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Did LG coach podcast bonus 
episode? 

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Hello Sarah. 
Hello. 

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Kristen. 
Hello, if you guys haven't heard

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the latest subscriber only 
episode, you're going to want to

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go listen to this. 
What do we not only do we talk 

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about our, our new favorite 
Internet boyfriend, Luigi 

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Mangione, but we also we talk 
about a woman who took in a 

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homeless man and built him, 
built him into the perfect man. 

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Yep. 
So go to go to 

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patreon.com/dataology coach and 
subscribe to listen to that. 

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But today, this is a, this is a 
free episode. 

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It's a bonus episode and we're 
going to read a letter. 

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So, Sarah, do you want to read? 
It sure, here we go, the letter 

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says. 
Hi guys, I have a tendency to 

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get caught up in limerance and 
stalk my exes Spotify to see 

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what he puts on his playlists. 
I get I get that. 

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Actually, this has often kept me
stuck on him since some of the 

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songs appeared to specifically 
reference issues that he and I 

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had. 
I recently stalked him and saw 

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that he was creating playlists 
with another girl. 

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Of course I looked up the girl 
and she looks like a prettier 

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and thinner version of myself. 
I know it's my own fault for 

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praying, but how do I not let 
this fuck with me? 

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I have vowed to stop stalking 
him but feel horrible about 

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myself and regretful that this 
shitty man was able to pull 

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someone hotter than me. 
You're so real for that. 

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Thanks for having the space to 
let me send in letters where I'm

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being petty and ridiculous. 
Grateful to both of you for the 

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podcast. 
Listen, We support women's 

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rights and. 
Wrongs and wrongs. 

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Exactly. 
So this is very normal, right. 

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Like we we have to find out. 
OK, but. 

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But you know what this is? 
You know what this is? 

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It's Carrie and Natasha. 
Oh, Natasha. 

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Right. 
Like, yeah, you're going to look

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at her. 
Katie with the curls. 

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Jesus, this is what it is. 
It's Carrie and Natasha, and you

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look at her and you think she's 
just, she's everything that I'm 

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not and da da da da da da da and
turns out. 

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Big. 
She she, she bored him like she 

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didn't give him what he wanted. 
And so, and that's not a flaw. 

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That just meant that they 
weren't right for each other, 

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right. 
So you're looking at her and 

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you're thinking, oh, you're 
you're comparing yourself to 

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her. 
And, and I, this is a great 

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saying. 
You don't want to compare your 

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insides to somebody else's 
outsides. 

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And I, and I've always, I've 
always loved that saying. 

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And and that's really what 
you're doing, because you're 

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letting what she looks like 
externally affect you 

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internally. 
Yeah, you're internalizing it. 

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Which is really hard not to do. 
Right. 

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It's very hard to do, very hard 
not to do. 

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So don't assume that like for 
all you know, she treats him 

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like shit or for all you know, 
he treats her exactly the way he

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treated you, which is probably 
which is bad and you don't want 

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that for her, right? 
Right. 

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So trust me, he hasn't upgraded 
And and even if he did, I, I 

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shouldn't know. 
I take that back. 

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He no, I don't. 
He hasn't upgraded because he 

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hasn't changed. 
He's going to pull the same shit

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with her that he pulled with 
you. 

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Yeah, I mean, I was going to say
too, he hasn't upgraded because 

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I mean, I, I guarantee I, I, I 
bet anything that your 

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relationship with him improved 
him. 

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Right. 
So yeah, I mean, unfortunately 

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now he is a better version of 
himself, which is how he was 

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able to pull this woman that 
you're impressed by. 

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But I mean, he's still the same 
person deep down, you know, 

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right? 
Which is not great, right? 

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And eventually, she's going to 
realize she could do better. 

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Right. 
You know, we just. 

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We are conditioned to focus on 
her, on the other, like the new 

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girlfriend, right? 
Yeah. 

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When we really should be 
focusing on what a piece of shit

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he is or not. 
Even if they're like, let's say 

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they just weren't right for you,
we need to focus on, you know 

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what things didn't work out 
because we weren't right for 

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each other. 
And this is not a reflection of 

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me. 
Like he didn't win, I guess, is 

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what I'm saying. 
He. 

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Didn't. 
This isn't if he treated you 

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poorly. 
This isn't him winning. 

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This is him being exactly the 
same. 

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And he's going to and he's going
to blow it with another great 

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woman. 
Right. 

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You know, I, I don't even know 
if that's helpful. 

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Like, you know, I don't even 
know that this is limerence 

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either. 
Like, are you saying that you 

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still have feelings for this 
guy? 

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Is that like, is that the root 
of this? 

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Do you feel that's what she's 
saying in the letter? 

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It's not really clear, but you 
know what else is not clear is 

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whether these two are even 
dating, meaning the ex and the 

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New Girl. 
Right. 

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I mean, I think it's safe to 
assume that they are if they're 

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making Spotify playlist 
together. 

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Yeah, but like, maybe he's just 
like trying to date her. 

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You know what I mean? 
We don't actually know that 

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they're dating. 
He could just be shooting his 

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shot and she could be humoring 
him. 

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I mean, I think you're, I think 
you're right to point out that 

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like it's not a ridiculous leap 
to make to assume that they're 

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dating, but like I just, I 
can't, I can't even think of a 

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time when a hetero couple broke 
up and through their 

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relationship, no matter the 
length of it, the man did not 

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come out improved. 
And at first, like that's 

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probably going to make you feel 
worse, right? 

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Because you're like, oh shit, 
like I made him better. 

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And I like, I don't even get the
benefit of that, but it's 

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because he had such a gap to 
close, my friend, right? 

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Like you were already so much, 
so far ahead of him. 

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Right. 
And, and, but also I, I think 

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when you saw the songs on the 
list and you were like, oh, it's

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kind of, they sort of resembled 
issues in our relationship. 

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You thought that that meant he 
was regretting he had regret 

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over. 
Yeah, I was was thinking about 

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it a lot, right. 
Right. 

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And then you just see him move 
on. 

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You're like, oh, I I guess he 
wasn't feeling that way. 

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Right. 
That's the other thing, too. 

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You don't, you don't know that 
because men can't be alone. 

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Yeah. 
Like that. 

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This is the thing we have to 
remember. 

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Wow. 
Like he moves on pretty quickly 

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because they can't be alone. 
They cannot. 

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Right, because they don't want 
to. 

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They don't want to deal with 
their hurt feelings because they

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don't know how to. 
They don't know how to like 

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self-care. 
They don't know how to tend to 

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their feelings, so they just 
pretend they don't exist. 

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Right. 
Which I guess is why ultimately 

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we're saying like this new 
relationship is probably not 

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going to last either. 
Exactly. 

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Too long, didn't read. 
He's not. 

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He still sucks. 
Right. 

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He still sucks. 
Exactly. 

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That's how we can summarize. 
Yeah, he still sucks. 

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No, sucks he's still not good 
enough for you like. 

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Never was. 
There's such, yeah, there's such

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a there was such a gap to close 
there that of course some 

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positive rubbed off on him, 
which allowed him to temporarily

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fool this new lady. 
But she'll she'll catch on. 

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Yep, she sure will. 
She sure will. 

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She'll. 
Catch on. 

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So fuck this guy and don't feel 
bad about yourself 'cause this 

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isn't a reflection of you. 
No, I mean do any, do you have 

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any strategies about like maybe 
how to quit pressing on the 

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bruise? 
Oh God. 

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'Cause you're kind of like. 
I'm familiar with that. 

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Of the Bruise Press. 
I'm queen of the bruise bruise 

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press for sure. 
I, I really had to get to a 

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place where I hated him, right? 
Because I still didn't hate him 

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enough. 
Like, I was hurt and I was angry

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and I still held out some kind 
of hope. 

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But once I really faced like 
this guy's such an asshole. 

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Right. 
Right and and then. 

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And he was. 
And he sure was, sure still is. 

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You know that it takes time to 
get there and everyone gets 

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there at different times. 
It took me 5 years, four years, 

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five years ish. 
I would say a long time, wicked 

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long time. 
It took me a wicked long time. 

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And that's where you need to to 
get like until you really see 

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him for who he is and and 
understand that he didn't treat 

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you the way he treated you 
because of anything you did. 

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Right, because he wasn't capable
of better. 

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Because he sucks. 
Right, because he sucks. 

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He sucks, remember that. 
We're going to, we're going to 

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say fuck that guy. 
Do you have any more feedback 

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on? 
This well, I mean, so again, in 

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terms of like concrete things 
you can do to be proactive about

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like stopping this behavior so 
that you can feel better about 

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everything and move on. 
Like do you would you recommend 

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like leaning onto your leaning 
on your friends? 

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I don't, I don't know if that 
was helpful. 

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Each and every time I was like, 
Kristen, this guy sucks. 

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Like I, I don't know if that was
helpful. 

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What? 
What do you think? 

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Yes, of course it was. 
Of course it was because you had

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that. 
You had that objectivity that I 

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wasn't seeing. 
I'll never forget. 

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I will never forget when he 
wrote that stupid fucking Quora 

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thing about men being in the 
waiting room and he was just 

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like, so proud of his wife and 
she's so much stronger than me, 

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blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 
And all this regard for women. 

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And he's a serial cheater who 
had sex without condoms when he 

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had girlfriends. 
Like, he's a piece of shit. 

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He's a piece of shit. 
I was a piece of shit for being 

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involved with him. 
And so this is all performative 

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bullshit. 
And you said, Kristen, do you 

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not know that men tend to 
develop a little bit more 

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respect for women once they have
kids? 

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Like daughters, Like it's, it's,
it's this, it's an ego thing, 

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right? 
And I was like, no, I, I, I 

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didn't know that, but it was 
those listen. 

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And it didn't snap me out right 
away, but it was those little 

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gems that absolutely got me 
there. 

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00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,920
You know, just wait a minute, 
wait a minute, wait a minute, 

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00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,440
wait a minute. 
Can we talk about the other one?

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The other one where this piece 
of fucking shit, he wrote this 

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whole long thing about Oh my 
daughter's name and we just kept

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it secret and then he revealed 
it. 

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00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,200
Yeah, and and did the group chat
go crazy? 

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And it was the most fucking 
basic predictable. 

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00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:42,520
Let's just say he's British. 
It was it, it was, it was a 

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British name. 
I'll just say it, it was a not a

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British name, but it had British
association. 

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Oh, he thought he really did 
something. 

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00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,480
He really did. 
Yeah. 

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Oh, and I just remember saying 
Oh no I won't because that gives

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it away. 
Were you, were you going to say 

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like? 
I just said like, you know, 

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you're British and you, you use 
the name of somebody a famous 

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British person like too long 
didn't read. 

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00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,520
That was the that's the story. 
As usual. 

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00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,360
You took 1500 words to say 
something completely fucking 

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basic and stupid. 
All of which is to say, my 

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friend. 
My friend. 

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That this is this is where you 
need to get right. 

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You need to work with your 
friends on finding threads to 

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pull, for which you can 
absolutely dismantle this man 

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until he is nothing but a pile 
of dust in your memory. 

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00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:42,320
Yeah. 
Please, I promise you he's not 

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worth following up on. 
Not worth checking in on. 

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00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:48,760
Nope. 
Not worth pining for. 

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00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,600
Nope, absolutely not. 
And there are better things to 

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come. 
Absolutely. 

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For you and not him. 
Right. 

229
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,560
Are we saying fuck that guy? 
That's it. 

230
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,400
No notes. 
No notes. 

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00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:07,280
We have a 2nd letter and it says
I broke up with a guy two years 

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00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,680
ago because I didn't have a lot 
of dating experience and I 

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00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:12,160
didn't know what I wanted and I 
thought we didn't have a lot in 

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00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,560
common. 
But after a year of being broken

235
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,840
up I was missing him so I 
reached out to him with the 

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00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,800
intention of asking for a second
chance. 

237
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,960
That was Don't do that. 
We texted for five or six days, 

238
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,360
but I kept chickening out and 
then we just stopped talking. 

239
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,560
Now it's a year after that and 
I've dated a few other guys, but

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00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,080
I still always wind up missing 
him again. 

241
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:33,960
This time feels different, 
though. 

242
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,480
I feel like I'm in a better 
place. 

243
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,640
I've learned some things about 
myself and I have more of an 

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00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,960
idea of what I want. 
Should I reach out again or just

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00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,560
leave him alone? 
Leave him alone, because if he 

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00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:48,400
felt the same way, he would have
reached out to you by now. 

247
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,320
Well, or he would have like he 
would have picked up what you 

248
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,480
put down before, right man, he 
would have. 

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00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,080
He would have taken the bait. 
Right. 

250
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,560
But instead, he let the 
conversation slide. 

251
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,200
Yeah, right. 
Let's see. 

252
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:04,680
So I reached out to him with the
intention of asking for a second

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00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,360
chance. 
So let's address that. 

254
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:14,880
This is in the year of our Lord 
2025 on Miley Cyrus's Internet. 

255
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,080
We don't ask men for second 
chances. 

256
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,440
We're not doing that. 
We're like, we weren't doing it 

257
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,760
in 2024. 
We are definitely not doing it 

258
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,440
in 2025. 
And there's nothing wrong with 

259
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:30,600
being at that place, right? 
But we will never give men that 

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00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:34,400
kind of power or control. 
Yeah, I certainly wouldn't 

261
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,280
phrase it as yeah, give me a 
second chance, right? 

262
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,040
Yeah, and it could just be and. 
Hopefully everyone sees the 

263
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:43,480
difference between give me a 
second chance versus hey you 

264
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,360
want to try this again? 
Right. 

265
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,320
This is different. 
Yes, but it says a lot about 

266
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,040
your mindset. 
Yeah, right. 

267
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:55,240
Because you seem to think that 
you didn't have a lot of dating 

268
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:59,760
experience and and that that 
somehow was made you wrong or 

269
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:03,400
bad or like it was your fault. 
Right. 

270
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,680
Well, it also kind of sounds 
like you may have forgotten the 

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00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,320
reasons that you broke up. 
I assure you, you had them. 

272
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,880
You you had them, even if you 
didn't write them down. 

273
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,960
Yeah, we texted for five or six 
days, but I kept chickening out.

274
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,160
And then we just stopped 
talking. 

275
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,400
Yeah, you stopped talking 
because he wasn't interested in 

276
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:28,200
pursuing the conversation. 
So, you know, and I'm sorry to 

277
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,920
say that so bluntly, but that 
but that's just the reality. 

278
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,200
And let's say it's not and he 
actually was interested. 

279
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,560
The fact that he would let you 
slide and let you go, you don't 

280
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,320
want that either. 
Exactly. 

281
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,960
You want someone who's going to 
say, oh, I really like this 

282
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:45,680
person and I, I don't want to, I
don't want to miss this chance 

283
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,480
Exactly, 'cause you're worth 
that. 

284
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,680
You deserve that. 
Yeah, and I, I think that is 

285
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,200
true. 
I mean, that's definitely true 

286
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,200
of of men, right? 
Even if you're the one that 

287
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,560
ended things that like if they 
see a second chance and they 

288
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,840
want to pick up the bait like 
they they will even if they 

289
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,480
didn't end things. 
Correct, Correct. 

290
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,960
Yeah, All right, if you're not. 
Perhaps it really is that basic,

291
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:13,800
you know? 
Yeah. 

292
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,160
With men, there are no mixed 
messages. 

293
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,480
If, if, what do they say? 
They're coming up, They're 

294
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,240
booking the second date. 
Yeah, yeah. 

295
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:26,280
From the. 
Does just come down to how old 

296
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,960
to you is he? 
Right, exactly from the great 

297
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:33,080
philosopher Jack Burger. 
Now, I do want to say, because 

298
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,120
this is a person with, at least 
in her view, relatively little 

299
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:41,440
dating experience, should you 
initiate contact again and like,

300
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:47,920
start bantering, I think he will
begin to regard you as a person 

301
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,280
with whom he can casually hook 
up sometimes, right? 

302
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,960
Right. 
I feel as though the 

303
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,360
relationship, the relationship 
ship has sailed. 

304
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:03,640
Yes. 
Yes, OK, if you want to hear our

305
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:08,520
most recent full length episode.
And you do. 

306
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:12,280
And you do, because between the 
woman who wanted to date The Who

307
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,520
dated the homeless man and the 
woman who claimed to have gone 

308
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,599
out with her child free friend 
and just utterly shamed her 

309
00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:22,960
publicly in the Luigi Mangion 
talk. 

310
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:28,640
Go to patreon.com/dateology 
Coach and become a subscriber. 

311
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,000
Follow us on Instagram at 
Dadology Pod or me on Instagram 

312
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:39,000
at the Kristen MTHECHRISTANM. 
Follow me on TikTok and YouTube 

313
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:42,480
at Dadology Coach and my 
character analysis and send your

314
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,400
questions in the The questions 
are always answered on the free 

315
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,720
episodes. 
You don't have to subscribe to 

316
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:51,600
get an answer and why? 
Because we love you. 

317
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:56,680
Go to dadologycoach.com and just
submit your question. 

318
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:01,800
All right, Bog witches, bog 
warlocks, bog vase and bog gaze.

319
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:07,640
Value your time, decenter men, 
and center yourself. 

320
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:11,560
Yep. 
Bye bye.