Coming up, because you grew up in Hackney, you're a proper
cockney, Doris. Proper love.
Do you know what I mean? What about Borcaini?
Half borca, half bikini. Well, I would be into that Yeah.
I think we should all go back to where we came from.
Yeah. I think we should all go go
back. I get told to go back to where I
come. What?
The 70s. Where am I going to go?
Back edge where I. Know they said they're like go
back to where we come from. Don't Ask Me That is sponsored
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Today I'm joined by a comedian who says things most people
wouldn't even dare to delve into.
She was born as one of 13 in a huge Moroccan family, Mashallah.
She went from working and being excluded as a student to
becoming one of the baddest galdem in the comedy business.
A bold voice, an openly proud Muslim was about as a lesbian
Muslim woman. Ladies and gentlemen, Fatiha El
gori. Fatiha, isn't it?
It's not Fatiha. Well, in Arabic it's fatiha.
Oh, is it Fatiha? But people can't do that.
So Asian people can all do that. Why people 's?
Why do Asian people have that kind of?
I don't know. I don't know.
Is it maybe something I don't? Know something in the air, isn't
it? Or in the food.
It gets so deep in the throat. Maybe when you use because,
because if you're bilingual, maybe you use different parts of
your. I'm only into women.
By the way, I've never been excluded.
Is it? Yeah.
From school? Oh, is it?
Yeah. Just to let you know.
But that's fine. Let's just leave it in there.
Makes me. From working with more of a Oh,
you're working with excluded students?
Yeah. Oh, so you just can't?
Read. I just can't.
I just can't read properly. I'm dyslog sick.
So you went from working with excluded students?
You're actually a grade A student.
I wouldn't no I wasn't grade AI was AI was an all right student,
just a bit mouthy and fights. And I never really saw you as
mouthy, I've always seen you as very down to earth.
Oh, thank you rounded individual who likes a rock.
Correct. That is me.
That is me, that is me. I don't like fighting, I don't
like aggression, I don't like any of that.
But if it comes to me, I don't shy from.
It but nobody messes with you on the comedy scene.
Yeah, I don't know why. You're very new on the scene as
well. Well, I've been doing it for 10
years. Is it?
Yeah, I've been doing it for a long time, but I worked my way
up. No one's given me nothing.
I'm self-made. Like I worked my way up from the
bottom. I did started with gigs in the
pub doing gigs to dogs, doing those gigs that are like
unplayable. Yeah, You know, it's like, yeah,
you know when you get there and they're like, Oh, no one's here
but you. Know you've got a couple of.
Yeah. So you had dogs in the audience
in that. Yeah.
I thought my gigs were bad, but you've taken it to some next
level. I'm I've done gigs to like a
mastiff. Firstly, you did a gig in a pub
that sells alcohol. Yeah.
Now I had this debate with one of my friends the other day.
It's like, it's OK. I I said it's apparently it's OK
in your religion to work in an environment to feed your family
if they sell alcohol, but you can't technically sell.
Is there a rule to this? Yeah, you shouldn't all your all
your money should be halal. So it should.
And what halal means is permissible in Islam.
So you really shouldn't be serving alcohol, but I don't.
And you have to do what you have to do to survive.
Do you know what I mean? But I'm this is what the faith
says. Like, you shouldn't really be
doing that, but I don't have a problem performing in pubs and
stuff like that because that's where you've got to start.
That's where it is. I'm not drinking it as long as
I'm not drinking. It's the same as when we go to
supermarkets. You walk down the aisle, I walk
down the alcohol. Alcohol.
Sorry, See, that thing's coming up.
It's just I had an air infection.
It's all starting to come. Like, yeah man, I've got a hole
in my fucking ear. I've got a hole in both ears,
have you? That's how I think that's how
they work. Sorry, I meant eardrum.
You got a whole new eardrum. What happened?
I got, I was sick and then I was just like, you know when you get
a lot of swallowing a lot, you know when you get a lot of
pressure like sinus, sinus issues popped my ear.
Yeah, I get that. I've I've had to operate.
I don't have a bone in this nose.
Oh really? It's all busted up.
Because of sinus. I've got sinus issues.
I've got Qatar, yes. And then you ear, nose and
throat all connected. So you've got what and then
that. This is a problem with this
infection because it's still. It's not an infection in our
community. It's just normal.
It's only an infection to white people.
We're used to it. Ear, nose and throat is a white
issue. Our community is just normal.
You know, I was in Morocco. Oh yeah, did you enjoy?
It that was The Morning Call and I thought our breakfast is
ready. Morocco is a lovely place, isn't
it? Yeah, yeah, my, I'll go back
there, visit like my family, extended family.
I've got some siblings that live there.
As well 13. Yes, 13.
Of you growing up, Yeah. Now if I was white, I'd say to
you, same Dad. Well, you know, it's funny.
They're from the same parents. Well, they're not from the same
parents. It's good that you are sorry to
actually, no, it's OK. No.
So like my, my mum was married before my dad and she had three
children and then my dad was married before my mum and he had
eight. And then they, my mum got
divorced, his wife sadly passed away and then my mum and dad got
married and then they had me and my sister.
So but we all grew up together. We're not.
So I don't see them as like half siblings or anything like that
because our parents brought us up all together and there was a
point where there was like 9 of us in one house and stuff.
So we, I I see them as my siblings, not half.
This sounds like you've just pitched me the new season to
home and away, the Muslim edition.
What would home and away be if it was Muslim?
Oh my God, it would be. Home and home, yeah, because we
don't go away. We just stay there.
Asian people will just stay there forever, so we never go
away. And if we go away, they'll come
with us. Away and away, or home and home.
Yeah, that's right. I agree.
The Asian home and away. We should pitch it mean you can
be neighbors. Yeah, but I've known news for 10
years now. Yes.
Around the scene and new from from the Muslim shows that I
used to come and appear at yes to the I've never done a
mainstream gig with you. Probably because we're both
technically considered brown. Yes, we're both.
We tick the same box. We tick the same box.
So we wouldn't. That would be if we came
together, the world would end. They put us on the same line up.
Have they ever put you on the same bill as another Muslim
comedian on a main show? Mainstream show.
Have they? Yes, And then they.
But they so that only happens if it's like a charity gig or
something like that. I think me and you did do a
charity gig I think once in the I think it was Hackney Empire.
It was the New Zealand one, I think you know.
When I was in new. Zealand, I'm sure you was on it.
Was that the? For the Christchurch that
shooting, raising money for New Zealand, for the the Muslim
community. Jaguar and everyone were yes,
yeah, I remember that. One and the New Zealand people
that were affected as well. Yeah.
All of it, basically. Yeah, we did that one together
at the Empire just before I I recorded in my live in it
special in that room that that week and that was with MO MO
Gillingham was on. Who else was on that was that
was booked by Tez, wasn't it? Yes.
Yeah, and what's his name? Jared Christmas.
And they had a Muslim Adan, the call to prayer, yeah, as well.
So it was really nice. It was really mixed.
I remember. That it was a beautiful gig.
I think you would have smashed. I think I missed your set.
I think so. I think you were in in the first
half and I was in the second-half because I only live
like 15 minutes on there, yeah. Because you grew up in Hackney.
You're a proper cockney. Yeah, my Doris.
Proper love. Do you know what I mean?
Because it must confuse people when you speak the way you
speak, because they're expecting you as you look to be going.
Habibi, how are you? Habibi, Blaze, give me Blaze.
This one over there. Yeah, exactly that.
So it really confuses the proper gazes because in East London
when I was growing up, it was proper gazes.
Yeah man, now it's all halal. You have taken over mate.
No, I just, it's just the area, like whether it's always been
mixed, I think, but lots of the people from the East End moved
to Essex and stuff like that. And then they moan when people
move in. I'm like, what do you expect?
Like I don't understand. It's the evolution and parts of
the East End have never been completely 100% English.
They've always had other ethnicities in there and that's
OK. Like we can live together.
Like I don't understand. The people don't like change.
Change starts to happen. And then they're like, oh, oh,
oh, oh, and I'm like, what are you talking?
Like? And then and then I get like I
did another podcast and they put this, yeah, just be careful with
the clips you put out because I don't want to get because I get
a pile on. Is it?
Yeah, man. If you check on like between us,
if you check on my Instagram, there was a radio interview that
I did and it went out. They clipped it and then they
put it out, I think last week. And every other comment is
deport, deport, deport. And I'm sorry, where you come
from? You're not original.
You're not, you're not an original extender.
I'm like, listen, this is my country and I guarantee I've
contributed more to this country than you ever will.
And that's not even including my fucking taxes.
That's OK. That's the that's the clip.
We've got the clip. That is it.
That's the clip that's gonna. And then I'll have a reaction
shot of Nigel Farage. Yeah.
So I'll. I'll cut it between me, you and
Nigel Farage. And I'm like the mediator.
Yeah. And he's going.
No. And then because absolutely not.
Yeah. I mean, that is the Internet
now. Yeah.
It's a safe place for the right wing extremists and racists.
Something has to be done, like the government wants to do stuff
for kids, which rightly so, 100%.
Yeah, but you've also got to do things for other people.
People cannot. I've seen people write their N
word in in the full letters and then you report it and they go
no I. Get the P word all the time on
that, yeah. You report it and then you get
an answer. Go no, No, you don't.
Nobody. Sorry, there's no nothing's been
breached. What?
Are you actually joking? I've had death threats more than
twice, maybe 3-4, five times. Twice the police will come to my
house for the death threats and they said we can't prove that
this is the account holder because he could say my, my
friend use my account so they can't do anything.
They said when he if he comes to your house and he tries to kill
you, can you give us a call by calling 999?
I said if he comes to you and he's literally about to kill
you, please do not hesitate to inform us of your the attempt on
your life. But at the moment we have no
evidence apart from when I come to your house and kill you.
That's not really enough these days.
Calling me the P word on a daily basis is not enough these days.
You have to actually be 6 feet under or being cremated.
And then they're like, we might have some evidence but we can't
guarantee it. This is the.
Maybe his friend was holding the knife that killed you.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. He was using his friends
account. All three of them held the knife
together, so we can't really charge.
You see, in a way things have got better, but they've also got
worse. Yeah, a lot worse.
I get death threats raped all the time.
Yeah. From.
Cunts. That's the clip.
That's the clip, Yeah. You've given me so many viral
clips here. I mean, basically you're on
every week. From pussies, isn't it?
That's that's all they all they can like do is like threaten you
online. They're so unhappy in their own
life. Don't blame me because your life
didn't turn out the way you did, you wanted it to.
I've worked for everything I've got so you can go fuck yourself
and your mum after. Like but normally when we write
that we get them reported. Yeah, this is what I'm saying.
Callus gets dessert like well, hang on a second, I've just
responded to this guy. Yeah, yeah, I've had that.
Yeah. Where?
And then I'm like, are you fucking joking?
This guy just spelled the N word out on someone else and I've
reported it and called him a Dick head.
And now you're telling me that I'm going to be reported for
calling him a Dick head when what he said is a million times
worse? Yeah, they need to do something
for sure. Like, well, there's no
legislation and there's no like there's, you know, BBFC and
there's all boards on when it comes to broadcasting within the
televisual medium, but there's nothing on the Internet,
anything goes. And they have like X push out.
There's an agenda on X, right? They create the London riots,
for example. So they see fights with ethnic
minorities all the time. It's fights between black people
and black people or being in some kind.
There's there's, there's a right wing agenda.
Yeah, for sure. And but they, and it was also
the more comments they get, even and the bad ones, they, they
tend to set people off. So you get more people piling
on. The more comments they have, the
more what's interaction is with the post.
And that's what they want is to that makes engagement.
Engagement engagement Engagement gives them views.
Yes. And you know, you could get how
many millions of views on your platforms?
Monetization 0. You make any money over that?
No, Exactly. If I made money off social
media. You don't think I'm getting all
these millions of views getting death threats?
It might help sell a ticket. It might help sell a ticket, and
that's it. Who makes money off social
media? This is the thing.
You've got to become a YouTube. Really.
You've got to become a YouTube and then only when you get like
3 million views is when the the money comes in a million views
on YouTube. I think you make like 100 lbs or
something thousand if that something like that.
So you've got to get then products endorsements.
This is where it works. It's all you know it's.
A lot though. Isn't it?
But you're doing all right. I don't know if I can say this
BAFTA nominee. Has that gone public?
Yet, Yeah, yeah, it. Has Mashallah thank you.
Within 10 years, the heights you've reached, coming from the
shithole you came from, come from the slums of Hackney, OH.
They're going to come after you now.
All the people from Hackney are going to be in your comments.
Absolute dump that place. I say that, but I did record my
live in it special in Hackney because of my affiliation.
I used to perform at the Hackney Empire when they had the black
Knights there Knights at the like they on the Friday nights
and when I started like late 90s.
So the black circuit was the black circuit because, you know,
we didn't have opportunities on the main circuit.
And I was one of the only non black acts on the the black
circuit. Or even though we were
considered black in the 60s and 70s.
Right. And you meant if you didn't do
well, you'd get booed off? Yeah.
I saw people crying. Yeah.
So you had to kill it. Now the circuit's changed.
It's all you know, You see what I do?
Shows of women here, jobs coming to show everything.
Yeah, exactly. This didn't happen when I
started. No, but that's happened because
of people like us. And like you said, the black
circuit people coming up and and it should be mixed.
We represent everyone. Do you know, and everyone should
has a should come to watch comedy.
It should be if there's if you don't, you can't, you can't be
what you don't see. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, well, there was just when I, you know, I don't know, bring
this back to me, but there was there, Yes, you do.
There wasn't. There wasn't any representation.
No, when I started. Yeah, same.
You know, well, you had me. I was the closest thing you had
to a woman in a job. It's the beard.
That's not much difference if
you know some of our friends. Fatty, you, you've done.
You're looking great. Thank you.
You're looking good dude. Thank you you've.
Got to glow up and and the and how's the dating life going?
Awful. I don't know if I could bring
this up. Yeah, of course.
Now if you just ask me what you want, and if I don't want to
answer, I'll just tell you to. Because it's called the.
Don't ask me that podcast, which is questions people don't want
to be asked like and as you've known from the previous
episodes, there's been a lot of guests that have walked out.
That's. Terrible.
Because it's even I've even said it in the title.
Don't ask me that. So and they fall into the bait
which we will bring into so hopefully.
No more. You can ask me anything.
If I don't want to ask Michelle, Michelle Deswartes.
I thought she was my mate. I don't chat to her no more
after that episode. All I asked her, all I asked her
was do you think women should have a voice?
She lost it. You know what?
I. Mean, I saw that, Yeah, I saw
and people going why would you ask her such a question?
What kind of listen to the valet question, where we come from, we
were asked that question. Yeah, it's a valet.
You. Know what I mean?
Yeah. What do you think about that?
Should. What did you say Should.
Women have a voice. Come on.
Of course we're 50% of the population.
Do you want to? Can you imagine if we didn't
talk? It would be like so quiet
because yous are boring you don't have to hold a convo.
Just we'll cut that bit out. We'll cut that one and change.
I'm going to AI that at the end you say no, that'd be because
they don't think people like you have a voice.
Yeah, this is the thing. She shouldn't be wearing that
mate mini skirt Fong as what she should be wearing mate.
This is what people don't understand about women's rights.
Yeah. If you and about equality, you,
if you're going to, if you're support, if you're if you
support a woman to wear whatever she likes, then it has to be
either a burka or a bikini. You have to be at both of those
ends. It can't just be, oh, no, this
side, do you understand whether you would wear it or not?
That's not the point. The point is, for everyone to be
free, we have to be allowed to do.
What about borca ini half burka half bikini?
Man, I would be into that, no? You see.
No, no, come on. You have to do it properly, man.
It's either a burka or a bikini. You can't wear both.
No, there is a burkini, which is like, but it is because a burka
covers your. It's like the one that wear in
Afghanistan. It's like a net over your eyes.
Niqab. Niqab is different.
Niqab is you can see the eyes, you can see the eyes and burka
you can't. It's like a net.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a full borka.
Yeah, that because they think you're wearing a borka.
Yeah, because they don't use a headscarf.
And then they're like, get those towels off your head.
I'm like, towels, This costs more than your fucking house.
You can't. You've blinged up.
Do you know what I'm saying? Like shut the fuck.
Up that is a bling scarf. Thank you.
It's very nice and I like the way you just flip it.
Yeah, when people get on my nerves, I'm like, anyway.
Like a fatia, Sharon. Yeah.
What love this is and it's got nice bling to.
It you look and my little hijab clip look.
The hijab clip really gives it that.
Gives it that cha ching. Yeah, so let's just
differentiate the headdress here.
You've got the Borca, which is that you can see the eyes.
No. So it's burka.
Why do you say Borca? Borca.
Do you know in Morocca that means duck?
How is it? Yeah, Borca, so.
So why are women wearing ducks on their head?
Listen, yeah, you got the burka, which is the one where you can't
see the face and it's got like a net over the eyes.
Yeah. OK.
And then you have the niqab, which is where you can see the
eyes. And then this is what I'm
wearing is a hijab. Usually got the hijab, yes.
So you've got three different types, yes.
So is it true that the one where you can't see the face is the
more busted women and they get more attractive when you see the
face. So if you're really busted, go
for the full covering. I don't know what to say.
I'm going to smash this pickle in your face.
Because you're fit, so I can see your face.
But. Excuse me?
But. No, that is not true.
Yeah. No, do you know people take it's
people like say all this shit about why women wearing black in
the summer. What is it to you?
Who gives a fuck? People can wear whatever they
want, but also usually they'll they'll just have that
underneath that it'd be it'd be it's so cool.
It's just that material and it's like modest.
It's not see through and you just have your knickers and bra
and that and you're nice and cool rather than, you know, that
one person in shorts. Are we talking about Miley
Khalifa? No, you get everyone's name
wrong. It's Mia Khalifa.
I didn't know that. How do you know that her name?
That's why you're probably texting people going Maya
Khalifa. What was it?
What did you call her? Maya.
Maya Khalifa. It's Mia Khalifa.
Yeah, Mia Khalifa. She was wearing burka.
Yeah. In porn, yeah.
Yeah. Do you know that she's I think
she's Lebanese, but she's Christian Lebanese.
Yeah, she's. Yeah, she regrets it now.
She does. But this is what I'm saying.
You've got to be careful what you put on the Internet.
Yeah, but she was young and and people should have a right to to
change. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. But she's proper Haram.
You said that, not me. Yeah, I mean.
Why'd you keep on calling everything Haram?
How do you say Haram in Punjabi? Haram because I used to think it
was halal. It's actually halal.
Halal halal halal. It's not halal, it's halal.
Yeah, lots of people do, you know, like those footballers
that Yaya, you know, like Yaya. It's not Yaya, it's Yaya.
Yeah. Yeah.
They cannot say that and Mohamed Moh Salah, Mohamed Salah.
Mohamed. Salah.
Yeah, not Salah. Yeah, that's just what's that
Salah Bastard. Is that what I mean?
In Punjabi bastard Salah are. You serious?
Not Salah. He's leaving Liverpool.
Do you support Liverpool? Yeah, you do.
Are you sad? Yeah, I'll call him.
He's got yeah, but Maya Khalifa is proper Haram.
Why are we putting women in these categories of Haram and
halal? Because she made pornos.
I know, but that's her life in it.
She's not Muslim. Is it?
Yeah, she's not Muslim. She's a Christian.
She's a Christian, yeah. So it was all an act.
Yeah, all that. Yeah.
For nothing. Get a refund, Paul, get a
refund. I'm gonna need to get a refund
on that only fans page. Where's my phone?
I've got all those videos I was about to show you.
Get a refund. Yeah.
I don't like commenting on like what what women do, it's up to,
you know, free. This is this is the freedom and
it people are going to do things you don't like.
I agree with you because when I was in the Bonnie Blue queue,
people judge me for that. That better be a joke if you're
using the Bonnie blue queue. I am going to destroy this.
Room, You know the worst bit about it was she banged 1057
guys that day. I waited in that queue for so
long. I was 1058 and she stopped just
at that point. What are you going to do, get a
refund? There was no refunds, it was
free. I just wasted a whole day in the
queue. Yeah, you should have got there
quick. I know I was waiting a long time
at the end of the queue. Couldn't your agent sort you
out? That's out of order.
No, I couldn't even jump that queue.
No, when you can't jump the Bonnie Blue queue, that's when
you're nearly not a celebrity. I had a balaclava on so people
didn't know it was me. I, I did a whole routine about
this. In a second special about
Batman, he was wearing a hijab. Well, hijab was just for women.
But he all he could see is his eyes.
Yeah, Batman was Muslim. I wish he wasn't, and if he was,
I wish he'd fucking call me. Assalamualaikum, I'm Batman.
The best Batman ever was Michael Keaton.
Do you not think like the other ones?
They're all right, but no, he's the best.
He's the best and the original. And Michelle Fiver is the best.
I mean FIFA, not Fiver. She's the best Catwoman and
Danny DeVito is the best Penguin.
Yeah, definitely. And Jack Nicholson.
Best Joker. Yeah, Michael Keaton started his
career as a stand up comic. That was where he first began in
the I didn't know that 70s at the Comedy Store in Lai didn't
know He was like a weird and wacky comedian.
And then one thing led to another and Beetlejuice and and
all these roles. Oh, I can see that now.
So he was maybe like an alternate, like what we would
call an alternative comedian. America Sketch.
Yeah, well, no, he was actually a stand up.
He was a proper stand up. And then the movie roles took
off and he never went back to it.
Oh, but he does. He's such a good actor.
Great. Actor, he's so good.
And now you're moving up the ranks.
You know you're going from 10 years of stand up.
You think you're going to do this forever?
I would like to. Stand up is really, you know, a
lot of people say comics have certain dispositions.
They're going to work out that we're all, we've all got ADHD,
we've all got something in. It I don't think there's anyone
in the world that doesn't have ADHD.
But especially comedians. Why are we the ones making
strangers laugh? There's something we're looking
for in life. Yeah, maybe.
Do you think you think there's something missing?
Something missing in our chromosome?
So what's missing for you? Oh, a lot of stuff is missing
for me. A lot This isn't don't ask me
that. Do not ask me that.
This would turn into you're going to start crying.
You'll have to adopt me after the show.
You know it's we do it because it's therapy almost to us, isn't
it? Stand up.
Some people do say that. Some people say like it feels
like therapy, but for me, it's not.
For me, I see it as a job and I see it my job.
You, the, the audience is your client.
They've come and you need to make them laugh so that this is
how I see it. It's not for me.
I'm I don't like to be indulgent.
I don't like, I'm here to do a job and it's to make you make
sure you have a good time. So that's the way I see some
people do say that because I don't know.
You've also got to remember like what you put out there you can
never take back. Do you know what I mean?
And so you just have to be careful.
I think that's my. Opinion.
When you say put out there, you saying certain comics say things
that could be detrimental to us as a people or or them as a
person. Both.
You got to be careful.
Like peddling, like you can say anything that you want to say #1
there's consequences and #2 there has to be a joke at the
end of it. You can't just say a statement.
This. If you want to do that, go to
Speakers Corner. Yeah.
And speak your ugly backside off because you like that.
That's not I'd think that's not what it is about on stage.
I agree with that. A joke is a joke, and there's
got to be a punch line. Just like, you know, Trump is
shit. Yeah, well, you're going to get
a round of applause, but where's the joke?
Yeah, exactly. Where's, you know, the
government? Exactly.
It's a statement, so. Where's the joke?
But you are going to get some people use these tricks to get
the audience on the side, but there's no joke or punch line
there. And ultimately, no matter what
you say, you could say the most heinous shit, but it's got to be
funny. Yeah, there's got to be a
punchline, and you've got to be ready for the backlash.
There's going to be consequences.
So there has to be both. You can't hide behind the art,
you know what I mean? You're awake, you're a fully
functioning adult. You're aware.
You know what the world is. You know what the climate is in
the world at the moment. And, you know, so you've got to
be aware when you touch, when you open your mouth.
See, when I started, there was no YouTube.
There were no comments. Yeah.
So I used to open years ago with what's happening to white people
years ago, you know, and because I was the only non white person
in the room. So I'd go to these clubs and,
you know, join us Comedy store. At one time I went there and
there was a whole in Watford, a whole bunch of white guys there,
you know, proper gazes Stag don't like doing the stag do.
What's this? What's he doing on stage?
My and my opening line used to be what's happening to white
people because the only other non white person would be the
security guard. That was it.
So it's all white axe or so you'd have to kill it hard.
Yeah, yeah, you always have to be better.
Always. And then I'd come and I came off
on time and then after the show this guy came up to me and goes,
you better be careful, one of our mates isn't happy with you,
so how come? And he goes, hey, mate, how come
you said what's happening? White people come.
You had to say his mate, because you need to get away because he
knew because he could see him Skinhead, ex Skinhead.
And he was about to it was about to kick off.
You know these these are the kind of.
Wild. Like, why would you?
If I saw something I didn't like, I just wouldn't go back.
Well, I'd just leave. Do you know what I mean?
Like why would you? They would stay for the disco
mic. Like violence?
Like for what? Like, but we grew up to via.
I was born in the 70s. You know, you you, you were
lucky to live. You're a young lady.
No, no, no, I'm not. I was born in 81.
I've seen it. I've seen.
Them So we came through the front and the.
British What's the other one? The National Front and the
other. One combat 18, No, not BNP.
Yeah, that's it. I've seen that shit.
They used to get where we, when we moved because we lived in
Hackney and when I was about 12, we just crossed the road into
Bethnal Green needs to get their dog to shit on our door every
day. And that happened for 10 years.
And we'd call the police and they'd go, well, there's nothing
we can do. We can maybe talk to them
because there wasn't anything like hate crime or anything like
that and stuff like. That don't you psych shit mate.
What's not our fault, is it? Yeah, exactly, exactly that.
So. They would have trained that dog
to do that. That's the weird thing about it,
they would have trained that dog to take a shit.
Wait. Bro I remember once my niece, my
niece is 14 now and I remember when she was like 3-4 walking
through the park next to where I live.
She was on our bike and then when we got into the park she
got off her bike and I still look there's because there's
like wildlife and that I said look at the there's and there
was a squirrel and I said look at that squirrel was eating a
nut or whatever. And so she was looking and there
was a family coming towards us and it was a man and a woman and
three, their kids, three boys and they're coming towards us
and they're boys. So she was like 3-4.
They had a boy that was like maybe 3-1 that was five, another
one that was like 8 or something.
And then he, I heard the man whisper to the boy and they
looked like trouble. And he said he goes, go and
punch her. That's what he said to the boy.
And the little boy goes what daddy?
And he goes go and punch the girl and he goes, why daddy?
And he's like, just do it. He's going like this.
And I heard him say that and I called her and I picked her up
and I had her on this arm and I was pulling the bicycle like
beside me. But I was ready.
Like, I was obviously like, if they would have done, I would
have gone straight for the parents, knocked them out.
Like, but why would you do that? I wasn't even wearing hijab at
that point. Do you know what I mean?
Like why? Would you do that?
This is and this? What year was this?
So this was about 10 years ago. Yeah, she's 14 now.
It's getting worse. It now it yeah, you know, some
guy pretended to like slash me in my face at a station.
I was just like, yeah, I just stood there and I just was like,
what the fuck are you doing? Like, are you actually crazy?
Pretended. Yeah, like, come along like
this. Yeah.
And I was like, what are you doing?
And then my mum as well, Like my mum, we have to take her in a
wheelchair because her legs are not as good.
She was in the cab and my sister was pushing her.
This is just two weeks ago pushing her around our area,
going to the shop to do her shopping.
And this guy's like Halloween's finished.
So my sister just ignored him. And then he and then his mate
was like, should we do it? Should we do it?
And then his friend was like, Nah, just leave it.
And my sister was like terrified.
Do you know what I mean? Like what you, you're such a
pussy. Like a woman in a wheelchair and
another woman pushing her. Who is a nurse by the way, who
100% gives more than you will ever give to our country?
And hopefully they'll go into the hospital when she is in the
house on her shift. *** I can't help you here.
You should be like, sorry Brav, I don't speak English.
Sorry Brav. Yeah, because.
Halloween's over. Sorry.
Yeah, I think we should all go back to where we came from Yeah,
I think we should all go go back.
I get told to go back to where I come what the 70s?
Where am I going to go back edge where I.
Know they said they're like go back to where we come from.
Like my mum's vagina. Is that like brav?
Fuck off. But at least we're changing the
world with comedy as we speak. Yeah, we're trying to.
You've you've, you've now done, you've got some big show coming
up. Yeah, big time.
Which we will plug which you can plug it any point.
In the meantime, you just want to ask me questions.
Yeah, and I mean, this is the whole point.
Why do people do podcasts to to have a whole load of questions
at the end? Yeah, I'm doing a show, Yeah.
It's like you wouldn't be here otherwise.
Are you going on tour? Have you got a tour?
Coming. I'm no, I just finished the tour
I did. It was on tour last year.
I'm going going back out to LA next month.
Oh. OK, what to do?
Like gigs? And Netflix is a joke festival,
not the TV fest is the comedy. Fest nice what is it like in LA
is the comedy scene it's very different comedians are very the
style of. Comedy is so different in
America. It's heavily, heavily scripted,
isn't it? Word for word.
Yeah. Whereas we're very different.
We're very loose. Yeah, but it's good to be like
that because then because the problem is if you're, if it's
very heavily scripted, I find because it's not just American
comics. A lot of comics here do that
because some if if you so some comics use writers and things
like that. And can you tell I can tell if
they've used the right? Art easily.
I can tell so. But you've got to be loose
because all it takes is for one person to shout out and you'll
lose the whole show, you'll lose yourself.
You you have to be able to respond.
That's why you need to start from the bottom.
When the pubs build, you need to because that's where you get
your most educated. When the dogs in the woo woo
woo. This is it.
Well, you need a bone mate, you know what I mean?
It's like, yeah, I started in the pubs as well and this is the
I. Still, do some pubs like that?
And pubs now are nice, yeah. I just, I still, that's my home.
That's where we grew up doing this and.
I used to come out of those pubs after those shows stinking of
cigarettes because there was no smoking in those days indoors.
So you'll just see a mist. You can't even see beyond the
first row because of the smoke. I probably passive smoked packs
in those rooms because we're, we're on a, you know, we're
breathing in heavily. We're so you're just taking it.
We're athletes there. So.
So I was out on and I was come home and my family would say
you're close with a stink of cigarettes.
It was proper Aram before shisha lounges.
Sally. Shisha smells good.
Yeah. You know, blueberry muffin
flavour. Yeah, banana flavour.
Mint and lemonade or something. I don't do it.
I can't. It's very bad for you.
Yeah, that's what they say. There's no filter on it.
Yeah. It's like smoking like 10 packs
of cigarettes in one shisha. My friends do it and I'll sit
with them while they do it, but I don't.
Do it. That's what I do.
Yeah, I'll just find it. I can't inhale smoke.
I can't. Once they had to give me asthma
pump because I had a infection in my lungs and and like they
had to give me the baby thing, you know, the spacer you put it
in, you say they give me this thing and then you put the pump
in it and then you breathe. That's what.
Because I could not do it for love.
That's a. Moroccan inhaler, that one.
Which, yeah. It's the cheaper version.
I always have to have a space hour.
I went to Morocco recently. What a great country.
And the and the argon oil, yeah, there's not many argon trees
left. Yeah, because you lot.
Is it us brought? It all I'm talking about the
tourists. Oh, I thought you've been the
Indians. The Indians to call the Argon
oil. Now we're just playing.
Everyone calm down, there's enough Argon trees.
I heard there's a shortage of argon trees.
That's what they told me in Morocco are.
They just telling you that because.
They wanted to. Buy it.
Trust me, that geezer's got like a.
Last one, Habibi, last three. Exactly.
This is the last three so.
Foolishness. Yeah, I mean, this is but you
grew up two French and Saunders Desmond's Real McCoy.
Yes. Great era of comedy.
Yeah, yeah, the good old days. Good old days mate, going back
to the good old days. Just when do you know?
I feel like it's not AI think because life has changed as well
because you know, like those shows you used to watch it with
your families. Remember like the old gladiators
blind day. I know they're not comedy shows,
but like, you know, the Desmond's you could watch.
Saturday night entertainment. Yeah, and now the family.
Is nice to see you, to see you. Nice.
Exactly. Good game, good game.
Exactly. You're right there in the back.
You know, like Bruce Forsyth.
That was Michael Barrymore. You.
Did Oh Barrymore? Yeah, in the price is Right or
strike it lucky, I think it's. Strike it lucky, yeah.
So and it's just changed and that's what I mean like that you
missed that, you know, you used to all be able to sit there, all
sit. Do you remember?
We used to all sit in front of 1 television and watch and used to
have to to turn it over. You have to get up and and turn
it. And do you remember?
When I had to get up and press the press the TV button do.
You remember when I was three channels only?
Yeah. And like, that was it.
And everything was on the TV, the volume.
Turn it over, turn it off, everything.
Everything. The cooker, everything I
remember and then Channel 4 being launched and then Channel
5 in the 90s. I used to work for them.
Oh really? Back in the day, the only way
you could get Channel 5 is you had to retune your video or TV
to get Channel 5. And they'd call up a call centre
and then they'd have to send an engineer to your house to retune
your TV. And I was the guy that'd call.
I had to send engineers to people's houses.
Gosh, I didn't know it. Was like that.
That was, and now Channel 5's got pretty good.
Yeah, they've got some good shows on there.
Eventually, they got there in the end.
I hope you're enjoying the podcast so far.
Just a reminder, this show is brought to you by Mrs. Elswood
Pickles. Now bringing punch to your
podcast. Mrs. Elswood Pickles are packed
to maximize freshness and crunch.
Back to the show. Yeah.
So you, you, you thinking about coming to America?
I probably won't be allowed. In how come?
You're allowed in. Is it because you've been
before? I've been going since I was a
kid. OK, so they let you.
Do you have shit when you get to the airport on that?
Yeah, I've been going since the 1970s, OK, I'm going since the
70s and. So they're all right, but they
still give you shit. No, but I've got a work visa
now. Right, so they can't give you
shit. They do still give you.
They're like, why are you here? And then you've got to but I
don't get held in that detention room anymore.
You. Used.
To I used to get sometimes put in that room for like 3 hours.
To and do what? Like what they need to check?
Then you have to do like a long set.
So now you've got to prove you're a stand up by doing some
of your ACT because they don't believe you.
I don't look like a start, you know, like say, well, you you
got to do some material and then you walk up and the Salaam
alaikum and this is not that. This is not comedy.
And if they find you funny, you get in.
If you don't, imagine that you have to do bits of.
Now they check your social media.
Yeah. Did they say they will?
Have they done that to you? But just it was coming in, but
now they go. But when you get the visa, they
check everything. So it takes a while to apply for
that you've got. Oh so they would have done those
checks already? Where our so they check your
social media. They check everything you've got
to give. Handles for everything are.
We a joke or what? What is going on here?
Like we. This is a police state.
We live in a democracy, apparently, but that's slowly
changing totalitarian regimes where they're going to check
everything. They can check my arse if they
want. I'm sure you didn't mean that,
but before comedy you worked at a pupil referral unit.
Yes, that was rough. That was very rough.
It was so pupil referral unit, they call it proof for short.
And it's all the kids that just cannot be in mainstream
education. And sometimes it'll be
behavioural and sometimes it's usually behavioural to be honest
with you. So yeah, you get like, you know,
the kids that are carrying knives, all those kind of kids.
And I loved it. I loved it because I I had a bit
of a rough upbringing, so I was able to connect with these kids.
Was this in Bethel Green? In Bethel Green and Hackney both
what what the proof? No, it was in all over.
I worked in one in Walthamstow. I worked in one in isn't it was
all over. And yeah, I loved it because I
could relate to these kids and I could connect to them because
you can't be like, oh, well done, Thomas.
Like you have to speak to them in a language that they'll
understand. And thankfully for me, I'm
fluent in that language, so. Oh, well done, Thomas.
Please don't do that. Shut up you slag, but you
probably went in a bit harder than.
Stop it, Thomas, please. You have to be harder with them.
You have to. Put down the revolver, Thomas,
please put down the machete. I ain't doing that.
What did you say to him? I'd be like, what the hell are
you doing? Is it?
Yeah, I'd be like, you know, this ain't going to fly.
Like you need to put that down or like just what you doing like
proper like shock them like is it?
Yeah, man. And then they get, they come
back down to Earth and then. You'll speak their language.
You have to speak their language.
You cannot be like, let's make a Daisy chain.
Come on, Thomas, you. Alive.
You're in a safe space. While he's got a machine gun
pointing at your face. Exactly, you have to.
You're in a safe space. You have to earn their trust and
gain their trust and it's only through that then you can build
a relationship with them and stuff and then they start to
open up to you and then that's when you can allow, that's when
you can be softer with them as well, you know?
And then you went on from that to kind of that could probably
your first audience to how to deal with hecklers.
OK, do you find, you know, we've, you know, like we, we
met, we said like stag dos and like I find hen dos worse than
stags. Do you still?
Do they still come to comedies? Yes, but sometimes they'll allow
like what? It depends on the venue, but
usually they'll allow because you they can't stop people from
booking but you don't like I don't do those gigs where it's
like 10 stag dos. I don't do that.
But sometimes you'll get like 1 hen 1 stag, something like that
they'll. Before your time, I used to do
junglers and used to go out there and it was like 7 hens and
10 stag dos and seven birthday parties.
That was the audience, the crowd.
There was no normal like just people going to watch comedy,
stag hens and birthdays. That's all it was, and that's
what it catered for to their book tables, and it was rough.
Yes, really rough, rough. Once I did a gig and I was a hen
party and Oh my God. Anyway, I ended up because one
of the women was getting on my fucking nerves and then she said
to me, I thought she said you're fat and she didn't.
I think she said. What's your name anyway?
I ripped. Her eyes sounds very similar
though. I tore her arse up.
She yeah, she had to be dragged out crying brother.
Her friends had to take her. Yeah, I was like, don't play
with me. What did she what did she
actually say? She said.
What's your name? No, it doesn't sound like a fat.
That's what I thought, she said. Man, I just fucking ripped her.
You did the right. Thing she was crying that to
take her out is it? Yeah.
What happened then? Then when I and then I got
that's it. I carried on.
Yeah, I was just telling. What's your name?
What'd you say? Don't you start hacking shit
with me, you slag. I just said, what's her name?
But then you know they would have said your name when you
came on stage. So why did she ask?
You again? Why are you asking me some
nonsense? Yeah, why would she ask your
name twice? Exactly.
No, that's suspect. That is.
She deserved that. Exactly.
Thank you, Paul for. Thank you for fighting in the
corner for our people. Next time somebody asks me my
name, I know what to do. Exactly.
Although I do get how come your name's Paul Red.
I get it more from Asian people. You're coconut Bravin.
I always get because my name is Fatia, they go, did your mum
call you Fatia because you're fat?
And I'm like no, no, Lisa. But Fatia is the first name in
the Quran, Lisa. Is it?
Yeah, it's the first name in the.
It's the first chapter of the Quran.
That's the first name. Yeah.
Sorat al Fatiha which means the chapter of Fatiha, which is
fatiha means the beginning or the opening.
Mashallah, exactly. So a lot of people do name their
kids from the Quran, from the and, and in our religion from
from the holy book as well. Yeah.
And a lot of English people name their kids from where they were
conceived. Brooklyn, we were banging there.
So we're not even at that, mate. So it's very similar.
It's very similar. Elephant and Castle got twins.
Do you know they would be those kinds of what are you going to
ask me I. Was going to say, yeah.
So you, why did your parents call you Paul?
Do your other siblings have? They haven't.
Yeah. English.
Well, it's actually Dodgeball single to Audrey.
It's Dodgeball TAJPAUL. But when I first went to school,
my dad's like, his name's Dodgeball.
Do you? Mind if I just call him Paul?
And then it and then it's stuck. You know what I mean?
So we're going back to the 70s. So it just stuck and then it
just stayed. And at home, do they call, do
your family call you Paul or do they say your full name?
Just call. They call me bastard, man.
Shut up, bastard. Your your family call you boss.
Mum's always donkey. Donkey.
Yeah, because we call it like in Arabic.
It's Hamara, which means donkey. She's always like Hamara.
Hamara. Dangar is a donkey in Punjabi as
well, but so you're dating. We were talking about that
earlier. Oh yeah, dating.
Yeah. I'm not sure if I can say this,
but unfortunately your marriage didn't work out.
Yes, twice. Twice.
Sorry to hear this, this is very controversial.
It's not really. I talk about it all the time.
You know, you're a younger woman.
At least you tried twice. I'm older than you and I still
having them got married. Which is worse?
Yeah. So let me put it this way that I
can't say yes or no to which is worse.
Let me put it this way, it's better to be single than be with
someone that ain't right for you.
That's what I would say. Do you know what I'm saying?
But you date and shit ain't it. No halal dating, just just in
case any uncles are watching this halal dating.
Yeah, I just, I don't know, dating's really changed in it.
Like, Oh yeah, back in the old day.
Go down the pub, mate. See you, Doris.
Grab her, take her own. And that's it.
She, Doris. But I have 55 kids now.
You've got a swipe on their faces.
Yes. And people and this again, it
goes back. Do you know what we're saying
about there being so much choice to watch?
There's so much choice online. People don't make effort.
People will not like you for really dumb shit.
Like I don't like the colour shirt he's wearing.
I don't like but he wears white socks with his trainers.
What? Are you actually joking right
now? I don't know, it's changed.
I feel like casual sex has ruined a lot of dating as well.
Because if you're if you're nothing against it, you do
whatever you want. It's your life, your body, do
whatever. I don't do.
That, but I'm just saying for the people listening because
they're going to start saying shit, you know, so it's it's
ruined it because now if you have, if I, if I can get casual
sex from you, why am I going to commit other things like if I
can just have that with you, then you can't live just with
me. We'd have to get.
Married yeah, we'd have to be halal.
Halal dating first so. Yeah, it's just really hard.
It's. It's hard out there and also
there's too much choice in the media and there's too much.
It's everywhere. There's too much choice.
There's too many things in the world that we have access to
easily. And do you remember like you do
you remember like in the olden days, right?
You remember like, say like there was a chip chip shop and
that would that would that chip shop would be the only one that
did a certain fried thing or something.
Now you can, you know, you can get, I don't know, matcha
vanilla, all O iced all over in every I could go to every shop
down this road and I could get the same thing, but they won't
be the same quality. Obviously.
No, it's true, but it's it's saturated.
Everything's saturated. The market is yeah, saturated
market we live in. Everything people like and it
dating's also really hard because I'm sure you have the
same thing when you've got a bit of a profile.
That's also really Do you know how many times my dating profile
gets reported? Yeah, I had this.
Do you? Have that as well.
Yeah, it was. We spoke about that.
I got banned. Because people think you're I.
Got banned from Minge because they said he was fake.
Yeah, I see. And then I got banned.
So they reported you for being fake?
Yeah, and I'm like, bitch isn't, it's me, bitch who's going to
make a profile of me I know to be fake.
Like, come on. There might be 55 Fatih Al Goris
out there. There probably is.
Sometimes people make fake.
Well this guy made a fake account on Instagram and someone
sent it to me so I messed IDMD him.
I said fucking delete this you prick.
How do you know it was him? Because.
I don't I didn't actually, I just assumed there's only men do
dumb shit like that. And then he goes you, you're I
guess you're you're fake like you're like this is you're
saying to me, he goes to me, you're fake and I was like, fuck
you, you prick. And then he.
Said you're fake. Yeah, he goes to me.
No, you're the fake one. I'm the real one.
I was like, what? And then he blocked me and then
I went on my friend's Instagram, got her phone and run his arse
out on the phone. And they reported it, Yeah.
And he got taken down. I don't know.
See, this is thing. You can't, you can't even take
down somebody impersonate. Yeah.
Yeah, I know you can't. It's really.
Hard. Even if you open another page,
they'll say you're pretending to be you.
Yeah, I know it's lawless. You're totally right.
What you said about like the whole online thing, it's just
lawless. They need to sort it out.
It's good. I mean, how are they only now
just finally looking at things with like kids safety?
But even then they're saying things like don't use the
Internet too long. That's not the problem, bruv.
The problem is the stuff that's on there.
Do you know what I'm saying? And it's so easy for them to be
like, oh, let your kid only use it one hour a day.
You've got a nanny, you've got a nanny that looks after your kid.
So when you can't do it, you've got someone else that can give
them attention and take them to the park and all that.
So like so out of touch. Yeah, people, it's the wild.
When I started on the Internet, it was wild, Wild West.
It's got some regulations to it now because of the advertisers.
So they've got to be. So if you put so now you've got
to bleep the swear words. If we're doing some comedy,
they'll take the swear words. But Andrew Tate can swear as
much as he wants and get millions of views.
So it does. I don't know who's beating these
algorithms or what they'll do is create a pyramid scheme and then
people create 55 accounts with the same video on all of them.
You got more chance of a hit rate if you put if you put one
video up on your profile and collaborate with me, it might do
all right. But if we put that same video up
on 15 accounts, it'll probably go viral on one of them.
That's crazy. So you just create multiple
accounts. I've got accounts.
There's accounts on TikTok that are just videos of me, yeah.
And it's got more followers and more than me and people message
me and go, is this your account and go, no, but they're not
pretending to be me. No.
They just thinks I can't do anything.
They just know how to use platforms to get more views and
followers. Yeah, and use your stuff without
copyright. Yeah, the amount of times I've
been filmed. The top secret?
Yeah, that happened to me recently, not top secret at
another club and we had to contact the girl and say put it,
take it off and she and it got removed.
That's good, sometimes they don't remove them, but as you
say, it's a saturated market in dating, in fish and chips.
Food, clothes, everything saturated.
It's the depressing world we live in now.
The saturation has gone so badly that my cholesterol has gone up.
You know it's what happens when you're Asian.
Every day is cholesterol. Double heart bypass.
But you have some pre show rituals you just don't eat
before you go. But although we source we were,
I think we were. Maybe I was eating before the
show that day. Yes.
The other one, no. Yeah.
I don't eat before a show because I end up, you know,
firstly, you have those nervous poos.
Yeah. I mean, you get them whether you
eat or not. But if when you eat, they can
become worse. So you have that.
And then I just find you can be quite heavy and then you're not
reacting quickly enough if something happens, or just.
Good point. Because they say when you eat,
the blood rushes to your stomach.
Oh, really? And hunter gatherers, when we
were cave people, we would think quickly due to hunger, right?
So the blood's rushed your brain because you need to find food.
Yeah. So when you're full, you don't
want to think, right? Because you're you don't need to
think. You're comfortable.
And that's another reason why they say do food shopping on a
full stomach. Yeah, because then you buy what
you need. What you want exactly now?
That's how we've evolved as human beings.
You know, women like wearing hijabs on stage.
Yeah. So a lot of people have
discussed this previously. Or do you think it can be a
hindrance or a or or an advantage to your stand up?
No, it shouldn't. It shouldn't be anything.
It's just a person on the stage. It's just a comedian.
People would say why don't you wear a turbo on stage?
I'm a Sikh. Yeah right.
So but it's your choice. But why people think it's a
character might I've had that is it?
Like I would pick Islamophobia as a character like please, but
that's like it's your personal choice.
Shazia did it and got a lot of stick for it in the early 2000s
with and she doesn't wear it anymore.
I like that you've stuck to your guns, no pun intended there,
because you've been known to see comedy more is entertainment and
about representation and visibility.
Yeah, like, like I said, I'm there to my job is to make you
laugh. Do you know what I mean?
And that's, that's the the main thing.
I just happened to be a woman that wears A hijab, you know
what I mean? And but I've never, I've never
done it. I never thought I'm going to be
the first or I'm going to be different or nothing like that.
This is what I wanted to do and I just done it.
We've still got a long way to go in terms of Asian comedy. 100%,
But this is the I think comedy as well has also got a long way
to we're just comics, yeah. You know, we're we're comics.
We can go on a bill with anyone. So why are you a hijabi wearing
comedian? Yeah, exactly.
I used to be Asian comedian Paul Chaudry.
I'm just a comedian, Paul. Chaudry.
Yeah, exactly. They don't say white comedian
Michael Nackinton. No exactly.
Sorry this here thing people, people don't realise as well how
difficult it is like for us like when we do something wrong or or
or or if if you have a shit show which everyone does, if you have
a shit gig or whatever because it's normal.
Everyone has good days and bad days in the work that they do.
And this is work. So we will have good and bad
days. But if you do a joke that
doesn't land or you do a joke that's not good or whatever,
yeah, you, you, it doesn't become that comedian was shit.
It becomes that Asian guy shit. Asians can't do comedy.
Duh, duh, duh, duh. You know, the same with like I
get that hijabis are not funny. Muslims are shit, women are
shit, ethnic women are shit, fat women are shit.
I get all these. I don't get.
It's not just like you said, that comedian ain't that.
I don't like that comedian. It's always you.
It's all these other you bring. There's a lot of pressure and
like, what's the word? Not just pressure,
responsibility on our shoulders that people don't see.
You have to be better than everyone else.
You have to. Because if you only get one
fucking chance, and if you fuck it up in their eyes, in
whoever's you know, then you're done.
It's true when I when I started that you saw the likes of
Russell Brand and Ricky Gervais get pilot after pilot after TV
show. That didn't work and eventually
they got there. But let's.
Try again. It didn't work for this one.
Let's try. Again I never saw any black
comics or non white comics at that time even get given pilots
after pilot to see if it worked. It's like.
It's no really for us. Then I would understand.
I've never had my own TV show but I've sold out every arena in
England. So it's like you, they did say
when we first came here, you've got to work 10 times harder.
Yeah, 100%. And you know as well, people
will have the argument and be like, oh, it doesn't matter who
the comedian is, as long as they're good.
Like why? Why does it have to be
diversity? But like, what's what you're
trying to say? There's no funny like people
that are black, that are brown, I don't understand South Asian,
Southeast Asian, Is that what you're East Asian?
Is that what you're saying? You're saying that there that
doesn't exist. Is that what you mean?
Why can't what we see on TV and what we hear?
Be a reflection of what we see outside, too.
The mixed society, you know, you, you.
They say things like, oh, but he's just not good.
But that's because you're not giving him a chance.
Give him a platform. Yeah, exactly.
This is another thing. Everything's subjective.
This is another thing people don't understand What?
And. And it's OK.
Like, we're allowed to have different tastes.
Not everybody likes iced coffee. Not everybody likes holidaying
in Spain. Not everybody, you know what I'm
saying? That's One Direction, Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? It's like Rolling Stones.
Not everyone's a One Direction fan.
It's like, no, if you're, I'm not funny to you.
Exactly. I might be fun to your friend,
yes. Doesn't mean I'm not funny.
It's not a sport. OK, yeah, at least a pin.
OK. You don't have to tell me, Eva.
Like I don't need to know that you think I'm not funny.
Because there are things I think about you and your mum and your
dad and you don't want to hear them.
I. Like how you bring their parents
into it? That's a good thing, isn't it?
That's. That's the clip but you must
have gone into bare rocks with mums and dads, especially in
east London. Yeah.
You know, not many people would mess with you though, wouldn't.
It I don't know. I don't know.
I am. I'm really nice.
I know, I know. I've got a big heart.
I'm really kind. But if people fuck with me then
they see a different side. That's that's the only thing.
But I'll always lead with like kindness and love and tell
people want to push it. And then I'm like, hold up.
Oh, what happened going back to your profile when you got
blocked on the dating apps? Did they reinstate the app?
They reinstated it. Is it?
Because they just say I didn't get blocked, they were just like
this account's been reported and I just had to send some ID and
stuff to say that it was me and do a little video and all that
shit. Oh, you have to do all that
stuff. It's changed now, back in my
days. Yeah, they were just outwardly
blocked. Blocked.
And then I get a message. I remember once I got a message
and said, and then she messaged me on Instagram just to let you
know someone's using your. I'm like, that is me.
Oh, so I'm just trying to help you.
Well, you've blocked me now. So it's sad to tell everyone
that someone's using your account.
So before asking you here, I thought I'll get you blocked
first. So she could have sent me that
message before getting me. And then I just gave up then.
I'll try again. You should try again.
You compare yourself to a Russian stacking doll.
Yeah, only because a few times in my life I've had people say
to me, are you Russian? And I'm like, sorry, what?
I beg your pardon? And they're like, oh, because
you look like that doll that goes into itself, the Russian
doll. And I'm like, yeah, and you need
to go for fucking spec Savers and a brain scan.
But like, and, but I, I guess so that's why I called my show that
my, my debut tour that. But also, I guess I am similar
to that doll in the sense that there are different layers to me
that people don't always see. There are different.
And I know when when I say that people are like, yeah, yeah,
there are a lot of layers to you.
You've eaten the whole jam doughnut shop.
And I'm like, listen, bitch, I'll go to the gym.
I can probably lift you and your whole fucking house.
OK, So shut the fuck up and don't be so judgy.
I see you're good at deadlift. I am very good at deadlift.
I'm very I can do 120. I've seen this have you
incredible form see, because some you're going to have to
train me up. Bro I've come to my gym.
Very bad for your back sometimes though, you've got to be
careful. Well, I've got a really good
train. I've got a personal trainer.
Yeah, man, I've always. Had do you wear the belt when
you? No man, I wear the belt when I
do deadlift. No, because if you wear the belt
then it can like it can stop you from doing it properly and
stuff. It's all about technique.
Technique. It's all about technique.
It's not about the weight. Yeah, that's you see, I'm
talking to you now and I'm like, because my trainer, I'm proud.
100 you're dead lifting. 120 is it?
Mashallah you can have that's heavy for people that don't
know. That's why these cunts need to
know. Can you let them know please?
Can you put a little clip and show them how much?
120 kilograms of fucking. I don't know if they understand
burgers or some shit. Put that up here.
That's. Two of me.
That's see, Yeah, I can do that. But just under 2 of me, That's
that's good. Yeah.
And then what else are you lifting?
My sanity for mental health. Yeah, I know.
It's it's, we don't really have mental health in our communities
though. It's a new thing to us.
It still hasn't been discussed. I was talking about this years
ago in at the Hackney Empire. You know, it's a white thing.
It's a new thing to our people. Yeah, I think a lot of people
are being more vocal though about their mental.
Health in our community. Yeah, for sure.
And there's lots of like, there's like a Muslim
counselling network, is it? Yeah.
And stuff like that. You can, if you, if you're
looking for like a counsellor, a therapist that's specific, you
know, because you, you want someone that's going to
understand you. I don't want to have to be
explaining my family dynamic 20 times and then for you to go oh,
and then meet you to go oh, you don't have to go and see your
mum on every Sunday. We don't have that in our
community. You cannot not just go to your
mum. I'm not coming to see you like I
don't have that issue. By the way, I'm fine.
I'm just saying like I'm. Just every Sunday you're talking
about once a year Christmas. Well, every, everybody's
different. I'm just saying like I don't
have that problem. I see your mum regularly.
You need to go downstairs. No, actually, I live on my own.
Is it? Yeah.
But she still tries to like ban me and shit like that.
She or not ban me, ground me. She's.
Yeah, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not.
I'm not assuming you live with your parents, but.
Say that again. I'm not assuming you live with
your. Parents, do you live with your
family? I live on my own.
Yeah, the same. I'm I'm now on my own in life.
I don't have a family. Oh really?
Are you being serious? Yeah, you better not be joking.
I'm not being serious. Have you?
What do you not have? I have no one.
Oh, Paul, you got me. That's, I'm sorry, when you get
to my age, yes, things are getting tough.
Yeah. You realise you're on your own.
Yeah. And you've got to try and make
it on your own. So you've got to cherish your
family while you have them. Absolutely.
You know. But you've got me bro, we're
friends. Oh, thanks.
I appreciate that. There's lots of people out there
that love you. I'm not talking about these
people, these fans. I'm talking about talking about
real people. All I've got is my audience.
Please press subscribe and press subscribe to the Donuts for that
podcast without you. I don't have anyone.
I don't I don't even know what cameras on, but you're dating
themed BBC pilot. Yes.
A match made Inshallah was released around Valentine's Day.
Yes. And, as we said earlier, BAFTA.
The one that got the BAFTA was the BBCTV short.
Donkey. Yeah, that's what my mum calls
me all the time. The donkey one, yeah, which is
on and we can see that on the BBC iPlayer.
Yes, and on YouTube if you put in donkey fatty Al Gori, it'll
come. Up.
Oh, wicked. Yeah.
So everyone's got to check out the Fatty Al Gori donkey.
And what was the inspiration behind that?
It's like semi autobiographical. It's about my life, love, like
being divorced twice, trying to find a career and a job that I
love, trying to keep that balancing family and love.
Being open about being divorced twice is very brave.
Yeah, but when we were kids, you weren't even allowed to get
divorced. Yeah.
So do you keep in touch with them?
No good? Hell no.
I'd rather eat a pork sandwich. That's the clip.
This is all click, click bait. This is all clips.
You've given me so many clips on this podcast and you wrote the
teen novel The Perks of My Hijab.
Yes. Published in May.
It's coming out. Yes.
It's coming out this year. Yeah.
That was. I wrote that all on my own.
I do not have a ghostwriter. Is it?
Yeah. Man, that was blood, sweat and
says, have you ever written a book?
No, it is the hardest thing. It's hard.
It's hard to read a book, never mind write 1.
You can actually write and read a book.
You're a rarity, husband number three.
You don't know where you're missing out on.
You do not know she can read and write.
It's very rare with a woman these days.
Oh, Paul, Paul, don't make me slap you one of these.
What are they called? Pickle jars?
Pickles. Pickles.
And then Michelle Deswartes is going to you and Michelle are
going to come and bust me up. See, what I'm doing there is I'm
reinforcing negative stereotype because you have you're a
powerful independent woman. Oh, thank you.
Knows I'm not being serious, but the comments are online because
we'll cut it there and then the comments go, I'd get why did you
ask her that question? Did you think that was an actual
question? Because it's a ridiculous thing
to even say. This is, you know, people don't
get. Yeah, they don't get it.
No, they think it's serious like this, this.
You can do it. You can do it on stage, of
course, right? You do just jokes and when you
put it online, see, you're going to get these bad comments
because they've never paid to see.
They're never going to pay to see you.
They're never going to come to your shows.
They'll troll. They'll never leave their yard
and come to a show. Yeah, that's because they're
lonely and they've got no life. And that's why if they open
their eyes, but they happily, they want you deported and they
want you to go, but they'll have a Curry every Saturday.
Like come on bruv. Yeah.
So this book which is you, you describe it as auto semi.
No, not the book. The book A what?
It's a little bit, Yeah, it's a little, a little bit.
Yeah. About, you know, like, so it's
based around a teenage girl, right?
She decides to start wearing a hijab and then how people treat
her and then she comes into herself and it's it's a coming
of age kind of book. Just to toll through the eyes of
your niece. Yeah, but it's really fun.
It's not like serious, like they have something happens at her
school and she has to use, she uses a hijab to to get to the
bottom of it all. There's like a little mystery
and stuff, and it's about loving yourself and accepting people
for whoever they are and for what they are.
And if you don't like it, then you don't have to look.
You don't have to look. You don't have to watch.
You don't have to listen. You find your people and make a
relationship and a community there.
You don't have to, you know? Yeah.
Within 10 years, you've written books.
You may have even read a book, right?
Stand up tours since I've seen you, you've gone on from
strength to strength and taskmaster.
Thank you, Brav. Killed it on Taskmaster.
People still talk about you and I'm sure you get a lot of
messages about Taskmaster. I did it back in Season 3, way
back in the day, 2016. Nobody even knew what it was
then because they'd only aired season 1, and they shot season 2
and three at the same time. So when I did it, I just
thought, I'm going to just be myself.
I thought this guy's an idiot, but they thought I was playing
an idiot. No, I'm an idiot.
They didn't. But that was use of the O GS,
the OG Taskmaster. Well, because Alex Horn I used
to do the circuit with just sent me a text said look man, I've
just got this new show, would you mind jumping on it?
Said fine, I'll just do it for you.
So on dive back in the now you did.
You're obviously the Channel 4 era.
Yeah, nobody would watch Dave back then.
So, and it was only 6 episodes back then.
Yeah. And and then I just, I did it in
San Francisco as well. I was on the live show.
Oh wow. Because you're on with Jason
Madokos. Yes.
Who did the New York show? What was he like?
Really nice is it? Yeah, really nice.
I was I I'm so this is what I mean about timing has a big
thing because I didn't know any of them.
I think I knew. Maybe I'd met Rosie and Stevie
once, I think, but not then. Just like, hi, how are you?
That kind of thing. Not, not.
I don't know them. We don't follow each other or
anything like that at the time and everybody, we were all so
different and none of us knew each other.
But we really came together. We used to have dinner together
every night. Lunch.
Yeah. We'd have lunch every night,
like every day during the filming.
We'd all sit together and then and then we'd go to our rooms
and chill for a bit stuff. But it was we, it was really
family. Good point there because we do
have lunch at white people's dinner time.
We eat late. Hedge Bay Rd. is open till 3:00
in the morning for a reason. I'm having I'm having me supper
now. What time?
4:00 What? I just had lunch why do why
people eat so early do you know what I.
Mean it's tea time. 6:00 Like why do you eat so early?
Do you know what I mean? I just had breakfast.
I mean, you don't know the time now, obviously it's it's it's
almost 3:00 in the afternoon and I just had breakfast.
Do you know what I mean? Lunch is going to be at 5:00,
then it's going to be 11. Well, and with our job as well,
and it's crazy. Yeah, I'm trying not to eat too
late now because of my high cholesterol, you know?
But some of that is hereditary, don't forget.
Yeah, and also I started doing all, taking the fads from
Instagram about high protein, high fats.
Now some people show it on the outside, some people show it on
the inside. So people have internal fats.
So I think all these high protein diets has increased my
internal fat, increasing my cholesterol.
So why don't you change it? Then I'm trying to do that now
because the doctor said this, Doctor Ali said even he said,
man, you need to bring your cholesterol down.
It's as you say, it's. Get someone to like make your
meals. For you, I know I was thinking
about meal. Prep I would do.
That I would do. That yeah.
You're a good cook though, isn't it?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm a crap.
I can make hummus though. But meal prep, someone will make
it for you or order those you know you can get ready made
meals. Is it?
To your house. Healthy.
Yeah, really healthy. And as I said, you've gone on to
appear on live the Apollo in 2024, which is on New Year's Eve
on that that episode Jonathan Dwussie show, Never mind the
Buzzcocks, guessable Alan Davis. You've done almost every you've
there's nothing much you haven't really done anymore.
I've never done any of these shows.
Oh, really? None of them.
Yeah, let's get us. And I love the Apollo.
Done, Yeah. Like literally Greg, me and Greg
are literally married. Greg, why am I not on that show?
Greg Davies. Is it?
Yeah, like we're literally. You speak to Greg.
Yeah. Yeah, Greg, I've known since he
started stand up since he was a teacher.
Yeah, him and Alex are great, man.
Like, and you know, as you know when you did Taskmaster is just
so nice. Everyone on there so lovely.
They're so good, yeah. Just great show.
We are Lady Parts was good when you played the teacher.
You do some great cameos. I saw one trailer, was it brass?
No borders maybe? Borders Yeah, that was a great
trailer. Thank you, got loads of shit.
Did you? But that's expected.
I got loads of shit. Yeah, but it shouldn't be.
It shouldn't be. We're just doing our job.
It's just normal. No, no, it shouldn't be.
Normal. It's the new normal.
Shouldn't be. It shouldn't be.
Yeah, it's because I'm. Sick of and people go just
ignore it. I'm like are you that fucking
naive? What do you mean just ignore it?
My phone's pinging off like 100 messages a minute.
I heard Emily Maitlis say yeah, racism is the new normal.
Who said that? Did you say your?
Emily Maitlis. Is that what she said for?
Real, well, I don't know, she said it from her point.
But that's kind of how it's being looked at now.
Yeah, yeah, it's true. Racism was normal when we were
growing up. Yeah.
And you were growing if you were born in 81.
And it's come back like syphilis, almost like we need
the cream to get rid of it. And it's kind of.
I didn't think I'd see these times again, but it was very
blatant in those days. But now we have an outlet so
they can hide behind profiles back in then days that have to
say it to our faces because there was no.
Or write you a letter you know. I would like, do you know what I
would do one of these days because there's loads of people
in comments going, oh, I bet she's draining benefits and all
this and what I would like to do.
You're killing it. Is what me draining you're?
Paying for their benefits. Well, there you go.
But what I'd like to do is get like a private detective and
just find out who these people are and just ruin their lives.
Yeah, but I don't know if you could ruin somebody's life was
which is already probably ruined.
That's true. Because if anything, you might
improve their lives. Just give them a profile.
So sometimes I used to do way back in the day for 2014, when I
get trolled, I would then film their profiles and expose them
on a video, which would just blow up online.
And they'd asked me to remove the video.
They've got families. They're like, I've got a family.
They're going to see this video. I'm like, well, I've got a
family, and they're going to see what you've said about me.
Yeah. Exactly.
And but we are not people. We don't have feelings.
We're not real to them. We're just this kind of entity
that lives in the with characters.
Somebody created us. We, we, we were never born.
We've never had family lives. And so they don't see us as real
people. We should be able to take it.
And then a lot of them comment. They don't even know who you
are. Like how you be saying I'm on
benefits. Are you crazy?
Yeah. And even if I was, I've paid
towards that. And also being on benefits.
By the way. I've never known the people
being on benefits with the televisual CV that you've got.
Here's what I'm saying. And what's wrong with being on
benefits? I don't understand.
Like that's another like why are you shaming people that are on
benefits? I'm on benefits.
Like friends with benefits? Friends with Yeah.
Why do they call it benefits? So friends that are going to
sign on. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, that's the how. They share their money with you.
Friends with benefits is a good one, don't it?
Friends with benefits are your friends that go to the dole
office and get, I don't think they call it the dole anymore.
No, they don't. Yeah, that's how old I am going
to get me dull mate. What do they call it now?
Benefits. No job centre.
Job centre allowance. Yeah, something like that.
I don't know. I wouldn't know because I don't
get benefits. Yeah.
You don't get, Yeah, we're signing on, mate.
We're all on benefits here. Well, this is where all our
benefit money is gone. Exactly.
It's well, all my benefit money is gone.
That's right, spent thousands on this studio.
You faked that broken leg for months for this studio, Paul.
Thanks a lot John for pain in the ass and paying towards
everything. You've done it for me mate.
Your benefits got me this mate, do you know what I mean?
So I've got a big announcement. Yes, tell me.
Tor. Yeah.
Cockney stacking doll. Yeah, boy.
Is performing on Thursday the 10th of September at the Hackney
Empire. What a night, what a night.
I'm going to be there. Are you?
Hopefully. You better, you better hurry up
because the tickets are selling out.
Yeah, bro. If they don't let me into this
venue that I've sold out multiple times and recorded
special thing, this is going to be a problem if I've got to buy
a ticket to hack the empire. I'm Indian, I don't buy no
tickets. But welcome to supporting you.
Do you find that as? Well, no, you're right.
You're you are right. But do you find that And your
friends will be like, yeah, can I, can you sort me a ticket?
I'm like, yeah, sure. And they're like, yeah, 10 what,
1010? Yeah.
They're like, I'm like, no, you need to fucking buy it, bruv.
Are you crazy? Support your friend.
It is true. You should always.
You should never. I I never asked.
For no, I'm the same. I'll buy it and then I'll just
turn up. Make your turn up and I'll go.
No, no, this is do you know what I mean?
Because people don't realise you have to pay for these venues and
they are expensive. Me getting a free ticket off you
actually costs you money. Yeah.
People don't realise that. No, they don't.
They just think. They think we just do this as a
laugh. Yeah, sometimes they'll say, oh,
you're in my just come over for dinner first.
I'm like, who sets the show up? Yeah, like what?
I've got to go. What?
I'm just going to and we'll take you to the show.
They say, like when you're doing a tour show, it's very
different. Maybe a club show, right?
Yeah, yeah. You can just turn up and do your
20 minutes. But when it's your night.
Yeah, no. How you feeling about this?
Nervous is it? Yeah, nervous, but like an
excited nervous. I like it.
You've done it in the hometown though.
Yeah, you've got to. You've kept it.
You've kept it real. Yeah, I couldn't do that because
I'm from Edgware and there's no venues there.
But yeah, you your 10th of September, it's going to be a
big night. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
Like the like you said, there's nothing like doing your hometown
so. Within 10 years, you've Where do
you go from here? I don't know.
I'm just going to, as long as I can, carry on doing what I'm
doing, the things that I love. You're going to find you're
going to have a sold out show and you'll have various marriage
proposals at this venue. OK, if there ain't, if I'm
holding. You husband number 34 and five,
they're going to be there. I would marry them all at the
same time. I wish I could have 5 wives, you
know that. Well.
It's never been allowed in. Is it?
There's your faith. No, only one wife.
Oh, so in Islam you're allowed four, but it's very strict.
People think it's just, you know, it's you can just marry
this. No, no, no, this very strict.
You have to make sure you can provide for each of them.
I can't do that. And you have to provide if they
need anything, you have to be able to provide it.
And all this kind of it's not, it's not easy, it's not simple
do. You think I could get 4?
Yeah, I'd have to sort them all out.
What do you? Mean the arguments.
No, what you do is This is why you have to have money.
You give each one a different house.
What? Yeah, this is what I'm saying.
You have to. I've got to buy 4 yards.
Yeah, bruv. I was just about to convert and
then you said 4 houses you've got to be.
This is a lot of benefits. That's why we have lots of kids
and then make them all claim benefits from when they're born
and then you can have four houses and four wives.
I don't think a benefit is going to buy you 4 houses.
Well, they fucking think it will isn't.
It I mean, I don't know what benefits.
They're on Dick and Harry think it will.
Maybe a Saudi Arabian benefit, but not an England.
A benefit these days ain't going to get you shopping a little.
So I don't know what benefits you think gets you on various TV
shows and the biggest platforms in the country.
Exactly, Fatiya. Habibi.
Habibi, what an honour and a privilege to see you again.
You too. And I it's it's a real I'm a
proud moment to see you. Oh, thank you.
As I saw you as a young lady. You've barely aged.
Go from strength to strength. Thank you.
My shall. I may continue.
Thank you. Honestly that means a lot.
I know you ain't joking. I'm not joking.
I'm not because these things, people always think I'm joking.
Even when I'm serious, they think I'm joking, which is what
caused me problems in life. Because when I'm serious people
say you're, you're, you're taking the piss, man.
I'm not. No, I'm I'm serious.
I can't be because of my face. I can't help the fake.
My face is causing me problems. Do you know what I mean?
I've grown beards, I've changed my look over the years.
Still no one takes me seriously. But shame on them, I was being
serious. Yeah, thank you.
Honestly, it means a lot, I promise you.
I've worked really hard, man. I've like I used to do.
I used to work 9:00 to 5:00 and then I would do six nights a
week of comedy and I did that for eight years.
Yeah, man, I've, I've worked everything I have.
I've got myself. Nobody's ever like given me a
handout or anything like that. One person believed in me, one
that was my manager, and that's when everything started to
change. But I worked really hard.
You needed a good manager and you worked in Walthamstow as
well, so that's why I worked there as well.
Once I worked in a place called Selbourne Walk Shopping Centre
in the 1990s. I was a security guard there.
It was rough, you know gangs would come through.
There are still bits of it that are really rough.
I know it's getting really gentle there.
Are you you'd like? You just can't.
Ladies and gentlemen, Fatiha El Gori.
Thank you, Mr. Paul Chowdhry. Thanks for watching this podcast
so far, hope you're enjoying it and if you are, leave a five
star review, drop some comments. I might even read them out in
future episodes and give you a shout out.