1 00:00:15,190 --> 00:00:18,350 Didology Coach Podcast. Happy Friday, Sarah. 2 00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:20,110 You know what? Happy Donut Day. 3 00:00:20,110 --> 00:00:21,750 Happy. Is it donut day? 4 00:00:21,790 --> 00:00:23,790 It's National Donut Day. All right. 5 00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:27,270 Well, I didn't know that. I'm very, very nice, very good 6 00:00:27,270 --> 00:00:31,030 to hear about that. Today is very, very, very warm. 7 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,640 I was going to say, why is donut day in June? 8 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:35,840 That's dumb. Who wants a donut in June? 9 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,960 I mean, I want a donut. Nah, Donut Day needs to be like 10 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,200 February. It's so bleak, you know? 11 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:42,760 Yeah, it. Wouldn't be it wouldn't be a bad 12 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,800 idea. And it's somehow the longest 13 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,600 month of every year. Yeah, right, even though it's 14 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:51,280 supposed to be the shortest Anyway, so I've decided that I'm 15 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:55,960 going to start hosting lives on TikTok and Instagram. 16 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,800 I might try to do them at the same time for journaling OK, 17 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:03,480 where people just show up with their and the cameras on me and 18 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,760 we all just either journal or write in our planners or write 19 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:10,440 in our gratitude journals or oh. This is that classic ADHD 20 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,840 strategy. Right, the body doubling. 21 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,760 Yeah, right. Body doubling is when you get. 22 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,560 A. You can be productive because 23 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:20,840 you feel like someone's watching you. 24 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,680 Basically, right, Exactly. It's sort of an accountability 25 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,600 partner. And while that's definitely 26 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:30,800 great for the ADHD, I have just gotten so many, so many benefits 27 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,320 from journaling. And because I've gotten, I 28 00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:35,560 wouldn't say I've gotten a handle on my ADHD, but that I 29 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:41,600 better understand it, I've been more able to stick to journaling 30 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,880 and filling out my planner and filling out my my budget book. 31 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,120 And I've just become better at it. 32 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,920 It's like you're becoming that girl. 33 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,600 It's like I'm becoming that girl. 34 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:55,840 It's capital T. The capital T it's just to have 35 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,280 this kind of clarity on why I was never able to do this and to 36 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,000 to better understand it. And one thing I I wanted to 37 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,040 impress upon people. So I think I want to know like 38 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,880 what time because you and I have talked about this even with with 39 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,960 the monthly, the monthly. Zoom O'Brien. 40 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,920 I'm always like, yeah, let's do it at 5:00. 41 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:16,520 And Sarah's like, do you think maybe? 42 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,600 People have jobs. People have jobs, Kristen. 43 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,440 Yeah. And I have to start pushing 44 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:26,040 myself out of that comfort zone. Yeah, I mean, hopefully people 45 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,600 will let us know, but I just feel like especially like folks 46 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,040 with kids, like they're probably not going to be able to get on 47 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,120 before like 7 or 8. Right. 48 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,120 And so I'm thinking that I'm going to have to start doing 49 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:40,120 these sessions. I might do, you know, a couple 50 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:44,840 during the day, say at like noon time and then, you know, one or 51 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,760 two a week in the evening at like 8:00. 52 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,640 And. And I really only want to say, 53 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:51,560 OK, there, we're going to do this for 30 minutes. 54 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,240 And if it goes longer, it goes longer. 55 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:58,920 But what I would eventually like to branch off into is some sort 56 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,920 of private group. Maybe it's a discord where we do 57 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,400 grief journaling. You know, I have so many friends 58 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,880 who have lost a parent recently, who have lost a pet or who have 59 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:11,720 lost a partner. And really, Yeah, Yeah. 60 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:16,360 Or I'm not saying, and not just recently, you know, some are 61 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,440 from a few years ago, some are from childhood, whatever. 62 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:23,120 You know, grief is just such a tricky, it's just such a tricky 63 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,960 thing to navigate because it's so unpredictable and you don't 64 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,640 know when it's going to hit you. And it's not linear. 65 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,880 And one way to gain some sense of control is to to write about 66 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,920 it. And I keep saying that I have 67 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,760 gotten so much from keeping this journal where I write letters to 68 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:43,000 Sam and Sam writes back to me. And one thing I've started doing 69 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:47,440 is having these pictures created in ChatGPT where it's me holding 70 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:51,320 Sam or it's Brooke, Sam's sister, essentially the other 71 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:53,160 dog that would always come with her when she would stay with me, 72 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,120 who's coming tonight. I cannot wait. 73 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,800 Oh, nice. Yeah, I can. 74 00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:00,200 Exciting it is. Feel like, well, I'll get to why 75 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,160 it's excited in a second. Don't enable my ADHD by getting 76 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,640 me to move off topic. And I've been able to create 77 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,280 these pictures. Like one of them is a picture of 78 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:12,040 Brooke with Sam's shadow, like the shape of Sam the shadow, 79 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,320 because Sam was always sort of Brooke shadow. 80 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,519 And I've been able to, I got a little small mini printer and I 81 00:04:17,519 --> 00:04:20,120 print them out on the little sticky paper and I put it in 82 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,240 there and it goes along with the post. 83 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:27,720 And it's so I guess it's called junk journaling where stickers 84 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,680 and you can put pictures and it's just, it's not just things 85 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,040 that you write out. Yeah. 86 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,520 I have just gotten so much enjoyment from it. 87 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,920 And like yesterday was a bad day. 88 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,000 It was bad. Oh, no, excuse me, was the day 89 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,040 before. And I just sat at not, you know, 90 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,280 I just sat and I wrote. And when I was finished, I just, 91 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:51,440 I felt like I had taken all of this stuff, this heaviness, and 92 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,320 put it on the paper. I was wondering where you've 93 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,680 been this week. You've been pretty Mia, have I? 94 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,760 You've ignored me all week. No, I haven't, have I? 95 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,120 All week completely, but it's OK. 96 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,040 Well, that's OK. I'm sorry. 97 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,240 Not intentional. I did run out of my I ran out of 98 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,520 my Adderall on Thursday and that Yeah. 99 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,200 Oh, Wednesday. Excuse me, same day. 100 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,680 I had the like everything was rough with about Sam. 101 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,040 In any case, I I want people to know the other thing I love 102 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,720 about journaling is it's so inexpensive. 103 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,640 It's a really cheap hobby where just get a notebook. 104 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,280 Yeah. And I know I've started to do 105 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:29,320 this if you go to the link in my bio on TikTok or on Instagram 106 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,120 and I'll post it in the show notes. 107 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:34,080 For this full transparency, I've become an associate with Amazon 108 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,440 and I have a showcase on TikTok where I get Commission. 109 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:40,800 And I have put the journals and the type of the gel pens and the 110 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:44,120 printer, all of it where you can see, where you can see it, where 111 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,400 you can have access to it. And I've really tried to make it 112 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,240 affordable, like the notebook I used, I think it was $7.00, 113 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,160 right? And then you can get these 114 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,320 printers. Mine was 80, but you can get 115 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,680 them for say 30. You know, start off, see how it 116 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,440 goes, if you like it. I'm looking forward to it. 117 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:01,560 It's something I'm, I haven't been excited about something in 118 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:05,200 a while. I'm excited about this because I 119 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,640 just so believe in it. Yeah, and I just believe in the 120 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,440 benefits of it. So if you don't follow me on 121 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:15,680 Instagram or on TikTok, please do go to TikTok at dataology 122 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:19,680 coach and at my character analysis and the Kristen on 123 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:25,040 Instagram, THECHRISTANM subscribe to my pages so that 124 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,520 you can get the notifications about when we're gonna when I'm 125 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,160 gonna go live and I'm gonna host these lives. 126 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,880 So yay, I'm excited. Very good. 127 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,360 Excited. It's good to, yeah, it's good to 128 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,360 be excited about something. Good to have something to look 129 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,680 forward to. I find that that's so important, 130 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,040 right? Absolutely. 131 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:44,480 Especially in these times. Yeah, especially in these times. 132 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,240 All right, Sarah. Kristen. 133 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,240 We received a letter. We did. 134 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,560 Would you read it please? Yes, I've been wanting to try to 135 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,280 get back on the dating apps again after a very long break 136 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:56,800 but I'm feeling nervous and hesitant because of the 137 00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,200 experience I had last time I was on the apps fair. 138 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,240 The last time I was on, there would be some men that would ask 139 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,320 me to send them a selfie right in that moment before they would 140 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,360 ask me on a date. Which was causing me a lot of 141 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,440 anxiety because they would sometimes ask spontaneously at a 142 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,480 time when I didn't feel like I was my best and I didn't feel 143 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:16,720 comfortable sending them a photo in that moment. 144 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,880 And then she says I have naturally curly hair that comes 145 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,760 with some bad hair days a friend. 146 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:28,120 I feel you my friend. As a person with weird like WAVY 147 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:30,480 hair, we're so jealous of your curly hair. 148 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:34,440 But I remember I was constantly stressing about making sure I 149 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:37,600 kept up my appearance and so that I was selfie ready every 150 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,000 day just in case another man that I was talking to asked me 151 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,000 to send him a photo right then and it became exhausting. 152 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,840 I understand that the men were just trying to avoid being 153 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,800 catfished, but it still bothered me. 154 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:53,720 Fair. I had my Bumble profile verified 155 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:58,120 with the blue star on my profile to indicate to other users that 156 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,000 I was being truthful with the photos that I posted. 157 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,320 But men would still ask for more photos. 158 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:08,680 They would send me a photo 1st and then ask me to send them one 159 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,240 or multiple more. So is it just me or have other 160 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,480 women felt anxiety over this? I have been wondering though if 161 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,920 a man is asking me to send him multiple photos, do you think 162 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,640 this could actually be a red flag? 163 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:25,040 Yes, not all of the men asked me for another photo, but looking 164 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,480 back I realized that all the men that did ask for another photo 165 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,120 all turned out to be jerks who broke my heart. 166 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,679 One of them ended up ghosting me after the first time we had sex 167 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:37,360 even though he led me to believe he wanted a relationship. 168 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,679 And the last man that asked me for another photo I ended up in 169 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,679 a year long relationship with but he ended up ghosting me just 170 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,000 because I asked him about meeting my family. 171 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:49,040 I keep thinking if I had not sent these men another photo 172 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,840 when they asked that could have weeded them out and saved me all 173 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,240 the heartbreak and waste of time. 174 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,560 So I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. 175 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,000 Do you think it could be a red flag if a man asked for 176 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,720 additional photos? Or is this just a part of dating 177 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,760 now that I need to get used to? And if that's the case, how do I 178 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,040 deal with the anxiety I'm feeling? 179 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,560 OK, this is a pet peeve of mine. If so, if you've got a dating 180 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,920 profile, you've put photos on there, correct? 181 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,600 And they're photos that you have decided are flattering and that, 182 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,440 most importantly, you're comfortable putting out there. 183 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:22,280 Right. Anybody who says, hey, I know 184 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:26,960 you've put some pictures out there, but I want more, that's a 185 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,440 that's a display of entitlement. It's so demanding. 186 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,920 It's demanding. To be like, send me a photo 187 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,080 right now that proves what you're doing and. 188 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,200 Wearing right now, right? What I have a job. 189 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,800 Right. But also, but also they are 190 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,720 trying to get the woman to what, prove to them that they're not 191 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,720 going to be catfished. Sir, we worry about being 192 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,320 murdered. So if you want a picture, I want 193 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,120 a background check. See how they see how they feel 194 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:55,240 about that. How about a credit? 195 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,920 Score or give us a. Give us a. 196 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,040 What's Iran's a trade? Right. 197 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:00,440 OK. You want you want some more 198 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:01,240 pictures? I want. 199 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,880 I want to see your credit. I want to see your credit 200 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:03,600 report. Yeah. 201 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,360 See what they see, what they say. 202 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,240 See what they say. Because they are. 203 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,880 They are putting you in a position and asking for 204 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:15,440 something as a test. I will always say this, this is 205 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:21,400 something that toxic and abusive people do to see how far they 206 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,800 can push you. Right. 207 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:27,200 I mean, I yeah, yeah. I, I think the thing about this 208 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:31,440 is like, certainly some men are going to do this to every woman 209 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:35,120 they encounter who will give them the time, right. 210 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,360 Right. Because that's just how they 211 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,560 are, as you said, toxic and abusive. 212 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:43,600 If I encounter this, what I would assume, though, is that 213 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:48,240 I'm, I'm just barely within the spectrum of what he's attracted 214 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,480 to. It's like I'm right right on the 215 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,200 verge and he needs to be sure, right? 216 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:58,160 I'm not 10% uglier. Right, right and quite. 217 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,400 Honestly, if I'm that close, just skip me right? 218 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,960 Just by right. That's the other reason they're 219 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,840 doing it. I'm not really sure based on the 220 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,640 photos that you have. Well then, by right. 221 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,920 Right. Yeah, that's a you problem, Sir. 222 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:16,400 That is not a me problem and it is not my job to accommodate you 223 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:19,800 in this ridiculous, entitled request. 224 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,000 Right. And also like you just, you 225 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:25,040 know, you, you want to be like, you don't want to be that close 226 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:29,120 to the outer limits. You know, it's like, it's like 227 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:35,160 if you don't shave your legs one time or you gain 5 lbs or you 228 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,120 don't keep up with your highlights, are they going to be 229 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:40,640 like, oh come on. I mean, maybe, maybe. 230 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,880 Right, that's what I say. Like you don't want to be that 231 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:47,320 close to the outer edge of like the the spectrum that he's 232 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,280 attracted to, right? The range right he finds 233 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,080 acceptable. Right. 234 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:56,240 This is somebody and This is why I talk about, listen, I know 235 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,920 women are going to be like, but I like them. 236 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,440 This is why I don't like coffee dates when men suggest them, 237 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,240 because what it says to me is I'm burned out and frustrated 238 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,080 and I don't want to waste my time or my money on somebody 239 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,600 unless I know there's a sexual attraction. 240 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:13,400 So it's also a test. It's also it's a test that's a 241 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,680 test too. Coffee dates are a test when 242 00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:18,800 they're when they're suggested by men, they are a test and 243 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,560 please women in the comments. I know you like them. 244 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,160 You think that they're better for you. 245 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,760 That's fine. We're not talking about women 246 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,800 who suggest them or women who like them. 247 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,480 No, you're. Free to to like them. 248 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,000 You're free to like them. I. 249 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,000 Personally, people like tests. Right. 250 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,720 Some people like them. I think they are tests. 251 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,920 Yeah, I do too. Right, they want to see, is the 252 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,760 woman going to say yes? Is she expecting me to, to spend 253 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,280 money? And the other thing I don't like 254 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:49,440 is the coffee. It it, it definitely feels like, 255 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,680 OK, I need you to perform for me. 256 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:55,160 Not that all dates aren't like that, but coffee dates 257 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:58,480 especially because they're letting you know I'm not going 258 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,240 to do this. I'm only going to go so far for 259 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,200 you. So you better impress me right 260 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,240 out of the gate. So you can earn a real date. 261 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,160 Right, right. Exactly. 262 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:07,960 They want you to earn a real date. 263 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,880 Well, I mean, similar to the guys asking for additional 264 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:15,200 photos, I feel like if a, if a man is spreading himself so thin 265 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,960 and dating that he doesn't like he's doesn't want to pay for 266 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,520 dinner again, like just go on fewer day. 267 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,600 Like just be more discerning then, right? 268 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,480 Right. Like if you're not sure about 269 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,000 me, do not speak to me. Right. 270 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:30,800 Right. OK, that's it. 271 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,840 It's very simple. It's it's. 272 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,280 It's so simple. Right. 273 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:38,360 Like don't even talk to me if you're not sure. 274 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:40,760 Right. It doesn't make any sense no at 275 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:44,040 all at all. So when this request comes in do 276 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,560 not accommodate it. Do not it's it's it's one of the 277 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,240 bigger red flags they're. I would think so. 278 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,440 They're displaying entitlement. They're trying to see what your 279 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,960 boundaries are. They're trying to see if you 280 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:59,160 will lower a boundary or or change a boundary for them. 281 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:02,480 Nope. While at the same time not doing 282 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,800 the same for you. They want to prove they. 283 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,080 What are they proving to you? Are they proving to you that 284 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,760 they're not an abusive piece of shit? 285 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,360 Show me that credit score, fellow. 286 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,880 Show me the credit score. Show me the background check. 287 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:15,320 Let me talk to your ex. Right, right. 288 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,440 Right. Is is everything functional? 289 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,160 Yeah. You know what? 290 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:19,720 I want to make sure that your Dick is functional. 291 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,240 Functional. Can I speak to your ex? 292 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:25,880 We could do this all day, Sir. I'm sure I can find all kinds of 293 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,080 things that I want you to prove to me before I've ever met you, 294 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,120 right? Because of my own internal 295 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,200 biases. So let's just cut out the 296 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,840 middleman and and block each other. 297 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,280 I mean, I think there's a real temptation here to be like, oh, 298 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,520 but on the part of the women, women, right, who are 299 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,080 experiencing this like to be like, oh, but am I being 300 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,640 unreasonable? Like, do I need to just like get 301 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,800 with the times? No, not if the times are shitty. 302 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,600 Right, right. Exactly. 303 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,720 No. Do you see these times? 304 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:58,880 Don't get with them. No, you do not have to go with 305 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,640 the flow. You don't have to do any of 306 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,560 that. No. 307 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,240 Yeah. So to this person, it is a bad, 308 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,320 it is a red flag. And I, I, I wouldn't, I wouldn't 309 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:11,760 spend a minute more conversing with someone who after they ask 310 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,920 for your photo, once they ask for your photos, unmatch, block, 311 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:16,960 block. No, thank you, Sir. 312 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,440 No. Teach them at what they just 313 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,680 asked is stupid and wrong. They won't learn, of course, but 314 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,280 at least you won't waste your time, right? 315 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:25,840 I was gonna say, you don't even have to like tell them why 316 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,800 they're getting blocked, right? Because that's a waste of your 317 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:28,680 time. Right, exactly. 318 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,520 The minute they start hounding you for additional photos, 319 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,240 right, you don't say anything. You just you unmatch, you block, 320 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,560 you move on. Correct. 321 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:37,640 Have we sufficiently answered this? 322 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,520 We're saying. I think so. 323 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:44,160 I guess I just, you know, I, I would like to hear a follow up. 324 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:45,720 Yes, I would just hear a follow up as. 325 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,440 Well, because it seems like it's happening semi frequently. 326 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,480 It's happening enough that she's like, how do I deal with this 327 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:55,080 instead of like, how do I stop this, right? 328 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,120 You know. Yes, and I don't want her to 329 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,960 adjust, I want her to become intolerant. 330 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,480 Correct. That is the goal. 331 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:05,000 Are we saying fuck these guys? Yeah fuck these guys, Yeah. 332 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:07,760 He ghosted till I reached out and asked for an explanation. 333 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:10,360 It's been a year of no contact and a few months ago I received 334 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,240 an apology message from him. He owned up to how poorly he 335 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,760 handled the situation. We've been texting sporadically 336 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,400 since and on Saturday I asked him about his intentions. 337 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,720 He admitted he's still into me. I wanted to ask a few follow up 338 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,960 questions because I want clarity and avoid getting hurt again, 339 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,360 but it wasn't a good time because he was meeting friends 340 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,320 for lunch. I told him to message me when he 341 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,400 has time and he said he will because of how hurt I got last 342 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,840 year. I'm nervous to open up again. 343 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,520 I'm therefore waiting because I want this conversation to be 344 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,880 important enough to not have to wait weeks. 345 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,360 Realistically, I know it's not a priority right now and he's 346 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:46,080 probably waiting till he's back home to have the mental space to 347 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,880 have that talk. So I wanted to ask you how many 348 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:52,160 days you think is acceptable for someone to take to get back to 349 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,800 that conversation. He's on holiday until tomorrow. 350 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,640 Listen girl, I'm not even going to. 351 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,840 I can't even. I can't even continue to read 352 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:03,680 this because I hate to say this right, but if you wanted to, we 353 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:04,720 would. Period. 354 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,480 Well. He knows what he's doing right? 355 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,319 He knows what. He's doing right. 356 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:11,359 And it's he's still very much a classic avoidance. 357 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:14,680 And let's see, he ghosted till I reached out and asked for an 358 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:18,160 explanation. He didn't care enough about your 359 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,640 feelings to give you an explanation. 360 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:24,520 He just ghosted, right? And when you follow up in a 361 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:29,200 situation like this, you make yourself so vulnerable because 362 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,560 you're putting yourself in a, you're in a very precarious 363 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,680 position because the guy is looking at it, saying I just 364 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,080 treated her poorly and she's still contacting me, which means 365 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:42,240 I can continue to treat her poorly and she'll continue to 366 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,920 come back for more. Perfect. 367 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,680 Well, and she has been. And she has been. 368 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,480 Let's see, I like. Her she totally glosses over 369 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,520 it's been a year of no contact and a few months ago I received 370 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,280 an apology from him. So you didn't block him so you 371 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,960 he could still contact you? Right, correct. 372 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:01,480 I mean, not everybody would block, but I cannot fast enough 373 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,440 when met this out of the blue. Hey, I just, you know, I really 374 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,080 feel like you owe you an apology. 375 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,520 It's bullshit. They're just using that to worm 376 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:14,080 their weight in that you won't be angry with them when they 377 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,320 start to try and get you to hook up with them. 378 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:17,400 Yeah, for some. Reason. 379 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:21,240 This seems more convenient to him than starting over. 380 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,040 Correct, correct. This is we talk about this, they 381 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,760 always circle back because they don't want to put in the work to 382 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,400 get get to know somebody new. They don't. 383 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:32,080 Want to have to pay for states in order to get sex? 384 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:34,880 Right, Right. Yeah, That's exactly what it is, 385 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,160 yeah. They don't want to put in the 386 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,720 effort, they don't want to spend the money, and they don't want 387 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,760 to have to expend the emotional and mental energy required to 388 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,600 get to know somebody. So they're going to return to 389 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,400 someone that they probably weren't that interested in 390 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:50,040 anyway, and then waste their time yet again. 391 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,960 On the bright side, you know she'll take a lot of abuse. 392 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,440 Right. Yeah, right. 393 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,400 We've been texting sporadically since and on Saturday I asked 394 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,760 him about his intentions. He admitted he's still into me. 395 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,400 I wanted to ask a few follow up questions because I want 396 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,760 clarity, but it wasn't a good time because he was meeting 397 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,120 friends for lunch. I told him to message me when he 398 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,960 has time and he said he will. And then he just didn't. 399 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,640 Yeah, yeah. He doesn't have, he doesn't have 400 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:12,960 time. He's so busy, right? 401 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,120 He's on holiday, Kristen. Sarah. 402 00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,120 Sarah. He's eating lunch. 403 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,480 Yeah. That's why he's off tomorrow. 404 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,880 Right, correct. Doesn't have time. 405 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,920 I wanted to ask you how many days you think is acceptable for 406 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,360 someone to take to get back to you 0 Here's the thing. 407 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,680 Zero. When they're interested and 408 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:35,640 available, they're going to make sure they don't risk losing you. 409 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,840 Yeah, right. They're going to make sure they 410 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:43,080 let you know that they're I'm here, I'm in this, I'm 411 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,560 interested. They're not going to let you 412 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:49,280 slip away If they're truly available and truly feel as 413 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:53,000 though there's there's potential here, even if that potential is 414 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,360 wild. We have really great rapport. 415 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,120 I don't have that a lot on these dating apps or when I meet 416 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,800 somebody new. I really want to. 417 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:03,240 I want to explore this. And, and, and this is because 418 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:07,920 dating is such a cesspool. When we find that spark, when we 419 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:12,640 find that connection, we want to pursue it because we're we, we 420 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,760 don't want we're to lose it. Well, the. 421 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,200 Spark unfortunately is very one sided here and it's it's what's 422 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,240 making her not see this clearly right because she goes on later 423 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,600 to say I know some people will say if he let you walk, don't 424 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,720 let him back in which I agree with no you don't no you don't. 425 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,560 It what not. Right. 426 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,640 But she says there's one side of me that thinks you didn't see. 427 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,640 He didn't see what you had then, so he can't have it now. 428 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,760 But I'm in my 30s and life happens. 429 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:42,600 Yeah. Don't. 430 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:45,440 Don't be delulu. Don't be delulu. 431 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,760 Don't be desperate because this is this is bread crumbing at its 432 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:54,040 fest. Someone says I know some people 433 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,440 will say if he let you walk, don't let him back in, which I 434 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,120 agree with. Did you just say this? 435 00:20:58,120 --> 00:20:59,400 Uh huh. Literally just did. 436 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,320 Thank you for listening. OK, you're a good. 437 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,040 Friend to me. Hello I. 438 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:07,160 Feel seen and heard. He didn't handle it well. 439 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,760 He didn't handle it handle it well, which he has taken 440 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,360 responsibility for. Has he? 441 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:12,960 No. No, he has not. 442 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,080 You had to follow up with him to get him to take responsibility. 443 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,360 Well, let's remember if he actively works toward changing 444 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:23,280 it, how do you actively work on changing something you already 445 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,240 did? Right, meaning changing his 446 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,000 behavior I guess. I am hoping to having this 447 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,360 conversation. Feel free to share your thoughts 448 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:32,680 or experiences. You know that this woman is 449 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:36,240 going all wrong and like she's this is like a huge blind spot 450 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,640 for her, I think because it doesn't even come up. 451 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,840 But she really thinks that they could just talk this out, that 452 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,560 that men's words have any value. They don't. 453 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,280 It's the only their actions, right? 454 00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:51,760 Y'all might as well never speak again because whatever he does 455 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,960 doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what are his 456 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,760 actions. And his actions are saying I'm 457 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,360 not interested in you, I'm just low on options right now. 458 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,120 That's it. That's really all. 459 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:07,200 Yeah, no notes, full stop. Now what I mean what I would 460 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:10,920 have liked to have happened is for him to or for like for her 461 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:14,360 to just like hang up on him as soon as he was like, OK, well I 462 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:17,320 have to go to lunch now, but click buy what? 463 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,240 Don't start the conversation then. 464 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,120 Exactly. Don't waste my time. 465 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,680 Don't drag this out right wasting time. 466 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,640 But what did you think she was going to do? 467 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:28,760 Did you think she was just going to? 468 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,320 Well, actually the answer is yes. 469 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,520 Here he thought he was going to be able to just walk back into 470 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,120 her life and they could just pick up where things left, I 471 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:36,680 think. It's more nefarious than that. 472 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:40,240 I think he's dragging this out on purpose to make her twist. 473 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,440 To keep. Keep expectations low, keep her 474 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,520 on her toes. He sets the pace. 475 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:48,240 I fucking hate this guy. I'd hit him with my car. 476 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:53,680 Fuck this guy, I hope he never feels a moment of happiness ever 477 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:54,680 again. Agreed. 478 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,160 Agreed Sarah. Final thoughts? 479 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:58,520 Well. Fuck that guy. 480 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,600 Summerfest continues strong I I feel we will never run out of 481 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,760 material. Right, we won't. 482 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,560 We probably will not OK, if you're not following us on 483 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:12,280 social media, follow us on dataology pod and follow me the 484 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:15,240 Kristen. Follow me on TikTok at dataology 485 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,920 coach and my character analysis. And you can follow me on YouTube 486 00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:20,080 at data LG coach and my character analysis analysis. 487 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,920 Send your questions, go to the website dataologycoach.com, 488 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,600 click ask a question. And if you want the behind the 489 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,000 scenes content, the bonus episodes, the Sex and the City 490 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,720 recap, excuse me. And just like That recaps and 491 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,920 the advice and the personal stories that we don't share in 492 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,480 the public feed because they're a little too spicy, go to 493 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:41,120 patreon.com/dataology coach and become a subscriber. 494 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:46,320 OK, which is Warlocks vase value time decenter men. 495 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,120 Don't be delulu. Don't be delulu. 496 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:49,640 Bye.