1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:05,480 What would your advice be to a younger man entering a 2 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:06,920 relationship with a Latina woman? 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,240 All right, We'll just start right off with that. 4 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,560 Should I give a little background to your question for 5 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,520 people who don't know me? I I live in Puerto Vallarta, 6 00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:22,880 Mexico. I moved here 2010 and I I can't 7 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:28,680 say that I went looking for a a Latina woman I'd had plenty of 8 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:33,560 success dating and otherwise in the US, but I wanted to move to 9 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,360 to an area that had more sunshine where I grew up in 10 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:40,120 Seattle, a lot like in the UK where you're at Leo Grey cloudy, 11 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:43,520 short days and I discovered port of Aerta and fell in love with 12 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:47,000 the the sunshine, the beach. I was just on the beach an hour 13 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:51,720 ago for forgot on the call with you and and I just the culture, 14 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:57,120 the music, the people and and yeah, the, the Latina girls were 15 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:00,520 pretty cute. And but again, I I don't know 16 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,440 that I went looking for one and people. 17 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:06,520 I am married to a Latina woman. She's from Guadalajara, Mexico. 18 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,120 I met her here in Puerto Vallarta. 19 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:12,360 People ask how we met and we it's such a love story. 20 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,560 I was walking down the street, I heard a voice say Ola Senor want 21 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:20,480 a massage and I said no, oy Tabrez manana not today, maybe 22 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,120 tomorrow. And I just kept walking. 23 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,280 I had my backpack. I was on my way to a Starbucks 24 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:27,320 to do some work. I thought I liked your voice. 25 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,800 I didn't I didn't even look at her. 26 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,680 I didn't even know what she looks like, but I liked her 27 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,680 voice. So I turned around, walked back 28 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:38,440 said how much Quanto and and we will have been married coming up 29 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:44,040 on nine years this November. So I didn't see that coming. 30 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:50,000 I didn't go looking for it. And I think my wife is as as 31 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:54,160 crazy as they come and as, and as amazing as they come. 32 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:57,440 And so far, I've been able to handle her version of crazy. 33 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,760 But yeah, I, I think she's just fucking amazing. 34 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:04,120 And, and guess what? I got to learn Spanish in my 50s 35 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:07,640 and 60s, which I was already kind of trying a little bit, you 36 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,639 know, working on it. I'd had it in school. 37 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:13,680 I took a class or two. But yeah, you, you start a 38 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,040 relationship with somebody who doesn't speak your language. 39 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:17,800 And I thought, you know, why not? 40 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,200 I wanted to learn Spanish. So let let's go. 41 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:24,320 So I back to your question, what, what, what is the specific 42 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:28,080 question now that I've laid the groundwork of of who am I to 43 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:31,720 answer it? Well, even then you she reached 44 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:35,040 out to you, so she's she initiated that contact with you, 45 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,400 which is in itself is unique right in in even the world we 46 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,760 live in and. Well, it's it's not so unique 47 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,880 necessarily here in in this culture, especially I I live in 48 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,800 a tourist town. Puerto Vallarta is a tourist 49 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,960 town. So to walking down the street is 50 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,720 not unusual to hear somebody say, you know, hey, hey 51 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:58,400 honeymooners, hey friend selling timeshares massage. 52 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,280 We I just want my wife and I were walking to to to a 53 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:05,920 restaurant on the beach today. Some guy said, hey, friend, we'd 54 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:10,200 and I, you know, So yeah. You know, usually when they say, 55 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,920 hey, you know, pipes, weed, cocaine, I look and say your 56 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:16,480 sister. But you know that that doesn't 57 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,200 always go over well. But my wife laughs at it. 58 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,920 So, you know, it's a good joke. So yeah. 59 00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:22,520 So they're always selling you something. 60 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,240 So it's not that unusual for somebody to say, for example, 61 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:26,520 oh, listen, you, I want a massage. 62 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,240 She was standing out front of her massage place. 63 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:33,660 She's told me this story multiple times with her Co 64 00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:36,720 worker, a gay guy. And she says what happened is 65 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,560 they both saw me walking up the street. 66 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:42,400 My wife says the way she tells it is she says the hand of God 67 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:47,080 turned her head and said look. And she goes, I've watched 68 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:51,000 thousands of people, men, women, all ages walk up down the street 69 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,760 but never did I look at somebody and just go wow. 70 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,520 And she said her gay companion looked at her and said, do you 71 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,440 see that? And she goes, he's mine. 72 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,720 And then her gay companion said, we'll see. 73 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:07,840 So she won the bet. And gay Puerto Vallarta is also 74 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:11,080 a very gay friendly town. So, you know, it would not have 75 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,640 been a surprise whichever way that one went, I guess. 76 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:19,680 So, yeah, she did initiate that. And, and quite honestly, I mean, 77 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:26,200 it's not that I'm slow or shy, but she later on basically 78 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:30,200 initiated sex with me. She would come walk in her room 79 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,720 with a condom and said stop Ian no porque no, Why not? 80 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:38,200 So she was very assertive. She knew what she wanted and, 81 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,680 and she's still very assertive and knows what she wants. 82 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:46,720 And her one of her personal life mantras is CIO quiero yo Puerto. 83 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:51,480 If I want to, I can I tell her I love that mantra, CIO quiero yo 84 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,040 Buero. And I tell her she's my role 85 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:57,160 model for facing fear and leaning into stuff that scares 86 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,680 me 'cause this woman grew up in poverty. 87 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:03,600 Guadalajara, Mexico 8 out of 10 kids, father left the family 88 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,560 when she was 5 just to abandon them. 89 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:11,960 Poor poverty. She's been beat on and you know, 90 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:17,320 by family, by neighbours, been abused priests, everybody. 91 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:20,120 That woman's been through more shit than anybody should ever 92 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,920 have to go through, which is not unusual for Latina women to just 93 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:30,320 endure a lot and and a lot of them come out stronger for it. 94 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:34,160 And and my wife is still the most generous, open hearted 95 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,760 person. I mean, she's got her wounds, 96 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,480 but just last night, this today is Independence Day in Mexico, 97 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,280 Viva Mexico. Cabronis is kind of the the 98 00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:46,480 phrase. And so last night she made a 99 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:50,360 giant pot of Pasoli. We probably had 25 people in the 100 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,960 house last night. She's always the life of the 101 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,800 party. Everybody loves her. 102 00:05:55,080 --> 00:06:01,080 But yeah, she's just that strong, vibrant, just brilliant 103 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,280 woman. I in many ways I wish my Spanish 104 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,000 was better. We speak all in Spanish with 105 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,440 each other, but she's so fucking funny. 106 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,800 She just cracks people up right and left. 107 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:13,440 And because I don't get a lot of the double meaning of the words 108 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,160 of the jokes, I just wish I understood her humour even 109 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,800 better. Even so, I still think she's 110 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,080 funny as hell. So I just, you know, this 111 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,560 amazing woman found me and it's kind of like who am I say no 112 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,560 when something amazing, you know, walk through the door. 113 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:31,040 So I said yes when she walked in with the Condor. 114 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,440 I said yes when she said all those Sonora want a massage. 115 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:38,680 And and, you know, here I am probably 11 years after we met, 116 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,680 coming on nine years of marriage, and just so grateful 117 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:46,080 that I said yes. I have an interesting experiment 118 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:49,120 that I did on before I met my girlfriend. 119 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:53,560 So the actual way in which I met my girlfriend was I was in I was 120 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:58,280 in Spain and something someone to give me the advice to get on 121 00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:01,920 the dating app That a great way to start to learn a new city was 122 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:06,040 to go on dates, to have fun and just start to start to see some 123 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,440 idea see some places and new spots. 124 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:15,640 But great idea turned on the dating apps, but my instantly 125 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,080 was sort of filled with dread as to the experience is not 126 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,920 amazing. But I'd listened to you before 127 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:25,320 and you said something before which really hit me, which was 128 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,680 about how to be seen as being attractive. 129 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,520 But I actually, when I listened to it, I interpret it slightly 130 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,720 differently as to almost how to find your own happiness. 131 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:38,520 Which the way in which you define trying to be attractive 132 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,240 was through three things, which was to be comfortable in your 133 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,600 own skin, to know where you're going and have fun while you're 134 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,680 doing it. So I thought, do you know what, 135 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:49,840 why don't, if I was to aim at being happy, then three of those 136 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,960 things sound pretty good, but that and, and in that order as 137 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,440 well. And the first one being 138 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,640 actually, I believe the hardest one to kind of really understand 139 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,840 who you are, be comfortable in that, to know where you're going 140 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,160 to have some form of direction, be ambitious. 141 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,200 And for me, that was actually a little bit easier because I've, 142 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,760 I've kind of always been that as my personality type and from 143 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,360 where I've been and then having fun along the ways. 144 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,480 I think sometimes we forget how to have fun when we're doing 145 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,120 those things. But I the test leagues, the 146 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:22,520 experiment I ran was when I opened up Hinge and I set up a 147 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:25,520 profile. I put those three things and I 148 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,840 put it down on my profile saying I'm comfortable with my own 149 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,960 skin. I know where I'm going and I'm 150 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,800 going to have fun while I'm going there. 151 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,440 And essentially underneath it said, who's with me that? 152 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:38,720 That that. Single thing got me the most 153 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:43,799 responses I've ever had It was insane It was always the women 154 00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:47,280 going love it love it love it I'm all I'm all in I'm I'm in 155 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,720 for the ride and it it worked charm. 156 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:53,120 However it didn't work with my girlfriend because she never saw 157 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,840 me on the app. I actually actually went and 158 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:58,560 found her else I actually went on social media and actually 159 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,680 messaged her on there and privately asked her for a 160 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:04,200 coffee. But it was so amazing that when 161 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,640 I heard that information one, I have to thank you for actually 162 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,920 putting that into my world because it actually changed the 163 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,320 way I presented myself for myself. 164 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:15,000 And then actually in terms of from a dating world, it worked, 165 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,880 but it was it was while it didn't bring me dates because I 166 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,160 wasn't trying to actually engage with them in the end on that 167 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:24,880 that device, man, it, it was successful in in what it's given 168 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:29,840 me. I, I love that as well because I 169 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:35,200 spent the 1st 40 something years of my life not thinking I was 170 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:39,120 attracted to women, not thinking women are interested in me, 171 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,920 maybe especially attractive women. 172 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,800 I, I was married for the first, you know, 1st 25 years of my 173 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,360 adult life. And, and by the time I got 174 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:53,800 divorced in my late 40s, I got out there in the world and women 175 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,720 were coming on to me. They were flirting with me, 176 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,960 propositioning me. Like I said, my wife 177 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,600 propositioned me. Yeah, she, she, she led the way. 178 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,880 They were getting naked on 1st and 2nd dates and I was going, 179 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,600 what planet have I landed on now? 180 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,840 It wasn't because I was young and buffed and rich. 181 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,280 It wasn't, you know, what, what, what, what do they say in the 182 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,960 black pill that you, you have to have status, looks and money. 183 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,480 Is that that kind of the three things you have to have? 184 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,160 Probably the trifecta, yeah. Yeah, to get to get the to get 185 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,080 the high quality women and and then they go, well, I don't have 186 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,840 those, so it's women's fault. I can't get whatever. 187 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,360 Hey, I didn't have those. I didn't have the status looks 188 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,800 for money. You know, my what here I had was 189 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,320 going away. It was grey. 190 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,400 You know, I don't think I was in the best shape when I got 191 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,480 divorced, went through bankruptcy after that. 192 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,480 So it wasn't like I had any of those things. 193 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,200 And I still getting laid without trying. 194 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,840 I wasn't even chasing anybody. You know, they were coming to 195 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,080 me. So I, I, I couldn't believe what 196 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:54,240 planet I'd landed on. And so you know that that's like 197 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:59,720 20 years ago and I'm, I'm 69, I'll be 70 at the end of the 198 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:03,480 year. And my jealous Latina wife still 199 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,520 almost daily points out women that are coming. 200 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:09,200 I just in the gym yesterday. I can't believe my friend kept 201 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,360 walking in front of you and bending over and putting her ass 202 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:12,840 in your face while you were on that mission. 203 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:17,520 You know, she, she still is pointing out women typically 204 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:23,200 much younger than me, women in their 20s, younger who are 205 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,160 flirting, trying to get my attention. 206 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:28,880 And you know, and again, it's not because I'm I'm, I'm, I'm 207 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,040 young and buff and loaded. You know, it's it. 208 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:35,520 But all I can really attribute it to is those three things. 209 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,200 I'm comfortable in my own skin. I did a shit load of therapy. 210 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:45,040 I've been working on releasing shame for 35 years in various 211 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:49,680 different scenarios, being with safe people, sharing the things 212 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,320 about me that I've shame about that I don't want people to know 213 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,720 about me, revealing to where I am comfortable in my own skin. 214 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,400 I like me, I like who I am. I'm happy being me. 215 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,960 And in terms of, of knowing where I'm going, you know, guys 216 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,720 will ask me all the time, Robert, you know, you, you, 217 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,200 you're lucky. You know, you, you live in a 218 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,120 great part of the world. You're married to an amazing 219 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,080 woman who's 22 years younger than you. 220 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:13,960 You're making a difference in the world. 221 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,880 You know, I often say no luck involved. 222 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,800 I work my ass off to get a PhD by 29 years old. 223 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:23,040 I work my ass off to write a book that has changed the world. 224 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,520 I work, you know, I work my ass off to move to Mexico. 225 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,520 It took me 10 years to make that transition to get here to learn 226 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:33,320 Spanish in my 60s. You know, you got to put work 227 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,720 into it And, and I'm really OK with that. 228 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,720 But, you know, not one day of my life have I gotten up and 229 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,040 thought to myself, what's my purpose? 230 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:46,200 I just get up and either do what excites me, what calls me, what 231 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,040 perplexes me, what I struck if I'm struggling with something, 232 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,880 I'm actually kind of struggling right now as we speak. 233 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,520 I was talking to one of my best friends about it this morning. 234 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,200 Like I said, I'm about to turn 70. 235 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,800 My mother's 90. She's not going to live a lot 236 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,360 longer. I'm looking at, you know, this 237 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:05,280 transition of, of, you know, I, I, I know I'm going to be gone 238 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:08,440 in 20, 25 years or sooner, right? 239 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,480 So I'm, I'm dealing with a transition phase of life. 240 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,240 I still love my work. I want to do my work. 241 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:19,160 I also want some more kind of downtime, more time to connect 242 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:22,040 with people I love. And so I'm actually in a phase 243 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,720 of not knowing what's next. All right. 244 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,480 And I was telling my friend, you know, there's that part of me 245 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,760 that wants to try to figure out what's next. 246 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:34,560 But really what I'm just doing is just just taking today what's 247 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:37,680 what's here today, what's required of me today. 248 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:41,160 And I get up today and do what's here today and live my best life 249 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:45,280 today, knowing that tomorrow will inform me tomorrow what's 250 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,800 required of me tomorrow. So I'm not not trying to think 251 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,080 of what, what am I supposed to do for the next 20 years. 252 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,040 I'm just thinking what, what am I supposed to do today? 253 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,720 And I just get up and do today with all my passion and all my 254 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,240 energy and I'm having a good time. 255 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,600 As I said, I moved to Mexico because I just love it here. 256 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,840 I'm, you know, hanging out last night with 25 people that don't 257 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,080 speak my first language, you know, mostly Mexican, but half a 258 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,560 dozen Cubans as well, which I can't understand the Cubans as 259 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:13,200 all at all. My wife can't eat her, so it's 260 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,920 just having a good time eating pizzoli, making margaritas for 261 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,360 the people sneaking away to watch a few NFL football games, 262 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,240 you know, in my office get coming back is just having a 263 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,000 good time with it. Today we went to the 264 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,640 chiropractor for my wife. Let's go to the beach, got some 265 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,040 Dee. So I had my toes in the sand 266 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:32,200 today eating a shrimp cocktail, looking at the blue skies, just, 267 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,840 you know, just living a good life. 268 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,080 And so, for example, when I shared that that kind of 269 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:42,600 trifecta with Chris Williamson a year or two ago, he just loved 270 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,520 it. He blown it up. 271 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,920 There's you can go online and watch an interview with him and 272 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:49,680 Alex Harmozy where he he he tells Alex Harmozy those three 273 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:53,680 things and Alex Harmozy just kind of riffs on all of them. 274 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,840 And I've heard him share it with two or three other people. 275 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,880 When I share it with specially female dating coaches, like on 276 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,760 interviews. And I say, you know, the 277 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:03,320 feminine is highly attracted to a man, is comfortable in his own 278 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,000 skin, knows where he's going, looks like he's having a good 279 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:10,680 time getting there. The women coaches all go yes, 280 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,160 yeah, there are, They don't have to think about it. 281 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:16,280 They go, yeah, that, you know, the women aren't going well, but 282 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,480 does he have status? Does he have looks? 283 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,520 Does he have money? They're they're, they're not 284 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,120 thinking that. They're thinking he's 285 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,920 comfortable in his own skin. Oh, how rare is that? 286 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,160 He knows where he's going. Not just a workaholic, but he's 287 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,560 actually making a difference in the world and he's having a good 288 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:31,840 time doing it. Yeah. 289 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,480 They want to jump on that train. They, they want to climb on 290 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,400 board and, and, and travel along with you and have a good time. 291 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:42,880 So I don't go out. I haven't chased women since my 292 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,920 second wife. I, I, I chased her for 14 years 293 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:49,080 trying to get her to show up, but I haven't chased a woman 294 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,200 since then. You know, the feminine comes to 295 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,200 me and the feminine, you know, there's all things is women is, 296 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,640 is babies, is dogs, is cats, is money, is opportunity, is 297 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,720 adventure. And I think when you are 298 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,960 comfortable in your own skin, know where you're going, having 299 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,080 a good time, everything is an adventure. 300 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:09,560 Even me about to turn 70 and not knowing what the next 20 years 301 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,880 going to look like, I'm excited. It's going to be an adventure. 302 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,880 If I look back on what's happened in my life over the 303 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,200 last 20 years, I'm going. A lot's happened over my life in 304 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,000 the last 20 years. The next 20 years, there's even 305 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,560 half as interesting and excited. I'm looking forward to that one. 306 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,960 So, so again, I think, I think the feminine, I, I can't say all 307 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,160 women are naturally is going to be turned on by every guy, just 308 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,840 like we're not turned on by every woman. 309 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:39,600 But I, I think if you don't care if they like you or not, if 310 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,360 you're not trying to impress them, if you're not trying to 311 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,560 prove you're a high value man with your status, looks and, and 312 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,840 money, or that you do cold plunges every morning and go to 313 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,720 the gym, you know, two hours every day. 314 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,320 You know, a lot of times they don't care, they don't give a 315 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,480 fuck, but you comfortable in your own skin, they want to get 316 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,120 close to that. So I'm glad, I'm glad that 317 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,680 worked for you and I'm, I'm glad Chris has been spreading that 318 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,240 around because I, it, it seems to resonate and and it, it 319 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,319 breaks it down. So many young men now. 320 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:10,920 They think, well, if I don't go to the gym regularly, if I don't 321 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,839 have big biceps, if I don't have 6 pack ABS, if I, you know, if, 322 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,160 if the Mike lick funnel isn't, you know, making me 100,000 a 323 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:18,760 month. If I, you know, I, how can I, 324 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,319 how can I get the high quality women And I go just fucking look 325 00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:24,560 around, you know, if you're comfortable in your own skin, 326 00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:26,079 they're already checking you out. 327 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,079 But you know, we've got our eyes focused. 328 00:17:28,079 --> 00:17:30,200 Well, I want her. I want her now. 329 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,360 Just look around. They're all out there. 330 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,960 They're noticing. They're noticing. 331 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,680 Yeah, for me, I think people have got it backwards. 332 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,560 I think they they look at the last two, where am I going? 333 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,960 Am I having fun going there? Sometimes they might go fun and 334 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,720 it actually goes to some some sort of maladaptive behaviour. 335 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:49,320 But actually, if you're people will probably go, I, I need to 336 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,520 know where I'm going. I need to be doing something in 337 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,080 order to be someone and then they'll like me. 338 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:59,160 And I think there have been things that I have probably done 339 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,320 as a younger, younger guy that have definitely been driven in 340 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,600 that direction where I thought I need to do more. 341 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:06,400 And then I'll. Be more. 342 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,120 We all do that as younger guys, that's what. 343 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,720 Be young. 100% but it actually gets you somewhere. 344 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,200 There's a real value in that just to get you going, right. 345 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:18,560 And then for me, those, those three things, they actually 346 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:22,000 really catalysed. I've been in therapy last two 347 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,240 years. I started two years ago and it 348 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:29,280 was a big thing for me in terms of breaking out of a lot of the 349 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,400 cycle that I've been in before. And I'm a deep thinker, but it, 350 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,760 I wasn't an emotionally expressive person in terms of 351 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,760 being able to talk about it. In sport, you're very much, 352 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,000 you're put in a very macho environment where you're, you're 353 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,200 told to like just squash that down and just deal with what's 354 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,360 in front of you. It's not explicit. 355 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,720 It's definitely implicit in terms of how it's. 356 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,080 Delivered. Now you're going to get an 357 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,280 advanced degree in sports psychology. 358 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,960 And you're right, teams of all sports are realising, hey, we 359 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,840 don't deal with what's between people's ears. 360 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,560 They're not going to perform at their best. 361 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:05,520 So you're right, whether it's just, you know, an average Joe 362 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,400 or a professional athlete, we got to deal with what's between 363 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:13,520 the ears if we're going to enjoy life and, and have that kind of 364 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:18,400 energy that, that, that welcomes success and, and welcomes the, 365 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,320 the feminine being attracted to us. 366 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,240 So I and, and you know what's really cool? 367 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,680 I, I'm not, I don't know how old you are, but I, I love that your 368 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,920 generation, you know, whether it's millennials, Generation Z 369 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,520 are really very open to therapy, open to coaching. 370 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,960 I, I think maybe every Gen Z person is a coach. 371 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,360 You know, if, if you go on the Internet or especially on 372 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,680 Instagram, they're all like I heard somebody say not too long 373 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:45,680 ago, oh, to have the enthusiasm of a 21 year old life coach. 374 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,680 Us older folks just don't smile at that. 375 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:53,480 So, but I, I think that's really great that, you know, 'cause I 376 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,800 didn't, I mean, I had a PhD in marriage and family therapy at 377 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,160 29. I didn't ever actually get into 378 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:03,080 therapy till my mid 30s. And you know, I, I just was so 379 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,680 resistant. Why I wasn't comfortable in my 380 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,320 own skin. I thought I had to get 381 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,800 everything right, look perfect, already know it all, you know, 382 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,080 and got into therapy and luckily I landed in some good places. 383 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,600 That first place I landed was in a 12 step group for sex addicts 384 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,160 because my second wife told me I was a sex addict. 385 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,040 Quickly found out I wasn't having enough sex to be a sex 386 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,080 addict. But it, for the first time in my 387 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:28,720 life, I started revealing myself, telling things to people 388 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,240 that I never told anybody, that I never even looked at in 389 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,120 myself. And you know what? 390 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,520 I, I, I, I, every week I look forward to going to that meeting 391 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,600 like at 5:00 in the morning because it just felt so 392 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,960 liberating to just go reveal things about me. 393 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,320 I'd kept really packed down inside. 394 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,840 And then I got into therapy. A men's group taught by a 395 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,520 psychologist, led by psychologist who'd written books 396 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:55,160 on sexual shame. And it just felt liberating to 397 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:58,200 not have anything hidden, to have no secrets, to have, you 398 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,800 know, I, I just saw an e-mail come by yesterday from Aubrey 399 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,400 Marcus talking about, you know, just the, to not have any 400 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,320 secrets, to just put it out there. 401 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:11,880 So I, I think it's great that your generation is open to 402 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,080 therapy, open to having that kind of, you know what? 403 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,160 I'm just going to, you know, get comfortable being me because 404 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,440 again, I think that's the path to happiness. 405 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,320 And I think again, if we talked about it's a path to being 406 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,200 really attractive to the world and I don't just being sexually 407 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:30,040 attractive, I mean just really charismatic, energetically 408 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,600 drawing things to you without you having to go chase anything. 409 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,720 The balance I think I've struggled with is where so I'm 410 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:43,240 35 S millennials, I feel are a big generation that are going 411 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:47,560 through that therapeutic space and and I think Gen Z have 412 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,360 started to take it on and really run with it. 413 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,240 However, I always attribute the fact that being a millennial, I 414 00:21:55,240 --> 00:22:00,280 kind of feel blessed because I'm in this space where I didn't 415 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,920 grow up with a lot of the technological challenges that 416 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,360 are being thrown at a young mind right now. 417 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:10,040 And I also had a lot of the stoic, resilient behaviours that 418 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,760 the older generation, especially here in, in Britain, sort of 419 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,640 post war mindset that we had coming out there. 420 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:20,160 I, I feel grateful to be sort of in that space in between where 421 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,440 my childhood was running outside, being with friends and 422 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,560 engaging with the world, right and learning those 423 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,520 characteristics that are, are great. 424 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:34,080 But I, I have the once you've started therapy, it's kind of 425 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,960 like you've opened a box that you'll never be able to shut and 426 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,440 I worry for. Which is a good thing. 427 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:41,040 Which is a good thing, right? But I worry with younger 428 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,400 generations that when they start to lean on it, it's there's some 429 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:49,480 other paths and avenues that taking it can remove the the 430 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,040 experience that they're having that's right in front of them. 431 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,800 Yeah, and I'm, well, you know, you can say more about what what 432 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,520 you're specifically referring to. 433 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,880 My son's 40, so, you know, he's just five years old. 434 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,960 He's turned 40 last month. And, you know, yeah, we didn't 435 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:08,440 get broadband Internet till he was like 1213 years old. 436 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,840 And then we couldn't keep him and my stepson off the computer. 437 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:16,080 They were looking at porn and stealing music on Napster, you 438 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,040 know, 24/7. We actually went to dial up. 439 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,680 Nobody your your age if I remembers dial up because. 440 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:23,960 I I do use it. It was so slow. 441 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,800 I mean, trying to look at porn on dial up, you watch it and go 442 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,280 watching a line come up one at a time, you go, oh, I think that's 443 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:31,680 a boob. I think it's a boob. 444 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,640 Oh fuck, it's an elbow, you know. 445 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,000 So, yeah, in order to get them to. 446 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,320 But of course, you know, they they are of that generation. 447 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,400 But then of course, Generation Z comes along and, you know, their 448 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,160 parents are putting smartphones in their hands when they're two 449 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,800 weeks old, you know, so they, they've just grown up and, you 450 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,240 know, they just live through the technology. 451 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:56,680 And I honestly, maybe I'm just an old fart. 452 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,800 I don't, I don't love social media. 453 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,400 I've, I've never liked Facebook. People tried to get me on it, 454 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,800 you know, 25 years ago and I never liked it. 455 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,920 I, I don't, I don't love Instagram, YouTube, YouTube. 456 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:11,560 I like, but TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, I'd say who do you 457 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,720 want to steal your data? Mark Zuckerberg, Elon Musk or 458 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,280 the Chinese government? Take your pick. 459 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,760 And I just think social media, I mean, it has such potential for 460 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:24,920 good and it does do good, but man, it has such potential, not 461 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:29,400 only for bad, but just for addicting people to technology 462 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,600 because it's built to, to addict people. 463 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,200 You know, our, our, our smartphones, you know, I stood 464 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,280 in line and got a day one iPhone, you know, when they came 465 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,760 out, what, 16 or so years ago. And you know, the first phones 466 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,400 did not have apps on them. And then when they introduced 467 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:46,320 apps with the second operating system, kind of like, well, what 468 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,760 are those for? What are, but it's the apps that 469 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,080 actually addict you. So I think we've got this young 470 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:53,920 generation addicted to their phones. 471 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,960 That's how they connect. I've got a 2020 year old stepson 472 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,520 and his girlfriend. She's on her phone 24/7. 473 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:03,560 I never see her where she's not looking at her phone. 474 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:04,920 She's just on her phone all the time. 475 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,440 I don't know what she's looking at Instagram, video games, 476 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,200 whatever. So we've got that And now with 477 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,480 AI coming, I mean, I, I use AII just used it just for this call 478 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:16,440 to try to find the phone number for the local Starbucks where I 479 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,280 think I left my water bottle this afternoon. 480 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:24,040 And so I, I, I use AI, but I think AI is going to lead to 481 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,000 people not having to think anymore. 482 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,640 You know, for, for example, just a couple months ago, my wife was 483 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,840 going from here in Puerto Vallarta, flying through Mexico 484 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,640 City to go to Bogota, Colombia for a dance event, a salsa 485 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,720 event. She's big into salsa and cumbia 486 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,840 and bachata. And so the night before she's 487 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:47,840 going, I, you know, I get on Perplexity, an app on my phone 488 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:51,640 for AI. And I asked about what in Mexico 489 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,680 City airport, what terminal will she come into on Aeromexico? 490 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,560 And what terminal will she have to get to, to get to her next 491 00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,200 flight, which was on, on a Columbia based airline. 492 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,120 And, and so he told me those two. 493 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,240 And then I said, so I asked it in English. 494 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:05,960 And then so my wife sitting at the table with me. 495 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:08,520 So I relayed the information to her in Spanish. 496 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:12,000 And because I hadn't turned off perplexity, it then started 497 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:16,920 repeating it with a perfect Mexican accent, the exact same 498 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,400 information based on what it heard me saying English. 499 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,560 It said it back to her in Spanish. 500 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:25,720 And then I asked it something about the airport in Bogota and 501 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:29,000 it started speaking with a perfect Colombian Spanish 502 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,360 accent. And I looked at my wife. 503 00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:34,440 I turned it off so it quit listening to me and and I looked 504 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:38,320 at my wife and I said if this had existed 10 years ago, I 505 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,080 wouldn't have learned Spanish because I wouldn't have had to. 506 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,520 We could have just sat there with our phones in front of each 507 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,360 other. In fact, my wife and I just had 508 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:49,360 a couples therapy session in Austin, TX last week with my 509 00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:52,080 coach there and I, I took her there. 510 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:56,160 She'd never met my coach and my coach speaks fair amount of 511 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,040 Spanish. She's actually fairly fluent. 512 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:03,000 I think she grew up in Miami so and but when it kind of got down 513 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,480 to nitty gritty and the therapy between my wife and I and I and 514 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,440 she didn't want me to have to keep translating. 515 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,600 She want she just pulled out ChatGPT and and spoke in English 516 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,840 where I could hear it and then played it back to my wife and it 517 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:19,120 was perfect. So, you know, yeah, that's great 518 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,280 technology. But if it existed 10 years ago, 519 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,520 I wouldn't have learned Spanish and I'm glad I learned Spanish. 520 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:30,520 So it makes me really think how much of our cognitive reasoning, 521 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,360 creative functions is this going to rob a sub? 522 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,520 You know, now I see so many like newsletters and emails that they 523 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,520 come out and I go, I was written my chat GB TI mean. 524 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,920 You can tell. I mean, people aren't even 525 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,480 writing their own newsletters anymore. 526 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,280 And I had for, you know, a couple months, I kind of fell 527 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:47,360 into that. Oh, this is easy. 528 00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:50,080 And then I go, somebody gave me good advice and don't do it. 529 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:54,120 Write your own stuff. And I'm a writer, you know, so 530 00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:55,600 I, I, I want to write my own stuff. 531 00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,560 So kind of going back to, you know, the younger generation, 532 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,360 not only do they, that's just their world, that's normal. 533 00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:05,400 That's, that's just how the world works. 534 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,840 And what I also see in the thing in terms of the therapy part of 535 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:13,240 that is it now kind of like everything's trauma, 536 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,920 everything's related to trauma, everything, everybody's either a 537 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:19,760 narcissist, A borderline, A sociopath, everybody's a, an 538 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:26,160 amateur diagnostician, right? And well, I think that 539 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,560 approaching things from the point of view of trauma and its 540 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:34,240 effect on us, I think especially in that younger generation, 541 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:38,200 everything is put in the context of trauma, kind of like 542 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,160 everything about life is trauma. And I don't know that I want to 543 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:46,480 look at life as life is trauma. And, and so, you know, and I 544 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,840 think maybe that might come and go because a lot of things do. 545 00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:53,320 And so again, I'm really excited that younger generations are 546 00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:57,720 open to therapy and, and, but again, everything kind of is, is 547 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,520 trauma and plant medicine and psychedelics these days, which 548 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,920 is good. I mean, I, I go to psychedelic 549 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,240 therapy, I've done plant medicine and I think there's 550 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,680 value to it, but it, but it's not necessarily the answer. 551 00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,800 So I think the fact is, and I think this is where you come 552 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,880 from with your show, is it life is a struggle. 553 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,480 Scott Pecker wrote a book called The Road Less Travelled, the 554 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,640 best selling self help book of all time. 555 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,440 Most young guys don't know about it. 556 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:26,760 Amazing book. He begins that book basically 557 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,800 ripping off the Buddha by saying life is difficult. 558 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:33,040 Said this is a great truth, one of the most important truths, 559 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:37,000 because once we accept that life is difficult, life ceases to be 560 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,200 difficult. OK, so if we're living in 561 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:42,320 trauma, oh, everything's trauma, everything's trauma, 562 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,640 everything's going to be trauma. So So what if we just accept no 563 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:51,360 life, just difficult, you know, and, and it's how we navigate 564 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:55,040 the difficultness and embrace it and accept it and say, OK, like 565 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,960 I said, I'm dealing with an emotional transition right now 566 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:01,280 because of my age is I think it's a normal developmental 567 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:07,080 transition for somebody my age. And I kind of struggle at times, 568 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,160 you know, not knowing what's next and feeling kind of 569 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,440 lethargic and feeling a little bit overwhelmed. 570 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:15,400 And I'm just going, OK, break it, let's do it. 571 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:19,200 This is what I'm supposed to be going through to get to the next 572 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,080 phase so I can help the people who are coming behind me. 573 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,560 That that mindset that you're talking about there, that that 574 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:31,120 approach, that's the thing that I I feel I don't see in a 575 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,480 younger generation at moment is because of the over 576 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:36,320 pastolagizing of. That's a good way to put. 577 00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:40,280 It whatever they've got going on in their lives, they'll, they'll 578 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,320 read it online. So they're they're stuck in this 579 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:48,240 sort of cycle of their devices, bring them whatever algorithm. 580 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:50,240 Is going. To push something that's 581 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,040 sensationalised, remember as well, it's going to be the most 582 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:55,840 sensationalised clickable piece of information that you possibly 583 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,320 can find. So if they are thinking whether 584 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:01,680 it's negatively or if they're interested in a topic, it will 585 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,880 be a sensationalised version of whatever that topic is. 586 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:07,280 So if it's like a loneliness, it'll be an incredible amount of 587 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:10,800 loneliness that it might or how bad that epidemic is or whatever 588 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,560 it might look like. And so you've got to, but in the 589 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,720 mechanism of them looking at that device, they're not 590 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:19,440 actually getting the social connection that they actually 591 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:22,720 need to develop the skills that would allow them to get out of 592 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:24,520 the issues that they're currently looking at. 593 00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,800 And so that for me is this horrible cycle that they end up 594 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:29,240 getting in. So they're sitting there over 595 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:33,080 thinking about what are overly negative issues and therefore 596 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:38,280 don't have the what you've just said is bring it on, come at me, 597 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,520 let's take it on approach to life. 598 00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:46,160 And my view is if you use therapy at too young an age to 599 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:49,680 open up that box to make them overthink and over pathologize 600 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:53,680 it even further, then it almost paralyses them from taking that 601 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:55,720 step forward. Now I know that's over 602 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,400 generalising a big thing there because there will be people 603 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,160 that will need therapy to take. Us, we do on interviews, right? 604 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,240 We over generalise stuff. Somebody's got to, you know, we 605 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:07,480 got to say something that people want to pay attention to and you 606 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,680 know, and and probably a couple things feed that. 607 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:14,680 I think Chris Williamson talks about, you know, how influencers 608 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,560 and content creators can get can it can become a caricature of 609 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,440 their own selves because they go, oh, that went viral, that 610 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:24,360 sells that got a lot of like so they just they go more that 611 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,640 direction, right. And then, of course, the 612 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:30,520 algorithms of social media, you look at something and you're all 613 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:33,200 of a sudden you're going to think that's all that exists, 614 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,160 right? So you and then, and then when 615 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,960 you're in the echo Chamber of your own head, I mean, we 616 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,040 already have algorithms in our own head. 617 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,200 They gather information to support the view of the world 618 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,920 that we already are viewing the world as it's called 619 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,800 confirmation bias. And it's just part of our 620 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,600 psychology. So here's my prediction. 621 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:52,560 Now I, I'm, I'm a terrible predictor. 622 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,680 I don't know. Do you have Costco in the UK? 623 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:59,600 The the we, I think we have one or two. 624 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,600 OK, well, they're everywhere. I mean, there's a Costco three 625 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,280 blocks from my house here in Puerto Vallerita. 626 00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,800 My mother lives like 2 miles from Costco headquarters in 627 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,480 Seattle area. So I, I joke I'm, I'm a terrible 628 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:14,080 prognosticator. Prognosticator. 629 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,400 I'm a, I'm a bad guesser of what's coming because I always 630 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:19,560 pick the wrong line at Costco. You know, there's always long 631 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,560 lines. And my wife and I go which line 632 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,760 and I go don't ask me and my wife goes, don't ask me. 633 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:25,240 We, we always pick the wrong line. 634 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:29,280 OK, so I'm, I'm a terrible predictor of what's coming, but 635 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:34,720 here's my thought. Like I said, the social media, 636 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:41,920 the 24/7 feed push of especially the younger generations, AI, it, 637 00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,040 it is, it's all seductive because it's just, it just 638 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,600 clicks all the right buttons in our nervous system, in the 639 00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,440 brain, you know, with the dopamine and, and just to feel 640 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,560 good and just feeling even even me. 641 00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:56,800 I, I went camping for three weeks just last month up in, in 642 00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,080 the Seattle area. And I really made a point. 643 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,520 I mean, I still use technology a little bit out there, still did 644 00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,760 a little bit of work, but I made a point of just putting my phone 645 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,120 down and leaving it, not picking it up and looking at it for 646 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:10,520 sports scores. You know, who gives a fuck? 647 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:11,719 You know what the sports score is. 648 00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:16,960 So I just, but even, you know, as a guy my age that didn't grow 649 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,920 up with the technology, I still, you know, I have to make a rule 650 00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:21,320 for myself. Don't take the phone to the 651 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,320 bathroom. Just you go to the bathroom 652 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:25,159 without a phone. You don't need a phone in the 653 00:34:25,159 --> 00:34:27,440 bathroom. And but I have to make rules for 654 00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,239 myself because it's just so easy to just pick it up and look at 655 00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,400 it all the time. But here's my prediction. 656 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:39,400 I think because most things swing, pendulum swings, I think 657 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:43,679 right now we're probably not to the far extreme of where we're 658 00:34:43,679 --> 00:34:48,320 going yet in terms of the technology, what AI can do, how 659 00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:51,679 it actually disconnects us from real human interaction, from 660 00:34:51,679 --> 00:34:55,120 just being in the real world, from just playing in the dirt, 661 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,120 walking in the, you know, jungle, walking in the forest, 662 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:02,400 you know, touching a real person, making love to a real 663 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,200 love, human, real life human being. 664 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:06,680 You know, it's taking us away from all that. 665 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:11,360 And then I think at some point people can start waking up. 666 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:16,000 And I think there'll be new content creators, new social 667 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:20,280 media influencers. They'll start saying, get off 668 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:23,880 social media, turn off your phone, you know, make me lose my 669 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:27,320 job, you know, start, you know, I think groups will start 670 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:30,760 popping up where people just start getting out and connecting 671 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:32,760 in person, leaving their phones behind. 672 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,760 You know, go into any restaurant, you see whole 673 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,920 families, everybody's on their phone again. 674 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,960 I, I think, I don't think we're there yet, but I think it's 675 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:45,120 maybe it's starting to creep in where people starting to say I'm 676 00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,200 gonna leave my phone in my pocket, I'm gonna leave it at 677 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:49,040 home, I'm gonna leave it turned off, I'm gonna leave it on 678 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,720 aeroplane mode. And I think at some point, I 679 00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:54,800 don't know when again, I'm a terrible predictor. 680 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,800 I think in the not too distant future, I think we got to go 681 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:02,640 down the AI rabbit hole further than we are to where all of a 682 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,720 sudden people start going, wait a minute, nobody's doing 683 00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:07,600 anything. Nobody has a job anymore because 684 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:11,840 AI does everything. And I think people will get out 685 00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:15,600 and start playing sports again, start just going out with 686 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:17,880 friends without their technology. 687 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:22,520 Well, find new challenges that, that, that, you know, challenge 688 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,000 them without technology. So I, I think that's coming 689 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:29,000 because I actually, I think, you know, for 1,000,000 1/2 years, 690 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,880 you know, we, we, we, we've been tribal creatures out there 691 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:34,600 hunting and gathering and just living for today. 692 00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:38,000 And so whatever we're experiencing now, it's just a 693 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,720 tiny, tiny little pinprick in history. 694 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:45,400 I think how we're wired is going to want to find expression. 695 00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:49,320 And that is connection. That is challenge, that is being 696 00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,600 outside, that's being with people. 697 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,400 That's as, you know, just welcoming, you know, whatever 698 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,720 those difficult I, I, I think that's coming. 699 00:36:57,720 --> 00:36:59,640 So I'm actually optimistic about that. 700 00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:03,120 And you know, probably if I stick around another 2530 years, 701 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:04,840 I think I'll see that transition. 702 00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:10,040 So how do you think young men can in that landscape right now 703 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:14,480 with everything that you know, and we can lean into nice guy 704 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,280 syndrome as well down down the line. 705 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,360 But how? How do you think right now young 706 00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:26,080 men can navigate that landscape to authentically be themselves 707 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:32,120 while being seen as attractive and a good person without 708 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:36,320 probably being labelled as toxic or over assertive? 709 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:44,000 You know, there's a, there's a process to this that I, I think 710 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,120 everybody has their own path and their own journey. 711 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:51,400 My process was number 1. I had to start getting honest, 712 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:52,920 honest with me. Who am I? 713 00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:54,440 Who you know, what am I thinking? 714 00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:55,720 What am I feeling? What am I doing? 715 00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,320 Start being with the honest with the people around me, letting 716 00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,240 them see the real me. That took work. 717 00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:05,480 I I was in my second marriage when I started doing this work. 718 00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:07,480 And you know, I, I, I thought I was a good guy. 719 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:10,160 I was an honest guy. I grew up fundamental Christian. 720 00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:12,840 But but you know, I came to realise I had a lie coach in my 721 00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,520 head that was constantly saying, tell it this way. 722 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,920 Leave that part out, Mr. A Don't tell them that. 723 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,200 Oh, make this story up, you know, make it sound good. 724 00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:24,640 And and that's really what it blown up early in my second 725 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,760 marriage when my wife insisted you go get therapy and you know, 726 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:29,480 everything's you're a nice guy, but you're not. 727 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,600 Basically, she couldn't trust me and for good reason. 728 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,760 So for example, the things I started doing is whenever I 729 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,680 noticed the lie coach in my head, you know, coaching me up 730 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:42,320 on, on how to tell a story, I, I just would notice it. 731 00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:44,960 I'd go home, I'd tell her I was going to lie to you. 732 00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:47,240 Here's a lie I was going to tell you and why. 733 00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:50,920 And here's the whole truth. She never got upset, you know? 734 00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:53,160 Yeah. She kept me catch me lying all 735 00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:54,960 the time. And often time she goes, I know 736 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,920 you're lying. This is the truth because she 737 00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:58,920 often guessed wrong at what the truth was. 738 00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,720 I can still keep the lie now that you're wrong about that, 739 00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:03,920 You know, I thought, how the fuck she know I'm lying? 740 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:05,640 She was just that intuitive, right. 741 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:08,360 And I think women in general are, I think they, they just, 742 00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:11,320 they will sense incongruence of any sort. 743 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:15,400 You know, So if you're not being fully, you fully present, fully 744 00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:18,440 visible, if you're hiding, if you're playing a game, if 745 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:22,800 you're, you know, trying to impress somebody, they know 746 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:24,520 something's wrong. They just don't know what. 747 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:26,000 And it just feels creepy to them. 748 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,560 That's why nice guys often aren't very attractive to women. 749 00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:34,120 One woman wrote me a few months back and pretty long e-mail. 750 00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:36,280 I didn't read it all, but the parts I read were really 751 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:40,080 actually pretty intriguing. She said the nice guys hiding of 752 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:43,760 his sexual agenda and his youth of covert contracts and trying 753 00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:46,680 to impress a woman and get her to like him while hiding the 754 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:49,600 sexual agenda, which is usually what puts nice guys in the 755 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,560 friend zone. She said that not only comes 756 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,520 across as creepy, it comes across as predatory. 757 00:39:56,120 --> 00:40:00,800 And I'm going, I could see that, you know, a predatory person 758 00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:03,000 like, you know, if I'm walking down the street here in Puerto 759 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:05,240 Vallarta and somebody's asking, they're acting like they're my 760 00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:07,640 best friend and they've got something really great to share 761 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,720 with me. I'm going, we're not friends. 762 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,280 You're either going to rob from me or you're trying to sell me 763 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,760 something I don't really need, you know, because I know they're 764 00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:17,440 not being genuine, right? Women know that. 765 00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,400 So being honest and being genuine and and. 766 00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,600 Again, I really stress and no more Mr Nice Guy find safe 767 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:27,560 people to start revealing yourself and and again, again, I 768 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:29,520 think a lot of generation is really open to that. 769 00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:31,560 That's why I think that is such a positive thing. 770 00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:36,160 Another really big piece for so many of the nice guys I work 771 00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:41,000 with, and I think it's even growing is, is the disconnection 772 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:42,720 most nice guys have from other men. 773 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,880 Often we're more comfortable around women. 774 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:51,200 You're getting their validation a lot of, a lot of, and maybe 775 00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,920 even more so today than even when I started doing this work 776 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,920 30 years ago. A lot more men are isolated, you 777 00:40:56,920 --> 00:41:00,200 know, they just don't connect with anybody, men or women. 778 00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:04,040 And, and again, there's so much just technology that they can 779 00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:09,440 just stay on technology 24/7. And so I think, no, I don't 780 00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:13,320 think I know we men have to connect with other men to be at 781 00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,200 our best self again for 1,000,000 1/2 years, you know, 782 00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:19,880 you and I were tribal brothers. We were going out hunting and 783 00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:23,040 gathering and, and hunting, hunting, hunting, gathering and, 784 00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:26,600 and warring and coming back and bringing the food, the furs and 785 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:30,080 the fox back to the women and, you know, providing, protecting. 786 00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:32,320 And we did it together. We did it as men. 787 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:37,240 And really it's only been maybe the last 60-70 years that men 788 00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:40,440 quit having that deep connection with other men when they came 789 00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,400 back from World War 2. And women have been in the 790 00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:47,280 factories, you know, building the bombs and the tanks and, 791 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:50,320 and, and, you know, being in the hospitals and the nursing men 792 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:54,000 came back and some women went back to being housemakers and 793 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:55,520 other women stayed in the business world. 794 00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:59,200 And feminism came along, told women, your highest goal is is 795 00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:00,920 to have a career. It's not being married. 796 00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,280 It's not having kids. And now all of a sudden, I'm not 797 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:04,440 saying either that's right or wrong. 798 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:08,760 It's just what is Men don't have a place to go connect with men 799 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,320 anymore. But I think that's changing too. 800 00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:17,320 When I was did my book tour for No More Mr Nice Guy back 2003, 801 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:20,560 travelled across the US, several major cities, a lot of 802 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:24,360 interviews with the newspaper and radio and television, and I 803 00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:27,400 was asked a lot if I saw a worldwide men's movement coming, 804 00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,800 like feminism. I said no, I really didn't think 805 00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:32,080 so. I didn't think there's one 806 00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:34,360 unifying thing that would bring men together. 807 00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:38,520 But now I'm looking and I really actually do believe there is a 808 00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,840 worldwide men's movement happening, but it's not what 809 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:45,840 you'd think and it's, and it's not necessarily immediately 810 00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:49,920 visible, but from where I sit, because I, my, my, my life is 811 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,120 met. I, it's all, I just work with 812 00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,640 met. And so I'm, and, and I'm 813 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:56,400 travelling to Australia in two weeks. 814 00:42:56,400 --> 00:43:00,000 I'm going to Denmark. And in November, I was in Japan 815 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,960 back in April. You know, I, I, I get to see men 816 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,000 around the world. I was in Berlin couple years 817 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:11,520 ago, London couple years ago. And So what I see is men not 818 00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:14,480 knowing that they're looking for tribe, not knowing that they're 819 00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,520 looking for a men's group, A men's programme. 820 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:21,960 But you know, they go out and they go find a Dojo and they, 821 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,800 they start grappling doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. 822 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:30,000 They, they maybe join a stag 12 step group to work on, you know, 823 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,640 their, their, their, their alcohol or drug addiction. 824 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:36,440 Maybe they go to a men's divorce support group at their church. 825 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:42,720 Maybe they go go to a dating pick up boot camp and they go 826 00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:45,640 out, you know, with a bunch of buddies trying to pick up women 827 00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:50,280 and they don't know they were going to find connection with 828 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:51,520 men. But then they do. 829 00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:53,880 Maybe they, they make a buddy at the in the Dojo. 830 00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,840 They get connected with the guys in their divorce support group 831 00:43:56,840 --> 00:44:00,320 at their church, their 12 step group, their, their, their pick 832 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,920 up boot camp. They're connecting with guys, 833 00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:07,800 doing things with men feeling empowered and and engaged and 834 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:11,240 seen and heard by other men. And now because there's so many 835 00:44:11,240 --> 00:44:14,600 podcasts out there, so many men's coaches, so many good 836 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:17,760 books out there that, you know, one guy said, have you have you 837 00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:19,840 have you heard of this book? No, tell me about it. 838 00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,160 Have you watched this podcast? No, that's really good. 839 00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:27,000 And now all of a sudden there's this kind of cross insemination 840 00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,080 of men's work. Hey, this guy just went looking, 841 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:32,600 you know, to, for a Dojo. This guy just went looking for 842 00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:34,520 support from divorce. This guy just wanted to learn 843 00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:36,560 how to pick up women. But now all of a sudden they're 844 00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:38,320 connected with men. They're, they're, they're 845 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,120 getting turned on to other programmes to, you know, and, 846 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:48,080 and I really see this is blowing up worldwide of men finding 847 00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:50,440 depth of connection with other men. 848 00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:53,640 Even in the UK, someone turned me on to this couple years ago. 849 00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:56,880 I may get the name wrong, but I think it's called Andy's Club. 850 00:44:56,880 --> 00:45:02,840 Andy's something club where every every Monday night, men 851 00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:06,560 all over the UK get together in a pub just to support each 852 00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:08,520 other. And it and it was started by the 853 00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:11,120 mother and best friend of a guy named Andy that committed him 854 00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,400 committed suicide several years ago. 855 00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,720 And that his mother and his best friend decided we got to help 856 00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:20,120 men deal with this epidemic of loneliness and suicide. 857 00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:22,960 So this is a kind of thing that's popping up around the 858 00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:26,360 world. So I get, I'm optimistic that 859 00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,600 we're going in a good direction and the men are getting that 860 00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:31,120 depth of connection with other men. 861 00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:35,000 So in terms of, you know, where, where does a guy my age, guy 862 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:38,280 your age, a guy, you know, 25, where do they go? 863 00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:42,320 I think #1 find that safe place to start working on just being 864 00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:44,040 honest. You being you, you being 865 00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,720 accepted for, for you. When, when I was in that 12 step 866 00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:49,080 group and I would tell these really dark things I've been 867 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:52,320 thinking about that I never told anybody, you know, the strongest 868 00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:54,840 reaction ever got was thank you for sharing, Robert. 869 00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:59,160 I go, they don't think I'm bad. And so I it let me let go of 870 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:00,920 this. This must make me bad. 871 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:04,400 All right. So work at releasing that shame, 872 00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:09,120 being honest and connecting with men and especially men that are 873 00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,840 working and being vulnerable and opening up and being authentic. 874 00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,560 I think that is going to transform the world we live in. 875 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,560 I really believe that. I think we've obviously had the 876 00:46:19,720 --> 00:46:23,800 rise of the manosphere and all sorts of labels that are placed 877 00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:29,480 on definitely the, it's a toxic end of that scale for people 878 00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:31,160 that are trying to show men the way. 879 00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:35,080 And I think they fall into that. You've got to be more to, you've 880 00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,120 got to do more to be more sort of category. 881 00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:40,320 And again, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a fan. 882 00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:43,360 I, I'm all about, you know, my, my men's membership programme, 883 00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,280 good men doing better. I, I, I wear a little bracelet 884 00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:48,840 just says do better. I don't have to be better. 885 00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:52,240 I'm fine. But yeah, I, I, I'm, I'm happier 886 00:46:52,720 --> 00:46:55,680 when, when I do things better. I, I, I got into a shouting 887 00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:59,120 match with a, a, a shuttle driver from a hotel to the 888 00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:03,800 Dallas airport last Thursday morning at 6:30 in the morning, 889 00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:07,520 got just a total Dick. And you know, and I, and I told 890 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,840 him, I said, you're an asshole, you know, and he'd, he'd already 891 00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:12,240 called me cheap because I didn't give him a tip after he threw my 892 00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:15,520 baggage out on the ground. And I, and I go, no, I give tips 893 00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:17,640 for good service. And he goes, yeah, you're cheap. 894 00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:18,800 This is that. And I go, well, you're an 895 00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:21,280 asshole. Then he started saying abusive 896 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,640 things to my wife in Spanish when he heard, you know, speak 897 00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:25,840 Spanish to me. And, you know, I could have done 898 00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:27,600 better. You know, that that kind of 899 00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:29,120 ruminated with me for a couple days. 900 00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:30,720 I don't think I did anything terrible. 901 00:47:30,720 --> 00:47:33,120 I'm not a bad person. I could have done better. 902 00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:34,560 I could have managed that better. 903 00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:36,840 And, you know, it gave me a chance to think about how could 904 00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:40,000 I, how could I have done better? Not to be a better person, not 905 00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:42,960 to be more likeable, not not to be a higher value man that's 906 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,560 going to attract higher value women, but just how could I have 907 00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:47,640 done better? And and there's some ways I 908 00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:51,000 could have soothe myself not engaged with him. 909 00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,880 And and I don't think I'm bad, no shame about it, but I can 910 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:57,960 still do better. So I'm a big fan of of how can 911 00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:00,880 we do better? But I don't think we have to be 912 00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:04,560 high value men to go get high value women again. 913 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,200 I think, you know, I think if you like yourself, you're 914 00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:08,920 probably going to be attracted to a lot of people. 915 00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:10,920 Now, of course, if you're just trying to get the youngest, 916 00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:13,760 hottest women you can get to validate some sense of worth 917 00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:16,600 that you don't think you have or you somehow think those young 918 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,600 hot women are going to be more interesting and better in bed, 919 00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:23,280 which is probably both a myth, you know? 920 00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:25,560 Yeah, you better, you better, you know, get to the gym more 921 00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:28,920 often, do more cold plunges, you know, you know, do more 922 00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:30,960 CrossFit, you know, to do all that stuff so you can be the 923 00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:35,600 high, high value man. But you know, I, I again, I 924 00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:37,640 also, I understand the whole red pill thing. 925 00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:41,240 I understand incel, I understand MGTOW. 926 00:48:41,240 --> 00:48:44,160 I mean, you have plenty of times thought about I don't need 927 00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:46,720 women, women make me crazy. You know, I've plenty of times 928 00:48:46,720 --> 00:48:48,720 thought about it. I I'll go my own way. 929 00:48:50,720 --> 00:48:54,160 But I think what happens is that that can initially be attracted 930 00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:56,960 to men who are looking for something and they, they dive 931 00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,520 into it. And I found also often with 932 00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,480 that, they come out the other side of it and they realise, you 933 00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:06,800 know, that's too much, you know, weaponizing, you know, 934 00:49:07,240 --> 00:49:10,400 evolutionary psychology against women and saying they're all bad 935 00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,400 and they're all out to get is, is too much of creating 936 00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:15,280 hierarchies between men. Well, you know, I'm alpha, 937 00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,520 you're beta, I'm blue pill, you're red pill, you're an 938 00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:20,440 average frustrated chump captain save a ho semp. 939 00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:24,760 I I think men might be drawn to the, some of the answers that 940 00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:28,080 are there and then often come out the other side. 941 00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:32,720 I, I, I spoke at a, a, a red pill conference back before 942 00:49:32,720 --> 00:49:36,600 COVID and, you know, I stood up and I said, I don't identify as 943 00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:38,520 pickup, I don't identify as red pill. 944 00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,080 But I sure am glad to be standing in front of you guys 945 00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:42,760 talking to you. And I asked how many people read 946 00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:47,120 my book no More Mr Nice Guy. Probably 3/4 of the 250 guys 947 00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:49,400 there raised their hand. And I said, so I don't know if 948 00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:52,320 no more Mr Nice Guy is a gateway drug to red pill or if red 949 00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:56,040 pill's a no more is a gateway drug to no more Mr Nice Guy to 950 00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:59,320 me. Let's just work together. 951 00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:02,960 Let's, let's, let's help men find answers to to live their 952 00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:06,560 best lives, be their best selves and, and to love themselves and, 953 00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,160 and to love women fully. Or, you know, if they love men 954 00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,600 to love men fully. Let's just let's just, you know, 955 00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:16,080 help men A. Lot of women that I've spoken to 956 00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:19,320 in my life that are single and are trying to find a man, You 957 00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:22,800 constantly hear them say there's just no good men out there. 958 00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:26,080 There's the, the pool is is really dry. 959 00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:29,040 There's just no good men. And one of the things I've 960 00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:32,840 actually said to them is other than where they're looking. 961 00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:34,800 And so the type of guys that they're looking at, because I 962 00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:37,920 think they're definitely attracted towards the bad boys 963 00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:42,680 rather than sort of good men. But my, as I sort of thought 964 00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:46,200 about, I don't, I, I see myself as I think I'm a good guy. 965 00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:47,880 I see. I think I'm a good guy and a 966 00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:51,200 good man and not necessarily a nice guy all the time, but I 967 00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:54,000 think I'm a good man. And I think about some of the 968 00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,800 attributes as to why the relationships I've had with 969 00:50:56,800 --> 00:51:00,040 women have never really ended badly and I've treated women 970 00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:01,520 well. And I think all of those 971 00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:04,520 relationships have ended on some form of positive note. 972 00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:08,240 Has been down to the fact that a lot of my good friends growing 973 00:51:08,240 --> 00:51:13,240 up I had made friends with women and I almost sort of 974 00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:17,320 inadvertently surveyed them throughout my life as to like 975 00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:21,720 what should a man be doing in order to be seen as a good guy 976 00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:23,720 seen as a good man? What are the what are the red 977 00:51:23,720 --> 00:51:26,440 flags that you're seeing What are the what are the green flags 978 00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:31,840 you go for and try not hit all the time not be 100% accurate 979 00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,920 but aim for some of those things and it seems to have worked but 980 00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:38,240 I do also believe that men have to lift each other up. 981 00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:40,840 So there has to be that kind of blend of kind of understanding 982 00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:44,040 what women are asking for, really listening to it, but also 983 00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:47,600 being meant to make it kind of safe enough to not fall into 984 00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:51,400 these toxic traits that are being presented to us in these 985 00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:56,880 very, very fringe cases. Yeah, and you know, women, 986 00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,040 especially if they're out there in the single dating world, you 987 00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:02,600 know, when when all the pick up stuff went around, you know, the 988 00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:05,920 game and, and and all that stuff, you know, women got tired 989 00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:08,240 of hearing, you know, those poll questions, you know, oh, you 990 00:52:08,240 --> 00:52:11,720 know who lies more men or women or oh, did you see the, you 991 00:52:11,720 --> 00:52:13,600 know, the the midgets fighting outside? 992 00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:16,160 You know, you know, women go, OK, I've heard that one. 993 00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:19,200 And and and I think the same thing with red pill. 994 00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:21,600 I think for a long time women didn't know what red pill was. 995 00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:25,240 Maybe a lot still don't, but I think they started just kind of 996 00:52:25,240 --> 00:52:28,520 hearing that noise that came out of the end of the men spinning 997 00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:31,160 plates and the man, you know, not going to let a woman get too 998 00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:32,880 close. And you know, the, and the whole 999 00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,640 body count thing that just just gets me going. 1000 00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:40,760 And so, you know, women, you know, they, they, they may not 1001 00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:43,920 know how to identify what that stuff is, but, but you know, 1002 00:52:43,920 --> 00:52:46,840 they bump into enough men that they're, they're going to keep 1003 00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:48,960 seeing the same thing in, in the men. 1004 00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:53,720 And, you know, I, I, I came across a, a short YouTube video 1005 00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:55,720 few months ago. I can't remember how some 1006 00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:57,480 somehow YouTube put it in front of me. 1007 00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:02,080 And it was from a young woman. And she says, you know, I'm, I'm 1008 00:53:02,080 --> 00:53:05,200 young, I'm sexually inexperienced. 1009 00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:09,280 I want to have sexual experiences, I want to grow. 1010 00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,680 I want to, you know, experience different men and, and 1011 00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:18,920 experience different feelings and, and she said, but I can't 1012 00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:22,960 seem to get a man that just is wanting to show up and just, 1013 00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:25,720 let's just be honest, let's just have a have an experience with 1014 00:53:25,720 --> 00:53:27,400 each other. Said it's like they're all 1015 00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:29,480 playing these games. They're all, you know, thinking 1016 00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:32,280 they're having to run this game and run this and do this and 1017 00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:35,120 keep you at a distance while still trying to seduce you. 1018 00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:38,160 And she goes, I just, I just really want to practise getting 1019 00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:41,200 laid, you know, are there any guys out there that'll just come 1020 00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:44,320 along and just have fun and have sex and no commitment, no 1021 00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:49,800 promise, No, like, you know, so we men, especially if we don't 1022 00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,720 know how to attract women. Again, I didn't for much of my 1023 00:53:52,720 --> 00:53:55,720 life. And if we don't know what women 1024 00:53:55,720 --> 00:53:59,400 want or what turns them on and we just read all of this 1025 00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:03,080 Internet information, it just becomes this, this, I call it 1026 00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:05,560 geeks with techniques. We're just out there trying all 1027 00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:08,440 these things we read or we saw online or watched on YouTube or 1028 00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,920 this coach said that. And we're not being real. 1029 00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:13,880 We're not being ourselves. And so we're not, we don't fit 1030 00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:16,280 that category, being comfortable in our own skin. 1031 00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:19,880 And so in the women just they've heard it, they've seen it, 1032 00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:22,680 they're tired of it. And again, I think a lot of the 1033 00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:26,000 dating situation out there is probably as much to blame with 1034 00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:28,480 women as is with men. I'm not coming from a kind of a 1035 00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:31,880 red pill blaming all the, you know, hypergamous women. 1036 00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:38,200 But I think with technology, it is so easy. 1037 00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:41,720 Like I said, you, you, you went to a foreign country and got on, 1038 00:54:41,720 --> 00:54:44,080 you know, a dating app and all, all my buddies, when they come 1039 00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:45,440 down here, they do the same thing. 1040 00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:47,840 You know, they get on Tinder, they get on Hinge. 1041 00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:50,080 They, you know, they get on all this start looking for, you 1042 00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:52,320 know, local women and they have no problems getting dates down 1043 00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:55,320 here. But what's happened is that I 1044 00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:59,080 think both men and women have their own form of FOMO, fear of 1045 00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:04,960 missing out guys, rather than, you know, they meet a woman. 1046 00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:07,680 Hey, I kind of like her. I want to, you know, you think 1047 00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:10,960 you want to get to know her better, maybe have a girlfriend, 1048 00:55:10,960 --> 00:55:13,920 maybe, you know, or see where he goes, but they go. 1049 00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:17,360 If I just picked that one woman, Oh, what if I see somebody 1050 00:55:17,360 --> 00:55:20,640 cuter, younger, hotter over there and I now I can't go for 1051 00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:23,800 her because I got this woman. So so we we don't want to get 1052 00:55:23,800 --> 00:55:25,960 all in. So we're because we we might 1053 00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:29,120 want to go chase someone one over there, even if we wouldn't 1054 00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,680 ever actually go talk to that woman. 1055 00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:33,480 We think we might could and but if we're in a relationship, we 1056 00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:35,960 can't. Now the women, I think they're 1057 00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:40,120 FOMO is that well, if I just get in with one guy and just get to 1058 00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:43,160 know him and see where it takes us and use it as a you know, I 1059 00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:46,000 call a powerful personal growth machine of relationship. 1060 00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:48,760 Well, I'm going to have to give up all that attention that men 1061 00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:50,600 keep giving me. You know, I'm I'm getting 1062 00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:53,880 messages 24/7. I get 100 messages a day. 1063 00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:56,720 I get all kinds of men wanting to ask me out, wanting to buy me 1064 00:55:56,720 --> 00:55:58,080 stuff, wanting to take me places. 1065 00:55:58,240 --> 00:56:02,000 If I pick one guy I got to, I'll miss out on all that over there. 1066 00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:05,640 So I actually think the whole hookup culture and the 1067 00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:09,560 technology has created a great FOMO that now statistically 1068 00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:12,880 fewer and fewer people are in a relationship, especially under 1069 00:56:12,880 --> 00:56:16,840 35, and fewer and fewer people are having sex, especially the 1070 00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:20,040 age bracket of people 18 to early 20s, they should be having 1071 00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:22,640 a lot of sex. We have all the technology and 1072 00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:26,120 opportunity in the world and now all of a sudden hardly anybody's 1073 00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:28,440 getting laid and nobody has a girlfriend or a boyfriend. 1074 00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:32,560 OK, I, I, I, I think that that's problematic, but I think a lot 1075 00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:37,120 of that is the, the technology just allows us to just bounce 1076 00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:40,040 from one thing to the next. And nobody, you know, wants to 1077 00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:43,320 miss out on anything by trying to get maybe all the way in with 1078 00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:45,320 one person to see where that might take us. 1079 00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,280 So anyway, I don't know where I'm going with all that other 1080 00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:51,840 than it it seems to be part of the cultural dynamic that we're 1081 00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:54,840 dealing with. Yeah, I think that the the 1082 00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:59,640 common issue that you do hear around that dating scene is that 1083 00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:03,840 they they might get a date, but then there's no depth and it 1084 00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:07,000 might only go to 123 dates maybe. 1085 00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:11,160 And then maybe like ghosting will happen or whatever might 1086 00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:16,600 happen along the way. But I think this trying to 1087 00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:20,480 understand and and what I've always I'm trying to hope to 1088 00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:24,240 guide people towards is I know when you said about being a nice 1089 00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:29,040 guy is someone who internalised is not being OK with themselves 1090 00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:31,120 essentially. Just as I am I, I got. 1091 00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:33,360 I got to become what I think other people want me to be, and 1092 00:57:33,360 --> 00:57:35,880 I got to hide anything about me that might get a negative 1093 00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:37,200 reaction. Yeah. 1094 00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:41,440 And so trying to become a man, how do you differentiate between 1095 00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:44,440 kind of not being a nice guy and and being a good man? 1096 00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:48,640 Well, that's a good question. And I, I think the easiest 1097 00:57:48,640 --> 00:57:53,920 answer to that is how I tend to view nice guys is it is shame 1098 00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:57,720 and anxiety driven shame. I'm not good enough as I am. 1099 00:57:57,720 --> 00:58:01,320 I'm not lovable. I've got to become lovable so 1100 00:58:01,320 --> 00:58:04,480 people will love me. I, I mentioned, I think before 1101 00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:08,280 we started recording, I just wrote a blog article last week, 1102 00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:11,640 a newsletter article about how perfectionism keeps you from 1103 00:58:11,640 --> 00:58:14,760 getting the love you want. And, and so I, I, I made 1104 00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:18,480 reference to a, a guy that I'm working with who's very 1105 00:58:18,480 --> 00:58:23,200 accomplished, a great career, has money, good looking, great 1106 00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:26,880 shape. And, and, and he just focused on 1107 00:58:26,880 --> 00:58:28,640 that. He, he can't, all the girls he 1108 00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:31,520 tries to talk to, you know, basically give him a cold 1109 00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:37,840 shoulder or reject him. And I, I was talking with him. 1110 00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:43,480 I said, well, you know, if, if your belief is you, you're only 1111 00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:47,280 good enough if you're perfect, you are going to find people in 1112 00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:50,760 your world to reinforce you're not being good enough and you'll 1113 00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:55,000 create paradigms and situations that you now define that way. 1114 00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,440 So when you talk to, you know, these young women you're 1115 00:58:57,440 --> 00:58:59,920 attracted to and they don't give you the time of day, you're 1116 00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:02,920 going to interpret that as you're not good enough. 1117 00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:07,800 And they see that, all right. And he he's also invested in a 1118 00:59:07,800 --> 00:59:09,520 lot of this Internet information. 1119 00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:11,080 Well, you know, you got to be a high value man. 1120 00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:13,400 And women are naturally attracted to these things that a 1121 00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:15,960 man and I go, yeah. And there's a lot of women that 1122 00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:18,000 are attracted to men that don't have any of those things. 1123 00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:20,960 Just look around, you know, And he goes, I know he said, I've 1124 00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:23,800 I've got these, I've got friends, you know, you know, in 1125 00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:26,600 laws where, you know, attractive women are with guys that are 1126 00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:29,520 shorter than me and and they're not even attractive and they're 1127 00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:32,200 not that smart. And I go, see, that's my point. 1128 00:59:32,360 --> 00:59:35,560 You know, I'm trying to apply all this evolutionary psychology 1129 00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:39,560 and pin that on every women and doesn't work, but it ties into 1130 00:59:39,560 --> 00:59:43,480 that you're not good enough. And so you are going to actually 1131 00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:47,000 create scenarios in life that reinforce your belief that 1132 00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:49,600 you're not good enough. And that's what perfectionism 1133 00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:50,960 is. It's a belief I'm not good 1134 00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:52,000 enough. So I have to do everything 1135 00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:55,880 perfect. And, and so again, I, I think 1136 00:59:55,880 --> 01:00:00,080 there's this thing of whether it's in therapy, a 12 step 1137 01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:03,560 group, A sport group, a best friend, let's start revealing 1138 01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:05,440 those insecurities we have about ourself. 1139 01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:07,360 Well, we think we're not good enough and start getting 1140 01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:09,560 feedback and go, no, actually you're fine. 1141 01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:11,600 You're good enough, you're all right. 1142 01:00:11,720 --> 01:00:14,480 Yeah, you can work on that if you want to, but it won't make 1143 01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:17,120 you a better person. So to me, the thing that 1144 01:00:17,120 --> 01:00:20,000 distinguishes a good man from the nice guy, nice guy maybe 1145 01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:23,240 with capital N, capital G or Semp as the younger people call 1146 01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:26,320 him. Is that the nice guy is driven 1147 01:00:26,320 --> 01:00:27,720 by shame. I'm not good enough. 1148 01:00:27,720 --> 01:00:31,080 I got to get people to like me and and if they find out who I'm 1149 01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:32,440 and and they're going to leave me. 1150 01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:36,680 It's also driven by anxiety to where so many men I work with 1151 01:00:37,480 --> 01:00:39,840 can't even talk to a woman they're attracted to because 1152 01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:43,760 their anxiety just paralyses them or their anxiety is 1153 01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,600 somebody might be upset with them or somebody might be mad at 1154 01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:47,800 them. And I still deal with this. 1155 01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:51,320 My my wife will get a look on her face and my nervous system 1156 01:00:51,320 --> 01:00:53,760 is I'm going to die. I have to fix this right now. 1157 01:00:54,080 --> 01:00:56,840 Well, even though my wife can kick my ass, she can out squat 1158 01:00:56,840 --> 01:00:57,920 me. She's a gym rat. 1159 01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:00,240 She's been, you know, a gym rat since she was 15. 1160 01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:03,080 I'm not going to die because she's mad at me. 1161 01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:06,800 She's not going to leave me. She has my my initials tattooed 1162 01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:09,280 on her front hips. You know, she loves me. 1163 01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:12,360 You know, she loves the life I give her and, and she's not 1164 01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:14,320 going to leave me and I'm not going to die. 1165 01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:17,440 She's not going to kill me. But in my nervous system, right, 1166 01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:20,760 she gets a look on her face and it just triggers a deep anxiety. 1167 01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:22,920 Well, I've been working on that in therapy. 1168 01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:25,080 You know, it's still doing the work on it today. 1169 01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:28,600 And now I can watch it and kind of smile at it and go, I'm not 1170 01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:30,280 going to die. But that sure doesn't make me 1171 01:01:30,280 --> 01:01:32,520 anxious. So the nice guy is trying to 1172 01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:36,320 manage that anxiety, trying to fix that, get her back to good, 1173 01:01:36,400 --> 01:01:39,000 make her happy, make sure he didn't do anything wrong. 1174 01:01:39,320 --> 01:01:41,120 And that's not what good guys do. 1175 01:01:41,400 --> 01:01:45,440 Good guys aren't trying to fix anybody, aren't trying to manage 1176 01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:48,600 situations, aren't trying to impress anybody, aren't trying 1177 01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:51,760 to hide anything from anybody. Good guys are just being 1178 01:01:51,760 --> 01:01:56,600 themselves, just just being a decent human being. 1179 01:01:56,680 --> 01:02:00,280 I'm I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm reading, I'm on book 3 now, the series of 1180 01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:02,560 Red Rising. And it was pretty popular series 1181 01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:05,520 with young men and, and I was reading it while out camping and 1182 01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:11,480 there's one line in there where the sensei can't think of his 1183 01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:13,640 name now was teaching the the young guy Darrow. 1184 01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:16,240 He says, you know, if I was trying to make you a great man, 1185 01:02:16,440 --> 01:02:19,400 he said, I, I would ruin you, but I, I want to make you a 1186 01:02:19,400 --> 01:02:22,520 decent man. And I, and I highlighted that 1187 01:02:22,560 --> 01:02:24,840 and and I really like the idea of being a decent man. 1188 01:02:24,840 --> 01:02:27,320 So kind of like your thought experiment, I started asking 1189 01:02:27,320 --> 01:02:29,680 myself, what does that mean to be a decent man? 1190 01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:33,920 And I can look at my life and see some ways I wasn't decent, 1191 01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:35,920 right? I didn't, I didn't treat people 1192 01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:38,760 well. I had secrets or I broke 1193 01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:42,280 commitments or I didn't follow through or I said one thing but 1194 01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:44,840 did another. And I thought that's not decent. 1195 01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:49,920 And, and so that's a, that's a whole lot different than going, 1196 01:02:49,920 --> 01:02:51,520 well, how do I, how do I get people to like me? 1197 01:02:51,600 --> 01:02:54,400 How do I make sure nobody ever leaves me or nobody ever accuses 1198 01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:57,200 me of anything? How the better question is how 1199 01:02:57,200 --> 01:03:00,320 do I be a decent man? And you know, the, the quickest, 1200 01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:03,640 easiest answer was be authentic and keep my commitments. 1201 01:03:04,280 --> 01:03:05,720 So I think that's a good starting point. 1202 01:03:05,880 --> 01:03:07,000 You know, that's there's a good man. 1203 01:03:07,080 --> 01:03:09,640 He's authentic. He lets people see who he is. 1204 01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:13,000 He keeps his commitments. His word is what he says is 1205 01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:14,640 true. I think that's a good man. 1206 01:03:16,280 --> 01:03:19,520 I think it the part you mentioned about maybe some of 1207 01:03:19,520 --> 01:03:25,160 this being placed at the feet of women as to them maybe saying 1208 01:03:25,160 --> 01:03:27,240 and there being more conversation around what makes a 1209 01:03:27,240 --> 01:03:31,160 good man in the world right now. I think has shifted men away 1210 01:03:31,160 --> 01:03:35,760 from actually like an authentic version of what being a good man 1211 01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:39,320 for themselves actually is because there are some definite 1212 01:03:39,320 --> 01:03:43,480 truths in what would be making a good man and how it feels. 1213 01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:48,160 And this comes sort of full circle as to why I've found 1214 01:03:48,160 --> 01:03:53,560 Latin or Latina culture and having women that are Latina and 1215 01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:57,880 relationships with them almost, it's far more attractive to me 1216 01:03:57,880 --> 01:04:01,000 because there are these traditional gender roles that 1217 01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:05,680 exist within that that dynamic. I know my my girlfriend puts 1218 01:04:05,680 --> 01:04:10,840 this so simply, but she's like, I dated you and I'm with you 1219 01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:14,000 because you're tall, you're good looking, you make me laugh. 1220 01:04:14,440 --> 01:04:17,440 You can take the bins out, you can take the trash out. 1221 01:04:18,040 --> 01:04:21,560 And just the taking the trash out is her version of saying 1222 01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:24,080 you're going to do masculine things, right? 1223 01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:26,040 It's her version of saying you're going to do the masculine 1224 01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:28,760 roles that I want you to do. And I kind of, it was something 1225 01:04:28,760 --> 01:04:31,840 that I thought, you know what, like that weirdly empowers me. 1226 01:04:31,840 --> 01:04:34,000 It makes me feel good. Like you, you kind of want me 1227 01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:37,200 for that and you kind of want me for something that I know I can 1228 01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:40,760 do, but you are handing that roll over to me. 1229 01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:45,040 And I think where some of the language with the feminism 1230 01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:48,320 movement has tried to level the playing field that in an equal 1231 01:04:48,320 --> 01:04:52,160 relationship, I don't believe it has to be equal tasks what you 1232 01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:53,800 do. Exactly 5050. 1233 01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:56,320 No. Vicious half the time. 100%. 1234 01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:58,520 You, you, you get up at the night with the kids half the 1235 01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:00,160 time. You mow the lawn. 1236 01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:02,520 Oh no, that doesn't usually go 5050. 1237 01:05:02,760 --> 01:05:06,720 But you know, I, I often joke that when women go through 1238 01:05:06,720 --> 01:05:10,200 divorce, their math skills go to hell because 5050 takes on weird 1239 01:05:10,200 --> 01:05:13,800 proportions when, when they do studies of who does the most 1240 01:05:13,800 --> 01:05:17,160 work in the home, you know, between men and women, it's all 1241 01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:20,080 on self report. And, and I think women's math 1242 01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:22,560 skills kind of go to hell in that situation as well. 1243 01:05:24,720 --> 01:05:27,920 But, but here's the deal. I didn't go looking, for 1244 01:05:27,920 --> 01:05:31,760 example, for a traditional woman that let me play a traditional 1245 01:05:31,760 --> 01:05:33,800 masculine role. I'm, I'm, I'm actually very 1246 01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:36,720 feminine in many ways. I like to be loved. 1247 01:05:36,720 --> 01:05:39,440 I like to be appreciated. I like to snuggle, you know, 1248 01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:42,960 I'm, but I'm, I'm also masculine in that I like to put a dent in 1249 01:05:42,960 --> 01:05:45,040 the universe. I, I like making a difference. 1250 01:05:45,040 --> 01:05:50,160 I like, I, I, I, I like, you know, living with purpose. 1251 01:05:50,680 --> 01:05:54,080 And so I didn't go looking for that. 1252 01:05:54,680 --> 01:05:58,360 And, and I know, you know, I was actually just reading somebody 1253 01:05:58,360 --> 01:06:01,640 sent me a, a, an Instagram thing yesterday. 1254 01:06:01,640 --> 01:06:04,400 And again, I'm, I'm, I have an Instagram channel, but I never 1255 01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:06,400 look at it. But I looked at it and this guy 1256 01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:08,400 was talking about why he married a younger woman. 1257 01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:10,960 And just so you know, how and I started reading the, the 1258 01:06:10,960 --> 01:06:14,480 comments all the women made below, you know, he's a smug, 1259 01:06:14,560 --> 01:06:16,680 he's a scum. You know, wait till she like 1260 01:06:16,680 --> 01:06:20,080 develops, you know, some, some, you know, her own life and you 1261 01:06:20,080 --> 01:06:22,240 know, then he'll find out you got to go younger again, blah, 1262 01:06:22,240 --> 01:06:24,080 blah, blah, blah, blah. The women are all just reacting, 1263 01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:25,680 you know, the same. I think it happened to saying, 1264 01:06:25,680 --> 01:06:28,360 well, yeah, you're attracted to Latina women and you know all 1265 01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:29,880 the other women I got, you're a scum. 1266 01:06:29,880 --> 01:06:31,960 You're you just want a woman you can dominate. 1267 01:06:32,280 --> 01:06:34,560 But I tell you what, I don't know about your girlfriend, but 1268 01:06:34,560 --> 01:06:36,560 you ask anyway. I've had I've done this, this 1269 01:06:36,560 --> 01:06:39,080 thought experiments. I'll ask people who's stronger. 1270 01:06:39,080 --> 01:06:41,560 Lupita. I you can ask her, ask her kids, 1271 01:06:41,560 --> 01:06:43,880 ask friends. Although I'll go, Oh, Lupita, 1272 01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:45,560 you know she'll kick your ass again. 1273 01:06:45,560 --> 01:06:48,600 She grew up in poverty, She's got street smart, she's strong. 1274 01:06:48,920 --> 01:06:52,200 She, she dropped out of high school at 15 to go to work 1275 01:06:52,200 --> 01:06:54,920 because she, she wore flip flops to school every day and was 1276 01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:56,800 always embarrassed. She couldn't afford shoes. 1277 01:06:57,240 --> 01:06:59,400 And so she dropped out of high school at 15. 1278 01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:03,520 I got a PhD at 29 and I think she got a higher IQ than I do. 1279 01:07:03,760 --> 01:07:06,640 And, and I, and I again, I know she can squat more than I do. 1280 01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:10,600 And, and she is funny, she's smart, she's sharp, she's 1281 01:07:10,600 --> 01:07:13,880 extrovert, you know, again, her mantras, if I want to, I can do 1282 01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:15,080 it. Yo quiero yo Puerto. 1283 01:07:15,400 --> 01:07:18,720 And, and you know what, none of that has to do with traditional, 1284 01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:22,080 you know, gender roles. It has to do with I'm with a 1285 01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:27,640 very strong woman who's been through a lot and who loves that 1286 01:07:27,640 --> 01:07:31,400 I treat her like gold and and that, you know, I think the 1287 01:07:31,400 --> 01:07:33,560 world of her. She loves that. 1288 01:07:33,560 --> 01:07:37,480 You know, I don't even know if Lupita knows exactly what I do. 1289 01:07:37,760 --> 01:07:39,080 I tell her I've got an interview today. 1290 01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:41,840 I don't think she knows. You know, you know, one time, 1291 01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:44,320 you know, I was working out in the gym and, you know, I was 1292 01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:49,760 watching like Alex Harmozzi interview somebody else would 1293 01:07:49,760 --> 01:07:50,960 interview. I mean, watching Chris 1294 01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:54,120 Williamson interview somebody else who'd interviewed me and I 1295 01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:56,440 go, look, I've been interviewed by both those guys and she kind 1296 01:07:56,440 --> 01:08:00,400 of looks at it and goes, OK, she wasn't at all impressed, right? 1297 01:08:00,880 --> 01:08:02,560 She wasn't the slightest bit impressed. 1298 01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:08,000 And, and, and you know, one time she heard me speak up in 1299 01:08:08,200 --> 01:08:11,840 Vancouver, BC a few years ago, about 8 years ago I guess. 1300 01:08:12,320 --> 01:08:15,680 And it was, I was speaking to a mixed group of men and women and 1301 01:08:16,080 --> 01:08:18,000 is all in English. So she didn't understand 1302 01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:21,359 probably much of it, but I got done after speaking for an hour 1303 01:08:21,359 --> 01:08:24,760 plus and went and sat down next to her and she had tears running 1304 01:08:24,760 --> 01:08:28,080 down her face. She goes, I don't know what you 1305 01:08:28,080 --> 01:08:32,439 said, but you had all of those people in your hands. 1306 01:08:32,920 --> 01:08:36,200 You were holding them and said they were riveted to you. 1307 01:08:36,439 --> 01:08:40,720 She says you're a big man. And she says I know I need to be 1308 01:08:40,720 --> 01:08:44,120 a big woman to match you. And you know, I got tears 1309 01:08:44,200 --> 01:08:47,880 hearing that. So she loves knowing I make a 1310 01:08:47,880 --> 01:08:50,120 difference in the world. She loves when men come to my 1311 01:08:50,120 --> 01:08:52,880 office and do workshops with me here in the house and they they 1312 01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:55,000 go tell her how I've changed their life. 1313 01:08:55,160 --> 01:08:57,760 So again, I don't think she even knows exactly what I do. 1314 01:08:57,760 --> 01:08:59,640 I mean, she has read my book in Spanish. 1315 01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:03,640 So but that's not why she loves me. 1316 01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:08,479 She just loves my presence of how people do respect me and how 1317 01:09:08,479 --> 01:09:10,720 we are together. We'll walk into a restaurant 1318 01:09:10,720 --> 01:09:12,399 always getting it's the same routine. 1319 01:09:12,399 --> 01:09:15,800 It's almost a comedy routine. The the waiters will set will 1320 01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:18,359 ask her, should we give him a menu in English? 1321 01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:20,800 And she goes, no, he's in Mexico. 1322 01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:24,200 He can order in Spanish, you know, So you're like, yeah, 1323 01:09:24,399 --> 01:09:25,960 traditional rolls. Yeah, she's. 1324 01:09:26,560 --> 01:09:30,800 And then they hand her a menu and she goes, no, he's my boss. 1325 01:09:30,800 --> 01:09:33,640 He'll order for me. And then I joke in Spanish. 1326 01:09:33,760 --> 01:09:36,399 Yeah, I get to be the boss when she says I can't, you know, the 1327 01:09:36,399 --> 01:09:37,960 waiters all, all laugh at that one. 1328 01:09:38,319 --> 01:09:42,600 So here's a woman who can get shit done, who doesn't need me 1329 01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:45,279 to get shit done, but who loves me. 1330 01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:49,040 And she'll tell me things like, let me give to you, let me do 1331 01:09:49,040 --> 01:09:51,000 things for you. I'll be sitting at the kitchen 1332 01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:54,320 table and I'll need a fork. So I'll get it from the table to 1333 01:09:54,320 --> 01:09:55,680 go get a fork. And she goes, where are you 1334 01:09:55,680 --> 01:09:57,640 going? And I'll go, I need a fork. 1335 01:09:57,640 --> 01:09:59,040 And she goes, I'll get it for you. 1336 01:09:59,040 --> 01:10:02,960 And I'll go, I can get it because for me, if I let her go 1337 01:10:02,960 --> 01:10:06,040 get it, then I'm like my dad misses Glover, get me a fork. 1338 01:10:06,200 --> 01:10:08,600 You know, and I, I've been trying to be not like my dad all 1339 01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:11,720 my life, right? But she tells me you do 1340 01:10:11,720 --> 01:10:15,360 everything for me. Let me do things for you, let me 1341 01:10:15,360 --> 01:10:17,320 love you. So even like the garbage thing, 1342 01:10:17,320 --> 01:10:20,000 I'll go to take the garbage out and she'll say you need help on 1343 01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,320 my no, I don't need help. I can take the I go. 1344 01:10:22,560 --> 01:10:27,840 Yeah, come, come with me. So basically that's I love the 1345 01:10:27,840 --> 01:10:32,560 way that she shows her love to me by just doing the little 1346 01:10:32,560 --> 01:10:35,160 things. Give giving me a pedicure, you 1347 01:10:35,160 --> 01:10:40,560 know, trimming, you know, my my eyebrows, ironing my clothes for 1348 01:10:40,560 --> 01:10:43,880 me, not because those are traditional male female roles. 1349 01:10:44,200 --> 01:10:48,240 I just love the way that she wants me to feel her love 1350 01:10:48,720 --> 01:10:52,160 because she feels my love. So to me, that's not so much, 1351 01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:55,800 you know, as a traditional models, but we joke about we 1352 01:10:55,800 --> 01:10:58,760 have this competition to see who can out love the other, who can 1353 01:10:58,760 --> 01:11:02,280 out gift the other, not just in giving stuff, but but just 1354 01:11:02,400 --> 01:11:05,040 loving the other deeply. And I always tell her, you win 1355 01:11:05,040 --> 01:11:06,800 because you're a more loving person than me. 1356 01:11:07,160 --> 01:11:11,040 And and so that's what I would encourage people to look for, 1357 01:11:11,280 --> 01:11:14,160 whether you go get that in a different culture from the one 1358 01:11:14,160 --> 01:11:18,240 you grew up in. But but find somebody who wants 1359 01:11:18,240 --> 01:11:21,680 to be in a reciprocal relationship with a loving 1360 01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:25,680 competition to see who can out love the other, that that's when 1361 01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:29,160 stuff is fun and interesting, not because somebody plays this 1362 01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:32,720 role or plays that role or, you know, is dominant or submissive. 1363 01:11:32,720 --> 01:11:35,680 Now my wife does like the polarity and and I think the 1364 01:11:35,680 --> 01:11:37,560 Latino women often like the polarity. 1365 01:11:37,840 --> 01:11:41,040 But again, the women and Latina culture are stronger than the 1366 01:11:41,040 --> 01:11:43,760 men, the macho men. Macho is just another word for 1367 01:11:43,760 --> 01:11:45,560 mommy's boy. They're they're I mean, they 1368 01:11:45,560 --> 01:11:47,840 were raised by their mommies that be special. 1369 01:11:47,840 --> 01:11:50,760 Their sisters made their bed for them, you know, so they just 1370 01:11:50,760 --> 01:11:52,800 grew up, you know, needing the approval of women. 1371 01:11:52,800 --> 01:11:56,200 The women do all the work and. And so, you know, yeah, don't 1372 01:11:56,200 --> 01:11:58,920 let anybody accuse you that you picked a Latina woman because 1373 01:11:58,920 --> 01:12:01,800 you wanted a a submissive, passive woman. 1374 01:12:02,560 --> 01:12:04,400 I I haven't found that woman down here. 1375 01:12:04,720 --> 01:12:07,080 They're strong. Yeah, they definitely are. 1376 01:12:07,080 --> 01:12:11,200 And I think it's also much, it's much more simple in terms of how 1377 01:12:11,200 --> 01:12:13,720 things are like with the way you even explain that it's just like 1378 01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:17,200 loving each other equally. It's it, it's a very simplistic 1379 01:12:17,200 --> 01:12:19,200 way of looking at it. And I think too many people 1380 01:12:19,760 --> 01:12:21,800 potentially are complicating that. 1381 01:12:22,600 --> 01:12:24,960 The whole dynamic and the relationship dynamic, the world 1382 01:12:24,960 --> 01:12:30,280 we live in, where do you see this all going in in the future? 1383 01:12:30,280 --> 01:12:32,760 Where do you see potentially whether it's men, women, the 1384 01:12:32,760 --> 01:12:34,720 relationship sphere that we're talking about? 1385 01:12:34,720 --> 01:12:38,080 Because it is it's a big topic right now in the world, and 1386 01:12:38,080 --> 01:12:42,360 people are trying to navigate it as best as they possibly can. 1387 01:12:42,760 --> 01:12:45,360 But you said that pendulum is swinging, but where? 1388 01:12:45,360 --> 01:12:46,440 Yeah. Where do you see it going? 1389 01:12:46,440 --> 01:12:51,680 I think a lot of them are swinging, but you know how much 1390 01:12:51,680 --> 01:12:55,600 time it takes, I don't know. Yeah, I guess one last piece 1391 01:12:55,600 --> 01:12:56,760 that I see. I don't know if that's answering 1392 01:12:56,760 --> 01:13:01,600 your question or not. You know, there's definite 1393 01:13:01,600 --> 01:13:05,480 patterns statistically of people not getting into relationship 1394 01:13:05,600 --> 01:13:09,080 and statistical patterns of not having much sex and statistical 1395 01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:13,600 patterns of either not having children or awaiting much older 1396 01:13:13,600 --> 01:13:18,000 to have them. And I can understand that if I 1397 01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:24,480 was 3525, even looking at the world we live in and thinking I 1398 01:13:24,480 --> 01:13:26,520 don't know if I want to bring children into this world, it's 1399 01:13:26,520 --> 01:13:29,720 pretty uncertain. But I think that's been true for 1400 01:13:29,720 --> 01:13:33,080 centuries, that people look around and go, things are pretty 1401 01:13:33,080 --> 01:13:35,520 uncertain out there. Things are changing fast and 1402 01:13:35,520 --> 01:13:41,000 they have been for a long time. And so fewer and fewer people 1403 01:13:41,000 --> 01:13:44,320 are getting married, making long term commitment to relationship. 1404 01:13:44,640 --> 01:13:48,480 And I'm not passing any kind of judgement of what's good or 1405 01:13:48,480 --> 01:13:50,200 what's bad in in this whole area. 1406 01:13:50,200 --> 01:13:52,400 I think everybody's got to figure out what works for them. 1407 01:13:53,240 --> 01:13:57,880 But one thing I do see, I'll just put it this way, that the 1408 01:13:57,880 --> 01:14:02,240 things that have grown me the most in my life, the most 1409 01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:07,640 without exception, has been being married and raising kids. 1410 01:14:08,640 --> 01:14:13,840 Those two things have grown me, matured me, showed me the world 1411 01:14:13,840 --> 01:14:17,160 more than anything else I've ever done, more than therapy, 1412 01:14:17,840 --> 01:14:21,880 more than anything. And it does concern me that 1413 01:14:21,880 --> 01:14:25,600 we're going in a direction of, as I said, more and more people 1414 01:14:25,600 --> 01:14:29,920 not getting into relationships that last more than a week or 1415 01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:32,680 two or a few weeks because we got to bounce to the next one. 1416 01:14:34,120 --> 01:14:38,920 Both men and women being afraid of going deep and being real and 1417 01:14:38,920 --> 01:14:42,800 revealing themselves and really welcoming someone else to reveal 1418 01:14:42,800 --> 01:14:45,760 themselves as you get to know each other better and going 1419 01:14:45,760 --> 01:14:48,280 through struggles. And I'm not advocating that I 1420 01:14:48,280 --> 01:14:51,880 think marriage is somehow superior in any way, but there 1421 01:14:51,880 --> 01:14:55,040 is something about being married that I think UPS the commitment 1422 01:14:55,040 --> 01:14:58,160 level that you don't just walk away from it quite as easily. 1423 01:14:58,440 --> 01:14:59,920 And, you know, I've been divorced twice. 1424 01:14:59,920 --> 01:15:06,640 So I have walked away from 2:00, but not after at least a minimum 1425 01:15:06,640 --> 01:15:09,160 of 10 years. I'm trying to see, you know, 1426 01:15:09,400 --> 01:15:12,440 could this work And can I? And, and they've grown me 1427 01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:14,960 raising kids. I've got, you know, my 40 year 1428 01:15:14,960 --> 01:15:18,800 old son raised 2 step kids in my second marriage, 2 step kids now 1429 01:15:18,960 --> 01:15:24,200 with my wife Lupita. And that's just, that's just 1430 01:15:24,200 --> 01:15:27,680 grown me. It's just, it's I, I, I wouldn't 1431 01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:30,240 change a thing in terms of having been married and raising 1432 01:15:30,240 --> 01:15:33,720 kids. And so I think I, I am concerned 1433 01:15:33,720 --> 01:15:39,160 about the trend of people shine away from longer term commitment 1434 01:15:39,160 --> 01:15:42,240 in a relationship and shine away from having kids. 1435 01:15:42,440 --> 01:15:45,680 I know Elon Musk is all upset about that because he wants more 1436 01:15:45,680 --> 01:15:47,160 consumers out there in the world. 1437 01:15:48,840 --> 01:15:54,880 But I also think that that could create and perpetuate kind of a 1438 01:15:55,440 --> 01:15:59,480 lifelong Peter Pan view of the world where people don't ever go 1439 01:15:59,480 --> 01:16:04,080 do the hard thing. So again, no judgement any of 1440 01:16:04,080 --> 01:16:06,040 that. It's just more of an observation 1441 01:16:06,600 --> 01:16:11,080 that I think if you really want to to grow and get challenged, 1442 01:16:13,040 --> 01:16:15,520 nothing like a marriage and kids to do it. 1443 01:16:15,920 --> 01:16:18,520 And again, I think you know, a lot of young generation, well, 1444 01:16:18,520 --> 01:16:20,320 we, we want to be digital nomads. 1445 01:16:20,320 --> 01:16:22,560 We want to travel the world, which is our backpack and our 1446 01:16:22,560 --> 01:16:24,240 laptop. We don't want to be tied down. 1447 01:16:24,240 --> 01:16:26,520 We want to be able to do the, you know, whatever we want to do 1448 01:16:26,520 --> 01:16:27,640 today. And I mean, that's fine. 1449 01:16:27,640 --> 01:16:34,080 Do that while you're young. But at some point, I think, I 1450 01:16:34,080 --> 01:16:36,320 think that there has to be a process of growing up and 1451 01:16:36,320 --> 01:16:39,800 becoming mature adults that actually offer something to the 1452 01:16:39,800 --> 01:16:43,680 world rather than just being digital nomads and, you know, 1453 01:16:43,680 --> 01:16:46,960 living in whatever the next cool country is and dating the next 1454 01:16:46,960 --> 01:16:50,640 hot person. So again, I, I may sound 1455 01:16:50,640 --> 01:16:55,120 judgmental about that, but I'm really just saying I'm not. 1456 01:16:55,680 --> 01:16:58,040 And I never push anybody to get married that doesn't want to be 1457 01:16:58,040 --> 01:16:59,840 or push anybody to have kids that doesn't want them. 1458 01:17:00,520 --> 01:17:04,520 But I do think there is value in those institutions. 1459 01:17:06,240 --> 01:17:09,400 Robert, I appreciate your time. Where's the best place for 1460 01:17:09,440 --> 01:17:11,720 people to go to follow what you're doing? 1461 01:17:11,720 --> 01:17:14,080 Keep up to date with your work. I'm down in Puerto Vallarta. 1462 01:17:14,080 --> 01:17:16,560 Come on down. That's where you'll find me. 1463 01:17:17,440 --> 01:17:21,280 Doctor glover.com is my website that has my courses, my 1464 01:17:21,280 --> 01:17:24,640 workshops, lots of free stuff on there as well. 1465 01:17:24,960 --> 01:17:27,720 And then my men's programme is Integration Nation at 1466 01:17:27,720 --> 01:17:31,960 integrationnation.net. And yeah, check either of those 1467 01:17:31,960 --> 01:17:36,000 out and yeah, drop me a like. Thank you so much for doing 1468 01:17:36,000 --> 01:17:39,440 this, not only for coming on the show, but for being someone 1469 01:17:39,440 --> 01:17:42,000 that's actually had an impact in my life, even just through the 1470 01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:43,840 words that you said and, and for the work that you're doing. 1471 01:17:43,840 --> 01:17:46,160 It's, it's, it's amazing. So thank you so much. 1472 01:17:46,440 --> 01:17:47,960 Louis, thank you. Thank you for the work you're 1473 01:17:47,960 --> 01:17:48,760 doing. Keep it up. 1474 01:17:49,280 --> 01:17:51,080 If you enjoyed that episode Robert, and you want to enjoy 1475 01:17:51,080 --> 01:17:53,600 even more episodes of the show, then all you have to do is click 1476 01:17:53,600 --> 01:17:55,640 right here. I've got a playlist of all the 1477 01:17:55,640 --> 01:17:57,200 best places for you to get started. 1478 01:17:57,200 --> 01:17:58,320 Go on, go.