I do talk freely about the DNA test because I think it's an
important conversation because there's been just so much taboo
with secrets and affairs. I think over the years we always
look at the couple in question, but what about the child?
You know, What about what's going to happen to them?
Like we've seen in Facebook groups, we've seen 67 year olds
doing these DNA tests and then they find out their dad's not
their real dad. Luckily, I'm so strong and
resilient to not lose myself in that anger, betrayal, hurt,
where you could just fall down that rabbit hole even deeper.
It's given me a good perspective to open up because if you don't
open up, who are you going to invite in?
Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the
world of unexpected DNA discoveries.
I'm your host, Alexis Ourselt. In July 2021, my life took a
surprising turn when I found out that I'm an NPE, a person who
has experienced a non paternal event.
In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he
was. Join me as we explore the
stories of NP, ES, adoptees, and donor conceived people and their
families. Get ready to unravel the
astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.
This is DNA Surprises. Welcome to the 100th episode of
DNA Surprises. OK, technically I've had more
than 100 episodes already, but this is the 100th DNA surprise
story I've had the privilege of sharing with you all.
So in celebration of 100 episodes, I thought we'd take it
all the way back to the beginning.
In this week's episode, I'm joined once again by Yvette, my
very first guest on the podcast. I am eternally grateful to those
Season 1 guests. They responded to my call for
guests with no guarantees on how their stories would be told or
where They trusted me with one of the most difficult
experiences of their lives. And that's where this all began.
If you haven't listened to Yvette's story, I'll give you a
quick recap here, but I encourage you to pause this
episode and go back to season 1, Episode 1, Yvette's DNA
Surprise. It's LinkedIn, the show notes.
In our first conversation, Yvette was coming fresh off of
her DNA surprise. She'd figured out who her
biological father was and actually remembered meeting him
one time in her life before he died.
She had connected with her new found siblings but hadn't yet
had the opportunity to meet them.
Yvette had also gone no contact with her mother because of her
anger and pain about the secret. One of the biggest sources of
joy in her experience was her ethnic shift with the discovery
of her Sicilian heritage. Yvette felt immediately
connected to her ancestors when she learned about this
background and immersed herself in learning all about the food
and culture. One of the biggest sources of
her pain is around the missed opportunity to connect with her
biological father, who she seemingly shared countless
similarities with. That was nearly 2 1/2 years ago,
and in this week's episode, Yvette joined me to share where
things are now. She shares how she's continued
to navigate her ethnic shift and build deep connections with her
Sicilian roots. She also gives a surprising
update on her relationships with her siblings and tells us where
things currently stand with her mother.
Be sure to listen all the way to the end of this episode to hear
Yvette give advice to her past self.
Thank you for sharing your story with us again, Yvette.
Thank you, Yvette, for joining me today.
It's good to see you again. Oh, it's.
Thank you so much for bringing me back.
What a journey, what a journey it's been.
What a journey. It's been just just over 2 1/2
years since we spoke and so much has happened and in that time.
Why don't we just pick up where we left off?
What has happened since then? Don't have 4 older half siblings
I never knew about. I've got two older brothers, two
older sisters, and I'm only barely in contact with the
oldest. The one that I reached out to
when I was on the path looking for my biological father and
information about his family and I have not met them and that's
because that's been my decision to not meet my older siblings.
Predominantly my reasoning for that is because I just don't
feel like I have a connection. Unfortunately.
We've had separate lives. We never grew up together and I
think that the pain that they've known about me for over 7, just
over 17 years and me only finding out 3 1/2 years ago.
I, I, I wouldn't know what to say or do if I met them.
I think I've asked all the questions I needed to know about
my biological father and his mother and his background.
They don't know much about my grandparents, our grandparents,
I should say. And I've done a ton of research
on my journey and I just feel like, well, what, what have I
got more to say? What have I got more to ask?
It's just, it's just feels like there's just two different
worlds and that's OK. That's completely OK.
I think that's something that we don't always hear about, and I
think it's important to talk about, right With so many of us.
We're very eager to have this connection with our biological
families, and we're really excited.
And sometimes they are welcoming and sometimes they're not.
And sometimes we talk about how it can be difficult to build
relationships with them, but I don't know that I've talked to
too many people who have ultimately kind of decided this
just isn't a fit. Can you talk a little bit more
about how you got to that place? Absolutely.
I think there's what I have found on my journey with my
surprise DNA test is to me, I, there's this romanticized
version where you do the DNA test, you get the shock that, Oh
my gosh, I'm a different ethnicity or my father's not my
real father, who is my real father.
And there's this massive 7 stages of grief.
And I think what I, this is what I have seen in red is that there
is a, a, a, a union of meeting the other side.
And, you know, there's a bit of, you know, pain getting to know
each other, but then it's all, you know, woven in that person's
tapestry. And it just seems to be a bit of
a general story when it comes to that.
I don't feel like that because so much pain has come out of my
story. I have discovered so much more
in the last few years than just the DNA test and things weren't
right. I know everyone is just
everyone's different. Everyone, everyone's journey is
different. Everyone, every healing test is
different. Everyone's processing is
different with it all. And I just went, gosh, mine,
mine isn't written like that because I did hold on to a lot
of anger and pain in the first few years.
The deception from my mother. And then I have, I have not
spoken to her at all, at all. It's been 3 1/2 years since I've
spoken to her. And because her mother, my
grandmother knew the secret too, and I confronted her and she
denied it to me that she knew. I haven't spoken to her since
either. And that was Easter just over
three years ago. I have been very bitter with
with that, a lot of resentment. My walls have just gone up.
I, I don't allow people into my personal circle as much anymore.
And I've just really protected my heart through through this
process. It took me a long time to
forgive my mother and my grandmother.
It took me a long time to forgive my father too, my
biological father. But in saying all that, I'm not
this hermit that has pushed my whole family away.
This whole discovery has actually brought my stepfather
and IA lot closer, which has been quite beautiful, a very
beautiful relationship between a father and a daughter.
He has just been so supportive. There'll be times I'll just call
him and cry going I, I, I can't cope today be with with at all.
I'm angry with mom, I'm angry with everything.
And he's just the most cool, calm, collective man.
Bit of a voice of reason and helps me out and just listens to
me. Since we're talking about
family, I actually did tell my son last year in October.
And how did he take it? What did he think?
When I told him, I said, oh, Dimitri, there's something I've
got to tell you. And I said, oh, I remember the
DNA test that mummy and Daddy did.
And then Mummy was crying a lot. People were coming over to check
in on me. Mummy was talking so much about
her side of the family. And I told him and he goes, mum,
he was like staring at me with the biggest lighter's eyes
going, mum, this is such a crazy story.
He said to me, this is so crazy. But then he goes to me because
he calls him my father Papu, which is grandfather in Greek.
He goes, but Papua's your real dad.
You know, your real father's not your real dad.
Papua's your real dad. And I could not believe that he
like, no matter what, he still sees him as his real
grandfather. And I think that is just one of
the most beautiful, mature, open minded things he has ever said
to me. And it really just goes to show,
right, that that kids can handle this information.
We can tell children the truth and they are wise and they can
take in information and process it and understand and understand
how it changes or doesn't change their relationships.
That's really great. And I think honesty is
everything. I'm glad that I told him sooner
rather than later because I think if I kept that for another
five years because I thought he wasn't ready, he could have
turned around going, mum, why don't you tell me sooner?
And I thought it was really important because we did go to
Sicily last year for a month. He he Dmitri wasn't as excited
as most 11 year olds at the time are and during preteen he
thought at first it was a bit of a boring trip, he just wanted to
be back home in Sydney with his friends.
But now it all makes sense why we went there, why I went to my
great grandparents village to research my family and connect
with the land that my Sicilian side became so disconnected when
they immigrated to America years ago.
So it was quite a lot for my son to tell him, this is one part of
your lineage and this is their story and This is why we're
here. But he's taking it in very well.
Real. I'm really impressed.
That's wonderful. Let's talk more about your trip
to Sicily because when we last spoke, you were really leaning
into that part of your DNA surprise and learning more about
your heritage. And I remember you talking about
how when you're finding these recipes in cooking your recipes,
but you felt a very deep connection to your ancestors as
you did that. So how is that going and what
was your trip like? Yeah, so one of the main reasons
I honed into my Sicilian heritage is because my
biological father was a product of an affair as well, and my
grandmother had an affair with an American soldier.
It was my grandfather, and he was first generation American,
Sicilian. So I felt that there's been a
generation of disconnection from that line, that heritage.
And Sicily, from what I've been learning, is such a rich
culture. And I really wanted just to
delve deeper and connect because my grandfather was such a
mystery and I found him. Out of all of my relatives, I
look like him the most and his mother, my great grandmother,
just looks like a blonde haired, blue eyed version of my son.
So it's just incredible. I've got one photo of her.
And it's amazing how my son and I just were just cookie cutters
of my paternal lines, not just a Sicilian line.
And I just really wanted to connect with with that side.
And something inside of me, some fire was burning for me to go to
Sicily. So I, I ended up learning a bit
of Italian because no one in Sicily talks English.
So that was really nice to learn that as much as I could.
And I just, there was just something in me going, you need
to go, you need to go to Sicily. And I was getting reoccurring
dreams to go there. So we made a big trip of that.
One of the big reasons was I wanted to go to my great
grandparents village. I wanted to get some more
research. If I meet relatives, awesome.
If I don't, I understand because most of them are in America now.
But I did connect with a cousin from MyHeritage and other DNA
testing site. We got connected and he messaged
me and I said to him, oh, I'm, I'm actually coming to Sicily.
I'm going to stay near you. And he said, oh, we've got to
meet and we met. And that.
It was so lovely, like he's actually from my great
grandfather's side of the family.
When I figured it all out and I didn't tell him about my
surprise DNA test and when we were catching up for a coffee,
he goes to me. Why did you take the test?
And so I sent him an article of mine that was published in
Australia going this will answer your question.
It was just so nice to meet his little daughter.
She was very excited to meet me, very excited to have family in
Sydney because they all assume that the families in America.
So it's it's exciting to have someone new.
Yeah. And it was just really lovely
someone I don't know, but you feel connected and it's just so
weird that I've got family on this little island in the
Mediterranean and it but it all felt so natural and a normal and
that was a really lovely experience.
I'm I'm so grateful. But I think I'll tell a really
short and sweet story of when I went into my great grandparents
village. So I was staying near there for
a week and to get to our villa, we were staying like we had to
drive through to get through there and check in.
And my husband goes, well, why don't we stop in your great
grandparents village? Since we're driving through, I
said, let's go to the street my great grandfather grew up in
because I I had the street name. So we got there.
And so my first steps in this tiny little village in the
middle of nowhere in the countryside was in my great
grand father straight. It just felt like I've been
there 1000 times over for centuries.
It just felt so right. And then there was a group of
people in the street just staring at me and my husband
goes to be, why don't we go and talk to them and see if they
might know if you've got any living relatives.
I said they don't know English. That how how am I supposed to
talk to him? He goes, I've got the Google
translator in my phone. Let's go and talk to them.
So he did it for me going, oh, look, my wife is Sicilian.
Her great grandparents are from here.
Would you happen to know anyone with these last names?
And he rattled off my great grandparents last names and
their parents. And one man just piped up and he
goes, look, let me help you. And then we got talking.
And then we knocked on a few talks asking are you related to
any of these people? And they were like, no.
And I said to him, look, it's over 100 years ago, you know,
people probably died, they've moved, it's all good.
And then he goes to me, where are you staying?
And I'll try and get some information on your family for
you. I said, oh, that would be great.
And then he contacted me. We started talking on WhatsApp
because my Italian is horrible. So it's just easier to use
WhatsApp, use a translator. And he sent me a bunch of
information on my great grandfather's family.
And he said, you do have a really living relative, but
she's not in the village at the moment.
She's on holiday. But he goes, but don't worry,
I've booked an appointment for you to see the council because
that's where all the records are of, of all like birth
certificates, marriage certificates, death
certificates. And I said, oh, that's awesome.
Like, thank you so much. A few years ago when I was
looking for my grandfather, I reached out to a girl in the
village on Facebook to see if she knew anything.
But at that time, I had a fake name of my grandfather because
he gave my grandmother a different name.
Because what soldiers do they give false names so they don't
get tracked down by their lovers that they've hooked up with in
the war. So this girl and I, we stayed in
contact because she said to me we could be indirectly related,
but you look like one of ours. But then I eventually told her
who I was and who my great grandparents were.
We didn't meet, unfortunately, in Sicily.
She was out of the island at the time.
But she said to me, Yvette, have you gone to the council yet to
do your research? And I said, oh, I'm actually
going tomorrow. She's, oh, wonderful.
And when I got there, there was these two men standing outside
and I waved to them and they came up to me and it turned out
to be my friend's father and his friend.
And we just got talking. So we went upstairs to do the
research and I got my second great grandparents marriage
certificate and I'm looking at it.
And then he goes to me, my friend's father, He looked at
me, he goes there, we're cousins.
And I went what? And he explained to me how we're
cousins and all I remember was we're just looking at each other
with tears in our eyes. And I just could not believe it.
And then my new friend that organized the appointment, he
came running upstairs and he looked at my cousin and he
looked at me and he's like how do you 2 know each other?
And he explained it like the whole few years in a nutshell.
And my friend just looked at me going you found the right
people. And I sure did because in my
journey of researching my family, this Sicilian historian
published 2 books on the genealogy of the villages in
this village. It's from like the 1600s to
1990. And it's like, Oh my gosh, I
need to get a hold of these books.
I could not find them anywhere. I was looking at Italian forums,
Facebook groups, contacting book shops in Sicily.
They're like, no, no, sorry, it's sold that nut.
It's out of publishment. And he gifted me these books.
That was his parting gift for me.
I just could not believe it. My journey of pain, deception,
betrayal has become a romantic Sicilian story of connecting
with not just the land, but with relatives and making friends.
Like I have never felt so home in a village.
And I am saying, and this with like so much assertion, because
I have been to Greece as my husband's Greek, my, my son is
of, you know, half Greek heritage.
And I fell in love with the islands when I went there.
And I've been to Croatia because my mother's Croatian.
And again, I felt connected, but it wasn't the same level of like
feeling home in Sicily. I don't know if it's because
I've not known about it for 35 years and I don't know if it's
it was something that was missing from me that's always
been there. But walking through the village,
I was looking at everyone. And I've never seen so many
little girls and women my age that look like me.
I have never had so many people come up to me just asking who I
am. Is your family from here?
What are their last names? And then they start going on the
phone talking to their friends to find out if they know anyone.
It was a real homecoming for me. I just can't wait to go back,
especially with the friendship I made with this particular man.
Are you still in touch with him? Yes, Yeah, we're in touch.
It's like the uncle I never. Had he's.
Waiting for us to come back and he took time out of his day to
help me out and that's something that people wouldn't really do.
Yeah, no, I mean, that's just incredibly generous.
And you know, to your point, it is this beautiful story of, you
know, you searching for the truth and, and not getting it
from the people that you're closest to and then finding it
from strangers like across the world who just welcomed you with
open arms. That is so incredible.
When are you going to go back? I want to go in a couple of
years time. I I just fell in love with the
island so deeply. Just those little pockets of
moments. When I was in western Sicily, I
was in a beautiful little village called Marsala, and we,
my husband and I went to the beach for the day and I went for
a swim on my own. I just remember floating in the
ocean and I just started crying. And it just felt like this
baptismal, like the, the, the ocean was just embracing me.
Like, finally you're home. You're, you're here.
And it was just like every, everywhere I went because I saw
most of the West Coast of Sicily and then I saw a few places in
the South Coast and then we went to one city in the East Coast.
Every place just felt just right, like everything just made
sense. That's.
So beautiful it brought tears to my eyes when you said.
That and I'll never dismiss my my my my biological paternal
grandmother's heritage as well. She's got a check Jewish and
Middle Eastern heritage and some people go to me.
Oh, that How come you don't brace the Czech heritage?
You always talk about the Sicilian.
I said because when I found out I was part Czech, I was at peace
with it straight away because my favorite authors are Czech and
the Czech, you know, is a Slavic culture and heritage, which is
very similar to Croatian. The South Slavic heritage.
If I want to look up on, you know, like Slavic gods and
goddesses and mythology, it's it's the same.
I'm already connected. Like it's, it's already there.
I don't have to go, oh, what do I need to know about the, you
know, Czech history or what do I need to know?
About of a shift as what? Exactly.
I was going to ask you, I think
for some people there is a bit of guilt with maybe not feeling
that instant connection with the family and not wanting to pursue
a relationship or maybe even wanting to, but it's just not
feeling right. How did you come to terms with
that and feel OK with it? Because you seem, and correct me
if I'm wrong, but you seem to be like, you know, it's on me and
this is what I've decided and this is what's right for me.
How did you get to that place? I think when we did our DNA
tests and it was a massive shock to our system, our way of life,
our our life has been narrated for decades.
You at first go like there's this, there's a lot of anger,
like a lot of piercing, burning anger where you go.
How could our mothers do this to us?
How could they deny not only of us, of our biological father
about our ethnicity? Cause we've got a bit of ways
you and I are let's, it's not just.
Yeah. We've got a different father.
We're we're connecting with ethnicities that could have been
buried and we would have never known.
And our DNA, our spirit inside would have been screaming for it
until the day we died. And there's that first space
we've got to move into with this anger, rage.
There is victimizer. How could they do that to me?
What have I done so bad in this life to do to get through that?
And I think I realized I had to take accountability of my
actions and choices because when I got to the point, look what
happened 39 years ago, because I'm now 39, I could never have
controlled the narrative. I wasn't even born.
I didn't make that choice to cheat and, you know, have a
child and hide that from them when the child was questioning
it. That wasn't my choices and
decision. That was my mother and my
biological father and my grandmother and I had to come at
peace with that going. I can't change what happened.
I can only change my outlook on everything and what will bring
me peace from all these and what can what joy can I get out of
all of these? With the whole decision of not
wanting to be in contact with my immediate family, there was some
things that were said and I didn't like obviously I didn't
express it going, hey, I don't like that, but it will.
I internalized it and it just didn't fit right.
Like something it's like, what if I met up with my siblings?
What can I possibly say and add value to this new relationship
where it took a lot of, you know, chewing and froing like a
pendulum? Even my husband will question it
going what? Why?
Why you want to be in contact with your extended family and
not your immediate family. And I said because I want to
know more about my family. My siblings can't.
They can't offer that to me. They wouldn't be able to.
I think there's still a bit of pain as well because not only do
I look so much like my biological father, we have a lot
in common and that really behind me.
We basically studied the same degree.
And when I finished my degree, I wanted to be a like a diplomat.
Like I wanted to get into that Ave. and I found out my father
was a diplomat. That's was his career when he
immigrated to Australia. And I was just like, is this a
sick joke? And then I learned more about
him. He knew 5 languages and I'm up
to my fourth language learning a language.
His favorite food was goulash. That's my favorite food.
How can I have so much in common with someone I didn't know?
I still sit there and I spin out sometimes going.
We've got so much in common, and I'll share a story why I'm still
so horrified when I was emailing my sister in the early days to
find out about my family and get some photos and, you know,
asking all the general questions like medical history and things
like that. She sent me an e-mail that he
sent to her when he was dying of lung cancer.
And it was about a book by Franz Kafka, Metamorphosis.
Have you read that book? I haven't.
So in the book it's about a man that morphs into this really
ugly insect and he was describing that in his e-mail to
my older sister. When I read that e-mail, I had a
nervous breakdown reading it because 10 years ago I had
severe post Natal depression and I tried to take my life from the
severity of it. And I got put into a psychiatric
ward and there was two things I brought with me to the
psychiatric ward. One was a notepad and pen, and I
brought one book from my whole book collection and it was Franz
Kafka's Metamorphosis. Oh.
Wow. Oh that gives me chills.
Still shatters my brains to this day and I've only told a few
selected people and they can't believe it.
They're they're mortified. Like, how do you have so much in
common with him? And there was missed
opportunities to meet and ask him a zillion questions about my
family. I think for me, I just kind of
checked out when my older sister started asking me questions,
like because my father was a practising Jew and she said, I
wonder where the Jewish is from. It's like, I don't know.
I didn't grow up with him. If you had that.
Curious questions and you had him in your life.
I'd be asking all those questions like I maybe I just
think differently. I just don't understand why you
coming to me when I just found out, but I did my work like I
would I I used to ring up synagogues going Hey, I've got a
few questions. Like I remember, I remember when
we, when we spoke, we talked about like Judaism 101 or
something just so that you could get like the basics because you
were curious about that part of you.
And I think this just being part of my personality, if I want to
know something, I just ask. I found out from my great
grandmother's side that none of the women lived until I think
they all lived until their early 60s.
They all died of heart attacks and strokes.
That's so important to know those little things because my
whole life I thought I was going to live until 100 because on my
dad's side, there's longevity. It's a lot to take in.
Yeah. And we've kept in touch, you
know, through few emails here and there over the years.
And you mentioned that you've been on like a really emotional
journey. Is some of that the finding even
more parallels between you and your father a big part of that?
Is there anything else that's been difficult for you?
My mental health has been horrible.
I think that's something we don't really talk about because
of that journey. The you do the DNA test, it's
all shock, anger and stuff. But then some people connect
with their family and then it becomes like the healing journey
can happen. And I don't have that.
Unfortunately. All I've got is emails and books
and, you know, photos and stories and clippings from
ancestry. And I can't ring up my grandma
and go, hey, can you tell me more about the Jewish side and
the Middle Eastern side? Tell me more about that.
I can't. I've, I've mapped out her
father's side, the Czech side, I've mapped that out until the
1600s, that family. And it's just like you go into
these deep spells of trauma and that's not something that you
choose to do. It just happens.
For example, like everything was all fun.
Like I was on a high from my trip in Sicily last year.
I was on a high from it for months.
And, you know, when you come back on a from a vacation, you
go in that depression for a couple of weeks and it takes a
while to get back into in a normal state.
It took me months. I felt like I was I, I left a
lover. You know, I'm pining for him.
I'm pining for this island. And so everything was great.
You know, I told my son the truth.
It just dawned over me over Christmas depression.
I went into this state of, you know, the running of the old
movie in hope that my my biological father was going to
knock on the door on Christmas Day and say I'm here.
And it just was so painful. It's like, how do I get out of
it? And it's so frustrating because
I've been to therapy and I'm the first case of this surprise DNA
test for them. So they can help me with my
childhood traumas. They can help me out with
identity, but not this event that I went through.
And it was just, I just felt so alone.
I just felt really, really, really depressed and anxious.
It wasn't the feeling I had when I had my PND.
It's a totally different feeling.
It's like your soul gets put into a different dimension and
you're looking back at your journey and it's like, what am I
doing? Am I working too hard on this,
on my research? Am I pushing the healing too
fast? And then it effects me as a
mother, as a wife, it affects all of those relationships
because my husband's probably thinking why she like me.
She's she's gone to Sicily, she's learning the language,
she's cooking, she's connecting with relatives.
But it's, it's a really, it's a really lonely journey.
Last year I did connect with someone in real life in the
flesh that's had a similar journey to me.
We met at work and she found out she was when she was 19.
Her dad wasn't her real dad like one of her siblings told her.
And so she's in her mid 50s now and she's been my rock.
So when I do go through these spells, I go to her.
Is this normal? It's me is that it's only been
three years, 3 1/2 years. Like, give yourself some grace.
Yes. Just everything I say, like I
don't want to meet my siblings or I'm still angry or and she'll
go, that's OK, that's OK. Like she gives me the validation
I've already given myself. But I needed to hear it from
someone else who's gone through it similar similar sense.
I'm so glad that you were able to connect with someone in
person. It really does make a
difference. You know, there's so many
wonderful online spaces and I've connected with so many people
through the podcast, but the people that I've met in person,
it's just just a totally different kind of experience to
like share space with somebody who's gone through it.
So I'm really glad that you found that.
Yeah, because there's no like resources, like there's no
conventions, there's no big things that is happening.
And maybe I should start that. But I've just been so deep in my
healing and I have been greedy in that sense because I I need
it. I need that time out.
I need the time to cry if I need to.
Or if I want that joy, I'll crank up Sicilian music in my
lounge room while I cook. And I'm just forever discovering
things. What is next for you?
I mean, you your 3 1/2 years we're, we're almost the same.
We're about the same time. So I feel like we're, we've been
kind of going through this on the same timeline, similar
timelines. What is next for you as you move
forward? I want to learn more Italian so
I'm more proficient when I go next.
I I do want to go to America one day to find out a bit more
information on my great grandparents because they worked
in the cotton fields in the turn of the century when they
arrived. And then they moved up to
Buffalo in New York State. And I heard there's a big
Sicilian community there. So that would be really cool to
go up there, pay homage to their resting places.
But I don't know when that trip will be.
I don't know what's going to happen next.
I am studying counselling now. I'm doing my counselling course
to because I want to help people with their surprise DNA tests
here because there's a massive gap.
There's no one here that specializes in it.
And I think that's really important.
If I can get through these next few years and heal a bit better,
then I can definitely give back to those who are struggling.
I don't know, I'm such an impatient person, Alexis, that I
just want everything to, you know, fall into place.
And I just want things to make more sense.
But I know that's not the reality.
I think, you know, we just want to be healed so quickly from it,
as in like, we want that pain gone.
We want those tears to go away, but they never will.
It's not like, you know, a, a, a family member of really close
friend passing away. And you go through those motions
of grief of losing someone and longing for them.
And then over time, you know, their anniversaries might be
theory, or you might remember a fun memory and you laugh and cry
at the same time. This is just so different for me
because I'm grieving. I'm grieving for, you know, the
lost time with things. I, I, I grieve that I never knew
who I was on a ethnicity basis. But then I didn't know my
father. I didn't know my grandparents.
And I feel like that's all being robbed and taken away from me.
Even not knowing my siblings. People will go, well, then why
don't you connect with them? It's like, well, I don't know
what to say. I really want to just thank you
for acknowledging kind of the the range of feelings that
people have as they move through this because, you know, like I
said earlier, not everyone maybe will feel that bond with their
new found family And and that's OK.
You know, we're all different and it's OK for us to just honor
how we feel as we move through this.
We know who our friends are, we know who our family is, and
families are not always blood. That's true, right?
We definitely learned that through this experience.
I like to see everything as a case study and go, OK, what's
going to bring me joy? Because if I start holding onto
this hate toxicity, that's not going to be good for my journey
and healing. That's not going to put me back
to square 1 the the first week of opening the DNA test, you
know, and then descending into not just the rabble hole, but
the, you know, the steps of hell.
Like it's just you can't. It's OK.
When you feel that pain, let let it out.
But I'm not going to be the same person I was 3 1/2 years ago.
Yeah, we're not going to be the same people that we were when it
started. And I think a lot of times we
hear you're still you. You're still you.
And yes, we are. Who we are and who we are is
changed. Yvette, thank you so much for
joining me again and sharing an update.
I can't say enough. I have so much gratitude for you
trusting me with your story when I was just a fresh DNA surprised
person and PE reaching out in Facebook groups going does
anyone want to tell me your story?
Because it really has helped me feel so much less alone in my
journey. And I know, like I said, you
have helped thousands of people with your story, so thank you.
Thank you so much for allowing me to share my story on your
platform, on your space and giving this opportunity for us
surprise DNA test people because we're not just from an affair,
we're from a donor can see we're from adoption one night stands,
you name it. And it's just a very, very
different we, we, we see the world very differently.
We've got a different lens, and what's the one thing that
connects us humans is storytelling and the lessons
from these stories. And we need that.
We need to make sense of it somehow.
So listening to these episodes from time to time gives me fresh
perspectives too. I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much. After Yvette and I had our
conversation, I thought of one more question I really wanted to
ask her. As you know, every episode I ask
people for advice for parents who are keeping DNA surprises
from their children, as well As for people who recently
uncovered Adna surprise. For her update, I wanted to know
what advice a vet would give the version of her who first
appeared on the podcast The Event of October 2021.
Here's what she said. What advice would I give to the
event back in October 2021? The best is yet to.
Come and don't beat yourself up with how you little.
You think you have come. Because in fact, you have come
such a long way. With all the research asking.
The questions reaching out to. People you know for the.
Answers that you have been seeking for I just want to let
the event of 2021 that I am so proud of her and just to keep
going. Don't let anyone dictate how you
should be handling this, how you should be healing.
Everything you are doing is just the.
Best you. Can do and there's no.
Textbook or rulebook to say. What you are doing is wrong or
you should be taking it either way or reacting how you have
been reacting because I can tell you something that there's just
so much more you are going to discover over the next few.
Years it is going to. Blow your mind away.
And it will all. Make sense?
Trust me. Thanks once again to Yvette for
sharing her story and for trusting me with it straight
from the beginning. Stay tuned for more updates from
past guests this season. If you have Adna surprise that
you'd like to share, submit your story at dnasurprises.com.
Until next time, This episode of DNA Surprises was hosted,
produced and edited by me, Alexis Ourselt.
It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording
Studios.