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Welcome to hecast, the official 
podcast of he changed it. 

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As always, I am Mike Chisholm. 
As always, I'm excited to have 

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conversations around the world 
of men's mental Wellness and 

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talk to people who who are in 
the trenches helping other 

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people, helping men 
specifically, you know, navigate

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this ever changing, more complex
world, you know, and today's 

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today's guest is is certainly 
certainly in that category. 

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His name is Bill Ritchie. 
Coach Bill is coach Bill for 

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you. 
So the number four and the 

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letter u.com coach 
billforyou.com is his e-mail or 

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his website, I should say. 
And Bill's Bill's a cool guy, 

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fellow Canadian, helping people 
with the stuff that life throws 

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at us. 
And, you know, he, he, he's a, a

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guy who became a, a, a personal 
development coach for people out

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of his own journey. 
And we go into that in the 

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conversation here today. 
It's a, it's a really nice 

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conversation where we just 
talked about where he has come 

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from. 
But more specifically, we talked

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about people who are people 
pleasers and, and, and how to 

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break that cycle and, and how 
dangerous it can actually be. 

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You know, for those people, if 
we talked about all sorts of all

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sorts of things, why men 
struggle to reach out, we 

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certainly talk about that. 
But for anybody who's listening 

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to this, and you might be going 
through something or maybe you 

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don't even realize you're going 
through something. 

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We talked about boundaries. 
We talked about all sorts of fun

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stuff that that that when I say 
fun towards making your life 

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better. 
Very grateful for Bill and what 

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he does in this world. 
And I hope you enjoy my 

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conversation with Coach Bill 
Ritchie. 

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OK, Bill, I, I'm excited to have
you on here for a variety of 

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reasons, you know, but before we
get to what it is that you do 

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and how you are helping to make 
the world a better place by 

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helping people improve their 
lives. 

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Because really the, the, the 
ripple effect of people who help

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people improve their lives means
it improves things that are 

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around them. 
And, and, and you know, coaches 

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like yourself, I would never 
want to minimize that, but we're

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both broadcasting from Canada 
today. 

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I love having other Canadians on
here, but it's, you're 

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broadcasting a place called 
Cambridge ON. 

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Now, I'll tell you this, I live 
in Kelowna, BC. 

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I was born and raised here, born
of parents who are from 

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Cambridge. 
My mom, 1 of 12, and almost the 

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entire family stayed there. 
My dad, one of six, and almost 

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the entire family stayed there. 
I literally have hundreds of 

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relatives, hundreds of relatives
in the Kitchener, Cambridge, 

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Waterloo area. 
When you told me you're from 

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Cambridge, that just shot an 
arrow right into my heart. 

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How long have you lived in that 
area? 

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I've been in Cambridge for about
24 years now, originally from 

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born and bred in Mississauga, 
ON, so not not far as you know 

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from from Cambridge, so. 
Went into the suburbs a little 

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bit though because Mississauga 
is basically Toronto now. 

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Right. 
Yeah, yeah, that's, that's not 

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the time. 
That's what we're trying to get 

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out of, right? 
A little more, a little more of 

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a country feel, Although 
Cambridge has turned a little 

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bit more city now too. 
So it's just like everywhere, 

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right? 
Yeah, it's crazy beautiful place

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of the the world to be from. 
I'm grateful to be a Canadian 

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Welcome to he cast today Bill. 
I want to there's all sorts of 

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every time I have a coach on 
here you know who specifically 

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resonates with the message that 
he changed his putting out 

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there. 
I I love talking to coaches and 

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getting their perspective. 
But before we kind of get into 

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that, most coaches, in my 
experience, become coaches in 

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whatever modality it is. 
If it's a business coach or, or,

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or, or, you know, athletic coach
or, or, you know, a life coach 

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or specifically parts of life, 
you know, personal development 

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coach. 
Most of the time it's as a 

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result of their story. 
And sometimes the story leaves 

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clues. 
I'm super curious, how long have

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you been doing this and what was
it that led you to becoming a 

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coach? 
Well, essentially, I feel like 

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I've been a coach most of my 
life because even as a young 

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person, my friends would come to
me, to I was, you know, be told 

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I was a good listener and maybe 
give a little bit of advice here

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and there. 
So it's always come kind of 

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natural to me. 
But going through a lot of jobs 

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that I didn't like, warehouse 
jobs in the last 10 years prior 

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to doing this, doing sales jobs,
it just never felt like me, 

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always felt like there was 
something else out there for me 

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like to be helping others. 
And then a light bulb went off a

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few years ago when I got laid 
off from a job I didn't like 

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anymore. 
Anyway, sales, I said, you know 

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what, I'm going to make a change
now. 

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I'm going to go try to get into 
coaching. 

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Life coaching is a little new to
me, but I sense it wasn't. 

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So I went and got certification 
a few years ago out of Rhodes 

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College there in in Vancouver 
and just went, went from there. 

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So we can I can dive a little 
bit deeper into my story if you 

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want in a few minutes, but 
that's kind of how I came to to 

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coaching. 
OK, so, so the idea of changing 

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careers midstream, you know, us 
of a certain age. 

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I'm a Gen. 
Xer and and and I remember in 

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high school being told that my 
Yeah, I figured. 

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So I figured, you know, being 
told, I don't know if you were 

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told this where you grew up, 
but, but, but in my high school,

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they said, hey, look, the baby 
boomer generation, they had one,

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maybe 2 jobs. 
Your generation is going to have

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5-6 careers. 
And, and, and, and, and, you 

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know, certainly the idea of that
at the time was kind of 

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daunting. 
You've experienced it, you've 

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gone through some of these 
different things, these 

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different positions and whatnot.
I'm curious when you decided to 

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take the plunge and move into 
something that felt more, that 

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resonated with who you are as a 
character and, and, and how 

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you're built the before and 
after. 

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You know, I, I, I'm curious as 
to what has surprised you the 

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most is, is how much of it, how 
much of it was exactly what you 

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thought it was going to be and 
how much of it was something 

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completely different? 
Yeah. 

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Well, so part of what I do is 
becoming an entrepreneur after 

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always relying on just going to 
work every day, getting that 

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paycheck, right. 
So that was pretty daunting, 

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daunting for myself, for my 
wife. 

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So it was just in going through 
all the coaching and learning 

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how to do that and just how that
comes naturally. 

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What the heck do I know about 
running a business, right? 

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So that's been, I guess the 
biggest challenge with things 

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and then staying committed and 
doing all the behind the scenes 

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work I got to do, whether that's
working on the technical stuff, 

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which I wasn't always great at, 
you know, your website, your 

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course that I created, all that 
stuff. 

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So the biggest challenge is just
all that extra work that comes 

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along with running your own 
business basically, right? 

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The coaching stuff I'm I'm good 
with, but the other stuff I've 

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really, really had to to work 
on. 

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So that's been the the biggest 
challenge, I guess. 

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Yeah, you got to wear a lot of 
hats when you do that. 

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I, I, I similar something 
similar. 

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I used to work for Costco and 
then, and then I, I have AI 

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built a financial career on the 
side and, and, and building the 

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financial career on the side. 
I mean, you know, the licensing 

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and the, and the, and the 
learning about the different 

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financial products and 
strategies and all that stuff. 

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That's one thing. 
But but learning how to actually

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build your clientele and build 
your business. 

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I mean, it's a, it's people you 
know, could make and have made 

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courses on just to do how to do 
that, how to network yourself, 

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how to get yourself out there, 
how to, how to make these things

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happen. 
And you're doing all these 

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things at the same time. 
And it's in a place where it's 

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an extremely vulnerable space. 
Did it take you a while to get 

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going? 
And did you do it on the side or

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did you literally quit cold 
Turkey and dive in with both 

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feet once you got certified? 
In hindsight, I should have done

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it on the side because it was a 
bit of a struggle in the 

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beginning financially, but I 
just, I just felt like I got to 

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dive. 
I got to go all of it because I 

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thought about doing this prior, 
you know, for a good couple of 

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years prior to doing it. 
And so like I said, if you can't

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go back in life, right, maybe I 
could have tried a little bit. 

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I just all in or nothing for me 
because it's just like this at a

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stage of my life now where it's 
just like I got to do this 

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right. 
There's always self doubt. 

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There's always going to be self 
doubt in anything that we do. 

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So it's just getting over that 
and just like no, I'm going to 

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start and did I have 100 clients
a month right away? 

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No. 
Do I still no, but it's just 

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getting those first couple and 
then get gaining that trust and 

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then just building it from 
there. 

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So. 
Well, and I mean, you talk about

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your story. 
I mean, this is a part of your 

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story. 
I mean, the fact that you're 

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able to relate to people, I'm 
certain that, that, that, that 

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money and business and all that 
like, like, it's funny. 

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I'm, I'm, you know, in the 
financial planning side of, of, 

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of financial services. 
And sometimes I feel like, I 

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mean, I, I replaced the Kleenex 
box on my desk 3-4 times a 

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quarter sometimes because you 
feel like you're an armchair 

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coach or an armchair counselor, 
whatever you want to call it, 

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bartenders, hair stylists, you 
know, you, you, you dove into 

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that. 
So I'm certain that you can 

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probably take a lot of these 
experiences and use them towards

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helping other people figure out 
a perspective of where they're 

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at and where they want to go. 
Absolutely. 

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And that's what a lot of my 
that's a lot of what I do comes 

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from my own experience. 
And if you like right now, I can

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dive into my story a bit and 
it's. 

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Well, I'd, yeah, I'd love to 
hear how you, how you, I'd love 

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to hear what brought you to 
where you're at right now, for 

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sure. 
Yeah, OK, so we'll go all the 

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way back to when I was 2 years 
old. 

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That's when my parents got 
divorced, my mother and my 

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father. 
So I never remember my parents 

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together, you know, ended up 
being the age of 2. 

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And then I was about 6 years 
old, yeah, going into grade 1-6 

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years old. 
And my dad met another woman, 

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ended up getting married. 
And it was shortly after that 

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that the physical and emotional 
abuse started from my 

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stepmother. 
So, man, yeah. 

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So that was wonderful. 
So just dealing with all that as

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a child and then, you know, when
somebody's abusing you in 

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whatever form that is, they have
a hold over you. 

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So I didn't even feel like I 
could go tell my father. 

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And quite honestly, he never 
really heard me anyway. 

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To this day, he still doesn't 
hear me right. 

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So when I got into Fast forward 
a little bit or a lot, when I 

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got into coaching, I first 
thought, Oh yeah, I can, I can 

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help people who are stuck, who 
are needing some motivation, who

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need to to be heard all that. 
And I tried that for the first 

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six months or so, didn't really 
get a lot of, you know, clients 

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or even discovery calls from 
that. 

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So it's just like, like, is this
working? 

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Why isn't this working? 
I'm like, I don't think I'm 

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being true to who I can actually
help, right? 

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So I went back, I did some soul 
searching and I'm like, I want 

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to be able to help people who've
had similar experiences to me 

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from maybe their childhood 
trauma and or that leads to 

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dealing with difficult or toxic 
parents, right? 

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So I just feel a little bit more
aligned with that now. 

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The challenge with that people 
from my generation and 

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specifically men, I'm so happy 
to be on this show today because

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I, I've really been gravitating 
to wanting to help men more. 

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Not that I don't want to help 
women, but I just think 

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traditionally women are a little
bit more open to, to helping 

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themselves. 
Maybe maybe discovering some of 

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their trauma, past traumas or 
whatever, or just just in 

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general, right where where guys 
and if I'm jumping in too 

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quickly on this, stop me. 
But we're no, not at all us, 

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00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,520
says guys. 
Especially being a fellow Gen. 

224
00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:05,800
Xer, it's like, you know, inside
you're just, this shit just eats

225
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:10,040
up inside of you. 
But like I'm now I'm weak if I 

226
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:13,920
go go get help, you know? 
So, well, the stigma, and I 

227
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,440
mean, we talk about the stigma 
all the time. 

228
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,520
One of the things again, you 
know, we've been from the very 

229
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:22,600
start, unabashedly talking about
how we want to help change the 

230
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,400
world and, and, and we can't do 
that alone. 

231
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,400
One of the things that we want 
to do is we want to take back 

232
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,440
the phrase man up. 
And, and, and I think a lot of 

233
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:32,600
the, the, the, the millennials 
and the, the Gen. 

234
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:37,280
Z's and the Gen. 
Alpha, the people under us don't

235
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:41,920
necessarily understand what the 
phrase man up was when we were 

236
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,560
growing up. 
And we were told that by many of

237
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:49,600
our baby boomer predecessors 
that that that whenever we felt 

238
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:54,120
anything that they would view as
weak, we would just be told to 

239
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,680
suck it up, to man up. 
And, and, and what that meant 

240
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,760
was bury it, essentially bury 
it, don't worry about it. 

241
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,760
Move on forward. 
Yeah. 

242
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,640
So I got up, but I got. 
Yeah, that's exactly it. 

243
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,120
And we want to take man up back.
And then the idea of manning up 

244
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,480
is to go, whoa, whoa, hold on. 
Let's take some stock as to 

245
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,120
where we're at right now and 
totally evaluate where we're at 

246
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:16,000
right now. 
And then springboard that into 

247
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,080
exploring why we are where we 
are right now and taking 

248
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,760
responsibility, even if it 
wasn't our fault. 

249
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:25,400
Like, again, you know, you know,
in many, many, many different 

250
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,960
modalities, they talk about the 
idea of is not everything is our

251
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,000
fault, but everything is our 
responsibility. 

252
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,680
So taking responsibility, that's
what manning up really is, is 

253
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:36,520
actually looking at things the 
way they are and taking 

254
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,000
responsibility for it and 
cleaning it up. 

255
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:42,760
And, and, and if we, if, if we 
did that, that would be a huge 

256
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,480
thing. 
And it's interesting to me that,

257
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:50,320
you know, in your first 
experiencing coaching or the 

258
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,840
first amount of time that you 
were experiencing in coaching, 

259
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:57,200
that that right there became 
sort of a focal point. 

260
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,640
Did you when you it comes to 
your trauma and trauma is a, you

261
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,000
know, this is the big T trauma, 
the small T trauma, all of that 

262
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,120
stuff. 
But trauma is trauma and 

263
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,360
whatever it is that that, that, 
that that stops us. 

264
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:11,520
Had you dealt with that 
personally before you came 

265
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:15,160
became a coach? 
Or since becoming a coach, were 

266
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:19,440
new insights introduced to you 
about what it was that you went 

267
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,040
through and how it's affected 
you all these years later? 

268
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,560
That is fantastic question. 
Thank you. 

269
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,640
That's one of the best questions
I've had from a podcaster and a 

270
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,560
few that I've been on. 
I really appreciate that. 

271
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,320
Right on I so I fall into them 
sometimes. 

272
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:37,400
Yeah, so getting into my, if we 
can go back again, getting into 

273
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:41,200
my late teens, well mid teens, I
started to rebel all that stuff.

274
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,760
And then getting into my late 
teens and my goal was just to, 

275
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:49,240
you know, when I got older, my 
stepmother couldn't physically 

276
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,640
abuse me anymore, right? 
So it's bigger and everything, 

277
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,240
but she could still 
psychologically screw with my 

278
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:57,240
head. 
So my main focus was to get out 

279
00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,120
and get my own place. 
So I got a warehouse job, paid 

280
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:01,440
pretty good money, got out, 
right. 

281
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,440
So then get into, but then I got
into drinking a little bit. 

282
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,760
Now, some may say that's normal 
in your late teens, early 20s, 

283
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,880
and it is. 
But I think I was drinking and 

284
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:17,320
partying and working and just to
mask my issues from from my 

285
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,920
childhood, right? 
So I never really dealt with it.

286
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:25,720
And then I got into my 30s, got 
married and then had a couple of

287
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:29,960
kids and then still kept 
bringing the kids around their 

288
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,720
grandparents, you know, my dad, 
my stepmother, right? 

289
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,960
Still not dealing with it. 
Maybe having a few stiff drinks 

290
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,720
while I'm not my dad's, just to 
deal with the hour or two that 

291
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:42,320
we were there, you know. 
So did I deal with it? 

292
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:46,160
No, not right away. 
It wasn't until I got into my 

293
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:51,080
late 30s, early 40s that I 
started to get some flashbacks. 

294
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,600
I started to have whether that 
was through dreams, whether that

295
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,920
was through just a flashback as 
you're driving down the four O 1

296
00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,280
here in in Ontario. 
Yeah, not good. 

297
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:05,680
So then I finally getting into 
my mid 40s ish. 

298
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,040
So I'm Full disclosure, I'm 54 
now. 

299
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,320
Yeah. 
That's what that's when I said, 

300
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:12,640
you know what I got to deal with
this. 

301
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:16,440
At the time, I was in a new 
relationship and cuz, cuz all 

302
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,880
that stuff, all that trauma that
totally affects your 

303
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,280
relationships, your work 
relationships, everything, 

304
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:26,400
right? 
So I started to, to, I got some 

305
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,200
help. 
I went to some counseling, 

306
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:32,040
started it, but even then it 
didn't fully feel like, Hey, I'm

307
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,160
fixed now, right? 
I don't think you're ever fixed,

308
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,040
but I didn't feel like I was 
totally good. 

309
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,920
And then it's so get back to 
your great question. 

310
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:44,160
When I went through my 
certification, I went back to 

311
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:46,440
school. 
Here I am going back to school 

312
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:51,840
in my late early 50s and we had 
to do some of that self 

313
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,240
discovery. 
It wasn't sitting in class all 

314
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,760
day. 
Here's your here's your lesson. 

315
00:16:55,760 --> 00:17:00,040
There was a lot of interaction, 
a lot of work on, on, on 

316
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,600
yourself, self help, self help, 
self help. 

317
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:06,000
Excuse me? 
So that was like, that was 

318
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:10,680
really healing for me. 
And it really made me realize 

319
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:14,599
that, yeah, I can do this. 
I can turn this around and I can

320
00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:18,480
help others who are struggling 
with the same kind of things. 

321
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,440
Yeah, yeah, I, I, I, I'm curious
about that. 

322
00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:24,480
I love light bulb moments. 
You know, like, like one of my 

323
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,079
favorite compliments that I get 
from somebody who listens to 

324
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:30,560
this show or watches it is when 
they had a light bulb moment. 

325
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,600
I just love that when, when, 
when somebody says something, 

326
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,480
and usually it's a sentence or 
two that you wouldn't think 

327
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:39,400
would be profound, but sometimes
that the right set of words at 

328
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,600
the right set of time for the 
right set of ears, everything 

329
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,160
just clicks like a lock. 
It's like a combination lock and

330
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,680
you you hit the third thing and 
boom it just pops open. 

331
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:53,320
I'm curious about your light 
bulb moment or moments that you 

332
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,240
had when you were discovering 
these things. 

333
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,400
I don't know if there was one 
specific moment, but there 

334
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,280
definitely was a progression. 
So when my kids were young, I 

335
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,840
played hockey growing up and 
that was a huge outlet for me 

336
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,160
for my own stuff. 
And then once I've, you know, 

337
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,720
got married and everything, I, I
started to coach. 

338
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,040
And so I've been coach Bill for 
about 20 years now, but not just

339
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,040
in this capacity. 
Yeah. 

340
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,480
And the passion, the passion I 
had to coach those kids was 

341
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,600
unbelievable. 
I wouldn't even be distracted at

342
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,960
my current job. 
So I'm doing a pregame speech 

343
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,120
and all that stuff. 
But what it I got so much more 

344
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:36,000
from it personally, because it 
was like, I would just relay not

345
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,200
just hockey stuff, but like life
lessons. 

346
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:42,960
And what how that feeling it 
gave me of helping the kids, 

347
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,240
right? 
Or all those kids in the NHL 

348
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,000
right now. 
I don't know. 

349
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,960
But it doesn't matter. 
It was more about the the life 

350
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:54,160
lessons and and I had I had 15 
sets of eyeballs on me and they 

351
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,600
were engaged, right. 
So that was kind of the 

352
00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:00,200
beginning of knowing that, hey, 
I got to do something else other

353
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,120
than that sales job or that 
other job. 

354
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,440
No disrespect to anybody who 
goes to work every day, knows 

355
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,560
the 9:00 to 5:00. 
So I've done it most of my life.

356
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,640
But yeah, so that was kind of 
the the progression. 

357
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,080
I hope I'm answering your 
question right. 

358
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:17,960
And then going through that 
course and rehashing the stuff. 

359
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:23,240
But in a way where I had support
from my classmates, our it was 

360
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,720
crazy, our cohort, how we just 
connected. 

361
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:29,160
It's about 20 of us. 
And it was just so supportive. 

362
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:33,280
And I never really had that 
support from from people outside

363
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:38,120
of maybe some immediate family 
members, you know, like my mom, 

364
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,600
my mom, who I didn't see much 
growing up because of my 

365
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:47,160
situation, is like an Angel. 
Like is just amazing for 

366
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,520
support. 
Always has been, right. 

367
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,240
But but not everybody, not 
everybody has that. 

368
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,080
So I yeah. 
So there was those kind of 

369
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,960
moments as I was progressing, 
going along and then always that

370
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,200
something like I mentioned 
earlier that's in the back of my

371
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:04,000
head thinking. 
I need I need to help people 

372
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,200
like I like. 
There's something inside here 

373
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:10,400
that I that is not I'm not 
living my to my true authentic 

374
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,800
self. 
Do you know what I mean? 

375
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,720
Right? 
Well, Oh, of course, like it's, 

376
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,800
it's about purpose. 
And I mean, like when we did the

377
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,640
pain points for, you know, when,
when, when, when Candace and and

378
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,440
the team, I'm just the host of 
the podcast, right? 

379
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,520
The the he changed it team. 
Obviously, you know, they they 

380
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,720
they looked at to see what the 
pain points were for so many men

381
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:30,880
out there. 
It's lack of purpose. 

382
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:34,840
I mean, it's, it's, it's and and
it's not that you it's not that 

383
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:38,400
you can't work a warehouse job, 
quote UN quote and not have 

384
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,240
purpose. 
You totally, totally can. 

385
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,600
But many times we don't even do 
the deep dive exploration as to 

386
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,800
what it is out there that would 
help give us purpose. 

387
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,800
And, and, and, and, you know, 
clearly if you've been coach 

388
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,280
Bill for so long, there's you 
were scratching some itches you 

389
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,720
probably didn't even know you 
had because you had outlets 

390
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,480
where you could be your true 
self out there. 

391
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,200
There's so many guys out there 
that have never even done that 

392
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,480
work. 
They've done exactly what you 

393
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,040
talk about. 
They, they connect the dots. 

394
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:04,920
We're supposed to connect. 
I see this all the time on the 

395
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,600
show. 
Forgive me for the people who 

396
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,560
hear me say this all the time, 
but but I love saying the same 

397
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,400
words to new people. 
And, and, and, and, and really 

398
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,320
at the end of the day, I mean, 
how many of us were told, you 

399
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,040
know, get a good education or 
get a good job, you know, buy 

400
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,000
the house, get the wife, have 
the kids? 

401
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,040
And, and, and, and we're so 
driven when it comes to tasks 

402
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,840
that many times we don't realize
the purpose. 

403
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,240
And, and along the way, there's 
good things that happen when you

404
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,160
have the kids. 
There's that extra gear of love 

405
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:34,160
that for many, if not most of us
comes into play. 

406
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,440
And you're like, OK, this does 
feel like purpose, but it's kind

407
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:42,840
of masking who our ability to go
and find what our purpose would 

408
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,280
be, whether those kids were 
there or not. 

409
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,920
You know what I'm saying is 
that? 

410
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:46,760
Is that exactly? 
Purpose. 

411
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,880
Something that you thought. 
Yeah, yeah, I thought when I, 

412
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,720
when I was, I got married, I 
guess maybe a touch late 

413
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:56,080
compared to some people. 
I was 33 when I got married, but

414
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,480
I almost got married out of in 
that marriage. 

415
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,160
I'm not with her anymore. 
But that marriage I almost 

416
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,160
settled and was, oh, well, I'm, 
I'm in my 30. 

417
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,200
I got to get married and maybe 
that'll make me happier. 

418
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,520
Oh, I, I got to buy that house 
because, because, because my dad

419
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:11,400
rented this whole time. 
I always wanted to buy a house. 

420
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,560
Ripped my butt off. 
Oh, I bought a house that's 

421
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,720
going to make me happier. 
Have the kids. 

422
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,080
That's going to make me happier.
No, it makes you happy to a 

423
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,000
certain degree. 
You love your children and 

424
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:25,560
you're proud of your home. 
But yeah, where's my purpose? 

425
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,240
I'm going to work every day, 
4045 hours a week. 

426
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,320
And I've had multiple different 
jobs, right? 

427
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,000
Some better than others, but 
I've never just felt like I had 

428
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,360
that purpose. 
That's an amazing point that I 

429
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:40,240
can totally relate to and I'm 
sure a lot of guys out there. 

430
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,960
OK. 
So, yeah, like the idea I, I is 

431
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:48,120
that something that in your 
practice that you touch on a lot

432
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,040
with, with with people, Are you,
are you helping them kind of 

433
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,200
dive into who they are? 
And does it come down to 

434
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,320
purpose? 
Does it do people? 

435
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,480
Is that some of the the light 
bulb moments that you've had 

436
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,240
working with people? 
It it varies from person to 

437
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,800
person. 
I would say a higher, higher 

438
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:07,720
percentage of my clientele have 
have been women and I'm really 

439
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:13,080
trying to get more and gear more
into the guys and helping, 

440
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:16,800
helping men. 
So for women, generally 

441
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:20,200
speaking, it might be a little 
bit in certain situations 

442
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,520
without, you know, divulging 
some client information, but. 

443
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:24,440
Oh, of course. 
Yeah. 

444
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,120
Yeah. 
You know, just a feeling of 

445
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:27,840
overwhelmed. 
I'm just here to be of the 

446
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,320
mother. 
I'm just taking care of the 

447
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:32,200
house. 
And, you know, maybe they work 

448
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,280
as well. 
So it's like they, they don't 

449
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,760
know what their purpose is 
either. 

450
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,440
So it comes up from time to 
time, but it varies from person 

451
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,240
to person, right? 
Yeah, it's, I mean, specifically

452
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,640
with men, like there are guys 
right now who are listening to 

453
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:48,520
us as I'm about to say this, 
this next point that are going 

454
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,560
to resonate from it right now. 
And there's some guys are going 

455
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:51,720
to get emotional when they hear 
this. 

456
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,880
I mean, how many guys are out 
there where they mask all the 

457
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:59,680
tasks of life as their purpose? 
Well, if I make sure that I get 

458
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,560
my kids in the right sport, if I
make sure that I support my wife

459
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:07,560
in what it is that she's doing, 
if I make sure that I pay these 

460
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:11,720
bills, you know, get these 
whatever it is, a vacation for 

461
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,800
the family. 
All of these things that we're 

462
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:17,800
almost like, like, like, like 
putting thinking that stars are 

463
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,360
going to be put up somewhere on 
some Ledger for us. 

464
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,360
And that's our purpose. 
And then we realize, oh man, 

465
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,520
many times those those those 
things that we do are invisible 

466
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,240
to everybody else. 
But we think that we're trying 

467
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,320
to almost earn our way into that
purpose part that you're talking

468
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:36,520
about here. 
And it's a silent thing. 

469
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,400
There's a lot of guys out there 
who just that's what they're 

470
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,240
doing. 
And then they run into brick 

471
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,440
wall after brick wall after 
brick wall when it comes to the 

472
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,520
area of fulfilment, personal 
fulfillment, whatever that looks

473
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,240
like. 
And they, the disconnect is 

474
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,200
there. 
And you know, there's so many 

475
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:51,440
guys who are listening to this 
right now. 

476
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,320
And it's, it's not surprising 
that, you know, more women might

477
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:57,400
gravitate towards a coach than 
men because many times guys 

478
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,200
don't even know what they don't 
know. 

479
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,160
And I think that's part of the 
reason that we have 

480
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,960
conversations like this is so 
guys can hear that and go, wait 

481
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,600
a second, hold on. 
And they can take that and put 

482
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,960
it over the overlay it over 
their own life. 

483
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,520
Yeah, because it's got to be 
it's the worst feeling. 

484
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,160
And I've been there myself, like
the worst feeling of thinking 

485
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:19,440
you're you're alone, right? 
The expectations from others, 

486
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,080
whether that's family, your 
wife, your kids, whatever. 

487
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,560
Where's the time for me? 
And then we think, oh, well, 

488
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:31,720
maybe I'm being selfish because 
this this is my job to take care

489
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,040
of this, that and the other, 
right. 

490
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,640
So that's some really good, 
really good points from you. 

491
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,920
And I've been through it too. 
And I think that's why it took 

492
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:44,560
me so long to, to get to my 
purpose, you know, 'cause I felt

493
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:49,640
like I had to have the house, 
the job, the steadiness of all, 

494
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,680
all, all of the above. 
And even my current wife, my 

495
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,880
forever wife, I should say, she 
was nervous. 

496
00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,560
The current Misses Richard 
coaching. 

497
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:04,240
Yeah, you know she was. 
Sad, yeah, she's always had that

498
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:08,480
steady job and her ex was, you 
know, whatever went from job to 

499
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,880
job or whatever. 
But yeah, so I had that a little

500
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:16,320
bit of that, that anxiety. 
Well, and putting more pressure 

501
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,960
on my myself, right. 
Excuse me, sorry. 

502
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:22,800
Because they didn't have that 
steady paycheck from from 

503
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:26,320
previous jobs coming in, right. 
So there's a lot that we deal 

504
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:31,320
with that we just don't feel 
that we have the that we can 

505
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,680
share. 
And then as you know, people 

506
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,840
you've talked to, I'm sure, and 
and stories you've heard that 

507
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:40,120
just that can lead to some very,
very negative things, right? 

508
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:42,080
Oh, yeah, it's a downward 
spiral. 

509
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,320
I mean, it it, it becomes a 
downward spiral because you can 

510
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:48,680
only for many, if not most men, 
you know, when we talk about, 

511
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,880
you know, divorce rates and 
things like that, that's not 

512
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:52,600
sustainable. 
It's not. 

513
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,720
It's at some point you're going 
to hit a rock bottom moment, 

514
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,880
you're going to have something 
happen, a catastrophic moment 

515
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,400
where, where, where everything 
kind of comes to a grinding halt

516
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,800
and then you don't necessarily 
know what to do. 

517
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:07,160
I want to, I want to kind of 
switch to, you know, it's, it's,

518
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:08,560
it's very easy to focus on the 
problem. 

519
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,240
I think we live in a society 
that that, that has thrived on 

520
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,360
focusing on the problem. 
In fact, you know, whatever the 

521
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:17,920
problem might be, I think we 
have legions of people and 

522
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:22,280
tribalism where polarization has
has, has has affected our 

523
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:26,880
entire, our entire society by 
focusing on the problem. 

524
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,960
Whereas it really it's pretty 
fun to focus on the solution. 

525
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,560
Once you start going down that 
path, once you start realizing, 

526
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:38,000
OK, this is here, I'm going to 
now take responsibility for 

527
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,480
what's here and I'm going to try
and find some solutions. 

528
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,360
Safe to say that's the number 
one thing that that that that 

529
00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:47,680
you do as a coach is let's move 
into solution mode as quickly as

530
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,280
we can. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

531
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:53,200
First stage I, I always try to 
be there and especially for 

532
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:56,720
guys, but for anybody is just to
listen because there's so many 

533
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:00,600
people that feel they, they have
nobody to talk to. 

534
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:05,640
So once they are finally feeling
heard from me, then that's when 

535
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:12,240
I progressed to some solutions, 
some motivational ideas to help 

536
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:16,200
get you there, help get you 
unstuck, whatever you may be 

537
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:19,120
dealing with. 
I love that you said that first 

538
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:20,920
is that the first thing is that 
people need to be heard. 

539
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,040
And, and, and, and perhaps 
sometimes these guys who are in 

540
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,320
that, that quiet life of 
desperation place, they don't 

541
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,760
feel heard And, and maybe they 
can't even, they can't even 

542
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,840
articulate what they would want 
to be heard about. 

543
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,920
Perhaps that that might be sound
of it too. 

544
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,160
So, so, so when you start with 
somebody, is that what it is? 

545
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,760
Is that exploration as to how 
they're feeling? 

546
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,880
And then you move into the why 
they're feeling that way? 

547
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,280
Yeah, absolutely. 
And that's that may not just be 

548
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,000
in the first session, you know, 
that might be a couple of 

549
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,760
sessions to get that out, to get
them comfortable, you know, 

550
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,960
discovering that because as a 
coach, I'm not just here saying 

551
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,520
do this, do that, do this, do 
that, right? 

552
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:02,120
It's that person needs to put in
the work as well. 

553
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,400
I guide you. 
I help get you there. 

554
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:08,480
I may help you may ask some 
intriguing questions or some to 

555
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,080
get you to that wow moment that 
you may have. 

556
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:16,400
But yeah, it's definitely some 
people are ready to go and just 

557
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:21,560
talk, but some guys 
specifically, they don't know 

558
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,640
how to do it or what they're 
doing right so. 

559
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,160
For guys who are in that 
situation, go ahead. 

560
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:29,200
I'm sorry. 
So I gotta ask you about that 

561
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,080
one point. 
Please, please put a pin in what

562
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,480
you were about to say for guys 
who are out there that they can 

563
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:36,360
self identify with what you just
said. 

564
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,760
They're like, Yep, I'm the guy 
that doesn't know what I don't 

565
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:40,520
know. 
I just know I don't feel very 

566
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,040
good right now. 
I just know that that that that 

567
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,720
life is not in color for me. 
It's kind of in black and white 

568
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,720
right now. 
I've got my head down and I need

569
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,480
to put my head up for a guy who 
can self identify with that. 

570
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:56,000
What are some of the things that
you you would suggest might be 

571
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,080
something to think about? 
What are some of the reframes 

572
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:03,200
you can throw out there? 
I'm just looking at like, so if 

573
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,560
they're, if they're looking for 
a result, what would that result

574
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:09,040
look like? 
If you could get there by the 

575
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:12,720
end of this hour or by the end 
of next week, what would your 

576
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:17,320
life look like if you weren't 
dealing all this stuff and you 

577
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:19,240
could just get there? 
What do you think that would 

578
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,320
look like? 
And they're like, Oh yeah, I 

579
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:25,800
guess that would look like this 
or that or I could be happy. 

580
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:27,880
I, I would have some direction, 
right. 

581
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,280
So there's really interesting as
a coach sitting on this side 

582
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,960
that you see that person 
starting to really think about 

583
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,520
that cuz like you said, they 
don't know what they don't know 

584
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:44,080
and they've always been in that.
The wording isn't coming out 

585
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:45,040
right for me here. 
Sorry. 

586
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:49,040
Cuz it's exciting, like seeing 
that from somebody, right? 

587
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,920
Gosh, it's so power, it's so 
empowered. 

588
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:56,920
Oh, I love it so much. 
The light bulb moment's the the 

589
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:58,800
greatest thing. 
And the light bulb moment, if 

590
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,480
I'm hearing you right, it comes 
from self exploration questions 

591
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,600
like what would happiness look 
like for you? 

592
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:06,840
You know, what would what would 
fulfillment look like for you? 

593
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,360
Are they are am I on the right 
path? 

594
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,120
Is that some of the questions? 
That you have absolutely right 

595
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,120
those those probing questions 
that just gets the person 

596
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,880
thinking like, Oh yeah, if I, if
I could be happy because some 

597
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,400
people come in, like you said, 
with the head down, the 

598
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,000
confidence is shot. 
I've been there before where 

599
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:25,400
I've lost my confidence and and 
you know, way back to all my 

600
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,840
abuse. 
It took me years to regain my 

601
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,600
confidence, right? 
Like when I went in to play 

602
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,320
hockey, I was always this 
confident guy. 

603
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:38,200
But outside of that, you know, 
he, he just, you sink like you 

604
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,920
just don't know how to get it 
back right. 

605
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,920
Yeah, well, with guys too, like,
like, like, like the hockey was 

606
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:49,440
probably a lifeline for you. 
Again, like, like, like whether 

607
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:52,000
it was, whether it was coaching 
or playing, it was a lifeline 

608
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:53,440
for you. 
So that's why fitness is such an

609
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,000
important thing because, you 
know, we get we, we, we develop 

610
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,000
all this, this stuff that gets 
built up. 

611
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:00,640
And then you go into a weight 
room where you go into a, you 

612
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,120
know, run a marathon or run a 
treadmill or whatever, whatever 

613
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,960
it looks like for you. 
But you can get some of that 

614
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:10,360
stuff out and, and, and outlets 
are really, really important. 

615
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,000
And I think we have a lot of 
subconscious outlets too, which 

616
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:16,880
is why many times we avoid the 
self exploration stuff because 

617
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,960
we're kind of getting it sort of
out a little bit in different 

618
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,560
ways, but we're never really 
hitting it head on necessarily. 

619
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:27,200
And, and, and, and whether it's 
fear, whether it's a lack of 

620
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,600
awareness, whether it's, you 
know, whatever causes that you 

621
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:34,480
talk about, you know, the idea 
of confidence, I mean, and, and 

622
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:38,200
you try and explain it to people
to, you know, to, to women 

623
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,680
specifically, like, like the 
idea of the quote UN quote, the 

624
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,240
fragile male ego that that's how
some people refer to it. 

625
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:48,800
But like when it comes to males 
and confidence, that can be a 

626
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,000
really slippery slope. 
But if I'm hearing you right, 

627
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,480
that can also be a pretty quick 
staircase upwards when you start

628
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,000
focusing on it. 
Absolutely. 

629
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,280
I I made a great point there 
about going to the gym, being 

630
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,680
physical. 
That's great, gets the 

631
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,480
Dolphamine going. 
But what happens after that? 

632
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,800
I went to the gym today. 
I had a great work order. 

633
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:13,120
I'm back to that to that job. 
I don't like the next morning or

634
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:16,160
I'm back to I'm back home where 
I'm having difficulties with my 

635
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,360
wife right now or stress, 
whatever, whatever your stresses

636
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:22,560
are, right? 
So it's dealing with, you know, 

637
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,680
getting it out, getting that 
work out in your mind out. 

638
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,360
And if I can tell you a very 
quick story. 

639
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:33,360
So I did all my hockey stuff and
then this this year, just for a 

640
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:35,280
little little extra to get back 
in the game. 

641
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,400
It's been a few years. 
My kids are 21 now. 

642
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,240
They haven't played hockey for a
while, so I've been out of the 

643
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,000
game for a while. 
So I thought, hey, I'm going to 

644
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:44,520
give refing a shot. 
And if you know what kind of 

645
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:46,960
hockey player I was, I was a 
little aggressive and the refs 

646
00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:50,680
didn't like me too much. 
So for me to become a ref, it's 

647
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:52,600
almost like some karma's going 
to happen here. 

648
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,600
But I I got so much anxiety with
it in the beginning. 

649
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,920
Like I was excited to try it. 
And then once I got out there, 

650
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,440
it was just like, Oh my God, I 
don't know what I'm doing. 

651
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,840
Like you get a level 1 
certification. 

652
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:08,120
It's very basic stuff. 
You already kind of know the 

653
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:10,800
rules, but the game happened so 
much quicker. 

654
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:15,520
Your head's on a swivel anyway. 
So the first couple of weeks I 

655
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,719
was like, really, really 
stressing. 

656
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:20,440
And here I am. 
Oh, this coach, I help other 

657
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:22,679
people get through their stuff. 
Like, what am I doing wrong? 

658
00:34:22,679 --> 00:34:23,920
Why am I not getting through 
this? 

659
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,920
So then I started to talk to 
myself out loud. 

660
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,920
I started to, I'm on the ice. 
I'm like, yeah, you got this. 

661
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,080
You got this. 
They're 10 year olds, you got 

662
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,520
this. 
The coach yells at you and it's 

663
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,320
OK. 
Like you got like, I had to 

664
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:40,920
physically start telling myself 
because how, how easy is it for 

665
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,040
us to say, hey, oh, that was 
that was stupid. 

666
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,159
I did something stupid. 
Oh man, I can't do this. 

667
00:34:46,159 --> 00:34:49,360
I suck, right? 
Your brain hears everything. 

668
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,159
So here I am. 
And I used to do some of this 

669
00:34:53,159 --> 00:34:56,760
years ago too, in the car. 
And when when we were younger, 

670
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,080
there was no Bluetooth. 
So if you're talking to yourself

671
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,360
in the car, you're like, you're 
looking like a crazy guy, right?

672
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:02,760
Absolutely. 
Yep. 

673
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,200
Now it's OK because you have 
Bluetooth, you can be talking on

674
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,800
the phone. 
So I'll talk myself sometimes 

675
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,760
and I I would pet Mike going 
back to the the referee story 

676
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,840
for a quick SEC. 
I would go to the ring, which is

677
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:16,120
only a few minutes away to have 
a a lot of time, But I'd be 

678
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:17,760
like, you got this. 
Come on, what do you worry? 

679
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,160
Let's go, let's go. 
I'm just like pumping myself up 

680
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,000
a little bit, right. 
So those are through. 

681
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,920
That works, by the way, that 
that that totally works. 

682
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:28,360
By the way, for guys who are out
there who like it, it really 

683
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:31,400
does work to give yourself a 
little bit of positive talk. 

684
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,000
And if you do it to a, a, a 
banger of a song or something 

685
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,640
that whatever it is that, that, 
that that resonates with you, 

686
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:39,800
that stuff works. 
You can raise your vibration 

687
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:43,160
artificially if you want to call
it that, but it's not really 

688
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,240
artificially what? 
Because what you're doing is 

689
00:35:45,240 --> 00:35:47,280
you're reframing, you're 
refocusing yourself, right? 

690
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,960
Like talk about being a referee.
Like, it's funny, a couple of 

691
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:53,440
years ago now, we had for, for 
American viewers, you might not 

692
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:55,920
know who this is, but we had Ron
McLean on the show a few years 

693
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,320
ago. 
And, and I mean, half of the 

694
00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,120
conversation was talking about 
him as a referee. 

695
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,360
A lot of people don't realize, 
yeah, he's one of Canada's, you 

696
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,520
know, premier legendary 
broadcasters. 

697
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,600
He's the host of hockey in 
Canada, has been for decades. 

698
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:11,160
But he's also a referee. 
And we talked a lot about that. 

699
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:15,880
And, and, and the idea of, of 
balancing he's like he said, he 

700
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:17,760
said refereeing is like holding 
a baby bird. 

701
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:19,920
Is, is, is how he referred to 
it. 

702
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:24,480
And, and, you know, you put 
yourself in that position, Yeah,

703
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:27,840
you better figure out a way to 
develop a thick skin or, or be 

704
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:31,400
able to deal with the criticism.
And, and I mean, how many times 

705
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:35,040
in our lives are we criticized 
by, you know, bosses at work or 

706
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:40,440
Co workers who want to one up us
or, or, or, or, or our wives or 

707
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:44,640
our domestic partner? 
And we don't necessarily have 

708
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,000
the the equipment to deal with 
that. 

709
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,240
You wear a helmet when you're on
the ice, that's great. 

710
00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:52,920
But what are we doing to equip 
ourselves for something that 

711
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:58,040
happens almost to everybody in 
every facet of life? 

712
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:00,880
And, and what are we doing? 
Are we, are we preparing 

713
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,720
ourselves with mental armor? 
Many of us aren't. 

714
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,320
And I think some of the things 
you're talking about here will 

715
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,040
help people with that. 
And, and, and I'm certain self 

716
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,840
esteem, self-image, self worth 
is something that you, you talk 

717
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:15,960
about with your clients a lot. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

718
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:20,000
And that's usually in the early 
to mid stages as well, you know,

719
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:25,400
and, and for, for self-care, 
like you mentioned working out 

720
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:29,800
and we're talking about talking,
but it's OK. 

721
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,600
Like it's OK to be a little 
selfish. 

722
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,160
Cuz if you can't take care of 
yourself, how the heck are you 

723
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:39,160
gonna show up and take care of 
others, you know? 

724
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,800
It's funny the way you say it 
like that cuz it's not selfish 

725
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,880
but we almost have to tell 
ourselves that it's OK to be 

726
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,120
selfish because it's so for so 
many people. 

727
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:49,960
It's so far down that other 
path. 

728
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:53,000
You almost have to use that 
word. self-care is not selfish. 

729
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:56,240
If you are caring for yourself, 
you can care for others in a 

730
00:37:56,240 --> 00:38:00,480
much stronger way for a lot 
longer of a time. 

731
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,000
Would you agree with that? 
Absolutely. 

732
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,960
And a lot, a lot of people that 
have gone through certain trauma

733
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:10,680
issues, we become, I guess 
speaking from experience, we 

734
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:15,080
become people pleasers. 
We put everybody else, you know,

735
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:19,080
first before ourselves. 
Took me years to finally say, 

736
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,280
Hey, you know what, bud? 
You're, you're worth it too. 

737
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,840
You know, you're, you're, 
you're, you're worth taking care

738
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,760
of yourself. 
Because I was having some panic 

739
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:31,920
attacks, chest pains and having 
a heart attack, acid reflux, 

740
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:35,520
whatever, right? 
Your body just starts to break 

741
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:37,720
down and your body starts to 
tell you. 

742
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:41,920
So you talking about a light 
bulb moment earlier? 

743
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:44,200
That was a light bulb moment for
me. 

744
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:48,000
I'm taking on too much here. 
I got to start taking care of 

745
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:50,400
myself. 
You can see in the video, I'm 

746
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,240
not a huge guy, but like I go to
the gym every other day. 

747
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:56,680
I'm committed to that. 
You know, it's just self-care, 

748
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,960
right? 
So when I am talking to guys, 

749
00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:03,200
it's it's more like they're 
putting everybody that's 

750
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,360
admirable in one, one hand, 
right? 

751
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,200
You're putting your family ahead
of you. 

752
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:10,640
If you have a heart attack 
because of stress or whatever 

753
00:39:10,720 --> 00:39:12,440
and you're gone, how are you 
going to take care of anybody? 

754
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,160
That's yeah, you, you just 
explained the definition as to 

755
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,920
why the, the mission statement, 
the mandate, why he changed it 

756
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,920
exists is because that is 
happening daily. 

757
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:25,480
It's happening all the time. 
And, and there's a heart attack.

758
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:28,040
But I mean, there's, there's 
many links that are out there. 

759
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:30,280
And I'm not a health expert, but
at the same time there's, I've, 

760
00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:33,360
I've read and talked to so many 
people that talk about, you 

761
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:36,760
know, how if your body, if your,
if your, if your body or your 

762
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:39,800
life is really stressed, it's 
gonna come out somehow. 

763
00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:43,720
And if it, if it, you know, 
there's links to cancer, there's

764
00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:46,560
links to all sorts of different 
physical ailments, like you 

765
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,680
said, heart attacks, stress, you
know, one of the number one 

766
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:53,640
concerns when it comes to heart 
health, you know, and, and, and 

767
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,920
it's going to come out somehow. 
So, so how do you want to deal 

768
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,280
with it? 
Do you want the body to take 

769
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,280
over and deal with it in a way 
where you're not going to be 

770
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,760
here or do you want to take 
control and deal with it 

771
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,640
yourself? 
I love these points that you're 

772
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,000
making. 
You know, you, you mentioned 

773
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,920
something earlier that I wanted 
to make sure that we got to, 

774
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,720
it's on my list here and that's 
people pleasing. 

775
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,240
And and I I I want to know like 
like. 

776
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:16,640
You know, the idea of people 
pleasing, again, it's one of 

777
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:19,600
those things that maybe we might
have heard it And, and, and I 

778
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,440
think especially like with the 
word trauma, there are words 

779
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,720
that have been kind of Co opted 
and changed around a little bit,

780
00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:27,840
that sort of thing. 
But I want to talk about people 

781
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,880
pleasing because really at the 
end of the day, that can be 

782
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:35,880
something that seems like an 
admirable trait to people on the

783
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:40,440
inside, like you said, but can 
be an extremely dangerous thing 

784
00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:43,480
long term for people. 
Let's talk about people pleasing

785
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:47,360
for a second. 
Yeah, so as it may sound, you're

786
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:51,920
always, you're always putting 
others before you, but almost 

787
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:54,760
like to the point where it's 
detrimental to you, to you and 

788
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:55,760
your own health. 
Right. 

789
00:40:56,080 --> 00:41:01,360
So I would, no matter what my 
internal feelings were about my 

790
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:05,120
father, let's say, I would 
always show up for the Sunday 

791
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,480
dinner, you know, with my 
family. 

792
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,720
Even if I didn't want to go, I 
would always go there to to 

793
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,720
please him, right. 
Maybe it is that. 

794
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:19,360
Maybe it is that Co worker who 
you who maybe doesn't hold their

795
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,840
weight, right. 
Oh, I'll just do that for you, 

796
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:23,000
Jim. 
I'll help you out there. 

797
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,880
You know what I mean? 
You're helping them, but at what

798
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:28,560
cost to you? 
So right. 

799
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,520
It's always, always, always 
putting people 1st. 

800
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:35,360
And my wife is a bit of a people
pleaser like when we first met. 

801
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:36,960
I see. 
And how much she always like 

802
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:41,840
does for her family and it's not
always reciprocated are 

803
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:47,200
appreciated at times, you know, 
So it's just always, always, 

804
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:52,200
always doing everything for 
everybody else to your own 

805
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,920
detriment. 
Let me ask you this. 

806
00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:57,040
I've never really brought this 
point up with anybody here, but 

807
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:58,720
I want to. 
I want to throw it at the wall, 

808
00:41:58,720 --> 00:42:02,600
see if it sticks. 
The idea of it should never be 

809
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,320
that if you, your goal is to be 
doing something for somebody 

810
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:07,720
else, that should create 
anxiety. 

811
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:10,800
You know, it's one of those 
things where, you know, I've 

812
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:14,880
seen people who run around like 
crazy to do something nice for 

813
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,480
somebody to the point where it 
gives them anxiety and hurts 

814
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:19,560
them. 
And obviously I'm not talking 

815
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,120
about, you know, if your 
daughter's getting married or 

816
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:22,960
something like that. 
I'm not talking about things 

817
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,440
like that. 
I'm talking about like everyday 

818
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:28,760
things where if you don't feel 
like you do it right, like and 

819
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:31,880
it does the person even know 
that you're putting this kind of

820
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:35,760
effort into something or this 
kind of, you know, emotional 

821
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,640
effort into something. 
If if you're trying to do 

822
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,600
something nice for somebody but 
it's causing you anxiety, 

823
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:42,600
perhaps it might be a good idea 
to explore that a little bit. 

824
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:47,160
Yeah, exactly. 
So with with me always doing 

825
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:49,600
that for many, many years, I 
finally got to the point where 

826
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:54,840
like, why am I doing this right?
And that's fine to try to stop 

827
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:58,280
doing that, but but those same 
people tend to suck you back 

828
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,760
into to doing it again. 
So how do we fix that? 

829
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:06,480
Well, for me and for others, 
it's it's learning how to set 

830
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:11,560
boundaries. 
And most importantly, I feel is 

831
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:13,760
learning how to set boundaries 
without guilt. 

832
00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:16,560
Hey, Dad. 
This is important. 

833
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,720
This is super important here. 
I love this, Yeah. 

834
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,360
Yeah. 
Hey, Dad, I can't come over this

835
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:25,000
Sunday because we're doing this 
or that and the other. 

836
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,920
And I would make excuses a 
couple of times, well, more than

837
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:30,920
a couple of times I would if I 
didn't go, it would always be 

838
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:35,760
some drawn out excuse. 
I thought about it for like half

839
00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,640
an hour. 
What am I going to say to him? 

840
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:42,120
To, to, to, you know, to sound 
convincing, right? 

841
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,640
Why the fuck am I putting 
myself, Excuse my language, Why 

842
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:47,960
am I, why am I putting myself 
through all of this stress and 

843
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:49,760
anxiety? 
But that's I didn't know any 

844
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:52,080
better. 
So when I finally got to the 

845
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,800
point I'm going to set a 
boundary without guilt, it's 

846
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:56,960
like, it's like drawing that 
line in the sand. 

847
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:00,560
OK, I'm setting this boundary 
and if you try to cross it, 

848
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:03,840
we're going to have a problem. 
You know, that's not 

849
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:05,680
threatening. 
That's just standing up for 

850
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:09,560
yourself and for your own, your 
own worth, your own self-care. 

851
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:13,560
So, and that's part of what I 
help people with too, with the 

852
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:15,080
boundary. 
Boundaries are not boundaries 

853
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:17,200
are a big one. 
Boundaries are not easy for for 

854
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:20,320
most of us to set. 
Thank you for saying this, man. 

855
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,240
This is so important. 
The part where you talked about 

856
00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:25,880
guilt, I mean, my gosh, because 
if you set a pattern, like, 

857
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,440
again, what we're talking about 
here is taking responsibility, 

858
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:29,840
right? 
We're not trying to make anybody

859
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:33,800
a victim here. 
If you have set a pattern where 

860
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:37,760
you have allowed people to walk 
all over you, 'cause that's 

861
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:39,400
really what we're talking about 
here, right? 

862
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,840
They're taking advantage 
potentially of whatever it might

863
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:46,200
be, time, generosity, just 
steamrolling, you know, their 

864
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:49,440
values over yours and, and, and,
and and valuing something of 

865
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:52,880
them over you if you've allowed 
it, right? 

866
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,760
OK, it's 60 miles into the 
jungle. 

867
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:57,240
It's also 60 miles out of the 
jungle. 

868
00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:00,480
You're going to have to, as 
you're setting these boundaries,

869
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:04,440
there's going to be pushback. 
There's going to be pushback 

870
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:05,600
sometimes from some of these 
people. 

871
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:07,120
Sometimes you're being 
manipulated. 

872
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,360
Sometimes it is as innocent as 
this is the pattern that we've 

873
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:12,800
established and now you're 
changing the pattern or 

874
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,280
somewhere in the middle, people 
are going to come back at you 

875
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:17,400
for it, right? 
And and that's where you can't 

876
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:21,040
be, you can't be a, you know, a 
little one man tent in a 

877
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:23,240
windstorm. 
You got to you got to you got to

878
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:26,320
hold down. 
And if you hold down, it doesn't

879
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:29,920
take long for holding down once 
or twice, standing up for 

880
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:31,640
yourself, whatever it is, 
creating that boundary and 

881
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:34,760
holding on to that boundary. 
It doesn't take that long for a 

882
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:37,400
new pattern to be established. 
And again, you talk about this 

883
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:42,640
confidence, it can lead to, it 
can lead to momentum in all 

884
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:45,320
sorts of other areas just by 
starting to set these 

885
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:47,640
boundaries. 
And those boundaries are set by 

886
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,600
you basically saying I need to 
make sure that I put myself, I 

887
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:52,760
put my airplane mask on, as the 
analogy goes. 

888
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,320
Yeah, yeah. 
It's like we don't want to be, 

889
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:56,720
we don't want to be doormats, 
right. 

890
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:01,720
So if what you're saying is so 
good, so, so true. 

891
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:05,800
If, if I, if I can set that 
boundary, in my case, it was my 

892
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,920
dad. 
So if I can set that boundary, 

893
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:11,480
my dad, maybe I'll have 
confidence to set a little bit 

894
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,480
of a boundary with my bosses 
making me do double the work 

895
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,680
because Johnny just got just 
quit and I'm making the same 

896
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,080
pay, right? 
Maybe I can set a boundary there

897
00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:21,560
saying, hey, yeah, I'll do this 
extra work. 

898
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:25,360
But can we pony up a little bit 
or whatever the case may be, 

899
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:27,040
right? 
It can just snowball, right? 

900
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:28,920
Start gaining that confidence in
your life. 

901
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,640
So that's it's huge. 
Well, I just think about you 

902
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,160
coming up with that excuse for 
your dad, like like, like, like,

903
00:46:35,280 --> 00:46:37,280
let's go back. 
So again, talking about anxiety,

904
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,720
like I, I today is the day I, I 
can't go there. 

905
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:42,080
All right? 
How am I going to communicate 

906
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:42,760
that? 
Oh gosh. 

907
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:44,240
And now you start thinking about
it, right? 

908
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:47,880
Whereas it should just be, Hey, 
my tanks aren't empty right now.

909
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:50,280
I can't do it today. 
That's all it should be, right? 

910
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:51,880
And I don't know, I don't want 
to put words in your mouth and 

911
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:54,880
say, but I'm super curious if 
that was a boundary that you 

912
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:58,680
personally worked on You, you, 
you did a good job articulating.

913
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:02,080
I would think about 1/2 hour, 
you know, of, of excuses or 

914
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:03,920
whatever and it would cause 
anxiety all that. 

915
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:07,760
What was the, you know now if 
you were to talk to yourself 

916
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,120
back then and say no, this is 
what you need to do, What would 

917
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:11,000
you tell yourself to do? 
I'd. 

918
00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:14,520
Probably give myself a slap 
upside the head because I should

919
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:19,880
have done it so much earlier. 
But what would he say to dad? 

920
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:21,840
What would, what would be like 
for guys who are out there 

921
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:23,480
going, oh gosh, I do that all 
the time? 

922
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:26,040
What like, like give us the 
example of what you could say, 

923
00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:28,080
because it doesn't have to be, 
you don't have to be an asshole 

924
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,280
to do this. 
No, no, no, absolutely. 

925
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:31,600
It doesn't have to be 
disrespectful. 

926
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:34,480
It can be respectful. 
But but but how do you, how do 

927
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:36,320
you establish, how do you 
establish boundaries with 

928
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,040
people? 
If you've for, for people who 

929
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:41,480
have stirred up some stuff right
now and they're thinking, OK, 

930
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,600
yeah, I, I need to establish 
some boundaries with people in 

931
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:45,520
my life. 
What are some ways to do that? 

932
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:51,160
I think it would just be getting
that person's attention, sitting

933
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:54,040
down with that person because 
sometimes, you know, you got 

934
00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:56,760
other people around, right? 
Maybe it's a mother or father 

935
00:47:56,760 --> 00:47:59,760
situation with multiple people 
and just say, Hey, listen, 

936
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,000
let's, let's have a chat. 
And it doesn't have to be a full

937
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:05,240
on heart to heart. 
It would just be like, I can't, 

938
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:08,880
I, I can't do this every time 
I'm coming over here. 

939
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,000
And if you don't like that, then
you're not going to see me. 

940
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:15,800
You know, maybe it's not as 
blunt as that. 

941
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:17,920
It just depends. 
It could be baby steps, how it 

942
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:21,320
how we work up to that moment. 
Yeah. 

943
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,000
When looking back, I think it's 
absolutely ridiculous that I had

944
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:27,160
to think of all these excuses. 
And if I was going to say going 

945
00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:30,160
somewhere else, I better not 
post that on, on Facebook. 

946
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:33,840
Not that my dad was on Facebook 
much, but maybe my brother saw 

947
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:35,480
that. 
He told my dad, hey, he was 

948
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:36,560
there. 
You should have been here. 

949
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:39,400
You know. 
So it's just a matter of trying 

950
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:43,640
to trying to be an honest as 
possible and then being OK if 

951
00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:46,280
you do get that push back, 
right? 

952
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:48,880
And if you, if it's caught, 
because for a while it didn't, 

953
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:50,120
it didn't work right away for 
me. 

954
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:52,960
So I'm not some guru here saying
it worked right away. 

955
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:57,000
I did some boundaries and it was
listened for maybe a maybe a 

956
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:58,880
day. 
And then the same patterns kept 

957
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:03,120
happening, right? 
So sometimes it might be, it 

958
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:06,000
might be a break. 
It'd be like, hey, if you don't 

959
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:10,120
respect this boundary, if you 
don't respect me saying this to 

960
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:12,040
you, then I can't see you for a 
while. 

961
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:15,040
Yeah. 
Oh, man, Time and space. 

962
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,280
Asking for time and space can 
sometimes throw people through a

963
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:20,360
loop, you know, because you're 
upsetting the apple cart a 

964
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:22,000
little bit. 
But you got to remember, it's 

965
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:23,520
good that you're upsetting the 
apple cart. 

966
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:25,920
That's what you want to do. 
Because this apple cart's got 

967
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:28,240
rotten apples in it. 
I want to, I want to, you know, 

968
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,360
empty this thing so I can put 
new apples in there. 

969
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:33,640
You know that, right? 
But the process of watching it 

970
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:36,800
go over sometimes can be jarring
for people. 

971
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,960
But I love, I love that we're 
having this talk right now 

972
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:45,600
because there are people who 
heard you talking about what it 

973
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,480
was that you would go through, 
you know, the idea. 

974
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:51,240
Oh, OK, so I told dad this. 
So I can't put on social media 

975
00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:54,360
that and all the little 
trappings that we pull ourselves

976
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:55,280
into. 
And there are people who are 

977
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:56,880
listening to that going, yeah, 
that's ridiculous, Bill, You 

978
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:59,200
shouldn't have to do that, but 
yet they do it themselves. 

979
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:01,720
And so put the mirror up, put 
the mirror up and say, because 

980
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:04,400
again, we've talked about this 
on the show many, many, many 

981
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:05,920
times. 
Many times we'll treat our best 

982
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:07,480
friend when they're going 
through something or they're 

983
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:09,760
having a maybe they're setting a
boundary or whatever. 

984
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:12,760
We'll treat them many times with
respect and care and love. 

985
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:15,560
Imagine if we treat ourselves 
the way that we treat our best 

986
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:17,200
friends. 
Imagine if we literally treated 

987
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,360
ourselves with that much respect
and and that much courtesy. 

988
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:23,720
You know, I, I love that we're 
talking about this because 

989
00:50:23,720 --> 00:50:26,120
there's so many guys out there 
that need to do that. 

990
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:28,320
One of the things that I 
personally am working with is 

991
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:31,320
the idea of, of, of, of trying 
to manage other people's 

992
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:34,640
feelings or expectations. 
That's something that that's 

993
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:37,080
been something on my personal 
and I don't know if it puts me 

994
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:39,480
in the pleaser category or if 
it's not. 

995
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:43,840
But I, I personally, when 
somebody is upset with me, 

996
00:50:44,240 --> 00:50:48,040
especially if it's somebody that
I care very deeply for, I will 

997
00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:50,680
go that extra mile to make sure 
they're not upset. 

998
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:52,960
And if I know that they're 
upset, it almost puts me into 

999
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:54,440
like a fight or flight type 
place. 

1000
00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:56,960
And, and it gives me, it gives 
me anxiety. 

1001
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:58,440
That's one of the things 
managing other people's 

1002
00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:01,800
feelings. 
And and and it's it's it's, it's

1003
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:05,640
crazy because when you become 
aware of this and you start 

1004
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:09,640
altering your behavior, yeah, it
might create a little friction 

1005
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:12,280
here and there, but usually 
that's only once or twice until 

1006
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:15,920
you establish a new pattern. 
And if you can jump in there for

1007
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:19,400
a second like that, just that 
proves that you're, to me 

1008
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:22,120
anyway, I'm, what I want to 
acknowledge is that you're an 

1009
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:26,920
empathetic person. 
But we can't be empathetic to 

1010
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:30,400
the point of being taken 
advantage of either because that

1011
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:32,520
isn't going to do us do us any 
good. 

1012
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:36,440
And when I was talking about all
these scenarios, what I'm going 

1013
00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:39,440
to do, a lot of the times we go 
through all this stuff in our 

1014
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:40,720
hearts, they go, oh, what if 
they say this? 

1015
00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:43,680
I say that I could do this nine 
times out of 10. 

1016
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:47,960
From my experience, when you set
that boundary, you're surprised.

1017
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:51,320
You know, they're like, oh, OK, 
whatever. 

1018
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:56,760
Maybe it takes a couple of 
tries, but it's never as bad as 

1019
00:51:56,760 --> 00:51:59,320
it is in our own heads, right? 
For lots of. 

1020
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:02,680
Things, Oh my gosh. 
So, Oh yeah, one of my, one of 

1021
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:05,800
my business mentors, he said 
something very, very early in 

1022
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:08,280
my, in my financial career. 
He said, hey, listen, it's never

1023
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:10,120
as bad as it seems. 
It's never as good as it seems. 

1024
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:12,880
He goes just try and you know, 
try and keep yourself. 

1025
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,600
And I'm a very emotional person 
in in a good way. 

1026
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:19,200
I'm a very enthusiastic person 
and and so even when things are 

1027
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:22,080
at the height of of the 
enthusiasm, I can always go to 

1028
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:25,800
myself yes OK, enjoy this be 
present because this moment is 

1029
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:27,960
temporary. 
Everything is temporary and, 

1030
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,360
and, and, and learning to do 
that in the negative times in 

1031
00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:36,040
the in and even to the rock 
bottom times, knowing that it's 

1032
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,160
never as good as it seems, it's 
never as bad as it seems is 

1033
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:39,800
something I've carried with me 
as well. 

1034
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:45,000
I, I want to ask before we kind 
of move, move towards, you know,

1035
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:49,280
the end of this, I want to ask 
if you have any like books or 

1036
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:51,880
resources that you have been 
valuable to you. 

1037
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:57,880
Is there one or two that you, 
you, you, you or or or videos or

1038
00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:02,880
or films perhaps that resonate 
that that you find recommending 

1039
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:06,320
to people more often than not or
or you know, are there anything 

1040
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:08,880
that you would throw out there 
for people as recommendations? 

1041
00:53:11,360 --> 00:53:14,400
Full disclosure, I'll, I'll be 
honest, I'm not a, I'm not a 

1042
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:17,000
huge reader to be honest with 
you. 

1043
00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:21,520
So, so I don't, some of the 
books I are people I have 

1044
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:26,440
followed have been maybe a 
motivational type people, you 

1045
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:30,520
know, and to go back to my youth
a little bit, it's I've, I have 

1046
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:35,120
found some motivation for myself
through movies, through music, 

1047
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:36,920
you know, those kinds of 
outlets. 

1048
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:40,640
And the one thing and maybe 
probably dating myself now, but 

1049
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:44,720
it's, it's Sylvester Stallone 
and all the Rocky movies. 

1050
00:53:45,240 --> 00:53:48,400
Absolutely just such good 
messaging. 

1051
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:51,240
It's not about just boxing. 
Half the movie isn't even about 

1052
00:53:51,240 --> 00:53:53,360
the boxing. 
It's about the messaging and, 

1053
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:57,120
you know, being so down so low 
and fighting through and and 

1054
00:53:57,120 --> 00:53:59,880
keep on punching right. 
So I don't want to steal his 

1055
00:53:59,880 --> 00:54:03,360
tagline at the end of of my 
videos or whatever I'm doing. 

1056
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:06,480
But for me it's keep pushing, 
you know, keep pushing through. 

1057
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:09,000
So that's what's that's what has
done it for me. 

1058
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:11,360
But I do need to get into more 
reading. 

1059
00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:13,320
So that's always been a 
challenge for me. 

1060
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:16,920
And that's my grade 3 teacher 
missus Scrubs faults because she

1061
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:20,040
made us read high level books 
and it just it deterred me from 

1062
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:21,120
enjoying reading. 
So. 

1063
00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:26,480
More more of that small, more of
more of that small T trauma. 

1064
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:31,080
No, I, I, you talk about the 
Rocky story like even every once

1065
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:33,200
in a while there's a there's a, 
there's a couple different, 

1066
00:54:33,240 --> 00:54:38,360
there's a lot of different rocky
montages that will motivate you.

1067
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:39,640
That'll get you out of the 
gutter. 

1068
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:43,200
If your mind is there that, 
that, that you can watch. 

1069
00:54:43,240 --> 00:54:47,360
But also there's, there's 
montages about the story of how 

1070
00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:52,600
he got that movie made and, and,
and the, the motivation of you 

1071
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,760
talk about keep on punching in 
the, in, in the movie. 

1072
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:57,600
I, I honestly think that the 
spirit that you're talking about

1073
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:01,320
exists in those movies because 
of what it took him to get that 

1074
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:04,160
thing made. 
And, and, and, and how he didn't

1075
00:55:04,160 --> 00:55:08,720
relent on certain things, even 
when he, he absolutely could 

1076
00:55:08,720 --> 00:55:10,120
have. 
He could have taken the easy Rd.

1077
00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:12,080
A couple of times, but it 
wouldn't have. 

1078
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:14,160
Led he was homeless living in 
his car. 

1079
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:16,400
Yeah, there you go. 
His dog, he sold his dog. 

1080
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:18,960
He sold Buck Guess, you know, in
the movie, it was Buck guess he 

1081
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:22,080
saw, you know, he saw just so 
the story itself is crazy. 

1082
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:26,000
Like, again, I don't think it 
has to be a book, you know, 

1083
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:27,800
talking about the Rocky stuff. 
That's that's that's what I 

1084
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:29,680
wanted to know. 
What is it that inspires you? 

1085
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:32,440
What are some of the things that
you you would recommend to get 

1086
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:33,920
people inspired? 
I'm the same way. 

1087
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:35,840
Film and and music, we're Gen. 
X man. 

1088
00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:40,120
Film and music Is, is, is, is, 
is the soundtrack of our lives 

1089
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:43,400
in so many ways. 
And, and, and so I, I feel 

1090
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:47,720
exactly the same way. 
And, and you know, the 

1091
00:55:47,720 --> 00:55:49,840
adjustment Bureau is a big one 
for me that I don't know if 

1092
00:55:49,840 --> 00:55:51,720
you've seen that movie or not, 
but I mean, talking about the 

1093
00:55:51,720 --> 00:55:55,360
idea of it, it, it's phenomenal,
phenomenal way to look at 

1094
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:59,320
mindset and how things, how 
things can change and, and they 

1095
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:02,680
can. 
And I think that, you know, as 

1096
00:56:02,680 --> 00:56:04,640
we move to a close here, I want 
to talk to I want. 

1097
00:56:04,640 --> 00:56:09,440
OK, so First off, if people want
to find you coach Bill for you. 

1098
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:12,960
So the number four in the letter
U coach billforyou.com is where 

1099
00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:17,080
people can find you, right? 
Yep, that's the website. 

1100
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:19,080
Yep. 
And do you do social media as 

1101
00:56:19,080 --> 00:56:20,040
well? 
Like are you, do you find 

1102
00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:21,400
yourself out to do it? 
Are you one of those guys 

1103
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:23,160
treating a bunch of content and 
stuff as well? 

1104
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,280
Facebook Insta. 
Are you on any of that stuff? 

1105
00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:30,560
Yeah, I'm on Facebook, 
Instagram, I'm on the TikTok. 

1106
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:32,440
Like us, older. 
Guys on the TikTok, yeah. 

1107
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:35,200
Not as much on the I want to 
ramp up the TikTok. 

1108
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:39,960
I'm also I'm also starting or 
have started a a community. 

1109
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:45,080
It's called school.com or you've
heard of school or not SK double

1110
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:48,520
Oli didn't send that to you for 
the any of my contact info, but 

1111
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:51,280
right on theschool.com community
I have. 

1112
00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:53,760
I also have a course that I 
created. 

1113
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:58,840
It's called breaking free A4 
module journey to emotional 

1114
00:56:58,840 --> 00:57:03,600
freedom. 
So it's free to join the school 

1115
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:07,000
community group, but if you 
wanted to check out that course,

1116
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:09,960
that's additional on there. 
But so I'm just kind of getting 

1117
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:11,240
into that. 
I haven't been in that too much.

1118
00:57:11,240 --> 00:57:12,560
Been working on a couple other 
things. 

1119
00:57:12,560 --> 00:57:17,040
So yeah, those are basically the
forms as far as my website goes.

1120
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:19,160
If you're not sure about 
coaching, you've never had 

1121
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:22,400
coaching before. 
I for like many coaches, I have 

1122
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:25,240
for free discovery call. 
And that's not a quick two 

1123
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:27,080
minutes, Hey, how are you? 
OK, let's get coaching. 

1124
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:29,880
It's, it's, you know, we take 
our time, 20-30 minutes, however

1125
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:33,360
long it takes, just to see if I 
would be a good fit for you. 

1126
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:37,080
And quite honestly, if you'd be 
a good fit for me, right? 

1127
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,000
There might be certain areas 
that I just don't deal with, but

1128
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:44,600
I'm not going to waste your time
just to get you as a client. 

1129
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:45,840
So I think that's really 
important. 

1130
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:47,280
We have to align with each 
other, right? 

1131
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:49,480
That's that's a huge thing for 
me. 

1132
00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:52,160
Like I'm a relationship, I'm a 
relationship connection guy. 

1133
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,680
Tony Robbins has a, has a, has a
thing that we talked about the 

1134
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:57,760
six basic human needs and, and 
most humans have two of them as 

1135
00:57:57,760 --> 00:58:00,840
as, as, as kind of the top 
relationship and connection as 

1136
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:01,800
one of them. 
That's me. 

1137
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:06,680
And, and so in my financial 
business, I want to make sure 

1138
00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:10,640
like it's, it's so the 
temptation to just get as many 

1139
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:14,080
clients as you can is so vast 
when you're a business owner. 

1140
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:18,240
And, and, and once you can get 
to a place more mentally than 

1141
00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:21,560
anything, because I truly 
believe, you know, it'll, it'll,

1142
00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:23,440
it's, it works out the way it's 
supposed to work out. 

1143
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:25,880
But like when you get to a place
mentally where it's like, no, 

1144
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,240
no, no, I want to make sure the 
clients that I get have a 

1145
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:32,160
connection here. 
Because when things are great, 

1146
00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:34,200
that's awesome. 
But when things aren't great, 

1147
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:36,640
you want to make sure that 
connection is there because 

1148
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:38,400
that's way, that's how you 
weather storms. 

1149
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:40,760
And, and, and so that's 
something that I think is very 

1150
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:42,400
important. 
I love that you feel that way. 

1151
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:44,480
You know, people can come and 
see you. 

1152
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:45,880
So obviously you do online as 
well. 

1153
00:58:45,880 --> 00:58:48,200
So you don't have to live in the
Cambridge, Kitchener, Waterloo 

1154
00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:51,240
area. 
You can, you can come see you 

1155
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:53,040
anytime. 
I appreciate this. 

1156
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:56,880
If if as we kind of come to a 
close, you know, you started, 

1157
00:58:57,560 --> 00:58:59,640
you know, talking about the 
traumas and things like that 

1158
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:02,520
that you went through and how it
LED you to a place where you 

1159
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:04,960
ended up helping people with 
their own. 

1160
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:08,480
I guess. 
I guess my question to finish 

1161
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:11,880
off is if there's one or two 
things that you find that you're

1162
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:16,000
saying to people more often the 
top of the list of things that 

1163
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:17,800
you're saying to people who are 
going through something, they're

1164
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:21,480
maybe feeling a little lost. 
They might not know what the 

1165
00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:23,680
path forward is. 
What are what are one or two of 

1166
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:25,840
those things that that keep 
coming up continually? 

1167
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:30,880
I think the, the main thing I 
always like to leave with is is 

1168
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:35,000
you're not alone. 
And it's, it's OK to reach out, 

1169
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:39,560
whether that's with me, whether 
that's with somebody else, just 

1170
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:44,080
reach out, you know, and that's,
that's for anybody. 

1171
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:47,160
And I, because we're on this 
podcast, I'd like to say for 

1172
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:50,880
guys specifically, it's OK. 
It doesn't make you weak, right?

1173
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:53,280
It makes you strong actually, 
where you realize, hey, 

1174
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:56,280
something's just not right here.
I'd like to fix it. 

1175
00:59:56,520 --> 00:59:59,600
There's in my world, it's a 
judgment free zone. 

1176
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:02,200
There's no judging. 
I've because I've been there. 

1177
01:00:02,800 --> 01:00:05,160
I truly have been there. 
I've been down to some very, 

1178
01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:07,400
very low points. 
One point I didn't mention was, 

1179
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:10,240
you know, considered suicide 
when I was younger through my 

1180
01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:13,800
abuse, but I didn't, sorry. 
We should have touched on that 

1181
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:16,960
earlier maybe, but I just don't 
want people to get to that 

1182
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:20,680
stage, right? 
So reach out and you're not 

1183
01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:23,160
alone. 
And thank you for what you're 

1184
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:25,440
doing here as well, Mike. 
I really appreciate it. 

1185
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:27,160
Oh, he changed it. 
Yeah. 

1186
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:29,040
Like you just you just 
basically, you know, 

1187
01:00:29,800 --> 01:00:32,200
encapsulated again why he 
changed its doing what it's 

1188
01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:33,840
doing because there is nothing 
new under the sun. 

1189
01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:35,920
You're not alone. 
You're not the first person to 

1190
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:38,640
go through this and and and by 
the way, you are enough for 

1191
01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:41,000
those who are listening to this 
here and they maybe need to hear

1192
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:43,800
that you are enough, believe it 
or not, not that it's not you 

1193
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:45,120
know, you don't have my some 
stuff to take some 

1194
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:48,480
responsibility for and deal 
with, but you are enough. 

1195
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:50,840
You can do it. 
And when you do it, when you 

1196
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:54,200
even start the process of doing 
it, you're going to start 

1197
01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:56,360
feeling better because you have 
momentum forward. 

1198
01:00:56,360 --> 01:00:58,880
And then if you can create some 
consistency with that momentum, 

1199
01:00:59,960 --> 01:01:03,280
you know you'll start to 
actually live it that you are 

1200
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:04,720
enough. 
You'll live it that you're not 

1201
01:01:04,720 --> 01:01:06,200
alone. 
And you'll be able to make that 

1202
01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:08,760
a part of your life. 
Bill, I can't thank you enough 

1203
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:10,840
for taking time out of your 
schedule to come on here today. 

1204
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:13,680
I know that that the team's 
going to reach out to you as 

1205
01:01:13,680 --> 01:01:15,520
well when it comes to resources 
and all that stuff. 

1206
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:19,280
Again, we just want to link arms
with everybody who, who, who, 

1207
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:23,880
who, who feels the healing need 
for this world, for this world, 

1208
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:26,000
whether it's our our personal 
world, whether it's the world 

1209
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:28,840
around us locally or beyond 
that. 

1210
01:01:29,280 --> 01:01:32,040
We want to, we want to get this 
stuff out there and reawaken 

1211
01:01:32,720 --> 01:01:34,520
some of this stuff. 
You are certainly doing that. 

1212
01:01:34,520 --> 01:01:36,880
You've made a career out of it, 
a purpose out of it. 

1213
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:39,480
Thank you very much for doing 
what you do, Sir. 

1214
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:42,920
It's it's very appreciated. 
Well, thank you so much for 

1215
01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:45,040
having me, Mike. 
This has been an enjoyable 

1216
01:01:45,040 --> 01:01:48,080
experience for sure. 
And I appreciate, like I said, 

1217
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:49,640
appreciate everything you're 
doing as well. 

1218
01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:51,240
So thank you so much. 
It's been an. 

1219
01:01:51,240 --> 01:01:54,280
Outstanding. 
Oh, thank you so much again. 

1220
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:55,880
You know, I'll do the outro 
here. 

1221
01:01:55,880 --> 01:01:59,240
We'll see our bike privately. 
So hang on for a moment Again, I

1222
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:01,200
say it every show. 
This is why we do the show. 

1223
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:03,600
This is why we do the show. 
I love that it's almost becoming

1224
01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:06,160
a tagline. 
This is why we do the show. 

1225
01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:09,960
You know, conversations like 
this, Hope hopefully people who 

1226
01:02:10,600 --> 01:02:13,640
who are listening to this right 
now, you know, there's going to 

1227
01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:15,840
be people out there who have one
of these aha moments, wow 

1228
01:02:15,840 --> 01:02:19,960
moments, light bulb moments. 
If that's you, you know, do what

1229
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:21,160
you can to reach out to 
somebody. 

1230
01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:22,880
You're not alone. 
If you haven't download the He 

1231
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:24,600
changed it app yet. 
What the heck are you waiting 

1232
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:26,000
for? 
Go to hechangedit.com. 

1233
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:30,440
You can see all of the the info 
as to where he changed it is at 

1234
01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:32,520
right now. 
And then perhaps even see where 

1235
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:35,720
he changed it is going and the 
goal is to change the world. 

1236
01:02:36,080 --> 01:02:39,400
Thank you so much for everybody 
who has supported us from the 

1237
01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:41,120
very start. 
We appreciate it very, very 

1238
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:42,640
much. 
The numbers over the last I'm 

1239
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:45,000
told I don't look at the numbers
or anything like that for either

1240
01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:47,520
of my shows. 
I just do it for the sake of 

1241
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:49,680
doing it. 
But I've been told that our 

1242
01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:53,400
numbers are are are are very 
impressive over the last month, 

1243
01:02:53,640 --> 01:02:56,640
10s of thousands of impressions 
and views and comments and all 

1244
01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:58,720
that sort of stuff. 
So we're very grateful for that.

1245
01:02:58,720 --> 01:03:01,360
Thank you very, very much. 
This has been another episode of

1246
01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:03,560
he cast the official podcast of 
he changed it. 

1247
01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:06,160
My name is Mike Chisholm. 
Go change something.