I was always into genealogy. I love tracking families.
I have a family tree on the ancestry.com.
That obviously now has changed. I was very interested in the
science. I'm in a scientific field and
always looked up to him. You know, he wasn't a dirtbag,
he wasn't a bad person. He was smart.
All the things that I looked up to, photography, I took in high
school, just like him. I love to fly just like him.
I'm outgoing just like him. And my he was actually at my
high school graduation because he went to see his daughter who
did graduate the same year as me.
We found a leaflet from that 1996 graduation.
Her name is listed because their last name in the alphabet comes
far before mine and then on the back of the page is mining.
He was there. Welcome to DNA Surprises, a
podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA
discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis ourselves.
In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out
that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal
event. In other words, my biological
father isn't who I thought he was.
Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and
donor conceived people and their families.
Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin
with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises.
What would you do if you found out that your biological father
wasn't the man who raised you, but someone you'd known in the
periphery of much of your life? Someone who'd photographed
weddings, even done your taxes? In this episode, Beth shares her
journey after discovering that her biological father was a long
time colleague of her mother. Beth talks about the strong
connections that she had with her birth certificate father and
who she believed was her paternal grandmother, as well as
the feeling she experienced after learning the truth.
Ultimately, she reveals how she's formed a close
relationship with her biological father and maintains a lot of
compassion for her mother. Thank you for sharing your
story, Beth. Hello, my name is Beth and I
live in Delaware and I'm 46 years old.
I grew up great childhood with my mother and father.
I'm the oldest out of three, my sister is 2 years younger, my
brother is 4 years younger and my dad and mom were great and my
father passed away in O 7 so 7 years ago and my sister and I
decided to trace our genealogy. We knew that we were Irish on my
mom's side and Ukrainian Eastern European on my mother's side.
Grew up with 23 first cousins and uncle.
I was very very close to my paternal grandmother.
I was named after her. She was in Elizabeth and my name
is Elizabeth. Ann had a really special
connection with her. My sister and I both joined
separate DNA sites. I went on ancestry.com, she did
23andMe. They weren't matching up exactly
the same and we decided to test on the opposite sites so we
would match up. I switched to 23andMe, she
switched to Ancestry, and in the meanwhile I read a book about
someone finding out in the Hasidic Jewish organization that
they didn't quite match up to their sister, and what
percentages equal siblings, what percentage equals fathers and
mothers and cousins, so on. So I wondered why the genetics,
why the numbers, statistics didn't match up exactly to my
sister. So one day she screenshot me the
link or the the page that said she was my half sister.
I thought that maybe my mother had had an encounter with a
different gentleman during the course of my father and mother's
marriage. Maybe my sister wasn't as
related to my brother and I. I have dark hair and dark eyes
like my mother. My sister is more fair and in
the eyes and nose resembles my dad.
So I was seeing last names on my side of the tree that I didn't
see all my sisters and I didn't match up exactly or at all to my
paternal cousins. So the last name that I saw I
was familiar with had been a very good Co worker, had known
through the years we've worked in similar fields and sometimes
would crisscross, have a picture together from 1999, just him and
I at a football game known as my mother's old friend, old Co
worker from 50 years ago. So I was seeing his last name on
my DNA chart. I saw one very close relative
and reached out to him and said, is there any way that, you know
my paternal or maternal grandparents?
Is there any chance that you're my father?
And he said, no, I'm not. But I believe that you'll find
the answers that you were looking for.
Good luck. So I called my mother and asked
if this other gentleman, you know, is there a way that he
could be my father? And she was very angry with me
and said, Beth Ann, you are your father's daughter.
You can't trust that science. I don't want to hear any more
about this again. How are you feeling at this
point as you're kind of questioning things you're asking
your mom? Like what's going through your
head? I still thought that perhaps my
sister was the one or that the science was wrong.
That's what I wanted to believe. You know, if I'm named after my
paternal grandmother. And we were so close and my dad
growing up was so wonderful that we were this beautiful family.
We grew up on 176 acres, horses, barbecues with the family.
Everything was perfect. And I had asked her about the
science, and she was angry. And for her, for me questioning
her, and I apologize profusely. My sister still said, you know,
there's a chance. Our father played in bands a
lot. He had to travel for work.
Maybe there was a chance that I wasn't his.
My mother called me sobbing a few days later and said, I need
to talk to you in person. And I said, is this about DNA?
And she began sobbing. I said, is this other gentleman
my father? And she started crying and said
yes. And the floor fell out, fell out
from under me. I didn't want to believe that it
was true. I was in denial.
Am I still the person or why aren't I the person that I knew
all my life that I was? My confidence, my way of being
outgoing and loving people and working now in a medical field
that that caters to or takes care of people.
I got all of those things for my dad.
I'm very like my father. Was that something that you
prided yourself on? Was being like your dad.
Absolutely. I was very comfortable buying
and selling real estate, being confident in my job, in my
relationships, speaking to people, loving and kind like
him. So how could I not be his?
And I was glad that he had passed, that this never hurt him
because what if he treated me differently or was angry at my
mother and I? I wasn't his anymore.
Wow, I'm so sorry. It was almost exactly a year
ago. The next day I totaled my
vehicle. I was stupidly driving to work
and I was trying to e-mail the 1st man that I had met on
ancestry and said I just found out that your brother is my
father. He said, well, he reached out to
me and had found out also the same day that you were his and
he wants to meet you. But he asked me not to be the
one to tell you. He wanted to tell you or your
mother wanted to tell you. So distracted, very engrossed in
my conversation with him. Driving to work at 3 AMI struck
a railroad crossing and totaled my vehicle.
Wow. You know, almost felt like I was
punishing myself or punishing my mother by something have haven't
happened to me that was catastrophic.
I had almost no injuries except for a sore chest, didn't break
any bones, no loss of consciousness.
My husband and my mother joined me at the hospital and there was
partially closer feeling to her. She was afraid that I would
never speak to her again, that I'd be angry.
But I felt terrible that she had had to keep a secret for 46
years and hide that from my father, from my sister, from my
brother, from this this gentleman.
How she she explains it and how he explains it to me was early
in the marriage, my father and mother separated and she started
dating dating this man from her work.
After a few months she said to him I want to try to repair my
marriage. I want to date or go back to my
husband. So she did.
He with regret and love saw her side and that she wanted to fix
her family. She went back to my father and
shortly after fell pregnant and there was no DNA or or testing.
Then she suppressed that part of her doubt and I came out with
with brown hair like my father looked genetically like
ancestors on my paternal side. And she tucked that away and
never thought about it again until my sister and I began
tracing our Irish heritage. And none of me came up German, I
came up Italian, English. So again, knowing about the
migration of Europe on the closeness of the countries,
believe that I might have gotten a slightly different mix.
So take me through kind of what you're thinking as you learn
this information. Did you know that your parents
had separated before you were born?
No, I know that she had gotten married when he was 27.
She was 21. Had me at 23.
Catholic. Two years later my sister.
Two years later, my brother, So that's what I knew my story was
and finding out that that wasn't true.
I wasn't who I thought I was. I, I was in disbelief and shock
and me knowing that he was out there lived within 45 minutes of
me made me curious. I had looked up to him my whole
life. My biological father was very
successful and outgoing and charismatic and smart and I I
had admired him when I saw him at work, when I ran into him at
at events that we were both working.
We both loved aviation. I, after two weeks, agreed to
meet him for lunch because he he wanted to know me and realized
that I was in high school with my half brother and my half
sister. Oh wow, were you friends with
them? We had moved in similar circles.
My half brother was very good looking and a sort of arrogance
knowing of yourself that my biological father had.
My half sister is only six months older than I am and we
graduated in the same class and none of his children knew.
He didn't tell them. Did he suspect?
My mother said that when I was a baby, I was an infant, that she
met up with him one time and it was very romantic.
Nothing personal sexual happened with them at that meeting, but
they tore up all the love letters and I was with her.
They tore up all of their love letters and threw them into a
stream or a lake, a pond and hugged his friends and she said
he looked down at me in the stroller for a long time either
doing the math or I looked like similar to his children and he
didn't say anything and they part of his friends hug.
She kept in contact. He did my taxes and my sister's
taxes through our life. Wow.
Knowing that I was in high school with him.
What are you thinking or how are you feeling about your mom with
this new information? Nothing negative, just that I
felt sorry for her as a 21 year old young adult keeping the
secret that she dated someone and I turned out to be someone
else's. And did she wonder?
And did she compare my features to my brother and sister?
Did she wonder? Did she suspect so versus me
being angry at her? I was very protective and felt
closer to her. Yeah, that makes sense.
That makes sense. I mean, it sounds like this was
a very confusing time in her life.
And also it makes sense that it was maybe easier to kind of move
forward, right, Once she reunited with your dad.
She. Kept pushing me and said he
wants to meet you. He is a photographer and an
author and a pilot. All the things I loved and
looked up to. She said he wants to meet you
and I was very resistant. No, no, no, I don't want to meet
him. I don't want to talk to him.
I don't want to believe that this is true and after two weeks
I nervously agreed to meet him for dinner with my son and my
husband to buffer that connection.
I could feel more casual. I could pretend it was my
mother's Co worker old friend. We showed up to lunch and on our
key ring was a very specific to our profession and our hobbies
and loves key ring. We both had the same 1 and
that's very unusual. Wow.
What was your resistance to wanting to meet him?
And you know, why did it? Not that two weeks is a long
time by any means, but you know, why did it take two weeks for
you to kind of come to a place where you were ready to sit
down? Because my father was so
wonderful. Because I was so close and so
proud of my paternal family, my being named after my paternal
grandmother and her when she was passing on Hospice, told told me
to, you know, get up on the bed with her.
And she patted the bed and she hugged me and she said, Beth
Ann, you are my heart. She would pick me up from school
once a week and we would have a stay, and I knew that I was
closer to her than my brother and sister.
I was Catholic because she was Catholic.
We shared that in common. We traced genealogy together,
her family back into a very small village in Ireland.
I knew that's who I was. I was steady and steadfast and
confident and proud of that Irish link and finding out that
I was not Irish was a blow and confusion and sadness.
I house sat in Ireland, in Southern Ireland for six weeks.
My husband and I decided to sell our house, sell our cars, travel
the world for a year with our three-year old.
It was the perfect timing. He wasn't in school yet, so I
tracked down in the town the location and House of my far
related uncle on my grandmother's side.
He was unwell and I came to the house.
The housekeeper said that, you know, father's resting.
I wrote him a long letter. I am your cousin.
I am your niece from America. I've known about you my whole
life and I'm so glad that in our lineage we have the same last
name. So to know that I was I was
related to this Catholic priest was very special to me.
I just want to say that I'm, I'm sorry that that happened to you.
Like I can tell that you have an affinity for that part of your
background. And I can imagine how difficult
it must have been to to learn something different about
yourself. When you sat down with your
biological father and you noticed the matching key chains
and started to learn more about him and all these similarities
that you had. Did he share any any point of
view that he had on the situation?
He was thrilled. He knew that I was a confident
professional. I'm an international flight
nurse. We have that in common aviation.
He's had a love for aviation. His whole life, the key chain
that we had was related to airplanes and he was tickled to
meet me. No hard feelings, no
strangeness, no no hiding, no embarrassment that I was his.
He was separated from his wife at the time and my four older
siblings. You know he would see them, but
he's not as close to them just because of his personality and
they're loyalty to their mother. Now, a year out, I speak to him
every single day. We have lunch at least once a
week. We have flown in his airplane
the first time that we met, just he and I at his favorite
restaurant. He gave me a copy of his book
and signed it to Beth Ann. You never know when you shoot a
photo how special it's going to turn out or if it will be
special and then along comes someone that you had no idea was
going to be so special in your life.
How did it feel? To see that I was happy that he
was proud of me and that he knew, you know, he jokingly my
younger sister, he had shot the wedding photos as a gift to my
mother and she had separated from my father after about 13
years of marriage. And he jokingly at the wedding
reception said, Judy, it's not too late.
We could run away tonight because he was getting married
that same day later in the evening to to the wife that he's
married to now. And he jokingly said to my mom,
you know, it's not too late. Come on, here's your chance.
And she laughed it away and and was flustered.
They had no idea that their that I was their common link.
Right. And I was and I was at the
wedding. Oh my gosh.
So I mean, he was around, right? You said he did your taxes.
He photographed a wedding. Like he has been around your
life for such a long time. Can you share a bit about how it
felt to know that you sort of always knew him, even though you
didn't know that he was your father?
I was stunned to find out that I had five half siblings, that I
had gone to high school with two, and I was proud of the
person that he was and we had always been in awe of him.
I was a paramedic and the photo of us, he was shooting the game.
There's he and I with our arms around each other affectionately
and you would never know. But in the photo and pictures of
him when he was young, side by side in photos of me, we, you
can't deny the resemblance. I have his nose, I have his
smile. And when you put the photos side
by side, you can tell that I am blood related to him.
Did you have that moment? And, and the reason why I ask is
because many of the people that I talked to have, have this
moment of how did I not know? How did I not see it?
How did I not suspect? Did you have that?
Or, you know, in hindsight, did you look back and go, oh gosh,
it was right there? Or do you still feel like, wow,
I couldn't have seen that coming?
I felt wow, I didn't know that that he and my mother had ever
dated. I didn't know that my mother was
ever separated. It never came up.
It was never revealed and I I did not suspect it at all
because as I said, old paintings on my father's side, I'd always
felt less attractive, less gorgeous than my younger sister.
However, when my paternal grandmother pointed out an old,
centuries earlier oil painting, I had the same nose that she
had. And she pointed out, you know,
here is where you come from, Here's your roots.
Look at her and she is beautiful.
Therefore, you are beautiful. Your grandmother sounds.
Amazing. Oh my gosh, she was everything.
My father and my grandmother. When they passed, it left a hole
in our family. A bridge was broken.
It sucked all the air out of the room because they were the love
that held us all together. So your mom wanted you to meet
your biological father? Or I guess it's not really
meeting him, but to meet him as your biological father.
Since then, how is she supportive of your relationship
with him? And and what about your sister
to who you initially took the test with?
She wanted to push me to meet him and I was still resistant.
She actually told my sister before she told me, and that
felt like a betrayal that she trusted my sister to reveal that
to her. Because my I think my sister was
more poignant and sure of herself in conversation and
doggedly went after that, whereas I back off in arguments
between my parents. Growing up, I would go up in my
bedroom and cover my ears and listen to music because I don't
like conflict, I don't like arguing.
I back away from conflict and my sister was willing to stomp down
there and yell at them. Stop it right now.
You stop it. And she's younger than me.
She's comfortable with conflict. She fights for what she believes
in, whereas I put my head in the sand.
OK, so, so if I'm thinking of the timeline of events, you
asked your mom, she said, oh, don't trust that technology,
that's not right. And then your sister confronted
her maybe after that, and your mom told her the truth and then
called you and came clean. She did.
My mom wanted me to meet her in person to talk about something
and I knew. And when I said to her is this
about DNA through text message? And then I called her on the
phone and she was sobbing uncontrollably because she
thought I would hate her. She had told my sister and my
brother before me my my brother that's four years younger.
She wanted to brace them for possible alienation from me to
her. She wanted to brace them and
protect them that I was different.
And then she told me. Talking to you now, you have so
much compassion and forgiveness and empathy for what your mother
was going through and why she thought what she thought.
Again, you know, it sounds like it was truly she pushed it away
and wasn't knowingly deceiving you for most of your life.
So why do you think that she was so afraid that you were going to
push her out? I think that the key because we
came up in such a beautiful, you know, almost proudly confident
side of the family, whereas her, her side of the family, it had
divorces and domestic violence and alcoholism.
And my mother and father beat the test.
They beat the odds. All of the family parties were
hosted at our house. We had all the cousins over.
They had such a good marriage that other people admired.
So she felt like she had betrayed me, and then none of
that was real. So maybe some of her own from
her upbringing and everything else too, she kind of projected
your reaction because your reaction just sounds so
understanding, you know, talking to you now.
Did you go through any anger or grief and those kinds of
emotions following your DNA surprise?
Never anger. Never anger at her or my
biological father. I felt a relief that my father
has already passed. When this news came out.
I was ashamed. My sister was appalled and
removed at first that I was so accepting and that I had met
this man for lunch and she was embarrassed and I wanted to tell
her this is not your story, this isn't you that's going through
these emotions. This is hard for me.
Since then she has been more accepting.
At my last birthday party in April, my mother out of
compassion because this showman is so close to me, she invited
him to my birthday party and I had my two close friends as
buffers. My sister was there and at the
end of the lunch my sister walked over and gave him a hug
as if to say I forgive you, I'm accepting.
Welcome to our family. Since then he has shot sporting
events and gone out of his way to as a favor to my sister and
something that's special to my sister.
Shot photos of her child playing sports and made them special.
Emailed them to me so that I could pass them on to her
considering her. Hey, I, you know, I want to get
to know your sister too. She's not comfortable with that
yet. He had done her taxes, too.
Yeah, it's, it's interesting because I understand that
technically your your parents were still married when this
happened, but they were separated.
So it wasn't like your mother had this affair, you know, which
I think brings up a lot for people.
And same thing for your biological father.
So it's interesting to hear, you know, your perspective.
I think it's important for people to hear all the ranges of
reactions to DNA surprises, right?
Like there's no one-size-fits-all reaction and
all of these situations are so different.
But it's nice to hear that you have such compassion and and
understanding over such a difficult situation.
So you talked to him, he said all the time.
You're very close. Does he speak to your mother at
all? He, you know, is older.
He's I think 13 years older than my mother and was very in love
with her. She was in all of him because he
was so outgoing. Everyone knew him quote UN quote
famous in our small state way. So she was very reluctant to go
out to lunch or meet with him and I alone.
And she finally did. And I noticed that she was a
little more dressed up, a little more makeup and and he, you
know, has flirted with my mother since then.
She's much more texty versus he wants to talk in on the phone
voice to voice, but they are friends.
They talk occasionally or he'll say how is your mother and he's
protective. If her vehicle won't start or if
she gets a flat tire, he without question goes out to rescue her.
At my birthday dinner there were ten of us and he casually and
very graciously, without a thought, paid for everyone's
lunch. Not that he's rich, but for love
out of me, for me. What does his wife?
His current wife. Think of all of this.
She was never married to him at the time when this event
happened, I reached out to her excitedly because I knew her
also and I mentioned that her great grandchild and my son are
the same age. Let's get together for a play
date. You know, I think that the
children would really get along. And she said, Beth, I need a
little time to process this, and the granddaughter does not know
that you exist. I need a little time.
And I felt like a puppy smacked on the nose with a newspaper.
How are things currently? Does she still need time?
No, we're a year out now. I go to their house quite often
and feel comfortable. I come in the door, it's not
locked. He always smiles a huge smile to
see me. He'll call me on the phone and
say I'm running out of people who interest me to have lunch
with, let's meet up. So it makes me feel good that
I'm important in his life and I'm closer to him than my half
siblings. I see him more, I talk to him
more. I don't ever rub it in their
face. Are your siblings like you
mentioned you went to school with with two of them?
Are they accepting of you and what do they think of?
All of this I forced the interaction with him, I
contacted them, he didn't. I wanted to scream because they
didn't know that I existed. And I talked to my oldest sister
first. She's 10 years older and she has
the same name as me first and middle name.
Oh wow. My eldest sister wants to meet
me. She lives out of state and we
have plans next month for me to go by her house.
When I called her on the phone she was crying, happy, startled
belief, never anger. Similar to me.
She felt very protective of her father and what he had to go
through. Did he ever wonder if I was his?
And she's been welcoming, looks forward to meeting me.
And I'll say things to her like, gosh, you know, your father and
I had lunch and Can you believe that he's so persnickety about
this? And she's like, Oh my gosh,
she's always been like that. The other two sisters that I
reached out to, one was very welcoming at first.
That has since cooled off. And she has been said,
basically, we grew up our whole lives not knowing about you and
we're comfortable with that. And our family is what it is.
The other sister I knew socially, we've been in a
wedding together, did not know. What has helped you work through
your DNA surprise? My closeness with him, we laugh
at the same things, the way that he just breaks out in a smile
when he sees me make me feel so good because he's not an overly
affectionate person. But with me, he's the closest.
He has now put me in his will. I am his medical power of
attorney. When I looked at houses to buy,
he accompanies me, protective like a father.
And I remarked to my mother how glad I was and how nice it was
to have a father in my life again.
You know the the grief since my father passed seven years ago.
Now I have a dad again. He very proudly introduces me to
his friends or talks about me. He'll say, I talked to Ray about
you and I'm just so proud of you and I, I bragged about this and
that and man, that's nice to have someone close to you.
Yeah, I was going to ask you, do you see him as a father figure?
And it sounds like you do. I do.
He can't ever replace my father that I grew up with, and I'll
tell him stories. He took my mother and father up
in a plane as my grandparents on my paternal side built an
airport and he kept his plane there.
There's so many sliding doors of us overlapping lives.
I am amazed that we've always been in contact.
What's next for you and and your family?
I hope that I can meet up with my other half siblings.
I don't know if my youngest one knows she was from another
marriage after me. He has two sisters who were very
accepting and loving of me and reach out every week.
We're excited to meet me, welcome me in their home
anytime. And his side of the family has
just been so welcoming and they tell me that they love me.
And I am very close now to my aunts, closer than I am to my
maternal or I believed paternal side.
And I don't rub that in my sister's face.
I don't bring it up when I have lunch with him.
I have promoted his book on my social media.
I'm proud of that or videos that we've flown together.
But I don't ever say to my sister and brother dad.
I never use the word dad, just his first name.
Do you call him Dad when you talk to him?
No, some. Sometimes in writing, he'll
he'll write me long emails about what he's thinking.
We join the Civil Air Patrol together.
We fly, we play backgammon. He'll introduce me as his
daughter, but he calls me by my first name and I call for him
his first name. But in emails he'll say Dad too.
Or bio dad jokingly but at social events he introduces me
as his daughter and that makes me very proud.
It's an interesting thing to navigate, right?
Figuring out like what to call them, you know, do you call them
by their name? Do you call them bio dad?
Do you call them dad? It is interesting dynamic in
this community where we all kind of land with what we call our
new found biological fathers. Why do you feel a protectiveness
with your raised family like your your brother and sister to
not maybe let them know about you know how close you are with
your new found paternal family and things like that?
Because we did have such a great and close family growing up that
my mother and father were wonderful and made a very normal
life. We went to a private school that
my paternal grandparents paid for.
What would my father think about this?
The grief at seeing videos of him playing in a band and him
holding me and just the love in his eyes.
So I'm protective of my father's memory.
I am relieved that they've passed because what might
possibly be their negative reaction?
So I I'm glad that they've passed.
You mentioned earlier that deep attachment that you had to the
Irish heritage. How have you navigated that and
you know, adjusted to your found heritage?
It's interesting to find out that I'm Italian.
I, in my job, have been to Sicily.
I've been to Rome before. I knew of him.
When I'm cooking dinner tonight and I'm making tortellini and
pasta sauce, I think about this is who I am.
I've seen pictures of my grandmother, my father's mother.
I look like her now. I'm proud of the Italian side of
me. I joined a Facebook page and
bought journaling about the NPE terminology and I was surprised
that so many people have a negative reaction that the birth
father doesn't want to meet me. Or the siblings alien.
And I was so grateful that I was having such a positive
experience. How lucky am I to have grown up
with a wonderful family and telling this gentleman now, hey,
you don't need to worry about me.
I was raised really well and my father loved me.
And he has such a relief to know that it was OK.
He has said to me, you know, I said, God, I wish I knew you
earlier. Gosh, we could have done this
together and that together because he's had strokes and
heart attacks and seizures since then.
Gosh, I wish we could fly for you longer.
And he said, Beth, Ian, if I had met you earlier and know that
knew that you were mine, we might not even be speaking now
because I wasn't a great father to your siblings.
I was gone a lot. I worked really hard.
I played softball. I flew a lot, I worked like
crazy 24/7 at the newspaper, and that's why I'm not as close to
my children and I regret that. So we were meant to meet at this
juncture in our life, and I think that's really special and
important, and not everyone gets that.
Yeah, that's true. And it, and it's so important to
just, you know, recognize that, you know, like I said earlier,
everyone's reaction is different and valid and everyone's
experience and background and everything.
There's so many variables that contribute to our reactions to
these DNA surprises internally and externally, right?
We're all different people. We're all going to have
different feelings, And like you said, if you're father accepts
you, it's probably going to lead to some different feelings than
if he doesn't. And you know if your mom is
apologetic or if she isn't, or if she knew all along or if she
didn't. There's just so many different
components to consider when we share our stories.
What advice do you have for a parent who may be keeping adna
surprise from their child? When I adopted my son from
foster care, he was an infant and I asked the social worker
when do I tell him that he's adopted and they said from
birth, from birth, from birth, never have it come out later in
life and the agony and negative surprise.
So I felt closure to my son. We have something in common.
People raised us and are our parents that don't necessarily
have blood. And I share that with you now.
You're not strange or different or I don't love you less because
now we have this in common. Be open minded.
Wait before you response. Look at I.
I bought an PE journal to write down my feelings.
So it can really lead to something wonderful if you allow
it to not replace the family that you grew up with.
What advice do you have for someone who just uncovered Adna
Surprise? If you are just as loving as
you've been your entire life, you're still that person.
It's just suddenly you have adna surprise somewhere in your
background that is part of your story and makes you up to be
you. So embrace that part of you.
Don't be ashamed of it. You don't have to hide it, nor
do you need to tell everyone. Now when I meet people, I
introduce it as, hey, this is my dad.
Or did you know that my father has been an event that you've
been at? I don't necessarily have to
explain the complication. I can just introduce him as my
dad. That's a really good point.
We don't always have to, right? It's important to to consider
the audience and the setting and everything when we share these
wild, wild stories. Thank you so much for coming on
the podcast and sharing your story.
Like I've said many times, there are so many different outcomes
to these stories and so many different feelings, and I really
appreciate you sharing yours and I'm so happy that you've had
such a wonderful result from your DNA surprise, and I hope
that it just continues moving in a positive direction.
I listen to your podcast every week.
I find things in common and feelings in common with the
people in your show. I feel a loss for some people
that haven't had a positive experience, but I hope this
makes them feel more accepted. Thanks again to Beth for sharing
her story. If you have Adna Surprise that
you'd like to share, please submit your story at
dnasurprises.com and remember to join me over on Patreon for AD
free listening, early access to episodes, and so much more.
You can find out more at patreon.com/DNA Surprises.
Until next time. This episode of DNA Surprises
was hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Ourselt.
It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording
Studios.