It's the Awake Space with Lori Rivers, and this week I'm really
excited to talk to you about a couple of subjects that
community members in the Awake Space asked me after last week's
podcast. So we're going to talk about
letting go and what that means and give you some tips and hints
to do it. I didn't get a chance to record
the guided meditation to Centering.
Will do that this week. I have time in the studio coming
up. What a week?
It seemed like every single platform I use and pay good
money for was glitching as Mercury rounded out its shadow
phase. Hopefully we see a little more
ease when it comes to interfaces and communication and all sorts
of fun stuff. But last week, if you had
trouble, you were not alone. We're going to, again, we're
going to talk about letting go and strategies for that.
And then we're also going to talk about what accountability
means as we move through April. The astrology is really pointing
to accountability and everybody points at the bad guy of choice
and says, aha, they're going to get theirs.
But it means accountability for everybody, and that includes us.
And so along with letting go, I'm going to give you some tips
and hints on how to manage accountability within without
shame, blame, or guilt. Because I think we have this
expectation of perfection that is unwarranted.
It's just unwarranted. It's unnecessary.
That is oppressive. OK.
So remember, as precious as you are, treat yourself that way.
So get your tea, get your coffee, get your matcha, get
your H2O, get your bevy of choice.
And whether we're folding the laundry, taking a hot girl, hot
guy walk, walking off the Easter candy which is on sale now.
I think taking the kids to school or not doing some arts
and crafts, bacon, something yummy, getting out in the
garden, enjoying a walk, going to the gym.
I don't know how you're getting me fit, but you're doing it.
But whatever we're doing, we're going to do it together.
I don't think it's it this month, but you can start getting
your hopes up. Oh, guys, it's it's an
interesting month. I don't think you're going to be
overly disappointed with some events this month.
I'm, I'm not going to say it's it, OK, I'm not.
So don't go around telling people I said it's it.
We do have that uncommonly gay day on April 23rd.
It could be a lot of things and I think a lot of it will be
economic. I think we're going to see a
bump in things. That could mean the Straits of
Harmas aren't impaired. It could mean that there's, I
don't think there's going to be a ceasefire.
I think there's going to be a cease of action, but we'll see.
We'll see what happens as we go through this month because it's
really volatile energy. But accountability comes for
everyone. So the big the big stuff
happening this week, Mars's sextile Uranus on April 8th.
It's not that if go ahead if you're an astrologer laugh
because that's almost like an astrology too.
But Mars is making a very encouraging aspect and egging on
the chaotic energy of Urinos. I do think that might be when we
see some pretty good size seismic activity.
I think it'll be at at this point on the 8th.
It could be offshore in deeper water.
It could be a volcano getting ready to form like happened in
Tonga a couple years back. It's that kind of thing.
I think we'll definitely see interesting happenings in the
Persian Gulf. And more trolling.
Those Lego videos or something else, don't you think?
April 9th Mars ingress is into Aries and that's where Mars is
at home. It's going to be quick, active,
impulsive energy. Impulsive doesn't always mean
bad. You can be strategically
impulsive. Pay attention to your guidance,
but there's this thing I've noticed over the past 30 years
and whenever a planet like Mars especially changes signs, we
really feel that burst of energy as it leaves the end and the
maturity of 1 sign and pops in new to start off a whole another
series. And so as Mars leaves Pisces, I
think we see like energy that feels like a tidal wave.
You know, it doesn't mean we're going to see a tsunami, but it's
a cosmic tsunami. Get your surfboard ready.
And then Mars is going to conjunct Neptune and we will see
more naval battles, etcetera. I don't think the United States
is going to have that walk in the park like they expected.
But I also don't expect this conflict to last as long as some
people are thinking it might. I think we'll see a change of
mind happen out of the administration.
And there's some interesting things that come up after the
15th. So let's see.
We also have Venus sextile Jupiter.
So this is really good energy as far as this is.
This is also economic. There's better news than
expected in currencies, there's better news than expected in
stocks. There's there might be some
headlines that actually boost confidence in the economy.
Could be more hiring again, could be food supply is a lot
more stable than people think. It could be things like that.
April 14th we have Mercury sex style Uranus and Mercury moves
into Aries. Now remember, sextiles are like
cheerleading energy. It's very active, supportive
energy. We're going to see big
communications. I think we're going to see like
a world changing headline or a world changing declaration or a
world changing communication. That could be people going to
the International Court of Justice.
It could be very, very fascinating to see how that
plays out. So that's all the changing
energy we have this week. And that's a lot.
And it can be easy to feel overwhelmed.
It really can. But we don't have to allow it to
drive us. And I'm going to say even as an
astrologer, when they can see this stuff coming, I understand
it at a deep level. It still impacts me.
Astrologers are not immune to transits.
So if you're trying to learn astrology so you can dodge a
bullet or two, it's more like as you gain experience, because
knowledge isn't power, Knowing what to do with the knowledge
is. And with experience, you learn
how to roll with it. You learn how to surf the cosmic
tide. It's really not about avoiding
or dodging anything. It's about meeting it with
understanding. And understanding isn't dread.
And there's been times where I look out, I'm like, oh crap,
that's a big wave, you know, And when when we look at things that
way, we kind of set our perceptions up for a challenge
that greater than it needs to be.
We we often craft blocks based on patterns.
OK, we often create blocks based on patterns.
And I'm not saying you don't have real challenges, but and
how we meet those challenges is what matters.
And don't take away from this, I'm telling you to to pull
yourself up by your bootstraps. I'm not.
Just because I had to doesn't mean you have to.
I would never expect that for anybody and nor do I recommend
it. It's not my favorite experience.
That's why I teach what I teach, so you don't have to go through
those extreme experiences to get to where your soul would love
you to be flourishing. OK, so with all this changing
energy, there's a lot of supporting energy, especially
that Venus sextile Jupiter and Mars conjunct Neptune.
That is like realizing a vision, a personal vision.
It's about tuning in and tapping in and connecting to the things
that energize you. With Venus in Taurus and Jupiter
in Cancer, this is like shake your money makers.
All right, and one day I'll tell you the joke about my DND
character. Cause anyway, long story, not
going to digress anyway, so I think I'll talk a little bit in
the next segment about how to use that Jupiter sextile or
venous sextile, Jupiter energy, and understand that a lot of our
attitudes around money are based on religious belief and a
misunderstanding of what capitalism is as an economic
theory. Well, we're not in capitalism at
all. It died.
We have a kleptocracy. You know that we've had people,
the oligarchs, be in control. That's not capitalism, OK?
Capitalism is more of a free exchange.
And it wouldn't matter if that capital was a dollar bell, a
shiny coin, a shimmering rock or a cool, funky shell.
It is an exchange. And it's easy to say, oh, that
should be free. But it's kind of like I've lived
in in state parks for a long time because I was married to a
State Park Ranger. And the general public would
come in to appreciate nature. And they wait off in either wild
forage or pick up rocks off the beach.
And if just one person was doing that or a small handful of
people were doing that, that would be OK.
But when there's thousands of people going through, you're
disrupting the ecosystem. One of the ways we were able to
manage resources was through regulating goods and exchanges.
When we deregulated things, that was the problem.
And deregulation has nothing to do with not having a free
market. Free doesn't mean everything's
free either. Our many wounds are caused by
social programming, religious indoctrination, social
indoctrination, cultural indoctrination.
And we often have been taught to believe that it is immoral.
But if the only people who are making money are the people who
can never feel satisfied, who have honestly a massive money
wound, I'm not saying feel bad for him, but you can't be a
billionaire if you're, if you're easily satisfied, if you're
easily pleased. And most of the billionaires you
hear about, they're billionaires on paper, you know, unless they
own really solid real assets like land, commodities, things
like that, they're stocks. If they cashed all of them out,
they'd sync the market. They wouldn't even be able to,
you know, to sell all the holdings they have at one time.
So equating money with greed has been the big mistake.
Even the axiom people say you know money is the root of all
evil. That's not the whole quote.
It is love of money is the root of all evil.
It's OK to sustain yourself. It's OK to be comfortable.
It's OK when you know what your enough is and you don't have to
prove your value. So often we're working harder
and harder for less and less. And working hard has nothing to
do with earning money. That's a lie.
That is a social lie because the most hard working people, the
most hard working people are the poorest people.
So it's not about hard work either, but it is about
understanding how you feel secure, giving yourself a
framework of understanding how to what resourcing yourself
actually looks like, feels like and it renovating your interior
life. So we'll talk about that in the
next segment because I think it's so important.
That's why I wrote Healing the Money wound, your framework to
rebuilding confidence, value and wealth.
It isn't prosperity gospel at all.
In fact, it's a really practical system that helps you learn how
to center into yourself, know what matters to you because we
think we know what matters to us.
But so often when I ask, you know, how can I support you or
what do you want out of the reading, people sit there like
deer in the headlights and be like, it's hard to know what we
want when we've been told it's bad to want what we want.
And sometimes it is nice fuzzy, cozy jammies and sometimes it is
a nicer house. Sometimes it is having somewhere
with adequate plumbing. For some, it's having clean air
and clean water. Nothing wrong with that desire.
So yeah, we'll talk about that because I think it's so
important to understand things not from a typology, just like
with astrology. I saw this video on TikTok and
it, it honestly really pissed me off.
And it was for better health, OK?
And it was like, I like being put into boxes was what the
person said. You know, I like a horoscope.
I like a blah, blah, blah. I like, you know, an Enneagram.
I like the Myers break. And I'm like, do you really want
to be put in a box as an astrologer?
I've worked for 30 years to show you're not in a box.
You know, I, I personally think it's lazy to want to live out of
a box. Why would you want someone else
to tell you who you are? Why maybe you don't, and I hope
so. If you're listening to my
podcast, I hope you're not one of the ones who wants to be put
into a box. Because astrology is not merely
A typology. It isn't just telling you who
you are. It can show you who you can be
when you do the work, when you do the work.
And we've got Mercury moving into Aries this week and that's
all about communicating with self.
Communicating your your ideas, your personal dogma, seeing
things through your personal lens, being impulsive with your
thoughts and your language. Careful what you say though when
it moves into Aries because it may go thought to mouth pretty
fast and there are consequences with that, especially as Mercury
is conjunct to Saturn. Oh, actually it's Mercury's not
conjunct Saturn until the 20th. So this week we should be fine
with our mouths. It could be a difficult travel
week though, so keep your eye open for that.
Mercury doesn't ingress Aries until the 14th.
But anyway, as we move through this week, it's important to
kind of dreaming, get clear, learn how to come to center.
I will get that audio out. Grounding will become more
possible after Uranus pops out of Taurus.
Right now it's in that last bit at 29°, really shaking and
moving things. It's going to be, it's going to
be a wild week. It's a good time to learn to let
go of outcomes. And I got asked about that in
the Awake Space community and I thought I'd talk about that
today about how to let go. Because let me tell you, as a
Scorpio rising with a prominent Pluto at the top of my chart,
learning to let go, learning to surrender, learning to dream in
to fashion and reality and allow for better, you know, allow for
better. That's that's been a walk most
of my adult life. Just letting go of how I think
things need to go and be open to what unfolds in front of me.
And that's not easy. We like to control our outcomes.
And I know you get you guys see me where I am now.
I was not always like like this. Sometimes when I'm condescending
or sarcastic, I I'm actually doing it to myself and kind of
teasing myself because I've been that person who held on to the
outcome. I've been that person waiting
for someone else to get their karma.
I've been that person trying to prove they were worth something,
trying to make other people proud of me because then I might
feel proud of me. I've been through all of that.
I had to see where I carried my programming in my baggage, or I
hadn't deconstructed enough, or where I was wanting to be seen
as the good guy instead of just doing the right things.
It's the right thing to do. When I speak on these things,
it's because I have walked it all right?
I'm not sitting in judgement from this pedestal of being, you
know, a paragon of virtue. I am anything but, in fact, on
purpose at this point. I don't want to be a paragon of
virtue. I don't want to start a cult.
I want to empower people. Remember, knowledge is in power
unless you know how to use it. So I teach you how to use your
power. So one of the ways we get to use
our power is learning to let go of it in a different way, not in
a disempowering way, but letting go of all the ideas and thought
forms around it. So we'll talk about that next.
I don't think it's it this month, but you can start getting
your hopes up. All right, before we talk about
letting go and using our power and letting go of the thought
forms that hold us back. I I forgot we need to do some
community shout outs. So in community news.
So if you haven't filled out the survey about your user
experience with the Patreon app or platform, please take the
survey. I will pop it into the post that
I upload the link to Patreon on. If you have been looking for the
videos of this podcast, if you're listening on Spotify or
Apple, I changed hosts. So you're going to have to go
over to the YouTube or to Riverside FM and I'll post the
link of where you can find us in the show notes.
If you want to watch the closed captioned videos, if you've been
missing out on those. It's April's an interesting
month and it's a busy month for me personally because I'm busy
revise revising the book. So I revised the cover again and
that's a whole long story. I'll talk about it in the
Patreon. And then I just finished notes
on the interior revision. It's not a whole lot.
It's formatting and how I want the book to read, like the words
to flow. I know, pardon my Venus in
Gemini. I'm picky about that stuff, but
I'm so excited. I mean, how can you not love a
book that starts out with you are not broken, you are not
broken, you are not broken, you adapted and that is how that
book begins. And I teach you how to reinforce
your own personal framework to renovate yourself without going
investigating deep into the wounds because that does not
facilitate healing. And honestly kind of exacerbate
a whim, you know, just like picking at it.
But we'll talk a little bit about that more after I walk you
through letting go. So our newest supporting members
are Denise, Deborah, Ash, Paddy Innovid.
That's a beautiful name, Innovid Tiffany Nicole Elyria Amy I'm
going to change my glasses. I do not have my reading glasses
on pardon for the interruption. I'm not even I am not even going
to edit it. It is solely it is Easter
Sunday, whether you I got to wash these glasses or they don't
help. I'm not AI don't really
celebrate holidays, but my mom does and my dad does and my mom
and I want wore matching dresses.
I put a photo up in the Awake Space chats, and my mom's going
to find the picture of her and I from 1972 when we were really
similar dresses. It's not exact, but it was close
enough that when I saw the dresses, I had to grab them.
But anyway, you'll see, I don't even like to match, OK, But my
mom does. So all right, back to reading
out. Let's see, we've got Amy,
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Thank you all for supporting the podcast.
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We purposely do not take sponsorship at this time.
I mean, we're open to sponsorship, OK?
We're open to sponsorship. I'm not doing ads because I
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I don't have that kind of kind of control over it.
And I think the Awake space is deserving to be its wild and
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They call me Astro Mom, Astro Auntie, that be woman who will
take you down. But anyway, I want to thank all
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And right now, if you're a free member, you do have a special
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subscriptions. All right, hey, if you're
looking for the what's in the headline segments, I'm not even
putting clips up on the social media anymore.
And hear me out before you get mad, OK?
Because I know a lot of you listen to the podcast and you
look forward to those clips on on social media, but they're not
the whole clip and they're often out of context.
And I've just put them in and even $5 level gets them, but
they get them on Tuesdays. The magazine subscribers get
them on Mondays ahead of it because they come out of the
magazine. And I'm doing that because, and
YouTube's a little bit better with nuance, but TikTok isn't.
And I, there's other things I want to put on to TikTok.
I'll be making more skates and blah, blah.
I've got some content I'm planning.
I just really wanted to finish the book first.
So and I was talking about that a little bit earlier.
We'll wind up the podcast with some information that will help
you navigate this week. But first, let's talk about
letting go of outcomes because that's integral to this process.
And instead of beating yourself up for I don't do it right, I'm
not good at it. Lori, it's easy for you to say,
bitch, I'm a Scorpio rising, OK? And I have Pluto in the 10th
house. It's sex style.
My Mercury and my and my son. Please.
I was the biggest control freak on the planet when I was
younger. I had everything planned to the
NTH degree and when the plan spun out, so did I.
So learning how to let go because the universe put me in
many a situation where things were completely out of my
control. Not fun.
I that's one of the things that led me to astrology is
psychology wasn't answering my questions.
We didn't know as much about the brain.
We didn't know about neuroplasticity yet, but we
didn't really know about neuroplasticity in the popular
world until around 2007, 2008. I mean, if you were ahead of the
curve, you maybe were hearing about it. 2005, 2006.
But neuroplasticity is a relatively new concept.
All right. And I can't, isn't part of the
process that, that that phrase doesn't work?
And I, everybody has something, all right?
Everybody's been through something, whether it was
accidental or, you know, on purpose, trauma or, or what have
you. I am never diminishing what
you've been through, but I have been very concerned, especially
over the last 20 years, about where psychology has gone and
overcorrecting into trauma informed.
Because there's a big difference between how we communicate, OK,
and how we communicate with people who have been through
extreme life events or even the big world changes we're going
through now. I mean, we've gone collectively
through trauma. We're currently in collective
trauma, but there's a big difference in how we speak with
one another, communicate with one another, and how we enable
one another. And as we're moving into a
season of accountability coming up in just a few short weeks,
just a few short weeks, it's not just the bad guys, It is all of
us. And accountability does not mean
punishment. Always.
Accountability means to take account, to be like, I did that.
I did that. A person I love very much who
who was going through a Saturn return, called me up and said I
need some referrals to a mental health practitioner because I've
realized it's my own shitty thinking that put me here.
And I said, wow, that's a really brave thing to admit.
And you're right to some degree. And it's not all your shitty
thinking that got you there. There's a lot of circumstantial
things. But if we can get a handle on
our thinking, and I'm not talking about just mindset
because it's, it's a lot bigger than mindset.
All those programs that hype you up with mindset changes and
affirmations that are empty. I'm not saying affirmations
don't work. They do when they're done
correctly. Most times they're not OK, just
most times they're not done correctly.
Learning to take time and take pause, which is what we do in
the work in Lori's test lab. And and those videos are meant
to be done. Boom boom.
One day, 2 day, three day, 12 days.
OK, 12 days. And because it's an entire
process, you're learning. You're not there to perfect each
step. You're there to learn the steps
so you can do the practice. And then it's reiterative,
meaning it repeats over and over and over again till you get good
at it. Like riding a bike or learning
how to write your name or learning how to read any basic
skill. And we're not taught these basic
skills. We're not.
People barely talk to their kids, let alone read to them.
And I know we're all overwhelmed and a little screen time gives
you a minute to go to the bathroom and maybe eat a
sandwich or something, but so many people don't even
communicate. So how do you learn how to
communicate? We, we are creatures that must
communicate with one another and we are seeing the end result of
people not having cultivated communication skills on a wide
scale in this country and not just one side of the aisle.
There's a lot of lack of listening skills.
I, I was talking about this when Saturn was in Aquarius is people
needed to develop listening skills.
Not just nodding your head and saying, waiting for your chance
to speak, but truly absorbing what someone is telling you.
And trust me, as somebody who talks for a living, people sure
as hell hear what they want to hear.
There's nothing we can do about that.
And that's my segue into letting go of outcomes.
There are outcomes you can control when all of the factors
are in your hands. But let's say you're guarding
and it's a really dry year and there are water restrictions and
your garden burns and it dries up.
That's out of your control. It's very stressful, but it's
also out of your control. There are things within your
control. If you have water restrictions
on the outside, you could bring some of the easier to transplant
plants into the house and put them in a window where they're
not going to get like super direct sunlight because this is
something they don't tell you when it comes to gardening.
When they're talking about direct sunlight, they're talking
about the more northern climates that have a lot of shade.
And so direct is a little bit different in that respect.
But if you're trying to grow tomatoes in direct sunlight
somewhere where the sun is very intense, you need shade cloth or
put them on the porch because there's plenty of sunlight that
comes through there. But knowing what you can do and
what you can't do are important. Hinging all of your hopes and
your happiness on one particular person, getting theirs, getting
their comeuppance. It's crazy making because you're
probably not going to get the outcome you want.
But the same goes for like, if you're looking for your dream
job. I mean, I is there a dream job?
You can have a calling, you can have a job that pays the bills
and do your calling in in time that you have or at the job.
I got asked this beautiful question and I'm sorry, I can't
remember who asked it, but they were doing Instacart and they
ended up making somebody's day. OK, It was, it was, I can't
remember the exact situation, but they ended up communicating
with the client because what the client wanted wasn't in stock.
They reached out, the client got back to them, they got the
replacement item. And when they delivered it, the
person was visibly relieved, like really relieved this
mattered to them. And they said, hey, I want, I
want to ask, is doing Instacart a way of being of service?
You said be involved locally. Does that count?
I'm like, it does count. You don't have to be.
I mean, please, if you feel like running for a local office, do
it. But when you're working in
community, community takes all shapes and forms.
I've been given the most beautiful wisdom by clerks at
the checkout at the grocery store they gave.
They were just the instrument for the wisdom I needed that
day. Or when my kids were really
little and we first came back to America, and America treats
children and families very different than they did in the
Middle East. Their children are precious, OK?
Here, they're an inconvenience and an annoyance.
And my kids were just being kids, but I was keeping them
occupied. OK, We're playing rocks, paper,
scissors at the table while we were waiting for whatever we
were going to eat. And this old lady came up and
God knows what old was because I was 29.
So she could have been my age, but I think she was older.
I think she was more like in her 70s or 80s.
But to me at 29, she was old and she stopped by the table and she
she didn't have a smile on her face.
So I was expecting, why did you bring kids?
It wasn't even a night. It was like a Denny's.
OK, so it wasn't like a fine eating establishment, but she
came at and then with the serious face.
So she just had a resting bitch face like I do.
And then she put her hand on the table and she looked me directly
in the eyes and she said, you are a wonderful mother.
You have such good kids. And I needed that more than I
knew to have this elder just validate that I was parenting,
you know, that I was making an effort.
And that's different than being like seeking approval.
It was just sometimes we do need approval.
I'm not saying we never need it, but when that's all we're doing
is seeking approval and never self validating.
Like I knew I was actively parenting to have a witness to
that was really special. OK, so again, I'm not saying
that we don't have struggles, and I'm not saying that wouldn't
it be nice if the world wasn't the shit show it is, but we were
always going to be going through massive systemic change.
It would just take different flavors.
We still have climate change and in fact, it's going to
accelerate a little bit because we have these Dumbo's doing
things that aren't great for the environment right now.
That is out of our control. What is in our control is
looking at where we're at and what are our current needs.
OK, How can we be of service? well-being kind to one another
is a big one right now. Just smiling.
Just saying you got it, mom, you got it, dad.
Or look at you working hard, you know, just acknowledging
somebody saying hey, hope you're having a good day and walking on
being looking somebody in the eyes and look, I don't like to
give eye contact. I'm not a fan.
I'm really not. I have mastered the art of
looking like I'm giving you eye contact without giving it, but
making sure you meet somebody and just say, I hope you have a
really good day. It can change the trajectory for
someone. Those seem inconsequential when
we're looking at vast world problems.
But imagine if all of us did something just a little more
kindly. OK, now back to letting go of
outcomes. My favorite thing is to ask
myself questions, kind of coach myself through.
It is like, can I change that? Can I fix it?
What is there that I can do? And then I make a list of the
things I can do very realistically.
This is within my power. I don't make a list of what
isn't in my power. I just make a list of what is in
my power. If it is nothing like this
situation is bigger than me, climate change, what can I do?
I can mitigate where I live. OK, How have I?
How have I mitigated so far? What do I need to do next?
Like immediately next, not the next five years.
What can I do today, tomorrow, the next day?
And we may not know what we need to do in five years.
We're going through a really big time of change.
That's why when people ask me, well, what about 2027?
What about 2028? What about 2029?
Live through this year. OK, don't.
We'll get there. Just know that we're in a time
of enduring change. We've got to meet the moment by
moment by moment. So look at what you can do.
This whole my life will never be the same if I don't get the
perfect job. Have you noticed what's going on
in the world? Corporations are changing.
We're going to see private equity kind of implode on itself
over the next couple of years and maybe sooner.
I think there's going to be a rehiring spree starting maybe in
May, maybe a little before that as companies realize their, you
know, rush to the their AI gold rush is not giving them the
dividends they were hoping to get.
I don't think AI is going away, but I think it is not the
efficiency tool they thought it would be.
We're already starting to see evidence of that.
So some of those people jobs will be coming back.
Not all, but some. OK.
I'm not saying be grateful for what you've got.
Although it helps to be appreciative, Like count your
blessings. Were you able to pay your rent,
woo. Could you pay your utilities,
woo woo. Could you buy groceries?
Woo woo. Maybe not all on the same
paycheck, but you could do it right?
And if you're better off than that, don't feel guilty about
it. Be appreciative of it.
I am so glad I can do all these things.
I remember when I couldn't. I know I'm freaking out now, but
I remember when I got to the very place I'm at and it seemed
like a miracle or it seemed I was so grateful to finally have
gotten to this place. That helps.
It takes pressure off. You want to take the pressure
off. Years ago, and I mean years ago,
I was in my late 30s and I, I was in my last round of seeking
justice and I called lawyer after lawyer after lawyer and I
was seeking my revenge and getting my pound of flesh.
And it was all deserved, OK? And I got to AUS attorney
general and I explained the story and it wasn't just for me,
it was for potential other victims as well.
And he very kindly listened. He didn't poo poo me.
He didn't diminish my story. In fact, he said I believe you.
And he said, you know, I've seen these kind of cases many times.
They drag on and without physical evidence, even though
you're within the statute of limitation because they changed
the laws, You, you won't win. And I was like, yeah, I was
afraid of that. And I started to kind of tear up
a little bit. And he said, how long has this
taken over your life? Like how long have you been
living with this? And I told him, and it was a
very, very long time. And he said, I just want to ask
you. And he said, I just want to ask
you, how much longer do you want to live with this?
How much longer do you want it to consume you?
I said, well, I don't want it to consume me.
I want to be free. And then I said, you know, my my
concern is they travel a lot and they go all these different
places. And, and he said, well, we can
take care of that. I said, OK, And I got off the
phone and I cried and I cried. I mean, heart wrenching sobs,
hot, big tears to the point where you know your eyes are
swollen, a snotty mess on my front porch, in my garden
surrounding me. And I probably cried for a good
45 minutes just saying there's nothing I can do.
There's nothing I could do. I'm there's nothing I can do.
And there wasn't. There wasn't a damn thing I
could do. I'd done everything I could do
and it was at that point when I recognized I have done
everything I can do that it switched from powerless to
empowered and all of a sudden I went there is nothing I can do.
I've done everything I can do. I've done everything I can do.
I have done. Everything I can do, I have done
everything I can do. And all of a sudden I felt this
like the chains come off that that my everything cleared and I
realized the only thing left to do was live my life because I
hadn't been. I'd been healing and I felt
robbed of the time that I spent, you know, that I could have been
doing other things, but I had to do these deep dives and healing
really, really intense work. And and this was an important
part of the healing was realizing because the more I
thought about it, because he kind of asked me that too.
So let's say you win. What does it do for you?
And he wasn't being, like, challenging me.
He wasn't being like, well, what would it do?
No, no, no. He was soft and caring.
He had empathy. And I'll say, I don't know.
I haven't thought about that. So I did think about it.
And it wouldn't have changed anything.
I might have had temporary satisfaction, but it wouldn't
change how I live my life. That was up to me.
That was in my control. Because it's not a step to
healing. Healing is fully in your power
and good resources, right? Being able to get good
resources, but the desire to heal, finding the resources to
help yourself heal, the resources, you know, researching
it, that's in your power. You can, you can ask for help.
You can find other people who've done it before you who hopefully
blazed a trail to make it easier for you.
You know, letting go takes a minute and it's letting go of
the ideas and the thought forms of what you think it's going to
give you because you mean just be pursuing it because you think
that's what you're supposed to do without really having thought
about what does it do for you? Does it liberate you?
Does it empower you? What does it help you do?
Who does it make you as a person?
So as you go about your week this week, when you're getting
upset about things out of your control, there's nothing.
You can't stop the bombs. You can't make people not say
stupid shit. You can't make people online be
smarter. Because trust me, if you've been
reading the Artemis 2 video comments, you could be Dumber by
the end of reading them. And I mean most of it.
I'm like, oh God, walk away. That's why I've been I've been
walking away. It's really important to really
pay attention to what you can do.
What can I do? I can go to my local store and
give a local business some business.
I can go say hi to my neighbors. I can check on a friend who
hasn't been feeling well. I can sit in Journal, I can work
on my resume. If I've sent the same resume 20
times, maybe I need to change it up.
If I think I can't survive without that dream job, that
it'll make me less of a person, then I'm going to ask myself,
who will I be if I actually get the job?
If I'm not good enough because I didn't get it, then who would I
be if I had it? Ask yourself that, what does
that get me? Because sometimes we get what we
want and we find out that's not what we wanted.
Drop a comment if that's ever happened to you.
So how do you let go of outcomes?
You self examine what is in my power.
Don't focus on what isn't in your power.
Focus on what is OK. What can I do right now?
What can I do today? What can I do tomorrow?
Who am I when this result comes in?
Because you know, if it involves one other person, the total
outcome is not in your control. And you can bully and force and
nitpick and badger all day long. And I'm not saying you would,
but it's not going to make that collaboration any easier.
And if you're not with the right collaborators to get where you
want to go, then what would the right collaborators be like?
How would they think? How would they take action?
What would it be like to trust a cohort to work with?
You know, this is where you want to answer, ask open-ended
questions and then maybe journal a little bit about it.
Script it out a little bit or write down bullet points about
the things you can do in the moment.
It doesn't mean you won't ever feel like things are so big and
too big and you can't fix it and you do feel small and you do
feel powerless. We all have those moments.
I have those moments. I am just much quicker at
turning my attention now. It I didn't used to be.
I used to anguish over world events.
A lot of the current world events today stem from issues
that go way back, even before I became aware of them in the 80s
and 90s. We have had ongoing problems,
ongoing rhetoric, but the rhetoric isn't holding as much
anymore. We can celebrate that, celebrate
what is working, celebrate where people aren't being fooled, and
that will make all the difference.
All right, I hope that helped. If you have more questions about
letting go of outcomes and how you do that, let me know.
Let's do a little money framework cock, because it's
really not about mindset. Mindset alone isn't going to fix
it. And the reason why is you have
patterns, right? You have patterns and pathways
that have been created, some in childhood, especially in
childhood before you could really cognify it.
If your parents were always worried about the bills or
whatever, you might have taken like bills to be a scary thing
because that's how you saw your parents reacting you.
It's no blame on your parents because they learned it from
somewhere too. OK.
And you'd be like, I don't know, my parents were pretty lame.
Well, we can blame your parents if you want, but it goes back
further than them is my point, because our social cultural
programming is way older than a singular generation.
So I've got my manuscript here. I'm not going to lie, I will be
forever grateful to the book designer at Book Baby who fixed
my chapters. That was great.
So I'm just going to give you a little bit of little blurb.
This book isn't out yet. We're still in revisions,
meaning like we're getting the layout right in the cover right.
And if you're in the awake space, you'll have first access
on pre sales and then we'll start doing it here at the
podcast. But you, you guys will know I'm
very excited about this. I translated all of the
astrological information that informed me into plain language.
So even if you don't have a birth time, you'll be able to
use this. Even if you don't know what day
you were born, you'll be able to use this.
And I'm very, very excited, so. I just want you to hear this
little bit and then we'll talk about it.
Many behavior is not a reflection of character, it is a
reflection of learned structure. So remember, I've been talking
about renovating ourselves because we always talk about
deconstruction, but deconstruction alone leaves a
vacuum. Where do you go next?
And by the way, our lives are like big fixer uppers.
The renovation is never done. The deconstruction keeps that.
We're going to find one more thing.
There's going to be a hole that needs plugging.
There's going to be wiring that needs to be redone.
It's an on. The roof needs fixing.
The basement needs finishing. The cupboards need replacing.
If you've ever worked on a fixer upper, you know what I'm talking
about. So learned structure.
And so when we can look at it without blame, you're not bad
with money and you're not overly money driven.
But if you're constantly running after it, there's something not
working quite right in the structure.
And it, it doesn't deny the fact you've had things happen like
big losses, economic downturns, you know, and again, when we're
children, we see it through our limited experience, OK?
It doesn't mean we're dumb. It means we have limited
experience. And that is what gets in our
way. So instead of trying to identify
the problem, like, I'm bad with money because my dad lost his
job when I was 8 and we just spent money when we got it
because that's just how it worked, right?
Because it was going to go away anyway.
Doing that isn't going to fix the problem.
OK, Knowing the cause of the problem does not provide the
solution. Giving yourself a framework to
stabilize where you're at. Because if you're having an
issue with money right now, learning how to stabilize
yourself from the inside out is going to give you a bigger range
of motion than purely identifying the cause.
Because that doesn't fix it. And here's what I say to back
that up. Every person develops internal
systems long before they understand what money
represents. OK?
Those systems are built through observation, repetition, and
adaptation. We adapt.
We we have systems that adapt to our environment.
That's why with astrology, I'm always saying it's a spectrum.
Yes, the second house is resources.
It's actually love and money, not romance, not sex love.
OK. And that's often a resource we
don't get enough of as children or in the way we need it.
Our parents may be trying to provide what they needed, and we
can blame them all day long, but let me tell you how the
conversation has improved in the last 15 years when it comes to
parenting. OK?
They formed quietly because we're talking precognitive
understanding. OK, so you're wearing a baby and
you were picking up your parents nervousness or worry or they're
fighting, you know, or their avoidance when they were
stressed. OK, so a lot of times what we
think of as a choice is actually a pattern.
Oh, like I'm down on money. I got to go hustle.
That's a pattern. That's not a choice.
I need think I need more motivation.
Maybe you don't need more motivation.
You need to be more clear about which would be sustaining to you
because money is usually only a small part of that equation.
I remember in 1999, I was finally making headway on
getting a day job to support my two children and myself, and I
got offered a job at this really great housing not-for-profit in
Portland, OR called Central City Concern and I came in and it was
for an admin position. I'd never been an admin before.
I started a management out of college, but nobody believed me
because I was a girl and I've lived all over the world.
And so I walking in a suit and I come in looking like an
executive and I'm trying to overqualify myself for this job
because I don't think I'm going to want it right.
I'm and I'm in the running for a dream job with a company that
caught languages and English as a second language to business
people. And it could take me all over
the world again. And I was like, oh, I'll be
making enough money. I can hire a mom as helper or
second pair of hands, take the kids, you know.
Oh, what a great way to be. Needless to say, I got home from
overqualifying myself. And it's funny, I could feel my
guidance going like, you know, think not in a mean way, like,
you, dummy, we've thrown you the right thing.
And I'm like, yeah, but I don't want that.
Speaking of the outcome, I don't want that.
I can't use, like, photocopiers. And I have like, this blood
feud. If, if I can screw up a business
machine, I will. OK, The printer's not going to
work. The photocopier's going to go
haywire. And God forbid, a fax because we
still used faxes. I'm like, it's just going to jam
up. By the time I got home about an
hour later, my phone was ringing.
Lori, we love everything about you.
Would you consider taking this job if it led to a promotion?
And it would mean X amount a year.
But we need you to really know the organization, so you'd stay
in the admin position and work in lots of departments to really
get to know us. And then you'd move into the
marketing director position that we'll be meeting in six months
time. That sounded better.
Remember I was 29, sounded better.
And I, I decided to be honest. I said I, I would love to do
that and I'm honoured. But I'm in the running for a job
like that really fits my qualifications.
They're trying to decide between me and this other person.
Can I let you know the outcome I'm supposed to know tomorrow?
Oh, absolutely. We'll wait for you.
We created this for you on a platter.
And I'm like, OK, I'll let you know if it doesn't work out.
Hubris and ego. And so anyway, Needless to say,
that's where I ended up working because they chose the other
person. And they didn't choose the other
person because they were a guy and I was a woman and I had
kids. And they did that.
No, it was down to skill sets. And they were trying to decide
which set of skill sets to go with.
And they were very transparent. And it was a great company too.
And that would have been a cool job.
Unfortunately, and maybe fortunately, given the way the
world went in the next couple of years, it all worked out.
And it was literally the job with Central City Concern was
the best place I've ever worked. It was a fulfilling job.
I got to learn how to write grants.
In fact, the first grant I got to write was a Ryan White grant
for people living with AIDS and providing housing for.
And it was a beautiful, special project we did.
It had meaning, it had depth, it had good benefits, and the only
thing I was stuck on is it didn't make enough money yet,
but it would be. But it was the work environment.
The more it could stabilize me, the more my life stabilized.
Instead of looking at all the reasons it things weren't
working out, I had to look at what was working.
And that's a pretty extreme example, but I'm sure you guys
have stories of things working out in unexpected ways because,
you know, when we try to envision this perfect scenario,
guess what? We can't even come close to what
would actually be perfect. So there has to be an element of
trust of I know this is working out, I just don't know all the
ways it is. That's why when you guys try to
get me to speak about things, they're like, tell us more.
I'm like, I don't know more. I know this.
If I try to fill that story in and it doesn't go the way
everybody wants it to, then I'm the bad guy.
I try to stop conjecture because we don't have all the answers.
We don't have all the information we need, so we can
only work with what we've got. So let's talk about what the
money wound is so you can get a little better idea as you're
moving through this week. You might be like, oh, I see, I
see. OK, so I can stabilize a little
bit better here. And trust me, you're going to
love this. But I'm very proud of it.
There are things I have loved about my writing and other
things, but I've always felt they could be better.
This is the first book I really feel like in a long time that it
deserves the cover to be on paper.
So, and it will be. So what is the money wound?
The money wound is a systemic learned pattern.
So it's a pattern. And if you can recognize a
pattern, you can change a pattern, OK?
It organizes how a person relates to safety, value, and
resources. So I'm saying money because
that's how most people associate your resources and how you
resource yourself, right? But it's bigger than that.
Notice I mentioned best work environment.
I need a great work environment. I need people who have a sense
of humor. I need people who care deeply.
I've always said I work with people who give a shit.
It's not a singular event. It's not one time.
It's not just because your mom and dad lost their job or they
were a single parent or the economy tanked.
It's not a singular event, It's not a diagnosis, and it's not a
personality trait. OK, don't buy into popular
astrology that says, oh, because I have this placement here, I'm
always going to be bad at this or I'm always going to be good
at that. Those those are fixed
interpretations that don't always serve your highest good.
It's a spectrum. It can be when conditions are
right. I operate like this.
When conditions are more stressful, I do this and we
cover this. OK, The money wound forms during
early experiences, family dynamics, cultural messaging,
economic conditions, and social expectations.
OK. It reflects how a person learned
to interpret security and risk in the environment they grew up.
And none of us really, truly like where some people are a
little more risk taking than others, but most of us like to
feel secure. For some people, they need a lot
of freedom to feel secure, and it feels like a risk to be
locked down, right. Long before a child understands
numbers, income or responsibility, their nervous
system is already noticing patterns.
So it's not even cognitive, it's just you're picking it up
because babies are very observant.
They observe through all their senses and they're very lunar in
their nature. They're in their sensing,
feeling body. They're not cognifying it into
words yet they know they're uncomfortable.
They know there's tension in the air.
They know they, they feel alone. They want to be held and feel
secure. That's why babies like, they
like to be held or swaddled, to feel secure.
So, you know, and what they're noticing in these patterns is
who's stressed out, what creates conflict, what feels unsafe,
what is rewarded and what is avoided.
These observations are not evaluated.
They're absorbed. Babies can't decide what's good,
what's bad, what's a misinterpretation, what was a
misunderstanding that was there a resolution.
They won't know that. They know when things are calm
and secure. They know when things are out of
whack. And then it gets absorbed and
the baby then starts making choices.
It's not really a choice, but we're going to use that word for
lack of words. But there are decisions on
behavior. If I cry, I get picked up.
If I cry, I'm isolated. So I learned not to cry, OK?
It's not about intelligence, it's not about effort, it's not
about lack of effort, it's not about being lazy, it's not about
being anti establishment. Almost all of those are social
tropes and social programs, including the angry young
person, the rebellion. And you don't have to get
conservative when you're older either.
That's a trope too, right? People often assume their
financial challenges exist because they are careless,
unmotivated, or irresponsible or unlikable, or they're not a team
player because of all the things people say.
Your manager just could have said it to you.
Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. And do you really need to work
on a team? There's lots of ways to make
money. There is you're calling and
there's resourcing. They are different.
The it's structure, it's about creating the right structures.
And sometimes that structure is your work environment.
Sometimes that structure. It's not always down to the
dollar amount because again, there's lots of ways to bring
income in. Back before 2008, like 2005,
2006, the economy was already bad for those who weren't in the
higher income brackets. OK.
And we couldn't cut one more thing out of our budget.
And, and my husband had a stable job.
He worked for the state and he was at the highest level he
could be without leaving the job he enjoyed doing.
And if he went to a desk job, if he left the field, he would have
been miserable. But we hadn't seen a job like a
COLA in six years. And so when people were saying
tighten your belt, I was like, we don't have any more notches
left. We're going to get cut in half.
So the only other option I had was to bring more in.
And I was like, well, I don't know how to run a business, but
I can figure it out. It's, you know, even if I'm
bringing in 100 more bucks a month, 500 more bucks a month,
it takes some pressure off. So it's important, you know, so
a person can be highly capable and still feel overwhelmed by
financial decisions. They can understand budgeting
and still avoid looking at their accounts.
They can succeed professionally and still feel unsafe charging
for their work. There's a lot of spiritual
teachers, readers, people in the metaphysical world who are way
under charge. And then there are those who are
fakes who wait, overcharge. It's so funny.
It's Denning Kruger effect. The the contradictions aren't
failures, they're signals. It's information, OK, It's just
information. It means you need to change up
the structure. And that's what we do.
We learn to switch up the structure.
So it's important for you to build a structure forward.
And that structure starts with asking yourself just a couple of
questions. When do I feel most secure?
And don't say payday because payday might be stressful
because you're like, oh great, now I got to pay bills, right?
But when do you really feel most secure?
Is it sitting outside and soaking up a beautiful spring
day and smelling the flowers? Is it knowing that you've done a
job well done? Is it listening to your kids
laugh and enjoy full of bellies? Is it, you know, when do you
feel most secure? Maybe it's sitting with your
honey and holding hands, you know, not really even saying
anything. No TV, the music to sit and kind
of let the world go by, or maybe it is laughing together watching
a movie or telling silly stories.
When do you feel most secure? Focus on that.
And that helps change the way your brain looks at the world.
If you can focus on this is how I feel secure instead of Oh my
God, I'm not secure. I'm not feeling OK.
And it's not bypassing to look at what does work for you.
It is more like, here's my here's my foundation from this.
Everything grows OK. And by paying attention to that,
it's like fertilizing a garden, right?
It's giving it the nutrients because the more you look at
what's scary, what isn't working, your fears about
hanging on to what you think you could lose all of that.
That is like depleting the soil of its vitamins and its minerals
and all the good stuff, right? So you want to, you want to
fertilize your stability by focusing what you know already
does make you feel better. OK, so some questions you can
ask yourself and, and I have a much longer list, but I'm going
to give you 3 questions you can ask yourself this week.
Which five financial behaviors in your life feel repetitive or
automatic instead of intentional?
OK, and I'm not talking about auto pay bills, OK?
I'm talking about like when you're spending money or when
you're putting money away. Is it repetitive, knee jerk,
impulsive, something you do want, a default setting?
Or is it something you've really considered and decided, Nope,
I'm going to do that? OK, Where do you notice the
difference between what you logically know and what you
instinctively or reflexively do? So, you know, I should be doing
this, and then you go do this other thing reflexively.
And then the last question, what becomes possible?
And I really want you to think about this one, what becomes
possible when you view your behavior as a learned structure
instead of personal failure? Oh, that's a big one.
So there's a lot more to it than that, but this is just to get
you started because honestly, I think we're going to see like
mid-april, we're going to see an economic whammy and then we're
going to see a rise. So I do think things will start
stabilizing after the end of the month.
There's just some good economic news coming in, especially
around the 23rd. I know everybody wants to it to
be it. I do not think that is the only
possibility. It is one of many, many, many,
many, many possibilities. But I don't think it's the dirt
nap. I don't.
We'll see what happens because things just kind of change
radically as we move into the end of the month and not
necessarily radically in a bad way.
But it's also not like Fantasy Island, OK, we're still going to
have to deal with a mess. So focus on what you can do, OK?
Look at what's in your control because the best, you know, we
don't just let go. If you've ever, if you've ever
played on the bars and a lot of you younger people haven't, but
when I was a kid, we had monkey bars, you know, and you'd swing
on the monkey bars. Some people have old fashioned
playgrounds, other people don't because they're a liability.
But you, you don't swing and let go with both hands.
You you have one that gives you propulsion you know you're
holding on to when you swing and you grab the next, you let go to
use momentum. So you're never just one
handedly doing this. You have your hand, you let go,
you move to the next. And that's what we're doing, OK.
If you let go with both hands, you fall in, right?
So we're not letting go. We're we're, we're moving our
momentum towards something, OK. And that's the best way I can
describe it. If you have more questions
around that, go ahead and ask me, especially if you're a
supporting patron, feel free to ask.
Regardless of your level, I would love to help people more
with this because we're all going to need it as we go
forward because what was isn't coming back, but what will be
is, is a little bit in our hands.
We get to influence those who represent us, we get to be
involved in local and we get to build our lives forward and that
is in our hands. So anyway, I hope you have a
beautiful week. And remember, just because stuff
is going on in the news doesn't mean you can't have a good day,
a good week, a good month, a good year.
On a personal level, everything can work out.