1 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:10,320 Dataology Coach podcast by Sarah. 2 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:11,920 Hi Kristen. Hello. 3 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:14,200 Hello. First of all, thank you for guys 4 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:17,600 for giving me the the time off. Sam's doing much better, which 5 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,080 I'm really I'm thrilled at, but I was very surprised. 6 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,520 I think I found a food that she really, really likes because 7 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:28,000 she's much more high energy, which is such a relief. 8 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,920 So thank you for that. But my question to you, Sarah, 9 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:41,160 did you watch the SNL 50? I I'm I intend to see it in its 10 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:45,200 entirety, but in the meantime I've seen some key clips. 11 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:48,360 Right, right. Circulating, yes. 12 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:51,840 Make of the rounds. One in particular, we haven't 13 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:55,240 touched on the Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni thing. 14 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:59,440 For me personally, it's it's so much information that I'm so 15 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:00,960 afraid that I'm going to misrepresent it. 16 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:02,440 Me too. Yeah. 17 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:06,080 I like by the time I was aware that there was a story there, 18 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:09,520 there was so much story that I was like, fuck it, forget it. 19 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,840 I'm I'm sitting this one out. Right. 20 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:18,600 But then. But then, yeah, on SNL, Tina Fey 21 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,880 and Amy Poehler were. I don't know if they hosted the 22 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:24,640 whole thing, but they were, they were hosting the segment anyway. 23 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,000 I hope they hosted the whole thing, by the way, I think 24 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,280 they're great. But anyway, yeah, they were 25 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,720 hosting this particular segment and they they were like, oh, 26 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:36,800 hey, Ryan Reynolds is here. He stands up, right? 27 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,160 And they say, how are you? And he says, great, why? 28 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:44,880 What have you heard? And then if you're if you're 29 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:51,960 looking at Blake Lively, his wife, for just a split second, a 30 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:57,840 look crosses her face that I would characterize as abject. 31 00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,200 Terror. Yes. 32 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,840 Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. 33 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:07,440 And then she recomposes herself. But yeah, in in that in that 34 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:11,000 moment, it looked like she wasn't expecting that. 35 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,440 I'm just going to say this, I loathe both of them. 36 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,960 Everyone does now. They got married in a plantation 37 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,920 so they can both go fuck themselves. 38 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,640 He's alleged to have cheated on Scarlett Johansson with Blake 39 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,560 Lively. I did hear that, yeah. 40 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,840 And which I just, I just don't like him. 41 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,120 I think he's smarmy. I think he's one note. 42 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:40,400 And I, you know, I, I started liking her. 43 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:44,520 I had no issues with her other than I just didn't think she was 44 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,880 the greatest actress, but I thought she was passable. 45 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:52,640 I liked her in the town, but when the whole It Ends With Us 46 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,200 stuff started coming out and the things that she was doing in 47 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,920 these interviews where she was really just being a bitch and 48 00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:05,280 being a mean girl, obviously I started not liking her. 49 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,640 But then out came the sexual harassment charges or, or or 50 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,600 accusations against Justin Baldoni. 51 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,440 And Justin Baldoni was the director and he was, he played 52 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:19,160 her abusive husband now. The I didn't realize he directed 53 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,720 and was in it. When I heard about how she was 54 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:27,040 sort of making light of the thing in the domestic violence 55 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,480 theme in the story, because I have to say, I started reading 56 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:34,560 that book and I was so turned off by that opening scene that I 57 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,960 was like, I don't want anything to do with this book. 58 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,640 I didn't I didn't like the lead male. 59 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:43,280 I didn't like her and the stupid letters to Ellen DeGeneres. 60 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:46,960 I didn't care. It lost me very, very quickly. 61 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:52,440 But I especially didn't like his character because he was so 62 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:56,280 sleazy. And the way in the opening, you 63 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:58,320 know, in this, in this first scene, they're up and they meet 64 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:02,000 up on this rooftop. And I mean, he basically comes 65 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,400 out and says that, you know, I, I like, I want to fuck you. 66 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,840 And there's nothing appealing about that. 67 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:10,960 There's nothing sexy about it it but it, I think it probably 68 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:16,800 really told you who this guy was that he, that there was just 69 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,120 something about him. I think you were supposed to be, 70 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,959 I think you weren't supposed to like this guy. 71 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,120 You might you might have found him charismatic, but there was 72 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,160 supposed to be something that was off putting enough that it 73 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,800 made it difficult to fully commit to liking this person. 74 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,320 Kind of like Sarsgaard and Big Little Lies. 75 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,520 Yes, yes, exactly. Exactly. 76 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,600 That was well done. Except that's why he won the MB 77 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,560 four. He he was so amazing. 78 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:49,240 So, so when the they started to do the press tour and the 79 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,160 rumbling started because they were saying why isn't he on the 80 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,480 press tour? Why isn't he doing these 81 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,640 interviews? Yeah. 82 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,880 So people started talking and, and this is what I mean about 83 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,320 the Internet. They don't miss a trick, right? 84 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,560 They don't miss anything. No, but the public is getting 85 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,800 more media savvy. Very much so. 86 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,560 Not media literate as much, but that's a different thing. 87 00:05:11,280 --> 00:05:15,640 So then everything started to come out and when she began, all 88 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,320 the things started coming out about her on press tours and, 89 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:23,160 and sort of the mean girl stuff. And then the sexual harassment 90 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:28,160 accusations against Baldoni by Blake Lively and you. 91 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,960 I, I, I think for the most part at that point everybody was Team 92 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,880 Blake because believe women. We just believe this. 93 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,080 Plus, there is something about Baldoni. 94 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:43,280 Baldoni as one of those guys, the male feminist, the guy who 95 00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:45,520 panders to women. I know that. 96 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,680 Yeah, I was not a fan. I was not a fan of this guy. 97 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:56,200 And so when all this stuff came out, I, I immediately thought, 98 00:05:56,320 --> 00:06:00,600 Yep, I believe that because male feminists are mostly just wolves 99 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,600 in sheep clothing, sheep's clothing. 100 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:08,480 And then he was like, OK, bet you want to make these 101 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:13,200 accusations. He puts up an entire website of 102 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,760 all of the text message. Oh, the lawyer. 103 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:20,080 The they put up an entire website with all of the text 104 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,720 messages. I love a petty bitch. 105 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,480 I do too. This was so deliciously petty, 106 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:31,320 but also he sued her. I did hear that, yeah. 107 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,120 And he also sued the New York Times. 108 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:38,080 OK, because they ran the story. Because they ran the story. 109 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:44,720 OK, So when I see that I'm going to be a little bit more OK, now 110 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:48,640 I want to hear this guy's story. Whereas typically I don't care. 111 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,280 And as he started publishing things and publishing the 112 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:58,040 messages and you really learned what an absolute asshole she is 113 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:02,880 and what she was doing to him. And it really started to make it 114 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,160 seem, and I obviously, I can't say for sure, but it really 115 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,560 started to make it seem like she was manipulating text and 116 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:13,280 manipulating content to make it look like he was sexually, 117 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:19,160 sexually harassing her. And so when I saw this clip, 118 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:24,760 this was such an obvious PR stunt of you need to get out 119 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,360 there, you need to get your face out there. 120 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:30,200 You shouldn't be hiding, which I get, I think it was very ill 121 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,400 timed. I don't think this was the place 122 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,680 to do it. It's one thing to show up to a 123 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:38,920 red carpet and have your picture taken, but to make light of it, 124 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,880 so you're making light of sexual harassment charges. 125 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:47,360 You're the whole situation is just icky and I don't I don't 126 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,400 think anybody's really coming out looking great here. 127 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,760 You know, you know, it's interesting that you say that 128 00:07:54,760 --> 00:08:00,040 because I again have not, you know, I've not been following 129 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:04,560 this from the beginning, but because of the SNL incident. 130 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:10,440 Incident it's. It's created a lot more Tik Toks 131 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:14,640 in particular, people providing me some back story whether I 132 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:19,800 wanted it or not, right? It's interesting to me to see 133 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:24,080 the narrative that is emerging and it that people are comparing 134 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,760 Blake Lively to Amber Heard in particular. 135 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:32,080 But isn't that interesting because as you know, Kristen, I 136 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:37,559 am an Amber Heard apologist and I stand by it apology. 137 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:45,080 So I mean, that's that to me is like a, a weird comparison 138 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:48,600 because Amber Heard, I thought, you know, I thought we had sort 139 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:54,200 of like revised our view of her to be a a bit more sympathetic. 140 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:58,400 Whereas Blake Lively, you know, women in particular are calling 141 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,440 her a snake. They're accusing her of like, 142 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,160 trying to set Justin Baldoni up. But how much? 143 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,240 But how much did? She did right right. 144 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,440 But here's the kicker. Here's what really gets me. 145 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:13,080 And I fucking hate this so much coming from other women. 146 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:17,240 God damn it. But but women in particular are 147 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,800 speculating. Well, I think she fell for him 148 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,960 and he didn't go for her. So then she was acting out of 149 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:28,840 scorn, and she did this whole. It's just so, it's so reductive. 150 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:33,000 It's so reductive. I happen to think Ryan Reynolds 151 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:37,520 was the main problem. Who knows, He's definitely not 152 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:40,960 helping. He's not he, I, I do not like 153 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,160 him. I don't care. 154 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:47,160 I think he is Deadpool every day that that is it's he's just a 155 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,400 one note. He's just a one trick. 156 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,880 Very one note, very one note. And I don't like it. 157 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:57,560 And I don't care for that note. I don't care for that pony. 158 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,360 So I think he's probably more to blame for a lot of this. 159 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:08,560 I think he might have felt threatened, but yes, this whole 160 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,160 oh, I think she liked him and he didn't, but that's it's 161 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:15,240 reductive. Well, and it's like it's insane 162 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:18,320 you aren't there. Right, right. 163 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,880 But you go right to that. Right. 164 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,360 And those are the pickmies and those are the people, the the 165 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,960 fans of people like Justin Baldoni, men like Justin 166 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,600 Baldoni. I'm sorry you're all fucking 167 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:34,840 pickmies. Because I think most women see 168 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,200 through that bullshit. We don't trust it. 169 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:41,400 We just don't trust it. Yeah, nor should we, for good 170 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:46,560 reason. Yeah, some other I, I think this 171 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:49,560 is interesting, Some other hot takes around this whole 172 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:53,440 situation are actually more to do with Taylor Swift. 173 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,680 I don't know if you know this Kristen, but Blake Langley and 174 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:59,720 Taylor Swift for a time were BFFS. 175 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,400 Right. And so now people are saying, 176 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:07,120 you know, well, Taylor Swift, like she's she's really staying 177 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:10,440 out of it, right. And like how awkward and 178 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,880 embarrassing. Like that's your best friend and 179 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:17,400 she's not coming to your aid. Like people so again, are saying 180 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,360 like, well, Taylor Swift is not she's not saying anything in 181 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,000 support of like lively. People are like, you know, she's 182 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,320 probably going to drop her like a hot potato because she doesn't 183 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,960 want the drama and she doesn't believe like either. 184 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,960 I don't know. I mean, I'm I'm not going to go 185 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:40,320 through all the text messages. It certainly seems like things 186 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,120 are not going according to plan. For. 187 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:47,000 For anyone, really, Justin Baldoni probably thought he was 188 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,160 just going to be in a movie, you know? 189 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:53,240 Right, right. He's already lost jobs. 190 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,600 Yeah, Yeah, that's true. He's already lost jobs because 191 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,840 of this, I think. But but who's probably going to 192 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,320 come out looking the worst here? Blake Lively. 193 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,400 Of course. Blake live, of course. 194 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,760 Of course, another thing to me that I I think is actually like 195 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:13,480 the interesting part of this whole event is, is like you 196 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,280 said, Blake Lively is going to come out looking the worst. 197 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:20,080 We all could've called that without any of this business 198 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,480 about text message receipts like, right? 199 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,320 Like regardless. Right. 200 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:29,720 We all knew that the woman is going to come out looking the 201 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,160 worst here, right? It's going to hurt her career 202 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,760 the most. We all knew except I guess Blake 203 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:39,760 Lively and I. And I just thought, you know, as 204 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:44,480 I was like contemplating this, this whole incident, like, tell 205 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,000 me you don't have your finger on the pulse without telling me 206 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,920 you're you're completely out of touch because like, it's the new 207 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,760 era, baby me too is done and gone. 208 00:12:56,240 --> 00:13:01,480 You know God because I keep hearing rumblings of people 209 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,320 thinking Matt Lauer should come back. 210 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:07,080 Oh, I haven't heard that, but. Yeah, I've I've been hearing 211 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,200 that didn't. He have a fucking trap door in 212 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,160 his office. They here's the thing, they all 213 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,640 did at all. They all did. 214 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:17,080 And I think it had something to do. 215 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:21,200 It was security. I think it had something to do 216 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,400 with security. It wasn't just him. 217 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,120 And I really hate when stories like that come out and we don't 218 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:30,640 get context because it it, it doesn't it, it doesn't help, it 219 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,240 doesn't, it doesn't help the cause. 220 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,840 But I agree, the me too movement really does seem to be. 221 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,600 Oh, we don't. We don't believe women anymore. 222 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:46,960 Do you think that's true? I mean, you and I might, right? 223 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:51,200 And like, you know, on an individual basis, like women 224 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:55,080 might. But like, we're just, we just 225 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:59,280 got a whole new tone in this country since November, you 226 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,640 know, the vibe has really shifted. 227 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,400 Yeah. It's the broligarchy. 228 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,600 I don't like it either, but here we are. 229 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,520 Yes, and that's why I'm so frustrated at this whole lively 230 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:16,880 Baldoni thing, because it doesn't just affect her, right? 231 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:22,760 It affects all of us. If she, if, she if, if, if. 232 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:28,440 I want to be clear, if she made these accusations up to position 233 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,720 herself as a victim, I'm going to be pissed. 234 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,520 Because this actually is so rare, right? 235 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:39,880 Like it's so fucking rare that women make this shit up, but 236 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:43,000 it's the first thing you hear from men who are assholes. 237 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,640 Right, nice little Segway. You sent me an article about 238 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,680 dark empaths and I was fascinated it. 239 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,800 Did. Yeah, it did. 240 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:56,800 It did. So the Guardian had an article 241 00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:01,880 titled Narcissists only more devious, The truth about dark 242 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:08,560 empaths and apparently dark empath talk has been trending. 243 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:12,520 I hadn't seen any of these videos on TikTok, had you? 244 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,240 Before this article, had you? No, OK. 245 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:20,120 I'm sure I'm going to once we finish recording this. 246 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:26,360 Yeah, for sure. But well, OK, so a dark empath 247 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:30,040 is apparently the most dangerous personality. 248 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:33,080 They're like narcissists, only more devious. 249 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:37,760 First identified in 2021 in a study published in the Journal 250 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,960 of Personality and Individual Differences, Researchers define 251 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,240 it as a novel psychological construct concerning individuals 252 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,440 who have a high degree of empathy alongside what is known 253 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:52,520 as dark traits. How this plays out in practices. 254 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,880 Someone who appears to be caring and sensitive, but who is 255 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,640 actually using those skills to further their own agenda. 256 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,520 Boy, we did have a good Segway, didn't we? 257 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,680 Yes, we did. Look at a chew, Blake Lively. 258 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,680 I don't actually. I'm not actually calling her a 259 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,120 dark empath, but she does seem like an asshole. 260 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,400 Which actually before we get back into the stark empath 261 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:20,160 thing, you said you you were looking at like some of her past 262 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,480 appearances. Did you see the one where she 263 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,560 was on some panel for Gossip Girl and she cracked a joke 264 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,320 about Leighton Meester being born in jail? 265 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:32,560 Yes. God damn like just talk about 266 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:33,720 toad def. Right. 267 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,280 Anyway, not a. Nice person she's. 268 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:43,040 Not nice. Anyway, how is it possible to 269 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:46,800 manufacture empathy? Can't we as humans detect when 270 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,360 that's being done? Turns out there's more than one 271 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,320 type of empathy. There's the deeply caring type 272 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,200 that most of us understand, which is called affective 273 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,920 empathy. And that's the real thing. 274 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,600 This is the degree to which I feel what you are feeling. 275 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,040 So, for example, when you feel sad, that makes me feel sad. 276 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:08,599 But there's another type known as cognitive empathy. 277 00:17:08,599 --> 00:17:11,720 And in that case, the script goes, I know what you're 278 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:15,319 thinking, I understand your mental state, but I really don't 279 00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:18,200 care about it. And this information is 280 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,240 important to the dark empath because if they want to predict 281 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,520 your behavior, they need to understand what you're thinking 282 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:28,400 in order to try to control you. It's this manipulation by 283 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,160 stealth that can feel so unnerving if you're on the 284 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:36,200 receiving end of it. Then we have an anecdote from 285 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:42,080 somebody about a a boss, which is unsurprising, right? 286 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:47,760 Call calls to mind that infamous study about like 90% of CE OS or 287 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,840 psychopaths. Or actually, it might be higher, 288 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,520 but I don't have it in front of me, so don't don't at me. 289 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,760 OK, so we got an anecdote about a boss. 290 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,520 Unfortunately, dark empaths are extremely good at getting their 291 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:03,960 prey to drop their defenses because they intellectually 292 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:08,360 assemble an understanding of the other person's weaknesses and 293 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:11,280 where their loyalties will lie and what their insecurities are. 294 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,560 They crave this knowledge because then they can use it to 295 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,640 manipulate. So here's an example of a 296 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,920 romantic relationship. Say the dark empath knows that 297 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,440 their wife derives a lot of pride from their workplace 298 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,320 achievements and how she's viewed professionally. 299 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:30,080 She gets an amazing job. This means the dark empath will 300 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:34,080 feel at risk of potentially losing her to other people, and 301 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,360 he will then lose the spotlight and potentially the right to 302 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,920 make all of the decisions. Her success at work is making 303 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,080 her feel special and he's losing his power over her. 304 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,760 So in this scenario, he would typically scheme to bring her 305 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,880 down. He might say things like, I know 306 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:54,240 how important it is for you to show up to work looking sorry to 307 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,120 show up for work looking the part. 308 00:18:56,360 --> 00:19:00,600 But when you dress like that, you look like a mutton dressed 309 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,280 as lamb. It's I don't know who would say 310 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,360 that. OK, the guardian. 311 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,640 I'm very surprised because I thought you would know better. 312 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,600 So like their close relative, the narcissist, a dark empath is 313 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:21,640 territorial, which according to psychologists is common for such 314 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,760 types to create exclusion from friends, family and Co workers. 315 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:29,040 Isolation means you're more likely to doubt yourself and the 316 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:32,200 dark empath can make you rethink and distort reality. 317 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,480 So it's another form of gaslighting, right? 318 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,200 One reason there's so much interest in these types of 319 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,840 people is because they present us with a puzzle, good and evil, 320 00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:46,600 wrapped in the same package. At the most diabolical level, 321 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,960 the Dark Empath will show up in the form of a Jimmy Savile type, 322 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,360 which again, this is from the Guardian. 323 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,680 Jimmy Savile for those who don't know, was an an English TV host 324 00:19:56,680 --> 00:20:05,360 for like 100 years, just just a super long time before 325 00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:08,920 eventually he was discovered to have have been a pedophile the 326 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,760 whole time. At the end of his life, of 327 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,760 course. So anyway, the Jimmy Savile 328 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,400 type, his skill in winning people's trust, posing as this 329 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,320 charitable benefactor, allowed him to gain access to vulnerable 330 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,880 young girls. But that's an extreme example. 331 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,880 What's most striking about the recent research is that it 332 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:31,000 reveals how prevalent the phenomena is. 333 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:37,120 We identified it as a trait combination displayed by 19% of 334 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:41,880 the 1000 people we surveyed. So almost one in five of us have 335 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:46,120 this personality type. But traits exist on a continuum, 336 00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,960 so it's not about everyone having a personality disorder. 337 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,560 So let's see. Then they talk about the Dark 338 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,680 Triad. Oh yeah, I was talking about 339 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,920 that this morning with people. Do you want to try man about the 340 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,560 Dark Triad? The dark triad is we studied 341 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,640 this when I was getting my certification, the IT is 342 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:11,560 psychopathy, narcissism and Machiavellianism. 343 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:17,680 And I think a really great example, obviously, would be 344 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:21,200 Trump. Sure. 345 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:26,480 Right where it's someone who's who's deeply manipulative with 346 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:31,240 no sense of remorse. But also impulsive. 347 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,720 Yes, yes, and the the here's the difference. 348 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,920 The difference between a narcissist and a dark empath is 349 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:43,640 that a dark empath can read how you're feeling and then exploit 350 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:47,440 that to their benefit. Whereas a narcissist is to is to 351 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:52,080 self evolved basically to to care what you're feeling. 352 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,680 Yeah, like they don't even really consider it. 353 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,400 Right, and This is why they say the dark empath is is darker is 354 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:06,400 scarier because they can get in your head and figure out it. 355 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,240 Let's put it this way. It's me, but bad. 356 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:16,760 It's somebody who can not just tell how you're feeling, but no, 357 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:21,880 no, but can tell what's what's motivating you, like why you're 358 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,520 doing something. You know why, why are you trying 359 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,840 to turn this person against me? Because you're threatened, 360 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,120 because you can't handle someone standing up to you. 361 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,760 That's what that's what I would say, like I can do. 362 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:41,880 Whereas in a dark empath, we'll take that and then use it to 363 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:48,120 manipulate whoever their target is, whoever their victim is, and 364 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:51,640 manipulate them in in a bad way and make them vulnerable and 365 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:53,680 isolate them and break them down. 366 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,240 Whereas a narcissist, they, they do that to some degree, but they 367 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:04,600 don't have the the ability to read to, to read and pick up on 368 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,640 how somebody's feeling and what motivates somebody and what 369 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:12,200 their vulnerabilities are. So actually the work example is 370 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:16,000 is illustrative. If we maybe we should backtrack. 371 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,640 If you don't mind, I'll share this work example that the 372 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:24,040 Guardian includes. So Yasmin works in event in 373 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:26,760 event management. It's a very social vibe and 374 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,960 Elaine, the new boss, like to treat us to a Friday afternoon 375 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,200 drinks and trolley akaa few drinks being passed around 376 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:38,640 between desks. The evening would often and in 377 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,240 the pub and soon her boss started to share confidences 378 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,000 about her personal life, prompting Yasmin to reveal her 379 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,360 struggles trying to get pregnant. 380 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,440 It felt great that my boss was also becoming a good friend, she 381 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,080 said, and mentor and it made my office life enjoyable. 382 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,400 But things started to go wrong when Elaine confided about how 383 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,200 stress was taking its toll on her health. 384 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,400 She frequently asked Yasmin to take on extra tasks. 385 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,240 I was happy to help her, knowing what pressure she was under for 386 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,760 management, and she also hinted that a promotion was coming up 387 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,720 for me. But then she embarked on a not 388 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,400 so subtle campaign to try to put me off the idea of starting a 389 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,240 family. She'd tell me that at 35, I 390 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,880 still had loads of time and didn't I want to prioritize my 391 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,200 career and my future earnings first. 392 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,640 It's only with hindsight that I realized what an outrageous 393 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:27,080 boundary overstep that was. At the time, I genuinely thought 394 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:30,400 she was looking out for me. A few months later, Jasmine or 395 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,000 Yasmine discovered that she was pregnant. 396 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,040 She told Elaine and wasn't expecting such an extreme 397 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,000 reaction. She says she went ballistic and 398 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,240 started screaming. How could you do this to me 399 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,080 after all I've done to you, Done for you? 400 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,880 Oh. God, all right, A perfect 401 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:50,080 example of both a dark empath and the dark triad. 402 00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:56,400 Amy Dunn, Gone Girl, right? That Machiavellianism, that plan 403 00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:01,440 that she put together to to destroy her husband. 404 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,080 Yeah, because she knows how he'd be feeling, but also how 405 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,760 everyone observing. Right, Right. 406 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,760 She understood optics, right? She was a narcissist. 407 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,680 She could read people very well. I think her parents, weren't 408 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:15,600 they psyched? What was it? 409 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,960 The mother was like a children's book author or something. 410 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:20,960 I think they were both. Psychologists. 411 00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,760 Were they both psychologists? As I recall, but at least one 412 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:24,600 was. Right. 413 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:29,760 So she was able to read people, she was able to, she was able to 414 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,600 plot. I mean that her plan really was 415 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,120 pretty, pretty brilliant. Had a couple of things not gone 416 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:41,760 wrong. But she is a great example of 417 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:48,360 somebody who, like she knew Nick was just so weak. 418 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,680 She knew that she knew how insecure he was. 419 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,280 She knew that he felt like, you know, he was a writer and he he 420 00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:00,560 hadn't really succeeded. She knew she really, really knew 421 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:04,880 how to attack his ego. I'm. 422 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:12,720 So glad you mentioned Amy Dunn because, well, I, I just always 423 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:14,080 like talking about Amy Dunn. I. 424 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:18,680 Love Amy Dunn is really one of the best women characters. 425 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,680 Fictional, Yeah. Oh, for sure. 426 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:28,720 Also, you know, not not really the villain, but also like, 427 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,920 totally the villain, right. I guess like the villain, but 428 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,760 I'm not mad at her. Right, right. 429 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,400 Exactly. We believe in women's rights and 430 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,040 wrongs, Sarah. Which which leads me to. 431 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,280 Listen. But we don't judge, right? 432 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:48,360 Yeah, yeah. Which leads me to my my next 433 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:51,720 question, which is like, did you also panic a little bit when you 434 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:55,600 were reading this? At what part? 435 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,640 Well, were were you not also thinking like, Oh my God, is 436 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:04,200 this me? There were times reading this 437 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,680 where I'm thinking, I really want her to get away with this. 438 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:10,640 Oh my God, what's wrong with me? Oh no, I I mean the Dark Empath 439 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,000 article were were you also reading it? 440 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,520 Panicking a little bit thinking Oh no, this is describing me. 441 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,800 No, OK. No, I'm a little concerned 442 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:25,120 though that you might have been, but no, because like I said, I 443 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:27,120 don't. Well, OK, wait a minute. 444 00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:29,920 I did just have someone call me manipulative and I thought 445 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,680 that's I don't, I don't think I'm manipulative at all. 446 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,960 But I asked some people, what do you think? 447 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,880 Do you think it am I manipulative? 448 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,360 And they say it's not that you're manipulative, it's that 449 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,320 you just state your opinion about somebody. 450 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:51,440 And because people, because you have credibility and because 451 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,480 people trust you and think you're smart, they believe you 452 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,760 without. And that's that's very dangerous 453 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:03,200 because I don't want to be just because I have an opinion. 454 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,400 I don't want people to just believe me because it's me. 455 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,000 And So what is it? With great power comes great 456 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,760 responsibility, Sarah. Yeah, it's true. 457 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,760 But but. Unless you're the president. 458 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,800 Unless you're the president. So I guess I'm not. 459 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:21,120 I'm not really afraid of it, But I did recognize things like, oh, 460 00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:23,440 I know how to. I can I can figure out what your 461 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,200 vulnerability is and I can use it against you. 462 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:30,440 OK, so that's interesting because for me there was a 463 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:36,560 different like, oh, it's I guess so I guess to to sum up, it 464 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,320 sounds like you're saying like you read this and you were like, 465 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:42,280 OK, two out of three. Ergo, I'm not a dark empath. 466 00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:48,120 Two out of three. Like 2 out of three traits but 467 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:52,640 not a dark empath Like 2 out of three were applicable maybe? 468 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,120 Well, what too? Which I don't know. 469 00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:59,240 I don't know which, but I mean it sounds like you're saying no 470 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:02,480 to manipulation. Well, like, don't we all 471 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:04,200 manipulate though? Don't you think we're all 472 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,720 manipulative? Well, you want something. 473 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,840 OK, glad you asked, because you. Think all right. 474 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:14,160 As I was reading this, panicking a little bit because I was like, 475 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:18,080 Oh no, it may. It may. 476 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,480 I've, I, you know, in the end I determined like, Oh no, like 477 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:27,240 this probably isn't me because I don't manipulate people. 478 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:31,240 I don't, I don't think. Yeah, I don't. 479 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:33,440 Again, I don't think it's manipulation. 480 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,000 I I I think I'm very good at presenting an argument. 481 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,280 Yeah. Right there, there's a 482 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:43,200 difference, I think. And it's not to do something 483 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:46,480 bad, right? I'm not. 484 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,720 I'm not manipulating people to hurt them. 485 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:54,920 Mm hmm but but like is that enough to not make you a darker 486 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:59,920 path if you if you are admitting to manipulating mm hmm. 487 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,320 But like you said, I don't think I don't, I don't think I 488 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,840 manipulate people. I I think I just know how to 489 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,400 make a good argument. OK, Is that is that 490 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:14,080 manipulation? I don't know, listen, the, the 491 00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:18,800 part that I really identified with was not feeling empathy. 492 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:23,880 And, and please let me tell you what I mean when it, when it 493 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,960 described like being able to empathize on a superficial 494 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:32,680 level, wherein you, you know, you can read facial expressions, 495 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,240 you understand how people are feeling intellectually. 496 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:43,960 It's just that, it's just that like what you eat, is it going 497 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:48,840 to make me shit, you know, if you're having a bad idea, OK, or 498 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:50,720 a bad day, I mean. OK. 499 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,680 I did a little research and I looked up on Chatty PT earlier 500 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:58,080 of course. And that's a great segue to our 501 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:01,840 next topic. And the sort of traits of a dark 502 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,560 empath is emotional manipulation, conditional 503 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:08,600 empathy, charm and charisma, passive aggressive behavior, 504 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,560 Machiavellian tendencies. And here's here's what I think 505 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,120 separates us from actual dark empath. 506 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:20,200 Dark empaths, they have a sadistic streak. 507 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:23,920 Dark empaths derive pleasure from others discomfort or 508 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,840 misfortune, even if they don't show it outwardly. 509 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,720 Yeah, OK. And sadism is different from 510 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:32,960 schadenfreude, right? Yes. 511 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:36,560 I, I want to, I want to clarify that as well, 'cause like we, we 512 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:39,880 can all enjoy TikTok videos of people who voted for Trump 513 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:41,960 crying 'cause they got laid off. Right. 514 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:45,640 Sure can. We can all enjoy those, but we 515 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:48,280 didn't. We didn't 'cause that so. 516 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:51,120 Right. Can't be dark empaths, right? 517 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,240 OK. I just, you know, it got me. 518 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,960 I have to admit it got me a little a little concerned that I 519 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:03,280 might be a psychopath because I was like, am I really supposed 520 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,520 to be like feeling what people feel? 521 00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:10,680 Because I don't, I really don't. I just feel what I feel. 522 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:16,480 We might happen to feel the same thing, but again, like if you're 523 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:20,560 having a bad day, I might console you, but like, I'm going 524 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,000 to, I'm going to go on having a fine day, right? 525 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:28,520 I definitely have those feelings sometimes of very being very 526 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:30,720 numb. I was thinking that with Luna 527 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,640 the other day because I was thinking, why isn't she? 528 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:37,560 I want her to be more affectionate, but also I just 529 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:39,040 didn't feel. I don't feel for her. 530 00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:41,040 What I felt for Luca, what I felt for Moon. 531 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,680 Maybe that's something that's coming or maybe that's just my 532 00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:48,240 own inability. Maybe I'm just not capable of 533 00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,280 it. I don't know. 534 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:52,360 But it bothers me that I don't feel that there are certain 535 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:56,560 things where I don't have any feelings. 536 00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:59,720 And I, and I think a lot of it has to do with just trauma. 537 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,200 I really do. I think trauma just numbs. 538 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:07,280 Us well for sure it. Desensitizes us and but but put 539 00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:09,920 a video on. Put in a video on my fyp of a 540 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:13,200 dog being put down and I am on the floor. 541 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,720 Forget it, my day is done. Yeah. 542 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:22,480 So I have the capability to feel certain things, but I I don't 543 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:27,840 know that I feel them all the time for all people or people in 544 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:28,320 general. I. 545 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,120 Think, you know, Luna is still new to you. 546 00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:34,000 So obviously your, your feelings, I think will deepen 547 00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:38,920 with the but I also think it's OK if they're not the same. 548 00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:43,160 Like I do believe in the notion of like soul pets, right? 549 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,080 I I really do. I mean, right, you know, Sam is 550 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,280 a soul pet for me. That's what's so weird. 551 00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,800 Sam is a soul pet for me. But in that case, we're we're 552 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,680 getting off on a tangent with with when there's a history of 553 00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:59,160 trauma, it's very difficult to feel anything after certain 554 00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:01,640 points. Sure, right. 555 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:03,720 I. It's like a self preservation. 556 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,000 It is. I think it is a self 557 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,480 preservation. I do. 558 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,719 I do think that. But that doesn't mean we're 559 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,000 incapable of it. That doesn't mean that we can't 560 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:14,840 be kind and compassionate. Even if we don't feel it, we 561 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,360 can. We can mask it. 562 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,639 Doesn't mean we're evil. Right, right, right. 563 00:34:20,639 --> 00:34:23,600 It is. It really is the sadism and the 564 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:27,760 extreme to which we that we're narcissistic or the OR or that 565 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:29,480 we're self involved. Right. 566 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:30,920 Yeah. And sadism. 567 00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:32,560 Yeah, it has. It has a degree of 568 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:34,600 intentionality. I did. 569 00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:36,320 Right, very much so. Which is. 570 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,080 Which is the difference between that and, as I said, 571 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:42,560 schadenfreude. So I guess in conclusion, don't 572 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:49,800 panic if you if you have one or two or even 3 of the dark triad 573 00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,920 traits as long as you aren't sadistic. 574 00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:55,840 I, I do, you know, emotional manipulation. 575 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:59,520 I, I, I think we all do that. I really, I really do. 576 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,960 I don't think we all do that. You don't. 577 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,960 You don't think we all do that? No, at least not intentionally. 578 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,800 OK, not intentionally, all right? 579 00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,320 Conditional empathy. I definitely do that. 580 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,360 Sure. Charm and charisma. 581 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:17,480 Sure. I'm. 582 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:21,920 I'm a fucking delight. What about you passive 583 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,240 aggressive behavior? I don't think. 584 00:35:23,240 --> 00:35:24,800 I think we're aggressive, aggressive. 585 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,000 Sure. OK, the next one. 586 00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:33,640 Machiavellian tendencies. They believe that the ends 587 00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:37,000 justify the means and use their social skills and empathy as 588 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:40,720 tools to achieve personal goals. They may manipulate social 589 00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:43,480 dynamics, pit people against each other, or use flattery 590 00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,640 strategically. Yeah, I know somebody like this. 591 00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,080 I've seen this in action. And that's that's not you 592 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:55,000 either. Part of it is I think, I mean, 593 00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:58,560 but again, like I, I feel like part of this just describes 594 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:02,920 everybody like like insincere pleasantries, like we all do 595 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:07,000 that the the part I don't do is pitting people against each 596 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,000 other. Correct, correct. 597 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:11,120 But you know why I don't do that? 598 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:13,960 Because I know it'll backfire, not because it's wrong. 599 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:16,120 Exactly. Well, OK, Fairpoint. 600 00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:20,800 If I could, if I could get away with it, obviously I'd be doing 601 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:24,440 that you. Would All right, so in 602 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:32,440 conclusion, we may or may not be dark empaths, all right, Well, 603 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:33,520 we're not. Sadistic. 604 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:36,480 But we're not sadistic. So that's the we're going to 605 00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:38,720 cling to that one as best we can. 606 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:43,360 I want to hear if you guys have ever dealt with a dark empath or 607 00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:48,400 somebody who falls under the, the, the dark triad category. 608 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:50,600 Yeah. Is there anybody in your life 609 00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,520 that you've that you've had to deal with in that? 610 00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:56,880 Particular is there anybody that you have identified as like, 611 00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,720 yeah, strong for the Dark Triad but like that you don't consider 612 00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:05,160 a threat like I'm I'm. Dealing with this now with 613 00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:08,520 somebody with, with a woman in the true crime community. 614 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:11,480 I'm dealing with this definitely. 615 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,840 She's one of those pitting people against each other and 616 00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,800 manipulating situations. And yeah. 617 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,280 It seems like there's a lot of that in the true crime 618 00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:22,160 community. There really is because you're 619 00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:24,640 dealing with an awful lot of fucking psychopaths and 620 00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,080 narcissists. And you know, The thing is, is 621 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,520 that you what what it comes down to is you're dealing with a lot 622 00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:32,160 of people who have a lot of trauma and some of it is healed 623 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:35,480 and some of it isn't. And when the unhealed and the 624 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,280 healed are in the same dynamic or in the same? 625 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,760 Group it can create. A lot of chaos. 626 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:44,040 Like lions and gazelles. Lions and and gazelles. 627 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:47,080 Exactly. All right, Sarah, we know how 628 00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:49,240 this is going to go. This is we know how this is 629 00:37:49,240 --> 00:37:51,960 going to go. If you want, we have a change of 630 00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:58,560 format coming up in March where we are going to be starting a 631 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,200 series and we've come up with a title. 632 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:03,000 And I need to thank Sheila for this title because it was so 633 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:04,800 good. And I it's like Sarah said, I 634 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,880 can't believe we didn't come up with any weight puns. 635 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,720 Actually embarrassing for us. Right. 636 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:14,640 And the, this the segment the series is going to be called and 637 00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,520 it's a, it's about our GLP journeys and what brought us 638 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:22,000 there, what our experiences and just a lot of things not just 639 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:27,320 around weight, but around, you know, Sarah, Sarah is, has also 640 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:29,240 started. And. 641 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,240 So we have sort of a perimenopause view and A and a 642 00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:34,960 post menopause view, which I think is something we don't talk 643 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:39,960 about a lot. And we're calling it Worth the 644 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:44,320 wait, which I love. This is what we're calling the 645 00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:46,800 series. So that starts in March and 646 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:51,400 that's going to start the first week in March and it's going to 647 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:55,320 be bi weekly. And then in the like in the 648 00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:59,440 weeks between, we'll be dating advice episodes. 649 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,960 We're also going to be changing the tiers on Patreon. 650 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:06,840 They're not going to be that different. 651 00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:08,640 You're still going to be getting a lot of the same benefits. 652 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,560 We're but we're just going to be sort of retooling everything. 653 00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:16,240 But that starts in March. And if you know the GOP is going 654 00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:20,120 to be for paid subscribers only, the dating advice. 655 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:22,160 We're. Going to get pretty personal 656 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,360 there. The dating advice posts are 657 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:30,560 going to be free and we will do bonus episodes as well, so that 658 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:34,840 for people who might want to subscribe to a tier that 659 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:36,560 includes the bonus dating content. 660 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,280 So you can go to patreon.com/datology Coach and 661 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,400 subscribe. I'm excited. 662 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:47,560 We've already started recording and talking and discussing our 663 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:51,720 experiences because we've both already started and I'm excited 664 00:39:51,720 --> 00:39:54,960 to share it with you. I want to hear your stories as 665 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:56,600 well. I really want to make this more 666 00:39:56,600 --> 00:40:01,080 of a sort of a community thing. So go to patreon.com/datology 667 00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:04,560 Coach to subscribe. Follow us on Instagram at 668 00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:07,240 Datology pod, follow me on Instagram at the Christendom 669 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:11,880 THECHRISTANM, follow me on TikTok at datology coach and my 670 00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:17,200 character analysis same on YouTube and send your letters. 671 00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:21,880 If you have letters to hello@datologycoach.com or go to 672 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:23,960 datologycoach.com and submit your letter. 673 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:25,880 Sarah, what you got? Nothing. 674 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,640 That's that's it. That's it, That's all you got. 675 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:32,160 That's it, yeah. Woo. 676 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:37,760 No notes, no notes. OK, Bog witches, bog vase, bog 677 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:41,840 warlocks. Value your time, decenter men, 678 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:43,640 and center yourself. Goodbye. 679 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:44,040 Bye.