1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,080 I can only speak for myself but I just don't want to hear 2 00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:04,960 anymore anyone else's story about it. 3 00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:09,560 You know I've now heard I've gotten 3 cousins stories. 4 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,520 I've gotten my 2 new sisters versions. 5 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:19,480 I mean I probably have heard 15 people's stories regarding this 6 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:24,200 man and and how we all came to be and I just don't feel like I 7 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,200 can hear one more person talk about it. 8 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,000 I don't want to hear one more person tell me what a great guy 9 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,840 he was. I certainly don't want to hear 10 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,080 anyone else tell me what a good father he was. 11 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:38,040 It's dizzying, honestly. By the third story from the 12 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:42,560 third cousin, I was dizzy with what is even the truth? 13 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,720 Did he love my mom? Did he not love my mom? 14 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,920 Is he a predator? Is he just a really charming 15 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,040 guy? Is this all a coincidence? 16 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,080 I just don't know what's true anymore. 17 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:56,000 And so I don't want to reach out to his widow, primarily because 18 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,080 I don't really believe anything she's going to say is probably 19 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:03,320 going to be true because the truth is so subjective. 20 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:04,680 Yeah. Right. 21 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,600 We hold on. We hold on to the version of the 22 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:13,160 truth that serves us best. Welcome to DNA Surprises, a 23 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,560 podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA 24 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,200 discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis ourselves. 25 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:26,240 In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out 26 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:31,080 that I'm an N P/E, a person who has experienced a non paternal 27 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:34,400 event. In other words, my biological 28 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,640 father isn't who I thought he was. 29 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:42,440 Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees, and 30 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,960 donor conceived people and their families. 31 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,920 Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin 32 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:54,240 with a simple DNA test. This is DNA Surprises. 33 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,840 Welcome to season 12 of DNA Surprises. 34 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:04,120 This season marks nearly four years of sharing these stories, 35 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:08,560 and while each one is unique, the threads that tie our stories 36 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:14,000 together remain strong. For example, there are many ways 37 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,040 that people uncover their discoveries. 38 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,920 Sometimes people learn about their parentage through who they 39 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:25,120 connect to. A new cousin, an aunt, a parent. 40 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,560 Others are more shocked by who they don't connect to. 41 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,200 In this week's episode, Michelle reveals how she learned that the 42 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,640 man she believed was her father was not genetically related to 43 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:40,880 her at all. She shares what she learned 44 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,080 about her biological father and why her feelings about him are 45 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:48,600 complicated, how she connected with her sisters, and why she 46 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,560 doesn't want to hear any additional stories about what 47 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,200 happened. Thank you for sharing your 48 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:58,560 story, Michelle. My name is Michelle, I'm 51 49 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,000 years old and I'm from San Antonio, TX. 50 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:06,800 I grew up knowing that the man I was calling my dad was not 51 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,120 really my dad. I grew up with a stepdad, Ruben, 52 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:14,480 who I loved and adored. I always believed that my 53 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:20,360 biological dad was a man named Robert and I held to that belief 54 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:27,080 until March 2024 when ADNA test showed me that he wasn't my real 55 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,480 dad. I actually had taken the DNA 56 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:33,040 test in 2017 to get some health information. 57 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:39,000 I had had some autoimmune things come up and the man that I 58 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,040 thought was my real dad, Robert, he never knew his dad. 59 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,120 So I decided to take this DNA test in 2017 thinking it would 60 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:50,600 give me some health data. It did, but I never looked at 61 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:55,360 the DNA matches. Flash forward to 2023. 62 00:03:56,240 --> 00:04:01,280 I get this e-mail that says you have this close DNA match on 63 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:05,320 23andMe. And honestly Alexis, I don't 64 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:09,160 know what made me look. I'd been getting emails from 65 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,600 23andMe for years, but I think it was that it said you have a 66 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:16,839 close DNA match. And so I went and looked and I 67 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:21,519 had a relative that was showing up as either a cousin or a 68 00:04:21,519 --> 00:04:26,880 nephew. And silly me, I thought I had 69 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:31,600 stumbled upon my quote UN quote real dad's birth family. 70 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,360 Like I I thought I was about to be a hero. 71 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:40,560 Oh, OK, so you didn't recognize the name, but that wasn't 72 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:44,960 surprising to you because you were expecting that maybe you 73 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,400 would connect with some of his unknown. 74 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,920 Family. The story was my biological dad. 75 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:55,440 Robert never knew his dad. So I'm thinking, Oh my God, I'm 76 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:59,440 the best daughter ever. I've just discovered Robert's 77 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,960 family. Robert and I never really had a 78 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:06,440 close relationship. In fact, I would say most of my 79 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,200 life it was a source of big disappointment. 80 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:14,880 So when I saw this, I thought this is an opportunity for he 81 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,920 and I to connect. So I reached out to him and his 82 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:21,280 wife and I said, you know, hey, I've connected with this young 83 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,640 man. Do you recognize this name? 84 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,560 They said no. And I said, do you want to take 85 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,600 adna test? And he said yes. 86 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,320 And I sent it to him for Christmas 2023. 87 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:38,360 Meanwhile, this young man and I were talking about how could you 88 00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,760 be my nephew or cousin? So we're we're sort of like 89 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,880 tossing back messages back and forth and I have a brother but I 90 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,520 know he's not my brother's son because they're almost the same 91 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:56,600 age. So I send Robert the DNA test in 92 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,280 December. December comes and goes, January 93 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:03,560 comes and goes, February comes and goes. 94 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:08,760 Finally I reach out to my stepmother and I say hey y'all. 95 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:13,400 He hasn't shown up on my profile yet and she says 0. 96 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:18,520 He's been talking to his biological family, he had gotten 97 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:22,920 his DNA results, he'd connected with siblings, he'd found 98 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:28,800 cousins, but he never showed up on my 23andMe profile, if that 99 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,000 makes sense. So you're sitting there thinking 100 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:36,280 maybe he just hadn't taken the test and he was just sitting on 101 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:39,640 it. You call and it turns out no, he 102 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,480 actually has connected with tons of his family so he didn't reach 103 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,280 out to you to let you know. Hey, I did find people, but you 104 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,560 said that you weren't particularly close. 105 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:52,120 We weren't particularly close, but it was a surprise to me that 106 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,560 he didn't reach out to tell me. He didn't notice that he didn't 107 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,520 connect. With well, that remains to be 108 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:02,840 seen. OK, so you here he's connected 109 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:07,800 with his family, but you've put the pieces together now or have 110 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,000 you put the pieces together that he hasn't connected to you? 111 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,160 Are you wondering why I? Call 23andMe. 112 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,880 I'm, I'm thinking this is a mistake, right? 113 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,760 And I've heard a lot of people say this, like I got on the 114 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:22,720 phone with customer service. I'm saying like, hey, my dad's 115 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:28,160 not showing up on my profile. And they said, and I'll never 116 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,200 forget. And they even I haven't had them 117 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,520 e-mail me. There's no genetic connection 118 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:40,920 between you and this person, Robert and I, I mean, talk about 119 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,520 a full scale dismantling of reality. 120 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:49,920 I was sitting at my dining room table in an instant, like my 121 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:54,040 whole life was unraveling. What does this mean? 122 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,400 I go straight to my husband's office and I show him the e-mail 123 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,280 and he says let's go to your mom's. 124 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,200 He was like, let's go. My husband's wonderful. 125 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,920 So he says let's go, let's go figure this out. 126 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,640 So we get in the car and we go to my mom's. 127 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,360 Now remember this cousin slash nephew, he and I have been 128 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:18,000 communicating this whole time through 23andMe. 129 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,960 So I know a little bit of his background. 130 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,520 I know his last name, I know his family names. 131 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:26,160 And the lady at 23andMe, the customer service representative 132 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,480 said this cousin that you've connected is more than likely a 133 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,760 nephew. The percent of overlap between 134 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,880 you and this young man is he's probably your nephew. 135 00:08:36,159 --> 00:08:39,720 So all in this day I'm realizing this is not my dad. 136 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,840 Oh, I have this nephew, which means I also have some siblings 137 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,720 somewhere. Now when you connected with you 138 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:52,480 later find out is probably your nephew, is he giving you tons of 139 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,560 family information and you're thinking that this all matched 140 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,280 your dad? Did he think that there was some 141 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:03,240 unknown person out there This. Sweet guy was just like, he was 142 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,240 like, I don't know how you're related to me, but I'll tell you 143 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,520 whatever you want to know. And so he's just like, well, 144 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:11,000 here's my grandfather, here's my other grandfather, here's my 145 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,920 mom's name. We're trying together to piece 146 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:18,040 together how are we related. And he's thinking he's going to 147 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,880 be a part of this magical moment where I tell my, you know, 148 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:25,320 quote, UN quote, real dad that I have found his long lost family 149 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:30,080 only to discover, no, I have found my long lost family. 150 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,240 What is going through your mind now? 151 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,800 You're not matching with your dad. 152 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,760 You find out that this young man is your nephew. 153 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:42,120 What are you thinking? I don't even know if I was 154 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:47,280 thinking I was in that dizzy investigative mode that I think 155 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,880 so many of us go into immediately. 156 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:53,040 It's like for NP ES, it's fight, flight or investigate. 157 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,080 So I went in to investigate, right? 158 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,560 And all the drive to my mom's house, it's about a 40 minute 159 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:02,120 drive. I am scouring the Internet. 160 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:06,960 I am looking all through these 23andMe profiles and there's 161 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,440 only two options, right? Like this kid and I are 162 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:13,040 connected. He only has two grandfathers. 163 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:17,800 So one of his grandfathers is related to me or his mom or dad. 164 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:25,440 So I go to my mom's house and I say to my mom, Mom, did you ever 165 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:30,120 know a man named Stacy? And she says, why? 166 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:33,040 That Stacy was one of the names I got from the young man I 167 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,360 connected with. So I said, do you, did you ever 168 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,760 know a man named Stacy? And she says, why? 169 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,320 And I knew immediately my husband and I looked at each 170 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:46,840 other and I said, is it possible that he's my dad? 171 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,200 And she said, yeah, you look just like him. 172 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:54,400 At this point I'm 50 years old, right? 173 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:59,920 Or I guess 49 at that time. And she said it just like that. 174 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,680 How are you feeling to hear her say that so nonchalantly? 175 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,000 I felt like I was going to faint. 176 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:10,640 I just didn't see it coming. I've heard a lot of people's 177 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,360 stories, you know, people saying, like, I always thought 178 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,160 there was something different, but I always knew, right? 179 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:19,560 I always knew my stepdad is not my real dad. 180 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,880 My real dad is kind of absent from my life. 181 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,440 I always had that story. It never occurred to me that 182 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,760 there was actually another absent father. 183 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:33,080 Were you close at all to who you thought was your biological 184 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,720 father's family, or anyone from that side? 185 00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:41,240 No, no, I wasn't. My alleged biological father and 186 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,400 his family kept their distance from me. 187 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,360 And in hindsight, I think that they always knew. 188 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:51,560 And I think that's why he didn't call me when he got his DNA 189 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,880 results. All the investigative work I've 190 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,440 done, I think he always knew he wasn't my real dad. 191 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,280 Which in some ways makes him a hero, right? 192 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:05,440 Because while he didn't show up for me very much, he did show up 193 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:09,240 for me a lot for someone who wasn't even actually my dad. 194 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,200 If you flip the perspective that. 195 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,920 Way. OK, so your mom just drops this 196 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:20,000 information very casually. Did she give you any more 197 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:24,840 details about your biological father and how they met or 198 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:30,040 anything like that at that time? On that day she told me that she 199 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:35,080 was married to my alleged biological father Robert and her 200 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:40,800 and Stacey had an affair. My mom was 19 years old and 201 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:45,160 Stacey was in his late 20s and they had an affair. 202 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:50,880 She got pregnant with me and Stacey knew that I was his and 203 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:55,360 according to her they were in love and he saw me until I was 204 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,840 about 3 years old when she then met my stepdad and married him 205 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:05,960 and then that was my dad. And you have, do you have any 206 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,800 memory of Stacy? None. 207 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,280 None. So of course I did another DNA 208 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:15,680 test, right? Even though my mom told me I 209 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:21,440 still needed to confirm. So I did an ancestry test, which 210 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:25,200 opened the door actually to a lot more relatives, which has 211 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:30,960 been just an absolute whirlwind. I mean, what I found out is that 212 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:36,040 this man, Stacy, actually had multiple relationships with 213 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,280 multiple young women. And I have that. 214 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:45,920 I know of five other siblings. Was Stacy married when he had 215 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:50,160 the affair with your mother? Yes, he was married throughout 216 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:53,040 all the relationships. He was married until he died in 217 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:57,040 2006. So you find out through Ancestry 218 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,960 which for if people don't know who who are listening, Ancestry 219 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:05,440 has the deeper well of testers right? 220 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,960 More people have taken Ancestry then 23andMe or some of the 221 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,520 others. So people are more likely to 222 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,640 find matches when they take an ancestry test, right? 223 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,200 Right. So he had three kids with his 224 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,520 wife. The other three of us are from 225 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:26,000 extramarital affairs. He impregnated my mom in 1974. 226 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:31,040 He impregnated my sister's mom in 1977. 227 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,520 And then I have another sister that was born in 1997. 228 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:41,200 What are you feeling as you're uncovering these additional 229 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,640 people? Well, there's so many stories 230 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,280 emerging. So there's my story of, Oh my 231 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,800 God, my dad is not who I thought he was. 232 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:54,560 And the man who is actually my biological dad is deceased. 233 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:59,000 So I'm, I'm grieving on more than one level, right? 234 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,840 My stepdad, who I love and who I know would have had the answers 235 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,120 to all of this, is also deceased. 236 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,240 The man who I thought was my biological dad, I'm grieving him 237 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,760 too. Even though we didn't have a 238 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:14,040 great relationship, I'm grieving him and I'm grieving for him. 239 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,000 There's so much grief. I'm finding out that I have all 240 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:23,000 these siblings that I didn't know about, and I'm finding out 241 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:27,400 that many of us were born as a result of affairs. 242 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:33,760 And three of us, our mothers, were very young when they were 243 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:37,280 in relationship with him and they all worked for him. 244 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,600 I don't know how to feel about that. 245 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,320 Like, how do I feel about this man who has affairs with these 246 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:48,360 young women, impregnates them, and then essentially leads them 247 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,680 on? You know, what's interesting is 248 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,440 that all of our moms were in love with him. 249 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,520 That's the language that's been used. 250 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,760 They were in love with him. Right. 251 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,400 Yeah. So you have this whole story 252 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:04,640 initially from your mom that it was like this love affair. 253 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:10,080 Does that change for you at all? Yes because the other sisters 254 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:15,760 moms also were in love with him and also were teenagers and also 255 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:20,520 pined for him. My mom remarried my stepdad but 256 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,840 the other girls moms did not remarry. 257 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,600 They loved him until he died. And it's interesting because 258 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:31,560 when I tell this story, people often say, oh, he must have been 259 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:35,840 so charismatic. He must have been such a, you 260 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:41,160 know, charming guy. To which I answer, no, I think 261 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:46,280 he must have been a predator. He was 10 years older than my 262 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,920 mom and she was 19 years old. And then, as he continued to get 263 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,480 older, the women remained in. Teens and early 20s. 264 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,880 So they were all young. He was their boss. 265 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,200 So there's two sisters that I've connected closely with. 266 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,520 One of them is Dana and the other is Stacy. 267 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,920 Not to be confused with the now biological father, Stacy, but I 268 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:10,880 also have a sister, Stacy. Dana and Stacy and I have done a 269 00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,720 lot of investigating. We've now, you know, and talked 270 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:17,280 to cousins and investigated more ancestry. 271 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:22,560 And I think the more we learn, the more our origin stories 272 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:27,440 become more confusing to us. What I do know, what is clear to 273 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:32,840 me, is that our mothers were young women who worked for him. 274 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,480 And that is a power differential that cannot be ignored. 275 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,680 A lot of the people that we've spoken to or the people that 276 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:45,200 could give us answers won't. My mother, for example, will not 277 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:49,360 talk about it any further. The last thing she said to me, 278 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:53,280 the last time I tried to talk to her about this, she said, I 279 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,280 really can't believe you're going to let this affect you 280 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,640 this way. I gave you a good dad. 281 00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:01,680 Meaning my stepdad. She doesn't want to answer any 282 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:05,600 other questions. My sister Dana's mom is 283 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,160 deceased. She can't answer any questions. 284 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:14,320 My sister Stacey's mom, I think it's it's painful. 285 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:19,720 I think she's not wanting to talk about it or not ready to 286 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:23,080 talk about it. And so we're relying on these 287 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:27,000 stories from cousins and other relatives. 288 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:31,760 There's this other layer, too, of the amount of secrets that 289 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:36,120 are being kept. Even still, you know, we talked 290 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:40,560 about how Roberts didn't call me when he got his DNA results. 291 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:45,680 And come to find out, my alleged biological father, Robert, also 292 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:49,760 had worked with Stacy. And so we got another version of 293 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:54,640 the story that actually Robert had told Stacy that he was my 294 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,520 real father. So there's just all these 295 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:02,360 secrets being kept by all these different adults. 296 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:08,160 Even now, right Even now, secrets are still being kept. 297 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,480 Robert won't talk to me about it. 298 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,600 My mom won't talk to me. You can't talk to Dana's mom. 299 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,480 Stacy's mom is not ready to talk about it. 300 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,960 There's so many question marks. I want to, I want to back up to 301 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,600 when you found your sisters, did you match directly with those 302 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,640 two sisters on Ancestry? No, I found them in a roundabout 303 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,400 way. So I matched with a cousin and I 304 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:34,400 reached out to this cousin and she was so gracious and we 305 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,200 jumped on the phone and I had to say to her, I think your Uncle 306 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,960 Stacy is my dad. And she was not surprised at 307 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,280 all. And she said, actually, I know 308 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:46,720 of at least two others of you. And so that's how I found my 309 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:52,080 sisters, Dana and Stacy Marie. So Dana and Stacy already knew 310 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:56,880 that that Stacy, your biological father, was their father. 311 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,840 They already knew they didn't know about me and they didn't 312 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,200 know about each other. Well I get their names from a 313 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:08,840 cousin and I immediately probably that same day emailed 314 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:13,480 both of them and said something like hey, is your dad a man 315 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,920 named Stacy? If so, I might be your sister. 316 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:22,560 I emailed them and they emailed me right back and it's probably 317 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,960 been. The miracle of this whole 318 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,560 nightmare has been these two sisters. 319 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,760 My sister Dana, who is 3 years younger than me. 320 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:39,520 She grew up knowing that Stacy was her dad, but she grew up not 321 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,080 with him. Her mom took her away to a whole 322 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,480 different state because Stacy wasn't going to leave his wife. 323 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,880 He wasn't going to let Dana be a part of his life. 324 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,760 So she and her mom moved. And so she grew up feeling 325 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:56,080 fatherless. And so when I reached out to her 326 00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:59,320 and told her, I think I'm your sister, we just had this 327 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,760 immediate connection. I think her e-mail back to me 328 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,000 was, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. 329 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:07,680 You don't have to go through it alone. 330 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:12,000 And I mean, from that day, we've just been basically like 331 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:16,160 drinking from a fire hydrant, Like we've just been just taking 332 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,720 it all in together and trying to figure it out together. 333 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,400 She did then also do an ancestry test. 334 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,040 And so now we have our genetic match in black and white. 335 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,960 Do you find that you are similar to your sisters? 336 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,440 Have you gotten any of that genetic mirroring component that 337 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,280 a lot of people feel like they're missing? 338 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,680 When I saw their photos, I knew they were my sisters. 339 00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,400 When I looked them up, when I stalked them, I remember, you 340 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,280 know, in particular, Dana looking at her photos online, 341 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,040 thinking, Oh my God, we have the same smile. 342 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:51,600 It was so weird to see that. And then my little sister, Stacy 343 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:56,680 Marie, I messaged her. She got right back to me also, 344 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,400 but into show. She's 20 years younger than me, 345 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:06,040 so her reaction, while she's been wonderful, I think she's 346 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,880 still really like processing all of this. 347 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:14,680 She grew up believing that he was a good guy who just didn't 348 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:18,360 have room for her in his life, I think. 349 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:25,320 And so here I come to to her with like, actually, actually 350 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:29,240 he's this guy who had multiple affairs and now has all these 351 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:33,480 unclaimed children. Were you able to connect or 352 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:38,560 build a relationship with the siblings from Stacy's marriage? 353 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:43,280 No, we have not attempted that. Do they know about you? 354 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,560 I don't know. I know that his widow knows 355 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,600 about us. Actually, turns out she has 356 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,160 always known about US. One of the cousins told us that 357 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,120 she knew about us. And then his widow actually 358 00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:59,200 reached out to my sister Dana to see if she could talk to her. 359 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,200 And about a month ago, we decided to put our story on 360 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,760 social media. And I guess that got back to 361 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,880 her. And so she reached out to Dana 362 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,800 and said, you know, I'm available to answer any 363 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:13,000 questions you want. I think Dana's still thinking 364 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,400 about whether she's going to do that. 365 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,560 But in that, she did tell Dana that she knew about all of us. 366 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,040 What is the hesitation? Do you think about reaching out 367 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,800 to her with any questions or to try to get more of the story? 368 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,240 You know, I can only speak for myself, but I just don't want to 369 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,280 hear anymore anyone else's story about it. 370 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:36,520 You know, I've now heard I've gotten 3 cousins stories, I've 371 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,800 gotten my 2 new sisters versions. 372 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:45,760 I mean, I probably have heard 15 people's stories regarding this 373 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:50,480 man and and how we all came to be and I just don't feel like I 374 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,480 can hear one more person talk about it. 375 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,280 I don't want to hear one more person tell me what a great guy 376 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,160 he was. I certainly don't want to hear 377 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,360 anyone else tell me what a good father he was. 378 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,320 It's dizzying, honestly. By the third story from the 379 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:08,840 third cousin, I was dizzy with what is even the truth? 380 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,000 Did he love my mom? Did he not love my mom? 381 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,240 Is he a predator? Is he just a really charming 382 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,360 guy? Is this all a coincidence? 383 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:18,400 I I just don't know what's true anymore. 384 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:22,280 And so I don't want to reach out to his widow, primarily because 385 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,360 I don't really believe anything she's going to say is probably 386 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:29,600 going to be true because the truth is so subjective. 387 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:30,960 Yeah. Right. 388 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,880 We hold on. We hold on to the version of the 389 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:40,440 truth that serves us best. And from what she has said to my 390 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,920 sister Dana, she is holding on to the story that he was a good 391 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,520 man and a good father who made some mistakes. 392 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:52,200 I can accept that that is her version of the truth. 393 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,800 We've actually heard that version from a couple of 394 00:24:55,800 --> 00:25:00,520 cousins, so I can accept that that's their version of events. 395 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:05,640 But for me and my new little sisters, that doesn't feel true. 396 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,400 So I don't want to hear it, and frankly, I don't want to make 397 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,040 her tell it either out of respect for her. 398 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:16,640 I don't want to call her up and ask her to talk about the 399 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,720 multiple affairs that her husband had. 400 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,080 How painful. Right. 401 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:23,920 Yeah. Right. 402 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:29,880 Do you feel like you want to talk to your other siblings? 403 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:33,040 That's a great question. You know, they grew up with him 404 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,560 as their dad. I mean, I guess I certainly 405 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,920 would be open to it, but I'm not sending any more emails, if that 406 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,520 makes sense. I reached out to Dana and Stacy 407 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,520 Marie because I knew they were like me. 408 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:50,120 I knew that they were unclaimed. And so I felt a kinship with 409 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:53,240 them immediate already before I even talked to them, right? 410 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,680 I don't know if I'll reach out to the other three, but I 411 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,200 certainly will be open to any outreach that they do in my 412 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,200 direction. We have a, an uncle, one of 413 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:07,080 Stacy's brothers has offered to also meet with us and talk with 414 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:10,000 us. And I don't think I'm going to 415 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,280 do it. I support my new little sisters 416 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,760 if they want to do that. You know, if you'd asked me 417 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:19,120 before Christmas, I was trying to talk to anyone who would talk 418 00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:24,160 to me about this. And at some point I just got 419 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:29,120 dizzy and I got angry. What are you angry about? 420 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,400 I mean, here are all these adults, right? 421 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:35,000 Y'all are all in like in your 70s, like grow up, get your 422 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,840 lives together, tell the truth, right? 423 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,120 And I mean this with no disrespect to my little sister's 424 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,160 moms, but also to them. Like, come on, y'all. 425 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:48,200 Like we're Dana and Stacey, Marie and I are trying to put 426 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,920 our lives together. We're trying to put our stories 427 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:56,000 together, not just for ourselves, but we have children 428 00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:01,680 who are going to hang their hat on our life stories. 429 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:07,440 And you grown-ups cannot grow up and tell an objective story or 430 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,000 talk for real about what happened. 431 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,240 I mean, some of them won't even talk to us at all about what 432 00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,720 happened. So I'm angry about that. 433 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,960 And I've just decided I'm going to stay angry about that for as 434 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:21,720 long as I need to, and I'm not going to hear one more person's 435 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,200 story if I don't have to. Anger's a part. 436 00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,480 Of it, it has to be right. For such a long time, I was in 437 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,560 shock. I just. 438 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:35,000 I mean, for months, Alexis, I would just drive around in my 439 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:39,360 car, going from one thing to the next, and I didn't even 440 00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:41,880 recognize the sound of my own voice anymore. 441 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,160 Who am I? What do you mean? 442 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,000 That's not really my last name. What do you what? 443 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,920 That's not my oh, my ethnicity changed a little bit. 444 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:58,200 I just drove around in a daze. Then I found the sisters and I 445 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:02,160 started to wake up. But I also started to get a lot 446 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:03,960 more information because of that. 447 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:08,960 I think for the next couple years, I just want to bask in 448 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,680 the fact that I have little sisters. 449 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,360 I always had a little brother. My mom and stepdad had a son. 450 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,680 And so I've always had a little brother and I adore him and he's 451 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,360 been wonderfully supportive through all this. 452 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:23,280 But now I have little sisters and I just want to enjoy that. 453 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:27,600 Here's something that's also a part of the grief is if, if I'm 454 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:35,720 being honest, I'll never know. I'll never know who this man was 455 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:39,720 or why he created these unclaimed children. 456 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:43,080 I'll never know his motive. I'll never know if he loved us. 457 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,360 I'll never know if he really knew about us. 458 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,040 It's all just. It's all just story now. 459 00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:54,360 Yeah, I've heard you say a few times that you and your sisters 460 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:59,880 are unclaimed children, and then you just talked about that 461 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:03,640 initial identity unraveling where you don't even recognize 462 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,280 your own voice and you feel very detached from yourself. 463 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:13,800 Is the unclaimed child piece a part of your identity now? 464 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,800 Or how has your identity changed since you had your DNA surprise? 465 00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,800 Yeah, I definitely own that unclaimed piece. 466 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,320 It came to me last year when one of the first cousins I ever 467 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:27,920 talked to, when I was trying to get information about Stacy and 468 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,080 she referred to us as illegitimate children. 469 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,040 And I thought to myself, hell no. 470 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,480 I am absolute. I am 100% legitimate. 471 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:40,480 And so it occurred to me that what we are is unclaimed. 472 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,480 And I, I own that and I I love that. 473 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,240 I love saying that. And to my little sisters, Dana 474 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,560 and Stacy Marie, I claim you. I claim you. 475 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,680 And that's kind of been like, I think the last couple of months, 476 00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:56,800 what I have really felt is, you know, all the dismantling of 477 00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:00,480 reality, all these bullshit stories, all this confusion 478 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:03,200 around all these daddy issues, right? 479 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,920 What it all has done is it's left me with these two beautiful 480 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,120 women who I get to claim as my sisters. 481 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:12,120 And I really kind of feel like it can be my purpose now to fill 482 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,680 the gaps that he left and not that I'm trying to make up for. 483 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:20,040 I'm not trying to be a parent to them or solve their solve their 484 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:23,160 hurt but I don't know. I just get to I feel like I get 485 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:24,440 to claim them. Yeah. 486 00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,280 It feels good to say that, and it feels good to be mad about 487 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:33,000 it, and it's interesting to like how grief and anger and love can 488 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,360 all be wrapped up in in these stories. 489 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:40,520 Absolutely, absolutely. I know you said that you are 490 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:46,480 tired of hearing all of the additional stories, but are 491 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:50,840 there any questions that you would like answered? 492 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:52,920 Like from your mom, for instance. 493 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,480 If I was able to ask her anything, maybe I would want to 494 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,480 know, like, how did you cope with that mom? 495 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:03,440 Like, how did you look at me every day and be OK with that 496 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,400 grief that you must have had about him? 497 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,360 What was that like? Right. 498 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,560 Like that must have been so hard. 499 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,520 You mentioned that you had a slight ethnicity shift. 500 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:20,040 What was that? So I grew up identifying as 501 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,560 Mexican. I always knew and my mom is 502 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,520 white. I always knew I was half Mexican 503 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,400 or I just thought I was half Mexican, half white. 504 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:35,520 But as I've taken this deeper dive into my DNA, I'm like 75% 505 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:40,240 Irish English and very little Mexican. 506 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:44,160 So I just kind of, and that blew my mind. 507 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:48,480 I mean, I'm still, I still have some Mexican American DNA, but I 508 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,840 always just identified so strongly as a Mexican American 509 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:55,000 woman and I still do, right. But it just. 510 00:31:55,320 --> 00:32:01,320 Being in, in San Antonio, right, like there's a relatively large, 511 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,080 you know, Mexican population, so. 512 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:07,360 Totally. I mean, you said you still do. 513 00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,800 Did it shake you a little bit, though, to feel that it wasn't 514 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,840 as much as you that's so strongly identified with it? 515 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:18,160 Did to go from thinking I was to thinking I was at least 50% 516 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,680 Mexican to finding out I'm only like 17%. 517 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,160 And that may not seem significant to some people, but 518 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:25,640 like you said, I live in South Texas. 519 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,880 I remember telling my husband and my daughter like, let's not 520 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,840 tell anyone. Like let's, let's never tell 521 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:33,880 anyone that I'm only 17% Mexican. 522 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,000 Do people perceive you as Mexicans still? 523 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,960 Yeah, I mean, I think in South Texas, if you have brown hair 524 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,080 and brown skin, you're probably Mexican, right? 525 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:46,160 So I think people, people do perceive me as Mexican and I 526 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,120 think assume that I am. And I love that. 527 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:50,760 You know, my stepdad was Mexican. 528 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:55,400 So I grew up very much steeped in the Mexican American culture 529 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:59,760 and and I am so great, you know, to my mom's, you know, argument 530 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:01,760 of why I gave you a good dad. She did. 531 00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,760 My stepdad, Ruben, was he was amazing. 532 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:07,200 And this has kicked up a lot of grief. 533 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:12,160 He died 10 years ago. I wish he was here, Alexis, 534 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:14,120 because I feel like he would handle this. 535 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:16,680 He was just that kind of guy and that kind of dad. 536 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,080 Like, I know he would just like he would just get on the phone 537 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:21,840 with people. I know he would and just say, 538 00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,560 listen, right. She needs the truth. 539 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:25,440 Tell her the truth. Yeah. 540 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,640 So it's it's definitely made me miss him a lot. 541 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:30,600 Yeah. It's wild. 542 00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:33,200 How's your relation? How was your relationship with 543 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,320 your brother? Besides my husband, he was the 544 00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:39,200 second person I told and he's been so supportive, but I think 545 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:42,200 also sad. And the first thing he said when 546 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,160 I told him was, oh, God, you could have other siblings. 547 00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:48,920 And so I think it's been sad for him. 548 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,880 I think he's sad for me or, you know, he's feeling feelings for 549 00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,320 me. I'm guessing for him it's that 550 00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:59,320 realization of like, oh, I'm not your only sibling anymore. 551 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:02,920 But I told, and I've told him time and again, like you are my 552 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:07,880 brother, you are my #1 nothing will come between us. 553 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,719 You have all the history, right? We have all the history, we grew 554 00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:13,719 up together, we know all the things. 555 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:19,080 So you said you are kind of at a place of maybe not, I don't know 556 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,320 if peace is the right word, but you're kind of ready to stop 557 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:27,760 digging for the what happens in the history and trying to get a 558 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:30,679 picture of your biological father. 559 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,600 So what is next for you? I just want to get to know these 560 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:40,679 new sisters and if there are any other unclaimed children, I want 561 00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:43,360 to know them. I want to claim them. 562 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:48,360 What advice do you have for a parent who is keeping a DNA 563 00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:51,440 surprise from their child? You've got to tell the truth. 564 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,239 You don't have to tell the truth today, but at some point in that 565 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,920 child's life they deserve to know the truth. 566 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:02,200 And I think no matter how painful you think it is going to 567 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:06,000 be, there is nothing more painful than being lied to by 568 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,080 one of your parents or both of your parents. 569 00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:11,720 What advice do you have for someone who just uncovered Adna 570 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,520 Surprise? Oh, take your time. 571 00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:18,480 Take your time. That's the best advice I got 572 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,120 from listening to your podcast and from my husband and my 573 00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:24,280 therapist. Is that because again, like when 574 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,840 I think when you first get the information, it's fight flight 575 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,120 and investigate, right? Like you just want to. 576 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:33,240 I wanted to find out all the answers and I had so many people 577 00:35:33,240 --> 00:35:37,160 telling me just pause, take your time. 578 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:41,920 You're going to get answers. It was really helpful for me to 579 00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:45,240 have permission to let it take time. 580 00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:49,920 I took some time off from work. You really have to make space 581 00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:54,120 for all this new reality. Something that I've learned 582 00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:58,240 again and again from your podcast is, I think for me, in 583 00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:02,080 the beginning, I remember feeling like, oh, I don't want 584 00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:06,280 to mess up anybody's life. I don't know if I should send 585 00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:09,000 these messages or ask these people questions. 586 00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:13,600 I don't want to disrupt anybody's life, but this is my 587 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,800 life, right? And if I need to flip some 588 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:23,520 tables and stir some pots, we deserve to have the information. 589 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:26,280 We deserve to have those pieces of our stories. 590 00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:30,200 And if it inconveniences some people, Oh well, Oh well. 591 00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:32,960 That's the thing that I would want to say over and over again 592 00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:36,640 to someone who just found out is this is this is your story. 593 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:38,800 Go ask the hard questions whenever you're ready. 594 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,560 Michelle, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and 595 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:46,800 sharing your story. Just a year in, I'm sure a year 596 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:51,200 of many firsts. I hope that you continue to 597 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:56,440 build beautiful relationships with your sisters and maybe 598 00:36:56,440 --> 00:37:00,240 eventually uncover some of the answers that you're looking for. 599 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,960 Yeah. Oh, thank you so much, Alexis. 600 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,960 You just, you're so wonderful and your story is so inspiring. 601 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:08,960 And I just can't reiterate enough how much I appreciate and 602 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,480 how much I've benefited from this podcast. 603 00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:13,400 So thank you. Thank you. 604 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,680 Thanks again to Michelle Lee for sharing her story. 605 00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:20,480 If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, submit your 606 00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:25,560 story at dnasurprises.com and for early add free access to 607 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:30,480 episodes, join me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA 608 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:35,040 Surprises. Until next time, this episode of 609 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:37,920 DNA Surprises was hosted produced. 610 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:41,920 And edited. By me Alexis Oursalt It was 611 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:45,920 mixed and mastered by Josh Oursalt of Siren Recording 612 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:46,640 Studios.