Last time on no latency side quest.
I'd like to still be goddamn eating synthetic meat and
drinking some whiskey on a rooftop, but unfortunately acid
rain came in and fucked up my day and.
Oh, you crossed the line there, buddy.
Right now you're pissing me off, so.
We just saw a hail of bullets. Oh, is he going to be a problem
as he dies? Hey, as they say, another one
bites the dust. You only live twice.
Oh wait, why is this not working?
Just press it harder. I'm going to press it harder to
see if that helps. You made the kidney pop out of
the dip. Shit, it's.
Done, Pop. What are the odds?
Is there another exit? Fuck if I know I don't live
here. I don't know.
There's usually always a back door.
I'm going to try and call Monty. He can pick us up.
There's one other place that we could go.
What? Is that?
Yeah. It's my favorite bar.
Oh yeah, no latency. Opened a vending machine and
gone past like a secret little door, down a little staircase
and into a fairly large underground bar.
There's a floating island bar in the middle, a bunch of booths
around the outside, and sitting at the very very end of the room
in an elevator is AVW Bus. My kind of place.
I'm sauntering straight up to the bartender.
Hi. Yeah, what would it cost a
feller for three fingers of gulp and whiskey?
One second, retro friends of yours.
Hi. Whatever they want on my tab,
keep it running. Oh, you got it.
Not a problem. I'm Ping.
Nice to meet you. In that case, I will take 6
fingers of gulp and whiskey. Don't worry, I'll keep serving.
And they pour you a shot. What would you 2 like?
Whatever you recommend, this place is amazing.
Sake with ginger A sino. Sounds amazing, yeah.
Wait. Something with an O sugar.
Wait, oh do you have to kill ya? Yes, I have tequila.
Yes, that's what it said. I'm.
I'm sure it was. Here's a lime.
Don't forget the salt. Wait, you don't have it with
like one of those, like those little worm guys in at the
bottom. It's like a special kind.
An actual worm in 2047? Are you high?
I mean, it's Christmas time. Yeah, but I can't.
Dream. I I'm not a corporal bar.
I don't have actual worm tequila.
Well, I. Don't know that.
I can take you to a place that does.
I had the synthetic shit. It's like my first time here,
man. That stuff's like thousands of
eddies of Glass. I mean, hey you.
Got to ask You don't ask you don't.
Know that's absolutely fair. What's going on retro?
Oh, you know, same holiday stuff all over again.
Earth's getting warmer. Acid rainfall in, you know,
setting buildings on fire. How it typically goes.
Can I get an audio Santa? Oh.
And our cowboy threw someone down an elevator.
Sorry, I'll, I'll get to that in a second.
What did you want, Retro? I want an audio Santa please.
An audio Santa, OK. Audios Santa, not audio.
Oh, audios Santa. I was very confused.
Sure. And Ping starts making you a
drink and slides it along the bar.
You catch it right where you always sit and you sip your
drink and you look over to the television and you notice
breaking news appearing on the screen.
Breaking news We interrupt this parade feature with an urgent
weather warning from the NCPD. Despite scientific predictions
here at Network 54, a freak storm has started circling Night
City, a mass cloud pouring acid rain on buildings and citizens
alike. NCPD states to not go out and
take cover until the weather subsides.
The rain is highly corrosive and.
Flammable. The parade has been cancelled
until further notice. And.
Better skies. Well, that's not what this
anchor wanted for Christmas. Sorry to bring the bad news,
Night City. Sadly, it looks like this year
someone is raining on our parade.
I may have been dreaming of a white Christmas, However, acid
rain does not precipitate in that fashion.
For Network 54, I'm April Anonymous.
I love their pun work. There's just so jolly with it.
Yeah, also acid rain. That's flammable.
That's fucked. That's.
New We went out the hard way, though.
I still think she's missing the meaning of words there.
You can't really give your name and also be anonymous at the
same time. Just defeats the entire goddamn
purpose of its Maybe for Christmas.
Somebody to fight? Mr. Cowboy, I'd like to point
out that the whole point of her personification is that you
remember who she is and you are definitely remembering who she
is. Mission accomplished.
Well, that is fascinating and you just absolutely blown my
mind. I never thought of that either.
Whoa, tell about. Branding pretty.
Good. Also, retro is very, very high
right now, aren't you? What does this have to do with
with? With.
Marking your cattle territory. I don't understand what a brand
would have to do with any of this.
Good, right? So I suppose Retro, you're going
to do that thing every year where you save Christmas.
We could try and like, fuss around with it, but like, what
are you going to do, dude? Because it's always on you, you
save. Christmas every year.
Yeah, like Batman, but for Christmas.
But cool. Yeah, I mean the TV for a head.
Wait, do you have a Robin? No, the Robins are different
every year. You guys are the Robins this
year, I think, right? Oh.
No, no, I know the entire 12 days of Christmas.
There ain't no damn Robins in there like.
Hold on. OK, so there's Dick.
We would. What's Dick?
Are you? We would actually more like be
French hens, because there was three of them.
I mean, if they're all Dicks, that's fine.
Yeah, I. Thought Yeah.
Hmm. Wait, wait.
What's this hen? Business.
Yeah, we're 3 French hen Dicks. That's, you know, actually worth
the three hens. But that makes more sense.
I think I'm going to take it, just I'm going to dab the.
Entire dream Add Golden Ring song Wait wait.
I'm very confused. Yeah, I know.
They talk about birds a whole fuck of a lot.
Throw a few rings in there and then they add people.
And it's it's a it's a bunch of avian nonsense, you ask me.
The TV fizzles and plays a completely unofficial broadcast.
Yo ho. Ho, it is our doctor forecast
and I am the one who is raining on your parade.
Y'all, and you're sick and tired of this consumerism, so you all
shall wash My advice is that you stay inside, stay with your
loved ones, and leave the consumerism and the presence
outside, and they will melt in my wash Shall we have the
transmission? Boss.
Yeah, ah. Shit, one liner got a second
job. That that didn't look like one
liner to me. I wasn't really looking at the
TVI, was too focused on my audios.
He he also had some kind of like German or some kind of Austrian
accent. Yeah, so.
So I just got to say people, they always go with the the
consumerism around Christmas time.
There's plenty of other times a year when consumerism runs
rampant and this is the time people are trying to be festive
and holly jolly. And frankly, I think it's just
an easy scapegoat piece of bit bit of a piece of low hanging
fruit right there. I don't know.
Not not overly impressed with this tirade we just heard.
I mean, I still have to work, so it doesn't really solve my
problem. Prompt.
You get a text message from your boss.
If those vehicles don't go out in the parade, you're fucking
fired. It's not my job to make the the
rain stop. Do you say that?
Are you just saying it out loud? I'm saying it out loud, not
sending it, not. Sending it, That's definitely
saying it too phone, not out phone.
I'm real glad to hear that's not your job, because it was.
I'd say you better find a whole new vocation, because you can't
exactly control whether or not the precipitations would be
coming down for the winds and wears.
Apparently it's my job now we have to get the the fleet of
cars to go through the parade, says the fuck who It's here.
Says the fuck who? It's your job.
I don't see my boss. Who's your boss?
Callum Mccurry. Oh the.
Corrosive plating guy. Yeah, it's been my project for
the last year and a half. Wait a minute now.
Oh, you're working on the NCPD vehicles?
Yep. I schedule everything, all the
parts, everybody's calendar, making sure people get to and
from places. Oh yes, see they they were going
to be in the parade. No, I'm I'm, I'm not the
smartest feller around, but you're telling me that your boss
who is in charge of corrosive planning, which I would assume
would be able to resist corrosion, and it just so
happens that there is a very surprising large deluge of
corrosion dropping down on top of everything.
Do you think there may be just some sort of causing correlation
that may be happening there of some such?
I mean, that's not my job though, to think about that.
Oh, well, it can be. Do you want to hand me so that I
can look into it? Because I think that Cowboy is
on to something here. I don't.
I don't have any eddies and I don't have the budget for that
right now, but. If you if we, it's fine.
How about you do it as a favor to me?
Retro. Hey Retro, can you fix this for
me because my job's on line right now.
I will pay you to save Christmas again.
OK, well I better get something from Santa this year because
he's been nickel and diming me so far.
I'll get you something really nice, I promise.
OK, well, my Trois player, Francis, let's we go on our
little Cluckett and take out the whatever that guy was.
What was his? Name Weatherman, MC Weatherman
no. No.
No, we're the Cluckett. We already say we're the hens,
we're the Cluckett's Wait kids. Win it.
Wait, what? I thought we were Dicks.
No, we're both. We're the Cluckett Dicks like.
Betsy. That's just we're spotted Dicks.
No, that, that, that, that that's a that's a European
dessert right there. OK.
How about we showing it to Cox? There we go.
Sure, we'll be 3 cocks and retro Retro with three cocks this.
Won't be the first time. We're the Three Cocked Retro.
Retro's more of a duck person, actually.
That's true. Mama Mallard would not be happy
with these jokes. All right.
Well, if it's the normal megalomaniac vibe, he's probably
creating some kind of artificial weather with some weird science
from some kind of flying apparatus, which means you're
going to need something that can protect you against the
corrosion to get to that, I assume.
I think I know where we can get some, yes.
Yeah, The warehouse. Oh, where the the NCPD vehicles
are. Yes.
Right. Might be able to get in there.
I can try and put something on somebody's calendar and see if
we can get in that way as inspection role maybe?
Role for bureaucracy. OK, I might be able to track
based on that audio recording or was that ATV recording?
I'm losing track. It was an audio broadcast, but
I'm I we've got some pretty good electronics and tracking stuff
here. I feel like we should be able
to. 18 You are tapping away at your agent and you find the
address of where the flight vehicles equipped with the
plating are. The information was distributed
in such a way that there were false positives to stop people
from stealing this very expensive invention.
And you know the true location of this, which is NCPD Air Deck
12. Perfect.
OK. We just have to get there and I
will try and I will just try and get something on somebody's
calendar and see if I can get us in somehow.
I I don't know. We'll figure it out as we have.
You have the address. I have the address.
I can call Monty again. Or do we have another way to get
there? Yeah, call Monty.
Let's, let's take their vehicle. We don't have any other way of
transportation. I'm going to call Monty.
OK, good. Yeah.
Hey, can you come pick us up from the bar?
Sure. I'll be there in about.
Do you want a drink? Oh yeah, fuck yeah, I'd love to
drink. OK, I will get you a drink can.
I have a pina colada just in case we get caught in the rain.
No, now you don't know I'm going to get you just a beer.
The. Fuck.
Could Cipher take this time to try to triangulate the the
broadcast to try to basically figure out and pinpoint the
location of where this individual probably was because
she doesn't think that they're that smart to have basically hid
their location correctly? Nice.
I like it. Roll something.
I actually let me take a look here.
Something fun. Oh, roll a fun one.
Insist on fun. Let's fun.
I mean, I like to think that she's using deduction and
reasoning. Yeah, that works. 17 Yes, you
managed to triangulate its location and par, and it's
moving in a circle right along the parade route, like a big
middle finger to the parade. It's pretty high up though.
Oh yeah, we're going to definitely need one of those
vehicles. It seems like it's right.
Yep. Yep.
Just right in the centre of way at a parade.
Should have been. Yep, that's where our guy is.
They're doing the parade right. It's like circling and and I
think it's pretty high up. How many?
How many feet? Thousand, 1000 feet.
All right above the clouds. I mean, I don't.
Think they can go that high? Yeah.
I mean, I guess the whole doctor Forecast, he wants to be in the
clouds would be like Doctor forecast look at me.
Yeah. That's a great impression.
I like that. Look at me, the weather.
Look at me, I'm looking down on you guys.
That's why my bars under underground.
I got a beer to go. Yeah.
Actually, I'll be very nice. A pina colada to go.
Oh yeah, sure. Do you want it in a shaker?
Yeah, yeah, I'll be nice this. Time.
There you go, Retro. That's five extra for the
branded shaker. OK, Merry, Merry Christmas.
Ping hands you a pina colada in a protein powder shaker branded
with no latency. Perfect.
Thank you. I'm going to take it and I'm
going to, I'm going to take a sip of it just because I'm kind
of curious. And then when Monty gets here,
I'll give it to him. Cool.
Take a sip and put it down and cipher as you look at prompt,
sort of smile a little bit at the really quite well made
drink. You also notice it was full of
edible glitter and their mouth is glowing.
Do I notice this edible glitter? Yes.
So lean and real close. The bartender Can you make my
whiskey sparkly just like that? Sure, sparkly.
I'm not putting whiskey. I'm not putting whiskey in a
protein Tumblr. You just have to drink it and
eat like a real man. That's fine, I just want to have
a sparkly tongue when this is all said and done.
And Ping grabs some edible glitter and salts it like that
guy from the meme. Wait.
Can you just put it in my mouth? That's.
Your your. Retro, your friends are forward.
Here you go, love. Your your elbow is all sparkly.
Now. I don't know if that was on
purpose, but if it does. Don't lick me.
Not going to happen. Have a great day, No?
No, I was talking to them. Cool.
Yeah. Here's your glitter.
Here's a shot glass of edible glitter.
There you go. I didn't know that was going to
be a no. That wasn't for you.
OK, that's another one for you. There you go.
Wait. Is my mouth glitter?
Yeah, Yeah, retro. Is my mouth glitter.
Yeah, as it. Should be it suits.
You It's cool. It's retro.
Do you think this is cool as anything?
However, it comes to everyone's attention that prompt may not
want to have a glitter. E-mail.
This is. Hey, just just think of this.
You've you've become the the one that everybody follows in style
now. Oh, the brightest star, Yeah.
There's no one else that can pay not pay attention to you now.
You get a text message that Monty is here.
Oh, thank God. OK, Monty's here.
Let's let's go. I'm gonna like try and like rub
the glitter off my do. We need to bring some glitter
glitter for Monty. Hey, do you have to glitter in
like A to go cup? Because Monty might want some
glitter. You can only have a certain
amount per day, my guy. My.
Microplastics. Will fuck you up.
You're very no. I look, I've.
So I've been on the exit end of When You Have Too much edible
glitter. No, I'm, I'm fully aware.
Like I'm I'm going to be sparkling from from mouth, shoot
to poop shooting. That is fully OK with me.
Oh, sparkly poop. Yes, I'm so glad this show has
an R rating. Sparkly poop.
Good. Yes.
Excellent. Your favorite multiverse hopping
game system jumping high production value Actual Play
Podcast is Back Systems, which Season 2 is out right now In
your universe, Bowler and Hicks have been transported into the
science fiction world of Scum and Villainy.
Follow our heroes as they try to break out of prison.
This is clearly a cell. I've seen a cell before.
In any universe, this is a cell. Fly through asteroid belts,
Break into high security government buildings.
Excuse me, I'm from the library. Police and punch fascists.
That's always very cool. Catch up on all of season one
now, or jump straight into season 2 every Thursday,
wherever you get your podcasts. The multiverse is a strange
place. As we are going, I'm going to
try and see what I can do to schedule us an appointment so
that we can like try and get something on somebody's
calendar, make my way through, just like see what I can do.
The calendar has been blocked out for the parade.
You can see that it says cancelled on the calendar, but
you can also see in the calendar it says.
This is not going to work. I don't think I can get us
something in. It's oh, I rearranged somebody's
schedule. There's a way around that.
We can just have, you know, kind of get into your system.
I did it before. You did what?
Oh. You did what?
I did something in order to help your boss.
Before. OK, well.
Access to your whole system. Yep.
OK, We are gonna just brush past that because I do not want to
acknowledge that because then I'm going to probably lose my
job. I mean, you're the.
Boss, so lose my job. You're the boss, right?
No, I am so far. I'm a secretary.
Oh, we could fix that. I could totally make it.
So then that way it's like tomorrow, you know, you're
already like CFO. I don't want that prompt, that
is too much. Prompt I I, I'm.
I'm a little confused. You are the streamlined up and
coming Corporo who is in charge of running the parade, which
does not sound like secretary material to me.
And if you're in charge of running the parade, that means
you should be able to go in there, kick that door down and
get the motherfuckers to get you what you want.
Because you got to get this stuff going.
You got to go in with confidence, right?
It's like, it's like my buddy Jeb said.
Don't think, just shoot, shoot off from the mouth.
Am I shooting the? Badges.
No. You're shooting off at the
mouth. OK, OK I I just.
Go in, say whatever is the most impactful thing that you need.
Don't even think about it. Just do it.
OK, you got this. OK, OK.
OK. Everyone roll Perception screech
outside of this location and wow, that's a lot of crits.
And on the front of the building, it's there's mostly no
windows to this building. You can see at the very
southeast part of the building, you can see it's slightly raised
and that's where the vehicles come in and out and there's a a
simple front door. And after driving around the the
long way around this building March, to your chagrin, you
notice there's also an exit window on the back of the
building. Plan B.
With your perception crit, however, you also hear shouting
and arguing on the inside from two different tones of people.
One sound sounds really official, a lot of like army
lingo, and the other sound sounds really chaotic, like it
belongs in the combat. Ohk OK well we're going to be
coming into a very hot situation.
Like how hot? Like room temperature hot or
like sauna hot? Remember how like hot the fire
was? Oh, so like, like Trent Trent
Hot. Yeah, like Trent.
Hot Trent. Hot and fully roasty.
Toasty. Yeah.
Don't shoot yet unless shot at that is the ground rules.
OK we're. I'm going to.
I'm going to do this should. We have like, a cold word for
like when we need to just pop off and just like, you know,
guns blazing, yeah. Yeah, let's say glitter.
Glitter. I like that word now just real
quick piece of protocol. You say do not shoot until shot
at. Now if one of y'all gets shot
at, can I still open fire? Oh, that's a good question.
Use your best judgement. Fantastic.
I have none of that will do. See, I like.
You so going to get fired. Question.
Yes, yes, Red trap.
Us doing this, is that against the rules?
Is us doing what we're doing now against the rules?
I mean, we're technically going to steal a flying we're going to
be stealing stuff. No.
Well, technically you're a boss. Well, you can be the boss.
So technically it's not stealing because it's your product and
merchandise, yeah. Confidence.
Yes, we. Confidence do.
It. Yep, it's mine.
This is mine. I organized all this.
I'm going to go and just gently knock on the door.
Take your dreams and do it. The gentle knock on the door is
heard by no one as the shouting continues.
I'm going to hit the door harder.
No one comes to the door again. The shouting inside is very
aggressive. Can somebody please knock, just
kick over the door? I'm going to step away, just
kick over the door, just kick it open so I can walk through it.
Claire bam, you. Blow open the door and as you
step inside there are fucking people retro.
In front of you are some fucking Maelstrom deals and you know
they are Maelstrom. They're wearing fucking
maelstrom jackets. There's a dude who looks way
buffer than the rest of them hiding behind the desk and on
the other side of the room there's one of the NCPD with a
gun against a different Maelstrom Goons everybody.
Get back, everybody Get back, I said.
Get back. No, man, You want to get back?
You want to get back, man, We're going to fuck you up.
You better let go of our tune, my guy.
What the fuck? I'm going to walk through the
door. What the absolute fuck is going
on? Who?
The fuck are you, man? This is my fucking product.
You want to. Go.
Do I want to go? They've got my tune, you
motherfucker. I'm going to look at the other
guy. What the fuck are you doing?
My job. What's your job?
Everybody get on the ground. No, this is my product.
I have a parade to get going and I'm just going to keep walking
towards the NCPD. Can I OK, can I help them with
that? Because absolutely.
Yes, definitely. Anyone else who wants to help
with this? This can be considered a group
action, yeah. I'm absolutely helping with
that, which is not. A mechanic.
But if you Remington, you in particular, if you want to walk
in like a fucking bodyguard. Oh, let's see that.
Was my fucking. That was my plan.
I'm fully franking her like I am her hired muscle and I am
producing the heavy pistol from my cyber arm.
Not anybody like keeping it down, but looking around.
Like any. Fucking threats.
Cyber May has hands on a badge for it in CPD.
Do it. Burst in.
Do it. How do I do a face down?
It's cool. Plus reputation, plus one D10.
22/2. I rolled A5.
Who are you trying to intimidate?
The NCPD. Not the Maelstrom Goons.
Not yet. OK, that'll be next.
So I just let this fuck, I let this guy go.
Put the gun down and we'll talk. Motherfucker, That's not going
to go well, I guess. Sure, it's not going to go well.
He says as one of the maelstrom on the other side cocks his gun
and goes to shoot him. I shoot him first.
I want to shoot him first. I would like to ruin his day.
That is not enough. You are too far.
The bullet flies across the room and it hits the vendet, breaking
into the glass and bursting a can of real water which sprays
all over the goon. Oh fuck, God damn it.
And he misses his shot as it goes flying past.
The cavalry grabs the guy and puts the gun back up.
What did I fucking tell you? OK.
Are we can we just be cool? Are we going to have a tantrum?
And I'm going to look at the maelstrom people.
Are we going to have a tantrum right now?
We're. Just taking an opportunity, man.
Big fucking storm Parade is over.
Let's steal these fucking vehicles and fuck this shit.
Up. No, because my job is I have to
get the parade going and we have to show these fucking things
off. Oh, that's such a shame because
I don't give a fuck about your things.
I'm leveling. Do you want to do the parade for
me? I don't care if the the badges
are doing it. If you do the parade for me, I
don't care if you take them. I'm not.
Getting out of the rain, man. I'm just going to steal this
shit like my boss told me to, so fuck you.
I'm going to level the aim of my pistol at Mr. Mouthy right here.
I don't know if she completely heard what she said.
My employer gave you a very reasonable offer and right now
this is the best time for you to consider it and come out of this
a winner on all ends of opportunity.
Think real hard. Roll evasion.
Evasion. Yes.
Cool. I think I like that one.
Because he's about to shoot you with a gun.
Oh, he fires a bullet at you as you talk, but he only rolls an
11. You're all a 19 and you dodge
the bullet with the side of your head as it sticks into the side
of the wall. Fuck glitter.
The very heavy pistol is going to go back into my cyber arm and
reach behind me and producing from underneath my leather
duster. I'm going to pull out my assault
rifle and I want to go Full Auto fire on this motherfucker.
OK. Do it.
Do you did you put any points into auto?
Fire. I probably did.
I probably did because that's just how I'd be.
Ranged weapon. Yeah.
No. Auto fire is level 0.
My heavy weapons has some numbers in it.
Let's just see what the fuck happens.
Because I because I said it and I will not walk it back.
You have to, because I'm not that.
Guy Yes. Let's go.
That is what happens when you stare straight in the face of
death. OK, so the distance between you
and this guy is about 15 feet. So this damage down there is
times six. You cause 30 damage to this guy
as you hail bullets into him. He is well, everyone's like and
he gets full of bullets. This guy does not have a high
reflex. It makes him step back.
He falls on the desk, chest, slides towards the vending
machine, looks down at his chest.
He is definitely, definitely rolling the critical injury
table. Peter Wellard, RoboCop.
That's an 8. As he steps back, one of the
bullets goes right through his knee and the bottom half of his
right leg goes limp. Oh fuck.
God yeah, fuck guys, this might be going bad.
Oopsie Daisy. You want to test me still and I
look around the room. All the other goons in this room
have to roll something. The first guy closest to you
behind some boxes puts his hand up.
No, fuck this. The next guy also does the same
because he also only rolled a three and he puts his hands up
as well. And the third guy, oh oh, that's
a nine. He pulls a gun on you.
No one's going to intimidate Mike.
Fuck you. I'm going to get paid to do
this. Let go of my fucking shoe, man.
Glitter. I'm going to take a couple steps
closer. I'm going to point the assault
rifle right at him, and I'm just going to kind of stare at him
over the barrel. You saw what happened to your
compadre right there. Are you absolutely fucking sure
that you want to be next? Because I'm in a bad mood.
I got an itchy trigger finger and I don't give two fucking
shits about you. So how do you?
And that intimidating technique is fantastic.
But you can only fire auto fire once per turn, so you have to
wait for this unofficial initiative to continue.
That's that's fine. I'm hoping he doesn't know that.
What is this initiative? I would like to help prompt and
I will pull out of my Tetromino backpack a grenade.
You either listen to the boss or I will stuff your stocking.
Oh, wait, we might want to rethink that.
Because, you know, we can't damage the merchandise, you
know, and that affects your friend.
I'm not. I don't really mean it.
Oh, oh, oh, it's that oh, that. That.
The threatening. Ah, intimid.
OK. I'm sorry, I didn't.
Roll a face down. Oh, a face down.
Oh, OK. Retro has a reputation of six.
OK, so. That was 6 + 10 plus cool.
Yep. Not that cool.
No 6 plus cool plus reputation. So 6 + 6 + 1 D 10. 666 is y'all
so 01218. Good.
Yes. I rolled A2.
So you basically were guaranteed to win.
Fuck. Look we we don't we don't run we
don't run The guys through other the the rest of the guys they're
in it. We don't I don't fuck.
And this guy sitting there in the corner of the room with
surrounded by you guys who look pretty bad ass at this point,
urinates himself. That's.
Nice. Just that's gross.
Leave. Just go.
Leaving it behind him, there's literally a trail of piss.
Can we just just let him go? Just let him go?
What is he going to do, boy? He lets go of this guy and he
walks forward. Oh guys, bye.
And they drag this guy who's got a broken leg out of here and a
desk chair, and everyone with their hands up leaves
peacefully. Oh man, they left a piss trail
and a blood trail. These guys are just messy.
Gross. Thank you.
Oh, I need to go borrow one of the cars.
What if? Yep, I'm borrowing one of the
vehicles. Official business.
We we there are there are we use those.
Yeah, and I'm going to use one of them to fix this so we can do
the parade. And then you hit Thunder.
Oh. And rain starts to fall on the
West side of the building. Oh.
Hey listen guys, I'm also one of you, Cypher pulls out, she's
going to pull out a a badge that she has to show that.
She's forgery. Yes.
Roll forgery. Oh, not that good in it, but
it's fine. We're going to try it anyway,
OK? Your badge.
As you lift it up, part of it falls off and lands on the
ground. You know what?
I I'm getting a new one, so I'm waiting.
You know, you know how these things are.
They're freaking garbage. They're trash.
There's not good quality. Don't use good leather.
I promise you. I'm, I'm.
I'm one of you guys. OK.
I feel like I'm persuading right now.
I don't. I don't feel persuaded.
Sarge. Yeah, Sarge, There's some.
They got the gangers out of the room.
All right. And this guy with a hat who
looks like he's in charge comes out.
Why do it now? We still have people in the rest
of the building, so. Might need your help.
There's there's more of them. Yeah, they're like fucking rats,
OK? That is cornered in the office
and then I beat the shit out of this one guy, Sir.
That. Was.
Me. Shut the fuck up.
And we we had him. We had him dead to rights.
We were just about to solve the problem.
Thank you for coming in. We appreciate it.
Anyway, we're going to take care of those vehicles and I'll get
them sorted out. We'll wait till after the rain
and then we will reschedule Christmas.
Why? Why are you waiting for after
the rain you can literally just got that's non corrosive.
But the whole parade, that's the whole point.
The only reason we'll get like you're not going to just have a
parade of our like 4 vehicles, that's.
Stupid. I mean, we could.
It's still a parade. We're showing it off.
Actually, well, I mean, you'd have to, you'd have to talk.
You'd have to talk to the mechs and the mechanics and shit.
Yeah. OK.
We'll just go deal with the other guy and again.
Who the fuck are you other than saving us?
So I guess I'm not going to shoot you now That was.
The people that pay you that. Was an option.
Pay your salary with their tax settings.
What the fuck bro? Roll Persuasion for that only
because that badge fell apart and it's real weak.
Wait, are you? DJ calls.
I'm. I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm
trying. To get these DJ calls.
Yes, I'm DJ calls, but I got to like keep it on the down low,
right, because. Yeah, no, I don't know who you
are either. Yeah, sure, as long as you don't
kill any of my guys. If you see any more gangers, you
fuck them up. Then yeah, I guess you can take
the can I see your ID. You don't need my ID.
No, no, the the vehicle is worth a fuck ton of eddies and that's
literally what was on the price tag.
So if you wouldn't mind, I would like to see some kind of
credential. We're talking like a good
quarter of a million Eddies right now.
So I'm going to. OK, here's the thing.
Do you know how many meetings you have?
Usually, yes. I'm going to triple it.
If you don't let me through, I'm going to ruin your day.
That's the worst threat so far. Do you want to be in meetings
for 12 hours and then have to be in another 12 after that?
Oh no. Especially if it could have been
an e-mail. Oh no, it's just we're going to
be talking about a meeting for talking about having so many
meetings. Oh God, no.
You should add it's a meeting for the meeting I hate.
Paperwork. Don't, don't add to this tiny
one. Yeah.
And then I'm going to have to, you're going to have to put an
agenda. Oh, you know what you did and
what you're going to be doing? Fine, fine, fine.
Just go. Just go talk to the mechanics.
They were doing stuff for the vehicles.
I don't fucking know. I need to deal with this blood
on the ground. You.
Clean up this blood. Oh fuck, really?
So we can, like, kill them all. I'm.
Actively hurting right now. The Sergeant goes over to the
rest of his crew and they start sort of conversing in the corner
of this room near the sofa, sort of doing a little debrief.
And you're now at the north part of this room, and on the very
east of this room is a door next to two vending machines.
At the very southeast of this room is the door to the
bathroom, and the South of you is the office.
I'll go to the office. I'm going to stop, step away for
just a second and kind of catch my breath because my my cool is
falling apart now. I used up all my cool oh.
I just wanted to take a quick peek in there real quick.
What do I see in? Here, as you step into the
office, you see a few desks. Some of the computers are on,
all the paperwork is boring as fuck, and there are a bunch of
lockers at the back of this office, as well as two vending
machines in here. Hold on, Can I get on the
computer real quick? Get in.
It's the Knight City PD, right? Yep, I want.
To roll something. OK, I want to try that.
I'm going to hack it. Sure.
Wait, not that one. Well, I mean, I guess that's.
That's the 29 That'll do my dude.
Yeah, that's great. You are tapping away on the
keyboard. You open up one of your cyber
fingers and it taps away on its own, speeding up your typing
speed. And you find the only file on
here that looks interesting. And that's a report that the
vent in the bathroom has been repaired.
Oh, OK. It's all paperwork.
It's so boring. That's the most exciting thing
you can find. It still feels fairly
significant. But here's what I here's what
I'd like to do, please. I would like to do a file search
for anything with my name and anything of the no latency crew.
OK. And then summarily delete it
all. Done.
Merry Christmas, my no latency animals.
And you make your way back out of the office towards everyone
else as they go towards the door.
How are you feeling are? We centered.
I'm OK. Yep.
Just. Remind yourself that you are in
control of your emotions of the situation.
You are beautiful. You are fabulous.
You are powerful. You manifest destiny.
You look like Linda Evangelista. Thank you for shooting those
people. You are a model.
You are boss. You are boss.
You are boss bitch.
Boss. Ass.
Bitch, boss. OK, stop screaming at me is.
There anybody else you need me to shoot?
Because I'm good at that. Oh yeah, they gave us permission
to shoot everybody. You.
Well, not everybody. Yeah, I mean, if we need to.
You guys are amazing. You guys can keep doing what you
do best and shooting people. I will keep ruining people's
days with Calvin. I was just standing there.
I mean, you can shoot people if you want.
OK, let's let's go get one of these vehicles.
Remington, do you want to go first or should I?
No, I'll take point on this. I'll go open, said said door.
It's open now. So you open up the door, and
inside you see two goons. One of them's trying to break
into the door on the other side of the corridor, and one of
them's pressed up against the locker with a gun, and it looks
like he's paying attention to something that's on the other
side of the lockers. He's a little distracted, but he
looks at you as the door is open.
Where the fuck are you? I'm in.
I'm part of the people in charge here now, so just settle the
fuck down when we take care of things.
Dave, no. No, shut shut the fuck up.
I'm trying to get the door. Dave.
Dave's. Shut the fuck up.
I'm trying to. Get the door.
Dave's not here, man, And I'm going to open fire with my very
heavy pistol all. Right.
Go for it. We're all for it.
That was awesome. I'd.
I'd give you inspiration if I could. 22 doing 22 damage.
And hold on, hold on, he he exploded.
Yes. Yeah, he did.
All right. So you do crit damage.
That means you do plus five damage.
And I roll on the critical injury table.
Do you want to roll on the Critical Injury table?
It's more fun if you do, OK. You hurt yourself.
That's a fun thing. Good is it?
Oh, that's five. Final injury.
Next turn you can't take any action but a move action.
Base death penalty plus one to fix.
This is a Paramedic DV15. This guy.
He's fucked up. Locks you Daisy.
Tries to turn away from you. Trips over the side of the
locker, bends over a little bit and you watch 3 bullets go right
through two separate vertebrae, and he goes slightly to the left
only from the top half of his body falling to the ground and
clutching as best he can his side.
Dave. Dave, What the?
Fuck. Oh, fuck.
Oh, hi. That's not good, is it?
And he tries to shoot you. Dave, you're making a mistake.
Well, it's Daves turn. This is a role-playing game.
He gets to shoot you. That's how this.
Dave is playing the role of dumb fuck right now.
You have a reflex of overrate, so you can dodge this.
If you roll over 12, the bullet does not hit you.
It's my evasion. 22 Yes, you very You just, like, turn
sideways as the bullet flies through the corridor and hits
one of the crates on the inside. So if you're standing there,
like trying to put the badge back together, and the bullet
goes right past your nose, Oh, that was.
An awesome. Dave is being antisocial now.
It's a heavy pistol, so he gets to shoot twice.
He rolls a crit fail and his gun jam.
Fuck no. Oh God, please don't hurt me.
And it's retro's turn. Let me let me walk in here.
Who's all right, man? What the hell is going on in
here? This is you.
Are you slaying these guys, Remington?
Well, Dave over here decided to shoot at me and that, I think,
was grave error. This guy, his hips and his head
don't face the same way no more, so we may have to just, well,
euthanize the poor motherfucker. But yeah, I've I've been
enjoying pulling the trigger and pointing and seeing where the
bullets land. Who shot?
Who shot at us? What's that now?
Who shot at us? Well, there were some assholes
who shot at us earlier. Was it that guy right there?
Well, no. I shot him.
Dave shot at me. It's going to.
Be fine, Dave. It's.
Going to be absolutely. Cool, it's going.
To be great, Dave, it's not. A.
Doorman. Yeah, whatever.
Yeah. I think Dave over here needs to
die because he tried to shoot me twice.
All right. I shoot Dave.
Roll forward, UH. Oh, I did not put my other gun
in the air, so Remy. I told you to update your sheet
No T boy. Remy forgot his K tech hammer
back at the bar. Fuck.
But he did remember to bring Ash, his other trusty shotgun,
so he'll take his first shot at Dave. 23 Yeah, the Oh no, you
did. So that's 26 damage.
That's a crit because you've rolled 2 sixes.
That's plus 5, making 31 damage. We also roll on the critical
injury table. Do you want me to roll it or do
you want to roll it? Oh, I'll roll it.
Do I just hit this critical injury effect thing up here?
Yeah. Foreign object Part of the
vending machine gets hit by bullet and the keypad flies off
and sticks into his lower abdomen and he falls to the
ground. He is now prone.
Well, you know what? I'll just walk up to him with a
second shot. Lay my name, Slay my name.
Is that an aim shot at his head? Oh, you know what?
Yes, I actually did aim shot at his head.
Yes, I I did Aim shot at. It cool.
So that's 23 -, 8, which beats the 13 it takes to hit him for
anything 6 yards or less. You cause a critical injury to
the head. Roll a head critical injury.
Brain injury. Nice -2 to all actions, which
would be a thing if you didn't cause enough damage to kill the
guy. His head splits open and blood
spatters all across the side of the wall and the console to open
the door. It's disgusting.
Remington. Roll evasion.
I'd be more than happy to. Let's see here. 22 A huge slosh
of blood flies past you as you dodge it, but it does
unfortunately hit retro a little bit on his tracks because he
didn't roll the crate. No, but at least he didn't get
on my sweater. This is true.
And now that you can just see a little retro on the sweater now
jumping for Joe. And that guy is dead.
And this tiny combat is over because one guy's incapacitated
and the other one doesn't have a head anymore.
Well, that's OK. We can finish off the
incapacitated one. I got plans for you, no.
Man, I'm sorry, Can. I can.
You stumble into this corridor. You see this maelstrom goon on
the ground, clutching his side where his spine was snapped at
an uncomfortable angle. The cypher is pulling out her
beautiful new hello cutie pink heavy pistol.
Oh, the weather outside is frightful and gunfire so
delightful. And since there's no place to
go, you must go. You must go.
And she's going to shoot him in
the head. You pull the trigger.
Your gun goes as the bullet flies out of it.
Roll. Roll the gun.
OK. You rolled a 22.
So because you rolled over 20, of course the other thing the
gun does is go, Oh yeah, and then it hits the guy really,
really hard. No, it's too cute.
And with 14 damage and his broken spine, that guy's dead as
well. His blood splatters all across
the room towards Retro and the other dead guy.
And you hear on the other side of the lockers, a guy grown.
Dead. If not, they're really good at
play acting. Yeah, that, that.
That's affirmative. If they're friends of yours, you
might get to join them here in a half second.
No, no, no. No, no, dudes.
I'm in CPD. I'm going to come in and make my
way over to where the voice is, carefully avoiding the blood
because I don't want to slip. Sounds good.
Hi. Hi you.
You don't look so good. Yeah, those those guys got me in
the chest. I'm going to see if I can find
something to like try and help, like first aid him.
There's there's a first aid patch in the fridge behind you.
I'm. Going to go get that.
Thank you so much. OK.
A nice Corpa. It is Christmas.
Thank you. Great, and I have a reputation
to be nice and you here as. He puts this patch on himself.
It sizzles so uncomfortably. I'm.
Going to take a step back, that's I don't want to be a part
of this anymore. Thank you.
Will you go and make sure the mechanics are OK?
And he hands you his key card. I will gladly take it, take a
step and I'm going to take that and carefully walk around the
body. You saw it?
Still alive? Yep.
OK, good. You're just leaving.
All right. I'll just.
I'm unstable to help. Thanks.
Mm hmm. OK, so I got a key card.
We can go check on mechanics and get our vehicle.
Well, that's. Going to go over to the door.
Tap. It works.
Door thing. It sticks to the blood and is
super, super gross, but it works and the door unlocks.
I'm going to go over to the dead body and see if I can, like,
wipe my hand because I don't want the blood on my hand
anymore and I don't want to put on my outfit.
Roll to not get more blood on you in the process of doing so.
Can I use? Inspiration.
You could. Dumb, but you could.
Can I just use? It you didn't roll yet.
Can I use personal grooming? Yes you fucking can 13.
That's enough. Very good.
It's a very simple thing to wipe blood on a a non moving dead
body like fucking that requires A crypt.
Fail in my book or at least something below 9 and you don't
have any blood on you anymore. You also have a clean access
card to the maintenance Bay. Perfect.
I'm going to put that in my jacket pocket.
Cool. Oh, OK.
Are you guys ready to go? Just a quick question there for
you. This set individual here, do we
need to? And I'm going to produce the
very heavy pistol from my hand and just make a couple of firing
gestures, make sure he's taken care of.
Or is he fine as he is? We're good.
Save some fucking ammo for me and I'll save a few eddies.
I like that attitude. Oh, you should check their
pockets to see if they have any eddies on them.
I'm not going to touch them too bloody.
But start rooting through the pockets of the two dead guys.
Roll. Yeah, roll.
Perception. Roll seption.
I love that I'm the one doing that because I don't have the
best skill in that fucking. Great Goblin 14.
You find 20 eddies on one guy and 40 eddies on the other.
Yeah, I found between them they had 20 eddies.
Perfect. Can you buy me some water?
Be more than happy to go over to whatever vending machines got
some water in and see how much it costs.
In this hallway, there are two vending machines.
It's full of real water. How much does it cost?
It's 15 eddies. So what I'm going to do is I'm
going to put the very heavy pistol back into my cyber arm.
I'm going to reach back into my leather trench coat and pull out
my very heavy melee weapon, which is a section of railroad
spike, and I'm just going to bludgeon the front of this thing
to bust it open again. We'll get you some water real
quick here. Brawl for that 11 is not enough.
It bings off the bulletproof glass of this vending machine.
It's a vending machine in a police station.
Hey I try again. You may try one more time, but
after the door is opened. OK, I'll wait till the door gets
open. I'm.
Going to open the door. You open the door and as you
step inside, an old guy dressed in dungarees pulls a gun on you.
Stop. Oh fuck.
You're not Maelstrom, right? No.
Do I look like it? I don't.
Know I spend most of it, most of my time with vehicles, not
people. That's fair.
God, I'm so old. You should just go sit down, go
take a rest. OK, You you feel like my boss,
so I'm going to say yes. All right.
Thank you so much. Oh, fuck.
Oh, the gunfire and the vadnais. That was bad.
Oh, my gosh. And.
He goes over to the benches between some lockers in the
bottom right of this room. You enter this room and inside
there is a large flight vehicle in the middle of here.
It looks like it's a bit of a mechanic's Bay.
There's a sink across the room, a bunch of lockers to the South
and entrance to the flight deck to the South.
To the north is an unlocked room labeled Sauna and there is a
mechanic working on the half taken apart vehicle inside here.
Hey, what are you doing? Fixing the vehicle.
Is it broken? Well yeah, the engine overheated
so I'm replacing the the manifold, the, the CD drive and
the rear view camera and I've got to.
After this is done, I've got to cover it in the plating.
It's not. Plated.
No, the other three, I had a one scheduled.
No the one for the the the parade or they're they're in the
flight deck. This is just our spare.
OK, great. Do you have the keys to one of
them that is plated? Who are you?
I'm your boss. The boss.
OK, the boss. The World Persuasion boss.
Lady. I am leaning into it.
Big Bad boss. Look at her shoes.
I I'm going to be real. My boss is named Doug.
Yeah, I'm not sure my name's not.
Doug, right. So I'm going to keep working on
this. That's my job all.
Right, look, I'm. Going to look over at Retro.
You want to handle this. Hey, look, donut.
Where, where where are they? We need to inspect these
vehicles before the next parade takes out Oh.
They're they're in the flight decks go down there.
I'm. Going to check it.
Out, he points at the door to the South.
I I have beaten you door. Now go through to this.
Oh shit. It's another door, OK.
You come through a little like airlock door where people could
get ready to get into flight suits, and there are a bunch of
lockers in this room and inside the lockers as you take a
tertiary glance, are a bunch of flight suits for flying around.
They don't offer that much protection.
It's more of a uniform thing. I'm not going to be bogged down
by the man now. My outfit's way better.
Why would I put that thing on? I'm not touching that with a 10
foot stick. It's polyester as well.
What a weird blend of fabrics discussing.
How did the second swing against that bidding machine do all the
16 on that one? 16 Not enough?
Got that feeling that you may have to pay 15 eddies for a
bottle of water. I'm going.
To very sheepishly put 15 eddies into it, then another 15 eddies.
I'm going to purchase 2 bottles of water.
Just be very glad that everyone had already moved into the next
room to not see my shame at this moment.
Do you crack open one of these waters for yourself?
I do not. So you're you're holding it, and
it feel the bottle feels great. And as you walk up to the rest
of them in the MEC Bay, you see them exit into the lower Chamber
of this room. You know what, quick question
for the flight suits, are they NPCD branded?
NCPD, yes. I've changed my mind.
I would like a flight suit. OK, you grab an NCPD pilot suit.
I'm going to each of these bottles, water.
I'm going to hand one to Cipher and one to prompt.
I'm going to crack it up, feeling it I don't have any.
Delicious. Yeah, no, it's.
Delicious, delicious water one tastes great.
Specifically asked for shed water from the funds that we had
acquired from said Dipshits back there.
You have been my personal cheerleader almost life coach at
this point, so you deserve said refreshment.
Wait, are we best friends? Now I don't know I I never had
one, but I suppose that may be a possibility.
Oh, today that changes. Way down, way down.
We're best friends. Fuck yes, yes.
Fuck the man. Lock the system.
Yeah, yeah, it sounds good to me.
Live free and let's spill some blood while we do it.
Retro. The sensor above the door in
here detects that you're holding this body suit and slides open
automatically, giving you access to the flight deck.
Oh shit. Prompt.
Soon as the door opens, you look at the back of these vehicles
and you recognize that the same piece of plating is missing from
the back of every single one. What?
The absolute. Next time on no latency side
quest. Where's the play date?
Can't just I pull a piece off of 1, slap it on the other?
Look, my skills are pretty good. I can't do it.
Oh, I have handcuffs too. I need you to fix this in 5
minutes. Where is Doug the doughnut?
How's it going in there? Do we turn left or right?
Walk out this door. I don't need to hear no.
E fucking Magellan. Give me simple directions.
You're the boss. Tell him to give me the chip.
Leave. Just leave.
Oh, that was nearly a glitter spray.
Living to feed Aloka. I don't know what we're going to
do. New plan?
Isn't his bestie like, right there?
Stop laughing at me. Wait, give me back my water.
Then Richard, can you get the doors open?
Oh, I want to shoot Doctor Forecast.
Sorry to rain on your parade. Oh.
My bad. What?
You. OK, Wait.
But no, I don't care about you. What?
I don't. I don't want to see him.
He fucking terrified me. Hell, hell, hell.
Motherfucker. Yeah, just leave.
I got chills. They're electrifying, but you
still suck. It's going to be a silent night
for you, dude. And everyone just needs to stop
making fun of me. Stop making fun of me.
Yippee. Ki yay.
Thank you for joining us on our adventure once again here at No
Latency. Don't forget to follow us on
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next time in Night City. Thanks for listening, Jim.