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Welcome to he cast, the official
podcast of he changed it. 

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As always, I am Mike Chisholm. 
As always, I am so excited to 

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have conversations with people 
regarding the space of men's 

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mental Wellness and and and how 
we can sharpen each other. 

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That's and that's really what we
had today. 

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James McGinnis, Brit in the USA 
is is, I believe his Instagram 

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title. 
Well, you can, you can look for 

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his socials in the description. 
But yeah, James is just this 

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really, really cool guy that's 
gone through a lot in his life. 

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He's he's gone through some 
adventures growing up in the UK,

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going through adversity in his 
family and, and, and then coming

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over to the US He's written 
three books. 

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He's a writer. 
Stars Will Guide you Home is the

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one that we talked about more, 
but keep, keep calm and carry on

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The learning is another one that
he wrote. 

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And I just, I'm really grateful 
for this conversation that he 

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and I had. 
I do feel sharpened today. 

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I, I, I, I think he feels the 
same way. 

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And that's really what it's all 
about us sharing our stories or 

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sharing our experiences, sharing
the things that we learned. 

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And then maybe when people, you 
know, receive that sharing, they

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can then reflect on things that 
they're going through and how 

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they might be able to, you know,
tackle life a little bit easier 

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or better or more successfully, 
like, like, you know, and move 

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towards whatever abundance looks
like. 

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And James is just that guy. 
And, and I just appreciate him 

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as a dad, as a writer, as a man 
Really, really cool guy. 

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We had a phenomenal 
conversation. 

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I hope you enjoy it. 
If you haven't downloaded the 

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app yet, what the heck are you 
waiting for? 

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You can go to heatchange.com and
check out all the things that 

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are going on. 
We ask that you download it, 

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share it, all of this stuff. 
Let us all sharpen each other. 

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Please enjoy my conversation 
with James McGinnis. 

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James, I'm so excited to have 
this conversation with you. 

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You know, one of the things 
about he cast and since we've 

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started it, I've met many 
brothers from other mothers and 

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and I certainly feel that way. 
It's funny you and and and I 

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know you live at the stateside 
now I want to ask you about that

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actually, but but clearly from 
the UK, Joel's from Australia, 

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I'm from Canada. 
We're talking about how the 

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Commonwealth is being 
represented today. 

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James, I first, before we get 
going, I just want to say I 

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appreciate you. 
I appreciate your attitude 

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towards life and, and, and the 
way that you deal with 

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adversity. 
I appreciate that we're going to

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get into that. 
Welcome, James to. 

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He cast yeah, thank you thank 
you mate and and and and 

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honestly the the sentiments are 
the same to you like what you 

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are doing for men's mental 
health is is really phenomenal. 

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I'm honored to be here today and
talk a little bit. 

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But you know, if if one person 
listens to your podcast every 

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week, then you're doing 
something wonderful in the 

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world. 
And so there's not enough people

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like you are here doing, doing 
good things. 

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I appreciate that very, very 
much. 

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You know, I think about, you 
know, the evolution of species 

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and and and and humanity in in 
particular and how stories are 

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so important and have always 
been so important, no matter the

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culture, looking back, no matter
the time frame, stories are 

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very, very important. 
And when I read some of the 

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things in your story, you know, 
we learn from these things and, 

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and, and the idea that every 
guy's got a story, every guy's 

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got a place. 
And, and many times these 

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stories, when we hear them, we 
then reflect on our own life and

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how they might apply to us. 
I feel like you have so many 

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stories. 
I feel like I could do a podcast

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series with you knowing all the 
things that you have done. 

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Like, like like it's. 
After today, but like, yeah, 

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right, it's no, it's interesting
and I'll I'll perhaps for the 

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audience, I'll share with some 
of my story and my background, 

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but sure, I something that 
resonates with me is the what's 

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interesting when you talk about 
men's mental health is that 

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there's not one-size-fits-all, 
right? 

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Like like there's multiple 
different things and there's 

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multiple different stigmas 
around it, multiple different 

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like almost like a spectrum. 
And then on the other side of it

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is that there are multiple 
different triggers or things 

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that happen in like, I listened 
to your, your show the other 

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week when you had the, the, the 
Royal Canadian Mounted Police 

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guy. 
And, and like, you know, like he

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went through a lot. 
And there's certainly a couple 

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of things that triggered him 
onto his mental health. 

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And what's interesting for me is
like, now I'm an like, you know,

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I'm an old man in my 40s, right?
Like, it's like my story. 

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There's been a lot of things 
that could have actually 

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impacted other people, but or 
could have impacted people on 

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depression and probably the most
trivial 1 was the one that 

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really got me down in life, 
which is and that's that I think

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that if we can again, bring 
awareness that like it's not 

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just one thing, it could be 
anything. 

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It could be, you know, every 
like No2 wires are the are 

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connected the same. 
It's not like an electrical unit

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like when it comes to men's 
mental health. 

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So it's, yeah, it's, it's great 
that we bring this up. 

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I couldn't agree more. 
Like like if you're running it 

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full tilt, it only takes 1 
little blemish on the ground, 

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one little stick, 1 little twig 
to completely upend everything. 

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But then there's the major stuff
too. 

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And I think you're right. 
I think many times we pay 

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attention to the major stuff 
more because it's the big thing.

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Like, like, like going through a
laundry list of some of the 

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things that you have seen, you 
know, back in Britain as a boy, 

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you know, like some of these 
things that you've gone through.

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I, it's, I didn't say this 
before we hit record here, but 

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as I read some of the bio, I'm 
like, this dude is dude is a 

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modern day job. 
I mean, my gosh, some of the 

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things that you've seen, like, 
you know, no, it's not, but, 

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but, but like, like, like, let's
go through just a couple broad 

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strokes in Britain, you know, 
nine years old, the family going

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through financial turmoil to the
point where at some point you 

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see your dad homeless on the 
street, you discover. 

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Him homeless on the street so 
there is a gap there between 

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like of course, but so. 
And then at 18, losing your best

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friend, like right there we're 
talking 3 monumental, huge, 

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impactful events. 
But yet, like you just said, 

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sometimes it might be the little
quote UN quote trivial thing. 

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And it's nothing's trivial but, 
but, but the way when you 

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compare it to the broad strokes 
like that, sometimes it is a 

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much more granular thing or 
nuanced thing that makes yeah, 

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an impact on the mental health. 
So I I just find it interesting 

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that you, that, that you said 
that point right from the start.

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But yeah, like, like you, you, 
you grew up in adversity. 

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Yeah. 
I mean, so, so I mean, so they 

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give the audience a background. 
So like, you know, yeah, my 

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daughter is 9 years old now, 
right. 

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And so, like, you don't 
remember. 

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I don't, I don't remember much 
of my childhood before 6 or 7, 

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right. 
You know, I remember playing 

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real football, like for any of 
the Americans, like, I remember 

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certain things. 
But the, the day that we were 

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made, we lost our house and we 
went bankrupt as a family is a 

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very significant day in my life.
And, and, and, you know, and I 

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say this not because I want a 
sob story or a hug. 

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I'm British, right? 
I don't really want hugs. 

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But I'm saying this because, 
like, other people have probably

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gone through things. 
Well, I went to school. 

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My mum walked me to school that 
morning, dropped me off at the 

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school. 
What I didn't know was that 

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essentially my dad, very 
interesting character, like, 

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loved him to bits, but had a lot
of challenges himself. 

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Yeah, for him, like, you know, 
like the old emails of like, 

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hey, like there's a Nigerian 
Prince and like, hey, if you 

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give your bank details, my dad 
did that in the 1980s, nineteen 

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90s, before the world of emails.
And he gambled essentially our 

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whole house on something. 
And my mum was naive, didn't 

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know about it. 
She was a mum, She wasn't paying

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a mortgage and she, he gambled 
everything and then told her the

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night before, hey, we've got to 
go to court tomorrow because 

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we're going to leave the house. 
So she didn't have any idea. 

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She drops me off at school. 
She goes to the court, they tell

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her no, you've, you've had your 
chances. 

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You've, you're losing the house.
She goes back, packs up the 

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whole house in the matter of 
like four or five hours. 

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I, I get picked up from school 
because from my family friend 

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and I get taken to McDonald's 
and I'm like a nine year old. 

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I'm like, wow, like this is so 
cool. 

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I get McDonald's tonight and and
then they drive me to this place

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and as opposed to my, you know, 
4 bedroom house, I'm suddenly 

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living in a one bedroom flat 
apartment in, in England. 

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And then, you know, through very
luck and because my mum was a 

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nice person, we then got like a 
kind of two-bedroom house 

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rented, but we didn't have a, 
you know, this is 1991. 

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We didn't have a phone for a 
landline for a year as a nine 

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year old. 
Like we only had one old 14 inch

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TV, which you had to bang to get
the three channels like that, 

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like, and it just in a flip of a
coin changed my whole childhood.

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And and then, you know, you 
talked about my dad, like my dad

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had this struggle. 
I want it's almost, it was 

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almost like a gambling 
addiction, but it was with 

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businesses. 
And so I came home from 

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university, you know, like in my
probably 2021 and I knew that he

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was struggling on things and my 
mum was in like, at that point, 

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like a government housing. 
And he was sitting there 

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watching TV And I, you know, I'm
like, OK, like, like, all right,

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time to go. 
Like I'm, I'm going to bed. 

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And then I just went out to put 
the trash out and I see him 

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sleeping next to the trash cans.
And it's kind of like, what do 

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you do? 
Like, like. 

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And, and that, that I suppose is
just one element of things that 

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I've had to deal with. 
And I think my, my approach to 

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mental health has always been 
very much British upper lip, 

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like, OK, well, right now we 
just deal with it, right? 

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Like, OK, like, you know, the 
world's collapsing, OK, we just 

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deal with it, right? 
And I think it's only taken me 

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until like, like probably in the
last five or six years to 

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realise that like again, all of 
those things can have a knock on

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effect on your life, can trigger
you how you cope with it there 

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and then might not be how you 
cope with it later on. 

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And it's OK for people to to 
have experiences and it's OK for

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people to go back on history 10 
years later and, and, and, and 

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take the help you need. 
And for me and and and the other

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last thing I'll say, and I 
promise I'll be quiet like I 

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know this. 
Is no, no, no. 

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This is great. 
I I love this is. 

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Everyone handles mental health 
differently as well. 

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Yes, there's a there's a lot of 
charities out there that deal 

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with men's mental health. 
And you know, there's the TV 

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commercials like, hey, like you 
like, like talk to a friend, 

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talk to someone. 
I didn't want to talk to a 

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friend I didn't want anyone to 
know about. 

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I was embarrassed about. 
It's a shame thing at that 

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point, right? 
Right. 

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And, and so for me, my coping 
mechanisms were very different 

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to someone else that might have 
experienced homelessness or 

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losing our, our house as a, as a
kid or like, whatever it might 

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be like. 
And it took me a long while to 

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realise that one, I wasn't 
coping and I still had demons. 

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And two, my coping mechanism was
I would rather talk to a 

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stranger than I would a friend. 
I'm, you know, I, it was, I was 

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an embarrassment for me talking 
to my friends. 

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OK, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta 
break in here for just a second 

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because I, I gotta and it's a 
it's, it's stupid because it's a

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generic question. 
It's the question that, that, 

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that you know, So at the risk of
being generic, but I, I, I gotta

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ask that, you know, this 
question. 

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If you could go back and if 
there is an area that you could 

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console that child or that, 
that, that, that version of you 

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00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:05,160
growing up, would it be to, to, 
to say, you know what? 

220
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,520
You don't have to be ashamed and
to kind of release the yoke of 

221
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,400
shame from you at that point is 
that is that, is that one of the

222
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:11,800
things that you've learned along
the way? 

223
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:16,240
A hundred, 100%. 
I think we spoke before we 

224
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,920
started recording about my 
books. 

225
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,480
Yeah. 
And and I'll, I'll bring this 

226
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,920
in, in a, in a, in a, there's a 
reason for it. 

227
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,080
Yeah. 
I was a weird kid, right? 

228
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,480
Like I was into sports. 
I was like into football, rugby,

229
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,960
tennis. 
I was also into acting, but I 

230
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,280
was a weird teenager, right? 
I openly admit it. 

231
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,160
At the time, I didn't think so. 
I thought I was the coolest 

232
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:44,600
person ever, right? 
But but I would, I would write 

233
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:48,040
as a teenager, I would write 
things and I was completely 

234
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,720
embarrassed about it. 
I was like, writing is not cool.

235
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:54,160
I would never talk in the same 
way. 

236
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,400
I was embarrassed to talk about 
my family, like I was 

237
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:06,360
embarrassed about my situation. 
I, you know, I didn't want to go

238
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:09,520
back to university after a 
weekend away and go Hey, like, 

239
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,320
yeah, I found yeah. 
Like, you know, I watched the 

240
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:16,480
game like, and oh, by the way, I
saw my dad buy a trash can. 

241
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,560
I I was just. 
And and I think if I were to go 

242
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:23,160
back into time to answer your 
question, I think that you 

243
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:25,000
should never be embarrassed, 
right? 

244
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:32,440
You should embrace who you are, 
but you should also embrace what

245
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,240
struggles or what challenges 
you're going through in your own

246
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:37,960
way. 
Like, and I would have gone back

247
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,640
in time and said, dude, you 
should talk to us. 

248
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,360
You don't want to talk to 
people. 

249
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:48,280
Talk to talk to a therapist. 
Like talk to someone that you 

250
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:52,240
don't have a relationship with, 
but you need to talk. 

251
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,400
I would have definitely done 
that. 

252
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,360
Yeah, I mean, it's funny because
shame is one of those things 

253
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:03,280
that, you know, with some of the
struggles that I deal with now 

254
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:07,480
at almost 50, shame is one of 
those things where if, if if you

255
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:11,640
don't get a handle on it, it can
really drive your life. 

256
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,240
And, and, and, and The thing is,
I mean, I'm glad that it's 

257
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,040
coming out now. 
Like you say, these stigmas, a 

258
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,640
lot of these stigmas and, and, 
and I'm grateful that you said 

259
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:24,040
it, how you said it. 
The stigmas get really nuanced 

260
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,880
and you can zoom in and they're 
all very, very different and, 

261
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:29,280
and the reactions to them. 
But, but at the end of the day, 

262
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,640
shame is one of those things 
that can really drive your life.

263
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:35,160
And, and the idea that it could,
it's, it's out there now that 

264
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:38,880
it's OK to not be OK, right? 
And that that can be a, that 

265
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:43,440
that concept can be a door to 
opening the idea of saying, OK, 

266
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,520
why like I'm feeling shame right
now. 

267
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,000
Why am I feeling shame? 
Is it wrong to feel shame? 

268
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:52,480
And then and then as these 
things will come out, do you, is

269
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,840
there a time in your life where 
because obviously, you know, 

270
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,120
well, I mean, I'm a stranger in 
that regard, but clearly you 

271
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,320
have become an incredible 
communicator in everything that 

272
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:03,800
you do. 
I mean, I see some of the videos

273
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:04,960
that you're doing with your 
daughter. 

274
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,160
I'm seeing, you know, there's 
there's one in particular that I

275
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:11,000
saw of you and it was a few 
years ago, you'd lost a job and 

276
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,680
it was your reaction to losing a
job. 

277
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,240
It was the exact opposite of 
shame. 

278
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,280
You like you were you were open 
about it. 

279
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,160
You said, OK, this sucks. 
I've lost the job. 

280
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:23,320
We've got the, by this point, 
you're stateside and and you've 

281
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,040
got the mortgage, you've got all
the stuff going on. 

282
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,120
This kind of sucks, by the way. 
I've got a couple books that 

283
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,360
would help a lot. 
But you didn't dwell on that. 

284
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:32,720
You weren't pushing or selling 
people to do that. 

285
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,160
You were like, listen, I need to
regroup. 

286
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,080
I know it's going to be OK. 
Like you were the opposite of 

287
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:38,880
shame. 
You embraced it. 

288
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:42,760
And I'm curious if there was a 
certain time in your life where 

289
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,360
you went from that kid that's 
filled with his embarrassment 

290
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:50,160
and shame to this man who, when 
adversity hits, I'm not going to

291
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,960
be ashamed about it. 
And I'm going to, you know, and 

292
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,160
then you finish the video by 
going. 

293
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,520
And by the way, if you're going 
through something, come and talk

294
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:56,440
to me. 
I'm here for you. 

295
00:16:56,440 --> 00:17:00,000
And I'd be happy to talk to you 
when you're sitting there down 

296
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,880
and out. 
And, and, and so I was very, 

297
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,560
very impressed by that. 
And, and so I love the idea of, 

298
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,599
of, of clearly there's an 
evolution here. 

299
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,359
I would like to kind of look at 
that a little bit. 

300
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,960
There are clues in that. 
It's an interesting question. 

301
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:16,040
What's interesting what What 
I'll start by saying, though, is

302
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:21,119
that social media videos and 
everything else are sometimes a 

303
00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:22,720
mirage, right? 
Like. 

304
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,839
Sure. 
So I, I did that video, you 

305
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:29,920
know, I've embraced it and like 
I, like I spoke from the heart, 

306
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,920
which is, you know, what I've 
always done. 

307
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:36,120
But we talked earlier about like
that one tiny trigger, right? 

308
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:39,120
The most trivial thing like, you
know, in my, in my bio, I think 

309
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,920
I told you like, you know, I 
went through a mass sheeting 

310
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,800
here in America, right? 
You and I both have this kind of

311
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,320
unbelievable story. 
I'm getting that you were at the

312
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,120
July 4th. 
Yeah, we'll get. 

313
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,080
We'll get to the. 
Chicago, Yeah, Yeah. 

314
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:57,600
But I did that and then you and 
I like my daughter was in ICU. 

315
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:01,240
Your granddaughter was in ICU. 
Yeah, those things I was kind of

316
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:05,840
just so focused on the like, it 
didn't it it almost didn't 

317
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,000
affect me, but it it did affect 
me. 

318
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,920
But it wasn't like losing my job
and going back on the shame 

319
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:17,640
element that video. 
I was genuinely trying to put a 

320
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,680
positive energy policy for other
people as well. 

321
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:26,760
But I went, you know, last year 
was my darkest point when I was 

322
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:32,520
going through my element of 
depression because I'd son, I'd 

323
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:36,240
lost my job for like the fourth 
time and right. 

324
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:40,280
And like I'm the, you know, we 
live in a house. 

325
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,040
My wife and I both work, but 
like I'm suddenly not 

326
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:48,960
contributing towards it at all. 
And I remember with my my 

327
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,880
youngest when she was a baby, 
like last year, I was in the 

328
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:53,600
like, she was crying through the
night. 

329
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:57,720
I went in there and I'm rocking 
her to sleep and I'm bawling my 

330
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:02,040
eyes out. 
Going like this is the lowest 

331
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,520
I've ever felt because of the 
job situation. 

332
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:12,120
So I think that people mirror 
like try and reflect by doing 

333
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:16,160
videos or doing social media 
like with Anna and and it's 

334
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,000
important in men's health that 
like sometimes the picture 

335
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,640
doesn't paint the whole story 
right and and the video doesn't 

336
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,840
paint it. 
I don't think you were coming 

337
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,120
across inauthentic. 
I think I the, the, the vision I

338
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:30,400
got from it was exactly what 
you're saying, James. 

339
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:35,720
It was literally like, here's 
somebody that is, is, is trying 

340
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:40,320
to put the most positive spin on
a hard situation that they can 

341
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:44,760
like, like you're being, to me, 
that's being proactive as 

342
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:49,560
opposed to burying it, as 
opposed to sitting there in the 

343
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,960
shame and not doing something 
about it. 

344
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,120
To me, that was proactive. 
Somebody sees that video even 

345
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:57,760
years later. 
And I mean, I'm going through 

346
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,800
stuff right now. 
Like, like I watched that video 

347
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,720
and I felt encouraged. 
I, I really, I really, really 

348
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,600
did. 
And so to me that is being if 

349
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,920
you could be proactive in a 
situation. 

350
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:13,080
Where, you know, sometimes 
society or even our wiring 

351
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:18,400
allows us or encourages us to be
reactive and to and to to get 

352
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,520
smaller. 
You know, it looked like you 

353
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,120
went the other way with that, 
like, OK, well, I can't, I can't

354
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:24,560
do anything else right now. 
So I'm just going to talk a 

355
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,840
little bit about it. 
And when we, we all know that 

356
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:30,120
when we talk about it, we start 
to get it out a little bit. 

357
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,360
You never know who's going to 
see it, who's going to be, you 

358
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,360
know, so, so to me, it was a 
proactive thing. 

359
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,800
But you're right, like the 
social media shininess that 

360
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,920
everybody has where everybody 
thinks. 

361
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,320
So I get that all the time, 
right? 

362
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,800
Because I, you know, I use my 
Facebook as an example as a 

363
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,240
highlight reel. 
I use it as a scrap. 

364
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:47,120
Exactly, Yeah. 
I usually don't put crap in the 

365
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:50,760
scrapbook, you know, so, so 
people think this one thing 

366
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,840
about me, but it's like, no, no,
no, no, no. 

367
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,000
I'm going through stuff too. 
I, I understand. 

368
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,920
And let's talk about it a little
bit because iron sharpens iron 

369
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:01,560
and maybe we can, you know, 
clues from that. 

370
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,240
Yeah. 
And then and then go back on 

371
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:04,760
your question. 
So you asked me like, like there

372
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,560
wasn't a moment. 
I went from like this kind of 

373
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:09,280
awkward good shame like period 
to like like this confident 

374
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:13,320
person that can do a video. 
Yes, there wasn't a moment like 

375
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:17,200
that I distinguished like there 
wasn't a moment or transition. 

376
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:21,280
But there became a point in my 
life, probably actually when I 

377
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:27,320
first moved to America, where I 
was like, I am who I am, right? 

378
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,360
I'm you know, like the British 
are great and mocking 

379
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:35,000
themselves, right, Like, you 
know, like I'm not the skinniest

380
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,600
lad anymore, right. 
Like, you know, I look a bit a 

381
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,240
little bit more like Boris 
Johnson than I do like Matt 

382
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:44,760
Wayne when these days, right, 
like, you know, like I'm I, I am

383
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,880
a little bit I am a little bit 
awkward, right. 

384
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:52,480
I you know, I sometimes say 
inappropriate things I like, 

385
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,680
but. 
You're describing most men just 

386
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,160
so you know, right? 
Right. 

387
00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,760
But like I'm also at the point 
where I'm like, all right, I 

388
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,960
don't care. 
Well, I am who I am and I'm 

389
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,640
actually happy on who I am and I
actually embrace that. 

390
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,520
And so I don't know whether 
there was a set moment, but it 

391
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:13,400
was just a realization in life 
that like I don't need to try 

392
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,800
and impress other people. 
There was just a light bulb 

393
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,960
moment on on that. 
And then? 

394
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,160
Well, they're connected. 
I mean, if you learn to accept 

395
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,480
yourself, guess what, James 
Shame, and I'm not saying it's 

396
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,360
going to go away completely, but
if you learn to accept yourself 

397
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,960
and, and where you're at and 
what's going on, it's hard for 

398
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,640
shame to, to have a hold in that
if that's how you feel about 

399
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:36,080
yourself. 
So that that makes a lot of 

400
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,320
sense. 
And I also like, so we were 

401
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,360
talking about my, my, my dad and
my mum and my dad and, and like,

402
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:46,600
it was just a few moments where 
I, I, I kind of look back on 

403
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,800
history and like, you know, the 
history is the history, right? 

404
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:55,720
I can't, I can't go back and 
like change my awkwardness as a 

405
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,080
kid. 
Like that's who I like was. 

406
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,360
And my dad always used to say 
that humans float, right? 

407
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:06,440
That was his one saying, which 
meant that like, it's actually 

408
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,640
harder to drown than it is to 
float because by default the 

409
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:15,160
human body floats up. 
And, and that plus when I like, 

410
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,480
you know, when I was a teenager 
and I was going through 

411
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,640
everything with my mum and my 
dad, you don't you're a 

412
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,760
teenager. 
You don't realize all of all of 

413
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,160
what's going on. 
Yeah, my mom is now my best 

414
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,680
friend. 
But when I had a conversation 

415
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:33,240
with her and like she spoke 
about like her moments of real 

416
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,880
depression and the real like she
just did everything for her 

417
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,920
kids. 
And, and, and so long answer is 

418
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:43,360
I think that like when I moved 
to America, became a husband to 

419
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:49,680
a wife and then became a dad, I 
just realized there's a lot more

420
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:56,800
than worrying. 
There's A and and I think my 

421
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,320
whole family has always wanted 
to help others. 

422
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:05,320
To me, you can't help everyone, 
but if you can help one person, 

423
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,960
yeah, that's that's just the way
you should be. 

424
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:14,040
I actually posted on that on 
LinkedIn this week on, on like, 

425
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,920
I would always rather be that 
kind person, that supportive 

426
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,760
person than the someone that 
would stamp on someone else's 

427
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,400
head. 
Like it's just, I think in my 

428
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,360
DNA. 
I'm not a scientist, but. 

429
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:30,480
I know, but but OK, you've 
you've touched on a couple 

430
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,680
things that I mean, and, and 
it's, it's not a popular thing 

431
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,680
to say these days, but, but I'm 
OK with that. 

432
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,240
I'm OK with the idea of saying 
no, no, you know what? 

433
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,040
Men are wired a certain way. 
Yeah. 

434
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,360
And, and I'm not saying every 
man. 

435
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:45,400
I'm not saying that there aren't
exceptions to the rule. 

436
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,680
I'm not saying, but I'm saying 
when I talk to people, there's a

437
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,920
commonality there. 
And, and it's, it's sad because 

438
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:54,440
some guys don't even like to say
this anymore because of what's 

439
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,680
going on in society. 
And, and, and it's almost like 

440
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,760
they're trying to merge men and 
women is the same thing. 

441
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,960
When, when really we are very 
different machines. 

442
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,360
We're very different biological 
machines. 

443
00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:07,320
But one of the commonalities is 
you, and you've gone over a 

444
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,520
couple of them. 
The, the, the, the need that's 

445
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:13,320
in us to provide that we want to
provide. 

446
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,960
It's, it's, it's something 
that's there, you know, I, I 

447
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,240
joke with, with Candace all the 
time, who's one of the founders 

448
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,000
with, along with Joel and Randy,
if he changed it, you know, if 

449
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,960
the byproduct of a tech company 
even being moderately successful

450
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,800
is a lot of money, OK, that's 
the byproduct. 

451
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,720
And so Candy would say things 
like, oh, I'm going to retire 

452
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,120
you and all that sort of stuff, 
right. 

453
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,240
And don't get me wrong, there 
are like moments where I'm like,

454
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,000
Oh yeah, it'd be nice to have, 
you know, a month of being 

455
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,760
retired and, and, and very 
comfortable that way where I 

456
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:47,280
didn't have to do that. 
But I'll tell you, I've met many

457
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:53,240
dudes who have a few money who 
now have lost purpose because 

458
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,640
the providing is sort of done, 
but they're not doing it on a 

459
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,280
day-to-day thing. 
And they have to figure 

460
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:02,080
something out that will give 
them something that scratches 

461
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:05,040
that same itch. 
The other side of that coin is 

462
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,840
you have just perfectly 
encapsulated what he changed. 

463
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:12,600
It is men have this stigma that 
we don't get vulnerable, OK, but

464
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,000
many men, I'm not going to say 
all men. 

465
00:26:15,120 --> 00:26:17,560
Of course, there's exceptions. 
Again, disclaim, disclaim, 

466
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,480
disclaim in this day and age, Oh
my God. 

467
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:24,280
But there are so many men that 
are wired to want to help 

468
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,400
immediately. 
Like I, I use this example all 

469
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,360
the time. 
A guy who is a professional 

470
00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:31,960
painter is walking down the 
street and he sees a guy 

471
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:36,320
painting a fence and the guy is,
is, is ass backwards doing it. 

472
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:38,200
He's just not, he's not doing it
right. 

473
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,480
That guy many times will walk 
over and say, hey, if you did 

474
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,600
this and this and this, it would
take the half the time and half 

475
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,280
the paint. 
Oh, OK. 

476
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,080
Like we, we, we naturally want 
to help. 

477
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,400
The act of helping is 
vulnerability. 

478
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,640
It's it's not showing. 
And so he changed. 

479
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,480
It is all about leave something 
that you know and take something

480
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,840
that you need. 
And many times like that act 

481
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:03,080
alone is vulnerability and many 
men are wired that way and can 

482
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,160
understand that, which is why 
that wraps into all everything 

483
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,680
that he changed his doing. 
And it feels like you're just 

484
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:12,040
making that case. 
Yeah, I mean, you touched on a 

485
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:15,120
few points here. 
I mean, the I loved Friends 

486
00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:16,960
growing up. 
I think everyone in the everyone

487
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,920
loved Friends, loved it, right. 
But there was the Phoebe and 

488
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,720
Joey and there was like, there's
no selfless acts. 

489
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,400
Like you're always doing 
something for a reason. 

490
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:32,160
And it's like, why, why can't 
you to your point, like if you 

491
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,520
know, if I'm, if I'm walking 
down the street and I'm not very

492
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,400
good at painting fences, but 
like if I was walking down the 

493
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,800
street and someone was doing it 
badly, why wouldn't I want to 

494
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:41,720
help out? 
Right? 

495
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:49,960
Like, like, and, and we all, we 
all kind of like trains like, 

496
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,040
like what's in it for me? 
What's in it for me? 

497
00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:55,920
Like sure. 
Like, like there's nothing in it

498
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,120
for me. 
It's just like, that's a good 

499
00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:00,480
thing to do in life. 
It's the right thing to do. 

500
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:06,000
Like, like, as someone, like 
someone's in my daughter's 

501
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,280
daycare came up to me this 
morning and was like, hey, like 

502
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,200
you're, you're good at sales, 
right? 

503
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,520
And I was like, well, not 
really, but like, like, you 

504
00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:15,560
know, like that has been my job.
And he's like, I'm starting a 

505
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,040
new business. 
Like, can you help me out? 

506
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:23,400
And my immediate reaction was, 
OK, let me brainstorm some ideas

507
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:24,560
with you. 
Let me see what I can do. 

508
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,160
All right? 
Let me be honest, like you, what

509
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,200
your business is is nothing to 
do with what I've done in my 

510
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,360
career. 
But I'm more than happy to have 

511
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:34,440
a conversation, have a cup of 
coffee with you. 

512
00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:37,320
Yeah. 
And, and I'm not interested in 

513
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:41,280
like, well, I hope I get shares 
in that company and I hope I 

514
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:44,080
he'd get payment in it. 
I'm just like, all right, if I 

515
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:47,760
can help him, like if I can help
him in a small way, great. 

516
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,280
Like that, That should be the 
way of life. 

517
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:55,160
It should be but but but like, 
and this is where it gets even 

518
00:28:55,560 --> 00:29:00,000
where again, things that are 
naturally hard hardwired into us

519
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,400
even get demonized. 
Like like the idea of this is 

520
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,320
what we're talking about here. 
Other people might spin that and

521
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:07,960
going, Oh yeah, you're just 
mansplaining. 

522
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,720
Like they demonize it. 
They like like it's a bad thing.

523
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,200
And don't get me wrong, we can 
all have tact. 

524
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,560
We all need to learn how to 
actively listen so we don't 

525
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,880
steamroll people. 
I'm not, I'm not saying I'm 

526
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,680
throwing any babies out with any
bathwater. 

527
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,400
I'm not doing that. 
But what I'm saying is, is that 

528
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:27,080
many times that mansplaining 
quote, UN quote comes from a 

529
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,280
place of wanting to just help, 
wanting to just explain that 

530
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,280
learn, don't be abrasive. 
Don't be, you know, be open 

531
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,480
minded, be, you know, don't try 
and control. 

532
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,240
OK, I get all that, I get all 
that. 

533
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,720
Of course there's nuance and 
there's but, but again, that's 

534
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:43,400
what we're talking about here. 
And it's really, at the end of 

535
00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,600
the day, so many men are wired 
to want to do that. 

536
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,720
Right. 
And, and, and, you know, bring 

537
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,040
it back. 
Let's bring it back to mental 

538
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:58,760
health, right? 
Yeah, I genuinely think there 

539
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:03,000
are like you know, we talk about
my books, right, I genuinely 

540
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,560
everyone, everyone is a book, 
right, Everyone has ones at 

541
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:10,200
least one story in them of their
life, their ups and downs, their

542
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:11,800
challenges. 
Everyone has it. 

543
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:21,480
Everyone has tough days, right? 
Every man and wants to help out 

544
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,480
others like not actually, I'll, 
I'll go back. 

545
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:29,080
Not every woman, not every man, 
but a lot of people want to when

546
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,960
people are down, support them 
and help them out. 

547
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:36,760
Like, I think the challenge, 
part of the challenge with 

548
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:40,480
mental health though, is you 
have to embrace that health. 

549
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:45,000
Like a lot of people came to me 
last year. 

550
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,200
A lot of people come to me a few
times and again, like, oh, like,

551
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:50,400
like, I'm so sorry. 
Like, you know, like actually a 

552
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:55,640
few weeks ago, like I randomly I
had two dogs and I love dogs 

553
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:57,400
more than I love most human 
being. 

554
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:01,480
Yeah, yeah. 
I lost my first dog in January 

555
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:05,600
this year and I lost my my 
second dog in February this 

556
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,760
year. 
And you and like, your reaction 

557
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:09,600
there is like, oh man, that 
sucks. 

558
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:13,640
Like what can it like your 
immediate reaction without 

559
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,920
knowing me was how can I help? 
What can I do? 

560
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:21,120
Yeah. 
And my immediate reaction is I 

561
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:24,040
don't want a hug. 
I don't want support. 

562
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:30,080
I'm OK handling this on my own. 
And what, you know, if one 

563
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:32,960
person listens to this again, 
like if one person listens to 

564
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:36,840
this and goes OK, you might not 
want help from Mike. 

565
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:41,200
You didn't want that sympathy. 
But you need your suffering. 

566
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,120
You need to find your output to 
help you. 

567
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:47,080
Then you and I have done our job
for the next step. 

568
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,400
Like oh. 
My gosh, I, I just, one of the 

569
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:55,240
things I'm working on in my life
right now is, is emotionally 

570
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:59,480
managing people. 
Yeah, when, when, when somebody 

571
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:04,840
in my life is upset, I want to 
help that. 

572
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,680
And, and just like, just like 
you said, like, like, like you 

573
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:09,440
lost both your dogs. 
Oh my God. 

574
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:11,360
Like, I think that is a 
universal. 

575
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:15,040
I think that that most people 
would hear that and go, oh, that

576
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:16,920
sucks. 
And they want to know this story

577
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:18,840
and they want to know. 
And they, and the empathy is 

578
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:19,680
there. 
They want to help. 

579
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:21,840
Right. 
But you can go too far in that 

580
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:23,800
too. 
You can be like, OK, well, I'm 

581
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:27,520
not like if, if one of the kids 
is going through something is 

582
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:31,640
upset is whatever. 
Sometimes we can take emotional 

583
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:35,880
management too far where if 
they're not OK, we're not OK. 

584
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:39,720
So if I can't help them change 
their attitude or change their, 

585
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,920
their viewpoint on things, or I 
can't help them with that, where

586
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,480
I don't feel like they're OK now
I'm going to be stuck in a fight

587
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,320
or flight kind of spot. 
And, and, and that's something, 

588
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,120
that's something I'm working on 
right now personally, because 

589
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:57,800
empathy needs to be managed to 
just like every other emotion 

590
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:01,480
that we have. 
And I, I love, I, yeah, that's, 

591
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,600
that's, I love that you brought 
it up in that story. 

592
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:07,720
I'm sorry you lost your dogs. 
That sucks like that. 

593
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,760
Yeah, man, that's, that's a, 
that's a, that's a brutal thing.

594
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:13,480
I want to pivot to the books for
a second. 

595
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:16,200
Here was Stars will guide you 
home. 

596
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:17,640
That was your first book, right?
No. 

597
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,120
So do you know the background on
that? 

598
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:21,080
Because I think it will help 
you. 

599
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:25,640
Do I very much because the book,
the synopsis fascinates me. 

600
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,200
I haven't read it. 
Full disclosure, I'll. 

601
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,040
Get your address after this 
Mike, I'll send you 30 I. 

602
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:32,480
Appreciate it, man. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

603
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,320
I'd love to because the synopsis
fascinated me like crazy. 

604
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:39,640
And, and, and some of this from 
Grandfather inspired this stuff.

605
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,120
Yeah. 
OK, this is where it's 

606
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:43,760
interesting, right? 
So, so stars is actually a 

607
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:49,360
really interesting project. 
My grand for all four of my 

608
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:53,360
grandparents were in the Second 
World War, like, and not only 

609
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:57,640
were they in the Second World 
War, I mean, they were really in

610
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,560
the middle of it. 
Like my granddad on my mum's 

611
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,760
side was dropped behind the 
enemy lines in Burma. 

612
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,360
Like the bridge over River Kwai 
was his regiment. 

613
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:10,120
Like, I mean, that's crazy. 
You know, my granddad on my 

614
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:14,600
dad's side was in the British 
Navy on the Atlantic Fleet 

615
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:21,320
trying to hunt down EU boats. 
My grandma on my mum's side was 

616
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:27,440
17 and and moved from like a 
rural countryside, Wales, to go 

617
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:31,840
to like one of the busiest 
hospitals in London and then got

618
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:35,120
evacuated with the kids. 
And my other grandma on my dad's

619
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:39,199
side was in the Second World War
in London. 

620
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:43,400
She was working at what was in a
furniture factory, and they 

621
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:45,520
changed it into making 
aeroplanes. 

622
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,239
Yeah. 
And then she was a warden on the

623
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,000
street. 
So when the sirens went off, she

624
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,080
was one of the people that was 
walking around making sure 

625
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:56,880
people got underground. 
So that was that was a real 

626
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,600
like, I'm really proud of all of
them for, for what they did. 

627
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:06,440
What was interesting as a 
teenager was two of my 

628
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:10,160
grandparents, what would you 
know when you have classes and 

629
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,120
stuff like that? 
They would tell me everything. 

630
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:16,080
They would tell me like almost 
too much details for a 14 year 

631
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:17,680
old. 
Like, you know, like, hey, I was

632
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:19,680
behind enemy lines. 
Like, yeah, I blew up a bridge. 

633
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:24,280
I killed some enemies. 
Like, like, whoa, like 2 of my 

634
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:27,600
grandparents didn't say a word 
about it at all. 

635
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,000
Didn't want to, didn't want me 
to know about it. 

636
00:35:30,240 --> 00:35:33,200
And again, I think that mental 
health, that stigma of like, 

637
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:36,040
they, they didn't want the 
medals, They didn't want the 

638
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:39,720
anything like, yeah, that come 
came across. 

639
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:44,800
Anyway, So Long story short, so 
when I moved to America, I 

640
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:47,680
didn't have any friends. 
I had moved to a brand new 

641
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:48,880
place. 
I was on my own. 

642
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,640
And I'd always liked writing and
my I only had one grandparent 

643
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,920
left. 
And so I started calling her and

644
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:59,360
she just got diagnosed with 
dementia at the time. 

645
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:03,400
So I started calling her and 
asking her about her experiences

646
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:07,200
in the war and started writing 
down. 

647
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,640
And then I was like, and then 
like, you know, like I remember 

648
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:13,040
Granddaddy was in Japan, like in
Burma, like. 

649
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,200
And so she would tell me all of 
the stories. 

650
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:16,960
I started writing them down. 
Yeah. 

651
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:21,280
And that transcends transpired 
into, well, then I'm going to 

652
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:22,840
talk to my dad about his 
parents. 

653
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,320
And then I'm actually going to 
do some research. 

654
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:31,920
And I just started writing this 
down and I wrote Stars where I 

655
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:37,360
then went into the fiction world
and I was like, OK, I want to 

656
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:41,360
tell the story of World War 2 
from 4 different angles. 

657
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,560
Yeah. 
And, you know, they'd never met 

658
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,400
before the war, but of course, 
in this book, they did. 

659
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:52,400
Like miraculously in this in my 
book, one of them happens to be 

660
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,600
a Pearl Harbour. 
The day Pearl Harbour got 

661
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:57,640
attacked, you know, like one of 
them met Queen Elizabeth. 

662
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:01,320
Like, like I just created this 
fictional world of like World 

663
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:04,720
War 2, but it was my, we talked 
about it earlier. 

664
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:09,080
I was lonely and it was my way 
of connecting with my family 

665
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:12,520
from across the world and 
writing down and, and building 

666
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:14,240
out my story. 
And, and so that's how I built 

667
00:37:14,240 --> 00:37:18,280
stars. 
And that, you know, I, I love 

668
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,400
the fact now that my 9 year old 
is reading it and I, and I have 

669
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:26,160
to remind myself that like it's,
it's a little bit like, yeah, 

670
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:27,880
maybe you should read that 
chapter. 

671
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,360
Like, you know, like. 
It's like the grandparent who 

672
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,520
who is has no problem telling 
you the horrors and the 

673
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:34,000
atrocities. 
Right. 

674
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,480
Yeah, but. 
Hold on. 

675
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,360
I'm gonna ask you about that. 
I'm gonna ask you about that. 

676
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:43,880
Because, like, OK, there are 
people out there like I look at 

677
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:46,000
my childhood, right? 
I mean, we we all this is a 

678
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,520
universal thing. 
I think we Gen. 

679
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:52,120
X OK, Because, because Gen. 
X like I'm a young grandpa and, 

680
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:57,160
and grandfather as as as she 
calls me Paw, she's 70. 

681
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,800
It's the best, it's the best. 
I see her five days a week. 

682
00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:01,160
She's my favorite thing on the 
whole planet. 

683
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:05,120
That's amazing. 
But but I know that I lean to 

684
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:09,400
what you're talking about. 
I'm the guy that will say things

685
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:12,480
that other parents might look 
at, especially parents like, 

686
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:14,560
'cause it's first, especially 
first time parents, right, 

687
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,840
'cause, you know, you know, once
you go through it, you've got a 

688
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,920
little bit different of a 
perspective of things. 

689
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:23,520
And, and I will be the guy that 
I have to get talked to 

690
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,920
sometimes or it's like, Hey, 
she's only 7. 

691
00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:28,120
Be careful of some of these 
things that you're, you're 

692
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,720
laying on her. 
But I remember when I was a kid,

693
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:32,600
don't come home till the street 
lights. 

694
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:36,440
Are on, you know, or or. 
Like, like, you know, and, and 

695
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,880
when you look at when it comes 
to safety, in some respects, in 

696
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:42,360
most respects, we have never 
lived in a time that's more 

697
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:43,960
safe. 
Yet we still try and bubble wrap

698
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,520
the kids in a way that they 
haven't been. 

699
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:49,480
So, so hearing you talk about 
this, I think there's a lot of 

700
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,400
dudes out there that are, are 
trying to figure out what that 

701
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,880
balance is, right? 
I mean, I mean, I haven't I 

702
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:59,360
definitely have words out like, 
you know, I am on the OK, she's 

703
00:38:59,360 --> 00:39:00,960
9, She's fine. 
Like, you know, like the other 

704
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:04,600
week, like let's get. 
A T-shirt. 

705
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:05,320
She's 9. 
She's. 

706
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:10,680
Fine, right, You know, but there
is like, you know, with the 

707
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,200
book, there's a proudness of it.
Like like I hope that like she 

708
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:17,800
starts asking me questions like,
hey, was your was your granddad 

709
00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:20,080
was great. 
Granddad do actually doing this.

710
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,280
It's like, no, he wasn't 
actually in Pearl Harbor. 

711
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:26,040
Yes, he did actually do this, 
but because I hope that they 

712
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:29,160
learn the history. 
I hope it's not for Conan, but 

713
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,960
like on the same side of things 
like I'm, and I don't know why, 

714
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:37,240
but like I, I also I, I didn't 
grow up in a world of like 

715
00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:39,520
summer camps or any of that like
that. 

716
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,920
My daughter goes to night now 
it's like pick up at 8, gets 

717
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:44,640
home at 5, like plays games all 
day. 

718
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:49,200
Like like I summer holidays in 
England was like, all right, 

719
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:52,960
we're going to like from 
probably about nine years old 

720
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:57,200
was like I'm out like, like, and
there was eight of us that were 

721
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:00,960
like, we would walk the streets,
play football together. 

722
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:05,520
One of one, one of the parents 
worked in the bakery, so she 

723
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,200
would always get us like like 
discount sandwiches. 

724
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:12,240
One of the parents worked right 
cleaners so that we could use 

725
00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:14,640
the the toilet to get like in 
the middle of the night. 

726
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:21,200
But like so I am much more of 
that like OK, like mindset and 

727
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,240
and. 
You know, I probably shouldn't, 

728
00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:27,720
but I, I let my kids watch. 
I don't want to say grown up 

729
00:40:27,720 --> 00:40:32,800
movies, but like, like the other
the other week my known Rd. 

730
00:40:32,800 --> 00:40:37,040
watched Pitch Perfect, right? 
Yeah, he's an actress, she's a 

731
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:40,680
singer and she doesn't get some 
of the jokes and things. 

732
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:45,480
And so I'm OK with her watching 
that, right? 

733
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:49,760
When you were when you were a 
lad, did you and the boys watch 

734
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:51,560
R rated movies? 
Yeah, right. 

735
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:52,920
Like I mean I. 
Sure did. 

736
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,640
I saw Revenge of the Nerds when 
I was grade 4. 

737
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:58,080
You know that? 
OK, so that's a raunchy comedy. 

738
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:01,280
But at that same party, the way 
I watched that, we also watched 

739
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,720
the first Terminator. 
Like as a mom said, I terminate 

740
00:41:04,720 --> 00:41:06,360
A RoboCop. 
I feel like every one of our 

741
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,040
generation. 
Yeah, Robocop's another one 

742
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:11,240
again. 
Yeah, like, yes, exactly. 

743
00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:15,720
And, and so if it was OK for me,
then there's a part of me that's

744
00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:18,200
like, OK, well, no, she can 
handle this stuff. 

745
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:20,680
And, and, and I'd rather get it 
out in the open and talk about 

746
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,360
this stuff. 
I'd rather be the friend in that

747
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,920
regard. 
You know, I, I do like the idea 

748
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,120
of, of deeper relationships 
between parents or grandparents 

749
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:28,640
and the kids. 
So where there is a, there is a 

750
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,560
friend component. 
I dig that a lot. 

751
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:35,040
And that's an area where there 
can be, if there is openness to 

752
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:36,080
things. 
Yeah. 

753
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,520
You know, I he didn't want to 
hide that stuff from my parents,

754
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:39,760
but. 
But I did. 

755
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:42,920
I think, I think I, I mean, one 
of the thing, I mean, there's a 

756
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,200
million recent things that I 
respect about my wife. 

757
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,800
Like, I know I'm obviously 
punching about flight, you know,

758
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:53,200
like, yeah, but like my wife has
always had this like, let's have

759
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,600
open conversations with our 
daughter right from an early 

760
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:56,840
age. 
Like if you like, if you're 

761
00:41:56,840 --> 00:42:00,480
upset, if you're like, and like 
right now she's she's dropping 

762
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:01,840
right now. 
She's knowing and she's dealing 

763
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,000
with like bullies and things. 
And like, I'd much rather her 

764
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:10,080
have that conversation with us 
and train talk things through 

765
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:14,360
with her helper than her hide 
things like going back like, you

766
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:17,960
know, to the, the, the piece and
the and the other thing is, I 

767
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:20,440
mean, like I actually listened 
to another podcast this morning.

768
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:22,560
My friend started his own 
podcast. 

769
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:27,080
We talk about like what affects 
one person versus another 

770
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,520
person, right? 
Like my friend has loved movies 

771
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:31,360
for years. 
So he started his own podcast on

772
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:35,040
movies. 
I, I clearly remember 9 or 10 

773
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,640
years old watching RoboCop with 
that guy, right? 

774
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,080
Absolutely. 
It did not affect either of us. 

775
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,840
He talked about the never ending
story this morning and that film

776
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:50,400
traumatized me for years. 
Like, you know, and, and I think

777
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:57,360
that like goes back to the one 
person's one person dealing with

778
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:01,960
it in one way is is OK and 
another person dealing with 

779
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,640
something in another way is OK 
like that. 

780
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:11,240
We're it's not, it's not like, 
you know, when it comes to 

781
00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:16,440
mental health, it's not like, 
OK, you have a migraine. 

782
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:20,760
OK, We know from years of 
experience of studying a 

783
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:24,720
migraine these medicine works 
best. 

784
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:27,400
Yeah, yeah. 
Mental health is like there are 

785
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:30,920
so many different triggers and 
weight and things and things 

786
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:34,200
that affect people and so many 
different ways of coming out 

787
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:39,280
from it and, and that's OK. 
Like that's the, you know, the 

788
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:45,320
more the people embrace, like 
actually, I'm not OK, but I need

789
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:47,800
help. 
But I don't like, I don't want 

790
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:49,880
the help of talking to someone 
on the phone. 

791
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:53,880
I don't want this. 
I'm the more you embrace that, 

792
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:57,920
the more that we, we accept that
not like you said earlier, 

793
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,320
we've, we've accepted the normal
mental health now. 

794
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:04,360
And I kind of feel like society 
is accepted that mental health 

795
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:08,280
is a, is a thing. 
It's not like made-up story, 

796
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:10,040
like a never ending story, 
right? 

797
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:14,560
It's actually real. 
But I think like more people 

798
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:18,720
embrace that. 
It's not just one thing, it's a 

799
00:44:18,720 --> 00:44:23,240
whole whole scenario here. 
That's that's the key to me. 

800
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,640
Well, for me, like, I mean, I 
look at it the same way that I 

801
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:31,160
would look at, you know, I'm AI 
have a financial business and I 

802
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:34,680
look at other advisors and I and
I say to them, OK, hey, what do 

803
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:36,200
you do? 
What are you doing right now 

804
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:37,280
with the markets and what 
they're doing? 

805
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,200
What do you do or, or, or, you 
know, what are some of the 

806
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:40,600
things? 
And we bounce things off of each

807
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,880
other all the time. 
And I think I think men are very

808
00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:45,680
good at that. 
They're very good at being, you 

809
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:48,480
know, inquisitive about that. 
And, and, and, you know, we'll, 

810
00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:51,800
we'll refer people to each other
when we see an opportunity to do

811
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:54,840
that, not because of any game, 
like you said earlier, but at so

812
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:58,080
at the end of the day, you know,
you've got some widths and 

813
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:01,240
breadths of experience here. 
What are some of the things for 

814
00:45:01,240 --> 00:45:02,760
James? 
What are some of those things 

815
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:07,360
that when when, when you know, 
you feel like you've got twelve 

816
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,480
holes in the dam, but only 10 
fingers and stuff going on and 

817
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:12,920
you know, what are what are some
of the things that you have 

818
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,800
found effective to deal with 
these things? 

819
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:19,280
Yeah, so, so we kind of touched 
on two of them already, right. 

820
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:24,440
So for me personally, writing, 
writing is my escape to the 

821
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,320
world. 
So we said about the first book.

822
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:32,920
My second book was I'd done 20 
years of tech sales and I I'd 

823
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,040
seen so much BS and so many 
learners. 

824
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,560
Keep calm and carry on learning.
That's this is the one we carry 

825
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:41,280
on. 
So I, I just, I wanted to write 

826
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:42,960
down. 
I didn't want to write a 

827
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:45,480
business book. 
I wanted to write down short 

828
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,960
stories, but with learnings in 
them. 

829
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:50,240
That's fantastic. 
And I genuinely think it like 

830
00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:54,240
it's, you know, my, my 4 
followers or whatever it is. 

831
00:45:54,240 --> 00:45:58,840
But I genuinely think that like,
if you read keep calm, anyone 

832
00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:02,000
can learn from it. 
You know, a shopkeeper or a 

833
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,520
financial advisor there. 
There's, there's something that,

834
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:07,960
you know, it's not rocket 
scientist, something that's 

835
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:11,480
like, hey, like, Oh yeah, I 
should think about tone and body

836
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:12,880
language. 
I think should think about 

837
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:14,240
perception. 
Right. 

838
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:18,120
And then I just did and the 
Animals, which was my third 

839
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:21,840
book, which is my favorite one I
did, which was I started with my

840
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,280
daughter's Addie. 
So I started with, OK, I'm going

841
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:28,440
to do Addie and the egg and I'm 
going to do a little quirky kids

842
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:32,600
story that rhymes about, you 
know, a talking animal, the 

843
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:35,040
embracing change. 
And it's like, well, I've got 

844
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:37,720
two kids, so I've got to do 
Stevie and the Spider then. 

845
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,680
The theme is embracing change. 
Yeah, Addie's. 

846
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:44,120
Addie's embracing change. 
What a beautiful, beautiful 

847
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,480
thing to try. 
And yeah, right can change 

848
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,680
because life for life is 
everything is temporary. 

849
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:51,680
We know this, right? 
Yeah, great. 

850
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:54,920
So so so then I did Stevie and 
the spot and it's Stevie and the

851
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:58,000
spot is about like scared to do 
something like all right, like 

852
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,040
OK, so then I was like all 
right, these are fun, right? 

853
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,800
Like, you know, like, OK, I'll 
do my nieces and nephew, but 

854
00:47:04,800 --> 00:47:09,480
like I've, I've already done S 
and Sky is my my nephew. 

855
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:11,120
So I'm like, OK, I'll do his 
middle name. 

856
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,280
So I'll do Braiden. 
And then and then he just grew 

857
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:17,640
and grew and I did ended up with
26 short stories. 

858
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:23,120
And so that was so that to me, 
whenever I'm feeling stressed, 

859
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:27,920
like last week, I was, you know,
really in a stressful spot with 

860
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:30,000
the work situation and other 
things. 

861
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:34,360
I was like, I I need to write 
for an hour a day, even if I do 

862
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:36,560
two things, That's my that's my 
escape. 

863
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:40,840
And, and I've also come to the 
conclusion like, yeah, of 

864
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:45,120
course, my next one is, is 
called Chloe Stone and the Orbs 

865
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:47,000
of destiny. 
And I decided that like I'm 

866
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,880
going to take on JK Mullen that 
like, like, you know, that tiny 

867
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:51,240
author. 
Yep. 

868
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:56,960
And I, I genuinely, I just 
started to think I, I'd had this

869
00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,840
idea for years about this, like 
what happens if there's an alien

870
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:04,440
school on there? 
And I genuinely saw an article 

871
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:05,840
that annoyed me about JK 
Rowling. 

872
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:08,280
I loved Harry Potter, loved 
those books. 

873
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:13,080
And then my brother's an openly 
gay man and I just don't like 

874
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:16,120
the ick around it, right? 
Like I don't like what? 

875
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:19,000
And so I was like, all right, 
I'm going to write Chloe Stone 

876
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:20,920
and the Orbs of destiny. 
It's going to be an 11 year old 

877
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:23,960
American that goes to an English
school and it's an alien school 

878
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:29,680
and like, like, and I've much so
you dream like, oh, I hope it 

879
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:32,200
gets as big as like Harry 
Potter. 

880
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:37,000
Like I'm perfectly content with 
the fact that I've just taken 

881
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:40,000
some negative thoughts in my 
mind. 

882
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,080
I've I've dealt with it in my 
own way. 

883
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:46,040
And if five people buy the book,
great, like. 

884
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:49,880
The process is the outcome. 
Yeah, exactly, exactly. 

885
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:52,120
Who knows what happens after 
that, but the process is the 

886
00:48:52,240 --> 00:48:53,840
important part, yeah? 
Exactly. 

887
00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:59,120
So you also that I have never 
been one to open up. 

888
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,400
In fact, this is like, you know,
if any of my friends hear this, 

889
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:05,200
this is probably the most open 
I've been with a lot of my 

890
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,520
friends when it comes to mental 
health. 

891
00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:14,160
Yeah, like to take him out like.
You, you would never, never. 

892
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:16,000
Like, I think that there are 
people listening to this right 

893
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,640
now that are probably going to 
be flabbergasted by that. 

894
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:21,520
Yeah, right. 
But I again like that stigma. 

895
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:24,760
I'm like, I I hung out with them
on the streets. 

896
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,480
I've been, I grew up with these 
people like my, some of my best 

897
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:30,760
friends, like my neighbors down 
the road, like I know that 

898
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:32,240
they're everyone's dealing with 
their own thing. 

899
00:49:32,240 --> 00:49:36,160
Like, I don't want them to think
of me in a certain way, which is

900
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:37,600
crazy. 
Yeah. 

901
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:39,880
But I haven't, I haven't 
mastered that. 

902
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:45,880
So therapy has helped, though, 
like last year, I last year was 

903
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:48,600
probably the darkest I've been 
in a while. 

904
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:56,720
And if not alive and depression 
kind of, and mental health can 

905
00:49:56,720 --> 00:50:01,920
affect people in different ways.
I was getting really angry and I

906
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:06,040
wasn't realizing it. 
And it got to the point I think 

907
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:10,800
it was even July 4th, we went 
away and my daughter, we were in

908
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:13,200
a swimming pool. 
And my daughter stormed off and 

909
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:16,560
said she didn't want to talk to 
me because I was so angry. 

910
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:20,840
And it like, broke my heart. 
Yeah. 

911
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:27,680
And I realised that I'm not the 
person that I want to be. 

912
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:32,320
And so I sought out therapists 
and I saw our therapist that I 

913
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:39,240
see nearly every week. 
And I honestly do not care what 

914
00:50:39,240 --> 00:50:43,600
her suggestions are 99% as 
occasionally she does come up 

915
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:47,640
something and say like, but it's
a way of me being able to talk 

916
00:50:48,240 --> 00:50:52,640
openly about what I want, what 
I'm feeling, what I'm doing that

917
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:54,920
I never that I'd shut off in my 
life. 

918
00:50:54,920 --> 00:51:00,960
So that was the second And then 
my third hour is walking like 

919
00:51:00,960 --> 00:51:05,840
I'm I've again, I used to play 
sports and not that it's sport, 

920
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:10,000
but I love going into a walk for
an hour. 

921
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:13,360
Yep, on my own clearing. 
My head. 

922
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:16,360
I know that that doesn't work 
for certain people. 

923
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:21,800
Like, I know that all three of 
those options, you will probably

924
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,600
go like, dude, I'm never going 
to write. 

925
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:28,160
I hate walking, and the idea of 
talking to a stranger just 

926
00:51:28,240 --> 00:51:31,840
doesn't abort me. 
But what I found is that those 

927
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,720
three help me. 
And I think it's important that 

928
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:41,480
people realise everyone has some
kind of out something. 

929
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:44,440
Yeah, I mean like I think you 
are. 

930
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:48,920
Universal, I really do. 
You, you, you, but you know it 

931
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:51,720
gets customized for each person.
Unique. 

932
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:55,680
I thought I was unique. 
You are. 

933
00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:59,040
But we are all unique, but 
everybody poops. 

934
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:01,760
And so there's, there's 
universal things too, right? 

935
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:06,640
So, so, so like physical 
activity like is like you need 

936
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:08,880
to move your body. 
It needs to happen. 

937
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:10,920
Like, like, like, I mean, OK, 
guys who are in a wheelchair, 

938
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:13,080
guys who are who are physically 
encumbered, whatever. 

939
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:17,920
I'm saying the vast majority of 
people out there, if they create

940
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:22,200
some sort of physical movement, 
there will be a net result in 

941
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:26,280
other areas of their life. 
Cardiovascular, sure, OK, but 

942
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:29,560
your mental health big time, big
time. 

943
00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:31,240
So moving your body, whatever 
that looks like. 

944
00:52:31,240 --> 00:52:34,880
And I love that you walk because
walking is really at the end of 

945
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:36,240
the day. 
I love that there's a, there's 

946
00:52:36,240 --> 00:52:38,720
a, there's a, a culture of 
10,000 steps out there now 

947
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:41,000
because a lot of people work in 
buildings and they're, they're, 

948
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:42,880
they're, they're, they're doing 
1000 steps a day. 

949
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:47,680
Hey, get out for 45 minutes, get
it up to 10,000 and, and, and 

950
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:51,120
see how things improve. 
And they do improve, including 

951
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:55,720
how you are equipped to deal 
with the pressures of this 

952
00:52:55,720 --> 00:52:57,240
modern society. 
Like like, like. 

953
00:52:57,240 --> 00:52:58,920
So, yeah, I think that is a 
universal one. 

954
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:03,000
I think getting it out somehow 
is also universal. 

955
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,000
I think you get it out in a one 
way when you're writing, when 

956
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,800
you're using your creative, 
clearly you're a creative and 

957
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:10,920
that creative muscle needs to be
exercised. 

958
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:13,480
And I love that you said that 
you're not trying to. 

959
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:16,640
And don't get me wrong, I love 
the idea, like the idea of it 

960
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:18,160
being an alien school in 
Britain. 

961
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:21,520
That's really cool because then 
you can really talk about some 

962
00:53:21,520 --> 00:53:25,320
of these things that are so, you
know, that kids are going 

963
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:28,160
through in this modern society 
where they all feel different. 

964
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:29,400
Well, guess what? 
They all are different. 

965
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:30,640
Yeah. 
They're all different. 

966
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:31,920
Exactly. 
Yeah. 

967
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:34,600
You know, and, and, and so I, I 
love that. 

968
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:37,440
But you know, that's the net. 
That's that's a great message. 

969
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:40,480
But really, at the end of the 
day, you just writing and 

970
00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:42,920
getting it out of you and using 
some of your creativity. 

971
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:46,560
That's that's the thing. 
That's the thing that helps you.

972
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:48,920
And then who knows what happens 
after that. 

973
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:53,560
So that's I, I love that you're 
you, you, you have identified 

974
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,960
that. 
And anybody who's listening to 

975
00:53:55,960 --> 00:53:59,480
this, if you haven't identified 
what it is that helps you 

976
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:04,000
release the pressure valve, find
out what it is, find out what it

977
00:54:04,000 --> 00:54:04,880
is for you. 
You know. 

978
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:07,160
That's what it is for James. 
I've got, you know, for me, 

979
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:08,800
podcasting is a huge, huge 
thing. 

980
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:12,040
Like I've, I, I chase, I chase 
my, I've, I've chased dreams, 

981
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:16,000
ridiculous dreams. 
And it's led to some pretty cool

982
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,760
experiences when really at the 
end of the day, the outcome was 

983
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:22,200
just chasing the dream, right? 
And when I podcast like this, 

984
00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:26,320
like I'm gonna go see a client 
in in an hour, I'm gonna drive 

985
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:30,240
out there and see them senior 
seniors. 

986
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:33,200
They're, they're, they're 
wanting to make sure they're the

987
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:35,800
retirement stuff's OK and that, 
that, that, that they're the 

988
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,960
people that they want to get 
their money when they go get it 

989
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:40,800
and they're efficient and all of
that stuff. 

990
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:44,480
I'm going to be charged up when 
I go into that meeting. 

991
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:47,360
I'm going to have so much 
optimism and, and positive 

992
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:50,000
because of this conversation, 
because of doing that. 

993
00:54:50,240 --> 00:54:51,960
That's what it is for me, for 
me. 

994
00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:54,360
And I know if I'm in a bad 
place, I do a podcast. 

995
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:57,360
I want to go to the spot, 
though, where you suddenly were 

996
00:54:57,360 --> 00:55:01,520
given that gift of awareness 
that you did not like the person

997
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:05,120
you were. 
And, and, and I mean, that is to

998
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:09,440
me so sobering. 
If Alara, my granddaughter ever 

999
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:15,280
came up to me and said something
like that, it would be the 

1000
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:19,120
coldest of cold showers ever. 
It would be OK. 

1001
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:22,600
I'm, I'm listening now. 
And, and, and that awareness 

1002
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:25,440
that you were given and it was a
gift because now you can 

1003
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:28,760
recalibrate and, and, and so 
many times awareness is that 

1004
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:33,320
silver bullet, right? 
That is a thank you for thank 

1005
00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:34,720
you for sharing that. 
Yeah. 

1006
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:39,600
I mean, you know. 
No, no human being is perfect, 

1007
00:55:39,600 --> 00:55:42,320
right? 
And so like the other day, like 

1008
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,160
2 points on this, I lost my 
temper the other day with my my 

1009
00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:50,240
daughter right now, arguably 
she's nine years old and did not

1010
00:55:50,240 --> 00:55:52,720
listen to me. 
And I feel like every parent in 

1011
00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:55,840
the world and grandparent in the
world has gone through this of 

1012
00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:58,720
like, I've told you this five 
Times Now. 

1013
00:55:58,720 --> 00:56:00,440
I'm raising my voice 
conversation. 

1014
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:05,080
But then what? 
So just because I found that 

1015
00:56:05,080 --> 00:56:09,000
pressure valve, as you called 
it, like doesn't mean it works 

1016
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:13,160
100% of the time. 
And you that's OK. 

1017
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:16,320
Like it's. 
OK to make mistakes on this 

1018
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,160
journey of embracing. 
Who you are? 

1019
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:23,040
The other thing that you kind of
touched on is hobbies, right? 

1020
00:56:23,040 --> 00:56:30,400
And interests and and like to me
those 3 and you know I live just

1021
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:34,200
north of Chicago so I'm I'm near
neighbors to you guys right but 

1022
00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:38,560
you guys are like upright by the
Arctic Circle having equal. 

1023
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:43,160
I'm humor of Canada, right like 
but other side of a Big Lake and

1024
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:44,520
that's where we are. 
Yep, yeah. 

1025
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:49,520
Right, but like my. 
Like when it's icy and snowy, 

1026
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:53,040
there's every reason not to go 
out and go for a walk, right? 

1027
00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:59,440
I, I do it myself, I find the if
I have a, if I'm having a bad 

1028
00:56:59,440 --> 00:57:03,760
period and I don't do any one of
the three, ideally I take off 

1029
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:08,520
all three knowing that like 1-1,
maybe all of them will be that 

1030
00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:12,640
relief for me. 
But if I don't do all three, 

1031
00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:15,360
like if I don't like a few weeks
ago, it's snowing, I don't go 

1032
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:18,920
for a walk. 
OK, I was busy working, didn't 

1033
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:22,720
write OK and my therapist 
cancelled on me. 

1034
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:31,600
I didn't have all three of them 
that I I know lead like luckily 

1035
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:36,200
my mental I was OK, but if I was
having a bad period and I didn't

1036
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:41,120
do all three or any of those 
three, that that leads me into 

1037
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:43,840
an even worse place. 
And so Howard spiral absolutely 

1038
00:57:43,840 --> 00:57:45,760
yeah, right. 
And, and like, you know, hobby 

1039
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:49,680
could be any hobby, right? 
Like I think one of my favorite 

1040
00:57:49,680 --> 00:57:52,840
job interviews I ever did with 
someone was I interviewed him. 

1041
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:54,640
I was like, so, well, tell me 
about yourself at college. 

1042
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:57,440
And like, they were like, I was 
part of the Quidditch team and I

1043
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:01,520
and I wanted to hire him there. 
And then I was just, that's 

1044
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:04,880
amazing. 
But like the fact that he was 

1045
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:07,120
embracing the fact that he was 
in a Quidditch team, right? 

1046
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:10,680
The fact that people have 
hobbies and like knitting has 

1047
00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:14,160
become cool again, right? 
Like, you know, like my grandma 

1048
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,680
used to knit and now like 
there's these 20 year olds 

1049
00:58:16,680 --> 00:58:18,240
knitting and I'm like, that's 
amazing. 

1050
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:23,440
Like whatever it is like don't 
use the excuse. 

1051
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:26,760
Go down the route of like 
actually doing the hobby and 

1052
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:28,640
interest. 
That's what that would be my 

1053
00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:31,720
take from this. 
Clearly we have established a 

1054
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:34,720
theme and it's. 
It's about proactivity, being 

1055
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:37,000
proactive and, and, and 
embracing some of these things 

1056
00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:39,520
that that we have. 
And, and again, so many times we

1057
00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:41,440
put so many carts before so many
horses. 

1058
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:44,040
I'm not going to learn that 
instrument because I'll never 

1059
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:46,000
play in the United Center for 
20,000 people. 

1060
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:48,760
Well, no, no, no, no, it's not, 
that's not, that's, that's not 

1061
00:58:48,760 --> 00:58:51,360
it. 
Yeah, go just learn how to play,

1062
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:55,360
get Wonderwall under your belt 
and see how you feel when you 

1063
00:58:55,360 --> 00:58:58,440
get those five chords or 4 
chords, whatever it is and you 

1064
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:02,520
sing it. 
And that part of you that's 

1065
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:06,800
always wanted to be a singer, be
it whatever it is, that part of 

1066
00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:09,360
you just lights up. 
It lights up like a Christmas 

1067
00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:11,920
tree and, and and and suddenly, 
you know, with no outcome. 

1068
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:12,480
So go. 
Yeah. 

1069
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:14,920
But it's very funny you bring up
music, because I do. 

1070
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:16,920
Think music in general is an 
interesting topic. 

1071
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:20,320
So I don't, and I don't know 
whether you know this, but Joel 

1072
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:23,280
and I met. 
We were we, I was running my own

1073
00:59:23,280 --> 00:59:25,240
business. 
I asked for Joel for some work. 

1074
00:59:25,680 --> 00:59:30,440
We bonded over Pearl Jam. 
Like my wife is obsessed. 

1075
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:34,600
I love Pearl Jam now. 
We bonded over Pearl Jam. 

1076
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:39,680
In fact, Joel wrote me a very 
clever e-mail that had like 10 

1077
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:44,960
like, you know, it is an all 
black and like we are still 

1078
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:51,440
alive and like, and, and music 
is just like music is a very 

1079
00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:54,000
interesting topic when it comes 
to depression because, and 

1080
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:58,200
mental health, because I 
genuinely think most, most 

1081
00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:02,000
people, not everyone loves some 
form of music. 

1082
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:05,240
Yeah. 
And, and I think that music is a

1083
01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:07,600
great. 
Like when I walk, I often will 

1084
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:12,280
have music on, but sometimes I 
will have 90s trance music on. 

1085
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:14,560
Sometimes we'll have classical 
music on. 

1086
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:16,760
Sometimes I will have Pearl Jam 
on. 

1087
01:00:17,160 --> 01:00:20,080
Right. 
And and I think that. 

1088
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:25,600
Almost to find your jam right 
like it like everyone has 

1089
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:27,880
different music. 
Everyone should embrace the fact

1090
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:32,080
that everyone likes other music 
and everyone should realise that

1091
01:00:32,640 --> 01:00:38,680
whatever your your your music 
is, if it helps you listen to it

1092
01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:44,680
and in and you know, don't don't
overthink it, don't think like, 

1093
01:00:45,160 --> 01:00:46,680
Oh my God, I'm listening to 
Pearl Jam. 

1094
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:49,840
So like 10 people are going to 
like, judge me right now. 

1095
01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:53,000
Like, oh God, yeah. 
Like, like I I go back to like. 

1096
01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:55,160
That was, that was one of the 
silver bullets that got me 

1097
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:58,880
through my youth. 
You know, like I, I lost my 

1098
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:02,120
father last year and it was, it 
was, it was traumatizing and it 

1099
01:01:02,120 --> 01:01:05,160
was, it was these things. 
But my, my dad was an angry guy 

1100
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:09,200
growing up and, and, and, you 
know, he never beat us or 

1101
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:11,240
anything like that, but there 
was always the shadow of dad's 

1102
01:01:11,240 --> 01:01:12,960
anger. 
And, and, and, you know, I could

1103
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:16,560
tell the way he drove into the 
driveway, what was coming into 

1104
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:21,000
the door, you know, and, and, 
and, and it was just, it was 

1105
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:23,920
always kind of on edge. 
And so you're going through your

1106
01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:25,320
teenage stuff and a lot of that 
stuff. 

1107
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:27,240
You know, I didn't open up to my
dad about anything 'cause I was 

1108
01:01:27,240 --> 01:01:29,920
just more afraid of, of, of 
things many times. 

1109
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:31,200
I wanted everything to be 
copacetic. 

1110
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:33,320
I wanted everything to be OK, 
right. 

1111
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:34,800
That's probably where I got 
this. 

1112
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:37,280
This, this is trying to 
emotionally manage people. 

1113
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:40,960
But I was in Grade 8 and I 
remember I went through, you 

1114
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:44,200
know, teenage romance, right? 
You know, where, where you, you 

1115
01:01:44,200 --> 01:01:46,160
go on two dates with a girl or 
something like that or you. 

1116
01:01:46,160 --> 01:01:46,440
You. 
Yeah. 

1117
01:01:48,720 --> 01:01:49,440
Well. 
There you go. 

1118
01:01:49,440 --> 01:01:50,360
See. 
And that's just it. 

1119
01:01:50,360 --> 01:01:52,320
And then suddenly. 
It's like, no, it's not going 

1120
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:55,240
that way and and it ends. 
So I mean, I'm sitting there 

1121
01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:59,040
listening to Nothing Compares to
You by Sinead O'Connor on loop 

1122
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:00,800
that summer and. 
Then and then the Bryan. 

1123
01:02:00,800 --> 01:02:03,920
Adams song came out the, the, 
the Robin Hood, Bryan Adams, Oh 

1124
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:08,000
my God on loop. 
And I mean like, like they, the 

1125
01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:11,720
teenagers who do that are right 
take the music and, and, and get

1126
01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:15,800
emotionally allow it to allow 
the, the, the, these emotions to

1127
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:17,680
come out and what music is a 
huge thing, whether you're 

1128
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:20,400
listening or playing. 
That's a huge release for 

1129
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:24,000
people, you know, and we don't 
take the time to do it sometimes

1130
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:26,200
and I love that. 
Yes, it's great to listen to 

1131
01:02:26,440 --> 01:02:29,680
podcasts and books on tape and, 
and, or, you know, audiobooks 

1132
01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:31,880
now books on tape. 
I just showed how old I am. 

1133
01:02:32,560 --> 01:02:34,320
It's great to listen to that 
when you're going for a walk, 

1134
01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:37,360
you're exercising or whatnot. 
But sometimes I need some 9 Inch

1135
01:02:37,360 --> 01:02:39,760
Nails, man, or sometimes I need 
some Radiohead or sometimes I 

1136
01:02:39,760 --> 01:02:43,120
need some, you know, like, yeah,
I'm a huge KLF fan, like 90s 

1137
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:44,000
trance. 
Sometimes. 

1138
01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:46,760
That's just what I need is that,
that, that, that driving beat 

1139
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:49,720
and it changes everything else 
that I'm going through. 

1140
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:51,520
And and that's a great, that's a
great release. 

1141
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:53,240
So I get you and I are very 
similar to that. 

1142
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:56,360
And Joel and I have also 
certainly, certainly connected 

1143
01:02:56,360 --> 01:02:58,240
over music as well. 
So that's one of the reasons why

1144
01:02:58,280 --> 01:02:59,640
you and I like each other so 
much too. 

1145
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:02,960
But yeah, I love that. 
I love that and and and. 

1146
01:03:02,960 --> 01:03:04,120
Don't be embarrassed about it, 
right? 

1147
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:07,320
Like, you know, like I started 
an hour ago talking about like I

1148
01:03:07,320 --> 01:03:10,240
lost my friend at 18. 
Like I listened, I can't 

1149
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:12,200
remember the name of the song 
now, but there was a Bon Jovi 

1150
01:03:12,200 --> 01:03:14,600
song that I listened to for 
probably 6 days straight. 

1151
01:03:15,040 --> 01:03:20,400
Like like and, and that's OK. 
Like like it doesn't matter what

1152
01:03:20,400 --> 01:03:21,800
other people think. 
That's your release. 

1153
01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:24,160
That's your way. 
I will like just sorry. 

1154
01:03:24,160 --> 01:03:27,760
Like I, I lost my dad as a few 
years ago. 

1155
01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:32,680
When you lose a parent, it's, 
it's a very significant loss 

1156
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:34,840
that you don't realise until you
can go through it. 

1157
01:03:35,280 --> 01:03:39,760
And again, like for some people 
listening to this, losing a 

1158
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:44,440
loved 1 can be a trigger that 
affects everything else and, and

1159
01:03:44,440 --> 01:03:49,080
that and that and I can't, I 
can't hug you. 

1160
01:03:49,080 --> 01:03:52,160
I can't I, I don't know what 
your releases are, but all I 

1161
01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:55,200
can, I think that there should 
be more sympathy and empathy in 

1162
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:58,680
the world of like, look, I'm 
sorry, I, I'm sorry you had to 

1163
01:03:58,680 --> 01:04:02,200
go through that. 
It's tough, you know, when you 

1164
01:04:02,200 --> 01:04:03,600
do go through. 
Stuff like that. 

1165
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:06,360
My encouragement to people, one 
thing that I learned is get 

1166
01:04:06,360 --> 01:04:07,720
reflective. 
Yeah. 

1167
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:09,960
Because. 
Because at the end of the day, 

1168
01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:11,720
you know, there's no sense in 
regret. 

1169
01:04:11,720 --> 01:04:16,280
There's no sense in, in, in, in,
in trying to change things that 

1170
01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:19,600
are impossible to change, but 
you can reflect and you can 

1171
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:23,440
improve moving forward and you 
can figure out the things that 

1172
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:24,600
you learned that you didn't 
learn. 

1173
01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:26,120
It's like, it's like your 
daughter saying to you, you 

1174
01:04:26,120 --> 01:04:28,760
know, suddenly waking up and 
making you aware of something. 

1175
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:31,520
When you get reflective, when 
things like that happen, I find 

1176
01:04:31,520 --> 01:04:35,480
that there's a lot of gold that 
can be mined in that reflection.

1177
01:04:35,760 --> 01:04:38,800
And then that goal will usually 
lead to to improve it moving 

1178
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:41,000
forward if you choose to go in 
that direction. 

1179
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:43,240
But again, that's the proactive 
touch, right? 

1180
01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:46,840
So I appreciate you saying that.
And and, and you know, the same 

1181
01:04:46,840 --> 01:04:50,200
thing for you. 
I mean, what I learned, one of 

1182
01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:53,760
the things that I learned going 
through that is we all have 

1183
01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:58,960
people in our lives who talk 
about the parent that they lost 

1184
01:04:58,960 --> 01:05:01,480
1520 years ago and they talk 
about it like it happened 

1185
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,920
yesterday. 
Suddenly, I completely related 

1186
01:05:04,920 --> 01:05:08,240
to those people in a way that I 
never related before. 

1187
01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:11,040
And it's, it's, it's, it's 
something that it's the way it's

1188
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:13,400
supposed to be. 
Our parents are supposed to go 

1189
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:15,240
before we do. 
That's the way it's supposed to 

1190
01:05:15,240 --> 01:05:15,640
be. 
Sure. 

1191
01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:18,920
Unfortunately, sadly, 
tragically, that isn't always 

1192
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:20,600
the case, but that's the way 
it's supposed to be. 

1193
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:22,600
Every generation has gone 
through it. 

1194
01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:26,400
Heroes, cowards, you know, good 
people, villains, they go 

1195
01:05:26,400 --> 01:05:27,680
through it when they lose the 
parent, right? 

1196
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:31,320
Something that is universal and 
that's that's an area where, 

1197
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:33,920
like you say, it can trigger 
things and it's good to connect 

1198
01:05:34,320 --> 01:05:36,040
so we can go through that Better
Together. 

1199
01:05:36,240 --> 01:05:38,800
The interesting thing and and it
was kind of talking about. 

1200
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:42,320
Death and I don't want it to 
sound more, but like my favorite

1201
01:05:42,320 --> 01:05:43,920
quote ever. 
And if I wasn't scared of 

1202
01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:47,080
needles, I would actually have 
this tattoo is dream as if you 

1203
01:05:47,080 --> 01:05:49,320
live forever, live as if you die
today by James. 

1204
01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:51,480
There you go. 
Like that's a fantastic quote 

1205
01:05:51,800 --> 01:05:56,160
and it is a fantastic quote and 
it is a quote that has stood the

1206
01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:58,960
test of time for thousands of 
years, right? 

1207
01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:02,000
Humans have been on this planet 
for 5000 years, if not longer. 

1208
01:06:02,840 --> 01:06:07,160
Death happens like it should 
happen in the circle of life 

1209
01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:10,080
that like you lose your parent, 
you lose your grandparents, you 

1210
01:06:10,080 --> 01:06:12,080
lose your parents, you have your
kids and so on. 

1211
01:06:12,440 --> 01:06:14,560
But it doesn't. 
And like, you know, we have, you

1212
01:06:14,560 --> 01:06:19,680
know, again, my best friend 
dying at 18, he was an only 

1213
01:06:19,680 --> 01:06:23,640
child. 
And these parents like like that

1214
01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:30,200
was just horrible for them. 
But I'm not I'm not actually 

1215
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:33,120
scared of death. 
I'm not actually anything 

1216
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:37,920
doesn't depress me like what I 
and what it does depress many 

1217
01:06:37,920 --> 01:06:40,720
others absolutely And whenever 
I. 

1218
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:43,200
Talk to someone. 
Else about it or someone that's 

1219
01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:47,480
lost a parent or someone that's 
lost a loved one, I always go 

1220
01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:51,840
back to the, you know, let's 
reflect on their life and what 

1221
01:06:51,840 --> 01:06:55,000
you learn more than let's 
reflect on the fact of death. 

1222
01:06:55,760 --> 01:06:58,240
It's happened because death does
happen, right? 

1223
01:06:58,240 --> 01:07:02,560
I could go pick up my daughter 
today and you know, like, no, I 

1224
01:07:02,560 --> 01:07:05,520
have a good day. 
Everything is not getting. 

1225
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:07,920
Nothing is guaranteed. 
Nothing is guaranteed you use 

1226
01:07:08,080 --> 01:07:10,640
universe but like yeah. 
No, no, no. 

1227
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:12,200
We're not manifesting that. 
That's that's. 

1228
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:13,640
That's an example though it's 
true. 

1229
01:07:14,040 --> 01:07:15,720
Like like. 
I'm not afraid of it either. 

1230
01:07:16,320 --> 01:07:18,840
And, and I know how it evolved 
for me. 

1231
01:07:19,280 --> 01:07:21,880
And many times it does evolve 
out of experience, right? 

1232
01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:24,520
That, that, that idea, because I
used to get depressed thinking 

1233
01:07:24,520 --> 01:07:27,360
about death. 
I used to look at, you know, 

1234
01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:30,800
seniors when I was in my 20s and
30s and how they would always be

1235
01:07:30,800 --> 01:07:32,240
talking about death. 
They'd be talking about looking 

1236
01:07:32,240 --> 01:07:34,160
at the obituaries and they'd be 
talking about all these things. 

1237
01:07:34,440 --> 01:07:38,920
And I couldn't connect to it. 
Now I feel like I am connected 

1238
01:07:38,920 --> 01:07:41,600
to it. 
It's it's, it's, it's one of 

1239
01:07:41,600 --> 01:07:44,640
those things that I'm very 
comfortable with it right now, 

1240
01:07:44,720 --> 01:07:49,160
like like extremely comfortable.
But it took an evolution to get 

1241
01:07:49,160 --> 01:07:51,240
to that place. 
But there's and there's two 

1242
01:07:51,240 --> 01:07:52,160
other things, I'll tell you 
that. 

1243
01:07:52,160 --> 01:07:53,040
Like so. 
Yeah. 

1244
01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:57,240
Well, first is your point on 
like some people talk about it 

1245
01:07:57,240 --> 01:08:02,960
like 10-15 years later, right? 
Like that's all kept like there,

1246
01:08:03,640 --> 01:08:07,960
there, there was a moment last 
year like I lost my dad in 2019,

1247
01:08:08,200 --> 01:08:12,160
like completely like randomly, 
like almost like I lost him to 

1248
01:08:12,160 --> 01:08:15,000
COVID before COVID was caught, 
right. 

1249
01:08:15,120 --> 01:08:17,439
Yeah. 
It was like lost him to like 

1250
01:08:18,319 --> 01:08:20,359
something very similar. 
Yeah. 

1251
01:08:20,359 --> 01:08:22,479
But I saw to someone last year 
and they were like, yeah, but 

1252
01:08:22,479 --> 01:08:25,120
that was like 5-6 years ago. 
Like aren't you like. 

1253
01:08:25,399 --> 01:08:29,960
And it's like, well, no, like 
that's like everyone like loses 

1254
01:08:29,960 --> 01:08:32,160
people. 
And they can have those 

1255
01:08:32,200 --> 01:08:33,960
thoughts. 
Like I lost my best friend at 

1256
01:08:33,960 --> 01:08:36,319
18. 
That was 25 years ago, right? 

1257
01:08:36,319 --> 01:08:41,680
Like that's, that's OK. 
Like it takes however much time 

1258
01:08:42,680 --> 01:08:44,520
it does. 
And then the other thing is, is 

1259
01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:48,439
if you start overthinking 
things, and I don't want to, and

1260
01:08:48,439 --> 01:08:51,600
I never talk about religion or 
politics too much. 

1261
01:08:51,600 --> 01:08:54,560
I mean, sure, politics in the 
world right now is like very 

1262
01:08:54,560 --> 01:08:57,279
scary, like bonkers, man. 
Yeah, right. 

1263
01:08:57,279 --> 01:08:58,319
Like that. 
That's the. 

1264
01:08:58,359 --> 01:09:04,120
Polite way of. 
Saying it like, but my grandma 

1265
01:09:04,120 --> 01:09:09,920
is 101, OK, Yeah, right. 
Like now, now she's she's 

1266
01:09:09,920 --> 01:09:11,240
actually not living a great 
life. 

1267
01:09:11,240 --> 01:09:14,439
Like she doesn't remember much 
anymore, but she's 101. 

1268
01:09:14,880 --> 01:09:17,760
And then you like, you talk to 
people and they lost their 

1269
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:20,960
parents and they're like their 
parents were in their 30s or 

1270
01:09:20,960 --> 01:09:25,840
their 40s or like tragically you
lose kids, right? 

1271
01:09:26,319 --> 01:09:28,720
And and and it's like, well, the
world isn't fair. 

1272
01:09:28,720 --> 01:09:32,200
And like God, it's like, first 
of all, remove religion like it 

1273
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:35,880
happens. 
And second of all, you can't 

1274
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:40,479
control that. 
You can only control your 

1275
01:09:40,479 --> 01:09:44,800
connection and your relationship
and how you move it. 

1276
01:09:45,319 --> 01:09:48,960
And and once you have that 
realization, I think it changes 

1277
01:09:48,960 --> 01:09:53,479
your way of coping with tragedy.
Like death. 

1278
01:09:54,160 --> 01:09:56,520
Yeah. 
Well, and and and death is 1. 

1279
01:09:56,520 --> 01:10:00,160
But also like the the, the 
trials of life, like that advice

1280
01:10:00,520 --> 01:10:04,400
or that, that, that, that 
pondering can apply to the to 

1281
01:10:04,400 --> 01:10:07,000
the, to the, the big things, but
also it, it can apply to the 

1282
01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:09,160
little things too. 
I think that's that's, I hate to

1283
01:10:09,160 --> 01:10:11,360
say that we're going to we're 
going to call it, but we're 

1284
01:10:11,360 --> 01:10:15,040
going to call it because the, 
the powers that be, one being my

1285
01:10:15,040 --> 01:10:18,280
wife, say that they want they 
want the podcast at a certain 

1286
01:10:18,280 --> 01:10:19,760
length. 
I'm the guy that loves the long 

1287
01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:22,960
form and they've, they've 
they've with a whip and a chair.

1288
01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:25,400
They have tempered me. 
There's so much that we could 

1289
01:10:25,400 --> 01:10:28,000
have talked about more. 
I knew that this was going to be

1290
01:10:28,000 --> 01:10:29,800
the case. 
I said at the beginning, like 

1291
01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:33,040
you and I, I know if we wanted 
to do a series, would you please

1292
01:10:33,040 --> 01:10:35,360
come back at some point and we 
can talk about some of the other

1293
01:10:35,360 --> 01:10:37,160
things. 
Like I said, I think what you're

1294
01:10:37,160 --> 01:10:39,720
doing. 
Is phenomenal to the world if 

1295
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:44,280
one person if one person listens
to this podcast and goes Oh 

1296
01:10:44,280 --> 01:10:47,480
yeah, I can relate to that fella
that like looks like like Boris 

1297
01:10:47,480 --> 01:10:50,760
Jobson. 
Why you know I can deal I like 

1298
01:10:50,760 --> 01:10:53,520
I've I've had to deal with these
things I've had to deal with 

1299
01:10:53,520 --> 01:10:56,960
job. 
That's that's what the universe 

1300
01:10:56,960 --> 01:10:58,320
is all about. 
I would love to come back at any

1301
01:10:58,320 --> 01:11:01,760
point you want me. 
I appreciate it for people who 

1302
01:11:01,760 --> 01:11:02,440
want to. 
Connect with you. 

1303
01:11:02,480 --> 01:11:03,560
What are your socials do you 
have? 

1304
01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:06,120
Do you have any? 
Like is there still websites for

1305
01:11:06,120 --> 01:11:08,520
the books and things like that 
or so? 

1306
01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:12,920
All three books are on Amazon. 
You can go on Amazon and buy all

1307
01:11:12,920 --> 01:11:15,360
three. 
I'm on 

1308
01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:18,840
linkedinjamesis.linkedin.com/james
Guinness. 

1309
01:11:18,840 --> 01:11:26,600
You can find me there. 
I'm Brit in the USA on LinkedIn,

1310
01:11:27,640 --> 01:11:29,360
the gram, I think I can't 
remember it. 

1311
01:11:29,680 --> 01:11:32,800
James Britton, the USA Joe Joe 
has my Instagram. 

1312
01:11:33,040 --> 01:11:34,560
Oh yeah, we'll put it. 
We'll put them up too. 

1313
01:11:34,560 --> 01:11:36,520
So yeah, that's they. 
Want to come up with me? 

1314
01:11:37,400 --> 01:11:39,280
Feel free. 
And, and, and you know, we 

1315
01:11:39,280 --> 01:11:42,720
started by saying this like, I 
believe in karma in the world, 

1316
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:45,560
like the offer is there to win. 
Like if anyone listens to this 

1317
01:11:45,560 --> 01:11:49,120
and resonates in any shape or 
form and just goes, hey, you 

1318
01:11:49,120 --> 01:11:51,200
know, I actually want to talk to
a stranger. 

1319
01:11:51,200 --> 01:11:53,000
I want, I don't want to talk to 
a friend. 

1320
01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:55,760
I want to talk to a crazy 
British guy. 

1321
01:11:55,760 --> 01:11:59,360
Like, you know, hit me up, reach
out. 

1322
01:11:59,640 --> 01:12:03,240
I'm not, I'm not 100% good on 
like great on social media, but 

1323
01:12:03,240 --> 01:12:05,160
hit me up. 
This is what they're more all 

1324
01:12:05,160 --> 01:12:07,960
about, man. 
I appreciate it so much. 

1325
01:12:07,960 --> 01:12:10,600
And and and. 
You are a light in this world, 

1326
01:12:10,600 --> 01:12:14,280
man, and, and thank you for 
being that despite the times of 

1327
01:12:14,280 --> 01:12:17,800
darkness, you know, still 
striving for that and, and, and 

1328
01:12:17,800 --> 01:12:20,040
sharing what you've learned. 
It's it's amazing. 

1329
01:12:20,040 --> 01:12:22,160
I'm grateful that there are 
going to be people in your life 

1330
01:12:22,160 --> 01:12:25,160
that are going to be shocked by 
you doing this and being open 

1331
01:12:25,160 --> 01:12:27,120
and what not. 
That's that's super, super cool 

1332
01:12:27,320 --> 01:12:29,000
because they're going to see 
another dimension of you. 

1333
01:12:29,120 --> 01:12:32,720
And it's the dimension that I 
saw immediately when we did our 

1334
01:12:32,720 --> 01:12:35,200
intro. 
So thank you so much for coming 

1335
01:12:35,200 --> 01:12:38,240
on to heat cast today. 
This is why we do the show 

1336
01:12:38,240 --> 01:12:40,040
everybody. 
This is this is exactly it. 

1337
01:12:40,040 --> 01:12:42,760
It's it's not advice in the in 
the regard. 

1338
01:12:42,800 --> 01:12:46,360
What we're trying to do is share
stories and throw it out there 

1339
01:12:46,360 --> 01:12:49,280
for people so they can maybe 
reflect and see how they can 

1340
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:52,640
improve their lives. 
This is been another episode of 

1341
01:12:52,640 --> 01:12:55,120
he cast the official podcast of 
He Changed it. 

1342
01:12:55,400 --> 01:12:57,720
My name is Mike Chisholm. 
Go change something.