1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:04,280 I feel like I got the best of both worlds because there's some 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:07,880 genetic things that my dad has passed on with when Alzheimer 3 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:12,080 gene and things like that, that have made some difficulty and 4 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,840 just some genetic things that have passed on from his side of 5 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:18,400 the family, neurologic things that I don't have any of. 6 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:22,800 And from what I have heard about my biological father, he had a 7 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:26,960 really bad alcohol problem. And which interestingly enough, 8 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,880 it looks like when I look at my genetics, I have the genetics 9 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:33,560 for it, but I never developed it at all. 10 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,680 I feel like I got the best of both worlds because I feel like 11 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:41,800 my dad was such a great dad. Welcome to DNA Surprises, a 12 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,200 podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA 13 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,880 discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis ourselves. 14 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:54,880 In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out 15 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:59,720 that I'm an NPEA person who has experienced a non paternal 16 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:03,040 event. In other words, my biological 17 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,319 father isn't who I thought he was. 18 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:11,080 Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees, and 19 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,640 donor conceived people and their families. 20 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,600 Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin 21 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:22,920 with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises. 22 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:28,960 DNA surprises bring up a range of emotions, and if there's one 23 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:32,880 thing I hope I've made clear on this show by now, it's that all 24 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:37,760 of these emotions are valid. In this week's episode, Joan 25 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:42,200 shares why her DNA surprise was more of an interesting adventure 26 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:46,760 than a dramatic event. Her story is one of optimism, 27 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:51,560 curiosity, and patience. It took her a decade to solve 28 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,840 her mystery, and many questions remain unanswered. 29 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:59,240 She discusses how she uncovered the truth and why she ultimately 30 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,600 feels like her DNA surprise revealed that she had the best 31 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:05,760 of both worlds. Thank you for sharing your 32 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:11,640 story, Joan. My name is Joan, I'm 75 years 33 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:20,400 old and I lived in Encinitas, CA I think probably in my late 50s. 34 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:25,360 My brother wanted me to meet with my uncle and they said that 35 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:30,040 my father was not my father. And I was a little bit floored 36 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,040 then. You know, I was in my 50s, I 37 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:36,800 wasn't quite as self assured as I was later and I was a little 38 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:41,080 disturbed by it. And my father was a long gone 39 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:45,360 and and my uncle said this came up during my father and mother's 40 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,560 divorce. So my brother decided to do DNA 41 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,360 with me. But this is before they really 42 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:55,240 had 23andMe or anything else and I'm not sure whether they had 43 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:59,160 partial something or what he was doing but we came back as full 44 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:03,720 siblings. So I went OK story ended and I 45 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,720 remember thinking Oh my mom probably told him that to make 46 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,880 him feel bad or or maybe she did that early on who knows. 47 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,800 I've always felt like odd man out. 48 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:17,160 Why did he approach you? Was it just like out of the blue 49 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:19,480 that he reached out to you and wanted to do this? 50 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:23,720 My uncle wanted to do it because he was probably the only person 51 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:29,080 that had this information and he was pretty much terminally ill 52 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,040 at that point and felt like he did not want to take it with 53 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,320 him. So he told my brother and my 54 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,720 brother said, well, I think Joan would want to know this. 55 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:42,000 So we did that and then it was just put to rest as far as I was 56 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,800 concerned, you know, there was no such thing. 57 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:49,720 So then 23andMe came out and pretty early on, my sister, my 58 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:53,360 younger sister said, oh, look at this, because we're total geeks 59 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,600 about anything. Anything you can geek out about, 60 00:03:56,600 --> 00:04:00,200 we geek out about it. So she's going, this will be 61 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,080 great. So she did it and you know, 62 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,480 we're going to find out all these health things and health 63 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:08,840 issues. And she got the results. 64 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,720 And then I got a call and I was at work and I even looked at 65 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,360 them kind of briefly, but not too thoroughly. 66 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:17,079 And she goes, have you looked at our relationship? 67 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:22,000 And I said, what? And she says they have you as a 68 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:28,120 first cousin or a half sibling. And I'm going, well, that's 69 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,120 wrong. You know, I've already gone 70 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,560 through this. You know, that's a complete 71 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,120 wrong thing. I mean, I went so far as writing 72 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:40,600 to 23andMe and asking how this could happen, all kinds of 73 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,280 things. But then I realized, no, this 74 00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:46,720 isn't wrong. And then we had a two or three 75 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,800 other family members. I'm a from a family of six kids 76 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:55,360 and I'm I'm the 4th of 6th so it seems like any of the ones that 77 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:59,200 did the DNA were all full siblings except for me. 78 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,640 OK. And when was this? 79 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:05,600 I was probably, you know, in 60 or so. 80 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,080 OK. And so, yeah, it was about 15 81 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,800 years ago. It seemed pretty obvious at that 82 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:14,120 point that that was what was going on. 83 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:17,160 How I? Feel when you realize. 84 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:21,400 You know what? I, I, I honestly, you know, I 85 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:25,520 told you I'm kind of a real geek and I felt so secure in my own 86 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:29,240 skin and with my own family that I've, I've, I've always been an 87 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:33,280 oddball in my family, but my family is kind of a bunch of 88 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:36,080 oddballs, you know, So we just all get along. 89 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:40,640 We're all very different. And it didn't make me think one 90 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:44,480 way or another. I remember thinking, mom, you 91 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,120 know, I wonder what you were up to. 92 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,200 But my dad had been like a jazz musician. 93 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:53,240 And, you know, I think, I think things were maybe a little bit 94 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:58,160 looser than than some, but nothing we ever would have known 95 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:01,600 about or suspected. You know, I mean, we had a a 96 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:05,800 stable family unit, but my mom had passed, so there was nobody 97 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:10,080 to ask. I asked the only remainder in 98 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,840 the that part of the family that might know anything was my 99 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,960 mother's sister. And they never got along. 100 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,720 And, and her response was, well, that doesn't surprise me, that 101 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:27,240 floozy. I went, OK, I said I was looking 102 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:33,280 for a little more information. But she was they had a real, not 103 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:36,720 not a real close relationship. They were real competitive and 104 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,520 certain things so. So that did not surprise me that 105 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,640 much. I remember she said, she said 106 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:44,360 your mother could have gotten APHD and flirting. 107 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:51,520 My mom was, yeah, no answers came from her. 108 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,600 So there just really weren't any. 109 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:59,000 So I started first with 23andMe and I mean, I was just going 110 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,440 through, they did not have a whole lot of information at the 111 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,200 time, the amount of what I was going through, trying to figure 112 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:08,120 out which side people would be related from things that are 113 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,600 easier now, we're not accessible then. 114 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:14,840 So I was comparing things with my other siblings, like if they 115 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:18,880 didn't show up with them, maybe it was from my father's side and 116 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:23,680 then I would look similarities. And I did finally get somebody 117 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:28,800 that was, I think it was second cousin once removed or 118 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,480 something. And so we started trying to 119 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:34,000 figure things out from there. And she was actually a 120 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,640 geneticist, so it was kind of handy. 121 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,280 And she, oh, she just loved it, you know, And she was trying, 122 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:43,840 she got her dad to do DNA and. Well that's that's pretty lucky 123 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,840 to match with a geneticist. Right. 124 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,600 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was pretty handy. 125 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:52,840 And then, but she, she was off getting her PhD and so she 126 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,280 didn't have a whole lot of time to work on. 127 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,240 And it was just kind of a curiosity for a while. 128 00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:00,720 And then my, my younger sister said, get on ancestry because 129 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,360 you know, 23andMe, there are a lot of people you might be 130 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,880 contacting that aren't really into ancestry. 131 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:10,320 They were here for help. So I got an ancestry and I just 132 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:14,080 started doing these endless trying to figure out who was 133 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:18,680 related and where and finding and just went all the way into 134 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,880 it. And finally I got an answer. 135 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:24,440 I don't know, after probably a couple years of trying from 136 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:29,360 somebody that was, I think they had her as a second cousin, but 137 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:34,000 I think she was a first cousin once removed in in real life. 138 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:39,080 And she said, well, I can get you in touch with my mom. 139 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,520 She does all this kind of stuff and she's been up to Ireland to 140 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,760 do this and why don't you write her? 141 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:48,840 So I wrote her and I said, I'm not sure exactly which family 142 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,840 I'm related to, but I'm narrowing it down. 143 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,280 And I think it's there. And I've gone through family 144 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:59,520 members that I didn't think it could be, you know, and she 145 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:06,480 goes, well, could be Uncle Jimmy sounds like Uncle Jimmy. 146 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,680 So I went, OK, I've got a name here. 147 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,960 I've got some information. I should go a little bit farther 148 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:16,480 back that when my parents were divorced, they were going 149 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,720 through this giant fight. And my parents didn't ever 150 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,720 really fight like that or anything, but I, it was the 151 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:28,600 night whatever hit the fan and this was a giant fight. 152 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:33,880 My dad was having an affair and he said something about, do you 153 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:37,080 think I didn't know about that state trooper? 154 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:42,440 I was like 14 or 15 at the time going, what's that about? 155 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,600 And my mom was saying something like, well, if you knew about 156 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,240 that, why didn't you say something? 157 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,560 It was just a horrendous fight, really bad. 158 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,520 I kept that in my head somewhere. 159 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:57,000 So as this woman was going, well, it sounds like, you know, 160 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,880 I said, did he happen to be a state trooper? 161 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:02,400 And she said yes, he was a state trooper. 162 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,280 Oh my gosh, and how old were you when your parents divorced? 163 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:12,160 Like, 15. That was information from 60 164 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:16,000 years ago that was significant to me at the time. 165 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:19,880 Don't ask me why. And I never even really thought 166 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,880 about it again until, you know, I started looking at these 167 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,520 things and I, you know, was like state trooper. 168 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,520 So then it was like, OK, this guy is in the right place, the 169 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,160 right time. The genetics look like it's 170 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:35,200 leading to him. Now what I need to do is find 171 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,280 out more. Well, she told me that he had 172 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,280 two daughters. She told me what she thought 173 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,560 were their names, but she had not seen them since they were 174 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,760 babies. The, and that he had been 175 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:51,880 divorced from their mother and he kind of lost track with the 176 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:56,200 family. So I had two first names and his 177 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:01,000 last name and 1st I was looking all over New York trying to find 178 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,520 these people. They, there was no DNA on them 179 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,440 anywhere. I looked all the bases. 180 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,080 There was nothing that was like that. 181 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:12,360 So I started looking through, through newspaper ads and all 182 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:15,400 kinds of things. And she said, I think they moved 183 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,000 to Florida. So once I got out of looking in 184 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:22,280 New York and went to Florida, I started going through newspaper 185 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:26,920 ads, anything with these names. And I found out that my dad and 186 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:31,560 his wife had a business there. And then I found something, an 187 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:37,720 ad in the newspaper from a teenage girl name, the same name 188 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:44,240 as what my sister's name would have been and the location and 189 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,920 and then a little bit later and notice of her going off to 190 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,520 college and whatever college she was going to. 191 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:57,320 And then I went into, you know, college yearbooks and all this 192 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,320 kind of stuff. Found something. 193 00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:05,960 And then it flipped me into her younger sister who had kept her 194 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,120 maiden name in the middle and her married name. 195 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:12,320 So I knew this was the person. I also during the course of 196 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,160 everything had looked up his ex-wife and saw that she had 197 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:20,560 died in Arizona and whereabouts she was in Arizona and this girl 198 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:24,000 lived in Arizona. So I and I went maybe she has a 199 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,960 Facebook page. She did. 200 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:31,760 So I messaged her and said, are your parents, you know this 201 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:37,440 person, your mother and father? And if the answer is yes, I'll 202 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,960 let you know why. If you if the answer is yes and 203 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,000 you don't know what, want to know why, that's OK too. 204 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:48,440 I won't bother you at all. And she said I got an answer 205 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,880 back like the next morning. Yes. 206 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:56,120 And I want to know why. So we, we got in touch and then 207 00:12:56,640 --> 00:13:02,120 she, she was not as commutative as her older sister was, who was 208 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:05,760 really talkative. And we really got into it and 209 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,240 just, you know, just hit it off great. 210 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,080 And meanwhile, my whole family was pulling for me. 211 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,160 They're going like, oh, this is so exciting. 212 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,560 Like your your your siblings well. 213 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,760 Yeah, my, my siblings, my sisters were going, oh, we can 214 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:23,720 have a, a big sister day with two more sisters and bring them 215 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,960 in. So it, it really was, it was 216 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,480 kind of easy. And I think I wanted to talk to 217 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:34,760 you because I know it's not easy for some, for a lot of people 218 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:39,800 and because it was such a pleasant experience for me 219 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:43,400 within my own family. And I did meet them and we get 220 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,040 along great. And, you know, we'd like to 221 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:49,000 spend more time together, but it's kind of like I'm busy with 222 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,960 my own family and, you know, they're in different places. 223 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:56,000 My new found niece went off and visited my daughter in Spain and 224 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,160 stayed with her and they got along like they were long lost 225 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:02,000 sisters. And it's just, it's, it's been 226 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,320 overall just a really positive experience. 227 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:10,400 I think if I had found out maybe 10 years sooner, it would have 228 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,560 kind of shaken me to my core a little more. 229 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:18,360 But I was so kind of set and sure of my relationships and my 230 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,920 own family. There was nothing to be shaken, 231 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,760 you know, It was a, there were a few things. 232 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:27,640 My, my kids are all musicians and we always thought that came 233 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:31,480 from the grandpa, you know, my dad who was a musician. 234 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,040 And then they found out, oh, genetically they aren't even 235 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:39,360 related to him, you know? So that's so interesting. 236 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:43,000 And and you know, I've spoken to people who found out in their 237 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:47,240 60s and it was still really tough for them. 238 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,040 But you said you you always felt kind of different when your 239 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,920 brother first approached you with the potential, with this 240 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,040 idea that you were half siblings. 241 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:03,160 You seem to kind of have even took it in stride then. 242 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,880 Were you upset at first of the thought? 243 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:10,400 Yeah, I think, I think I was because I can remember looking 244 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,640 at myself in the mirror going, well, my mouth looks kind of 245 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,280 like his, you know, and looking at pictures going, no, I think 246 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,360 that must be wrong. I really wanted it to be wrong. 247 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,960 And I did have, I would say maybe a day when I absolutely 248 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:28,080 knew for sure where there was this certain, oh, you know what? 249 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:31,680 I'm like an only child. This man may have other 250 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,520 children. My mom had other children, but 251 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,000 I'm the only one that's this combination. 252 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:41,400 And, and there was a little bit of, of isolating feeling like 253 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,880 like genetic isolation, but not that I didn't feel like parts 254 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:51,040 part of the family or, or that, that that was anything. 255 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,760 And I, I'm kind of a really curious person. 256 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:59,120 So it almost when I mean it took me 10 years to get through all 257 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,960 this and find find out. Who they were? 258 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:05,920 I worked on it for 10 years. What how are you feeling for 10 259 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:10,600 years trying to figure this out? And I'm not trying to make this 260 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,800 a negative experience for you at all. 261 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,520 I'm just curious like what were your emotions as you're 262 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:22,200 navigating ten years of OK, I I know this much is true, but I 263 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,160 can't find the answer and you're still searching. 264 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:30,160 What was that like? I, I, you know, this is probably 265 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,680 going to make me sound like a little bit of an oddball, but 266 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:37,880 the challenge was exhilarating. It was like a puzzle that, you 267 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,880 know, I would work on it for a while and I would get on a run 268 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:43,600 and then it was like it went nowhere. 269 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,280 And I'd go, OK. And then it was like, OK, time, 270 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,600 time to get back to this. Let's see if there's something 271 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,480 else that's popped up, you know, And I always was looking at 272 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,240 Ancestry and always writing little things. 273 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:58,240 Maybe I had, maybe I was a little bit emotionally detached 274 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:02,720 and thinking of it as more of an adventure and an investigation 275 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:07,480 than than than the actual what I was doing. 276 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:12,319 But when I talked, I talked to one of my half sisters and we, 277 00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:14,960 we talked frequently and it was just like, we just hit it off 278 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:19,119 just like that. And then she said, well, there's 279 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,640 a cousin that's I guess she was still in New York or somewhere 280 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:26,000 back East. And, and this was before we even 281 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,440 had the genetics done. I had genetic test sent to them 282 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,040 to be, to make sure, because I was thinking maybe there's some 283 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,680 unknown brother in that family that they don't know. 284 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,520 Maybe it wasn't this guy. And you know, there's another 285 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,920 state trooper out there somewhere that that's this. 286 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,720 But anyway, when when I talked to this other person who would 287 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,680 have been my cousin, we talked for a little while. 288 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,320 At first she was like maybe the first two or three minutes, she 289 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,520 was a little standoffish. Then we started talking and we 290 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,040 just had the same sense of humor. 291 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,840 And I said, well, I was a little, I was a little 292 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,880 apprehensive about asking, you know, them for genetic tests. 293 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,160 And and she goes, oh, don't be. She goes, but you don't need it. 294 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,080 I can tell you. Remember this family? 295 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:10,200 How did she know? She said just just the way we 296 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:14,480 communicated was just so easy, you know? 297 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,680 And she goes, you're, you're part of the family. 298 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,000 I can tell. Well, it's so wonderful. 299 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,760 So it sounds like your family really just grew from this and 300 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,200 now you have more people in your lives, and that's beautiful. 301 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,560 Yeah, it it really has worked out well for me. 302 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:34,360 I have not had as much time because I do have kind of a 303 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,880 large family and we're all getting older. 304 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,680 Things have popped up that have take my time that have kept me 305 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:45,120 away from investigating more. I had a trip planned and then, 306 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,120 you know, that had to be cancelled. 307 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,160 And as I say, they're in Arizona and there's no way I'll go there 308 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:53,080 during the summer. I'm here right now. 309 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,880 Stay. Definitely don't. 310 00:18:55,520 --> 00:19:01,440 Where you are, I, I am not. I I was saying to my daughter, 311 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,840 I, you know, 'cause I got to find out I was half Irish and I 312 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,840 said, no wonder, you know. What did you think you were 313 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:11,600 before? But English, Dutch, German, 314 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,360 English, Dutch. Yeah, mostly English, Dutch and 315 00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:18,040 German, all European, but maybe a tiny little bit of Irish. 316 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:22,120 But I'm like half Irish. And my family took a lot of 317 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:27,920 pride in my my father's, their father's family family, you 318 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,800 know, came over and they're founding and, you know, we're 319 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,040 kind of Puritans. And I was going like it so 320 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:38,120 doesn't fit with the way that just doesn't. 321 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:42,440 So when I found out, you know, I was more howdy. 322 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:46,840 Irish stock. Yeah, that, that, that feels a 323 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:47,720 little better. Yeah. 324 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,360 When you were younger and you felt like you didn't fit in, was 325 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:55,360 it kind of just one of those like funny things of like, I'm 326 00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,160 just different from my family or, or was it something that 327 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:02,520 came up for you a lot? It wasn't, you know, because we 328 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,720 were all a little bit different. You know, I was, I was actually 329 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:11,280 quieter and a little more shy and, you know, I guess I really 330 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,160 did not look like them, but I never thought about that. 331 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:18,160 It was kind of a joke with the family that I was the milk man's 332 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,320 and they'd say to my mom and stuff all the time. 333 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:24,120 Well, and but I also was my mother's favorite. 334 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,640 You know, I was really a quiet, complacent child. 335 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,680 So I probably made it really easy on her and that made made 336 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,560 it a little easier. My my brothers and sisters are 337 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,120 kind of rowdy. Okay, do you think that your mom 338 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,600 knew? I don't know and I will never 339 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,440 know. You know, she must have 340 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:46,040 suspected. It's funny because my mom is 341 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,240 not. Well, at least we didn't know 342 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,240 that she had the ability to keep a secret because she was quite 343 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:56,520 outspoken about everything. And, you know, so it was like 344 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,280 everybody who knew mom could keep the secret. 345 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,840 You know, it's like, who knew this? 346 00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:07,040 So whether you know she knew it was a possibility and she just 347 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:12,360 put it out of her mind whether she knew all along, It sounds 348 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:15,640 like she eventually must have said something to my dad maybe 349 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:18,920 during the divorce and. How was your relationship with 350 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,120 your dad? Did you feel like he treated you 351 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,680 differently or anything? No, not at all. 352 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,280 Not at all. He died when I was young, when I 353 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:33,080 was like 2022 or 23, but I just idolized him and. 354 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:37,120 That's amazing. I don't think I ever got treated 355 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,720 any differently at all, you know, so. 356 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,000 Yeah, what else have you been able to learn about your 357 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,080 biological father? Well, I could not learn a whole 358 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:51,720 lot from my new sisters because it's kind of odd, some of the 359 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,600 things I've learned like he stayed married for quite a while 360 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:59,280 to their mother. But I think he was, he was, he 361 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,480 was really good looking. I have to say. 362 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:06,600 He was a very good looking man. And he was a big partier and a 363 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,920 drinker. And I think that they spent very 364 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,040 little of their time actually married in the same place. 365 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,880 And one of my sisters told me, you know, they lived in Florida 366 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:21,480 and they had been told that he had to stay in New York to get 367 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,720 some kind of disability from an accident he was in. 368 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,040 But then they found out he really just lived a few blocks 369 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,640 away. She just didn't have anything to 370 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:33,120 do with him. So I think I think she was 371 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:37,160 strong willed and and she just wasn't going to put up with his. 372 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:41,280 But what I found out from, you know, the cousins and things is 373 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,440 he was, everybody loved him. We had a great personality. 374 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,960 He was outgoing and friendly. Maybe because he was a drinker, 375 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:52,480 I don't know. I became a nurse and I'm, and he 376 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:58,000 was a medic in the in the Marines and also ended up, you 377 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,320 know, from what I've heard, taking care of a lot of the 378 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,880 family going and taking care of people that were sick or 379 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,000 something in the family as they got older. 380 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:11,720 But personally, the daughters seemed particularly one of them 381 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,720 very turned off by the disappointment in his drinking. 382 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,360 I feel like I was really lucky to be spared, you know? 383 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,040 Absolutely. By that. 384 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:25,720 We hear from people who have had these DNA surprises and the what 385 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:30,040 ifs definitely can play right, where sometimes we think the 386 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,240 grass could have been greener, you know, if we'd been raised 387 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,960 with our biological fathers. But for you, it sounds like it 388 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,360 was really great that you were raised by the dad you were 389 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:42,800 raised with. My parents did have a pretty 390 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,360 rocky divorce and it became a little difficult during my teen 391 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:50,400 years, but my brothers and sisters are all tightly bonded. 392 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:54,640 And even with that, you know, my mom never said a bad word about 393 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,480 my dad. I feel like I just. 394 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:58,680 I got the best of both the worlds. 395 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,560 I hope I have time to spend more time with my sisters. 396 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,480 I met my niece and I don't know if she's still here or not. 397 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:08,680 My new found niece actually moved near where I live and we 398 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,600 met for, you know, one time. I don't know what it is. 399 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:15,520 We all seem to have the same sense of humor and little gift 400 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,800 of gab and. I love. 401 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:22,560 That as I say, it was, it was a puzzle to solve and, and I 402 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:27,280 solved it and you know, but the end I, I don't think I've gotten 403 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:31,240 the as much of the rewards of the end as I will because I 404 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,440 think those relationships are still budding. 405 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,240 I haven't met some of my other nieces but. 406 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:42,200 Yeah, One bit of insight you gave with your mom is you were 407 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,520 surprised that she could keep such a secret for so long. 408 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,600 If if she was right. Well, she kept the secret, I 409 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:53,320 guess, about the affair, but she did not perhaps didn't know that 410 00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:58,720 you were his child. Has this experience given you a 411 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:02,320 new perspective on your mom or changed your feelings about your 412 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,960 mom in any way? I've had a lot of things that 413 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:10,640 have changed my feelings about my mother, but not in a negative 414 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,080 way. I think more in a positive way 415 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,520 as I've gotten older and realize she has six children. 416 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:21,000 And although I adored my dad and we thought of him as the 417 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:24,240 stability of the family, I'm not sure he was the best husband in 418 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,600 the world. I think he he was very much into 419 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,800 playing his music, working during the day, playing the 420 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,360 music at night, a little bit disappointed at at not having 421 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:37,520 the life he wanted to have. I just I think of her life, you 422 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,560 know, she grew up in the depression. 423 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:43,400 She was she's like a little firecracker Hummingbird of a, a 424 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,360 girl, you know, lots of energy and spunk. 425 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:50,960 She said what she thought she, you know, so, so as a young 426 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,440 child, it was like, oh, this is, you know, Oh my God, don't, 427 00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:58,120 don't let her to APTA meeting, you know, don't, you know, like 428 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:00,920 she was not going to bake cookies and be the normal 429 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:06,000 stereotypical mom. But when I when I think of 430 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,760 certain things about her that I've learned to appreciate as 431 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,720 I've gotten older and realizing the challenges she had and what 432 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,920 she did with them and what she didn't do with them more than 433 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,360 what she did with them, like, oh, that could have gone so 434 00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:22,640 wrong. And she ended up after divorcing 435 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,720 my dad, marrying just this wonderful. 436 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,560 I feel like I've got a blessed life, honestly, this wonderful 437 00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,000 man. And he was much younger than she 438 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,480 was and he is still alive and he's like the treasure of the 439 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,600 family. You know, he's just the best 440 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,400 thing ever. So he was more of the 441 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,600 grandfather to my children growing up than my dad was 442 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,280 because he died when I was so young. 443 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,600 But what isn't that life hasn't had its challenges for sure. 444 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,960 You know, I've had bad marriages and you know, all that kind of 445 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:56,000 stuff, but I do feel like the DNA surprise was not one of 446 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,440 them. Yeah. 447 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,600 And I mean, I think it's beautiful that it's been a a 448 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:05,480 positive experience for you. I know you touched on this, that 449 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,760 you looked at it as a puzzle, but honestly, how are you able 450 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:15,320 to maintain patience for solving this mystery? 451 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:18,560 Well, you know, I had a lot of other things I had to do. 452 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,440 I was working, I had other things. 453 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:24,120 It was frustrating. Sometimes I, I would get very 454 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:29,200 frustrated when I would find a lead and then not hear back from 455 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:32,640 somebody you know, and, and have to go in a, a different 456 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,240 direction. And I did get frustrated with 457 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,800 the idea that maybe I never would find out. 458 00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:42,400 And that was a little upsetting because I really did want to 459 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,680 find this out. But to be honest, there's not a 460 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,800 disappointment in what I found out. 461 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:52,440 But the idea that the puzzle was over with, it was almost like it 462 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,080 was almost like Christmas morning. 463 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:58,920 Oh, I loved all the gifts I got. But the anticipation and peeking 464 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:04,280 under the tree was, you know, so much it was even more exciting. 465 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,040 So yeah, that that's. Really. 466 00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:08,320 That's so cool. I mean, you had. 467 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:11,280 I don't know you. Have such a positive outlook on 468 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:15,880 this experience and it sounds like you've had a lot of Silver 469 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:19,960 Linings to this. What's the best part of your DNA 470 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:23,200 surprise? I think the best part's yes yet 471 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:27,080 to come, you know, because I, I have, I have new relationships 472 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,080 that are budding. I have new adventures ahead. 473 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:34,320 When I met my sisters, we met at a restaurant, Mexican restaurant 474 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:38,320 down by me, and we went in at a normal dinner time. 475 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,120 And finally the place was closing and we had never 476 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:47,360 ordered. So we just were not done. 477 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,720 So the next night, my daughter came with me. 478 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,840 My daughter and I went down to their place and we just watched 479 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:56,120 TV and laughed and ate and joked around and stuff. 480 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,520 And so my niece said, you know, maybe, maybe we can do Part 2 in 481 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,080 Europe, you know, because my daughter lives between Spain and 482 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,080 England. And, you know, it's like, yeah, 483 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:07,440 maybe we can all take a trip or something and do something fun 484 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,880 like that. But I still have a couple of 485 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,600 other nieces I haven't met and a nephew. 486 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:17,280 I was kind of delighted to find out I was part Irish or half 487 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:22,120 Irish that somehow that seemed to to fit me more. 488 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:27,840 Maybe because I like green places of seashore and and I 489 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,480 don't like the heat or being out in the desert. 490 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:35,840 But it maybe would have been more reassuring to have somebody 491 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,120 that wasn't so troubled. You know, that I that I had a 492 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:43,160 little bit more of a maybe found a little bit more of who he was. 493 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:48,280 He did remarry and I think his wife had gotten Alzheimer's and 494 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,320 my one sister went to be with him when near the end of his 495 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:55,080 life. But I I don't really have a 496 00:29:55,080 --> 00:30:02,560 complete picture of who he is, and what I have is not that 497 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,760 pleasant. I mean, it was enough that I was 498 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:06,520 kind of grateful he didn't raise me. 499 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:11,360 So kind of touching on the fact that you maybe don't have all of 500 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:15,040 the information about him and, you know, trying to kind of 501 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:19,160 paint a picture of who he was, maybe never fully understanding 502 00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,240 what the nature of the relationship was between your 503 00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:27,640 mom and him and kind of what was all going on around that. 504 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:32,720 How have you made peace? Or have you made peace with not 505 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,760 having all of the answers? Yeah, I, I don't know if I've, 506 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:38,920 if I've completely made peace with that. 507 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:43,080 Actually hearing that you think I didn't know about the state 508 00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,400 trooper at least makes me think maybe it was an affair and not a 509 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,720 one night stand. But I don't even know that for 510 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,400 sure. Maybe it was some one night 511 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,720 stand that somebody knew about and told him. 512 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:57,520 I don't have peace in that. I wish there was somebody that 513 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:01,480 could come along and say, Oh yeah, or some pictures would 514 00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,720 show up, but that I've not really made peace with. 515 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,760 I would like to know if they actually had some kind of a 516 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:11,440 relationship. If they did, I think quite 517 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:17,480 obviously my mother knew to stick with what what she had and 518 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:23,120 not give up her family and the security and, you know, the the 519 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:27,000 good father for more security. So maybe he was, you know, kind 520 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:32,120 of like a a lifetime boyfriend to keep her, you know, feel like 521 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:34,400 she was a little bit more because my dad was gone. 522 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,480 I don't know. But I wish I knew. 523 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,320 I wish I knew. I wish I had some history there. 524 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,120 And I don't think it's coming from anywhere. 525 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:45,960 You know, as I say, everybody's been gone for quite a long time. 526 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,320 And unless some pictures or something pop up magically, I 527 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,600 don't think I'll ever have an answer to any of that. 528 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:56,160 Yeah, that's something so many of us have to make peace with, 529 00:31:56,160 --> 00:32:00,280 is even if we might, even though some people get a pretty big 530 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:04,440 picture of what happened, there's like always some nugget 531 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,640 or just some detail that it's like, I wish I knew what that 532 00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,560 was. I do find that I always, and I 533 00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,440 don't know if it's out of habit, you know, I'll look at long lost 534 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:17,520 family things and stuff, 'cause I want to see people find their 535 00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:21,400 solution and get their, their questions answered. 536 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:28,080 Like I vicariously enjoy that, you know, like, but I don't 537 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:29,640 think that's going to happen for me. 538 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,240 But that's, you know, overall, there's a lot of things we never 539 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,200 know about in our life. It's true. 540 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:40,400 You know, it's really nice to hear someone have an overall 541 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:45,400 positive experience. One of my goals kind of as I'm 542 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:49,520 moving forward with the podcast is to show that range of 543 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:52,600 reaction. And while it can be really 544 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:56,480 difficult for some people, well, it's not for others, and that's 545 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,680 OK. So I appreciate you sharing 546 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:02,240 this. Yeah, I have heard you say that. 547 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,880 And, you know, as I say for a while, I'm going to. 548 00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:06,880 This is not the way I feel about it. 549 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:10,320 And that's actually why I wanted to contribute because it was 550 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:13,240 like, OK, I think this is a different experience for me. 551 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,200 I think some of it is, you know, the family dynamics. 552 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:20,320 I had actually, the one sister said she had prayed for a new 553 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:24,680 friend and she's kind of religious and she goes and then 554 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,520 I popped up like it was an answer to a prayer because it 555 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:31,600 had only been the two of them and they didn't have as big of a 556 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:35,080 family situation as I did. And so I think they were just 557 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,360 very welcoming. I guess we'll see you see where 558 00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,200 it goes from here. Exactly. 559 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:42,680 I'm very interested in your perspective because it has been 560 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:46,840 so wonderful for you. What advice do you have for a 561 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:51,680 parent who may be knowingly keeping adna surprise from their 562 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,240 child? I would advise against it. 563 00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:59,840 I mean waiting to the right age maybe and or even even if it's 564 00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:04,120 some something written in a will after they're gone if they don't 565 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,960 want to face it, because I think, as I said, not even 566 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:12,080 though I found this for the DNA and find found things. 567 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:15,280 There's a certain things like I would love to a bastard. 568 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:17,639 Did you actually have a relationship with this person? 569 00:34:17,639 --> 00:34:22,080 Those types of things that will always kind of, you know, I'll 570 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,400 keep with me. I think knowingly. 571 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,800 It's pretty dishonest. And as I say, I don't know if my 572 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:32,480 mother knowingly did it. She had to knowingly know it was 573 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,320 a possibility. And then the fact that I was 574 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,960 kind of the oddball in the family and looked a little 575 00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:40,560 different than everybody else and all those things. 576 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,239 She may have been in denial, but I think she she had to have 577 00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,880 known there was a possibility. What advice do you have for 578 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:51,480 someone who has just uncovered Adna Surprise? 579 00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:56,639 Well, you might need to be very patient if you really want to 580 00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:01,280 find out. I feel like I was fortunate, but 581 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:05,120 I think you have to really take a look at yourself and know what 582 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:07,960 you're ready to find out, know that it could be a 583 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:13,360 disappointment, not put too many expectations on the end product. 584 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:19,880 I think I was kind of fortunate that I enjoyed the process and 585 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,040 then the end was like just a good surprise. 586 00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,240 I think you have to be pretty honest with yourself about what 587 00:35:26,240 --> 00:35:30,680 you're expecting out of it. Yeah, that's really good advice. 588 00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,360 Joan, Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. 589 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:38,560 I just really appreciate you coming on and sharing this 590 00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:42,320 different perspective, one that we don't often hear but is just 591 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:45,800 as valid. And I wish you so much 592 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:49,760 positivity moving forward as you continue building your 593 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:51,920 relationships. Thank you so much. 594 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,920 Thanks again to Joan for sharing her story. 595 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,560 If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, please 596 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,680 submit your story at dnasurprises.com. 597 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:06,160 And remember, if you want to enjoy ad free listening behind 598 00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,080 the scenes content and more, join me over on 599 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:13,560 patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises. 600 00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:18,600 Until next time. This episode of DNA Surprises 601 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:23,520 was hosted, produced and edited by me Alexis Ourselt. 602 00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:28,360 It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording 603 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:29,080 Studios.