1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:04,200 A month ago we went up to Illinois and it was, it was one 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,440 of the coolest things ever. I've never met these people. 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,680 I mean, I just found out about this four months ago, three 4 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,960 months before we went up there. And it was like, we've known 5 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,040 each other our whole lives. It was pretty neat because 6 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,280 growing up I was always very different. 7 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:20,040 And well, you know, you hear this a lot on here being very 8 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,280 different. But the weird thing is, is it 9 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,720 was normal to be different. I'm just different. 10 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,560 I didn't know there was a way to fit in. 11 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,760 And now is a we're an adult with three kids now. 12 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:33,160 Now I fit in somewhere. I mean, these people, they're, 13 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:36,160 they're just like me. It's it's it's coolest thing. 14 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:40,640 Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the 15 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,280 world of unexpected DNA discoveries. 16 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:49,800 I'm your host, Alexis ourselves. In July 2021, my life took a 17 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:54,680 surprising turn when I found out that I'm an NPE, a person who 18 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,520 has experienced a non paternal event. 19 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,080 In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he 20 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,120 was. Join me as we explore the 21 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:10,200 stories of NP, ES, adoptees and donor conceived people and their 22 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,000 families. Get ready to unravel the 23 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:17,160 astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test. 24 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:24,880 This is DNA surprises. Hey everyone, before we jump 25 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:28,880 into this week's episode, I have a quick favor to ask if this 26 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:33,040 podcast has helped you navigate your DNA surprise journey or if 27 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,520 it's giving you insight into what it's like to go through 28 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:39,480 ADNA Surprise. Please take a moment to rate and 29 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:43,280 review the podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. 30 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:48,360 My mission is to help people who are experiencing DNA surprises 31 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:52,920 feel less alone, as well as to raise awareness, reduce secrecy, 32 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:57,720 and hopefully reduce the shame that causes DNA surprises to 33 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,800 happen in the 1st place. Your ratings and reviews help 34 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,840 this podcast reach more people. Thank you. 35 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:10,639 The truth will set you free. That's the hope, right? 36 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:15,760 In this week's episode, Joe shares how taking a test for fun 37 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,720 led to him uncovering the truth about his paternity, which 38 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,720 relieved him of the guilt and burden of maintaining a 39 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,360 relationship with his birth certificate father. 40 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,440 He also discusses how he's connected with a new found 41 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,960 family and what that means to him. 42 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,560 Thank you for sharing your story, Joe. 43 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,120 My name's Joe. I'm 32. 44 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,720 I'm from Illinois, but I live in Tennessee now. 45 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:51,280 Two years ago, my wife bought herself and IA Ancestry DNA kit. 46 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:56,440 And the reason we bought it was because her family, her family's 47 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,440 no family's perfect, but her family is, I think as close as 48 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,000 you can get to being perfect. And she wanted to see if she 49 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,400 could find some drama. And that's her exact words. 50 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:10,840 And Oh my goodness, we we took this test and her results came 51 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,320 back that everything seemed normal. 52 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:14,720 So she was kind of bummed out. But this was two years ago. 53 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:19,080 And the weird thing on this that didn't make sense then, but 54 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:24,520 obviously now makes sense. My last name is a very Irish, my 55 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:25,920 mother's maiden name is very Irish. 56 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:31,240 So we kind of was curious to see how much Irish I was. 57 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,760 And it came back with like 5%, which made no sense. 58 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:39,480 It was just the weirdest. I couldn't explain it so I just 59 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,600 we just left it at that. Fast forward 2 years, I was 60 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,800 getting ready for work and I got an e-mail from Ancestry, which I 61 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,760 haven't been on in two years that said I had a first cousin 62 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:55,000 once removed match which didn't make any sense to me that I know 63 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,920 everybody and I said paternal side. 64 00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:00,080 I know everybody on my paternal side. 65 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:07,960 So I reached out to my mom and she told me that my birth 66 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:12,080 certificate dad told her she wasn't legally allowed to say 67 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:17,120 anything, which in my line of work I investigate things 68 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,760 sometimes. So I put my work hat on and I 69 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,680 started a search and within an hour and a half I realized that 70 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,560 the one that raised me wasn't my dad. 71 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,960 I had a dad that I've never met in a whole new family. 72 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,320 All within an hour and a half. My mom wouldn't help at all with 73 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,040 it. She was very worried if you knew 74 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,840 my birth certificate, that it, it makes sense. 75 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,920 Very manipulative. He's actually in prison, went to 76 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,440 prison a few years ago. So it was. 77 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,800 It was weird. What were you thinking when you 78 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,120 uncovered this information? How are you feeling? 79 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,320 Shocked, Shocked is the best word. 80 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:53,560 I've listened to lots of the episodes that you had on here. 81 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,480 I think that's the most common answer is shocked. 82 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:58,800 Probably the the the first feeling was shocked. 83 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:03,520 Never upset, never upset which is kind of strange to me. 84 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:08,880 I don't know why but I think the reason is my first if dad when 85 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:13,120 he got sent away, I struggled with letting him go because my 86 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:18,040 mom, she left when I was 5 and I got to see her somewhere growing 87 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,200 up. But my first if your dad, he 88 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,480 never left. So it was hard when he got sent 89 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,680 away to just to cut him off. I mean, he went away for 90 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,160 something very bad and it was struggling with I need to not 91 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,240 cut him off, I have anything to do with him. 92 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,880 And then this happened and then this was just a sign. 93 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:39,240 So were you raised by your birth certificate father then after 94 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,640 your mother left? Yes, until I was 18 and left for 95 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:43,880 the military. Yes. 96 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,960 Wow, he OK. That's who raised me. 97 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,920 That's why it was hard to to cut him off. 98 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:53,440 But then this was I called a sign from the man upstairs. 99 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,520 It was OK, OK to let him go. That's what I think. 100 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:59,440 Did you confront him with this information? 101 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:03,600 Does he know? And that's the, he can only call 102 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,080 me and I, I, we can't call in there. 103 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,240 And he's, I've only talked to him in the couple years he's 104 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:13,440 been there 3 or 4 times. Because I, I guess I don't have 105 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,960 a reason why I'm not talking that much. 106 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,200 Probably because why he got sent away was like I said, something 107 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,400 not good. But he only calls. 108 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,400 And since then he called once and then I wouldn't answer. 109 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,920 And then he called maybe a couple times a week. 110 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,400 And now it's starting to finally die off a little bit. 111 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,000 But this, this all only happened four months ago. 112 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,280 This is all four months and five days ago. 113 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:39,400 Your mom doesn't help you. She she won't give you any 114 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:43,080 information. That that that's correct. 115 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:49,080 When she moved out, she's told me that my birth certificate dad 116 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,920 made her sign something. And if she ever told us me or my 117 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,600 brother about this, then he would take us away from her. 118 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:04,040 So she just kept it in for 32 years until I asked what what, 119 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,400 what's this name mean? What who is this person? 120 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:12,280 And she kind of gave me hints. The last name she goes look into 121 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:17,720 that last name OK that was all she would say and I I went 122 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:22,640 through obituaries. I found out if that person was 123 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,040 first cousin once removed to me that would I don't understand 124 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:30,320 what it means but to me it meant would be one generation removed 125 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:31,720 and I don't even know if that's accurate. 126 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,880 So I asked her or her grandparents were and I got on 127 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,520 and started there and worked my way down to someone who was 128 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:42,960 roughly my mom's age. I lived close to where I'm from 129 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:46,400 and I found him on Facebook and it was just an older version of 130 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,960 me. I said, holy cow, I've done it. 131 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:53,040 I screenshotted a picture and I sent it to my mom and I said, am 132 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,440 I getting close? And she said I haven't seen that 133 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,640 guy in exactly 32 years. And I was OK. 134 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,520 Wow. That that was how I, I verified 135 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,080 it. And I, that's a scary part, was 136 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,720 reaching out to him because I had to find out right then. 137 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,520 I told you it's probably an hour and a half from finding this out 138 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,040 to that. And I just had to know now. 139 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,120 But looking back, I wish I wouldn't have gone so fast 140 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,720 because I couldn't imagine if they weren't as accepting as 141 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:19,040 they are. I mean, that family is amazing, 142 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:24,080 absolutely amazing. The legal form that she had to 143 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:28,320 sign, was it specifically about your paternity or do you still 144 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,880 not have clarity on what exactly it was that she signed? 145 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,760 I have no clarity at all. She didn't know what she was. 146 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,360 She was, she dropped out of high school to have me. 147 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,520 So she was very young when this happened. 148 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,440 And he was very manipulative. I don't even know if this really 149 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,720 was a legal form. I don't know, but OK. 150 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,400 She was scared. She felt like she was going to 151 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:52,440 be breaking some legally binding agreement if she told you any 152 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,000 more information. OK. 153 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,480 That's that's correct and I don't hold it against her at all 154 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,720 'cause like I said, you would have had to know him. 155 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,760 Sure, understand it. And so she says, I haven't seen 156 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:09,160 this person in 32 years. At that point, does she say yes, 157 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,080 that is your biological father? Not at all. 158 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,640 That would that's, that's what she said. 159 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:17,200 And I confirmed through him. I found him on Facebook. 160 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,840 OK, So what was it like when you reached out to him? 161 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,240 I sent him a message. I consider myself kind of a 162 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,520 jokester. And the first message I ever 163 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,920 sent was hello. I think we're closely related, 164 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,960 like really closely related. And I waited and he didn't 165 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,520 respond back very fast. And we found out on Facebook 166 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,800 that he had a daughter who's my half sister. 167 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:47,720 So I think my wife sent her a message on Facebook and then she 168 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:52,200 got a hold of my bio dad. And then we started talking. 169 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,960 Right then he said he needed a few days to process it. 170 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,520 After he asked how old I was and where I was from and who my mom 171 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,320 was, he said holy shit was his first words. 172 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,680 I've gotten to talk with him very, very often and kind of I 173 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,000 don't want to push too much because I feel like I'm the one 174 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,320 that inserted myself into their lives. 175 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,000 So I don't ask too many questions yet. 176 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,960 It's kind of taken time. But I asked how what happened 177 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:25,800 and he told me that he came back around 345 years after I was 178 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:31,320 born and a family member told him that adna test was done and 179 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,360 I I wasn't his. So then he just let it go for 180 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:36,520 for 30 years. Go ahead. 181 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,640 OK. And what kind of relationship 182 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:43,840 did he and your mom have? They boyfriend girlfriends. 183 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:49,200 A boyfriend girlfriend, my bio dad's wife. 184 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:52,240 They've been married for just over 30 years and they were 185 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:56,040 together back then also. That was another scary part 186 00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:00,440 about realizing that it was oh gosh, I hope I don't start 187 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,960 anything. I don't want to do that. 188 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,680 But she's she's just a fantastic human being too. 189 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:08,120 But they were boyfriend girlfriend at the time. 190 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:14,800 OK, OK, so he knew that you existed but was told that there 191 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:19,320 was adna test and that he was not your biological father. 192 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:22,760 So he let it go and then it comes back around. 193 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:26,560 That's exactly right. So you said that you talk often 194 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:27,840 now? Like what? 195 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,040 What is your relationship like? Have you met in person? 196 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:35,000 We we did. A month ago we went up to 197 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,880 Illinois and it was, it was one of the coolest things ever. 198 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,160 I've never met these people. I mean, I just found out about 199 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,400 this four months ago, three months before we went up there. 200 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,560 And it was like, we've known each other our whole lives. 201 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,400 It was pretty neat because growing up I was always very 202 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,720 different. And well, you know, you hear 203 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:53,040 this a lot on here being very different. 204 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,480 But the weird thing is, is it was normal to be different. 205 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,600 I'm just different. I didn't know there was a way to 206 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,400 fit in. And now it's a grow an adult 207 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,200 with three kids now it's now I fit in somewhere. 208 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,720 I mean, these people, they're they're just like me. 209 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,640 It's it's it's coolest thing. I mean, this has happened so 210 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,960 fast for you. It's been four months and you've 211 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:17,920 gone from finding out the truth to being well connected now with 212 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,920 your newfound family. Did you go through any 213 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:25,560 disruption to your identity or like any of the more? 214 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:29,360 I guess there are no negative emotions, but like any of the 215 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:32,320 negative kind of feelings that some people talk about. 216 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,640 That's a fantastic question. There's a couple, a couple 217 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:39,080 answers. Being a man, you're very proud 218 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:43,000 of your last name. That's just I, I think that's 219 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,320 just what little boys are taught. 220 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,040 I mean, we have nicknames. People call us different first 221 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,040 names, but nobody calls you a different last name. 222 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,560 And I was in the military and they call you by your last name. 223 00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:55,400 Same thing with where I'm at now that they call you by your last 224 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,040 name. And then when this happened, 225 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,720 that was the weirdest part of the whole thing was that's not 226 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,720 my last name. That's not who I am. 227 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,280 That was part of it. But another way to explain 228 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,960 emotions are the roller coaster of emotions. 229 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:10,920 Like I've extreme happiness cause I've struggled with 230 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:14,960 cutting off my birth certificate death and then now it's OK too. 231 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,360 I've got a whole family. I've got a whole family. 232 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:20,560 But then it's also sad because I've lost it. 233 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,560 So I've lost family, but I've gained family. 234 00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,800 It's just just like a roller coaster. 235 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,400 It's a fantastic way to to put it. 236 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:32,760 Yeah, and that's so true about the the last name. 237 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,480 Have you thought about correcting your birth 238 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,400 certificate or changing your last name to reflect this 239 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:44,080 newfound family? I, I have thought about that and 240 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:47,360 it's just, I feel like it would be too hard. 241 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:51,840 And I've built, I've spent my whole career around, I feel like 242 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,440 building my name would be a good way to put it, trying to do the 243 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,600 right thing all the time. And I feel like that would be 244 00:13:56,600 --> 00:14:00,920 changing it. Now I've got a stepson and two 245 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:04,160 little girls and if they ever wanted to change their name to 246 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:07,440 what their name should have been, I very much support it and 247 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,600 I will absolutely do it. It's just for myself to do it. 248 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,800 I don't, I don't think that's something that I could do maybe 249 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:17,360 later down the road, but I just, I, I don't, don't think I could 250 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,160 do it. Sure. 251 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,400 Yeah. And you know, you talked about 252 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:26,400 kind of some of the grief because you lost the connection 253 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:29,440 with your birth certificate father and all that family that 254 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:33,920 you you knew very well. Are you still connected with the 255 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:37,920 other members of your what you thought was your paternal side? 256 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:43,400 There's honestly there's not a lot of them left, a couple aunts 257 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:47,400 and uncles and then my brother who is my now found a half 258 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:48,880 brother I thought was my full brother. 259 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,360 I still talk with him very often. 260 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,840 And that's another thing, talking about my brother. 261 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,960 I was always the Big Brother growing up, always defending 262 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,440 him. And when this happened, 263 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:01,400 everything started to make sense. 264 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:04,760 What I mean by that was I always got treated differently, always 265 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,200 got treated differently because it was just my first 266 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,480 certificate. Dad, my brother and I growing up 267 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,840 and I'd get in trouble with things and he wouldn't get in 268 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,520 trouble. He would tell me to go live with 269 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:16,840 my mom. He doesn't want me there. 270 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,480 But he would never say that to my little brother. 271 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,120 And I just thought it was because I was a smart aleck, 272 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,360 which I I'll admit I could be considered that. 273 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:29,120 Sure, as many children. Could be Oh yes, Oh yes, I grew 274 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,320 up. That was another hard part about 275 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,080 my biological dad. And I told him about how I grew 276 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,600 up and that that bothered him because they would have, I 277 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:38,800 wouldn't have been raised like that. 278 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,920 As one way to put it, I was things like, you're not allowed 279 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,240 to cry. That's not something you're 280 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,920 allowed to do. My, my new family. 281 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,560 They will and it's OK to and that's, that's pretty neat. 282 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:54,720 That's that's pretty cool to me because I grew up very hard. 283 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,600 They live in a little tiny town, Illinois. 284 00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,880 And that was the first thing when I went into that little 285 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,200 town was what if I was raised here? 286 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,080 This is the house I should have grew up in. 287 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:07,120 That is hard. And that's hard to put in words 288 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:12,000 that people don't understand it. But it was weird thinking this 289 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,560 is where I should have been at because remember, my mom left 290 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,440 when I was 5, my biological dad. That's what upsets him the most 291 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,880 is the fact that I for sure would have went with him. 292 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,760 That's that's not a question. I absolutely would have went 293 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,680 with him. And then that, that's where I'd 294 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,360 have grown up instead of where I actually did. 295 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:36,200 So it's hard to process that. But then also I accept it and I 296 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,680 wouldn't change it for the world because I've got the most 297 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:42,440 beautiful family now. I've got a fantastic career, 298 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,160 very happy where I'm at, so I wouldn't change it. 299 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:48,960 But the what if game gets played very often, probably every day. 300 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,760 You think what if, what, what if, what if? 301 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,360 I'd have stayed there. I probably would have never left 302 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,720 that little small town in Illinois. 303 00:16:55,880 --> 00:17:01,280 Yeah, it's a lot to think about. How has the realization that you 304 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:05,560 were not raised by somebody who is biologically related to you 305 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,839 made you feel? I've spoken to some other people 306 00:17:08,839 --> 00:17:10,640 that have had a similar experience where they were 307 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:14,599 raised by their dads and then they came to find out that their 308 00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:16,319 dads weren't biologically related. 309 00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:21,160 Like how does that feel? I'm a step dad and a stepfather, 310 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:26,200 and that's a that's a tricky question. 311 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:30,320 I'm very proud to be a step dad to my son, and he's my son. 312 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:34,120 He gets treated no different than my girls, not not even the 313 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,720 slightest little bit. He's got a different last name 314 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,040 and five years ago he lost his dad. 315 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:43,480 So I am, I'm his dad. There's that's not a question. 316 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,400 Blood doesn't mean anything when it comes to that. 317 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:50,840 Nah, not even a little bit. But it's hard to put into words 318 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:55,720 how this experience shows blood does mean something. 319 00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:00,480 And the way I justify that emotionally with myself is he 320 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,200 still has his family that he spends time with and loves it. 321 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,000 That's, that's his blood. That's where he's from. 322 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:10,560 And that's what I get now. My family, that blood doesn't 323 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,520 mean everything, but now I have that connection kind of just 324 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,760 like he does. Yeah, and there's probably 325 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:19,720 something to be said for the fact that he also knows, right? 326 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:23,000 He knows the truth. That's exactly right. 327 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,280 He didn't have to find out the way that that I did, which I 328 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,040 don't think was fair to me. I don't want to play a victim. 329 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,080 I don't do that. But I just, I don't think that 330 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:33,800 was fair to have to find out that way. 331 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:39,480 Yeah, no, it certainly wasn't. Have you talked to your mom any 332 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:43,800 more about this or is she still refusing to discuss it? 333 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:48,520 She won't discuss it. She's asked how our trip went up 334 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,760 there and I said it was great and she seems supportive that 335 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:55,720 I'm doing this, but she won't talk about it much at all. 336 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:59,880 And it's, we don't talk I guess like like we should like we'll 337 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,600 send a text every couple weeks or maybe every couple months. 338 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:07,640 And if we're not as close as I feel like that we should be, I 339 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:11,520 mean, we, we try, we go up to their house about four hours 340 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,160 away. We try to go up there every now 341 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,560 and again, but they don't come down here and see us a lot. 342 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,960 We try to get up there. What did your brother think of 343 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,280 all this? He bought an ancestry test the 344 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:26,640 next day. I didn't think about time change 345 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,320 when this happened. He lives in Colorado and I live 346 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:32,120 in Tennessee. And I called him and had to go 347 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:35,240 to bed and I woke him up and he just said a few curse words then 348 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,600 hung up because I consider myself a prankster. 349 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,520 So I don't think he believed it for a second until the next day. 350 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,240 And we had a talk and he said that's crazy. 351 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,280 But he also said it makes sense because he'd seen the way I was 352 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:53,560 raised also compared to him. I mean, if we call IT department 353 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,480 of Children's Services here, I don't know what's called across 354 00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:00,440 the, yeah, across the country, but if they would have came into 355 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,360 the, the, the trailer that I was raised in, I, I would have been 356 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,800 taken. I mean, there were passed to 357 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,880 places. It was, it wasn't easy. 358 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,360 It wasn't easy. Yeah, yeah. 359 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:15,840 Have there been any things about yourself that like you said, 360 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,920 you, you now fit in, you understand what it feels like to 361 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,040 fit in? What are some characteristics or 362 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,800 things that all of a sudden have made sense for you since you 363 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:28,040 connected to your family? Emotions, seeing someone who's 364 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,880 my dad crying, Oh, oh, it's OK to do that, 'cause I still have 365 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,040 that. It's just, I try to bury it 366 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:38,280 down. But then you see your dad. 367 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,840 It's like, OK, it's OK to do that. 368 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,080 It's OK to show that. Stuff like that. 369 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,880 My aunt who is like a sister, she's younger than my wife. 370 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,560 I talk to her. We FaceTime almost literally 371 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,000 every day. She's awesome. 372 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,080 She makes fun of my receding hairline because that entire 373 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:56,120 family has a receding hairline. And I said, OK, that's pretty 374 00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:59,280 neat to fit in there too. It's it's things like that. 375 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:03,000 We're all, I don't consider myself short, vertically 376 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,120 challenged is the way to put it. The entire family's short. 377 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,840 We look like I look like my grandpa. 378 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,120 I never had grandparents growing up. 379 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:15,400 My paternal grandparents first tipped his dad's parents. 380 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,520 They died when I was really young and my mom's parents, I've 381 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,960 never met my grandpa and my grandma doesn't want to have 382 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,960 anything to do with me. So now I've got grandparents, so 383 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:28,680 that is cool, that is. Oh wow, so they're still alive 384 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,360 and you can spend time with them. 385 00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:30,840 That's. Amazing. 386 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,520 Oh absolutely. I look just like my grandpa, 387 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,560 which he's over 6 feet tall and I can't say I'm there yet, but 388 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:39,520 he I look just like him. Other than that, I mean, it is 389 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,480 having grandparents that that's one of the better things. 390 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:47,640 Did you pick up additional siblings through this? 391 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:52,320 Yes, I I got my half sister it was she's awesome. 392 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,440 She's just like me. I mean I have messaged her every 393 00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,000 single day since this has happened and I so I got 1/2 394 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:03,320 sister, aunts, uncles. It's a whole, whole new family, 395 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:08,040 which is, which is cool. And what do your kids think 396 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,720 about this? They love it. 397 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,200 They call him Pee Paul. Pee Paul is what they like to 398 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,320 call him. I'm pretty sure that's his most 399 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,640 favorite thing. My sister, she hasn't had any 400 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,520 children and I don't I don't think she wants to right now, 401 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:24,720 maybe later in life. So he my my logical dad just 402 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:25,800 never thought he'd have grandkids. 403 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,800 And then one day four months ago, he got 3. 404 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,480 This is a snap of finger and he just, he's got a little shop in 405 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,800 the town he works in. He renamed the shop to Pete 406 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,000 Paul's Garage. I mean, he just, he loves it. 407 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,240 Oh, wow. Absolutely loves it. 408 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,720 They love him. They FaceTime my children love 409 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:42,920 it. Absolutely love having this 410 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:47,200 whole new family. And I have to ask your your 411 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,560 wife, she wanted to take this test because she was hoping for 412 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:51,960 some drama in her. Family. 413 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,720 I mean it. You got more, yes. 414 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,640 She cares. She couldn't believe it. 415 00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,880 Yeah, she couldn't believe it. She could. 416 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,920 This was surprising to her, too. Oh yeah, She, she wanted to find 417 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,640 something. She just, I don't know, I guess 418 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,600 got bored and wanted to see if she could find any dramas. 419 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,480 What she said and I did it 'cause I was told to do it, I 420 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,040 don't care. I didn't think anything about it 421 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:18,400 and she found nothing. And my iris results were strange 422 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,800 but I just let it go. And then two years later, I'm 423 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,920 the one with the drama. Wow. 424 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,480 And what, what has she thought of all of this? 425 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,480 Very, very, very supportive. She's been very happy with it 426 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:35,320 too, because I moved away and I live here and her family lives 427 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,120 here. And this is where we've lived 428 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,040 for over 10 years. And her family's just like my 429 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:40,840 family. Like I said, there's no perfect 430 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,880 family, but hers is as close as you can get. 431 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,440 And they're, there's fantastic human beings. 432 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,960 But now there's more family, There's more to it. 433 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:52,680 There's more people for her the the aunt that's like a sister. 434 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,720 She she talks with my wife very often also. 435 00:23:55,720 --> 00:24:01,560 I mean, it's my wife has been a huge part in this going back to 436 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:07,760 some of the emotional, emotional bad things that has happened. 437 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,960 My birth certificate dad, he would tell my wife about our 438 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,680 kids. There's heart problems and and 439 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:19,600 his family and my little girl had something with her chest and 440 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,960 he made her go through a whole bunch of tests at a hospital 441 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,360 couple hours away. And he said, yeah, you better do 442 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:26,240 those tests. You know, we have problems in 443 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,480 the family with this. You have to you have to make 444 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,000 sure she get those tests. And we spent thousands of 445 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,480 dollars and many hours just putting her through tests she 446 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:38,440 didn't need only because of that family history that upset my 447 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,720 wife more than anything else. That was the first thing she 448 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,160 said when she heard about this was a test that my little girl 449 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,560 had to go through just because he didn't want to tell the 450 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,480 truth. Do you think that there is any 451 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:54,040 chance that he did not know? No, no. 452 00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:58,720 Another family member when I put this on Facebook from Virginia, 453 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,600 reached out and asked. When they told me, I said when 454 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,160 they told me what she said about this, nobody ever told me 455 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,040 anything. She goes, Oh my gosh, the entire 456 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,640 family knows. That whole family just hid it 457 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,440 from me. And I, I didn't confront them. 458 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,200 But when we went up there to visit my new family, we sat down 459 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,520 and talked a little bit and asked what they thought about 460 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,160 all this. And they said, oh, that's crazy. 461 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:24,480 That's crazy. We just didn't know. 462 00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:27,840 And, and I go back into that. It's another little town in 463 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:29,280 Illinois. And I go to the little gas 464 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,440 station and the manager used to babysit me when I was a kid. 465 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,080 She said the same thing that that family member said. 466 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:38,640 She said, when did they tell you said, nobody told me anything. 467 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,640 I had to do this on my own. She goes, oh, even I knew. 468 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,640 Even the people in the town knew. 469 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,680 Everybody knew besides me, so he 110% knew. 470 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:52,360 How do you feel about the fact that so many people knew this 471 00:25:52,360 --> 00:25:55,240 thing about you that you didn't know about yourself? 472 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,040 That's embarrassing. It feels embarrassing. 473 00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,600 Embarrassing is a good word, but it's not. 474 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:03,040 That's not the right word. That's just the the what I feel 475 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,120 now I go to that, back to that little town. 476 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:07,880 I mean, there's 100 people in the high school. 477 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,680 I mean, it's a small town, so literally everybody knows 478 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,320 everybody and they all know that, and I didn't know it. 479 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,600 So it's like the entire place kept a secret from me growing 480 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:21,040 up. I mean, it was embarrassing. 481 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,920 It's probably the best word for it, even though that's not the 482 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,320 right word. That's just what I think is the 483 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:28,400 best word for. It what has helped you as you've 484 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,680 navigated this experience? I mean, it is only four months 485 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:37,560 in and I assume that, you know, having it go so positively with 486 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,240 your newfound family has certainly helped, but what has 487 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:43,880 helped you navigate this? I'm a very shy person. 488 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,800 I wasn't allowed to be growing up. 489 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:50,200 So I kind of, I feel shy, but I'll, I'll stand in front of a 490 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,040 crowd and give a speech just 'cause I guess that's what I was 491 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,680 taught. My little sister, my new little 492 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,240 sister, my half sister, we've talked about that. 493 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:02,240 She's very shy and it's just she wasn't taught not to be that she 494 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,560 was allowed to be herself growing up. 495 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:07,720 I say this because my aunt, that's like a sister Emily's her 496 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:11,240 name. She is the exact opposite, very 497 00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,960 forward. That's why we Facetimed almost 498 00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,160 every day because I think the second or third day after this 499 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,720 happened, she just Facetimed me. I'm very shy and this is a new 500 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:23,120 person, so the best answer for that would probably be her. 501 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,440 I mean, the very first day I talked to her, she wanted to 502 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:26,480 know when we're coming to meet up. 503 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,640 I mean, that has been the biggest help by far as someone 504 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:33,720 that understands because she understands the family's shy or 505 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,160 shy tendencies. I guess the way to put it, 506 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,920 that's why I've gotten so lucky. I don't think everything would 507 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,560 have moved the way it has if it wasn't for her being so forward 508 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:47,320 and calling often. Yeah, that's awesome. 509 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,880 Oh yes. What's next for you? 510 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:53,080 What are you hoping like over the next six months to a year 511 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,000 with your newfound family or just yourself as you navigate 512 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,840 this? We're planning to go back up 513 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:01,320 there another couple months, go back up and try to meet 514 00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:05,480 everybody again. For me personally, I want to try 515 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:10,760 to get over how I was raised. That's probably the hardest part 516 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,240 is looking back, realizing didn't have to be like that, but 517 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:18,120 forgiving my birth certificate and for the way I was raised, 518 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:20,040 that's what I want to do. I don't want to tell him I 519 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:21,400 forgive him. I don't want to have any more 520 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,000 conversations with him ever again. 521 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:27,400 Just being able to forgive him. I forgive my mom. 522 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:31,920 I know how hard that had to be. And I actually truthfully 523 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,960 believe she was too scared. The same thing and then it 524 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,000 became too late when I was adult, she felt like she 525 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,400 couldn't. I, I understand it, I really do. 526 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:44,280 So I, I forgive her. But moving forward, it's just 527 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:48,240 get to know them more. Get to know my grandparents 528 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,920 aren't in fantastic health. My new grandparents get to know 529 00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:56,200 them as much as I can as soon as I can just meet, meet more 530 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,080 people still family members that that I haven't met yet. 531 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,480 There was some that drove I think 16 hours overnight just to 532 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:04,880 spend 1/2 an hour with us. I mean, family that would do 533 00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:06,560 that. Wow, that's unreal. 534 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:10,720 And then there's other family members over there that was was 535 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:14,200 too busy to talk with us, which is fine that that's totally OK. 536 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:18,000 But it's get to know them all, get to know everybody more at 537 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:19,440 100%. The plan. 538 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,920 I got a supportive family that'll let me do that. 539 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:27,080 What advice do you have for a parent who is keeping adna 540 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,720 surprise from their child? If I was put in the shoes to be 541 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:35,560 a parent that was keeping this and they knew about it, you have 542 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:37,400 to tell them. You have to tell them as soon as 543 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:38,960 they're old enough to comprehend it. 544 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,400 That way they can build their life around it because it's, 545 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,800 it's their life. It's, it's the child's life. 546 00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,720 They're they're the ones that's going to be affected by this. 547 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,320 They're going to find out. So keeping it is there's no 548 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,080 point in keeping it from them. They're 100% going to find out. 549 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,720 And if that's all they've known, it'll be much easier to deal 550 00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:00,720 with in life instead of being 30-40, fifty years old and 551 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,000 finding out and then your whole life gets turned upside down 552 00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,080 because of the time you missed out with your family that you 553 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:08,600 couldn't have known who your real grandparents are. 554 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,880 I mean, it's, it's just not worth it. 555 00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:12,920 It's not worth it to hold it, to hold it in. 556 00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:14,840 I know it's scary. I can't imagine how scary it is. 557 00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,640 I remember, remember I talked about my mom's. 558 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:19,840 I understand it. She should have told me. 559 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,640 She should have told me at least when I became an adult. 560 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,800 I think it was fair at that point because he couldn't have 561 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:28,160 taken me when I was an adult. That would have been her time to 562 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,840 tell me. You have to tell them. 563 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,000 If you're a parent, you got to tell. 564 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,480 Them. And what advice do you have for 565 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,560 someone who just uncovered a DNA surprise? 566 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,240 I would take it slow. That'd be advice, 'cause I went 567 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,640 too fast. I know I went too fast. 568 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,640 I didn't think about before I reached out, I didn't ask more 569 00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,640 questions. But I got very lucky. 570 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,520 I and I don't think everybody can get that lucky. 571 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:51,240 I did. But if I was giving him any 572 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:54,920 advice, it was in my shoes. Go slower, go slow. 573 00:30:54,920 --> 00:31:00,120 Think about it before you reach out, talk to your family members 574 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:04,360 that you know, ask them as many questions as you can and just 575 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,280 just take it easy. Don't rush in like I did 'cause 576 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,680 I thought it reached out, they wouldn't have wanted anything to 577 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:11,080 do with me. I think that would have been 578 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:15,040 just worst case scenario that have been horrible and I want to 579 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,280 try to protect some of them. Hopefully someone listen to this 580 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:21,240 is maybe they're thinking about reaching out and just hopefully 581 00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,240 they'll listen. This is take a second think 582 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,200 about it. Talk to the people you know 583 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,800 first, then reach out 'cause it's your story. 584 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,640 The end of the day, it's your story, not nobody else's. 585 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,400 No one can tell you what to say. It's your start. 586 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:38,240 Well said, Joe, Thank you so much for joining me on the 587 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:42,800 podcast and sharing your very recent DNA Surprise. 588 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,720 I'm so happy for you that it's going really well and I wish you 589 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,680 the best as you continue to get to know your brand new family. 590 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:51,720 Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me. 591 00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:54,000 This was getting my story out there. 592 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,120 I think it's going to help more people and I thank you for that, 593 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,640 really. It absolutely will. 594 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:02,480 Thank you. Thanks again to Joe for sharing 595 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,240 his story. If you have adna surprise that 596 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:10,080 you'd like to share, submit your story at dnasurprises.com and 597 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,560 for early add free access to episodes, join me over on 598 00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:17,720 patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises. 599 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:23,600 Until next time. This episode of DNA Surprises 600 00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:28,480 was hosted, produced and edited by me Alexis Ourselt. 601 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:33,320 It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording 602 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:34,080 Studios.