1 00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:03,920 You know, and if you look at those who are attracted to 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:08,000 Jesus, it was kind of like it was the sinners, it was those on 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,440 the outside, the people that hated Jesus the most were the 4 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,880 religious leaders. If you look at scripture. 5 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:17,560 So when it comes to ministry leaders, which all of you guys 6 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:20,760 are like, you guys are either leading ministry, you're 7 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:24,280 teaching or you are helping direct people. 8 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:27,120 You cannot avoid people, right? Like, so we're going to come in 9 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,960 contact with folks. I love that somebody said 10 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,400 there's nothing in common, like there would be nothing in common 11 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,760 with us. And so let's go to Acts chapter 12 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:39,600 2 and look at the early church. So where we're going today, just 13 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:44,280 to kind of give you guys a road map is when we look at how to 14 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:47,640 minister to people. What I want to talk about today 15 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:51,240 are like how do we counsel people that come to us? 16 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,600 How do we counsel difficult people that come to us? 17 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:59,400 And, and, and counseling, there is a big chunk of discipleship 18 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,880 says Jesus tells us that we have to make disciples. 19 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,239 And if you look at the early church, kind of what they were 20 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:07,920 doing, they're making disciples. The Bible doesn't say to 21 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,960 counsel, it says to make disciples, right? 22 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:13,400 So there's, there's, they're very intertwined in each other, 23 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:17,520 even like when we do, when we do like suggest counseling, we look 24 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:20,120 at Christian counseling. So that way it's tied with the 25 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,080 scriptures. So counseling, therapy, all that 26 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:25,520 stuff is great, you know, but, but we got to have God's word as 27 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:30,400 well, right? So Acts 242 through 46, can 28 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:31,960 somebody read that out loud for us? 29 00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,720 Because my voice is terrible today. 30 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,680 Anybody All right, go for it. Yeah, go to 47. 31 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,680 Sorry. All right, So this is the early 32 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,440 church and and God is growing this church. 33 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,760 And what I want to, there's two things I want to point out in 34 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:49,000 verse 43. It talks about everyone was 35 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:52,960 filled with awe and many wonders and signs performed by the 36 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,320 apostles. When we read that scripture, 37 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:59,200 when we read that text, immediately we think of healing 38 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:03,480 the sick, making the the blind see, you know, the lame walk, 39 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,680 all that stuff. But I think in the text we see 40 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:09,919 the greatest miracle, which is in the next verse. 41 00:02:10,039 --> 00:02:13,120 The next verse is in 44. What's the greatest miracle? 42 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,440 All believers were together and had everything. 43 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,200 And what in common? How crazy is that? 44 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:22,040 When we read yet to remember all the sects of the Jewish people, 45 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:26,000 you had churches that had Jews, gentiles, different languages, 46 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:29,000 different traditions. How in the world can you come 47 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:33,120 together and worship one God and be and have everything in 48 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,920 common? So if you think about it, these 49 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:37,840 are like drug dealers, gang members, bodybuilders, everybody 50 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:40,080 came together and they all had something in common, you know, 51 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,560 and that's a great miracle and that's how God does ministry. 52 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:47,680 The greatest miracle is with Christ that he unites all of us 53 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:51,080 under himself. And then also when we talk about 54 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,800 disciple, sorry, I think, I think about here we talk about 55 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,560 when we talk about discipleship, there's 3C's to discipleship and 56 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:01,160 it's found in verse 42. It and all of this is tying 57 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:02,840 together. So just just run with me here. 58 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,680 A second in verse 42 says they devote themselves to the 59 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,440 apostles teachings, to the fellowship, to the breaking of 60 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,640 the bread and prayer. SO3C's when we talk about 61 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:15,320 discipleship and disciple making one is the content, right? 62 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:19,400 Like so the content here is what the apostles were teaching. 63 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,200 The apostles were teaching everything that they learned 64 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,640 from Jesus, from the word of God, from the older texts, 65 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,520 everything that they've seen from the disciples. 66 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,880 So the apostles, we're giving the gospel message. 67 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:36,160 So the content is very important when you're making disciples. 68 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,800 Advice is great. You know, like you could talk 69 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,440 about your, you know, the stuff that you experience to somebody, 70 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,920 but if you don't have the right content, you're going to lead 71 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,280 people the wrong way #2 is community. 72 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,880 It says that they fellowship, right? 73 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,120 And they fellowship together. So the content is important in 74 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:57,120 making disciples, but also fellowshipping together, hanging 75 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,960 out together, human interactions. 76 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:04,480 So there's a component of making disciples that you've got to be 77 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:09,040 able to care and to love people. And I know like we're a little 78 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,680 bit in a culture where it's, it's kind of the separated, but 79 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:15,720 what we see in Scripture is that fellowship is important. 80 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,399 And then the last thing is consecration. 81 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,200 You know, they, they set themselves apart, they prayed, 82 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,920 they broke bread together. If you look in the culture, 83 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,480 breaking bread is not just eating together, it's sharing a 84 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,440 table with somebody. So their meals would last a long 85 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,760 time and they which are very, very personal, intimate things. 86 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,040 So and then they would pray together. 87 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:39,280 So when you pray with someone, you share kind of not just your 88 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,200 prayer petitions, but you share and you talk about what is it 89 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,960 that that we're praying for? And you do that together. 90 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,360 All right. So we know that under Jesus, he 91 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:51,640 unifies all of us. We know that we find things in 92 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:55,280 common through Christ. We know, like when we talk about 93 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:58,520 disciple making the content's important, the community's 94 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,480 important. The consecration piece is very 95 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,400 important, right? All of this has to do with 96 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,760 people. So as we lead people, you can't 97 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,680 do ministry and avoid people. You can't be like, Oh my God, 98 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:11,920 he's coming, right? I mean, like we've all been 99 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,800 there, you know, like, if we're honest with ourselves, we, we 100 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,440 can't avoid people and serve the Lord. 101 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:22,840 And what I want to talk look at is I want to look at three types 102 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,240 of persons, three types of people that can be difficult. 103 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,280 And then we're going to talk about, we're going to, we're 104 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:32,400 going to talk about some tools on what to do on how to guide 105 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,760 them and lead them. All right, so disclaimer, I'm 106 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,400 not talking about nobody. OK? 107 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,840 Really, Ricky? No, no, right. 108 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:44,560 This is from my years of experience, but also on what 109 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:48,360 I've seen, because I've seen two things why people run from 110 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:52,520 ministry and one is capacity, but the other is people. 111 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,680 We're like, I ain't dealing with this and that's not what God's 112 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,520 called us to. God's called us to minister to 113 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,800 people, right? So I just want to highlight 114 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,120 three types that I believe can be difficult for folks, 115 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:07,240 especially in the church when it comes to counseling, when it 116 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,320 comes to discipling. And then we're going to talk 117 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:13,800 about like a tool to use that we could help disciple. 118 00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,240 All right, see, I'll stick with me here. 119 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,880 All right, So three types of people that are pretty hard to 120 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,600 encounter. And I've just kind of did some 121 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,240 research and look like there's got to be like a title to this 122 00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,360 stuff when it comes to like the psychology, anthropology of it 123 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,120 all. So the first one is the 124 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:31,720 conversational narcissist. All right, So the conversational 125 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,560 narcissist, this is the person that all they do is talk about 126 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,160 themselves. And whenever you approach 127 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,320 someone, when all they do is talk about themselves, it's 128 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,040 exhausting. And it and it and it really kind 129 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:46,320 of drives you in a different direction where you're at the 130 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,920 point where like, man, I don't know, I can cycle this guy or 131 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,880 girl, right? The second one is the over 132 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:53,600 emote, right? We're going to talk about what 133 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,440 that means here. We're going to get some 134 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:56,720 profiles. All right. 135 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,440 And then the third one is the high anxiety, high alert person 136 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,760 where everything is like it's an emergency. 137 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:06,320 And, and that could be difficult because we don't know as, as 138 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,320 ministry leads, as church leader, we, we don't know how to 139 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,680 manage that. So what we end up doing is we 140 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:16,120 try to pull that burden on top of ourselves and it makes it 141 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,560 worse. So let's look at some profiles 142 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,120 and then we're going to look at how just some tools that that we 143 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,280 could do it to counsel and disciple people. 144 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,520 So first of all, the conversational narcissist. 145 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,240 All right, this is the person that says I love to talk about 146 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,880 myself. All right, So the conversational 147 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:36,160 narcissist, they're always seeking validation, attention, 148 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:39,040 and the reason why they talk about themselves so much is 149 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,600 because they're managing deep seated insecurities. 150 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:45,640 So if you have a person where everything is about them, 151 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,400 everything is like what they've done and you know, a big sign of 152 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,840 a conversational narcissist, they don't ask questions back a 153 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:56,200 few weeks ago, I actually had dinner with somebody that was 154 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,000 like this. And, and I remember getting home 155 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,800 and I told Rach I was like, I don't think they asked me one 156 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:06,160 question the whole entire hour and a half, like we're eating. 157 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:10,120 And I don't recall the person asking me one question back of 158 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,880 like, Hey, so how, what do you do for a living or how are your 159 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,960 kids? Like, it was like I felt like I 160 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,400 was interviewing them and everything was about them. 161 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:21,600 So, so there's, there's reasons for it, folks that that do this. 162 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,280 They have poor social awareness and empathy. 163 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,920 They turn topics back to themselves. 164 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,080 They interrupt, they rarely ask questions. 165 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:32,840 Conversation is self focused, thus leads to rejection. 166 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,679 This becomes a vicious cycle. So the the conversational 167 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:41,400 narcissist because they're trying to get attention and 168 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,760 because they're trying to get validation, they need people. 169 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:48,680 But the problem is is because they focus solely on themselves, 170 00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:52,520 people reject them. So it creates A vicious cycle of 171 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,240 I need people. But then, and I need people, 172 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:57,880 people push back because it's so exhausting. 173 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,680 So that means that relationships are not deep and meaningful and 174 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,800 intimacy is very, very difficult, which leads to the 175 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,160 next one. Others seek them out only if 176 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,880 they need something from that person. 177 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,120 So they never seek out the person because they want to hang 178 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,000 out, because they like being in their company. 179 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,520 They only seek that person out only because they need or want 180 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,680 something from them. And, and I'm saying this because 181 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:25,040 it's, it's I want you to put yourself in the person's, you 182 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,440 know, like how, how lonely can that feel? 183 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,520 And then they're great talkers, but they're terrible 184 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,040 conversationalists. Like they could talk all day 185 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,680 long and say nothing. They could chat, but yet nobody 186 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:40,400 wants to be around them. So it becomes like a really like 187 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,040 lonely place. And then with them, they leave 188 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,440 you feeling drained, unheard and unimportant. 189 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:50,080 And This is why whenever we approach folks like this and and 190 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:53,720 you want to disciple them, you want to help them because of the 191 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:57,800 way that you feel afterward, you tend to kind of say, no, I see 192 00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,600 from me. I don't have this kind of 193 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,760 spiritual gift, you know, I don't have the gift of 194 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,120 listening. Where's Ray? 195 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:08,640 Chat Like, that's Rachel. Rachel's like, I forgot Rachel. 196 00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,440 Rachel. Spiritual gift is her. 197 00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,040 She loves. She's a great listener. 198 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,200 And so the conversational narcissist. 199 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,800 Wait, when you have that and we're talking about like how we 200 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,240 could bring folks in and disciple them better. 201 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,400 The second one is the Omar. All right, this is, I'm gonna 202 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,320 dump everything on you all at one time. 203 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,760 So when folks come to you, it's almost, I don't even want to say 204 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,760 a trauma dump, but it could be a drama dump. 205 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,520 It could be a success dump. It could be a family dump, it 206 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,200 could be everything dump. So when you talk to them, they 207 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,680 dump everything at you all at once. 208 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,800 And, and we don't know how to handle it. 209 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,240 Like it could be so overwhelming, right? 210 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,320 So the it's an intense oversharing. 211 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,120 And the reason why there's an intense or oversharing is 212 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,000 because they have a hard time processing or they have a hard 213 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,920 time to process, filter and regulate emotions. 214 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,640 So they're trying to reach out, they're trying to talk to you, 215 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,840 but because they have a hard time regulating it all just kind 216 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,600 of just flows out all at one time. 217 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,800 And it could be hard of most people that overeemo they they 218 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,800 don't take pauses like it's just a constant stream of like an 219 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,960 hour or two. They embellish and they 220 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,680 exaggerate details of their problem because they have 221 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:18,080 feelings of guilt is shame. So they're not liars is they're 222 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:21,240 they're they're regulating these emotions inside and they feel 223 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:24,680 guilty and they feel shameful. So they're going to exaggerate 224 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,480 details because of how they feel. 225 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:30,040 And then it's almost like binge drinking. 226 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,960 It feels great at the moment. The effects are lasting and 227 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,720 painful. So whenever you do over e-mail, 228 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,680 whenever you do blast everything out at one time, it doesn't 229 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:42,000 solve the problem. It actually creates a whole 230 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,440 nother problem because of the lasting memories. 231 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,160 Now that it's concerning. So it's a it becomes a vicious 232 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:50,400 cycle, right? So people that over e-mail, they 233 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,720 leave you feeling distressed and helpless. 234 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,200 So when, when you have folks that come at you or in your 235 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,320 ministry or you're trying to talk with them and it all comes 236 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:03,520 at once, we tend to sometimes feel so helpless, like, what am 237 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:04,840 I going to help them? How am I going? 238 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,680 What am I going to do? That it, it kind of chases you 239 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:12,280 away and we end up pushing back. Then the last one, high anxiety, 240 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,000 high alert. It's always an emergency and 241 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,480 needs to be fixed right now. And folks that deal with high 242 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,840 anxiety, a lot of this comes from trauma. 243 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,520 I would say a high percentage is childhood trauma. 244 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:28,080 So whether it's abuse, neglect, emotional, mentally, physically 245 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,480 abuse, it could take a toll on a person's mental health. 246 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:36,920 Childhood trauma can predispose people to developing anxiety 247 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,400 impacting fighter. So it impacts their fight or 248 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,120 flight response, memory and emotional regulation. 249 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,160 And then they're unable to walk through negative life events. 250 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:48,760 So when something difficult in life happens because of the high 251 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,120 anxiety or because of the past trauma, they're unable to 252 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,400 regulate it. So what ends up happening is 253 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:58,560 that negative life events turn into negative coping mechanisms 254 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,640 and negative coping mechanisms or something like, it's cool, 255 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:04,480 man, just go get a drink that's going to send you down a deeper 256 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,360 path. And people use coping mechanisms 257 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,760 to try to like help themselves in that. 258 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:13,440 So whether it's food shopping, I would even say like promiscuity, 259 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,080 whatever that looks like, those are not good. 260 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,760 So they instead of turning to positive, they go to negative. 261 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:22,360 And folks like that leave you feeling exhausted, worried and 262 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,720 unhealthy, like, like you can't help them, right. 263 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,040 So I went through just three, three like little 264 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:32,680 characteristics of, of folks that are difficult, not because 265 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:35,200 of who they are, but it's because we're called to make 266 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:39,200 disciples and we're called to, to serve people and love people. 267 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:43,320 And but if we, we don't understand how to manage folks, 268 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,280 we end up going away. We end up avoiding with Ron. 269 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,760 And that's not what God's called us to. 270 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,400 All right. So how do we, what do we do 271 00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,840 right? So there is, there's a tool and 272 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,040 I didn't make this up. This is a Paul David trip. 273 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,840 It's, it's a great tool. It's called love. 274 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:03,160 No speak, do 4 simple words that you can use to help minister to 275 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:07,680 people, help counsel people and, and help whenever they can't 276 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,760 regulate emotion or help whenever like they're for that 277 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,720 attention or, or helping like nobody else wants to help them, 278 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,440 right? So it's four quick words, love, 279 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,840 no speak do. And all of this is found inside 280 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,720 of discipleship, right? So like this is actually 281 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,840 something that everybody here can do. 282 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,320 So we'll walk through these and then we're going to practice, 283 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,080 all right, with each other, right? 284 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:34,320 So first one is love. So everything starts with love 285 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:39,840 as as ministry leads, we, we encounter people, but we also 286 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,080 love. So it starts with love because 287 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:45,520 empathy has to be present and you can't be empathetic if you 288 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,000 don't have love. Now someone was like Mary, it's 289 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,680 hard for me to love, yes, but if you have Christ and you have the 290 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,560 Holy Spirit, you have love in you, right? 291 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,480 So somebody, if somebody could look up Matthew 936, we're just 292 00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,840 going to look at a few of these verses. 293 00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,800 I think they're going to, it's going to be helpful. 294 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:05,880 Matthew 936. Whoever gets it, just just spit 295 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,560 it out. So when Jesus saw the crowd, 296 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,240 what do you have? Compassion. 297 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,720 Yeah. So when Jesus sees people that 298 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,400 are following and the disciples, like man, tell me to go away. 299 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,440 Like, man, we're hungry. What does Jesus say? 300 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,880 Yeah, it says that he had compassion on them. 301 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,040 He looked at them like sheep without a shepherd. 302 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:25,880 Whenever we have difficult people in our midst, we have to 303 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,720 look at them through the lens of compassion, through the lens of 304 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:29,800 Christ. Right. 305 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:33,200 So empathy, being empathetic, that's where it all begins. 306 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:37,120 So you have to look at people with the lens of Jesus, 307 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,800 compassion, empathy, then rely on the fruits of the spirit. 308 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,640 We have the fruits of the Holy Spirit, Lovejoy, peace, 309 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,160 patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, 310 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,920 self-control. The first one is love. 311 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,960 So we we have to rely on the spirits. 312 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,320 We have to love people. Well, that's what Jesus calls us 313 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,760 to and it's a covenant model of change. 314 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,640 That means that what Christ tells us and what he shows on 315 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,520 the cross is regardless, I'm going to love you. 316 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,680 So even for ourselves, yes, people may have hurt us, may her 317 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,160 hurt them. You can still love them. 318 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,640 You can forgive, but you don't have to forget. 319 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,280 You don't have to keep falling into that, but you can love. 320 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,520 Just a few verses. First, Peter for a above all, 321 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,680 keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a 322 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:23,320 multitude of sins. Colossians 4/3/14 And over all 323 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,600 these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in 324 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,400 perfect unity, right? So the first thing is love. 325 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,280 We have to be able to love you. So whoever steps through that 326 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:36,000 door of City Post Church, don't matter what they look like, gang 327 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:40,600 member, tatted, gay, straight, whatever it is, they're welcomed 328 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,040 here. The message is not going to 329 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,280 change though, right? So we're going to, we're going 330 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,760 to love them, but we're going to proclaim the gospel and we're 331 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:50,480 going to stick to God's word. So love has to be first and 332 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:54,240 foremost after you love somebody and once you're like, OK, I see 333 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,640 this person, I'm empathetic, then you have to get to know 334 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:58,560 them. All right? 335 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:02,040 How do we know somebody? You have to learn how to ask 336 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,079 questions. Listen, if you have a 337 00:17:04,079 --> 00:17:08,119 conversation with somebody, you should be asking more questions 338 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,200 than them. Especially as ministry leaders, 339 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:14,800 this is kind of a new thing for some of this culture because 340 00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:18,839 we're so used to a one way direct, one way communication. 341 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:23,440 So e-mail, text messaging, it is, it's not transactional. 342 00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:26,400 If I e-mail or text somebody, I'm trying to tell you 343 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,880 something, but if I want to get to know you, I have to be able 344 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,920 to communicate with you and ask questions. 345 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,960 So how do we get to know people? The best way we get to know 346 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,800 people is by asking open-ended questions. 347 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:40,880 Not close ended questions, open-ended questions. 348 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:44,080 They have to give a response. close ended is a yes or a no. 349 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,040 You know, are you sleepy? Yes. 350 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,400 It's like, man, you look tired today. 351 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,760 What you do last night. That's that's a different, 352 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:50,920 that's a whole different way of doing. 353 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,120 I know some of us are hearing this, like, man, Rick, I learned 354 00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:54,320 this in school. Listen, Yeah. 355 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,560 But it's different in ministry because in ministry you want to 356 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,160 get to know people and you want to get to know them at a heart 357 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,240 level. So whenever you get to ask 358 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:05,160 questions and whenever you start digging, you get to see their 359 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,560 heart, their, their motives, what they're about. 360 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:11,160 And, and I know a lot of times we, we tend to judge the book by 361 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,120 its cover. We see somebody come in and 362 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,480 you're like, oh man, it's in trouble. 363 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,600 You don't know that you don't know, like if that was something 364 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:21,160 in his past, you don't know like what he went through until you 365 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,080 get to know them. And you can't ask questions. 366 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,920 You get to know them until you see, until you have empathy and 367 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,400 love and say, man, I really want to get to know this individual 368 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:30,920 right now. If you try to know someone, you 369 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,920 can help them know themselves. So the better that you ask 370 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:36,280 questions, the better you get to know somebody. 371 00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:39,600 It actually helps them out more. So you're not just doing this 372 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,440 for you to gather information, but you're doing this as a 373 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,680 mirror to show them maybe something that they're missing, 374 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,720 you know? So asking good questions is very 375 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,160 important. Love this quote that I, I read. 376 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:53,040 It says the goal in ministry, relationships, and biblical 377 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:57,000 discipleship is to know other believers so that they in turn 378 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,800 can know themselves and desire the deeper heart transformation. 379 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,760 That is God's goal, which is exactly what the Holy Spirit 380 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:09,120 does, a change of heart renewal. It's not about a change of 381 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:13,920 insight or a change of idea or making people think like maybe 382 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,400 church is not that bad. It's a heart change. 383 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,960 It's about presenting them to Christ because He's the only one 384 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:23,280 that could change hearts. And then Hebrews 1404. 385 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:24,880 Sorry, wrong 1. Hebrews 4. 386 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,440 If somebody could read that chapter 4, verses 14 through 16 387 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,960 was a great passage. I think everybody should have 388 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,320 this underlined somewhere. Hebrews 4. 389 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:36,320 Thank you so much. So Christ understands when 390 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,680 people feel a certain way, He understands how we feel. 391 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,160 You know, he lived a human life, but he didn't sin. 392 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,800 Jesus gets it. So get to know somebody. 393 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,320 So you love them. You seem to rise a compassion 394 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,120 and empathy, right? Like you always give them the 395 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,400 benefit of the doubt and you start getting to know them. 396 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,600 That means that you go and you talk to them and you have a 397 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,200 conversation by asking them questions. 398 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,160 You don't wait for them to ask you questions. 399 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,320 You go and ask them questions. Get to know their life. 400 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,200 Get, go get deeper on a heart level. 401 00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:05,120 Then once you do that, then you can speak truth into their life. 402 00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,400 You cannot speak truth into their life. 403 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,680 Unless you love them first, because then it's going to come 404 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:11,800 off as judgment and they're going to turn away. 405 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,360 They're not going to listen. So to love them and then you get 406 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:17,360 to know them better. And then you say like, here's 407 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,200 their heart and, and their situation and their background 408 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:23,400 and their family life. Now you can speak truth and 409 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,920 listen. Speaking truth is not an option, 410 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,080 guys. You have to. 411 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,560 And when I say truth is not your truth, it's the word of God. 412 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,880 Jesus says, you know the truth and the truth will set you free, 413 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,960 right? So you've got to be able to 414 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,240 share Scripture with people. You've got to be able to say, 415 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,640 man, like I hear you. I'm so sorry that happened to 416 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,360 you. But man, like there's a passage 417 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,360 that comes to mind that I want to share with you. 418 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,040 You've got to be able to speak God's word. 419 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,760 So truth is God's word. What does God want this person 420 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,600 to see that they don't see? What is it that they're just 421 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,880 going through that maybe they're blinded and they can't see it. 422 00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:00,000 How do I get to them? How do I love get to know what's 423 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,880 going on in their life and then you start speaking truth into 424 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,600 them. How can I help them see it? 425 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,320 Also, if you share the gospel and they walk away feeling 426 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:12,120 shameful or or guilty or condemned and you didn't share 427 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:16,040 the whole gospel because the gospel message is one of 428 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,680 redemption. Now, if they feel conviction, 429 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,000 that's different. Conviction is through the Holy 430 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,160 Spirit. So like man, like that really 431 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,600 spoke to me. But if they leave, like man, 432 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:29,080 there's nothing I could do. I'm I'm Sol, like I'm, I'm done 433 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,680 that. That's not what this is. 434 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,920 So redemption versus condemnation is what really like 435 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,040 if you could remember something when you share God's word and 436 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,440 when you share his message, the gospel is a message of 437 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,000 redemption. It's the good news for a reason, 438 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,280 you know, so it you have to share it like it's great news. 439 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:50,160 But if they walk away feeling just condemned and like, oh man, 440 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,680 there's no hope for me. No, you want them to walk away 441 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,360 convicted. So and then you continue to ask 442 00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:57,920 questions and and then you continue that conversation. 443 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,440 All right, so we, we got you love them. 444 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,760 You know them now we're able to speak into them. 445 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,720 And then the last one to do part now is the action right? 446 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:10,120 So now start talking, helping others do something with the 447 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,680 truth they have been revealed. All right, So what are we going 448 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,120 to do with what you just learned? 449 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,800 Like how are you going to implement that into your life? 450 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:21,240 Now insight alone is no change. It must be applied to to the 451 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,720 practical, specific realities of life. 452 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,680 The best way I like to do like to talk about this is like, how 453 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,520 do we help people create next steps, action steps. 454 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,520 All right, so like came I learned some amazing stuff. 455 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,440 OK, what's next? I love James A1. 456 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:39,000 It says to be doers of the word, just hears of the word. 457 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:44,560 So there is a doing component to responding to God's word. 458 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:49,760 So us as ministry leads, we have to guide and lead people into 459 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,880 doing something. And of course you want to 460 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,000 encourage accountability and you want to be more of a trainer 461 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,480 rather than a coach. Usually what coaches do is 462 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,640 coaches, they they kind of give the game plan and then they just 463 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,000 kind of push you and yell. What a trainer does is a trainer 464 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,800 explains and it teaches you like like This is why you have to 465 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,160 lift a certain way. This is how you get stronger. 466 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,440 This is why you can't tackle people a certain way because 467 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,400 you're going to get hurt. So you want to teach people Umm, 468 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:20,920 so we want to make sure that we walk alongside people, we link 469 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,640 up with them and then we help them guys, this is Discipley and 470 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:28,600 this is also helping. So if I'm talking to a, a 471 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,800 conversational narcissist where everything is just about them 472 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,880 and they're just coming and everything, and then I'll, I'll 473 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,880 ask them. Then I go back to the format. 474 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,280 You look at them, you're like, they're not annoying. 475 00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,120 They're just, they're just looking for attention. 476 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,360 Like there's something that must have happened in their life. 477 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,280 Then I'm going to start asking them questions. 478 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:47,720 Hey, man, tell me about your childhood. 479 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,400 Tell me about your parents, your family, Like what do you want to 480 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,160 do in life? And you just keep asking those 481 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,240 questions and then you start speaking. 482 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,680 So now it's like, man, I just, I just really want attention. 483 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,560 I really want people to like, tell me how awesome I was like, 484 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:01,160 yeah, man. But your identities in Christ, 485 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,720 you know, first like let's go to Ephesians and you can just start 486 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,640 walking them through it. And then the do part. 487 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,480 Hey, so like, what are we gonna do with this? 488 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,160 What's next? You know, like how can I help 489 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:09,800 you? Right? 490 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,520 So 4 quick things about discipleship. 491 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,720 So what I'm going to do, and I know I just kind of ran through 492 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,960 that, but I think if you just remember these, write them down 493 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:22,160 somewhere, put it in your Bible, you know, love no speak do, love 494 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:26,040 no speak do, love no speak do. And then as people come towards 495 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,720 you, you're going to know how to manage. 496 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:29,320 You're not just going to push them away and you're not going 497 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,200 to just run. This takes time. 498 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,800 This is not going to happen in 5 minutes. 499 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,880 Yes. I wanted you to feel like yeah, 500 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,600 yeah. You know, it could take, it 501 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:44,040 could take weeks, months, I wouldn't say years for somebody 502 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,240 to finally open up to you. Like you could stay in that no 503 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,360 peace for a while. It might take some people to 504 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:53,200 finally come through because they finally see that you care 505 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,640 about them and love them. I mean, I know that there's been 506 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,600 some some folks that I've invited to church for like 8 507 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,520 years before they came, but the Lord still works. 508 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,800 So it's like you just keep loving, you know, being that it 509 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:08,440 and then just trust the Lord and his guidance, get to know them, 510 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,000 ask questions, meet for coffee, hang out. 511 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,360 Another thing I'll mention is whenever you are discipling or 512 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:17,120 counseling, you want to make sure that's like same sex 513 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,000 couples with couples, men with men. 514 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:24,040 There is a very open even like it could kind of create intimacy 515 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,840 sometimes when you're sharing really personal things. 516 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,160 So it's it's better to be safe and just make sure that you keep 517 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,120 those distinctions and that's important. 518 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:34,880 That's why it's it's important for all of us to be trained in 519 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:37,480 this. As the church continues to grow 520 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,760 more and more people are going to come to you and and you're 521 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,440 going to connect with more people, you're going to grow 522 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,400 more people are going to lead more people. 523 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,760 The Lord's going to send specific people. 524 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:50,120 I think I know this morning, like we spent time praying for 525 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:53,840 Mia, like just the way that like everything got connected and we 526 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,000 prayed and I was like, Lord, like let Monica like plant a 527 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,160 seed in her life that she'll just not forget Monica. 528 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,760 And then and maybe like the word that she heard from Gabe and the 529 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,200 worship, you know, like just all these things. 530 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,280 But like, you know, God connects folks. 531 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,200 So and then last thing we'll end with. 532 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,080 So just remember, this takes time. 533 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:15,240 Don't get frustrated whenever they are like difficult folks. 534 00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,480 Don't don't run lean into it. Just kind of go by the model. 535 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,640 You could always ask for some guidance or some advice from 536 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,560 some folks that have been in the game a little bit longer, have 537 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,920 experienced a little bit more. And then last thing, I'll say 538 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:31,200 just just five quick helpful tips because like I said, as the 539 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,760 church grows, more people are going to come to you. 540 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:39,040 So I think it's important for us and for you to create boundaries 541 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,120 for yourself, because if not, you're going to be pulled in so 542 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,400 many directions that you're going to become ineffective. 543 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,880 And you don't want to become ineffective for us guys or 544 00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:51,080 ladies that have little kids and families, something I've, I've 545 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,840 been learning the last couple of years. 546 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,840 I mean, your, your family is your first church, like they're 547 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,480 the ones that we like. If your family's wrecked, but 548 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,040 the church is doing great, then I have failed as a pastor, you 549 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,720 know, like I, I don't need to be here no more. 550 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,920 So first thing is you got to set boundaries with some people. 551 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,680 You know, some people are going to want all your time, like 552 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,920 they're going to come to you. They're going to, you know, like 553 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,960 once they show up, it's going to be a good two hours, you know, 554 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,280 like, so you have to learn to set boundaries. 555 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,200 You let the person know ahead of time, say, hey, dude, I only got 556 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,120 one hour, so I'm just letting you know right now. 557 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,720 I got to get back to work at 1. So I got from 12 to one that we 558 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,640 could meet up or like men like I can't meet up, but if you want 559 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,080 to go work out, we could do that. 560 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,920 We could talk as we you know, So what you're doing is like you 561 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:38,360 just set an expectation of like, so whatever they need, you could 562 00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:41,600 give it to them to the fullest. So you let them know ahead of 563 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,200 time and then you ask permission. 564 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:46,440 Sometimes you need to ask permission to people. 565 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,200 Hey, how honest can I be with you? 566 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,160 Because sometimes people come, but they're like, they're just, 567 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,760 if you're too honest and they're not ready for it is going to 568 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,920 hurt them and they're going to walk away wounded instead of 569 00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,480 completed. So it's good to ask permission. 570 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:03,600 Like, can I be honest with you? Like can I share something 571 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,720 personally with you? Is it all right if I, you know, 572 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,520 if I, if I reach out to you as, As for permission, pray 573 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:12,520 beforehand. This is something I learned a 574 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:15,400 few years ago and actually do this now when I meet with 575 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,280 somebody or somebody comes to me and they're, and they're like, 576 00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:19,920 Oh my gosh, can't believe this happened. 577 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,920 The first thing I do is like, all right, now, let's pray real 578 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:23,840 quick. And I pray and then we start 579 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:25,920 talking. I thought it was weird at first, 580 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:29,080 but then it works. A few months ago, we had a death 581 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,920 in our church and, and, and they called me. 582 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,360 I didn't know that it was Alex's son. 583 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,280 And he called, he's like, man, Ricky, like my son just got 584 00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:38,960 shot. It was a Super Bowl all night 585 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,080 and he's like, the family's here, can you come? 586 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,440 And I was like, Alex, all right, can I just pray real quick? 587 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,720 And, and I remember on the phone with him, we just prayed. 588 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:50,200 And then I then I kept going. And what prayer does is that 589 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,400 you're, you're just asking the Lord to intervene because some 590 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,880 of these conversations could be very difficult. 591 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,480 You're not going to know their answers. 592 00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:00,440 So you, you have to pray asking Lord for strength, for wisdom, 593 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,800 for endurance, for guidance. It's OK to pray. 594 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:07,120 Like it's not weird. We do that at restaurants too, 595 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:10,280 like with the waiter, I feel like a jolt like from the Holy 596 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:12,600 Spirit, you know, I'll look at the waiter and be like, hey, 597 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:13,720 we're going to pray for a food cap. 598 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,760 Pray for something like do you have something you want me to 599 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,520 pray for? Prayer is beforehand is a great 600 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,440 thing. And then remember your role is 601 00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:22,800 not to be the fixer. Your role is to point people to 602 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,080 the one that could fix it, which is who's Jesus? 603 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:29,400 Like anything first aid. If somebody drowns, you do CPR 604 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,600 to keep the blood going till the paramedics come. 605 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,120 So that way they survive and they have limited brain damage. 606 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,480 Mental first aid, same thing, you help people, mental 607 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:41,160 challenges until you get to the psychiatrist or you want to make 608 00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,880 sure that they're safe. And the same thing with us. 609 00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,840 When somebody comes to you and they're bringing something to 610 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,800 you and you're trying to walk them in faith, your role is to 611 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:51,880 point them to Jesus. He's the only one that could do 612 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,760 anything about it. So take that weight off of your 613 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,280 shoulders and be like, damn, I can't believe that person. 614 00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,480 They just don't learn. They're just going to keep on 615 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,120 running back. They're not, Listen, that's not 616 00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:03,120 up to you. Like take, take, take that off. 617 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,200 You'll sleep better at night, I promise you. 618 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,760 Take that load off your shoulders and say, Lord, I'm 619 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,880 going to pray for so and so that you work on their heart, that 620 00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,800 you work on their lives and be faithful to you with this 621 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,240 person's soul. And that's kind of like how we 622 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,320 do ministry. So if you could just keep these 623 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:21,440 five things in mind, what this is going to do, it's going to 624 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,000 help you avoid burnout. You know, we talked about that 625 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,120 last week, burnouts when you start doing things on your own 626 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,040 strength and it just wears you down. 627 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:29,560 So we got to take care of ourselves. 628 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,880 Self-care is important, but also spiritual care is important. 629 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,200 It's going to avoid burnout, it's going to avoid frustration. 630 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,480 And when people, when you understand people are going to 631 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:40,440 see a joy in your life and they're going to be like man, 632 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,360 like this person kind of knows what they're doing and it's 633 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,800 going to continue to grow and God's going to bless it, right? 634 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,040 So I'm going to pray for us and then thank you all for your 635 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:49,680 time. And if you have any questions or 636 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,360 anything, we stay around and chat. 637 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,280 So thank you all for being here. Let's pray. 638 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,800 So Jesus, we love you and we thank you God because you're so 639 00:30:56,800 --> 00:31:00,000 faithful to us. And Lord, we know God that 640 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:03,600 ministries about people like you're, your story is about 641 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:07,120 redemption, about redempting the whole world back to you through 642 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,400 Christ. So Lord, help us to be faithful 643 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,760 in that that mission. And God help us not to be chased 644 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,840 away by people we don't understand or difficult folks. 645 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,600 But Lord help us, father, to love them, to get to know them 646 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,000 so that way we could speak truth into their lives and walk with 647 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,440 them and hold them accountable, Lord, so that way that they grow 648 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:30,680 into spiritual maturity. So Jesus, be with us, Lord, help 649 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,080 us to stay faithful to the call that you've given us. 650 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,480 And Lord, we pray that you continue to bless our church, 651 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:38,840 Father, and that we stay focused on what you've called us to. 652 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,480 So Lord, we love you and we thank you for every single 653 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,040 person in this room, Father, because you have placed them 654 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,080 here purposely. God, you're going to do 655 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,320 something great. And Lord, thank you for all that 656 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,040 you're doing. In your name. 657 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,960 We pray all these things. Jesus, Amen. 658 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:52,520 Amen. Good job guys. 659 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:53,320 Thank y'all for being here.