1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,840 You have to be so open because you don't know what's going to 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:06,520 happen. You don't know who's going to 3 00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:09,320 show up on your on your DNA matches. 4 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:14,320 And it's I feel like everyone wants to know where they come 5 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:15,920 from. I have so many friends who were 6 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:18,760 adopted and want to know where they come from, who their family 7 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:22,000 is. And if you get the chance to 8 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:25,360 find out, you got to you got to grab it because you might not 9 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:30,520 have that chance again. So if I can be, if I can be that 10 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:36,200 person for anybody that shows up on my my DNA matches, even 11 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:40,760 though my siblings don't agree, I'm going to be that person 12 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,040 because I know people want to know where they came from. 13 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:50,920 Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that explores the life 14 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,160 altering world of unexpected DNA discoveries. 15 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:59,800 I'm your host Alexis Oursalt. This show centers the stories of 16 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:04,280 people who've experienced NP, ES or non paternal events. 17 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:08,400 In other words, people who've learned that their biological 18 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,800 father isn't who they thought he was. 19 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:16,320 We'll also hear from adoptees donor conceived people and the 20 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:19,160 families navigating these discoveries. 21 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:23,400 Get ready to follow the incredible journeys that begin 22 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:29,160 with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises. 23 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,760 For some people, one of the trickiest things about DNA 24 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:39,440 surprises is that they force us to see our parents as human. 25 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:44,280 It can be uncomfortable to come to terms with infidelity in a 26 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,680 marriage or that your parent would lie to you. 27 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:53,240 In this week's episode, Anne reveals how she uncovered 4 DNA 28 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:57,760 surprises in her family. As the found family member in 29 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,400 each surprise, Anne shares what she felt it was important to be 30 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,760 open to the new people in her life. 31 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:07,320 Thank you for sharing your story, Anne. 32 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:12,680 Name is Anne. I am from Salt Lake City, UT and 33 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,640 I just turned 60. My father is my father, my 34 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,920 mother is my mother. I have five siblings. 35 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:22,880 We're all full siblings. So we thought, you know, you 36 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:27,040 didn't think anything else would come of it about and my father 37 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:33,320 passed away 18 years ago and he, my parents divorced in the mid 38 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,720 to late 70s. He, you know, she always said he 39 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:40,240 cheated on me since day one. So you probably have siblings 40 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:44,960 out there. So about six years ago, I found 41 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:51,160 a a match that I didn't know. And so I contacted her and she 42 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,680 said, oh, you need to talk to my mom. 43 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:59,160 So I talked to her mom and her mom turns out to be my niece, my 44 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:00,760 half niece. I guess we just call her my 45 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:04,360 niece. And she said that her mom didn't 46 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:10,680 know who her father was and gave all sorts of names that were not 47 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:14,200 my father. But then when she was cleaning 48 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:20,520 out her mom's, I guess her grandma's, they found a note 49 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:25,960 that had my dad's name and that he was a Barber. 50 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,120 And I'm like, well, that sound, that's my dad. 51 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:35,400 And so then Jay, we'll just call her Jay, did her DNA test. 52 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:39,680 And then I contacted her mother and they're estranged and her 53 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:45,200 mother T lives about 3 hours South of where I live. 54 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,520 And so I drove down there and I took the DNA test and asked her 55 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:49,640 to take it. And she did. 56 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:55,120 And she's my half sister. So she, you know, we met that 57 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,560 one time. She asked if our dad left 58 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,840 anything and I said a wallet full of debt, do you want some? 59 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,120 And she did not. And I haven't spoke to her 60 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:08,320 since. OK, so you you uncover a sister. 61 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:12,040 That's kind of a big deal. How were you feeling when you 62 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,880 put those pieces together? Well, I'm the kind of person 63 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,079 that like, oh, we, we are related. 64 00:04:17,079 --> 00:04:21,600 The DNA tells us we are family. Now, I love you, but I'm also 65 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,560 really good at like, boundaries. And it's like, no, I'm not gonna 66 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,800 give you money. And no, you know, we're not 67 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:31,440 gonna, you know, we're not gonna move in and take care of you 68 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,880 kind of thing. But talking to her daughter, 69 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:38,640 Jay, who we are super, super close, my new niece and I, that 70 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,120 was exciting too, because she's just a few years older than my 71 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,040 oldest daughter or my only daughter. 72 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:48,200 And so being around her felt like she just belonged to us. 73 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,120 And it still feels that way six years later. 74 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:55,760 She just belongs to us. I have three brothers and two 75 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,000 sisters. I'm the youngest. 76 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,280 My brother that's the youngest also speaks with Jay. 77 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,160 And when she comes to town, we all see her. 78 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:08,120 Nobody else wanted to really get to know her besides me, my 79 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:12,080 husband and our kids and then my brother and his family. 80 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,000 But the other siblings didn't want to have anything to do with 81 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,640 it, which is sad. But you know, that's there's so 82 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:23,360 many different varieties of how you you deal with your father 83 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:30,200 cheating on your mom, because T JS mom is between my oldest 84 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,600 brother and my middle brother in age. 85 00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:39,000 So I mean, you first, you have to, I guess, be real with what 86 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,400 were your dad was like. You know, he just spread his 87 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:46,400 love everywhere, regardless of his marital status. 88 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,560 So you have to come to terms with that. 89 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:52,640 And then you have to come to terms with you have this sibling 90 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,160 and all they want is money. So you don't really want to have 91 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,400 anything to do with them. But then you take the good, 92 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,800 which is my niece and her kids, she has a grandchild. 93 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,440 And so that's the good part. And you just take the good and 94 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:09,600 you just kind of like disregard the the other stuff. 95 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,880 Yeah. I mean, did you go through a 96 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:20,600 process in terms of accepting this information about your dad? 97 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:25,120 Because usually I interview people who are on the other side 98 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:28,920 of this, the people who maybe took a test and found their 99 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,520 biological father. It's interesting that you say 100 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,600 that she was mostly interested in money because a lot of the 101 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:39,480 people that I talked to, they say like, that is what the new 102 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,280 family thinks that I'm after. But I'm I'm really not. 103 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:44,360 I just want to know him or, or I want to know about him. 104 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:49,440 But in your experience, that was actually her goal was to get 105 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,760 some money it. It seems to be we've invited 106 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:54,440 her. We had like when we first found 107 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,320 out we had invited her, my uncle was having his 80th birthday 108 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,120 party. And so we invited her up to come 109 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,240 to that and meet the family. My, this, this would have been 110 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:07,880 my, it's my dad's brother. And she just didn't want any 111 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,520 part of meeting anybody. She just didn't, she didn't want 112 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,160 to know about any kind of health history. 113 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:17,640 She didn't, I mean, my, my niece did and she met, she's met 114 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:20,360 everyone and she wants to know, she wanted to know about health 115 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:24,440 history and stuff like that, but T did not. 116 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:26,880 And, and she's never reached out. 117 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:30,280 We're, we're, she has my e-mail, we're friends on Facebook. 118 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,720 I know she's undergone some health issues in the last year 119 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,440 and a lot of those were health issues on my dad's side of the 120 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:40,520 family, but I guess she just didn't want to reach out to us. 121 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:44,000 And when we reached out to her, she wasn't interested. 122 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:53,520 So as far as like dealing with, I mean, my dad was who he was, 123 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,120 you know, there's no changing that. 124 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:59,480 And, and maybe because I'm the youngest, it doesn't bother me, 125 00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:04,280 but that's just who he was. So I just go with it. 126 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,320 There's nothing you can do about it. 127 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,600 Yeah, what about the rest of your siblings? 128 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:15,680 Did they accept that? They just basically ignore that 129 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:20,280 the fact that we have other people in in the family except 130 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:24,640 for my one brother who is who is also close to Jay, then Denise. 131 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,200 They just don't. They don't want to meet anybody. 132 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,520 They don't want to talk to anybody. 133 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:36,799 I know my one brother, my middle brother feels like my dad didn't 134 00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:39,520 have these flaws 'cause I know when my mom has said something 135 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,679 negative and we're all adults, it's not like we're little 136 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:43,679 children. If she says anything negative 137 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,480 about my dad, my brother gets kind of grumpy of with her. 138 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,000 And and that's just, you know, their dynamic, you know? 139 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:56,760 OK, so you find this one sister and it's not a positive 140 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,240 relationship with her, but you do end up having a positive 141 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,360 relationship with her daughter. You're niece. 142 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,920 You're half niece technically, but you're niece. 143 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,920 What happens next? Well, when they come to town, we 144 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,640 get together, we text each other all the time. 145 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,880 We're on Facebook. We have a very like, it's not an 146 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:20,200 everyday text message, but every so like I would say every few 147 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,440 weeks we are in contact and talking and she'll be out in a 148 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,160 couple weeks and we're going to get together for dinner at our 149 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,600 house. And, and so she's just family. 150 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,040 I mean, that's, that's all there is. 151 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:38,200 She, she fits in her morals, her dynamic, her humor, you know, 152 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,640 she's just family. That's that's all there is to 153 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:44,400 it. So, so that's the first one. 154 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,880 That's the first surprise. OK, so, so, so your first 155 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,920 surprise kind of it sounds like it, it didn't shock you too 156 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:52,880 much. You know. 157 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:58,480 Who your dad was and got a a niece out of it. 158 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:02,320 Maybe not a sister, but you did get a a niece relationship. 159 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:07,000 What's the next DNA surprise? About two years after that, 160 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:12,400 there was another like I guess would be the second generation, 161 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,760 another DNA match that I didn't know. 162 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,800 So I contacted her and she's like, well, I was adopted, but 163 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:24,560 this is my biological mom and my biological grandma never knew 164 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:29,360 her who her father was. And so my guess is we're related 165 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,280 through that way. And I'm like, yes, we are. 166 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,560 I can tell that that's where you, you, you matched on my 167 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:37,880 dad's side. Maybe I can just call her and 168 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:41,080 talk to her. And I called and so she took the 169 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,360 DNA test. And so I have another half 170 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:47,120 sister. So this is The funny thing about 171 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,720 this half sister. So we're in Utah. 172 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,840 She grew up in Utah. We grew up in Utah. 173 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:55,080 My oldest full sibling, let's just say her name's Jessica. 174 00:10:55,920 --> 00:11:01,040 Jessica lives two states away, and she was a real estate agent 175 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,240 for years. Her name is Jessica. 176 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:09,520 She goes by Jess. New sister is Jessica, and she 177 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,440 goes by Jess. And she lives in the same state, 178 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:16,320 and she was a real estate agent. Wow, so. 179 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,240 Remember the old Bob Newhart show? 180 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,560 You're probably too young to know this this this is my 181 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,800 brother Daryl and this is my other brother Daryl. 182 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,920 We went around saying that for for a very long time. 183 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:29,480 This is my sister Jess and this is my this is my other sister 184 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,520 Jess, 'cause they have the exact same names and. 185 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,720 Wow. And that is your relationship 186 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,760 with with her life. With new sister then that's what 187 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:41,160 we call her new. We have old sister Jess and new 188 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:45,000 sister Jess. New sister Jess looks like my 189 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:49,120 aunt, my dad's sister. She sounds like her, her 190 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:53,040 mannerisms are exactly like my aunt. 191 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:58,920 And so it's it's pretty crazy and and she is a lot like Jay 192 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:04,200 where my niece where she just she she really fits in her sense 193 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,400 of humor. She's very artistic. 194 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:10,560 I sew and embroidery and do little markets and sell my 195 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:13,880 stuff. She makes beautiful coats out of 196 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:18,640 she upcycles like sweaters and things and makes beautiful, 197 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:20,960 beautiful coats. And she does markets too. 198 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:26,440 So that creativity aspect is there. 199 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:31,160 So, you know, we connect on a lot of levels and and just like 200 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:35,480 Jay, she's just family. Even though she was far away, we 201 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:41,600 still stay in contact so. If I heard you correctly, both 202 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:46,360 of your sisters, your new found sisters, both of them knew that 203 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,080 the person who was raising them was not their biological. 204 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:54,840 Parent. Do you know if your dad knew 205 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,000 that he had these other children out there? 206 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,680 I don't think he did. He did say that when he was in 207 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:04,040 high school, his old girlfriend in high school got pregnant and 208 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,280 they sent her off to have the baby and he was placed for 209 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,960 adoption. We've never come across that. 210 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,400 We've never found any records or anything that indicates that. 211 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:17,400 And so he thought he had a son that was older than our oldest 212 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:23,840 sibling, but he, he never mentioned anybody else. 213 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,640 But why would he? He wouldn't want us to know 214 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,080 about, you know, his philandering, I'm sure. 215 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,360 And so he would have had to say, oh, yeah, I cheated on your mom 216 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:35,240 all the time. So he so as far as we know he 217 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,160 didn't know. Which is kind of weird that 218 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,760 neither of them would tell him. You grew up with five siblings 219 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,800 and now you have two. Two more. 220 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:48,240 One is close. Tell me more about what that's 221 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,960 been like or how it's affected you. 222 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,600 We don't often hear from your side of the equation, the people 223 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:58,040 who have been discovered. You kind of touched on this, but 224 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:02,560 why do you think that you were more open to a relationship than 225 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:06,760 your siblings? Oh, I don't know. 226 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,120 I think it's just because I'm very outgoing. 227 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:18,760 I'm, I'm way more outgoing, very social, and I just feel like me 228 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:24,080 more than my siblings are just, I'm just more open to the 229 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:28,800 connection with just other people in general. 230 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:34,440 Just the, I don't know, I feel like everyone is connected 231 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,360 together. The the universe connects us in 232 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:40,640 some ways and I think we have more in common with other people 233 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:44,880 than we think we would. And you won't know that unless 234 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,440 you are open to exploring that relationship. 235 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,560 And they're just, they're just old and grumpy. 236 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:55,280 I know. Do you have any questions for 237 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,480 your dad? Like if you could ask him 238 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,160 anything, what would you ask? I would probably like to know 239 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,760 more about like, not that I want to know about his his personal 240 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:10,560 life, but I kind of like to know, you know, what does he 241 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,440 know? How many women have he has he 242 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:18,560 been hanging out with that could produce more children so that I 243 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:22,880 could like keep an eye out or like, I don't know. 244 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,680 Are you my brother? I don't know. 245 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,280 But if you could say, if you could say, Oh, there was this 246 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:31,480 one girl in Reno and then, you know, then then we'd have more 247 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,920 information. I think that's the big thing is 248 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,920 just, you know, you did this stuff, be honest and then 249 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,360 everybody will be better off for it. 250 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,720 Yeah, I know. You mentioned another DNA 251 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:48,720 surprise, so you've had two. There's actually two more the 252 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,840 same thing, Ancestry. I see a woman on there who's two 253 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:59,120 years older than me and we are cousins, 2nd cousins. 254 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,560 And I've never heard of her before. 255 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,440 And so I, I messaged her. Do you know how we're connected 256 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,080 on my dad's side? So at that point I was thinking 257 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:13,840 like my dad's uncles had a child out of wedlock or one of his 258 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:18,200 nephews. Not putting a lot of, of 259 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:22,560 research into our connection, just more like spitballing like, 260 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,120 hmm, I wonder where this child came from. 261 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:31,800 I contacted her, we talked a little bit and then I just, I 262 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:37,720 woke up at 3:00 in the morning thinking, I think this is my 263 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:42,320 cousin's baby now. My cousin would be the same age 264 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:45,240 as my sister and so we wouldn't have been close at all. 265 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,160 I mean, she'd be thirteen years older than me. 266 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:52,160 I just woke up it's like 3 in the morning thinking I wonder if 267 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:58,080 this baby belongs to cousin and she has since passed. 268 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,800 She passed away at that point she was already gone. 269 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:08,800 I messaged her brother and his wife and said do you know 270 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:13,640 anybody who placed a baby for adoption in 1967 who was 271 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:17,599 biracial? And I swear, as soon as I sent 272 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:22,800 send, my cousin called me and said, that's my sister's baby. 273 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,200 And so we did find an adopted child that they've been looking 274 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,560 for her. They didn't know about her 275 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:34,960 because my cousin was a lot younger than his sister and 276 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:40,560 their, their sister has dementia and accidentally said something 277 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,920 about so and so's baby. And they're like what? 278 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,800 And, and she had a baby and then she backtracked. 279 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,560 And no, no, I, I don't know what you're talking about. 280 00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:56,000 And so they, they had been looking for her for years and I 281 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,760 didn't know this. So he did the DNA test and yes, 282 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:04,240 this is his niece and, and she lives in Washington. 283 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,440 And that's another one that another person who like whenever 284 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,800 we're up in Seattle or wherever, whenever she's down here, we get 285 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,040 together. And it's just like that 286 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,840 connection, just being around somebody you are, you are 287 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:19,720 related to, even if you didn't grow up with them or know them, 288 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:23,680 that connection is just so strong. 289 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:28,280 And you know, we've gone to like the gardens and walked around 290 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,520 together. And, and so when we're together, 291 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:35,480 it's just like, we could be like little cousins hanging out, but 292 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:39,320 now we're adults hanging out. And, and I treasure her. 293 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,640 She acts so much and looks so much like her mom. 294 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:46,720 And it just feels like we got a piece of her mom back because 295 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:50,920 her mom was always so vibrant and and exuberant and just the 296 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:54,000 life of the party and was just so loving to everyone. 297 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,680 And she never had any other kids. 298 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,560 And I had asked her once if she ever wanted kids, not knowing 299 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,680 she had a child, and she said no. 300 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:03,920 I'm just going to be the best aunt I can be. 301 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,200 It's just not for me right now. It's just not in the cards for 302 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:10,560 me to have a child. And I just and she looked so sad 303 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,680 and I remember that. And then now it all makes sense. 304 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:20,120 And so so everything's been really positive. 305 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,680 I don't have anything negative. I mean, like T is kind of 306 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:28,040 negative, but that's on her. That's, that's her deal. 307 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,720 That's her bag. And so everybody else has been 308 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,200 so great. So. 309 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,280 Yeah. And it doesn't have to be a 310 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:39,200 negative experience. Like it's, that's good that it's 311 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:43,320 been positive for you and that you've really gotten more family 312 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,280 out of this. That's how I feel. 313 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:50,920 The 4th one, this is the big one again. 314 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:57,720 Somebody shows up on Ancestry and it shows up as my nephew and 315 00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,760 I'm like what? I have three brothers. 316 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:04,000 So I contacted my mom because at first I thought, oh, my dad, 317 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,840 dirty dog, you know, hey, he would have been old by then 318 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:12,720 because S, we'll just call him. S is like 35. 319 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:17,720 And so my dad would have been like, Nope, I just can't 320 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,040 visualize that. Let's get away from that. 321 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,880 And so I contact, I called my mom. 322 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,560 I said, will you just look on your ancestry and tell me how 323 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,560 you are connected to this person? 324 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:34,560 And or tell me if he's on your connection, because if he was on 325 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,400 hers, then I know that he's not my dad's. 326 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,840 He would be a nephew. And she's like, Oh yeah, I see. 327 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:43,120 Who is it? Like, I'm not sure yet, but I'll 328 00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:47,760 let you know. And so then I contacted my 329 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:52,080 middle brother's son and asked him what his connection was. 330 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:56,160 And it was first cousin. And then I looked at my son's 331 00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:00,960 and their connection was first cousin and then my youngest 332 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:06,040 brother, their connection was nephew, uncle. 333 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,680 So I knew it had to be my oldest brother's son. 334 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:14,600 And so I just kind of text him and said, if you had any kids 335 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:15,800 out there, would you want to know? 336 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,560 And he's like, no, I don't want to know. 337 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,720 My oldest brother was in the Navy during Vietnam. 338 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:25,600 He has never been married. He's had girlfriends throughout 339 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,480 the years. He never wanted kids. 340 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:33,520 And so he's just, you know, living his life and he never 341 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,400 wanted kids and he doesn't want to know. 342 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:41,080 And so I did tell my mom that, you know, this is this is my 343 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:45,280 oldest brother's son and this is how I know this. 344 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:49,120 And then my family got really irritated with me and said, why 345 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:51,720 are you out looking for people? Why do you want to find these 346 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,000 people? And I'm like, they're just 347 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:55,960 showing up on Ancestry. I'm not out. 348 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,440 You act like I'm out there looking in dumpsters for people 349 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,680 who need a home. It's it's not like that. 350 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,640 I'm not out looking for people. They just show up. 351 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:11,720 And so this one kind of got to everybody and nobody wants to 352 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:16,120 have contact with him but me and my my husband and kids and my 353 00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:18,760 mom would like to meet him 'cause it's her grandson. 354 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:22,720 But all my other siblings were kind of pissed that he showed 355 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:24,280 up. And I'm like. 356 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,840 Why is that? Why do you why do you think that 357 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,320 there's anger around it? I think because they're 358 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:34,000 protective of my brother, which he's gone through some health 359 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,200 issues and he's on dialysis now. And I think that's part of it is 360 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,400 that they're protective of him, which I, you know, I understand 361 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,160 that too. And I did talk to him a little 362 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,360 bit more about it because he has grandkids. 363 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,120 That's what gets me. I adore my grandkids. 364 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:51,880 They are my life. And now he has grandkids, but he 365 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,240 doesn't want any part of it. And so I did approach it again 366 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,640 and he said, what kind of woman would have a kid and not not 367 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:01,000 tell the dad? And I'm like probably the kind 368 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,600 of woman you would date 'cause that's, you know, they met at a 369 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,560 barbecue. And the reason she didn't think, 370 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:12,280 she didn't think he was the dad, she was with like 4 guys in a 371 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,800 two week period. Her husband, her husband's 372 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,760 friend, some other guy and my brother. 373 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:21,880 And they were all white. My brother's Hispanic. 374 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:26,240 My nephew has like green eyes with like a blue-green eyes like 375 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,960 my brother. My brother has Hazel eyes and he 376 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:31,600 has lighter, lighter skin, lighter hair. 377 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,800 And so she kept saying, Oh no, it's not him, 'cause he's 378 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,440 Mexican. You don't look Mexican. 379 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:40,680 Well, you know, I don't know what to say. 380 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,880 We're, we're kind of a light colored, colored Mexican. 381 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,800 So yeah. Well, Mexicans come in all 382 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,400 colors. Yes, absolutely. 383 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:53,760 Did your nephew then think that somebody else was his father? 384 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:54,880 Or did he know? That. 385 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,560 No, he didn't know. He knew there were 4-4 386 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:02,280 possibilities. So he started with the husband 387 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:07,040 who she, his mom, was married to at the time and it wasn't him. 388 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,160 They did a paternity test, you know, when he was born. 389 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:14,440 I think then he contacted this other guy, and I think he's 390 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:20,040 since passed away. And then he contacted somebody 391 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,240 he thought would have been his sister. 392 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,880 And this was years ago. And she's like, oh, that's 393 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,400 great. I have a brother that's 394 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,080 wonderful. And then they finally spent like 395 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,720 $500 to do a test, and it wasn't. 396 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:37,840 And so then he tried to track my brother down through the 397 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,640 information from his mom, but she didn't really have any 398 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,360 information other than the first name. 399 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:47,040 And so for years he just didn't know he had zeroed out everybody 400 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,280 else. The other three guys were were 401 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:55,280 not the father. And so he got the DNA test like 402 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:59,360 a year or so ago from as a gift. I think it was a Christmas gift 403 00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:04,120 or something. And then, and here he is. 404 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,840 I know it's his story, but how is he dealing with the 405 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,720 rejection? Well, I think he started off 406 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,560 just kind of wanting to know where he came from. 407 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:17,600 And so I gave him a lot of medical information and just a 408 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,760 rundown of the family. I've sent pictures and he's sent 409 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:27,960 pictures. So I think it, it's hard to tell 410 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:29,760 with text message. We've talked on the phone, but 411 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,640 we mostly text. I he, he just wants to know 412 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:36,080 where he came from. And it makes me really sad that 413 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:40,280 my brother won't, you know, at least acknowledge that he has a 414 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:45,000 son and, and just talk to him. You know, he's not asking for 415 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,280 anything other than, you know, let's just talk on the phone. 416 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,000 I want to know, you know, I want to hear your voice. 417 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,360 And, and that's heart. That's heartbreaking. 418 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,680 That's heartbreaking, especially with with kids. 419 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,960 He has he, you know, they have a grandpa that they'll probably 420 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:04,960 never meet or know. I do throw some little tidbits 421 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,800 out there for my brother to just kind of Mull over. 422 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,440 And I'm hoping, and my mom hopes too, that he'll change his mind. 423 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,680 But in the meantime, you know, we talk and I've, I've sent his, 424 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:19,600 his kids some little like some things that I've embroidered for 425 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,480 like Valentine's Day and Halloween, things like that to 426 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:28,200 send him a little, little gifts. And so there's that he would 427 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:32,000 like to come out and meet the people who want to meet him and, 428 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,480 and just, you know, spend some time with family. 429 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,760 He's he's like in the middle of the country. 430 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:42,520 And so he'd have to come out here, but I, I do, I feel sad 431 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,120 because, you know, and it kind of makes me angry. 432 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:47,520 And just like my brother is like, you just want to kind of 433 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,640 shake him and say, you know, you have a kid, you know that. 434 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,960 And that's exciting because he's family and you have grandkids 435 00:26:53,960 --> 00:27:01,200 and grandkids are amazing. He just doesn't have the desire 436 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:06,000 to have a family or I don't know, but that one makes me sad. 437 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,960 Yeah. Are you hoping to build more of 438 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:14,640 a relationship with your nephew or are you following his lead? 439 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:19,360 How is that going? We, we text message, I'm so far 440 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:22,160 away, I don't know what else we can do other than just stay in 441 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:26,400 contact. It it goes both ways. 442 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,880 We both, you know, sometimes I'll reach out to him and we'll 443 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,840 talk for like a good couple of days with long text messages and 444 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:35,400 then then sometimes he reaches out to me and then it'll be the 445 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,160 same. So I mean, that's where it's at. 446 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,560 And I remind him, you know, I'm here if you have any more 447 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,240 questions. He can always ask us more 448 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,240 questions too, if he has questions about family history. 449 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,800 I did go over a lot of the family history just because we 450 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:53,840 have a really rich family history in northern New Mexico 451 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,880 dating back hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years 452 00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,280 with the Pebble Revolt and stuff like that. 453 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:02,920 And so I filled him in on a lot of that because it's just a very 454 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:07,120 rich history and and I'm super proud of it and I hope he can be 455 00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:10,120 proud of it too. I think just the big thing is 456 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:15,640 like you have to be so open because you don't know what's 457 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,560 going to happen. You don't know who's going to 458 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,360 show up on your, on your DNA matches. 459 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:26,360 And it's, I feel like everyone wants to know where they come 460 00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:27,960 from. I have so many friends who were 461 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,800 adopted and want to know where they come from, who their family 462 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:34,040 is. And if you get the chance to 463 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,400 find out, you got to, you got to grab it because you might not 464 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:42,560 have that chance again. So if I can be, if I can be that 465 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:48,240 person for anybody that shows up on my my DNA matches, even 466 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:52,760 though my siblings don't agree, I'm going to be that person 467 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,080 because I know people want to know where they came from. 468 00:28:59,920 --> 00:29:05,200 Yeah, absolutely. What advice do you have for 469 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:09,880 found family member, somebody who grew up in the house, they 470 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:14,520 they knew who their parents were, but then they uncover an 471 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,160 unknown sibling who maybe wants to reach out and build a 472 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,640 relationship with them. What advice do you have? 473 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,600 Do it, do it. Just accept them and accept them 474 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,920 on a healthy and healthy boundaries. 475 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,400 But still you can still have a really good relationship. 476 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:31,800 You don't have to take care of them. 477 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,000 You don't have to give them your inheritance. 478 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,280 All they want is probably information, somebody to connect 479 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:41,760 with and in your life. I, I feel like, especially with 480 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:47,360 my niece Jay, I feel like my life is, is so much richer 481 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:54,000 having her in my life. And new sister Jess also and my 482 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,000 new nephew, I feel like they're all all three of them. 483 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:02,320 And my, my cousin, they all have given me different, like 484 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:06,000 different components to, to make you who you are because that, 485 00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,280 you know, different connections with different people. 486 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:14,680 But that kind of like plugs into who you are and enhances that 487 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:19,560 you don't know what this new person can bring into your life 488 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:22,680 that will make your life even better or richer. 489 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:28,000 And I think people get so hung up on, Oh my, my dad cheated 490 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,960 that they don't see the big picture that there's just more 491 00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:34,600 room, more room for everyone. Awesome. 492 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:39,120 And I'm really curious about this because you are kind of the 493 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,920 the found family member. What advice do you have for 494 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:46,960 someone who is looking for their family or just found a 495 00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:52,560 connection, whether it's through being an N P/E, A adoptee or or 496 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,360 otherwise? What advice do you have for them 497 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,480 about reaching out to their new found family members? 498 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,680 Be bold. You know, if an e-mail doesn't 499 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:07,200 work, find their phone number. Or if they're older and they're 500 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:11,960 not on social media, find somebody in their family that's 501 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,280 a little bit younger that can navigate that. 502 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,480 But I think a lot of people are afraid of rejection. 503 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:23,320 But if you don't, if you don't take the step to connect, you'll 504 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:25,040 never know how it's going to turn out. 505 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:30,720 And if it turns out poorly, it doesn't mean it's over. 506 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:32,880 It means like maybe they need a little time. 507 00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,240 And that's what I'm hoping with my brother is maybe maybe just 508 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:41,000 letting it sink in and and try again. 509 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,800 And thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today. 510 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:48,120 Thank you for DNA surprises in your life. 511 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:53,400 And I feel like you have taken them all pretty much in stride, 512 00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:58,600 which is pretty remarkable on behalf of of people who are NP 513 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,400 ES or who have found a family, you know, thank you for just 514 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,840 being so open. I think that's the best outcome 515 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,360 that that most of us want was for somebody to just be 516 00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,640 accepting and open and, and freely sharing information. 517 00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,600 And it's amazing that you've been able to do that, You know, 518 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,440 not not once, not twice, but four times. 519 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,600 So I hope that your brother has a change of heart too. 520 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,040 But in the meantime, it's awesome that you're being there 521 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:25,520 for your nephew. So I wish you the best in the 522 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,720 future. Thank you and thanks for letting 523 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:30,920 me share my crazy story. And who knows what's going to 524 00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,200 happen. I could get another one next 525 00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:37,720 month, who knows who. Knows maybe we'll have a Part 2. 526 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,640 Thank you. Thanks again to Anne for sharing 527 00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:44,320 her story. If you have Adna Surprise that 528 00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,000 you'd like to share, please submit your story at 529 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:52,240 dnasurprises.com and for early ad free access to episodes, join 530 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,640 me over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA 531 00:32:55,640 --> 00:33:00,480 Surprises. Until next time, DNA Surprises 532 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:05,360 is hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Oursalt. 533 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:10,160 It is mixed and mastered by Josh Oursalt of Siren Recording 534 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:10,960 Studios.