1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,640 It was very just impulsive to do that. 2 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:07,440 And yet we're like, we now really know who we are. 3 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:11,640 Like we didn't realize before we didn't know who we were, but now 4 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:15,720 we know, we know the truth. We know who we are and we should 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:21,240 exchange our vows again, just the two of us and use our real 6 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:24,040 names, our real names that we should have been. 7 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,320 And that's what we did. And we put the rings on each 8 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:31,240 other's finger and we cried and we danced in the kitchen and we, 9 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,680 we had that little moment and, and we just felt like, you know 10 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,680 what? This is a new beginning for both 11 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,040 of us. And and we could tell our kids 12 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,720 now who they really are and our grandchildren, we want them to 13 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,520 know who they really are and who they belong to. 14 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:52,400 Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the 15 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,040 world of unexpected DNA discoveries. 16 00:00:55,600 --> 00:01:01,560 I'm your host, Alexis ourselves. In July 2021, my life took a 17 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:06,440 surprising turn when I found out that I'm an NPE, a person who 18 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,280 has experienced a non paternal event. 19 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:13,840 In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he 20 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,840 was. Join me as we explore the 21 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:21,960 stories of NP, ES, adoptees, and donor conceived people and their 22 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,720 families. Get ready to unravel the 23 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,880 astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test. 24 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:35,320 This is DNA Surprises. Welcome to the season 10 finale 25 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:39,960 of DNA Surprises. Buy one, get 2. 26 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:44,440 No, this isn't an ad for the latest testing kit sale. 27 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:49,400 In this week's episode, I'm joined by Dave and Denise, a 28 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:53,480 married couple who discovered that they were both NP ES after 29 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:57,800 their grandson took ADNA test. Dave and Denise had very 30 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,640 different upbringings and slightly different outcomes to 31 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:04,320 their DNA surprises. While Dave's revelation was 32 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,920 slightly suspected, it was welcomed and his new found 33 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,960 family have completely embraced him. 34 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:15,400 Denise had no idea her dad wasn't her biological father and 35 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,920 her DNA surprise was devastating to her. 36 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,520 She's slowly but surely getting to know her new found family. 37 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,560 Dave and Denise have been there for each other throughout their 38 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:30,400 DNA discoveries and learned a lot about how these surprises 39 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:34,320 can affect people differently. Ultimately, they say their 40 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,160 surprises have strengthened not only their identities, but their 41 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:42,560 marriage. Before we begin this episode, I 42 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:45,920 just want to take a moment to remind listeners that family 43 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:50,000 secrets like these don't stay hidden in the modern age of DNA 44 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,880 testing. And Dave and Denise are great 45 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:56,520 examples of this. They didn't uncover their 46 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,480 surprises because they took a test. 47 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,640 Even their grown children wouldn't have surfaced the 48 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,880 secret. It was their curious grandson 49 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:09,720 with a love of genealogy and heritage who led to the truth 50 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:15,080 for both of them. Thank you Dave and Denise for 51 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:20,640 sharing your stories. My name is Denise and I'm 60 52 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:24,840 years old. My name is Dave, I'm 63 years 53 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:28,640 old and we live in a small town western Alberta, close to 54 00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:32,720 Jasper. I'll begin with just my story 55 00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:36,560 about how I was raised. Growing up, we had just a 56 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:41,080 traditional family. Same mom, same dad, four kids in 57 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,960 total. I have three older siblings that 58 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:47,600 were all born before my mom turned 20 and then almost nine 59 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,280 years later I came along so I'm the baby of the family. 60 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:56,280 Growing up I felt very blessed. We'd be considered poor by 61 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,520 today's standards, but we never lacked for anything. 62 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,080 My mom was a a stay at Home Farm wife. 63 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,320 She was a great cook, an avid gardener and we always had good 64 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:10,760 farm fresh food on the table. Our home was known in the 65 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,560 community for a place of hospitality. 66 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:18,839 The coffee pot was always on and home was a place where great 67 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,600 memories were made. I had a pretty good childhood I 68 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,480 must say with no real complaints. 69 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:28,600 Very loving family and all of us kids are very close and we're 70 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,920 still close to each other right to this day. 71 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:35,800 Difficult thing in our childhood was dealing with our dad. 72 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:40,640 He had a lot of mood swings, bit of a personality disorder, I 73 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:44,680 guess you could say, a temper. And so my older siblings 74 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,360 remember more than I do about that. 75 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,680 But we had our mom. So she was our peacemaker, our 76 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,720 referee, and we trusted her to always be on our team, 77 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,800 especially when dad got unreasonable. 78 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:00,680 So our mom really was someone who earned our deepest love and 79 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,200 respect. She was an example of self 80 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:07,800 sacrifice and endurance. She had a mild spirit, and I 81 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:11,800 know my siblings would all agree that she was like the glue that 82 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,360 held us all together. Despite some struggles, Mom and 83 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:22,240 Dad stayed married for 57 years. Sadly, Mom passed away 16 years 84 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:27,320 ago and our dad passed away seven years ago, so they're no 85 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:31,920 longer with us. You really grew up in what most 86 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,800 people might call a normal family. 87 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,360 Did you? Feel different from your family 88 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,720 at all? Did you ever suspect that? 89 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:44,160 There was adna surprise lurking anywhere. 90 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:49,920 You know what I can say? For not one minute of one hour 91 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,200 of one day did I ever feel different. 92 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,840 I never felt like I didn't belong. 93 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,640 I never felt anything out of the ordinary. 94 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:03,200 No, I I was completely oblivious to anything that was to come 95 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:07,120 down the tubes here. OK, So what made you decide to 96 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,320 take adna test? Actually, I didn't. 97 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,920 We didn't. It was our grandson. 98 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:18,920 He's a little scientist. He loves DNA and dinosaurs and 99 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,920 all those things. 10 years old and he asked for a gift. 100 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:26,200 He said, mom, I want adna test. I found out you can figure out 101 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,760 your countries of origin. And he really wanted to know 102 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:32,400 that. And very innocently he asked for 103 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,080 that. And so she bought him and her, 104 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,760 our daughter both bought the the test, sent it away. 105 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:40,880 We had no knowledge of it at all. 106 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,360 We didn't even know they were doing it. 107 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,920 The results came back. They were pretty excited. 108 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,320 They said, look at these are all the countries or I think our 109 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:52,600 grandson has nine different regions that show up in his DNA. 110 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,280 And we thought that's really cool. 111 00:06:55,680 --> 00:07:00,080 And then came the text saying, here's a screenshot. 112 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,800 Do you know who these people are, Mom? 113 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,720 I said no. She said, well, these are my 114 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,920 closest matches and I don't even know who they are. 115 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:11,920 There's this one on Dad's side and there's one on your side. 116 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:18,240 And I I had no clue who they were at all. 117 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:24,240 So you're seeing this. Do you start to put together the 118 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:27,280 pieces in your mind? What are you thinking when you 119 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:31,560 see this? Right off the bat, when I saw 120 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:37,960 the name of Dave's side, I was like, I I've heard that name 121 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:42,280 before. I remember that 35 years ago or 122 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:46,880 more, Dave's Aunt Carol had mentioned to me in a 123 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:52,880 conversation that I think Dave's dad is this person. 124 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:58,560 And it was that name. I discounted it because she was 125 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,720 a bit of a troublemaker and always stirring the pot and the 126 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,680 family. And I thought, no, she's, she 127 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:05,920 doesn't know what she's talking about. 128 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:10,720 But when I saw this is the same name Aunt Carol said 35 years 129 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:16,080 ago, then I thought, oh, boy, I think we may have stumbled onto 130 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,720 something here. And I was so excited about that 131 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,240 because Dave always had wondered about his paternity. 132 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,120 I kind of shut down on the other side. 133 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:34,679 And when I saw this name on my side, I thought, well, could be 134 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:37,120 one of my dad's illegitimate children. 135 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,280 You know, I think that's everybody. 136 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:43,760 Everybody points a finger at Dad first, unfortunately, but that's 137 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,120 what I thought. So you were closed off to the 138 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:50,560 idea that you had a different biological father. 139 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,000 It must have been your dad doing something. 140 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,640 Absolutely. And, and I thought, well, maybe 141 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:59,960 there's none of my maiden name people in there because our 142 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,600 family's kind of cheap and you know, they wouldn't probably 143 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,520 even pay for Adna test. And so I thought they're 144 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,400 probably not even in the genome. I don't know. 145 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,440 I completely shut it down and discounted it initially, even 146 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:17,760 though in my heart it was, I was considering it could be a 147 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,200 possibility a little bit. But no, no, it can't be true. 148 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:25,280 And I just concentrated on Dave's story. 149 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:30,000 I grew up in a fractured family. I was truly the odd one out. 150 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:35,120 I was the oldest in the family but I never ever felt that I fit 151 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,080 in. I had an older brother who was 152 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:42,400 put up for adoption before I was born and I always knew about him 153 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:47,400 but we never we've never been able to find him or anything. 154 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,200 I'm named after the man that my mom married. 155 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:54,600 The story was that I was very prematurely born even though I 156 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:58,800 was over 7 lbs. Two siblings followed very 157 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,680 closely, a brother and sister, and the three of us endured the 158 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:07,120 life where our parents could not get along. 159 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:11,280 They fought like a cat and dog all the time and when I was 160 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:16,240 about 9, we left town in the middle of the night and I didn't 161 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,080 see my dad again until 18 years later. 162 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,120 I talked to him a couple of times, but it was distant 163 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,920 relationship. My mom briefly remarried when I 164 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:30,600 was 14 or so and then divorced my stepfather shortly after. 165 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,240 Denise and I were married after our son was born. 166 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:40,240 I wanted to excuse me. Take your time, yeah? 167 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:52,240 I wanted to introduce sorry, I wanted to introduce my my dad to 168 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:57,840 his grandchildren. So we drove 20 hours N up into 169 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,320 the Yukon Territory to see him. After two hours visiting with 170 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:07,840 him, he followed me to the truck and there he told me that you 171 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:12,120 know, you know you're not mine. Oh, I'm. 172 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,880 So sorry. We basically left right after 173 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,880 that and I never spoke to him again. 174 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,360 Even though he drove through town. 175 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,480 He would stop and see my siblings. 176 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:31,000 He wouldn't even call so it was a complete cut off from him. 177 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,360 Did you believe him when he said that? 178 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:39,440 Yeah, because I always had questioned my paternity because 179 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:44,600 I didn't look like him. He was tall, slender and dark 180 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:48,160 haired, black haired and I was short, stocky and blonde. 181 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:53,800 I I didn't fit into the family. None of the pictures of me and 182 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:58,400 my cousins growing up. I stood out like a sore thumb 183 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,240 all the time and I I knew it. Even though I was the oldest, I 184 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,680 just didn't look like the rest of them. 185 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:08,000 I asked my mom about his statements and she reacted very 186 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:12,000 strongly, insisting he was my dad and that I was never to 187 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,920 speak of this again. Very quickly after that, I 188 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:21,160 received a venomous letter from her saying that she had disowned 189 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:28,480 me and that she had burned all the pictures that she had of me. 190 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:31,200 We didn't speak for at least three years. 191 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:36,880 In the absence of truth, a person's mind goes into dark 192 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,920 places. I actually feared and believed 193 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:43,320 that my father could have been my grandfather because he was a 194 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:47,240 very abusive man to his family and to his wife. 195 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:52,280 I attributed my mom's strong reaction to maybe that's what 196 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:56,000 the truth was and that she she just couldn't tell me. 197 00:12:56,520 --> 00:13:01,080 She clearly hated the man. He died when I was about 3 and 198 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:05,240 every negative thing about me growing up was always tied to 199 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,680 him. You're just like him and I 200 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:12,280 didn't want to be just like him because the the family was very 201 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,120 negative towards him for 35 years. 202 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,960 I never wanted to talk about who was my dad. 203 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:27,600 I'm so sorry. So your grandson says I want to 204 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:31,880 take ADNA test and what's your reaction to that? 205 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:38,240 Denise told me about it and what happened is this one person, I, 206 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:45,400 I didn't hear the last name. And so Denise told me that a 207 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:50,720 cousin showed up to my daughter. And I thought, well, the only 208 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:55,000 cousin would be perhaps my oldest brother's daughter. 209 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,920 And I thought then that could be my sister's cousin. 210 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,280 So I was, I was overjoyed with that. 211 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,760 And I actually went immediately and told my mom that we might 212 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:09,280 have found a connection to to Rob and that her reaction was, 213 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,440 well, if he doesn't want to see me, don't tell me about it. 214 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:16,720 Anyways, when our daughter spent some more time investigating it, 215 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:21,840 this cousin of hers was 60 years old. 216 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:26,720 And so that didn't jive with the fact that it could be my 217 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,120 brother's daughter because he would have been like five. 218 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:34,040 It was then that Denise revealed to me or Denise asked if she's 219 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:38,400 related to this person. And she says, yeah, I'm his 220 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,960 youngest sister. OK. 221 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:44,440 And Denise, how long did you kind of sit with this 222 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,760 information before you shared it with Dave? 223 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,400 Was it immediate? It was the same Dave. 224 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,800 I talked with our daughter and I said, she said, should we tell 225 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:57,200 Dad? And I thought, yeah, we we have 226 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,240 to, we have to tell Dad. This could be the news that he's 227 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,760 kind of been waiting for his his whole life. 228 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:12,000 We might have found his father. And Dave, did you recognize the 229 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,920 name? Did you know this person? 230 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,120 Because, Denise, you mentioned that you'd heard the name 231 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,960 before, but did you actually know the man? 232 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:25,720 No, not at all. I and I, it didn't even ring a 233 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,200 bell with me. I had kind of, Denise told me 234 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,880 the name years ago, but I just kind of put it out of my mind. 235 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:36,200 I just didn't think about it because I was so consumed that 236 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,600 my grandfather was my dad and I didn't want to even think about 237 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:43,000 who my dad was. When you get this information 238 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:47,480 and you put the pieces together that this man is your dad, how 239 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:53,880 do you feel? Overjoyed is the way to describe 240 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,200 it. Because I finally had a regular 241 00:15:56,200 --> 00:16:02,720 dad. Yeah, it was, you know, I, there 242 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:06,040 was nothing to be ashamed of, even though the circumstances 243 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:09,600 surrounding my conception were difficult. 244 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,720 My mom was. My mom was single. 245 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,960 She was a teenager. She ended up marrying a guy that 246 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:24,120 didn't make the biological link, But I had a dad, and that made 247 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:30,080 me super happy. Five days later, I drove to 248 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:34,600 Edmonton and met my dad's youngest sister. 249 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:41,160 We met at restaurant and I got the table, went to the washroom, 250 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,640 come back and she's sitting there and I said you must be 251 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,960 Cheryl. And she says you've got to be 252 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:51,360 Dave. And the familial resemblance was 253 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,560 undeniable. She actually looks like she 254 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,160 could be my daughter's mom. Our daughter looks so much like 255 00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,840 her aunt, it's really incredible. 256 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,480 And so that was it. That was the start. 257 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:07,599 At that moment she sat there and filled me in on my whole family 258 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,280 all together. There's sixteen of us 259 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:16,119 grandchildren and she said you're the oldest, this is your 260 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,839 dad. He's been dead for unfortunately 261 00:17:20,079 --> 00:17:23,440 5 or 6 years. My grandfather had been dead for 262 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:28,520 about 9 years and my uncle Dennis had been gone for a 263 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,880 couple of years. And she said, but you have a 264 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,240 very strong resemblance of the three of them. 265 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:39,320 Different things remind different ones in the family of 266 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:43,480 of each of them. She wrote down on a on a sheet 267 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,720 of paper. Who's going to reach out to me? 268 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:52,200 The next couple of days was a whirlwind of texts and emails 269 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:56,560 and photographs because they're very well connected. 270 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:04,280 And my one aunt described it as you were like having a new, you 271 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,320 were like a new baby to the family and everybody wanted to 272 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:12,040 meet you and find out about you. Did they know about you? 273 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:16,920 Nobody did, my one aunt says. We kind of thought that somebody 274 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,920 might show up because your dad really loved women. 275 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:24,760 And even though he was married and he did have a daughter with 276 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:28,560 his wife and I've met my sister and I have a brother in 277 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:33,320 Australia, there's three kids from three different women and I 278 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:37,840 get to meet my brother in March and he's coming over to Canada. 279 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:43,720 The first week I met my family and was inundated by them. 280 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:49,280 Three days after I met my aunt, I went in on a Saturday and I 281 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:54,520 met my cousin and her husband and then she arranged for us 282 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,600 very quickly to meet some more of her brothers and sisters. 283 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,800 So I I met a lot of the family very quickly. 284 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:07,160 Did you go back to your mom and tell her like I know now and 285 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,720 this is who it is? Did she have any reaction? 286 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:14,560 Yes, I did go to her. I went there and I sat down with 287 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,920 her, just me and her and her little apartment. 288 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:22,280 And I said, Mom, I just want to tell you, I know who my dad is. 289 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:27,040 We got Adna test and I told her who it was. 290 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,480 And she's 82 years old and her shoulders dropped. 291 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:35,800 I'm holding your hands. And her shoulders dropped and 292 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,920 said, I guess I got to tell you the truth. 293 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:42,480 And I'm like in my brain, I'm thinking, that's right. 294 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,280 You got to tell me the truth right now. 295 00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,800 And so she did. She's the only one left alive 296 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,640 and she's the only one that knows about it. 297 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,320 But we've had a strained relationship for many years, 298 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:59,600 obviously, But now the last year has been much better because the 299 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,880 secret's out and she doesn't have to fear it coming out 300 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:06,960 anymore because she used to fear it a lot, but now it's out. 301 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:11,320 My brother and sister from my mom, they really didn't even 302 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,880 care. And then when I finally talked 303 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,400 to them, my brother didn't believe it was me. 304 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,480 Telling him the story, he wanted proof that it wasn't some sort 305 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,040 of scam. Scam or something? 306 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,320 Yeah. Yeah, and and, you know, it's 307 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:29,160 just part of the relationship. Denise coming back over to you, 308 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:33,720 at what point do you start to dig a little bit deeper into 309 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:37,840 your side of the results? When Dave left to go meet his 310 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:41,840 aunt Cheryl at the restaurant, that that time he asked me to go 311 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,640 along and I said, you know, I think I'll stay behind. 312 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,080 I think I'll just let you go and, and meet her even though I 313 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,560 really wanted to go, but I thought this is my opportunity 314 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:55,840 now to sit at home in front of my computer and start digging. 315 00:20:55,840 --> 00:21:01,280 So I asked my daughter for her sign in on the ancestry and I 316 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:05,440 wanted to see this for myself. I got in there and I was looking 317 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:09,520 and I went through all the names and I, I didn't see any of my 318 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:15,280 maiden name at all anywhere and all these other names that I, I 319 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:19,360 didn't know. So my sister, my oldest sister, 320 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,640 she's the ancestry geek of the family. 321 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:26,400 She's been doing it for for years and years and building our 322 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,240 family tree. And so I thought I'm going to 323 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,120 include her and maybe she can help me. 324 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:35,320 So she said, Oh, you, you're just not looking at it right. 325 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,080 I have the subscription. I'll go in there and I'll check 326 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,520 it out and I'll get back to you. And, and meanwhile, Dave is just 327 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:45,040 on a high. He's coming back from the city 328 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:50,280 with all these wonderful stories and his heart warming news that 329 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:58,000 he has of this wonderful family. And and I was, I could describe 330 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,120 it kind of like it was raining in my heart, but I didn't want 331 00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:05,080 to rain on his parade. So I was trying to be so happy 332 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:06,800 for him. But in the back of my mind, I 333 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,960 was thinking, I don't think this looks good. 334 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,680 Like this just doesn't look right. 335 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:15,920 And my sister got back to me the next day and I said, so what'd 336 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,920 you find? And she's like, well, you know, 337 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,120 I looked through all the names and I looked through, you know, 338 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:22,600 and she's kind of beaten around the Bush. 339 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:29,840 And I said, but but did you find any of our family, our paternal 340 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:33,920 family? And she said, no, I I didn't. 341 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,000 And I said, So what does that mean? 342 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,600 But inwardly I knew what it meant. 343 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,800 But then she said it. And she said it's because it 344 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:50,240 looks like Dad's not your dad. And yeah, that's what hit me. 345 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,520 And that was my first moment. So five days after the initial 346 00:22:56,200 --> 00:23:00,960 test result came back is when it was really evident that, yeah, 347 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:05,120 Dad wasn't my dad. And absolutely shocking. 348 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:10,880 Like, absolutely shocking. Like never would have ever, ever 349 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,280 suspected that. And these names were nothing 350 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:18,840 familiar to me at all. I had no I'd never seen any of 351 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:22,720 them. Had your sister dug any deeper 352 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,560 to identify who your father might be? 353 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:30,840 Only this top name that that came up and at the time she 354 00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:34,760 didn't remember it at all. I had this one connection, this 355 00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:38,240 one name that connected to my daughter very closely. 356 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,960 And so I thought, OK, she has a tree. 357 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,800 I'm going to go and look at her family tree. 358 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,720 And so I open it up and I see that both her parents are 359 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,680 deceased and there's a possibility she could be 1/2 360 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:53,840 sister. So I thought if she's a half 361 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,640 sister, then her dad could be my dad. 362 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:04,480 And that was the top name. So it was like, OK, if he's 363 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,760 deceased, he would have an obituary. 364 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:13,480 So I went online, you know, good old Google typed in his name, 365 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,880 date of birth, when he died, Alberta. 366 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,920 And yeah, it, it popped up his obituary. 367 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:27,000 And I read his obituary and right away when it described his 368 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:33,040 career, that he had this career on this specific drilling rig 369 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:40,440 for 42 years in the oil field. And it was the same rig company 370 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,160 that my mom had worked for before I was born. 371 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:48,040 And she was an assistant cook on that rig. 372 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:51,920 And so I thought, OK, this is this is fitting. 373 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,960 The ages were right. The workplace. 374 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,880 Yeah, she had worked for that company. 375 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:01,720 And my heart just kept sinking and sinking. 376 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,200 I thought this can't be true, but it was. 377 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:08,760 From there, I don't think I told Dave right away. 378 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,760 I just hung onto it because I didn't really want to rain on 379 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,760 his parade, like I said, and I thought, I'm going to really 380 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,320 make sure this is true before I go any further. 381 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:22,480 We had a family reunion coming up that weekend, like in three 382 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,160 days. And everyone was saying are you 383 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,200 coming, Are you coming? And I this. 384 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:30,960 Is for your raised family, for my raised family, for your dad's 385 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,760 side. On my mom's side. 386 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:37,040 Mom's side, OK. Yeah, and I just couldn't go. 387 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,920 I just couldn't go. I made-up all kinds of excuses 388 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,760 and Dave said, well, I'm going to go in and visit all my new 389 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:46,000 family. And they had invited him to come 390 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,520 and meet more family. And again, I used that 391 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,320 opportunity and I said, well, honey, you go have a good time. 392 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:55,520 I'm just going to stay home and I'm going to figure out my own 393 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:59,120 situation here. At this point, Dave, are you 394 00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:01,600 wondering if something is going on with Denise? 395 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:08,480 Is she hiding it really well? No, she didn't hide it that well 396 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,160 at all. I kind of figured it out like, 397 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,040 and I figured out mine, like who who this is good. 398 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:19,000 And I was super happy. And actually I probably wasn't. 399 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,160 I wasn't as caring as I should have been because I thought, 400 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,240 hey, get over it. Like he's not your dad. 401 00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:29,200 It'll work out. Like we took a chainsaw to our 402 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:33,080 family trees and you know, we're still together. 403 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:35,800 But I didn't realize how wounded she was. 404 00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,560 Well, you're coming from a different perspective because 405 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,080 for you it was healing to find out that you had a different 406 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:42,800 father. Yeah. 407 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:46,760 Yeah, yeah. And for me, it was like I had my 408 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:48,680 heart ripped right out of my chest. 409 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:52,360 And so he went off to see his family. 410 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:57,280 I stayed home again. I basically cried that whole 411 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:58,720 day. I cried and cried and cried 412 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,480 probably, I don't know, 10 hours. 413 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:05,240 It was awful. I had truly come to realize that 414 00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:07,960 that was the case. And where do we go from here? 415 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:12,480 How do I even begin to find this, this family? 416 00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:18,280 Our daughter had sent a message to this, what we thought was 417 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,720 half sister. There was no response. 418 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,640 And so then I said to Dave, we got to send away for our own DNA 419 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,640 tests. Like we got to really make sure. 420 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,080 And so we did. We sent away for our own kit. 421 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,040 Sent it away. It came back. 422 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,080 Yeah. No, it was the same results. 423 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,760 And then I said, OK, now I'm going to start. 424 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:42,480 Apart from my oldest sister, I hadn't told anybody about it. 425 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:47,480 We had a couple of friends that we opened up to and our children 426 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:50,800 knew, but that was it. I told everybody about my story. 427 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:54,960 There wasn't a there wasn't a soul within hearing distance. 428 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:58,160 It didn't hear it. Yeah, he was shouting it from 429 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,120 the rooftops and I was down in the basement hiding. 430 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:03,760 Yeah. Well, such different 431 00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,760 circumstances. Yeah. 432 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:09,120 Yeah. So you kept it kind of quiet. 433 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:13,560 What happens next in terms of finding them? 434 00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,640 Do you try to connect with this family? 435 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,760 What's your kind of play there? Because it's not, this is not 436 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,600 news that you wanted. So do you want to know the 437 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:25,080 family once you uncover who they are? 438 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:31,560 Well, yes for sure, because I'm very curious type of personality 439 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:37,720 as well and just even knowing that I had a different dad, then 440 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:43,680 I actually went right back to basically my birth and I started 441 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:50,200 questioning, researching, looking at everything in my life 442 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,240 completely different. I started piercing things 443 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:58,000 together and yes, I I wanted to know this family, who were they 444 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,480 like, what was my dad like? How did where did I fit in? 445 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,720 Why do I have these certain traits that are different from 446 00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,800 my siblings? Now that I really look at it, 447 00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:09,560 there was definitely differences. 448 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:14,880 I started sending out messages over Ancestry, anybody in those 449 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:17,840 top matches, but I got nothing back. 450 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:22,640 I had no response for two months, like nothing. 451 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:29,920 And in the background is all Dave's happiness and, and his 452 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:34,960 joy and I'm trying so hard to be happy and joyful with him and 453 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,880 for him. And inside I'm just crumbling. 454 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:41,440 And I'm just, yeah, falling apart and felt broken. 455 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,560 I really did feel broken. And you can't go ask your 456 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,640 parents what happened because they've passed. 457 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:52,600 How do you or do you end up getting any sort of answers or 458 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:56,040 making contact with the family? Well, Dave came up with the 459 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,240 idea. He said go on there and look and 460 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:04,560 see who's been on recently. Like go to your second cousins, 461 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:08,760 3rd cousins, anybody, and just message one of them that's 462 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:13,040 actually on there. So I did, I ended up choosing, I 463 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:16,640 think she's a second cousin and she got back within a couple 464 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:20,920 days and she said, yes, I know the family. 465 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,320 It's actually my great uncle and they're really nice family. 466 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:29,000 I can definitely share your information with them if you 467 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,960 want me to. She got a hold of them, gave my 468 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:38,480 information and the very next day I had my new half brother 469 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,880 Darren. He reached out to me first. 470 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,280 And how did that go? It was a little bit difficult to 471 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:50,080 make that phone call, but it was very natural and very 472 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:56,200 comfortable and he had a real witty sense of humor and had me 473 00:30:56,200 --> 00:31:00,240 laughing right off the bat. He shared a bit about the 474 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,520 family. I asked for health history. 475 00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,120 I think that's probably what a lot of people do is because 476 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,640 that's sort of like an easy thing to do is just say, well, I 477 00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,160 just want to know health history. 478 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:14,360 And so we went there and that's when I found out that I said, by 479 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,160 the way, does anyone in the family suffer from kidney 480 00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,600 stones? He just started laughing 481 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,200 uncontrollably. And I said, well, I guess that 482 00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,280 means a yes. And he said we all have kidney 483 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:29,280 stones. He said, your dad did I do, your 484 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,400 sister Deborah, does Aunt Lorraine like he started listing 485 00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:36,680 all these family members and he said we all suffer from that. 486 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:41,520 And he said, now I know for sure you're my sister. 487 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:46,200 And so that and that's been something I've had to deal with 488 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:50,680 for many years. And never had a genetic history 489 00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:54,280 of that. And so now I do have a genetic 490 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:58,240 history and my doctor actually changed my treatments and 491 00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,640 medication. And so it's actually really been 492 00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:04,120 a benefit just to find out even that one piece of information. 493 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:10,200 But her brother, when he's talking to her, he said. 494 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,280 Do you have a brother named Roy? Yeah, that's right. 495 00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,120 He did come up with that question. 496 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,800 And I thought, because to me, these people are absolutely. 497 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,520 I had never heard this name. I never knew about these people. 498 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:26,640 Who are these people? I said, yes, I have a brother 499 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,320 named Roy. How do you know that? 500 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:36,600 He said our families were friends and he said we remember 501 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:41,600 going to your family farm as kids and your mom even babysat 502 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,520 us. I was shocked. 503 00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:48,080 I was completely shocked. Some of my three oldest raised 504 00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:54,240 siblings have memories with my three oldest new siblings that 505 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,760 they played together. They yeah, they had memories 506 00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,480 together. And he said, yeah, we've been to 507 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:05,160 your parents farm when we were young and our parents were 508 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:06,760 friends. They played cards together. 509 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:07,680 Yeah, all this. So. 510 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,520 So I had no knowledge of this family. 511 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:15,840 OK, so this gives you even more context to how your mother and 512 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:19,960 your biological father met and maybe what happened there. 513 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:23,600 Probably no concrete information, but yeah, pretty 514 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,600 good idea. Yes, for sure. 515 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,840 When times were tough on the farm, my mom only had this brief 516 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:33,880 period of time where she would go in the winter months and she 517 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:37,080 would work with my dad's niece, but she'd go work on the rig 518 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:40,120 just for a week at a time, 2 weeks at a time. 519 00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:43,320 The older kids were old enough the neighbor lady helped out get 520 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:46,400 him off to school and things, and mom would have to go and 521 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,520 work. Interesting enough, we figured 522 00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:55,480 out that six months after I was born, my biological dad packed 523 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,040 up his family. They all moved to southern 524 00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:02,520 Alberta and never to return to northern Alberta. 525 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,960 And so that's why I had no knowledge of this family at all. 526 00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:12,480 And so I believe with all my heart, my, my raised dad didn't 527 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:16,280 know at all. He never had a clue he was there 528 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,280 for my birth, you know, Mom said. 529 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:23,679 We bonded, I was his favorite, but Dave said that's because I 530 00:34:23,679 --> 00:34:27,239 didn't have the personalities of my three older siblings that 531 00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:33,159 were a lot like him. My new siblings also said we 532 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:38,880 truly believe that our mom didn't know either because we 533 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:45,120 found pictures of your mom still in the family photo albums and 534 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,639 if she would have known, those pictures would have been long 535 00:34:48,639 --> 00:34:50,679 gone. Big secret. 536 00:34:51,199 --> 00:34:53,960 Yeah. Where are things kind of today 537 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:58,680 for you and your siblings? So our DNA surprise was in 538 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:04,240 August of 2023 and basically the entire month of September when I 539 00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:07,360 was wondering what was going on and nobody was getting back to 540 00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:10,200 me and Dave was finding all of his family. 541 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:14,640 And but the month of October was the month that I started having 542 00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,360 contact with everyone and they started reaching out to me. 543 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:22,120 So first my brother and then my half sister, that was the one 544 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:26,880 that showed up on Ancestry, then a baby sister, actually one 545 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:30,480 younger than I am so I'm not really the baby anymore. 546 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:36,320 She reached out for about 3 weeks but then she shut down and 547 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:40,080 said she just had a lot going on in her life and she just didn't 548 00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:44,880 couldn't handle it right now. So that was, yeah, I guess in 549 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:49,400 November of last year, and we've had no contact since. 550 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:55,680 But then the last one to reach out was my oldest sister, Wendy. 551 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,400 They all reached out to me in October. 552 00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,440 I'd heard from them all. I was so happy with that. 553 00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:04,560 And they started filling me in on stories and pictures and, you 554 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:08,120 know, eventually it all came, but very, very slowly. 555 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,760 I have to say it trickled in very slowly. 556 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:16,000 Dave had like a fire hose of information and mine was like 557 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,640 this little trickle. But I, I was happy with that. 558 00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:23,080 I would take whatever I got and I tried not to overwhelm them 559 00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:29,120 because I had to realize that the circumstance was that both 560 00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:33,280 of our parents had been unfaithful to their mates and my 561 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:37,960 biological dad and his wife. They stayed married 59 years. 562 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:43,440 They stayed married. So as much as I had to process 563 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,720 this whole thing, my new siblings had to process that 564 00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:48,240 too. That their dad had been 565 00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:51,920 unfaithful to their mom. And so it wasn't all warm and 566 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:55,400 fuzzy like Dave's. During all this time, how are 567 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,480 you? I mean, Dave, you kind of said 568 00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:01,160 you, you weren't that supportive to Denise at any point. 569 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:05,080 Did the gravity of what happened to her really set in? 570 00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:08,480 And then how did you 2 support each other through this? 571 00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:13,880 Yeah, it it did, because I could see how shattered she was, 572 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:17,680 right? And so I actually really tried 573 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:24,520 to hide how much I was being contacted from my family because 574 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,640 every time I would say, oh, I heard from this cousin or that 575 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,960 cousin or my sister, and I heard from my sister a lot, she was a 576 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,680 little jealous and really devastated. 577 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,320 And so I wouldn't even tell her anymore. 578 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:39,600 Like it was just, oh, I, I heard from this aunt or that aunt and 579 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,840 everything else. And then as Denise started to 580 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:46,600 get little trickles of information, I tried to focus on 581 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:49,920 that rather than what was going on in my life, because my life 582 00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:53,240 was one big happy celebration. It it truly was. 583 00:37:53,720 --> 00:37:55,920 And it was full of these wonderful things. 584 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:59,200 And Denise's it was just small things. 585 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:01,600 So we had to learn to rejoice with the small things. 586 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:06,760 And I had to learn to rejoice with her on on, on those things. 587 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:11,000 And there was some pretty special ones, like the time that 588 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:16,880 a picture of her dad, somebody shared a picture with her and we 589 00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:18,920 had it. And a friend of mine was there. 590 00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:21,280 And he says, boy, he says, do you ever look like your dad? 591 00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:26,240 And Denise just started bawling because it's the first time that 592 00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:29,160 anybody had ever said that to her, that she looked like your 593 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,440 dad. That's true, yeah. 594 00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:36,720 I hadn't even realized till that moment that nobody has ever said 595 00:38:36,720 --> 00:38:40,160 that to me in all my years. Nobody has ever compared me to 596 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:42,720 my dad. And it, it was a complete 597 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:46,600 revelation to me. And yeah, I, I cried and cried 598 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:50,120 and I do look like my biological father. 599 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,680 Yeah. And didn't realize I didn't look 600 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:57,240 like my dad really. That kind of leads me to Dave. 601 00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:03,520 You grew up in a very difficult upbringing and you had this 602 00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,240 painful experience with your parents. 603 00:39:06,240 --> 00:39:11,400 How did you assess the idea that they knew? 604 00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:15,160 And then there's this wonderful family out there that was 605 00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,960 waiting for you. Like, did they know about this 606 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:20,720 family, you know? No, not at all. 607 00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:26,040 OK, My aunt that told Denise that story. 608 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:30,640 My stepdad told Denise that mom was going to tell me the truth 609 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:35,080 when I was 18 and she never did. When I heard that, I was 610 00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:39,920 initially very angry with my mom because for me the most 611 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,920 important people in my life is grandparents. 612 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:46,360 They were the only people that were kind of nice to me. 613 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,720 But my grandma, even though she had to have known I wasn't her 614 00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:54,040 grandson, she was extremely kind and I love her. 615 00:39:54,880 --> 00:40:02,280 But it really made me mad that once I found out that if I had 616 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:07,120 known the truth 35 years ago. Both my grandparents were still 617 00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:12,080 alive, my dad was still alive, and I could have grown up a 618 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:16,040 little bit with some of my cousins and it would have been a 619 00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:22,000 great upbringing. So I was very, very upset that I 620 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:25,240 missed out on those things because somebody just wanted to 621 00:40:25,240 --> 00:40:29,120 keep the facade. And like I say with Denise and 622 00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,200 I, what we come up with this thing is that we grew up in 623 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,560 Facadeville. My mom wanted me to break up 624 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,320 with Denise because she was too good for me. 625 00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,840 She was from the good side of the tracks. 626 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,440 And Denise's mom says, you know, he comes from a broken family. 627 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:45,480 I was from the other side of the tracks. 628 00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:50,200 And it's like our grandson had the cow with the Lantern that 629 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,920 kicked it over and it burned Facadeville down. 630 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:57,880 And the whole thing was a lie about what we had known. 631 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:02,320 And then when the truth came out, that was a moment of 632 00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:04,240 revelation and great freedom for me. 633 00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:09,280 Yeah, I missed out on a lot, but I've gained a tremendous amount. 634 00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:12,920 I'm still disappointed because as I hear stories about my 635 00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:14,800 grandfather, they say I'm a lot like him. 636 00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:18,040 And that's too bad that I missed that. 637 00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:22,280 Yeah, that's a really healthy perspective though, right? 638 00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:26,840 Because you could sit in that anger and the what ifs and that 639 00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,560 piece for a really long time. And for it to only be a little 640 00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,360 bit over a year since this happened and you kind of already 641 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:37,240 reached this place of gratitude for what you do have is really 642 00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:39,600 wonderful. It's because of what I do have. 643 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:44,600 The family's tremendously accepting and loving. 644 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:49,320 Denise, what about you? Do you have any of those what 645 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:56,240 ifs or any anger with your mom? You believe that your mom knew? 646 00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,520 You don't believe that your dad knew? 647 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,680 Where have you kind of landed with that and the what if I'd 648 00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,360 known earlier? I do think about that. 649 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,640 I'm glad I was raised how I was raised. 650 00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:13,800 And I think it actually benefited me to not know in some 651 00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:15,720 ways. I kind of was in that little 652 00:42:15,720 --> 00:42:19,200 bubble and I had, you know, this good childhood and I wasn't the 653 00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:20,760 wiser. You know, I didn't know. 654 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:27,120 I think my mother actually was trying to tell me at some point 655 00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:31,200 when she was dying, she had cancer and I was taking care of 656 00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:33,960 her. At some point she said to me, 657 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:37,240 after I die, someone might show up. 658 00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,440 I was thinking, who would, what is she talking about? 659 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:44,880 Who would show up? She would just have these heavy 660 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:46,920 sighs. And it's like she wanted to tell 661 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:50,520 me something. But I was thinking she was 662 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:53,560 always blaming dad, that he's probably got some illegitimate 663 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,960 kids out there. And I was thinking that maybe 664 00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,920 she's worried about somebody coming in at the last minute and 665 00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,560 getting in on the family will or something. 666 00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,840 I said, Mom, you don't have to worry about any of that. 667 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,600 Whatever happens after you're gone, we'll deal with it then. 668 00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:13,560 And then when she was dying, she kept saying I'm sorry in some of 669 00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:17,080 her last breaths to me. I was there till her last 670 00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:19,920 breath. And she kept saying I'm sorry, 671 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:21,400 I'm sorry. And I said, what are you? 672 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:24,440 What are you sorry for? You have nothing to be sorry for 673 00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:28,880 mom. And she finally, I kept saying, 674 00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:32,320 what are you sorry for? And she finally came out and 675 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:36,280 said I'm sorry that you have to be the one to take care of dad. 676 00:43:36,680 --> 00:43:41,240 And my dad had dementia and so we had gone to the lawyers, 677 00:43:41,240 --> 00:43:43,920 signed everything over, you know, so that I could take care 678 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:48,320 of dad. And I said, but mom, I, I agreed 679 00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:49,920 to that. I signed up for that. 680 00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:52,880 I told you I'd take care of dad. Like of course I would take care 681 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:56,200 of dad. But I'm sure she was thinking, 682 00:43:56,680 --> 00:44:00,240 you know, out of the four kids, I stuck with you with that 683 00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:03,400 responsibility, which was a 10 year responsibility. 684 00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:09,080 I took care of him. He's not even your dad, So I'm 685 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:12,440 sure she had a lot on her mind, but she never did truly come out 686 00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,040 with the truth. Yeah, Yeah. 687 00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:17,240 But I think she was trying. She was trying. 688 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:22,520 Thank you for sharing that. I wanted to ask you. 689 00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:26,680 I'll start with you, Dave. Your experience was so positive 690 00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:32,320 and so wonderful and so reaffirming that if it had only 691 00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:36,360 happened to you, you might think that like, these DNA surprises 692 00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:39,120 are just wonderful, right? Oh, yeah. 693 00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:43,480 Did seeing Denise go through what she went through change 694 00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:47,320 your perspective and how? Yeah, it did change my 695 00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:51,400 perspective. But in in the fact that you know 696 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,480 what, Denise's is still positive. 697 00:44:54,240 --> 00:44:59,080 It took a little longer, but it's still positive because the 698 00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:02,920 truth is a positive thing. You can't argue against the 699 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,240 truth. It's a definite point. 700 00:45:05,720 --> 00:45:10,120 Yes, it was difficult and we've talked with friends who've had 701 00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:15,200 difficult circumstances like it as well, but it's still the 702 00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:18,360 truth and you can at least work from it. 703 00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:20,760 An interesting little experience. 704 00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:26,200 I was looking for a ring for our 40th anniversary for Denise and 705 00:45:26,240 --> 00:45:29,600 I've built a Nook Shooks forever, even before we were 706 00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:31,560 married. And I ended up finding this a 707 00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:35,760 Nook Shook ring in a jewelry shop just out in between here 708 00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:43,880 and Edmonton and I, I seen it. It was Denise's ring size and so 709 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:47,560 I bought it. Denise got another one made for 710 00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:48,640 me. I didn't know it. 711 00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:53,080 And then last year for our anniversary, she gave it to me. 712 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:57,000 And so there we had these new rings and we were supposed to go 713 00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:02,160 out for supper in Jasper and it was a terrible storm and we 714 00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:05,120 ended up staying home that night and just had leftovers. 715 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:10,040 And as we are doing the dishes we said hey, let's re exchange 716 00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,240 our vows for the people who we know we are. 717 00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:20,080 And so I picked my grandfather's name as my middle name with my 718 00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:25,400 new surname and Denise picked her grandmother's name with what 719 00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:28,520 would have been her maiden name. And that was it. 720 00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:33,000 We exchanged the vows and there was nobody who was a liar. 721 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:36,280 There we finally had the truth. Yeah. 722 00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:39,520 And and that's really how we felt. 723 00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:42,120 It was very just impulsive to do that. 724 00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:46,920 And yet we're like, we now really know who we are. 725 00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:49,960 Like we didn't realize before we didn't know who we were. 726 00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:53,160 But now we know. We know the truth. 727 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:56,480 We know who we are. And we should exchange our vows 728 00:46:56,480 --> 00:47:02,040 again, just the two of us, and use our real names, our real 729 00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,160 names that we should have been. And that's what we did. 730 00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:08,800 And we put the rings on each other's finger and we, we cried 731 00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:13,200 and we danced in the kitchen and we, we had that little moment 732 00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:15,520 and, and we just felt like, you know what? 733 00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:17,640 This is a new beginning for both of us. 734 00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:21,760 And and we could tell our kids now who they really are and our 735 00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:25,040 grandchildren, we want them to know who they really are and who 736 00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:26,240 they belong to. Yeah. 737 00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,920 Oh, that's so beautiful. That brought tears to my eyes. 738 00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:33,520 Denise, I I want to ask you the same question. 739 00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:39,360 You had a very difficult initial experience when you had your DNA 740 00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:43,360 surprise. Did seeing Dave have such a 741 00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:47,320 positive experience maybe change your perspective on on what it 742 00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:49,640 could be. Most people go through this 743 00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:54,120 alone and so they don't have like a fresh perspective on on 744 00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:56,880 the flip side of whatever their experience might be. 745 00:47:57,040 --> 00:48:01,560 Yeah, very, very true. I, I looked to him and I 746 00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:05,680 actually, that's what helped me to pursue it because I was, I 747 00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:09,720 saw his joy and his happiness and I thought, I'm sure it's 748 00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:12,080 there for me too. I just have to find it. 749 00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:14,360 And I, I might have to work a little harder and be a little 750 00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:19,280 more patient and all of that. But as it turns out, yeah, like 751 00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,480 Dave said, it, it has been positive. 752 00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:27,240 I've had some really nice visits with my family, my new family. 753 00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:30,840 There's a lot more yet to meet. Like I said, it's still a 754 00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:35,680 trickle, but it's it's OK because I think for me it was 755 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:39,440 slow, was better. I think if both Dave and I at 756 00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:43,680 the same time had both really intense things happening, it 757 00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:47,240 would have been more difficult in some ways. 758 00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:52,720 So the fact that his was really fast and furious and happy and 759 00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:55,840 mine wasn't right off the bat. But it's it's kind of balanced 760 00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:59,040 out now. And I think as a married couple, 761 00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:02,520 we've been married 42 years next week. 762 00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:06,840 You go through ups and downs and good times and bad times and 763 00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:11,360 difficult times, but nothing could have ever prepared us for, 764 00:49:11,720 --> 00:49:17,080 I call it like a an earthquake with aftershocks and then a 765 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:21,840 tsunami of emotions after that. And he'd be up and I'd be down 766 00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:24,800 and I'd be up and he'd be down and we'd be there to help each 767 00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:28,640 other. And it gave me a lot of empathy 768 00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:32,560 for him growing up because I always had this stable family 769 00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:34,960 and he didn't. And so I was always kind of 770 00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:38,360 helping him with the different emotions of that. 771 00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:43,320 And I, I couldn't really understand his yearning for 772 00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:47,240 always, you know, who's my dad. And I didn't fully understand 773 00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:49,640 that for him. He didn't really fully 774 00:49:49,640 --> 00:49:55,080 understand a stable family and how I always wanted to do things 775 00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:58,000 with my family. For him, he just wanted to turn 776 00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:01,320 18 and get out of there and not have anything to do with family 777 00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:04,320 anymore and I really needed my family. 778 00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:07,800 Now. He understands what having a 779 00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:12,720 loving family means and the strong emotions that's there 780 00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:16,200 when you're really connected genetically to a family and and 781 00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:18,880 they love you back unconditionally. 782 00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:23,800 And I've always had that. And so it's like we flipped. 783 00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:27,240 That's true. You know, completely role a role 784 00:50:27,240 --> 00:50:29,840 reversal. It's made us a lot more 785 00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:33,880 understanding with each other and I think we've really grown 786 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:37,760 as a couple. Thank you, that was beautiful. 787 00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:42,720 What advice do you have for a parent who's keeping adna 788 00:50:42,720 --> 00:50:47,800 surprise from their child? If the kids suspect something 789 00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:52,160 and they come to you and ask you about it, tell them the truth 790 00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:57,120 because they know what's up. Eventually the truth's going to 791 00:50:57,120 --> 00:51:02,040 come out and it might not be the most comfortable thing, but 792 00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:06,120 afterwards the long term benefits are really good. 793 00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:10,360 I can honestly say my mom and I's relationship is probably the 794 00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:16,600 best it's been in my adult life. I I can go to where there's 795 00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:19,960 nothing to hide anymore. I got to be careful about what I 796 00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:23,280 say. But she's not as guarded as she 797 00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:25,000 used to be. So you know what? 798 00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:30,480 It's, it's worth it. And she feels, she feels a lot 799 00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:32,680 better about it now that it's out. 800 00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:38,040 Well, I think they definitely keep quiet for a reason. 801 00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:43,600 In their mind, they might be protecting their reputation. 802 00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:47,640 They might think they're protecting the child or the 803 00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:53,400 family, but when the time is appropriate, they definitely 804 00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:55,400 should tell. They definitely should reveal. 805 00:51:55,400 --> 00:52:02,000 Because how I felt is, yes, the truth hurts, but the truth 806 00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:07,280 doesn't hurt as much as silence and lies do. 807 00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,480 And even though my mom didn't outright lie to me, withholding 808 00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:17,360 truth is still lying, is still withholding important 809 00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:20,720 information. And so the truth is always the 810 00:52:20,720 --> 00:52:23,000 best way to go. It's the only policy. 811 00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:28,120 What advice do you have for someone who just uncovered Adna 812 00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:33,880 Surprise? Listen to Alexa's podcasts DNA 813 00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:36,640 Surprises. They they help you a lot to to 814 00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:41,600 sort out different things. You'll hear little bits from 815 00:52:41,600 --> 00:52:44,800 everybody that all of a sudden you can relate to them. 816 00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:49,600 And it's very therapeutic. Like Denise and I had each 817 00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:52,960 other, right? And I, I couldn't imagine what 818 00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:54,720 it would be like dealing with this alone. 819 00:52:55,240 --> 00:53:00,960 I can see how it would be difficult being a partner to 820 00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:04,240 someone who's going through these emotions up and down. 821 00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:08,600 Don't do it alone. Find some good confidants that 822 00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:11,400 can help you. And you got to be able to laugh 823 00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:14,040 about stuff. And that's one thing that's kind 824 00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:17,440 of helped Denise and I, my new family name. 825 00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:22,160 It's very funny. People can make rhymes that go 826 00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:26,880 with it and they laugh a lot because you can say. 827 00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,680 What it is? Oh, OK, the the family name is 828 00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:33,800 Dick. And so when everybody says like, 829 00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:38,000 OK, Denise married Dave, but he really turned out to be a real 830 00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:40,040 Dick. And everybody laughs about it 831 00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:45,960 because when it's really tough for Denise with some of her 832 00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:51,040 stories, it breaks the ice. My grandson wants me to change 833 00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:55,000 my last name because he figures it would look great on his 834 00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:58,040 hockey jersey. He said I'll change my name, 835 00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:02,880 grandpa, if you change yours. And my cousins say, like, man, 836 00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:05,000 if you put it on a hockey jersey, you're a target. 837 00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,160 They laugh about it. They accept it a lot. 838 00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:10,600 But it's it's just the reality of it. 839 00:54:10,600 --> 00:54:13,320 It's very fun when you find out the new things. 840 00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:14,920 You have to have a sense of humor. 841 00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:18,280 There's not much else. Yeah, Yeah. 842 00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:22,480 That's really good advice. Denise, what advice do you have 843 00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:25,120 for someone who just uncovered ADNA Surprise? 844 00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:29,000 I think everybody says the same thing, you know, breathe. 845 00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:33,800 That's a big one. But I think once you receive 846 00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:38,080 that information, it's good to remember that you can get so 847 00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:41,880 completely wrapped up in your own situation. 848 00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:46,920 And at that time, just as you yearn for and you long for 849 00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,920 empathy and patience and understanding, you have to 850 00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:54,320 realize that there's other people too in your life that 851 00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:57,640 deserve the same. Although it's your story, we all 852 00:54:57,640 --> 00:55:01,520 have a story, it takes a lot of other people. 853 00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:04,680 There are many people involved to make that story. 854 00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:08,760 And as much as it's having an impact on you, it's also having 855 00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:14,200 an impact on others around you. So just realizing that and you 856 00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:16,880 can't control how they react, but you can control how you 857 00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:22,720 react and you just, you do your best and hope for a positive 858 00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:26,240 outcome. Try and guide things in such a 859 00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:29,840 way that you don't come across as an investigator and a 860 00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:34,040 detective and a but you have to show them kindness and empathy 861 00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,280 too 'cause it's a surprise for them too. 862 00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:38,120 All the people around you. Yeah. 863 00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:42,280 One thing I would say also is that some people well meaning 864 00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:46,720 will say oh you're still the same person and you have to 865 00:55:46,720 --> 00:55:49,960 accept no I'm not. I'm not the same person anymore. 866 00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:54,240 I may look the same and I may be married to the same girl or a 867 00:55:54,240 --> 00:55:57,560 guy or whatever. You're not the same person 868 00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:59,720 anymore. And that's OK not to be the same 869 00:55:59,720 --> 00:56:03,800 person. And you have to redo your 870 00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:08,520 identification. And it's, it's a process and it 871 00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:12,440 can be very happy or it can be very sad, but you still have 872 00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:14,680 redo it. You've got to fit everything 873 00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:19,080 together, see where you fit in, and then accept it, because 874 00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:24,560 that's the truth. Well said, Denise, Dave, thank 875 00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:28,720 you so much for coming on the podcast and sharing your story. 876 00:56:28,720 --> 00:56:32,120 I have definitely never heard one like it. 877 00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:39,040 I'm so happy that you've both found positivity and hope and 878 00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:42,240 that you've had each other throughout this experience. 879 00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:46,040 I wish you the best. Thanks again to Dave and Denise 880 00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:50,280 for sharing their story. Thank you to all of my Season 10 881 00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:53,880 guests and thank you for being here and listening to the 882 00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:57,480 podcast. We'll be back in May for Season 883 00:56:57,480 --> 00:57:00,160 11. In the meantime, if you have 884 00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:03,640 adna surprise that you'd like to share, submit your story at 885 00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:07,480 dnasurprises.com. And remember, you can join me 886 00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:11,320 over on Patreon for early ad free access to episodes. 887 00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:16,480 Thanks again for being here Until next Code of DNA Surprises 888 00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:21,400 was hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Ourselt. 889 00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:26,240 It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording 890 00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:27,000 Studios.