1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,480 I always thought about the ending of the story was supposed 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:06,280 to be, you know, I'd met my father and I, you know, all 3 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:09,880 these things. And it's like, no, it's that I 4 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:16,360 had this story that's now 74 years old, and I went through 5 00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:19,480 all these things. But look at all the roadblocks I 6 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:23,560 had and all the barriers that I had to come through and all of 7 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,920 the the hurdles that I had to go through and all the people that 8 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:31,000 weren't there. Welcome to DNA Surprises, a 9 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,400 podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA 10 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,040 discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis ourselves. 11 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:44,080 In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out 12 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:48,880 that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal 13 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,240 event. In other words, my biological 14 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,520 father isn't who I thought he was. 15 00:00:55,360 --> 00:01:00,280 Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and 16 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,800 donor conceived people and their families. 17 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,800 Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin 18 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:12,120 with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises. 19 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:19,120 What happens after you take a DNA test, after you make contact 20 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:23,960 with new found family, after you write that letter or e-mail or 21 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:31,600 hit send on a text? You wait and wait and wait. 22 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:36,360 In this week's episode, I'm joined by Devin, who spent 23 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:41,160 almost the entirety of her 70 plus years waiting. 24 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:46,320 From being raised by an aunt to life with her mother and a man 25 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:49,000 whom she never felt biologically related to. 26 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,720 Devon shares the decades long journey she went on before 27 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:57,480 discovering the truth and making a shocking discovery about her 28 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,960 biological father and her mother. 29 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,720 Thank you for sharing your story, Devon. 30 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:09,360 My name is Devon and I'm 74 years old and I was born in 31 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:13,160 Topeka, KS and I'm now retired living in Costa Rica. 32 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:19,160 My DNA surprise story started in 1950 when I was born. 33 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:23,920 I was born in Topeka, KS and although I was born in Topeka, 34 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:28,960 KS I was raised until I was six years old by my aunt who lived 35 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,840 in Detroit. I never really wondered how I 36 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,240 got from Topeka to Detroit because I was really young. 37 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:39,240 So it was just that I was living in Detroit with my aunt and with 38 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:43,560 raised by my aunt and my uncles. My mother had seven brothers and 39 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,600 I think about five of them lived in Detroit and they worked in 40 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:50,800 the auto industry and I was very happy there. 41 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,520 Really happy little kid. I was the apple of their eye. 42 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:57,640 They took me everywhere, bought me all kinds of clothes, doted 43 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,800 on me and everything. So I was very happy. 44 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,920 I used to call my aunt my mother, and she would correct me 45 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:08,240 and tell me that she wasn't my mother, that I had a mother, and 46 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,080 she would tell me my mother's name or whatever. 47 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:13,560 And I do remember my mother coming around, I guess from time 48 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:17,720 to time, but I never really associated her with actually 49 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,000 being my mother. To me, my aunt was my mother. 50 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:25,400 Anyway, from 1950 to 1956, I lived with my aunt. 51 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,520 And I remember when I was four years old, all the kids in the 52 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,680 neighborhood were already going to school, and I was so looking 53 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,160 forward to going to kindergarten. 54 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,360 And so in 1955 I started kindergarten. 55 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,360 But you know, when you go to kindergarten, you only go for 56 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,560 like half a day. So I was really looking forward 57 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:46,520 to the next year, which would be 1956 when I was 6, so that I 58 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,640 would be able to stay at school all day. 59 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:53,440 And I remember going to school and being so happy about being 60 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,480 in school all day long. And then all of a sudden it was 61 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:03,160 September 30th, 1956. My real mother, my biological 62 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,880 mother, came back to Detroit and picked me up along with a 63 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,480 gentleman that I had never seen before. 64 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,800 And they whisked me away from Detroit and my uncles and my new 65 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,680 school and we moved to Columbus, OH. 66 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:22,480 And because my brother was born on September the 13th, he 67 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:26,280 obviously was already there by September the 30th, but I don't 68 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,800 really remember him being around. 69 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:32,040 But at any rate, I went to live with them in Columbus, OH, and I 70 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:35,680 used to call them by their first names because to me they were 71 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:39,200 kind of both new to me, especially the man, my mother. 72 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,800 Like I said, of course I knew and I knew her name, but I had 73 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,960 never called her mom. When you were growing up, did 74 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:49,760 you seek your mother, want your mother, or did you just kind of 75 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:54,240 accept that you were raised by your aunt and that was just your 76 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,960 life? No, I never really had any 77 00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:00,800 questions about seeing my mother being with my mother because to 78 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,360 me, my aunt was my mother and I was very happy in that 79 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:07,040 environment and so I never really questioned it. 80 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:11,160 I think the problem started when I actually moved away from my 81 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:16,240 aunt and all of a sudden I was with my mother and with this man 82 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,880 who for all intents and purposes now just refer to him as my 83 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,400 father. My mother and my father living 84 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,800 in Columbus, OH. I lived with them and I called 85 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:29,400 them by their first name. And I think it was probably 86 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:34,920 around 1960, when I was 10, I remember my father coming to me 87 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:39,720 and saying that it was time for me to stop calling my mother by 88 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:44,360 her first name and I should call her mom, you know, mother, mommy 89 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,280 or whatever. I wanted to, but I didn't have 90 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:50,720 to call him dad or dad, dad or daddy or anything like that, but 91 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,600 I needed to start calling her mother or mom. 92 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:58,080 So I remember thinking, well, if I have to call her mom, I might 93 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,120 as well just call him dad. So I started calling them mom 94 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:05,320 and dad, but I never really felt that they were my mother, my 95 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,880 father, either one of them. And I remember telling my mother 96 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:12,160 and my father that I did not believe that they were my real 97 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,000 parents. And so they brought this birth 98 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,960 certificate out and gave it to me and it had my name and it had 99 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,400 my mother's name and my father's name on it. 100 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:24,520 And I was really confused. But I was only 10. 101 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,920 I really had never seen a birth certificate before. 102 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:31,240 And I thought to myself, I don't know how this could be. 103 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:35,600 Now by this time, I, I did realize that my mother was 104 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:39,600 probably really my mother. So it was more the that my 105 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,480 father that I had the question about, but I didn't understand 106 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,400 how he got on my birth certificate. 107 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,280 But I really like I said, I didn't really understand what 108 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:52,040 birth certificates really were. So I just kind of accepted it. 109 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:59,440 But I always felt something was strange because I just knew that 110 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,400 he could not be my father because I had never seen him 111 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,200 before. And so this went on all through 112 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,920 high school. And I remember thinking that it 113 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:14,040 appeared to me that everything started from age 6, meaning that 114 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,280 there was never any sharing of information about either of 115 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,160 their backgrounds. Like, for instance, why was I 116 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,600 born in Topeka, KS? Where did that come from? 117 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,560 You know what I mean? And never had any information 118 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,800 about how they met, what they used to do when they were in 119 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:36,600 school, or any of that. There was no celebration of 120 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:39,720 anniversaries. There was no, this is our 121 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,480 anniversary, we've been married this many years, nothing. 122 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:48,720 It was just everything started from 1956 and there was no 123 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,800 before. So basically that's the way I 124 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,200 lived my life. My father was in the Air Force, 125 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,280 so we moved around a lot and I just went on with that all the 126 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,840 way through college. But I do remember that when I 127 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,360 would have close friends, girlfriends or whatever, I would 128 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,120 always tell them that I didn't think that my father was my 129 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,280 father. And they would say, why do you 130 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:13,800 think that? And I would say, I don't know 131 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,960 because I just know. But you know, I had no answers 132 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,160 to it or anything like that. So that's kind of the way I went 133 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:26,360 along with my life, just knowing that something was wrong, but 134 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,000 not knowing what it was or what I could do about it. 135 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,680 What was your relationship like with him? 136 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:36,840 I would say it was poor and that's one of the reasons why I 137 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:40,400 did not think he was my father because by this time I actually 138 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,960 had two brothers. One brother was born in 1956, as 139 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:48,400 I mentioned right before I moved to Columbus, OH, and he was born 140 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,040 in Columbus, OH. And then I had another brother 141 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:56,320 who was born in 1960, and he was also a born in Columbus, OH. 142 00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:01,720 And to me, my father treated me differently than he treated 143 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:05,400 them, but I sort of chalked it up to the fact that they were 144 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:09,160 boys and I was a girl. And what was your relationship 145 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:13,520 like with your mother after, you know, five years with your aunt 146 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,560 who was more of a mother to you? She she was OK. 147 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,560 I didn't have any like beef with her or anything like that. 148 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:23,440 It's just that she wasn't very ever very affectionate and she 149 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,160 wasn't very talkative. She wasn't the kind of mother 150 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,880 that you could sit down and talk to. 151 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,880 She would never tell me about her life or anything like that, 152 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,080 and I just didn't ask. I figured something was going on 153 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,880 and I really wasn't sure what it was. 154 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:40,440 As a matter of fact, one time when I was in high school, I 155 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,120 said something about I don't think you're my mother, my or my 156 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,520 father. Because when I would get mad for 157 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,880 whatever reason, sometimes I would just throw that up. 158 00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,280 My mother just kind of left the room. 159 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:56,480 But my father said, if you want to know the truth, don't ask 160 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,920 your mother. Ask me because I'll tell you the 161 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,000 truth. And it was the way that he said 162 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,360 it, he scared me so much. I thought to myself, maybe I 163 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,400 don't really want to know what the truth is. 164 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,480 So I didn't bring it up anymore after that. 165 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:13,440 But I was kind of sure after that that he probably really 166 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,160 wasn't my father. But again, you know, there 167 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:17,400 wasn't anything I could do about it. 168 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,560 I just let it go. And I was pretty miserable 169 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,800 because most of my life growing up, I thought that I was crazy 170 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:27,800 in a way, because why was I thinking that this life and this 171 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,440 person who was supposed to be my father wasn't my father when 172 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:33,640 everyone else was saying why do you think that? 173 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,560 Why do you think that? And I didn't have any proof. 174 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:43,640 That went on until about 1984. So I was 34 years old and I went 175 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,160 to Detroit. I used to go to Detroit when I 176 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,520 was growing up. Every summer from the time that 177 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:54,160 I left in 1956 until I was 18, every single summer I would 178 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,560 spend in Detroit with my aunt and my uncles and my brothers 179 00:10:57,560 --> 00:11:01,800 would stay with my mother and father in Columbus or wherever 180 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,080 we were. So I was pretty happy part of 181 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,560 the year. And then the other part of the 182 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,400 year I just would think I was crazy. 183 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,960 But, you know, I didn't really have any proof of anything, so I 184 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,560 just figured, well, this is just the way my life is going. 185 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,560 By 1984, I was married, and I had told my husband the whole 186 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:22,760 story about my life and how I didn't think my father was my 187 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,640 father and growing up with my aunt and all of that. 188 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:29,360 And we went to a funeral in Detroit in 1984. 189 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,600 And I was standing outside and my uncles were like, a little 190 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,680 bit ahead of me talking in another area. 191 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:39,800 And I don't think they were paying any attention to where I 192 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,400 was. And I heard one of my uncles 193 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:46,440 say, refer to me and then say something about her real father. 194 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:52,040 And I was like, oh, that was the first inkling that I had that I 195 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:55,120 was right, that there was a real father somewhere. 196 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:58,520 And I poked my husband, and I said, did you hear that? 197 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,640 Did you hear that? And he said, yes. 198 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:05,400 So after I had a chance to be alone, I went to my aunt and I 199 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,760 said, can you tell me, because I know that this man that I'm 200 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:13,240 calling my father isn't my father, can you tell me who my 201 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,000 real father is? And you could tell she was 202 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,760 really nervous and she said, no, I, I don't remember. 203 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:24,440 I, I think I remember her mentioning his name once, but I 204 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,000 don't really remember what it is. 205 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,680 And I said, well, tell me this was I born in 1950? 206 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:34,520 Was I born in Topeka, KS and is she my mother? 207 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:40,520 And she said yes and I said OK so I just left it went back 208 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:41,880 home. Now I'm thinking I'm really 209 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,240 crazy. So I was going to a therapist to 210 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,800 see if she could help me figure out how I was supposed to deal 211 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,840 with this. And she said, well, you have 212 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,520 every right to know who your father is, and you should just 213 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:57,040 tell your mother that she has to tell you. 214 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,640 And if she won't tell you, then you just tell her that you're 215 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,360 not going to have anything else to do with her. 216 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:06,040 My mother called one day and I said, you know, I need to know 217 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:11,000 this information and I need you to tell me who my father is. 218 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:15,840 And she said, well, if I tell you, what are you going to do 219 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:19,360 with the information? And I said, well, I don't know 220 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,320 because you haven't told me the story yet. 221 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:25,360 I suppose if you told me that he didn't want to have anything to 222 00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:29,200 do with me or he didn't want me to contact him or anything like 223 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,880 that, I wouldn't. And she thought about it for a 224 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:36,920 minute and she said, well, I'm not at liberty to give you that 225 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,480 information. Oh, how frustrating. 226 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,560 And I said, well, then I guess I won't be talking to you anymore. 227 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,720 And I hung up the phone and I didn't hear from her. 228 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,640 We didn't speak for about two years. 229 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,000 And then one day, just out of the blue, she just called me, 230 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,160 just like we had talked yesterday. 231 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,400 And she just started talking to me. 232 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,720 She said, Oh, well, we want to get a house in Houston and you 233 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,000 know, if you want it, you can live in it and all that and you 234 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,480 can go pick it out and everything. 235 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:09,120 So I thought about it and I thought, well she's not going to 236 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,760 give me the information and it looks like I might get a house 237 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:17,920 out of this so. You sound so patient and and 238 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:22,160 calm and collected. How were you feeling when your 239 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:29,000 mom basically admits this man who raised you is not your 240 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:32,600 biological father so confirms what you have thought for 241 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,720 decades at this point, but she will not tell you who? 242 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,960 I know, but I kind of felt validated in a way because then 243 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,760 I knew I wasn't crazy. Yeah. 244 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,960 Because up until this time, I thought I was crazy because I 245 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,960 had this birth certificate and how did he get on my birth 246 00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,560 certificate is what I was thinking. 247 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:54,560 I'm like, how did this happen? So when she finally said, you 248 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,960 know, I can't give you that information, I was like, oh, 249 00:14:56,960 --> 00:15:02,240 great, at least I wasn't crazy. And then I thought, and I'm 250 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:05,600 going to get a house. So she got a house and I lived 251 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,680 in the house. And that's kind of the way 252 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:12,480 things went. But after I moved from the house 253 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:15,800 back to California, I said, well, maybe there's something I 254 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,920 can do about this now it's been confirmed. 255 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:22,600 And I thought, well, I must have been adopted because I figured 256 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,640 that's the only way someone else's name could get on my 257 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,360 birth certificate without them actually being my biological 258 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,480 parent. So because I was in Columbus, OH 259 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,840 when they first took me away from Detroit, I thought I didn't 260 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:38,200 really know how to start. So I contacted, I think it was 261 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:42,000 like children's services or something like that, just 'cause 262 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,360 I didn't really know where else to write to or who else to 263 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,200 contact. So I wrote them a letter and I 264 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:51,200 gave them all the information. I think I even probably sent 265 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,240 them a copy of my birth certificate, whatever. 266 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:58,120 And I asked them if they had anything on file about me being 267 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,000 adopted because I figured it must have happened in Columbus. 268 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,360 And then they wrote me back and they said, no, we don't see 269 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:08,280 anything that says you're adopted, but there's such a 270 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,440 thing as an original birth certificate. 271 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:15,920 And you can contact the Vital Statistics or whatever in 272 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:20,280 Topeka, KS, and get a copy of your original birth certificate. 273 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:25,200 And I was like, oh man, there's such a thing as an original 274 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:29,920 birth certificate. So I wrote to Topeka, KS, and lo 275 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:33,800 and behold, they sent me back my original birth certificate and 276 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:37,960 my original birth certificate. I just had my first name on it. 277 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:41,920 I didn't have any middle name. It had no father's name. 278 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:46,040 It had my mother's signature. And it said that I was born in 279 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:49,680 the Florence Crittenton home for unwed mothers. 280 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,120 So I started kind of putting two and two together because I 281 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,840 started trying to make my story right. 282 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:59,960 And I knew that my mother had gone to Fisk University and I 283 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:03,880 figured, oh, she must have gotten pregnant when she was in 284 00:17:04,079 --> 00:17:08,319 in college. And then she gave me to her 285 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:11,079 sister to raise. So then I tried to contact 286 00:17:11,079 --> 00:17:17,280 Florence Quinton in Topeka, KS, and they told me that the home 287 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,680 had burned down and there were no records. 288 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,680 So I was like, OK, back to the drawing board. 289 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,440 So I'm thinking, OK, that's. So that's all the information 290 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,760 basically that I have. What I was thinking to myself 291 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,760 was that if I can't get the information from my mother, I 292 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:38,480 figure I'll just have to wait when my father passes away. 293 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,040 Then I could probably get my mother to tell me because I 294 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,440 figured maybe it was the fact that she was married to him or 295 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:46,720 something is the reason why she couldn't give me the 296 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:49,040 information. So there went my life all the 297 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:53,360 way up until 2004, from 19 to 84 to like. 298 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,720 This is just so much time going by. 299 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,600 It is, but there wasn't anything I could do because there. 300 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,080 There was nothing you could do, but but how are you feeling? 301 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:06,160 Are are you just in acceptance of like, OK, this is kind of 302 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,440 where I'm at and there's not much I can do it. 303 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:12,040 Are you hated it I. Hated it and I was miserable, 304 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:17,400 but there wasn't anything I could do because my aunt had 305 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,280 already told me. I knew that she probably did 306 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:24,960 know, but I figured what what my thought patterns were, that my 307 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:31,320 mother was the youngest of nine children and she was very smart. 308 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:37,080 And she had won a double scholarship in 1947 as a black 309 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:42,640 lady to Fisk University. And my aunt and my uncles were 310 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:46,240 all very proud of her. And I tried to put myself in 311 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:51,560 their shoes because if I know that if I had a child and I had 312 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:56,160 a sister and I didn't want my child to know anything about who 313 00:18:56,160 --> 00:19:01,680 their father was as the sister, I wouldn't tell because my 314 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:05,200 allegiance would be probably to my to my sister that it's her 315 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:09,040 business, it's her life. And if she wanted her child to 316 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:13,160 know, she should tell her child, not me. 317 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,880 So I knew that I wasn't going to get any information from my 318 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,640 uncles and I wasn't going to get any information from my aunt. 319 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:23,960 And the home had burned down. I had a birth certificate with 320 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,400 no names on it. And that was just the way it 321 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,480 was. So in 2004, my father passed 322 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:38,120 away and I thought, OK, now I should, I should be able to get 323 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:41,240 some information. Well, first of all, I couldn't 324 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,600 ask right after he passed away because that would be rude. 325 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,680 So I didn't say anything right after he passed away, like in 326 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:53,560 December 2004, in 2005, she got sick. 327 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,120 And so I thought, well, this is not a good time to ask. 328 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:02,200 And in 2000 and 2006, she got diagnosed with cancer. 329 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:07,360 It was pancreatic cancer. So she was getting, she was 330 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:09,800 really sick and she got really thin. 331 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,680 And I went to visit her and everything, but I just figured 332 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,360 that wasn't really the time to bring it up either. 333 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:22,400 So in 2007, she got really bad and we got a phone call saying 334 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:26,240 that she really wasn't going to make it and that we should come. 335 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,160 She lived in Hawaii. That we should come to Hawaii. 336 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,560 So we went to Hawaii. And I thought to myself, my 337 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,880 brothers were there and everything. 338 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:38,240 And I thought to myself, now she'll tell me because she's 339 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:41,800 going to be passing away. My father's dead. 340 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:46,480 You know, my stepfather is dead and there's no need to keep the 341 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:49,960 secret anymore. So every time my brothers would 342 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:53,120 go out to do something, I would stay at the hospital. 343 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,920 And I thought, OK, I'm going to stay here because she's going to 344 00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:02,440 tell me, right? And she kept getting worse and 345 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,160 worse and I would stay there and everything, but she never really 346 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,480 told me anything. And then she got so bad that 347 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,920 they would put her in the Hospice and she was kind of just 348 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,720 going in and out, in and out. And I couldn't stay because I 349 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,880 was working. And you never know how long 350 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,280 someone's going to be in the Hospice. 351 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:22,400 And I also had a child in back in California. 352 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,840 So I left. She never told me. 353 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,440 I stayed there, you know, as long as I could before I caught 354 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:32,040 my flight and everything. I stood, you know, I sat by her 355 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:36,640 bedside and waited for her to tell me and she didn't. 356 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:41,880 And I left and about a couple of weeks later, she passed away. 357 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:48,160 So no answers, no answers. But I thought, well, maybe, 358 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,200 maybe now some of the some relative will tell me. 359 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:54,400 Well, by then just about every one of the relatives had already 360 00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:58,200 passed away because my mother was the baby and there was only 361 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:02,680 one other relative who was as the wife of one of my uncles. 362 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:09,680 And I said I'll ask her. So I called her up and I was 363 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:14,320 going to ask her and she was so distraught about my mother 364 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:18,640 passing away she was crying. So guess what? 365 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:24,600 I couldn't ask because how do you ask a question like that 366 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,400 when somebody's grieving? So I thought, well, I'll just 367 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,200 wait a little while and I'll give give her like a little bit 368 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:35,200 of time and then I'll ask her. So the next time I was going to 369 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,600 ask her, I tried to contact her and no one answered the phone. 370 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:45,360 And I googled her name and she was deceased and she was the 371 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:51,200 last person left in the family that could give me any 372 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,960 information. What's going through your mind 373 00:22:53,960 --> 00:23:00,200 at that point? I was so sad and I was mad and I 374 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,720 was just like, why? Why is this happening to me? 375 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:07,120 There must be some way. So I spent most of my time 376 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:10,640 trying to figure out how I could figure out what had happened. 377 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,440 And so that was about 2008 or something like that. 378 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:20,720 So I think it was or 2009 or 2010 I contacted Florence 379 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:25,120 Crittenton and I thought let me contact Florence Crittenton and 380 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:30,000 tell them my story and maybe they can help me figure out what 381 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:34,120 I can do or maybe they could just give me some information. 382 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,840 So I sent an e-mail off and lo and behold, I got an an e-mail 383 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:43,680 back from the president and she was like what is happening here? 384 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:46,560 And she said first of all, the home didn't burn down. 385 00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:50,560 And I was like, really? And she's like, no, the home 386 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:54,640 didn't burn down, she said, but it merged because in 1950, in 387 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,840 the 50's, the homes were segregated. 388 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,640 And I was born in the Florence Crittenden Home for Colored 389 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:06,000 Girls. And they combined the homes 390 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,760 because she couldn't find any information on me at at the 391 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,560 home. And then one day she called me 392 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,640 up and she said, can I ask you a question? 393 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,320 And I said sure. She said are you black? 394 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,640 And I said yes and she said that's why we couldn't find any 395 00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,880 information because they were looking in the white home. 396 00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:28,240 But the records had been consolidated by then and there 397 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,120 still wasn't much information. I think there was only like 398 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:35,280 about 6 girls in the colored home and my mother was there. 399 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,760 But at least she said we have some pictures of what life would 400 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,600 have been like. And there's another lady that 401 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:46,320 handled one of the other homes and she's still alive. 402 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:50,800 Maybe I could contact her and see if she remembers anything or 403 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,400 if she could give us any information. 404 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:57,360 So she said, I'm going to fly you up to Portland where the 405 00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:00,040 offices were, and we're going to give you a tour and we're going 406 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,640 to just give you all the information, answer any 407 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:06,120 questions that you might have, even though they didn't have my 408 00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:11,360 particular information. So they flew me up there and it 409 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:13,640 was great. I had a really great time and I 410 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,440 came back and OK, I had this information. 411 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,840 I felt a little bit better. I'd seen what the homes were 412 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,000 like and all of that. And that's all the information I 413 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:27,400 had on that until 2019. And now this is the time when 414 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:33,520 DNA tests are coming on. So I took the 23andMe and I took 415 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:39,320 the family tree DNA test and I got all these DNA matches. 416 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:43,880 But I you, you know, they give you like a million of them. 417 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,280 And it was just too hard. I couldn't begin to try try to 418 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:52,000 figure out what side they were on and I couldn't investigate 419 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,120 everybody. But I had the DNA test and in 420 00:25:55,120 --> 00:26:01,080 2000 and also in 2019, I got an e-mail from another person who 421 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:06,120 said that they had done their dnathroughancestry.com and that 422 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:13,360 their mother was a match to my half brother. 423 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:19,160 So he was asking me, is there a way that your mother could be my 424 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:20,680 mother's mother is the way he put it. 425 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,880 I said, well, when was she born? And he said she was born in 1951 426 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,680 or whatever. And I'm like, no, because I'm, I 427 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,280 was born in 1950. So if I had somebody that was 428 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:34,600 after me, I would know, right? I said, or it could be some of 429 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:38,200 my, you know, my, the uncles or something like that. 430 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,760 So I gave them all, he would ask me all these questions and I 431 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:44,480 would give them all this information on all the uncles 432 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,280 and everything. And he would say thank you. 433 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,560 And you know, that was that. And we went, I went on down the 434 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:55,680 road. So in 2021, my niece, this is 435 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,360 the niece to the brother who was born when I was six. 436 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:01,840 So the older brother, so that the younger brother had already, 437 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:04,840 that's where he had already taken his DNA test. 438 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:09,320 And now my other brother's daughter was going to take DNA 439 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:13,720 test@ancestry.com. So I said I'm going to, I think 440 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,640 I'm going to go ahead and take the test at Ancestry because my 441 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:21,960 half brother is on there. I'll have my half niece on 442 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,560 there. And what I'll do, I still won't 443 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,160 be able to figure out who my father is. 444 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:31,960 But what I'll do is whatever doesn't match with me, I'm just 445 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:35,320 going to attribute that is from my father. 446 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:39,800 Just to kind of clarify for anyone listening, so you're 447 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:44,400 testing on the same ancestry site, which is where your 448 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,280 brother and your niece were testing. 449 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,960 My half brother and and my niece half niece right? 450 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,720 Yes, were testing. And anything that overlapped 451 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,920 with them, you could safely assume would be from the 452 00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:03,520 maternal side because you shared the same mother, or your niece, 453 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,960 the grandmother. And then anything that didn't 454 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:10,720 overlap, you're thinking that's going to take you to your 455 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,080 father. Right. 456 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:14,880 And and what I was more interested in, I really didn't 457 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,240 think that I would find a father. 458 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:21,040 But you know how they tell you your ancestry is in England and 459 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,800 Africa and all these places. I figured, well, I'll be able to 460 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:28,200 figure out where the DNA is from on my side and I'll just 461 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:32,480 attribute that to my father and that's probably the best thing 462 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:33,720 that I'm going to be able to do, right. 463 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:38,120 So I, I took the test and I'm in Costa Rica. 464 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:44,080 They sent it the test to me and I did this, the spit test or 465 00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,840 whatever it is and I took it to send it back. 466 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:50,480 I went to DHL to send it back and they said, well, what is it? 467 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,880 And I said, well, it's my ancestry thing. 468 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:56,640 And they said we can't take it. And they said because they don't 469 00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:01,320 take live biological specimens, I guess. 470 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,800 So they said they they weren't going to be able to take it. 471 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:06,360 And I'm like, well, how am I going to get it back? 472 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,960 They're like, I don't know. So I came back, I'm like, boy, 473 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,360 everywhere I go, there's like a dead end. 474 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,560 So I was went home and I was like, OK, I don't know what I'm 475 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,480 going to do. So we had a friend that was 476 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,800 going to be going back to the States and he would be happy to 477 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:26,440 take the test back for me. So I said, OK, he took the test 478 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:28,960 and took it back. And I got a message from 479 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:30,920 Ancestry saying, you know how you can trace it? 480 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,320 We've got it. We're doing this. 481 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,840 We're, you know, stand by, stand by. 482 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,120 I'm waiting and waiting. I'm, I'm actually sitting at my 483 00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,560 computer. It's January, like January 15th 484 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,080 of 2022. I'm sitting in my computer and I 485 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,840 got the little message that my results were in. 486 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:53,600 So I click on and I'm looking because I'm thinking, OK, so the 487 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,840 first thing I'm going to see is my half brother and then I'm 488 00:29:56,840 --> 00:30:00,400 going to see my niece. And then I'm going to see and I 489 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:06,560 click on and the first thing I see is a sister who's a full 490 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,680 sister. We had like 50 some odd percent 491 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:14,800 DNA match. And I'm thinking to myself now, 492 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,400 how can this be? So then I'm thinking that they 493 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:20,320 made a mistake. I'm like, well, now what do I 494 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:21,720 do? Because they've obviously made a 495 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:23,640 mistake because I don't have a sister. 496 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,200 And then I saw the next person after my sister was the 497 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:34,400 gentleman that had contacted me in 2019 to ask me if my mother 498 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:39,880 could be his mother's mother. And I'm like, Oh my God. 499 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,640 So I sent him a message back and I, I said oops. 500 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,960 And I sent him a copy of, you know, the list and everything, 501 00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:50,520 right? So now I have a sister and I, we 502 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:55,800 hired A genealogist and Florence Crittenton referred me to 503 00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,360 someone that was the genealogist that was also a private 504 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:03,000 investigator. And they could help me go 505 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,080 through all the matches and everything and help me figure 506 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:10,840 out, you know, what they could to help me figure out if I could 507 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,640 find my father, right? I don't even know if it took a 508 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,000 week. I get a message back. 509 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:20,720 We found your father. I was like down my father. 510 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:25,120 They made a family tree for me and had like about 80 something 511 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:29,560 people on it, all these different people and told me 512 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,720 where the family was from and all of this stuff. 513 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:37,360 Now, in the meantime, my sister, after she's finding out what, 514 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:44,600 who I am, they send off for her birth certificate and everything 515 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,440 and her birth certificate comes back. 516 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,800 Well, first we're trying to figure out how this happened. 517 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:53,680 And my husband's like, wouldn't it be funny if she was born in 518 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:55,840 Florence Crittenton home too? And I'm like, she couldn't have 519 00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:59,160 been born there because I was born there in 1950. 520 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,920 I'm not my, you know, my mother didn't go back one year. 521 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,520 We're one year and two months apart. 522 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,200 I'm like, I know she didn't go and then turn around and go 523 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:11,480 right back again. So my sister sends off for her 524 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:15,320 birth certificate and lo and behold, she's born at Florence 525 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:17,280 Crittenden Home for Colored Girls too. 526 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:21,560 She was born in the one in Kansas City, MO and I was born 527 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:25,320 in Topeka, KS and I think they're about 45 minutes apart 528 00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:30,520 because if you get pregnant, you can't go back to the same home 529 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:38,720 twice. Then we get adoption papers that 530 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:44,640 my sister, my mother put my sister up for adoption and she 531 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,240 put her up for adoption as soon as she was born. 532 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:56,240 So we're like, OK, so we got the redacted information from her 533 00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:59,240 intake form or whatever it is when they do the adoption. 534 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,880 All the names were redacted, but it gave us a little bit of 535 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:09,000 information about how tall the father was and everything you 536 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,400 know, and all about the family and all that. 537 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:15,240 So we had that information. And then when the genealogist 538 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:19,400 got finished and the private investigator, he put the family 539 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,760 tree together and he said that he had found our father. 540 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:26,200 So I but he didn't have any information on him. 541 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,960 He all he knew was that my mother was born in 1928. 542 00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:35,520 He was born in 1929 and he died that he went to school. 543 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:39,520 It said that I think he went to school like till he was like 11 544 00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:44,040 or something like that. And they did this by process of 545 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,800 elimination because, you know, they take all the family and 546 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:50,880 then whoever doesn't have an alibi, you know, then they they 547 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,200 weed them out like that. Like he didn't have an alibi. 548 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:58,920 He was around my mother's age and I was in the family because 549 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:03,160 there were a lot of people whose like cousins and whatever, whose 550 00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:07,400 DNA that I matched so closely that it had to be along that 551 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:11,560 line. So now I know who my father is, 552 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,120 or so they say. That's who my father is. 553 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:20,440 But again, I wasn't buying it. I'm like, I don't see my mother 554 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:25,880 being with someone who only went to school until they were 11 and 555 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,560 no information on them at all was like nothing. 556 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:30,920 Why would she be keeping that a secret? 557 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:34,840 You know what I mean? It's like, that's not that. 558 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,120 That just didn't seem like worse a secret. 559 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,880 And also knowing my mother, that she was so educated and so 560 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,880 smart, I was like, I couldn't even see her being with somebody 561 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:45,199 like that. I don't know. 562 00:34:45,199 --> 00:34:48,120 He's the genealogist. You know, he's doing the work. 563 00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:53,080 So I said, OK, so there was going to be a family reunion the 564 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:56,480 following year in 2023 near Pittsburgh. 565 00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:58,720 And my sister was in Kansas City. 566 00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:06,240 So I wrote, wrote to my sister. My sister had two strokes and 567 00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:12,320 she had had cancer, so by the time I met her, she was in a 568 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:17,560 wheelchair and she could talk, but it was very difficult for 569 00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,440 her to talk. So it wasn't like I just had a 570 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:23,280 sister and I could call her up and start asking all these 571 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:24,960 questions. And so most of the things I had 572 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:28,680 to go through my nephew, who I had a pretty good relationship 573 00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:32,120 with since I had been leading him down the wrong path since 574 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:35,120 2019. So I would get all this 575 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,760 information from him. But I, I arranged to meet him 576 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:42,560 'cause he was in Atlanta and one of my other nieces were in 577 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,920 Atlanta. We did like a family reunion 578 00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:48,760 there. I had my daughter and my son and 579 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,240 another cousin that was from one of my uncles. 580 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,960 We all met in Atlanta for like a reunion dinner and everything. 581 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:58,360 And then I was going to go to Pittsburgh for the family 582 00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:02,240 reunion on my father's side that I didn't know any of the people 583 00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:06,200 except I had contacted some of the people on the DNA matches 584 00:36:06,720 --> 00:36:07,800 and. So they were, they were 585 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:09,480 welcoming. Yeah, they were very, they were 586 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:10,760 very welcome. Union. 587 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:12,360 Yeah. Like they invited me to the 588 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,240 family reunion. I thought, well, this is great. 589 00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:17,440 I'll go to the family reunion. Maybe somebody can tell me about 590 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:21,000 the the guy that dropped out of school at 11. 591 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,840 And, you know, maybe I'll feel a little bit better about about it 592 00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,760 and then I'll go see my sister. So she had you, your mother had 593 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:31,520 you, then took you to live with her sister. 594 00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,760 Right. And then? 595 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,000 Pregnant. Again, with the same man, right? 596 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,280 Mystery man. Who you? 597 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:44,920 Eventually identify, right? And because she had very 598 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:48,520 recently had you, she couldn't go back to the home where she 599 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:53,240 gave birth to you, and I presume could not give your aunt 600 00:36:53,240 --> 00:36:54,920 another. Baby to put. 601 00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:56,480 Her for adoption. Right. 602 00:36:57,240 --> 00:37:01,080 OK, OK. And so you said that your sister 603 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:07,320 had had cancer and some strokes. Was she aware of who you were or 604 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:13,760 was she excited to see? You very excited, OK, blood 605 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:17,560 relatives and knew nothing by this time. 606 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:22,240 I mean, I was 72. She was 71 by this time and she 607 00:37:22,240 --> 00:37:24,480 never knew anything. She knew that she was adopted 608 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,800 and that's all. OK, wow. 609 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:32,040 I know I go to the family reunion and I'm going around it 610 00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,280 so that they're introducing me and they call them Junior. 611 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:39,800 So they're like, it's his daughter and people are like, 612 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,840 really? We didn't know he had any kids. 613 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:46,160 Well, actually that made me feel better because it made me it 614 00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:48,920 more like it was, it might have been true because I was a 615 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:52,240 secret, right. So I was talking to some of the, 616 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,080 a couple of the cousins, the older cousins. 617 00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,840 Not many of the people knew anything because remember, I'm 618 00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:02,240 like 72 and these guys are, you know, 30. 619 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:03,640 They don't know anything about this guy. 620 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:04,920 They don't even really know who he is. 621 00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:08,880 But like a couple of the older cousins, so I was talking to 622 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,080 them because they lived close to East Palestine where they had 623 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:16,040 the train derailment and all the chemicals went out. 624 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,680 And a lot of people in the family, as I had been 625 00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:22,760 researching, had died early, Like my father had died at like 626 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:24,920 63. And I was like, well, had 627 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:29,000 anybody ever thought of the fact that maybe it was some chemicals 628 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:31,440 or something that. And she said then they said, 629 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,040 well, that's the case for some of them, but some of them bring 630 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:38,560 it on themselves. And she said, like your father, 631 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:42,920 he was a drunk. I think he drank himself to 632 00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:45,240 death. As soon as she said that, I was 633 00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:49,320 like, Oh no, Nope, I'm not having this for a father. 634 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:53,800 After all of this, This could not be my father, my mother. 635 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,440 She just wasn't. You have to know my mother. 636 00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:59,800 When you say this can't be my father, you don't mean like I'm 637 00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,320 not claiming him. You mean literally like I do not 638 00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:06,280 think that this is my. Exactly. 639 00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,760 And I had been saying that ever since they told me who it was. 640 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:16,120 I was like, no, I even have a therapist since this whole thing 641 00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:17,560 started. And I was talking to my 642 00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:21,320 therapist and I was telling her I just don't think it could be 643 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,480 my father. And so that the when I thought 644 00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:27,920 that my story had ended, I said I'll just have to accept it or 645 00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,400 whatever till I heard this stuff right. 646 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,600 And I, I'm like, this can't be my father. 647 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:37,400 This can't be my father. What can I do? 648 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,080 I don't know what where else I can check. 649 00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:42,320 I don't know what else to do. When I was talking to my 650 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:46,080 therapist and she was telling me all about the primal wound and 651 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,120 we were talking about adoptions and everything. 652 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:52,280 And I said, you know what? I actually was adopted because 653 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:55,320 that when I, when I went to see my mother, when she was passing 654 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:59,520 away, I found my adoption paper in the drawer. 655 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:01,240 But it didn't really prove anything. 656 00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:03,880 It just had her name and the guy that. 657 00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:06,640 I never thought was my father his name on there. 658 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:10,800 So that just proved that he adopted me and that was the end 659 00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,520 of that. So I just had taken the paper 660 00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,360 home. But when I was talking to her, I 661 00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:17,800 said, you know, I was, I was adopted because I never really 662 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:19,400 thought of myself as being adopted. 663 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:24,520 But I thought if I could just get the papers from when I was 664 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:30,000 adopted, maybe there would be like a clue as to what happened 665 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,160 with the adoption. Because I I had been led to 666 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,240 believe that from Florence Crittenden since my mother had 667 00:40:35,240 --> 00:40:38,200 not written down a father's name, that I probably would not 668 00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:42,920 find it because the mothers did not have to write down their 669 00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,120 names. My mother was actually 21 when 670 00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:51,160 she had me, so she was an adult. And actually at the homes they 671 00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:58,600 sometimes took fake names to shield the person from other 672 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,960 people ever finding out that they had been pregnant. 673 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,880 So they did everything that they could to conceal it. 674 00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:08,560 So I figured pretty much I was not going to be able to find out 675 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,400 the name. And it was redacted on my 676 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,760 sister's copy. And I told them that they could, 677 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:15,760 you know, see if they could check further, whatever. 678 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,840 But it cost more money. And I don't think they were as 679 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:23,200 interested in finding out as I was because I think they were a 680 00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:28,720 little more content with just finding out who her mother was 681 00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:32,360 and finding me and me finding the family. 682 00:41:32,720 --> 00:41:33,800 I think that was enough for them. 683 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,000 And I had given them a name of who the father was. 684 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:39,120 So, you know, it was fine. I was following the Cleveland 685 00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:44,960 Adoption Network and I had I saw where the records were open in 686 00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:48,280 Ohio for adopt, for close adoptions or whatever that the 687 00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:53,400 records were open and I thought maybe I can contact Ohio and 688 00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,800 least they could send me my records and I would have the 689 00:41:56,800 --> 00:42:00,120 story right. I also had sent away for my 690 00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:04,040 mother's military records because the genealogist said 691 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:09,480 that maybe my mother had written my father's name down because 692 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,360 maybe, you know, they get a lot of information from me because 693 00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:13,960 my mother had gone into the Air Force. 694 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,160 That's where she was when I was with my aunt. 695 00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,640 No one ever told me, but that's where she was. 696 00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,360 So I sent for the military records and I didn't get 697 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,240 anything. So I contacted Cleveland 698 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:30,240 Adoption Network. I said, can you help me find out 699 00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:33,840 how I can get the papers that go with my adoption? 700 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,520 And they said you have to know where you were adopted. 701 00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:39,440 And so they gave me the number and I contacted the lady there 702 00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,440 and I, I gave her the case number and everything. 703 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:44,040 She said here's the process, it's free. 704 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:47,680 She sent me all the information. I got all the paperwork together 705 00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:51,360 and I sent it off. And two days later I got back a 706 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:55,800 packet from the Franklin County and it was 13 pages long. 707 00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:59,320 And on the very last page, it named my biological father. 708 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:04,320 And it wasn't the guy who they said it was. 709 00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:11,360 It was his uncle. So they were very close. 710 00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:16,600 But the reason why they didn't get him is because he was 20 711 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:23,760 years older than my mother. He was also prominent in 712 00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:26,120 Detroit. He was in politics. 713 00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:30,120 He was of an alternate for the Democratic Convention, National 714 00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:35,320 Convention and 1960. He was a a union Stewart. 715 00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:39,920 He was very intellectual. And I was like, that's my 716 00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:43,000 father. He was a snazzy dresser anyway, 717 00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:45,400 So, you know, that made more sense to me. 718 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:50,800 And so, yeah. So he also was married in 1940 719 00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:55,200 and had a son. So now I have 1/2 brother, too, 720 00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:58,200 right. So I looked it up and he passed 721 00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:03,440 away in 2021 so. No, no ABS brother. 722 00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:07,000 Right. But his wife was still alive and 723 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:11,320 she was on Facebook. So 6° of separation. 724 00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,680 I found somebody that knew somebody that knew somebody, and 725 00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:18,760 they contacted her and told her that I was trying to contact 726 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,640 her, that I was a relative. That's all they said. 727 00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,920 And would she, you know, be interested in speaking with me? 728 00:44:25,240 --> 00:44:27,880 So she said sure. And she gave the phone number 729 00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:31,000 and I said oh, I don't even know how I'm even going to get into 730 00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:34,440 this story. And so I said, well I want to 731 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,640 tell you my story. And I was telling her how I 732 00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,640 didn't know who my father was. And she stops me and she says, 733 00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,880 oh, I am so glad you're telling me this story because my 734 00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:52,360 husband, who is my half brother, always thought that his father 735 00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:56,640 was hiding siblings somewhere and that it was a secret. 736 00:44:56,640 --> 00:45:01,280 And I was like, yeah, well it was a secret and we're the 737 00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,000 siblings. So I told her all about my 738 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:07,400 sister and myself. So before I even had told her 739 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:11,800 that I was contacting her because her husband was my half 740 00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:15,240 brother, she already was saying, Oh my goodness it. 741 00:45:15,240 --> 00:45:17,400 My husband had the same situation. 742 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:21,280 So she sent me pictures and everything of him and the 743 00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:23,520 pictures that she had, but she was estranged. 744 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:27,760 My half brother was estranged from our father because he was 745 00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:31,040 so secretive that they just stopped talking. 746 00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:36,360 And my father was in Detroit and he, interestingly enough, one of 747 00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:41,560 the relatives that I met at the picnic, the family reunion was 748 00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,720 with my father when he passed away. 749 00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:48,320 Now, at the time that I was at the picnic, I wasn't looking for 750 00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:53,160 that guy, that is. So when you learn this 751 00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:59,080 information now granted he was married and everything and and 752 00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:02,960 he was older than your mother, were you more satisfied with the 753 00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:06,080 outcome as to totally your biological father was? 754 00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:09,640 Totally. I was so satisfied with that and 755 00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:16,400 also it explained why she didn't give me the information right 756 00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:18,280 then. I like I just forgave her 757 00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:23,320 because it was like no wonder because I'm not even sure that 758 00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:30,400 my adopted father even knew about my sister because they got 759 00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:35,160 married in 1955 and you know, my mother had given her away in 760 00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:38,200 1951. I don't know if this the truth 761 00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:44,520 or not, but I'm thinking that my my mother probably married my 762 00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:49,680 stepfather, adopted father, whatever in 1955 without telling 763 00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:52,600 him about that and only telling him about me. 764 00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:57,480 So I figure my mother could never tell me the story because 765 00:46:57,480 --> 00:47:01,720 if she would have told me it would have opened a Pandora's 766 00:47:01,720 --> 00:47:05,800 box and then I would have found out about my sister. 767 00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:10,440 Or I guess she thought the best thing was just don't say 768 00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:14,360 anything so she didn't and then I would. 769 00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:19,240 I had told my my sister that I was going to come and see her 770 00:47:19,240 --> 00:47:24,840 every year because we had never had any time together. 771 00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:28,640 And I knew that. I mean to me she lived a long 772 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:33,200 time after having two strokes. So she had the strokes in 2011 773 00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:38,080 and it was 2021 when I found out, 2022 when I found out about 774 00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,720 it in 2023 when I went to visit her. 775 00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:42,760 And I was so happy to have a sister. 776 00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:45,960 They were so welcoming. And I met my other, my other 777 00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:50,400 niece and my, my daughter met her and my my son met. 778 00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,800 It was a grave. And so I said I was going to 779 00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:56,520 come and visit them in Kansas City because she can't travel. 780 00:47:57,240 --> 00:48:01,720 And so we made arrangements for me to meet for us to meet up 781 00:48:01,720 --> 00:48:04,560 again. We were going to go in July of 782 00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:08,320 2024 and I talked to my therapist and I had all this 783 00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,040 information to find out about her because she really couldn't 784 00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:14,760 speak that well. So I made like this list of all 785 00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:18,040 these questions that I can, you know, things like what's your 786 00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:19,920 favorite color? What, what, you know, just 787 00:48:19,920 --> 00:48:22,200 'cause I didn't really know anything about her, but I just 788 00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:26,640 felt like she was my twin. I just had that feeling, you 789 00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:29,680 know, we just had that. They were so close in age and I 790 00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:33,160 just kept origin story. If we were to, I was so mad 791 00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:35,040 because all my life I wanted a sister. 792 00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:37,200 And I used to tell my mother, well, I wish I had a sister. 793 00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:39,400 But you know, you can't make a sister. 794 00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:42,360 You can't make a sister. You know, if your mother's not 795 00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:44,720 gonna have a doesn't have a girl, you won't have a sister. 796 00:48:45,240 --> 00:48:48,920 I saw these relationships that people had with their sisters. 797 00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:53,040 And when I met my sister, I thought, oh, I always wanted the 798 00:48:53,040 --> 00:48:55,160 sister. We could have been trading 799 00:48:55,160 --> 00:49:01,600 clothes and we had our kids. Around the same time in May, I 800 00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:05,400 got a message from my nephew saying that my sister had been 801 00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:09,320 taken to the hospital and they didn't know what it was. 802 00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:12,920 And so she went to the hospital. They said she had pneumonia and 803 00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:15,200 they said that, you know, they were working on her and 804 00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:18,480 everything. And then they said that she was 805 00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:19,480 better. They were going to send her 806 00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:20,800 home. So they sent her home. 807 00:49:21,240 --> 00:49:24,680 And then I got a message about a week later saying that she 808 00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:27,360 wasn't eating and she just wasn't cooperating. 809 00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:30,720 They took her back to the doctor again and they said, well, she 810 00:49:30,720 --> 00:49:35,200 needed a heart valve transplant or something like that, and but 811 00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:36,840 she wouldn't survive the surgeries. 812 00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:38,320 And I said, well, what are they going to do? 813 00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:40,240 And my nephew said, I don't know. 814 00:49:41,240 --> 00:49:43,320 And I said I'm going to go for a walk. 815 00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:45,600 And so I went for a walk. And when I came back from my 816 00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,280 walk, I had a message saying she's gone. 817 00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:54,200 And that was that. But because we had said that we 818 00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,240 were going to go back in July, we went back this July anyway. 819 00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:01,360 And her husband had an 80th birthday surprise party. 820 00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:05,200 So we went back to the party and my daughter was there and she 821 00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:10,360 was with her two cousins and we were out at a restaurant and 822 00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:14,040 they were talking and my husband said he heard the girl say she's 823 00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:19,080 just like mom. How did that feel? 824 00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,000 That just made it even more like that we were twins. 825 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:26,920 But I feel like at least I got the information to her 'cause 826 00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:31,600 she got to know who her real father was before she passed 827 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:35,720 away and she got to meet me and she got to know about her 828 00:50:35,720 --> 00:50:38,240 mother. And maybe that's just the way it 829 00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:41,280 was supposed to be. Before I sent the information 830 00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:45,320 off to the adoption agency, I just thought, am I just going to 831 00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:49,040 die and never know? And then I got the information. 832 00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:55,760 I got the family and I got to meet my nieces and my nephews 833 00:50:56,160 --> 00:51:00,200 and I got to at least meet my sister because I almost didn't 834 00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:03,560 get to meet her 'cause I didn't get to meet anyone else. 835 00:51:03,560 --> 00:51:08,280 Because it, you know, half brother was passed away and, you 836 00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:13,360 know, so that's where we are. I always thought about the 837 00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:17,840 ending of the story was supposed to be, you know, I met my father 838 00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:19,400 and I, you know, all these things. 839 00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:25,360 And it's like, no, it's that I had this story that's now 74 840 00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:29,560 years old and I went through all these things. 841 00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:33,600 But look at all the roadblocks I had and all the barriers that I 842 00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:38,000 had to come through and all of the the hurdles that I had to go 843 00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,360 through and all the people that weren't there. 844 00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:44,320 I didn't have a lot of support on the side of on my my half 845 00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:48,480 brothers that are still alive. One of them isn't speaking to me 846 00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:52,800 since we were going to do the reunion in Atlanta last year. 847 00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:54,840 He just stopped speaking to me and didn't go. 848 00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:59,520 And the other one is now he also has the same cancer that my 849 00:51:59,720 --> 00:52:03,560 sister had. And in addition to that, he is, 850 00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:08,880 has early onset Alzheimer's. So doesn't really do any good 851 00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:11,480 really to talk to him. So other than that, it's like, I 852 00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:13,760 don't really have any support there. 853 00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:18,280 And that's just, I, I think another one of those roadblocks 854 00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:20,320 or one of those things, I'm so used to them now. 855 00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:25,320 You know, it's, it's more of a surprise to me when I, when I do 856 00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:29,080 find something, but I'm tenacious and I, I'm, you know, 857 00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:32,200 I stay at it and, and I stay on the trail. 858 00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:34,400 And so I'm pretty happy with what I found out. 859 00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:37,840 I'm, the information that I've been able to find out about my, 860 00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:41,440 who my biological father was is wonderful information. 861 00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:46,400 He seemed to be like a really great guy and he seems to be a 862 00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:51,080 lot like my sister and myself. Well, my mother is a lot like my 863 00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:55,480 sister too, but my father was a kind of like a, a political 864 00:52:55,480 --> 00:53:00,560 activist, which I am, and he was an accountant, which my sister 865 00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:04,000 is, and he loved to dress, which I like to do. 866 00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:08,680 And so I'm very happy. Absolutely. 867 00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:14,960 What advice do you have for a parent who is keeping adna 868 00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:18,320 surprise from their child? Don't do it. 869 00:53:19,840 --> 00:53:22,040 Don't do it. It's better it. 870 00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:25,920 I mean, there are other people like me who live to be my age or 871 00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:30,760 maybe sometimes even older that have to live with that emptiness 872 00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:36,240 of the question of who their, their biological parent or 873 00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:39,680 parents are. And it's something is missing. 874 00:53:40,240 --> 00:53:45,040 It's just something that it, it can't be filled up and it's, 875 00:53:45,720 --> 00:53:48,600 it's not worth it. It's really not worth it. 876 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,840 It's like, and I think now even like for adoptions, they're not 877 00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:55,760 doing, they're doing more open adoptions now, which I also 878 00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:58,880 think is a good idea. And if you ever have an adoption 879 00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:01,880 and you have to give a child for adoption, I think it's really 880 00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:06,000 nice if you fix it so that you can meet the child at some 881 00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,520 point. It just does so much because 882 00:54:08,520 --> 00:54:10,720 look at all the that it did for me. 883 00:54:10,720 --> 00:54:15,960 And I didn't even get to meet my my biological father at all, you 884 00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:17,800 know? So no secrets. 885 00:54:18,120 --> 00:54:20,320 This is the end of the secrets in our family. 886 00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:25,640 Thank goodness. And what advice do you have for 887 00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:29,120 someone who just uncovered Adna surprise? 888 00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:36,640 First, take a deep breath and know that you may be in for some 889 00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:42,240 twists and turns, but it's very, it's a very interesting, I think 890 00:54:42,240 --> 00:54:47,560 to actually find out how you link with the people or the, the 891 00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:52,000 person or the persons that you find that are in your family. 892 00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:57,600 And you'll probably discover some traits that you have some 893 00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,560 things that they do that are just like you. 894 00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:04,520 I, I thought that was one of the greatest things to find out 895 00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:07,280 because when you don't have it, like when I was living with my 896 00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:11,720 adopted father, he was nothing like me, you know what I mean? 897 00:55:11,720 --> 00:55:15,080 But when I found out about my biological father, as I just 898 00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:18,440 mentioned, we already had all these things like, oh, he did 899 00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:21,000 that. Oh, that's why, that's why. 900 00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:25,640 So just take a deep breath and just dive into it and see what 901 00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:29,000 you can get out of it. And I think either even if it's 902 00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:33,280 not a good surprise or ends up not being what you want in the 903 00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:36,680 end, I think you still will gain something from it. 904 00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:42,120 And you it's, it's up to each person to to make something out 905 00:55:42,120 --> 00:55:43,960 of whatever it is they find, I think. 906 00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:46,840 Devin, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and 907 00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:51,600 sharing your story, and I wish you the best on wherever your 908 00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:53,440 journey takes you next. Thank you. 909 00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,560 Thanks again to Devin for sharing her story. 910 00:55:57,320 --> 00:56:01,000 Devin started a YouTube channel to document her amazing journey. 911 00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:05,520 I've linked the channel Silva Sistas in the show notes. 912 00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:09,800 If you have adna surprise that you'd like to share, please 913 00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:14,160 submit your story at dnasurprises.com and for early 914 00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:17,000 ad free access to episodes, join me over on 915 00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:20,800 patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises. 916 00:56:21,280 --> 00:56:26,520 Until next time, this episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, 917 00:56:26,720 --> 00:56:30,520 produced and edited by me, Alexis Ourselt. 918 00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:35,360 It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording 919 00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:35,960 Studios.