Hello everyone, hello everyone and hello, hello God give it,
give it up. It's.
A key key with John and Nick G gonna spill all that tea, all my
LGBTS. You're in love cause Johnny
McGovern is gay as fuck. Hello everyone, and welcome to
Gay as Fuck. I am your host, Mr. John T
Mcgoverness, he who is well, happy summer vacation from me to
you. I'm in Atlanta, honey, and it is
hot as a motherfucker. I'm on vacation, just taking a
little vacation with my doggy Cha Cha.
I'm staying at a very luxurious loft right on the Beltline, and
it's very beautiful but very warm.
And that's why there was no show last week, baby, because I was
on motherfucking vacation. And you know what?
I might go on vacation again, but you know, if you missed me
last week, then you know what to do.
You gotta go over to the Patreon because I did not take off the
Patreon, OK? Baby we they still got fresh
content that week. OK, so if you want to make sure
you get me every single week then you're going to go over to
patreon.com/gears of all time. This week I'm talking about the
surreal life baby, the surreal life.
I had to go in deep on the Surreal Life Villa of Secrets
with shirtless muscly choke Fuck Express Chet Hanks and Tyler
Posey talking about eating male prostitutes asses on the 1st
episode and Macy Gray and Johnny Ware and the trauma of Fifth
Harmony. I mean baby, it's good.
So if you want to hear me go full in on that one, go join me
over in the Patreon. Plus a lot of other juicy
goodness. But it's good that I didn't do a
show last week because look, it was Olympics time.
That was all we were thinking about.
And had I done the show last week, I would not have gotten to
the moment, the penultimate gay as fuck moment of the Olympics
yet, which happened on Saturday. OK.
And that was the moment when the French Pole vaulters huge Dick
and balls lost him his chance at a medal by bonk bonk bonkin that
poor old stick off the stick holders and causing him to not
make it over. Damn, when your Dick's too big.
And that is how we came to the conclusion.
Along with all of the views of the French swim team.
The headline for this week's show, which is the French
Olympics team, have got the biggest Dicks.
I'm not sure I like that title. The the biggest Dicks at the
Olympics belong to the French. It doesn't really like flow off
the tongue either. The French Olympic team has got
the meat Plus weird chick going on with Zac Efron.
We uncover the mystery of why Britney was coming for the
Osbournes in her Instagram captions.
Fuck them and much more. So let's get into it, get into
it, into it, get into it, into it, get into it.
The thunk heard round the world when Olympic pole vaulter
Anthony Amorati's giant Dick and balls went kafunk.
What was that on the pole that he was trying to vault on?
Is that what it is? Was he, he's vaulting on a pole
to get over another pole, right? I'm very sporty, obviously.
I mean, I was sent that on early Saturday morning.
And by the time that, like, I posted my own video about it,
which was about who got the meat, French got the meat.
We said who got the meat, which is Johnny McGovern cheerleading
the meat at the Olympics. It was like my entire feed was
basically that clip over and over again.
We all enjoyed it very much. Now the commentators.
Now I watched the whole thing. I went back on Peacock and I
watched the full thing. It's in the semi qualifying
round Part 2. OK, because he didn't make the
finals because of that Dick and he did.
Now look, this man is handsome. He's got a big nose, which is
also why you can know he has big Dick and balls.
Well, that's not just why, but you could guess after seeing the
big nose and the big Dick that maybe the two are connected,
tight body, sweet ass. And so he did get over the on
the first try. He didn't get over on the second
try, but it wasn't because his Dick of balls.
And then he had to make that third one to make it.
And that's when boom, boom, boom, this is not his Dick and
balls looking around funk, funk, his Dick and balls knocked him
out of the competition. Now the commentators, you know,
when you're watching in real life, like it's not the same as
watching it zoomed up and close up.
But so the commentators weren't really like, well, looks like
his fat cock and girthy balls knocked him out of the
competition. In fact, I don't think they
acknowledged it. It happened during if you watch
it on Peacock, it's on like a split screen where they're
showing two people doing their qualifying things at once.
Now, it's not to say there weren't other big bulges.
The pole vaulters not only are carrying big sticks, but they
seem to be carrying big sticks. The thing about the French team
is not only they have the biggest Dicks, I heard they also
have the tightest holes. Now.
Look, people started going already, of course, crazy for
this. We love it 'cause there's such a
blink, a smush when you watch it close up.
The Dicken balls really got more.
So of course, on TikTok already there was some kind of
conspiracy theory. The Dicken balls were fake and
he was doing it as a stunt to promote his only fans and he
made $150,000 in subscribers in one day.
That is I do not believe the case.
I did some light research and I I do not see that he actually
has an only fans, nor does it seem like it would be this long
con to get into the Olympic pole vaulting team.
Do it train super hard, open your only fans secretly, then
go, you know, just get to the Olympic semi finals.
Do it good once do it bad a second time and the third time.
So you know what I'm going to put on my fake Dick and balls
and I'm going to knock myself out of this competition so that
I can just take it home in the short term on an only fans.
I don't believe that's the case though.
If that is the case, slow clap to standing ovation.
Incredible. A hero.
Now of course as I was searching Amir Amarati Only Fans question
mark, I did find an article that says the adult film site Cam
Soda addressed the athlete and said if it was up to me, I This
is like a public message to him. I'd award you for what everyone
else saw, your talent below the belt.
As a lover of crotch centric activities, I'd love to offer
you up to $250,000 in exchange for a 60 minute webcam show in
which you show off your goods, minus the crossbar of course.
Now, if he was smart, he should have opened an only fan just
like the DC bottom, you know, the one that fucked in the in
the Congress or the Senate or whatever.
He should have he nothing happened to him.
He should have opened their only fans and benefited off this to
become independently wealthy. And that's what this guy should
have done. Maybe he's doing it as we speak.
I hope so. I mean, this was just the best
thing that's ever happened to the Olympics.
This is the most Dick. There's usually a lot of Dick
centric stuff going on at the Olympics because we just see so
many crotches and spandex. But this was the the pinnacle of
Dick related Olympic material because not only did we see the
Dick, the Dick smushed on something and bounced and
actually caused drama. Is the Dick the drama?
Yes, it is the Dick. It's the drama, the Dick gave us
the visuals, the Dick gave us the action, and the Dick gave us
the drama. This is the number one Olympic
Dick related story of all time in my opinion.
Can you leave me a comment if you can think of a more
important Dick related Olympic story than this?
Now social media has been a delight, including the person
who did been doing the painting of the guy.
And like an oil painting. And then they have like the
crotch with a big glob of oil paint so that it's actual real
solid bolt on that frame. I mean, I would like to own that
painting. Please, please and thank you.
Can you send that to me? French pole vaulter Anthony
Amiratti fails to meddle after his male organs knock the bar
over. Wow.
Even though he lost the game, he in a way he won his life.
He'll always have a huge Dick. Yeah, but you have to like Mr.
Amorati. You really do need to open the
only fans right now Monetize on this.
You only make $42,000 a year being a pole vaulter and that's
not nothing but it's not like you're not living it up at
42,000 and you could be living at 42,000 a month without only
fans and a big Dick you know what I'm saying?
Someone did a poll, it said would you rather win a gold
medal in pole vaulting or have everyone know you have a
gigantic penis And 34% said gold medal in pole vault and 65.4%
said all everyone know I have a gigantic penis now.
Poor Amorati said I was 100% physically but I was missing the
bit of the pole vault. The conditions were good.
It's the first time I started the competition without any
stress. Now he's from Germany.
Oh God, we, we, we. As I was a total outside there,
I only had one goal to interact with the audience.
I was almost there. Nope, it got German again.
Oops. Well, God bless this guy and his
big Dick and he's probably sent a Dick pic out before, so I'm
sure his Dick pics are hitting the Internet in three two.
Yep, they're out. Another part of the French team.
Everybody was talking about another person on the French
diving team, Jewel Bouye and Honey, his, his they're, I mean,
they were all wearing tight speedos, but not all.
The divers look like they have big Dicks bulging out of them.
But the Jewels Speedo was very straight, very restrictive, yet
he was like it was. There's a picture of him looking
up. He's kind of pulling back on his
Speedo and just looks like he's stuffed a ham sandwich in there.
You know what I'm saying? A ham sandwich.
Hey, is that a ham sandwich in there or what?
Judges, we believe the French athlete has a ham sandwich in
his Speedo. Excuse me, It's Sir Mr. Boyer.
Is that a ham sandwich? It is Jambon de Paris in my own
de baguette. In my Speedo.
I can do accents, but really, if I don't practice, then they all
become one kind of weird mush like this poor French by way of
Germany and the Middle East that I was just doing.
But I would like a bite of his Jean bon du Paris.
Oh, it's warm. Yeah, it's warm.
There's also, I think, I think, is this the same one?
There's another French swimmer who has really dreamed.
He doesn't look like he has the most gigantic Dick in the world,
but his body and face is giving like Mooney dream.
I mean, what if they're all making love in the French locker
room? That's the secret of the French
locker room. Said they're all gay.
The entire aquatic team of France are Dicks sucking faggots
and their secret to their success is the power of jizz.
Each other's jizz. They're a brotherhood of jizz.
The French Olympic team AKA le brotherhood DGS.
I checked out all the Olympic, you know, crotch sports,
anything where there was short spandex pants, muscles,
shirtlessness, I was in. We loved, of course, the entire
men's gymnastics team being cute, big, upping each other.
Somebody like good bro, so many bro hugs.
And I could just look at them winning and they win the bronze
and that little nerdy one that did the pummel horse and he only
does the pummel horse. He's nerdy with the nothing.
He's like a sexy nerd for them to the Max.
I mean, with that, like, kind of lazy eye and his glasses.
And he only does the pummel worse.
But, you know, that body is toy. Toy.
And I looked at them just holding each other's shoulders,
celebrating the fact that they did so well that they were going
to meddle. They were going to make it
together as champions. And me and the whole audience
just screamed out in unison. Suck each other's Dicks.
Yeah, pretty great. Tom Daley is Tom Daley's body is
just a thing, a thing of just magic.
Like he's so sucked in. The cum gutters are truly some
of the top notch. I mean his body is so tight and
he knitted. He knitted a little sweater.
He's a sweater I knitted the whole time and I he also knitted
a cock sock, his diving partner. I mean, that's actually not a
Johnny McGovern fantasy he did see and you can't.
You want to hate on Tom Daley because he's just stunning or
Olympian. He's he and Dustin Lance Black
or married want to hate on them both.
They have two lovely children and they're both are handsome
and rich. But then Tom goes and knits a
cock sock as a joke for his diving partner.
I mean, and I know in the past I have called Dustin Lance Black
America's number one hooker fucking chicken hawk.
But you know what? Just give it up.
He got a hot young husband who's in love with him, who pursued
him. They got married, they have two
kids. He's in the stands cheering.
I mean, good on you girls. Good on you girls.
And plus, we know they like to, you know, still like, bring it
in. I mean, like, he married Tom
Daley at 21. So you don't think they have an
open relationship, baby? Because, I mean, there have been
the stories where, like, I didn't forget what it was like
somebody hacked Tom Daley's phone or something got leaked.
It was just, you know, some dude.
He was fucking Walt Dust and Lance Black was on set.
And who can blame them? They're probably just adult gay
guys with an open relationship. Why wouldn't you be?
Got to get a little time off. We have the twins and he's out
of 10. Then you know, I was like to get
fucked by huge cocks. Tom, we don't blame you at all.
We do not blame you at all. And congratulations.
I don't. Did he meddle?
I don't know. I didn't.
I didn't follow up on what happened with the diving, but
I'm sure you can let me know where the Internet will let me
know eventually. It didn't look like they were
going to win, look like China was like taking it, but they
look like they were doing pretty good.
Some people also enjoyed the Hungarian gymnast who did the
rings. I think his name was Ibrahim
Kolak. I mean he he was in that red and
white tank top and I'm looking at him right now on his
Instagram. Ibrahim Kolak and baby though
the arm muscles are so rounded and the chest is so teddy of
steel. Congratulations Ibrahim.
He was giving very choke me daddy vibes for the whole world.
You know what I mean? The world wanted to be choked by
that daddy and he also has a gay face so I hope he is gay.
Gay face in the best way. I Well look so much has been
said about the opening ceremony. But look we what what has not
been said. Oh my God, drag Queens do the
last. Supper.
And there's a ball hanging out of.
One of the drag Queens. Oh, it says he's in the he's in
the re. First of all, we know it wasn't
the Last Supper. It was supposed to be a
bacchanal. It was like a classic old
painting and everybody can just suck a Dick, you know, God bless
the French for being like, should we get Nikki Doll and the
girls from Drag Race Paris to do a runway presentation in the
pouring rain on the bridge? And should we invite a young
little twink and a beret and like a pair of panties with the
ball accidentally out? Do you think that was on purpose
or did that twink? Get home after the Olympics and
be like, oh, mad, my ball is out.
Oh, no, no, Oh no. Or did Nicki Dal call and be
like, girl, you better turn on the TV, girl, turn on the TV.
Oh look, we look great. Uh huh.
Keep looking. Freeze right now.
Oh my. God, my ball was.
Out I enjoyed Lady Gaga's Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo type a
number in French. Now there was she was that was
like, that was a tribute or like sort of a recreation of a
classic number performed by ZZZZZZ Jean Barry, who was
dressed and did all this pink feathers and stuff, but she was
a muse of E saint-laurent. OK, now the controversy is and
let me tell you, ZZZ did this exact thing that that Lady Gaga
is doing with the pink feathers and the shuba doos and the same
song. But because LVMH was, you know,
producing the opening ceremony and all the rest, Yves St.
Laurent was not asked to do the feather look for the ZZ by Gaga
moment and instead it was Dior and Z fashioned insiders.
Were obsessed sockly. Blue St.
Laurent was rolling in his grave.
But I thought Lady Gaga. But you know, I kind of like
Shooba doop, Zooba doop, dabba Dee Doo Lady Gaga more than I
currently enjoy pop star Lady Gaga.
I mean, because I think my love of Lady Gaga really kind of like
I saw the last time there was like a song where I heard that I
really liked. I think we're talking Jude, OP.
I mean, not that I haven't enjoyed some of the other ones
like Rain on Mab, but I didn't really like.
I don't go run to ever listen to it.
Not that I really ran to listen to anything except maybe love
Game, but the love Game with the Love game, that's a great one.
Just go stick. I like the weird opening
ceremonies that were all over the place and the the horse
rider going through the water that everybody thought was like
an aside for the apocalypse. The French did Frenchy stuff and
like made everybody made America dumb Americans feel weird.
God bless. I mean the conspiracy theory
people are just like too much. I mean they're always like
there's like videos. It's like when they lied about
Lady Gaga performing live and they show footage of Lady Gaga
on the screen and then they pan over to what is maybe those same
stairs and it's not Lady Gaga. It's just some normal people
doing some stupid pink flags. They filmed that earlier and
maybe they did, but who cares? Who cares if lady gotta did it
live? Just watch it on the damn
screen, Celine. I mean, let's get in.
I mean, we, I didn't, I did not watch the Celine documentary.
So I didn't really know where we as a world and a community we're
at with the Celine's stiff person syndrome.
And I know that she has said, you know, I will crawl back to
the stage if I have to. And there she was at the
Olympics in I believe also Dior Couture.
We as a world want Céline Dion to win.
We love Céline Dion. Céline Dion is, is kind of
getting to, I didn't see it coming really previously, but I
believe that Céline Dion is reaching Dolly Parton levels of
belovedness like a non an always non problematic the love star.
I mean, OK, did she marry the man, her manager that she met at
14? Look, she did what she wanted to
do, I guess. But I mean, as far as today, all
you only think people think of Céline Dion is love love.
And it's beyond like, when I think there was a time when she
was kind of like a joke. I mean, she got so huge with
Titanic that, you know, maybe people thought she was cheesy,
but that's just over the years turned into love.
And like, she is like, one of the most perfect, technically
perfect vocalists. Do we just hope the best for
Celine? I mean, I was happy to see her
do this. God bless Celine.
Glad God bless Celine. Zac Efron OK, let's talk about
this. Zac Efron hospitalized after
swimming pool incident in an Ibiza Zac Efron is recovering
after being treated at a Spanish hospital following what his Rep
called a minor swimming incident during a trip to Ibiza.
Zac Efron is recovering following an incident in a pool
during a trip to Spain that landed him in the hospital to
have more plastic surgery. The High School Musical alum was
taken to a Medical Center and given as a precautionary measure
after a minor swimming incident at the villa on the island of
Ibiza the night of August 2nd. Because he was high on coke,
blitzed on ecstasy, fell over again.
It was released on the next morning.
He's doing fine, girl. He's fine.
I texted Brandy the minute I saw that because we both had like a
fantasy of like catching Zac Efron and his partying worst and
having a Bender with him. I mean, I don't do drugs like
that anymore, but I would consider doing them for that.
I sent Brett Brandy this article and I said more plastic surgery
must be upon us. And she wrote, I'm putting
swimming pool incident in Ibiza in the vernacular because baby,
where did you go? Oh, I had a swimming pool
incident in Ibiza, so I had to go get surgery to my face again.
For the longest time I watched I I don't think I've talked about
this on here yet because this was just the same story again
and again and again. I watched that romantic comedy
where Zac Efron is like the star who falls in love with his
assistant's mom. Who is who?
Some Nicole Kidman. Nicole Kidman, which was the
filler Olympics. This, the two of them on screen
together was just like a brochure for different levels
and skills of grades of filler that you can get.
His face looks so weird. I mean, especially in the
context. If you look at what his face
looked like before, the angles that have been created are just
bizarre. I know it was supposed to be an
accident, but look at the footage from right after he had
the accident where he ran and hit his his chin and he didn't
look different. He started looking different
like pandemic and they were trying to sell a story that like
after he had jaw therapy and then he stopped working out his
jaw, it got really huge. Honey, that's not how that
works. If you're a jaw doctor and I'm
wrong, please send me a message. So if you ever go get a full
facelift, remember it's just because of a swimming pool
incident in Ibiza. So just after like 2 weeks ago
telling us she was single as fuck and that she was never
going to get with a man ever again, Brittany reunites with
criminal acts Paul Solis. Are you fucking talking about
me? Brittany, you know I am.
I had to come all the way down to the back in Atlanta.
Jesus. Next time leave it for an
address. Thank goodness I was walking.
By just. As I heard you mentioned not
thinking. Well, what's up, sweetie?
Because you said last week that you were single as fuck and you
were not going to get with any damn man.
You didn't need no damn man. But then TMZ caught ya hanging
out with Paul just this week at the Soho House in Malibu, which
is like going to the Ivy, OK? Look, I love their crab salad.
It's not, it's not for attention.
It's not for attention 'cause I love the Soho.
So yummy. It's fun.
They give you free potato chips. I love their potato chips.
Well, what? Are you doing?
Hanging out with Paul. I'm horny, OK?
I'm a woman with names. Pussy names.
OK, he's got that Dick. He wears his long, long 90s
style pants. I feel like I'm back in the 90s.
You know what? I mean, you mean when you were
in high school? Yeah.
That's why I started making laugh to the my.
Older. Boyfriends that my parents set
me up with. The trauma was fantastic.
The shade in the articles was that they talked about Paul.
They said Spears, 42, stayed under the radar.
And sunglasses and a large sun hat for the outing.
She also wore a flirty floral blouse, white denim shorts and
red sandals. Fabulous outfit.
If I don't say something, say I'll spin.
And so Lise, 37, wore an eye-catching blue and white
Plaid shirt layered over a plain white tee.
And he kept it casual in Navy 90s style.
That's a read. Baggy pants and Nike sneakers.
The Crossroads actress. I like when they shout out.
My great lady Crossroads. Let's just this for.
Crossroads. Tell my crossroads.
TV suckers. Is that what you want, fans?
What's Too bad you're not going to fucking get it, Damn.
Thank you, Brittany. You don't have to antagonize the
audience. I mean, we know we're not
getting anything. Only thing you're going to get
from Hey baby is more clean with my pussy to Soho House with.
Boss all. These kids what?
That feels good. But I mean, Brittany, I guess
she started to feel horny because she was trying on some
sexy dresses she got in the mail and you know, she called Paul up
and said, baby, let's go hang out at the solo ass.
I love the tater chips. And I love the sausage because.
Mama, I'm in love. With the criminal and this stuff
of love, there's a there's a girl.
Mama, please don't cry. I will be away.
OK? In other news, I guess I could
have just asked you directly Brittany, but I didn't really
understand what you were talking about with the Osbournes.
You didn't really make it clear to me last time I saw you why
you said fuck the Osbournes in the the end of that Instagram
post. I think it was the same one
where you said you were single as fuck, but I I figured it out.
Yeah, go ahead Raid. What the stupid old dumb stupid
blank drug addict asshole said about that me fuck.
You Aussie? And you, Sharon, you look weird.
You look weird, Sharon. Time to fuck off all y'all.
Well, cuz apparently the deal was on the Osbourne's podcast
Ozzy, who was talking about Britney's spinning videos, He
said. I'm fed up as seeing poor old
Britney Spees dancing on YouTube every fucking day.
And he said very, very sad with Sharon, who does look very weird
after losing so much weight on Olympic, says.
Pull a thing. And Britney shot back and said,
I'm tell, I'm going to tell the Osborne family who's the most
boring family known to mankind. To kindly fuck off.
Yeah, I know, I know too. So then of course the thirst
buckets they are, they went back in their dumb family podcast.
Who the fuck would listen to that?
Not me. Kelly asked her dad if the
family owed Spears an apology. And then he said, Brittany
already owe you an apology. I'm so sorry for making that
comment. However, it would be better if
you did do the same fucking dance every day, change a few
movements. I love Britney Spears.
Well, it's the same dance every day.
I mean, she's not dancing on YouTube, Ozzy.
OK, it's Instagram. Exactly.
The most? Boring family in the fucking
world. They don't even know the
difference between the excitement.
But he said, I really do apologize.
I love, you know, I think you're beautiful.
The fuck up. Osbourne's Jesus.
You know, they do know how to keep themselves making money
means somebody's got to be listening to this.
And they have that Osbourne's pot like show about strange
mysteries where they watch like weird footage.
And then that was the show where Jack goes out into the
wilderness and does UFOs and Bigfoot adventures and shit.
I mean, God bless. I mean, God bless the rich get
richer. All right, everyone.
Well, I hope you enjoyed today's show.
And if you did show me some motherfucking love in the iTunes
reviews, there's no real reason why other than the fact that I
when I see more reviews, you see nice stuff.
It makes you want to keep going. OK, so let's just feed my
delicate ego and write nice things about the show and how
much you enjoy it. Or really show me how much you
love me by joining my Patreon. Maybe that's what really pays
the bills. I mean, other things are good,
but the Patreon is the like security in which one stands
upon in this uncertain world. And I, it's my number one
priority, so you always going to get fresh content with me over
there. We just had an inside scoop on
Adam Joseph's trip to Turkey, the king land of fake goods.
OK, if you love bootleg bags, honey, Turkey has it all.
And Adam gives us the full tea from the markets of Turkey as
well as so much other fun stuff. Hook up horror stories of me and
Teddy Margus gay pride specials with me and all the homo homies.
I'm having fun over there and you should join me there too.
Just if you want four podcasts a month extra that's only 5 bucks
and goes up from there and you can get in and and anyway,
thanks for listening and I'll see you next week, baby here,
I'm gay as fuck. You don't want to play again.
I'm going to play in the motherfucking baddest bitch in
this club again because this, that tracking so fucking good.
I cannot get over how good it is.
I wish I'd recorded that track myself.
Hit it. Do you think anybody's actually
going to dance to this? Hell no.
Let's. Go.
Let's go, let's go right now. I don't want to go.
I want to get down. I'm the baddest bitch in this.
Club. I'm the baddest bitch in this
club. Who's that?
What the fuck? How much swag do I got?
Million. You ain't fancy, son.
Squilliam. Better stop in this club.