1 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:19,640 An LG Coach podcast Worth the wait episode, Sarah. 2 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:23,440 Yes. We haven't spoken in a couple of 3 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:27,080 weeks, well, at least for this. Yeah, that's true. 4 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:29,840 Does we record this every other week? 5 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:35,760 I, I have a funny story and I have, I have some stories this 6 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,640 week about my, my GLP one experience. 7 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:44,960 But you had said to me earlier that your last couple weeks were 8 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,160 interesting. Yeah, for sure. 9 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:52,120 So I'm not sure how long we've we've been doing this now we got 10 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,240 a little bit of a head start before we started recording. 11 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:58,600 So I don't know how many weeks it's been exactly, I'd have to 12 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:03,880 look in my notes app, but I feel like what I've learned is never 13 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,640 weigh yourself on shot day. Why? 14 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:11,640 Weigh yourself the morning after your shot and here's why. 15 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:16,840 I I did have two weeks in a row where I did not lose any weight. 16 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,800 I was, I was the same. Well, actually, I guess that's 17 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,040 not true. I had one week where I didn't 18 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,200 lose any weight right where it's the same as the week before. 19 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:30,120 And I weighed myself on shot day and it really looked like it was 20 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,560 going to be two weeks in a row of no weight loss. 21 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,360 And I weighed myself the morning after my shot down 3 lbs. 22 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:43,480 And every time I've weighed myself since down 3 lbs really. 23 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:47,200 And this has happened before when I weigh myself on shot day. 24 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:53,320 Yeah, it just, it, it's, it seems to make a difference. 25 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,240 So I mean, we've already talked about like the week of your, 26 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,080 your period, right? And how you retain water that 27 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,920 week. So I shared I guess probably 2 28 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,880 weeks ago that I was frustrated that week because it looked like 29 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:12,200 I had like gained 5 or 6 lbs. But no, it's just just water 30 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:17,400 retention during my period. So I really can't explain this 31 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,680 like difference between the morning of the morning after 32 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:21,400 thing. It does seem to make a 33 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,240 difference though for me. Really. 34 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:29,800 Because it's happened before. I have a funny story and it 35 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:34,680 it's, it's associated or related to the story I told in the last 36 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,120 episode about how I was so hungry. 37 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:43,400 Yeah, starving all the time. I went to the vet to pick up 38 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,600 Sam, who's doing much better, by the way. 39 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,840 And I want to thank everybody for the well wishes. 40 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:53,360 And I was sitting in the little exam room and the vet was going 41 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,640 through all the medications I had to give her. 42 00:02:56,560 --> 00:03:05,040 And he pulled out this tube and he said, now with this, you got 43 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:10,000 to wear gloves. And I, I said, I said, oh, why? 44 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,120 And he said, well, this is transdermal. 45 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:20,320 And I realized what he was talking about, the medication he 46 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,800 was talking about was an appetite stimulant. 47 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:30,800 And I said, so you're saying that that medication works on 48 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,400 humans as well? And he said, oh, yes. 49 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:40,280 And I, I said, do you think that might be why? 50 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,240 I said, I'm on, I'm on tirzepatide. 51 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:47,880 This is supposed to be curbing my hunger and I'm not, I'm not 52 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:51,240 experiencing that. And he said, how long have you 53 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,800 been on the tis appetite? I said about six weeks. 54 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,120 And he said how long has Sam been on the medication? 55 00:03:56,120 --> 00:04:04,800 And I said about six weeks. And he said that's probably 56 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:10,520 contributing to your appetite. Yeah, good thing Sam was a small 57 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,760 dog and she wasn't getting a larger dose, right. 58 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:16,240 Right, right. That is, there are a lot of 59 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,440 reasons to love Sam and that that is just one of them. 60 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:25,680 So once I stopped doing that and started wearing gloves, I 61 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:29,040 noticed a change. It was really like night and 62 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,480 day, huh? Night and day. 63 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:37,600 Well, that makes sense. And this past Friday, because I 64 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:42,360 started doing my shots on Fridays as well, I, I did my 65 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:47,240 shot and I had to reconstitute, you know, I had to put the, the 66 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:51,600 BAC water in and mix it and, or, you know, and let it settle or 67 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:55,840 whatnot. And then I had to administer it. 68 00:04:56,240 --> 00:05:01,360 And I was having a really hard time getting the liquid into the 69 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:05,280 needle. And so I was sort of pulling the 70 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,480 the like the little, what's it called? 71 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,360 Like the plunger? The plunger thing to sort of get 72 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:16,600 it going. And so it finally worked and I 73 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,840 typically fill it up to 20 units and then push out what I don't 74 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:23,160 need. And I thought for sure that I 75 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,760 did. I, I, I still think that I did. 76 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:31,400 So I administer the shot and the next day I won't say that I was 77 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:38,520 violently ill, but I will say I was severely nauseous. 78 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,880 OK. Had the most the worst 79 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:48,000 indigestion and keep in mind I take acid reflux medication 80 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:53,840 everyday. I had to take 2 pills for two 81 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:59,080 days straight, it was that bad, and now it only lasted for two 82 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,440 days. And you weren't eating anything 83 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,120 different. I I barely ate that that 84 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,360 Saturday. I, I, I couldn't. 85 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,640 The thought of food was turning my stomach. 86 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,320 OK. And like I said it take it took 87 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,200 about two days. Although I will say I learned 88 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,080 from a friend. I was in a live on TikTok. 89 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:21,600 We were talking about the Idaho case and I was talking about how 90 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,760 nauseous I was and someone on the panel used to work in a 91 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,600 hospital and they said do you have any alcohol prep pads and 92 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:30,760 I. Said, Oh yeah, you could sniff 93 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,160 one, right? I sure do. 94 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,800 Yeah. And I went and I sniffed 1, and 95 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,720 I'll be damned if that didn't work. 96 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,320 Yeah, I mean it worked within a minute. 97 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:44,200 Huh. So that definitely helped. 98 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,120 That definitely helped the nausea. 99 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:47,880 I should have tried that. I should have thought of that 100 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,800 the night of my Thai food. Right. 101 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,640 Although I don't know, I think that just needed to come out. 102 00:06:54,520 --> 00:07:00,520 The indigestion was terrible, terrible, but it literally 103 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,680 lasted 2 days and that was it. And now it's I, I, I haven't had 104 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:08,040 it since and I feel I'm not hungry. 105 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:17,240 I'm eating, but I'm not hungry, which is this is, this is what I 106 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:21,040 wanted things to be. I wanted to, I made sure to have 107 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:28,240 Greek yogurt, protein, granola, fruit, and I've started making 108 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:35,400 this date sort of puree, caramelized puree out of dates 109 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,480 that I put on my my Greek yogurt. 110 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,080 It's just a great source of fiber. 111 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:45,480 I put it on the Greek yogurt. I start that off sandwich in the 112 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:51,240 afternoon, Turkey or roast beef and then dinner. 113 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:58,360 It depends, depends on how hungry I am, but it's definitely 114 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:05,280 I, I don't feel as though I have to order from DoorDash right 115 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,280 now. I am thinking, oh, listen, I'm, 116 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,280 I'm still not cooking, but I'm instead of going to DoorDash, 117 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,640 I'm going across the street to this really nice, this nice 118 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:17,160 sandwich shop and getting a roast beef sandwich, paying half 119 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,800 than what I'd be paying on DoorDash. 120 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,800 And that's really the only food I'm buying for the day because I 121 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:27,080 have everything else. So the last time we spoke, I had 122 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:33,919 lost about 2 lbs total, but was sort of staying the same, which 123 00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:38,120 surprised me because I thought for sure because of the way I 124 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,159 was eating. Oh, I thought for sure I was 125 00:08:40,159 --> 00:08:41,640 going to gain weight and I didn't. 126 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:48,680 I stayed at that same weight, but in the past two weeks I got 127 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:50,440 on the scale. I was 2 lbs less. 128 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,920 Congrats. Two other two new pounds so. 129 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:54,720 Isn't that awesome? It's. 130 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:56,400 It. Is it's. 131 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:01,080 Sweet. But it makes me think, OK, now 132 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:05,480 this process really begins for me, right? 133 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,560 But I, I'm not going to lie, I'm, I'm very nervous about 134 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:11,880 taking another shot on Friday. I want a replay. 135 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:18,600 Yeah, now I told you 2 weeks ago when we were both hungry that I 136 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:26,280 was also feeling weirdly hungry. So I did up my dosage and just a 137 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,800 little bit, but it really, it did the trick. 138 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,640 Did it? Man, eating is a real chore for 139 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:36,200 me right now. It is a chore I. 140 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,920 Won't say that it's a chore. I definitely feel like, and 141 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:44,080 that's the reason why I like a sandwich because you can split 142 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:45,520 it in two. Yeah. 143 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,320 Half and half and then you don't feel like you're wasting food. 144 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:54,840 And there's there's so much, there's so much involved with. 145 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:58,880 You know, we were talking about our relationships with food and 146 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,600 you know, I was raised. You do not waste food. 147 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,160 You do not. A lot of people were like most 148 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:11,320 people I think, right? My father used to make these 149 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:16,520 stews of pretty much anything that was leftover meat wise. 150 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:21,280 There was no, there was no throwing out of food or wasting 151 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,080 of food. So that's the I think that's 152 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:28,040 another block I have about cooking and food shopping. 153 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,360 Yeah. I think I'm, yeah, I think a lot 154 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:35,560 of people have that. But I but with ADHD and the and 155 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:44,000 the the sandwich, I don't feel, I don't feel overwhelmed about 156 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,120 eating and but will I eat it all? 157 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,240 And am I going to am I going to waste it? 158 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:53,040 I can go, oh, here's a half now, here's a half later and it makes 159 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,920 sense in my brain and I don't and I don't get that that 160 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,600 overwhelmed that. Makes sense to me too. 161 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,720 Right. It's it's just, it's just 162 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:06,080 easier. But this effects boot shopping. 163 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:09,560 This is it's very difficult to buy for one person. 164 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,680 It's difficult I think, to food shop anyway. 165 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,520 Like, I don't know, maybe it's just me, but the grocery store 166 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,560 has always been my most hated chore. 167 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,240 Yeah. It's so over stimulating, 168 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,160 everybody's in the way. Right. 169 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:29,320 I, I, I agree with you, hate it. I I agree with you this. 170 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,280 Hate it? That is part of the reason why I 171 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,840 do. I usually do Instacart. 172 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,280 Yeah. Right. 173 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,640 And then you wonder like Instacart, DoorDash, Kristen, 174 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,320 where is all your money? I don't know. 175 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,840 Instacart and DoorDash I think. Yeah. 176 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:53,200 But I like in our house soda. My dad hated having soda and he 177 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,480 almost made us feel like we were spoiled if we had soda. 178 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:04,800 And so I think that refusal to let us have it made me want it 179 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,280 more. But also I grew to really like 180 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:12,560 warm soda. And I don't know why. 181 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:14,320 I think maybe it settled my stomach. 182 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:18,320 I don't know. But not being able to have it as 183 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:24,720 a kid made me want it more. And I, I, I, I think I ought, 184 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:25,800 you know what? You know what it is? 185 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:29,880 I associated it with being at my aunt's house, my Aunt Sally's 186 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,080 house, because she always had coke. 187 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,680 OK. So it was like a little treat 188 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,160 time it. Was like a little treat. 189 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,360 So I I've always associated it with my aunt, my aunt's house. 190 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,520 And so there's always been, I think something comforting about 191 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,640 it. Yeah, having warm soda. 192 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,760 It's so it's so silly, but. She had it. 193 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,640 She had it warm like she liked it warm. 194 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,080 Well, she kept it. I believe in her. 195 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,040 Like a walk in pantry. Oh, I see. 196 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,680 So it was like room temperature, right? 197 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,560 Yeah, right. So. 198 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,760 And no ice. No, they. 199 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,000 Put ice in it I didn't put. Ice. 200 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:04,880 Oh, I see. OK. 201 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:10,520 Ice at the time, but all the IT was the same thing with sweets. 202 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:16,920 My I think my father saw sweets as a reward and we talked about 203 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,720 this last week. He wasn't going to do that, 204 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:24,600 which made me want to have it have them more and which made me 205 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:26,840 mention this. Going to my aunt's house, she 206 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,280 was always cooking the whoopie pies and the and the chocolate 207 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,720 chips. It really all that stuff 208 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:36,040 represents comfort for me. Yeah, well, sure. 209 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,760 Right. So I think that that always 210 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:47,000 shaped my relationship with food in terms of what did it remind 211 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,200 me of. Right. 212 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,280 To this day I love There are certain foods I love only 213 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:55,880 because they were introduced to be to me by my father. 214 00:13:56,760 --> 00:14:02,360 Like what? Haddock and Stripe and Squid. 215 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:08,320 I love them, yeah, but only because my father introduced 216 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:12,200 them to me when I was little. Yeah. 217 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,600 Right. Or corned beef and cabbage. 218 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,680 I loved that because my aunt used to make it. 219 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:19,680 Oh, I hate that. Oh, I. 220 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:22,160 Loved it. I loved it. 221 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:27,000 There were just certain meals that I loved and it was nice 222 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:31,000 sitting at her table. Everyone sat down for dinner at 223 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:37,240 the same time, you know, it was nice, great. 224 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,480 Whereas in my house it wasn't really like that. 225 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,280 Everyone sort of came and went as they please and maybe me and 226 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:48,800 my stepbrother would sit and eat dinner, but or my father, which 227 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,200 was because he'd sit at the end of the table and he very rarely 228 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:54,440 spoke. So there wasn't a lot of chatter 229 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:58,320 or chitchat versus being at my aunt's where it was. 230 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,760 You know, they were very tight knit Irish family. 231 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,760 The house was, I would say 1/4 of the size of the house that I 232 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:08,480 lived in, in where we lived that the my dad had built. 233 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:17,960 But it was it was a home warm and it was inviting and it it 234 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,880 made me feel safe. Yeah. 235 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:29,360 So I don't know if that like equates to my relationship with 236 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,000 food. How could it not? 237 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:35,360 It it has to, right? Yeah, I I was thinking about 238 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:39,440 yeah, like like my relationship with food growing up too. 239 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:43,280 And I, I don't know, I think I, I think I hit upon a couple 240 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:45,080 interesting realizations recently. 241 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:51,600 I, I, like, I've, I've never made this accusation to my 242 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:56,720 parents, but I think it's time to, to name it what it was, 243 00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:00,880 which was food insecurity, but in a weird, stupid, fucked up 244 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,240 way. Let me explain. 245 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:09,400 OK, look, please let me explain. I've mentioned before my folks 246 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:14,600 got divorced when I was about 6. Prior to that, I have really 247 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,400 nice memories of like family dinners, which my mom would 248 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,440 cook. And my mom was a pretty good 249 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,000 cook. My mom actually went on to have 250 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,680 her own catering business. So yeah, pretty solid cook, 251 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:29,160 right? My dad remarried when I was like 252 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:38,720 9 and my step mom grew up in actual poverty, like extreme 253 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:44,280 extreme poverty. 1 of 10 kids, Dad's gone. 254 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:49,200 Mom didn't work because it was back in the day like like real 255 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:54,840 poverty. And so she believed for a long 256 00:16:54,840 --> 00:17:00,560 time that she could cook, but then like when we blended our 257 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,560 families, every time she would make dinner, I was like, I 258 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:07,000 simply cannot, I can't eat this swill in this garbage. 259 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:12,160 Like I wasn't as rude about it as a child, but like, I really 260 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,520 was like, I, I don't, I don't like any of this. 261 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,119 I don't like any of the dishes that are being made. 262 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,000 And so that was like a real fight for a long time. 263 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,040 Like every night it was like you're going to sit there and 264 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:30,920 tell you your dinner and I and I wouldn't like because eventually 265 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:34,480 I started to believe that she was like making things that 266 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,840 literally disgusted me just out of spite. 267 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,600 Now I think she just was a shit cook. 268 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:46,840 Like she just was a shit cook and like never got out of that 269 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,920 poverty mindset. You know what I'm saying? 270 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:55,760 So it's like, I don't know, we were both the problem, I guess. 271 00:17:55,760 --> 00:18:00,840 But eventually, like after many years of food battles like that, 272 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,720 my dad got a different job which entailed him very frequently, 273 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:10,080 like going out to lunch with clients or for whatever reason, 274 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,360 getting treated to lunch. Right, Like pretty extravagant 275 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,760 lunches. So he would come home and not be 276 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,120 hungry. At which point my stepmom was 277 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,440 like, well, why would I cook then? 278 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,960 Because Sarah is a fucking bitch about it and Michael's not 279 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,720 hungry. So she never called me a bitch. 280 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:31,080 But you know what she meant And, and like, I kind of was right. 281 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,240 I didn't, I like I didn't have the vocabulary at the time to 282 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:37,040 express my frustration. Like I just, like I said, I was 283 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,200 convinced she was trying to gross me out. 284 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:43,440 But really, like someone really just should have like been like, 285 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:48,080 we have plenty of money. Like, like, please go to therapy 286 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:51,760 and stop tormenting your family. Like you don't have to eat the 287 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,320 cheapest thing you can find. Right. 288 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:59,720 Right. Like it's so that was like what 289 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,160 happened to me. So then basically by the time I 290 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,680 was in 9th grade, no, just just no dinners. 291 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:11,040 Oh gosh, just no dinners. So I just had to like fend for 292 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:14,440 myself. But then simultaneously again, 293 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,720 because my stepmom grew up in poverty, she was like a like a 294 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:23,000 fucking hawk about groceries. So then if me or my stepsiblings 295 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,160 like ate something too fast like that would be a problem. 296 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,680 Which is also extremely dysfunctional. 297 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,480 Right. Yeah. 298 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:34,600 So eventually I was like, you know what, fuck this. 299 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,880 I got a job. I'm gonna buy my own food. 300 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,600 So that's what I was doing, you know, from like 9th through 12th 301 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,400 grade. But what that meant was that 302 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:49,720 since I was working from, you know, 3 to like 10 or 11 is like 303 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,080 I was just grabbing whatever fast food, right? 304 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,600 And I I had the metabolism for it at the time. 305 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,400 So, you know, it was fine. I also worked at a grocery store 306 00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,920 for a while, so that was kind of nice. 307 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:02,120 I could like grab something while I was working. 308 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,080 Not necessarily fast food, but yeah, I was eating a lot of fast 309 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,960 food. Not even because I liked it. 310 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,800 It's just like, what was I going to do? 311 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:15,160 Grocery shop? No, like I was 15. 312 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,920 So. So that was. 313 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,800 Yeah, my childhood. And then obviously when you go 314 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:24,720 to college, people cook for you, so you just don't really have to 315 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:29,760 think about it. But the foundation of your 316 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,880 relationship with food was so negative. 317 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,920 For sure, for sure. Like I said, I I haven't named 318 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,320 it what it was until very recently, but it was like stupid 319 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,880 food, like food insecurity for no reason. 320 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,880 When you say food insecurity, what do you mean by that? 321 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:51,200 I mean, like when I went home, I knew there wasn't going to be 322 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,720 dinner made. Right. 323 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:58,200 So like we, we might have had ingredients around. 324 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,600 Right. Right. 325 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,360 Or every now and then, you know, if it was on sale, if it was 326 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:08,240 literally the cheapest thing in the store, my step mom would buy 327 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:12,480 like, I don't know, box of macaroni and cheese, cereal, a 328 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:17,040 frozen, whatever. But it wasn't like she was 329 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,720 getting that kind of stuff in lieu of making dinner. 330 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:24,520 It was mostly ingredients. Yeah, just a bunch of different 331 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,480 ingredients, but with no plan in mind. 332 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:30,080 Well, because she didn't cook. Oh my God. 333 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,000 And I, and when I tell you she didn't cook, she didn't make 334 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,760 breakfast. I don't know what she was 335 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,200 getting for lunch. I, I guess she was getting at 336 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:42,960 work or something. And then like in the evening, if 337 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,640 I happened to be home, like I wouldn't, she wouldn't cook for 338 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,200 herself either. I'd see her like maybe eat a 339 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:54,720 yogurt so. Yeah, that's not healthy. 340 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:58,840 I don't know how she's alive, right, to be honest, because 341 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:02,880 like for several years there I I just don't know what calories 342 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,400 she was ingesting. But not even because she was an 343 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:10,720 almond mom, just because she was like obstinately refusing to 344 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:15,000 cook for just me. Yeah, I mean, Speaking of like 345 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:21,080 cooking for just for just you. We've talked about meal 346 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:22,280 prepping. Yeah. 347 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:28,960 And I this is my problem, right? I always get super psyched up. 348 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,880 I'm gonna buy all these glass jars and then I'm gonna make 349 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,600 overnight oats for three nights and then and you know what 350 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,080 happens? You know what happens? 351 00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:38,000 You do it once? What? 352 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:43,600 Happens I make it and I never eat it because I'm I'm hyper 353 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:48,280 focusing or because of the what, what do they call it? 354 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:52,800 Time blindness? And this was all things that I 355 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:57,840 started researching over the the last few days. 356 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:03,400 I just wrote a poach on a poach, a post on Substack about 357 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:08,440 something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria. 358 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:17,680 And it's, it's about it's about our like in it having a very 359 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:21,960 intense reaction to rejection, right? 360 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,960 Like it's, we think everything is a rejection. 361 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,880 We see everything as a, as a personal slight. 362 00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:31,440 It, it's, it's very similar to PTSD. 363 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,840 In fact, they over, they overlap a lot. 364 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:39,240 And because it's this is this rejection sensitive rejection 365 00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:44,560 sensitivity dysphoria is very common to people with ADHD as 366 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:48,120 well as PTSD because. Often why we don't start new 367 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,240 things if we are if we don't know if we're good at it, why 368 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:52,600 would why would we even start it? 369 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,400 It's kind of like all these little things that I'm realizing 370 00:23:55,400 --> 00:24:00,360 are playing into my relationship with food, my eating habits, 371 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,160 productivity. And I will say this once I've 372 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:09,520 really started to understand all of this stuff, the nervous 373 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:14,800 system regulation and the, the fight or flight and cortisol, 374 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:20,440 once I've really started to, and the ADHD, the ADHD was a big 375 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:27,320 thing for me to get a handle on because learning all the areas 376 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:32,560 that it affects and, and the little cheats that I can learn, 377 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:37,640 like the, the little shortcuts, my productivity has changed, my 378 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:41,640 energy level has changed. It's incredible. 379 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:45,680 And I know it's not the TRS, it's it's definitely not that 380 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:51,360 it's but it, it all happened because of the TRS, because of 381 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:59,320 the relationship with mental health and ADHD that that it has 382 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,440 like that, that weight loss in general, but certainly these GLP 383 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:03,440 ones. I don't I. 384 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,920 Don't want to ignore Adderall though. 385 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:11,480 Adderall's also a real MVP. I take 10 milligrams, but I will 386 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:16,240 say I've started taking them every morning, same time with my 387 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:20,200 Wellbutrin. Yeah, and that too might be 388 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:23,520 helping. But I've also changed my habits 389 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:28,840 where take the shower in the morning, but now I also put my 390 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,400 makeup on in the morning. I move my makeup to the bathroom 391 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:36,840 so that it's there, so that I'm in there at that time doing it 392 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:41,600 all at once, saving time. I'm not doing it typically. 393 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:46,160 I used to do it at my desk with, with this, with this setup, with 394 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,040 the, the lamp and the phone and the this and things are falling 395 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,920 over and the, and I would get so frustrated that I just, you 396 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:57,520 know, I developed this dread of, of doing my makeup of doing 397 00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,120 these things. And that is, that's another. 398 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:03,960 This is related to prior complaints about your apartment. 399 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,040 How? We were just, you were just 400 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,600 saying like, well, I just moved my makeup from my desk to the 401 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,120 bathroom and it made all the difference. 402 00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:15,240 And like you've, you've expressed that you, you don't 403 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,080 like your apartment anymore. You want to move, which I think, 404 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:19,520 you know, you've been there a while. 405 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,200 So like that's normal. Maybe it's, maybe it's not 406 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:26,360 related to this, but like, you know, maybe, maybe it is. 407 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:29,960 Maybe it's just like if you found, you know, a 408 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:35,040 reorganization or like, I don't know, a realignment of a couple 409 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:38,400 pieces of furniture, Maybe we change your, your routines. 410 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:43,400 I'm I'm thinking of getting, not getting rid of my desk, maybe 411 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,360 just putting it away in my closet and getting one of those 412 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:49,400 standing rolling desks that we I'm not going to get the one on 413 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,080 TikTok. I'm going to get a nicer, more 414 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:55,280 sturdy one on Amazon because a standing better for you. 415 00:26:55,280 --> 00:27:00,160 So I can stand and sit, but also so that I can work from my bed 416 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:04,240 because sometimes I'm on my bed and I get an idea if it's for a 417 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,080 TikTok based off something I've seen. 418 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,480 And then I look at my desk and I go, I don't want to do that. 419 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,160 It's literally 10 feet away and I think I don't, I don't want to 420 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,560 go there. There is a mental block. 421 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:19,120 In my head. And I do, I think it's the, the, 422 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,480 the space and it's, I feel cramped. 423 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:23,840 We're getting a little off topic. 424 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:28,640 I want to return back to the rejection sensitivity dysphoria 425 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:35,080 and how it relates to ADHD, but also body image. 426 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:40,120 The first thing I'm going to do to really explain rejection 427 00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:46,400 sensitivity dysphoria is I, I wrote a, a private post on sub 428 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:50,280 stack and I'm posting it on Patreon as well because I suffer 429 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,240 from this to to re again. I'm reading something else where 430 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:57,400 I think that's me. I, I recognize all of this. 431 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:03,640 My I, I used to call my sister and my sister would do this. 432 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:08,960 Pam, one of the dead ones. Yeah, look, she won't be hearing 433 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:12,800 this. So I used to call her and she 434 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:16,960 had, she did this thing that I fucking hated, which was she'd 435 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,360 answer the phone and say, what's up, Chris? 436 00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:22,080 I'm on my way out. What's up, Chris? 437 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,440 I'm in the middle of ATV show. What's up, Chris? 438 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:29,520 I'm, I'm at the store. That kind of abrupt dismissal, 439 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,280 it would, it would lead in one of two directions. 440 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:38,840 I would either lose my mother, fucking shit on my sister and 441 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:42,680 say, why do you even answer? Why do you do that? 442 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,040 Because this was, this is who would, who would always pick, 443 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,200 pick, pick. So I'd either lose my mind or 444 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,840 I'd hang up the phone and have to act like it wasn't a big deal 445 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:58,360 and then hang up the phone and then be in a shame spiral for 446 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,240 the rest of the day because of that. 447 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,440 Not a shame, maybe not a shame spile, but that had that took 448 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:11,680 such an emotional toll on me. And it took me back to when I 449 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:15,240 was a kid and I always felt like I was in the way, especially 450 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:19,520 when my mother was sick and everybody was focusing on 451 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:23,200 everything really but me. It brought me back to that time 452 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:28,160 in my life where I just felt so insecure and so insignificant 453 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:34,040 and like I didn't matter. So I absolutely, and this isn't, 454 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,080 you're not diagnosed with this. This is something that a lot of 455 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:43,240 people with ADHD or PTSD have taken to this term because it's 456 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:48,040 so aptly describes what they're feeling in the most. 457 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,080 The common feature of a of ADHD. Right. 458 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,200 And it's, it describes what they're feeling in that moment 459 00:29:55,200 --> 00:30:01,760 when they perceive a rejection. And I look back, I think I 460 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:06,080 remember telling you this when when Gareth wrote that letter to 461 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:08,120 me about I almost certainly wouldn't call you. 462 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:10,800 And I said it felt like my chest was opening up. 463 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,520 It's, it's all related. It's. 464 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,480 I don't know. That wasn't an overreaction. 465 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,960 Yeah, he was just. That was a brutal letter. 466 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:22,400 Was a brutal letter. By the sign. 467 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,640 Right. But in, in, there are other 468 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:32,280 instances where I feel the same. When I feel left out of 469 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:37,120 something, I have such an extreme reaction and it's, and I 470 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,320 don't think it's a rational reaction. 471 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:46,080 It's I feel so it, it makes me feel like I'm, I'm being left 472 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,760 out. Nobody wants me around it. 473 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:54,400 It really does bring up all that stuff from when I was a kid and 474 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:57,640 but and it's like most people would have had that conversation 475 00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,600 with my sister when she ends on the phone and just been like, go 476 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:03,120 fuck yourself and hung up or just been like, OK, just call me 477 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,280 back. The latter, yeah. 478 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:11,040 Here, I'm not. I wasn't, I'm. 479 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,120 I'm not capable of that. Or at least I wasn't at the 480 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:16,840 time. I actually think like it, like 481 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:20,880 answering that way is better than what I would do, which is 482 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,480 simply ignore my phone. I'd be like, I'm busy. 483 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:27,720 That's what I would say to her is why do you answer if you 484 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,520 can't talk? Right. 485 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:31,920 But most people don't prefer that, right? 486 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,240 Most people prefer to be acknowledged. 487 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,080 And then, like, you know, we'll make a follow up plan. 488 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,200 Yes, let the phone ring and send a text. 489 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,440 Well, so simple. I guess This is why we get a 490 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,640 lot. My sister. 491 00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,720 My sister knew what she was doing. 492 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,000 She knew it because she would do it all the time. 493 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,440 And even when I would tell her how much it irritated me, she 494 00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:58,920 knew what she was doing. She was doing it to hurt me. 495 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:02,160 Now, why would she do that, Kristen? 496 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:07,040 Because she was toxic. Pam was, yes. 497 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:09,520 Oh, well, I didn't. I didn't know Pam. 498 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:11,320 The heck I know her. I don't know her. 499 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:13,760 Oh, I know, right? Pam. 500 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,320 Yeah, Pam was. Yeah. 501 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:19,640 Listen, she had. All of her sisters ties. 502 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:24,120 No, you know Paul's. Paul's not OK. 503 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,120 Good. But the rest of my sisters were, 504 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:30,280 yeah. But listen, they all had their 505 00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:36,320 good qualities and they all had their good qualities. 506 00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:41,560 And Pam had a very good heart. But she was, she was toxic. 507 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:48,520 She just very passive aggressive, very manipulative 508 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,160 type of person though. Yeah, it was very hard to 509 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,160 maintain a relationship with somebody like that. 510 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,760 I've never heard this. I've never heard this about her. 511 00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,480 I've you've, I don't know if you're even cognizant of this, 512 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:01,440 but you've always sort of painted her as like a real 513 00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,360 tragic figure. She is. 514 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,960 She was. Yeah, Well, no, certainly you 515 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:12,320 can be both. But right, I guess I don't know. 516 00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:14,280 I don't. So I don't have biological 517 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:19,200 siblings. So, you know, to be just 100% 518 00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,840 forthcoming, I guess it's, it's just not a relationship I really 519 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:26,400 get. But I would think that if 520 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:30,280 somebody is toxic, like, yeah, you could be toxic and tragic, 521 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,280 but like, I, I don't know. I, I think if it were me, like, 522 00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,640 that would sort of eat away at my sympathy after a while too. 523 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:39,160 Well, of course it did. Of course it did. 524 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,040 But again, I I don't want to get too far off topic. 525 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:47,280 She, she did it to, to, to hurt me. 526 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:50,480 She did it to get a reaction, to pick a fight, to play the 527 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:54,760 victim. It was a cycle in any sense so. 528 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,680 Well, let me let me ask you this actually, just because she was. 529 00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:03,120 Fascinated by this part? I am just so because she it was 530 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:07,600 toxic and tragic, tragic. People know that they're tragic 531 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:10,280 on some level, right? So do you think that she knew 532 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,080 that that she could get a rise out of you by doing this? 533 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:16,880 Yes, and that and that she did it because in some way it made 534 00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,639 her feel superior in that moment. 535 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,960 Yes, that's exactly why she did it. 536 00:34:21,639 --> 00:34:23,520 Yeah, that's exactly why she did it. 537 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:24,239 That. Makes sense? 538 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:29,239 To see me. She liked it I I think. 539 00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,320 Because that wasn't the normal hierarchy, right? 540 00:34:32,639 --> 00:34:37,800 No, yeah, no. We would talk and I would get 541 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:43,560 very frustrated with her and I would just say, God, Pam, like 542 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,760 this never changes. It's the same thing over and 543 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:50,440 over and over again. And she, I'm sure, would get 544 00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:54,280 embarrassed and then would decide I'm going to take it out 545 00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:55,480 now. I'm going to show her. 546 00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,640 I'm going to make her feel how she made me feel. 547 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,680 But the difference was I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt 548 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,520 her. I was trying to point out to 549 00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,200 her, the story's not changing here. 550 00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:09,000 When are you going to? When's it going to change? 551 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,920 Meaning like, when are you going to get your shit together? 552 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:16,720 That and she just always had a problem with somebody. 553 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,200 Always I. Figured she was toxic because. 554 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:25,240 She was toxic. To go back to the rejection 555 00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:32,320 sensitivity dysphoria, when we have when we struggle with it, 556 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:38,440 right it, it can affect it. There are so many things that 557 00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:44,400 that play a role in it and, and how we respond to rejection as 558 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:51,200 far as how it relates to body image is again, because it's so 559 00:35:51,200 --> 00:36:00,320 common in people with ADHD, we often we feel very disconnected 560 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:05,160 from our bodies, either because of time blindness where we hyper 561 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:10,720 focus and we forget to eat. Or, and this is something else 562 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:16,280 that I've, I've learned we feel uncomfortable in clothes and 563 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,440 that makes us again, it, it just makes us not want to be in our 564 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,360 skin, right? I kind of talked about this when 565 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:27,600 we when we first recorded the the very first episode. 566 00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:31,440 I was saying like I feel like a brain in a VAT most of the time. 567 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:36,120 A brain in a VAT. Well, right, Because so we're 568 00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:38,240 very disconnected from our bodies. 569 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:42,080 And then we have to, not only do we have to deal with internal 570 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:47,240 messaging, but then we have to deal with external messaging of 571 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:54,360 what a good body looks like, what a healthy body looks like. 572 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,880 We're constantly bombarded with all these messages and images 573 00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:02,680 that remind us or make us feel as though we're not good enough 574 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,720 and which in and of itself is a form of rejection. 575 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:16,160 And so we spiral, we start to, we're not able to brush it off. 576 00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:21,160 This, this becomes the truth when we see all this stuff. 577 00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:24,480 Oh, no one, you know what, he probably rejected me because of 578 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:26,680 what I look like or because of my weight or because of my 579 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:28,640 height or because of what I wore. 580 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:36,800 We just that's when the RSD kicks in and we start taking 581 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,640 everything as a perceived slight or as a rejection. 582 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:44,840 Yeah. And and it's an intense, you 583 00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:49,600 react, it's not, and it's not just a disappointment that 584 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,800 someone might reject you and they might not even be rejecting 585 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,840 you. You could be messaging with 586 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,120 somebody. This is and and then they 587 00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,160 disappear in the middle of the conversation. 588 00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:06,960 Hate that, by the way, hated it. That it that you'll start to be 589 00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,440 like, where do they go? Did I say something? 590 00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:09,800 What did I do? And then you go back and you 591 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:13,200 look at the string and you start analyzing and you would get so 592 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:19,480 in your head about it when they probably just fell asleep or 593 00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:23,600 they went to brush their teeth and then remembered they had to 594 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:27,880 make a call and right like. Or it just seemed to them like a 595 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:30,240 natural law. Right, right. 596 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:38,520 But with RSD you see everything as rejection and often times you 597 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:42,560 will do what you can if you're anticipating it and it might not 598 00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,640 even be real, but you're if you're anticipating it, you 599 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:48,560 might end up rejecting somebody first. 600 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,600 Oh yeah, or just like sabotaging yourself. 601 00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:54,600 Or sabotaging yourself? Exactly. 602 00:38:55,320 --> 00:39:01,800 So this this came up a lot with students who had ADHD. 603 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:06,120 They so very often they were academically successful, but 604 00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:09,440 across the board they were successful by doing things at 605 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,320 the last minute. And they they were successful 606 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:15,360 because, you know, they just happened to be bright, not 607 00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:20,280 because not because they had a well executed plan ever about 608 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,320 anything right. But yes, they'll do everything 609 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,040 at the last minute. Or. 610 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:28,680 Not at all, right? And then things that didn't get 611 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:32,920 done at all. It would be this just huge 612 00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:39,000 battle of like getting them to face it like, hey, just just 613 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,800 reach out to your professor, just get an extension. 614 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,800 And they almost never would, right? 615 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:49,120 That they would very often just take the 0 because they wouldn't 616 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,880 want to face that conversation. They didn't want to get scolded, 617 00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:53,320 they didn't want to get reprimanded. 618 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:57,160 They didn't want to hear, you know, you're a disappointment, 619 00:39:57,160 --> 00:40:01,280 which like here, like that's that's the irrational part of 620 00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:02,000 it, right? Like. 621 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:06,000 Which I, I tried to explain too, but this never ever helped. 622 00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,760 But you're not a disappointment to your professor because your 623 00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:13,440 professor is not personally invested in you, right? 624 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:17,200 I'm so sorry, but like, it's not your mom, your dad, like they 625 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:20,080 truly don't actually care whether you turn in this paper 626 00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,640 or this assignment. So you know, they're not 627 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,600 disappointed, right? Like you're, you're really only 628 00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:28,520 hurting yourself here. But it, it just isn't, it's just 629 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:31,480 not a rational thing, right? This rejection dysphoria. 630 00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:35,760 Have you ever heard of body neutrality? 631 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,200 Yeah, I have said it to you before. 632 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:43,600 Have you sounds I can tell when I bring up all these things 633 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,680 stars going. I've talked to her about this I. 634 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:49,200 Have yeah. I mean, I, I think I could be 635 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,640 wrong, but I think I was talking about it in episode 1. 636 00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:55,080 We're starting to talk talking about Tirzepatide and I I said 637 00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:59,560 I've attempted for most of my life to be body neutral and very 638 00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:03,280 often because I simply feel disconnected from it. 639 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:07,400 Like it's just not something I'm thinking about most of the ever 640 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,880 actually. I feel literally like a branded 641 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:14,840 event. Well, I think it's interesting 642 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,960 that once I started focusing not on what my body was going to 643 00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:21,680 look like, but on what my body was feeling like. 644 00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:23,920 Yeah. That's when I started to have 645 00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,400 success. That is interesting. 646 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:31,280 Right, because once I started realizing, you know what I need, 647 00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:34,360 I need to get more sleep. I. 648 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:38,480 Well, Andy, you stopped taking that appetite stimulus that, 649 00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,000 that, that. Too. 650 00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:49,200 But I just, I made sure I was eating better where I could. 651 00:41:49,720 --> 00:41:56,360 I was just showing my body that I respected it. 652 00:41:56,760 --> 00:42:01,360 Yeah. And when I started focusing on 653 00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:04,080 that, everything else fell into place. 654 00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:08,120 Yes, it could have the the appetite stimulant, I'm sure, of 655 00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:12,960 course. But I also think that something 656 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:19,880 reducing that cortisol has also played a role because I'm not 657 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:22,880 impulse eating. Yeah. 658 00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:25,880 And that's the thing, that's the thing about ADHD, it's the thing 659 00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:31,400 about PTSD, it's the thing thing about RSD, that lack of impulse 660 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:37,360 control that we have, that that tends to make us react 661 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:41,360 impulsively. Maybe, like I said with my 662 00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:44,960 sister, when she would do that to me with the phone, I would go 663 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,000 one of two ways. And it often went into this 664 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,480 fucking volatile fight. Yeah. 665 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,000 Because I would go from zero to 60. 666 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:58,760 Instead of saying, you know, she's baiting you walk away and 667 00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:05,400 and wait a few hours or maybe even a day and see, do you still 668 00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:09,320 feel the same way? Because if you don't, then what 669 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:14,440 you were feeling in that moment was the dysphoria, right? 670 00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:19,160 If you're not feeling that anymore, then it was, it was 671 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:25,800 probably just the dysphoria and you, you were letting it, 672 00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:32,080 letting it trigger you and open up wounds in you that you've 673 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:35,480 struggled really hard to heal, right. 674 00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,720 So you, and this is the thing when you feel that rejection, 675 00:43:38,720 --> 00:43:42,080 when you feel, when you feel like you're not, you don't feel 676 00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:44,640 good in your body because that was something I really struggled 677 00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,360 with. And this is the last couple 678 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:50,080 weeks. I, I said this to this group, I 679 00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:53,200 said this is the first time and I can't remember when, where I 680 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:56,320 feel comfortable in my body and in my clothes. 681 00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:02,560 And I know that a lot of it had to do with not just feeding my 682 00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:06,800 body, but feeding my mind, if that doesn't sound too cliche. 683 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,840 Well, it doesn't, but I mean, the the process you're 684 00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:13,680 describing about like in the moment, knowing that your sister 685 00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:15,720 is baiting you and choosing not to react. 686 00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:20,960 I mean, yeah, you know that on a rational level and you know that 687 00:44:21,720 --> 00:44:24,720 in hindsight, right? But I mean, with the 688 00:44:24,720 --> 00:44:29,120 impulsivity, right. But as we've talked about 689 00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:32,480 before, like unfortunately, a lot of a lot of the things you 690 00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:37,440 could do to alleviate the negative effects of ADHD require 691 00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:40,080 you to not have ADHD. Right. 692 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:48,840 But also remember that this when when this happens with PTSD or 693 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:51,480 how however you're reacting right, your brain doesn't know 694 00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:53,080 the difference. Your brain doesn't know the 695 00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:56,400 difference between perceived or actual threats. 696 00:44:56,640 --> 00:45:01,080 Right. It just knows the what's going 697 00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:04,160 on inside and then it, it, it reacts. 698 00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:12,800 And so in that moment, you're going to believe that's, that's 699 00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:14,880 what you're going to believe. You're going to believe, oh, 700 00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:20,920 this is my fault and I'm I'm always in the way and oh, why 701 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,520 did I you know, I shouldn't have turned to them and I'm such a 702 00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:25,680 burden. You're going to believe that. 703 00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:29,560 That's why I say take a step away and let everything 704 00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:34,160 neutralize in your brain and, and come back and ask yourself 705 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:37,760 how you feel. Do you still talk to yourself 706 00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:42,080 that way? Or do you say that was that was 707 00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:45,960 just, that was the lack of dopamine, that was the the 708 00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:49,840 dysphoria, whatever it was. But take that moment. 709 00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:54,680 I heard a great phrase today, which is don't react, respond. 710 00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,800 Yeah. Which I really like because 711 00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:01,960 reacting is in the moment and respond is typically after 712 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,480 you've taken a beat. Or it's just, yeah, it's just 713 00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:06,360 going to, it's just going to blow up in your face. 714 00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:12,120 I, I do want to say about like the rejection sensitivity that I 715 00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:17,120 think you know, though, like it very often goes along with ADHD, 716 00:46:17,720 --> 00:46:22,280 but it doesn't necessarily impact your personal life or 717 00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,600 your family life. Like it, it could impact your 718 00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:27,800 academic or professional life, which is why I brought up 719 00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:32,400 students as an example, right? And because most people get 720 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,800 diagnosed with ADHD when they're when they're children. 721 00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:42,360 But I think it's good, you know, to discuss a variety of examples 722 00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:44,760 because it can crop up in different ways. 723 00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:49,000 But I don't think it necessarily happens across the board. 724 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:51,920 I disagree. With that, I think it's a 725 00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:55,640 trigger is a trigger. I could be wrong, but I think 726 00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:58,280 that if you feel that with with someone that you're dating, you 727 00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:01,400 probably feel that with friends, you probably feel that with, you 728 00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:02,640 know, when you're when you're not. 729 00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:06,040 Chosen well, I think you're disagreeing with it because this 730 00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:08,280 is true for you. Oh, OK. 731 00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:13,760 Right, but but someone else right with ADHD, who's, who's 732 00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:17,600 experiencing projection sensitivity, it might just be 733 00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:19,920 related to their academics, right? 734 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:23,040 Or just related to, you know, one relationship. 735 00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:27,080 And then some people like may not feel like it affects them at 736 00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:30,200 all, like they may have ADHD, but they may not feel like 737 00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:32,640 they're especially sensitive to projection. 738 00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:37,200 There's just, I think there's a lot of crossover between the 739 00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:42,840 rejection sensitivity associated with ADHD and, you know, trauma, 740 00:47:43,240 --> 00:47:46,360 just other trauma, PTSD as you mentioned, right? 741 00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:52,440 Yeah, suffering from complex trauma can lead to RSD as well. 742 00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:55,520 And it a lot of it has to do with like 1 main contributing 743 00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:59,920 factor obviously is the the issues with dopamine production, 744 00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:05,160 right? So that's why there's so much 745 00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:09,720 overlap between RSD and PTSD and ADHD. 746 00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:15,640 That said, follow us on Instagram at Datology pod. 747 00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:21,080 Follow me on Instagram at the Kristen MTHECHRISTANM. 748 00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:26,720 If you have any questions, dating or body image or mental 749 00:48:26,720 --> 00:48:30,240 health related, go to datologycoach.com and submit 750 00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:35,040 your question. Follow me on TikTok and YouTube 751 00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:41,360 at didology coach and my character analysis bog witches 752 00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,520 warlocks days. I guess value of your time 753 00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:47,560 doesn't really apply here. We need to come up with a new 754 00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:51,160 tagline or new. Ending, we tried to keep your 755 00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:53,600 tits out in your chin up. Keep your tits out. 756 00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:55,160 I like tits out. Chin up. 757 00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:58,320 All right, I like that. Tell us what you think of that. 758 00:48:58,640 --> 00:48:59,640 That. Tits to Ke$ha. 759 00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:03,840 Chin up, Bye.