1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:07,840 Today's guest is one of the most influential men. 2 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:13,120 Whatever pro nanny goes as in British entertainment history, 3 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:18,240 he's described as a snail by some people who watched Trigger 4 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:21,360 Happy TV. He's a journalist, broadcaster, 5 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,840 entrepreneur and all round entertainer. 6 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,280 Mr. Don Jolly. All right. 7 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,159 What an honour. Yeah, Mr. Dom Jolly to have you. 8 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,880 And I've been wanting to interview you for a long time. 9 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:36,640 And I just thought the opportunity came around. 10 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,880 Obviously, you know, the show's called Don't Ask Me That 11 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,440 podcast. I do know that, which is 12 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,240 questions people don't want to be asked because I go. 13 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,800 That's a relief for me. Exactly this goes to areas where 14 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,800 people. Yeah, like something a bit 15 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,720 different because I always get asked the same stuff you get. 16 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:52,520 Asked the same thing. Is there anything? 17 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:56,440 Yes, that of other things that I don't want you to ask me about. 18 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:57,800 Yes. Shall I just list them? 19 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:03,240 Just list them and I I want big. Mobile phone ringtone, Snail 20 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:08,840 going to school with Bin Laden diplomat hitting David Miller in 21 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:14,640 the face. I'm A Celebrity reality shows. 22 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,400 I think that's about it really. I wouldn't mind if you mentioned 23 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,240 Trig Happy TV 25th Anniversary tour because that's what I'm 24 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,880 here to plug. But apart from that, I honestly, 25 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:26,720 I I'm not talking about any of that other stuff. 26 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,200 OK, I won't ask you about any of those subjects. 27 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,720 That's what that's why I did this, because it's nice. 28 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:37,080 Yeah, but you, you went to school in Beirut, a high school 29 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:42,320 called Bromana, which was the, as you're a, you're a Quaker, 30 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:43,200 right? Yeah. 31 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,640 And you went from the ages of 6 to 10 to that school, which is 32 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,280 was the same school that Osama bin Laden went to? 33 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,040 No, but. You asked. 34 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:53,320 I just thought we were. We no just can we? 35 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,880 All I asked him was fuck off. You said we weren't. 36 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,200 Going to talk about. This, No, but it was the bin 37 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,800 Laden reference. Are you ready? 38 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,080 All right, Yeah. Thanks for coming back, Dom. 39 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,760 Listen, I'm sorry about the mix up. 40 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:10,840 I know it looks bad, but I just, I go on so many podcasts and I'm 41 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,440 asked the same questions every time. 42 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,520 And genuinely, why I like this one was because I could say, can 43 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:17,800 we talk about something else? Sure. 44 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,240 And no offence to you, but I spoke to your producer. 45 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,880 Yeah, first question you asked me, same old, like rubber. 46 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,680 It's the same thing. So I just thought it would be 47 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,760 different, that's all. But I'm sorry, I probably 48 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:28,520 behaved. Badly. 49 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,760 But yeah, that we'll go on to some stress at the, yeah, more 50 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:38,680 pedestrian stuff. Paul Chowdhry's Don't Ask Me 51 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,360 That is sponsored by Mrs. Elswood Pickles. 52 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:45,840 Genuinely top tier Pickles give you a lunch, a proper upgrade 53 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,280 with Mrs. Elswood. They're brilliant in sandwiches, 54 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,920 they're great in burgers and a game changer in salads. 55 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,320 Pick up a jar the next time you're at the shop. 56 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:00,080 I have been a fan of yours, Dom, for a long, long time. 57 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,960 Really a long time. It's very good. 58 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:05,160 I was waiting for the opportunity to meet you, but it 59 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,560 had to be the right reason. It's like if you were to work 60 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,760 with Peter O'Toole or. That would be a drink. 61 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,560 Yeah, yeah, I'm genuinely a fan of yours. 62 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,960 Obviously say that to anyone who's podcast I'm on, but I I 63 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,280 genuinely love your stuff. So I'm very excited because. 64 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,720 You've been on some very right wing podcast recently, so I take 65 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,520 that as well. I've been on every podcast. 66 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,840 I mean, I mean, it's literally I think I'm the only person in 67 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,480 Britain without a podcast. And, and actually we were just 68 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,200 discussing, I'm going to make one where we just don't record 69 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,920 anything. Which would be the best podcast? 70 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:36,480 I I actually first saw you obviously on within the 71 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:40,920 broadcasting world, but on Edgeware road you used to go and 72 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,240 get like kebabs. Kebabs. 73 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,560 Shawamas. Shawamas, Yeah, yeah, Shawamas 74 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,800 at the end of Edgy by Road near Marble Arch in the early 2000s. 75 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,560 Well, I did. Ma rouche is Ma rouche juice 76 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,840 might go. Not Maurice juice. 77 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,080 Ma Rouche. The original. 78 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,880 The original one. Well, there's three. 79 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,160 There's beach in place. And yeah, yeah, there's very 80 00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,600 much my area of speciality. Yeah. 81 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,520 But Ma rouche is great because not only, you know, I grew up in 82 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,680 Lebanon, so, like, Lebanese food is the greatest food on Earth. 83 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:08,440 And Ma Rouche was about the only place I've ever been where it 84 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,960 came close to what you get in Lebanon, but also, you know, 85 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,840 Mauritian beach in place in Knightsbridge. 86 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,079 Very posh. This one's just a ship hit. 87 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,320 And it had random photos of, like, Rambo and stuff around. 88 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,800 But also it was open 24 hours. That's the joy. 89 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,040 So yeah, I was always. So I used to go after gigs and I 90 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,320 used to see you in there with your wife and your friends. 91 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:27,160 Yeah, Yeah. And I just. 92 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,880 I don't have any friends but I was definitely there my wife. 93 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,080 And I thought I cannot approach Don Jolly. 94 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:34,520 I really, it was like seeing Elvis and Bill cough and I 95 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:35,960 wouldn't approach you. Really. 96 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,160 Yeah, I thought, I can't. This is the trigger happy TV 97 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:38,840 days. Yeah. 98 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,680 For some reason they didn't know who the the staff. 99 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,280 No, they didn't know. It's quite funny. 100 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:45,440 Which is weird. I was thinking Don Jolly is sat 101 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:46,720 in the restaurant. They didn't know. 102 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,280 And yet weirdly, the other place I used to go at that time was a 103 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,280 place called Bertarelli's in Notting Hill. 104 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:53,920 And they were great. It was like one of those old 105 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,040 school trattorias like Italian restaurants. 106 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,720 And when he rang up to book, they'd say, you know, we're not 107 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,320 at the famous Bertarelli's Yellow. 108 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,320 So they were already there. And they, like my my parents 109 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:06,920 divorced in their and met my wife in that room and and then 110 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,120 we used to go there all the time. 111 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:12,120 And when trigger happy happened, they went, I can't say mentally 112 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,680 more neurodivergent and they got me. 113 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:18,240 They had a wall like all those Italian restaurants with people 114 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,400 inside. It was things like it had China 115 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,920 crisis. Remember the bang China crisis 116 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,680 said it said to Bertarelli from China crisis. 117 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,440 And I think how does that happen? 118 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,200 Like China crisis comes into the restaurant. 119 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,680 Like how does Mr. Bertarelli know China crisis? 120 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,240 He doesn't. So they must have said, you 121 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,760 know, were China crisis and then he must have looked them up and 122 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,560 then what? They're carrying a photograph 123 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,080 for themselves. But anyway, Long story short, it 124 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,320 they asked us to go on the wall. That was the greatest moment of 125 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:43,480 fame for me. In Maroof. 126 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,080 No, in in Bertolis, Marooch, nothing like that. 127 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,520 I mean, I would talk to them in Arabic. 128 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,280 They just go fuck off. Like they're not interested. 129 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,520 Yeah. Because obviously you grew up in 130 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,480 Beirut, Lebanon. To British parents, yeah, that's 131 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,280 a thing they've put into the thing that British parents is, 132 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,560 is well. I, I kind of say that because 133 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,280 it's part of the story, because everyone assumes, I mean, I 134 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,120 look, you know, I've got brown eyes, black hair. 135 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,040 I look Lebanese. And it's not that I wouldn't 136 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,560 want to be Lebanese. I've been incredibly proud. 137 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,760 I loved Lebanese. But it's just, I think part of 138 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,880 my identity is I grew up in Lebanon, but I was English. 139 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,880 Yeah, but I got sent to school here where I was this weird kid 140 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,080 that lived in Lebanon, so I've never fitted in. 141 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,280 So that's why I think it's important to say as British 142 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,040 parents. Because at the time your parents 143 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,960 were were kidnapped. No, but they're not kidnapped. 144 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:29,440 And you were born there because they were under house arrest at 145 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:30,960 the time. No, I don't think that's the 146 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,440 case, but unless I've been misinformed. 147 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:34,520 But yeah, I mean, that's a better story than I. 148 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,800 Used to tell, yeah. Yeah, they were. 149 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,120 They were. They were taken there by boat 150 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:42,520 from Turkey. Because then you went to Brumana 151 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:43,960 High School. Brumana High School. 152 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,400 Ramana, which is near Beirut, which is a Quaker school. 153 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,840 It is a Quaker school. Who invented? 154 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,600 Porridge. It was a yeah, it was a Quaker 155 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,920 school set up by Quakers from Darlington in 1865. 156 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,200 And it's a really beautiful place. 157 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,960 And I have no idea what Quakers from Darlington were doing in 158 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,040 the hills above Beirut, but they did build this beautiful school. 159 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,800 And I went there for two years. And that's of course, which is 160 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,520 probably what we're getting at, where I went to school with 161 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,840 someone very famous, more famous than me, imagine. 162 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,240 And me put together. Both of us put together, Yeah 163 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,400 was into demolition. He was very much in Dewey. 164 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,560 He was, Yeah. His whole family was in 165 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,000 construction, but he went into destruction. 166 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,080 Yeah. You know he'd like just. 167 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:23,560 Do you think he did that to get his family more business? 168 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,360 I. Think, well, it's a bit like I 169 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:26,800 live in the Cotswolds and like there's. 170 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,160 Should we just say who it is, by the way? 171 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:32,520 Yes, Osama bin Laden, just to pause there. 172 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:33,320 It's a pause. Yeah. 173 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,360 Looked him up on Friends Reunited but nothing. 174 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,280 Because a lot of people there's conspiracy theory he never 175 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:41,320 existed really Well, this is these things online where 176 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,560 there's. Lots of conspiracy. 177 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,360 I wrote a book on conspiracies. I didn't know that one. 178 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,360 I don't know if he existed. I mean, again, people say. 179 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,720 Well, you knew he existed because he went to. 180 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:48,760 Your school? Well, he did get what? 181 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:49,960 You said next to it but. Did he? 182 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,840 He was 18, I was 6. And people say, did you hang out 183 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,600 together? No, like he didn't sort of put 184 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:58,160 his arm around me. He wasn't for a start in 1974, 185 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,680 which is when that would be. He wasn't like, dressed with a 186 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,560 Kalashnikov, like going in. There's a picture of the Bin 187 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,760 Ladens at the exact same time that I was at school with them 188 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,640 and they're all on a holiday in Stockholm. 189 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,680 They look like Partridge family. They're wearing like loom flares 190 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,040 and stuff like that. But no, I've no memory of him at 191 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,280 all. So, but apparently he's quite, I 192 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,320 don't know if this is a compliment, but he was trendy, 193 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,320 wasn't he? He was kind of like just just go 194 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,680 out with girls and. A hipster? 195 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:22,720 Yeah, hipster. I think so at the. 196 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:23,840 Time. I don't know if a hipster is 197 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,000 existing in the 70s. It's a 70s hipster. 198 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,160 A hipster. But technically they were just 199 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,640 people. Just people having fun. 200 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,160 Now when you're a hipster. Yeah, now you're a hipster. 201 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,600 Some people think this is a hipster look. 202 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,280 Or it is a terrorist. No, it's you can that the joy of 203 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,400 that is multifunctional, you know, now depending on where you 204 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,960 are, Yeah, take that jacket off, whack on an AK and you're off. 205 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:47,520 Habibi, that was obviously from the age of 6 to 10 and then and 206 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:51,080 and another you, you spoke in an interview about in 1975 the 207 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,440 outbreak of civil, the civil war in Lebanon. 208 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,560 Yeah, that wasn't good. Is and and then you were 209 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,240 enrolled into the army. Then I joined the army and I 210 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:01,360 fought for the Phalange militia for seven years. 211 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,880 One of the best militias. If you're looking for a militia, 212 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,280 they're one of the best. The Katayeb. 213 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,280 And yes, I think that formed me a lot. 214 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:11,480 Certainly comedianly. Because historically, a lot of 215 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:14,200 people with this background don't tend to obviously Bin 216 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,800 Laden. Imagine he went into comedy and 217 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,200 he went into deconstruction. I mean, I always think people 218 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,880 ask me what I'd do if I wasn't a comedian, and a lot of people 219 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,800 say you're not a comedian. They say that to me, yeah. 220 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,960 And I, I always say sniper and I'm sort of half joking, but I, 221 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,920 I do quite fancy the life of a sniper. 222 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,000 I like, I'm not a patient person, but it's quite a Zen 223 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,760 thing. You have to crawl very slowly 224 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,320 towards the edge of a Cliff for three years and then you just 225 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,080 sit and you've got a mate with you who's looking through a 226 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:45,440 telescope. And then after about 5 days you, 227 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,800 I believe the term, the Andy McNab term is you slot your, 228 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,760 your target and then you crawl out. 229 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,280 And that strikes me as that quite a satisfying job. 230 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,480 Weirdly, you did crawl though, didn't you? 231 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,040 You used to crawl as a snail. I did across the road. 232 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,320 I think that's my finest hour. The. 233 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,520 Snail. So in a way, you did do that. 234 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,520 Without a rifle. Without a rifle, but as a snail. 235 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,200 Yes, I was a snail sniper. Holding up traffic within 236 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,720 central London. Yeah, but centralish? 237 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:11,920 Yeah. Restless Gardens. 238 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,880 You were the the Snail version of Abbey Road. 239 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,560 Yes, well, actually, funnily enough. 240 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:19,080 So you're talking about the scene in Trig Abbey where I 241 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,520 crawl across a zebra crossing dressed as a snail and everyone 242 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,640 thinks that is Abbey Road and I'm like, but that wouldn't make 243 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,040 sense. Like there's no Beatles 244 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,440 reference to that, but there's only room for one famous zebra 245 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:30,840 crossing in Britain, is what I found out. 246 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,640 Yeah. It's actually Redcliffe Gardens, 247 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,640 but there's no plaque outside it, which there should be. 248 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,920 Yeah, there should be. We should change that. 249 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:38,520 Yeah, I'll speak to Sadiq. Good. 250 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,760 Yeah, London is. So you've taken over, Mike? 251 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:48,520 Honestly, I get that. So much so I'm going to do an 252 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,520 early plug for Trig Happy just because it's relevant. 253 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:54,000 I'm doing the Trig Happy 25th anniversary and and I did some 254 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,920 show, some big shows before the tour that I'm going to do. 255 00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,600 And to promote that, I kept posting a different clip from 256 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,560 Trigger Happy from back in the day, every day online. 257 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:07,240 And every time I put anything that was in London, just the 258 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,640 comments underneath, like fuck it couldn't do that now. 259 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,400 You'd be stabbed, it's woke, you'd be arrested. 260 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,360 It's like, which made me actually go out and film new 261 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,440 stuff because I was like, maybe I'm wrong, like maybe it is all 262 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:19,360 different. Didn't get stabbed. 263 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,880 I didn't get stabbed. No, it was exactly surprised. 264 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:25,600 I think very weirdly doing what I do on the streets or trigger 265 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,120 happy stuff is like a really good social because people go 266 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,400 oh, you're just in your whatever. 267 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,440 I live in my celebrity Ivot Tower, Castle Penthouse and the 268 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,640 Cotswolds. But I'm in around a lot on the 269 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,160 streets and I think it's the best way of judging. 270 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:40,360 And I'm honestly would say London has not changed in 25 271 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,400 years, certainly in terms of hidden camera filming. 272 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,080 Well, there's too many ethnics now. 273 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:45,840 Well, of course, but I can't do anything. 274 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,840 About that, you can't even even say there's. 275 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,200 There's you're not allowed to say ethnic, Yeah. 276 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:52,760 Because I was born Browns. Browns Yeah, I was born in 277 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,840 London in the 70s and. Were you though? 278 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:59,200 This is I think it's weird because the racism. 279 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,080 It says on your on your pilot's licence. 280 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:06,280 Anyway on my on my Osama bin Laden license, but at the time 281 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:12,240 the the rhetoric was when my dad came to England in 196064 and 282 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,120 then he not powered the speech in 68. 283 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,240 Where did your parents come from? 284 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,600 From the Punjab, did they? So we come from a place called 285 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:22,360 Rawal Bindi, which was India. And then we became refugees 286 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,680 because there was a partition in 1947, as you know, you're a 287 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,320 historian. And we were refugees around 288 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,000 India. And eventually my dad came to 289 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,280 England in 64, as did some of his brothers earlier and some 290 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,160 later. And it was all looking good for 291 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,560 a couple of years, looking good, and then he not. 292 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,920 Power he not power of blooded did it in in Birmingham as well. 293 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,040 Yeah. You know, is that where they 294 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,160 went in our country? Right. 295 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:48,440 Yeah, in your town. And, and weirdly, that rhetoric 296 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,280 is this history repeats itself. Yeah, it does. 297 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,880 But it's not much difference in what they were saying to me in 298 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,520 the 80s growing up as to what they're saying now, because I 299 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:01,560 thought we would have probably outgrown racism by now. 300 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,040 Well, this is very funny and I'm sorry to be back referencing 301 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,440 other podcasts, but I just was on this right wing podcast 302 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,400 Heretics. And he was saying so when he was 303 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,480 talking about racism. So he's a Jewish guy and he's 304 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,440 very anti Islam. And he was saying, you know, I'm 305 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,840 friends of David Baddiel, but you and David Baddiel grew up in 306 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,280 an era where there was a lot of racism. 307 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,240 He goes, whereas I grew up with no racism. 308 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:26,240 I go, well, if you grew up with no racism, Well, he's so angry 309 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,240 by the Muslims he gets because they're they're going to it was 310 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:31,080 like future crimes. It's very odd. 311 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,680 They're going to, yeah, they're going to. 312 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,080 Well, they're going to take over as I think. 313 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,000 They're doing that. Things like dominating prayers. 314 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,000 Yeah, that's quite frightening. It's very frightening. 315 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,280 Yeah, because. Because prayers work. 316 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,280 They do work. Yeah. 317 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,280 You ever prayed for something in it? 318 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,880 No, because I'm not religious. Yeah, but did you start becoming 319 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,040 religious? And if you pray? 320 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:49,960 I'm sure it would work, I've prayed many times in my career, 321 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,120 but nothing. Do you think it's the laws of 322 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:56,120 attraction dressed up? I don't know what that means. 323 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,040 So the laws of attraction, they think laws of the universe is if 324 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:00,920 you manifest something. Oh, it seems true. 325 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,480 Yeah, that's what prayer is, right? 326 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,080 Well, yes. So it's a prayer can not be just 327 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,920 a religious thing, but it's never worked for me. 328 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,360 But I manifested Don Jolly coming on the podcast. 329 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,080 Yeah, well, actually someone just rang me like it's much 330 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:12,800 easier, yeah. But I manifested, yeah. 331 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,960 But I didn't, I mean no offence, but I'm doing every podcast. 332 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,480 I love podcasts. You're one of the hardest people 333 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,320 to get on a podcast. You very rarely do any 334 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:21,440 interviews. Yeah. 335 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,400 That's how I'm going to plug it. Very rarely, yeah. 336 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,160 An. Exclusive. 337 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:27,560 Yeah, this is actually the first interview I've done since 2004. 338 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:31,080 Yes, it's quite, I'm quite nervous about it because I can't 339 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,880 remember any of my stories. You're like the Bonnie Blue of 340 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,960 podcast. I really am. 341 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,000 I think I've slept with more podcasters than Bonnie Blue, but 342 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,440 yeah. But what was it like being? 343 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,920 In Lebanon at the time when it was amazing, you know, Lebanon 344 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,920 for women. I mean, what for women, for 345 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,040 women, Great. Again, Lebanon was a Maronite 346 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,200 Christian country when I grew up. 347 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:49,920 And then the civil war kind of split it. 348 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,600 And, you know, the Muslims ruined it, obviously. 349 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,440 So that's why they've got to leave. 350 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,880 And then you came here. Yeah, and then you went to 351 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,400 boarding school. Yeah, it's not my fault. 352 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,960 Yeah, and your dad didn't really agree with that either, but he 353 00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,480 decided to Chuck you in there. My dad went to the same boarding 354 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,240 school that I went to, haste it so much, got savagely bullied 355 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,560 and probably sodomized and so thought, well I'll send my kid 356 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,760 there. And the same. 357 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,280 Thing happened here, so it was fine, you know, never did him 358 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,640 any harm. Well, it did, and it certainly 359 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,680 harmed me. Is that why white people put 360 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,720 their parents in care homes? I think it's possibly that I 361 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,440 mean there is that thing that people genuinely who are 362 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,840 sexually abused as kids tend to sexually abuse later on. 363 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,200 And you'd think why would like that's complete opposite why we 364 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,560 put them in care homes because it's the smell of urine and just 365 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,640 boredom. You know, the people are living 366 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,040 longer and I just haven't got the time for that. 367 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,400 I'm too busy. Yeah, but you're a young man, I 368 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,400 mean. But I put my mum in one. 369 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,120 Oh, you care, Home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 370 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,040 And you go and visit. You know who owns? 371 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,280 She's dead. Oh, she sorry. 372 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,120 Together. That's right, it's just life 373 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:53,960 wouldn't. It take a break. 374 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,120 No. When when did this happen? 375 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,480 Four years ago. Sorry to hear that. 376 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:00,360 It's. All right, honestly, it's 377 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:01,880 absolutely fine. Just that's, I mean, it's going 378 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,720 to happen to all of us, hopefully. 379 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,000 Apart from you. You get me. 380 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,640 Because you've you've you've got it. 381 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:10,680 Yeah, absolutely. You haven't aged. 382 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,720 No, if you go on podcasts, nothing happens. 383 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,680 Nothing happens if you go back to the early 2000s of Trogappi 384 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:19,920 TV and one of the best, if not the best show on Channel 4 in my 385 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,040 opinion. I'd be, yeah. 386 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:22,880 I'm, I'm very proud of Trigger Happy TV. 387 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,200 Oh, it's incredible. Yeah, it stands the test of 388 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,160 time. What? 389 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,080 What? I wouldn't say that. 390 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,240 But twice a day I get up, someone coming telling me how 391 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,680 much they enjoyed phone jacker. It's a very different thing. 392 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:33,600 Though it is a very different thing. 393 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,280 But yeah, it's just you. Know until you tried it on the 394 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:36,240 street. And people are a bit dim. 395 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:36,920 Face Jacker? Yeah. 396 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,440 Face Jacker. Well, he just used all my crew 397 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,200 on Face Jacker. It was the same, same team. 398 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,440 Yeah, they they all went off. Yeah. 399 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:46,840 So you ripped me off. Oh, a cave and Novak. 400 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,680 Yeah, I can't tell you. Very. 401 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:52,440 But obviously after the dragon, Yeah. 402 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:56,600 You went to Haileybury in Hertfordshire, Yeah. 403 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,720 And then you'll. Love Haileybury because it's 404 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,760 original form. Haileybury was set up to train 405 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,119 people to run India. That's what it was originally 406 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:06,040 about. The train tracks. 407 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,520 Yeah, yeah. And, and basically set it up. 408 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,200 And then when India became independent, there must have 409 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,800 been a moment at the school where they thought, fuck, what 410 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,000 do we do now? And they just thought, let's 411 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,400 just crack on. So I'm fully trained to run 412 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,560 India. Should I get the call? 413 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,200 But I I don't think, I mean it's not. 414 00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:21,960 So they were training the colonizers? 415 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,000 Yeah, even after colonization it ended. 416 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,200 Well, I think they just just in case that was the whole reason, 417 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,560 debt. And then when when when when 418 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,200 India became independent, I think they thought, well, who 419 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,320 knows, Like if they fuck it up, we might still be needed. 420 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,080 Yeah. So I was like the reserves. 421 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,640 Yeah, that was the Subs. So I've been hanging around on 422 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,200 the side side of the pitch waiting. 423 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,000 You are the sub coloniser, yeah. The sub colonent, The 424 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:47,440 subcontinent coloniser, Yeah. Because if there ever came a day 425 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:52,280 where we had to take back certain territories, you would 426 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:53,720 be well equipped. I'd be well equipped. 427 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,480 I'm completely ready to run. Where would we? 428 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,520 Where would we start though? America, I think definitely 429 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:00,000 would say. Because that was the last. 430 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,080 Yeah, but also I think it's the one in most need of taking back. 431 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,120 250 years has been now. Yeah, it's not long. 432 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,640 No, not long long enough. They've really, but they've 433 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,560 really accelerated in the last sort of nine years of what 434 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,120 they've done. What a great country America is. 435 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,920 Yeah, it really is. It's fucking smashing place. 436 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,840 I'm actually banned from America at the moment. 437 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,040 Are you? Yeah, generally you. 438 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,640 So you can't get the O1 visa. I did have an O1, but that was a 439 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:23,840 long time ago when I was an alien of exceptional ability. 440 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,440 And you still are. Now my Esther was just refused 441 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,000 because of social media activity, which basically is 442 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,360 code for me saying Trump is a cunt. 443 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,040 A lot, yeah. Well. 444 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,120 Cut that. Trump is a twunt. 445 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,240 We'll keep it in the long form, but I won't put that one up on 446 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,440 social media because I'm doing Netflix is a Joke on May the 6th 447 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:41,760 in Pasadena. Oh, are you? 448 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:45,680 So tell you what, Trump's doing a great job. 449 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:48,440 What a great job Trump has done in America. 450 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,720 I just taught in America. I actually had to leave because 451 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,640 of ICE. Did you did you use genuinely? 452 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,120 There was a big store. What's that? 453 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:55,120 There we go. Yeah, that's very good. 454 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,160 So I'm going to use that joke. Yeah, let's take a look. 455 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,080 Until it did. You use when you went to 456 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,600 America, did you take your actual phone and did they ask to 457 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,880 see your social media or did you take a burner phone? 458 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,160 Well, I, I did a whole route. No, I actually took my phone, 459 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,680 but they didn't actually ask to go through my phone. 460 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,040 I got interviewed. At they do though, and. 461 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,640 Now they do. The difference prior to that was 462 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,280 to that, I think that was announced in December, November, 463 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:20,120 right, 2025 when they said we're going to check your social media 464 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,200 traffic or. Yeah. 465 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,160 And if you if you don't give me your password and open it up, 466 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,320 they'll send you back or lock you. 467 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:25,840 Up. Oh really? 468 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,360 Yeah, yeah, because they, they just, they just used to say what 469 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:29,760 what you doing here and what was your work? 470 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,080 And I just just show them a flyer of the of the dates. 471 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,320 Yeah, because they're quite impressed by stand up. 472 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,840 Less impressed by me. First time I went as an alien of 473 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,480 exceptional ability. I actually went with a big 474 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,320 mobile phone and this was just after 911. 475 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,280 And that did not go down well because they looked at my 476 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,840 passport. Born in Beirut, I'd just been to 477 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,280 Iran. They saw I went to school, 478 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,520 that's on Bin Laden. And then I've got a massive 479 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,960 mobile phone that when they asked me to turn it on, didn't 480 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,400 work and they honestly just refused to understand the 481 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,880 concept of a prop. It's weird because slapstick is 482 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,920 still very popular in America and they couldn't understand. 483 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,120 But they don't understand slapstick on at airports, I 484 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:04,800 think. The no. 485 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:08,280 Well, the two things that I'm sort of good at slapstick and 486 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:10,800 and travelling. And clowning. 487 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,520 And clowning because I'm a travel writer. 488 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,160 I've been to 108 countries but the countries I've been to are 489 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:16,920 not countries that America likes. 490 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:20,960 So I've got 2 British passports. Again doesn't matter it's 491 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,800 British. But just saying 1-2 different 492 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:27,040 countries and one is 1 is supposedly for my dodgy 493 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,640 countries and one is for like getting into America and I 494 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,680 always take the wrong 1 and I forget and then it becomes a 495 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:32,680 nightmare. Why have you got 2? 496 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,600 So because I go to a politically incompatible. 497 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,120 Country and you need a different passport for that. 498 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,080 Well, so for instance, if I go to Israel, I get a stamp and 499 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,120 that I'd never be loud in Lebanon. 500 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,600 And if I go to Lebanon I wouldn't be loud. 501 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:44,560 I mean, there are all sorts of places. 502 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,680 And this is you can do this, I can I could do. 503 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:47,440 This. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can do 504 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:48,440 that. But I mean, for instance, when I 505 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,480 go to America, I don't want to present my passport that shows 506 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,360 I've just been in North Korea and Iran, especially right now. 507 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:55,920 Have you been to North? Korea, I have yeah. 508 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,920 For for my book The Dark Tourist. 509 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,160 And how did you get in? Well, I flew there. 510 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:06,040 I I was, I was covering the Olympics in Beijing in 2008 and 511 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:10,920 I met a guy who ran the only sort of travel tour goes through 512 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:12,880 and it's like it's literally a package tour. 513 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,520 You turn up, you, everything gets taken away at the airport 514 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:21,320 and then you get put on a coach with this absolute weird guide 515 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,600 who works for the government and you're just taken to some of the 516 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,000 dullest things you've ever seen. Like first day was the Museum of 517 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,880 Agricultural Scythes and Lathes, followed by the dear leaders 518 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:31,880 mother's Tomb. And of course, because it's 519 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,800 North Korean, it's so shit. It's fantastic. 520 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,760 You like give us more, but it's crazy. 521 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:37,720 So yeah, it's a very weird place, the weirdest place I've 522 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,160 ever been. It's the closest you'll come to 523 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,640 of space travel, right? Because it's just like nowhere 524 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:42,600 else. Because everyone else in the 525 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,880 world now, wherever you go, you're 400 meters from a 526 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,000 Starbucks, really, But in North Korea, really, genuinely is off 527 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,080 the grid. Even worse than China. 528 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,880 Well, way worse than China Jesus, but there's obviously 529 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,960 China has lots of Starbucks. Yeah, there's lots of Starbucks, 530 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,920 but you can't, you can't say certain things in. 531 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:01,000 Oh, no, I've got China's. China's like a liberal utopia. 532 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,680 That's North Korea. Yeah, yeah, 100%. 533 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,200 Although China's so good on the technology that they're kind of 534 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,640 spying on you secretly now, whereas North Korea's not really 535 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,760 there yet. There was no Internet in the 536 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,480 first thing I did in North Korea, they put you on a hotel 537 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,640 in the middle of the river on an island and it's the only place 538 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,160 you can stay as a foreigner. And the only other thing on that 539 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:22,400 island is a nine hole golf course that when I went down to 540 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,480 it, it had a ball on a cushion. And I said, what was that? 541 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,320 And they said, oh, the dear leader turned up, never played 542 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,680 golf before, but nine holes in one, you're like, come on. 543 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,160 But they, they believe that. And then so I went back to the 544 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,560 hotel, turn on the telly. The first person I saw was 545 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,600 fucking Piers Morgan. But it's the only person that 546 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,080 was being shown on North Korean TV. 547 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,160 So he's big on North. Korea. 548 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,800 No. It was just some weird thing 549 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:44,200 they were showing where he was on it. 550 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,880 I couldn't believe it. How has Piers Morgan become 551 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,400 arguably one of the biggest names in broadcasting globally? 552 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:53,520 Well, how's he from CNN? How's he not in prison? 553 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,480 Yeah, well, he's not on the list, he said. 554 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,480 He was only he was only met her at A at a book launch. 555 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,800 Yeah, but I mean, clearly all the, you know, like, how can you 556 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:02,960 edit a national newspaper and not know that people were 557 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,520 hacking stuff? Yeah, I mean, it's impossible. 558 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:06,840 Oh, with a phone hacking scandal? 559 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,640 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I didn't mean anything 560 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:09,280 else. I don't know. 561 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:10,880 That, but he's the, well, that hate. 562 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,280 I don't know if I should use this as a reference because I'm 563 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,760 just standing. I'm standing. 564 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,360 Nigel Farage. Yeah. 565 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:19,800 My reference is who at the time of going back to the London 566 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,120 riots, his references were Andrew Tate. 567 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,680 Yeah, for there you go. For what where these this 568 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,960 immigrant was from? Well, according to Lady Lady 569 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,720 Victoria Hervey, if you're not in the Epstein files, you're a 570 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:30,960 loser. You exactly. 571 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,840 So I've asked you in them. I've asked my agent to get me on 572 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:35,440 them. Really I'm I'm trying to get a 573 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:36,400 booking. You can't. 574 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:37,240 You can't. It's a full. 575 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,800 Have you looked it up? It's completely full, Yeah. 576 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:39,640 Have you looked it up? Yeah. 577 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,000 And you're not in them. No, yeah, I, I don't think I 578 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,760 was. I'm not as successful as you, 579 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,480 Dom. I'm definitely not in them. 580 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,480 Well, I actually haven't let me out, but it's not a chance and 581 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,840 you're way more successful. I have had Michelle de Swartz on 582 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,400 the podcast which was released today and she was rejected. 583 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,880 Was a model. They asked they they there was a 584 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,800 line up of women and in London he came to pick out a few 585 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,400 models. Who did Epstein? 586 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:02,160 Epstein. Really. 587 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,240 Yeah, and he said yes, yes, yes, yes. 588 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:05,640 No, not that one. Yes, yes. 589 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,040 Too old. She's well, she's 14, half 590 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:08,960 black. Oh, really? 591 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,000 He was a racist. Really. 592 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,520 It wasn't black women. Jesus. 593 00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,040 It's terrible. Yeah, it's a terrible one. 594 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,560 Forget the paedophilia. Yeah, the racism. 595 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,760 Just the racist. Oh, obviously we grew up in a 596 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,760 time with when Jimmy Savile was our children's presenters and 597 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:25,760 Rolf Harris. This is. 598 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:27,400 Yeah, but that was but you. Weren't here at the time. 599 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,040 Yeah, I was here. But you came back to England by 600 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:30,280 then. I. 601 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:31,320 Was at boarding school, then watched. 602 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:32,600 Oh, you were boarding school? Yeah. 603 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:35,120 So I was just watching these in plain sight. 604 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:36,840 Predators, basically. It was just extraordinary. 605 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:38,520 He wasn't hiding, was he? That wasn't hiding. 606 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,400 The travel suits were will give way and everything about it. 607 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,160 And and the buses. And the voluntary work in in 608 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,000 children's hospitals. It's incredible what we live 609 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,440 through, isn't it? If you weren't molested from our 610 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,000 generation, it was a miracle. I often wonder whether I was 611 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,840 molested and I blocked it out, but I don't think I was. 612 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,920 It was incredible. I mean, my my prep school, which 613 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:57,560 is, you know, where all that kind of stuff happens. 614 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,640 I used to get letters, about four letters when I was at my 615 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,880 next school from people going, oh, I don't know if you Remember 616 00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:05,480 Me, but I was in your year and I've just, you know, either 617 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,720 remembered or, you know, it's happened. 618 00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,560 And I was molested and I'm trying to take a class action. 619 00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,680 Were you molested? And I was like, don't think so. 620 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,040 So I think I was just deeply unattractive as a child. 621 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:16,000 I think that's no. I wouldn't say. 622 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,800 That no, I was. Otherwise why not? 623 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,040 I wouldn't they. Left me alone. 624 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:20,640 I wouldn't say you were attractive either, but I 625 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:21,360 wouldn't. There you go. 626 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,440 But you know. You come across as someone who 627 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,400 was very cute as because, you know, very bubbly and cute as a 628 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:27,360 child. Bubbly. 629 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,760 Yeah, I'm certainly not bubbly. Yeah, I would say I. 630 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,960 Was a very unpleasant child, I really was. 631 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:37,720 Because you know, when, when we were growing up of the earth 632 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,960 from the days of the savils and the there was, they were 633 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:42,640 protected as they are probably now. 634 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,320 Those are the days, yeah. And also. 635 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,320 Serials really protected their paedophiles. 636 00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,880 Yeah, but the serial killing was a thing. 637 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,480 Serial. Killing was big for a while. 638 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,160 Serial killing's gone off the boil a bit. 639 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:53,400 Hasn't. It it's probably because of the 640 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,800 CCT. It's much easier to be a serial 641 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,440 killer back then, you know, like the the biggest, who was the 642 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,360 biggest in America at the time? Well, Bundy. 643 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,280 I'm a Bundy fan. Ted Bundy. 644 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,880 Ted Bundy was the good looking one in a in a Beatles, folks. 645 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,800 You know, I I but but I thought Bundy didn't kill as many as the 646 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,320 the guy was killing the old people. 647 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,960 Oh, if you're going for numbers, yeah, Ed gain was probably Ed 648 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:18,160 gain. Ed Gain was probably the big 649 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,000 one, but. Obviously that was started off 650 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,120 in the 50s and 60s. Yeah, I think 50s and 60s were 651 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:25,560 the sort of dream years. Because there's no CCTV. 652 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,640 There's no CCTV and you just, you're an adult. 653 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,520 So if anyone tells you, you just say no. 654 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,280 Yeah, yeah, it was easy. It was great. 655 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:36,720 I mean, really, I often think I wish I was back in the 50s and I 656 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,600 could really take up serial killing properly. 657 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,200 But, well, you can't travel in time like that. 658 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,160 Also you get a Netflix special, you would get your own series. 659 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:46,400 Yeah, you get a pre net, you'd get a prequel. 660 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,080 Which would be pretty cool. You'd get document. 661 00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:52,360 I I, I was trying to do a joke. I said, you know, Ed Gein, Rolf 662 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:58,040 Harris and sort of Jimmy Savile, Ed Gein, John Wayne Gacy. 663 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,200 Oh yeah, the clown. Have all got Netflix specials 664 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:02,640 and I haven't. No, that's true. 665 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,000 What do I have to do? You have to kill more. 666 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,960 But you can't. I was born in the wrong era. 667 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,800 Well just kill more but in an area with no CCTV that's. 668 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,240 There aren't any. Scotland has no CCTV, it's 669 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:14,040 illegal. Oh, really? 670 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:15,800 Yeah, it's it's illegal. I didn't know this. 671 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,120 Yeah, there's no cameras in Scotland. 672 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:18,560 That's why you don't see any Scots end of a. 673 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,440 I didn't know this but also Scots don't have still don't 674 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,560 have serial killers so it's not as fashionable as it used. 675 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,240 To be they must Well, they do have serial killers, but because 676 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,880 they don't have CCTV, no one's. Caught them. 677 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,480 See, Ted Bundy defended himself. He was his downfall. 678 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,520 Yeah, he did. He was so smug, that man. 679 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:34,120 He was. Incredible. 680 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,520 He was so arrogant. He took a sorority out one 681 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,480 night, like he killed I think 6 people in one night. 682 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,440 So he was a greedy serial killer, because a lot of them 683 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,320 tell you. The one that's the big one is, 684 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:48,680 is BTK, Bind Torture Kill. That was his nickname. 685 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,960 I don't know how we got on to this, but it's an area of 686 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,680 speciality for me. And also the devil worshipper. 687 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,240 Oh, who is? The really bad one. 688 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:57,880 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who looked like the devil? 689 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:02,960 When his name was. The Strangler, the The Night. 690 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,680 The Night Stalker. The Night Stalker. 691 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,840 Terrible name. That glamorized him. 692 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,240 You see this is the problem. But also it sounded like a bad 693 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,480 Metallica album. I tell like a great, great band, 694 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,680 but the Night Stalker, whose name was Richard Ramirez. 695 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:16,880 Very good. That's fuck. 696 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,240 OK, that's really impressive. Richard Ramirez taking the upper 697 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,000 level there. Yeah, without even Googling 698 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,280 I've. Seen that twice and I couldn't 699 00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:24,160 remember his name. Yeah, that's because I'm racist. 700 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:28,160 I don't know Hispanic names. And he was, he was a disgusting 701 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:29,920 human being. All four on every level. 702 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,480 Bad, bad hygiene on every level. And a granny rapper. 703 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:35,640 And a. Yeah, which I don't know is why 704 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:39,960 that's worse, but. Break into homes and when he was 705 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:43,320 on trial marrying. Him. 706 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:45,520 Offering him. What is that about marriage 707 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,120 proposals? So that's not only could you be 708 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,400 a serial killer, but you'd be much more successful with women. 709 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,040 I never used to get women. Until you serial. 710 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:56,640 Kill until What do you have to do to get women? 711 00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,160 Who do I have to kill around here to get away? 712 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,280 With and Ted Bundy. What Ted Bundy was. 713 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:02,120 It was good. Looking basically good looking I 714 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:03,920 think and he used to wear Lacoste shirts. 715 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,240 Piece of shit, but yeah, exactly. 716 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:08,120 A total piece of shit. But yeah, I don't think that's 717 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,480 controversial to say. No, I'm I'm sure I'll get stick 718 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:12,960 for this is the world you you'll get. 719 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:14,680 Stick you'll get. Oh, really? 720 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:15,560 Why? Because he's white. 721 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:18,480 Yeah, you are now Ted Bundy. Yeah, look at you. 722 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:23,000 Yeah, you're not fit to wear his dead shoes and you're not fit to 723 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,560 wear his skin. Well, just a week ago, Ed Gein. 724 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:30,160 Ed Gein Ed Gein was one of the biggest inspirations to horror 725 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:33,000 films around the world from The Leather. 726 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:36,200 Face if you ever. Want to wear Silence of the 727 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:39,800 Lambs, Ed Gein and Texas Chainsaw? 728 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,560 Obviously because he apparently never used a chainsaw that was 729 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,800 made-up. It was the Leatherface bit that 730 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,200 he did because he used. To wear in the in the the film 731 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:49,840 made-up the chainsaw. Yeah, they made-up. 732 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,760 That's because. The Texas Leatherface massacre 733 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:54,880 wouldn't be as good. And the director of the Texas 734 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,600 Chainsaw Massacre was? I'm not a geek so no idea. 735 00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:58,840 I'm going very geek, do you know? 736 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:00,600 Yeah, I do know. Wait that. 737 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:02,600 Was. No idea. 738 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,360 Yeah. This has turned into an episode 739 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:05,840 of The Chase. Yeah, it is the chase. 740 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,800 Tobe Hooper Tobe Hooper who recently died. 741 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,000 Well, he just looked that up for. 742 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:12,760 You. Yeah, he did. 743 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,080 I did remember his name, Tobe Hooper, The Texas Chainsaw 744 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,760 Massacre, but it's all revolving around that. 745 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:23,760 Then then you've got obviously things like an Eye on Elm 746 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,120 Street, which is another basically a paedo. 747 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:29,080 It's masks, yeah. Masks was the one I didn't like. 748 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,280 Halloween was the one. Halloween. 749 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:32,720 Another mask. Yeah, yeah. 750 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:36,560 But babysitters, basically, the rules aren't the the moment they 751 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,280 have sex, they're killed. It's that kind of stuff. 752 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:39,600 They were like moralistic horrors. 753 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:43,280 Yeah, I don't like horror films. Well, I grew up to Hammer horror 754 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,120 films. Yeah, that kind of camp. 755 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:50,600 Yeah, yeah, I just rewatched the the remake of Dracula, actually. 756 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:52,240 It's just they say it's a love story. 757 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,080 It's not even a horror film. I'm generally not into horror 758 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:55,880 films. What are your what's your genre 759 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,160 Documentaries. Yeah, me too. 760 00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,120 I'm obsessed with documentaries. What would you every level. 761 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,840 Yeah, yeah, it was lost. Well, I re I just re watched Man 762 00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,560 on Wire, which is one of the greatest about the Frenchman 763 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:10,960 that walked across twin towers. I watched, I watched a six part 764 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:17,280 series on the Roosevelts, Teddy, FDR and Eleanor, which I think 765 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:18,720 is the greatest thing I've ever seen. 766 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:20,640 I watched a lot of stuff about Vietnam. 767 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:24,600 I just watched 3 parters just come out on the Murdochs. 768 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,200 I do nothing, just come out. Yeah, yeah, I watched nothing 769 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,200 but documentaries. Yeah, the Murdochs looks like a 770 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,520 good. One, it's really good and 771 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,800 basically it tells you that every rich family or dynasty has 772 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,840 the same thing. You have a founder, then you 773 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,120 have the the heir who basically makes it massive and then you 774 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,480 have the children, the third generation children who fuck it 775 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:42,840 all up. That's where we're at the. 776 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:44,800 Well, the Maxwells. Well, the Maxwells, indeed. 777 00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,320 Yeah, well, she's, she went. She went a bit further, I 778 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:48,000 thought. She went full. 779 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,200 Till she definitely, because she didn't, you know, she didn't 780 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,800 just fuck up their family fortune, but she did something 781 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,080 of her own, which I think is important, you know. 782 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,080 You know, I still put money into pensions, which I I always, 783 00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:01,200 always get dubious about when I think of Robert Maxwell. 784 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,400 Well, yeah, I don't have a pension that I'm financially 785 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,880 responsible. So I'm hoping that that's, I'm 786 00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,240 hoping your pension gets robbed so I'm OK. 787 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:10,240 Because you don't need a pension. 788 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:11,920 I certainly need a pension. I'm totally broke. 789 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:14,520 Come on, man. Oh, totally from the from the 790 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,480 trigger. Happier TV dead this is. 25 791 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,520 years ago. I know it's it's you've spent a 792 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,880 lot and and you've got 2 wonderful children. 793 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:23,800 I've got 2. Kids, yeah, they had two kids so 794 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:24,960 they're expensive and one went they. 795 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,920 Were they were really expensive. They both went to private 796 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:27,680 school. I don't know why. 797 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:29,600 Again, it's that sex abuse thing. 798 00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:32,080 I've no idea why I sent them to why I sent them to private 799 00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,000 school. My wife's Canadian and she's 800 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,040 just like, why are we like mortgaging ourselves to the hilt 801 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,720 to send these people to places where they'll become entitled 802 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:41,000 little shits? And I go, I don't know, my dad 803 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,160 did it and that's genuinely what what happened. 804 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:44,640 I went to public school, you see. 805 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:45,320 Did you? Yeah. 806 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:46,920 Rough. Very rough was. 807 00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:48,720 Proper rough back in the 70s you. 808 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:51,680 Mean public as in private. No, as in public as in state. 809 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:52,600 School. Are you in state school? 810 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:53,960 Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean and. 811 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,240 It was rough, not really looking really. 812 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,720 You look all right. I think I would have done better 813 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,400 if I went to private school. Yeah, also you'd have learnt how 814 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,160 to run India, which is very. Easy, I would have learnt how to 815 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:05,800 run India. Yeah, which might be more useful 816 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,120 for you than me I. Would have been much more 817 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,480 useful. If I went back, could have gone 818 00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:10,320 into politics. In fact, if I go back and you go 819 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:11,600 back, you'd probably be more Indian. 820 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:13,520 Than I am, yeah, probably. You see, this is the thing 821 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:14,920 people say, Oh, have you been back? 822 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,000 Been I was born here. Back I fucking run the place. 823 00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:23,200 And then you went to the London School of Oriental and African 824 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,400 Studies, where you did politics. Yeah, where I really wanted to 825 00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,520 just refine what it was I was going to do with India. 826 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,560 Yeah, yeah, I did go there. That was that was a really SOAS, 827 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,320 SOAS. It was a really weird place. 828 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:35,200 So basically you have to speak about 50 languages to get a 829 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:37,960 drink at the bar. There was a 3D mural in the bar 830 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,800 representing AIDS, which was cheery. 831 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:42,280 And it was basically the only place apart from Moxon, 832 00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,920 Cambridge, where MI six came in to recruit. 833 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,200 And actually I did a joke and trig happy because of that. 834 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:52,880 I went back after when I left SOAS dressed in a blazer and 835 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:54,880 stuff and I've stopped this Japanese girl going down the 836 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,320 corridor and I said I represent the intelligence services and 837 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,280 I'm wondering whether you thought about what you're doing 838 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:01,800 when you leave. And she goes, Oh yes, I'm very 839 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,760 sporty. And I said great, well, it'll 840 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,760 involve me putting you in a job somewhere you can get on with it 841 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:08,440 normally, but then one day you'll get a phone call and you 842 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,199 might have to either kill someone or do some sexual 843 00:34:11,199 --> 00:34:13,360 activity because absolutely. I'm really, I've actually 844 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,040 applied for the Foreign Office. So I said great, well, if you 845 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,760 just here's my card and just leave a message saying mugwaffin 846 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:21,840 and we'll be back in touch. And our answering machine in the 847 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,719 office, she left about 40 messages saying mugwaffin, 848 00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:26,400 mugwaffin. And I always wondered what 849 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,320 happened to her. And then the other day I was 850 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:31,520 doing a gig in Cheltenham and her brother turns up and said 851 00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:33,280 she's still scarred by it to this. 852 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:37,400 Stay the trauma you've caused, but then you just go into 853 00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:38,639 politics to some degree, didn't you? 854 00:34:38,639 --> 00:34:40,600 You went into Yeah, I. Never went into politics. 855 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,320 I'm, I'm really interested in politics, but I'm not political. 856 00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:47,040 I love politics, but I don't, I know what's wrong, but I don't 857 00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,360 know what's right. So I was, I became a diplomat in 858 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:55,040 Prague and then I worked in, in the House of Commons for about 859 00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:57,360 two years. So I got fired. 860 00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,600 Is it true that you kicked football into David Mellor's 861 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,240 face? No, but I was doing an interview 862 00:35:02,240 --> 00:35:04,320 with David Mellor and people I'd set up in the background, kick 863 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,280 the football and they were supposed to kick it to me and I 864 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,040 was kick it back and he went smacked into his face, broke his 865 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,240 glasses. And I just thought that's what 866 00:35:11,240 --> 00:35:13,480 the people of Britain want and ITN did as well because they put 867 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,160 it out and then they rose that it had been sort of set up and I 868 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:17,480 was fired. Yeah. 869 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:20,080 So David Mellor is essentially responsible for Trigger Happy? 870 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,000 TV is that prior to the toe sucking scandal? 871 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,080 Yeah, Yeah, it was. Yeah, just before actually. 872 00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,080 So that was that was the heyday. 9596 something like. 873 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,520 That should we just refresh the listeners? 874 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:31,360 Because a lot of these listeners aren't gonna. 875 00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:33,000 No, they've no idea who I am, Robert. 876 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:33,920 Mack. Well, not not you. 877 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:38,440 I'm talking about David Mellor. So David Mellor was if you if 878 00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:42,280 you went into AI and asked AI to very good looking man, yeah, to 879 00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:46,240 design Billy Bunter dressed as a Tory cabinet member and then 880 00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:49,120 make him look more ugly, you'd get David Mellor. 881 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:53,840 And he had an affair with a woman called and Tony de Sanchez 882 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:59,360 and and then Max Clifford, who was this guy, that publicist, He 883 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,000 basically thought that's not a good enough story. 884 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,480 So he claimed that she that David Mellor would only shag 885 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,160 Antonio de Sancho while dressed in a Chelsea football shirt. 886 00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:08,600 Who was a very good looking woman. 887 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,160 She was a good looking woman, was strong, I'd say a handsome 888 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:12,960 woman. She looked like a horse, but in 889 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:14,920 a good way. Yeah, and I like a horse. 890 00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,080 I like a nose. So she was like a Spanish 891 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:18,920 beauty. She looked like saying Picasso 892 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,480 might have painted just after his Cubist period. 893 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:23,600 He's on LBC now and again. Is he? 894 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,000 Yeah. He gets asked to do little bits 895 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:25,880 and pieces. I don't care. 896 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,920 TV or some shit? He's a fucking moron. 897 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,240 Talk TV one of the what a scumbag of a station that is. 898 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,840 It's about as bad as it gets. Bad as that they I did a 899 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,960 routine. There was an outtake from Live 900 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:42,080 in It where I spoke about the the racism of talk TV. 901 00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:45,760 No, I wouldn't because you're talking about what was I on? 902 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:47,400 I was on. I've been on talk. 903 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:48,840 I've been asked to do interviews. 904 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:51,120 You've done GB news. No, I never got asked. 905 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,240 Yeah, I think when it was launched they are offered me a 906 00:36:53,240 --> 00:36:54,160 show. Did they? 907 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:55,640 Yeah, when it was launched. To see you on that. 908 00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:58,360 Yeah, and I you'd. Have probably, I thought, hang 909 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,560 on, we got the right chaudry. Yeah, I. 910 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:03,960 Think they wanted Anjem Chair? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 911 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,840 Another obscure reference. I'm I'm aware of him there. 912 00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:09,800 Yeah, you're aware who's I think he's doing about 30 years. 913 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:13,120 And I think he's doing 24 years. 24 He left, He's done 6. 914 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:14,360 He's Yeah, he's got. He's all right. 915 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:18,640 We're safe for a bit, Uncle. But I was talking about the 916 00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:23,400 Second World War and and the reference to cockroaches in 917 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,240 Bangladesh. But I talked about Churchill's. 918 00:37:25,240 --> 00:37:26,760 Racism. What did he describe? 919 00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,760 Bangladeshi's. Cockroaches Great famine was. 920 00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:30,640 The Famine, the. Famine. 921 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:31,680 I didn't. Know you described him as 922 00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:32,680 cockroaches. I think he's. 923 00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:33,920 Can we get the exact quote? Well. 924 00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,680 Look, it wouldn't. Yeah, I mean, he was definitely. 925 00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:37,280 Not and I just talked about him being a racist. 926 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:38,520 He wasn't woke, was he? Church? 927 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:40,320 That's why he's a great British, British. 928 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,360 British don't. Even think they were the word 929 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:45,560 woke existed in the no in the in the 50s and. 930 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:48,240 But that's that's why country's fucked now, yeah, it's all gone 931 00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:49,760 woke. What was the exact quote? 932 00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:52,080 Can we just get the exact quote from? 933 00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,560 I'm not sure if I can find one about Bangladeshis but they say 934 00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,080 he's. I know for a fact Churchill has 935 00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:57,760 said things referring to Indians. 936 00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,120 Well, I know he said Indians, but I didn't know cockroaches. 937 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,560 I'm not sure if I can find that. Do facts matter? 938 00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:06,240 Do no, they don't matter. I think they do. 939 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,160 It says the. Facts don't matter, it's your 940 00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:10,240 truth. Exactly. 941 00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:11,880 It's my truth, your truth. We've all got truth. 942 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,280 Yeah. So your first job was as as a 943 00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:15,840 diplomat as you mentioned in Prague? 944 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:21,160 Well, my first job was actually in the newspaper stand outside 945 00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:22,800 Holland Park Ave. Tube. 946 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,000 Holland Park Tube station. Oh, really? 947 00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,800 Yeah, but that's quite posh. Holland Park, yeah. 948 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:29,960 Holland Park is, but I was selling newspapers in a booth, 949 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:36,000 so it's sort of 5050. So when you were fired from ITN, 950 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,360 Yeah, for inviting your friends to come along the muck muck 951 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,280 about, What was that like at the time? 952 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,880 I think I'd realized at that stage because I really loved 953 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,200 being in the thick of it like I was, you know, in Parliament. 954 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:49,160 I had a pass. I, I went to Downing St. like it 955 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:50,480 was pretty amazing to be all that. 956 00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:52,880 But I also thought this is not for me. 957 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,400 Like I could see people that were just going to make this 958 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,520 their life career and I just couldn't. 959 00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:00,760 And so it's quite a relief when I got fired because it forced me 960 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,280 to go and do something else. And I ended up working for a guy 961 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:04,680 called Mark Thomas who's a stand up. 962 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:06,680 And brilliant stand up. You were in the comedy pod. 963 00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:07,760 Product. He did it. 964 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:09,440 Yeah, he did a show called Mark Thomas Comedy Present. 965 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,520 You're a researcher on that I. Was a researcher on that on the 966 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:15,080 very first day, first thing we filmed was to see what things we 967 00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,520 could take through a McDonald's drive through. 968 00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:20,880 So we took like a tank, a clown car, a hamburger thing. 969 00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,160 I just remember thinking, this is insane that they're paying me 970 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:24,840 to do this. I'd do it for free and that's 971 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,400 why I wrote it. I just like asking about. 972 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,400 And then Russell Brand did a very similar thing on his 973 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:29,160 Channel 4. Did he? 974 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:30,920 Yeah. You know I. 975 00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:33,480 Didn't care about Russell. Brand I started off with. 976 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:35,240 Did you? What do you mean you started off 977 00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:37,160 with him? And stand up with sex pesting. 978 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,320 I started off with the I've never. 979 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:44,720 Met him but I'm not a fan. Yeah, because comedy is all very 980 00:39:44,720 --> 00:39:46,720 subjective, isn't it? Yeah, I don't care about his 981 00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:48,240 comedy. I just his, his his. 982 00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:49,720 Oh, sorry. His human behaviour. 983 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:51,600 Yeah, yeah, the human behaviour. Yeah, his comedy was all right, 984 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:55,240 but do you? Mix the person with the artist 985 00:39:55,240 --> 00:39:56,280 you see. No, I don't. 986 00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,600 Not always, No, not at all. If he wasn't listening to any 987 00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:00,720 music, could. I the allegations weren't there, 988 00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:03,320 would you have been a fan? No, not Michael Jackson. 989 00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:06,080 The allegations were there, but people still listened to the 990 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:07,760 music. Yeah, in both cases I wouldn't. 991 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:09,040 Yeah, but not. But yeah. 992 00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,040 So no, it is right. I admired his. 993 00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,280 He had a style, didn't he? But not for me. 994 00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:17,560 Because I still, I still listen to Gary Glitter music, for 995 00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:19,200 example, because the music was great. 996 00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:21,360 Yeah, the music was great. Yeah, I don't really listen to 997 00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:22,200 Gary Glitter. I don't. 998 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:22,960 I don't. I'm just saying. 999 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,680 That I didn't really did. Even though they did use it in 1000 00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:28,840 the film The Joker. I mean, David Bowie, I've never 1001 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:30,160 seen the Joker. I don't like those sort of 1002 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:30,800 films. I don't like. 1003 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:34,360 I don't. I just, I really hate Marvel 1004 00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,680 fucking. It's just that all these films 1005 00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,480 we made for 12 year olds, it's like we never grew up. 1006 00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:40,360 I've never seen Star Wars. It's all that kind of stuff. 1007 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:41,880 It's like. Why I saw the early ones. 1008 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:43,160 No, I've never seen. It you never saw the other. 1009 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:45,120 Ones I don't want to either. It's become my thing now as well 1010 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,200 so it's an awkward. It must have been difficult with 1011 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:47,840 the. Kids. 1012 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,040 No, no, not really. My kids are kind of cool. 1013 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:51,680 When they were young. No, didn't want to. 1014 00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:53,080 Yeah. So what did you you show them? 1015 00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:53,960 Documentaries. Hardly. 1016 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:55,680 You showed them documentaries on the Roosevelt. 1017 00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,080 They loved it. Daddy, what we're watching 1018 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:02,840 tonight. The on the massacre at Male in 1019 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,360 Vietnam was their real favorite. We'd watch that over and over 1020 00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,280 again. They still don't know what the 1021 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,880 Vietnam War was about, do they? Who? 1022 00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:09,880 My kids. Yeah. 1023 00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,560 No, not just the kids, but are they American? 1024 00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:16,760 I think it's called the domino. They are actually American, are 1025 00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,080 they? Well, they're Canadian Canadian, 1026 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,520 but my wife was born in America, so it's sort of technical. 1027 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,160 It was the IT the Vietnam War was because of the domino. 1028 00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:26,200 Theory. Domino theory, Yeah, which just 1029 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:29,560 to refresh the memory of my audience, the domino. 1030 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,480 The domino theory was basically the idea that you had the Cold 1031 00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,040 War and you had communist back countries and democratically 1032 00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:39,200 back countries, and the idea that they worried that if one 1033 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,960 country fell to communism that they'd all fall like dominoes. 1034 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:45,440 So the idea was they had to stop Vietnam from going communist, 1035 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:47,880 otherwise the whole of Southeast Asia went, yeah, that was 1036 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,720 clearly bollocks. But the one good thing about 1037 00:41:50,720 --> 00:41:52,280 Americans is they learn from history. 1038 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,200 Exactly. And so you won't see Trump like 1039 00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,040 putting boots on the ground in Iran or anything. 1040 00:41:56,240 --> 00:41:58,000 Why would he No Do you think the. 1041 00:41:58,000 --> 00:41:59,840 Time has gone out. It's probably nuke terrorism. 1042 00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:01,200 Yeah, we're probably all dead by the. 1043 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,280 Time this goes. Out Do you think we now live in 1044 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:06,200 a totalitarian regime under Marxist rule? 1045 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,520 No, I don't. Well, that's my phone. 1046 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,640 Where's that going? That's probably do hello or 1047 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:13,200 something amusing. That's probably someone telling 1048 00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:14,240 you not to talk about. This. 1049 00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:15,520 Yeah, I can't. I can't actually talk. 1050 00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:19,000 You can't mention have have you? Have you bugged this? 1051 00:42:19,240 --> 00:42:20,800 Am I what? Have you bugged the studio? 1052 00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:22,760 No, I haven't. Because you know when like, hey, 1053 00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:24,800 Jess, Dick, Doggy or someone was being interviewed, I. 1054 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,840 Love that. Yeah, but but that was really 1055 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:28,320 interesting. They did their own version but. 1056 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,880 Because of my, I mean, I'm slightly annoyed at my 1057 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,840 algorithm, but I actually was aware of HS tick tick because 1058 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:37,880 you know your, your algorithm, you assume that everyone else is 1059 00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:39,480 seeing the same thing as you are. 1060 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,360 And so weirdly, because I kind of go on and fight people 1061 00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:47,000 online, my algorithm is full of Dubai influencers, really funny 1062 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,080 and sweet dogs and HS tick tocky types. 1063 00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,080 And so I was really aware of him. 1064 00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:55,880 So I saw the live stuff when Louis Theroux was on. 1065 00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:57,640 And. I thought, well, this is quite 1066 00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:01,040 smart because actually as good as Louis Theroux is, a lot of it 1067 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:02,560 is in the edit. That's why he always leaves 1068 00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:05,280 those long pauses. And so actually it will be 1069 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:08,520 interesting to see his version against the Louis Theroux edited 1070 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:09,880 one. But the first thing I realized, 1071 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:14,440 HS TikTok is too cheap and dull to actually edit it himself, 1072 00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,440 which he won't. He just puts it out as a stream. 1073 00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:18,200 But actually what was interesting is then Louis 1074 00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:21,320 Theroux saw he'd done that. So I had to counter it in the 1075 00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:24,720 edit and he sort of came back with him watching his mum clean 1076 00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:27,360 or whatever I thought it was. It was a battle of cultures. 1077 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,000 It was great. My favorite moment, that whole 1078 00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,760 manosphere thing though, was the bit where he's talking to camera 1079 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:34,240 and Louis Theroux is just like, who the fuck are you talking to? 1080 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,480 That was old V new. That's a great example of 1081 00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,520 postmodern. Postmodern meta revival system. 1082 00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:46,680 Metaphysics really. And as you state there, the the 1083 00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,040 long pause is is a very journalistic trick. 1084 00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,840 And it's brilliant because if you're awkward you basically 1085 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:55,120 just let people Stew and if you can't stand silences then you 1086 00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:56,680 just in the end fill it with nonsense. 1087 00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:59,720 Luckily I love silence so you wouldn't tell so far, but I do. 1088 00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:14,080 So what the you see what I did there? 1089 00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:15,680 Yeah, I did see. Did you see how I knew it was 1090 00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:17,560 coming as well? But what's good? 1091 00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:20,160 Is it on a on a radio? But the producer didn't didn't 1092 00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:21,400 see it, no. He panicked, he got really 1093 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:22,160 worried. I could see that. 1094 00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:25,280 On a. Radio show, because you've done 1095 00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,960 radio, it's they have that thing where if there's silence more 1096 00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:31,320 than I think it's 8 seconds, it cuts into an emergency 1097 00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,520 broadcast. So I always used to see how far 1098 00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:35,720 he could, you know, like skate to the edge, watch the producers 1099 00:44:35,720 --> 00:44:36,760 die. It's great, isn't? 1100 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:38,840 It that was really good. I love it, but it's dead air. 1101 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,680 Isn't it dead air? I think it's really nerve 1102 00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:42,400 racking. People think what's happened 1103 00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,200 here. If this was radio, we would have 1104 00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:44,960 gone to commercial. Break. 1105 00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:45,760 Yeah, that's right. Yeah. 1106 00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:47,680 And we'd be given a stiff talking to. 1107 00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:50,360 It would have. Been you wasted 5 seconds of 1108 00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:53,640 listening to what a racist cab driver from Brighton thought 1109 00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:57,800 about Bosnia. It would have been as 1110 00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,400 uncomfortable. I do find that uncomfortable, 1111 00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:00,840 though. You did. 1112 00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:01,680 Yeah. Because I thought, right. 1113 00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:03,080 I'm really. I'm going to just. 1114 00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:06,280 I'm going to to hold this out, but what if you do? 1115 00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:07,960 What if we're both really stubborn? 1116 00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,720 Like I haven't got 40 minutes, but I have actually but to sit 1117 00:45:10,720 --> 00:45:13,200 around in silence. But I've actually watched that 1118 00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:15,120 podcast. We've got to put that as a clip. 1119 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:17,080 Hope you're enjoying this podcast. 1120 00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:21,360 Just a quick reminder, this show is brought to you by Mrs. 1121 00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:25,040 Ellswood Pickles. Bringing punch to your podcast 1122 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:29,440 and crunch to your lunch and This is Elswood are packed with 1123 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:32,840 freshness every time. So I just watched with Neil Nye, 1124 00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,400 great and with which I love. But with Neil Nye, there's a 1125 00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:39,160 moment they drive back to London and they drive through Notting 1126 00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:43,160 Hill, Portobello, Paddington. And that is just mind blowing 1127 00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:46,080 because you you think it's not that not that long ago when they 1128 00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,400 filmed it, but just the change is insane. 1129 00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:51,280 Oh yeah, there's some interest. It's full of brands now. 1130 00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:55,400 I mean, architecturally, obviously architecturally the, 1131 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:57,680 the, the streets have become very different. 1132 00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:01,080 But most of this, the property in London, which is, you know, 1133 00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:05,400 in, in the Knightsbridge and, and the surrounding areas, well, 1134 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,600 they're all rented because a lot of the, the Brits have moved 1135 00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,280 out, that's right, to bigger places and then rented them out. 1136 00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:13,520 So it's of it's the fault of the rich. 1137 00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:15,240 Yeah, it's the rich and the Brits. 1138 00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:17,560 It's your fault. But it's mainly the 1139 00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:22,840 concentration of ethnicity, so to speak, are within major 1140 00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:25,520 cities within. Yeah, countries, yeah, I was 1141 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,560 again discussing this. I think you wouldn't be 1142 00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,880 surprised to hear on the right wing podcast I was just on and 1143 00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:35,040 it was something like 6% of Britain is Muslim. 1144 00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:37,680 But he goes yeah, but in the cities it's way more they're 1145 00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:39,440 they're clustered. So yeah. 1146 00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:42,760 I was doing a bits on stand up about it, but I think 90% is 1147 00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:44,960 still white, yeah. Yeah, but that's you. 1148 00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:46,120 Know we've got a lot of. Work to do. 1149 00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:48,680 It's not enough, is it? You're you're doing that praying 1150 00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:52,480 in dominant ways. Yeah, the praying, yeah, I'm 1151 00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:54,680 not, I'm not a Muslim, but a lot of. 1152 00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,240 How would I fucking know? If you're a cast port, you're a 1153 00:46:58,240 --> 00:46:59,800 Muslim. Casting directors, Yeah. 1154 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,840 If you are, are you acting these days or? 1155 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:04,480 I've never acted. No one's ever asked me. 1156 00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:05,160 Really. Yeah. 1157 00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:07,880 I've never seen the. I've never really wanted to be 1158 00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:09,120 an actor. Because you do almost 1159 00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:10,960 everything. Well, I do way too much of 1160 00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:12,640 everything and and of nothing really. 1161 00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:16,280 ABC, you're a stand up speaker. Because I'm just desperately 1162 00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:18,760 trying to stay employed. The thing I really think I'm 1163 00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:22,040 good at, apart from, you know, like trigger happy type stuff is 1164 00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:23,800 books. Like I've written 10 books and 1165 00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,000 my books are genuinely good, like really good. 1166 00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,840 I agree. And I would stand up with those. 1167 00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,280 My travel books anyway. When I say travel books, I'm not 1168 00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,440 writing rough guides. I'm writing, you know, I go off 1169 00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,120 and just travel. So I'm I'm really pleased with 1170 00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:35,800 those. But apart from that, it's just 1171 00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:37,600 survival. Yeah, I mean, as I said, trigger 1172 00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:41,480 happy TVI grew up to obviously Beatles about Jesus. 1173 00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,720 Jeremy Beatles about is the reason I made Trigger happy 1174 00:47:43,720 --> 00:47:45,680 because I hated it so much. Yeah, and I remember you make a 1175 00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:49,400 reference to Jeremy Beatle. Jesus Christ, I saw. 1176 00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:52,880 I met him once. I actually felt really bad 1177 00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,120 because you know, he had a withered hand if you know that. 1178 00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,520 And he he was, it was in the Flask, which is a pub in 1179 00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:01,280 Highgate. And it was the height of Beatles 1180 00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:03,920 about and somewhere or game for a laugh or whatever. 1181 00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,360 And he walks in and he gets around and he's holding all 1182 00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:11,360 these drinks and some fucking twat goes, you Jeremy Beadle, He 1183 00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:11,840 goes. Yeah, he goes. 1184 00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:14,840 You go for a laugh and he goes. And he just threw a pint in his 1185 00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:16,360 face, really. And I just remember thinking, 1186 00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:17,920 fuck, you know, it would be on telly. 1187 00:48:18,240 --> 00:48:20,400 And then four years later, hello, It's Mr. Snail. 1188 00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,280 You know, that's gross. So I did feel bad for him. 1189 00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:24,160 Quite an odd man, Beadle, I think. 1190 00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:26,440 I don't really know enough about him, but I'm not interested 1191 00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:28,080 enough to find out. He died very young, didn't he? 1192 00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:28,720 Yeah, he did. Yeah. 1193 00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:33,800 That that was the day of ITV daytime. 1194 00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:37,680 ITV Saturday nights he was on. He was Saturday nights. 30 1195 00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,480 million viewers. It's just insane, yeah. 30 1196 00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:44,440 million I know now TV show I think SNL was broadcast on the 1197 00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,560 weekend. I just saw that new SNL, they 1198 00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,520 were really excited. It was 220,000 viewers, viewers 1199 00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,800 Eli, and that's massive. I know that's ridiculous. 1200 00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:53,920 That's the biggest. We got 7 million with trigger 1201 00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:55,320 appy. 7 million you were getting. 1202 00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:57,080 And that was a cult show on on channel. 1203 00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,160 And that was a small show, Yeah, because it was late. 1204 00:48:59,240 --> 00:49:01,560 Yeah, well, 10:30, yeah. 10/30 it was late. 1205 00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,240 Yeah, yeah, I had the same slot when I hosted Stand Up for the 1206 00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:05,760 Week. I love Stand Up for the Week. 1207 00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:08,400 And did you enjoy that? Well, it's not on anymore. 1208 00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:09,640 No, no, that's what I'm doing now. 1209 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:11,520 Yeah, that's why I haven't been with Velvet too. 1210 00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:13,040 We don't want to do TV anymore. No one does. 1211 00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:14,200 Who does this too? It's not cool enough. 1212 00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:16,440 Yeah, it's not cool here. You've got to be on online. 1213 00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,800 I get people saying to me, this everything's going, God, why 1214 00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:21,320 don't you just do another TV show? 1215 00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:23,040 You go, yeah, I just can't be arsed. 1216 00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,320 That's like that's like you can just flick your thing and go 1217 00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:27,560 make ATV show. It's crazy. 1218 00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:29,600 We could just say something now as controversial. 1219 00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,320 You, you, you can't. Good old days mate. 1220 00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:34,600 You could joke about it and if you can't do it now, can you 1221 00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:34,920 mate? Just. 1222 00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:37,160 Because of the wokes. So I don't do TV because it's 1223 00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:40,440 too woke and I like just coming on and just being able to abuse 1224 00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:41,920 anyone I want. That's what I like. 1225 00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:45,440 It's the freedom to say it into a vacuum. 1226 00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:48,160 Obviously, everyone we've made reference to today has to go 1227 00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:51,720 past lawyers, commissioning editors, producers, executive 1228 00:49:51,720 --> 00:49:52,720 producers. Yeah. 1229 00:49:52,720 --> 00:49:55,160 And only then will I broadcast what you've said. 1230 00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:57,160 Earlier, of course, and I'd expect nothing less and. 1231 00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:00,200 In 2010, you did. I'm A Celebrity. 1232 00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,800 Get Me Out of here. Yeah, real highlight. 1233 00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,280 Which some say is the was the pinnacle. 1234 00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:07,960 I'd say it was the pinnacle. It was my pinnacle. 1235 00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:11,040 It was certainly the best. I'm a celeb because I've 1236 00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:12,560 watched, I've watched lots, you know, because I like 1237 00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:14,640 documentaries. I watched a lot of reality and I 1238 00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:16,880 genuinely. Liked watching. 1239 00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:18,240 That was the peak of the show at the. 1240 00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:20,920 Yes, I think it was, well, particularly that year, because 1241 00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:23,760 every year before that there had been someone on that I would 1242 00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,920 have murdered. But that year was fucking 1243 00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:27,680 insane. We had everything I had Britt 1244 00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:29,840 Eckland. I mean, just on our own, you 1245 00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,960 know, Rod Stewart, Peter Sellers, I didn't have much to 1246 00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:35,280 say, but still was Brit Eklund had, Nigel Havers did. 1247 00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:37,800 You say Peter Sellers was on it. No, but she was married to Peter 1248 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:38,640 Sellers. She was married. 1249 00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:40,640 How cool is that? Yeah, exactly. 1250 00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:42,120 And then? Used to beat the shit out of her 1251 00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:43,640 children. Yeah, Peter Sellers would have 1252 00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:45,400 been really good but unfortunately not available. 1253 00:50:45,720 --> 00:50:49,360 Nigel Havers, a man who came onto the show Producer's dream, 1254 00:50:49,720 --> 00:50:52,800 had came onto the show but had no idea what it was, so just 1255 00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,400 constantly looking around in panic. 1256 00:50:54,720 --> 00:50:57,400 I had Sean Ryder, fucking amazing. 1257 00:50:57,400 --> 00:50:58,760 I love Sean Ryder, who's brilliant. 1258 00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:02,200 Jenny Eclair became my first and only comedian friend. 1259 00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:03,480 I really like Jenny. Very funny. 1260 00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:06,320 Stacey Solomon was on and we just knew she was going to win. 1261 00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:07,840 So that took the pressure off the competitors. 1262 00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:11,520 And then we had some random fuckwits like Lembit OPEC, you 1263 00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,440 remember him? I mean, there was no, there was 1264 00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:17,840 no Deadwood there at all. And then Alison fucking Hammond. 1265 00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,000 Hammond was on it. I mean, she was like an also 1266 00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,600 ran, but that now look at her. So yeah, it was great. 1267 00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:24,440 And Lembit was going out with one of the cheeky girls. 1268 00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:26,480 Both cheeky girls, both at the same time. 1269 00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:28,880 Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, he's a fucking weirdo. 1270 00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:32,360 He thought he believes that the Earth's impossible. 1271 00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:35,000 They were about to be killed, destroyed by an asteroid, but 1272 00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,080 that bothered him while we were in the jungle. 1273 00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:38,480 I don't know. I think it's unlikely it's going 1274 00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:40,960 to happen in the 20 days or the four days that you're going to 1275 00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:43,080 be in here, so it's fine. So yes, I was on I'm A 1276 00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,640 Celebrity, but I've also done, you know, I had a period of 1277 00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:48,400 doing all the reality shows because I genuinely like 1278 00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:53,120 watching reality shows. And also I think stand ups maybe 1279 00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:56,320 don't like reality shows. Certainly Jenny Eclair didn't 1280 00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:58,920 enjoy I'm a Celeb because she's used to, you know, she likes 1281 00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:01,000 being funny and she is very funny and I love Jenny, but 1282 00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:03,400 she's used to being in a controlled environment, which is 1283 00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,800 what stand up is. And my environment isn't 1284 00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:08,840 uncontrolled. I like chaos and I like riffing 1285 00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:11,760 stuff. So I if anything I'm I'm I kind 1286 00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:14,640 of I think I'm slightly better equipped for reality shows. 1287 00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:17,600 So I really enjoyed I'm a Celeb, but I've done some shit ones as 1288 00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:18,320 well. Fuck me. 1289 00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:23,880 I did one called Splash Player where supposedly that what's his 1290 00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:24,720 name? That was a. 1291 00:52:24,720 --> 00:52:27,320 Swimming was that Tom Daley teaches you to high dive. 1292 00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:29,480 Yeah, Now I jump off cliffs. I do that a lot. 1293 00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:31,760 I really like it. And but I never dive. 1294 00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:33,880 I'm always jumping. So I thought this is amazing. 1295 00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:35,440 Tom Daley is going to teach me, do a flip. 1296 00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:38,680 And next time I'm on the summer in Canada and I'm on the Cliff 1297 00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,480 and they're all these like cocky kids, I'll do a triple Pike or 1298 00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:42,400 whatever. It'd be great. 1299 00:52:42,720 --> 00:52:44,520 Tom Daley turned up once. That was it. 1300 00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:46,880 And then for the rest of the time you're just stuck in Essex, 1301 00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:48,600 wherever this high diving place was. 1302 00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:51,920 And weirdly, another person doing it with me was Joey Essex. 1303 00:52:52,240 --> 00:52:57,440 And my high point on it, I swear he got stuck in a in a cubicle, 1304 00:52:57,440 --> 00:52:59,240 in a toilet cubicle because he couldn't work. 1305 00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:01,200 I had to pull the door rather than push it. 1306 00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:03,480 And that was a major crisis in his life. 1307 00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:05,960 That was the whole thing was a fucking nightmare. 1308 00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:08,960 And I ended up losing control in the middle of the air and 1309 00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:10,560 landing on my back in front of my family. 1310 00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:13,120 It was that was not good at all. I've had a lot of things like. 1311 00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:15,800 That any damage? Yeah, just terrible, terrible 1312 00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:18,120 pain and bruising for like 5 days. 1313 00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:22,960 When I did that and I jumped off of this big kind of plank when 1314 00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:25,160 we were re enacting the stunts from Die Hard. 1315 00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,120 Oh yeah. And then you land on a crash 1316 00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:28,800 map. OK, But when it's from. 1317 00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:31,320 Yeah, yeah, it's 80 feet. Yeah, you get. 1318 00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:34,320 What are we doing that for? It was a Sky TV show for 1319 00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:36,400 Christmas, a few Christmas called reenactments. 1320 00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:38,760 Yeah, it was like it was reenacting. 1321 00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,920 That's good. All the stunts from. 1322 00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:42,960 And then you did Bear Grills. Called Cunning Stunts. 1323 00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:44,160 Yeah, it was. Called It was. 1324 00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:45,920 Called Die Hard with a Vengeance or some shit. 1325 00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,000 I did do Bear Grills. Bear Grills was the hardest core 1326 00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,360 thing I've ever done. It was like it was my own 1327 00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:53,600 personal Guantanamo. Yeah, I wonder what Guantanamo 1328 00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,920 water boarding was where that. I'm surprised they didn't add 1329 00:53:56,920 --> 00:54:00,120 that as a as a sort of bonus. Well splash water board it's. 1330 00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:01,320 Splash, I was water board itself. 1331 00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:02,880 Water Board. Which you called. 1332 00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:04,960 Homoerotic. Homoerotic. 1333 00:54:05,400 --> 00:54:07,360 What did I call homoerotic? Splash. 1334 00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:09,320 Well, it was very homoerotic, was it? 1335 00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:11,400 I thought, not for me and not for anyone watching me. 1336 00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:13,600 But yeah, the whole thing, I sort of thought it was going to 1337 00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:15,400 be quite physical, but actually the whole thing was like a a 1338 00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:19,040 very camp experience. Everything, the type budgie 1339 00:54:19,040 --> 00:54:23,560 smugglers, that sort of audience of mainly men staring at men in 1340 00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:25,280 budgie smugglers. I mean, nothing wrong with that, 1341 00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:28,280 but it's just it was very odd. And then this kind of these sort 1342 00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:31,160 of weird thickos from TOWIE wandering around, you know, 1343 00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:33,640 trying to do push, pull doors, it was all very odd. 1344 00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:35,800 Yeah, I made a cameo appearance in that one year. 1345 00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:36,960 Did you? Yeah, in TOWIE. 1346 00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:39,840 And how did that go? Oh, you know, it's TOWIE. 1347 00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:42,400 Yeah, it's real. That's The thing is it is real. 1348 00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:43,360 It's. Definitely not scripted. 1349 00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:45,120 Yeah, it's not scripted, no. I don't know. 1350 00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:46,800 Those guys could act. No, they couldn't. 1351 00:54:47,160 --> 00:54:48,120 Nepotism. That's fine. 1352 00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:49,080 It's fine. There was. 1353 00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:51,000 I can't remember the names of the people on the island, but 1354 00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:52,160 they can't. Remember, they don't even know 1355 00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:53,320 if it's still on anymore. Tawie is it? 1356 00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:55,080 I don't think that Tawie, Tawie's not on, is it? 1357 00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:57,040 And Chelsea? Chelsea is Chelsea's still on. 1358 00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,200 Oh yeah, I think Chelsea is. Well, I keep seeing ads for it. 1359 00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:03,320 Yeah, I'm watching Married at First Sight Australia at the 1360 00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:04,240 moment. Have you ever seen that? 1361 00:55:04,240 --> 00:55:05,520 Well, you're basically an arranged marriage. 1362 00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:06,520 I used to. Yeah, it is an arranged 1363 00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:07,240 marriage. Yeah. 1364 00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:09,360 Have you ever watched it? I've never seen it, but I. 1365 00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:12,920 I'm quite fascinated by it because it's it's got like a 1366 00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:14,000 massive, you know, it's shown it. 1367 00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:16,120 They have married at first sight, Britain married at first 1368 00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:18,480 sight everywhere. But for some reason the 1369 00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:22,040 Australian one is the gold and normally the Australian version 1370 00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:24,080 of a reality show is not the one that wins. 1371 00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:27,040 But I love it. Got nowhere more to go with that 1372 00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:28,880 you. Had an arranged marriage, right? 1373 00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:30,720 Yes, I did, yeah. I did. 1374 00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:33,960 How did that happen? Well, I got, I'd, I'd found it 1375 00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:37,360 very difficult to find a girlfriend for 3-4 years. 1376 00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:40,480 And my parents met this couple in Canada. 1377 00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:44,320 They were on a caravan holiday in Canada who had a daughter who 1378 00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:48,480 was aging and had not married. And so they introduced us and it 1379 00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:50,040 was set up and it's been very successful. 1380 00:55:50,240 --> 00:55:53,440 We've been together 25 years. So actually, you know, I was 1381 00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:56,280 very anti. Mashallah, Yeah, indeed. 1382 00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:59,840 And when they unveiled you were now wife? 1383 00:55:59,880 --> 00:56:01,040 Yeah. What were your first? 1384 00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:04,240 Not the best. I'll be honest, but I was, I was 1385 00:56:04,240 --> 00:56:05,680 in for the ride, you know, so to speak, Yeah. 1386 00:56:05,720 --> 00:56:07,080 What did you think about you then? 1387 00:56:07,240 --> 00:56:07,960 What? What did she? 1388 00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:09,280 Oh, she was quite thrilled, I could see that. 1389 00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:11,240 But she's 22 years older than me, so really. 1390 00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:13,200 Yeah, so it was. You're being serious right now. 1391 00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:13,600 Yeah. Yeah. 1392 00:56:14,640 --> 00:56:17,440 Your wife's 22 years older. Why? 1393 00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:19,040 It's it's not because you've done well, mate. 1394 00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:20,800 Yeah, I've done fucking. And two kids. 1395 00:56:21,240 --> 00:56:22,120 And two kids. Yeah, yeah. 1396 00:56:22,120 --> 00:56:24,120 What a miracle. Not mine, obviously, but yeah. 1397 00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:30,800 Yeah, so we've, we've actually covered the books quite well in 1398 00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:34,160 your your travel documentaries, including North Korea, Iran, 1399 00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:37,800 Russia, Chernobyl, Lebanon, Mexico, Australia, India, 1400 00:56:38,240 --> 00:56:42,520 Cambodia and most of the American states. 1401 00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:44,400 All the Americans. Have I missed any out there? 1402 00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:46,760 Oh yeah, you've missed. Well, I've done 108 countries. 1403 00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,000 You're not into all of them. Yeah, well, Congo, that's a. 1404 00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:50,120 Congo is a good one. Isn't it? 1405 00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:51,840 That's a good one. That was very frightening. 1406 00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:55,760 Yeah, it's a lot of militia there the. 1407 00:56:56,240 --> 00:57:00,080 Thing I liked most about Congo was it's Belgian Congo and 1408 00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:02,840 obviously I grew up on Tintin, reading Tintin. 1409 00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:04,600 That's why I love travelling. Racist show that was. 1410 00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:06,840 Yeah, it. Was and Tintin in Congo is like 1411 00:57:07,240 --> 00:57:09,320 probably the most racist book I've ever read in my life. 1412 00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:12,400 So when I was like telling my kids my love for Tintin, you 1413 00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,400 suddenly get to Tintin in the Congo and you realise how 1414 00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,680 problematic that is. So when I went to the Congo, I 1415 00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:19,960 assumed Tintin being the most visible Belgian, they know 1416 00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:21,880 they'd fucking hate him. They didn't. 1417 00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:25,560 They have a day once a year where all Congolese dress up as 1418 00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:28,120 Tintin. It's absolutely mental, sorry, 1419 00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:30,240 neurodivergent, and it's fantastic. 1420 00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,160 So that was really good. And also the biggest lie we were 1421 00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:36,640 told about the Congo, you'll know at your age is obviously on 1422 00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:39,320 Bongo. You saw those ads from Bongo and 1423 00:57:39,320 --> 00:57:41,040 Bongo? Yeah, on Bongo and Bongo, they 1424 00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:44,960 drink it in the Congo. Went to six supermarkets, asked 1425 00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:47,480 in each one, could I have an on Bongo, please? 1426 00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:49,040 Fuck all. Didn't know it's. 1427 00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:50,960 A total lie. Yeah. 1428 00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:52,640 That was a racist ad, but it was a. 1429 00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:53,520 Lie. Incorrect. 1430 00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:55,760 Yeah, it's going to be racist. At least be factual. 1431 00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:58,320 Exactly, but that's the point. I wouldn't mind if it was racist 1432 00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:00,080 if I could have got myself an A mongo. 1433 00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:03,320 But obviously that places like the Congo was seen to the 1434 00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:06,640 western world as no go areas. Yeah, that's why I like going. 1435 00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:09,120 Which they now refer to parts of England as. 1436 00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:11,040 As no goes, well, London is a no go. 1437 00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,920 They're saying it's some. Part in London today and I'm, I 1438 00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:15,240 mean, what is it? It's about 4:00 in the 1439 00:58:15,240 --> 00:58:16,920 afternoon. I'm astonished I haven't been 1440 00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:18,720 stabbed twice. I'm astonished you got through 1441 00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:20,560 the militia to get to the studio this evening. 1442 00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:24,400 So I was in London last week and I was murdered twice, which was 1443 00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:27,120 just weird because that never used to happen. 1444 00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:29,160 Once more than I got murdered last week, Did you? 1445 00:58:29,200 --> 00:58:31,560 We've done well, but obviously a lot of the militia are friends 1446 00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:32,760 of mine. But it never used to happen. 1447 00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:36,840 You need to know the right militia anyways to jolly. 1448 00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:38,880 Which is and Middleton will change all this. 1449 00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:41,400 A lot of people ask me though from Dubai. 1450 00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:44,760 Well, they don't ask me. What were you christened? 1451 00:58:45,080 --> 00:58:46,040 What was that christened? What? 1452 00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,640 Were you jolly? No, actually my best review 1453 00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:50,720 ever. My only review. 1454 00:58:50,920 --> 00:58:54,880 Don Jolly man or anagram. My real name is Dominic John 1455 00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:56,760 Romulus. Jolly Romulus is because I was 1456 00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:59,440 conceived in Rome. But I'm honestly like you don't 1457 00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:02,120 think I'm going to set myself up as a comedian, call myself Mr. 1458 00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:03,680 Jolly. It's like Mr. Tickle was taken. 1459 00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:05,680 So I'll go with Jolly. It's a great name though. 1460 00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:06,640 What? Jolly. 1461 00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:08,520 Yeah, it's a fucking awful funny man. 1462 00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:10,600 Oh, it's not funny in the time it makes you know how many 1463 00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:13,640 fucking people just go? Not very jolly, are you? 1464 00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:15,400 Oh, Jesus. My full name is Taj Ball, the 1465 00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:17,480 Singh draw the day. Yeah, it rolls off the tongue. 1466 00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:19,080 It's yeah. It's very easy to pronounce. 1467 00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:21,200 It's good. So that's worked for you I 1468 00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:22,520 think. Well, Paul Chowdhry. 1469 00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:23,720 Yeah. Paul. 1470 00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,520 Yeah. This is when my dad took me to 1471 00:59:26,520 --> 00:59:28,480 school for the first time. What's your name? 1472 00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:29,800 Yeah, it's Taj. Paul. 1473 00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:32,760 Can I just call him Paul? Call him Kev, yeah. 1474 00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:35,480 Call him David. Yeah, well, Tom, Jonny's easy. 1475 00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:37,920 It's just like simple. But your dad actually ran an 1476 00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:41,000 import export business from. No, it's so funny. 1477 00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,320 Every time I do interviews, everyone says different things 1478 00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:46,720 that he either ran a shipping magnate agency, he's a shipping 1479 00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:48,160 agent a. Shipping Agent. 1480 00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:49,920 Which is just so dull. I think it just, I mean I 1481 00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:51,800 genuinely don't know. My sister runs it now in Beirut, 1482 00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:55,760 but they just basically when a big ship comes in, they offload 1483 00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:57,840 it and unload it I think. And then your mum worked for the 1484 00:59:57,840 --> 01:00:00,000 Foreign Office and then. My mum worked for our office and 1485 01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,160 then as a prostitute briefly and then yeah, that was it. 1486 01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:05,040 And then the inspiration. For for trigger happy came from 1487 01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:07,200 a sort of meshing of those things. 1488 01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,200 And Mona Lisa in prostitution and the film Mona Lisa. 1489 01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:12,520 And the film mainly based on on my life. 1490 01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:14,120 Yeah, yeah. On your mother. 1491 01:00:14,280 --> 01:00:18,480 Yes, extraordinary. You see now, if you were Piers 1492 01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:20,680 Morgan, yeah, you would have walked off at that point. 1493 01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:21,920 Yeah. Which is why I know. 1494 01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:25,760 What is that about? I mean, I've been, I've told you 1495 01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:26,960 this before. You're on air. 1496 01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:28,480 What a great man Pierce Morgan is. 1497 01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:30,040 Yeah, you say, you say it quite weirdly. 1498 01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:33,440 You say Pierce because all the Americans call him Pierce, as in 1499 01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:36,320 Pierce Brosnan and Pierce. And that really I can see that 1500 01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:38,280 ticks him off. So I'm thinking you're doing 1501 01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:40,200 this even just in case he's watching tick him off. 1502 01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:43,480 But he is very thin skinned. I wrote something about him. 1503 01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:45,040 I went on. Ago, you were your friends. 1504 01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:45,640 You were friends. I'm. 1505 01:00:45,640 --> 01:00:47,440 Not friends. I've had supper with him a 1506 01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:51,120 couple of times and I went to, I went to, I went on holiday. 1507 01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:53,440 Somebody invited me to play golf in Marrakech, which is really 1508 01:00:53,440 --> 01:00:57,760 not my thing, but it was the editor of my then newspaper that 1509 01:00:57,760 --> 01:00:59,640 I was writing for. So I went and Piers Morgan was 1510 01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:03,480 on it. And we've met in the, the editor 1511 01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:06,120 gets given some gold cards. So we're in the first class 1512 01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:09,320 lounge or wherever in Heathrow. And I'm quite interested to meet 1513 01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:11,560 Piers Morgan because he's like, he's just come off the back of 1514 01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:13,320 all. He's being fired from the mirror 1515 01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:14,560 and he's just written his first book. 1516 01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:16,040 Prior to CNN. Well, yeah. 1517 01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:20,160 And I said to the guy who'd invite me, I said, how would you 1518 01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:23,080 describe Piers Morgan? Am I going to like him? 1519 01:01:23,520 --> 01:01:24,920 He said, no, you're not going to like him. 1520 01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:26,280 And I said, how would you describe him? 1521 01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:28,840 And he said one word, shameless. And that was absolutely right. 1522 01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:32,480 We turned up at the hotel in Marrakech and he had his book 1523 01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:35,160 and he put it in a see through bag and he walked around the 1524 01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:37,640 swimming pool so that everyone knew he'd written this book. 1525 01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:40,560 And then he's kind of, when we played golf, he just did this 1526 01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:44,600 kind of macho banter, like sledging all the time, like, and 1527 01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:47,560 he just like, fuck off. So I just found him quite 1528 01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:50,320 tedious. And then I wrote an article and 1529 01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:53,520 I said just one line about him, something about what's happened 1530 01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:56,960 to Piers Morgan or whatever. And I get a long e-mail from him 1531 01:01:56,960 --> 01:01:59,800 saying, well, I'm currently sitting in a hot tub in Antigua, 1532 01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:01,360 so life can't be that bad, can it? 1533 01:02:01,360 --> 01:02:03,600 You know, I don't know. He's very much like me how I 1534 01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:05,400 behave in my comments. So, well, he was one of the 1535 01:02:05,400 --> 01:02:08,560 first people to get people like Andrew Tate and obviously HS Tik 1536 01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:11,640 Tokie comparison on to for an interview. 1537 01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:14,760 Yeah, why would you do that? Well, because he clicks well, 1538 01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:17,480 you know, at his core, he's a tabloid. 1539 01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,320 You know, I mean, he's very good at that. 1540 01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:21,040 He knows what people want to watch. 1541 01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:22,760 And he's, you know, that's what those tabloids were. 1542 01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:25,600 I just watched this documentary on the Murdochs and it was like 1543 01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:27,280 they were saying, who are we appealing to? 1544 01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:30,920 And they said we're appealing to the guy in the corner of the pub 1545 01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:36,400 that doesn't like Muslims or poofs and doesn't like smart but 1546 01:02:36,400 --> 01:02:38,440 also likes to see tits in newspapers. 1547 01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:40,960 That's what they're after, and that's me. 1548 01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:44,840 Couldn't have picked a better podcast and they don't ask me 1549 01:02:44,840 --> 01:02:46,960 that. It's literally you've you've 1550 01:02:46,960 --> 01:02:49,040 literally summed up. That's the. 1551 01:02:49,120 --> 01:02:52,400 Problem. But but going back to to your 1552 01:02:52,400 --> 01:02:55,440 wife, you only knew her for six weeks and said she's the one. 1553 01:02:55,440 --> 01:02:57,400 Yeah, I did. Yeah, well, she was fucking old, 1554 01:02:57,400 --> 01:02:59,480 so I just thought, you know, didn't have time. 1555 01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:02,360 Didn't have time. Do you think that would work 1556 01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:05,000 these days? In what sense for white people? 1557 01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:07,120 In what sense is the arranged? Yeah. 1558 01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:10,360 Why people you, you guys have been together 55 years and 1559 01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:11,960 they're like, I'm not sure she's the 1M. 1560 01:03:12,160 --> 01:03:17,320 I think I don't know because this was before Tinder and you 1561 01:03:17,320 --> 01:03:18,600 know I've never done dating apps, right? 1562 01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:20,560 I've no idea. The dating app seems to me it's 1563 01:03:20,560 --> 01:03:24,000 like it's the sort of dating equivalent of the breakfast 1564 01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:25,400 buffet. Like it's never over. 1565 01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:27,040 Like there's always, you're always hungry. 1566 01:03:27,080 --> 01:03:29,000 That's why I'm not married. Yeah, so there you go. 1567 01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:31,240 I I got banned from them. Did you? 1568 01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:32,840 Yeah, I got a report for overusing. 1569 01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:35,120 I completed them. Really, didn't you? 1570 01:03:35,480 --> 01:03:39,160 You got the final boss. I got this big woman. 1571 01:03:39,160 --> 01:03:42,800 Yeah. Tiger uppercut. 1572 01:03:45,040 --> 01:03:47,240 Yeah. Those are the good old days, my 1573 01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:49,440 good old days. We could walk up to a Doris and 1574 01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:50,680 grab her arse. That's right, yeah. 1575 01:03:55,320 --> 01:04:01,520 Which is reminiscing, yeah. So I, I think there's a couple 1576 01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:03,360 of other points I wanted to bring up. 1577 01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:05,600 Good. I didn't want to really talk 1578 01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:09,160 about your pet, Wilbur. But no, he's dead, so it'd be 1579 01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:11,440 awkward. Sorry, sorry, sorry to hear 1580 01:04:11,440 --> 01:04:13,760 that. But dark tourism, you like to go 1581 01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:16,160 to areas like the like Chernobyl. 1582 01:04:16,160 --> 01:04:19,600 My favorite thing in North Korea they allowed, they decided 1583 01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:22,120 someone tried to set up their first Pyongyang International 1584 01:04:22,120 --> 01:04:25,360 Film Festival and it was finally approved. 1585 01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:28,720 And then they couldn't find a film that that would be 1586 01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:30,160 approved. In the end, obviously, they went 1587 01:04:30,160 --> 01:04:32,200 with Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean Movie. 1588 01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:33,760 It was like the most inoffensive. 1589 01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:36,800 But what was brilliant, I went to see it and they had a guy 1590 01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:39,920 from the government at the side of the screen with a loud hailer 1591 01:04:40,160 --> 01:04:43,040 explaining in Korean what was going on on the screen. 1592 01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:45,320 It was fantastic. Well, the thing about like Mr. 1593 01:04:45,320 --> 01:04:49,280 Bean and going back to your comedy, is it it couldn't and 1594 01:04:49,280 --> 01:04:51,680 cross language. Barriers. 1595 01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:54,160 Well, interesting, I didn't think mine would, but you know, 1596 01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:56,560 Mr. Bean and Benny Hill are the 2 great examples of. 1597 01:04:56,800 --> 01:04:59,760 I would put you up there. No, but in visual, yeah, because 1598 01:04:59,760 --> 01:05:01,280 like a lot of Trigger app, he's not visual. 1599 01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:03,760 A lot of it is me explaining I'm having a massive nervous 1600 01:05:03,760 --> 01:05:06,280 breakdown, which is trickier. But yeah, Trigger did do well. 1601 01:05:06,320 --> 01:05:08,440 We sold to 80. Countries and I won the palm 1602 01:05:08,440 --> 01:05:09,720 door. It did win the palm door. 1603 01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:13,080 I didn't expect that. Yeah, incredible achievement 1604 01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:14,800 there. Wasn't you and Tarantino in the 1605 01:05:14,800 --> 01:05:16,160 same? Year, me and Tarantino, it was 1606 01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:16,760 amazing. Yeah. 1607 01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:21,040 And I think in Cannes I got a longer standing evaluation than 1608 01:05:21,040 --> 01:05:22,920 Tarantino. I'm not surprised because at 1609 01:05:22,920 --> 01:05:26,000 that time, you know, he was saying some quite contentious 1610 01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:27,400 things about. About. 1611 01:05:27,640 --> 01:05:29,960 About. I think it was about no. 1612 01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:33,720 What did he say back then? It was about Roman Polanski. 1613 01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:37,360 Yes, that he wasn't a rapist. That he was, she was, she was 1614 01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:38,920 quite inviting. Yeah, Yeah, that's right. 1615 01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:40,000 Yeah. The victim. 1616 01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:42,080 Whereas now he's much more acceptable. 1617 01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:43,840 Yeah, isn't that now? Yeah, things are drunk. 1618 01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:46,840 He's a bore, Tarantino. Jesus Christ, The idea of 1619 01:05:46,840 --> 01:05:49,200 listening to an evening in Tarantino be like listening to 1620 01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:52,360 this podcast on me. It's like he just doesn't stop 1621 01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:54,960 talking about himself. He needs to fuck off and do 1. 1622 01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:57,320 Who would you say? Oh well, you're not a film buff. 1623 01:05:57,400 --> 01:06:00,320 Well, I'm, I mean, I like films. I mean, Hitchcock, I'm obsessed 1624 01:06:00,320 --> 01:06:02,080 with. I've seen every Hitchcock film 1625 01:06:02,080 --> 01:06:05,600 and I've I've got a photograph of each Hitchcock cameo. 1626 01:06:05,600 --> 01:06:08,360 I think he did 52 films and you know, he does a cameo in each 1627 01:06:08,360 --> 01:06:09,920 each film. I've got that and put it 1628 01:06:09,920 --> 01:06:11,320 together in a collage on my wall. 1629 01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:13,080 That's the kind of exciting life I lead. 1630 01:06:13,320 --> 01:06:16,000 Would we like to plug anything at the moment? 1631 01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:18,680 No, you're going back on. Oh, I'm doing a tour. 1632 01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:25,240 So Trig Abbey TV is 25 years old and I did 4 massive for me live 1633 01:06:25,240 --> 01:06:27,600 shows to celebrate it. And I thought that would be it 1634 01:06:27,960 --> 01:06:30,440 because I really, I'm not massively into nostalgia, but I 1635 01:06:30,440 --> 01:06:33,520 did really enjoy like looking back at it and people really 1636 01:06:33,520 --> 01:06:36,120 enjoyed it 25 years on. But I got back together with the 1637 01:06:36,120 --> 01:06:39,520 guy I made Trig happy with. Sam had gone off to LA and while 1638 01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:42,560 we were doing that we started filming new stuff, mainly 1639 01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:44,840 because people told me I couldn't because it was too woke 1640 01:06:44,840 --> 01:06:47,680 and I'd be stabbed and the stuff was really funny. 1641 01:06:47,680 --> 01:06:50,040 And so we've actually filmed the last four months we've been 1642 01:06:50,040 --> 01:06:53,640 filming crazy amounts of stuff. So I am going on tour, I'm doing 1643 01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:57,760 100 day UK tour for Trig. Happy 25th anniversary, looking 1644 01:06:57,760 --> 01:07:00,160 at everything you ever want to know about Trig Appy, but also 1645 01:07:00,160 --> 01:07:01,680 with new stuff, so it's kind of interesting. 1646 01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:03,440 I can't wait. I'm going to come. 1647 01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:05,080 I don't know if you'll like it, but it's good, yeah. 1648 01:07:05,320 --> 01:07:08,440 You know, I was such AI would watch that show over and over, 1649 01:07:08,440 --> 01:07:09,440 would you? I would still watch. 1650 01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:11,120 It I can't tell whether you're being serious or not, but. 1651 01:07:11,120 --> 01:07:13,240 You know, this is the thing about me is people think I'm 1652 01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:14,000 always. Strong. 1653 01:07:14,080 --> 01:07:16,640 I've just no idea. And of course, this is the 1654 01:07:16,640 --> 01:07:18,760 problem I've had, I guess why I'm probably not married. 1655 01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:20,920 Yeah, it's nobody knows I. Really love you. 1656 01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:25,200 I would love, I love you, Dom. Yeah, but it's such a great 1657 01:07:25,200 --> 01:07:26,920 show. And what you did for the mobile 1658 01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:27,960 phone? Industry, yeah. 1659 01:07:27,960 --> 01:07:29,480 Well, that was that was really what it was about. 1660 01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:30,960 I mean, that was a plant. No. 1661 01:07:31,000 --> 01:07:32,360 Do they used to give you phones at the time? 1662 01:07:32,440 --> 01:07:33,400 No, not at all. Nokia. 1663 01:07:33,400 --> 01:07:36,400 I mean the two things that we can't talk about, you know, the 1664 01:07:36,840 --> 01:07:39,080 supposedly the myths. The first, it's a Nokia phone. 1665 01:07:39,080 --> 01:07:40,840 It wasn't a Nokia phone, never was a Nokia phone. 1666 01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:43,600 It was actually. I nicked it outside Edgeware Rd. 1667 01:07:44,080 --> 01:07:46,760 in Edgeware Rd. just when I was on my way to Marushi and there 1668 01:07:46,760 --> 01:07:49,800 was a mobile phone store. There was a display outside 1669 01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:52,160 display thing and it was of a Sony Mars bar. 1670 01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:53,480 If you remember the Sony Mars bar. 1671 01:07:53,480 --> 01:07:55,000 Oh yeah. It's quite a cool phone. 1672 01:07:55,200 --> 01:07:58,680 So that was what that phone was. And then I chose the the 1673 01:07:58,680 --> 01:08:00,720 ringtone was that annoying ringtone. 1674 01:08:00,760 --> 01:08:04,280 It's called Grand Vals. I fucking hated it. 1675 01:08:04,280 --> 01:08:07,720 So I thought if I use this then maybe it'll no one will use it 1676 01:08:07,720 --> 01:08:10,760 because they'll be Dick heads. And then between me filming and 1677 01:08:10,760 --> 01:08:14,840 it going out on telly, Nokia made that grand valse, the Nokia 1678 01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:17,800 tune and they made it the default thing on any Nokia 1679 01:08:17,800 --> 01:08:20,080 phone. So for me it was like perfect 1680 01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:22,520 guerrilla marketing, like every time that went off people 1681 01:08:22,520 --> 01:08:24,600 thought trigger happy. But I had nothing to do with 1682 01:08:24,600 --> 01:08:27,000 Nokia like it was. And also, I've never had an ad. 1683 01:08:27,240 --> 01:08:30,479 No one's ever, no mobile phone companies ever approached me for 1684 01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:31,760 an ad. I'm like, for fuck's sake. 1685 01:08:32,040 --> 01:08:34,000 And I met someone at Vodafone once and they said, well, that's 1686 01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:36,600 because you're the enemy. And I said so fine. 1687 01:08:36,600 --> 01:08:39,359 So get me being a Dick head and then go don't be like this Dick 1688 01:08:39,359 --> 01:08:40,479 head. Use Vodafone. 1689 01:08:40,560 --> 01:08:42,439 It's just an idea of Vodafone you can have. 1690 01:08:42,439 --> 01:08:44,880 Yeah, yeah. Advertising execs aren't the. 1691 01:08:45,439 --> 01:08:48,399 They not creative people? Are they creatives of strangely 1692 01:08:48,399 --> 01:08:50,760 uncreative? Exactly, I mean you would have 1693 01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:52,920 been the perfect face. I I even did a Sony. 1694 01:08:53,319 --> 01:08:55,760 Did you Sony mobile phone out at the time? 1695 01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:56,680 Did you? Yeah. 1696 01:08:56,680 --> 01:08:59,160 I've never done one but you know, it's never too late and I 1697 01:08:59,200 --> 01:09:02,359 got no pension so it'd be great. Yeah, I mean, I don't even know 1698 01:09:02,359 --> 01:09:04,040 if they advertise mobile phones anymore. 1699 01:09:04,800 --> 01:09:06,920 No, that's probably why. What we're shooting on right 1700 01:09:06,920 --> 01:09:09,319 now, cameras. I don't even use these to make 1701 01:09:09,319 --> 01:09:11,080 phone calls. I just use them for the camera. 1702 01:09:11,120 --> 01:09:12,240 Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. 1703 01:09:13,319 --> 01:09:14,479 That's what a phone is. Yeah. 1704 01:09:15,319 --> 01:09:18,319 These are as powerful as what's in your pocket now. 1705 01:09:19,279 --> 01:09:23,319 You probably made your show on devices which weren't as 1706 01:09:23,319 --> 01:09:25,120 powerful as what's in our pocket now. 1707 01:09:25,279 --> 01:09:28,040 Yeah, well, I mean, the whole joke is that on my laptop 1708 01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:31,240 there's more computer power than what they used to get people to 1709 01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:33,920 land on the moon, if you believe they land on the moon, which I 1710 01:09:33,920 --> 01:09:35,319 do because I'm not a fucking idiot. 1711 01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:38,600 We've, I think we've, I think we've covered most of your life 1712 01:09:39,920 --> 01:09:42,399 and, and, and life's to come. Yeah, yeah. 1713 01:09:42,960 --> 01:09:45,479 What next for? I've got loads of things going. 1714 01:09:45,479 --> 01:09:46,960 I've got a new book coming out in November. 1715 01:09:47,240 --> 01:09:50,720 So in the pursuit of happiness, I went off to India to try all 1716 01:09:50,720 --> 01:09:53,760 sorts of Aya Verdict and yoga stuff and I hated it. 1717 01:09:54,160 --> 01:09:57,160 Checked myself into a into a monastery. 1718 01:09:57,160 --> 01:09:58,680 I went to Denmark, happiest country in the world. 1719 01:09:58,680 --> 01:10:00,360 So that's a good book. It's called the soul tourist. 1720 01:10:00,360 --> 01:10:03,480 I've got I'm filming lots of new stuff, which I'm going to 1721 01:10:03,480 --> 01:10:05,840 release under the name Mugwaffin, but I don't know how 1722 01:10:05,840 --> 01:10:08,240 I'm going to release it yet. I was going to go YouTube, but I 1723 01:10:08,240 --> 01:10:10,560 feel I've missed the YouTube boat that's over. 1724 01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:13,480 So I'm going to release it on a new something, I don't know what 1725 01:10:13,480 --> 01:10:15,800 yet. And then I've got 100 day Live 1726 01:10:15,800 --> 01:10:18,720 tour, Snapchat. Snapchat would be a good thing, 1727 01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:19,640 actually. Yeah, there we go. 1728 01:10:19,640 --> 01:10:21,800 But it wasn't that. Fuck all. 1729 01:10:21,800 --> 01:10:25,640 Yeah, because you, you were at the height of British comedy 1730 01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:28,760 when it probably peaked. Yeah, probably on televisual. 1731 01:10:28,760 --> 01:10:30,400 I wasn't very comfortable being at the height, though. 1732 01:10:30,400 --> 01:10:33,200 I like being a dog snapping at the ankles. 1733 01:10:33,200 --> 01:10:34,960 You've got to be at the right place at the right time. 1734 01:10:34,960 --> 01:10:36,680 Yeah, I was definitely there at the right time. 1735 01:10:36,680 --> 01:10:40,720 I've decided to relaunch my podcast as everyone. 1736 01:10:40,720 --> 01:10:42,200 Well, it's great because no one's got a podcast. 1737 01:10:42,200 --> 01:10:44,120 Nobody's nobody's doing. This could really kick off. 1738 01:10:44,240 --> 01:10:46,000 I think my milkman turned them this morning, asked me to 1739 01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:49,680 subscribe. I just want to say, Mr. Jolly, 1740 01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:52,640 what an honour and a privilege. It was like sitting down with 1741 01:10:53,120 --> 01:10:54,640 Jack Nicholson himself. He's. 1742 01:10:55,560 --> 01:10:57,720 Yeah, I think it's bollocks, but thank you very much and I 1743 01:10:57,720 --> 01:10:59,560 genuinely, I'm a big fan of yours and I enjoyed. 1744 01:10:59,560 --> 01:11:01,760 Thank you very much for hanging. Me on I can't wait to come to 1745 01:11:01,760 --> 01:11:05,080 the trigger happy TV. 25th anniversary live tour Andrew 1746 01:11:05,080 --> 01:11:07,360 dates. The London day is the. 1747 01:11:07,720 --> 01:11:09,840 London Day, it's like Clapton Grand or somewhere, I don't know 1748 01:11:09,840 --> 01:11:10,920 where it is. I'm going to do a couple more. 1749 01:11:10,920 --> 01:11:12,440 So we used. To film standard for the week is 1750 01:11:12,440 --> 01:11:15,480 it, But you're going across the country. 100 days is a big tour. 1751 01:11:16,000 --> 01:11:18,320 I'm very proud. Of most people just do 6 big 1752 01:11:18,320 --> 01:11:21,280 arenas like yourself. And you did 2 arenas? 1753 01:11:21,280 --> 01:11:24,040 Yeah, we still you did an arena. But yeah, I can't wait to see 1754 01:11:24,040 --> 01:11:28,080 the show, Mr. Jolly, and I think you have the best name in in 1755 01:11:28,080 --> 01:11:29,320 entertainment. Thank you very much. 1756 01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:32,080 I think yours is complicated. Up there with Jeremy Beadle. 1757 01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:34,640 Yeah, well, Beadle's a high prize jolly's about. 1758 01:11:34,720 --> 01:11:36,800 Yeah, yeah. And you jolly around good. 1759 01:11:37,200 --> 01:11:41,720 One honour and a privilege, Mr. Dom Jolly, the legend himself. 1760 01:11:42,400 --> 01:11:45,000 I had Suzie Izzard on the previous incarnation of this 1761 01:11:45,000 --> 01:11:46,800 podcast. Oh God, have I misgendered them? 1762 01:11:46,800 --> 01:11:48,720 I can't. Say you said Eddie Izzard, which 1763 01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:50,880 is now good, but you can call. I don't know. 1764 01:11:51,040 --> 01:11:52,280 I just don't. You can't follow you. 1765 01:11:52,280 --> 01:11:54,400 Can't follow her, Sue. I don't know how to can't 1766 01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:56,040 follow. Call her Sorry I didn't ask you 1767 01:11:56,040 --> 01:11:57,080 at the beginning of this podcast. 1768 01:11:57,080 --> 01:11:58,800 Your pronouns I. Don't have any pronouns. 1769 01:12:00,440 --> 01:12:02,280 OK. I think we should end that's I 1770 01:12:02,280 --> 01:12:08,240 think we should end there. Thanks for watching this podcast 1771 01:12:08,240 --> 01:12:10,160 so far. Hope you're enjoying it. 1772 01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:14,440 And if you are, leave a five star review, drop some comments. 1773 01:12:14,720 --> 01:12:18,520 I might even read them out in future episodes and give you a 1774 01:12:18,520 --> 01:12:19,120 shout out.