1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,600 That first hour I was like, oh, this is not right. 2 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:06,120 And then I started panicking and then I started thinking, Oh my 3 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:10,960 gosh, what has my like, what have I gotten myself into? 4 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,040 What is going on? I stirred until probably just 5 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:17,280 after 5:00 in the morning. And I knew that my mom was 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:19,160 getting up to get ready for work at that time. 7 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,280 And so I called her and she answered the phone just very 8 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,000 like, hey, good morning, what's going on? 9 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,560 And I said, mom, I said, I'm, I'm on ancestry. 10 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:36,080 And these results came back and they're not connecting me and 11 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:40,640 him together. And I don't, I don't know what 12 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:44,360 to think about this. And she immediately got 13 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,760 defensive and was like, well, I don't know what you're talking 14 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,320 about. There's no way. 15 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:52,280 I said, mom, I just need you to be honest with me. 16 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:56,120 There are last names on here that I'm seeing that I have no 17 00:00:56,120 --> 00:01:00,000 idea who these people are. They're not in his DNA profile. 18 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,200 I need you to tell me the truth. There is no way around this. 19 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,040 This is possibly anyone else. And she was pretty persistent 20 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:12,240 until she kind of started losing it a little bit herself and just 21 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,280 said, oh, my God, I can't believe this is happening. 22 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,800 I can't believe this is happening. 23 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:21,040 Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that explores the life 24 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,280 altering world of unexpected DNA discoveries. 25 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:29,880 I'm your host, Alexis Ourselt. This show centers the stories of 26 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:34,400 people who've experienced NP, ES or non paternal events. 27 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:38,520 In other words, people who've learned that their biological 28 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,880 father isn't who they thought he was. 29 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:46,440 We'll also hear from adoptees, donor conceived people, and the 30 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,240 families navigating these discoveries. 31 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,520 Get ready to follow the incredible journeys that begin 32 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:59,240 with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises. 33 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:05,080 Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice. 34 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,759 That expression doesn't exactly translate to the DNA surprise 35 00:02:09,759 --> 00:02:14,200 community. As I often say, we believe what 36 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:19,400 our parents tell us, and many times our surprises are shocking 37 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,280 even to the people who raised us. 38 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:26,080 In this week's episode, Amber shares the winding Rd. she 39 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,160 walked before discovering the truth about her paternity. 40 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:33,320 She reveals the steps she took more than once to connect with 41 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:37,760 biological family and how it ultimately LED her to amazing 42 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:41,080 relationships. Amber's story is 1 of 43 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,880 compassion, persistence, and optimism. 44 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,720 Thank you for sharing your story, Amber. 45 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:55,240 My name is Amber, I'm 42 and I am in South Central Wisconsin. 46 00:02:56,480 --> 00:03:00,720 My story starts well, I think kind of a, a long time ago, 47 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:04,520 'cause I am a person that always felt a little just kind of 48 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:08,440 displaced and like I didn't quite fit in life, but just a 49 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:12,200 little kind of background. So I grew up in a family where 50 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:17,440 there was three sisters. I was the oldest, my mom and my, 51 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:22,120 I guess my, who I thought was my birth father were together until 52 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,680 I was 13 years old and then they divorced. 53 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:30,360 My childhood was there was a lot of moving. 54 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,360 There was a lot of I don't know, I don't I kind of want to call 55 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:40,560 it chaos or just, you know, life was interesting and my father 56 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:45,720 was an over the road truck driver, so he was gone a lot and 57 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:49,560 my parents actually ended up divorcing when I was 13. 58 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,840 That's just a little background on kind of where it came from. 59 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:56,240 But ultimately Sunday, February 25th, I remember it pretty 60 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,920 vividly. My husband and I have two girls, 61 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,240 and it was an early on a Sunday morning. 62 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:05,160 And our youngest daughter actually had had some friends 63 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,280 over that night. And so we were kind of getting 64 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,200 up early in the morning to make some pancakes. 65 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,200 And my phone rang and it was my mom. 66 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:15,480 And that was kind of just a really rare thing for her to 67 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:16,720 call me that early in the morning. 68 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,240 And so right away I was like, OK, what is this about? 69 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:25,800 And really, without much hesitation, she started saying, 70 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,840 I need you to come over. We need to talk about something. 71 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,120 And I said, mom, I can't just do that. 72 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,400 And I have a house full of kids. And this is really unexpected. 73 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,200 But what's going on? You have to tell me now because 74 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,480 now you have me really curious and wondering. 75 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:45,240 And she said, well, let me just say that this is a secret 40 76 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,160 years in the making. And right there it was like I 77 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:50,600 felt something in my gut that was like, here we go. 78 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,680 So I said, OK, well, what is that? 79 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,040 You know, I'm 40 years old. And she said, I'm just going to 80 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,360 call him Jay. Is is not your real dad. 81 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:05,760 And at that point, like, even I though I had always had some 82 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,200 sort of just like questions. And I had always thought, like, 83 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,800 sometime in my life, somewhere, I'm going to get to the bottom 84 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:16,720 of why this disconnect and you know, why I've been so different 85 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,400 from my sister's all of these years. 86 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:22,400 But it was like just like hitting a nail, just like right 87 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,680 on the head in my, it was like, oh, a gut punch. 88 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,120 But it was like, finally, you know. 89 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,560 Did you have a positive relationship with your birth 90 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:37,080 certificate, father or? No, no, I mean, unfortunately I 91 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:40,600 just didn't. We just could never really find 92 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,880 common ground. I don't want to say I have all 93 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:47,080 bad memories because when I was younger, I really have some very 94 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:50,960 good, fond memories. But, you know, I was the oldest 95 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:55,640 and I knew he was always harder on me than what seemed to be to 96 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,960 my sisters. And I'd had different people. 97 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:00,360 I'd heard different people say things like that over the years. 98 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,480 So I always thought, well, you know, it's probably because I'm 99 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,720 the oldest. But then there was a lot of 100 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,480 things that just happened along the way. 101 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,840 The older I got, the more questions started coming from 102 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:12,960 like, close friends, you know, gosh, she looks so different 103 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,720 than your sister's. So yeah, roundabout way of 104 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:19,040 saying no, we didn't. We didn't have like some sort of 105 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,200 very fairy tale father daughter relationship. 106 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,600 That was never really us. Your mom sharing this with you, 107 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,560 was it a relief at all? Or was it just kind of like, oh, 108 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,920 that makes sense. Plus, the kind of devastation of 109 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:37,800 just a secret being revealed. It definitely was both of those 110 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,720 things. It was like, OK, here we go. 111 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,520 This makes sense. And I remember just like, 112 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:47,040 standing up and my husband was right next to me, and I just 113 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,080 said, OK. And at that time, I was mad. 114 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,520 I was irritated. I said finally, I said, why now? 115 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,320 I'm 40 years old. What took you so long? 116 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:59,320 And I just had a lot of questions at that time. 117 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,680 And, you know, it was a weird feeling because something just 118 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:06,800 like inside of me felt really sad, like almost like a 119 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,200 validation of like, This is why he was different to you. 120 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,960 And you weren't wrong. She was very forthcoming very 121 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,880 quickly with information. And I was not ready to hear it 122 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,960 at that point because she gave me a name right away. 123 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,280 And she was kind of like, you know, he wants to meet you and 124 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:25,040 he has children. He has grown children. 125 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,600 And I was just like, that's enough, you know, I can't take 126 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,400 this right now. And I basically said, I am going 127 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,920 to go and I will have to let you know when I'm ready to hear 128 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:37,880 more. And at that point I'm just so 129 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,640 frazzled. And I just asked my husband. 130 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,680 I said, can you take all the kids and go do something? 131 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:47,600 So he did. Did your mom say why she took 40 132 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,360 years to tell you about this man? 133 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:55,160 Like what was the reason? Yeah, her reasoning. 134 00:07:55,320 --> 00:08:00,520 And to be very honest, I like, I was like, OK, I get that was, 135 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,520 you know, we were young, Amber. I was 18. 136 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:09,920 I was so in love with him. He was the better choice. 137 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,680 He was stable. We had been dating for months 138 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,080 and then they had broke up, but they had reconciled. 139 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,120 And then she found out that she was pregnant and, you know, he 140 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,120 was excited and he was ready to take care of her and grow up 141 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:28,480 with her and marry her. And it was just like, you know, 142 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:32,120 I just decided at that point that I was, this is what it was. 143 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:36,799 And, you know, I, I didn't look back much on it from there. 144 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,720 I sat on the couch what seemed like for forever. 145 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,159 And it really was a couple of hours just taking these few 146 00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:48,000 names that she'd given me and of course, jumping on social media 147 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:53,200 and looking at Facebook and trying to see if I could make 148 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,640 sense of anything. I ended up calling my mom back 149 00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,000 and she gave me the name of one of the, the daughters. 150 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,040 And I was like, gosh, you know, what am I going to do with this 151 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,440 information? And I really thought at that 152 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:11,040 time, like nothing, but very quickly that changed because I'm 153 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:14,520 a curious, emotional, just got to know what the truth is 154 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,880 person. And so, you know, pretty quickly 155 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,960 I found this man's daughter and looked her up on Facebook. 156 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:26,560 And within that same day, I had just sent her a message because 157 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,160 my mom had told me like they know they've known for a couple 158 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:32,360 of months they've been waiting for me to tell you. 159 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,520 So whenever you're ready, I'm supposed to tell you that you 160 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:37,560 can reach out. So I did. 161 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:42,200 I reached out to his oldest daughter, who is actually just 162 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,000 like maybe 2 years younger than me, maybe not even. 163 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,600 And I could tell she by her response was kind of waiting to 164 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:52,280 hear from me. She was so sweet, so kind, so 165 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:58,320 patient, so gentle, so all of the things that I needed at that 166 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:03,040 .0 just knowing that she lived less than an hour from me and 167 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,000 kind of just from having the small talk, it quickly got to 168 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,520 like, let's meet, you know, let's get together. 169 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:14,400 So we did, we ended up meeting, I think that was like on a oh 170 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,960 gosh, that was I think a Sunday. So I think by the next Friday I 171 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,000 was picking up my best friend and she was going with me to 172 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:25,040 meet my new sister. So we met. 173 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,960 It was so funny because she shows up and like we're dressed 174 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:33,200 the same. We have like black sweaters on 175 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,240 with like, purses that could match and shoes. 176 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,480 And it was just like, wow, this is wild. 177 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:46,040 And we had a really good time. Of course, we were there for 178 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,800 hours just talking. The time passed like, like, 179 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,880 nothing. And then she had asked me like, 180 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,200 well, can I take a picture of us? 181 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,800 And can I send it to my dad? I was like, sure. 182 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,760 So she did. And then just kind of slowly 183 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:05,920 over the next week or two, a couple of weeks, I started just 184 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:09,960 kind of reaching out, ultimately ended up reaching out to him. 185 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:16,200 And then there were two other siblings that I met as well and 186 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:20,760 bonded with very quickly, very kind, very wonderful people. 187 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:25,880 And I felt just so fulfilled, and I was so excited. 188 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:31,240 But I look back now and I think that because my mom had just 189 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,320 told me so directly, like, this is the man that is your 190 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,520 biological father, that I didn't question anything else. 191 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,240 I was just like, OK, OK, here we are. 192 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:45,560 But myself and this man, you know, said, OK, let's make this 193 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:47,920 official. Let's do an ancestry test. 194 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:51,640 Or rather, he had already been on Ancestry and I hadn't been. 195 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:59,280 So I got an Ancestry test and I did the whole thing and sent the 196 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,920 sample in. And within that, what has five 197 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,560 to six weeks that it took to get that result back? 198 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,880 That time was just very much spent with like bonding with 199 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,680 these people who lived very close within 1/2 an hour to me 200 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:21,080 meeting his three kids and their families and basically just 201 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:28,200 waiting to get the official, you know, yes, our DNA matches and 202 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:32,200 really not having a whole lot of fears that it didn't. 203 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:37,560 Other than now that I look back, I can kind of be more cognizant 204 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,080 that there was something inside of me that was very worried. 205 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:47,440 But I think just because of, you know, my past with with Jay and 206 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:52,800 the fact that he had left our family so early when my parents 207 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,280 divorced when I was in my early teenage years and I had two 208 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,240 younger sisters. And when you're you're raised 209 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,440 like that, you just don't have a whole lot of trust. 210 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,160 There's just like some abandonment and trauma. 211 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,080 And maybe I didn't even know that it was there as much as it 212 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:13,600 was until this all happened. But yeah, so weeks went by and 213 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,880 we kind of just kept getting to know each other. 214 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:23,400 Had to have been deep into March of 2024, even into April, I had 215 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,720 been talking to this this gentleman. 216 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:29,480 We had been talking regularly. And I remember when I had gotten 217 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,760 the e-mail that said that my result was almost ready. 218 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,840 I had talked to him that night and was like, oh, I can't wait 219 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,320 for this. And we were like joking, like 220 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,760 maybe I'll show up on your doorstep tomorrow and say like, 221 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:45,640 it's a girl, you know. And so all the conversation was 222 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:49,400 pretty light and there was just a lot of like getting to know 223 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,280 each other and love being found at that time. 224 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:57,520 So you get your DNA test results and it's very light hearted. 225 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:01,320 You've bonded with this family, you feel. 226 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,840 It sounds like you you. Felt and accepted that they were 227 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,720 your biological relatives. Yeah. 228 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,600 Yeah. Absolutely. 229 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,040 And even people that you know, know me and love me were like, 230 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,240 gosh, this is crazy. You look like these people. 231 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:19,600 It makes so much sense. The last thing we just needed 232 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:24,920 was like, let's get this DNA test result and, you know, bury 233 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,840 all of the reservations or fears or any what ifs. 234 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,520 It's like I said, I had talked to him that night and said, oh, 235 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,880 you know, I think my results will come in tonight. 236 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,200 You know, maybe we can go to breakfast or do something in the 237 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:39,480 morning and then said goodnight. And of course, I didn't sleep a 238 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:43,680 wink because I was just waiting for that that Ding to come 239 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:47,040 through that my result was in. So I slept out on the couch with 240 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:52,800 my laptop in my lap. And I think it was like 3 AMI 241 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:57,360 heard my phone Ding and then I heard my laptop alert that I had 242 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,200 had an e-mail. So it's like, Oh my gosh, here 243 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,600 it is. And so I logged on to my 244 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,320 ancestry. It said that my results were 245 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,040 there. There's so much information that 246 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,600 you get put in front of you right away. 247 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,720 Of course, it's a little confusing and kind of 248 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,360 overwhelming. But the one thing that I knew 249 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:18,080 that I wanted to do was go to his profile and see what we 250 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,200 matched or what that looked like. 251 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:25,160 And so I did. And I thought, OK, like, what's 252 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,080 going on here? Because I definitely had some 253 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:29,880 DNA matches that were showing up. 254 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,480 And some of them were like cousins or people on my mom's 255 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:38,760 side of the family, but there was none of his family showing 256 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,200 up or himself. I didn't want to wake anyone in 257 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,720 my family up because I was very convinced that I was doing 258 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:50,200 something wrong that, that, that there's just no way that, you 259 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,560 know, it couldn't be connecting us. 260 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:59,400 And so I logged in, logged out, went back to his profile and his 261 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,840 youngest daughter's profile and those words. 262 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,000 And I can't exactly remember what they say, but it basically 263 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,840 says like, you do not share any DNA with this person. 264 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:14,400 And I was like, what? That first hour I was like, oh, 265 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,360 this is not right. And then I started panicking. 266 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:22,080 And then I started thinking, Oh my gosh, what has my like, what 267 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,960 have I gotten myself into? What is going on? 268 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:29,120 I stirred until probably just after 5:00 in the morning and I 269 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,320 knew that my mom was getting up to get ready for work at that 270 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,440 time. And so I called her and she 271 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:37,000 answered the phone just very like, hey, good morning, what's 272 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,240 going on? And I said, mom, I said, I'm, 273 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:44,560 I'm on ancestry. And these results came back and 274 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:50,280 they're not connecting me and him together. 275 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:54,440 And I don't, I don't know what to think about this. 276 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:58,360 And she immediately got defensive and was like, well, I 277 00:16:58,360 --> 00:16:59,760 don't know what you're talking about. 278 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:04,680 There's no way. And so I said, mom, I just need 279 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:09,040 you to be honest with me. There are last names on here 280 00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:11,839 that I'm seeing that I have no idea who these people are. 281 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:17,040 They're not in his DNA profile. I need you to tell me the truth. 282 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:20,800 There is no way around this. This is possibly anyone else. 283 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:26,240 And she was pretty persistent until she kind of started losing 284 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,680 it a little bit herself and just said, oh, my God, I can't 285 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,560 believe this is happening. I can't believe this is 286 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,520 happening. And was like, no, you have to 287 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,880 tell me. And so then she just kind of 288 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:40,040 came out and said, there's only one other person that could be 289 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:44,840 Amber, and this is his name. And I couldn't bring myself to 290 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,640 tell you to that possibility because he died 10 years ago. 291 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:55,640 And so I was like OK, so she told me the last name and I 292 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,440 looked at my ancestry and sure enough that name is all over the 293 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:02,800 place. And I all I said was OK, well. 294 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:11,080 That's it, I'm so sorry. Yeah, it was like, it was like 295 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,480 the worst feeling I've ever felt in my life. 296 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:18,360 I felt like so embarrassed. I felt just like so shameful. 297 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:23,680 I felt so lost all over again. And I was just like physically 298 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,280 shaking and physically ill. But I brought myself to Google 299 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,680 this guy's name and the first thing that popped up was his 300 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:35,560 obituary and his picture. And so I woke up my husband and 301 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,640 I said hey. And he was just like, what is 302 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:42,360 going on? And I showed him the picture 303 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,640 that I had found online. And he looked at me and he's 304 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:50,000 like, oh honey, that's your dad. And I was just like, Yep. 305 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:55,040 And I broke down like I've never been physically I'll from 306 00:18:55,040 --> 00:19:00,440 feeling so much emotion. But I was just beside myself. 307 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:05,640 And so that morning I just laid there and I cried and I thought, 308 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,760 I stared at this picture and I thought, how am I going to tell 309 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:14,440 these people this? Like how you know, and to say I 310 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:18,480 just felt like such a fool and I felt like I was carrying it all 311 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,080 on me. And my husband who has been so 312 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,760 good through all of this was like, this is not on you. 313 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,320 You stop, stop carrying that. Stop blaming yourself. 314 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,240 This is not you. This is not on you. 315 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:34,720 Did your mom check in on you afterwards or how did you leave 316 00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,760 things with her? She really didn't. 317 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:43,040 My youngest sister was probably the one that did the most 318 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:47,320 checking up on me, but I feel like my mom was kind of more 319 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,640 like she'll talk to me when she's ready. 320 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:54,840 And I did eventually. And of course, when you find 321 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,040 something out like that, like you want to know all the things, 322 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,480 right? Tell me everything. 323 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,200 How could this have happened? And you didn't say anything to 324 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,520 me that this would be a possibility. 325 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:09,320 I would have had a lot different approach to meeting this whole 326 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,560 other family if you would have told me that this could have 327 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:16,280 been in the cards and. She was just very insistent that 328 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:22,520 I really thought it was this guy and you know, your biological 329 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:26,560 dad and I, we were friends. We had mutual friends. 330 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,640 It was a one time thing. It was the 80s, you know, we 331 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,760 were drinking, we were doing who knows what. 332 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:38,160 I don't hardly remember it. It was kind of like we just 333 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:41,200 picked up and never really talked about it again. 334 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,280 And then that story changed a little bit when I would ask her 335 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,640 about it later, she couple weeks down the road. 336 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,560 Well, I, I did try to reach out and talk to him at one point and 337 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,800 anyway, all of these things. And then ultimately, she ended 338 00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:02,000 up saying to me, when I found that he passed away, I was so 339 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:08,200 devastated that I just had myself just convinced that that 340 00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,600 was not possible. But I mean, I look like these 341 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:12,800 people. I don't. 342 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,600 I really do. And I don't know how she got 343 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:21,400 herself convinced otherwise. But you know, my mom battles 344 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,280 very, very much with mental health issues. 345 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,680 And she is bipolar. And so I know a lot of her 346 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,960 decision making has been affected by that. 347 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,080 That's, that's a lot. And, and I can hear that you 348 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,760 still have a lot of compassion for her, right? 349 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,800 But you understand why she made the choices she made. 350 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:44,240 You might not understand the decision behind the choices, but 351 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,200 you understand maybe why she got to where she got. 352 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:54,840 What do you do about this family that you've grown to bond with 353 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,160 over the last month and a half, two months? 354 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:05,160 I brought myself to sending them all like a text message later in 355 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,560 the next morning and I don't even remember what that said at 356 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,400 this point because it's such a blur. 357 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,800 But I just thank them for their kindness. 358 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:18,400 And you know, I was I had said, you know, I'm sure by now you 359 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:22,480 guys have been able to find out the ancestry that unfortunately 360 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,840 things didn't turn out like we thought there and hoping that 361 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,640 they would. And they immediately were like, 362 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,320 it doesn't matter. We love you like you're a part 363 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:34,920 of this family now. And they were all so, so very 364 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:39,520 sweet. I stayed very close to his 365 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,960 oldest daughter. I mean, I still talk to her. 366 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,800 I, it was just, you know, when you have that newness and that 367 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,560 freshness of like, oh, I have this new sister and you want to 368 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,120 spend all of your time together and then something happens 369 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,800 that's causes pain. You know, we definitely, we're 370 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:58,640 still spending time together, but time is, has faded and those 371 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,160 relationships have changed. Not based on anything negative, 372 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:06,880 just life and kind of losing track. 373 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,920 I think those first couple of days we were all very convinced 374 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:13,920 that this was meant to be and we were going to be close forever. 375 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:18,080 And I still think that they are all wonderful people and I do 376 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:22,320 not have anything other than great things to say about all of 377 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,320 them because they wholeheartedly were just like willing to just 378 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,080 take me into this family. But there's a whole nother piece 379 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:33,360 of this that I had to figure out for myself and figure out how I 380 00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:36,440 was going to do that or if I was even going to do that. 381 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:41,600 Because after all of that, I just wasn't sure that I ever 382 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:47,840 really wanted to know anything else about my biological father 383 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:52,400 and his family. Not for any reason of them, just 384 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:58,520 that I just couldn't take like a rejection or something that I 385 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:02,040 was just so fearful that something else would happen. 386 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:07,000 I kind of just took that information and kept it to 387 00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:11,720 myself while all the people that are close in our lives, they 388 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,040 kind of knew what had happened, but everybody was obviously very 389 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:19,440 respectful of just kind of me talking about it on my own time. 390 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:25,680 So, yeah, there was a pretty good, I don't know, I think at 391 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:29,240 least a couple of months there was a gap where I, I wasn't 392 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,520 really actively trying to find out more about my true 393 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,080 biological family, but it was little things that would make me 394 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,640 curious. I would check in and go on 395 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:45,000 social media and I found out just from small town Wisconsin. 396 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:48,000 Of course, everyone knows everyone, especially when this 397 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:52,960 family and my biological dad grew up and lived within 1/2 an 398 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:56,600 hour of me. I had found out that he had 399 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,960 passed away at I believe it was 47. 400 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:03,480 He died when he was 47. He had some fluid around his 401 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,240 heart that led to a cardiac arrest. 402 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,600 So it was really kind of abrupt death. 403 00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:16,320 I found out that my aunt, so my paternal aunt lived in Florida 404 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,720 and that my grandmother also lived down there with her. 405 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:25,120 And there had been a lot that had happened in their family in 406 00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:29,960 that year as well, because my, my aunt, her husband had passed 407 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,920 away actually at the end of February. 408 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:36,120 And he was only his 50s. And so there had been a, a big 409 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:39,240 loss in the family within that year. 410 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:43,160 And then ultimately I found out that my biological dad had a son 411 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:44,960 and that he lived out in Arizona. 412 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:50,800 And then I kind of just came to find out just by Google and 413 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,960 social media that he was alive and well and had a family out in 414 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:57,560 Arizona. And so I kind of just sat with 415 00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,080 that information and stood on it. 416 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:06,680 And it was like one day in July, actually, I wrote it down. 417 00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:12,400 It was July 10th, 2024. I just had been watching my 418 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,800 aunt's Facebook page. Something came over me and I'm 419 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,880 like, I want to know. I want to know. 420 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:24,120 And so I allowed myself to be impulsive and I put out a just a 421 00:26:24,120 --> 00:26:28,880 Facebook Messenger that was really vague and just my mom's 422 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,360 name is this. And I'm told that my biological 423 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:36,160 father was your brother that you lost. 424 00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,960 And I know that's a lot of information to take in, but if 425 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:43,440 you are, you know, willing to talk more about that, I would, I 426 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,960 would love to. And then I immediately was like, 427 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,280 I think within 10 minutes I was like, no, delete, delete. 428 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,480 So it turns out if you send something on Facebook Messenger 429 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:59,360 and you try to retract it, it will still send a little bit of 430 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:05,200 information there. So a couple of days later, I was 431 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:14,440 driving for work and I got a message back from her that, you 432 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:18,200 know, just made me freeze and get butterflies in my stomach 433 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:21,000 and feel nervous and excited all at the same time. 434 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:25,440 So I pulled over into some parking lot and just read her 435 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:29,960 message and was very much like, was this a legit outreach from 436 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,080 you? My brother has passed away. 437 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,760 And so from there, there was a little bit of small talk and I 438 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:42,320 was just trying to be as tactful and respectful as I could with 439 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,160 my words and how I wanted to approach this. 440 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:49,680 But she, again, very kind, very welcoming, very OK. 441 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,960 Well, you know, I'm here to help you figure it out. 442 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:56,840 So that was like huge. It was like something just 443 00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:01,000 forced me to to message her. And I'm so glad that it did now 444 00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,000 at this point. But at that time I was like so 445 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,480 mad at myself. Why did you open this door? 446 00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,040 Now here you are a nervous wreck every day. 447 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,960 Like not can't think about anything else. 448 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,200 You're just so fixated on this piece of your life. 449 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,680 We ended up having a phone conversation I think like 2 450 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:24,480 weeks ish after I had reached out to her and it was so funny 451 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:31,720 because she answered the phone and I was just like taken back 452 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,600 because our voices are so similar. 453 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:39,280 I sound so much like her. And my husband who was kind of 454 00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:42,960 just listening on the other side of the room was like looked at 455 00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:46,120 me and he was like Oh my goodness her voice. 456 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:48,680 And I said I know it's weird right? 457 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,560 She started telling me a little bit about my biological dad and 458 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:56,920 their family. And she had told me that Tyler, 459 00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:01,320 my brother, you know, was, was a nurse out in Arizona and I'm 460 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:05,880 also a nurse. So that was that was pretty 461 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:11,440 cool. Did it feel different than when 462 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,920 you connected with the other family or did it feel the same? 463 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,960 It was different, it was very different. 464 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:26,120 It was, it was very natural and it was very like from the minute 465 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,920 I heard her voice I was so relieved. 466 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:34,000 It just felt like I had never known her and this was my first 467 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,560 conversation, but I felt so comforted and reassured by her 468 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:42,200 voice and just the way that she used her words and just that 469 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,040 unknown. Whatever connection that was 470 00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,200 there, it was there. And I guess that was when I 471 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:49,680 realized what was missing the first time, right? 472 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:56,080 Even though I had felt so drawn to them, there is that 473 00:29:56,120 --> 00:30:01,400 biological piece of whatever's there that makes a difference. 474 00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:08,080 We had talked and, you know, at that point we had decided, you 475 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:12,560 know, no rush on things, but she was going to wait for a good 476 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:15,760 time to tell my brother this information. 477 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:24,120 And so she had a trip for her and my biological grandmother to 478 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:27,720 go spend some time with my brother that was upcoming, I 479 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:31,000 think like 4 to six weeks after this conversation. 480 00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:33,640 And so she thought, and rightfully so, you know, I'll, 481 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:37,480 I'll talk to him about it when I go out there. 482 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,320 Well, a couple weeks went by and then she's like, I'm just 483 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,440 getting so excited I have to tell Tyler. 484 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:47,800 And I said, OK, So he like nurses do, he works a lot of 485 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:51,280 crazy hour shifts, sometimes days at a time. 486 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:57,280 And she caught him like when he was very sleep deprived and he, 487 00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:00,760 I think, was just very caught off and, you know, was really 488 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,680 confused. And of course, I think anyone 489 00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,080 that's been through this jury that journey, there's some worry 490 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,560 like, oh gosh, what kind of person is is this? 491 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:14,720 And how do we know that this is legit so guarded and rightfully 492 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:18,680 so because I had those feelings myself before I reached out. 493 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:25,880 At this point in my life, my relationship with like my mom is 494 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:29,360 distancing. And it's distancing not only for 495 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:33,840 this reason, but for other things. 496 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,480 I find myself stepping back and being less tolerant of some of 497 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:42,680 the things that I in the past would have just brushed off as 498 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,840 normal behavior. I started taking more time for 499 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,160 me and standing up more for myself. 500 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:52,360 And, you know, she didn't like that A lot of my life was just 501 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:56,320 being consumed by what was under my roof with my husband and my 502 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,720 kids and then, you know, finding, finding these new 503 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:04,320 people in our lives. So Tyler finds out. 504 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,520 We end up connecting a couple of days later. 505 00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:12,880 He had asked if he could call. And I talked to him. 506 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:17,640 And one of the first things he said was, wow, you sound like 507 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,960 our aunt. Oh wow, so he heard it too. 508 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,080 Yeah, I said. My husband said that. 509 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,040 He goes, wow, No, it's really weird. 510 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:27,640 Like, I feel like I'm talking to our Aunt Lori right now. 511 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:32,080 That conversation was kind of like, wow, this is crazy. 512 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,800 You know, like, what do we do now? 513 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,520 Right. Like, I don't, I don't know. 514 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,200 So he's like, well, you know, I, it's not that I don't trust 515 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,360 what's what you found on ancestry, but at this point I'm 516 00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:46,760 going to do one too. And let's see. 517 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:50,520 So he does an ancestry test. Good news. 518 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:54,280 Yay, I found them, he's my half brother. 519 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,360 Were you still a little bit scared that maybe it would come 520 00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,480 back? 100% I was so nervous. 521 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:04,680 Before I had even confidently reached out, I had talked to 522 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,600 Adna Angel that I had connected with. 523 00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:11,640 And so she put this whole family tree together for me and was 524 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,000 like, you know, show this to her. 525 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,560 There's just no other way like this. 526 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:21,000 This is your biological dad. So I had had that to share with 527 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,320 them, which was kind of crazy. But then, yeah, also. 528 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,840 Yeah, he's my brother. And wow, here we are, right. 529 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:34,920 So at that point, you know, it was like, we have families now, 530 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:38,760 you know, like, I want my kids to to know your kids and I, you 531 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:43,240 know, I want to meet your kids. And so we set up just a video 532 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:47,640 chat one night, him and his two kids and wife and my husband and 533 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:53,120 I And yeah, it was very awkward at first. 534 00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:55,200 I mean, it's just like, hey, how's it going? 535 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:56,680 You know? And then you're just like, 536 00:33:56,680 --> 00:34:01,080 looking at each other and trying to see the genetic similarities, 537 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:04,840 which are 100% there. His kids are younger than my 538 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,600 kids. And they were just like, so cute 539 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:11,600 and giggly and getting in the screen and saying hi and running 540 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:14,159 away. So yeah, then it just kind of 541 00:34:14,159 --> 00:34:21,080 turned into more phone calls and wow, my Aunt Lori and grandma 542 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:29,520 were in Arizona with Tyler. They sat down my grandma and got 543 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:32,840 my grandpa on the phone and told them about me. 544 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:38,360 And I ended up being able to like, see her on video chat. 545 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,800 And bless her heart, I think she was just like you. 546 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:43,800 Wow. You know, like, she had just 547 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,120 found this information out. And then here I am waving at her 548 00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:49,679 through a camera. But my grandfather lives about 549 00:34:49,679 --> 00:34:52,440 an hour away. This is probably one of my 550 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:56,719 favorite parts of the story. So, you know, my Aunt Lori and 551 00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,240 my brother Tyler had said, like, well, you just wait. 552 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:01,680 You know, grandpa is going to be very excited about this. 553 00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:06,640 And so, yeah, he, he called me I think the same night he found 554 00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:10,280 out, got my address. And then the next morning, 555 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,160 Grandpa pulled into my driveway, 80 years old, on his Harley. 556 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:17,600 Oh my gosh, that is so wild. And and what happens? 557 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:22,960 Like do you just run out and? Yeah, So I just kind of walked 558 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:28,200 out and stood there on the porch and he looked at me and he's 559 00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:32,240 like, oh, he goes hi, Chucky. That was my dad's name. 560 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:36,920 And I was just like, hi. And he's like, oh, honey, you 561 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:43,840 look like your daddy, come here. And I was like, and he was just 562 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:47,840 full of hugs and love and everything that I was so afraid 563 00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:50,280 of. I was so worried that they would 564 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,520 be like, don't reach out to us. We're not interested in this. 565 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:55,600 All of those things that go through your head, 'cause you 566 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,600 hear that not all of these stories turn out well. 567 00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:03,360 But as soon as I opened that door, I felt nothing but love 568 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,000 and being just like taken in by these people. 569 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,640 And there's Grandpa, and he just kind of came in and sat at the 570 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:14,240 kitchen table and. It was like it felt really 571 00:36:14,240 --> 00:36:16,600 natural. It did. 572 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:20,120 Yeah, it did. It was really cool. 573 00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:23,200 I'm still so blessed to to have him and. 574 00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:27,760 Yeah. So where are things today with 575 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:34,640 everyone? So my grandfather goes down to 576 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:40,080 Arizona every winter to spend some time with Tyler, my brother 577 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:43,720 and his family. So last December when he was 578 00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:49,360 flying down, I flew down with him and I met my brother and his 579 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:53,920 beautiful family and spent. It was just like a long weekend 580 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:59,400 down there and came home and we've just continued to kind of 581 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,520 get to know each other. Him and his family came and 582 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,640 stayed with us for five days over the summer in July. 583 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,960 So they stayed in our home with us and it's very natural and I'm 584 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:14,120 so very comfortable. My whole family is around them. 585 00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:20,280 It doesn't take a lot of effort. I just, it's really, I feel 586 00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:27,160 very, very blessed. There was a big part of my life 587 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:33,880 and my family that was missing and you know, I, I have it and 588 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:38,000 it still baffles me. And I'm definitely, I am like a 589 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,120 very emotional person. Like I wear my heart on my 590 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:48,000 sleeve and I'm always lots of you know, I love yous And Tyler 591 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:52,560 is he's very kind and very loving, but he's very not 592 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:58,280 emotional like I am. So I've had to apologize and say 593 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,160 I'm sorry, here comes your sister being a sister. 594 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:06,440 And he just laughs at me or like sends me goofy emoji or just 595 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:09,720 like hearts my way over explanation of something. 596 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:14,400 I sent out a text message. So thankfully he he seems to get 597 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,080 me. I think my best friend said it 598 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:19,040 best. It's like you deserve that. 599 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,120 You deserve somebody that loves you like you love other people. 600 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:27,320 And I don't know, I think there's just like we're so early 601 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:31,480 in the story, you know, I, I think about it and it's like not 602 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:34,480 very much time has passed at all, but it feels like at the 603 00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,200 same time, I've known him forever. 604 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,800 But yeah, we're getting ready to go to my whole family are flying 605 00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:43,600 down to Arizona next month to spend time with him and his 606 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,160 family. And we're already making plans 607 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:49,200 for, you know, him to come up here again with his family next 608 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,920 summer because our oldest daughter graduates and he wants 609 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:56,280 to be here for her graduation. So yeah, I think just a lot to, 610 00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:00,400 you know, unravel and hopefully a lot of good memories to come. 611 00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:06,360 But you're a double NPE, right? So you had this revelation, do 612 00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:08,360 you think? I mean, and it's hard to know, 613 00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:11,800 but do you think having been through it once before helped 614 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,960 you prepare the second time around? 615 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:19,000 Or is it just as raw both times? I think it was just as raw both 616 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:23,200 times. I think the second time there is 617 00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:27,960 a lot more hesitation and nervousness and fear of like 618 00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:32,080 rejection. But ultimately I'm, I'm glad I, 619 00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,000 I did. And I, I just keep thinking to 620 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:38,200 myself now, gosh, you know, if I would have sat with this and 621 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,920 decided to not do anything with this information, I would have 622 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:45,560 been missing so much. What advice do you have for a 623 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:48,960 parent who is keeping adna surprise from their child? 624 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:54,320 I think that it is so important to remember that that child will 625 00:39:54,320 --> 00:40:00,200 grow up someday and there is a lot of things that is rightfully 626 00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:03,840 theirs to know. My biological dad passed away. 627 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,640 I have a cardiac event in his 40s and now because of that I 628 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,840 have a cardiologist and I have much closer following on my 629 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:14,280 health because I know that piece Your children. 630 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:19,400 Deserve to know the other half of them, the other piece of them 631 00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:28,200 and to never have met my dad. That is the biggest piece that I 632 00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:32,080 stir with because, gosh, I would have really liked to see myself 633 00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,080 in him. And I would have liked to know 634 00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:39,280 what that feeling felt like to really have, you know, a 635 00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:43,680 biological dad that I saw myself in. 636 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:49,720 And I'll never have that. And that's something that I feel 637 00:40:49,720 --> 00:40:53,600 like I really deserved. And I'm probably the most, you 638 00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:56,960 know, sad about about that. So I just don't think it's worth 639 00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,240 keeping a secret. It seems so heavy. 640 00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:01,400 But I mean, things will work out. 641 00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:06,040 They will. And no matter what comes from 642 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,920 it, it's it's information that everybody, as a human, deserves 643 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,240 to know. What advice do you have for 644 00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:16,720 someone who has just uncovered Adna Surprise? 645 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:24,720 Yes, it's OK. Take a deep breath, be patient 646 00:41:24,720 --> 00:41:28,960 with yourself. It's OK to just feel completely 647 00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:32,680 different one day than you do the day before or the day next. 648 00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:38,840 There are days where that's all you can, all you can think about 649 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,120 and you can't focus. And then there's other days 650 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,960 where you just almost want to forget that it's even a part of 651 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:47,800 your life. But just be patient and be kind 652 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,960 with yourself. Know that this is not your 653 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:53,040 fault. And yeah, I think that's that's 654 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,400 it. Amber, thank you so much for 655 00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:58,120 joining me today, for sharing your story. 656 00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,560 What a roller coaster you've been on. 657 00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:03,680 But I'm so happy for you that, you know, overall it was a 658 00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:07,560 positive outcome, and I hope that your connections with your 659 00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:12,000 family just continue to grow. Yeah, me too. 660 00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:15,120 Thank you. Thanks again to Amber for 661 00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:18,320 sharing her story. If you have Adna Surprise that 662 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:20,960 you'd like to share, please submit your story at 663 00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:26,160 dnasurprises.com and for early ad free access to episodes, join 664 00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:29,760 me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA 665 00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:35,360 Surprises. Until next time, DNA Surprises 666 00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:40,200 is hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Oursalt. 667 00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:45,000 It is mixed and mastered by Josh Oursalt of Siren Recording 668 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:45,800 Studios.