1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:03,800 You're listening to the Bridgetown Church Podcast with 2 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,840 Pastor Casey Kendall, where our vision is Jesus, our mission is 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,760 people, and our cause is love. Thanks for tuning in. 4 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:13,600 Let's dive in. Second Samuel chapter 2, verse 5 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:17,400 32, if you would mark it down and we want to encourage you to 6 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:21,320 fight fair today, fight fair. This is a, a topic where we're 7 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:25,400 not really discipled on in our in, in church world, in 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,880 Christianity, we're talked about, we're told to read our 9 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,880 Bibles, we're told to pray, but we're really not told how to 10 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:35,400 handle conflict well in our marriages, in our job sites, in 11 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,280 the church itself. And we want to be discipled in 12 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:42,320 that area, in our emotional and spiritual health towards the 13 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:43,960 Lords, we. Want to talk about fighting 14 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,440 fair? Second Samuel chapter 2, verse 15 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,640 32. If you're there, say Amen. 16 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:55,160 Then they took up Osail and buried him in his father's tomb, 17 00:00:55,400 --> 00:01:01,160 which was in Bethlehem. And Joab and his men went all 18 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:07,880 night and they came to Hebron or Hebron, however you want to 19 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,920 pronounce it, at Daybreak. Now, there's something often 20 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:17,600 times that happens when we read a portion of scripture or maybe 21 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,800 we watch our favorite TV show, or maybe you're binging on 22 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,800 Netflix. Whatever it might be, we often, 23 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:29,800 or the producer will go to the future scene and then he takes 24 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:37,480 you back countless hours or even weeks from that scene to play 25 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:41,800 the whole story back. So we know now that Acaeil is 26 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,320 dead. We know that Joab and his men 27 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:51,200 had rode all night into Hebron and they arrived at Hebron. 28 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,440 Notice this. If you would just. 29 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:58,080 Underline this and circle this at Daybreak, but I want to take 30 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:03,840 you all the way back to verse eight in the story. 31 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,080 And before I do that, if you would just look at your neighbor 32 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:11,360 and say neighbor, my neighbor, fight fairly. 33 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,520 Yeah. Husbands say that to your wives, 34 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:17,840 fight fairly. Wives, say that to your 35 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:21,400 husbands, fight fairly. Kids, if you would tell your 36 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,920 parents that just fight fairly. Parents, if you just tell your 37 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:29,600 kids this morning to fight fairly, if you're dating, just 38 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,920 tell the person around you fight fairly. 39 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,840 If you're single, just look for someone and just say fight 40 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,600 fairly. Fight, fight fairly, Fight 41 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,360 fairly. That the year was June 16th or 42 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,920 the date was June 16th. The year was actually 1983. 43 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,600 There was a fight at Madison Square Gardens. 44 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,560 Everyone had joined together for this fight. 45 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,080 One of the fighters names was Louis Resto. 46 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,960 He was fighting a gentleman by the name of Billy Collins 47 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:10,280 Junior, and Louis Resto was awarded the win after 10 rounds 48 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:15,400 in a unanimous decision. While he won the fight, you can 49 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:22,600 hear in the video the trainer's saying check his gloves, check 50 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:28,280 his gloves over and over again. Well, Louis Resto's trainer had 51 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:34,320 decided to take out one ounce of padding out of his gloves, and 52 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:41,520 they dipped Louis Resto's hand wraps in plaster of Paris. 53 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:48,680 His hands were so heavy that when he hit Billy Collins 54 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:58,040 Junior, he actually detached Billy Collins Junior Iris from 55 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:02,400 his eyeball, blurring his vision. 56 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:11,520 He was permanently and forever unable to fight again. 57 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,720 I want to challenge you this morning because I really believe 58 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:19,160 that this doesn't just happen in boxing rings. 59 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:23,840 This is actually happening in conflict in heated homes. 60 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:28,440 Conflict and fighting is happening in mangled marriages. 61 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:33,840 Fighting is happening in your enduring employments. 62 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:38,680 You're struggling as a single and you have conflict. 63 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:42,240 You are stressed out as a student and you have conflict. 64 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:46,080 You are a helicopter parent and you have conflict. 65 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:50,400 You find yourself it's crazy kids and you have conflict. 66 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:54,560 You find yourself with fermented friendships and you have 67 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,640 conflict. You you find yourself in a place 68 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:02,360 when the fight begins. You choose to fight dirty rather 69 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,960 than fighting clean, and this is how we often live. 70 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:10,760 If you're taking note in the moment of conflicts and fighting 71 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:15,840 with somebody else. We live with heavy hands, heated 72 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:21,840 hearts, weighty words, and wounded souls, and we are 73 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:25,640 causing people to lose their vision for the rest of their 74 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:29,400 life because we're choosing to fight unfairly. 75 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:34,200 We have become people in our lives where we must understand 76 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:40,560 that conflict is inevitable, but how you react to the conflict is 77 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,600 optional. And I want us to gather into 78 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:48,240 this place and understand that God has called us to fight 79 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,240 fairly. So I wrote out a list of things 80 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:54,920 that how we often fight unfairly. 81 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:59,440 That maybe you, if you feel like God is convicting you, they can 82 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:03,560 say Amen. Here we go. 83 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:10,200 No more denying in the fight. No more sarcasm in the fight. 84 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,640 No more silent treatment in the fight. 85 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,840 No more walking away in the midst of the middle. 86 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,920 Of the fight. No more shouting, no more 87 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:24,400 cussing, no more passive aggressiveness in the middle of 88 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:28,120 the fight. No more lecturing, No more 89 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,640 yelling. It's getting quiet. 90 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:35,040 No more condescending. No more contempting looks at the 91 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,840 other person. No more anger. 92 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:42,520 No more rage. No more telling somebody else 93 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:50,000 that you drive me crazy. You're crazy is your own 94 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:53,800 responsibility. You choose to get crazy. 95 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:59,880 They didn't make you crazy. You owned your own 96 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:04,960 responsibility and owning your own responsibility. 97 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:10,080 You've choose to live obediently to God's way, God's Word, 98 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:14,280 through God's Spirit, and this is what happened. 99 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:20,440 We can choose to fight fairly if we choose to do what is holy in 100 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,920 the sight of God. Listen to what the Bible says. 101 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:27,560 It's OK to clap in here. Listen to what the Bible says. 102 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,640 A soft answer turns away. Wrath, but a harsh. 103 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,840 Word stirs up anger in Proverbs 15 verse one. 104 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,920 Listen to what the Bible says in your anger. 105 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,720 Do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while 106 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:46,560 you were still angry. In Ephesians 4 verse 26, listen 107 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:50,440 to this verse. Whoever is slow to anger is 108 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:56,040 better than the mighty. And he who noticed this, he who 109 00:07:56,040 --> 00:08:03,600 controls his spirit than he who takes on a whole city, If there 110 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:07,840 was a man who would foster this and fight fairly in the midst of 111 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:12,440 this transition in Second Samuel, it was a man by the name 112 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:17,040 of King David. You remember in King David his 113 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:21,040 life in context. If we were to look at it, David 114 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:26,280 was the man in Second Samuel who was chosen to be king 15 years 115 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:32,320 prior and now he's only able to be king of 1 tribe and that is 116 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,760 the tribe of Judah. The rest of Israel will be ruled 117 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,520 by another person. If there was a man who could 118 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:42,480 have fought unfairly in this moment, it was this man by the 119 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,680 name of David. And the Bible tells us about 120 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:49,240 David's life, that David did not seek revenge. 121 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:53,920 David did not seek to repay. David did not seek to rush in 122 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:57,280 with I'll words or or I'll actions. 123 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:04,040 He came in with very intentional kindness, and David comes on the 124 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:09,000 scene in the context of everything that he is facing, 125 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:14,080 and what he's about to give to these people is kindness. 126 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:20,080 Notice what do you do when the waiting is over and the prayers 127 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,320 have been answered. Many times in our Christianity 128 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,720 we think that the conflict is done. 129 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:30,800 Just because the waiting is over does not mean that the conflict 130 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,520 is done. And I want you to understand 131 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,720 that because conflict can be good. 132 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,120 Conflict is for our growth. But how we? 133 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:44,880 Handle the conflict can stunt us in the growth that we have. 134 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:49,920 We cannot avoid it, but we must be those who will act on it. 135 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,120 I love what Lisa Turkurst, right? 136 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,640 She wrote as she wrote in regards to her life when she was 137 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,920 abandoned by her husband, who would not stop committing 138 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:02,920 adultery, who would not stop getting drunk, and she tried to 139 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:07,600 reconcile her marriage. She said this in regards to 140 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,760 conflict. She said I was a stuff it and 141 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:15,280 smile kind of girl. Listen to what she writes. 142 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:19,640 The problem with pretending to be fine when you're really not 143 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:25,800 is all that pinned up. Steam will eventually come out, 144 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:30,120 and if you've ever held your hand too close to steam, you 145 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:35,440 know how it can burn. And I think this morning there's 146 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:41,120 some steam in the sanctuary. I think some of us need to let 147 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:47,440 the steam out of our lives. If not here, then where? 148 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,960 If not now, then when are you actually going to do it? 149 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,960 I believe to let the steam out, some of you are actually going 150 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,680 to have to cry out to the Lord today. 151 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,680 Some of us are going to have to shed some tears. 152 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:02,200 Some of us are going to have to bring in our own repentance and 153 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:07,640 allow this out of our lives. How long will you hold this in? 154 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:13,440 How long will you keep holding on to all of this pinned up 155 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:17,480 steam in your life without resolving the conflict that you 156 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:21,920 have in your own heart and in your own life? 157 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:26,080 Let me tell you, you're burning your family, you're burning your 158 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:30,360 kids, you're burning your grandkids, you're burning your 159 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:35,520 mom and dad, you're burning your friends simply because we think 160 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:39,040 that it's more spiritual to hold on to the steam then let the 161 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:42,400 steam out in a very positive and biblical way. 162 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,760 You see, the Lord is calling for healing. 163 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,560 And if that healing is going to happen, there has to be 164 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:52,080 repentance in my life. I have to come to a place of 165 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:56,800 brokenness and sad to say that many of us stay on this hamster 166 00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:01,080 wheel for years and we do well and then we go back to these 167 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,400 tendencies and we do well. Then we go back to the 168 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:08,560 tendencies and we bury what we actually should be broken over 169 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:13,800 and repent from. And David comes on the scene and 170 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,920 David is the king of Judah. But notice the Bible says that 171 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:24,360 David is responding kindly. The Bible tells us this was 172 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,720 David's heart. He would send messengers to 173 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:30,800 these people of Ghalid, Jabesh Ghalid, that they would bury 174 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,200 Saul and Jonathan. And he responds kindly to them 175 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,840 even though he's not the king of them. 176 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,160 He's not seeking the revenge of their lives. 177 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:44,600 He's just coming to them in a way that is fighting fairly. 178 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,200 I want to give you the characters of our story if we 179 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,000 can, because we're going to cover and read a lot of Bible 180 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:55,560 verses that lead up to this Daybreak in Joab and Abner's 181 00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:57,440 life. The the first character in our 182 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:00,880 story is not mentioned in this section, but it's David, King 183 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:04,000 David. King David is leading over Judah 184 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,680 at this time. Saul and Jonathan are dead. 185 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,560 And we've realized we're going to grieve over some things. 186 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,400 But there's another character in our story if you want to mark 187 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,640 them. He's in verse 8. 188 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:20,680 His name is Abner Abner. In our story this morning, Abner 189 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:28,440 is, if you're taking note, he is the one who's responding rashly. 190 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:39,560 Abner is Saul's cousin and he is the commander of Saul's army. 191 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:45,400 Abner would be the man who would lead the hunt years prior for 192 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:51,000 David's life. Abner was the man who was so 193 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:57,680 antagonistic about David's life. And even though Abner knew in 194 00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:01,240 his life that David should have been king, even though he knew 195 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:06,080 that David had been anointed by Samuel, Abner was the person who 196 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,920 responded rashly. He sends in our second or third 197 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:14,200 character name, Ashibosheth. Ashibosheth was the man who was 198 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:20,480 Saul's son, who's 40 years old. His name means the man of shame. 199 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:27,320 So Abner, as Saul's commander, acts rashly and installs 200 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:33,240 Ashibosheth to the throne. He establishes the man of shame 201 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,600 on the throne. Why? 202 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:39,320 Because Abner wanted a king that he could control. 203 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:43,520 And we'll get into that whole situation in just a moment. 204 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,880 The 4th person in our story, if you're taking notice, a man by 205 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:53,240 the name of Joab. Joab is not just acting rashly, 206 00:14:53,560 --> 00:15:00,280 he's acting harshly. He is David's nephew. 207 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:06,480 He is loyal to King David no matter the cost. 208 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:12,640 But we'll see in our story that Joab is a man who responds in a 209 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,760 way that is very harsh. Then there's another person in 210 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:19,960 our story, if you're taking note, his name is Asyle. 211 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:26,400 Assael was a person who would run swiftly when all this could 212 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:31,040 have stopped abruptly. Assael ran into the scene 213 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,280 abruptly. You get this if you would. 214 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:38,640 Here we have David, the king of Judah, the House of Praise. 215 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,040 Here we have Abner. His name means the Father of 216 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:46,840 Light, Saul's cousin. Here we have also this man by 217 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:50,600 the name of the Shiba Sheth. He is the man who is now now 218 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,560 known as the man of shame. He Saul's son. 219 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:58,720 We have Joab, his name means God is Father and he's David's 220 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:02,120 nephew. And then we have Asayel, whose 221 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,480 name means made by God. Notice if you would, all of 222 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:13,720 these men are marked by their identity to God Jehovah, but 223 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:18,880 they don't act like God Jehovah. So although I might carry a 224 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:23,800 certain name does not mean that I possess and present the 225 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:30,320 character that we should have. Now notice all of these names. 226 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:34,280 Now, I can't go through all of the names of the Bible, but, and 227 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,080 there are thousands of people that you were all dealing with 228 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,920 today. You're dealing with different 229 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,960 personalities. I just want to mark six of them. 230 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,680 If I can't, these are people that might be getting on your 231 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:48,920 nerves, these might be people that are getting under your 232 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,040 skin. These are people that it's hard 233 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:57,960 to fight fairly with. Can I give you their names first 234 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:03,920 name demanding people. You ever dealt with a demanding 235 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:07,200 person? Demanding people? 236 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:13,599 They are so bossy, they are so pushy, they are so controlling. 237 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:18,359 They dominate every conversation that you are in. 238 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:24,680 They demand everything from you and they'll push you to the 239 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:29,040 limit to get it. Can I give you the second 240 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,560 person? Maybe some of you are dealing 241 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:35,000 with this is the disapproving person. 242 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:42,080 This disapproving person is the nitpicker, and they are picky, 243 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:48,600 picky, picky, picky. This disapproving person is the 244 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:56,960 highly critical person. Your best is never good enough. 245 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,320 They're always negative about everything that you're going to 246 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:05,280 ever face, and they are the perfectionist. 247 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:12,320 One husband agreed with that. We have the demanding person, we 248 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:16,520 have the disapproving person. How about the deafening person? 249 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,680 This is the person who's just loud. 250 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:26,800 They raise the decibel level in your house and when you walk 251 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:33,240 into the house, you just. Want to tone it down a notch? 252 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:37,480 You call for 5 minutes. They talk to you for 20 minutes. 253 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,920 This is the deafening person. They will not get off the phone 254 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,040 until you surrender to their cause. 255 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,760 Mark this person down. This is the destructive person. 256 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:58,600 The destructive person is they kill every dream with their 257 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,840 smart mouth and they're cutting words. 258 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,800 Can I say that again? The destructive person is the 259 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:13,960 person who in your life is the person who is constantly cutting 260 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:20,000 you down with their smart mouth and they're cutting words. 261 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,600 This is the person that is uncontrolled in their anger. 262 00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:28,720 This is the person that is constantly frustrated no matter 263 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,960 where they're at. This is the person that you live 264 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,440 with that you have to walk around on egg shells in your own 265 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:39,960 house. This is the person that you 266 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:46,720 could never get it right. You can never get it right, so 267 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:50,120 you're always just tiptoeing through everything because 268 00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:53,520 you're afraid that if you do something, it's going to set 269 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,160 them off and they're going to blow up. 270 00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:00,600 Like Mount Saint Helen and lava is going to burn everything in 271 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:05,520 the house and I get an Amen. How about the discontented 272 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:08,480 people? These are the easily offended 273 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,440 people. They're very touchy and they 274 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,120 chronically complain all the time about everything. 275 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,640 How about this person? How about the demeaning people? 276 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:25,960 Demeaning people that they are, people that are very sarcastic 277 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:34,040 and they are the people that suck the life out of everything. 278 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:38,800 And they think it's their business to live in their own 279 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:42,320 bubble. But they love to burst everyone 280 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:46,200 else's bubble. They demean you. 281 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,600 They're constantly giving you backhand slaps of comments. 282 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,760 They'll never deal with the truth directly. 283 00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:00,920 And they use their own sarcasm in a way to defend and survive 284 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:06,040 their own hurt and pain. This is the demeaning people. 285 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,320 Now. Now I I know all of you are 286 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,760 dealing with different types of people, but remember. 287 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:16,120 Remember, it's going to be about people throughout Second Samuel. 288 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:19,120 We're going to deal with people and it's going to get very 289 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:22,360 bloody in Second Samuel. You thought First Samuel was 290 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:24,560 bloody. You thought cutting off 291 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:28,040 Goliath's head was bloody? How about cutting off family 292 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,040 members? How about dealing with people 293 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,240 that you say that you love, but you're talking behind their 294 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,960 back? How about stabbing people in the 295 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,360 front? How about this is what Second 296 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:42,760 Samuel has to deal with? And, and, and I used to think, 297 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,440 OK, God, I'm going to love you, but I don't know if I really 298 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:49,840 love people. You ever have that attitude that 299 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:51,920 that, that attitude that I've shared with you guys before? 300 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,200 The more people I meet, the more I love my dog. 301 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,080 You know, that attitude. Sometimes I wake up grumpy, 302 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,800 other times I let her sleep. You know that, that that that, 303 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:04,440 that that attitude of it's always their fault. 304 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,680 I'm always dealing with people. But listen, the greatest person 305 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:13,520 I've realized six years ago that I had to deal with was myself. 306 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:19,280 I didn't have to deal with the other person, but I became so 307 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:23,280 focused on the other person that I never dealt with my own self. 308 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:27,120 And because I wouldn't deal with my own self, I ran on this 309 00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:30,760 hamster wheel over and over again and I demeaned people and 310 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,960 I destroyed people and, and I found that in my life I was a 311 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:38,920 discontented person because I never became safe enough in 312 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:42,600 Jesus Christ. Can I just say this to you in 313 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,880 grace? The rudest people you meet are 314 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,960 the most insecure people you'll ever meet. 315 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,080 The most negative person you can meet in your life often times is 316 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,280 the most insecure about their own life. 317 00:22:56,000 --> 00:23:00,240 So so how does this story represent to us how we can be 318 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:04,360 people that would fight fairly? I want to just say this number 319 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,640 one and you just just just give me a good Amen to this. 320 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:11,160 Ready. Stop the drama. 321 00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:17,440 Stop the drama. Your life isn't a soap opera. 322 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,880 This is not daytime television. This is not going back to Maury 323 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:27,000 Povich. This stopped the drama. 324 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:30,720 Listen to what happens. Abner, the son of Nur, the 325 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:34,480 commander of Saul's army, in verse eight, took his Shibucha, 326 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:38,800 the son of Saul, and he brought him over to man named, and he 327 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:44,040 made him king over Galid, over the Asherites, over Jezreel, 328 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:48,720 over Ephraim, over the Benjamin, and over all of Israel. 329 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:53,400 Notice that if Shibushed, Saul's son was 40 years old when he 330 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,600 began to reign over Israel, and he reigned for two years. 331 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,720 And only the House of Judah followed David. 332 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:04,080 And the time that David was king and Hebron was over the House of 333 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:08,360 Judah was seven years and six months. 334 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:14,960 Look at the contrast of verse 8 to the contrast of verse 1. 335 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:19,760 I believe the writer's intention for us is to show how David 336 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:23,160 lived and how Saul's family lived. 337 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:28,160 The contrast in what David does is this verse one. 338 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:33,000 It happened after this, the death of Saul and Jonathan, that 339 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:38,600 David inquires of the Lord. Notice the contrast verse 8. 340 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:42,680 But Abner the son of Nur, commander of Saul's army, took a 341 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:47,600 Shiba chef, the son of Saul, and brought him over to Mehen name, 342 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:53,280 and he made him king. Notice what David does, he 343 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:59,120 inquires of the Lord. And notice what Abner does. 344 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:06,320 He immediately takes a Shiba chef and he puts him up as king. 345 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:11,240 Do you see the contrast? Even though Abner knew Samuel's 346 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,280 words, he knew David's anointing. 347 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:18,280 He knew the promise that was on David's life. 348 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:24,440 He, out of abrupt rashness, takes a shibashet and he puts 349 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:32,000 him, notice this, over all of Israel, over not just Judah, not 350 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:38,320 just one tribe, but he takes all the 11 tribes and he puts him in 351 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,720 this place. Why? 352 00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:47,600 Why would Abner do this? Is because Abner wanted a king 353 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:54,680 that he could control. That's why your control over 354 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:59,440 every single matter fuels the fire of your drama. 355 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:12,040 How did we survive as kids with parents who didn't know our 356 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:16,800 location? How did we ever survive? 357 00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:25,360 How did we make it to 2026 without parents knowing our 358 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:29,640 location? Oh, I see you right now at Pick 359 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,920 and Save. Y'all remember Pick and Save? 360 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,160 I see you at the mall. No, no, no. 361 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,360 I told my mom, hey, I'm going to go play at the park. 362 00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:39,080 I went to the park. That's where I played. 363 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,440 I was there until the streetlights came on and I came 364 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:45,920 home. But she had to learn how to 365 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:52,640 trust even her kids in the process. 366 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:57,240 Some of us are so controlling that we follow people around 367 00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:02,240 everywhere they go, and we don't even live our own life because 368 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:06,840 we're so consumed with where they're at and what they're 369 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:11,960 doing. I think our control fuels the 370 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:17,160 fire of our own drama in our lives. 371 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,240 Husbands, we have to control our wives. 372 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:26,960 We have to control our wives better, make sure everything 373 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:28,840 they do, they get permission from you. 374 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:32,960 Now, I understand you're the leader, spiritual leader of your 375 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:36,360 household. But I also understand that your 376 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:38,280 wife is not your child. She's your. 377 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,080 Help me. Oh. 378 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,160 All right, let me move on. I'm about to say some things I 379 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,680 shouldn't say and get myself in trouble. 380 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:54,640 Listen, listen. You try to control your husband. 381 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:08,360 You try to form and fashion your husband into a person that might 382 00:28:08,360 --> 00:28:15,480 take five years for him to get to, but you know what to do, 383 00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:19,160 right? As a wife, you know what knobs 384 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:22,200 you're going to turn. You know what buttons you're 385 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:26,120 going to push. You know how to tell him certain 386 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:30,200 things so you can manipulate his growth. 387 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:36,240 Let him grow organically. Let him grow spiritually. 388 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:38,960 Give yourself. Now, I'm not saying if your 389 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,160 husband's in sin, you don't address that sin. 390 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,680 If your husband's out getting drunk and you're like, OK, 391 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,720 Casey, I'll just be quiet. Now, I'm not saying that as a 392 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:49,720 wife, you have a voice. Use your voice. 393 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:56,040 But what I am saying this is loosen the grip, release some 394 00:28:56,040 --> 00:29:01,840 grace. And all the husband said wow. 395 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,440 That was weak. We're like, oh, Baron, don't say 396 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,400 Amen to that, because if I say Amen, it's going to be bad on 397 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,520 Sunday. Listen, listen. 398 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,200 We try to control the outcome of our kids. 399 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:19,080 This is my biggest downfall. This is my biggest downfall is I 400 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:25,840 try to control an outcome for my kids, not just because I'm 401 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,800 trying to be controlling, but I think I'm actually trying to be 402 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:33,560 safe and this is my excuse as a parent. 403 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:42,720 If I can save you from the pain that I went through, you'll be 404 00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:44,720 OK. But. 405 00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:50,720 Some of the. Things that our kids might do is 406 00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:56,320 consequences that they're going to have to face themselves. 407 00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:02,320 We try to control our Co workers, we try to control our 408 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:08,800 boss, we're trying to control our friends, we want to control 409 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:14,600 the church. In life there are always one 410 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:18,320 danger and that is the right person. 411 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:24,600 The Captain Jesus needs to be at the seat leading the charge of 412 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:28,760 the ship. Who knows how to handle every 413 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,720 situation that we go in? So trying to carry the weight of 414 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:37,120 holding everything and everyone together is a role that God has 415 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:41,560 never called you to play. It's taking right now a great 416 00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:48,000 toll on your peace. What is it in our lives that we 417 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:52,560 don't trust? Whatever that is, you'll find 418 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:57,640 out that you try to control. Whatever you don't trust, you 419 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:01,360 try to control. Let me say that again. 420 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:06,320 Whatever you don't trust, you try to control. 421 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:13,000 Abner's fight was unnecessary. It was unnecessary. 422 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:17,520 True strength is not going to be found in how well you fight, but 423 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:21,880 how well you'll surrender. And I believe conflict was 424 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:25,600 birthed in our story when control was not released in our 425 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,920 story. No, no, no. 426 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,320 Understand this if you would. And let's get this. 427 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:37,640 If there's any place of all of this conflict, listen, let that 428 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:42,880 be faced in here today. And So what we'll understand is 429 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:48,600 in every outcome, you will come out of it OK for the glory of 430 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:52,520 God. And you have to understand that 431 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:57,240 you can straw stop the drama by releasing control over the 432 00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:00,720 situation. Listen, if God was good enough 433 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:04,480 to have his Son die on the cross for me, if God was good enough 434 00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:07,720 to make the magnificent mountains behind me and cause 435 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:11,440 the sun to come up and cause July to happen in the month of 436 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:15,640 February in Southern California, If God was that good to provide 437 00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:19,360 and sustain, can God not control your life? 438 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:24,320 You can stop the drama by releasing control. 439 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,400 You can just look at the person and say I release you. 440 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:35,080 I release you and then 5 minutes from now you try to control them 441 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:39,120 and I release you again. Then on Monday they wake up late 442 00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:44,560 and you're like, I release you today and then throughout the 443 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,640 week you're like, oh, I'm trying to take control again. 444 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:51,400 I release you. I release you to the nail 445 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:58,760 pierced hands of Jesus. If he can die and rise again 446 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:04,000 from the dead, he is strong enough to control this. 447 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,600 Stop the drama. I'm going to give you the second 448 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,440 thing. If you want to fight fairly, 449 00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:13,120 pick your battles. Pick your battles. 450 00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:15,760 Check this story out. And now Abner the son of Nur and 451 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:19,600 the servants of Ishibosheth the son of Saul, went out from Maha 452 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,840 name to Gibeon. And Joab the son of Zariah, and 453 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,080 the servants of David went out and met them by the pool of 454 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,840 Gibeon. So they sat down one-on-one side 455 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,360 of the pool, and the other on the other side. 456 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,600 And notice this, they were on one side. 457 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:37,600 They sat down and the pool, and the other on the other side of 458 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,240 the pool. Then Abner said to Joab, Let the 459 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:43,720 young men now arise and compete before us. 460 00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,520 Just circle the word, compete there in your Bible and Joabs. 461 00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:53,640 Joabs said let them arise. This was the Mad Dog. 462 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,480 When you're at the store and someone's looking at you 463 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:06,280 harshly, this is the you got a problem with me and the other 464 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:07,600 person. Yeah, I got a problem with you. 465 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:10,600 And then you push it a little bit further. 466 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,400 This was that moment. Now, when you think of the pool 467 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:18,239 of of where they're at, this this pool of Gibeon, I don't 468 00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,880 want you to think of this like long American swimming pool. 469 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:26,199 This is not a pool party. They're not in their swim 470 00:34:26,199 --> 00:34:29,040 trunks. They're not holding umbrellas 471 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:31,880 and drinking their coconut drinks. 472 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:36,480 This is not happening. This is a huge well in Gibeon. 473 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:44,159 This is huge and on one side there is Abner and on the other 474 00:34:44,159 --> 00:34:53,320 side there's Joab and they say across the way, let's fight. 475 00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:57,000 You have a problem with me. I have a problem. 476 00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:01,280 With you let's arise together. And so they arose and went over 477 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:04,840 by the number verse 1512 from Benjamin, followers of 478 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:08,600 Shibosheth the son of Saul, and 12 from the servants of David, 479 00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,200 And each one grasped his opponent. 480 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:13,880 By the head check this out and thrust his sword in his 481 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:18,240 opponent's side each one. They fell down together and 482 00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:21,400 therefore that place was called the Field of Sharp Swords, which 483 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,600 is in Gibeon. So there was a very fierce 484 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:26,080 battle that day. And Abner and the men of Israel 485 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:32,960 were beaten before the servants of David Abner. 486 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:39,080 Joab, pick your battle. Hey, you got a problem with me? 487 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,840 Yeah, I got a problem with you. OK. 488 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:43,920 You want to fight? Let's not us fight. 489 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:48,600 Let let's let our men fight. 12 men on each side. 490 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,400 They grab each other's head and then they thrust their sword 491 00:35:53,400 --> 00:36:00,000 into their sight. The battle is so fierce that 492 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:04,040 they label the spot the field of sharp swords. 493 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:08,400 You ever you ever found that that place in your living room, 494 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:13,000 the field of sharp swords, You ever been in the kitchen with 495 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,800 your husband or your wife? And it's the field of sharp 496 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,120 swords. You ever been in the backyard? 497 00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:22,520 Or how about this on the freeway and you're driving husbands and 498 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:23,800 your wife's? Like. 499 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,000 She's like hitting the brake that's not on her side. 500 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,360 And he's how's this just frustrating me? 501 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,160 Stop. It's a field of sharp swords. 502 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,040 You've been in the mall and and you're you're you're you're 503 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:38,520 shopping and it's getting too long and you're hungry and 504 00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:40,920 you're frustrated. And then it turns into the mall, 505 00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:42,880 turns into the field of sharp Swords. 506 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:45,960 Do you guys know what I'm getting at? 507 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:53,840 This was so severe that they named it the Field of Sharp 508 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,080 Swords. It was so severe that in verse 509 00:36:56,080 --> 00:37:01,640 17, they call it the fierce battle that day, the fierce 510 00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:07,440 battle that day, Abner and Joab. And notice how this happens. 511 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:09,640 And I want you to write this down. 512 00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,920 This happens with hot heads who drew hard lines. 513 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:20,400 This happened with hot heads who drew hard lines. 514 00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:24,760 The line is drawn. And look at the word compete. 515 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:31,000 The word compete there is a Hebrew word called suck hawk. 516 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:36,640 Suck hawk. Let's say that together. 517 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,560 Suck, hawk. There you go. 518 00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:42,320 Just say it. There you go. 519 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,120 In Hebrew, notice this word means to laugh. 520 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,040 Notice the word there means to play. 521 00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:54,720 And that's sometimes what you think your sarcasm leads to, 522 00:37:56,760 --> 00:38:00,280 laughing and playing. But what you're really doing is 523 00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:04,160 cutting. And what we're really trying to 524 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:10,520 do in this moment is in our lives, cut the person down to 525 00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:13,880 the size that we want them to be in. 526 00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,880 Let's move forward because I'm feeling a little conviction. 527 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:23,960 This is a challenging time and they choose to challenge each 528 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,960 other at the destruction of others. 529 00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:34,040 Can I just say that because one will not yield, 12 on each side 530 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:39,520 die. And I think your kids face the 531 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:44,920 greatest price. I think your friends face the 532 00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:48,600 greatest price. When parents will not yield, 533 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:52,480 when friends will not yield, When we won't be humbled because 534 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,720 your ego mattered more than your likeness to Jesus. 535 00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:00,920 Can I just say this? God doesn't need your machismo. 536 00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:05,120 He just doesn't. I'm not saying that you don't be 537 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:13,040 a man, but what I am saying is this is you're machismo makes 538 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:19,400 the image of Jesus murky. My rising up of my own ego and 539 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:26,320 saying, well, I am the greatest leads to this place where you're 540 00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:30,920 not teaching your son how to become a man. 541 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:35,000 You're actually teaching him what God doesn't want in a man. 542 00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,840 You're actually not teaching your daughter what to look for 543 00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:44,960 or even moms, well, I'm not going to allow that man to show 544 00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:48,280 me chivalry. Don't open my door. 545 00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:53,160 I can open my own door. Where's that coming from? 546 00:39:55,600 --> 00:40:00,320 Many times it's coming because you were hurt by a man and you 547 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,520 had to stand on your two feet by yourself for a length of time. 548 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:11,000 But what if that is teaching what it means to be feminine and 549 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,320 what it means to be a woman and how a man should respect a 550 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:18,120 woman? How about us in our lives 551 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:24,960 finding out that because of this, now 12 people will die 552 00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:27,640 because of this? The number 12 is an interesting 553 00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:31,880 number in your Bible. The number 12 means for us that 554 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:35,440 this is divine authority. This is governmental perfection. 555 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:38,160 And the number 12 in the Bible represents complete 556 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:42,240 organization. Notice what the altercation led 557 00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:45,040 to. The altercation led to division 558 00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:49,440 of that and you will always break up what God designs 559 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,160 because you're not willing to yield. 560 00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:55,840 Pick your battles. Can I just say this to you and 561 00:40:55,840 --> 00:41:01,560 you would write this down? Not every provocation deserves a 562 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:05,960 reaction. Not every provocation that you 563 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:08,200 have from somebody else deserves your reaction. 564 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:10,800 I just experienced this in Arcadia. 565 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:15,240 If you ever want to grow spiritually, drive in Arcadia. 566 00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,760 If you ever want to be more mature in your Christianity, 567 00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:22,000 drive in Arcadia. It's just somewhere where God's 568 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,960 constantly seems to be testing me. 569 00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:28,520 I don't know why, but He keeps bringing me back to the spot. 570 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:33,680 And so I'm driving down the road and and I have a green light and 571 00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:36,720 all of a sudden this guy just turns, makes a right and cuts me 572 00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:38,960 off. And so I didn't want to lay on 573 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:40,680 my horn. So I just flicked my lights and 574 00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:44,440 I moved over and as I'm driving by and I just kind of smiled at 575 00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:48,560 him. He's I shouldn't do that. 576 00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:54,760 I was about to do that. He he flipped me off and I just 577 00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:58,840 looking at him like I didn't raise my hands like that. 578 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:02,840 I kept my hands on the wheel, but like, why did you have to do 579 00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:06,240 that? And then I thought to myself, 580 00:42:06,240 --> 00:42:07,720 why'd you have to flick your lights at them? 581 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:16,800 And the crowd went quiet. And I realized, I realized what 582 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:21,200 my counselor told me, my therapist, he told me these 583 00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:22,680 words. He's all Casey. 584 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:26,400 You don't have to run into every fight. 585 00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:31,400 Then he gave me these words. He said what I need from you is 586 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:35,960 this more vibrancy, less vigilance. 587 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,560 So how do I do that when I'm with people who are trying to 588 00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:47,000 pick a fight? Listen, remain calm and 589 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,720 disengaged. They're rage baiting you. 590 00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:58,280 They're rage baiting you. It's a new term I learned from 591 00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:00,440 my kids. They're they're, they're rage 592 00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:01,760 baiting. I'm like, you guys are rage 593 00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,840 baiting me right now. It's like 6-7, you know, all 594 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:08,920 this stuff like rage bait 6-7 like what, what in the world? 595 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:13,840 But remain calm and disengaged. Remaining calm and disengaged 596 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,080 will even make them more upset probably. 597 00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:22,280 But you're not going to be moved by them because you own your own 598 00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:26,520 responsibility with the Lord. Listen, write this down if you 599 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,200 would, and you're taking note. Realize this. 600 00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,320 I want you to return kindness for hate. 601 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:34,600 Oh, that. This one's hard. 602 00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:38,920 This one's hard. Proverbs 25, verse 22. 603 00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:41,160 I want you to write that down. I want you to do this. 604 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,800 This one's going to be hard to pray for your aggressor. 605 00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:47,000 Pray for them. Yeah, like I have been for 606 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:48,320 years. The day we got married. 607 00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:54,240 Listen, the last thing I want you to do are a few few more 608 00:43:54,240 --> 00:43:57,880 things, sorry, is I want you to look through the situation, not 609 00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:01,120 just at them. We need to look through the 610 00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:03,320 situation, not just at them. And here's what I want you to 611 00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:06,280 do. I want you to set wise 612 00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:11,720 boundaries. Conduct comes with consequences. 613 00:44:11,720 --> 00:44:15,960 And the reason why many times we let people continue to do the 614 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:20,520 same thing is because we're afraid to give them the 615 00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:26,720 consequence to their action. Wise boundaries is not. 616 00:44:26,720 --> 00:44:28,840 So you build a wall to keep people out. 617 00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:30,920 It's actually to bring safe people in. 618 00:44:32,720 --> 00:44:35,000 Let's move on because I'm running late. 619 00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,160 Here we go. And that is this. 620 00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:40,480 If you're taking note, I want you to remember this. 621 00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:42,480 In conflict, speed is not always wisdom. 622 00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:48,960 Speed is not always wisdom. The Bible says Joab Zaraya, who 623 00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:52,680 is David's sister. Joab and Abishai and Assayel 624 00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:56,280 were her sons and Assayel was fleet of foot as a wild gazelle. 625 00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:58,320 We don't use that a lot in Glendora. 626 00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:02,040 We don't say about people like walking down Glendora Ave. like 627 00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,440 you were fleet of foot and as wild as a gazelle. 628 00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:06,920 We, we don't, we don't use that right. 629 00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:10,600 We don't look at someone at the gym and go, oh, you're fleet of 630 00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:13,400 foot and wild as a gazelle. We, we just don't use that 631 00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:15,240 language anymore. What does it mean? 632 00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:19,280 This is really deep. He's fast. 633 00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,520 That was a good word. You guys should have like a bro, 634 00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,040 like all this applause should have happened at that moment. 635 00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:30,400 So Assael pursued Abner and in going, he did not turn to the 636 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:32,080 right hand or to the left from Abner. 637 00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:35,200 And then Abner looked behind him and said, are you Assael? 638 00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,960 And he said, yes, I am. And Abner said to him, turn 639 00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:40,800 aside to your right hand or turn to your left and lay hold on one 640 00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:43,280 of the young men and take his armor for yourself. 641 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,680 But Assael would not turn aside from following him. 642 00:45:47,240 --> 00:45:49,480 Notice this. So Abner said again to Isaiah, 643 00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:53,240 Turn aside from following me. Why should I strike you to the 644 00:45:53,240 --> 00:45:55,160 ground? How then could I face your 645 00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,120 brother Joab? However, he refused to turn 646 00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:00,560 aside. Therefore, Abner struck him in 647 00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:05,200 the stomach with the blunt end of his spear, so that the spear 648 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:09,480 came out of his back. How's that for PG13? 649 00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:14,600 And he fell down there and he died and the on the spot. 650 00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:18,240 So it was that as many came to the place where Asiel fell down 651 00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:22,000 and died, they all stood still at that spot. 652 00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:27,680 Asiel is fast. He's so fast that he's running 653 00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:31,640 after Abner. But speed is not always wisdom. 654 00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:42,160 He is so consumed to pursue. Abner is the word, the word 655 00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:45,760 pursue means this. It means to run after with 656 00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:49,880 hostile intent. He was so fast that as he's 657 00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:54,440 running after Abner that this is, I would say scripturally 658 00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,760 this is the first reference to road rage. 659 00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,480 This is the first reference to road rage. 660 00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:07,480 He's so consumed with with Abner and what Abner did that he just 661 00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:09,480 follows after him. Can you imagine? 662 00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:14,280 In Arcadia, the headline news pastor fights Arcadian resident. 663 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:18,800 I, I wanted to get so close to this guy. 664 00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:21,160 Like I got close, like I'm close to Jesus. 665 00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:25,360 And and that's what happens. Abner is being chased. 666 00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:31,880 Asail has a choice to make and the choice is this. 667 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:38,080 I get so consumed with Abner that I am consumed myself. 668 00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:43,440 And notice the Bible says that Abner took the blunt end of his 669 00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:49,200 spear, not the sharp, and it came out of his back and Asael 670 00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:51,560 died. Why? 671 00:47:51,720 --> 00:47:56,920 Because many times in our lives we're consumed in the process 672 00:47:57,200 --> 00:48:00,000 and we forget the mission of God. 673 00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:05,480 And because Isaiah would forget the mission of God, notice this. 674 00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:10,760 He lost his own life. And maybe you should respond 675 00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:15,440 slower. Maybe we should think about what 676 00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,360 we're going to say before we actually say it. 677 00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:21,160 Maybe we should be quick to hear and slow to speak. 678 00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:25,640 The Bible says because speed is not always wisdom. 679 00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:30,960 How can you really slow down? We'll write this down, give some 680 00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:33,280 empathy and perspective to the situation. 681 00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:35,680 Have some empathy and perspective. 682 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:40,800 Maybe they had a bad day. Maybe they faced a difficult 683 00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:42,920 time. Maybe in that moment, I could 684 00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:46,680 give a soft answer. In the moment of frustration. 685 00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:49,480 I just want you to know that I love you and I know you're 686 00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:51,200 struggling. If you need anything from me, 687 00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:54,400 I'm here for you. How about we bring in some 688 00:48:54,400 --> 00:49:00,480 forgiveness and some focus to the situation and slow it down a 689 00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:02,000 lot. And this last thing I want to 690 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,520 give you is to me the most important. 691 00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:06,160 Let's just wrap this up. You ready? 692 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:11,960 Here we go. The last thing. 693 00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:16,760 Are you fighting because it is right or because your pride is 694 00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:21,120 hurt? Are you fighting because it is 695 00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:24,920 right, or because your pride is hurt? 696 00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:29,680 The Bible says that Joab seeks after Abner, and the sun was 697 00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:33,280 going down when they came to the hill of Amah, which is before 698 00:49:33,520 --> 00:49:35,920 Gia by the road in the wilderness of Gibeon. 699 00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:39,360 Now the children of Benjamin gathered together behind Abner 700 00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:43,080 and became a unit, and took their stand on top of the hill. 701 00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:46,680 And then Abner called out to Joab, and said, Shall the sword 702 00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,640 devour forever? Notice that. 703 00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:52,320 Do you not know that it will be bitter in the latter end? 704 00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:56,320 For you Notice this question. How long will it be then until 705 00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:59,240 you tell the people to return from pursuing their brethren, 706 00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:04,040 their family and joy, upset as God lives? 707 00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:07,960 Unless you had spoken, surely then by morning all the people 708 00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:09,640 would have given up pursuing their brethren. 709 00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:13,480 And so Joab blew a trumpet, and all the people stood still and 710 00:50:13,480 --> 00:50:17,280 did not pursue Israel anymore, nor did they fight anymore. 711 00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:20,920 And then Abner said, and his men went all night through the 712 00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:25,120 plane, crossed over the Jordan, went through all of Bithran, and 713 00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:28,880 they came to Mahaneme. And so Joab returned from 714 00:50:28,880 --> 00:50:32,080 pursuing Abner, and when he had gathered all the people 715 00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:35,720 together, there was missing of David's servants, 19 men, and 716 00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,400 Aisel 20. I noticed this, but the servants 717 00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:43,200 of David had struck down a Benjamin and Abner's men, 360 718 00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:49,040 men died. 380 men died that day because they wouldn't stop 719 00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:51,120 fighting. I wonder who's going to die in 720 00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:55,000 your family because you won't stop fighting. 721 00:50:57,160 --> 00:51:00,200 Then they took up Acai and buried him in this father's tomb 722 00:51:00,720 --> 00:51:04,560 watch, which was in Bethlehem. And Joab and his men went all 723 00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:09,800 night, and they came to Hebron at notice this Daybreak. 724 00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:16,040 For almost 400 people died. Almost 400 people died. 725 00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:20,520 Are you still fighting because you're right or because your 726 00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:25,240 pride's hurt? And could it be that it might be 727 00:51:25,240 --> 00:51:27,400 right for you to fight, but how you're fighting is wrong? 728 00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:32,680 Can I just remind you of some things about our story this 729 00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:34,760 morning? And that's this. 730 00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:38,520 Never judge a king by the worst of his people. 731 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:45,280 They were loyal to David's cause, but they were strangers 732 00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:49,760 to David's grace. Can I encourage you with this 733 00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:51,720 today? Never forget that the mission of 734 00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:56,280 the king is grace. History is littered by people 735 00:51:56,280 --> 00:52:00,760 who left a mass of devastation by hot heads and hardliners. 736 00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:05,960 Can I remind you of this? Always use your greatest gift, 737 00:52:06,120 --> 00:52:10,080 Asyle, you're fast, but use your greatest gift for the best 738 00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:14,120 purpose. Can I remind you of this? 739 00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:18,760 Always live and respond in a conflict. 740 00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:26,840 In light of the coming of our King Jesus, David points us to 741 00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:30,760 Jesus. Are you fighting fairly? 742 00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:43,240 This boxer, Louis Resto punched Billy Collins Junior so severely 743 00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:52,560 tore his iris from his eye he was no longer able to box again. 744 00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:59,240 And I wonder, because of your fight, how many people will be 745 00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:05,080 blurred in their purpose? Do you know Billy Collins Junior 746 00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:12,480 died nine months later? Do you know how he died driving 747 00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:14,720 his automobile in a car accident? 748 00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:24,120 Could it be that blurry vision brought on mass destruction 749 00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:31,680 because someone choose to act not not be fair? 750 00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:39,080 And I wonder in our lives, in how we respond to everyone 751 00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:46,040 around us, if it would be said of us that we're actually 752 00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:54,440 blurring the vision because we won't stop in our own pursuit, 753 00:53:55,120 --> 00:54:00,680 our own way, in our own time without yielding the control 754 00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:03,680 back to God. I just want to close out with 755 00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:05,880 this one song together as we end. 756 00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:09,920 And that is for us just to come together in this place. 757 00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:13,560 And maybe some of you just need to let the steam out today. 758 00:54:14,720 --> 00:54:16,840 Maybe you just need to let this let let this out. 759 00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:20,800 Maybe you need to cry. Maybe maybe you just need to to 760 00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:22,720 kneel. Maybe you just need to lift your 761 00:54:22,720 --> 00:54:36,360 hands. Abner and Joab fought, but it 762 00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:42,960 says that Joab went all the way to Hebron at Daybreak and the 763 00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:48,680 only way while Joab made it to Hebron at Daybreak was because 764 00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:52,040 he stopped fighting. And I believe that your 765 00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:53,920 breakthrough will happen when you stop fighting. 766 00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:58,360 We hope you enjoyed this message and we'd love for you to join us 767 00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:00,520 in person every Sunday at 10:30 AM. 768 00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:02,920 For more information and updates, visit 769 00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:05,560 wearebridgetown.com. Thanks for tuning in and we'll 770 00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:06,400 see you next week.