1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,960 My mom was never honest with me. I always knew I was different 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,720 growing up but I didn't know my dad was not my dad. 3 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,360 I never knew that. I was always told I look like 4 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,560 his sister. I knew I'd never look like her. 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:17,960 I had brown hair, curly hair, I have freckles, I have a lot of 6 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:22,080 emotional anxiety and I have pseudo seizures. 7 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:26,400 That all runs on my bio dad's side of the family. 8 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:28,440 And she would have been honest then. 9 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,400 I could have got help when I was younger. 10 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:34,320 And now I've went 20 years without having those pseudo 11 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:39,000 seizures and now I'm back to having a my younger brother. 12 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,600 He always knew that he had a different dad. 13 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,880 And he's last time he seen his dad, he was four. 14 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:51,280 When he was 17, my mom helped him find his dad. 15 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,920 I went with him to go see his dad. 16 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:59,040 I was 18, he was 17, and my mom still never said anything to me 17 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:02,840 about my stuff or when I was pregnant with my second 18 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:06,400 daughter. She never told me when my Colton 19 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,720 started doing 23. I mean, she never said a word. 20 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:14,480 Never. Welcome to DNA Surprises, a 21 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,880 podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA 22 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,520 discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis ourselves. 23 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:27,560 In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out 24 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:32,360 that I'm an N P/E, a person who has experienced a non paternal 25 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,680 event. In other words, my biological 26 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,960 father isn't who I thought he was. 27 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:43,720 Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and 28 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,240 donor conceived people and their families. 29 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:50,240 Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin 30 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:55,560 with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises. 31 00:01:56,720 --> 00:02:01,000 After Adna surprise is uncovered, many moments from the 32 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:07,200 past come into focus, especially moments that in hindsight or 33 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,639 missed opportunities for parents to tell the truth. 34 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,080 In this week's episode, Christina shares how she 35 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:18,120 uncovered her DNA surprise and how she's feeling about seven 36 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,840 months into her discovery. She discusses how she's 37 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:25,480 struggling with feelings of anger at her mother, especially 38 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,480 when she reflects on times when her mom could have disclosed the 39 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,320 truth about who her biological father was. 40 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:36,000 Before we begin this episode, I want to note that there is a 41 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,120 brief discussion about child sexual abuse that may be 42 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,200 upsetting to listeners. If you want to avoid this 43 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:47,120 content, I've included timestamps in the show notes. 44 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:51,160 Thank you for sharing your story, Christina. 45 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:56,640 I'm Christina. I'm from Texas and I'm 45 and I 46 00:02:56,640 --> 00:03:02,000 was 44 when I found out. It's only been six months, my 47 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:10,640 son, he is now 17 and 2022 he would finally talked us into 48 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:15,000 letting him do adna test 'cause he loves, he loves genealogy. 49 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,400 So we let him do it. And then next year we let him do 50 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,080 the health thing for Christmas. Both of them were for Christmas 51 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:27,440 presents and he had like 1500 relatives on there. 52 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:33,000 And for three years we did not know that you can actually 53 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,720 research people on there. It just comes through and says 54 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,560 this is your closest matches, you know. 55 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,360 And then for two years we researched that, 'cause we were 56 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:47,200 going from the top of the list, 1 by 1 all the way down. 57 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:53,520 And then this past February, February 24th, 2024, we were at 58 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:57,280 my dad's house, my birth certificate dad, my dad who 59 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:02,920 raised me, my my daddy and my cousin overheard a conversation 60 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:08,000 with some somebody in my son. And she said, why did 23andMe? 61 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,280 Because I didn't think I was part of the family. 62 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,480 So she showed us how to research people. 63 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:22,000 It still never even clicked that she had family members on there 64 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:27,880 from my dad's side of the family, and we didn't see that 65 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:31,840 on my son's 23andMe at all. So they decided that they were 66 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:38,840 gonna connect. We left there, we come home and 67 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:42,840 within an hour or two we got an e-mail saying that they weren't 68 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:47,080 really blood related. So you actually got an e-mail 69 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:53,080 notification. Through my son's 23andMe. 70 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:58,480 He was 16 at the time. I'm so sorry. 71 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:02,520 My cousin in him didn't connect through blood which my cousin is 72 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:07,360 on my dad's side of the family. What was your reaction when you 73 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,760 saw that? Did you did you see it together 74 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,720 or did your son see it first? I seen it first. 75 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:17,720 He actually was. My kids were all at my dad's 76 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,080 house, their grandpa's house, staying the night. 77 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:24,000 So he stayed the night with them and me and my husband. 78 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:28,120 When I got home, I got the e-mail so I called my dad and by 79 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:33,680 that time he was already in bed, but he answered the phone and as 80 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,240 soon as he answered the phone I was like hey, Jennifer and 81 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,760 Colton aren't related. What's the deal? 82 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,720 Did my aunt and uncle cheat on each other? 83 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:48,240 You know, and it's still never even registered to me that night 84 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:54,120 when I called my dad that my cousin had an aunt and two 85 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:58,760 cousins, 3 cousins on her 23andMe that I should have had 86 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:02,160 two. I called my dad and he told me, 87 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,600 Christina, don't open up this can of worms. 88 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,160 We'll talk tomorrow. I'm already in bed. 89 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:14,360 So I was like, well, what kind of can of worms am I opening up? 90 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,840 So I called my mom because my cousin did it because she 91 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,440 originally thought she was not part of the family. 92 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,280 And I asked my mom is like, hey Jennifer stuff doesn't connect 93 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:27,360 with Colton. I said how do I call Jennifer 94 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,160 and tell her that she's not part of the family Even though I've 95 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:35,440 seen on her 23andMe it was still was not connecting my brain that 96 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:39,920 Colton didn't have any of those connections that she had to my 97 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,640 dad. And my mom told me you're not 98 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,760 going to call her Christina because it's you, it's not your 99 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,680 cousin. She probably told me that like 100 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:55,840 5-6 times and we were on speakerphone and my husband kept 101 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:58,640 telling me it's just a joke. You know, your mom's just joking 102 00:06:58,640 --> 00:06:59,840 with you. She's just joking with you. 103 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:03,040 She's just joking with you. The next morning, my oldest 104 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:07,760 daughter brings Colton home. And as soon as he walked in the 105 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:12,240 door, he said we're not bled with Jennifer. 106 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,880 He already got the e-mail. He already knew. 107 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:21,000 So he was asking questions. It was hard because then I had 108 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,280 to go out there and tell my oldest daughter before she left, 109 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:27,280 because all I did when I got up that morning was just stare out 110 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:32,000 the window in the living room. Just stared and stared and 111 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,160 stared. What were you thinking at that 112 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,440 point? I mean, you, your mom has told 113 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,680 you it's you. It's not your cousin. 114 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,280 Your dad said don't open this can of worms. 115 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:46,720 And then your son comes home and he says we're not related. 116 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,520 Like what's going through your mind at that point? 117 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,160 I think nothing was going through my mind because it was 118 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:57,760 like a bomb, a whole bomb that went off in my in my house. 119 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:05,600 And it affected my whole family, not just me, but my husband, all 120 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,520 six of my kids. Then it affected my dad and it 121 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:13,040 affected my mom. And then it affected whoever my 122 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:17,160 bio dad was at that time because I really didn't. 123 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:21,400 I didn't know. Well my mom told me not to call 124 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:25,560 my cousin because it was me. She did give me and my husband a 125 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,800 name and I quickly just typed it in and sent it to my husband in 126 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,600 a text. So I did nothing that night at 127 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,960 all. And the next day when I told my 128 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,240 oldest daughter and then Colton, they started researching. 129 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,880 Your mom, she gives you this name. 130 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:43,400 At that time, did she tell you anything else or did she just 131 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:47,720 say it's you and here's the name of the man who is your 132 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,440 biological father? Well, she told me that she 133 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:56,640 thought my dad could be my dad. It could be either or, you know, 134 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,920 she wasn't really sure, but I think she knew. 135 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,080 I think she knew the whole time because she as soon as she told 136 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:07,720 me not to contact my cousin, she instantly threw out that name. 137 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,560 She knew. She knew my whole life. 138 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:18,120 Did she seem remorseful or like what was her attitude towards 139 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,440 you when she told you? At first I thought she was 140 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,000 joking. Actually the first night I I 141 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,000 just, she was just joking. She was just joking with me. 142 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,440 But then the next day it got real. 143 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,560 It got real real. So my kids started researching 144 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,600 them. And then I talked to my mom the 145 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:40,400 next day and she said look and see if there's any of this last 146 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:46,520 name on his 23andMe. And I looked and there they 147 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,960 were. There was some on there, not 148 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:52,480 him. It was like a uncle or 149 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,240 something. But it was still the last name. 150 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,160 It was crazy. It was so crazy. 151 00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:00,400 It's still crazy to this day. That was March 24th, 2424. 152 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:04,720 On the next day was mine and my husband's anniversary, 14th 153 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:08,320 wedding anniversary. We had these big plans that we 154 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,000 were going to go do any everything and just hang out. 155 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,320 And I couldn't even get off the couch. 156 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,680 I couldn't quit staring out the window. 157 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,800 I was so confused and devastated. 158 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,680 And I still AM. And then my kids start 159 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,880 researching and then one of my daughter's found something out 160 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,680 and she called my husband and she's like, I can't tell mom 161 00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:36,360 this. You have to tell her this. 162 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:43,440 I have a sister that lived 15 minutes from me for 10 years, 163 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,720 and she was one of the ones that was on the stage when my son 164 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,680 graduated. She picked up his diploma, 165 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:52,960 handed it to the principal, said his name, and they called him 166 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,640 across the stage. That hurt. 167 00:10:56,440 --> 00:11:00,880 I couldn't go to the store, I couldn't leave my house 'cause I 168 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:04,960 was so afraid I was gonna run into her 'cause I already knew 169 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:08,760 what she looked like. But my girls made my husband 170 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,320 tell me, 'cause they just couldn't. 171 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,000 So your. Kids do the research. 172 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:16,040 They find your sister. Should they find your biological 173 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:17,680 father? Yeah, they did. 174 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,640 That whole first week, I was in a blur. 175 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,600 I couldn't work. I didn't eat. 176 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,680 I didn't drink anything. My son Colton was making sure 177 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,640 come in there and say, mom, you got to eat, you got to drink 178 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,360 some get up, you got to move around. 179 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,560 He has been my number one supporter outside of my husband 180 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:40,000 for this and I got a lot of support team, you know, do. 181 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,360 You end up talking to your dad, the dad who raised you and had 182 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,320 told you not to open that can of worms. 183 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:49,280 I called him the next day and he told me from the very beginning 184 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,640 of the phone call, he said I was going to take this to my grave. 185 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,320 Even though you're my daughter and I love you, I never wanted 186 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,360 you to find this out. He knew. 187 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,760 He knew from the time my mom said this is your daughter 188 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:08,840 'cause they hadn't been together and 1518 months and you can't be 189 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,680 pregnant that long. So he knew and I'm so grateful 190 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,880 for him. I've always kept him on a high 191 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:20,200 pedestal because my younger brother is not his either. 192 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:25,480 But my younger brother grew up knowing that I never got that 193 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,760 chance. I was never told. 194 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,480 Did your parents stay married? Are they together? 195 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:38,440 Not anymore. They divorced probably about 18 196 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,800 years ago. So I always thought my parents 197 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:46,240 got divorced after I was born. I have an older brother and then 198 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,960 me and then my younger brother, so I will always assume they got 199 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:53,560 divorced after I was born. But actually they got divorced 200 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,040 three years before I was born, and my mom just kept my dad's 201 00:12:57,040 --> 00:13:00,720 last name. And then she got pregnant with 202 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:04,160 me and then she married somebody else and that's when my younger 203 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,680 brother was born and he had a different last name. 204 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:10,400 And that was her reasoning why I never knew because I had the 205 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,080 same name as my mom, my dad and my older brother. 206 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,560 My younger brother had a different last name. 207 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,520 So that's why I was never told but my younger brother was. 208 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:24,880 But you said that your mom told your dad that you were his, and 209 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,160 he knew that it wasn't really possible, but he went with it. 210 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:32,160 So it's not like it was a surprise to anyone except for 211 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,120 you. It wasn't one of those things 212 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:37,000 where they were like, oh, we thought you knew because we'd 213 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,680 been divorced or anything like that. 214 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,680 Like you were really raised under the idea that that was 215 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:46,640 your biological father. Yeah, my parents didn't get 216 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:49,160 divorced till I was pregnant with Colton. 217 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,000 I was in my late 20s when they got divorced. 218 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,560 Did they get divorced and then get remarried and then get 219 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,440 divorced again? Yes. 220 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,160 OK, that makes sense. And you and your younger 221 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,200 brother, do you have the same father or different father? 222 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,200 OK. Different father. 223 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:12,160 OK, so so you talked to your dad and he said I knew and I loved 224 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,800 you anyway and you're my daughter and all the things that 225 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:20,040 are really nice to hear, right? What happens Right? 226 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,240 What happens next? Even though my dad knew that I 227 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:27,520 wasn't his, he was still being respectful of me and told me 228 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:32,600 that if he would have known who my biological father was, he 229 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,000 would have told me when I was growing up. 230 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:39,560 So he was respectful and he still did adna test with me 231 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:42,280 because I just needed it in black and writing. 232 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:46,360 So of course, the day it comes back, I'm going to my dad's 233 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,400 house and my grandmother's there. 234 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:52,800 She's 89, fixing to turn 90. And as soon as I walk in the 235 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,200 door, I have to act like everything's OK because can't 236 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,880 say anything to her, she's too old. 237 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:03,360 I don't want to upset her. And I walk in the kitchen and I 238 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:07,760 just first out in tears and fall on the floor and my dad picks me 239 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:09,560 up and hugs me. He said, Christina, we already 240 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,840 knew this. I already told you, he said, but 241 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:15,520 it doesn't change anything. But in reality, it changes 242 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:23,600 everything, changes everything. So that was within that time, I 243 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,680 guess like just a couple of days after me finding out, we ordered 244 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,680 the test. We did it. 245 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:34,520 I found out on February 24th, on March 4th, my girls already had 246 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:39,600 a phone number, address. I knew I had two sisters, I knew 247 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,120 I had a brother and they're all younger than me. 248 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:46,040 So I call my bio dad and I wrote down what I was going to say 249 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,200 when he answered the phone. I just couldn't get my words 250 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,200 out. I couldn't. 251 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,800 He hung up on me and I prepared myself for that. 252 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,240 I did. If you got some crazy woman 253 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:01,320 calling you and she can't even talk hardly on the phone, I 254 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,520 would hung up too when I just sent him a text message and I 255 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,920 said here's the evidence from my son's 23andMe, we've already 256 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:13,160 connected you with your uncle on Facebook. 257 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:16,600 We already know all this information and I just sent all 258 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,840 of it to him. Then he started texting back and 259 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:22,000 by the next day we were talking text message. 260 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:26,920 Everything was text message. And he did DNA test too on 261 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,720 23andMe and it came back. He was my bio dad. 262 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,840 What was his response once he was kind of confronted with all 263 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,320 the evidence? He knew my mom was pregnant with 264 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,400 me. They lived together for at least 265 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,080 six months, maybe longer. I don't even know. 266 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,520 My mom says they were only together for a month, he says 267 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,440 for six months. So I have no idea. 268 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,960 And they lived together and work together. 269 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,160 My mom did call him after I was born. 270 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:55,440 She told him that I was born and she told him I was a girl. 271 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:59,520 He did not know my name. And his response was so I got 272 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:04,160 two different stories here. A mother says he didn't want 273 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,280 anything to do with me and to never call him again. 274 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:11,599 His response was he just got married and his brother-in-law 275 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:15,920 was actually murdered by his ex-wife who asked him to come 276 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:19,520 over there and see the kids or fix her car or something. 277 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:23,960 And when he and his friend pulled up, somebody come up and 278 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,079 shot both of them. The friend is paralyzed and the 279 00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,840 brother-in-law died so he chose not to come see me. 280 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:33,520 I don't know what to believe because I wasn't there, but he 281 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:38,160 always told his family about me or his two wives and his kids. 282 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:42,640 So was his reasoning that he was like, scared to come see you, or 283 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:47,080 was it that, OK, OK, he was scared that something like that 284 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:50,240 might happen to him? Yep, OK. 285 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,600 And didn't want that to happen twice in the family within, I 286 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,920 don't know, months, year, I don't know how long when the 287 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,440 brother-in-law got killed compared to when I was born, you 288 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,280 know, OK, so he chose not to come see me. 289 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,440 And I get that. And I understand that, you know, 290 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,000 but my mom says something different. 291 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:15,400 And why am I going to believe her when she's lied to me all 292 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:19,440 these years? So at that point then once he 293 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:23,800 gets the evidence and then he he's talking to you, he sounds 294 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,560 like he is more open to you and and talking to you. 295 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,680 How does your relationship progress? 296 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:36,000 We text probably every single day now for the last six months. 297 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:40,680 He texts with my son Colton. He texts with my husband. 298 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:45,120 He puts us in Group chats with my siblings and my husband and 299 00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:49,920 my siblings and then or aunts and uncles or grandpa. 300 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:54,800 So it's a good, good relationship and I really enjoy 301 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,200 him because he likes to tell jokes and that's how we have 302 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:06,920 connected majorly on a big spot. And his wife is a whole total 303 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,200 different story. So I know I have a sister and 304 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,680 I've met her. Her name is Lindsay. 305 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,480 She the one that lived closest to me 15 minutes away. 306 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,960 She has now got a new job somewhere else and now she's 4 307 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,400 hours away. So that was real tough knowing 308 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:27,880 that just months after I finally found this or the when I find 309 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:31,200 this out, within two months she had to tell me that she applied 310 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,920 for a job and was moving away 'cause she got the job. 311 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,680 Which I'm grateful she got the job. 312 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,240 It's gonna be great for her and her husband and her kids. 313 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:45,560 We keep in contact and then have a sister just turned 30, and my 314 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,920 oldest daughter's 27. So they connect and I know 315 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:53,240 they've been talking and I have a brother, but he's a little 316 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:57,640 standoffish. We're in Group chats together. 317 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:02,560 You know, I've text him a couple of times and he would never 318 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,120 respond. And then the last time I text 319 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:08,720 him, I told him thank you for the alligator meat that he sent 320 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:13,560 with Jay for me, you know, and. He's like, you're, you're 321 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,240 welcome. So I finally got a response and 322 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,160 I got all excited. My husband's like, what's going 323 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,400 on? Like I'm excited. 324 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,920 My brother answered me. You know, if you don't go 325 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,360 through this, you don't know. Yeah. 326 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,560 What it's like. You mentioned that his wife is a 327 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,720 different story. So I've met my bio dad twice. 328 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,800 His wife has known about me before they got married. 329 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,920 She knew about me why they were married. 330 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:45,240 She tells me that she just likes to take it slow and easy and 331 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,280 like if I post something on Facebook I've seen I got to meet 332 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,400 my bio dad you know she doesn't like it. 333 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:57,000 So she called me one day and she told me that she felt like her 334 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,720 husband was having an affair on her with me. 335 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,440 And to me, that is just so disgusting. 336 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:11,400 It's so heartbreaking to even tell somebody that it wasn't 337 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:15,560 like he went and had an affair on her and I came along. 338 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,840 I was probably already at least 11-12 years old before they even 339 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,800 got together. Well, when you're his child, 340 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,840 you're not a mistress or you know somebody that he's having 341 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:31,040 an impairment, yeah. So I've, I've had a hard time 342 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:35,280 with that, but I try not to have a hard time because I'm trying 343 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:40,520 to understand her feelings too. But she's we're all just 344 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:42,640 different. We just all handle things 345 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:47,720 different in a different way. This happened so recently for 346 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:53,880 you, I mean about six months. How has this affected you? 347 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,760 I've. Lost weight. 348 00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:03,120 I have dogs that I have always played with and done things with 349 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:07,480 and cuddled with and I don't want them around me. 350 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,040 I love to do yard work. I love to plant flowers, I love 351 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:15,240 to garden. I haven't done any of that. 352 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,960 I love to be outside and I'm a nature person big time. 353 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:25,080 I want to go walk the trails and go swimming and be a mermaid and 354 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:29,240 be at the Creek. And I've been swimming 2 times 355 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,200 this year. I've mowed my yard twice this 356 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,640 year. Thank God for my oldest son, 357 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,000 Sheldon. He has taken care of my yard 358 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,120 because I want my yard mowed every week. 359 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:43,880 I want it to be clean and we need it and just the yard of the 360 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,240 week, the yard of the month. And we don't even have that in 361 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,760 our neighborhood. But I've always been like that 362 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,800 'cause that's just me. It's my nature. 363 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,600 So that has bothered me a lot that I can't do that. 364 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,840 I don't drink coffee, but my husband does. 365 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:03,280 So I always make the coffee pop the night before for him. 366 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,400 So all he's gotta do is just go in there and push the button, 367 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,920 wait, let's the dogs out. I haven't been able to do that. 368 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,280 I'm not working as much as I used to. 369 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,800 In the beginning, I wasn't. Now I'm gradually getting better 370 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,400 at going to work. I'm gradually getting better at 371 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:21,240 playing with my dogs and being outside with them and being 372 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:26,480 there for my kids 'cause this effects all of them. 373 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:33,280 Now they know that mom has a different bio dad and then they 374 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:38,240 got their grandpa over here who has unconditionally loved them 375 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,640 no matter what throughout their whole lives and he's even told 376 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,720 me when they were born I never even thought, never even came 377 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:48,120 through my mind that they weren't my biological children. 378 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:50,560 Christina and never came through my mind. 379 00:23:50,960 --> 00:24:00,600 My mom is a different story. I'm so angry with her because 380 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,960 she took me. She says she was trying to keep 381 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:08,080 me safe from my bio dad 'cause she can't give me a reason why 382 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:15,240 'cause she takes me into my raised dad, my daddy's family, 383 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:19,080 and there's child molesters in there and I get molested. 384 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,720 So that makes me even more mad at my mom because I don't 385 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,560 understand what she was protecting me from. 386 00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:29,280 From my bio dad but never going to this family. 387 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:36,000 I was molested by an uncle for two years and then I guess you'd 388 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:43,440 call him my grandpa, step grandpa one time and she caught 389 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:47,800 him. She walked in on him and she 390 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,880 moved out. I was like, well, why didn't she 391 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,400 do anything more? She's like, well, I didn't have 392 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,600 evidence. And this is your dad's family? 393 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:56,680 Yeah. OK. 394 00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:58,960 Wow. I'm so sorry. 395 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:03,480 So you have a lot of anger because your mom kept you from 396 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:08,120 someone under this idea that she was protecting you. 397 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,720 But I was getting hurt at the same time. 398 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:16,800 When I was 17, had my oldest daughter, Caitlin, my mom more 399 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:21,840 or less took over raising her. When I tried to move out with 400 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:26,240 her, she wouldn't allow me to go anywhere with her. 401 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,320 I just had to go to the house and see Kaitlyn. 402 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:32,840 So I swept all that underneath the rug just so I could be there 403 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,320 for my daughter, 'cause if I would have said this or started 404 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:41,680 argument with her or I'm gonna take her, I feel like I would 405 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,080 have never got to see my daughter. 406 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,400 And I needed my daughter to know that I was there for her. 407 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,840 There's been so many times my mom could have told me 408 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,360 throughout my life, and she never did. 409 00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:57,840 She says that she really believed that I was my dad's. 410 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:03,640 But I don't know. I just, I don't understand how 411 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:06,440 she could even think that or feel that because my second 412 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,520 daughter, there was two possibilities to be her father 413 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,680 and her whole life. I've always wondered. 414 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:15,040 It's always been in the front of my head and she never said 415 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,000 anything when I was pregnant with my second daughter. 416 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,640 She could have told me then. Yeah, 'cause you understand. 417 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:25,840 When my daughter was 13 or 14, I sat her down and I told her. 418 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,240 I told her the truth. There's two possibilities. 419 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:34,040 And she was upset and concerned. You know, we talked, but she was 420 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:37,520 OK with it for the most part because she doesn't have either 421 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,680 one of them in her life because they're not good people. 422 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:44,280 When my husband came along, that was her dad no matter what. 423 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,360 Now this has come up, I've had three more kids do ancestry. 424 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:51,920 My daughter Kayla, my second daughter, Her only thing was 425 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:58,320 that she just wanted to be bio blood with her younger brother. 426 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,760 She wanted to be a full sibling. We got him a test. 427 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:05,880 It came back that they were full blood siblings and that made my 428 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:11,120 heart smile so much for her, even though he's not a great 429 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,400 person. But it was just important for 430 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:17,480 her to have that and I told her. I told her I was honest with 431 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:20,160 her. My mom was never honest with me. 432 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,000 I always knew I was different growing up, but I didn't know my 433 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,240 dad was not my dad. I never knew that. 434 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,640 I was always told I look like his sister. 435 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:33,680 I knew I never looked like her. I had brown hair, curly hair. 436 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:39,160 I have freckles, I have a lot of emotional and anxiety and I have 437 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:44,840 pseudo seizures that all runs on my bio dad's side of the family. 438 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:48,120 And she would have been honest then I could have got help when 439 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:52,400 I was younger and now I've went 20 years without having those 440 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:57,440 pseudo seizures and now I'm back to having a my younger brother. 441 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:02,880 He always knew that he had a different dad and he's last time 442 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:07,720 he seen his dad, he was four. When he was 17, my mom helped 443 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:12,120 him find his dad. I went with him to go see his 444 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:13,840 dad. I was 18, he was 17. 445 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:19,760 And my mom still never said anything to me about my stuff or 446 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:21,760 when I was pregnant with my second daughter. 447 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:26,120 She never told me when my Colton started doing 23. 448 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:29,320 I mean, she never said a word. Never. 449 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:34,440 Do you have any kind of relationship with her right now 450 00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:40,080 or are you not speaking to her? My mom and I were really close. 451 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:44,040 I'm so angry with her. I'm so angry with her, and I 452 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,200 don't know how to stop the angryness at all. 453 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,960 I forgive her and I accept that I have a new family out there, 454 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,200 but I don't forgive her for lying to me. 455 00:28:56,120 --> 00:29:00,800 I don't and I'm just pissed off and I don't know how to make it 456 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:04,000 go away 'cause I don't want something to happen to her and 457 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,440 then I have that guilt when she passes away. 458 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:10,840 She was honest with me and answered my questions, you know? 459 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,400 But when she calls me, it's a trigger. 460 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,120 When she texts messages me, it's a trigger. 461 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:21,040 When she sends me a Facebook message, it's a trigger. 462 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:24,400 There's days that I won't answer or call her back. 463 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:29,440 I just want to say that it has not been very long for you at 464 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:33,840 all and however you're feeling is OK. 465 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,880 You know, it's normal to be angry. 466 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,760 It's OK to be angry. You're going through it. 467 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:43,640 You mentioned that you are in counseling. 468 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,360 Did you start going to counseling as a result of your 469 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,880 discovery or is that something you were doing before? 470 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,680 Because of my discovery. OK. 471 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,440 Are you finding that that's helpful for you? 472 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,200 Oh. Yeah. 473 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,840 Oh, yeah. And it took me a couple of 474 00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:02,960 months to find the counselor. There's a church here where I 475 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:15,840 live at, and I started with just the pastor, but my father in And 476 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:20,120 the one thing about her, I wanted somebody that's going to 477 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,400 be able to understand what I'm going through because I can talk 478 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,160 to my husband and my kids all day long, but they don't 479 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:28,800 understand. They don't. 480 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,280 My husband tells me all the time, Christina, at least nobody 481 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,200 died. Nobody died. 482 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:39,080 I get that. But from the time you're born, 483 00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:43,400 you're taught that one day you're going to die. 484 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:47,280 So everybody's taught that growing up, but nobody's taught, 485 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:51,520 hey, what if you find out that you're dad, who raised you, 486 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,720 isn't your dad? Nobody's taught teaches you 487 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,720 that. And that is so confusing. 488 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,360 I'm glad I have the support groups. 489 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:07,240 I'm glad I have the podcast. I'm glad that I go to therapy. 490 00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:09,440 If I didn't have therapy, I don't know what I would do. 491 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:14,800 I'm curious, you know, you're, you're really in the thick of it 492 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,160 that that immediate sort of after the discovery, you know, 493 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:22,920 that first year and feeling the anger and the sadness and 494 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:27,520 depression and anxiety. Where do you hope that you will 495 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,520 be emotionally five years from now? 496 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:35,200 I'm hope and emotionally in one year I can get up and realize, 497 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:39,440 hey, this ain't a dream no more. In five years, I hope I'm back 498 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:43,840 to normal. I want to go be in the river and 499 00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:48,720 swim and play with my dogs and be there for my kids 500 00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:51,960 emotionally, emotionally. I can't do that right now. 501 00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:55,680 So I'm hoping to do that in the next six months. 502 00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,640 But I think I'm giving myself you gotta. 503 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,200 I'm just trying to rush. Yeah, you gotta let yourself go 504 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,560 through it and you'll, you'll get there. 505 00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:09,120 What do you hope for from your relationship with your mom 506 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:14,840 especially and your bio dad? My bio dad I hope we can keep 507 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:19,160 continuing being friends and joking around and I've already 508 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:25,640 met him twice and a sister twice and one sister one and haven't 509 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:28,720 met my brother yet. I'm, I'm hoping to meet him and 510 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:33,880 keep doing what we're doing, talking every day and getting to 511 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:37,560 know each other more. He finally told his dad about 512 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:41,360 me, so I'm supposed to go. Me and my son Colton are 513 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:45,440 supposed to go this weekend with him, our first road trip 514 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:49,440 together, to go meet my grandfather. 515 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:55,800 I haven't had a grandpa in 24 years 'cause my last grandpa 516 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,440 died. I had a grandmother and she just 517 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,840 died last year, so I'd never got those connections with them. 518 00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:08,400 And it's devastating. It's devastating going to bed 519 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,720 every night and then you wake up and it's like this bomb that 520 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:16,640 just keeps going off and off and off and off and off. 521 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:21,560 It just never stops with my mom. I deleted Facebook from my 522 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,800 phone. I deleted Messenger from my 523 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:25,840 phone. My husband had me put it back on 524 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,520 my phone because I have clients that reach out to me. 525 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,960 I was in a some group chats with my mom and my kids or my aunt. 526 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,040 I got out of all of them. I just can't. 527 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:39,320 And my mom texts me take a while to answer her back 'cause it it 528 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:43,040 just, it's just a trigger. I don't, I don't know how to 529 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:44,480 explain it, but it's just a trigger. 530 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:49,840 I'm hoping that my mom and I can get back to where we were, but 531 00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:51,840 it will probably never be where we were at all. 532 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:56,240 Do you hope that you'll be able to move forward with her? 533 00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:58,920 Is that something you want to do? 534 00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,760 I hope so. That is something I want to do. 535 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:05,640 I got to learn to get past this anger I have towards her. 536 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:11,080 But how do I do that in six months when she hid a secret for 537 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:15,880 me for 44 years? And then when I call her out on 538 00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,840 it or call her to talk to her about my cousin, she jokingly 539 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,679 tells me, oh, don't worry about it. 540 00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:22,400 You ain't calling her because it's you. 541 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,080 Yeah. So I do not talk to her much. 542 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,400 This past Wednesday was my birthday, my 45th birthday, and 543 00:34:28,679 --> 00:34:30,760 my mom called. I did not want to answer it. 544 00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:34,880 I didn't, but I did 'cause I knew it was a birthday call. 545 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:41,800 It went from a birthday call to an emotional, very emotional 546 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:45,679 call. There was also six months since 547 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:53,000 the day I called my bio dad too. All these first they need to 548 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:56,760 hurry up and get done and over with so I can get past the first 549 00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,440 year. My cousin Jennifer has been 550 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:05,400 awesome. My son Colton and my dad and my 551 00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:09,080 bio dad and my siblings, Well, my two sisters. 552 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,800 One day, hopefully I'll meet my brother in his time and that's 553 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,560 what matters. One day at a time. 554 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,360 Yeah, not rushing nobody 'cause I don't want to be rushed 555 00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,840 either. Totally, totally. 556 00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,080 What advice do you have for a parent who's keeping adna 557 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:29,760 surprise from their child? Tell them, tell them, tell them, 558 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:35,000 tell them, tell them, tell them. They have to know. 559 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:37,880 My brother knew before he was four years old. 560 00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:41,600 So tell them at 4, tell them when they're 16, tell them when 561 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:45,440 they're 18. If you're you got one kid and 562 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:49,240 they're going to help their brother to find their biological 563 00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:53,600 father and you still have that secret, tell them, tell them, 564 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:56,600 tell them. They have to know. 565 00:35:56,600 --> 00:36:00,480 Especially nowadays because I never ever thought about taking 566 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:04,680 ADNA test. My son Colton begged us for two 567 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:09,080 years to let him to take one. Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope, 568 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:10,360 Nope, Nope. I would not do it. 569 00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:14,360 And I think self consciously I probably always knew, but I 570 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,640 never knew 'cause I never asked questions. 571 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,520 Yeah, 'cause I'm different. Well, and that's a really good 572 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:25,520 point is that it's not necessarily even down to the NPE 573 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:30,960 to take it it if their child takes it grandchild, you know, 574 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,400 down the road these things will come up. 575 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:39,840 What advice do you have for someone who just uncovered Adna 576 00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:44,080 Surprise? Breathe, Take lots of breaths. 577 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:48,960 Walk in the Nature Journal. Therapy, just lots of therapy. 578 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:52,320 Talk to your family. Make sure you have a great 579 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:56,560 support system. I know some of my kids, they 580 00:36:56,560 --> 00:37:00,800 want to support me so bad, but the roller coaster ride is so 581 00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,720 upsetting for them and they support me, but from a distant 582 00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:07,920 and I, I get that and I I respect that for them. 583 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,560 You just gotta breathe. Take it one day at a time. 584 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:15,840 Christina, thank you so much for coming on the podcast and 585 00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:19,320 sharing your story. You have been so brave and 586 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:22,960 vulnerable and just sharing how much this has affected you. 587 00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:28,480 And I said it before and I'll say it again, I promise you it 588 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:32,800 will get better. And I hope that you just 589 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:37,120 continue to move through it and that you get back to yourself, 590 00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,840 and I know you will. I will, which is good, one day 591 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:41,080 at a time. That's right. 592 00:37:41,720 --> 00:37:44,560 Thank you for having me and thank you for having this 593 00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:50,240 podcast 'cause this, it helps. It helps a lot. 594 00:37:50,240 --> 00:37:52,440 Thank you. I listen to you every day while 595 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,440 I'm at work, especially when I have to clean a mirror. 596 00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,320 Oh my gosh. 'Cause I cannot look at myself 597 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,760 in a mirror, so I turn you on and I look. 598 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:08,800 Has I had to had to teach myself how to look past myself in the 599 00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,640 mirror so I cannot see myself so I can still work? 600 00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:18,360 Thank you for sharing that. That's why I appreciate you a 601 00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:18,960 lot. Thank you. 602 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,400 Thanks again to Christina for sharing her story. 603 00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:26,400 If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, please 604 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,400 submit your story to dnasurprises.com. 605 00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:33,680 If you'd like to support the show, please join me over on 606 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:37,520 Patreon where you can get early access to AD free episodes. 607 00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:42,040 Until next time. This episode of DNA Surprises 608 00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:46,920 was hosted, produced and edited by me, Alexis Ourselt. 609 00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:51,800 It was mixed and mastered by Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording 610 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:52,520 Studios.