1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,520 Then finally I can't take it anymore. 2 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:05,640 And I was like, mom, I did ancestry DNA and I know 3 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,160 everything. And she's like, I'm not talking 4 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:08,039 about this. I'm not. 5 00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:09,680 I'm gonna leave. I'm leaving. 6 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,160 I'm going out of the house. I'm like, where are you gonna 7 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,800 go? It's COVID. 8 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:18,600 What are you gonna go get COVID? So then she's in the kitchen. 9 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:22,200 She's like angrily doing dishes. And I walked in and I told her 10 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:26,120 this one piece of information that we found out in in the 11 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,760 saluting time. And I was like, all right, mom, 12 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:33,160 the silver lining to all of this is I found out I'm a distant, 13 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:38,880 probable cousin of Princess Diana and just ridiculous. 14 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,840 And she looked and she looked up, and she was like only you, 15 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:47,760 only you. Welcome to DNA Surprises, a 16 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:51,080 podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA 17 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,720 discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis ourselves. 18 00:00:55,360 --> 00:01:00,760 In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out 19 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:05,560 that I'm an NPE, a person who has experienced a non paternal 20 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,880 event. In other words, my biological 21 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,200 father isn't who I thought he was. 22 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:16,960 Join me as we explore the stories of NP, ES, adoptees and 23 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,480 donor conceived people and their families. 24 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,440 Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin 25 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:28,760 with a simple DNA test. This is DNA surprises. 26 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:32,320 I've said it before, but it bears repeating. 27 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:38,080 If we don't laugh, we'll cry. DNA surprises can be gut 28 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:42,560 wrenching and difficult experiences, but some of us can 29 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,200 find humor in almost any situation. 30 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,920 I first met this week's guest in a peer support group at the 31 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,960 Untangling Our Roots conference and she made me laugh. 32 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:57,480 Then in this week's laughter filled episode, Lauren Lajudice 33 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:01,240 tells the story of how she learned she was donor conceived. 34 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:05,000 Lauren discusses how she never fit in with her raised family, 35 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,880 but was regularly dismissed and gaslit when she questioned why 36 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:12,360 she looks so different. She shares how she connected 37 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:15,720 with her donor conceived siblings, her genetic father, 38 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,480 and how things are with her parents today. 39 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:23,400 Lauren doesn't disguise her journey with humor, rather, she 40 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,600 infuses it into her storytelling. 41 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,160 You can check out Lauren's comedy, including the latest on 42 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,200 her upcoming film, at her website, LinkedIn. 43 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,400 The Show notes. Thank you for sharing your 44 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:39,560 story, Lauren. My name is Lauren Lojudice and I 45 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:44,080 am originally from Queens, NY. It's interesting to be on a 46 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:48,120 podcast called DNA Surprises when like, like, it wasn't a 47 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:52,600 surprise 'cause like I kind of knew something was up, but then 48 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:57,720 it was a surprise 'cause it's like I had gaslit myself so much 49 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,520 by then. I was like, Oh my God, I can be 50 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:07,800 correct 'cause I had told myself so many years that what I think 51 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:14,840 means nothing, what I'm believe is full of bullshit and also my 52 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:21,160 intuition is worthless. And so by the time that I got to 53 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,280 adna surprise, I was just like, I'm surprised that I'm not awful 54 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:30,080 and that I can be right. So I grew up like it was very 55 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,720 obvious that I do not look like my family. 56 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:38,560 So I grew up in a very Italian American part of New York City. 57 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:42,000 And I realized as I do comedy throughout the country and the 58 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:46,600 world that people don't always know what Italian American 59 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:51,280 means. And Italian American is like if 60 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,880 you look up Godfather or you look up like The Sopranos. 61 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:58,440 Yeah, a lot of that's accurate. I don't have to tell you a lot 62 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:02,120 of it. The stereotypes are true. 63 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,920 They are based in something and less and less because more 64 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:11,080 people have moved to the suburbs and joined a gated community and 65 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,600 learned to golf. But where I grew up is very 66 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,519 stereotypical. Very, very stereotypical. 67 00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:20,480 It's part of New York City, but it might as well have been 68 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,000 Kentucky. No offense. 69 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,000 Kentucky. Love you, Kentucky. 70 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,800 I'm sure there's culture in Kentucky, but let's just say the 71 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,440 most uncultured place of every state, wherever the state is, 72 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,520 I'm going. To get so much. 73 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,440 I'm going to get so much hate mail now. 74 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:41,200 And also if you are uncultured you're OK. 75 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,760 But The thing is, is uncultured people I grew up with did not 76 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,560 like difference at all at all at all. 77 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:53,760 They like would abuse, bully, torment anyone who was different 78 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,680 than them. And this is important because 79 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:59,480 not only was it like they didn't like difference because of their 80 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:03,760 small mindedness, but also there was an orientation they had to 81 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:09,720 like this is black and this is white, which is different in how 82 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,120 my genetics work and how my mind works and how my genetic 83 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:19,000 parentage, genetic paternal parentage and line is because we 84 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:23,640 are a people of Gray area and comfortable with like not being 85 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,560 totally stable and not knowing the answers to things. 86 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,400 Whereas everyone I grew up with was like either you're this or 87 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,440 you're this. Basically either you're OK or an 88 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,520 asshole. So that all early on like it was 89 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:42,160 like mind bending how I just my mind literally didn't fit in 90 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:45,640 with these people. Also I joke about it a lot. 91 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:49,760 I was very different. I joked that like yes, my 92 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:53,440 parents got the sperm donation and they just thought oh the kid 93 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,320 won't notice a thing. Meanwhile, they ended up coming 94 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:01,120 up to my hip and my nickname was Milkman's baby. 95 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:05,840 So that was all true. People think when I go on stage 96 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:08,240 and talk about like how different I am than my family 97 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:11,280 and then about my DNA, surprise, people think, are you just 98 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:14,880 saying that for the bit? Like, no, because you can't make 99 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,280 that up. It was like me and my dad would 100 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,520 go, I play a lot of basketball because I was tall and like my 101 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,720 dad always wanted to be tall because of his sports career. 102 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:27,600 And then we were like, kind of, I was reenacting his sports 103 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,760 career as I was going, 'cause he had this tall kid that could 104 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:34,840 like do well in basketball and worked hard just to like, make 105 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:38,400 him proud, make him like me. And you were an only child, 106 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,400 correct? Do you have? 107 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,600 I had three kids after me, which made the whole thing confusing. 108 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,400 OK. Did you look very different from 109 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,360 your siblings? Oh my God, totally. 110 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,240 They were like little replicas of my parents. 111 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,680 And then I like come in bumbling in the room like Gulliver 112 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,280 amongst the little little impusions. 113 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,840 And they the thing that they could bank on because they are 114 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:02,320 again, they're like a black and white kind of people. 115 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,600 And then also they like pray Italian. 116 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,640 And this is not to say they're bad people, because I think this 117 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,440 is an Italian characteristic because I was reading Elena 118 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:14,440 Ferrante and my brilliant friend, and she talked about 119 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:19,360 Naples like this expression and this like of disdain that her 120 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,960 brother gave someone. I'm like, that is what my 121 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,800 brother does. So I think there's something of 122 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:29,920 like this jumping on the weakest link in the room. 123 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:33,120 And I was always the weakest link because it's not to them. 124 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,840 It's not strong to be like Waffly. 125 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,800 OK, yeah, the black and white going to the black and white 126 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,320 thinking. Yeah, so people would like point 127 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,520 it out a lot and it was, it could made it even more 128 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:48,040 ridiculous because it'd be like like be walking down, you know, 129 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,600 my family, mom, my dad, and then it'd be like me and then the 130 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,400 rest of them. And and this was just explained 131 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:58,800 away how because I everybody in our community, when we have 132 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,880 something that makes us stand out, there's always some 133 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:07,360 grandmother or uncle or someone that's like, oh, you, you got 134 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,240 this from that person. So how did they explain away 135 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,080 your? Yes, they had a few three 136 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,080 different methods because it was so extreme and like a daily 137 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,440 basis kind of thing to deal with. 138 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:20,760 The first one was my grand, my mother's like I have a picture. 139 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,160 It's your great, great, great grandmother Greg. 140 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:28,040 You look exactly like her. And I mean, I looked at this, 141 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,280 but I had a better chance of being mistaken for Simone Biles 142 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,600 than this woman. I don't know what they were 143 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,919 talking about. And I outright was like rejected 144 00:08:37,919 --> 00:08:39,400 that I was like that this is bullshit. 145 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,000 Then the she's like, no, but still she dug in. 146 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,480 She dug her heels. The second thing is my 147 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,880 grandfather, now this guy was off the boat from Sicily. 148 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,480 He never graduated high school, but he went to the library like 149 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:55,400 an MIT research scientist to come up with one fact that he 150 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,000 thought could explain me. And he I was like, yeah, the 151 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:03,240 Vikings invaded Sicily, of course, of course, 1000 years 152 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:03,680 ago. So. 153 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:11,880 It just, it just landed on you. Yeah, and yeah, just that's and 154 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,960 I, I mean, I'm an idiot who I was like literally walking the 155 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,520 streets being like, hi, I'm 100% Italian American, Lauren from 156 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,040 Queens. I know I don't like it, but the 157 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:26,720 Vikings and this all inspired by the way a movie called, 158 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,160 honestly, a short film that we're now in editing for. 159 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:32,800 It's very exciting. Yeah, that's because it's so 160 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,640 ridiculous. Like you can't even, I've tried 161 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,840 to show this process to so many people and what it does to 162 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:42,000 people and like, through stand up, through sketch, through 163 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:46,280 character clown, I had to, like visually show this. 164 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,760 The third thing they did was they just said it's all on your 165 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,600 head. Oh, full gaslighting. 166 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:57,160 Yeah, full on gas lighting, it's all you get dramatic. 167 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:02,720 You think these things are not there, which is super gas 168 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:06,120 lighting. So it, you know, did not do well 169 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,640 for me. It was not good. 170 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:12,840 At what point do you then make your discovery and take your 171 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,880 test? Yeah, so I'm like sitting there, 172 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,720 you know, I would like tell people would meet me. 173 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,520 I'd be like, hi, yeah, I'm Lauren, I'm Italian, blah, blah, 174 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:20,640 blah. You know, I don't really look 175 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,480 like my family. And I think it's because the 176 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,200 Vikings and what we're not sure and blah, blah, blah. 177 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,360 This was like a main through line of my life. 178 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:31,720 I started doing stand up and actually I did a solo show and 179 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:35,080 they watched me do a solo show about how they take feelings of 180 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,720 like not fitting in and said nothing. 181 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,560 So I'm still like trying to figure it out. 182 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,280 My therapist told me she was like, you know, dealing with all 183 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,320 this stuff and she's like, you're adopted and now. 184 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,520 And I was like, I don't think so because my mom was pregnant and 185 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,440 she was like, I don't know. I'm just telling you. 186 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,280 I know like families who've kept secrets and there's something 187 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,560 up. Then I got a letter in the mail. 188 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,440 This is as an adult, like I'm trying to still like moving in 189 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:00,840 the world being like, I am different. 190 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,160 I don't know why it isn't my I'm never going to be able to find 191 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,800 out. The letter said we represent a 192 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:07,600 birth mother who placed her daughter for adoption. 193 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:11,520 It was born in the same hospital as you on the same day. 194 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:17,440 So I'm thinking like, OK, now my mom was pregnant, right? 195 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:21,080 And like, I don't think my dad was cuckolded because my dad is 196 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:25,320 my mom is boring. So I think I was thinking maybe 197 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:29,120 I was switched at birth and then the wrong person was adopted. 198 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:34,600 So in good faith, I show my dad this letter and I'm like, dad, 199 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,600 don't you want to meet your like biological child? 200 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,800 Because maybe this is it. And he got so angry with me, 201 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:46,400 like my my girlfriend at the time, she was there at the 202 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,200 dinner when I showed it to him and she was like, I would just 203 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,520 put that letter in a drawer and never think of this again. 204 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:58,680 So it's so weird in argument, like in these stories, how often 205 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,760 we don't take action. We're like, stymied. 206 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,480 What did you think when he reacted that way and you were 207 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:08,440 thinking this actually might be the answer to this mystery and 208 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:12,000 then he completely dismisses that. 209 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,200 So how did you feel? I just felt really frustrated 210 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:19,120 that they were that he was being shady and that frustrated. 211 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,240 It's like, I know there's something, there's no way. 212 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,840 And I'm like, should I get a detective to like get my dad's 213 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:25,840 floss? Thinking this, I didn't know 214 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:30,080 what to do and all along these DNA tests have been coming out, 215 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,440 but I never put it together that this could be the answer. 216 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,120 Like I never dreamed that that could be like, why would the 217 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,480 like an ancestor DNA test? That's like what people do to 218 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,680 like do their family tree and all that stuff. 219 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:42,720 I never put it together. It's like, it's like the answers 220 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,680 are literally like you're saying it's right there and we ignore 221 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,880 it. We ignore it in this in this 222 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,960 way, our mind is trying to just keep us sane. 223 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,640 It's like the movie when you watch the movie and you're like, 224 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,280 don't do it, you idiot, you idiot. 225 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:59,480 And it's like, well, denial's date, it took me months to call 226 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,880 these people and I finally call them. 227 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:06,960 And then they're like the birth mother found the person they did 228 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,720 adna test like they're a match. Then I was like, fuck. 229 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:15,080 So not knowing what's going on, not knowing what's going on. 230 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,920 And then someone, a friend tells me they do their ancestry test 231 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:20,840 and and they're like, oh, I found out on this. 232 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,240 And that I'm like, oh, maybe this could be it. 233 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:28,440 So I get it, the results and they were confusing because my 234 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:33,440 mine were from like Italy and England but my brothers like I 235 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:38,920 looked at his his was from Sicily and Greece and I was like 236 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:42,320 but do these tests even measure anything like are they accurate? 237 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,760 So then I posted them on Facebook and my mom was in the 238 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,960 comments like end this shit. Now again, I should have been 239 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,000 like shady. It's so shady. 240 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:55,120 They're so defensive, so defensive. 241 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,520 They want and even I had asked my dad during that time, why 242 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,360 don't you just do? Why don't we just do adna test? 243 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,440 Because maybe we are like, maybe it's switched to birth. 244 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:03,760 Don't you want to know? No. 245 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,680 And she was afraid of what other people would think if I posted 246 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:13,400 stuff like that because I am making other people judge her. 247 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,720 I ignore the time I put it away again in the movie. 248 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,400 You're screaming, you idiot. How? 249 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:21,920 No. Could you? 250 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,240 I I can imagine being in a script meeting where they would 251 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:29,680 be like, but no person in the world would let those results go 252 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:30,760 by. Yes, they would. 253 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:35,840 Yes, they would. And they do absolutely all the 254 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:37,600 time. All the time. 255 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:42,120 So yeah, I have all these DNA matches that don't make sense. 256 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:46,240 And I'm like, this thing is bullshit and I ignore it for 257 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:47,800 like 3 years. And I would talk about this. 258 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,760 I would talk in circles about it, be like, I know that 259 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,600 something's up and something's up and the test and Bah, Bah, 260 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:53,960 Bah. And no one apparently knew 261 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,600 science or logical deduction because no one could have been 262 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,600 like, see if your dad's cousins are on there. 263 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,080 Like no one had that thought. I finally talked to someone who 264 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:07,040 did. I mentioned it, PhD in genetics, 265 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,960 PhD. And I was like, OK, you, this is 266 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:14,160 the situation with my results compared to my brothers. 267 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,320 What do you think? And he's like, I'd look into 268 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,960 that. And I was like, but isn't there 269 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,560 natural variability between siblings? 270 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,720 And he's like, not by that much. I was like, Are you sure? 271 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:28,200 Like again, I was talking to a PhD in genetics and I'm like 272 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,160 questioning him like, what could it be this, could it be that? 273 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:32,400 Could it be this, could it be that? 274 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:37,520 And he said like, I got my I did my PhD thesis in this very 275 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,560 subject and I am telling you that there's something wrong. 276 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,520 I got back from the trip and still waited. 277 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,720 Then like a few weeks later and I'm thinking in my head, I'm 278 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,720 just not ready to do this. I don't know. 279 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,840 I got to figured I need time. So a few weeks after I get back 280 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,480 from the trip, my mom gives me a picture of my godfather who is 281 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:02,120 tall with fair features. And I'm thinking, OK, maybe 282 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,920 she's trying to tell me on the low like this is my genetic 283 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,920 father and like I don't think my dad could Co called it. 284 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,960 So I will defend myself. I I am defending my mom's honor 285 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:16,160 by saying this is what I thought I thought and I'm a queer person 286 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:20,720 so stick with me. I thought that my dad had a 287 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:24,440 secret bisexual crush on his his best friend, my godfather. 288 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,840 They had a threesome with my mom and then I was eatu Mama tambien 289 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:34,560 into existence. Oh wow, that is such a story. 290 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,760 Like the narrative. So you kind of made it make 291 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,680 sense, right? Like both of your parents were 292 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:45,440 there, like they somehow knew it all. 293 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:46,000 Yeah. For. 294 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,400 Reason it was to help my dad deal with the sexuality is how I 295 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,920 came to be. That's was like the most 296 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,560 satisfying version I could think of. 297 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:58,360 I love that how much time passed between you getting this letter 298 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:02,960 from the hospital that's really making you think, oh, maybe it's 299 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,839 a switched at birth kind of thing to now. 300 00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:11,200 Your conception involved a threesome for your dad, who was 301 00:17:11,839 --> 00:17:16,400 confused. I think it was like, like, I 302 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,599 gotta get that letter. It might have been like three 303 00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:19,800 years, four years. Yeah. 304 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:24,079 So a lot of time passes, a lot of it's time to kind of create 305 00:17:24,079 --> 00:17:27,319 stories that make this super confusing thing make sense. 306 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,400 In my head, yeah. I was just like, I don't know 307 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,720 what? And then you just, like, keep 308 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,040 it. You're like, I cannot let go of 309 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,640 these stories, so you wait. And then when my mom gave me 310 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:39,320 that photo, I was like, OK, that the opportunity is knocking on 311 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,640 the door, like, this might be concrete evidence. 312 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:44,920 So because I knew I had to like get her to talk because if I 313 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,840 couldn't get her to talk or like someone to talk because it was 314 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,520 such a big secret, I was like, I need to sleuth on my own. 315 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,000 Like she gave me this photo and now I need to go all the 316 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,160 evidence and then present it to them and be like, I know you 317 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,200 can't. I know because if like if I am 318 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,720 living in denial, those people forget it. 319 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,160 So they're really attached. So what do you do with this 320 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,120 story that you've invented? Did you actually confront your 321 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,680 parents with it? Well, I actually asked all of 322 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,920 these DNA matches if they knew my godfather because I'm 323 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,320 thinking like he's like a man. Like he's cute. 324 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,320 He's cute. He's around Brooklyn doing his 325 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,040 thing. So I'm thinking he's around 326 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,440 Brooklyn, you know, with all these different people. 327 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,760 And like, I didn't know who these all these DNA matches 328 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,680 were. And then I called Ancestry and 329 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,640 they were like, oh, they're definitely your siblings. 330 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:34,080 And I was like, 1515 are my siblings. 331 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:38,120 They were like, oh, definitely. So I, I call, I asked them all 332 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:42,160 like, do you know my godfather? Like I figured out that my dad 333 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,360 wasn't my biological father, right? 334 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,560 Like this is like a within this mishmash of like a few days of 335 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,880 getting the picture of my godfather because I went on the 336 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,400 computer and I called my brother. 337 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,360 And that's when I was like, let's compare DNA matches. 338 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,440 And I was like, OK, do you see me? 339 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,000 He's like, I see you. And I was like, do you see mom's 340 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,640 cousin? He's like, I see mom's cousin. 341 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,320 I was like, wait a minute, Didn't dad's cousin do DNA 342 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,400 ancestry? And he's like, yeah, I saw him, 343 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,280 right? And here I look him up, my 344 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,560 cousin, my dad's cousin. And then it says they're like 345 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:19,600 very clearly not related, which means like my dad can't be my 346 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,800 biological father. And how did that hit you once 347 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,320 you realized it? It was funny to see like my 348 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,880 therapist's reaction because it was like 2 weeks in a row where 349 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,560 I was coming and I was like, I think something's up. 350 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,400 I think it's maybe my godfather. I don't know. 351 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,800 It's just so strange how she said this and then she was like, 352 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,480 I never worked with anyone with this before and just keep 353 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,560 present with it, blah, blah, blah. 354 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,200 And then I came in the next week and I was like, I found out. 355 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,280 I found out. And it was like everything we 356 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:53,280 had been working on in therapy, like improved by like 110% 357 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,720 because it was just like, I went to her being like, there's 358 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,440 something wrong with me and we're going to figure that out. 359 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,920 Yeah. And then all of a sudden I was 360 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,480 like, wait, there's nothing wrong with me. 361 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,000 Like there's nothing wrong with me. 362 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:11,040 I was being gaslight. So thinking it's my godfather. 363 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,520 I'm still holding on to this thing. 364 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:15,520 I was like could. Get him OK, It's still him in 365 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:16,880 your mind. It's still him in my mind 366 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,480 because I'm like, Oh yes, this thing happened and then I'm 367 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:20,600 going to get to the bottom of it. 368 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,960 I'm holding on to this 'cause I'm like, well, you know, 369 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,520 listen, like he could have had anything with my dad and like 370 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,080 also other people. And then someone in this way, 371 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,240 I'm talking to this sibling pod now we go into a Facebook 372 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,360 Messenger group and we're all trying to like compare 373 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,920 information. And one of them said, my mother 374 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,120 told me that she used a sperm donor. 375 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:44,800 And I'm thinking like, OK, my godfather broke. 376 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:51,200 Brooklyn guy checks out 100%. And then at that time, I'm like, 377 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,720 OK, let me try to reconnect with my godfather. 378 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:57,480 And I sent him a FedEx, which probably got thrown right in the 379 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:02,800 trash because it was like a FedEx that was like, hi, your 380 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,400 goddaughter just saying hi after all these years. 381 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,760 Hope you're good. He was probably like, oh, this 382 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,880 is shady and like shredded it immediately. 383 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,400 And I didn't have his apartment number either. 384 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,840 So I had to like find his like apartment building and then I 385 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,240 would send the FedEx and it got delivered. 386 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,120 So I don't know what happened. Had your parents like lost touch 387 00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:27,640 with him over the years like. They stopped talking to him when 388 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:30,520 I was 7. Like when you get a lot of your. 389 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,320 Features Considering that he's your father, right? 390 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,400 Yeah. And it could have been, I think. 391 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,360 Still, I'm wondering what that relationship was like. 392 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:43,320 I'm like, I wonder if because he and I had similar features that 393 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,080 people raise eyebrows and that's why they stopped talking to him. 394 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:50,280 But they'll never tell me the truth because even if my mom 395 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:54,080 doesn't know, like my, my, maybe my, my dad wouldn't even tell my 396 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:57,840 mom that. And maybe my dad doesn't know it 397 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,280 consciously, you know, like he might have been like, oh, he was 398 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:05,120 this or that, but like. I know there's always like so 399 00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:07,280 many questions that we end up having, right? 400 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,200 Like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 401 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,240 Those people who don't really want to fork it over. 402 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,120 So you don't hear back from him. I don't hear back from him. 403 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,840 I'm in this pod group that's like, we don't know who this guy 404 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,480 is. We don't know who your godfather 405 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,480 is. And it's a sperm donor. 406 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:26,520 And then someone's like, well, my, the doctor told my mom that 407 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:32,000 he used a Med student's sperm. And I'm thinking like, they 408 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,160 probably all say that they're like, oh, you're trying to make 409 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:35,720 you feel better. Yeah. 410 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,920 Because at the time, they didn't really, at the time, they 411 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,520 basically just opened up the Med student door and was like, who 412 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,880 needs beer money? Like, that's the level we were 413 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,000 working with. And I wish I was exaggerating. 414 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:50,800 So one of my siblings took that like, quite literally. 415 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,240 And they were like, OK, let me go check this out. 416 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,440 Let me go ask, why don't I ask all the cousins? 417 00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,400 Because one of the cousins might know if there's another cousin 418 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,640 that was in New York as a Med student. 419 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,760 That's like a pretty big thing. Like usually people remember 420 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:04,920 that like oh, so and so was a Med student in New York. 421 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:06,640 Like that's something that people will remember. 422 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:13,600 So he asks them and someone said like, hey, yes, there is someone 423 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:17,440 in in our family that was a Med student or in New Year's that 424 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,120 you guys were conceived. Let me go ask him if it's OK to 425 00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:23,800 connect you. And then he did, he connected us 426 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,680 and he said yes. And she gave us the phone number 427 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,960 and the name. Now, during this time, like, 428 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,800 this same sibling was like sleuthing like crazy. 429 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,880 And he was like, all right, everyone, like, don't, no, don't 430 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,320 nobody do too much 'cause like, I'm about to crack this whole 431 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,000 thing. And he was like, purely, like, 432 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,440 just innocent curiosity. And I think he has no idea that 433 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,640 like, this could be big for a lot of people. 434 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:54,920 And in this time, are you feeling connected to the sibling 435 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,520 pod? Are you identifying similarities 436 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,840 between you or what's the nature of the relationship like? 437 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,480 We didn't meet at this time. When I talked to one of my 438 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,320 sibling pods, the one who's doing all the sleuthing we had 439 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,240 had a conversation like the day after I made this discovery 440 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,440 because I he's like, let's talk about this. 441 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,120 I don't know. I keep getting messages from 442 00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:14,640 people. I don't know understand how it 443 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:16,960 could be connected, so let's talk about it. 444 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:20,520 So, yeah, when I talked to him, it felt like familiar in a way 445 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:24,120 because we had said, you know, a lot of our my sibling pod, not 446 00:24:24,120 --> 00:24:26,280 all of us, we have similar minds. 447 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:30,800 And that's really comforting. And he was so good at like, in 448 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,800 curious minds. And we all have that in common. 449 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,480 And that led him to just like, sleuthing, finding an obituary 450 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:41,000 connected to a first cousin, getting the family line. 451 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,240 We got the daughter's name and then we found her on Facebook 452 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,920 and like in 45 seconds had pictures of our genetic father, 453 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,280 which was wild. And I was like, oh, I look so 454 00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:55,800 much like him. And a lot of like, questions in 455 00:24:55,800 --> 00:25:02,800 my mind started to be answered. And then I call him and we have 456 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,400 a conversation and he had a dad. He's not my dad, but he had a 457 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,560 dad joke. He was like, tell your mother 458 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:13,600 she can't get a refund. And then we're just like normal 459 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:14,240 people. Usually. 460 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,240 I don't wanna say normal, I wanna say non. 461 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,800 Our community, I put that real hard. 462 00:25:19,120 --> 00:25:21,400 Our people in our community are like no. 463 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,520 Yeah, it's a little different. It's a little different. 464 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,280 We understand more they they could just it's funny. 465 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:32,240 The edge that like is is funny to other people, 'cause there's 466 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,800 stuff that we laugh at that they they have a hard time. 467 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,720 It's it's a different. Sure, 100%. 468 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:44,760 So you see him, and when you see him, you see yourself. 100% it 469 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,800 was the best moment of my life. I've recorded it because I was 470 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:49,080 like, I just put like a recording. 471 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,880 I'm like, if this weren't, you know, sometimes recordings will 472 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:52,400 work. I didn't get crazy with like, 473 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,080 you know, mics. I just like pressed like record 474 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,000 on my Evernote. And I was like, if this is meant 475 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,280 to be, I'll get it. And I'm so glad I did. 476 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:06,040 I'm so glad it worked because it's the my voice is so happy, 477 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:10,200 like it's so you can't make that kind of happiness up. 478 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:15,360 I saw myself for the first time a big case of genealogical 479 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:17,680 bewilderment. Like I never understood what I 480 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,880 looked like because I didn't understand where I came from or 481 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,280 who was, where are my genetics from? 482 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,080 And so meeting at like, I understood my body in place for 483 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:31,560 the first time, I was able to understand like how how I hold 484 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,600 myself or I'm like, oh, that's what people see. 485 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,480 Like I never understood how tall I was. 486 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:40,240 So I was playing small. It's like this weird thing of 487 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:44,000 like I was just hanging out with some family and I noticed I've 488 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,640 been like working and getting at some of these habits out of like 489 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:50,440 ways I move my face or my body to like make myself smaller. 490 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,280 And I noticed I started to like almost go into that And I'm like 491 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,800 thinking it's not that they're expecting me to. 492 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,000 They're not like you must act this way. 493 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:06,880 It's like I'm so, it was so insecure and so uncertain and so 494 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:11,720 sad and so anxious about who I was that I made myself small 495 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:15,240 because it was more comfortable. It was more comfortable for 496 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,840 them. Not all of them, but there are 497 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:23,120 some of them who are like my best friend, I call her yeah, my 498 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:25,680 one of my best friend, my first cousin and 1st crush. 499 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:30,040 She was so mean to me. And part of it was because I was 500 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:35,360 this like tall, skinny bitch. She fucking hated my guts, hated 501 00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:38,160 my guts. She's just like Italian, German 502 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,440 person who was very mad at me. But she was short. 503 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:46,160 She was always very short. So she was always very mad at 504 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,240 me. And I learned I like your body 505 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,000 remembers that. And just it's like, Oh no, to 506 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,880 now I never want to be big because then people are going to 507 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:59,360 hate me to meeting Jim was the first step to undoing that. 508 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,400 I was like, I understand what I look like because in my head I 509 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:07,320 was like this little Italian, like I just didn't understand. 510 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:12,280 I was just in doing some clown training, which is not actually 511 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,680 like circus clown. It's more of an improvisation 512 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,080 and stage presence. And they just had you walk. 513 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,920 And that was so difficult, not only for me as an MP, but like 514 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,000 so many people in the class, it's so hard to be yourself. 515 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,560 Just The Walking, they would be like, you're moving too much, 516 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:31,520 like you're, you have a bounce in your ankle and that we can 517 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:36,240 tell you're hiding. And it was really powerful just 518 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:39,480 to learn to like how to. And I'm still unlearning like 519 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,800 it's, it's gonna take a long time. 520 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:46,320 And I feel this stuff is so ingrained, like I'm gonna run 521 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,720 into it continually throughout my life, which is just what it 522 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:50,680 is. But it's OK. 523 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:54,880 It's for sure for. Sure. 524 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,040 What happens next in your journey? 525 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:01,800 Do you confront your parents? So once I, you know, we do, we 526 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:05,600 meet up with the genetic father, We all have a meet up and we 527 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:08,960 hang, we hang out with him and we continue to hang out with 528 00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:10,720 him. He came to one of my shows. 529 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,560 He's a crack up. He's so funny. 530 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,000 He's just like a good, good dude. 531 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:20,480 And yeah, you know, it's, it's like a nice to have a parent who 532 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:22,120 hasn't had the chance to traumatize me yet. 533 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,240 So that's exciting. Yes. 534 00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:29,480 And and then with my parents, so once I knew like so back it up 535 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,960 to where I had pictures of our genetic father. 536 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,560 Also at that time, COVID was closing down New York City. 537 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,760 And I'm like, oh shit, I got to, I got to hear this from my 538 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:40,320 mother's mouth. And this cannot be done on a 539 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,760 phone call or Zoom or anything. I have to hear it from her 540 00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,520 mouth. So I drove through New York 541 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:49,160 City, I was like hiding out in Jersey and I drove to New York 542 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,560 City all the way she moved out to Long Island, all the way out 543 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,480 and far out Long Island where she is. 544 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:58,640 And I was going there knowing this, which is crazy. 545 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:03,040 Is that which which crazy I say. But like in our community, it's 546 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:08,960 like norm that my the sibling with all the sleuth who did all 547 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,320 this sleuthing, he noticed we had a common friend on Facebook 548 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:17,240 and he called the common friend. And he was like, Hey, how do we 549 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:20,480 both know Lauren? And the common friend was like, 550 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:24,600 well, you had a mom who'd passed. 551 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:29,880 And that mom was my best friend, but I had a second best friend, 552 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:38,120 and that was Lauren's mom. So when he realized that, like, 553 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:43,560 what he just uncovered, he was like, I'm going to go, why don't 554 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:46,120 we just keep this between us until this is all figured out? 555 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:50,560 And then she said, of course, no problem and hung up, then 556 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:52,960 immediately called my mom, told her everything. 557 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,560 My mom still denied it, still in like that deep denial mode. 558 00:30:57,120 --> 00:31:01,640 And then but at that point though, my mom knew like I knew 559 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:03,560 she knew that I knew that I knew that she knew. 560 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:08,760 And so I ring our doorbell and she is nervous and she's just 561 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,560 talking a mile minute and I go in her house and then finally I 562 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,920 can't take it anymore. And I'm just like, mom, I did 563 00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,880 ancestry DNA and I know everything. 564 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,400 And she's like, I'm not talking about this. 565 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,480 I'm not I'm going to leave. I'm leaving. 566 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,960 I'm going out of the house. I'm like, where are you going to 567 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,600 go? It's COVID. 568 00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:29,400 What are you going to get COVID? So then she's in the kitchen. 569 00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:33,880 She's like angrily doing dishes. And I walked in and I told her 570 00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:37,800 this one piece of information that we found out in the in the 571 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,480 saluting time. And I was like, all right, mom. 572 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:44,840 The silver lining to all of this is I found out I'm a distant, 573 00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:50,600 probable cousin of Princess Diana and just ridiculous. 574 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:54,160 And she looked and she looked up and she was like, only you, only 575 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:58,000 you. And so I then started reading 576 00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,920 her facts. This is the place. 577 00:31:59,960 --> 00:32:04,320 This is the doctor's name. And she confirmed it. 578 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,600 She confirmed it. Then I was like, were you ever 579 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,640 going to tell me? And she was like, not until my 580 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:11,640 dying breath. Wow. 581 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:17,120 Yeah. Did she say if your father knew 582 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,520 or was that a question mark for you at that point? 583 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:22,840 Oh, I asked. I said did dad know? 584 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,240 And she gave me such a look. Of course he knew. 585 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:30,120 Like don't even try to say OK mom. 586 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:33,800 I'm picturing Edie Falco, by the way. 587 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,080 Yeah. That's kind of accurate. 588 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:40,760 Don't even try to say that. And then and then I was like, 589 00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:43,120 what happened? Why did was dad all that time? 590 00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,800 Why was he so like defensive? Why was he so defensive? 591 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,520 And she's like, because he knows I would have put a knife to his 592 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,480 throat. That's why. 593 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:57,600 So all right, Bob, I will protect my daughter till like 594 00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:02,240 dying breath is what she said, which is just, she thought this 595 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:06,160 was protecting me, covering the secret up for as long as she 596 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,440 could, even though I was an adult and I could handle it. 597 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:15,080 Since that time she's done good. My mom has like come to my shows 598 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:18,240 and she's very supportive and like she was afraid of judgement 599 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,320 from some people. But like, times have changed and 600 00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,440 people and anything they're like, oh, wow, you did like this 601 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,600 in the early days and like she did it without the hormones. 602 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:29,440 Like my mom was like ready to get pregnant. 603 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:31,080 She was like, give it to me, let's go. 604 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:35,960 And so my mom is like some cred, you know, Now she's like, oh, 605 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,720 what can I say, my daughter? What about what about your dad? 606 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,280 How does he feel about it? Because I feel like there's 607 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:48,960 shame stigma for men who struggle with infertility. 608 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,880 How does he deal with it? It's hard because it's not. 609 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,480 It's the Italian thing, which is like the Italian whatever. 610 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,520 And then there's, which I don't agree with, but I have to 611 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,920 respect that. That's where I was probably 612 00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,440 brought up. Then there's the like Catholic 613 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:11,000 thing, because the Vatican has come out against sperm donor 614 00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:14,639 kids and everything. My dad was like, damn it, now we 615 00:34:14,639 --> 00:34:18,920 pissed off the Pope. So he just felt like he didn't 616 00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:22,600 really, you know, completely unequipped to deal with both my 617 00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:24,920 parents, completely unequipped to deal with any of this. 618 00:34:25,679 --> 00:34:29,760 No tools, no counseling, no recommendations, no reading 619 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,960 material, no children's books. Like we have so much now. 620 00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,520 And it's just, it's exciting because the new generation is, 621 00:34:37,159 --> 00:34:40,280 there's lots of work, but certainly there's some steps 622 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:43,440 taken. How long were they together 623 00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:48,080 before they had you? They were together I think for 624 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:52,320 like 3 or maybe four years. OK, so maybe they've been 625 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,320 trying. It wasn't happening. 626 00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:58,000 Then they had you, but then you said after you they have three 627 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,840 more children. Did they have anything to say 628 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:02,560 about that? I did. 629 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,880 I was like, well, what happened? They're like he had it like some 630 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,720 sort of thing and which I joke about in my show. 631 00:35:07,720 --> 00:35:11,040 Come, come see when I do my hour show, I'm called Misfit Meltdown 632 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:12,840 and you know that he had some issues. 633 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,760 And so then they thought they could have just like we're going 634 00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:18,720 to have, we're going to just be able to have one with this, with 635 00:35:18,720 --> 00:35:20,640 this sperm donation. It was either the doctor was 636 00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:24,240 like, there's no way either you're going to adopt or you're 637 00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:25,680 going to use a sperm donor. Pick 1. 638 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:30,160 So my mom really wanted a kid. She was like going to have a 639 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,560 kid. And it like, she was only 26. 640 00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:36,920 But like, Italian Catholics were like, not waiting to 30 to get 641 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:41,440 pregnant and like, yeah, 80s, nineties, like, that's not going 642 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:42,080 to happen. Yeah. 643 00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:45,600 So she was very intent on getting pregnant. 644 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:47,880 My dad didn't like, kind of understand even what was 645 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:49,680 happening. And it happened. 646 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:54,320 And then he was, it was put in his face every every day. 647 00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,680 Every day. People looked at him like he was 648 00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:00,280 the cuckold. And that was hard for him. 649 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:04,960 And I told him I knew this. It wasn't good. 650 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,640 It's still not great. It's still like this weird thing 651 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:12,320 between us. I don't think he's even told his 652 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:16,120 girlfriend that he lives with his long time partner. 653 00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,600 He's still in his. He doesn't want to talk about 654 00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:21,520 it. He does not will not come to a 655 00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:24,400 show anymore. He did not even acknowledge the 656 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,120 fact I was making a movie about this. 657 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,920 And it hurts a lot. It hurts a lot. 658 00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:33,920 And in some ways I'm like, what can you do? 659 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:37,680 And in some ways, I'm like, you know, I really try to stay away 660 00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:41,000 from like anything of like, it's my fault or, you know, those are 661 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,680 easy to have. Right, right, and. 662 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,920 Comedy helps. Yeah. 663 00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:50,760 Do you feel like he treated you? And it's hindsight's 2020, but 664 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,000 did you ever feel like he treated you differently when you 665 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,880 were growing up? Yeah, I do. 666 00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,000 I do. And I think my brother even 667 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:00,840 noticed it. Like he was like, I noticed. 668 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,040 Like there's a difference of how he even talks about you. 669 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:08,880 He's really hard on you and it's easy to like, demonize me. 670 00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,640 It's better for him to demonize me and make me into a bad person 671 00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:16,400 so that you know if it's always my fault. 672 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:20,920 You've touched on some of the the comedic relief that has 673 00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:24,080 helped you get through. Can you talk more about that and 674 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:28,920 and how you've used comedy and art to process this? 675 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:33,880 So when this was happening, I, I was doing comedy. 676 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,520 I was doing stand up in character as Melania Trump at 677 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,960 this time. And then like that more or less 678 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,360 ended on January 6th. And then because then it became 679 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:45,080 not funny anymore. And then I needed something else 680 00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:46,600 to happen. And then this happens. 681 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,560 It was like I needed like a new project coming like, and I 682 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,440 remember telling this new sibling, I was like, this is 683 00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,800 going to be my life. I know it. 684 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:55,840 This is going to be a music. Isn't that amazing? 685 00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:59,160 You can help so many people. I'm like, Oh no, no, a frack. 686 00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:03,760 And I just knew this was going to be one of the focuses moving 687 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,960 forward. And so I started doing stand up. 688 00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:10,480 And then I was like working on that and undoing all of this 689 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,360 like stuff. I noticed like I was having such 690 00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:16,320 a hard time talking about it and the ways I was like almost 691 00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:18,960 masking myself. So I was doing stand up as 692 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:23,040 myself for like a few years, figuring out my voice, you know, 693 00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:26,960 COVID was working itself out. And then I started something 694 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:32,800 which started as ancestry dot comedy, but I changed it to 695 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,880 misfit variety show. It's a show that incorporates 696 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:41,880 like stand up storytelling character, often a guest expert 697 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,280 in this like night of like very joyful fun. 698 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:52,520 And I noticed that people who were attracted to the topic were 699 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,960 misfits. They were like people under like 700 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,440 I was like, oh, this speaks to like something much deeper that 701 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,120 unites a lot of different groups together. 702 00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,920 This idea of like not quite fitting in, having this family 703 00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,240 that you're not sure where you fit with them. 704 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,200 Like a lot of these things came up. 705 00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,160 So I turned it to the miss of variety show because it was more 706 00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,040 inclusive of all of these experiences. 707 00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:20,360 I wanted to put in one room. And then I'm working on my stand 708 00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,480 up doing a bunch of shows around New York. 709 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:26,680 And then I'm like, could I do an hour? 710 00:39:27,720 --> 00:39:30,720 And then my friend challenged me like go do an hour. 711 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:34,560 So I went to Edinburgh last August with an hour called 712 00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,240 Misfit Meltdown. And that's still, I'm still 713 00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:38,960 working on that, that's still in development. 714 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:44,440 And I will be doing that again definitely in Edinburgh next 715 00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:46,320 August and then potentially a few other times. 716 00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,640 So that's like an hour where I talk about this and like 717 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:53,760 identity, queerness, family, community, all in that hour. 718 00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:56,440 That's incredible. That's incredible. 719 00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,080 And tell me more about your your film. 720 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:04,040 Yes, I'm trying to develop something about this 721 00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:07,440 genealogical babe Alderman, and I couldn't figure out how. 722 00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:09,080 I did stand up and I did a clown. 723 00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:12,200 I did so many things and then finally it was like. 724 00:40:13,240 --> 00:40:16,800 I wrote the script in a, in a writing class and she was like, 725 00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:18,320 all right, we're going to work on your short film. 726 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:20,800 Just like take a moment and think about like writing 727 00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:22,480 something around that. And she gave us a timer, which I 728 00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:23,840 love timers. They're so good. 729 00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:26,680 She gives 5 minutes and then she like, I had to sit there and 730 00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:28,440 write it. And then it came out and it was 731 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,040 about this woman who believes she's a Viking. 732 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:35,280 She's me if I didn't and have art and in a way to express 733 00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,040 myself. She's all in on the Viking. 734 00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:39,920 She but she's like has issues. She's like super gas. 735 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:44,400 She like lives at home and she is, you know, way too old to be 736 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,680 living at home. And she works at the Viking 737 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:51,200 Voyage ride and Adventureland. And she then she's goes to the 738 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:54,800 like Viking exhibit at the Natural History Museum and she's 739 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,720 very like regimen. She just obsessed with Vikings 740 00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:03,360 and thought about like, what if she's about to go discover her 741 00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:06,720 roots and her family's going to like, what's going to happen and 742 00:41:06,720 --> 00:41:09,240 someone's doing a documentary about her and kind of like 743 00:41:09,240 --> 00:41:12,400 realizing that there's more to the story, what's going to 744 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,560 happen? What is she going to do? 745 00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:18,360 Did we explicitly say what you found out that you are? 746 00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,560 Oh, we didn't. Oh, so I found out. 747 00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:26,400 So I thought I was 100 like Sicilian and all southern Italy. 748 00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:28,880 And then I found out I'm English. 749 00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,960 I'm mostly I'm half basically half English with the sprinkling 750 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:33,840 of some French and Northern Europe. 751 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:36,480 Hence the Princess Diana. Hence is. 752 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:41,520 Princess Diana, Yes. And you said you're in editing 753 00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:43,200 right now. When are you expecting that the 754 00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:46,880 the movie will be out? So basically in the next, I 755 00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:51,440 think 6 months to 8 months, we'll have like a premiere and 756 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,640 then for the next like 2 years I'll be like hopefully knock 757 00:41:54,640 --> 00:42:00,200 wood bringing it around. So I can't wait to see it. 758 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:03,160 I cannot wait to see it. I can't wait to share it with 759 00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:04,760 you. I think it'll, I hope it's good. 760 00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:06,880 It'd be interesting. I'm definitely going to have to 761 00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:09,480 do a test audience with like community and then a test 762 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:12,280 audience with like, just like people because it's like a 763 00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,240 different experience watching it, I think. 764 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:19,720 Where would you say that things stand now with your discovery? 765 00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:25,640 Have you made peace with it? Are you still grieving? 766 00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:28,480 Is there still any anger? Where are you at now? 767 00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:32,640 You know, I think it's so hard. Like, I was at untangling at 768 00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:36,080 Roots last year, and I'm like, things are good. 769 00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:37,560 Duh. Yeah. 770 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:41,080 And then they did a thing. I realized that, like, we were 771 00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:44,960 at the closing ceremony. And I'm realizing that both my 772 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,880 grandmother's, like, my maternal and paternal genetic 773 00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:49,400 grandmother's, both have the same name. 774 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:54,520 And it made me cry so hard, you know, thinking of like, what my 775 00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:57,720 grandparents would think, you know what, what they say. 776 00:42:57,720 --> 00:43:02,520 I, you know, it gives me comfort to think of like my grandfather 777 00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,560 because I know he would have said all the right things. 778 00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:08,080 My paternal grandfather. Yeah, I'm certain of that. 779 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:11,920 And my grandmother too, but more my paternal grandfather because 780 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:17,280 I think he had the right idea with how to make people feel 781 00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:20,360 loved. I think that he liked because he 782 00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,880 was also grumpy. But if he'd like to, he wanted 783 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,680 you to feel love. So I'm still like going through 784 00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,840 that grieving. And yeah, I mean, you think 785 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,000 you've figured it out. And then it's just because it's 786 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:33,000 so hard. I had to go through. 787 00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:34,760 I went through and told like most of my family. 788 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,520 Everyone knows that, like right before launching, honestly, 789 00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:40,360 crowdfunding, I was like, I have to tell everyone right now 790 00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,200 because I wanted to find out for me. 791 00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:46,480 So I would like told a few people, you know, did the calls, 792 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:48,520 did the message, whatever I needed to do to make sure 793 00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:52,200 everyone heard it from me first. So I'm more out about this than 794 00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:54,480 ever. Like I'm still shy about putting 795 00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,800 stand up clips. I think I'm making myself put up 796 00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:03,240 a stand up clip a week about it. So to coming coming, maybe 797 00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:04,960 you'll hate it. It's OK, It's OK. 798 00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:07,560 That's I'm so afraid. Like so so. 799 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:09,720 Got to put yourself out there, yeah. 800 00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:12,320 I just got to put and then if it stinks, you won't see it because 801 00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:15,280 the algorithm, that's great. Trust. 802 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:19,560 I know, I know. If people want to follow you and 803 00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:23,160 try to beat the algorithm, what's the best way for them to 804 00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:26,520 find you right? The best way to follow me is to 805 00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:33,920 go to my website, Lauren LOGILOG i.com and there you can sign up 806 00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:36,440 for my e-mail newsletter, which I highly recommend because the 807 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:39,240 algorithm like will prevent us from seeing each other. 808 00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,200 Like let me just follow you is the worst way to ever follow 809 00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,080 someone. FYI, the worst I know not 810 00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,200 everyone does e-mail if you you Lauren Loji is my tag on all the 811 00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,960 things you can find me and all the things in that. 812 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:55,480 And if you know also when you sign up for my newsletter, you 813 00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:57,600 will get updates on on honestly the film. 814 00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:00,120 Just go to laurenloji.com. All the stuff's there. 815 00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:02,640 I'll include all the links in the show notes too. 816 00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:04,960 Thank you. I want to find you all right. 817 00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:08,320 I ask everyone two questions at the end of every episode. 818 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:13,720 So the first question is, what advice do you have for a parent 819 00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,720 who's keeping adna surprise from their child's? 820 00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:21,760 The one thing I would say is I feel that you're probably afraid 821 00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:29,640 that the kids going to hate you. And that's valid because the kid 822 00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:33,880 might be mad, but the longer you wait, the worse it's going to 823 00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:35,680 be. And they're definitely going to 824 00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:37,920 find out. And if they don't find out when 825 00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:40,080 you're alive, they'll find out when you're dead. 826 00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:42,640 And then they're going to hate you postmortem and you've lost 827 00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:45,440 your chance to like make it right with your kid. 828 00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:51,840 So that's one. And two, this like it didn't 829 00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:54,000 make me like not love my parents. 830 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:58,400 Like having a third parent in your life doesn't make you not 831 00:45:58,400 --> 00:46:01,320 like your parents. It makes you just like, your 832 00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:04,840 heart expand and you realize like how much more capacity for 833 00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:07,840 love you have. I like, want to tell my dad, 834 00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:10,280 like dad, like, don't worry, there's no chance you could be 835 00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,760 anything less than my father than the amount of time I've 836 00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:17,200 spoken about you in therapy. There's no way you're my dad. 837 00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:22,440 And what advice do you have for someone who just uncovered a DNA 838 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,960 surprise? If you uncovered a DNA surprise 839 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:28,800 and I'd say be patient with yourself, Go sleuth away. 840 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:31,080 There's a huge community out there to support you. 841 00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:35,760 Reach out to resources. Reach out to community and know 842 00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,280 what you need and ask for it and be unafraid. 843 00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:40,320 And maybe you need to leave and come back to it. 844 00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:43,000 That's fine too. Like just take care of yourself. 845 00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,480 It's going to be a ride. Maybe, you know, some people 846 00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,880 don't. It's like they feel shame 847 00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:50,720 because they're like, I don't know, it's just kind of like a 848 00:46:50,720 --> 00:46:52,240 thing. And I'm like, whatever, like 849 00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:54,360 that's cool. That could be you. 850 00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:57,120 No shame, no shame. You don't have to have any sort 851 00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,400 of dramatic experience, but if you're having a dramatic 852 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:04,920 experience then that's OK too. Lauren, thank you so much for 853 00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:08,000 coming on the podcast and sharing your story. 854 00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:12,920 You share it with such humor, but also realness. 855 00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:15,640 You know there are real feelings involved here and you aren't 856 00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:20,240 covering them up with humor. You're you're just telling your 857 00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:23,880 story. So I can't wait to catch your 858 00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:27,120 stand up and I can't wait to see your film. 859 00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:30,560 I just wish you the best. Thank you too, and thank you for 860 00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:33,360 the work you're doing. You are absolutely like bringing 861 00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,360 a change to the community and I just love meeting with you and, 862 00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:38,960 and speaking and with you and, and the group we had. 863 00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,160 It was just fantastic. So thank you for all of it. 864 00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,240 Thanks again to Lauren for sharing her story. 865 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,960 If you have Adna Surprise that you'd like to share, please 866 00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,640 submit your story at dnasurprises.com. 867 00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:55,520 And remember, for early access to AD free episodes, join me 868 00:47:55,520 --> 00:48:02,600 over on patreon@patreon.com/DNA Surprises Until next time, This 869 00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:07,560 episode of DNA Surprises was hosted, produced and edited by 870 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:11,720 me, Alexis Ourselt. It was mixed and mastered by 871 00:48:11,720 --> 00:48:14,920 Josh Ourselt of Siren Recording Studios.