Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the show.
Give it up for yourselves. You made it through another
week. I hope you're proud.
I hope you feel good. Yeah.
I said that the podcast was going to be late, but I'm
recording it very late at night. Well, not that late at 11:30,
but late for me. And.
But I'm doing it for you guys because I care.
I'm committed. Let's get into it.
It's going to be a short one. I know I said every week, but
and I shouldn't, it should be longer, but these sometimes I
just I maybe it's because I maybe because I like to set
expectations low and I like to blow them out of the water.
OK, really hitting the side effects on this one guys.
I had the best bus driver I've ever had in my life.
Today I took a bus off from DC back to New York and man was
this lady mean. And that's what you need,
honestly, you need a, you need a mean bus driver.
Your bus driver cannot be nice. They got to be mean and they got
to be to the point and they got to kind of tell you to shut up.
Because if not, people will take advantage.
People will play their music out loud.
They'll take full conversations out loud.
Dude, this bus driver, her name was Ebony.
She was fantastic. She if she ever watches this
Ebony, you're on Flix buses. You are, you're one-of-a-kind.
I saw her close the door in a man's face and she goes, that's
right. I don't she goes, she goes, I
closed doors in people face. She's like, Nope, it's it's past
the time I'm leaving. And but then I guess she felt
nice and she did actually open the door for the guy and looked
at his ticket and guess what? It was the ticket for the wrong
bus. So she should have left the door
closed. But man, she was great.
She got on the. She got.
Oh, that's nice. A little bit of water with some
lemon, a little bit of water with some lemon and then some
mint lemonade that I stole from Cava today.
Allegedly, allegedly. It was allegedly taken because,
you know, sometimes you walk into a place and you're feeling
good and you had a good weekend. You spent time with your family
and then you just, you know, you just, you want to break a little
bit of the rules. So your, your brother walks up
and he grabs a full with the food that you ordered to go.
And then you walk up and you just take your bottle and you
put it under the mint lemonade. And you just kind of plan that
if someone said anything, you go, oh, sorry, I thought this
was water. Clearly isn't.
They know you don't know, but no one really cares, you know,
because they're not getting paid enough.
So hey, big corporations, you want to make sure people don't,
I mean, well, by the way, the mint lemonade probably costs
them a cent, but you want to make sure no one is allegedly
taking some mint lemonade that's not theirs.
Raise the damn minimum wage is, is what I say.
You pay your pay your workers a living wage and they'll, they'll
be coming up to me putting a big wooden spoon to the back of my
back of my neck and go, you, you better pull away from their
partner. You're going to, you're going to
have to pay for that. That'll be 375.
And I go, I'm caught, they go, hands in the air, put the mint
cucumber lemonade down and I go, you got me, you got me stealing
the lemonade. But that's what I'm drinking
right now anyway. So I get, I get on this bus and
immediately Miss. And I think her name was Miss
Andrews. I know, I know of our first
name. She told me her first name.
You know, we had, we had that kind of connection.
Not everyone gets that. But you know, you, you do a
little bit of talking with someone and then then, and then
all of a sudden they tell you the first name instead of
because I said, is it Miss Andrews?
And she goes, you can call me Ebony baby.
And I go, man. I mean, week is made.
The next week is is made because number one, you guys can guess
what she looks like. I don't even have to say it and
I'm not gonna. But you know why my week is made
And I have noticed after losing my hair that bald white guys,
there's a certain type of woman that has a proclivity for bald
white guys and she is not white is all I'll say.
Certain type of woman sees a bald white guy and they go, oh,
you know what, I kind of like that type of white chocolate.
They go I I kind of like that type of Whitey for some reason.
Seems like he's been through more.
He might understand, he might get it.
He's he's he's looked down on in, in the, in all the whites
because even though a lot of of bald guys are portrayed as the,
the villain, we, we also had to, we had to go through some shit.
We had to go through the, the emotions of dealing with a part
of your body dying, falling off. That's real.
Imagine if your fingers just started getting shorter and
shorter than they just fell off and all your friends were like,
just cut them off, bro, just cut the fingers off that look like
shit. You know, your small little thin
fingers look like shit, bro. Just cut them off.
You'll look better with just a nub.
It's not a big deal. Some girls are into nubs.
Good girls, girl girls like nub hands.
There's a certain girl, they'll be in.
Then you go, I don't know. And then you talk to one girl
and she's like, I actually, I actually think nub hands are
sexy. And you go, wait a second.
She goes, I think it'd be, I think it'd be, it'd be, I think
it'd be hot if you cut all your old thin fingers off.
I think it'd be really hot if you just had a smooth hand, a
smooth knuckle fist and you go, OK, I guess I'll, I'll cut it
off. So these, so, so you know, some
women see that and they go, this guy's been through something.
He's had a bit of an ego death. He's worked through it.
They can tell if he's an angry, you know, you can tell if some
guy's an angry bald guy, he's still upset that he doesn't have
his hair. But anyway, I think I, I think
I, I think maybe she saw that. She goes, OK, I like this guy
and also I kind of talk shit about someone else.
Then that's another way to immediately ingratiate yourself
with someone is that you pick out a shittier person on the bus
and then you kind of look at them and you're like that
person. So she goes, but First off, she
came in hot. She goes, I don't want to hear
you talking. She goes, you're up front.
I don't want to hear your conversations.
If I can hear it, it's too loud. I look at her bus and I go, Yep,
I'm with it. And I'm kind of happy because I
go, I know that if anyone else talks throughout the bus that if
she's consistent, which I think she is, she's going to tell them
to shut the hell up and that I hope this doesn't.
That is all I want in life, you know, that is that is truly, I'm
going to plug this in for a second.
That's truly all I want in life is for because man, I hate it
when someone talks on the phone in public transportation.
I really do. Now remember this is Dylan after
dark. This is a this is a chill
episode. So it's going to be low and slow
and I can't get fully I I don't want to wake up the 85 year old
woman that lives next to me who she is also balding and I would
never say anything to her, but she should probably take the
plunge. So I got to keep it low and slow
and chill, but and I completely lost my train of thought.
What the fuck was I talking about?
Hold on a second. You got it, Dylan.
Hold on. People on trains.
Yeah, yeah. People that play their music out
loud on trains or take phone calls.
Objectively, some of the worst people in in the world, on
planet Earth. If aliens came and were like,
we're just taking people that play their music out loud or
answer phone calls on the phone, Yeah, yeah, not on the phone,
like not even on speakerphone. If aliens came and they're like,
we're only going to, they're like, we'll leave you alone, but
we just are going to take people that play music out loud on
public transportation or take phone calls.
I would go, yeah, dude, beam them up.
All of them, all of them. You get five chances to where
you get five chances to where you've done that because you
know everyone. But dude, beam them up.
I don't. I don't.
You've made your bed. God damn it.
I ate that shit. I don't want to hear about your
weekend in DC and how and how how you how you you drank a
little bit with the guru is and you miss your mom so much.
I'm sorry. I don't give a shit about your
mom. I'm dealing with the fact that
my dad sent me a text about politics even though I told him
not to. And, and I'm, I'm trying.
I'm upset about that. So I don't want to hear about
your good relationship with your parents #1 and #2 you.
You should be on the phone in 5 minutes or less when you're on
public transportation anyway. So I knew she was I knew she was
going to step in if something like that happened because
people that play music or take phone calls on public
transportation, highest level of assholes.
I don't I don't believe in hell, but if there's a hell, you
should go to hell. You're first in line, Bam, first
in line. Get fucked, get fucked for
eternity. I don't you, you deserve it.
Sorry. Hey, you, there's that.
There's nothing, absolutely nothing unless unless it's
literally a House of dynamite on Netflix and you're like, there's
a bit of nuclear launch. Oh my God, everyone shelter in
place. If you're taking a phone call on
public transportation, I better hear the words out of your mouth
within the 1st 10 seconds. Holy shit, they're dead.
That's what I should hear. Or.
Oh, thank. Thank you so much, doctor.
I'm cancer free. Finally.
Yeah, it's terminal. Oh, shit, I'm going to die.
How long do I have? Those are some of the examples
of things that makes it OK to take that phone call, not
someone saying, what else do you want from the store.
And then also saying, how was your weekend, by the way?
Oh, shit, you ran it. Oh, you ran into that person.
Yeah, they suck, too. Now I feel that.
Yeah. No, only person who's allowed to
be on the phone is the bus driver.
And was she on the phone the entire time?
Yes in her Beats loops in in her beat beats headphones, I had the
little loop to go around your ear that like they they kind of
come out and they're I they they have to be like 20 years old.
They're the ones that LeBron used to push and I don't
understand why people still have those because whenever I put
them on they really hurt my ears yes so so we start driving and
we're good dude. It's quiet it's so quiet on the
bus I'm looking around. I go man, I love this I'm dating
out. I go.
This is absolutely fantastic. I love, I love the serenity on
this Greyhound bus. So then we get to the the rest
stop 2 hours in, we get to Joe Biden rest stop AKA Dark Brandon
rest stop. We get to the Dark Brandon rest
stop and she says you have 15 minutes.
And then after that, I'm leaving.
She goes, I remember none of your faces except my 2 shotguns.
And then she points at me. She goes, I remember their faces
because they're right here. And so then I'm obviously I feel
special. I got yeah, that's right.
Of course you remember my face. Thank you, Ebony.
And until we get out, go to the bathroom, get a snack.
Because I mean, dude, if you're stopping at a gas station and
you don't get a snack, what are you doing?
You're, you're leading to the economy feeling the American
economy runs on people going to get gas and then going inside
the gas station shop and getting themselves a little treat.
That is what the economy runs on.
And if you are not participating, you are a bad
American. You're not a patriot and you
want people to lose their jobs. I truly believe that.
How do you, I could, I could stop at 10 different gas
stations and have just gotten a treat and or a drink.
I'll still go in and I'll still spend 15 minutes going up and
down the aisles and then looking at the walls of drinks, taking
probably enough power to to literally run a hospital in
major cities in other countries. And I just go, yeah, I'm just
going to look at all this. This is absolutely fantastic.
And then I'm going to buy something and doesn't matter if
I've had enough caffeine and it doesn't matter if I'm full.
I'm buying something because I'm stimulating the economy and I
care about consumerism in America and I care that Henry
Ford absolutely fucked us when it came to public transportation
and I've given in. So I'm going to the gas station
and I'm buying a chocolate bar that has enough caffeine as 3
espresso shots in it. I'm buying new gummy candy that
I don't need because I'm pre diabetic.
It doesn't matter. I'm doing, I'm participating in
society. This is a social contract.
I've signed it and that is me cashing it.
Well, technically I'm giving the cash to the cashier, but you
know what I mean? And to the people watching,
first of all, OK, we're only 15 minutes in, so you guys will be
listening, you know, because I know some of you like, you know,
the last five minutes are like our little podcast is done.
I'm just going to finish and they don't hear me at the end
being like, remember to rate and review.
We got to get those reviews up and those ratings up.
That's how more people find out about the podcast and go to
YouTube like the videos and or subscribe.
I'm trying to make the YouTube pop off dude.
That's how more people are going to find out anyway.
So we're at Dark Brandon, get back to the bus.
It's 3:10, she said we're leaving at 3:10.
Doesn't show up 315. Doesn't show up 320.
I start to get worried for her well-being.
I go. She likes me so I of course
would die for her now because she said one nice thing to me.
Where is she? I'm scared.
Ebony, do I have to find you? Is this taken for Ebony?
I will find you. You've taken my Ebony, you've
taken my queen. I can't do Liam Mason.
She walks up 17 minutes late and guess what?
It was even mad because I go. You've earned it.
You've earned it, dude. You're freaking because and
because you know, you know what it was.
I knew she was going to earn it back later.
I knew that she doesn't play around.
She takes a job seriously now. And was she on YouTube and or
Netflix the entire drive while she was driving a giant bus?
Yeah. And did that make me a little
uncomfortable because she also had both headphones in?
Yes. But did I say something now?
I felt safe. I trusted her because I'm like,
you know what? This lady doesn't want to die.
And so if she doesn't want to die, then I then I'm, I'm good.
So she rolls up, we start cooking.
She's flying down the highway. She's swerving in and out of
cars. She looks at me and she goes, I
got my, she goes, I have my food right here.
If it flies, because she goes, I'm going to start weaving in in
our traffic. If it flies, don't let it go
down the stairs. I'm trusting you.
I go, aye, aye, Captain. And I'd and I'd do that.
And she nods at me and then this fucking lady behind us takes a
phone call with her mom and she's loud and she's loud and
she's also speaking French. And that made it worse because
it just is you just it's French people suck.
I'm sorry. That's, that's, that's, that's,
that's, that's the truth. And it's, it's a universal truth
because everywhere that I go outside of America, the one
thing they can't agree on is that French people suck ass.
And I'm sure she's fine, but the Speaking of the French.
And then she was switching between French and English.
And I wanted to be like, you got to choose Elaine.
Choose Elaine for for what? I'm going to be mad at you, at
you because you're, because you're confusing too much.
I'm hating you and I'm I'm hating you in multiple languages
now, and she's loud and she's loud and she's talking about
also the I can hear enough. She's talking about this dumbest
shit. It's not important.
There's no doctor, there's no nuclear codes, there's no
discovery. She didn't win the lottery.
Ebony turns around. She and she goes, yo, get off
the phone. Lady goes OK, doesn't get off,
quiets down. She laughs too.
And I was like this is not a laughing matter. 8 minutes later
how many how many turns? Miss Andrews looks, turns, turns
around Caesar talking to Gay talking again, looks it looks at
her, looks back at me and I get rather like I don't know.
And she goes a ma. Get off the phone now dude.
I wanted to get up and start clapping.
Oh my God, because the amount of times I've wanted to do that and
I haven't because I'm not the bus driver and I don't want to
get stabbed by a random person is Oh man, it felt good.
And I just told and and then and then we got stuck in traffic and
then she took this really random way around and she got us in on
time, even though she was 17 minutes late at dark Brandon
breast stop. And it was a fantastic drive And
and and this story is all just to say, if you get on a bus and
the bus driver is mean, you're in the right place.
That's what it is Long. I mean, that's half the fucking
podcast. But you guys will enjoy me enjoy
that because besides that, you know, I went to DC.
We did a haunted house. You got to do haunted house.
Did you got to do something Halloweeny for Halloween?
If not, like don't be, don't be lame.
Do something for Halloween. My brothers and I went to and my
dad, we went to one of those haunted house like, like paths
that you walk through like a haunted trail.
And, you know, they're, they're pretty.
They're honestly like kind of all the same.
And I want to find one where the act, because most of them, the
actors are pretty mid. They just walk up to you and
they go like, they do that shit. And you're like, oh, shit, OK.
Yeah, every, everyone does the exact same thing.
Like they kind of are phoning it in.
And I get it. They're 18 years old, but
probably younger. They're getting paid $9, but I
just, I, I want people committed to the craft, dude that makes it
because I know that if I did it, at least in the beginning, I
would really be trying to make motherfucker shit their pants.
Like I, I would, I want that to happen.
I really do. But it was great.
It was just you got to do something for Halloween so you
feel Halloweeny. It's a few things I was going to
do a whole like how to have, how to, how to have a Halloween.
But I don't know if like, I mean, do you guys fuck with it
when I do the how to have a fall, how to do that?
I don't know. I don't know if I mean, because
if anything, I can, I can, I can go over it next Sunday after
Halloween. But Halloween is for kids,
truly. And it's not like a bad thing.
It's for children. That's why, like when you're on
Halloween and you see kids trick or treating it like brings you
joy because you go, yeah, that reminds me when I was a kid,
that's when Halloween was the best.
Truly. Yeah.
It's fun getting older and dressing up as a slut.
And then you and. And for men and women, by the
way, because guys do it too. And then you and then you guys
both get both get drunk and go to a party and you hope to hook
up at someone. And then more often than not,
you don't. And you go home alone and you're
like, damn, I really want to have sex with a chick of blue
hair or something like whatever. I wanted to bring a cat girl
home or whatever it is. A girl that has 1 little streak
of blood and you're like, this is so hot.
I want to keep the mask on. Keep the mask on.
I'm keeping the mask on, babe. Somebody stop me.
The mask from the Jim Carrey movie, which I saw a clip of
that by the way, 90s movie. I'm like watching 90s movies.
They're elite. Dude.
I'm going to watch the mask again.
I watched 5 minutes of it and I go, this is funnier than any
comedy I've seen in the last 20 years full, full stop.
But I did one Halloween Halloweeny thing and that was
good because bro, I was going to dress up this year for Halloween
and then I just went why? I'm a 33 year old man.
I don't want to now I have to find something.
But like, I really am at this point where I go, if I don't
want to dress up, what the hell am I forcing myself to?
I don't want to. I don't want to, Yeah, unless
it's with a big group of people. But yeah, unless I'm doing like
a theme thing, I just, I don't like, I'm not going to, I'm, I'm
not going to concert. I don't want to do the whole
thing because also, number one, it's wasteful.
I don't want to get into. I don't want to be the lame
person that's like, that's about full of environment.
But like, yeah, in but it is so frustrating that you would build
up to to dress up one night. Dude, it's got to be a week for
me. It's got to be a week.
If it was multiple week, multiple performances, yes, but
once Nah, man, I was going to dress up as Kratos and I go,
Nah, fuck it. I'm shaving my I'm shaving my
beard. I'm not doing this.
No, for one night I'm going to pay $80.00 for a costume.
And by the way, it was a Sheen costume, so probably would have
been made of literal tissue paper, so it would have looked
horrible. Nah, Nah, I don't, you know, And
if you, if you, if you like dressing up good, good for you.
I'm so stoked. But I just, I'm chilling, dude.
I'm just, I'm just, I'm chilling.
I, I don't want to dress up if it's multiple, if we have
multiple things going on. Yes.
And also my, Oh my God, you know, it's, it's the people I
hang out with, all the guys I are like, oh, what do we dress
up? Do?
I went to a bachelor party a couple years ago when we all
just put on track suits. It's not even a costume.
We're just like dressing as Italian guys.
Kind of Nah, I'm only, I'm only dressing that.
That's the problem. I'm only dressing up if I'm
going full throated. I'm bodying that shit.
That's what I want to do. And I haven't done that in a
while and maybe I'll find the right person to do it with and
that would be sick. I mean, I was Ice Spice a couple
years ago. That was kind of fun, but then,
but dude, But dude, then I dressed up as Ice Spice and then
we went to my friend's apartment and we just chilled.
What do we even do? We just chilled and like play
games. I was like, Nah, dude, if I'm
putting it on, I got to be perceived.
That'll make it fun, right? I mean call in and say what you
guys do to have a good, good Halloween because I'm Halloween
I'm not amazing at I'm obviously better, better Christmas than
Thanksgiving even. It's like it's pretty easy.
But Halloween, no. And I'm always thinking, I, I, I
mean almost every guy thinks of what their Halloween costume is
going to be 5 days before Halloween.
And then they eventually just like find a onesie on Amazon or
they just go to spirit. I, I never understood how Spirit
Halloween stayed open. And then the amount of times
I've gone there the day of or the day before to get a costume
and just been like, oh shit, OK, I guess I'm going to pay $60.00
for this dumb Viking cost. Like that's, that's what it is.
That's how they stay alive. And I'm the sucker that does it.
Oh, also when I was at the I don't even want to really like
dude, I was when I was at this Halloween thing.
I want to go use the bathroom and I want to go open the I want
to go use the bathroom and I opened the port a potty and a
girl was standing up and she was wiping her ass and I just I just
made full eye contact with her and that shit was it just it
sucked. It's and it was her fault.
She left the door open. It was on fully green.
I was in, I thought I was in the green and then I opened up and I
was like, no, I'm, I'm, I'm in, I'm in the red.
I'm in the brown eyes. It was bad, dude.
I had my flashlight out because it was dark and I couldn't see
if it was green or red on the door.
And then I saw that it was green.
I go, oh, cool. And then I, I opened it up
confidently. I wasn't like a slow open.
I go, oh, this has to be it's fully green and I just and she
goes no, no, wait, and I go and I just like and my flat.
It looked like I was I was opening up to prank her because
I had the flashlight pointed directly at her and I just was
like close. Oh shit, turn, walk, go to
another porta potty open, walk in close, double check that the
door is closed, sit down, go on my phone for 15 minutes to make
sure there's no way that I see her when I walk out.
Man, that happened so fast. It happened so fast.
I couldn't even react. I just went that just I just I
just hasn't something ever happened to you so fast that you
go oh, that just happened to me. Oh shit that just happened.
Wow. And then you have to tell
someone to kind of realize like I just saw a girl in a nurse
outfit. Wait wiping her ass?
I just traumatized a girl in a nurse outfit wiping her ass even
though like she full it was fully her fault for not locking
the door. I feel really bad about it
though. Don't know what to do.
Do I find her and apologize so much worse?
Hey, I'm really sorry that I flashed a light directly into
your eyes like I'm a cop and opened the door in a way that it
made it seem like I definitely knew you were in there and was
snapping a photo. But I wasn't so much worse, so
much worse. It like it was it was actually
so I actually didn't like I actually I didn't feel that bad
because I knew how much of a mistake it was that I just and
and that like it was her fully on her because who, who do you
do people knock on board? It means I, I sometimes I have
knocked on porta potties, but like I, I, I don't know.
And also if I'm in a porta potty, first thing I'm doing,
I'm, I'm going into the porta potty.
I'm turning is this, yeah, I'm turning around and I'm locking
the door and I'm and I'm making sure the door is locked.
And then if for some reason a porta potty doesn't lock, I'm
sitting down and I'm holding the door the entire time.
I take a shit. If I'm taking a piss, who cares?
I've gone into a port, a party and not locked it by like by
mistake when I'm drunk or some shit and someone's opened it and
I'd be like, Oh, shit, my bad, whatever, that's fine.
They're just seeing the back of you still should have blocked
it, but they're not going to feel bad.
It's a green. But if you go in, like if you
have you ever gone into a into a stall and then you sit down, you
pull your pants down, you sit down, you're like, I got shit so
bad. And then you, and then you turn
and you see and the lock's broken and you go, well, I've
already started the deed. The race is already like the
train's already left the station.
I'm in this race. I'm just going to have to hold
this door the entire time. And then you're just like, Oh my
God. And then it's worse when it's a
door that, that that goes open because you have to hold it.
At least when it's a door that like pushes in, you can kind of
just put your foot on it and like if someone if, if someone
taps it, because a lot of times people would just like tap it a
little bit if they don't know. And if there's any kind of
pushback, they go, OK, I shouldn't go in there.
But it's when a pull, you got to pull.
And then even if you give it a little bit of momentum, the
door's going to keep swinging and you're everyone's just going
to see you. Someone's going to see you
taking a shit and a nurse outfit and you're just wiping her ass.
She should have been holding it. You know, I'm actually upset
that she put me through now. I mean, it's it's it's much
worse for her. I should have found her and been
like, I'm so I'm so sorry. Do you do you, do you want to?
I mean, what, what's she going to do to me?
I'm like, do you want to do the same thing to me?
She's like, absolutely not. That makes it so much worse.
It's 12 O 6 anyway. Halloween costumes.
You know, guys, sometimes the, the the, you know, actually, you
know what? No, no, I'm not doing that.
I was about to talk shit about this episode, but no, I'm not
doing that shit, Nomo. I'm not doing that no more.
No, let's finish with a voicemail, 347-566-9741.
Call the voicemail, ask for advice, get some advice from
your unk. I'll change your life.
I'll make it better, I promise. Or share a cringe story.
I just shared a cringe story. That was my cringe that happened
this week. Holy shit, that was bad, right?
Some cringe shit happened to me and you heard it.
Top 10 cringes. Opening up a porta potty door
and seeing her girl in a nurse outfit with blood, fake blood
spat on her face trying to wipe her ass and her screaming God
please no, it's bad. And that's what happened to me.
Yeah, I'm recording this on a new camera, so hopefully this
looks good. We'll work.
We'll work on it. Let's see.
OK, You guys are going to, you guys are going to, you know,
some people would cut this out, but no, you're, you're going to
hear me. Is this the right?
Oh, no, it's not the right one, is it?
Yeah, we'll cut this out. Not here we go.
Found it, found it. We got I've had like 4 different
people call or text and then not follow up and that pisses me
off. All right, what's here for this
person? Oh wait, I got turned up.
Sorry y'all. Remain.
Oh, it's a guy. OK, let's hear it.
Yeah, hi, I would like to remain anonymous but I have a question.
I need advice, how do I tell my girlfriend's best friend's
boyfriend that I am deeply in love with him?
Please let me know. Thanks.
Bye. How do I tell my girlfriend's
best friend's boyfriend that I'm deeply in love with him?
But you have a girlfriend. Oh, you're gay.
Well, shouldn't you first tell your girlfriend that you're gay?
I first of all, well, First things first, you're gay.
Congratulations, you figured it out.
Number two, tell your girlfriend before you tell her best
friend's boyfriend. And then I don't know, but he
also has a girlfriend. This is some weird, not weird,
like it's wrong. But this is like some this is
some like, like, like porn fantasy shit where it's like you
guys both suck each other after And you guys were you guys made
both of you each other realized that you were living a lie.
My girlfriend's best friend's boy.
Yeah, Yeah. I kind of I kind of want to call
this guy. It's too late.
Fuck. I mean, this is, I mean, let me
text him. Let me wait.
He's saying here, this is, I mean, what time is it?
35 minutes in? I mean, maybe he'll respond
immediately. Hey, I have a follow up.
I mean, there's no way he's going to answer in time.
But dude, I mean, you, you, you OK?
You can't, you can't wreck you can't wreck your relationship
and then also wreck your, your girl, your ex girlfriend's best
friend's relationship. You can't do it, dude.
Find some other guy that looks like him.
Is is what I got to say. You can't do it.
Like, do I know this person? This is this is hold on a
second. Let's let's, let's, let's, let's
see. Oh, yeah.
Here we go. Hold on a second.
I kind of want to call this guy. No.
OK, hold on. OK, so this OK, this is dude,
can I call you? So you just realized, are you
saying you realized with a guy? So I don't say this guy go
you're in love with the guy, but you have a girlfriend.
So you're gay. So so you so you you so so so I
don't know what to say to this guy.
So dude, you're gay. Congratulations.
Congrats. I'm figuring that out.
I I dude, I, I want to call this guy so bad, but I can't because
it'll be from my phone. I can't do that.
Let's see what he let's see if he answers.
Oh man, I'm not going to have time to edit this out.
You guys are dude. I'm sorry if this let's see what
time is it, but 36 minutes in so so so he's probably not going to
answer. You're in love with a guy.
I I can't believe I texted this guy.
You're in love with a guy, but you have a girlfriend.
So dude, you're gay. Congrats on figuring that out.
But the other guy is also there's so much more.
I'm just going to be like, you think
this guy is D guy is down. That's I mean there's yeah,
there. I don't I don't think there's
maybe this is a man. See, this is the problem with
getting submissions is if like is this guy just fucking with
me? It would be kind of but I want I
want to remain anonymous. But he could interest.
No, my God, I did call. I did just mistakenly call him
on my phone. So he's going to have my phone
number, but he could think it's spam.
Everyone thinks everything's spam now.
Whoa, hold on a second. What's he's from he's from
Idaho, right. Let's see two what's two O 8
area code, area code USA. He's you know, he said you want
to be anonymous? That's anonymous that wrote it's
Idaho. OK, cool from Idaho
representative. I didn't know we had a well, we
have Idaho listeners. This is crazy.
We we got a we're 40 minutes and we got a Oh my God.
Holy shit, dude, this is I'm so happy.
I asked him. Our girlfriends dared us to kiss
at a bar, but it was just like a light hearted funny thing.
But I really can't stop thinking about it.
Whoa, that oh man, their girlfriends are going to be
pissed when they figure out it was their fault.
But also maybe they'll be super happy because they allowed them
to. Wow.
I mean, this guy's fully man, I, I, I want to like, I'm going to,
like, I'm going to, I'm going to end the podcast and I'm going to
like, I'm going to, I'm going to follow up with you guys about
what happened because I'm, I'm not going to go back and forth
with this and then have you guys listen the entire time.
But wow, shit, unk helps a guy figure out his sexuality.
That's fantastic. 347-566-9741 So you'll have something like
this happen. Dude, I'll, I'll help you if
figure out and process the fact that you kissed some other guy
at a bar and now you're you're you're maybe gay and that's
great or you're bi, whatever. But but if you can't stop
thinking about it, you got to break up with your girlfriend.
Like, Oh my man, good for you, dude, I guess.
I mean, yeah, yeah, good for you.
That's that's fun. Why would you dare?
What kind of 2 girls dare there? That's there's, I mean, there's
so much to get into there that why would you do that also to
me? I mean, I don't have to end, I
don't want to end with this, but like I want I got to help this
guy. Like the concept of daring 2
straight guys to kiss is so weird to me because it's kind of
like do this thing that like is so horrible to you because two
guys kissing is disgusting. Oh my God, I can't believe you
did that. It's like you got to be in
college if you're like dude, dude, shut up.
Two guys kiss. OK, big deal.
The only way you think that is a dare is if you think them being
gay is like bad kind of right. I don't know why it feels a
little homophobic to me. I don't know.
Maybe it's not any I'm overthinking it.
I don't know. But like if you and your
girlfriend are daring your I mean, I would never, I would
never dare my if I had a girlfriend, I would never dare
her to kiss one of her friends. That's weird bro.
You're just you're, you're kissing someone else.
It doesn't matter that they're the same.
You know what I mean? I feel like this episode, you
guys need to call in with your feelings about what's been said
because there's been a lot of things that have gone on and I
would like to hear your I'd like to hear your takes, your
opinions on. Anyway, I wish this could be a
fault because man, if I, if I was recording this at like I got
that 11:11 AM, we'd be cooking. We've been having a fire time,
but also I would, I would still feel like I need to to end and
and help this man. Anyway guys, thanks for
listening as always spread the word like subscribe, rate,
review, do all the stuff you know what to do.
I love you all Thank you for listening and talk to you next
week. Happy Halloween.
Bye.