1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,280 OK, welcome back to his house Today. 2 00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:04,800 I'm here with Katie Gallardo, who is my husband's cousin, and 3 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,440 I'm just Katie's biggest fan. I'm so excited to interview her 4 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:08,760 today. Do you want to introduce 5 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,880 yourself a little bit? Yeah, yeah, definitely. 6 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:15,680 My name is Katie. I'm 30 years old, and a year ago 7 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:19,000 I was a healthy mom and wife of two little boys living in San 8 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,600 Francisco. Most of my day was filled with, 9 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,040 you know, the normal chaos of young motherhood while working 10 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:27,280 full time and supporting a husband who worked long. 11 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,880 You guys were busy, long hours. Yes, I can't believe you were 12 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,400 working full time and Steven was working full. 13 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:32,080 Time. Yeah, yeah. 14 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:33,200 It's insane. It's. 15 00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:37,520 It's fun, but today I'm still that same mom, but a cancer 16 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,880 survivor and a below knee amputee. 17 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,720 And somewhere in the middle of biopsies, chemotherapy, and the 18 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,360 decision to amputate my leg, I, you know, I realized something 19 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:49,880 unexpected. That this experience wasn't just 20 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,520 breaking me down, but it was changing the way I see 21 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,080 everything. You know, it changed the way I 22 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,920 see my faith, my children, and even the ordinary moments of 23 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,880 motherhood. Watching my kids grow up, you 24 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:03,480 know, each and every day is just something I will never, ever 25 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,800 take for granted. And on topic for today's 26 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,840 episode, it made Easter just feel a lot more real to me than 27 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,920 ever before. Yes, can you tell us your kids 28 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,440 ages because yes, I don't know if you. 29 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,840 Mentioned yes. So I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 30 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,000 1 1/2 year old, two boys. Which is so crazy that in the 31 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,680 beginning of this. I know they were. 32 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,120 The kids were so little. It was 2 and the other one was 33 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,680 nine months. So insane. 34 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,600 Yeah, they're, they're so cute. Can you tell us a little bit 35 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,560 about your journey the last year? 36 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,040 Just like a basic rundown so people have contacts as we're 37 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,480 going into this. So my journey really started 38 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:38,520 back in 2023 when I began having persistent foot pain. 39 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:42,000 I went to multiple doctors, had several scans and biopsies, and 40 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:47,680 it took a while to get answers. And finally in April of 2025, I 41 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:51,080 was diagnosed with a rare cancer using sarcoma. 42 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,480 And using sarcoma is a very rare cancer. 43 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,480 It's like, I believe, one to two cases per million of people. 44 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:58,280 Which is per. Year. 45 00:01:58,680 --> 00:01:59,640 Yeah. It's so crazy. 46 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:02,360 It counts for roughly 1% of childhood cancers. 47 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,600 And it's most commonly found in, like, the pelvis, long bones or 48 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,120 chest wall. And I even believe it's more 49 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:10,240 commonly found in males. And mine happened to be in my 50 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:12,920 tiny little bone in my foot. And it's crazy. 51 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:15,280 You're like, I know you're not a kid. 52 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,360 Yeah, yeah. I know that was like a weird. 53 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,480 Is that like, have you heard of anybody else that is? 54 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,720 I have, yeah. I mean, I with it being such 55 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,720 sure we are cancer, I've been able to like, search on 56 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:26,360 Instagram using sarcoma and I've connected with so many people, 57 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,440 which is very easy. I mean, I say so many people, 58 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:29,920 but like a couple. Yeah. 59 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,080 And it's been such a blessing to be able to talk with them. 60 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:38,200 But yeah, this eventually led to a below knee amputee of my right 61 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,600 leg in July. It's been incredible and crazy 62 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,040 watching this journey from like an outsider's perspective. 63 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,040 Like we're obviously not like there all the time, but we're 64 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,560 hearing updates for through the family group chat and things and 65 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:52,840 James, my James, yeah, prays for you still every day, like every 66 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:53,800 night. I'll say like, what do we want 67 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,120 to pray for? He's like Katie, of course he is 68 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,560 so sweet. Of course we're going to pray 69 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,960 for Katie. And he like is your most loyal. 70 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,040 I'm not going to cry. He is your most loyal prayer. 71 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,800 Like he doesn't pray for very many people, but every night 72 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:09,280 Katie and her boys, sweet James, so sweetest thing. 73 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,800 It's it's been really impactful for us to watch you go through 74 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,520 this. I really appreciate it come out 75 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,040 so strong. I ask everybody, what has God 76 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,160 been teaching you or putting on your heart lately? 77 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:25,720 Yes, with it being Easter, I've just thought a lot about what it 78 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:30,440 means to have a Savior, you know, and specifically this talk 79 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,920 from President Nelson. I have this quote here where he 80 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,400 just says this Easter, I encourage you to focus on the 81 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,640 Savior. And like, I love that reminders 82 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,880 because Easter can get so busy. And then when you actually like 83 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,520 sit down and think about it, when you think of like the 84 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:45,600 Savior and what he's done for us, it's just, it's remarkable. 85 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:49,320 And he just says Christ lives as our resurrected, a Tony Savior. 86 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,480 He stands ready to help us grow from the dramatic, unexpected 87 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:56,600 events in our life. And I just think like that's, 88 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,200 that's what it is. That's what it means to have a 89 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,440 savior. You know, like you can have hope 90 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,320 when things are hard because of a savior. 91 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,960 You can continue on with motherhood when it's hard 92 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,360 because you have a savior and you know someone's been through 93 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:12,960 what you've been through. You know you can go on when life 94 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,600 is just not going as planned. Like I there's just so much hope 95 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,320 because of a savior and I'm just so grateful for that. 96 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,120 And I'm trying hard this Easter season to really remember that 97 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,560 everyday I. Love that OK so like Kitty has 98 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,800 kind of mentioned this week is Easter and I really wanted to 99 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,680 have someone on as a guest today who has experienced the impact 100 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,280 of what Easter really means in their life and I just couldn't 101 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,040 think of anybody better to do that than you're so sweet 102 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,840 that's. Not true, but thank you. 103 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,440 No, I really did feel like that. I was thinking about all the 104 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,200 guests that I had lined up and just felt like you're story and 105 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,600 your perspective would be so awesome for this week. 106 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,760 Thank you. And I feel connected to you a 107 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,080 little bit because we've both overcome some crazy medical 108 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,760 things. Obviously yours is a lot more 109 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,920 drawn out and I would say a lot more intense. 110 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,440 Honestly. But I mean, you can't compare. 111 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,920 They're so different, yes. But I do feel like since I've 112 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,000 experienced that healing power to overcome, you know, face to 113 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,840 coming face to face with death, Easter has become so much more 114 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:06,360 real to me as well. And I just hope to say that no 115 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:10,000 matter what challenge listeners are facing, they can kind of 116 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:14,400 understand and feel more deeply that the Savior is there and 117 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:19,320 that Easter can change our life. Like the the implications of 118 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,440 Easter can affect all of our lives, no matter what we're 119 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,600 going through. And with that being said, this 120 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,920 is the cult that has been on my heart leading up to Easter. 121 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,080 It's from President Holland, who just passed away. 122 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,560 But he said today we celebrate the gift of victory over every 123 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,480 fall we have ever experienced, every sorrow we have ever known 124 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:37,360 and every discouragement we have ever had, every fear we have 125 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,480 ever faced. And there are so many verses in 126 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,800 Scripture about Christ rising from the tomb when he 127 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,240 resurrected. And those have taken on a 128 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:49,880 completely new meaning for me after like rising from a 129 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:53,720 hospital bed and like leaving, you know, like pretty much 130 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,440 unscathed. Like obviously we both have 131 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,320 things that are different for us now in our lives. 132 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:02,160 But but being able to like still have my mind and still have my 133 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,600 kids and still have all these things, it's just become so much 134 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,400 more real to me. And I think when you face death 135 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,240 head on, these verses really do change. 136 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:11,960 Like it becomes so much more personal for you. 137 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,800 And so now when I read verses that say like he broke the bands 138 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,560 of death and he gained a victory over death, it feels like he's 139 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,800 talking about my personal experience. 140 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,520 It's so it's so interesting how that changes. 141 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,840 And I don't think it takes a life threatening experience to 142 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,600 get there. Like obviously that accelerates 143 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,800 that intimacy and making that more personal. 144 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:32,920 But we can all have that become more personal in our lives if we 145 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,360 focus on the resurrection of Jesus and look at what that 146 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,480 means for our life. And anytime we overcome 147 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:41,080 anything, we have him to think we live in a fallen world. 148 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,600 And anytime we rise instead of fall in this life, I think that 149 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,840 Jesus just becomes so much more real and more personal to us. 150 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,040 And that's what Easter means, you know. 151 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,120 So I am really grateful you would be willing to come on and 152 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,880 talk about your experience. I know it's a really vulnerable 153 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,400 thing to share and probably really sacred to share with so 154 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,880 many people. So I'm just really grateful and 155 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,200 honored that you would you would come and share your experience. 156 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:05,240 And I honestly selfishly feel so lucky that I get to hear this 157 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,200 from you because we have been praying for you. 158 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,680 And I hear through the Grapevine like what the updates are and 159 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,720 obviously on your Instagram and stuff, but I feel really lucky 160 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,440 that I get to like listen first hand. 161 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,840 So you kind of mentioned a little bit about your life 162 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,040 before the diagnosis, but I kind of just want to take people back 163 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:19,760 and show kind of what you guys were doing. 164 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,960 So tell us a little bit about your life, like what were your 165 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,240 favorite things to do as a family? 166 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,280 You already said you were living in San Francisco, but is there 167 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,040 anything else you want to? Add Yeah, So before our 168 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,600 diagnosis, we were in San Francisco. 169 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,880 So we had lived a few years previously in New York before 170 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,880 his job brought us out West. You guys loved New York. 171 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,680 We loved. I remember watching, I don't 172 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,400 know, it was like Christmas one time and you posted a picture 173 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,280 and it was like, they're living a Hallmark movie, like I want to 174 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,160 live in New York. We loved New York, we loved New 175 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,000 York and San Francisco really, really grew on us too. 176 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,880 You know, we, we just, we loved the life that we were living. 177 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,160 Our favorite thing to do as a family was to walk around the 178 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,480 Marina, ride along the water. It's just so beautiful. 179 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:02,160 We'd ride scooters and bikes. James was at an age my James 180 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:06,160 Sadie and I both have. Yeah, it's a looking museum, but 181 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,080 he would love looking for sea lions. 182 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:12,160 And, you know, we'd just play in the sand with the Golden Gate 183 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:13,840 Bridge right in the background. It's just so beautiful. 184 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,720 And my husband worked long hours in finance, which definitely was 185 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,920 a challenge as a mother with little kids. 186 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:23,320 But like, I look back on that season in life and I'm like, 187 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:27,280 Katie, you had it so good. Like life was just so, so good. 188 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,600 Yeah, it's easy to feel like in the moment you're like, this is 189 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,159 so hard, Yes. And that just changes. 190 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,840 Yeah. But I would do to go back to 191 00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:34,520 that Katie. Yeah. 192 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:37,120 Seriously. And what was the first moment 193 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,679 you realized something might be wrong? 194 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:43,440 Yeah, so Steven and I actually went on a trip to Israel in 2023 195 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,120 and I started having foot pain just like in the evenings when 196 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,280 we got home. And I assumed it was just from 197 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,720 carrying my heavy baby and a baby carrier and wearing poor or 198 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,400 cute footwear, you know, around like cobblestone streets where I 199 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,040 punched up and wearing sneakers or whatever. 200 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,880 And when the pain didn't go away once we got home, my foot 201 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,360 started to like swell a little bit. 202 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,840 And so I decided I need to go see a doctor. 203 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:06,280 So I went to a podiatrist and they did an X-ray, and 204 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,000 essentially they saw a small little mass in the 4th 205 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:13,040 metatarsal bone that was causing the bone to weaken and break. 206 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,760 They're like, yeah, your bones broken like that. 207 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,920 The pain you're having is real. But at the time, they thought it 208 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:19,720 was suddenly just benign. Like they said, oh, it's 209 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,600 probably an overgrowth of cartilage or something like 210 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,480 that. Nothing to be concerned about. 211 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,280 You know, we'll see what happens. 212 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:30,800 And a few months later, I went to a different doctor and they 213 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,400 decided they wanted to biopsy it. 214 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,680 This biopsy came back inconclusive, so didn't really 215 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:38,440 have any answers. And around that time, we moved 216 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:42,160 to San Francisco and my foot would flare up occasionally 217 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,840 after like I worked out or went on a run or a long walk. 218 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,200 And so I decided to meet with another doctor there. 219 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:51,400 And this X-ray that this doctor did actually showed that my foot 220 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:55,120 was looking better compared to the previous X-ray in New York. 221 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,280 So they just kind of said, let's watch it, see what happens with 222 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:00,680 the pain. So life kind of went on. 223 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:04,520 I got pregnant with our second son, Noah, and I didn't have 224 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,160 many issues during that time. But a few weeks after he was 225 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,120 born, that pain suddenly came back and my foot started 226 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,520 swelling again. It was really painful. 227 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:15,800 And so this doctor said, let's do like a proper surgery and a 228 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,720 biopsy. This this area and this biopsy 229 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,560 came back benign, which felt reassuring but also like what's 230 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:23,960 going on? It's so crazy. 231 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,240 And so this pain continued on and off. 232 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:29,280 And eventually we decided to do like a surgery where they go in 233 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,680 and clean out the whole bone. They fill it with bone cement. 234 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:35,400 And during the surgery, the doctor finally saw something 235 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,880 concerning. And she said they diagnosed it 236 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,800 as with something called like little blue cells, which are 237 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,960 essentially cells that oftentimes indicate malignancy. 238 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,960 And the doctor was very straightforward with that from 239 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,960 the beginning. But she also was like, we don't 240 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,680 know why it's coming back benign, though. 241 00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,800 So it's weird. They tested this for like 242 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,920 leukemia, lymphoma, Ewing sarcoma and these different 243 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,120 sarcomas and they all came back negative. 244 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,760 And so because things didn't feel right to my doctor, she's 245 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,480 like, let's, you know, let's send this further. 246 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,560 And so they sent this to this thing where they essentially 247 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:09,280 test it for 500 genes, and that's when it finally came back 248 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,200 positive is Ewing sarcoma. My gosh, what an amazing doctor 249 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,760 to keep. I know, I know. 250 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,200 To find answers. Yeah. 251 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,040 So it was just like a rare cancer with an even rare 252 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,640 situation. I guess this can happen with 253 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:23,040 people like I think it's a 5% of people with Ewing sarcoma will 254 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,640 test negative for it even though you actually do have it. 255 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:27,920 Yeah, That is insane. Yeah. 256 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,400 Yeah. Oh, my gosh. 257 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,760 I did not realize that. OK. 258 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:32,560 Yeah. And when you first got your 259 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,640 diagnosis, were there any thoughts that you didn't say out 260 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,240 loud? Like, what were the thoughts 261 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:40,160 that scared you most? And yeah. 262 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,600 Yeah, yeah. So prayer was definitely my 263 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,240 first line of defense throughout all of this. 264 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:50,040 I feel like in the middle of fear and uncertainty, like my 265 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,680 hope was steady. You know, they say there's 266 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,200 little blue cells that my hope was like, no, like there's a 267 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,520 chance. It's kind of like, you know, 268 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,400 like I just, like, I prayed a lot and I was pleading that it 269 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,600 wasn't cancer and it wasn't something bad. 270 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,280 And I look back and I remember feeling peace throughout the 271 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,880 experience. The diagnosis was slow, you 272 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,520 know, like it was over 2 years, but like the serious stuff of 273 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,800 like, oh, maybe this is cancer, maybe it's not was really only 274 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,960 over like role was actually over like a few weeks. 275 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,920 And so I think that kind of prepared me like it wasn't this 276 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,120 moment where they sat me down and they're like you had cancer. 277 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,320 I mean, that did come eventually, but I feel like 278 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,920 because it was this maybe not or maybe like it just gave me this 279 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,160 like I was able to pray. I was able to feel peace We'd. 280 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,680 Probably process all of the what ifs at that point. 281 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:30,880 Yeah, yeah. Definitely. 282 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:32,800 Definitely. Yeah. 283 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,640 And so the biopsy showed, you know, these little blue cells. 284 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,960 And my doctor was like, hey, we need to do a full body PET scan. 285 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,360 And we actually saw these results before we heard from the 286 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,600 doctor. And I remember seeing through 287 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,120 like all this medical jargon and language and seeing nothing 288 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:49,600 alarming except it said like, given the now known malignancy 289 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,400 and foot for the testing required. 290 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,400 And that's when like I first saw, oh, like, are they 291 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,560 declaring this as cancer? Like, I hadn't heard. 292 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,200 So surprisingly, my first thought was like, oh, well, 293 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,080 good. It hasn't spread. 294 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,960 It's just in my foot. Like, that was literally how I 295 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,680 felt after reading the PET scan results. 296 00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:07,040 And my husband and dad came with me to the hospital for this 297 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,200 appointment, which I was grateful to have them there for. 298 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,880 And that's when the doctor told us, you know, like, we think 299 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,880 they didn't have the results back from the that 500 panel 300 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,080 yet, but they said, we think it's cancer and we're making a 301 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,720 plan to treat it. And that's when they then 302 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,400 started talking about like chemotherapy. 303 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,280 And my head just like started to spin. 304 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,880 Like up until that moment, I had just pictured it being like, oh, 305 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,160 we'll do surgery and you're fine. 306 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,240 I didn't realize it would be something as life altering as 307 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,560 chemo. And the oncologist was kind but 308 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,400 very direct. Like he told me things like this 309 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,040 treatment is one of the most aggressive chemotherapies out 310 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,640 there. He's like your hair will fall 311 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:42,600 out. You love doctors. 312 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,480 You're like, you're so straightforward and like, not 313 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,120 emotional, but like, come on. Yeah, I know. 314 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,320 And it just like was, was all a blur. 315 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:54,360 Like it just it, it was a blur. But I remember something so like 316 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,920 so vividly from that that meeting. 317 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,000 And that's when my dad asked if this could be like a genetic 318 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,800 thing, like do my siblings or do my family members need to be 319 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:08,040 tested for this type of sarcoma? And I remember when he said 320 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,680 this, like my immediate thought went to my two boys. 321 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:14,840 And I remember just thinking like that, that's just like when 322 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,080 the tears filled my eyes and they feel my eyes now thinking 323 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,200 about it. So I just remember thinking 324 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:21,760 like, if anything were, if this were to happen to my boys, like 325 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,720 I would do anything to take this away from them and say like, let 326 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,520 it be me, you know, like, and I just felt so scary thinking 327 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,560 that. And after the appointment, we 328 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,440 walked out of the room and the first thing my dad did was give 329 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,640 me a hug and just said I would take this from you if I could, 330 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,440 Katie and. I'm like, yeah. 331 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,120 And I look back and, like, recognize that those thoughts 332 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,760 that I had when he asked that question were not just a 333 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,480 coincidence, but rather like a gentle nudge from above. 334 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,240 And that was telling you that, like, you need to move back home 335 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,600 and let your parents support you and help you through this trial. 336 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,720 And I genuinely could not have navigated this last year without 337 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:02,680 my parents and their faith and their sacrifice and their love. 338 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,400 And, you know, moments like this just like remind you it really 339 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:06,680 matters. Like, it was scary. 340 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:10,240 But I've also felt that when things feel the most confusing 341 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,280 and frightening, like those are the moments when you can also 342 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,560 feel the most love from your heavenly Father, like divine 343 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:19,160 health can look look a lot of different ways. 344 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,800 Yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. 345 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:24,520 It's been incredible watching your whole family, like rally 346 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:28,000 around you and your kids and just it makes you think like, 347 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,880 family is so important. Yeah, yeah. 348 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,440 It's just they just carry you through these, these hard, hard, 349 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,800 difficult. Times yeah, yeah and imagining 350 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:40,400 Rob say that I just like. It was just, yeah, it just, it 351 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,720 meant a lot. Yeah, I've been so impressed 352 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:46,000 with your faith and optimism through this whole journey, like 353 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,040 watching from afar, being there. Like obviously we've seen you a 354 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:52,280 few times and talked, but it's just been super inspiring to me. 355 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,520 Was there a moment where you felt like your faith might not 356 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,000 be enough? And how did you move through 357 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,680 that, if there was a moment like that? 358 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,840 And then were there any like thoughts or scriptures or songs 359 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:01,640 that kept you moving forward with optimism? 360 00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,560 Yeah, I, like I said, I genuinely feel like I have been 361 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,480 blessed with immense faith throughout all of this. 362 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,480 Like I said, I, I felt hopeful throughout it. 363 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,560 I really tried to keep the perspective of like who does God 364 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,320 want me to become from this like? 365 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,520 Which is a hard perspective to have in the middle of yeah, 366 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,640 something like yeah. Like when you're suffering, it's 367 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:22,720 hard. It's hard. 368 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,040 But also that question carried me at the same time. 369 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:29,240 Like I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but like it gave me the 370 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,200 strength to keep going. And I will be honest, like there 371 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,240 are days when it's hard, like, you know? 372 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:38,440 But truly, during the last year, my core love for and belief in 373 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,000 God hasn't, hasn't wavered and hasn't gone away. 374 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,280 But it's hard when like your prayers of please don't let this 375 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,840 be counselor, or please don't let me need an amputation, or 376 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,560 all these things like just don't get answered. 377 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,600 And it's hard to lift your head and worship when things you're 378 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,880 praying so sincerely for aren't happening. 379 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,600 But I've learned 22 powerful things from this experience that 380 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,520 I want to share. And first is talking about 381 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,760 worshiping in the form of lamenting. 382 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,680 And a friend actually talked, sent me this talk when I was in 383 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,560 the middle of chemo by Perry Rockwood. 384 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,520 It's just like a speech given at BYU Idaho, but it resonates so 385 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:14,520 deeply with me. And he talks about this form of 386 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,720 worship. And you know, it's not the kind 387 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,119 of worship that we usually sing about or talk about in church, 388 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:21,880 but it's a deeper form of worship, one that strips away 389 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,319 every wall, gives your entire soul to Christ. 390 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,200 And I'm not going to quote Him. Lamenting. 391 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:31,000 Lamenting is expressing deep sorrow and grief to God, often 392 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,560 through prayer and honest emotion, with the ultimate goal 393 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,160 of finding hope and trust in Him. 394 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,960 Lamenting is a sacred scriptural way to stay connected to God 395 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,200 even when your soul feels too raw or exhausted to be grateful. 396 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,600 It's not. Complaining about God to others 397 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,840 is expressing deep sorrow directly to Him from a wounded 398 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:51,440 yet trusting heart, a heart that says God, I believe you're 399 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:55,160 there, so where are you or this pain is much more than I can 400 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:56,160 handle. I need you. 401 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,800 And he continues on to say lamenting doesn't deny faith and 402 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,880 embodies it. It's what faith looks like when 403 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,240 you're still reaching towards God through your tears. 404 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:05,880 That. Is so beautiful. 405 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,120 And like, it just like validated all of these feelings that I was 406 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,280 having that it's like, it's OK to feel sad. 407 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,720 It's OK to mourn right now. Like life is not going the way I 408 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,280 wanted, you know? And I've just really learned 409 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,760 that, like, this pain and this sadness that you feel doesn't 410 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,200 disqualify you from God's presence. 411 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,040 If anything, it just invites you to come closer to Him. 412 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,240 And lamenting is for, you know, the middle of the mess, not just 413 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,200 for when it's over. And quite frankly, like today, I 414 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:32,680 still feel like I'm in the middle of the mess. 415 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,880 Like, I don't feel like this has all been finished yet. 416 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,280 And that's OK, because every time I bring my pain to Him, I'm 417 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:41,640 proving that my relationship to Him matters more than the 418 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,880 resolution. Yeah, yeah, that is. 419 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,360 So that's such a like a hard mental spot to get to. 420 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,120 But I feel like once you get to that point, it probably brings 421 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:51,400 you so much closer to the Savior. 422 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,880 I feel like there's no moments that you're closer to the Savior 423 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,400 than when you're suffering because he suffered. 424 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,080 And it feels like, not that you can compare your suffering to 425 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,240 his, but there is this power and like going through something 426 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,280 that, you know, only he has experienced and you're like, 427 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,480 nobody knows what I'm feeling, but he does. 428 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,160 And there is something so powerful about having that 429 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,960 perspective. And I think he wants to hear the 430 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,360 hard things. Like I think sometimes we hear 431 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,120 like in the scriptures, like murmur not or like don't 432 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:19,120 complain. And it's like, but that doesn't 433 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:22,000 mean don't have emotion. Like that doesn't mean you can't 434 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,960 cry. Like, Jesus wept, you know, and. 435 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,040 Or at times he felt like God also first. 436 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,800 Like, yeah, he felt like God for sake. 437 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,320 Yeah, whatever. Yeah, exactly. 438 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:33,040 Exactly. Yeah. 439 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,360 And then the second thing that I really learned is that miracles 440 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:37,920 do happen. You know, at times for this 441 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:40,120 journey, I've just like wanted the big miracle, the miracle 442 00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:42,160 where I'm just like pushing my kids down the stroller again, 443 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,600 throwing snacks at them on a warm sunny day, you know, just 444 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,960 living the life of motherhood. Like along the way, I've been 445 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,600 reminded that there are smaller miracles that are happening. 446 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,960 You know, the miracle of someone dropping off something for my 447 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,760 kids on a day that was really hard. 448 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,880 Or the miracle of my blood counts being high in a so I 449 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,320 could get chemotherapy that day. Or the miracle of an avoiding an 450 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,480 emergency surgery that we thought needed to happen right 451 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,280 then. You know, those miracles are 452 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,320 happening now and my heart's grateful for them. 453 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,000 And I trust that one day, you know these little miracles will 454 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,000 lead to my bigger miracle, whatever that ends up looking 455 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:18,000 like. And crazy that you've gone 456 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,440 through all this in a year. I know it's. 457 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,360 Like a lifetime of experiences. Yeah. 458 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:26,160 When you started chemo in in San Francisco and then you guys 459 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,520 moved back to Utah to be like family, what was that like for 460 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,120 you? What were the emotions with all 461 00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:33,480 the changes so suddenly? Yeah, I feel like I'm just like 462 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,160 barely sitting down to process the. 463 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,840 Last year, like you. Know for so long like I was just 464 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,600 in pure survival mode like there wasn't time to process 465 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,240 everything. It literally was like, I got 466 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,960 diagnosed, diagnosed and they're like, OK, tomorrow you're 467 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:46,920 getting your port, you're starting. 468 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,520 And it was like, bam, like you have cancer, bam, you need 469 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,000 chemo. Like now you're moving to SF. 470 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,320 Now you're living with your parents. 471 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,040 Now you're so sick, now you're amputating your leg. 472 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,800 Like it just was like one thing after another. 473 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,200 And honestly, that numbness was probably a blessing. 474 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,960 Like it got me through. Like, that's how I was able to 475 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:05,200 survive and just keep going. But my doctor described it like 476 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,360 you just ran a marathon with 0 water breaks and now you're 477 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:10,720 sitting down trying to, like, drink out of a fire hydrant and, 478 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,920 like, process everything. And so I really do feel like I 479 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,200 was just numb and just took it a day at a time. 480 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,280 Yeah, I kind of feel like. That I mean, when I was in the 481 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,520 hospital, I was out of it for the whole 3 weeks. 482 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:23,480 So I got, I was not even sort of processing. 483 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,480 But it is interesting now, like things just randomly will be 484 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,920 emotional. And it's like, oh, I didn't know 485 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,600 that I was feeling that. Yeah. 486 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,240 And I'm sure those moments will happen for you, too, where it's 487 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,520 like, oh, my gosh, how did I get here? 488 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,840 It's just so crazy. Can you tell us? 489 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,200 I feel like when we hear, at least for me, like when I hear 490 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,640 people say like, oh, I went through chemo. 491 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:43,840 I don't always know what that means. 492 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,280 Yeah. Can you explain like a little 493 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,640 bit of what chemo actually looked like for you on a weekly 494 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,480 basis for your family and your treatment? 495 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:50,520 Yeah. So the first thing that. 496 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,720 Like I did learn throughout this process is like chemo's 497 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,760 different for everyone. I always thought chemo went like 498 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,720 1 drug. There's like, I don't want to 499 00:21:56,720 --> 00:22:00,240 say millions, but numerous amount of chemos out there and 500 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:04,280 that they, they really like specify it for your specific 501 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,800 cancer. So my specific chemo was 502 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,920 administered every two weeks. I alternated between two 503 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,480 different chemo cocktails. The first one that I would do 504 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,200 took two days to administer and then the second one took five 505 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,600 days to administer. So like it was a lot of time in 506 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,320 the hospital and the five day one specifically was really 507 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,120 hard. Like it just is so hard to be in 508 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:27,600 the hospital that long away from your kids hooked up to machines, 509 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,640 you know, like getting shot with poison. 510 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,480 Like it's just I really dreaded like I could handle the two day 511 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,600 stay, but the five day stay like every two every month because 512 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,640 it's every two weeks was just really hard and I'd feel OK in 513 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,560 the hospital. They're pumping you full of like 514 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,720 fluids, anti nausea things like so I usually felt OK there, but 515 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,720 once I got home was when I'd start to feel sick. 516 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,840 And it's your classic symptoms of like fatigue extreme. 517 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,520 Like I one of my main symptoms was I just feel like I was going 518 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,160 to faint, like anytime I sit up and like just all the time. 519 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,200 But then there's other side effects like mouth sores, GI 520 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,440 issues, bone pain, like where it feels like every bone in your 521 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,600 body is breaking, like chemo's poison. 522 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,560 And you just feel like your body is breaking down. 523 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,080 Like it it's it's hard. Yeah. 524 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,800 Oh. My gosh, yeah, I remember like 525 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,520 hearing the updates like, oh, she's doing her five day one 526 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,720 right now. And I liked your hospital vlog. 527 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,200 What time? And I just even married like a 528 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:16,800 little. That's right. 529 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,080 We were following along and trying to keep track of like 530 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,200 when you were in which I know which thing, at what point did 531 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:25,280 they decide that you needed to amputate? 532 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,200 Like was that in the conversation the whole time? 533 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,720 Like it was that an option? And then what was your initial 534 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,880 reaction and feelings? Did you process what that would 535 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,960 mean for your life? Yeah, so at. 536 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,360 The beginning, I knew my treatment plan would be 6 rounds 537 00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:40,360 of chemo followed by either radiation or surgery and then 538 00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:43,320 eight more rounds of chemo. That's just like the standard 539 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:47,080 approach for you in sarcoma. And at first the plan, like how 540 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:50,640 I understood it, was just to remove the 4th metatarsal in my 541 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,320 foot. Would that make it so you 542 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,160 couldn't? Walk like no no. 543 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,640 Yeah, so like they would just remove and it's actually funny. 544 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,680 We like, I didn't catch this like, but I guess it meant like 545 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,000 removing the toe too. And so like you just would have 546 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,160 4 toes, you know, like. But nobody sees that. 547 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,000 Yeah, but I. I didn't catch like, I just 548 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,960 thought they'd like remove the bone or something. 549 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,320 I don't know. But so that was like the 550 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,480 original plan. But as this treatment went on, 551 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,880 the doctors realized that to truly get, you know, clean 552 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,160 margins and removing this tumor, they couldn't guarantee full 553 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,120 function if they only removed that part of the bone. 554 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,200 And then they ultimately recommended the Bologna 555 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,560 amputation. And, you know, emission is where 556 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,320 it is, But that's usually what gives you the best chance of 557 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,320 like mobility and function is what people have found with a 558 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:39,080 prosthetic. And so I was given this choice 559 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,840 between radiation and amputation. 560 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,200 I don't think a lot of people know that. 561 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:47,480 Like, it was on me to decide. And radiation meant 31 562 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,240 treatments and came with a lot of uncertainty. 563 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,200 It might not kill the entire tumor. 564 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,040 It could leave the bone brittle and prone to breaking. 565 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,680 It could cause long term loss of function. 566 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,760 But the biggest obvious like I keep my leg, you know, I which 567 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:06,680 is a really good pro. And then amputation meant losing 568 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,800 my leg and relearning how to live life in a completely new 569 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,920 way. But it also meant knowing with 570 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:13,600 certainty that the tumor was gone. 571 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,120 And you know, we prayed so hard over this. 572 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:20,240 We saw 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th opinions from doctors and was it 573 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,000 pretty like. Everybody was recommending 574 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,920 amputation like you'd. Speak to like a radiologist and 575 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,200 they'd say radiation all the way. 576 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,600 You'd seek with a surgeon and say surgery like it just 577 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,520 everyone was giving different insight and it was, it was 578 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,560 really hard. Like one day I'd be leaning 579 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,400 towards amputation and the next day literally radiation. 580 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,840 Like it just was a heavy, heavy decision. 581 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:40,840 That's a hard thing to just be like. 582 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:41,960 What's the day I'm feeling this? Yeah. 583 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:43,840 Yeah. You really have to think through 584 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,840 that and feel really good about your decision. 585 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:49,240 Yeah. And then one day, I spoke with 586 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,800 an orthopedic surgeon who had treated a friend of mine, and 587 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,400 she said something I'll never forget. 588 00:25:55,880 --> 00:26:00,200 And she just said, as a mom to multiple kids myself, I would do 589 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,160 anything that gave me the best chance of being here to watch 590 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:07,040 them grow. And when she said that, like, in 591 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,600 that moment, like, I knew my decision and that was that I was 592 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:14,040 going to amputate my leg. I was trading a limb for a life, 593 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:20,160 and becoming disabled overnight isn't something like you ever 594 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,800 expect or think will happen to you. 595 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,840 And I don't think anyone can properly prepare for. 596 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,040 However, I'm grateful that it was my choice because I can lean 597 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,040 into that now when it's hard, you know? 598 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,200 And I cried the whole way to the surgery. 599 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,520 Like it wasn't like this easy thing after that. 600 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,760 Yeah. But when I woke up from the 601 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,840 anesthesia, I remember I just. I felt happy and I felt peace, 602 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,440 like the cancer was gone from my body, you know? 603 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:47,360 And my husband says when like, they willed me back in after 604 00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:50,120 waking up, like he had tears in his eyes and was ready to 605 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:52,640 comfort me. But instead, like, I came in and 606 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,280 lifted my new little stump of a leg and waved it around. 607 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,280 And he laughed. And he just knew in that moment 608 00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:00,200 like we'd be OK, you know, And I'll be honest, like the 609 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,600 recovery has been so much harder than we expected. 610 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,960 Healing while going through chemo and infections, falls, 611 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:11,200 revision surgeries, like so much has made this process like so 612 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,480 much longer and more difficult than we imagined. 613 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:18,280 But I'm grateful like that, like this was my decision. 614 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,320 And I stand by that choice. Like, I want to be around and I 615 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,040 want to be here for my kids. I want I want to run. 616 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,120 I want to wrestle them in my prosthetic one day. 617 00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:28,920 And like I said, like I traded A limb for a life, and I know I 618 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,960 can adjust and relearn and build a beautiful life again with 619 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:33,600 time. Katie. 620 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:38,320 That is so much for a year just blowing away. 621 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,920 I mean like I've known all of this, but just hearing it first 622 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:44,880 hand is like I'm like literally crying everything so sweet. 623 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,160 I remember your parents sending a video of you waving you're 624 00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:50,680 you're laying around. I was like, how is she just 625 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:54,680 like, so optimistic right now? So can you share like a day that 626 00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:59,320 Jesus carried you during chemo? Yeah, there are. 627 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,320 Just like so many days that come to mind. 628 00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:09,520 But I remember 1 specifically was when I had just had a fall. 629 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,360 And this fall, like just after your amputation, after my 630 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:15,360 amputation, the doctors tell you like you're going to fall, it's 631 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:18,120 going to happen. But I was like, no, I'm not like 632 00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:19,840 I'm strong. It's not going to happen. 633 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:25,520 And lo and behold, I fell and it was so painful. 634 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,400 You know, we had to go back to the doctor to make sure 635 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:31,920 everything was OK. And we came back and I just 636 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,800 remember I just like, laid in bed and cried like one, I was in 637 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,040 so much pain. But 2, I feel like that was what 638 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,640 finally cracked me. Like I was really positive and 639 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,000 strong. And then that day, like, it just 640 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,680 cracked. And like all the emotions of 641 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:46,200 like cancer, chemo, amputation, a fall, like I'll just hit it 642 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,200 once. And I remember like I just felt 643 00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:52,960 felt so sad. And I fell asleep. 644 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:57,240 And then when I woke up, I have this painting on my night stand 645 00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:00,560 of all these angels, just like holding, you know, like classic 646 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:02,520 painting where they're carrying that pushing that woman up. 647 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,640 And despite feeling all of this sadness, like I looked at that 648 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,760 and I just remember thinking like, Jesus has got me and like, 649 00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:13,080 I'll get through this. And I've kept that painting on 650 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,080 my night stand ever since because it's just a reminder 651 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,200 every day. Like I can get through this 652 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:18,840 because I have Christ on my side. 653 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:20,840 Thank you for. Sharing that. 654 00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:24,640 Yeah. How did being a mom to little 655 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,440 kids shape your experience over the last year? 656 00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:30,480 Yeah, yeah. It made this experience 10 times 657 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:33,240 harder, but like a million times sweeter. 658 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,240 You know, it's it's incredibly hard to show up for 2 little 659 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,600 energetic boys when you feel so sick and are recovering from 660 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:41,200 chemo. You know, every time I left the 661 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,560 hospital for another round, like tears would fill my eyes as I 662 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,320 said goodbye to them. And I hated that this was like 663 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,360 the version of motherhood that I was living in the moment. 664 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,560 It's like I remember one time laying my 3 year old down for a 665 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,320 nap and as I was walking out the door, he goes, hey, mom, don't, 666 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,560 don't go to the hospital while I'm while I'm asleep. 667 00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,640 And like, it broke my heart that that's like what was on his mind 668 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,040 while he was falling asleep, you know, And like equally, he like 669 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,040 one day asked me to draw a sarcoma for him. 670 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:06,560 And I was like, how do I do this? 671 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:09,320 Like, how do I explain this? Like, it just, it felt like it 672 00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,720 wasn't fair to these boys, you know, but like equally, like, 673 00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,600 like I said, they had made this experience so much, much better 674 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,480 than I can imagine. My 3 year olds came up to me 675 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,080 after like, I recently shaved my head, which was really hard for 676 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,040 me. And he'd just come and rub my 677 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:24,080 bald head. And just like, I love your 678 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:25,960 beautiful haircut, mom, you know, like you didn't think 679 00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:29,040 twice about it was just another haircut to him, you know, And he 680 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,680 would do this multiple times throughout my treatment. 681 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:35,480 Or one time he told my mom, you know, when he grows up, he wants 682 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:38,400 to be a doctor so he can take care of his Mama, you know, and, 683 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:43,120 or another time, my dad says he was coming to visit me when I 684 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,640 was getting chemo and they hopped into the hospital's 685 00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:49,360 elevator and it's full of like 5 random nurses and doctors. 686 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,000 And James just very confidently looks at that. 687 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,200 But it says, how are you the doctors helping my mom and get 688 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,320 better, you know, and he's just, he's just so sweet. 689 00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:59,760 He'd come up and hug my newly amputated leg and say, I love 690 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,120 your new foot. Like it just just seems like 691 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,600 that that were such a blessing. Or like my youngest who was only 692 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:09,560 like 9 months when I was diagnosed, I got to watch him 693 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:11,520 learn how to walk throughout this process. 694 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,920 And I remember there specifically this time that he 695 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,960 came and visited me and he walked right to me when I was at 696 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,760 the hospital at Huntsman. And watching him like fall down 697 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:22,720 and get back up over and over again kind of became this like 698 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,760 quiet inspiration for me. Like that. 699 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,040 I'm still reminding myself that you can get up when you fall. 700 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,560 Like you can learn how to walk again. 701 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:31,400 And I don't know, their smiles, their resilience and like, their 702 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:35,120 love truly just like carried 3 carried me through so many hard 703 00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:37,360 days. And like, in some ways, like my 704 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,640 boys saved me. Like they gave me a reason to 705 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,680 get out of bed and help me look outside of my own pain when it 706 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,760 would have been so easy just to like stay there and wallow and, 707 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,960 and be sad. And I just, I just love them so 708 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,640 much. And like, I just cannot wait 709 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:56,560 until they're older and I can just tell them how proud I am to 710 00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,200 be their mom and how much I love them. 711 00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,680 And I'm grateful that they were here for this experience. 712 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:06,200 Oh my gosh. They're so sweet and they're so 713 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:08,840 lucky to have you. They're so lucky to have you 714 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,960 here now, but also just to be able to like, look at how 715 00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:13,720 resilient you were doing this. Thank you. 716 00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:17,680 I can imagine if I were in your shoes, like worrying, like, is 717 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,000 this how they're going to Remember Me as a mom? 718 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:22,280 Like, or like worrying like, oh, like they're being passed around 719 00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:23,440 a lot. Like, how's that going to affect 720 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,280 them or different things like that? 721 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,240 But I think they're just going to be the most resilient, 722 00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:29,240 empathetic, little, I hope people. 723 00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,000 Because of this. Experience, you know, like you 724 00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,720 can already see that like every time I've interacted with James, 725 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:38,400 he's just like so determined, so resilient and so aware. 726 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,960 Yeah, he's very. He's so aware, very aware. 727 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,040 And I think it's like opened his eyes more. 728 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,240 And I, I just hope like that this opens their eyes more to 729 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,520 others going through like challenges or disabilities, that 730 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,560 it's normal, that it's part of life, that they're not going to 731 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,480 bat an eye when they see someone in a wheelchair. 732 00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,720 You know, like they'll, they'll say like, oh, I've seen this 733 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:57,640 before and I, I know how to handle it. 734 00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:58,760 Yeah, yeah. A few weeks ago I. 735 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,560 Interviewed a girl that I grew up with who was little girls in 736 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,600 a wheelchair. And she said that people always 737 00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:05,400 say like, if you want to know how to treat somebody that has a 738 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,480 disability, like look at how the siblings treat them. 739 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,320 And I just think about your kids and like they're going to have 740 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:13,880 your like their mom is going to be this amazing example of 741 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:18,240 anybody can be determined and do this, you know, and I just think 742 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:22,200 they're they're going to be only better because of the things 743 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,920 that happened in the last year. You know, that's nice of. 744 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:26,240 You thank you. I'm sure it doesn't always. 745 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,840 Feel like that but the way that like from viewing or from the 746 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:32,160 outside it really does like I've seen them just show up you know 747 00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,640 and it's crazy to think that like a three-year old could show 748 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,840 up for his mom in that way no it's. 749 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,880 It's so true, but they they really do. 750 00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:42,080 And like I sometimes like sit there, just think this would be 751 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,320 so much easier if I didn't have kids and I could just lay in bed 752 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,280 or I could just go focus on walking. 753 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,680 But then it's like, no, like this is the purpose, like and 754 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,840 just I'm just so grateful to have had them and when they're 755 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,440 your why it's. Like and like just. 756 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,360 Grateful that the timing worked out the way it did. 757 00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,800 Like we don't know if I'll be able to have kids again from 758 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,480 chemotherapy like we've done taking certain medications that 759 00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,600 hopefully will like preserve that. 760 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:09,080 But like I just feel so grateful that like God has blessed and 761 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,560 trust me with these two little angels like at this time in my 762 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,000 life and that we had them close in age, you know that they could 763 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,199 have a sibling and and just grateful that they've been in my 764 00:34:17,199 --> 00:34:18,719 life. That's beautiful when? 765 00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:21,120 You look back and see all the details, like they got this in. 766 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:24,280 You're like, oh, this worked out really well in this way. 767 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,600 So, OK, I kind of want to transition and talk about Easter 768 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,639 a little bit. I have been thinking a lot. 769 00:34:30,639 --> 00:34:35,440 About the story in John 11, John 11. 770 00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,040 Let me make sure that's right. Yeah. 771 00:34:37,159 --> 00:34:39,480 John 11. And this is the story of when 772 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:41,560 Lazarus was raised from the dead. 773 00:34:41,679 --> 00:34:45,199 And I think with Easter, like we think about Jesus obviously 774 00:34:45,199 --> 00:34:47,560 rising from the tomb. I think it's so beautiful to see 775 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:51,000 like this other person that he did the same thing for because 776 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,440 of what he was going to do, he was able to do that for Lazarus. 777 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:59,160 And in verse 4, it says, so this is after Jesus has heard that 778 00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,720 Lazarus is sick. And it says, when Jesus heard 779 00:35:01,720 --> 00:35:03,920 that, he said this sickness is not unto death, but for the 780 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:07,160 glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby. 781 00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,920 Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. 782 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:12,080 And I just was thinking how beautiful that is, that like he 783 00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:15,640 loved Lazarus. Like it's not like he, I don't 784 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:16,520 know. I think sometimes when hard 785 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:20,080 things come, we feel like, oh, God must not love me. 786 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,960 Like he's not aware of me. He's not watching out for me. 787 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:28,200 But like Jesus loved Lazarus and that didn't stop this thing from 788 00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,560 happening to him. But then I just think it's so 789 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,600 beautiful that it's like this sickness is not unto death, but 790 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,640 for the glory of God. And, and when I was in the 791 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:40,040 hospital, obviously mine was like very different and, and 792 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,400 just you don't need to say that I feel like. 793 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:44,120 You and Ben are so cute. No, I was like, this is so 794 00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,000 different mine like it's not like, but you experience like 795 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:48,040 something. It was a lot more rapid. 796 00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:49,520 Fire. Yours is a lot more drawn, but 797 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:50,800 like I I really mean like something. 798 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:54,320 That makes you like think about death or think about life like 799 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,760 in the hospital setting. Like I know the yeah, yeah. 800 00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,040 You just relate more to. It but I remember having like, I 801 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:00,920 don't even remember I remember reading this verse, but I 802 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,120 remember having that same thought that like this isn't 803 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:04,680 this is not going to end in death. 804 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,680 Like this is so God can show his power. 805 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,840 And I think that that's just such a beautiful way to look at 806 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:13,640 these hard things in our lives that when we're having this hard 807 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:17,000 thing happen or like a sickness or a trial, it's not because God 808 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,280 doesn't love us. It's so that he can have a 809 00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:23,600 chance to show his power in our lives and enter in because of 810 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,080 the resurrection, because of him overcoming all things. 811 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:30,000 He can do that and I just was thinking about this this chapter 812 00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:33,480 in the story a lot because I think it's a really good example 813 00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:35,800 of what the resurrection can look like in our lives. 814 00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,120 Like it's it's so similar to Jesus because he was in a tomb. 815 00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:41,800 He like rose from the tomb, but he wasn't Jesus. 816 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,880 He was like this normal person that had a a beautiful 817 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,920 experience where he saw a miracle because of what Jesus 818 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:49,560 did. There was one more verse I was 819 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,920 wanting to read. So after after Lazarus comes 820 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,440 forth, this is Jesus talking to his sisters. 821 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,760 And he said, said I not unto thee that if that would believe 822 00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,880 that would see the glory of God. And that can look like so many 823 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:02,920 different things in our life to see his glory. 824 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:05,640 But I just think that's such a beautiful thought that when 825 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:07,720 we're going through something hard to look around and say, 826 00:37:07,720 --> 00:37:10,160 like God promised that I would see his glory. 827 00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:11,600 Like where am I seeing that right now? 828 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,280 And so I want to talk about Easter for a second. 829 00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:18,040 And I want to ask you, what does the resurrection of Christ mean 830 00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,760 to you personally after your diagnosis and your amputation? 831 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:23,720 And how has Easter taken on a different meaning after facing 832 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,760 mortality so directly? Yeah, I. 833 00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:30,640 Mean obviously, first thing I think about when I think of like 834 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:33,400 the resurrection is like I will have a leg one day, you know, 835 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:38,120 like, and it's easy to think like while you have like these 836 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:41,160 lens that you think of just earth like and it's like, Oh my 837 00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:45,160 gosh, like am I really going to be like a 75 year old without 838 00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:46,480 it? Like still put on my prosthetic 839 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,280 each day, you know, like it's easy just to feel like that 840 00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,000 feels like a really daunting thing. 841 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:53,360 But then when you put on like the lens of more of eternity and 842 00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,440 like you realize, like, no, this is such a short time and like, 843 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,160 I'm going to learn so many things from this. 844 00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:00,960 But also like, I really look forward to the day that I will 845 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,280 be able to run freely again and to walk. 846 00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:06,640 And it just means a lot more when you like are anxiously 847 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:11,560 excited for that day, you know, and but to your other question, 848 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:15,680 like Easter has forever taken on a new meaning to me. 849 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:21,400 I was diagnosed the week before Easter a year ago and a friend 850 00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:25,560 actually sent me this quote. It's from an unknown author that 851 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:30,000 week, but it said this side of eternity is our only chance to 852 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,640 worship Christ through tears, pain and suffering. 853 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:36,800 This side of eternity is our only chance to actively choose 854 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,960 to worship Jesus. In heaven. 855 00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:42,040 We'll have all tears wiped away. We will freely see the beauty of 856 00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,200 Jesus, so we will naturally worship him. 857 00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,840 What a gift it is to be able to choose Jesus even when all we 858 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,320 can feel is pain. Isn't that beautiful? 859 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:51,440 So beautiful. It's a good. 860 00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:55,120 Reminder, too, that like that we get to choose it here and that 861 00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,240 is what, like, shows him that we love him. 862 00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:58,520 Yeah, yeah. And like. 863 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,080 She then pointed out to me after saying that quote, she just 864 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,920 said, you know, with my studies this this week, I've just like 865 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,640 noticed, like you're suffering the same week that Jesus 866 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:08,720 suffered. You know, like we often think of 867 00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:10,520 Easter and we think of he is risen. 868 00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:13,760 You know, he rose from the tomb, but he suffered before then. 869 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:16,240 He went through a lot that week. Well, and he was like. 870 00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:19,160 You were about to, like, facing this idea of death. 871 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,800 Like, he was literally coming face to face with death before 872 00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:23,400 he was resurrected, you know? Yeah. 873 00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:27,400 And. There's actually a quote by Neil 874 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,960 A Maxwell from his amazing talk called Applying the Toning Blood 875 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:32,840 of Christ. It's one of my all time 876 00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,720 favorites. And he says mortality presents 877 00:39:35,720 --> 00:39:38,800 us with multiple experiences to become more Christ like. 878 00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:42,360 And normally like reading that, I've always thought, OK, like 879 00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:43,600 how can I become more like Christ? 880 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,680 How can I be more patient, more kind, etcetera. 881 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,720 You know? But for some reason, like 882 00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:49,520 thinking about it this time it was different. 883 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,800 Like I was literally going through my own trial while 884 00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:56,360 reflecting on Christ's suffering that same week and seeing that 885 00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,360 parallel, you know, gave me strength. 886 00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:01,160 Mortality was presenting me with an opportunity to understand 887 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,720 Christ's atonement better and hopefully become more like him 888 00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:09,520 from this experience. And I have like a few examples 889 00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,960 from that week specifically, but also throughout my my cancer 890 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:18,560 journey where I really just felt. 891 00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,320 These parallels like I don't want to say like I went through 892 00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,360 what Christ went through and like I'm cautious sharing these 893 00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:26,800 things because I didn't like no one went no one will go through 894 00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,880 something as big and excruciating as the atomic of 895 00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:31,240 Jesus Christ. There's something that. 896 00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:32,440 Helped you connect with him? Yeah. 897 00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:35,960 Deeper exactly and that's that's like what life is you know and 898 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,600 that's why we're here and so for example, like on Thursday, you 899 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,240 know we learned that Christ gathered with his apostles not 900 00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:44,400 just today because this will be. Coming out on Thursday, so it's 901 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,320 OK, yeah. Christ gathered with his 902 00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,480 apostles to honor the Last Supper. 903 00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:52,360 You know he told his friends how much he loved him. 904 00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,480 His words probably hinted at how painful the events would be in 905 00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,800 the upcoming hours when he would suffer for the sins of the world 906 00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:02,400 in the Garden of Gethsemane and also on the cross at Calvary. 907 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:07,440 And I thought of Christ in this experience while we tried to sit 908 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:13,520 down my then 2 year old and tell him I was sick and I would be 909 00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:15,600 leaving to spend a lot of time in the hospital. 910 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:19,120 And I remember he just like looked at me and he literally 911 00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:22,320 came in, physically wiped my tears and he just said, no, 912 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:26,680 Mama, it's OK, you stay here. And I thought of Christ, like, 913 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:28,720 is that how Christ felt during the Last Supper? 914 00:41:28,720 --> 00:41:32,000 Like, did, did he too choke back tears telling the apostles like 915 00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,320 about this future without him? You know, did did the apostles 916 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,040 say, no, it's OK, just stay here? 917 00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:39,280 Like, don't go get hurt. Like have you seen the? 918 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:40,960 Chosen. Yes, I've seen a few. 919 00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:42,200 Episodes. I'm trying to get more into it 920 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,760 like when you get to that. Ending season when it's like the 921 00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:48,400 last week of his life it it does show like that's kind of how 922 00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:50,040 they felt. I mean, this is obviously just 923 00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:52,840 like a no, but still they're interpreting it. 924 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,840 But I feel like, yeah, that's kind of how they represented it. 925 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,880 Like that's how they or depicted, I guess is better and 926 00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:00,160 that's and that's how I. Probably like picture in in my 927 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:03,680 mind like did did Christ tell them like, no, you're not fully 928 00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:05,360 comprehending what I'm saying to you. 929 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,600 You know, like like my little James, like didn't understand 930 00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,280 like that. I was going to be really sick 931 00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,080 and it just it was like this powerful. 932 00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:16,760 What's the word, like, side by side? 933 00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:18,240 I don't know. Yeah. 934 00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:23,280 But so that was one experience. And then another one was looking 935 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,120 down at like, my, the scar in my foot, you know, I had been poked 936 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,240 and prod with like, lots of needles and different things. 937 00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:30,680 And then finally, I had this huge scar from like, the most 938 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:33,640 recent biopsy. And then I also had a new scar 939 00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:36,600 on my chest for my port, which would be my new lifeline of 940 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,400 like, where I receive chemo each week. 941 00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:42,560 And I remember thinking of like Christ scars, you know, like he 942 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:46,120 too had scars on his feet, which were evidence of his sacrifice 943 00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:49,520 on the cross and also proof of his resurrected body. 944 00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:53,760 And then my husband actually brought this up while we were 945 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:57,160 driving to my amputation and kind of compared it. 946 00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:01,480 He just brought up the parallel of Christ walking with his cross 947 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:02,760 through the streets of Jerusalem. 948 00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:07,600 And Christ knew it was coming. He knew he was carrying his 949 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,320 cross to literally go be crucified. 950 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:13,880 And, and he knew he would suffer and he knew it would be so, so 951 00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:17,200 hard, but he bravely did it because he knew it was best for 952 00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:20,040 himself, but also and also best for mankind. 953 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:25,640 And in a similar aspect, like I was driving myself to an 954 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:28,840 amputation, I knew I wanted to be here and I knew I wanted to 955 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:30,560 be around for my kids and family. 956 00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:35,600 And I knew that, you know, going into that appointment and 957 00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:37,760 surgery, like, I knew it would be so hard. 958 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,480 And I also wished it could just pass for me, you know, like, I 959 00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:43,720 wish I didn't have to experience it, but like, that had to happen 960 00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:47,960 in order for me to live life and to to continue to show up as the 961 00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:50,040 mom and wife that I wanted to be. 962 00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:54,040 Oh my gosh. Those are like such a beautiful 963 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,280 comparisons that actually make you think about it. 964 00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:57,920 I feel like sometimes when I read the story of Christ, it 965 00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,440 just feels like maybe it's because we've heard it so much 966 00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,400 that we just don't really process, like what that would 967 00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,760 have actually been like. But I feel like when you compare 968 00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:06,920 it to that, it's like, oh, my goodness. 969 00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:10,080 Like that would have been so hard for them and also so hard 970 00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,440 for you to be living that. And what a beautiful way to 971 00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:16,680 connect with the Savior, to try to understand more of what that 972 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,040 would have been like. Thank you. 973 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,360 Yeah. And, you know, as we learn in 974 00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:23,720 the Scriptures, you know, while Christ hangs on the cross and 975 00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:28,040 suffers more than we can, like, imagine, he cries out, My God, 976 00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:30,320 my God, why hast thou forsaken me? 977 00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:35,000 And this wasn't this polished prayer, like a happy testimony, 978 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:39,440 but it was like a raw cry of lament during his final moments 979 00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:41,840 on earth. And it wasn't a lack of faith. 980 00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:44,160 It was a deep expression of faith. 981 00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,760 You know, he was choosing to stay in a relationship with God 982 00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:52,880 even when it felt far away. And that goes back to that, like 983 00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:55,560 lamenting that I shared earlier. You know, I had so many prayers 984 00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:58,040 throughout this experience where I'm like, why is this happening? 985 00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:02,360 Like, but it wasn't like those prayers are are faith. 986 00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:03,760 Like you're saying, why is this happening? 987 00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:05,920 You're turning towards and you're leaning towards him and 988 00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:09,360 trusting that he has a plan, even when when these things, you 989 00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:14,120 know, don't make sense. And and lastly, like if perhaps 990 00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:17,640 the day when Jesus died was eventually called good, then 991 00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,280 maybe like these most challenging days of our lives 992 00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,200 will also be called good one day, too. 993 00:45:22,240 --> 00:45:24,240 Yeah, there's a lot of hope in that. 994 00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:28,040 Yeah, like looking back and even now, like it's been almost three 995 00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:29,200 years since I was in the hospital. 996 00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:32,120 And like when I look back on those days, like they're some of 997 00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:34,280 the most sacred experiences of my life. 998 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:38,120 And like I wouldn't trade it for like what I learned and. 999 00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,640 And not as hard as it is and. I'm not saying everybody. 1000 00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:44,320 Will get to that point, but for me, like it's really become like 1001 00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:46,960 the most sacred days of my life. I think there's like a story in 1002 00:45:46,960 --> 00:45:49,400 the Book of Mormon where there's like this place called the 1003 00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:52,680 waters of Mormon and yes, these people like have like go there 1004 00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,040 and they came to know yes, and it's like how beautiful are the 1005 00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:56,800 waters of Mormon. I'm totally going to watch the 1006 00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:58,480 first, but it's like how beautiful are the waters of 1007 00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:00,160 Mormon because because it was there that they came to know 1008 00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:02,840 their savior. And now when I go back to the 1009 00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:06,760 hospital that I was in, it's just like the most sacred around 1010 00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:08,840 for me. Like it feels like I'm walking 1011 00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,080 into like the garden of Yosemite almost. 1012 00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:13,240 It's like, I mean, I've never been there, so I don't know. 1013 00:46:13,240 --> 00:46:16,400 But but it's where you suffered like where you you. 1014 00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,640 Came to know yeah and I. After I got out of the hospital 1015 00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:23,280 when it was like probably, I don't know, two months later, we 1016 00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,760 went back and visited the ICU where I was and like went and 1017 00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,760 took our my nurses and like gift cards and like thank you notes. 1018 00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:32,440 And I wanted to just, you just become so grateful for medical 1019 00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:35,440 people and you're in that situation, you know, just like 1020 00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:37,920 these people are Saints. I remember thinking like. 1021 00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,560 After I gave birth, like I was like, these people are like 1022 00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:43,320 actual angels that walk. And then like giving birth was 1023 00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:45,480 like the only time I really had this like medical experience. 1024 00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:48,600 But then after being around these people and like for chemo, 1025 00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,960 like you, just like they are sacrificing so much to take care 1026 00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:53,080 of you and you just have so much. 1027 00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:55,920 Association, Yeah, yeah. So we went back to go say thank 1028 00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,520 you and, and I walked past my, my hospital room and it was 1029 00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,680 empty, which is like kind of unique in the ICU to have like 1030 00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:07,560 an empty, empty bed. And as I walked past, I noticed 1031 00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:10,120 there was like a linen folded at the end of the bed. 1032 00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,880 And it felt like looking into like Jesus's tomb and seeing 1033 00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:16,920 that linen folded up. And it just like overcame me 1034 00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:20,920 with this realization that like I had already mentioned this, 1035 00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:23,720 but like, because Christ rose, like I was able to rise from the 1036 00:47:23,720 --> 00:47:27,440 hospital bed and it was just this visual of like, I should 1037 00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:30,560 have died in that bed. Like every odd was against me to 1038 00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:34,480 like not make it out of that bed, but because of him, like I 1039 00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:37,320 am not in that bed. I'm not stuck in room 425 in the 1040 00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:42,040 ICU, you know, and, and so now anytime we go back to the 1041 00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,160 hospital, I've I tried to go back up and look and it's never 1042 00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,520 been empty again. It was just that one time and 1043 00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:48,480 I've never seen like a linen folded like that, but it was 1044 00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:51,360 like I took a picture of it and like so beautiful and it, it 1045 00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:54,440 really did feel like looking into into Christ tomb and and 1046 00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,920 just seeing like a physical representation of what that 1047 00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:59,520 looks like in a life, you know, and like you overcame death. 1048 00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:01,280 You know, I mean, so have you. I mean like. 1049 00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:04,560 It's very against both of us, but but when you have those 1050 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,920 experiences, it's like just so much more real. 1051 00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:08,720 Yeah. And he becomes not just a 1052 00:48:08,720 --> 00:48:12,120 savior, but like literally your personal, your personal savior. 1053 00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,800 And that's like I just. Love that like in that talk that 1054 00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,480 I shared at the very beginning that President Nelson like says 1055 00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:22,560 like focus on your savior. You know, like I remember like 1056 00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:27,640 that, that Easter, like I've, I've always been like I plan 1057 00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:29,760 ahead. I've always, I mean, I've lost 1058 00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:32,720 that part of me recently, but I. Hopefully. 1059 00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:34,440 Hopefully that part comes back one day. 1060 00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:38,600 But I'd like I had like the Easter baskets perfectly planned 1061 00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:42,160 now I had their outfits, I had my new dress like everything was 1062 00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:44,560 ready like a month prior to Easter. 1063 00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:48,760 And I remember like waking up that day Easter morning and like 1064 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:52,520 none of that even mattered. Like I remember I didn't even 1065 00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:55,400 wash my hair that day because I was like I don't care to have 1066 00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:56,920 clean washer. I threw it in a slicked backed 1067 00:48:56,920 --> 00:48:58,520 bung. So I was like, I am experiencing 1068 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:01,720 something so life altering and so changing, like having 1069 00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:04,120 perfectly washed hair in a cute new dress doesn't even matter, 1070 00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:07,120 you know? And I just like like, yes, those 1071 00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:09,240 things are so fun. And will I still do those things 1072 00:49:09,240 --> 00:49:11,400 going forward eventually? Like I hope and I want to, but 1073 00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:14,760 like Easter is forever taking on like this new meaning, you know, 1074 00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:18,880 like those, those little things just don't matter because when 1075 00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:20,800 you focus on the same, you're like what he's done in your 1076 00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:22,200 life. You guys, there's just like so 1077 00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:25,080 much more to this holiday than like, little Easter bunnies and 1078 00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:29,360 baskets and yeah. I love that What will you do 1079 00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,880 differently now in your life and motherhood after this 1080 00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:33,320 experience? Obviously there's a lot of young 1081 00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:35,520 moms listening to this podcast and and my dad. 1082 00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:39,280 Hi Dad, I know you're listening. My dad will listen to this. 1083 00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:42,040 Yeah. Robin, Dave, we're welcome to 1084 00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:45,240 the podcast. But I do feel like it's 1085 00:49:45,240 --> 00:49:47,800 important for other young moms who haven't gone through 1086 00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:51,560 something like this to just see like, how much motherhood is so 1087 00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:54,040 beautiful. Like, sometimes it takes an 1088 00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:57,080 experience like this to realize, oh, my gosh, being a mom is the 1089 00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:58,960 best thing ever. And I don't want to lose it. 1090 00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:01,360 Like, when you're in the trenches, obviously it's really 1091 00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:03,600 hard when you're in the trenches of like, no sleep and your kids 1092 00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:05,600 are like, having a really hard time or teething or whatever. 1093 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,280 But I just would love to hear, like, what you want to do 1094 00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:09,680 differently with motherhood in life. 1095 00:50:09,680 --> 00:50:10,600 Yeah. I mean a. 1096 00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:14,040 Cancer diagnosis pushes you to your limits in literally every 1097 00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:15,440 aspect. You know, like mentally, 1098 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,400 emotionally, physically, spiritually, like anything you 1099 00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:18,640 can think about, it's changed me. 1100 00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,720 And I'm sure anyone who experiences mortality like you, 1101 00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:24,760 you know, anyone who goes to an experience like this, they 1102 00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:29,080 understand by just like my capacity and ability to love 1103 00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:32,320 harder and unconditionally has increased immensely. 1104 00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:35,560 You know, empathy has come a lot more naturally to those around 1105 00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:36,600 me. Like I hear someone going 1106 00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:38,240 through a hard time and I'm like, how can I help? 1107 00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:40,240 Like, can we bring you dinner? Can we do this? 1108 00:50:40,240 --> 00:50:42,560 Like, what can we do? Because I just, those people 1109 00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:45,120 showed, you know, that empathy to me and like, I just so badly 1110 00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:47,640 like, want to do so much good going forward. 1111 00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:49,440 You know, I've become quicker to forgive. 1112 00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,440 My focus on worldly things has faded. 1113 00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:54,240 Like as I've tried to see life more clearly through the 1114 00:50:54,240 --> 00:50:57,640 Savior's perspective, but even more specifically as like a 1115 00:50:57,640 --> 00:51:00,880 mother, it's changed the way I love my children. 1116 00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:04,680 Like the ordinary moments I once felt so rushed through now just 1117 00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:06,880 feel so sacred. You know, like those bedtime 1118 00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:10,880 snuggles, the messy houses, like the middle of the night wakings, 1119 00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:14,320 wiping sad tears. Like I remember my mom said to 1120 00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:16,240 me like recently, like, what do you miss the most? 1121 00:51:16,240 --> 00:51:18,400 And I was like, what I would do just to be able to like stand up 1122 00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,680 and like do the dishes right now after a long day. 1123 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,000 Like I just like, there's just like little things that you 1124 00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:24,920 don't, you don't get to do when you have an amputated leg or 1125 00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:27,400 when you're so sick. And, you know, I just feel like 1126 00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:30,720 these, these little things that once felt so mundane now just 1127 00:51:30,720 --> 00:51:34,200 feel like gifts, you know, and, and I, I want to hold my 1128 00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,880 children a little longer. Like I listen a little more 1129 00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:39,840 closely when they're talking. And I, I really look forward to 1130 00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:42,400 the day like hopefully soon. Like, I just so badly just, 1131 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:45,160 like, want to be able to stand in, like, hold a baby on my lap, 1132 00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:47,880 you know, and just, like, give them a hug. 1133 00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:51,480 And it's just taught me that these little moments are truly, 1134 00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:54,240 like, the most meaningful ones. You know, motherhood hasn't 1135 00:51:54,240 --> 00:51:57,200 become easier. It's, but it's become so much 1136 00:51:57,240 --> 00:51:58,200 even become harder. Yeah. 1137 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,880 Definitely. Like bless my Angel mom and 1138 00:52:01,880 --> 00:52:04,320 sisters, like everyone who's just like stepped in to take 1139 00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:06,120 care of my kids at this time because I couldn't do it, you 1140 00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:08,000 know, but it's really become harder. 1141 00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:11,840 But it's become so much deeper. And in many ways, like love has 1142 00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,840 just become simpler, pure and more intentional, intentional 1143 00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:17,560 than it was before. And like, that's what life is 1144 00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:19,080 about. Like slowing down and like 1145 00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:23,880 learning to love as Christ did and learning to, to lift each 1146 00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:26,000 other out. Like I just so strongly believe 1147 00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:29,960 like we are here on this earth, like to just grab each other by 1148 00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:32,360 the arms and help each other home like lift each other and 1149 00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:35,320 and be that village for each other, for your kids, for your 1150 00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:38,640 coworkers, for your family, for your neighborhood, you know, 1151 00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:41,680 your community Like it's that's that's our purpose is to love 1152 00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:43,560 like Christ. And I have so many thoughts. 1153 00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,400 Running the right head of things, I could respond because 1154 00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:49,160 it does when you are stripped to your like, to the like to 1155 00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:51,040 nothing, like when you have nothing, when you're in a 1156 00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:52,440 hospital bed or you have whatever. 1157 00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:55,080 Like for me, when I was in ICU and I couldn't do anything and 1158 00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:58,520 I't have been stuck there for I mean, 12 days is not that much 1159 00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:00,760 after you've been in the hospital for like 60 days or 1160 00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:04,640 whatever. But I remember like waking up 1161 00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:07,440 from being sedated and looking at like the popcorn ceiling in 1162 00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,560 the hospital. I mean, like, wow, this is the 1163 00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:12,640 most beautiful ceiling. It was like so dumb. 1164 00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:15,560 I was like, Oh my gosh, like I will never look at a ceiling 1165 00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:16,880 like this ever again. True. 1166 00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:19,360 The same. Or like, anyway, my husband's 1167 00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:20,960 probably going to. Remind me of this one day when 1168 00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:23,240 I'm complaining about not Why is the day exactly? 1169 00:53:23,240 --> 00:53:25,240 You prayed you wanted to do this. 1170 00:53:25,240 --> 00:53:25,560 Yeah. Yeah. 1171 00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:28,880 And we actually just got back from Disneyland a few days ago, 1172 00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:30,520 and it had been, like, a long day. 1173 00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:32,880 It was the end of the day. My kids were, you know, it's 1174 00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:34,200 Disneyland. They're having a great time, but 1175 00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:35,480 they're almost, like, too fond out. 1176 00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:36,960 Yeah. It's, like, exhausted. 1177 00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:40,560 And my older 1, James, went on a ride, but Eve wasn't quite tall 1178 00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:42,280 enough. And so I was just gonna, like, 1179 00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,360 sit there and wait for them. It was sunset. 1180 00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:46,320 Like, it was getting to that time of night where everything 1181 00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:48,240 is getting all lit up at Disneyland. 1182 00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:50,800 And I was just gonna sit there and like, you know, check my 1183 00:53:51,000 --> 00:53:53,200 like respond to a few texts, whatever. 1184 00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:55,640 But then I decided like, Oh my gosh, it's sunset. 1185 00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:59,400 Like so I took my little girl Eve on my hip and we like ran to 1186 00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:01,520 chase the sunset to go to the castle. 1187 00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,320 We ran to the castle. And as I was running, like I was 1188 00:54:04,320 --> 00:54:06,040 taking a video of her because she was giggling. 1189 00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:08,200 Like she was just giggling so much. 1190 00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:11,200 And I, as I was taking the video, just broke into tears. 1191 00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:15,120 Like as I was running because I was like, Oh my gosh, I get to 1192 00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:18,720 live these moments with my kids. And how beautiful is that? 1193 00:54:18,720 --> 00:54:22,640 That like, I almost didn't get this and now like I feel like I 1194 00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:26,120 am a more spontaneous in the moment person because I get to 1195 00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:29,520 like do this and I almost didn't get to Yeah, like you recognize. 1196 00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:32,760 That like this life would be so different without you and yeah, 1197 00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:34,400 you know, well, and Eve wouldn't even. 1198 00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,840 Be here, you know, and like, and it just, there are these moments 1199 00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:40,240 when you've gone through things like that that just become so 1200 00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:42,280 sacred when they're just like simple. 1201 00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:44,280 I mean, Disneyland is pretty magical, I have to say. 1202 00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:47,120 But you know, but like, there are moments like that regularly 1203 00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:49,920 where I look at my kids and just start crying because I can't 1204 00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:52,720 believe I get to do this. And it's something sometimes the 1205 00:54:52,720 --> 00:54:56,120 hard moments I know. And I think like, it's so like. 1206 00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:59,800 It's so easy, like life does feel hard a lot of the time, you 1207 00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:01,760 know, like everyone has different challenges and 1208 00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:05,160 different things. But like, I just, this has just 1209 00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:08,440 reminded me like when like don't take life so seriously, you 1210 00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:11,040 know, like when you're feeling overstimulated, you have babies 1211 00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:12,800 crying and you're trying to cook dinner and like all these 1212 00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:15,400 things, like just take a step back and like be like, wow, I'm 1213 00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:18,160 here and I'm alive and I'm grateful to be be here, you 1214 00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:20,160 know? And it just, like it gives you 1215 00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:23,920 perspective. And, and it's something I think 1216 00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:26,520 I'll remind myself of throughout my whole life. 1217 00:55:26,520 --> 00:55:29,640 Like you said, like this, these experiences change you for the 1218 00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:31,080 better. Like you, you'll you're never 1219 00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:32,560 the same person again after that. 1220 00:55:32,720 --> 00:55:34,560 Yeah, Yeah, totally. And. 1221 00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:37,280 Sometimes those moments your kids are all screaming and 1222 00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:39,680 they're like, like, sometimes James is having a tantrum on the 1223 00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:41,480 floor, like screaming. And I just heard laughing. 1224 00:55:41,480 --> 00:55:44,880 I'm like, I know. Like, what am I doing? 1225 00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:47,720 Yeah, I know. It's so not a slap. 1226 00:55:47,720 --> 00:55:50,360 And I'm like, I'm grateful to be here, but this is like, I just 1227 00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:52,240 feel it makes, yeah, sometimes it makes things feel a little 1228 00:55:52,240 --> 00:55:54,480 lighter because you're like, this isn't that big of a deal. 1229 00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:56,800 Like it's toddler, he's going to have a tantrum. 1230 00:55:56,880 --> 00:55:58,960 I can just sit here and laugh. It's so true. 1231 00:55:59,120 --> 00:56:00,720 Then we'll get back up and help him in a second. 1232 00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:03,240 But it's so true, yeah. Are there any other? 1233 00:56:03,240 --> 00:56:05,120 Closing thoughts you want to share with listeners who are 1234 00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:07,160 going through something really difficult right now. 1235 00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:10,400 Yeah, I feel like I've probably already said this. 1236 00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:15,040 I'm just probably reiterating it, but I like, cancer changed 1237 00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:16,800 my body. It changed my plans. 1238 00:56:17,200 --> 00:56:19,640 Like, it changed my heart, you know, like we've been talking 1239 00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:20,760 about. And if this experience has 1240 00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,280 taught me anything, it's that even in the hardest moments of 1241 00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:26,960 mortality, like Christ really is there and he's teaching us how 1242 00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:29,760 to love more deeply than we ever thought possible. 1243 00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:34,280 And so I hope to remind myself of that, like, you know, I hope 1244 00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:36,680 this was the hardest thing I'll have to go through in this life, 1245 00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:39,160 but it might not be, you know? And I hope that I can remind 1246 00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:42,880 myself that like when these hard moments come, like even if 1247 00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:46,520 Christ feels far away, like he's there, reach to him and like 1248 00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:52,280 know that you'll come out of the other side of it just having 1249 00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,240 learned so much and experienced so much. 1250 00:56:54,240 --> 00:56:56,840 And like I said, I'm reminding myself of that right now. 1251 00:56:56,840 --> 00:56:59,960 Like I like, quite frankly, I don't know if I've explained 1252 00:56:59,960 --> 00:57:02,480 this yet, but like I just recently had a surgery last week 1253 00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:05,440 where we're revising my legs so that hopefully like walking is 1254 00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:08,000 easier like, and it's I'm not done, I'm not out of this. 1255 00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:10,040 Like yes, my literally, yeah. When? 1256 00:57:10,040 --> 00:57:11,240 Katie said she would come do this. 1257 00:57:11,240 --> 00:57:14,400 I was like, are Are you sure? Like you can get here and you 1258 00:57:14,400 --> 00:57:16,320 want to do this? Like they just cut another. 1259 00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:18,520 Yeah, they took another inch. Off inch off of your leg. 1260 00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:20,280 Yeah, yeah. Like it's just. 1261 00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:24,440 I, It's easy to talk and act like this is all over, like I'm 1262 00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:26,760 still in the thick of a hard time, you know, but like, that's 1263 00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:28,800 OK because I'm choosing to see Christ. 1264 00:57:28,800 --> 00:57:31,720 And, you know, there's that quote that you can do Christ by 1265 00:57:31,720 --> 00:57:33,040 yourself or you can do it with him. 1266 00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:34,360 And when you do it with him, it's holy. 1267 00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:37,200 And and that's just like what I'd love to reiterate, 1268 00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:40,760 especially this Easter season is like, just focus on Christ. 1269 00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:43,160 Let him into your life. And it's a reminder for me to do 1270 00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:44,600 that. Like it's, you know, let him 1271 00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:49,400 into my life, Let him heal because like you just, you learn 1272 00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,520 so much from it. Yeah, I love that. 1273 00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:55,440 Thank you so much for coming on. I feel like this has set the 1274 00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:57,840 tone for Easter for me in a really beautiful way. 1275 00:57:57,840 --> 00:58:00,440 You know, it was fun to talk. About and and to think about 1276 00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:02,400 what we have to Easter. So thank you for coming. 1277 00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:03,320 Thanks, Sadie.