So you raw dog on tells from the mall Brandon is that?
I'm and I mean, the only I'm recording a cell phone
conversation. I was listening to one last
night, and I was like, it sounded like shit like that.
And I was like, people listen to this.
It's great. Thank God.
It's great. That was fun.
It was fun to record because like, I didn't feel like we were
recording halfway through. Like I got yes, very sensitive
information. I feel like I could have like, I
didn't but I could have that as a compliment.
It's like, yeah, I was driving home one night and I hit it kid.
I drove off and I mean, I feel really bad about it.
But I mean, we're talking to you, man, between you and me.
I was doing a bit earlier with my, my producer because because
I this girl, this woman that I'm like, really close friends with
who's like, my best friend in the world.
I know just and don't worry, you don't ride on.
Stan. Nice, she told me that that if I
ever came to her, you know, like like if we were ever in the same
vicinity again, she would throw me some pussy probability and he
was and I was like, I was like, haha.
Isn't that cool? That my best friend like would
throw me? Some pussy was like, why are you
not like on expedia.com right now?
And so and so I Travelocity better.
Like like some unrelated thing like immediately like re the
conference in Portland. Yeah, you know, per my last
pussy request. Yeah.
Yeah.
Are we that episode of succession?
We wanted to watch together? Yeah, you know, what, which are,
by the way, I've been watching succession.
How do you like it? It's tight.
It's really good. I cannot take the ironic.
I can't take ironic or like Like contrary and succession takes
it, blood boils, my brain on the timeline.
I'm boy. Like it just filming when I
said, I didn't like the pilot and then after that I was good.
The pilots are sorry. It's not great.
I agree. I was really like really sound
is good. Now the second season is fire.
You're like, holy shit. Like you like this is like and I
really enjoyed the third why I can see why people are being
ironic about it because it's literally the most on the nose
thing. Yeah.
It's the most related thing to who we are as a country, as a as
middle. Last white people like like
yeah, though, you and I understand that it's about
really insanely Rich, upper class white people, but it it's
about our culture. Yeah, that's just me at the
Olive Garden, not at some Castle, you know, and it's how I
treat my family there. Yeah.
I know. I totally agree.
I just I like, I like to me it's like, okay.
This is the show everybody watches every week.
Okay, there's way worse shows that people watch everywhere.
There's like so many shows that just suck ass that were out and
like people will pretend like oh that's better like on some like
contrary like it obviously sucks.
But I like it more than you know success.
It's like no success is just good man.
It's just looking good. It's got a good you know, it
catches you off-guard a few times but like I don't have film
brain quite yet, even though I've been getting into film,
don't have like film brain yet. So you probably do you guys both
probably do. I mean even on that level as
Eddie and I went to film school. That's the yeah.
There's a really good use. That's what you really need to
do. A lot of money, Everly Brothers.
People don't realize. I'm here with the Farrelly
brothers. We're from Rhode Island, baby.
Yeah. We're from Rhode Island, and
we're going to Make a movie about a retard.
That's my Farrelly. Brothers and fresher.
This guy sounds like a bad tenant 6.
We be in the mix without rare candy.
Paint job on our way. I need full for the kiss money
for the rent. Fuck.
I like down baby. I can't do that shit.
Now. I'll never go home because I'm
fucking broke. Either way.
I'm not a police, and gon leave me alone on a Plane.
By the physically, Rockne crypto told me, I should bring the
Glock with me. So I packed up my piece and I'm
sliding it slide because we might get caught.
Caught up in a riot, Littlefinger, drunk little
finger biting. Fuck.
I left fucking right as you ride.
Real love to see those rocket. I can do politics, baby.
We just talked to you from the birds to the breaks.
We be in a mix with a rare candy.
Paint job on away from you it. But here's the thing is that it
succession has brought back something like like that's like
the one thing that we all have in common is.
Isn't that beautiful. Yeah.
This looks at succeeding. I think my favorite thing about
that show is all yeah those times they do.
Sorry. Sorry all the times.
They talk about just words being useless and just fucking just
use this things to get that uses ways to get what you You want
basically, it's like it's just words, dude.
What what was that about? That's the Kieran Culkin
character big time. It's just he's just like, he's
just like we don't have to do this charade.
Like, you know what I want, you know what I want.
And so, you know, whatever. Like I have to say to get it I
will say it. Hmm.
That's like a common Trope in that show.
Not, you know, Trope itself has become a Trope.
But anyway, Once again say so this idea that succession is
now. It's like for dissident people,
hit dissident hipsters. That's what I'll call.
Are you go for dissident hipsters.
It's like the NFL why that's why I love it.
Probably you're watching sports ball.
Really did Sports Vault. Okay that customer service is
podcast. I think sports ball is good for
people. Fuck.
Yeah it is. Did you have any more fucking
murders and rapes there? It'd be if there wasn't sports
ball. Yeah, and I miss when Sports
used to have rape and murder. Exactly.
I'm yeah, I just sweet kind of hey separated it.
Some of the most famous sports Ballers are rapists and
murderers. LT 56, Chevy.
Let's let's start o.j. Okay, Ray Lewis.
Whoa, Jay is the one that didn't so the Ray Lewis Marvin Harrison
killed a guy as anyone heard that story the whole.
Oh, yes, never Marvin Harris heaves.
He's a wide receiver for the Colts.
Great wide receiver. I really like the best wide
receiver of the 2000's but he but he wasn't.
Oh, okay. We're being joined.
Here. I have, you have specialty.
I is that this CI? You guys got to animals.
By the way, my zoom screen is, is to animals, are on the bottom
and two gents or on the top. So I'm proud to be an animal
bro. Yeah, we're connected, dude.
Yeah, I do like size picture more, though, because it's
something about that. Hits me in the heart using the
new that new VR headset. Or cows.
So they think they're in pastures and they produce more
milk and are happier. That's fuck.
Yeah. Yeah.
What the fuck, man? What's up, dude?
I'm yeah cool, man. So good to be here.
Yeah, is there's not an echo or anything, right?
I've lost like two pairs ahead from them.
So this sounds like absolute shit.
Yeah, it doesn't hear. So I think like maybe like hang
up the call. Yeah.
And about like, oh, yeah, I
can't do it tonight. I'm like going to do, you know,
I got this, you know what I mean?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I have rodeo clown lessons. I feel like yeah.
Yeah. No, but I feel like every time I
haven't been able to come on. It's because of some crazy like
reason that coincides with a day.
So I'm itchin to come on and the car crash.
And I listen to all will definitely all the ones with
Glenn is that, you know, I gotta support dude, by the way, those
car crash t-shirts are the best. You sure it's ever incredible
and just came back to Implement, I'm happy to.
I'm happy to know you just left when once I was praising.
So well, let me finish my Marvin Harrison stories.
I can't leave that Cliffhanger for these people say, yeah,
because I saw it as an announcement for us.
That's gonna. Yeah.
It's that announcement, but the the I'm gay that thanks.
Yeah. And the yeah, great man.
Thanks for the isolate, that audio.
That on the radio DJ button, but the constant use.
Yeah. Yeah, and we'll Roger Troutman
voice it and shit. Like I was like, yeah.
And but Marvin Harrison, I believe he just liked the way
they tell the story is like, oh yeah, Marvin Harrison owns.
This car wash and then some really big fight happen in the
car wash. And then also in some guy went
out to a Escalade and shot in it like 13 times, and it looked
just like, Marvin Harrison, and then he's like, wasn't me.
Me. Yeah, I don't think L pulled on
them. Yeah.
I just think let him up.
Let him up. And, and so who's more talented,
Marvin Harrison? AR Big L.
That's a good question. I mean, really that point I'm
gonna go Big L. Just because of the soft spot.
Isn't that what that's a middle school guy?
From a? If if you'd like it was a hero
going with the time LimeWire LimeWire?
Download guys. Yeah.
Big time, Big L featuring, you
know, guy that didn't ever know Harrison.
I was literally just thinking of the Colts receivers like it.
Use the other day. Oh Reggie!
Reggie Wayne Dallas Clark Reggie.
Wayne was my favorite receiver in the NFL when I was growing up
being a contrarian take to just be like, well, I like the
second-best. Yeah, we all just take a moment
to appreciate the fact that JoJo's got fired today.
That was the best news. Yeah.
Yeah, pack watch. Yeah.
That was yeah. He got he got fired.
That's funny David gettleman retired.
So that's a win-win for you guys.
But anywho, so PSI has an announcement here.
You did what? Today.
I walked out of my job. I put in my I walked out of my
job before the two weeks. Yeah.
Facts related or just no, I mean, I'm really quiet.
I was like I can tell you guys a little story.
All the tell the whole story. Where's the calling last year?
Who were the, what's your last name?
Where can I go? Where the women that work?
There are only part of it. Yeah, but actually honestly the
reason today was because of it and I was just like, okay?
So I put in like my Nine weeks notice like Tuesday of last
week, you know and 1.1 0.8. Yeah, that's good.
You skimped? Yeah, your and up to that too.
Exactly. Yeah, CAC.
See ya Monday. It's Wednesday.
That's literally what happened. Anywho, sorry, sorry.
Sorry, sorry. He caught the podcast.
It's like Jerry Rice. You know, Jerry Rice, is it will
tits in Brown's better? Oh, really?
No idea. He's not gonna, you know, it's
gonna write Jones. Yeah, Brent.
Brent Jones. Yeah.
We're in the middle of quitting his job.
I was like, I don't know, I can fill in hit what he's about to
say because I was just going to add on at the end of what he
said. Anyway, I'm fully.
In full, George Costanza, trying to get fired by the Yankees
mode. Yeah.
I literally just wake up. I wake up an hour and a half.
After I'm supposed to be at work now because I have a call at
8:15. I'm supposed to be on, I get on
that call. Hang out around my house until
about 10:00 do maybe one or two things that I absolutely have to
do. So someone doesn't come
face-to-face, a bingo. Hey, what wasn't what?
And then I'm pretty much good. I'm fully just like after the
holiday break and just nobody. Buddy watching me watching over
me. I'm just fully stealing time and
it feels pretty good. Okay, what the fuck?
Dude? You quit the podcast.
Yeah, you understand that? Right?
Like you just addicted. Hey.
All time is Jeff Garcia. Yeah, he was fake yet.
He was fake gay. It was the coolest move ever.
Like he only heard of that guy. I know for a fact that that
gentleman. Oh, no, he fucked.
Like like she lost like crazy. Yeah, nobody.
But his voice. He was like, yes, I was as
looking to the offensive coordinator and I need to link
to me and I blinked back and that's how I knew.
It was a shallow post. Okay, so I have this, I have
this, I have this friend locally who is a she's a very attractive
young man. She's not young middle-aged.
Enemies. American woman from the Bay
Area. She's young and then she's
mentally. You know, what, you know what
Eddie my life isn't that interesting.
So, I got a, I mean, like my tendency my tent.
Like my immediate Tendencies like try and sauce it up, right?
Yeah. I've got this already when you
tell and region season story. Yeah.
I've got this incredibly underweight.
Well, overweight friend. Yeah.
The she's married. She's from.
She's from Campbell heard of it. Yeah, here's our own it.
But she lives in Tempe, Arizona. Now, and we would always Bond
about the 49ers and I was like, oh, you know Jeff Garcia, he's
great and she's like, I hate the man.
I hate it and she would never tell me why.
Well, obviously he pumped and dumped the bitch that dude.
I mean no, it's I mean, he would do the fake game move, but then
he was like, Playmate after Playmate after Playmate.
Oh, man. Yeah.
No, it was He did the pumpkin. It's the greatest thing that he
went to San Jose State. So he was like smashing all the
chicks. He couldn't smash like, but
still living in the same city, like it was like a, guess what?
I'm a quarterback. The Niners now.
Yeah. Yeah.
That is awesome for him. A reality.
You're moving to a new city and doing it, you know.
Yeah, it looked ran track. I'm sorry, he, you know, I never
called you back but he's a hero to people like me on it.
Yeah, if you like them, I probably would think less of
them. Yeah, follow it up.
He followed up after. You're like, like, if he was
like, yeah, he was like, hey, just checking in re re your
pussy. Yeah, my God, they were my last
smash. You don't put anything in the
email, that wasn't even sent. Email alerts.
You like you sure you want to send this without the subject.
You sure I actually do have a woman that correspond with
exclusively through email, where I just write in the subject line
space. Like, like, I want this, I want
that, my grandpa used to send me things like But like all the
time where it was just a picture.
And then he would just go like probably 35 words in the subject
about like that's hey, Glenn. Glenn.
Hope schools going. Well.
Thought you think this was funny like that.
It does make you realize how much subject body is redundant.
It's like her. It really is.
I just start the sentence in the subject and finish up in the
body and everything's right to speak preview.
Yeah. I'm curious Zoom meetings.
Like What's up? Yeah, you were I don't think we
were recording When you said or maybe where I can't really, this
has been wild because people have been in and out.
But yeah the zoom, what's Zoom? Yeah, what it, what it, what?
Other time we do an episode and I say something about Zoom with
Gary. He just goes
There and then Eddie's, like Eddie's.
Like what's the fucking Godfather?
Never heard of it? What the fuck is this?
I don't. Yeah, I was, I was, you know, I
was Court made a movie out of them.
Mario Puzo book. Yeah.
I was I was taught. Yeah.
I was engaging with the Microsoft Corporation.
Yeah. What's Mike when Eddie Eddie's
like what's Microsoft? What the fuck?
Hello. Bill got a yeah.
Glenn. Is Eddie singing like the Jones
got to say. I got a light up for this
episode. Did you Glenn did you?
I got the pain, you know, okay, that's cool.
No, I just I just say that's the highest because I don't, you
know, I'm not the biggest weed guy as much anymore, and that's
the higher. So no, that's not what I heard
last night. You texted me?
The funniest, we'd text I've gotten since like I was oh yes.
Drop it ends up. It sends me a picture and it's
just him holding a joint like just this finger holding a joint
and it's like this been, what does that banana leaf fucking
rap or something? That's very easy.
Well, I want Bug, but you know, they have like the hemp plant
rather non-tobacco blunt wraps or whatever, you know.
Yeah, so I just went into some random spot up here.
I've never been to before and I was like, hey, you got those
things and he's like, yeah, and he handed me to it.
But it's like, fucking like dried Banana Leaf rolled over
some shit. Yeah.
Yeah, but then, but then he sends it to the right and he's
got something. He's like, he's like, dude, this
Jack Herer is fucking fire. I feel like I could do calculus
on the shit. What is what do you think?
Portland, Oregon? Oh, okay.
Slither. Don't work like that everywhere.
Wait, so we're like, oh, yeah, I won't.
I do love it. Montavilla.
Oh shit. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm a mom and I'm a very kind of South Bay.
Got these codes. Are you?
Yeah. What do you mean Carolina?
Yeah. That's an l.a.
Cop said he's from Jersey. I am originally.
Yeah, he's a real New Jersey do from Portland, Maine.
Yeah, whooping. And that's the thing.
When I live in Portland. I was always like didn't, you
know, didn't you know that it was like a competition between
Between two guys and one was from Boston and one was from
Portland, Maine. And that's how they named the
town. But yeah, that's right.
It was me. That's my impression of being
when I lived in Portland. Horrible guy.
Yeah, but yeah, but we did was legal when I lived in.
Well, I lived in Seattle. A lot longer than I've been.
Yeah. Seattle was the first right
there. Yeah, and I mean I was like I
was like, you can go into a store.
Buy weed. It's pretty crazy.
I still that's still such a huge thing.
I know it's going to sound like such a boomer thing, but it's
pretty crazy. We can do that.
You know, it's crazy because because my first experience with
buying weed because having to like call a gangsta, like a
literal like a criminal human being who was untrustworthy and
could kill you to get like weed. That would make you depressed
batch. Shout-out, Rodney selling weed
to a bunch of 14 and 15 year olds. 42 year old black dude who
lived in a one-bedroom house? Yeah.
Yep. I got ripped off by my we I
probably told you about this plan.
Um, I got ripped off by my weed dealer in high school also.
Well, one day. I just, I called him.
And I was like, I need 17 bucks worth of would heed and low.
So we rolled up on it, and he rolled up in like a PT Cruiser.
And and then, and I just love how it ended in cash and drove
off. And so I just like handed him
cash through the window and like never saw him again.
Hmm. Seriously hard?
I was hey, y'all be right back, man.
Yeah, what I was desperate for weed because there was no really
no other way. I could get it.
Well, we talked about, I found the very first car crash we did
or when I forget which one it was, but I remember talking
about, you'd get it in the cellophane bottom of the
cigarette brand, new cigarette packet.
Oh, you know what? I mean?
Yeah, do that. And he's not Again, soda cup
holder. Yeah, all that.
And then you would spend the entire day trying to buy weed to
like it was a day thing. Like, oh, yeah, wake up.
And then hopefully by 4 p.m. You had.
We'd like, it was like it was, there was one time like super
sad, but yeah. Exactly for weed it is it really
is a full process with it. The first, I think the first
time I ever randomly bought weed off of someone, I went to the
mall and I think we were lit. It was like me and a guy was
like, only slightly friends with until we went down.
Airbrushed t-shirt store at the mall and fucking swear.
I literally had to have been like, 12.
Like I was very fucking know. This is like, like middle to
late middle school and we went into this fucking store and this
guy working at the airbrushed biggie, Looney Tunes t-shirt
store literally just was like, hey, man, you wanna buy some
weed and like just sold us like five dollars worth of weed.
And then afterwards like yo, you wanna buy some clothes.
Yeah, and you that your homies died recently.
I got it. I wish I could, you know, it's
pretty crazy. Here are a, yeah, it'd do any of
these names match? Any of them.
Pretty close. Look Eddie.
Did you get high? Dude?
I've literally never been more time.
Yes, entire life. This is the pursuit.
It's like fucking, you know, I don't know if this is like bias,
but I remember seriously having, like a mental breakdown.
In my basement, the first like, seven times.
I got I didn't even get high. Yeah.
Yeah, and I was seventeen, like, the first time I ever got high.
I remember like it was an, it was like, it felt like it was
like, 30 minutes later. I was driving in my car, on my
way, to work in. Like I I felt like, I just like
aggressively felt the my foot, on the gas, pedal of my car, and
I was like, oh, I'm high and like I was in my car.
My car and I was like, I'm high like, yeah, you know, the I mean
because I don't know. I feel like there's a learning
curve to understanding that your high when yeah, that happened to
me. The first time I smoke.
I smoke on Super Bowl, Sunday, and probably eighth grade.
I think some like that, Super Bowl Sunday.
I don't, I don't remember the game.
That's what you said. I'd have never been sad that.
I remember that. Okay.
How old are you blend? Let, okay.
This is fun. How old are you going?
Well, okay, so I know how old I was at the time, I knew which
was her fact that would have been so in eighth grade, that
would have been 2004. Okay. 2004 2004 Super that.
Okay. So I think we're talking
Patriots Panthers here from that was the Super Bowl Halftime.
Nipple. Slip show, was it not know that
was a couple years prior because I was not high for that.
Okay. So so here's what I know is that
the 2006 Super Bowl was Seahawks Steelers right at rigged a
rigged, all eternity. So so so.
So Two years before. That, would you say?
Yeah, so I'm thinking I'm thinking, were either talking
Steelers Cardinals? Or no.
That was a way we're talking. Yeah, I don't I mean it was
probably, I mean, like, a good bed is like, put the Patriots in
there. I think it was Patriots
Panthers. Let me see, 2004, Super Bowl
Super Bowl. So that would have been and
Patriots Panthers. All right.
Well, yeah, he's okay pretty good.
So, what happened was is I smoked right?
And we smoked that of a guy who made a pipe out of tin.
Foil, so it was like tinfoil and you'd inhale out of it and it
like came up like an actual smokers pipe.
He tried to create like a Gandalf pipe at its infancy.
Very impressive. I thought that's how you had to
smoke weed. Like those like, well, this is
how you do it. And so, you can inhale off the
tinfoil. I'm just ripped and I didn't
realize, like, oh, we'd like destroys your throat and it's
like, no, this actually just inhaling through tin foils is
really enhances. Its okay, you know what your the
tinfoil, the lighter up to it for distortion.
Offering for, we'd like it. Can I interject again here?
That was the fucking Super Bowl with the Janet Jackson fucking
nipple. Slip.
What? That's weird.
I don't remember being nice because I remember that, but I
guess I need to clear my name for that.
That was the first couple I watched after I moved to North
Carolina. I was like fuck, dude.
The Panthers are in the Super Bowl.
Don't worry the North Korea. That's that's that's that
really, really exposes the power of the media to make something
out of nothing because it's like, yeah.
Yeah. Oh my God, like I've Yeah.
Yeah, I can Google a woman's pussy right now.
Like, I don't care. Yeah, I thought the whole thing
with that, was it that was like, pissed off ex-boyfriend was
trying to upstage the him. Britney Spears halftime.
I think it was like look at this bitches titties.
Whoo, like I I'm high like I'm high, but I'm like, wow, this
isn't that crazy. Right?
I almost got like it was like a pretty high of being high.
We ate a bunch of food. Like we ate like a bunch of
Mother's Cookies, you know, like the brand mother's cooking.
Sure what his mom did not make cookies, use a wino.
That was the only reason we smoke weed at his house because
she'd be asleep at 7 p.m. She's passed out.
Yeah. And like, what are you going to
like, you're shit-faced, and you gave me mad at us for smoking
weed outside. It's not really going to.
Yeah, it's not gonna work. So so we're that the moral High
Ground on Mom. Mom, it's the long call, you
know, it's part of the deal, they call it and we so the next
time I get, hi, I'm like I know how being high as I done that
one time. So I'm just like taking rips.
Right? And it's a blunt this time.
So we're talking a whole different vest.
So I get really, really high in like, but like I'm like, dude,
I'm fucking, I like, is there something in the wheat?
Is this different than the weed that I smoked?
And then there, they very high school.
Hangout session. Everybody has hoods on and
checkered Vans. And then there's a soft rock
playing in the background. It's just, yeah, it's just like
the song nightlife. And then they like those like
the two songs. Everybody had just
back-to-back-to-back mixed with Andre nikitina and that was like
high school playlist of getting high and I melted down.
Do I saw, I saw things? I've never even seen on
psychedelics, man. It was crazy.
Wow. Yeah, then I'm yeah, then are
you? Okay, but you're okay now,
right? So PSI, you quit your job.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
In the podcast.
But yeah, tell me about tell me about why
you quit. Why you quit?
Well, I did you prorate your I hate.
I mean, I hate it. I hate it, this job.
And it was just fucking like, you know, I've been, you know,
I've been looking at it for a minute, but then it just finally
came to a head. We're moving buildings and it's
not this huge move and they're like, we're going to start at
this new thing and it has all these other neurotic people on
that side, too. So I'm like, all right, I'm up
but I know it's a pain in my heart right now man.
This is really inspire me. I might just quit my job.
Yes, dear. Yes.
Yeah, so but I The men.
Because they think it's reality. That's what I don't know if that
I don't know and it's like yeah, it's I mean there's many reasons
but that's the one that popped in my switches on Zoom calls.
Get some balls. Don't their side dude.
It's crazy. They get a list computer
confidence, they do and this and this was one of those things
where it would be like two pages of zooming, people like not just
nine or five or whatever, you know, and you and of course we'd
be like muted all the time because, you know, we don't
fucking but anyway, so, you know, I kind of As I was about
to call him out and be like, but the whole thing is these guys
are so neurotic. It's crazy and like
micromanaging, you know, and which is super weird.
Like, you know, I've been opposite of that.
Hey, you know what? I mean?
Just haven't like. Yeah in terms of and you know
who likes to be micromanage, you know.
So anyway, we get think we do this, you know, our lunch.
But then we get these 10 minute breaks on either side, you know,
and like literally like nine times out of ten.
We will skip like one of the breaks because we're so busy.
Or what a lot of days. We just won't take any breaks,
you know, and we want we never say shit about it.
You know, it's just kind of understood, right?
And then so I go and take my break at 10 today because I'm
like, fuck it. I'm going to take it.
I have a few days left of this job and going to you know, like
summer break and then I come back and the girl I work with is
like, yeah. Hey, like look at the slack that
I just got sick because we do slack, you know that?
How you know what that shit is like.
Yeah, but for like professionals and yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and so the Fucking manager.
This is due to the low TSA. It was like he will first like
he walked by the hollow where I was in my brain and I was like,
okay, he's looking at me. I'm like, okay.
And and so he sent her this slack on my coworker like, hey,
just making sure that like rosin working with you this whole
time. Like he's even working alone.
Have you? Like he didn't skip the morning
and so he's like, he's like checking in to see if I have
been which is ironic because I actually like, you know
busted-ass morning. It's like let's get this shit
done. We removed, you know, and and
then. So she showed me that we were
just laughing about it. I'm just like fuck.
This is so dumb. Like I can't believe this guy's
like three days before I leave checking.
If I'm like a doing my job or just from taking too long of a
break, you know, so I was just sitting there and I worked like
an hour and I was just like, not like mad but I was just like,
what the fuck, you know, this is what we, of course.
If you just said to that guy, like, yeah, I didn't do shit,
even if you had exactly. Yeah, or you're a faggot.
They're just checking in making sure you're gay, right?
Yeah, sorry, so yes, why are you being gay?
Yeah, exactly. There's some subject for you.
Right here, pal. I'm letting some slack out on
this thing right here for. Ya.
Didn't think I was slacking. Did ya, so pull?
I just got some slack. Yeah.
So then I was like like an hour later.
I was just like came to my senses.
I was like, you know what? Nope, and I just like wrote up
this quick, email got all my shit hits and put my keys on the
table and just Like it and then and then like my manager and I
other one texting me and she's like, this is even one.
You know, she said, hey, you notice that you hating us.
We let me take an early lunch, everything.
Okay. I'm just, like, I just, I am of
you guys like yeah, good luck. And that was it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Missing you said that, I thought you had already put in your two
weeks. But are you like a tech, bro?
I know he did in my I put in my two weeks, but I left like
today. Friday was supposed to be my
last. So okay.
Let me look at that, make sense. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, so I was just like, yeah, I'm not coming anymore.
And I was like later. Yeah, please, I'm proud of you,
man. Hey, you're next to your
inspiring me. Yeah, good luck.
He's already type the email right now.
Probably already. Honestly, do they have laid off.
They laid off a bunch of people right before Christmas, like,
literally the most stereotypical, like, yeah.
We're just gonna like downsize, half the company you work at
Glengarry Glen Ross. Yeah.
The funniest thing about this whole baby.
I've got it. I've got the lead.
The only person I had like, daily correspondence with really
was the most Meek and timid Asian guy in the world who just
gets steamrolled and every conference called just literally
sounds like a shut the fuck up. And just like talks over him and
they literally were like told him a week before Christmas.
I believe that he's getting laid off.
Oh, and then fucking literally he was, I was on a call with him
and my boss like a week or so after that.
And he was like, do you know what?
Last day is and there is my boss's business.
Like yeah, we're not really sure yet.
Just fucking hang in there till we let you know a day.
Oh my fucking god. The fuck up man.
Yeah. Yeah.
Probably you'll be. That is so sexually.
Yeah. Yeah.
Keep talking like that. It's now.
Yeah. Yeah, that's what's so my my
zoom man person was like, okay, could you?
We actually, when I put in my to wait like the The other day I
was like, we need you for two more days.
Can you do that? How much?
Like, oh, yeah. Let me check on.
That was really, you know, and then and then I just left early
but that's crazy. That's fucking that hurt my soul
right there. So, so it's like, well, let me,
let me ask you this. You've told me this and you
don't know, whatever, if you didn't want.
This said, then I'm sorry, but you said that, I had a lot of
women managers at this company, correct?
Yeah. Yes, women in management.
I work for them right now and I feel like there's two ways.
Women can be in management. They Super cool and the company
fails or they could be like, just like on it on, you know,
micromanaging on and on and then nobody wants to work there.
Those are the two. Those are the two ways.
Outcomes of when you saying that out loud, just made me realize
that, the only female manager I've ever had.
Was that McDonald's when I was 18.
Mmm. Rosa how much money is a fast
one? Was that was that?
Yeah, which McDonald's? No, I.
Yes. I've been to all of them in
North Carolina. So I just want to know what
Yeah, but no the I mean which part of the were they in the
middle of that Venn diagram or were they like was she cool?
And I mean if it was a fat Mexican lady who was a manager
at McDonald's. So she was like a tight ship
with all the black. I know her.
Yeah, Porto Rican girls of her, although the white guys should
really liked a lot. She just come over and hug me
while I was just sweating over Grill.
Where I can't even picture like a white guy working at
McDonald's. It was fuck that.
I really had never felt. Norman it was my first strategy.
That's about to happen. It's a very elegant, the West
Coast at all. Like yeah, I'm going to hit.
Yes. Sorry.
What did you say was that in North Carolina?
Yeah. Okay.
Here we go. The McDonald's here.
Like it's like we eat Guatemala. Is it just water Mall in
operation, fucking white on the kitchen.
I made two good of him and impression in.
My my interview I guess, and they're like, oh, well, let's
throw throw. I remember having like, if y'all
have to do that, I know it. When I see it.
Yeah. I had like an early life like a
spoiled boy existential crisis. Just when the first day.
I was like at McDonald's and I was just literally a bead of
sweat dropped onto the part of the grill at the base of it and
it just throw it out until the way.
And I was like, this is life, dude.
I'm a real working, man. Now, this is bad.
This white boy can go. There was this gay manager who
came in about halfway through my tenure there and he fucking
didn't, like I don't get a lot of people who are just like
outwardly dickish, like some people are, like, beacons for
that, where they get like people who just like meet them in a
scenario and they just decided by.
All right. Well, fuck this guy doesn't
happen. A lot.
This guy came in with the biggest fucking hard-on for
funding me. And there was like, dude.
I first of all every eye works like weekends.
Mostly I would wake up at like 5 to get to a McDonald's.
Odds at 6 a.m. On like, a Saturday morning in
college. I was like, only my life.
Is gay as hell. That's the worst.
The worst day of that was when I walked into the bathroom.
It was literally like 5:25 a.m. And I'm just like, I stayed up
playing an MMO with Gary the night before, going to the
bathroom. There's the fattest fuck you've
ever seen in your entire life. Like, clearly a trucker taking a
break and just like taking a shit.
It was the most, Rotting Flesh smell.
I've ever smelled off of shit in my I've never smelt a smell like
that in any other situation. All my years, Ice Road, Trucker
shit. It was fucking, it was long
dead. Body was in the bathroom and I
was like, dude, this is, is me. Neither was their hearing that
in my Gonna Make, You might even one.
Yeah, he sounds cool. Yeah.
I don't know. Women were disgusting until I
read clean the bathroom. When I worked at a grocery
store, man, like like because there's a third element.
Common speakers on the floor. You're like, oh, I guess I
didn't know blood was like that and then, you know, and and they
clean it and like this lady, like you had to do a thing when
you're a guy cleaning back and you gotta like, knock on the
door, be like, is there any chicks in here, you know, which
is come by, the way? Like, I've used men's bathrooms
like that the, the, okay, the University of Washington are
Building a room in the basement. I jacked off in there multiple
times. Can we all be honest here?
And can I just say that I've jacked off and every institution
I've ever been at? But it's good.
So the McDonald's. I mean, there's a magic
actually. Yeah, McDonald's came out.
Clean at the University of Wisconsin and Lewis & Clark
College, with my. Come on it.
There's some real Trailblazer there.
Yeah. Yeah, that's cool.
I only done it at home. I'm so, I feel like such a
square, the home Jack. Yeah, maybe hold this have.
Let's take two hours. I'm sorry.
Yeah, I have a demon inside of him.
I just feel like it's a road game at that point.
I just my record on. The road wouldn't be great.
You know, I'm well, I'm a sex addict, so it doesn't hmmm.
You know, I had, I've really It kind of like, seems like a
different person who used to do that, because I literally would
just like going. All right.
Well, if you go jack off, like, I would only shit test in Middle
School. People have to go jack off now.
That's all. I remember taking the cat, the
cat test. I don't know what cat stands for
C, 80 in sixth grade coming all the time.
Real low grade taking the cat test, perfect, for finishing the
test. And taking a Kleenex and
rubbing. My rubbing it on my cock in the
middle of other kids, taking a test.
I fucking trying to jack off right on by the kleenex.
There's like, I need I need the extra like stimulation.
Like well, I thought I was to catch something to like, you
know, what was a condom? Creating a condom.
Sure for sure. Like.
Okay, but just like, you know, whatever.
Yeah, I do. Tom, I think, you know what, I
realized I realized I don't want to talk about it.
I thought surrender when they turned off the lights, in my art
class. We would my art teacher, would
turn on a boot. Sometimes he would read, like,
sort of cool books by like New York Times.
Authors, like, editorial type stuff, like compilation books of
that. This is a, he wasn't reading.
And I can say at least one time in my life.
I jacked off an art class when the lights were off and it
moved. That's art.
That was Art. I think that's awesome.
And that's like that's like ghost world's.
I mean, I don't think probably 1414 fair game and you were
jacking. You successfully Javis finger
motion on like the underside ryebeck, but showing it up split
finger as well. Yeah.
Well, yeah like this Roger Clemens style.
They no no, Index and middle finger gun type scenario.
Yeah. This at school is not a quick
process either. This wasn't like, I'm just doing
this for to. This is like a yeah, the Zuni
Pueblo. Yeah, innovated the pottery
style, my fucking art. Teacher of play like Dead Poets,
Society movies. Like, he Playing one of the best
movies I've ever seen. I don't know if I've ever
directly name this by name, but it became a big in joke for me,
Gary. And Ryan, for a while, the movie
fielder's Choice. It's a sort of Hallmark movie.
I don't know what do definitely don't?
Nobody does. I don't know what it's starting.
Chad Lowe. Rob Lowe's brother.
Sure. Chad.
I mean like like our De Niro. He played a lot of stuff like
your movies coming home tonight. You can just grab your dick full
grip in the middle of class. You have to kind of have to have
a Just like, by the way, guys
guys. AJ.
Soprano. You mentioned this.
He had remember we had that like Mexican girlfriend who had hit.
Ya got for ya. Yeah.
Well apparently turtle on Entourage was fucking the same
girl. Wow in real life in on the show,
us around barely passed. Pussy around on, HBO the
Entourage. It I just it's very
uncomfortable. Durable for me to see like my
sexual preferences being repeated by like the biggest
losers on HBO. Next.
I definitely, I mean that's definitely going to be all up in
some homies. Looking, cholo.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna be very upset.
He's gonna be at the mall walking around and now that's I
can't dude, if succession goes to the mall.
I'm going to become that guy who shot up man.
That just be real with me for a second.
Dad. Meet me at the mall.
We're going to top off colored hat when he's yeah, Panda
Express like yeah, if I'm cooking Logan ruined.
My not my godson. It's almost the orange chicken
is I don't want a fucking course.
We do the McDonalds commercials to where he's like, what are?
Yeah, he does. He does.
He's like McDonalds commercials and he's like, how can one grab
just one fry? Yeah.
Brian Cox, he's like he's like, oh your heart is warmed up and
eat one at a time. Cannot be trusted like as is
where like, yeah, it does it. So is it double decker?
Talk on the go is harder than anybody.
I'll just say that like I love the fact that he doesn't have
any. Clue who I am really, really
hurts. My he doesn't he doesn't know,
literally, anybody finishing episode.
It's like, it's like I have been a supporter of your Mexican
girlfriend arc on the planet does not matter.
Do you know if you the only thing, the only way you're going
to get Gary to remember who you are and even then it's a
crapshoot is if you have your face just directly in his face
and you're having a conversation about something I'm interested
in. Enough beyond that make up shit.
Anime or Manga and then. Yeah.
Whoa, dude only, I can make fun of Gary like that.
I that wasn't making fun of them.
Now, dude. I heard the voice of his name's
Matt. That's, that's a good Gary.
I didn't do that. What the fuck?
Dude, your sounds like the Nickelodeon version of Gary
though. Like, it's likely that was that
was very for a while to be fair. It was very rainy.
My image of Gary is yeah. It's a prepubescent version.
That's my original formation of it.
You sound like you're doing Mark.
But you're, you're doing a mark mothersbaugh impression of again
over the fuck. That is yeah.
Is that Mark? Mothersbaugh?
He was the guy, what would Nickelodeon, what would you do?
He was the her? Oh, I don't know.
I mean, I was thinking of a show where they bring a gay guy into
a store and he just, it's called a faggot.
But I don't know what it is. This is like they show.
Guys, big gigantic fat amazing ass and then they asked the cave
and then they asked the gay guy, what would you do to that guy's
ass while he was in Devo? I didn't know that.
Well, you know what? Well, I thought that he was the
brother of a Devo guy and he's wearing the pot on his head.
Wow. Yeah.
No Nickelodeon was a always at my core Mark.
Mark mothersbaugh. Oh, no, it's him.
I guess. Yeah, he's in Vivo confirm.
What would you do? Fucking Legend?
Hey, Hey Ham, Joy Division. When when you see a guy's big
gigantic juicy glass, what would you?
What would you do to enjoy division?
He just he just goes wrong doc. That's not new age.
Just fine. Yeah.
Yeah, full Network.
Like the hope the TV show and the movie network, where he's
just going off on stage and stuff.
But yeah, it's but it's what would you do?
And he's just yelling at old bands from the 80s yelling.
At New Age, Vans a human being like Marky Marky Smith.
Is that that a guy, the phone isn't, I would imagine?
Yes it is. Yes.
It is. Thats.
Yeah. Okay.
I'm sorry. I don't know.
There's no more blind spot for me.
You know, why do they all look? Damn?
This guy? Looks like shit.
Yeah. He like looked like weird, but
then he like just aged horribly. Oh, he passed away.
I just say that. Mark mothersbaugh, basically
just looks like me. This is pretty much little that
was my main point. It is not like you.
Well, there's like an approximation that you can say
like me, like historically kind of fat guy who has glasses and
like gross facial hair pretty fast.
Like I can just be like of quarter of the Earth's like
white guy population pretty easily.
Mmm. It's fair.
I mean, people are in the corner of your eye.
Yeah. No, I know I've seen, because
I've seen you and I see Um, guys, there there is, like, just
guys that look like you like, yeah, and they're not, and they
don't even know, they might be just completely different, but
that it's just a loan. They get no pussy in there.
I'm way prettier everything and everyone loves love loathes
them. But your and Iran.
I'm sending you, a dick pic. Duran, Duran Hungry, Like the
Wolf there. Yeah, I'm Hungry.
Like the Wolf for you to see this amazing dictated.
I'm Hungry Like the Wolf for you to check your Looks.
Yeah. I've just Googled New Wave
musicians and so now I'm going to do every one of them Elvis
Costello. He is not a New Wave Music,
well, according to google. He is Elvis Costello.
Check out my puckered asshole. It's just you playing pump it up
and if you flip, yeah. Yeah.
Debbie Debbie Harry. Well, Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, you gotta send a hug for her, for sure.
For. Yeah, that I mean, you have, you
have the right idea. You gotta just keep it going the
other way. But the yeah, I was, I was
thinking about what Eddie said about AJ, soprano and we did.
You guys have Mervyn's where you grew up.
Yes. I remember Mervyn's.
Yes, servants. Okay, because I feel like there
was a bunch of different names but we of stores but we all
bought the same clothes back then like See people holls
holls. Okay.
Yeah. What's it's like a do you have
Cole's Eddie? Is that?
Yeah. Okay, so it's very sweet.
Very I if it didn't become calls it like kind of is like it's
that basically schools like you could buy like you were like
almost cool. If you shop there, you know, I
mean like you're like, okay, I'm not going to get me fun of if I
shop here. You've got the Adidas track
pants, but it doesn't know. I've got six College, says
Adidas, huh? Wasi out was Sour or whatever.
That fucking brand was called, Massimo Massimo.
There you go. I was a while ago.
I was almost there. But yeah, I couldn't.
Yeah. Massimo's it talked.
I thought Massimo his Target. It's they probably they probably
dude. That's amazing.
Like like like I thought Massimo was like this insane.
Like excellent brand was just it was just a department store
brand. Like I didn't know that sounds
fancy fancy. If you're younger than us and
don't know what that is. Like people are like Massimo's
that like a cologne like I mean, yeah, let me check.
Jack's patreon. See if you did a Massimo
episode. Like, how about I was such a
fucking faggot dude that when I this had to have been very early
college. I was like planning on going on
a date with someone who like wasn't even considering what we
were going to do with day. I like went to a department
store of some sort. And I remember buying a Massimo
shirt and be like, yeah, this is this is good.
This is good right here, the woman next to you, just just
just lost herself all over the floor when she looked at you and
you know that dude you just brought back a memory.
Three of me being a third wheel on an AA.
I am AOL Instant Messenger. So I was at the mall be okay.
This is fucked up. I was the third wheel at an AI
am date and we went into a Bath and Bodyworks my oral
Communications teacher was working there and I had to tell
her that I didn't have a date. Department wasn't funded very
well. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. No.
No, I mean like it didn't even occur to me like Jesus Christ.
My teacher is working at a mall store to because because I was
so obsessed with my patheticness over, I was the third wheel on
this. This a, I am dead basically done
that. I've pretty much been there.
Like, I don't it was it wasn't like explicitly said, to you.
Like this is an aim'd, a try. There's just two people who like
talked on a I am and your friends like the guy basically.
Yeah. I've done that.
I've probably done that like three times that I've had.
I've had very low depths. I only got turned down on a I am
so I don't even get. Yeah say yeah the fucking for
dude, I hunt looks at him. I am history.
Like there were there were women that were older than me.
Who were probably hot that were interested in me.
And I just disqualified myself because they thought that that
was crazy. You know what?
Yeah, that's, that's a bad move and you Pete.
No one will tell you that when you're young that's a bad move
to do like you. Like there's a exactly.
You could, you could have gotten like, at least two or three of
those. Situations.
You thought you were counted out and you're probably good to go.
I know it's, I see. I'm 35 now.
That's fine. Really want to get the aim back?
Going, is what you do? 35.
We need to bring back. And dude.
I remember the greatest moment of my life was sitting on the
phone with. I think I think it was Gary
where there was this like the classic like em, he's not a
Chad, but he's like the popular guy in our class.
He's turned out to be kind of a mousy sort of guy later on any
such case. But yeah, I fucking I was I was
sitting there on the phone with him and I was like, man, I bet
that guy's password is just like his girlfriend's name.
No numbers or anything height is screen him in type, his password
in 100% his buddy list and then just was like embarked on the
greatest role campaign. My elementary school had ever
seen. He literally it was the greatest
time of my life because I was like, guys, this guy had like
350 friends which was unheard of to me.
I'd like 13 and I was like, okay, who all is on here?
I like I heard he was getting it lasted.
Yeah, dude. He was like Jennifer the most
loved guy in Arkham North Carolina, like sort of Country
School. Not a very big Community, but it
was very funny because I basically talked my way into a
different Social Circle for the rest of my life as far as Is
like middle school and high school goes because of that
literally just would be like either fucking with people and
just like trolling the shit out of absolute like, just like
puberty ridden, guys, who are ready to fight me because I was
called him gay on a I am. And then I remember one time
there was like this, this girl's older sister and I remember
getting a hug at an at a middle school dance because of the
hacking you hear that and I was like, yes, dude.
This is I'm the shit. Right now.
Did my life. Ha ha ha.
No, that's fucking basically. Like you need guys hit that.
Essentially what that was. Yeah.
Nah man. Fuck Glory.
Glory Days. That's what I call them all
down. Hill from there to be on.
Yeah, that it was. Yeah.
Now it was cool. It was cool because like you all
of a sudden like I was friends. I remember being like because
you I just added whoever I saw it.
I was like, oh, you have a screen name.
That's cool. You know, I mean if the person
that sat next to me in class, we wouldn't talk the entire time
but then also and they'd be like, hey class was gay.
When he gets on his computer and you hear the door sound effect.
Oh shit. It was gay.
I really enjoyed it away messages.
Like we need that. I am like a 12.
I don't remember what any of my away messages were.
Like people did the obvious like love.
Like dumb shit, like number the hot where they would respond to
you. They go what?
Yeah, that's probably what I did.
That was probably what I want and then you respond, you back.
Now, my bad. I can't understand what you're
saying. Like there's a trick.
Like he's that happened to me recently with a guy with like a
middle-aged as a career. Like a guy.
I was in a professional setting with I called and his voice was
like, hello and I'll say, I was nervous.
I was like, I think this is what I think he's the fake.
Fuck. Voicemail.
Hey Buster had that fight. No, I'm just kidding.
Why message, which says what? Huh?
So retarded, yeah, yeah, you kids don't know what the fake
voice mail. You don't know what that feels.
Like. I was literally on speaker with
a co-worker in the room. I was calling a guy to get
something done and a another guy was looking at me for answers
and I got punked by a voice mail.
You deserve to kill that person like night.
Like that. That should be the law.
Yeah, you look at each other like you.
I'm sorry, but this I mean he only Goodbye, Place long time
that I genuinely do not give a fuck like everyone I work with
is like I could not give less of a fuck about their opinion about
me because it's like it doesn't, it's this it sounds very
pretentious. But I mean you talk with enough
guys. You like?
Yeah. I got the mint mint a little bit
and you're just like, yeah, it's this guy doesn't does not matter
what he thinks about me. Like he's not even if I
disappear from this guy's frame of you.
He forgets. I even exist.
So cool for getting like a hero object.
Well, so I that is awesome Eddie and I work in similar fields and
like I work in construction, but we also work for different
contractors like we're contracted out.
So like you'll see like somebody if somebody leaves their the
shop at six and you leave at 7:30 for a month.
You don't see that person for a month, like your coworker and
like, I remember one time like a there's it's really cool.
Looking cool. Scenario.
We see you got your like, holy shit.
What the fuck? Like what are you doing here?
And they're like, oh, yeah. I know.
I just, I've been, like, working the entire time.
The same company as you and get interesting.
Yeah, it's really cool. I enjoy it's way better than
being surrounded by just as must be awesome to be in a trade in a
place. That's not like Bumfuck, sort of
like me because I genuinely can't have a conversation about
anything that isn't work-related or like, major geopolitical
events. It's like, I'm getting like a
good take from the guy on like something that's like a
worldwide phenomenon happened. I mean, don't get me wrong.
I'm not like a dick to be a lot. Like this guy is a complete
fucking. I'm not like this.
So I guess that one base. I live.
I listened to the car career guys car crash.
And when when you guys are talking about this kind of and
Glenn was talking about the Mexican, dude.
I was working. Yeah, you believed some crazy
shit. Oh, I know you look at me.
I don't I look like I have different white guy beliefs and
it could go anywhere. You know, I could be Third
Reich. I could be just, you know,
something else like it. You can look at me tested you
out and he pulled up his phone and showed you some training
parents. Like you like this man is That
has a yeah, it does not happen. Oh, yeah, everybody knows the
death metal Mexican. Those guys are cool.
You know, I haven't met one of those and oh really?
I don't find you. They're crawling.
There's everywhere. Yeah, you'll see a guy with a
sea full tour of shirt and like Rob Rob, true Helo, Metallica
hair, I guess the East Coast become a West Coast guy.
I would love that. Oh, yes.
Yeah. I would you come out to the West
Coast dude, I swear to God, I will start the best gambling
show of all time from a West Coast guy.
That sounds nice. I think I've always had a dream
of like moving to the southwest and is becoming like a used car
salesman just like Like riding it out down there.
Having like a little small ranch somewhere like a little can you
can't escape the Southwest once you become a part of it?
Southwest, it's cool, man. I love the Southwest.
Yeah love it. So I love Arizona.
I love it. I kind of real had this
realization. I kind of like North Carolina a
little bit though. It's kind of cool.
It's where I would go. Probably like if I was like, I'm
going to move to a state that's like not California and not like
California, I would have like, well, I'm lying if I want to go
to like Alabama, right? I'm sorry.
I'm not going to I think yes, definitely good about it.
But there's nothing specifically really bad about it.
Either outside of some things that are racist to say, but
what? Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't comprehend.
Like, I don't, I don't know. I just, I just connect again.
I got these eat for a second that I don't know.
Oh, okay. You are how you act?
Yeah, for you aim a compromise. Yeah, the same thing, that was
his message. Actually that Yeah, the Mexican
guys out here are really funny because like, it's like kind of
a thing online to, but hey, you guys know that Mexicans aren't
like. Whoa.
There's always some guy that's tweeting that ever.
That's good. Now is just as there's nothing
cooler than the Bay Area, Mexican.
There's a rock, ladies. There's no, they are the
Rednecks of caliban. The realize it like in cities.
They are the Rednecks. Like they got cars parked on the
fucking Lon. They got, you know, like shit
like that. They party like a motherfucker.
It's basically essentially like Mariachi music is essentially
like German lie or not. It's like German redneck music.
Obama music is. Yeah, German polka with mixed
with you know, Mariachi at Mariota.
Best is when you see a guy like Avi, when you see a guy with
like a Zoomer perm in California's, got the Zoomer
permease, got like a stud earring and he's really he's
driving like a lowered Acura Integra and then he walks it
goes into cards and 100,000 people and they're just
going to dump. How crazy is
from Sinaloa? Are they also kind of held up?
Yeah, that's cartel funded right there, for sure.
And there's nothing better than getting accepted into a group.
I had a one crew of contractors full Mexican crew, which doesn't
always. And for some reason, there's
always like a white leader and then they have Mexican
underlings. But this one was the full
Mexican crew. I got in tight with them, and
that was a very nice thing to roll up on and check on them.
Yeah, working because they all like I was basically King Green.
Get like the first couple times. I went out.
I heard Gringo muttered. As always happens.
If you're a white guy and construction at least ones
where, oh and I like I don't even know what the fuck I said,
but I was just, like, literally just spazzed out artistically,
but they took it as if I was like cool.
And then like, all right. Cool, dude.
This guy's cool now. Yeah, I was gonna I was in a
road trip. How did you
like they'll be like the best is like, when, like one girl be
late on the crew and then the Mexican guy turns to you, and
he's like a fucking Mexicans, huh?
That's the best. The the guys who there's some
pretty fucking cool ones that like that will be like, hey, did
you listen to the Rogan? Hey, carbs are bad for you.
Sweet homes in my face pasta up. That's handy.
Right there saying, cleaner room.
I just don't even. Yeah, I'm slaying the dragon
homes, the hero's journey, though.
Have you heard a Joseph Campbell man?
You know, a thing or two about pu is correct, dude.
I've studied POS like for academic Affairs academically.
Yeah, I can him at Lewis & Clark, Honey.
Jack talking about. I know, I understand the joke,
but yes. Hell yeah, what did you learn?
Well, I mean, does it work? It's so crazy because, no,
because I know that I've even had sex in five years because
the only thing, the only thing that they can't teach you is
courage to talk to women. That's all it requires.
That's really the biggest hurdles here.
That's yeah. Whole thing work.
Anything you didn't help with like like like like there's no
there's like, yeah, once you talk to women, I'm sure we could
we could get into it like yeah. I didn't, you know say this or
that. But the only important thing is
that you say shit to women. So that's the and that can't be
taught that. Yeah, if the chick likes you it
doesn't really fucking matter what you say.
That's okay. Like I just, you know, I mean
like you because you're bomb almost every time like, unless
like ruin, and that's been the case you make your life, too
hard. She wants to be your friend, and
that's the worst thing of all time.
Although I do have a friend now, who is it?
Who said, like Brendan? You know what?
I throw you some pussy. If you come and visit me, like,
oh, yeah, your to like, let me end the cycle.
Mmm. Yeah, isn't that amazing?
Yeah, that's, that's a good friend.
That's sweet of that, that ladies in the audience, who
would like, Finger out right now.
Yeah, can we buy you a flight? Maybe like that?
I got some cell phones. Gift card is literally what the
guy told Brendan he was telling me the story before we record.
He's like, why are you not on Expedia?
Right. Ya know I had a friend.
No, I told my friend and he was like, he was like, get off.
But, but, but here's the funny thing that he was saying was
like that, you know, you like, you have to pretend like, you're
your urgency to come. Visit is not related to her
saying that, I'll give it our best friends.
Be like dip your foot in it and then be like, okay, I got it.
Yeah, you don't need to jump all the way in.
No, we could. That was like, oh no, go, no.
Sorry, Eddy go. I was just going to say that.
I think it, if you're a complete fucking out of your mind, crazy
person who can't get over that first hurdle.
I think you had me at least seem to hear at least someone tell
you directly sort of, like, a general framework to work on.
And that's kind of why I don't shit on Jordan Pederson.
A really dumb too much. No, is it?
At least if You're like a completely out of your mind guy
who doesn't have a lot of, like, guidance in something.
I think it's more of a net positive than anything.
I know, ten guys from my high school that could have used
Jordan Pederson. Like just just, like, just would
have liked been a net. Good for them.
They can never meet that autistic.
Dude. That eventually does get that
courage and get his shit together.
It's like such a no Gary relation.
Yeah, exactly. Gary.
Yeah, I think some of it has made the transformation.
Not Gary. You didn't she?
Yeah. Yeah.
Gary's got a job. So, proud of Gary, dude.
Be real here. Can I get a Chevy Gary for a
second, please? Yeah, this is Gary.
There's a lot of ways we titled this episode of the show Gary.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah areas of love and I'm proud of them and I happy also a very
sweet Instagram Pride. I saw the same picture but it
was it was so fucking cute, dude.
I fucking gushed. Yeah, I almost feel bad about
that. Mike one of my favorite car
crash segments when he wasn't even there.
When you guys were making fun of them and it was like he he gets
it except when he doesn't and he comes to me and next day is like
you. I don't fucking like what you
were doing last night. I was like, dude, I literally
don't even know what I said. What.
But that was so funny because you guys were wasting just
amazing, a grade material and he was just simply not there like I
like recording. Like you like he guys were just
roasting about this hilarious. Like like just like I hate.
Yeah. I know you're Ryan's.
Yes. Head.
Like your girlfriend is fucking other men.
Just the most like like like just ripping them apart and then
he goes like his. Oh, what's going on guys, like,
you know like that. This hasn't been said out loud
that episode. Gary, he came back.
I think he said he was taking a piss right at some point in that
sounds about right? Or either that or is not her
story or some shaves weird, you know, something funny.
He was not taking a piss. He was getting his dick sucked
and I have a file on my, I have a file on my laptop right now
because Gary doesn't understand that when you just mute your
Zoom, my hair, the audacity still doing here.
Whenever according separately. Your mic is still recording.
And right before I put out that episode, I was laying in bed.
I was like, thinking about the episodes.
Like I bet Gary didn't think. To like, mute his mic entirely.
And I just have a recording in my email right now.
Gary, getting his dick sucked. What a beast.
Yeah. What's dude, guys are just
roasting you and you're like my bad.
I was getting my dick sucked. Yeah, he actually.
Yeah, that's such a, it's like, it doesn't matter anything.
You said it. Wouldn't matter.
Is there any chance that we'll get that?
He, the Gary blowjob audio anytime and I can just put it
on. I'll just put it over and put it
over like at MF Doom. Instrumental, like the fuck up.
The fucking thing is I He told the story afterwards and I don't
think he like he like didn't get hard or he didn't come when I
don't want to besmirch his name and he's not.
Yeah, I think he just didn't like sorry baby.
I know they're talking about me. I think.
Yeah, I mean, there's something there was something that didn't
work out with that. But I think there was a mouth on
his penis for some of that audio.
Amide a city gets you every time I always say I've never I've
never come from oral. I'm sorry to say.
No way my dick. It's my, my penis is very
insensitive. Yeah, I remember the first time
I got one and I couldn't finish. I was like because you when you
see your kid, you think like, oh my God, that's I'm gonna bid.
But you know, when you're like a kid, if I was seven, I was seven
years. Different.
I've been there is way back now, he's gone.
No, but when you when you like, oh man, when it happens, it's
gonna last like three seconds, you know, and then when it
doesn't happen, you know, it's like oh shit, this is different
than I thought. Yeah, and you see how hard
they're working to when I lost my virginity.
I literally just thought about World of Warcraft because I was
like, this will make me not come if I think about a level 53
Turin. Warrior.
Yeah. And little Did You Know, It Made
It sped up the process. Process.
No. No, I was such a basket case.
It took me like, literally I could probably like an hour and
a half, really, and you like genuinely, I was fully just
like, it was like I took a bunch of pills before hand, because I
just out of my mom's in my mind. My first time when I think about
my first time, it lasted like 15 to 30 seconds.
Nice. Yeah, that's all you need.
That's what they don't. Ya obvious.
Like I've only likes you. That's all you need.
Yeah, really? Really doesn't matter at all.
Obviously, they always suck. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and she let me hit for the next six years.
Yeah, exactly. Because it's the reverse effect.
They're like, wow, he must love me.
Yeah, I got that gear. Yeah, exactly.
In better than ice hunt must be the greatest woman on Earth.
Yeah. Do I need to level up?
Yeah, this guy like, I'm only gonna hang on to this guy for
today, like I'm playing Juco ball and I'm in the final four.
Yeah. Yeah, so it's going on here.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to transfer from Butte
College to the University of California Berkeley and Aaron
Rodgers when he's like, I gotta get out of here.
Yeah. He's like I really, really like
women. I need to go to Berkeley.
Yeah, there are Aaron Rodgers gay rumors, by the way.
No, that's no. That's that's my favorite quote.
Yes. I mean I'm but he's not like
like there were Jeff Garcia, you know, the city of Chico.
You are gay when you are in that area code, that's the thing.
Like the city of Chico State is like, a party school and it's
very like, guys gone wild. Yeah, I think that has a
master's degree from Chico State, by the way, whereas spent
longer than four years there. Okay, so is my dad.
Yeah. I'm sure to stay here.
My doctor. He's a big man fucking.
I think I might teach you. I think I need to get another
degree. This really isn't working on.
No, this is, I'm sorry, but I did, I did I I'm I'm extremely
depressed right now. I can't handle.
This is my dad. And Aaron Rodgers had they've
had it is a picture of the fireplace there.
I mean, I mean, I mean ultimately I thought it was a
platonic hug. But it looked like they were
nude, always starts that way and we're nude.
And I guess a sex. Yeah, I don't mean to be fair,
like like if you're at Chico and you're like, man, this guy is so
good and he's gonna go to Berkeley.
I mean, yeah, you want the story for later?
Sure. It's like you like this guy's
gonna die sucked off the MVP. Yeah.
It's going to be the really if you're going to be a straight
guy who has a gay experience, an NFL quarterback is probably the
top of the line. I have my top 5 ready.
I mean, it's not even It's not even hey, you know what?
Hey, hey, hey, look, look we fucked hard.
But ask Elvis. Grbac.
What he, what he thinks. Yeah, just brick thing.
Colt McCoy is mouth. Yeah, Royal and Matt Cassel.
Yeah, they couldn't handle me. Yeah.
No, that's that's what you do when you're in junior college.
That's the thing. That's why a lot of people want
to go straight to four years because there's a Temptation.
Oh my God. Oh my God, you fuck Byron.
Leftwich. I really wish I had Googled
obscure NFL players before I started this, but this really
would help. Well, that's kind of my thing.
That's kind of my thing. Oh, I love it.
Yeah, I like, I think it's because, you know what?
The PS2 when I got the PS2. I got mad and like the 2002,
like, yes, with Dante. Culpepper on the front.
Yeah. It was like, yeah, it was like
amazing. The best Moto 2 2004 is
literally, it's right, quarterback graveyards games at
all, right? Be John mad.
Can I just say I also cried during the John Madden.
Documentary got me. Oh man.
I'm a why I can't breath. I can't watch it yet.
Like, yeah. Same same man.
It made me really sad. Yeah.
I got mad when I saw the little funny like the funny online
thing where it's like, I fucked John Madden and he died.
Suck my dick. Anybody didn't really fuck off
about John Madden. John Madden, put butter in my
hand. Yeah, make the Betty White joke.
I don't give a shit about her fucking.
You talk about John Madden. I don't know.
He's an American Institute, by the way, when people 'Well, I
mean, I mean it's like when people come up with these me to
choose when somebody has died. It's awful Norma.
Donald got it the worst. Oh, that was the worst.
It was like a fucking whore. Who did that.
This is seriously kill time until what if he did that.
He didn't. Yeah, would have wanted.
You would have. Yeah.
It's like how flattering you got.
No ass. Glenrock need anything.
Okay, grab anything. Fuck?
Yeah, where's your text? Hey, on account of your tiny ass
there. I didn't quit my fucking ironing
board the fuck. Yes.
Yeah buddy run tomorrow. Pretty good.
Put his dick in my nose. Oh, yeah, but I was good, but I
liked it. I love giving Brendan this.
Septum bring. That's what I.
Yeah, I love. By the way.
I have this septum. I don't, you know what?
I don't want to put myself on blast just do it.
Come on, but I have the septum ring Crush girl on Twitter.
Like this one. He has a boyfriend.
She has a boyfriend. She's the, that matter that,
that septum ring. That doesn't matter.
Let's bring literally negates. Any boyfriend first.
Does she wear a Marvin? Gaye.
Be need to look at the same time?
That would be cool if she did because I love.
Marvin Gaye, but You're her dad the most adorable girl I've ever
seen in my life. And by God, shot in the head or
just going to just get shot. I think it's too much ass.
You got you got 12 of God double barreled through the chest
because I remember that red man. Lirik.
Well the things like, yeah, I know you're New Jersey guy.
So, you know, read Handler. Here's the disagreement gay.
When his father, shot him in the chest.
He said there was a disagreement between Marvin and his father.
Was that Marvin's dad. Marvin.
Gaye. Senior.
GA y, senior didn't agree with Marvin Gaye, Jr.
G. Aye, yeah.
Decision to make himself, not gay.
Yeah. That was it.
It's like much don't become a plumber and your dad had a
plumbing business. I love how the the Redman lyric
is get you hollering like Marvin Gaye when his father shot him in
the chest. Let's listen, when I'm looking
down, when I'm looking, when I'm looking face down at a bitch,
screaming in my face, from my four and a half inch dick.
There you go. All I'm picturing is Marvin
Gaye's. Dad.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's like it's like, it's like suddenly this Gap, you know,
this, you know, Guatemalan round face becomes, Marvin Gaye's, dad
with a beard, right? I want to know who they were
infatuated. Women woman is who has the salt,
a die. I will, I Eddie, I will dmu her
at. She has a boyfriend.
But my God, I think I do think she has a crush on me and
interesting. I'm a big fan.
I mean, she's hot. That's all that's all.
I'll say, that's a, that's a, that's a, I don't know how to
say this without pissing off someone in my life.
So I guess I just won't say anything.
Yeah. Chloe, who are like, it doesn't
matter to me. You know.
Do you have a pussy? Like I was just going to say
that's a good idea. I don't really know some good
the courage as long as you get the courage.
That's a good pu a moment and say do you have a book?
It's just like, you know, it's not going to end good.
Yeah, but that does have something cool happen.
Oh, yeah, it's Brendan. So your New Year's resolution at
you sent me as the last time you and I talked on Zoom.
Thank you Glen. Thank you.
Send me a sari. You know, you sent me.
I said genuinely, thank you. Yeah.
Zoom zoom link where you said? Okay.
These are my New Year resolution.
Right. Yeah, read a few of me.
The main one was. I am going to that was number
one. Yeah, absolutely.
I'm going to have sex now. I saw some very disgusting
replies from some of the other people you sent that Zoom link
to said that it wouldn't happen. Yeah.
They were, like I said, it's ambitious with some went.
So some of the people that I was attacked, by the way, but yeah,
well, some of the people that I told it to, it turns out that
they want to have sex with me. Fuck.
And so they, they couldn't Can't be honest.
Yeah, they plus you've just yeah, but I think it's gonna
this is the year. Yeah.
Can you imagine me going a whole nother year?
A sixth year bail without any other is Brandon is this real
right now? It's fucking.
It's so so I know. So, do you guys are so crazy
dude? It's so crazy.
Eddie. I haven't had sex in five years
and we're on your six. And do you remember the date of
the last time? Five years ago?
I don't get in your head. That's exactly right.
Yeah, I was, I probably probably close to the close to five.
I think that least four, but it was a rough.
It was a, it was a rough time for me.
I was like, guys, always stiff are he's always stiff-arming
vegan, women out of the way. It's 94.
Like it's like a little self-control thing and we're
breath. They like, if you talk to a
vegan lady, but for too long and they get in your face, they have
weird smell to their God. You smell that Thomas from
Mainland, but if you're vegan proving this, dude, I wish I had
a big time right now. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't care. R yeah, dude.
Oh, yeah. I'll give a fuck, dude.
But but here's the thing is that I have had some insane.
Some insane false starts like like like like like just some
some like very like knocking on the door of pussy and being
reject like first and goal for both exactly.
Except I was on top of a girl who was moving my dick hard as
fuck. Plunging towards your pussy, and
she was like, yeah, like what? Yeah, like, like people who
seems like she needs to read. Paula.
I'm just women who are torqued, who who have identified my
pathology and have decided to torture me from that.
I know it's horrible. You're gonna be like, a fire
hydrant. Once it happens.
I had a, like, a, like, a Brooklyn like video rap, video,
or the I've already. Said the next woman that I have
sex with is getting pregnant. Like, it's not a question.
I see why you got for Latinas then I'll make sense.
I do. I know I do like, like, but
they've also treated me very badly.
Hmm. Because that's their like, you
know, you like it. That's their thing that you
can't like, in defense of the yeah, Cena's.
Yes, because I like latinas a lot.
But they also never leave though.
That's the thing. Like you you like legit.
They will want to kill you and then they won't leave like yeah,
you have Like literally punt them out of the one-legged guy.
That guy Fair catches it in like PRP houses.
Yeah, like that's just like a horny guy. 100 yards away.
Like how about you because? Because that's probably
happening somewhere else. Yes.
That's true. That's you gotta stand.
I relate, I relate to this entirely because the one Latina
that I had any experience with, I kicked the glass off.
Of a coffee table, but and it broke and it ruined the entire
thing. And then she asked me to fix
her. Okay, and then I just left after
hands. I was hardly know her literally,
no, even jokes involved. She like, vaguely fell asleep.
And I just got up and just walked out the door.
Yeah. Well, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, I can't, I can't do any kind of circus, you know.
Ringling Brothers. Stuff like that.
Yeah, I just anybody like Robin and Batman, I'd like it.
If you like anything, other than missionary sex just never
announced whatever dude and, and that's the only thing that I
care about is missionary sex. Yeah.
It's like 32 for, in your fear, in another person's face.
You're looking at 30 to 45 seconds and missionary sex is
all I care about. I just think you have your
kings. I just don't want to hear about
any of them if they're and I am, yeah.
Yeah, it's like yeah, yeah. Whatever you want to do.
Don't ask, don't tell is a great policy offer.
Oh my God is like some kind of reactionary position.
It's the most Progressive thing ever.
Yeah. It's like, yeah, I want to
that's the only way people. Oh, it's an individuality and
still have a regular, like, not be considered weird life.
That's why I'm ghetto. Damon took it a little bit of
that shame, like I should be doing this.
You show up at work. I'm supposed to show up at work
for Microsoft and they're like Rendon, where and where do you
like to put your nose when you're fucking?
Yeah, it's like, oh, yeah. I like to put in a woman's ass.
I'm pretty sure that's the first question of Microsoft.
Yeah. It's like so Brendan thanks for
joining the squad. Yeah.
Lets you know, Melinda hated it. Obviously, you know that Yeah,
yeah. Yeah, you work at Microsoft.
Yeah, that's the other. Like, they're like, don't kink
shame and it's like, no. You want me to?
Yeah. Yeah.
It's like don't even I'm ashamed of even being kinky at all.
Yeah, not going. I'm not.
I'm famously now. And I'm not kinky because I
like, yeah. Missionary is essential.
Yeah. Do you want to switch know?
I don't, I mean. I mean, yeah.
No, I've had girls, I've had girls get mad at me, where
they're like, it's like, okay, you suck.
It's like you start sucking my titties.
You go down on me and then finishing missionary after 45
seconds. Like, yeah, so what can we do?
Something different and I'm like, no qualms for you sure.
But yeah, not. I don't care.
I don't want to punch you in the face, dude.
I really don't like it doesn't bite my neck.
Yeah, that's the thing. It's like yeah, no.
No, thanks. And we can't fucking fellas.
I heard that was we can't even do that if we wanted to nowadays
because you just got to be careful, you know, so you gotta
be careful. Yeah.
Me too movement, right? Celebrities.
If they put me up for execution and someone got to announce
that, that was the reasoning. It was a jackal ating on
someone's butt and they just sent the firing squad for me in
the fucking. The little one thing, you put
your head into and your arms and you sit without tell me.
Mexican guys defending you. Yeah, you would have snow. no,
no, we will not allow you to Check
you later on our fishing spot. Three fifteen-year-old Mexicans.
Mexican kids beating the shit out of a guy in an Executioner's
Hood. All the white employers II
personally, I believe her. Yeah, just like a Mexican like a
Mexican child. Like running through a firing
squad like slapping rifles after the guys like we deserve the
right to ejaculate on a guy spot.
What are you putting a rose petal?
And it's God. Now.
Wait. Hello.
Kendall Jenner. I love Mexicans boys, boys.
I appreciate you guys coming through.
I, that's too much laughing for me.
Hopefully people like this. I loved it was okay.
Oh, no, they're gonna hate, it was great.
It's horrible. And if people hate this, I
should just stop because nothing goes over.
Said, this is pretty much the general theme of just anything
I've ever been involved with. When you switch it to guys,
also, because this started off with a jacket and a woman's
hell. Yeah.
Type of Eddie. Oh, shut up.
Shut the fuck up. I mean, when I get ready for car
crash, I'm usually doing jumping jacks.
Kills Lana. It's like getting ready
typically coming up coming on material to my wife and she
said, that's what you know, Glenn, Glenn.
The thing about getting ready for Carmelo.
Don't know, is that you got to get ready for the guys talking
about middle school for three hours.
Oh, no. Brandon Jackoff a middle school,
Brandon. Yeah, that's pretty nice.
That pretty much is car. Crash.
You want to hear that? Listen to car crash?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Car crashes. Great.
I was just on there. I think you guys need a sigh
solo episode. You guys need him just on.
Yeah, I really do want a flower laughs plenty of time.
So I think that would be really good.
Yeah, cuz he just walked out on his woman Zoom.
I want no Exposition for anything.
I want to literally just set up a time where it's just signed
Gary. No preparation beforehand.
They just got to his kind of all.
It's gonna be all time. It's gonna shake some.
Yeah. It's gonna make Waves.
Yeah pay literally drop the first ten minutes of it and pay
while the rest of it because everybody will say no no that t
it. Yeah.
Nft it, whatever you got to do. Brandon tells them all.
I've been on both these shows recently, tails to the mall is
fantastic. It's a phone conversation.
It's very much like when a rapper gets locked up in jail
and Records. His next album in jail, and the
and you wraps over the phone or the phone.
Yeah, and you like it more than the other ones expedited x-rated
from California's guy that used to do that.
But yeah, great. Great show.
Thank you, have anything. I'll do everything else.
I feel like you have like a million prize like I hear about
a new project every day from you.
Well, I well I'm the writer and director of the isolation
chamber which is coming back and he's been on it.
Which, by the way, by the way, I have this idea for a Batman like
like scarecrow like the Scarecrow from Batman, but
instead of the drug that he gives you is just like Ed, he's
having sex with his girlfriend and it turns into my face.
Brendan's. Always so mean to me towards the
end of episodes. He gets so angry about Middle
School about fucking my girlfriend.
I know, I know, I'm Bells, I love you Eddie, but this idea of
the Scarecrow, the Batman villain who like there's a drug
that he releases where, it's like, all of a sudden you're
having like, whenever you're having sex and then all of a
sudden, the, my, my face appears in the woman that your pocket.
Yeah. I like it's not so continue just
for them. We're back folks.
Okay cool. So but Tales from the mall is my
my current project. Elroy boys was a talk show that
I had with balaur guys who I'm still friends and colleagues
with And Eddie was on that one as well.
Okay, I love. I'll blow our guys is on episode
of car crash. Recently was that's awesome by
the way, like but our guys is a genius.
I think that's why there's sometimes people come on our
show and they I feel like you don't give them a good chance to
jump into the conversation. I have zero empathy so I don't
try to bring them in because I'm just completely oblivious.
Hmm. That's something if anyone's
listen to that. This is a complaint.
I'm aware of that. I need to start actually.
Bring people in because we've had a couple of guests this
season so far where they just come on.
And I just make no attempt to bring them into the conversation
at all. And I kinda just expect them to
jump in. It doesn't really always work
out. Hmm.
I love the idea of, yeah, I'll go on your podcast and talk and
then be like, psych. Yeah.
Yeah, love that. That's poo, really cool thing to
do. Okay.
Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Brendan you're saying.
Well, so what you're saying? Eddie, it sounds like to me.
Is that you didn't give you didn't get Bauer guys to chance
to talk? No, I just didn't we hadn't
talked before like in one-on-one conversation like voice to
voice, you know, and I feel like I didn't give his episode of
fair chance to let him get more shit.
And because me, Gary and Ryan, we're just bullshitting about
something retarded. Probably don't remember anything
we talked about. Well, I don't yeah.
I don't think II listen to that so I can get the vibe that you
froze him out. Destroy you.
Now, I'm I'm also a psycho who reads too much into everything.
I'm gonna have to kill you now. Yeah, I know.
And that many such cases. Now.
Typically, this this show is not as smart as either, these guys
shows. So if you are coming, watch
their hope. Big book fair and I'm like, you
know, I'm special Ed personally. I see it.
And so personally and then and then we're talking Tales from
the mall with her. Yeah, let's do an episode.
I'm going to read sexual Persona and me and my fat co-hosts are
going to have sex on the Arrow. We talk about sexual Persona and
we're gonna film it in HD 4K quality and put it on YouTube
for 43 views. That's cool.
Yeah, that sounds like an organic idea to talk about
Thomas Aquinas. Yeah, that'd be good.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Yeah. I so so, yeah.
Anyways, like I said, if you're coming from these guys shows be
patient. We're get we'll get there where,
you know, very candies, a better show than car crashes are gone.
I see, here's the thing. We are more consistent than car
crash. That's the only thing I will say
that is sure. I'll give you that one.
We ran every week and consistency is how you.
Because if you stop podcasting for a week, we did that one
time. We took one break one time
because he simply side did not have power like, you know, yeah.
Yeah, frozen out of power. And like what was said, was that
like only two people were like, hey, he's coming out.
I thought there'd be more people.
That would that would come at the I am tripping at work right.
Now. What's going on?
I got an episode with Steve Banning Rahim.
Kisan, get upload tomorrow. They come they came on a car
crash really and yeah true. Yeah, they sure sound like Eddie
Bravo. We got food.
Banning any Bravo's coming up in the future.
Another blend mentioned at forgot.
I had his contact information, isolated.
I got gay people and girls send me pictures and t-shirts.
That's pretty cool. I recently had a gay guys.
Send me a but left picture of his butt and it said, it said, I
want to, I want to bare ass your groin or something.
That's what it said. Like, I want to bare ass what he
said. I want to Bear ask your groin is
what exactly and it was a picture of you guys are so
barbaric. I know it's it was like you want
to Bear a smile like that. You would like nice.
Sorry, but sorry, I can't help you there.
Yeah, I did though. I did have though and I had to
follow up on this because it didn't seem real to me that
there was a girl who sent me a DM that said, two things about
me one. I'm 18.
Okay, too. I give the sloppiest top.
Okay, and I was like too good to be true.
See you in in your DNA. That's basically what show me.
What's that? A gin was in your DMs, trying to
seduce you into the dark side. Yeah.
Well, I mean, at first I was like, well, this is obviously
it's like a trap or some, something's wrong.
So I represent has a penis or a trap just in like you're in your
Ross like yeah, like like somebody, like somebody's gonna
be like Brendan wants to have sex with the youngest and
hottest women possible, you know, like like which is awful.
100% true, right? I thought.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like Somebody trying to make me
look like I want to have sex with young and hot women Port
like well anyway, but it turns out she really is Young and hot.
And and it just like that's how she talks to guys.
Wow. Just Greta thunbergii as
damning. You a monster.
You monster. Yeah.
Gosh, it's coming from your big gigantic.
Sexy cock. Yeah.
Bring it on. I'm sorry.
I'm like, hey Pfizer doesn't work.
Huh? You know, I mean that's what I
do on here all the time. Pfizer, you get the shot.
Guess what? Not going to do anything.
I do that necessary, Glenn. I was talking to my friend and I
was like, I'm going to be on a podcast, I have to go.
And she was like, what was the podcast about?
And I'm like, it's about sports. I said, it's a podcast about
sports and how covid is fake. Thousand percent true.
But and then Brendan, where's his 49ers shirt and Giant's hat
to the show. So, like a foreigner.
I'm wearing every shirt like like yeah, I am.
I'm anyway, but so funny because that's exactly like once I told
her that I was like better put sports gear.
Where's the Empire State? Being homes, do.
Okay. Here's here's another funny
story. The first time I ever went to
Seattle. I took a bus from Portland to
Seattle and I got off in downtown Seattle and the meth
head. Literally said to me, where is
Sears Tower? And I was like, um, I think it's
an Illinois. Tollway.
I think you got a long way to go.
Yeah. I love them really polite, guys.
Know big. Oh, hey.
What's it the the 12th? They'll come out to me.
Like almost guys. I'm like no.
It's the the first any of what of what of what and these like
to thank you. I'm like, is it the 12th?
Oh, no, it's not the 12th. But I do have math to selling my
re-upped. Yeah, no.
No, but how much money do you have?
I have mess. Yeah, straight up dude.
He just had a bunch of copper wire.
Just yeah, and he was just like is it the first like a guy with
like a glass tube? And he was like, what day is it?
Yeah, exactly. Well boys.
I appreciate you guys coming through listen to car.
Crash, it's smart. He wanted to Classic smart guy.
Moved to say that the podcast is the called the yarder.
Fuck everyone. I'm like, do you like The New
Yorker in the New York Times? Because if you do listen to car
crash, yeah. Suck like NPR.
You like NPR. Yeah.
If you do listen to car crash in seriousness by the shirts, the
shirts are fantastic. You don't need to bother also
that you do not have to buy the shirts.
You do not have to. I'm telling you.
I'm gonna buy one right now. Eddy.
Where do I buy one car? Crash dot, Big Cartel.com?
You buy a shirt. I'll send you just the patreon.
Like, there's just an a episode with Brendan and red pill.
Girlfriend. That's the only red pill
girlfriend, who is my literal in real-life girlfriend.
That's not true. I know she hasn't acted like
that isn't an actual boyfriend. Who is actually a really cool
guy. Okay.
I'm buying the Madeline one, by the way.
Hmm. That's a good.
You think need? Okay, so normally I'm a medium
sometimes at large. Okay, I think you should go for
the, what's funny is I thought that certain sizes would cost
more. So for like The Counter Strike,
sure. I just made everything like as
big as possible. Like I think that shirt goes
with like for Excel. I was like, this is probably
that makes sense that someone by the counter.
So I sure need a 4 x 0 Okay, I'm doing it.
So Brandon's buying a shirt and you should do the same thing.
Right? Because I feel like anybody else
in this show is like I want to be that guy so I need to buy
more forms. And yeah, we're well as it hit
by the way, Eddie, has anyone bought the Madeline one.
Yeah. That is see, I got kind of
pissed when I first put them up because no one really bought the
Hulk Hogan. Sure.
But everything is kind of caught up since then, right?
Right. Here's here's your was the
problems that I looked at the Hogan and I was like, people are
Going to think that the Hogan is the most based one.
Like it's the best one. No, not at all.
But I I just bought the Madeline by the way.
Thank you. Check check.
Check your inbox. I'm tracking her T. 3243.
Okay, thank you grounded. In order has been despite that
by the car crash shirts. The the you know, it's worth it.
Okay guys, right? Look man.
I think if you buy the car crash shirt, if you buy a shirt, I'll
send you a patreon link for. I don't know how long our Access
links work for you'll just have access to patreon forever.
So there you go. I realized I made the shirts a
little bit too expensive, just because I figured, I, I posted
the design five Biden's Fault by the way, not your type.
I posted the designs and then a million.
Fucking people were like it. Please.
Let me give you money, please. And I was like, all right.
Well, I guess I better rush to get something out strike while
the iron's. Well, it's been amazing like to
see on the timeline and on Instagram.
How many people are actually wearing the shirts for the?
Yeah, I genuinely had a moment where I was at work, the other
day and I wanted to cry because I was just randomly flipping
through Instagram stories and I saw some guy, I didn't even
fucking know or ever talk to post a picture of shirts was
like, yeah, that's the bends like this.
It's not even though it's not at the point where that sustainable
thing for me to be just like, oh, yeah.
Fuck this job. Dude, I'm gonna say.
Yeah sure. It's like that.
It will come but yep, but you might quit before it, which is
what I did. Which by the way, I mean, like I
haven't I haven't. I haven't asked.
I've lost hundreds of dollars on my podcast.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, ever.
And oh, I was definitely at that point.
Yeah. I've definitely just spent the
most. I was like, yo ho M never.
I was just like you homie. I lost all the money, but I've
got my shit back. Yeah.
I've lost a bunch of money. Don't buy a shirt if my by one.
I just did, I just did and it'll be like, Brandon.
He doesn't have don't buy one. If you don't buy one quite
frankly. I think that you are a faggot.
What if Brendan gets laid the day?
That that would be all. That's.
Oh my God, Eddie. I will engineer this.
I will end up a story where I have sex.
Okay, I'm on top of a woman in the car crash t-shirt.
It's on. What if someone sends me a
picture of them having sex in a car crash, but you know, that
someone's God will send. You another, I will let you.
If you come on the shirt. I'll send you the same design
and then also the other three design.
Okay. Frame it for free by the way.
Okay, so you don't my fantasy is as a podcaster.
Okay, just because you guys are familiar with my my timeline or
whatever. Like.
Oh, yeah, my mirror, like my mirror with all the perfumes,
and the Missouri likes and splayed and my cat that there's
going to one day. Be some girl who Posts a selfie
on the timeline of her in the mirror with holding it.
My Shaq, Shaq or me. Khlo, uh-huh.
In like a like in a 49ers. Know, in a car crash t-shirt.
Yeah, my car crash t-shirt in my mirror, like like Tasha like,
like, what whoever that fucking girl.
Was that did that an atom? Friedland?
Who's Dasha? Who's Adam Freeland?
Never know. Who the house?
Very good. Very good.
I don't hear that. London news, William Shakespeare
quite frankly, never heard of God's res.
An equal comparison. Yeah.
I actually don't know that guy either.
I've heard the name Dasha but I'm not smart enough for who's
Emmitt Smith? Yeah.
I know that ass Universe like an
orange card. Yeah.
Yeah.
That's exactly right. I actually so So just for
myself, Eddie is a very successful Sports Gambler.
I've been very envious of him of his do not.
They, I got down my Bovada account guy down to 11, huh?
I am kind of proud of this one. I made 40 to Beth's this last
weekend on the last week that sprinkling on everything 42
bets, and I went from my Bovada account.
I think I haven't put money in says, I won that big bet but my
account. At 1,400, when I started placing
stuff on Saturday, it got down to 11:00 before the game started
on Sunday. And then I ended the day at
1600. So when oh, wow, so yeah, I had
a, I put three dollars down on a parlay this last weekend and
this episode this episode might not come out right when these
games happen. So you have to realize this is
I'm talking what week 18 of the NFL season.
First time week, eight scenes ever had NFL.
See ya, so you had to go hard. On it that I bet Jacksonville
moneyline. Jacksonville.
Wasn't going to beat the cold. I wish I would have a said that
it would never happen. I looked at Carson wentz's eyes
pregame. And I said, no, that's not a
winner. Yeah, I mean you just gotta know
that every shit-ass team will follow the 11, the division team
will ball the fuck out in a debating the division the
division. Then I bet Pittsburgh Steelers
moneyline Pittsburgh, Steelers Baltimore Ravens, always take
the team that to the underdog because that's a weird-ass
rivalry, right? So at that one boom you get that
you get the plus 700 The 185 you already like that, but I'm only
putting a couple bucks down. So I'm like I gotta have one
more crazy win. Gotta have one more crazy win,
man. I put I bet on the San Francisco
49ers. Yeah.
Again, who were down 17, nothing at the half.
Sean McVeigh. Jalen.
Ramsey goes up to George kiddo and says you are eyes, are going
in a body back. You guys are going in body bag,
George kills. Like no, actually, I think we're
going to win. It's only the second quarter,
pal - come along with soon, as you said, never bet on the
Raiders. I bet $100 in the Raiders
immediately. Wow.
Because you never listen to someone talking like if they had
a game to get them in the playoffs.
Devon the Huskers baby, you know like it's such.
It's amazing advice like yeah, you know, if you have a team if
you ever team put money on the other team.
Yeah, if I tell you basically, how do you feel about the
Raiders? I'm like, I hope I don't kill
myself tonight. And and if anybody if anybody
wants, that's, I don't know. I don't have an answer for you.
I'm gonna watch the game as a fan.
Do do. You know what's so funny?
Is that you were on my show and I made you make like an NFL
picks. It was like a month later that
the episode even came out. I lost and I lost ha ha ha,
which is funny because I love me idea.
I love the idea of somebody. One of our free, I think it was
might have been John dios who might have been?
If I know I love him. The first-ever tales from the
mall. Yes, taken.
He had said, he's like, I would love it.
If I like, went back in time Back to the Future style and
maybe that Glenn said and still lost like listen to the bet but
don't check to see who actually Thought I was winning a bet that
I had placed while we were recording that the Patriots.
We're playing this insane windy game and I think Eddie remember
this game because I think I might have tipped you off on
Patriots, money line on this one, too.
There was this insane like 30 mile, an hour wind game, 40 mile
an hour, wind game bills, Patriots bills, Monday Night
Football. I was when I was recording,
probably about part about a month ago, I'd say, oh, that's
it on that to. Yeah, and I believe I I
sprinkled the group chat with that one.
I said, hey guys, Pedro is moneyline.
It's happening tonight. I mean, the Bills suck dick
there. Are a fake team.
They are. Let's yeah. - it's literally a
guy's name as your team. Do.
Didn't oh, man. Yeah.
Yeah exactly.
Not going to work. The the New York Sean's is my
favorite. Yeah.
Yeah, so I end up winning that bet.
However, I place a bet and I believe it was the Thursday
night game. This is how my brain works.
I actually remember this was Steelers money line against the
Vikings Vikings. Barely the Vikings went up to
twenty four. Nothing lead, Steelers, almost
tie it up and lose. I'm sorry if you made that
fuckin hate betting on the Steelers, dude, I'll never been
on the steel. No, black and yellow black and
yellow, my favorite team. Of all time is the Packers
because I went to Lambeau. The first NFL game I ever went
to the first NFL game I ever went to was a my 21st birthday
gift from my dad. He gave me Packers.
I went to the University of Wisconsin and my dad was able to
through corporate connections. Okay.
Get me Lambo Packers. Go to Chico State master's
degree level. Yes.
Okay. Yeah.
Yeah.
All the evil Northern
California. Caching is Aaron Rodgers
connections. This is all, this is all coming
together, but guys, Rogers was on the bench that I'm this was
night. This was 2007.
Okay. It was it was Favre in his last
year's Acker. Oh, yeah.
Put up seven. It's I think it was seven.
Touchdown passes. I believe it's the pack against
the Vikings at Lambeau. Whoa, and then he went to the
Vikings on my, on my 21st birthday.
I was there drinking Spotted, Cow New Glarus, spotted carry, a
great and smoking. American Spirit yellows in the
sky. Yeah.
It was like the best thing ever, man.
I don't like any of the NFC North GM's.
Like I don't like actively root for them.
But I respect the entire division.
There's one of the Visions I do. Best of it black, and blue
division day. All I'm saying is the lions are
going to be back very soon. You're calling this right now.
If the alliance Alliance has never been that Glenn or not.
Is that the Giants have had the success that they have had?
Yeah, it's true. The, when I get, I mean, yeah, I
mean, Eli Manning is, the reason why I like the jock is, dead of
Eli. Manning is fucking just
literally the most retard like, look into things.
Yeah. That was a, that was a way the
mayor was Archie Manning. That's really, really what is
Brendan being? So mean to me than I guess I'm
not. It's called me a retard and I
think that like it. And energy that we have between
it's true. And I and so, anyways, the I'm
serious, about the Lions. By the way, I'm saying this
right now is a time capsule moment.
So after four years from now, after the roar has been restored
in Detroit, after this happens, you for years from now, when
you're like, Brendan is very famous director.
Eddie is the podcast King. I'm on a subreddit everything.
I'm just very tired, sucking down.
No, no, I'm on the car-crash subreddit every day arguing with
people and but I want to hear four years ago.
This podcast, they were on and then you're like, wow, this guy
got the Lions Resurgence, right? All comes on.
That's honestly, I really do feel.
I have been able to restore the roar.
They will win the division within four years.
Wow. Colin are calling it out based
on what. So so here's what happened.
And this is this is I said, I was gonna end up like an hour
ago, and I love it. Get the fuck out of here, but
wait, I have Lions predictions, guys.
Wait, wait, the here's what's gonna happen.
Okay, Matthew Stafford, right? Matthew Stafford is guy, is
doing a very nice job with the Rams.
However, not sure they're going to win it all.
They're not going to do use a guy.
He's gonna they trade him to the Rams.
They get Jared Goff they take on a lot of dead weight.
They get two first round picks for it.
Two first round picks. Now this year, they drafted
really well. They hired a guy named Dan
Campbell. The guy is the ultimate fucking
coach. They literally play their Hearts
out for that guy. Play their hearts out.
You bet against them. You bet a big spread against
them. You're sweating entire time.
Like, if you're betting, the favorite ago that the lines are
not going to cover this and you're like, what the fuck, like
you're watching the game. It's insane.
They tied with the Steelers this year.
So I the Steelers are sweating trying to get into the playoffs.
Yeah. And all that stuff.
They got two first round picks to come up.
They got 100 million in cap space.
Now, they might blow those pics. I might be wrong.
I might be stupid. I don't think they are.
I think they got the right thing going.
I think the lions are going to have a similar to what the
Browns did a couple. Four years ago, they're gonna
have a crazy play out front. I think you're right.
I think it's an underestimated quality to have a guy that
people want to play for. I mean, they didn't give a
lecture. I mean, it could have just,
like, literally just phoned it in on the last game against the
Packers. Dude.
He said in his opening press conference.
He said it fucking killed me. He was like he had the eyes of
like a guy who's like my team sucks.
He had it while you say, he goes look man.
I don't know what the final score is going to be.
We're going to call your eyes up.
We're going to tell your legs. Yeah.
I respect them. We're going to I mean and that's
going to help us in that case. We're going to punch you in the
face. I don't know what the final
score. Beep, you're gonna fucking hate
playing us. That's what a bunch of slapshot
very Paul Newman. Slap Shot situation.
Totally. Oh my great movie, by the way.
So yes, yes voice, listen to Tales from the mall.
Listen to car crash. I co-signed them, great shows.
Listen to Elroy. Elroy, Blazer back.
Is that wasn't what he said or was it?
I did not say that isolation chamber is back in that with by
the way, produced by the great John dios.
Oh wonderful. Holy agony.
Yes, an amazing person. Love the guy.
So, unless boys, this is rare candy fall at crypto.
So, he just, he would you just quit his job before?
I don't, by the way, I don't deserve to be on this podcast to
do with the greatest Eddie of car.
Crash boy who I think I know it's true.
That's true isn't sound genuine. I'm sorry.
So Ed.
He's the guy he's the Belichick is I said check of, by the way.
The best listen to car crash. Listen to tell from the mall, be
on the lookout for the isolation chamber produced by John dios
and be on the lookout for us. I have some really fun ideas for
some more Sports. I hate taking, are we doing that
sport? There?
Is that playoff stream still happening.
We do need to do that. That's a good call.
I am off for the next two weeks. So let's maybe maybe.
So if not playoffs, maybe just a Super Bowl stream or something.
Something don't do it after the first round.
I had. Yeah, we'll do it after the
first round after we get down to the divisional game.
So I think, by the way, I I'd be down for any kind of like
playoffs. I would love for you to yell
real beers on that podcast. You know what?
I'm sorry for that didn't happen.
I don't know. You're talking about.
I got one in there. It's not as bad as the one
there's certain ones. Yeah, it was.
Yeah. It was like he was like get this
portagee off the show. Yeah.
Alright guys, that's it for me. I'm gonna know.
Can we just talk for another hour?
I want to go.