1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:04,360 It was really hard for me and it made me angry at my mom again 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:08,160 because she kept this from me and all the stories they told me 3 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:12,040 about Kelly and Carrie growing up and how amazing they were at 4 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:15,000 softball and this and that. And I just, I'm not one that 5 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,840 loves to talk about everything. I did. 6 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:21,240 Well, I wanted to be like, you should have seen me play. 7 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:25,000 Yeah, you would have been so proud of me. 8 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:28,680 It wasn't a time when everything was videotaped and on camera 9 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,080 when I played. So he will never see me play. 10 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:36,600 He will never know that side of me, which makes me sad because 11 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:40,480 that was his life. Welcome to DNA Surprises, a 12 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:43,880 podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA 13 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:47,520 discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis ourselves. 14 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:53,560 In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out 15 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:58,360 that I'm an NPEA person who has experienced a non paternal 16 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,680 event. In other words, my biological 17 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,960 father isn't who I thought he was. 18 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:09,760 Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees, and 19 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,280 donor conceived people and their families. 20 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,240 Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin 21 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:21,560 with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises. 22 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,800 If you're listening to this episode and you've had Adna 23 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:30,880 surprise, you might be tuning in from the perspective of someone 24 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,840 who just uncovered their results. 25 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:37,200 Or maybe your surprised happened years ago when consumer DNA 26 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,920 tests became popular. What has changed for you since 27 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,760 the day you opened your test results? 28 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,880 In this week's episode, I'm joined by a guest from Season 1, 29 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:50,200 Crystal. Crystal had her DNA surprised 30 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,520 the same month and year that I did. 31 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,840 When we first spoke, it had only been a few months since she 32 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,440 received her results, and so much has happened since then. 33 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,400 Crystal shares what it was like when she finally met her 34 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,720 biological father for the first time, as well as how her 35 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,000 relationships have evolved over the years. 36 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:12,120 If you're in the thick of your DNA surprise right now, I hope 37 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,480 this episode gives you hope that things will get better, because 38 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,600 they will. Thank you Crystal for sharing 39 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,960 your story. If you haven't heard Crystal's 40 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,720 episode yet, I've included a link in the show notes. 41 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:27,000 Go listen to her episode and then come back here for an 42 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:32,520 update. Today I am joined by Crystal. 43 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:37,440 Crystal was one of my first guests on DNA Surprises in 44 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,080 Season 1. You may be familiar with her 45 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:44,000 story. It aired in January of 2022. 46 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:49,120 So much has happened since then and I'm so excited to have a 47 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,400 chance to catch up. So welcome, Crystal. 48 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,680 Thank you, nice to talk to you again. 49 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:59,720 It is now July, so it has been 2 1/2 years since we spoke and I 50 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:04,800 know that your DNA surprise was also in July of 2021, just like 51 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,760 mine. So have you had your anniversary 52 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,680 yet? Is it coming up and how are you 53 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,520 doing? It's July 29th. 54 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,920 I don't really do anything for it. 55 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:19,320 I I do notice it on the calendar every year because that that 56 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,400 will forever be ingrained in my head. 57 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:26,160 That date, this will be your 3. Knowing this, this new, it's a 58 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,400 whole new identity really is what it is. 59 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:32,080 But I'm it just so much has changed since I talked to you 60 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:33,280 last. So yeah. 61 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,280 OK, so let's I. Need to fill you in. 62 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,880 Let's catch up. So how are things going? 63 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:45,200 Last time we talked, you hadn't yet met your bio dad, but you 64 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,400 were about to go out to visit him. 65 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,680 I think it was like within a month from when we talked you 66 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,600 were going to head out and see him. 67 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:56,680 So have you met your bio dad and how is that relationship going? 68 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,440 Yes. So I found out July 29th of 2021 69 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:06,160 we scheduled to go out there October of 2021. 70 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:09,800 So just a couple months after finding out the news the night 71 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:14,520 before we left I got COVID had to cancel literally at 10:30 PM 72 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,440 the night before. So we cancelled that and then we 73 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:23,800 made a plan to go back in December of 2021, so a couple 74 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,320 months after and we spoke in October 2020. 75 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,640 One yes. So that's as far as we got. 76 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:32,640 So yes, I, we all, me and my husband and three kids, we all 77 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:37,400 flew out to Minnesota on December 26th of 2021. 78 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,840 Actually, it was Christmas Day. It was December 25th, but we got 79 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:46,280 there late and where my biological dad lives is 80 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,200 literally in the middle of nowhere. 81 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,920 It's a 2 1/2 hour drive from any air main airport. 82 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:56,120 Minnesota's very, very cold in the end of December. 83 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:01,680 So we landed, rented a car. Our flight was delayed so we 84 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,160 didn't get there till I want to say 1:30 in the morning. 85 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,880 I stayed in this teeny little mic, it's called a microtel and 86 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,600 that's the closest place to where they live. 87 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:18,440 Got there the morning of December 26th with the plans of 88 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,360 being at their house at 8:00 AM that day. 89 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,520 So I did not sleep very much that night, of course. 90 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,680 Plus I didn't even have that much time to sleep because we 91 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,040 got in so late and I just couldn't sleep. 92 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:33,160 Regardless, got up to my alarm, woke everybody up, we ate 93 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:37,560 breakfast and hopped in the car and they were about a 15 minute 94 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:44,120 drive to to their house. And to tell you the truth, I was 95 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,040 not at that point on the drive over. 96 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,960 I didn't have those butterflies anymore. 97 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:54,640 I was just, I felt just ready. Ready to meet him, we walked to 98 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:58,160 the front door and I didn't know what was going to happen. 99 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:02,200 I kind of envisioned like this big embrace, embracing hug. 100 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,120 And his wife answered the door, his wife Mary, and she gave us 101 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:12,080 all hugs. My new half sister Kelly, she 102 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,000 was also staying there. She was 31 at the time. 103 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:19,960 She came down the stairs, gave us hugs, but the whole time I'm 104 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,400 like, I really the person I'm looking forward to meeting the 105 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,600 most is my actual biological father. 106 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,760 So I'm like, where is he? Where is he like, great, I'll 107 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,400 give you guys hugs, but I want to know like I want a hug from 108 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,640 him. I wanted him. 109 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,920 I don't know. I don't know what I pictured in 110 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:39,360 my head. I pictured that, you know, like 111 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:44,160 a Hallmark movie, like you're my long, long got her right, right. 112 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:50,280 And so he came walking in in like the entry room and he said 113 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:55,040 a tall girl, that's all. That's what he said. 114 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:59,880 That's all he said. So I was like, OK, Then I walked 115 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:03,760 over to him and it was like a hug, like a acquaintance would 116 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:08,760 give a, an acquaintance hug. So it wasn't, I don't know. 117 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,120 I didn't. I expected a lot more in that 118 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,800 moment and it wasn't there. So I was like, OK. 119 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,160 And then Mary, his wife, said OK, let's eat. 120 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:20,400 So we just walked in like we were just neighbors walking in 121 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,200 to eat dinner with them. Or breakfast I guess I should 122 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,480 say. What were you thinking at that 123 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,200 point? It's kind of not what you 124 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:32,160 anticipated and you are. It was awkward. 125 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,320 Yeah, but I don't know what is normal. 126 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:38,400 There's no normal. There's no normal. 127 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:42,480 It was just awkward. And there's two new half 128 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,360 sisters. Kelly is the youngest one. 129 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:49,520 She was 31 at the time. And her older sister who was 130 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,000 younger than me still, she was 33. 131 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,880 She was also going to be there with her husband and her two 132 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,240 kids. But two days before we got on 133 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:03,560 the airplane to go visit, she texted me and said we got free 134 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:07,160 tickets to the Vikings game, so we're not going to be able to 135 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,600 make it. And I've I've never met her 136 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,360 before. She was the one that was didn't 137 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,280 really warm up to me, that had always. 138 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,560 Been rude? Yeah. 139 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,960 Was she the old, the older one who was a little bit cooler? 140 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:24,320 OK. Yeah, so she cancelled on 141 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:29,040 meeting us, but her kids were there, so Carrie was not there. 142 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:30,720 Kelly, the younger one, was there. 143 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:36,440 OK, did your kids all get along? Yeah, they did. 144 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:40,440 The kids got along great. We all ate dinner together. 145 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:45,080 There was just a lot going on. I noticed my biological dad, 146 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,400 Jeff is his name. He kept looking at me. 147 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:51,000 So I would look at him and like kind of smile and then he would 148 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:55,040 look away right away. It was just kind of an awkward 149 00:08:55,040 --> 00:09:00,280 interaction. And then Kelly, this half sister 150 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:05,400 and Mary just told a whole lot of stories at at breakfast, like 151 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:10,840 about Kelly's softball days. And then Jeff would talk about 152 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,760 like how amazing Kelly was at softball. 153 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:17,680 And I felt like nobody asked me any questions about me and they 154 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:20,040 didn't know that much about me at the time. 155 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:24,200 So I don't know, I just felt kind of put off by it and I 156 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,000 didn't want to know anything else about. 157 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,760 I mean, I felt like I knew about everybody in the town after that 158 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,680 breakfast. And I was like, I don't care 159 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,440 about these people. I'm never going to remember. 160 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,680 After breakfast, Mary took all these Christmas cards off her 161 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,840 fridge door and was like, oh, these people, you're all related 162 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,840 to these people. This is John Jim, this is Holly. 163 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:47,720 This is like all these names and of people I will never remember. 164 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,600 These are your cousins. These are your just like like 165 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:54,200 I'm cramming for a test. Yeah. 166 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:58,400 And and I just kind of zoned out after a while because it was a 167 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,000 lot of information thrown, thrown at me. 168 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:05,040 It was mentally just a lot of stuff. 169 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:11,760 Too many people around, like the kids were distracting and like I 170 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:16,040 really just wanted a one-on-one time with my biological dad. 171 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:21,000 Did you get that at any point? He would pull my husband into 172 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,280 the living room and talk to him. So I was like, is he going to 173 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:28,040 ever talk to me? Like it was just like what I 174 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:32,760 like I say awkward. At one point I went down to the 175 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,960 basement with him and it was quiet down there. 176 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:40,480 Nobody was down there yet. And he is a big hunter, like he 177 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:44,520 was a PE teacher and a farmer and a huge hunter and fisherman. 178 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,760 He has a big safe filled with guns. 179 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:54,000 And he pulled this rifle out of the safe and he's like, let's 180 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,280 see if this is a good size rifle for you. 181 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:02,600 And like that was his, I think him reaching out and wanting to 182 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,200 bond with me, which I did not grow up hunting. 183 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,880 It was fine. I actually thought it was cute 184 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:13,560 because that's his thing, so. And that's what he did with his 185 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,520 daughter. So he was trying to pull you in 186 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:18,360 like you were saying. Yes, yes. 187 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:20,560 So I did. I thought it was really cute. 188 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:24,560 So I was like, oh, this is him, like having quality time. 189 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,040 And he's like, Yep, that's a good size for you. 190 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:32,120 And he's just wanting me to hold this rifle in their living room. 191 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,360 So it was funny. And I'll always remember that 192 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,600 that was because that was special to him. 193 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,760 That was the first day I met him. 194 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,720 And we left, we stayed at our microtel. 195 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,480 We came back three other days. It was just like, like I said, a 196 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,040 lot of people around. I didn't get a lot of one-on-one 197 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,480 time like I kind of had hoped for. 198 00:11:55,960 --> 00:12:01,600 He also, I know I had mentioned before that he had dementia and 199 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:05,880 he's very hard of hearing. So it was difficult for him to 200 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:10,800 hear when kids were in the background especially, which is 201 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:15,360 why I kind of wished like the kids hadn't been, not that they 202 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,160 hadn't been there. But I, yeah, like I just wanted 203 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:22,240 a place where it was quiet so I could have talked to him more, 204 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,280 where he could hear me and understand me. 205 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,960 The last day we were there, we are all in the kitchen kind of 206 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:32,240 wrapping up before we left to fly home. 207 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:37,200 And he said in front of everybody, well, how's your mom 208 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,840 doing? And this is the first time he 209 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:44,680 had ever acknowledged my mom. And I said, well, we're not 210 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,560 really doing great. And he's like, well, health 211 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:50,360 wise, how is she doing? I said, well, she's doing well, 212 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:55,280 yeah, nothing to complain about. And he said, well, that's good. 213 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,520 And then he said, have you decided what you want to call me 214 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,920 yet? And I said, is there something 215 00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:08,000 you want me to call you? And he said, I'm agreeable, OK. 216 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,600 I was like, oh, OK, So I didn't know. 217 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,120 Like he sounded like he was reaching out. 218 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,000 Like, are you going to call me Dad? 219 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,240 Which is like a thing we all kind of struggle with of like, I 220 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,720 don't, I don't know what to call you. 221 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,320 Yeah. Am I going to call you Jeff? 222 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:26,800 Dad, Yeah. And I had called him Jeff up to 223 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:31,800 this point. So I just said I don't know. 224 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:37,400 And we just left it at that. And then we are walking out the 225 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:41,280 door saying goodbyes and my whole family walks in front of 226 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,400 me. And then I walked out. 227 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:49,240 He actually walked out with me, which I didn't even realize. 228 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:53,680 He was like right behind me and I'm about to walk off that final 229 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:59,440 porch step walking to the car and he pulled me back and was 230 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:03,520 like we are forehead to forehead like our noses were almost 231 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,880 touching. And he said thank you for being 232 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:11,400 a good person. And I, I didn't expect him to do 233 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,520 any of that because he had been so non emotional in the entire 234 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,160 four days we had been with them. And I said, well, thank you for 235 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,640 not being a jerk. And then he said, no, I'm not a 236 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,840 jerk. And I was like, why did I say 237 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,520 that? It just came out. 238 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:31,960 Yeah. And then he hugged me, this big 239 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,200 long hug. And I felt like that was the hug 240 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,440 I was waiting for. And I think it had to be when 241 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:43,160 nobody else was around. So I I felt like that he needed 242 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,880 to know I was a normal person, decent person to begin with. 243 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,400 And then he just didn't want an audience probably. 244 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:54,800 And I felt like that's what I really needed was that was the 245 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,560 embrace. And then I actually pulled away 246 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,680 1st. And then he pulled me back again 247 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:05,240 and kept hugging. And then when I pulled away 248 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,600 again, I looked at him and I think, I don't know if I'm 249 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:12,040 making it up in my mind and I saw tears or if there were 250 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:16,000 really tears there. But in my in my head, there were 251 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,800 tears. Oh wow. 252 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:24,320 So then I felt like, OK, I do mean something to him, which I 253 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:28,560 felt like the whole first couple days there, he could care less. 254 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,960 It was like a neighbor visiting for dinner. 255 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:35,920 Yeah, so, and I mean, I'm sure not to make excuses for him, but 256 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:39,560 it's the shock of it all. And then here you are. 257 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:43,640 And then the dementia element as well probably factors in. 258 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:47,240 I'm so glad that you got that good long. 259 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,800 I'm your father. Recognition and acknowledgement. 260 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,160 Me too. That's what I really needed. 261 00:15:55,160 --> 00:16:00,200 From that moment, I felt like like a calmness had come over 262 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,800 me. It was what I needed in this 263 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,280 whole process. Because, you know, that whole 264 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,600 first, I'd say year, you're in shock. 265 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,840 Oh, yeah, you're in absolute shock. 266 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:14,040 And that calmed my nerves. It made me feel better in so 267 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:18,200 many ways. And I fell at peace with 268 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,640 everything that had happened. What was your relationship like 269 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:26,680 after that visit? So we started talking probably 270 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:30,160 once a week, a week after I got back. 271 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:34,200 I actually, I've been thinking about it a lot and I like he, he 272 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,640 is my dad. I should call him dad. 273 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:40,320 It felt right. I don't have a dad figure in my 274 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:45,120 life, so it's not like I'm replacing a dad in my life. 275 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:50,120 So I felt like I was ready to call him dad. 276 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:55,520 And he goes, so I can tell people I have another daughter. 277 00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:00,800 And I was like, yeah, and he goes, and I didn't even have to 278 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,160 change your diaper. And I said no. 279 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,119 But it was really my teenage years that would have caused you 280 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:12,280 a lot of problems. And he said, OK, well, I, I 281 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,839 locked myself out of the car, so I need to figure out how to get 282 00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:17,560 back into it. And that's when I was like, 283 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,839 yeah, probably that's I am related to him because that's 284 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:23,000 something I would have done too. So. 285 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:27,000 Oh, wow. And do you still talk regularly? 286 00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,520 Yeah. We go up there every summer. 287 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,080 The first summer, you know, it's so funny with COVID. 288 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:37,600 During that first visit that winter, we did end up meeting 289 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:41,920 Carrie and her husband Mark, I guess a day, I think it was day 290 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,320 three. And we spent a whole afternoon 291 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,200 with them. And then the next morning, 292 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,960 Carrie tested positive for COVID. 293 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,680 So I saw her that afternoon and then we didn't see them or the 294 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,280 kid, their kids anymore. Like she came and picked up her 295 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,240 kids. And then that next summer, I 296 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,880 planned a trip out there, just me and the kids. 297 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,320 And we are going to stay with them for the first time. 298 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:09,160 And we get there, we have a busy first day. 299 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,960 We go to the lake, We do all these things together. 300 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,840 And we had a really good time just getting to know each other. 301 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,280 And the kids were hanging out with, you know, their cousins. 302 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,320 And my youngest, she got a fever. 303 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,440 And I actually had COVID tests that I just threw in my bag just 304 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,600 in case. And I was like, I'll just test 305 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,920 her just in case because I don't want to be around them if we 306 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,320 have it. They had never gotten it and she 307 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,520 tested positive right away. Oh my gosh. 308 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:41,720 So that was our first day there. So I told Mary that night I was 309 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,480 like, we, you know, if you want us to leave, we'll leave. 310 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,680 And she said, yeah, you should probably leave. 311 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,520 But then also like, I'm not her daughter. 312 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:54,600 Maybe this is me being selfish and being just wanting something 313 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,840 that's not there. But I feel like for her own 314 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:59,760 kids, she would have been like, stay here. 315 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:03,120 I'll cook for you. I'll, you know, so I was kind of 316 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:06,040 like I, I kind of wanted her to be like, no, stay here. 317 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,480 We'll keep you guys in the bedroom and we'll make sure 318 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,920 you're OK. And then I got it, of course, 319 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:16,600 for my second time. So COVID happened and cut our 320 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,520 visit short. The next time we saw them, they 321 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:23,680 actually came out to Arizona for my son's bar mitzvah, which was 322 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:30,880 January of 2023. And I sent them the invitation 323 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,400 and immediately they said we probably won't be able to make 324 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,480 it. Mary told me the last time they 325 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:42,680 flew on an airplane was for their honeymoon in 1985 or 326 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,840 something like that, and they went to California. 327 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:50,480 So she's like, we probably won't make it to David's bar mitzvah. 328 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:56,040 I was like, OK, it's fine. I like wanted them to make an 329 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,560 effort, but I was like, it's fine. 330 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:02,360 And then all of a sudden I get an alert that they signed up to 331 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:04,600 come like online. Like they didn't even tell me. 332 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,280 And I was like, oh what? And so I texted her. 333 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,440 I was like, are you guys coming? And she's like, Yep, we're 334 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,960 coming. So all of them came. 335 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,480 Both. Sisters and everyone, and 336 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,400 they're like Carrie's husband and their two kids. 337 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,240 Like they all came, her kids. That was their first airplane 338 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,960 ride ever because they also live like they all live out in middle 339 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,720 of nowhere. They don't fly on airplanes, 340 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,960 they don't travel. It was pretty amazing. 341 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,200 It was just such a busy time because we had so many people 342 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,160 coming out of town from so many places. 343 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,320 But I made like the day before the bar mitzvah, I had them all 344 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,800 over at my house and made food and all this stuff. 345 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,040 So it was a lot of work, but it was worth it. 346 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,280 And they got to see where we live, and I don't know if 347 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,720 they'll ever come out again. So it was kind of exciting to 348 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,760 have them here and I know how much of a big deal that was. 349 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,320 So they've really opened up and allowed us in. 350 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,400 It's amazing that you are able to recognize that like that, 351 00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:00,120 that that was a big deal for them to come out and and mean 352 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:04,000 something that they got clean and came to see you. 353 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:05,640 Wow. So did I know? 354 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,320 Did you see them this summer as well? 355 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:12,000 Yep. So then in the summer 2023, we 356 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,120 stayed out there. We stayed with them. 357 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,480 I can't believe it. I didn't even think ahead of 358 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,720 time. I was just like, we'll be here 359 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,800 from this state to this state. And Mary's like, you're going to 360 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,560 stay with us for a month? And I was like, yeah, I guess 361 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:24,480 so. Is that OK? 362 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,920 And she loved it. I think she's kind of lonely 363 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,520 because he has dementia. Like it's hard for him to have a 364 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,360 conversation. He needs help getting dressed 365 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,360 now. This has all changed so much 366 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,560 since I first met him. So I think she enjoys the 367 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:43,400 company and she really, I, I think she really likes being 368 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,800 with us all. That's like it gives her 369 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:49,480 something to do in the summer and she's retired since we first 370 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,560 met them, so she has her summers free. 371 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,960 So we stayed with them for almost a month and we just did a 372 00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,040 lot of fun stuff all over together. 373 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:03,360 And I just keep thinking I want to create these memories with 374 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:07,520 them and I really do enjoy being part of the family. 375 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:14,040 It's hard because we didn't grow up together so I I sometimes 376 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,720 feel like I still have to be on my best behavior because I have 377 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,360 more to lose than the other sisters have to lose. 378 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,720 Like they could easily cut me out of their lives forever 379 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:28,240 because I don't agree with something or I'm not OK with 380 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:32,520 something they want to do. And the other sisters can act up 381 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,360 and say what they want, all they want, and they will always have 382 00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:38,160 their parents there. Do you know what I mean by? 383 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:42,480 That totally there's. I have to be on my bad behavior. 384 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,680 Yeah, right. I have a different relationship. 385 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,880 I came in after and it's almost like I'm not the blood sister, 386 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,080 although I am blood. You are so. 387 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,600 Yeah. So that kind of goes into one of 388 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,400 the questions I had as a follow up. 389 00:22:55,400 --> 00:23:01,320 When we last spoke, you were kind of struggling with the lost 390 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:05,520 time and you know, you mentioned how he was athletic and he 391 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,600 coached all their sports and he was super involved. 392 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,400 And you're like that too. And have you been able to kind 393 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,160 of come to terms with that or is that still something that you 394 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:19,040 think about? I do. 395 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,680 I did think about it a lot more than I do now. 396 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:28,200 I'm still like when I go to their house, their house is like 397 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:32,760 frozen in the 1990s. Every picture they ever took 398 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:37,000 with their kids from, you know, being born till senior pictures 399 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,760 are still covered. They cover the walls all over 400 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,400 their house. And when I stay there, I stay in 401 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:48,040 Carrie's old room that literally has been frozen in time as well. 402 00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,960 Like it's the same as it was her senior year of high school. 403 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,000 So I see pictures of her everywhere and her and her 404 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,760 friends and her family pictures and her and her cousins, which 405 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,880 are my cousins and I'm not in any of them. 406 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,000 There's family pictures all over the walls. 407 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,880 And I the first time I stayed there, I had a really hard time 408 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,480 looking at them. And even my youngest, who was 409 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:17,400 nine at the time, she goes, Mom, you should really be in these 410 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:21,080 pictures. And I didn't say anything. 411 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,240 And I was like, I know, but they didn't know me. 412 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:28,520 And it like sometimes kills me inside because he still talks 413 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,160 about that. Oh, Kelly had the best arm. 414 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,200 And I want to be like. You should have seen me you. 415 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,400 Know, and I will never say that because it's not, it's really 416 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:40,600 not that important in the grand scheme of life. 417 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:45,080 Sure. So yeah, being in their house 418 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,520 reminds me that over and over and over again. 419 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,400 But now I'm at the point where I don't get these old stories from 420 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:56,800 him anymore because of the dementia, and I'm OK with that. 421 00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:02,560 And I just want to move forward. That first year, though, all the 422 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:06,920 emotions of mad, angry, sad, like over and over and over, and 423 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,160 it's so cyclical. And I still get those. 424 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:13,280 I still get those feelings, but I'm just at a point where I just 425 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:17,760 want to move forward now and form new memories together. 426 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,600 Carrie has actually come around. It wasn't until this last 427 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,040 summer, so we just got back from there a couple weeks ago and we 428 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,680 just stayed with them a week this year. 429 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:31,800 And Carrie has grown on me, the sister that I never thought 430 00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:35,000 would have grown on me. Yeah, sometimes it takes. 431 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,680 Time. Actually, it takes time. 432 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:43,480 And Kelly, the other sister, told me that she had never seen 433 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:49,760 their dad cry until he had to tell Carrie that I was actually 434 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:54,720 his daughter as well, which made me really upset to learn. 435 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:59,960 Like my pure existence made her that upset and him as well to 436 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:05,960 tell her that she went from that, that was 2021 to now. 437 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,400 We get along. We actually have fun together. 438 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,280 I'm actually a lot more like her than I ever thought I was. 439 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,240 Like, I never thought I'd have any sort of relationship with 440 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,400 her, but I just gave her time and I didn't push it. 441 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,560 I'm like, if she doesn't want me in her life, I'm not going to be 442 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,360 in her life. It's not something I need. 443 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:28,960 But she came around slowly and I really like her husband. 444 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,680 He's super nice and their kids and our kids get along really 445 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,240 well. So it's all worked out and it's 446 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,200 all a developing story. Yeah, yeah. 447 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:39,560 It will forever for sure forever be a. 448 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:40,960 Developing story. Mm Hmm. 449 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:45,680 Last time we talked you had not yet told your birth certificate. 450 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:50,800 Dad he had right texted you back, he didn't call you and you 451 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,880 just left it. Have you talked to him and told 452 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:57,280 him since? Yeah, just a little recap. 453 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:02,160 He had reached out to me and I was going up there in October 454 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,760 before I got COVID and said I'd like to meet with you. 455 00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:10,160 And he said, serious, huh? And that's literally like his 456 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:11,080 text. Serious, huh? 457 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,440 Question mark. And I said yes, and he never 458 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:20,880 responded. And Fast forward till Saint 459 00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:24,480 Patrick's Day 20. Oh, it was the day of the Taylor 460 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,560 Swift concert in Phoenix. What day was that? 461 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:33,360 It was last summer, so 2023, so we're talking two years. 462 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:38,480 Yeah, almost a full 2 years, he said Happy Saint Patty's Day. 463 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:46,000 You're half Irish, which makes my grandkids 25%. 464 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:52,040 So he clearly still doesn't know because I've told like his 465 00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:56,400 brother knows I'm close with his brother, my uncle and they have 466 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,920 three kids, my cousins that I'm actually not related to, but 467 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:04,840 I've grown up with them and they don't talk like my bylaw or 468 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,280 birth certificate. Dad has really cut all of his 469 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,440 family out of his life, so he doesn't even talk to them 470 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,400 anymore. And so I just wrote back, Happy 471 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:15,240 Saint Patty's Day. That's all I wrote and and then 472 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:19,360 he never wrote back and my birthday was a couple days after 473 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:23,000 that and he didn't even reach out like he hasn't since I was 474 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,000 13. He hasn't wished me a happy 475 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,600 birthday. So it was nothing new. 476 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,960 He is just one of those dads that when it's convenient for 477 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,280 him, he'll show up. But I don't bank on it. 478 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:39,480 And at this point he has. I don't feel like he deserves to 479 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,200 know because he's not even in my life. 480 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,480 And even if I could have told, I could have had cancer, like I 481 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,200 could have been dying and he just ghosted me. 482 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,400 So I'm like, you know what? That shows me that I don't even 483 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,000 need to tell him. That's a great point. 484 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,560 He didn't know what you were texting about and didn't show up 485 00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:00,400 so. No, yeah, I tried. 486 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,640 I tried to tell him and he didn't. 487 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,400 He ignored me. I'm kind of done with with that 488 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:08,640 whole situation. My sister I grew up with who 489 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,240 that is her biological dad. She keeps telling me I need to 490 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:16,560 tell him and I just tell her. He won't even give me the time 491 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,560 of day. Even if I wanted to tell him, I 492 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,160 don't even know how I would unless I just send in a text 493 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:23,720 message and I'm not going to do that. 494 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,760 I would never tell that to anyone over text. 495 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:30,600 Even though he's so separated from me, I think it it was still 496 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,640 be a crappy way to do it. How are things going with your 497 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,800 mom? I think when we last spoke, 498 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,560 things were kind of getting better. 499 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:41,760 She had finally sort of acknowledged it a little bit. 500 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,960 So where are you at now? We keep it pretty separate. 501 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:50,400 I didn't talk to her for the whole month after I found out. 502 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:54,400 Then it was sporadic and I just reached out to her when I wanted 503 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,440 information because I wasn't getting any information from the 504 00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:02,560 family at that point. Now I just live my life. 505 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:07,200 I go see who I want to see and I don't really talk to her about 506 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,280 it. It's just like an unspoken thing 507 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,720 between us. It makes her feel uncomfortable. 508 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,360 Sometimes I'll say like, she'll be like, where are you going 509 00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,640 when you come? And I'll say, oh, I'm going to 510 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:23,360 the, the cabin with family and she'll say, oh, whose cabin? 511 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:26,120 Or ask me questions. And she'll be like, OK, and 512 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,960 she'll just drop it. Her husband, on the other hand, 513 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,800 he's like so inquisitive. Like he wants to know so many 514 00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:34,680 things. He's really into the nature 515 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:39,240 versus nurture thing. And that kind of bothers me a 516 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,800 little bit. It's like it feels nosy and it's 517 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,080 like feels like a science experiment at that point when 518 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:49,200 he's like, so do you have more things in common with those 519 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,960 sisters or this sister? And oh, I'm just so interested 520 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,920 in the nature versus nurture and I'm just like, but this is my 521 00:30:55,920 --> 00:31:00,360 real life, you know, I don't I, it makes it feel like a science 522 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:01,680 experiment and I don't like that I. 523 00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:03,960 Was just going to say that experiment, yeah. 524 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,400 Right. There's real feelings involved 525 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,480 by so many. It affects so many people, it 526 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:11,520 does. Yeah. 527 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,760 So that's where we are with my mom. 528 00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:18,320 So she'll hear more when her husband asks me questions and 529 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:22,520 she's around and I know she wants to know everything, but 530 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:26,320 she's acts like she doesn't. So it's just kind of awkward for 531 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:28,760 both of us. And it's it's kind of like I'm 532 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:33,280 in two very separate families and I'm since my parents that I 533 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:37,280 grew up with divorced. I was kind of used to keeping 534 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:41,600 them compartmentalized where, you know, I wouldn't talk about 535 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,600 what I did with this family, with this family. 536 00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:48,320 And then my birth certificate dad, like, you know, left and I 537 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,040 so I didn't see him anymore. So then I was just with my mom. 538 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:52,960 But now it's like I'm back to this. 539 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,200 It's sometimes hard to go from one family to the next in my 540 00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:58,840 head. And it's like a mind shift. 541 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:02,240 Like I'm with this family and I don't talk about my mom and then 542 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,520 I go to this family and then I don't talk about my dad and. 543 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,160 Just completely compartmentalized, yeah. 544 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,960 Yeah, but I told my kids like they talk about it freely and I 545 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:15,560 want them to. I don't want them to have to 546 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:19,440 think like they can't. So they're now they call them 547 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,680 grandma and grandpa. And that kind of took a couple 548 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:25,800 years for my older kids. My youngest one right away she 549 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:27,000 was like, oh, grandma and grandpa. 550 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:28,320 OK. Like it just clicked. 551 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,000 My older 2 are like Mary Jeff. And now this summer for the 552 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,280 first time, I heard them say grandma and grandpa. 553 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:40,480 And so it's just all new, but it's getting more familiar. 554 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,720 I'm reflecting you're the third person I've spoken to now with 555 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:50,040 an update Kind of where we all seem to land and it's like 556 00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,360 there's this element of acceptance around the distance 557 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:56,120 that's just always going to be there on both sides. 558 00:32:56,480 --> 00:33:01,440 We're never going to talk about it with our moms in depth and we 559 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,520 building these relationships, but we also kind of have to 560 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:06,920 accept that the lost time is lost. 561 00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:10,760 There may not be the depth of connection that you have with 562 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,840 someone that you grow up with. And it's really interesting. 563 00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,720 And I, I was just reflecting that like, I don't think a lot 564 00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,560 of people are talking about this part of it. 565 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,720 We all talk about when it first happens. 566 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,960 We don't talk about it two years later, five years later, 567 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:28,680 whatever, right? I think people that don't 568 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:33,600 experience it think of this fairy tale or soap opera where 569 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,480 you meet your dad and then he's your dad. 570 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:38,320 He does these dad things with you. 571 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:42,000 Well, I haven't really had a dad since I'm 13, so I don't even 572 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,320 really know what that feels like, to tell you the truth. 573 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:49,360 But I, I feel like at this point I don't need a dad. 574 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:54,320 I'll call, but it sometimes is a month before I call because I 575 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,960 have 3 kids and I'm busy and I'm running here and there and doing 576 00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:01,360 things and Mary's like, haven't heard from you in a while. 577 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,840 Her kids she talks to almost she talks to almost every day. 578 00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:11,280 You don't know how to fit into a family you've never belonged to 579 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,320 before. Like we're new, we're just being 580 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:18,880 inserted into this brand new family and we grew up 581 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,040 differently. We grew up with different 582 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,000 parents even. We grew up in different towns, 583 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,040 cities, states. We had different life 584 00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,639 experiences. I went to college at a big giant 585 00:34:30,639 --> 00:34:35,040 school in Colorado, outside of Minnesota, and I lived in Spain 586 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,960 and I traveled the world. And I don't think they've ever 587 00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:41,440 left the United States. We're so different and we're 588 00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:47,800 trying to blend and it's working the best it can. 589 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:51,360 And am I correct that you are different religion and 590 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,760 everything from them because you mentioned your son had a bar 591 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,679 mitzvah and. Yeah, I'm Jewish. 592 00:34:56,679 --> 00:34:59,240 They're Christian. Small town Christian. 593 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:00,840 Yeah, yeah. Different. 594 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:03,360 Definitely different. And we don't eat pork and we 595 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,920 don't eat shellfish. We keep kosher to a certain 596 00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:07,880 degree. And they'll like want to pray 597 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:12,640 before dinner and in Jesus name. And we're just like, OK, which 598 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,560 is fine. Like pray away and we'll sit 599 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:18,280 there no problem. But like, I'll pray to God all 600 00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:22,200 day long and it's fine. So it's just the differences. 601 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,160 We're family, but we're so different still. 602 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:31,040 It's just a lot to try to fit into a family, conform almost, 603 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:33,440 but I'm never going to conform. It's just, we're just very 604 00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,640 different. But it's been nice. 605 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:37,680 It's been really nice to get to know them. 606 00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,960 I'm glad that we now have this summer tradition where we go 607 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:44,640 there every summer and see them. My kids will remember that. 608 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:48,760 I wanted my kids to know where and who they come from, just 609 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,080 like I needed to know where I came from. 610 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:54,760 And now I have that one huge thing. 611 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:58,480 My second summer going there, my dad, dad. 612 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:03,120 Now I'm talking about my biological dad, Jeff, his best 613 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,880 friend since they were kids. His name is Barry. 614 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,800 Mary told me that Barry really wanted to meet us. 615 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,840 We met Barry. He's a farmer. 616 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,960 I've heard of Barry my whole life because my mom also knew 617 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:18,960 Barry. And we got drive out to Barry's 618 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,280 farm. He has thousands of acres of 619 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,560 land. And we got to his farm. 620 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:26,840 We had to drive all around this farm to find him. 621 00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,920 And we finally find him and we meet him. 622 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,720 It was all great. And he said to me, he's like, 623 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:37,760 come in my car. Do you want your kids and your 624 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,440 husband to come too? Or do they want to drive 625 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,280 separate? And I was like, oh, I'll go get 626 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,040 them. They can come in your truck too. 627 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:46,800 And then he just shut the door and started driving. 628 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,000 So I couldn't even like, get out of the car. 629 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,400 And I was like, Oh my gosh, where are we going? 630 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,760 So I have my cell phone. I'm texting my husband. 631 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,200 I was like, just follow us. Like, I just met this guy. 632 00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,440 It was just me and him in his truck. 633 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:03,080 And he said, Crystal, if there's anything you want to know, ask 634 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:07,720 me now while we're alone. And I was like, so take it like 635 00:37:07,720 --> 00:37:13,720 taken off guard by this. I was like, so did you know my 636 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:16,560 mom? And he said, Yep, I've known 637 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,640 your mom her whole life. I've known your dad his whole 638 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,440 life. He said the hardest day your dad 639 00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:28,120 has ever had in his life was the day that your mom married your 640 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,720 dad. Like my birth certificate dad, 641 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,160 He said. I went to that wedding with your 642 00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:38,040 biological dad and held his hand as he cried as your mom walked 643 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:43,080 down the aisle. Yeah. 644 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:49,320 So that felt weirdly. And I would never share. 645 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,680 I never shared that with Mary ever, because I don't think 646 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:59,560 that's something she knows or will ever know, but I felt like 647 00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:03,640 I was almost validated in a way. That. 648 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:09,600 Because there was, they knew each other their whole lives and 649 00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:11,960 I was like a piece of both of them. 650 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,840 I don't know. It felt like I can't even 651 00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,640 explain it. That I hear from the people that 652 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:23,520 I interview as there's a lot of feelings around feeling like 653 00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:28,920 they weren't conceived out of love or a relationship that 654 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:35,960 meant something to both of their parents and found out that it 655 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:37,760 did. It did mean something. 656 00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,400 Yeah, I didn't know knowing that would make me feel so good, but 657 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:45,560 it really did. So I was like, wow, like they 658 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:49,760 really wanted to be together. And then Barry kept talking and 659 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:54,960 he said when they were seniors in high school, your mom said, 660 00:38:54,960 --> 00:39:00,440 Jeff, let's get married and we can take over the newspaper. 661 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:04,280 His Jeff, my dad, biological dad's parents had a newspaper, 662 00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,960 the town newspaper. So we can take over the 663 00:39:06,960 --> 00:39:10,840 newspaper business from your parents and we can stay in this 664 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,000 town forever. And and he said, no, I'm going 665 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:15,680 to college. We can't do that yet. 666 00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:18,600 And they did date in college at the beginning. 667 00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:21,320 And then my mom met my birth certificate. 668 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,400 Dad had my sister, and I came along five years after that. 669 00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:29,000 So she clearly had an affair with him after she was married. 670 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:30,480 Yeah. Yeah. 671 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:34,720 And had a child already. So yeah, it was just very 672 00:39:34,720 --> 00:39:39,240 validating to hear that. So I was so happy to meet Barry. 673 00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:45,000 And he knows that his best friend has dementia, my dad. 674 00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:50,920 And he has reached out to me. He calls me, he tells my 675 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,400 husband, thanks for taking care of Crystal. 676 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:58,360 And it's just really sweet. It can be like a lonely process 677 00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:01,360 to have even this far down the road. 678 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,760 It's still something you think about it as I'm sure you can 679 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:07,480 relate to. You think about it all the time. 680 00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:11,560 And it can be kind of lonely sometimes because you can't stop 681 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:16,240 thinking about that even now. And it's just something that's 682 00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:20,000 part of you, something you had to learn to adapt to and. 683 00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:25,280 Will always be a part of your story to kind of heal from 684 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,280 everything and process everything I had gone through, 685 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:33,200 had been going through. I wrote a book and I let me see 686 00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:37,120 I have it sitting here because I wanted to remember all the 687 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,280 feelings I felt when I first found out. 688 00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:43,720 And it's single spaced 80 pages and like size 11 font. 689 00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,520 When I look at I'm like, I can't believe I wrote this many words, 690 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,480 but it it was. So healing, is it up to right? 691 00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:52,640 Is it for sale or anything or is it just for you? 692 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,960 No, no, it's really just for me and I've some of my close 693 00:40:56,960 --> 00:41:00,720 friends have read it. My husband read it. 694 00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:03,640 He was the first one to read it. And it's so nerve wracking to 695 00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:08,960 have the person closest to you read your thoughts and your like 696 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:12,560 everything that was going on in my head is crazy as I felt like 697 00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,480 I was like to have him know like, Yep, that's your crazy 698 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:19,440 wife. But he couldn't put it down. 699 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:24,880 He stayed up all night reading it and he's not a reader either. 700 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:29,000 And he's like, this was so good, I couldn't put it down. 701 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,640 He's like, you could make a movie out of your life. 702 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:34,640 Like that's not necessarily a good thing. 703 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:39,320 I had a playlist that I made over that first probably six 704 00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:43,280 months of all the songs that I could relate to that I listened 705 00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,480 to over and over. That calmed me down. 706 00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:47,680 And I have my whole playlist in it. 707 00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:51,480 And so I eventually thought it would be helpful to have for 708 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:55,280 other people going through it. I don't think I'm ready to 709 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,320 release it or anything quite yet. 710 00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:01,640 The day after I found out, I spent the entire next day 711 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:05,400 sitting at the computer and writing out everything, every 712 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,120 detail of what happened because I never wanted to forget it. 713 00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:12,080 So that's how it started. And then every day I kept 714 00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:15,360 writing and I would write another, you know, 10 pages. 715 00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:19,320 And and it's not all emotions and feelings, but it's in a lot 716 00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:24,400 of it is flashbacks to when I remembered things in my 717 00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,520 childhood that could have been a giveaway. 718 00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,800 Like, you know, everything comes back to you. 719 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:33,760 Like, Oh my gosh, I remember my mom talking about this boyfriend 720 00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:37,960 she had and named Jeff. Like all these things came back. 721 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:41,320 That's so great that you documented all of that, and if 722 00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:45,480 you do ever end up releasing it, please let me know and I'll be 723 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:49,360 sure to share it 'cause I just think the more resources that 724 00:42:49,360 --> 00:42:51,160 are out there for people, the better. 725 00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:54,240 Right. Well, that's what my husband was 726 00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:56,320 like. This could help so many people 727 00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:58,640 going through this. And there's people finding out 728 00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:01,440 every day. And it is so hard because like 729 00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,320 you said, there are no resources. 730 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,680 Like your podcast, for example, this podcast wasn't around when 731 00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,680 I found out, but that would have been where I would have listened 732 00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:13,400 to other people's stories because you feel so alone, like, 733 00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,360 has this happened to anybody else? 734 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:19,080 And then you find that Facebook group and he's like, Oh my gosh, 735 00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:22,720 there's a whole Facebook group full of people that have had DNA 736 00:43:22,720 --> 00:43:25,600 surprises. At first, the only people I 737 00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:27,920 could relate to were people that were adopted. 738 00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,080 But we're still we have a different story completely. 739 00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,720 It's it is different. I mean, there's definitely 740 00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:35,920 overlap. There's intersection with the 741 00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,480 adoption community. But you're right, that element 742 00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:43,480 of shock and some adoptees have it when they take a test or 743 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:50,400 they're late discovery, but the the shock is acute and it is a 744 00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:55,400 unique experience for sure. Yeah, because you also have the 745 00:43:55,400 --> 00:44:00,640 betrayal of who kept the secret from you when it comes from the 746 00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:04,840 closest person to you as a child, your mother, and knowing 747 00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:07,160 they've lied to your entire life. 748 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:09,720 Like, that's a whole nother trauma in itself. 749 00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:13,800 And a lot of things I wrote about, like my mom has a big 750 00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:17,000 part of this. And I've found out through this 751 00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:19,040 process that she is a narcissist. 752 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:23,280 And I didn't recognize it before, but she even told my 753 00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:28,200 husband not that long ago that I I'm just really sensitive. 754 00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:30,520 It's me. I'm the problem. 755 00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:36,440 I don't think she will ever recognize being the the person 756 00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,440 in the wrong in this whole situation. 757 00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:41,800 And I've come to terms with that and that's. 758 00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:46,440 That radical acceptance, it's we have to have it to move through, 759 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:49,000 we have to. Yeah, or you don't move on and 760 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:52,400 that writing this like you can tell from the beginning my wry 761 00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,840 motion and how I've come to terms with it at the end. 762 00:44:56,360 --> 00:45:01,440 So it was seriously like a year writing because I didn't work 763 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,480 for a long time, because I just couldn't. 764 00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:07,280 I was just a shell of a person. I wasn't working. 765 00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,840 I was writing. I was writing this novel. 766 00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:11,960 You weren't working, but you were doing the work. 767 00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:15,920 Yeah, right, right. And I felt like if I hadn't ever 768 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:20,280 put in that work that I went to bend this to this stage of the 769 00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,440 process yet. So I feel really good about 770 00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:24,280 where I've come. And I think a lot of that is 771 00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:30,160 because I, I did this, I wrote it all down and it felt so good 772 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:32,800 coming out. That's great advice for anyone 773 00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:36,120 listening to Write it down. Write how you feel, tell your 774 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:40,040 story. If you could tell Crystal of 2 775 00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:45,120 1/2 years ago anything, what would you tell her knowing what 776 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:48,640 you know now? Well, I listened to the first 777 00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:51,560 podcast because I couldn't remember what we had even talked 778 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:56,800 about it, it had been so long and I almost teared up at 779 00:45:56,800 --> 00:46:01,880 certain parts because I'm going to tear up now actually. 780 00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:10,800 It was so raw and no matter how many times you tell the story, 781 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:16,040 it really, it's a lot to go through. 782 00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:24,920 But that being said, after that first year, the first year is 783 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:28,960 it's a lot. It's rough there, especially 784 00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:31,600 that first six months. There are more bad days than 785 00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:34,360 good days. You go into so many different 786 00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:37,720 modes, like stalker mode, like looking for pictures, do you see 787 00:46:37,720 --> 00:46:41,840 resemblances? There's just so much you go 788 00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:47,160 through that nobody else understands unless they have 789 00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:51,560 gone through it. And I'd say after that first 790 00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:57,080 year you make it out of that like tunnel vision of always it 791 00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:01,360 consuming you at all times. So I would say make it through 792 00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:05,000 that year and you will have good vision again. 793 00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,960 I feel like a lucky one, one of the lucky ones that actually 794 00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:14,280 gets to have a relationship. But like all families, it's not 795 00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:17,600 all perfect and it's not all roses every day. 796 00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:22,640 And like I started touching on like it's, it can be lonely 797 00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:28,120 sometimes because nobody else that I hang out with in my daily 798 00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:33,160 activities, nobody else knows what is consuming my brain 799 00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:35,640 sometimes. And sometimes it just it, it 800 00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:38,520 does. I just start thinking about 801 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:42,000 everything I've been through And even like I said, listening to 802 00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:48,320 my podcast of 2 1/2 years ago, I'm like, wow, I went through so 803 00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:52,360 much. But like I said, it is a part of 804 00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:54,040 me. It's a part of my story. 805 00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:59,200 It makes me who I am. And I now know where I came from 806 00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,120 and my kids know where they came from. 807 00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:05,720 So I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad I found out. 808 00:48:06,240 --> 00:48:09,400 That's a question I get from some from some people. 809 00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:12,040 Do you think you would do that DNA test again? 810 00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:16,880 Absolutely. Everyone deserves to know where 811 00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:22,480 they came from, yes, and nobody deserves to be lied to about it. 812 00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:25,760 No. So what would I say to myself? 813 00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:32,800 You're going to go through a lot, but at the end you're going 814 00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:36,280 to find clarity. Thank you for sharing that, 815 00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:39,440 Crystal. Thank you so much for coming 816 00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:43,640 back on the podcast. And I, I just really want to 817 00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:45,440 thank you. You were one of the first people 818 00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:49,040 that I spoke to after my own DNA surprise. 819 00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:53,160 And when I put out this call in a Facebook group saying, hey, 820 00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:56,000 I'm going to start a podcast. Would anybody talk to me? 821 00:48:56,800 --> 00:49:00,400 You signed up not knowing what this would turn into or who I 822 00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:04,080 was or anything about me. And and you put trust in me with 823 00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:06,280 your story and to put it out there. 824 00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:08,240 And I just can't thank you enough. 825 00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:12,800 And my July NPE twin, I'm right there along with you. 826 00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:14,680 So thank you. Of course. 827 00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,800 Thanks again to Crystal for sharing an update with us. 828 00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:20,840 If you have Adna surprise that you'd like to share, please 829 00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:23,760 submit your story at dnasurprises.com. 830 00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:28,040 And remember, you can join me over on Patreon for early access 831 00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:31,960 to adfreeepisodes@patreon.com/DNA 832 00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:34,120 Surprises. Until next time. 833 00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:39,200 This episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced, and edited 834 00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:43,720 by me, Alexis Ourselt. It was mixed and mastered by 835 00:49:43,720 --> 00:49:46,840 Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording Studios.