1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:04,000 I think my entire life I always gave my mom a lot of grace. 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:07,160 I didn't ever push it, obviously. 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,320 I just accepted it as what it was. 4 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,880 And I think I said that to myself and so many times as an 5 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,720 adult that I just believed it. I'm not going to know. 6 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:20,640 And that's OK, because I had a great life and it it didn't 7 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:25,120 matter, but it mattered. Welcome to DNA Surprises, a 8 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:28,520 podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA 9 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:32,159 discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis ourselves. 10 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:38,200 In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out 11 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:43,000 that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal 12 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,320 event. In other words, my biological 13 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,640 father isn't who I thought he was. 14 00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:54,400 Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and 15 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,920 donor conceived people and their families. 16 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,880 Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin 17 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:06,200 with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises. 18 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:11,840 Often times with DNA surprises, there is so much that is left 19 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:16,600 unsaid. So many unasked questions, so 20 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:21,120 many feelings unspoken. In this week's episode, Jennifer 21 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,240 shares what life was like for her growing up without a father 22 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:27,840 figure, a fact she rarely questioned throughout her 23 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:32,560 childhood and adolescence. But after her mother passed, she 24 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,600 decided to start asking questions. 25 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:39,120 The first path to answering them was by taking ADNA test. 26 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,520 Jennifer reveals what she uncovered after taking that 27 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:48,360 test, including a surprise ethnicity shift and a family who 28 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,680 welcomed her with open arms. Thank you for sharing your 29 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:56,680 story, Jennifer. My name is Jennifer, I am 52 30 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:00,240 years old and I'm currently living in Fresno, CA. 31 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:05,080 I grew up with just my mom and I my whole life. 32 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:09,360 That's all I knew. My mom never dated, she never 33 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,760 had a a husband she never got never married never. 34 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:16,640 It was just her and I and I had a good childhood. 35 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,720 We didn't have a lot of money but my mom always made sure I 36 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,000 had everything that you know I needed. 37 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,920 I wanted what other kids had. I never knew my dad was just my 38 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:29,240 mom and I, and I think when I was really young, I felt like it 39 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:33,760 was a bad thing. Like if it was some love story 40 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,640 that like when, you know, somebody died, I would have 41 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,840 heard about this. But I just heard nothing. 42 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:43,800 So as a kid, I was just thinking that just must not be a good 43 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,440 thing, you know? So I didn't talk about it. 44 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,200 My mom didn't talk about it. I didn't talk about it. 45 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:53,240 Ever, ever. So there was never a where's my 46 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,360 dad, who is my dad? Conversation. 47 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:59,240 It was just always unspoken. We talked about it probably 4 48 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,560 times my whole life. It wasn't like a conversation. 49 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,960 It was just a instance that it came up and then it was not 50 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,880 talked about anymore. The first time was I was around 51 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,760 7:00 and I came home with a school project, like a family 52 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,840 tree, and I had my whole mom's side filled out because I knew 53 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:18,880 my whole mom's side. And then I just put it on the 54 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,160 counter. I didn't do it. 55 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,440 And my mom came out. I remember exactly where he was. 56 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,920 I was in the backyard. She's like, do you want me to 57 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,760 help you fill out the rest of this? 58 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:30,720 And I just looked at her and I was like, OK. 59 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:35,880 And she told me the the name of who is to be my birth 60 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:40,000 certificate father. And she told me the name of his 61 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,480 mom. And those are the only two names 62 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:42,880 I remember. She might have given me more, 63 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,960 but I was 7. I don't remember and I turned it 64 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,440 in and we never talked about it again. 65 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:51,160 Skip ahead till I was about 16 and I wanted a driver's license 66 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,440 and I needed a birth certificate and I'd never seen my birth 67 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,880 certificate before and my mom said she didn't have one. 68 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,960 Well, I'm like, well you need to go get one 'cause I wanted to 69 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,480 get a driver's license. So we drove 2 hours to the town 70 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,240 where I was born from, where we where I grew up. 71 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,840 And she went to the records and got the birth certificate and we 72 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,720 went to visit one of her friends and in fact, a friend that I'll 73 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,520 probably refer to later in the story. 74 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,839 And we were in her house and my mom had put the birth 75 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,800 certificate in the glove box. And so we went into the house 76 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,840 and I was 16 and I'm like, I think I forgot something in the 77 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,480 car. So I went out to the car because 78 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,600 I wanted to look at that birth certificate because I'd never 79 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,040 seen the name. So I saw like the first name, 80 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,840 the middle name, the last name. I was like, wow, I saw how old 81 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,120 he was when I was born. So I like was doing the math in 82 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,960 my head. I saw the occupation, just 83 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,360 whatever is on the birth certificate. 84 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,080 I was like, wow, that was the first time. 85 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,240 But we didn't talk about it. We got the birth certificate. 86 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,400 She's like, here's the birth certificate. 87 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,040 Go to the I got my driver's license. 88 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:51,960 We never talked about it. And then the third instance 89 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,320 didn't have anything to do with my mom in college. 90 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:57,560 I had a really close friend. I was a sophomore in college. 91 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:01,720 And you know, when you're 19, you sometimes have emotional 92 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:05,200 things about life. And I kind of was at a point 93 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:10,160 where I was like, who's my dad? You know, like I, I never, I 94 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,960 never knew. And so I had this friend and he 95 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,880 was so nice and supportive and he like even tried to, this was 96 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,080 way before Internet or Googling anybody. 97 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,600 And he, he kind of helped me and we tried, but we didn't have 98 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:25,480 much luck. And, and then in Lake College, I 99 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:29,600 wanted to get a internship with the government and I needed to 100 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,320 do a background check. And so the person that my 101 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,680 contact was, he's like, you know, and I didn't have it. 102 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,520 I had a name, but he's, I didn't have an address. 103 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,280 I didn't have anything. He's like, well, you need to ask 104 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,480 your mom. And I was like, I really wanted 105 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,840 this internship or else I would have been like, let's move on to 106 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,640 the next internship. I was like, OK, so I asked my 107 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,080 mom. It was a phone call, 'cause I 108 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:52,800 lived in another city and she's like, I don't, I don't know 109 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,800 anything. So I was like, OK, I asked, you 110 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,680 know, So I just told my contact, I'm sorry, I don't know 111 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,000 anything. I got the internship. 112 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,840 It was a great internship. But later that evening my mom 113 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:07,040 called me and said, are you OK? I'm like, yeah, I'm OK. 114 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,800 Never talked about it again for the rest of her life. 115 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:14,000 Like I, I was 22. I'm 52 now. 116 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,320 My mom died three years ago. OK. 117 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:24,880 And so did you do any research or anything in between any of 118 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,800 those times? I mean, I know Internet wasn't 119 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:33,520 as prominent, but like, were you trying to find any records or or 120 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:37,240 anything once you had that actual name or did you kind of 121 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,680 let it go unspoken like it had been? 122 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:45,040 I let it go unspoken because I, I think probably once or twice, 123 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,560 once the Internet came along, I would punch in the name, but I 124 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:52,080 didn't find anything. And so I just let it go. 125 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,200 And then I have 4 kids and they're all in their 20s now. 126 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:59,760 And I said to them when they were young, I said, you know, 127 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,240 'cause I knew they would ask, you know, 'cause when I was a 128 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,360 little kid I didn't ask because I just thought it was a bad 129 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,080 thing. When I got to be a high school, 130 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,280 in high school where it would have been totally appropriate 131 00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,800 for you to say, mom, what the heck, who is my dad? 132 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,640 I just didn't because I think I was protecting my mom because I 133 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,840 knew it just probably wasn't a good thing. 134 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,720 And then I went on to have 4 kids within six years. 135 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:25,120 I was busy, I was married. I, I just let it go. 136 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:29,520 So when my kids were, you know, school age and I think one of 137 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,600 them probably asked me, I'm like, look, I don't, I don't 138 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,120 know my dad. I never knew my dad. 139 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,000 Grandma and I never talked about it. 140 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,160 But if you want to ask grandma, go for it, you know, but I just 141 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,600 don't think they ever did. Or if they did, we never talked 142 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:44,040 about it. And so that's that's kind of how 143 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:47,880 it was left. And so over the years, probably 144 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,920 in these last four or five years, I had a really good 145 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:54,160 friend who said you should do adna test. 146 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,760 And I was like, no, I'm good. I don't want to do that. 147 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,200 And sometime it would go by and she'd ask me again. 148 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,000 I'm like, no, I don't, I don't think I want to do that. 149 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,600 And when my mom was alive, I pretty much in my mind decided 150 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,440 it wasn't going to do that. So then my mom passed away three 151 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:15,880 years ago and took the secret to her grave and my friend, same 152 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:20,640 friend gave me adna test for a Christmas present and I was like 153 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:23,600 are you kidding me? So it like sat on the counter 154 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,320 for like 2 weeks just staring at me and I was finally I was like 155 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:31,360 you know what this was just two years ago I'll just do it. 156 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,720 So I did it. I didn't know ancestry DNA from 157 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,240 anything else. I didn't know anything about 158 00:08:37,919 --> 00:08:42,799 cinemorgans percentages. I knew nothing 0 So I when I 159 00:08:42,799 --> 00:08:45,760 finally decided to to do it, I said, well, you know what? 160 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,760 Let me just see my other half what it is. 161 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:54,000 You know, my maiden name is the name of a city in France. 162 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,520 And so I always just was convinced I was French. 163 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,480 I just, I'm French. What did you believe from your 164 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,680 mom in terms of what your ethnicity was? 165 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:08,400 She never said I wasn't white, like she just never said that. 166 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:12,200 So I just assumed I was always I always would say I looked like 167 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:16,720 my mom too, but my mom was from a very small family. 168 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:20,920 So I had she had one brother and and, and the brother had red 169 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,280 hair. So my uncle had red hair. 170 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:28,080 I had a grandmother grandfather, my uncle, he was married and 171 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,160 they had one son. So I had one cousin. 172 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,080 I just a very, very small family and they weren't a close family, 173 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:37,320 just a lot of family sibling dynamics. 174 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:41,040 When my grandmother was alive, we would visit and, and I feel 175 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:45,400 like I had a warm family after my grandmother passed away. 176 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,240 The kind of that was it. So your understanding is that 177 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:52,040 you're you're white, you believe you're French based on your 178 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:56,400 maiden last name. And you decide to take a test 179 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,800 because you're like, OK, well, let me let me figure out my 180 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,720 ethnic background. So I sent it off my husband at 181 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,680 the time we went on vacation, we came back from vacation and you 182 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:09,400 just remember exactly when you open that e-mail and see what 183 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,000 you see. And we had gotten home from 184 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,520 vacation. It was like 4 days later and 185 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,400 he's like, let's go out to dinner. 186 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,920 So I had just opened my e-mail and I saw it and I'll go to see 187 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,400 what I am, what other white I am. 188 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,960 I knew I was Irish and English and I was clearly stated, you 189 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,520 know, and I just no shock when I saw that. 190 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:32,040 The first thing that came up was my close closest match was my 191 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:35,520 mom. And I was like, when did she do 192 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,000 this? Because she never told me. 193 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,000 But then I kind of was remembering when my mom had 194 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,600 passed away. At that point, it would have 195 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:46,480 been just like a year prior when you go through and you close out 196 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:50,240 people's credit cards and stuff. Like there was a recurring 197 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:53,280 charge for Ancestry DNA. I didn't even know what Ancestry 198 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:56,680 DNA was, but I called the place and said, look, this person's 199 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,400 passed away. Can you stop this charge? 200 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,440 And they did. So when my friend gave me an 201 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,960 ancestry DNA test, it never clicked in my mind, oh, that's 202 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,280 what my mom did. So honestly, when I got that as 203 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:13,080 my first thing, my mom had only been passed away for a year. 204 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:17,040 I was like, oh, so I, I'm so glad she did it now. 205 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,360 But when I first saw it, I'm like, oh, OK. 206 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:29,040 And so I started to see my mom's, the English, the Irish, 207 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:35,200 and then I see 18% indigenous Americas, Mexico, I'm like, what 208 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:40,840 the heck is that? And then 18% Spain, I'm like, 209 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,960 what is going on? And then it's like 5% Basque and 210 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,840 4% Portuguese. I'm like, how is that? 211 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,880 And I'm saying in my head, my maiden last name, you know, I'm 212 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,120 like, what's going on here? So I see that. 213 00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,760 And then my husband says, let's go out to dinner. 214 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,760 So I closed it. We went out to dinner. 215 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,320 We came home. At the time, I was living in 216 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:03,960 Northwest Ohio. It was February. 217 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:06,240 It was freezing outside. And I'm like, just go inside. 218 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,120 I'm just gonna look. I need to look at something. 219 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,800 So I sit in the car and I'm like looking at it. 220 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,760 And I'm looking at it. And I'm looking at it. 221 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,480 I'm like, what? What is this? 222 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:21,200 And so I came inside and I remember telling him, I'm like, 223 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:25,160 I don't think I'm the last name that I always thought I was. 224 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,520 And he's like, what are you talking about? 225 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,080 And so I told him he's like, oh, wow. 226 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,480 So I just sat there. So I had set it to private 227 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:35,400 because I just did, because I'm like, nobody needs to know what 228 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,040 I I didn't have any expectations of finding. 229 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,840 I don't know what I was thinking because I didn't know him. 230 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,920 So why wouldn't I see other things? 231 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:48,560 And so I said, well, screw this, I'm just going to UN private it. 232 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:54,640 So I pushed public and I had besides my mom won one close 233 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,840 match. Her name is Angela and it had 234 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:01,520 her first name, maiden name, married name. 235 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:05,040 And so a lot of people like her very, you know, just initials 236 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,680 and stuff. So she had it showed that we 237 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:10,440 shared 18%. What did Ancestry estimate that 238 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:14,440 your relationship was? So I didn't know what 18% meant 239 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,840 at all. Zero like like learned that 240 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,840 quickly that that was a lot. And it said that we weren't 241 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:25,960 going to be either first cousin or half sibling or I was going 242 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:31,320 to be her half aunt. And so we were on the high end 243 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:35,080 of of first cousin, the low end of half sibling and kind of 244 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,600 right where you're supposed to be to be her half, half aunt. 245 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:43,480 And so I saw her name, so I googled her name and luckily 246 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:48,360 she's a published poet and she has a website and there was a 247 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,160 picture and a little talking about her. 248 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,720 And I was so impressed with like all her education and schooling 249 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,880 and her career. And it said her and her wife 250 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,920 live in Fresno, CA. And I was like, Oh no, 'cause I 251 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,680 assumed it was a mistake. It's got to be a mistake, you 252 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,800 know? Yeah, and she lives in the same 253 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,440 town as you. Right next to the town I grew up 254 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:09,960 in. Yeah. 255 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:14,960 And so I was like, wow, this isn't a mistake. 256 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,280 My husband, at the time, I showed him the picture, I said, 257 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,320 does she look normal? He's like, yeah, she looks 258 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:21,840 normal. But she's really smart 'cause 259 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:25,280 she's got degrees and she's, you know, she's so smart. 260 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,440 And so there was that little envelope you can click on 261 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,480 ancestor DNA. And I clicked the envelope and I 262 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,760 just said to her, got this test as a gift. 263 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,480 I did it. I wasn't sure what to find. 264 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,600 I found that we're a close match. 265 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,440 Any, you know, I think I said something like any help would be 266 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,480 appreciated. Well, within like an hour, she 267 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:50,400 replied back and at first she just said hi, cousin, cause she 268 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,680 said she'd get a lot of notifications. 269 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:56,360 And I'm learning now you get a lot that are like 2 percent, 1%, 270 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,280 like so far removed, but I'm just really not that interested. 271 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,680 And then she's like, whoa, we'll share a lot of DNA. 272 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,400 And I was like, I OK. And so she was kind of 273 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,960 explaining it to me and I was like, wow. 274 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:14,120 So she's like, you're probably the daughter of either my dad or 275 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:17,120 one of his two brothers. And she's like, my dad's a 276 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:21,120 retired firefighter. My other uncle is a retired 277 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,720 sheriff. And then my other uncle, he was 278 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,520 kind of tragically murdered when he was about 22 years old. 279 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:33,640 And so I was kind of doing the math and all three of those 280 00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:37,960 people worked age wise. And we kind of just didn't know 281 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,400 it first. But then I said, well, what's 282 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,920 this Hap aunt? You know, like what? 283 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,600 So I'm doing that and she's, well, there's Grandpa Barney. 284 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:51,000 And I said, OK, I said, well, so I'm doing the math on how old 285 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,280 Grandpa Barney was and how my mom was. 286 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,800 And he was around 50 and my mom was 27. 287 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:00,200 And then the three brothers were all in their early to mid 20s. 288 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,960 And I'm like, well, it makes kind of more sense for it to be 289 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:07,040 one of the three brothers. But in my mind, I kind of 290 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,920 thought that Grandpa Barney might have been the one, but I 291 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,600 didn't know. I didn't know for a while. 292 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:18,360 And we probably went for about 15 months to Angie and I became 293 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:22,160 fast friends. Like she so supportive, so nice, 294 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:25,960 just became the best of friends. And I appreciate every minute I 295 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,680 get to spend with her. Well, I learned along the way 296 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:33,960 that her dad, who when we first found out, was still alive, but 297 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,920 he suffered from frontotemporal dementia. 298 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,120 So she's like, I want you to meet my dad. 299 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,960 And we don't know what it is. And, and at the time his wife, 300 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,520 her, her parents divorced. She, she, so I'm 52, she's going 301 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,840 to be 50 this year. So we're relatively close. 302 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,640 In age. And in and in the town where I 303 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:56,360 was raised, I went to 1 high school in town and she went to 304 00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:59,520 the other high school in town. It's just crazy how our lives 305 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:03,320 could have crossed paths. So anyway, we were talking about 306 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,160 who it could be and her dad was still alive and she wanted to 307 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,280 meet him because she we just didn't know. 308 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,560 So we met in Idaho. I came from Ohio, she came from 309 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,680 California, and we got to spend like four or five days together. 310 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,800 We got to see her dad. Unfortunately, about four months 311 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,880 later, he passed away kind of unexpectedly. 312 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,359 I think she thought we had more time and I thought we had more 313 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:27,359 time. But his current wife at the time 314 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:31,920 said no DNA test, not doing it, no. 315 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:36,280 And so we were both SAT like we were upset, like we were like, 316 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,200 we really just what's the big deal? 317 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,720 So we didn't do it and we regretted that. 318 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:45,480 Well, I also came to learn that her dad and the one uncle who is 319 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,800 still alive didn't have the best relationship. 320 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:54,200 So she's like, I, I didn't have a bad relationship with my dad's 321 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,320 family, but since my parents were divorced when I was very 322 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,600 young, I only saw my dad's on weekends and holidays. 323 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:04,480 And so when I saw extended family, it, it really wasn't 324 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,960 very often. And so she's like, we don't have 325 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,560 a bad relationship, we just don't really have a 326 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:12,200 relationship. And so after her dad died, she 327 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:16,280 reached out to her uncle, who is still alive, and they talked for 328 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,440 the first time since a funeral many years ago. 329 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,080 And they talked. And then towards the end of the 330 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:26,200 conversation, she's like, oh, and by the way, I've met this 331 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,240 woman named Jennifer. And, you know, and so she told 332 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:33,440 him about me. And they were like, on board. 333 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,880 He's like, I'll do a DNA test. And so he did it. 334 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,800 Two of his three children did it. 335 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:43,720 And by far that helped us get to where we finally figured it out. 336 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,880 But there was probably 15 months, year and a half almost 337 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,880 that we didn't know like it. We, we knew it was one of those. 338 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,520 And I was really getting, I was getting discouraged because I, I 339 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,720 knew I found the right family, but I didn't know if I'd ever 340 00:18:55,720 --> 00:19:00,360 find exactly who, who it was. And so Grandpa Barney would be 341 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:05,080 104 this year, if he was still alive, so that he did the DNA 342 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,440 test. And it was clearly he was my 343 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:12,560 uncle or my half brother. And again, a lot of the DNA kind 344 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,760 of it's the same. Like, it doesn't really help you 345 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,080 much, but it helps. You need the story, too. 346 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,240 Yeah, because exactly. The center Morgans only tell you 347 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,920 so much. You need to know who met who 348 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,760 around this time. To your point. 349 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:30,600 Yeah, the story. So it gets you closer. 350 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:34,000 You know that he is not your father, so you're able to roll 351 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:39,240 him out, but you still don't quite have the information that 352 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,800 you need, right? So what happens next? 353 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,720 So Stan, her uncle, he took the test. 354 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,640 He was not the father, but he was something. 355 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,000 And then his two daughters took the test. 356 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:55,880 And so they came back as being either my half niece or a 357 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,200 cousin. So again, it wasn't the greatest 358 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,920 of help. Well, in the meantime here. 359 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:07,120 I gotten divorced and I moved to California from Ohio and I moved 360 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:11,560 back to my hometown area because I just needed a place that I was 361 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:12,880 familiar with. I hadn't lived here in more than 362 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:16,280 30 years, but I just needed some more familiar to have like kind 363 00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:19,040 of a landing spot. And Angie was here too, but that 364 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,800 was a great help and she was very welcoming for me to live 365 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:26,120 nearby. So Angie and I are gonna go on a 366 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,720 trip together and we were gonna go to Europe and we went last 367 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,560 summer for for almost 2 weeks just her and I It's amazing. 368 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:36,240 I had the best time my first time to Europe and I had thought 369 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,040 to myself, I'm like, OK, I just got divorced and I kind, I've 370 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,400 told a lot of my friends and stuff. 371 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,400 So on social media, I like kind of made a posting about that I 372 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,440 had gotten divorced. Well, then I was like, well, 373 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,560 we're going to go on this trip for two weeks to Europe together 374 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,520 and nobody knows who this woman is. 375 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,920 And so I'm like, well, maybe I should also mention my my 376 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,520 journey. So I made a post about because I 377 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,480 knew I would be posting pictures in Europe with Angie and like, 378 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:01,800 people are like, who is this person? 379 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:06,200 And so I made another post. And in that post I said, you 380 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,440 know, I've been on this journey and this is what I found. 381 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,120 And I'm hopeful that at some point I'll figure it out. 382 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:16,280 And one of my Facebook friends from a town I've a city I've 383 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:21,320 lived in two cities ago replied back to me, I'm a search Angel. 384 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,400 And I had said in my post how welcoming this family had been 385 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,320 to me. And I was so nice to meet them 386 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,800 and to get to know them. And she's like, you know, I'm a 387 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,720 search Angel. And you don't know how how lucky 388 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,360 you are that they've been so positive and accepting and 389 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,120 helpful because she's like, that's not always the case. 390 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,280 And I was like, wow. And so I messaged her. 391 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,880 I'm like, would you help me? And she's like, yes, I'll help 392 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,440 you. So I kind of gave her access to 393 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:51,000 my ancestry DNA and she got to work and she was just constantly 394 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,520 moving things around and changing things and stuff. 395 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:58,960 And so once Stan, who is Angie's uncle, took the test and his two 396 00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:03,160 daughters took the test, it kind of started to solidify things a 397 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,400 little bit more. So she still had her, her Watto, 398 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,960 which is like, what are the odds? 399 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:12,800 And it wasn't exact and stuff. And then my oldest son took the 400 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,160 test and that kind of helped even more. 401 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:20,480 And a Long story short, one of Stan's daughters, I was visiting 402 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:24,080 her and we just sat across the table from each other for like 4 403 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,640 hours just talking. And she would be like, you look, 404 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,400 we look so much alike. I'm like, I know we look so much 405 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,920 alike and had the greatest visit. 406 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:36,040 Like the next day she called me and she said, do you do you 407 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,960 share? And she gave the name of this 408 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,960 woman. And I said, I don't know, let me 409 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,960 see. And so I'm looking, I'm like, I 410 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,080 don't see that person. And so then I asked Angie, I'm 411 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,520 like, do you have this person on yours? 412 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,880 She's like, yeah, I do. That's my grandma Helen sister's 413 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,080 daughters, something like that cousin. 414 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:56,600 And so Sarah says, I don't, if myself and Angie and Sarah's 415 00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:02,120 sister all are related to this woman through their grandmother 416 00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:06,920 and you're not those three brothers can't be, can't be the 417 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,880 one. And so it was that that we put 418 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,920 together. And so I, I real fast messaged 419 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,480 my, my search Angel friend and she started working on it. 420 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,520 And she's like, Yep, that's you can share less, but you're not 421 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,760 going to share 0. And so it turned out to be 422 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,280 Grandpa Barney so. Wow, I know. 423 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:30,640 OK, so you find this out. He's he was older than your mom. 424 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:37,080 What do you think of this information when you finally get 425 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:41,320 the answer? At that point, once time went by 426 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:44,320 and I learned more and more, I kind of thought like, I bet, I 427 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,640 bet, I kind of think it's Grandpa Barney, but I didn't 428 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:49,680 know for sure, you know? And I remember Angie, one of the 429 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,120 first times we were messaging back and forth and we would 430 00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:55,240 share pictures and all of our pictures when we were young, we 431 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,000 definitely had a lot of resemblance. 432 00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:02,120 And she showed me one picture of of her dad and who who I learned 433 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:05,760 to be my half brother. And I'd never seen a photo of a 434 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:09,920 man who looked like me. There's just this one picture. 435 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:11,720 And she knows exactly what picture I'm talking about where 436 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,960 I'm like, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh. 437 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:19,520 It's just just amazing. She told me if there was a 438 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:24,000 Mexican Sanford and son, it would be Grandpa Barney. 439 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:31,120 And my mom loved her like junk, her treasures, her garage sales, 440 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,840 her estate sales, her auctions. My mom loved that. 441 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,000 So I always kind of thought, well, maybe that's kind of 442 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,960 something that's familiar, similar, you know. 443 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:45,400 And so to go back a little bit, when I first got this result 444 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:49,440 back, right when I got the test, within a week or so, my mom had 445 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:53,480 one really close friend who was there when I was born, like in 446 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,680 the delivery room there when I was born. 447 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,280 And I called her up and I said, Gemma, what's going on here? 448 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:03,120 I said I did adna test. I'm not like the person on my 449 00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:04,480 birth certificate is not my father. 450 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:08,960 She's like, yeah, I know. I'm like, you never told me. 451 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,560 She's like, I just didn't say anything, but I was like, OK, 452 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,480 well, can you tell me some more information here? 453 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,520 And so she basically told me that it was someone that my mom 454 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:25,440 had married and he wasn't a good person and he had left and she 455 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,560 was still that last name. And so she really wanted to have 456 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,640 a baby. Really, really wanted to have a 457 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,680 baby. And so this is 1971 and she was 458 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:39,760 a single woman. And so she had a baby and she's 459 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:44,240 like, I don't know if your mom necessarily knew who who was, 460 00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,800 you know, maybe that's why she didn't tell you. 461 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,720 But one thing that was kind of a funny thing that she recalled 462 00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:55,960 was that when my mom was in labor, she asked her And anyone 463 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,200 who knew their relationship, this is just funny. 464 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:00,680 Do you do you see any black hair? 465 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,080 Do you see any black hair? And she never thought anything 466 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,920 of that until we started talking about this. 467 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,640 And she's like, well, how did she know that it was black hair, 468 00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,920 you know? So she didn't share with her 469 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:16,440 friend. Yeah, I don't think she knew. 470 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,200 I think she said it was a time where you didn't really ask a 471 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,360 lot of questions. It just all of a sudden she was 472 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,640 pregnant and then she had a baby and it was you and you were 473 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,040 wonderful. And did it really matter where 474 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:29,800 you came from or need to know? You know, I, I just know that 475 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,800 knowing my mom, she didn't want to share me. 476 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,640 I know that she wanted a baby. She didn't want a husband. 477 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,480 She didn't want a boyfriend. She didn't want. 478 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,040 She just wanted me. I could see why she wouldn't 479 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,520 have shared. Yeah. 480 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:46,600 How did you feel about the fact that it wasn't the man on your 481 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,160 birth certificate? I mean, you didn't know him, you 482 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:52,440 didn't have a relationship with him, but in your mind you'd had 483 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:56,160 this name. Did any feelings come up when 484 00:26:56,160 --> 00:27:00,800 you realize that it wasn't him? There were no emotional feelings 485 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,200 because I had no it. I had. 486 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:04,600 I never knew that. Sure. 487 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,680 Yeah. What bothered me was that that 488 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:12,120 was my maiden name through school, through high school, 489 00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:15,120 through college. I was a swimmer growing up. 490 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,960 And so, you know, all the swim meets I would go to, and I was 491 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:21,200 always that name. And that name wasn't me. 492 00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:23,960 That was the only thing. A lot of people are sad because 493 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,200 they had this wonderful relationship with this person 494 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,640 or, you know, and then they're like, well, now I have this dad 495 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:29,920 and this. I never had a dad. 496 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,920 So. And and I yeah, I feel like I 497 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:39,880 still kind of don't because I never knew the actual person 498 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,920 either, you know, you. Had this name, you thought you 499 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:47,720 were French and then you learn and you, you touched on this 500 00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:51,600 earlier, but for people who don't maybe understand the, the 501 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,560 genetic makeup of certain regions, you wouldn't have 502 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,920 gotten a result that said you're Mexican. 503 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,480 It would say indigenous Spanish. You mentioned Portuguese and 504 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,120 some of these others. So through taking your test, you 505 00:28:04,120 --> 00:28:10,400 discover you're Mexican. How does that hit you after 506 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,160 thinking you were French for so long? 507 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,240 So thinking I was French, I never shared that with anybody. 508 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:18,600 It was something totally internal in my mind. 509 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,400 I never went around telling people I'm French. 510 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,880 I I just in my mind as a. Kid a story kind. 511 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:25,680 Of a thing, sure. Yeah. 512 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:31,480 All I had, and so my actual last name is, is very Mexican 513 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:33,360 Spanish. It got changed a little bit from 514 00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:35,440 the journey from Spain to Mexico. 515 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:38,760 I always had pale skin and I always had dark hair. 516 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,880 So I very much looked like my white mother. 517 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:47,040 I don't think really anyone ever thought I was Hispanic because I 518 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,680 was so much Irish and English in me. 519 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:53,800 I married an Hispanic man and I have 4 Hispanic children. 520 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:57,600 And his family was quite large. He was the oldest of six kids. 521 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:00,600 I was an only child. So I very much was welcomed by 522 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,200 that family. So I feel like I, I had that 523 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,880 experience. It wasn't like I was, you know, 524 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,520 completely a different, you know, the last 30 years I was 525 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,480 with. His Hispanic family, it means 526 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:12,920 something. So it was familiar to you? 527 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:16,640 Yeah, yeah. And so my ex-husband, he he kind 528 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:18,320 of laughed. He's like, I thought you were 529 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,000 Mexican, but he he was Guatemalan. 530 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:24,320 So still Hispanic, you know. So yeah, it was a lot. 531 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,080 But it was good to finally know. It was good to finally know. 532 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,560 I so thankful to my friend who's the DNA search Angel. 533 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,280 I didn't have to look for one. I had one right there in front 534 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,560 of me. And she was so helpful and we 535 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,400 finally figured it out. So this family has been so 536 00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:43,280 welcoming, Stan and his wife, his kids, they're so nice and 537 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:48,000 we're kind of navigating the relationship and where it goes 538 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,240 and. If you come to learn about 539 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:56,480 Father Barney, Grandpa Barney. I call him Grandpa Barney 540 00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:01,600 because he's my my close people. That's that's their grandpa. 541 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,240 Right. And they're your age, really 542 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:09,560 like your your half nieces and. My half nieces and their nephew. 543 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,080 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so, So what? 544 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:13,800 What have you learned about Barney? 545 00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,560 So he served in World War 2 in Europe. 546 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,480 I thought that was amazing. I've been able to look through 547 00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,560 photos and I was really fast, like taking pictures with my 548 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:26,080 phone of a bunch of photos and I didn't really look at them, look 549 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,160 at them until later. And I was, I think I was on an 550 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:30,120 airplane and sometimes you're bored on an airplane. 551 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:34,480 I started going through my photos and I saw this one and I 552 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,960 don't know why I didn't see it when I saw it the first time, 553 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:41,080 but I I just saw myself. And so that was really cool. 554 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:45,680 And he was in a uniform, but, and he looks so much like one of 555 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:50,080 my three boys, like just the widow's peak, the everything. 556 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:56,600 And so that's kind of cool. He was married when I was 557 00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,720 conceived, they got divorced within a few years later. 558 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,400 I don't know if it had anything to do with me or not. 559 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:10,040 I don't know who knows, But I just know that my mom, she 560 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,760 wasn't looking for a husband, she just wanted a baby. 561 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:18,600 And when I was about 3, we moved two hours away to another town 562 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,720 where I actually grew up and where my mom lived in the same 563 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:28,120 home until until she died. So yeah, there was a lot of 564 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,000 unresolved unsettling, like not knowing. 565 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:34,120 And so now that I know it didn't really matter at that point, 566 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,840 like I just sure would have been great to have all these half 567 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:41,480 siblings that were like my age. But Stan's always been so sweet 568 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,720 to me whenever I see him. And he's about 18 years older 569 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:48,240 than me, but he and I are the only ones alive still that are 570 00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:52,360 of that of that from his dad. That's just incredible. 571 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:57,560 So you went from not having any answers about who your father 572 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:01,360 was and and letting yourself kind of sit with that for a 573 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:04,520 really long time. Then you get your answers. 574 00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:08,920 You know who he is. You still have unanswered 575 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:12,480 questions, right? Like from your mom, from Barney 576 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,160 about what happened. How are you? 577 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:19,400 Or maybe the question is, have you made peace with the fact 578 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,960 that you might not get an answer to those questions? 579 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,960 Because I think that that's something a lot of people in our 580 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:32,840 community, myself included, have had sort of deal with is I I may 581 00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,080 never know. I will never know the entire 582 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:39,040 truth, so to speak. I'm never going to know my mom 583 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:43,400 died with it. I guess I don't know. 584 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:48,720 I I it's hard to answer. I sometimes question myself, my 585 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:52,480 existence because I wasn't from a marriage, I wasn't from a 586 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:58,560 relationship, I just happened and how it could have easily 587 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:02,200 been someone else. I look at my 4 kids, I look at 588 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:07,320 myself and I said we're so lucky to be on this planet, like to be 589 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,920 alive, to have had the great lives that we live because it 590 00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,920 was so chance. I think of who who ended up 591 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,880 being my dad. I mean, yeah, hard to say that, 592 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:22,400 but it's, you know, and at this point I do feel for my mom 593 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,000 because, you know, she's not here to defend herself or to 594 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:30,240 tell me what happened. But by not telling me and having 595 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,240 probably lots of opportunities. We spent a lot of time together 596 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:36,640 in her last few years when she was not doing well health wise, 597 00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,760 she could have said something. But her good friend who's always 598 00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:46,040 I referred to her as my auntie, she said, you know, Jennifer, 599 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,920 she might not have known. She might not have been able to 600 00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:52,160 give you the answers you wanted or, or answered those answers. 601 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:55,200 So. Did you go through any period of 602 00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:59,480 anger or frustration with your mom about this after you got 603 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:03,960 your answer or before? I think my entire life I always 604 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,800 gave my mom a lot of grace. I didn't ever push it, 605 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:10,400 obviously. I just accepted it as what it 606 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,239 was. And I think I said that to 607 00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:17,080 myself and so many times as an adult that I just believed it. 608 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,560 I'm not going to know. And that's OK because I had a 609 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:24,400 great life and it it didn't matter, but it mattered. 610 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,719 I'm sure it mattered. You know, through life you 611 00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:29,520 question that. It's just such a big thing of 612 00:34:30,159 --> 00:34:33,840 who you are and where you came from. 613 00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:39,239 And I'm related to these people that, you know, genetically were 614 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:41,280 related. But we really started off as 615 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,440 strangers. How lucky it was I to find them, 616 00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:47,280 especially, you know, Angela, Angie, she's just, she's been 617 00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:49,560 terrific. I asked her, I said, why did you 618 00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:52,320 do a test? And she's like, oh, my wife did 619 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:53,639 1. And so I thought that would be 620 00:34:53,639 --> 00:34:55,040 fun. And she's like, I did that in 621 00:34:55,040 --> 00:35:00,920 2016 and I had my friend given me 23andMe instead of Ancestry 622 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:05,440 DNAI pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have done 2 and I would 623 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:08,800 have matched with anyone. I would have never have matched. 624 00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:13,040 And so a lot of things fell into place that maybe it'll happen 625 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,920 for a reason at the right time in my life. 626 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:21,600 What made me sad was the time that went by that I could have 627 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:25,680 had a relationship with this family that has accepted me so 628 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:27,880 much. You know, like I said, I came 629 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,840 from a very, my mom had a very small family and it's, you know, 630 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,720 I was an only child. That's probably why I have 4 631 00:35:33,720 --> 00:35:38,040 kids because I just wanted to, I wanted I, you know, I wanted 632 00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:41,200 that to surround myself with and they're wonderful. 633 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,680 And so I, I know I made the right decision on that, but just 634 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:49,880 maybe the mistime, the mistime that I could have maybe had more 635 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:53,560 time, but honestly with the DNA tests that they haven't been 636 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:57,880 around for that long. So I mean, how much more time 637 00:35:57,880 --> 00:35:58,960 would I have gotten? I don't know. 638 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,600 And maybe the right person wouldn't have tested and I 639 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,880 wouldn't know how to match, and I probably wouldn't have 640 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:07,920 revisited it after that. Yeah, it's all all the what ifs. 641 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:13,400 And to your point, like there's this lost time, but if your mom 642 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,120 didn't know, then you wouldn't have known. 643 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,560 Yeah, yeah, my kids are all think it's cool. 644 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,000 You know they're gonna. Ask what's their take away from 645 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,200 it? They learned they're more 646 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:24,600 Hispanic than they thought they were. 647 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:28,880 I know, I know they love their grandma like she was the 648 00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:32,200 greatest grandma and they all love their grandma, but they're 649 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:37,960 like, oh, grandma when I told her like, oh grandma because I 650 00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,320 just told him the truth. I didn't hide anything. 651 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,240 I said, look, this is what I found out. 652 00:36:42,240 --> 00:36:45,440 It's just been it's been a journey and it's still evolving. 653 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:50,600 But it's nice to to know that. And I didn't know it was nice to 654 00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:54,800 know that until I knew it. Yeah, it's really interesting to 655 00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:59,160 hear your perspective. And there have been a few people 656 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:02,240 that I've spoken to, but for the most part, people really held a 657 00:37:02,240 --> 00:37:05,600 belief and a relation, some sort of relationship, right, with who 658 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,880 they thought with their biological father. 659 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,840 So it's really interesting to hear your perspective where 660 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:16,120 there was no relationship attachment to who you thought 661 00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:18,880 was your biological father, your birth certificate father. 662 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:24,000 But it's still been really profound for you to make that 663 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,440 connection and discover who it was. 664 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,800 Like you said, you didn't know it was missing until you found 665 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,720 it. What's next for you? 666 00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,520 Just kind of just kind of continuing on here, like 667 00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,320 figuring out what what the next steps in my life are going to 668 00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,760 look like and where I'm going to live. 669 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:44,200 I don't think it's going to be here forever where I'm living 670 00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,960 now. It's kind of a transition, but 671 00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:51,280 it's just figuring out what's next for me and fostering these 672 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:55,560 new relationships, which has been really special and very 673 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:59,680 appreciative of of that. What has been the most helpful 674 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:07,200 to you as you've navigated this? Your podcast listening No thank 675 00:38:07,240 --> 00:38:11,120 you listening to all these stories all of our stories 676 00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,280 intertwine. I get a little from one and a 677 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:15,680 little from another and a whole lot from some. 678 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,600 But it's, it's very comforting to know that there's other 679 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,520 people out there that, that are going through this. 680 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:25,160 And until two years ago, I didn't even know this was a 681 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,600 thing. I didn't know what an MPE was. 682 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:31,360 I didn't know what a DNA test I didn't know. 683 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,440 I don't want to do that. I'd tell my friend, you know, 684 00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:35,280 just knowing there's other people. 685 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:40,320 And just also how prevalent it was maybe back in the 60s and 686 00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:44,960 70s and we're all now finding this out now with the commercial 687 00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:49,400 DNA tests or curiosity or hearing other people do it. 688 00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:54,680 So then you do it to not not necessarily expecting to find 689 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:58,960 out what you find out. What advice do you have for a 690 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:03,760 parent who might be keeping adna surprise from their child? 691 00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:07,640 I would say probably what almost every other person says is you 692 00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:11,000 just need to tell them. You know, like just make sure 693 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,080 you know age appropriate and you don't have to give them every 694 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:17,440 last detail, but you just need to tell them because they're 695 00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:19,840 going to find out. They're going to find out. 696 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,440 Even if my mom would have say, I don't know, I don't know the 697 00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:23,720 truth. I don't know if she absolutely 698 00:39:23,720 --> 00:39:27,000 100% knew who it was or didn't know, but I wish she could have 699 00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:30,880 told me that other way. You know, like before she died, 700 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,760 I wished I would have heard it from her then have to go through 701 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,400 all this figuring it out to find out. 702 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:40,440 I always gave my mom a lot of grace and I don't think she 703 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,120 would have thought I would have been mad because again, we never 704 00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:47,840 talked about it. So that was maybe why it was so 705 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:52,000 weird, you know, like all those age appropriate times when it 706 00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:54,160 would have been normal to have this conversation. 707 00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:58,600 We never had the conversation. So then I just let it go and 708 00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:02,000 kind of wish towards the end I would have said something but 709 00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:07,320 can't do anything about it now. Those are really good insights 710 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:11,480 just about wanting to be able to ask those questions, you know, 711 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,920 before before it's too late. And I think that's a really good 712 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,040 thing for parents to think about if they're holding on to any 713 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:21,160 information like that. Give your kids the opportunity 714 00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:25,080 to ask questions if you can, even if you don't know the 715 00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:26,840 answer. What advice do you have for 716 00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:30,120 someone who just uncovered Adna Surprise? 717 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:35,040 Oh gosh, just to be OK with maybe not finding out, you know, 718 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:38,360 and maybe not everyone's going to be embraced by a family. 719 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,200 That's exciting to hear that this is something that they they 720 00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:45,560 didn't know and they found out. And just just be kind to 721 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:49,440 yourself and know that you might not find out everything. 722 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,040 So just be kind to yourself and patient and Share your story 723 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,760 with other people and get the support from other people, which 724 00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,080 is important. Jennifer, thank you so much for 725 00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:00,760 coming on the podcast and sharing your story. 726 00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:04,880 It's just amazing how like you said, everyone's story is a 727 00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:08,440 little bit different and yet there's these common threads and 728 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,400 I really appreciate you taking the time to share your unique 729 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:15,200 perspective and I wish you the best as you continue to bond 730 00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,200 with your new found family and explore your new found heritage. 731 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:20,640 Thank you. Thank you. 732 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,400 Thanks again to Jennifer for sharing her story. 733 00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,680 If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, submit your 734 00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:32,840 story at dnasurprises.com and be sure to join me over on 735 00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:38,280 patreon.com/DNA Surprises for early ad free access to 736 00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:40,600 episodes. Until next time. 737 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:48,360 This episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced and edited 738 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:52,880 by me, Alexis Oursalt. It was mixed and mastered by 739 00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:56,120 Josh Oursalt of Siren Recording Studios.