knees like 

992
01:00:48,900 --> 01:00:51,800
causes guy open his. 
I get this guy's information. 

993
01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:56,800
I want to do this interview and 
Then we're going to take a 

994
01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:59,700
picture and it was a weird 
setup, because he signed here 

995
01:00:59,700 --> 01:01:01,900
and then he walked over there to
take the picture. 

996
01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:07,000
So, we take three steps together
and he puts his arm around me 

997
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:11,000
and he said, my people hide me 
from everything. 

998
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,900
And I really want to do this 
interview with you and then 

999
01:01:13,900 --> 01:01:18,900
stand back and snap a picture, 
and then I'm gone. 

1000
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:23,200
And I say in the book and I know
it's like, hyperbole. 

1001
01:01:23,700 --> 01:01:27,100
I think those were the Loneliest
three steps I've ever taken in 

1002
01:01:27,100 --> 01:01:30,800
my life because he really did 
put his arm around me and he 

1003
01:01:30,800 --> 01:01:34,400
wasn't talking to me. 
He wasn't telling me this. 

1004
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:38,200
It was like, he just said it out
loud that he said, his people 

1005
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:41,100
protect him for it. 
Everything and the funny thing 

1006
01:01:41,100 --> 01:01:44,900
is they didn't give me Chris 
Isaak, I emailed that he can. 

1007
01:01:46,000 --> 01:01:51,700
I mean if it probably 14 times 
yeah and the first time I think 

1008
01:01:51,700 --> 01:01:53,800
the pride in responding sin 
again and they said, oh, we're 

1009
01:01:53,800 --> 01:01:56,500
going to bounce this Upstairs 
and I'm like upstairs. 

1010
01:01:56,500 --> 01:02:00,200
Chris Isaac said he would do it.
We would we have upstairs to God

1011
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:03,200
here, who we going to be above 
Chris Isaak. 

1012
01:02:03,700 --> 01:02:06,100
And then they came back and said
know, we've talked to the powers

1013
01:02:06,100 --> 01:02:10,000
that be, we're not going to do 
this and so I actually then did 

1014
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:13,000
email them and said, look, I'm 
putting in the book. 

1015
01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:15,700
The Chris Isaac said, yes and 
you stopped it. 

1016
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:17,700
I just want you to know it's up 
to you. 

1017
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:21,200
I really don't care. 
I'm going to print the month and

1018
01:02:21,500 --> 01:02:23,200
they did respond. 
Then it said, oh, we'll see what

1019
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:25,300
we can do. 
But again, nothing Happened. 

1020
01:02:25,300 --> 01:02:27,600
Right? 
I don't believe the Chris Isaac 

1021
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:29,300
said no to me. 
I really don't. 

1022
01:02:29,300 --> 01:02:33,300
He wanted to do this. 
He was so touched by it but I 

1023
01:02:33,300 --> 01:02:36,700
didn't get them. 
You've done a beautiful job of 

1024
01:02:36,700 --> 01:02:40,900
retelling, the the anecdote, but
also tying it to what we've been

1025
01:02:40,900 --> 01:02:46,300
talking about because that's a 
choice in my opinion, that's a 

1026
01:02:46,308 --> 01:02:51,200
choice, you know, and I'm not 
trying to make commentary on 

1027
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:54,300
where Chris is at his, you know,
his life is designed the way it 

1028
01:02:54,300 --> 01:02:57,200
is. 
Could Chris make a choice to 

1029
01:02:57,200 --> 01:03:02,200
overpower his people and say? 
No, no this is this is or is he 

1030
01:03:02,300 --> 01:03:04,700
feeling defeated? 
Like you said, you don't know 

1031
01:03:04,700 --> 01:03:07,500
that he was talking to you when 
he said those words. 

1032
01:03:07,500 --> 01:03:09,900
He didn't fail to me. 
All I can say is what my 

1033
01:03:09,900 --> 01:03:13,600
feelings were. 
It didn't feel to me like he 

1034
01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:15,200
like we didn't bond or 
something. 

1035
01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:17,800
I mean, we had three seconds 
while he signed an album of 

1036
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:20,200
mine. 
He just said, like, oh my 

1037
01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:22,600
people, protect me from 
everything and I really want to 

1038
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:23,600
do this. 
Yeah. 

1039
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:25,600
But he's not saying that to To 
me, why what do you mean? 

1040
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:27,200
I want to do this. 
You want to do this? 

1041
01:03:27,300 --> 01:03:28,700
I have an idea. 
Let's do this. 

1042
01:03:29,100 --> 01:03:35,100
And you know, there's things 
that I regret because I wish I 

1043
01:03:35,100 --> 01:03:37,600
would have said well let's do it
right now but I thought he's 

1044
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:40,000
preparing for a show. 
I mean it was before the show 

1045
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:42,500
and I don't want to bother him 
and he said, yes, I mean, I'm 

1046
01:03:42,500 --> 01:03:45,800
feeling like I got my, Chris 
Isaak interview is worth 300 

1047
01:03:45,800 --> 01:03:46,800
bucks. 
Yep. 

1048
01:03:47,900 --> 01:03:53,200
We got this and I mean I got 
that guys and I did tell Chris 

1049
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:57,400
also well, my emails in that 
Magazine because I mean he could

1050
01:03:58,500 --> 01:04:02,100
add a and I gave him a copy to 
well, and there we go. 

1051
01:04:02,100 --> 01:04:04,900
Like right there. 
There's a lot of us men who are 

1052
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:10,100
knowing that we want to make a 
change, but we don't speak up 

1053
01:04:10,100 --> 01:04:12,200
enough to do it. 
We don't go and get the email 

1054
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:14,300
and be proactive and say, you 
know, you know what, I'm going 

1055
01:04:14,300 --> 01:04:17,700
to do this on my own, we don't 
necessarily do and that's a 

1056
01:04:17,707 --> 01:04:21,900
choice that many of us make to, 
I think, Scott and I would both 

1057
01:04:21,900 --> 01:04:25,800
submit. 
And I mean again, Sometimes 

1058
01:04:25,800 --> 01:04:28,300
depression and things like need 
need clinical help. 

1059
01:04:28,300 --> 01:04:31,500
And we're not saying that this 
is a clinical, but one of the 

1060
01:04:31,500 --> 01:04:37,500
ways, sometimes to the light is 
by not, not just admitting it, 

1061
01:04:37,500 --> 01:04:40,600
but actually taking a step or 
two towards it and making the 

1062
01:04:40,600 --> 01:04:42,400
choice to do that. 
Because there's a lot of guys 

1063
01:04:42,600 --> 01:04:47,600
who make the choice not to and 
they still sit in it and both 

1064
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:49,600
Scott and I are both saying, 
hey, do you know what, make the 

1065
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:52,200
choice? 
It's worth it, it's worth it to 

1066
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:55,100
move into that place of 
authenticity and I want to This 

1067
01:04:55,100 --> 01:04:58,000
is where I want to finish the 
interview talking about that. 

1068
01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:03,600
Because you finish this chapter 
talking about that how you can 

1069
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:08,700
break free, you can get out of 
the situation that you're in and

1070
01:05:08,700 --> 01:05:13,400
it's extremely empowering. 
The way that you finish this. 

1071
01:05:13,700 --> 01:05:16,400
It's beautiful. 
And and I was on a plane when I 

1072
01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:20,400
was reading it and I sent a 
bunch of text messages before 

1073
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:24,200
the we got back into cells, cell
Zone, and all that, because it 

1074
01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:26,400
was so, Important to me to say 
those words to you. 

1075
01:05:26,400 --> 01:05:31,500
After I finished reading that it
was beautiful and and there are 

1076
01:05:31,500 --> 01:05:34,700
so many guys that need to hear 
that empowerment and then you 

1077
01:05:34,700 --> 01:05:36,800
finish, you know, you have the 
interview with Sheryl Lee and 

1078
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:41,000
you button up the book so 
beautifully and then you go into

1079
01:05:41,100 --> 01:05:44,100
again. 
So it's a chapter later where 

1080
01:05:44,100 --> 01:05:48,400
you talk about this empowerment 
piece, break free and then you 

1081
01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:50,200
talk about the way that you 
finish. 

1082
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:53,800
Every book, you talk about how 
your religion is kindness and 

1083
01:05:54,700 --> 01:05:58,200
You're a guy who doesn't 
experience Joy the same way. 

1084
01:05:58,300 --> 01:06:00,400
Apparently that many other 
people do you have bouts of 

1085
01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:03,300
depression yet? 
Kindness is such a Tethered to 

1086
01:06:03,300 --> 01:06:05,000
you. 
And so that's where I wanted to 

1087
01:06:05,008 --> 01:06:06,900
finish the interview right here 
with that empowerment. 

1088
01:06:06,900 --> 01:06:08,700
Peace. 
And then the kindness peace and 

1089
01:06:08,700 --> 01:06:10,800
then we can ride off into the 
sunset and do our thing. 

1090
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:15,200
So, I think it's important that 
you're a guy that deals with 

1091
01:06:15,207 --> 01:06:17,600
depression, but kindness is a 
tether for you. 

1092
01:06:18,700 --> 01:06:21,100
How do those two things 
reconcile to each other? 

1093
01:06:22,300 --> 01:06:28,300
A lot of it is manifesting how I
wish people were. 

1094
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:36,300
I mean, I am kind to the 
detriment of myself and and it 

1095
01:06:36,300 --> 01:06:40,000
isn't, you know, I'm probably 
too kind. 

1096
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:43,800
And again like that's a hard 
thing as a Gen X or to say 

1097
01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:47,300
because I immediately want to 
mock me and have someone like I 

1098
01:06:47,308 --> 01:06:49,400
wish we were in a college. 
Shou Bou preventative. 

1099
01:06:49,900 --> 01:06:52,700
Oh yeah. 
Well, I was driving down I-17 

1100
01:06:52,700 --> 01:06:55,000
and you run me off the road. 
Why was that kind? 

1101
01:06:55,600 --> 01:06:58,900
I'm just like putting me up for 
everyone to say times that I 

1102
01:06:58,908 --> 01:07:07,000
haven't been kind but but the 
idea is, I feel like whatever 

1103
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:11,000
happens to me, I'm gonna process
it through my junk processor, 

1104
01:07:11,100 --> 01:07:15,700
and I'm going to beat myself up 
and not take the rewards. 

1105
01:07:16,100 --> 01:07:19,400
So the best thing I can do is 
never Furby that person for 

1106
01:07:19,400 --> 01:07:22,900
someone else. 
And it. 

1107
01:07:22,900 --> 01:07:25,100
Do I have time to tell a little 
poster? 

1108
01:07:25,100 --> 01:07:26,400
Oh no. 
You got it all the time that you

1109
01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:27,400
need. 
Absolutely. 

1110
01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:32,900
Okay, so this is my example of 
how I am kind my fire. 

1111
01:07:32,900 --> 01:07:36,500
Walk With Me book, I was very 
lucky to sell a lot of copies 

1112
01:07:36,500 --> 01:07:41,700
myself to Twin Peaks fans, so I 
had to ship out 500 bucks, which

1113
01:07:41,700 --> 01:07:45,700
is amazing amount for one human 
being. 

1114
01:07:45,900 --> 01:07:48,600
And the problem with that is the
post office does not want to 

1115
01:07:48,600 --> 01:07:52,200
take those 500 bucks to pull. 
Office workers, don't want to. 

1116
01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:56,900
They're very angry with me. 
So they really only wanted to 

1117
01:07:56,900 --> 01:08:02,000
let me ship 10 a day but I got 
them to say that I could do 30 

1118
01:08:02,100 --> 01:08:05,700
at a time. 
So now you're starting to see 

1119
01:08:05,700 --> 01:08:07,900
how many times. 
I gotta go to the post office to

1120
01:08:07,900 --> 01:08:11,600
get these books out. 
So I'm taking a basic math, you 

1121
01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:14,200
didn't because you didn't give 
me the number. 

1122
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:16,800
So don't don't try to pull one 
over on us. 

1123
01:08:17,300 --> 01:08:22,100
So I'm giving the 30 and While 
I'm there. 

1124
01:08:22,200 --> 01:08:26,500
I'm, of course, going to 
entertain this worker because 

1125
01:08:26,500 --> 01:08:29,700
they're doing me a favor and and
we're going to sit here it takes

1126
01:08:29,700 --> 01:08:32,000
a while because they have to 
type in the zip code for each 

1127
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:37,600
one. 
Yep so I got B planned whatever.

1128
01:08:37,600 --> 01:08:42,399
I got going that day, you know 
whatever bit of Comedy I'm I'm 

1129
01:08:42,399 --> 01:08:46,500
working them right. 
Well while I'm working on making

1130
01:08:46,500 --> 01:08:50,200
this girl laughs this old guy is
up front, it's Florida. 

1131
01:08:50,200 --> 01:08:53,899
So I mean, of course, it's an 
old guy and he says, shut up, 

1132
01:08:55,800 --> 01:09:00,200
just shut up. 
Let her do her job. 

1133
01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:03,500
We're all having to wait while 
you're up there talking. 

1134
01:09:04,399 --> 01:09:07,000
And so I turned around and I 
said actually she's quite 

1135
01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:09,700
competent. 
Sir, she can listen to me and 

1136
01:09:09,700 --> 01:09:11,899
type in numbers at the same 
time. 

1137
01:09:12,100 --> 01:09:17,000
But I said, Sarah, stop my order
but me and stasis, I go to the 

1138
01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:20,000
post office so much that I know 
everything they can do and I 

1139
01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:21,100
said, come on up. 
Sir. 

1140
01:09:21,800 --> 01:09:24,600
And I stepped to the side, I 
said, do what you got to do? 

1141
01:09:25,300 --> 01:09:27,300
And the post office lady was 
like, No. 

1142
01:09:27,300 --> 01:09:29,200
And I'm like, yeah, take it. 
And he said, well, I want to 

1143
01:09:29,207 --> 01:09:33,399
book a stamps and I said a book 
of stamps, I got it, put it on 

1144
01:09:33,399 --> 01:09:37,000
my bill like we this is no big 
deal. 

1145
01:09:37,100 --> 01:09:40,600
I got this and the guy pulled 
out his credit card and he paid 

1146
01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:44,100
real quick and then he went on 
his way and I went back up and I

1147
01:09:44,100 --> 01:09:49,899
said, you know, go ahead. 
Oh yeah and she said, why did 

1148
01:09:49,899 --> 01:09:52,300
you do that? 
He was a dick. 

1149
01:09:52,399 --> 01:09:55,300
Yeah. 
And I said because your kind 

1150
01:09:55,300 --> 01:09:59,300
always not kind when it's 
beneficial to you and not kind. 

1151
01:09:59,300 --> 01:10:01,800
When you can get something, I 
said I'm not going to make that 

1152
01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:06,300
guy change me. 
Who I am. 

1153
01:10:07,400 --> 01:10:10,300
He can't control me, you know, 
who can bring me down. 

1154
01:10:10,300 --> 01:10:13,100
Only me and I do on a daily 
basis. 

1155
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:15,200
I've beat the hell out of 
myself. 

1156
01:10:15,200 --> 01:10:19,400
That guy isn't going to and I 
mean, it kills me to make all 

1157
01:10:19,400 --> 01:10:20,900
those people. 
Wait, I hate that. 

1158
01:10:20,900 --> 01:10:23,000
I have to go work and I do I got
to get these books up. 

1159
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:25,600
Yeah, I don't have it. 
I'm not Amazon, I can't get a 

1160
01:10:25,608 --> 01:10:28,200
special deal where I can ship 
them out. 

1161
01:10:28,200 --> 01:10:33,200
I have to do it all myself. 
That is an example of how I'm 

1162
01:10:33,200 --> 01:10:35,700
kind. 
Always, I would not yell at that

1163
01:10:35,700 --> 01:10:37,000
guy. 
And that is once. 

1164
01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:40,200
Ori of five that happened to me 
in shipping the firewall, I got 

1165
01:10:40,200 --> 01:10:45,200
yelled at five times from 
different people in this but 

1166
01:10:45,200 --> 01:10:49,000
like I never yelled back. 
I just take that in and I just 

1167
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:52,100
shoot back kindness and I think 
they kind of hate me for it. 

1168
01:10:52,100 --> 01:10:56,200
But what am I going to do? 
You're not going to derail me. 

1169
01:10:56,300 --> 01:10:58,900
I spent so many years of my 
life. 

1170
01:10:59,900 --> 01:11:03,800
Put away like I'm not going to 
sit and not tell my jokes. 

1171
01:11:04,100 --> 01:11:07,700
Yeah and you're also defusing 
the situation for yourself. 

1172
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:12,900
The baggage of imagine if you if
you would have just ignored him 

1173
01:11:13,300 --> 01:11:15,800
you and the girl continued on 
your Merry way and you had to 

1174
01:11:15,800 --> 01:11:19,200
continually listen to that and 
it stayed unresolved for you for

1175
01:11:19,200 --> 01:11:20,700
you. 
This is resolved and it's like, 

1176
01:11:20,700 --> 01:11:23,900
no, I did everything I could. 
Here you go. 

1177
01:11:24,100 --> 01:11:28,100
No baggage for you as well. 
Yeah. 

1178
01:11:28,100 --> 01:11:29,600
And I got a good story out of 
it. 

1179
01:11:29,600 --> 01:11:31,600
Absolutely. 
You do and we have a good story 

1180
01:11:31,600 --> 01:11:35,000
out of it. 
I, you know we don't need to go 

1181
01:11:35,000 --> 01:11:38,800
into the that you're living your
a living example of it. 

1182
01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:42,000
You're a living example of so 
many things that I adore. 

1183
01:11:43,100 --> 01:11:44,600
I just appreciate your story so 
much. 

1184
01:11:44,600 --> 01:11:47,000
I wouldn't be where I am Scott 
if it wasn't for you. 

1185
01:11:47,300 --> 01:11:50,300
And and I'm not saying that I am
as any place that's high and 

1186
01:11:50,300 --> 01:11:52,700
mighty where I am, is in a place
of authenticity. 

1187
01:11:53,500 --> 01:11:57,800
I host, I host, you know, the 
pod This podcast to help my wife

1188
01:11:57,800 --> 01:12:01,500
with with her and her team. 
This is the way that I am able 

1189
01:12:01,500 --> 01:12:05,400
to contribute to her, he changed
it team while I'm, you know, 

1190
01:12:06,100 --> 01:12:09,300
doing running my financial 
business to keep the lights on 

1191
01:12:09,300 --> 01:12:12,800
and all that kind of stuff. 
It would be a bleak existence, 

1192
01:12:12,800 --> 01:12:16,700
if that's all I did. 
But I host this podcast, the 

1193
01:12:16,700 --> 01:12:22,600
reason I host his podcast is 
because you wrote, This book and

1194
01:12:22,600 --> 01:12:26,600
I connected with you, after 
being so touched by that book, 

1195
01:12:27,000 --> 01:12:29,900
by the way I'll show it last 
season Letterman I was a little 

1196
01:12:29,900 --> 01:12:32,700
too fast there. 
I showed it really to quickly 

1197
01:12:32,700 --> 01:12:38,400
far too quickly understandable. 
So you know I read the book was 

1198
01:12:38,400 --> 01:12:43,400
moved by it because you had that
DNA in that book to hey don't 

1199
01:12:43,400 --> 01:12:46,400
think you can't do something 
just because you haven't done it

1200
01:12:46,500 --> 01:12:48,800
and you've seen other people do 
it. 

1201
01:12:48,900 --> 01:12:52,000
Don't think you can't do it. 
I Go out to you. 

1202
01:12:52,100 --> 01:12:55,500
This is years ago and it's 
evolved into this place where I 

1203
01:12:55,508 --> 01:12:58,800
thought maybe I could learn how 
to do a podcast, just for shits 

1204
01:12:58,800 --> 01:13:03,500
and giggles, I interviewed you, 
holy cow, I actually do have a 

1205
01:13:03,500 --> 01:13:08,300
little bit of stuff here you 
encouraged me and I've got now, 

1206
01:13:08,300 --> 01:13:12,100
this crazy Letterman podcast on 
the side of this thing, that 

1207
01:13:12,400 --> 01:13:15,200
fills my cup, scratches the 
itch, whatever analogy you want 

1208
01:13:15,200 --> 01:13:19,900
to use in a way that I cannot 
believe is happening for me. 

1209
01:13:19,900 --> 01:13:21,700
That's just me. 
That's Again, not high and 

1210
01:13:21,700 --> 01:13:23,400
mighty. 
That's just Mike Being Mike. 

1211
01:13:23,700 --> 01:13:28,700
And it's because you went and 
did that just like kindness that

1212
01:13:28,700 --> 01:13:32,600
kind of shit is contagious. 
And so I just want to encourage 

1213
01:13:32,600 --> 01:13:34,700
anybody out there who's 
listening to this conversation 

1214
01:13:34,700 --> 01:13:38,200
between two friends that are 
finding their way in the 

1215
01:13:38,200 --> 01:13:43,600
universe. 
That it's not just us, anybody 

1216
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:46,300
read. 
This can also move out of where 

1217
01:13:46,300 --> 01:13:50,400
they are right now. 
And I'd, and if you are well, I 

1218
01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:55,600
appreciate That and I'm not I'm 
not trying to brush off, I want 

1219
01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:59,100
to build off on what you're 
saying and say like if anyone is

1220
01:13:59,500 --> 01:14:02,400
depressed and I would think if 
you're listening to this 

1221
01:14:02,400 --> 01:14:04,300
podcast, you got to be pretty 
too long. 

1222
01:14:05,000 --> 01:14:08,000
You know, you're like fast to be
really down. 

1223
01:14:08,400 --> 01:14:13,000
If this is where you've ended 
up, but the thing is, that's why

1224
01:14:13,000 --> 01:14:17,100
be kind because take what you 
have and roll it to someone 

1225
01:14:17,100 --> 01:14:18,900
else. 
You're not experiencing it, I 

1226
01:14:18,900 --> 01:14:21,300
don't have it. 
I'm gonna give it a And I've 

1227
01:14:21,300 --> 01:14:25,900
been giving that kindness out 
for, I don't know how many years

1228
01:14:25,900 --> 01:14:30,700
in a row, let's say 12 or 13 
where I sort of just decided to 

1229
01:14:31,100 --> 01:14:34,600
to Pivot and now it's just 
second nature to me. 

1230
01:14:34,800 --> 01:14:38,800
I'm not even thinking about it 
and it will become that. 

1231
01:14:38,800 --> 01:14:41,200
And why not do it? 
What's good is laying in your 

1232
01:14:41,200 --> 01:14:48,100
bed or hiding in your basement 
or why hide for what for who So 

1233
01:14:48,100 --> 01:14:50,500
that's how I would build off 
that and thank you for your kind

1234
01:14:50,500 --> 01:14:54,900
words, as always it's the truth.
You know, the regard I have for 

1235
01:14:54,900 --> 01:14:59,200
you and this can ship that we 
have and I just love when our 

1236
01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:02,900
lives intersect and I look 
forward to all of the new ways 

1237
01:15:03,100 --> 01:15:07,300
that that's going to happen down
the line as we finish off here. 

1238
01:15:07,300 --> 01:15:11,000
Let's if you want to follow 
Scott, if you want to support 

1239
01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:13,700
him, Scott, what are the best 
ways to do that on social media?

1240
01:15:13,700 --> 01:15:16,700
Because you're very accessible, 
people can reach out to you and 

1241
01:15:16,700 --> 01:15:21,700
and You will reach out back. 
You know, what are the best ways

1242
01:15:21,700 --> 01:15:26,800
to contact you? 
And and to it works, Scott luck 

1243
01:15:26,800 --> 01:15:29,700
story is my Twitter at Scott 
luck story. 

1244
01:15:30,500 --> 01:15:33,500
My website is Scott. 
Ryan productions.com my 

1245
01:15:33,500 --> 01:15:37,400
Publishing Company Fayetteville 
Mafia press.com. 

1246
01:15:39,300 --> 01:15:43,000
I'm Instagram as the blue rose 
magazine. 

1247
01:15:43,000 --> 01:15:47,000
I mean I hate social media with 
a fiery passion but I do do it 

1248
01:15:47,000 --> 01:15:49,700
all the time. 
I'm in I'm out there like you 

1249
01:15:49,700 --> 01:15:52,600
know I'm I don't say anything 
mean. 

1250
01:15:52,900 --> 01:15:56,800
I don't understand mean this on 
the internet I say. 

1251
01:15:56,800 --> 01:15:59,000
What if we just all said nice 
things to each other on the 

1252
01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:02,500
internet when it be crazy. 
If every comment was nice, I 

1253
01:16:02,500 --> 01:16:04,600
like the think about it but it 
doesn't happen. 

1254
01:16:04,900 --> 01:16:08,000
So yes. 
And if you I think even if 

1255
01:16:08,000 --> 01:16:11,900
you're not that much of a Twin 
Peaks fan, I my suggestion is if

1256
01:16:11,900 --> 01:16:15,200
you are struggling with 
depression man, check out fire. 

1257
01:16:15,200 --> 01:16:17,300
Walk with me and really see what
Cheryl leech. 

1258
01:16:17,500 --> 01:16:19,600
We did, I think she will be 
inspiring to you. 

1259
01:16:19,900 --> 01:16:23,500
Yeah, without a doubt. 
You've certainly given me. 

1260
01:16:23,800 --> 01:16:25,600
I can't wait to watch the movie 
again. 

1261
01:16:25,600 --> 01:16:27,600
I just, I just finished the 
book, this is hot off the press,

1262
01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:31,100
this book here, your Laura 
disappeared or fire walk with 

1263
01:16:31,100 --> 01:16:36,100
me, your Laura disappeared by 
Scott, Ryan, Scott once again. 

1264
01:16:36,500 --> 01:16:39,000
Thank you very much for allowing
me to leverage our friendship 

1265
01:16:39,000 --> 01:16:41,300
for you to do this. 
And thank you, by the way. 

1266
01:16:41,400 --> 01:16:45,500
Scott also threw it out there to
do this. 

1267
01:16:45,600 --> 01:16:47,300
He eaten. 
I say, thanks for calling us. 

1268
01:16:47,500 --> 01:16:50,400
Our friendship, are you actually
that's a lie? 

1269
01:16:50,700 --> 01:16:54,000
That's that's a complete lie, I 
would never. 

1270
01:16:55,600 --> 01:16:59,700
Um, I'm very grateful for you, 
and thank you for your time here

1271
01:16:59,700 --> 01:17:03,700
today. 
That is a another episode of he 

1272
01:17:03,700 --> 01:17:05,200
cast. 
This one's really close to the 

1273
01:17:05,200 --> 01:17:07,400
heart. 
I love you brother, and I just 

1274
01:17:07,400 --> 01:17:10,800
appreciate that so much Mom, you
know, again, if you haven't 

1275
01:17:10,800 --> 01:17:12,500
downloaded the, he changed it 
up. 

1276
01:17:12,500 --> 01:17:13,500
What are you waiting for? 
Go to? 

1277
01:17:13,500 --> 01:17:15,700
He change.com. 
All the info was there. 

1278
01:17:15,900 --> 01:17:18,500
If you like this podcast, please
share, It was somebody that you 

1279
01:17:18,500 --> 01:17:24,000
know, that is another episode of
he cast the official podcast of 

1280
01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:27,600
he changed it. 
My name is Mike Chisholm go 

1281
01:17:27,600 --> 01:17:28,400
change. 
Something