On a weekly basis, there's so many questions that come up and
I'm just like, oh, but you're not here to ask.
You know, I have this curiosity to know if she would have
continued healing, you know, like with the Internet, with
what it is now. I have this hope that she would
have like learned right alongside me, you know, and
unlearned and unpacked. I have this.
It's not even a hope, but it's like a fairy tale, a dream that
she would have taken accountability and she would
have just learned how to be vulnerable really, because I
grew up in kind of a home that was like my way or the highway.
I didn't learn healthy communication, you know, the
flow of back and forth and how to articulate things in a
healthy manner. I just wonder if she would have
learned how to do that and then if we could have had vulnerable
conversations that would have led to more connection, you
know, and that really relates to everything, you know.
Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the
world of unexpected DNA discoveries.
I'm your host, Alexis ourselves. In July 2021, my life took a
surprising turn when I found out that I'm an NPE, a person who
has experienced a non paternal event.
In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he
was. Join me as we explore the
stories of NP, ES, adoptees and donor conceived people and their
families. Get ready to unravel the
astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test.
This is DNA surprises. A common question in our
community is when is the right time to tell the truth about
parentage? While some say there is never a
good time to tell, many believe that the truth should be shared
from birth. In this week's episode,
Miranda's story highlights the importance of telling early and
often. Miranda's mother never had the
truth about her paternity, but she still recalls the shock of
hearing it explicitly stated when she was a young child.
She shares how her curiosity about her biological father LED
her to take ADNA test, which created connections with new
found family members. Miranda's story is filled with
challenges and love. Despite the abuse, rejection,
and profound loss she has experienced, she maintains
compassion for everyone involved.
Thank you for sharing your story, Miranda.
Hi I'm Miranda and I just turned 39 and I originally grew up in
Southern California so in Orange County so highly populated area.
I lived there till I was about 10 and then I moved to Southern
Illinois. I was trying to come up with
like the correct phrase or terminology because I don't
exactly identify with an NPE or an adoptee.
I grew up with my biological mother, my stepdad and my
grandma was always part of like that intimate circle as well.
I always knew that I was not biologically my father's but he
was always my dad. He he was there from like
toddlerhood on until he died when I was 15.
What did you know about your biological father before that
time? I think I was probably 1 1/2,
actually, when my parents got together.
They met at a yard sale. So that was really early.
I don't have memories of that early.
I probably have, like, a memory of, you know, the age of three.
My mom said that she always told me and was, you know, honest
with me that he was not my biological father.
But I don't as a child when you're innocent.
And I don't think it's something you really think about when you
have a father that raises you, you know, somebody that you
don't ever call anything other than dad.
But I do have a core memory. I don't think I could have been
any older than six. I mean, it's just a guess.
But I was at my stepdad's parents.
I'm saying stepdad, just so there's a clarification.
Growing up, he was just dad, you know, daddy, but we were at his
parents house and I remember making the comment that I liked
mustard like my dad and my brother who's two years younger
than me, liked mayonnaise like my mom.
And then my grandma, technically my step grandma, came back and
told me that something along along the lines of, well, you
know, he's not biologically yours or you're not biologically
his. I don't remember the exact
phrase, but I remember it like shocked me.
And I'm a really sensitive person in general.
So I remember crying and like, I don't know, it just hit me so
hard, you know, the realization that like, what I'm, what do you
mean? I'm not, you know, I'm not my
dad's. So I don't know if I just didn't
understand or if I didn't really retain the information that my
mom had told me. But that was a core memory.
And so that was pretty early. So, you know, your mom says she
was open with you before you had this revelation, but to your to
your knowledge and your memory, you don't remember there ever
being another father in your life.
There never was. My mom was always fairly open
with me. I remember her telling me
different things. Well, not different things.
I mean, they always aligned. But she would tell me, you know,
that she met someone in college. I think she was in a political
science class with him. She was older.
I think she was 28 or 29 when she had me.
So she had gone back to college. She, you know, had some life
stuff she had to go through and address.
But anyway, she went back to college and that's where she met
my father. Now, I don't know if it was just
like a one time thing. I don't know if they were
friends. See, my mom died when I was 19.
So that was the very, very beginning of our adult
relationship. And then before that, there was
all kinds of stuff. There is trauma and like all
kinds of stuff that we hadn't addressed yet because I was just
then coming into my adulthood and I didn't understand a lot of
it, you know? But if I rewind and I go back to
my childhood, I do remember my mom telling me, you know, she
met him in college. And then I remember at one point
I was probably, I don't know, somewhere between the ages of
like 1113, my dad had made the comment, my stepdad that they
were a one night stand. I'm pretty sure my mom, I don't
think she phrased it that way, but I'm pretty sure she always
told me they only had sex one time.
So, you know, here I am the result of a one night stand.
But I did always grow up wondering who he was.
And honestly, I had some abandonment issues because
because of the feeling unwanted growing up wondering like, why
doesn't he want to know me? Why doesn't he want to get to
know who I am? You know, So in Southern
California, we grew up in kind of a, a poor area, I guess.
Like we weren't, I guess considered poor at the time by
two working parents and they weren't like high class jobs or
anything. But we got along OK.
And then we, my parents, like they pulled all their savings
out and we moved to Southern Illinois.
The reason we moved to Southern Illinois was because the gangs
had started coming back to our area.
So my mom was honestly pretty fearful, like in the area that
we were, it was either your kids get jumped into the gang or they
get jumped by the gang. So my mom didn't want that and
they didn't really, I don't think they really had enough
money to move us to like a better area.
I mean, maybe so, but maybe she just remembered her childhood,
you know, she grew up in the Midwest.
So my mom moved us back. My grandma moved back with us.
My, my grandma never moved, like lived in our house, but it was
always like she and my mom were very close.
When we moved to Illinois. She was only seven blocks away.
And because we moved from, you know, a city that was kind of
dangerous to a small town, I was able to like walk and ride even
at a young age. Like there was No Fear of
somebody hurting us, you know, a small town USA.
But once we moved to Illinois, my dad had a hard time finding a
job. So my mom had like a genius IQ.
She was super smart. They make great life choices
sometimes. But I think that had to do with
like her own traumas that she endured.
But so she was trying, she was going back to college again in
my adolescence once we moved back to Illinois.
And then my dad, because, you know, he didn't have a college
degree and he honestly, he couldn't remember how to spell
my name. So like once we moved here, he
had a hard time and that hurt our not only his mental health,
but it hurt our family. Before we found our small, very
rundown house that they bought, it was their first time buying a
home together. We lived in a trailer park and I
remember walking in on my dad holding it and I was like, I had
to have been ten. I think it was the year that we
moved here. So that was like startling.
And he with tears in his eyes, you know, asking me not to tell
my mom. And I don't think I did.
I don't think I didn't. I don't, I don't even know if I
ever did, honestly. But that was a lot to hold, you
know, as a 10 year old. Yeah, that is incredibly
traumatic. And then later he ended up being
very abusive. I guess my dad had been an
alcoholic. So my mom was his third
marriage. The first two marriages he was
incredibly abusive and he was an alcoholic.
And I guess when he got with my mom, he was still drinking.
But when I put the timeline together now, I realize they
probably got knocked up like with my brother really fast.
And I'm guessing that's why they they got married.
They had my brother, but he was still drinking.
But very early on, my mom gave him the ultimatum stop drinking
or relieving. And I don't think my dad wanted
to lose my mom and I don't think he wanted to lose his family.
So he chose us. And that feels really awesome.
You know, he chose us for the first time ever.
My dad did end up getting a job, but it was like, you know, very
bottom of the barrel type job. He was running medical supplies
for a small company in our town. But he ended up getting
connected with, we didn't know it, but I mean, we knew he
started drinking again, but he also got connected with drugs.
And as a child, I'd never been around it.
So I didn't even know he was, you know, and honestly I don't
know if my mom knew. She probably suspected, but I
don't know how much she sheltered me from you know.
But he was unstable and he became abusive.
I remember I guess it was probably a a meth induced rage,
but it was so traumatic for me. He is screaming and cussing and
it's all over video games. So he, like, cussed my brother
out and was hitting him. And I remember him running after
him with a baseball bat, calling him the living devil in the
flesh. And that we, we were in a
conservative Christian home. As as weird as it sounds like
that's what I was raised in. OK.
Yeah. So that was that was so
traumatic. And I just remember, like, not
knowing whether or not he would kill my brother, not knowing if
I should call the cops, call my mom.
My mom was not fair. She was seven blocks away at my
grandma's house. And she was trying to study for
an exam. I didn't know if I, you know, I
didn't know what the right step to do.
Like, do I leave my brother? Do I leave him alone with this
crazy man? My brother had made it to the
bathroom, thankfully. But like, my dad was trying with
all his might to open up the bathroom door and to what I
thought was kill my brother. You know, my brother was
probably 9. So some.
Video games So my mom he finally my by he I mean my dad.
He, he told me to call my mom and to get her home, you know,
very rage filled. And so I did.
And I'm trying to explain to her, 'cause this had never
really happened. Had he had rages?
Had he hit us? Yeah, but it had never been in
an extreme form like this before, you know?
And so I'm calling my mom and I'm trying to make her
understand, no, you have to get home right now.
And like, you know, she kind of pokied along and she gets there
and she realizes how extreme the situation is, and she makes us
go to school, which I thought was odd after such a traumatic
event. I don't know if she's trying to
take care of the situation herself or if she was just
trying to get us in a safe place.
I don't really know. So she ended up, I guess, going
back to the house with my dad and he ended up pushing her
down. And so then she did call the
cops. So my dad did go to jail.
I don't think it was for very long.
That's the only time in my life that he's ever done anything
like or that he had ever done anything like that.
But I remember even after the effect, you know, he had to go
to therapy, you know, court ordered.
But I still remember him trying to blame my brother.
And this was sober. So as a grown man in his, I
don't even know how old he was, 40s, he didn't know how to take
accountability or he refused to. So like that left a huge impact
on me. And then right after these
incidences and there was another incident.
He never touched me sexually, but there was an incidence that
was not OK. That also traumatized me for
life. That's when I moved in with my
grandma seven blocks away. I just never returned home.
And then he died. I went from being a daddy's girl
to like having this void slash hatred for him.
And so that was hard to deal with as a teen.
On top of that, I had undiagnosed neurodivergence, you
know, because women, girls are like the lost era, you know,
because it doesn't always present the same way as little
boys. So there was that, plus the
trauma, plus, you know, just teenage hormones.
I barely graduated high school. My senior year of high school,
my mom moved from Southern Illinois to Washington for an
Internet boyfriend. And honestly, I do think it was
good for her. My mom had a lot of physical
problems. She had lupus.
She had a huge ass curve on her back.
She had arthritis and on top of that, I believe she also had
neurodivergence. And and if not that, then like
in the very least, she had depression.
So she moved to Washington state with my brother my senior year
of high school. I stayed with my grandma my
senior year. I didn't want to move away from
everything that I had known. I wanted to graduate with my
friends. And so I did, and she flew back
from my graduation. And then the next year my
grandma moved to Washington and I chose to stay in Illinois.
But eighteen though, my mom helped me with an Internet
search. So the Internet was like, you
know, just starting. And my mom paid $30.00 for a
cheap Internet search, just a basic search, 'cause we knew my
biological father's name and we knew she thought she knew his
birthday. So, and we knew that he lived in
California. So leading up to that.
Like. Were you curious and asking
about him after you it really connected for you that your dad
wasn't your biological father? Or when did your curiosity
really start up? Honestly, the curiosity had
always been there off and on throughout my entire life and my
mom knew it and she was open to talking.
She she never shut me down in terms of having those
conversations. She was always really
empathetic. My mom, as as traumatized as our
relationship was, my mom was a very loving individual.
And so my mom paid for that Internet search and we didn't
find him right away, but we ended up finding relatives of
his with the same last name who connected us.
So you connect with this family and what happens there?
Are they open to you and share information?
I end up talking to my biological father.
I don't remember like the very first conversation.
What I do remember though, is talking to him and him not
understanding why I was reaching out to him.
Like I don't know if it was just out of sight, out of mind.
I don't know if he was like he, he's, he basically was just
really confused or that's how he acted.
I, I don't know. I don't know if it was an act or
if that's just what he wanted to believe.
I do remember him saying something along the lines of you
have a dad, you have a family. And inside my brain, I just
wanted to be like, Oh yeah, do you want to know about that
family? So he set rules.
I was only allowed to contact him while he was at work.
And I'm pretty sure it's basically only supposed to be
through e-mail. I have two half siblings that he
was married and he had two daughters.
They didn't know I existed and neither did my grandmother, my
paternal grandmother. He had basically kept me a
secret from everybody. His wife did know about me, but
he had lied about the circumstances.
So when I reached out, she put dates together and realized that
he had lied. So I guess when he and my mother
had gotten together, they were engaged to be married.
When my mom and my dad, my stepdad, they had taken my
biological father to court when I was a toddler to get child
support. So from the age of I think 2 to
18, I got $99.00 a month. OK, so his, so his wife knew
about me, but he'd lied about the circumstances.
But my, my youngest sister, she was only 12 when I reached out,
I remember talking to her because she was so excited and
she was, she was just, she was so lovely to talk to.
Even though, you know, at the age, at the big age of 18, I
felt like I was a lot older than the 12 year old.
But we still had this like, I don't know, this connection, I
guess. So I, I did feel like loved and
wanted talking to her. And then I talked to my sister,
who's actually only, she's, I think, just under two years
younger than me. She didn't really have an
interest, you know, to get to know me.
And I don't remember the time frame very well.
So that at one point she had told me she'd gone her whole
life not knowing me so she could go the rest of her life not
knowing me. So our relationship never really
flourished past that. I think we were Facebook friends
for a while, but she's she's not Incognito on social media now,
but she's kind of limited. I don't reach out to her to
respect, you know, basically what she last left me with.
And then my paternal grandmother at the time, she and I started
talking and emailing, I think right away.
And so she was so mad at my biological father because she
never knew of my existence. So my biological father is
Mexican. So that's another part of like
growing up. I look like my mom, but there's
features of myself that are very different.
Like I'm, I'm darker skinned. That is one thing that I got
from him. I have these huge jumping cheeks
and I've like, and a big old nose.
Like it's not disproportionately sized, but it's, it's wider and
I've given it to all of my kiddos.
I have very curly hair. I don't know, there's just these
things that I grew up, like I grew up and even in my
adulthood, honestly, seeing Mexican people or people that I
thought were probably Mexican and just wondering, oh, I wonder
if, I don't know, I just had these random thoughts,
especially in California when I was a child, you know, the
innocence of a child, like, oh, I wonder if that could be a
relative of mine. I wonder if that could be my
dad, you know, And then into adulthood, like, I guess it more
so connects you with this, like this feeling of loss almost.
It's, I don't know, it's weird to have a feeling of loss and
you've never known something. Yeah.
Did you always know that you were Mexican?
Did your mom and tell? You.
I did. I did, but I, my mother never
helped me. Well, as far as I can remember,
I don't remember a lot of my early childhood.
So I think it's probably because of the later traumas.
To be honest. I don't remember ever connecting
or learning about that heritage, you know, at all.
So I've really started exploring that in the last couple years,
to be completely honest. OK.
So when I was 18, you know, I reached out to my father and I'm
getting to know my grandma. I did end up emailing my my
biological father and I told him that I could tell he wasn't
interested in getting to know me.
I told him I was leaving the door open, but I wasn't going to
put forth the effort anymore to try to get to know him.
When I was 21, I went, I flew to Southern California because my
step sister, so my, my stepdad, the one who raised me, he had a
daughter from a second marriage. She had always lived with her
mom and so she was getting married.
So I flew out there for her wedding.
And I ended up meeting my paternal grandmother for the
first time, getting to see my grandmother's house and all
these pictures. And I don't remember anything
really about the visit, like specifically other than, you
know, her showing me everything. But it just felt really good.
And it felt good to be embraced by this, you know, grandmother
that I'd never known. It felt so good to see somebody
who was dark skinned, you know, like.
Was validating to get that genetic mirroring?
Yeah. So that was when I was 21.
Backtrack probably 2 years because it was had to have been
right before my mom died. She died when I was 19.
I flew to Washington. She would find me out there for
like holidays and for summer vacation.
So I did go get to go out there at least twice before she died.
I got to meet one of my paternal uncles.
So my biological father's brother, he live he lives
continues to live in Washington state.
And so we had connected and he actually had known about me, but
he never reached out. I don't know.
I mean, I get, I get it. I guess it's a weird, complex
situation. But he had two sons in
Washington, and I met them. And so I don't know.
That was a really cool experience.
You know, just, it felt really cool.
I have pictures now that I can look back at and see my meet
with my uncle and my cousin. I don't know.
My uncle was a little on this, not standoffish, but it's hard
to find the right words. You know, he's trying to explain
how he was raised and he doesn't understand like my curiosity
really and my want to get to know my father.
And oh, and maybe he didn't even wear it like that, but he
understands my father. And, you know, if you Fast
forward to me now at the age of 39, I now understand and see
that my uncle was also living the same type of life that my
biological father did. He has at least four kids that
we know of all my separate moms. And I don't know that he's in
any of their lives. So he was never a present
father. So I think he was probably
trying to make himself feel better under, I don't know.
I don't know, you know, it's just a lot of guesswork.
Right. So that relationship kind of
died down. My biological father, he had
added me on Facebook. When he added me, I, I felt
great, like, OK, he's reaching back out.
But there was never communication and there was
never connection. Over the course of a decade, the
messages never went past Merry Christmas, Happy birthday, you
know, so it was very generic on the surface level.
So two years ago, for my own mental health, I had to close
that chapter. So I'd always left the door
open, you know, hoping and praying that one day this man
who created me, although I know he didn't mean to, but I, I
always hoped, you know, that he would have this want to get to
know me. And that never came to fruition.
So I decided two years ago to close that door.
We had a birthday party for my my daughter, one of my children
and this daughter is my absolute twin.
Out of the four kids that I I have given birth to, all of them
are blonde haired, blue eyed except for her.
She is my dark skinned, curly haired mirror.
For her birthday, we had a hotel party and pool party.
And that evening she slept next to me in the hotel bed.
And as I was going to sleep, you know, just holding her, I just,
I became absolutely overwhelmed with all of these thoughts and
like my, my brain had turned to my biological father and I just,
I had zero understanding of how somebody could leave their child
or not have a want to know their child.
I ended up staying up for hours. I don't think I got very much
sleep that night because I stayed up.
I love to write. And so I wrote, but I wrote to
him and it was telling him goodbye.
It was telling him all the things I'd never had the space
or the courage to tell him, you know, because we never talked
about anything other than hello, how are you?
So I let it all out. I thought two years ago that I'd
maybe been a little on the not quite FU side, but a little on
the if I'm going to stick it to you.
But I reread that note recently that I, I actually did send it
to him and it wasn't at all. I was really quite empathetic
for all the things that I've been through and for all the
time and space that I've given him, you know, to have nothing
in return. I, I don't know, like, it felt
good. But I told him goodbye and then
I never heard from him ever again, you know, and, and before
that it, it had literally been 12 messages over the course of a
decade. So it's not like I expected
anything, but I guess part of me had still hoped that a part of
him would be like, oh, this is where she's lived.
But then I was curious. I so at the time I had a lot of
health issues and so I had ordered a 23 andme test.
I was curious because my mom had a lot of, you know, physical
disability stuff. And then I saw my half sister on
there. So she was 12, you know, when I
initially connected with her and her mother end up having a
really hard time with me reaching out, which I
understand. So two years ago I got in this
23 andme test and I bought my house and I actually had reached
I saw that she was on Instagram. So I sent her a friend request
and she accepted and we started talking and that felt really
good. Although I will say the
conversation is kind of hot and cold sometimes.
So that was really hard for me because I'm kind of all in when
I'm hyper fixated on something, especially when it comes to
connecting and communication. And so the hot and coldness, it
made me wonder or question sometimes, you know, like my
worth again. And it, it made me question like
whether or not like this was feasible.
We ended up having some. I guess I'm trying to figure out
a way to say this without relaying too much information
about her, but she she came to realize that she has
neurodivergence also now on me and my kids.
My eldest has ADHD, my middle daughter has ADHD.
My, my son, my only son that I've given birth to, he has
autism. So there's neuro divergent and
it can be genetically related, especially with, well, I don't
know. No, it's OK.
There's some some genetic component.
Absolutely is, but then, you know, to have my sister say say
that she realized she has neuro divergent and then it made the
hot and cold way of conversation make sense.
So I'm not going to say we have a close relationship, but we did
finally meet for the first time last February.
So that was about a year ago. She lives in Georgia.
She's lived in Georgia with her mom for a long time.
And so she drove from Georgia. I drove from mid state Illinois
and we met in Tennessee. We neither one of us have been
in Nashville, TN. So we went and I don't know, we
were just, we'd never been around each other before.
So that was a new experience. There wasn't too much
conversation because, I don't know, it's just uncomfortable,
you know, like I grew up not knowing that family and she grew
up in that family. And so it's just a weird
mixture. It's like neurodivergence meets
the awkwardness of half sisters meeting for the first time meets
I don't know. It's very interesting to me that
you had connected with her so many years before and then
through DNA testing is really how you made that connection
again. So you know you did not or have
not had the opportunity to connect with your biological
father since you sent that message 2 years.
And even then before that he wasn't really involved.
How have you been able to cope with that sense of rejection
from him? Have there been any specific
things that you've done to work through it?
That's a great question. I've learned to feel my
feelings, you know, to work through them.
So that's a big thing because I, I don't have the opportunity to
get my heritage through him or through his parents because of
all the trauma. I didn't exactly have the
healthiest of communication skills.
And so in my 20s when she, I realized like she was liberal,
but she was also conservative Christian.
So she was very anti anyone who is lesbian, gay, bisexual,
trans, like she was very openly anti.
And I was very openly, like, no, love everybody.
And so she deleted me off of Facebook and that hurt.
And then she was just like ranting and venting about, you
know, this group of people. And I was like, no, like, this
isn't OK to me. And so I ended up emailing her
and telling her goodbye instead of trying to have a boundary
that was like, hey, you respect me and don't have this
conversation with me around. I just cut her off.
So two years ago, everything was about two years ago.
Like it was a few months after I told my dad goodbye.
I tried reaching out to her and I sent her this long, really
pretty message about just this, this want, you know, of getting
to know, getting to have that familiar mother relationship.
I'm not an eloquent speaker in any way.
Like when I can pause and put it on on paper, you know, it's
different. She did e-mail me back.
It was kind of generic and it was like, it started off sweet,
like, granddaughter. I'm so, you know, pleasantly
surprised that you've emailed me.
But then it turned into sometimes in life, we don't
always get what we want. I tried not to take it
negatively, though. So I did try a couple more
times. And she's getting older.
She is in her 80s. I realized she's got an active
life with her granddaughters in Southern California.
So it hurts, you know, like, she's never been a grandma to
me. She's never been a great grandma
to my kids, my kids. You know, I don't have my mom.
She died when I was 19. So there's just this, there's
all this, like, sense of loss. And then a couple months ago, I
tried reaching out to my paternal grandfather for the
first time ever, ever. Because, you know, at this
point, I'm not even looking for like a relationship.
I'm looking for pictures and for heritage information and for
stories. Like, I'm big into genealogy and
I'm big into trying to track this stuff down because I don't
have access to it through my immediate family.
And so I was turned down. That was right around Halloween.
That hurt. That was like a vaniment all
over again. It's like, OK, I did this two
years ago recently, You know, my grandmother's.
Like, that's a dead end. And then I reached out to my
paternal grandfather for the first time ever in my life.
And he's like, no, no thanks. That'll make it awkward between
my son and I. So, so that was hurtful.
But then I continued on. So I have chosen to boldly
connect with cousins. Outside of that.
I am like on Facebook with some first cousins, but we're not
really close. They are helpful.
They helped me when I was initially getting on 23andMe
with like health information and stuff because I really was going
through some stuff. But outside of that, we we just
live in two entirely different lives.
You know, they live in Southern California and they're young and
beautiful and have no children and it's awesome for them.
I love that. And, and but then I see them
with like my grandmother and just, you know, it's like, oh,
her OK. And then there's distant
cousins, though, that I've connected with through Ancestry
and 23andMe and my tree building.
So I have these names because I'm smart.
And so I've connected with all these cousins.
I'm like, hey, do you happen to have, you know, pictures of my
great grandma or my great great grandma?
And there are so many people who have stories, somebody who's my
age, but very distantly related, but he has memories of going to
see my great grandma's house. And I'm like, what?
Because she didn't die until I was nine and I was still in
Southern California. So even though, you know,
there's all this harrumph, because I don't have memories of
my paternal family, I'm finding a lot of joy with tracking down
the memories that I'm able to get from my cousins, my distant
cousins. So I'm getting pictures and I'm
getting stories and I'm getting memories.
And it just feels really good. And I'm going to continue with
that because I don't really know how else to connect with that
Mexican side other than to pursue that and to see where
they lived and to find out information about those places.
Yeah, a lot of people talk about connecting through food, like
recipes and things like that, kind of help them feel connected
to their heritage. Have you done any of those
things? Yes and no.
I'm a big cook. I love to cook my growing up
with my mom, she black pepper was spicy.
My grandma always cooked, but it was like southern.
So, like, that's all very different from the, like,
heritage of Mexicans, you know, tortillas and beans and rice.
And so my mom said she never had a Taco until she was in high
school. She went to a friend's house and
she had her first Taco. I do have a love of
experimenting with food and I do experiment with some of the
Mexican foods. Yeah, what?
What is next for you in your journey?
It sounds like you're making some awesome connections with
Cousins. Is there anything else that
you're hoping to do as you look to the?
Future. Not really, I just continue
along this path. I do wonder if any of my
paternal uncle's children will show up on Ancestry or 23andMe.
There's some questions there, but outside of that, no.
Just to keep living, connecting, finding more pictures and
memories and stories. I'm interested in your
perspective on this because you knew that you were raised by
someone other than your biological father for for most
of your childhood. So what advice do you have for a
parent who's keeping adna surprise from their child?
Oh, I'm totally team honesty all the way. 100%.
For someone to grow up, you know, questioning like who they
are, it's so important to understand where they come from
and to be able to give them as much information as possible can
be really not necessarily healing, but it can give them a
sense of comfort, sense of knowing who they are, you know,
understanding who they are, where they come from.
And what advice do you have for someone who is just embarking on
this DNA journey and trying to connect with family, especially
if maybe a parent isn't open to a relationship with them?
Give yourself grace. Give yourself patience and the
space to feel your feelings. If you push those feelings away
and you pretend like they don't exist and you find coping
mechanisms, even if they're, you know, considered healthy coping
mechanisms, you're still not feeling what it is that you
actually feel. And you're learning to push your
own wants and needs aside. So I just ask you to believe in
yourself and to give yourself grace because any and all of the
feelings that you feel are OK. You know, it's OK to have big
feelings and to have great sadness and grief.
It's OK to be happy, to have connections, and it's OK to feel
sad. I guess that's not so silly, but
it's OK. But it's true, because a lot of
times we don't allow ourselves to feel all of our feelings as
we go through this. So thank you for saying that,
Miranda, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and
sharing your story. I, I totally understand that you
don't feel like you fit perfectly in a box in the DNA
surprise community, but you still have so many of the same
emotions and feelings and you're going through it in the same way
that so many of us are. So thank you for coming on and
being vulnerable, and I wish you the best of luck as you continue
finding new family members and building relationships with the
ones who have accepted you. Thank you so much, Alexis.
Thanks again to Miranda for sharing her story.
If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, please
submit your story at dnasurprisespodcast.com.
Until next time. This episode of DNA Surprises
was hosted, produced and edited by me Alexis Ourselt.
It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording
Studios.