Hi everybody. Welcome back to another episode
of Anyway, So my name is Dylan Palladino.
Welcome back. How are you?
Today we are going to talk about how to have a successful fall.
We are going to talk about. The Charlie Sheen documentary
Almost at Kevin Spacey. There will be a Kevin Spacey
doc, but there is not one already.
We we got a lot to talk about men we got, we got we got a lot.
I'm I'm locked and loaded. I got 2 drinks I got.
I got my, I got my coffee. I don't have any ice in my
apartment. I don't know why.
My roommates, my brother and his wife don't like ice, so we don't
have ice. So this is like getting some
good somewhere for you, getting warmer by the minute.
And then we got this water juice that this guy sent me from
Instagram. I kind of talk shit about it the
last episode. I'm not going to lie, it's
growing on me a little bit because it's just sweet enough
that it's better than water. But it's not 30 grams of sugar.
It is still 8, which it's not great, but you know, And then we
have the pool in case of emergency.
We do have half a pill of Adderall on my desk just in
case, because you never know what what else is going on?
What's we got? Will Smith rapping.
I don't want to talk about Will Smith.
I mean, I probably will. How are you guys?
Remember to call the hotline 347-566-9741, leave a message,
little story, ask a question, get some advice and I'll change
your life. I'll make it better.
I'll make I'll I'll. I will give you some good
advice, I promise. And it'll just be.
It'll be fun dude. Or share some cringe.
I've been putting up posters all over the city.
Trying to get people to share their cringe because I think
it's good that we celebrate that.
And you know, it's usually pretty funny.
I mean, last week we had that MTA guy that pulled the OR not
MTA, I think he was Metro North Pulled what?
Took the train farther than the actual station.
Which we've all probably been worried about, maybe that
happening to us, but. Let's see.
It's good. It's Sunday.
I'm feeling good. I woke up.
Not that early. Early for me is before 8 AMI
know a lot of people that's your normal day, but you know,
struggling comedian. So before I mean, I'm waking up
at 9:30 for me is good. So and that's exactly what I
did. But so it wasn't, but it was
earlier for me because the night before I woke up at like 10:30
and then I didn't get out of the house till like 1.
And then at that point you start spiraling because you you're
like, I'm wasting my entire day. This sucks.
And I keep getting these YouTube.
Videos that are like. Someone in their 50s going If
you're in your 30s, watch this. Don't waste your life.
Every moment is precious. Don't make the mistakes I did.
It took me 50 years to figure this out.
And then they're all saying the exact same thing but a little
scared about it. Not going to lie, when I wake up
to load because like, what am I doing?
My brothers are having kids and I'm that much money.
All that all that's going on, all that's the anxiety, total
anxiety monster in my head. But this morning I woke up.
My brother is out of town, so just me and my dog, our dog.
It's really their dog because they pay for the food and they
take care of him. But I'm the uncle because that's
my job right now. I'm the I'm the funkle dude.
I'm the gunkle girl called me a gay uncle once.
I'm the gunkle. I take care of the dog when he's
gone. I go see my nephew and I'm just,
I just come in fun time. Hey, what's up?
Energy? Dad.
Has your has your dad told you about porn?
No, no, no, I'm kidding. But that's me.
I ride a motorcycle. I kind of have a death wish.
That's me. And so I I went out.
I woke up. Got a coffee, paid, paid, you
know, paid for a coffee instead of making it inside because the
extra 5 minutes of me making it is worth me instead paying $3.
But it's just, you know, nice to get out and get the coffee.
And then I go for a walk. And then we start walking the
dog and it's a nice decent walk. And then we get to a point where
I can see the river, I can see the East River.
And I'm partially like, I should go home.
I've been out for 10 minutes. And then I go, it's Sunday, man,
just take a long walk and I go to the I.
Go to the river. And I smell the I smell the
diesel and then also the sea, but I smell the diesel as well
because we're in New York City. I see people walking around, see
people running. I go good for them.
And then also a part of me just goes like, you're not even
running that hard, but they. I'm being honest.
That's the real thought I had where I go pick it up a little
bit. Why you sweating so much?
And that's not good and that's not healthy.
But that's what you know, I'm going.
I believe in you. Like, yeah, I saw a girl
running. And then after, after about a
block, she stopped and started walking.
And I was like, come on. You can I, I'm like want to
coach her. I'm like, you can keep going.
Come on to the end, back and forth.
Suicides like a coach. This is what this is what's nice
about no one being in the apartment.
I can really just, I can yell again because I hate recording
this when there's people around. I just can't be.
I can't be. I can't tap in, tap, tap, tap
in. I can't tap into the true
psychosis of who I am. So we go, we walk, I do.
So I've been trying not to scroll on my phone in the
morning. It hasn't been working.
I've failed every day I've tried because I can't.
For some reason. I think waking up and
immediately injecting my phone and all of the trouble in the
world into my brain is good. Because you're supposed to raise
your cortisol right when you first wake up.
So I go, OK, let's raise it. Let's raise it higher than it's
ever been. Let's raise it like I just heard
a bear outside of my Hut. Let's get it all the way up
there. I'm on death's door.
A band of thieves is coming. Through the the village.
There's a plague. Every single potential thing
that could happen is happening. Let's raise, let's raise it up.
So I do that and then I don't feel good for the rest of the
day and I go, why? Why do I not feel good?
I don't know. Maybe because you read the news
and you immediately turned on Twitch and started listening to
a Twitch streamer talking about all the bad shit's going on, or
you or you read about something trumped or whatever.
Dude, you know. I started doing that today.
I was walking and because it's really you just being like.
I got, there's so much going on in the world, I got to get
agitated because that's the only way I feel like I can make a
difference because you're not actually going to make a
difference. You could, but I'm not sure.
I got a Thornberger on the flotilla and having drones blow
the shit up, ship up and maybe not doing that much but but talk
to your grandparents, educate them.
I'm on it. And then I heard someone talking
about, again, I'm OK. I'm trying very hard to not make
this podcast political because politics is in everything, dude,
All comedy, just everywhere. And it's exhausting.
And the problem is people do it because it gets more views and
it gets more clicks and it makes a lot of times.
It makes you more successful and look.
I do want that. So we might do a crazy pivot
meanly me lean into it, but I just I don't have the energy
right now. I really every time I think
about politics, thinking about politics, talking about
politics, I this is this is what happens in my in my brain.
I go, OK, that's it every time because it's not easy because
there's no it's just binary. And so this morning.
And so I'm not trying to make this ship political, but I, but
I will say this, this morning someone was talking about
Charlie Kirk's wife's speech. And I'm not going to say whether
we're talking about whether it was good or bad, but I was just,
I was like, let me listen to this.
Let me listen to it. I've been awake for 45 minutes.
And after 6 minutes of the speech, of course you start
saying something that maybe I, I just something I didn't agree
with or my brain starts churning and I start having these fake
arguments in my head. And then I, and then, and then I
start looking up stuff to make me feel right, you know?
And then I, I stop myself. I go, what are you doing bro?
It's 10:20 AM. You've been up for less than an
hour. Why are you doing this?
Do not have your entire Sunday, the day of rest, God's day.
Why are you? Why are you doing that?
And I stopped myself. I turned it off.
I said, no, I don't need to do this.
Actually, we're good. I'll I'll look this up later
because I and and I'm I probably won't and my life will not
change at all. And I'm, I'm proud of myself for
doing that. And instead I walked to the
water. I looked out at the East River.
My dog just chilled in the sun. It was nice.
I saw people running and I, I saw a fairy, a really nice fairy
pick up some people. And then I immediately went
like, I wonder how much that fairy cost.
And I did the whole thing where you look it up.
And then it took me to the wrong website.
And I was like, I started getting pissed about that.
But then I, I got, I got to the right website and I was like,
oh, it goes to Cape Cod. That's interesting.
And then, you know, you play out this entire.
Thing in your head where you go, I wonder what a weekend in Cape
Cod would be like. And then I got it would be cool
to take the ferry instead of driving up there or taking the
train. And then you went, I went
through this whole fantasy and then I looked up how much it was
and I was like, holy shit, it's $290.00 round trip.
But then I start going like, I mean, that's actually not that
bad. You 6 hours, you're going up
there and it wouldn't be that easy to get there anyway.
It'd also be an experience. It'd be an experience to go all
the way up there and I had an entire Cape Cod.
I had an entire Cape Cod weekend in my head in in about 8
seconds. It was nice.
I've I've been to Cape Cod actually and it honestly kind of
sucks. Cape Cod kind of sucks ass.
It's boring as fuck. I went for my friend's wedding
that she was boring. I think his brother, his brother
probably doesn't listen to this show anymore.
Whatever dude, sorry. Cape Cod's boring as fuck and I
know he likes it. Their house is nice and they
they like it because they're rich and that that's where rich
people go and they're like rich people love to go to places
where, you know, everyone is slow and it takes you 15 minutes
to get a coffee and all the coffee shops close at 2:00 PM
Dude, if I'm. In your area, if I'm in a place
and the coffee shops close before 5:00 PM, I'm pissed and
the place is not that good. What?
It's just it's not that good. How is that drinking noise?
North Carolina? I pulled away from the from the
mic beyond apple from loom. Look them up.
I have no idea how expensive they are.
It's not that bad. 7 grams of sugar but 14 grams of carbs?
How is that possible? Interesting.
I wonder where it is. Anyway, yeah, if I'm in a place
and the coffee, I want the coffee shops closing late.
Dude, I love it when I can go to a coffee shop at 7:00 PM and
I'll get a coffee or I'll get a decaf.
I love it. I love it.
Dude. If it truly, if it was socially
acceptable for you to ask a girl out on a first date, if it was
socially acceptable for you to ask a girl out on a first date
to go to a late night coffee shop, I would do it every single
time. I would.
And I know people are going to be like, oh, you can, you can do
whatever. No, you can't.
Dude, be real. I hit you up on Hinge.
I say some stupid response to one of your openers and I'm
like, hey, how would you like to get coffee at 9:30 on Friday?
I'm a fucking loser. I'm a nerd.
No, it's not going to. You can't do that.
Hey, hey, let's get a decaf 9:30 on Friday on me, $8 total.
Maybe I'll get you a muffin. No, you can't.
But it's just. So much more enjoyable to me
than good drinks with someone recently.
And then I had freaking 2. I had 1 1/2 Ipas and I started
getting dizzy and I had to just pretend like I was having a good
time. But in my head I'm like, Oh my
fucking, I'm going to fall. What's going on?
That's two Ipas. And then I'm freaking.
I'm just, I'm on ice. I'm dancing on the way to the
back, dude. It's so.
And then I'm just because it's also small tables at all these,
at all these cute bars. All the tables are literally 4
inches across, just enough for the menu and your drinks.
That's it. And my big ass hands and arms
are bound to knock something over.
And then you knock something over and there's no way and the
girl's not going to. She's not she sees you knock
something over, you lost it. I mean, I, I could get it back.
I could. But you got to be you got to
have the risk. OK, Yeah.
I wish. I wish I could get coffee at
9:00 PM. It would just be.
It'd be nice. Dude.
There's nothing better than being with your friend.
Dude the best way to end a night is going to a diner and getting
coffee at like 12:30 AM. And get decaf so you don't stay
up till 6:00 AM in the morning. But it's dude debrief of the
night. It's the best.
And I just want to do that with a girl on a date.
Just bullshit, dude. I just want to bullshit.
I don't want to. Hear about, do the whole what's
your family? What do you do?
You know, You know, it's like, yeah, of course you have to do
that. I get it.
But the the goal should be. Let's go to but you know, diner
diners are fine, but I would also like to, you know, go to a
nice It'd be cool if it was like a sexy coffee shop.
You know, it was like it had a vibe but also sounds so fucking
whack. It had a vibe but also you could
get decaf and it was like a nice late night.
That's what I want. I was out of diner last night.
It's probably why I'm thinking about this anyway.
What the fuck was that? Why?
Why are we talking about this? I don't know.
Went to the, went to the, went to the, the river, saw it all.
It was great. It was good.
It's been 10 minutes. We're, we're, we're, we're,
we're done talking about a week. Besides that, the week was good.
We got a lot to talk about. I'm feeling good, I'm feeling
fine. Let's get into, OK, I said last
week. Let's take a sip of this.
Took my Adderall too, fuck it. Fuck it, sometimes you just got
to get on the train and go. Full force and say, hey, we got
about 25 minutes more of this podcast, so it's not going to
kick in enough to make me absolutely non verbal, but let's
get it, OK? So last week I was, I was like,
hey, let's talk. It's fall.
It's, I mean, September 28th, which is crazy.
It's hot. I put this sweater on and now
I'm hot but I don't want to take it off because it just taking a
sweater off is so embarrassing. As a man.
You got to ask someone to hold this shirt down and then it
either comes up and it shows your belly or if it gets caught
on your head. Dude, it's so embarrassing.
Why haven't? But then if you have a zip but
zip sweaters, they don't look good.
You know sweatshirts. It's not the zip UPS look.
Lame. It's dude, it's it really is a
tragedy. You know, my life's so fucking
hard. Anyway, I'm not going to take it
off. So last week I was like, hey,
let's talk about. How to have a successful fall.
We talked about it with summer. Now let's talk about how to have
a successful fall. Here are some things you can do
to make your fall successful #1 end the situation.
Ship. OK, you've been seeing this
person all over summer. Time to end it.
It's not going anywhere. I guarantee you you've been
seeing him. Did you hang out with him and
his friends more than twice? Did he introduce you as his
friend and it it's done OK. If not you're going to get
caught in coughing season where he's going to pretend that he's
like more into you or or she whoever to keep it.
You know non gendered and a situation.
Ship. Step foot into a cabin.
Go upstate. If you live at the top of your
state just keep going north dude.
I don't know where you're going to go, but just go upstate.
Say the phrase it's chilly out, not it's cold, it's chilly.
Use the word autumn 15 times at least.
Look out of a window with a piping hot glass of tea or
chocolate. Wait, wait.
Look out of a window with a piping hot cup of tea or hot
chocolate. It cannot be coffee.
Coffee is seasonless. It is Evergreen cannot be
coffee. That's not that's not fall.
Go to a wedding you don't want to go to.
Spend $3000 on a wedding you don't want to go to pick apples.
And I don't mean from a store. I mean, you got to go to a tree
that has an apple on it and you got to twist three times, pull
it down. Bonus points if there is a.
Caterpillar in it or whatever goes into apples.
I don't know if it's a Caterpillar, eat something with
pumpkin in it or pumpkin flavor, preferably pumpkin.
All right, everyone wants to talk shit about pumpkin spice
lattes and all that. Here's the thing though.
It's it's fall. It is.
And you drink it and you go, that's fall.
It's fall. And I, I hate to say this, I
hate to use this term. It's fall in a cup, It is.
I'm sorry. Drink it.
Just get it once, dude. Be a little sweet pumpkin
pumpkin pumpkin Pootie putty pumpkin boy.
OK, be a little sweet pumpkin gay boy and just drink the shit
and all the sugar and be like, this is so good.
Oh, it's chilly out. I love fall and do all of that.
And you can get them all done in one moment if you do that or eat
something with Now see, here's the thing.
You can't just eat cinnamon. I was going to say eat something
with cinnamon, but cinnamon can be in other areas.
It can be apple cinnamon. It can be pumpkin cinnamon.
So you can add cinnamon to something and it'll up the fall
level a bit, right? Wear something knit, knit
something, two different things. Revisit your situation ship
after you find no one else new. That's good and just go I'm
going to settle, revisit the situation ship because it's
October 25th. It's October 25th and you want
to hook up with someone on Halloween.
So you go fuck it. I'll go back to this person and
just see them for the next three to five months and be confused
about what's going on. And then I'll try again in
spring when everyone comes out of their cave.
Walk through a corn maze. That's a good one.
That's really good one that is that's that's.
Teetering on how to have a good Halloween slash spooky season,
but that's, you know, that's OK because that's going to be a
different episode that's going to be in a couple weeks because
Halloween's its own thing. Thanksgiving and fall kind of
the same. I might do a mini one for
Thanksgiving, but Thanksgiving is, is, is part of fall.
I will say it's how you end fall.
I yes, Thanksgiving is how you end fall.
You have a good Thanksgiving and that can be being alone, eating
whatever the fuck you want on Thanksgiving.
I mean, you know, we'll, we'll talk about it.
But when you have a six, the key to ending your fall well is
having a successful Thanksgiving.
So you got to you got to know how to do that and we'll talk
about that. This one's huge.
Use a thermos. Huge.
Top three fall things is getting one of those thermoses, the big
ones screwing the top off. The steam comes up, you pour
whatever liquid you have into the cup, drink it.
Oh, that's fall. Even saying it fee I do.
I feel the fall in me. Listen to the Peanuts theme song
at least five times at least. Rake leaves.
If you do not have a rake, just grab some with your hands and
crunch them. You just need, you need the
crunch, dude. You need the crunch and you need
to collect leaves. You need, you need the act of
collecting leaves and the crunch of them being dry and dead.
That's fall. Dressing up for Halloween is
also fall, but we're not going to say I love fall outside out
out loud. This one may, I don't know if I
agree with. Yeah, say I love because we
already talked about using the word autumn.
You got to talk about how cold it is.
But yeah, say I love fall. That's part of having a fall.
It's corny, but that's what it is, dude.
That is how you have a good fall, I'm telling you.
Trust me, you do at least. Let's see how many we have here
123456789101112131415161718. 19 Damn, I should have had one
more. I would have been 20.
I would have been perfect. I think maybe I I said about 20
in there. You do at least half of these
and you feel like you had a good.
Fall. That's what it is and that's
what you need because life is about marking time and and and
in that time, being in the moment and being in the moment
is. Doing these things in fall to
make the season feel worth it. OK, right.
I would say that's great. I should have played something
in the background while I was doing that.
Maybe I will when I cut a video. I will do that anyway.
Oh, look, by the way, I changed the sound pad.
Check this out. Fantastic.
We got laughter now we got that's, you know, when someone
sends me money, I guess, or I start making ads on the show.
Of course, we got applause. Hey, guys, welcome back.
I'm back here. How are we?
I don't want to turn that down. Nope.
That's up. That's good.
OK. And then the last one.
What did I do for the last one again?
Yeah, that's a that's a that's a fun one.
I like that one. I only have 4 if you guys want
to send. In Hey here's here's a sound
effect you should do. It could be kind of cool.
Anyway, now you guys know how to have a fall.
That's great. What do we want to look at next?
Will Smith rapping, Do we? This shit is crazy, honestly.
Oh God, man, what happened to him?
Sometimes I have to be reminded, even after climbing all the
heights I've been. They throw stones, but pressure
make diamonds. Choking on my rage.
Give me a Heimlich. Black page.
No words to rhyme with. Lost in spades, out of
alignment, hot in cold, mental climate.
Even when I'm mad, I try to kill them with kindness.
Mixed emotions. Ayahuasca doses.
Let's go free, see who gets the closest.
What? Yeah.
Mind playing tricks? I'm lucid focus been writing go.
Some on a tightrope dancing with a cobra.
But I'm writing why, dude, why is this so bad?
Dude, stop, dude, stop. It's just him being in the oh,
whoa, whoa, what was that? Oh, this?
Dancing is crazy. You guys can't see.
Oh, he's dude, he's trying so hard to he's trying so hard to
to what is the word for his image rework his image.
It's just not do the and the crave the the comments are.
I've been wanting to spit something on this for a min.
Shout out the dochi. Oh is it Dochi's song?
Is it dochi? You do each?
It's Dochi. This is the worst video I've
seen in my entire life. Wow this ain't it.
How did this song get ruined twice?
You people saying this is fire skull emoji?
This song gave me diarrhea. Holy.
Shit, someone goes if Kendrick made this everyone would be
bouncing on it. It would be good like Chris M
Wogan. Anyway, I love that I can just
say. Someone's like just your name is
just out there. Well, you're already rich and
successful. You do not.
Have to do this. Oh man, it sucks putting
yourself out there like, you know, everyone's like, oh, put
yourself out there, try and then you get to a certain level and
you do it like this and everyone goes do not try because that's
what you get for it's bad. I don't know what's going on
with Will Smith rapping. I mean, you know what that this
is. This is what it's like after you
hear Will Smith rapping like on most of those lines, and he
should just be doing something else so he can just like be
getting. I need it needs to be longer
but. So we can just get that money.
Dude, you're, you're get out of the spotlight.
You've been in the spotlight enough.
Did you do something else? Just enjoy being rich.
I don't get these people that they get rich and famous.
They have all this power, they've been in the Hollywood
and all this and they still want to be.
Dude, grow up and get out of being in front of the camera.
Like just invest your money somewhere else.
Enjoy. Enjoy made it, you made it.
Just chill. They can't 428,000 likes though.
That's why they're doing it for real.
That's why they're doing it. OK, I thought I would have more
to say about that, but it's just cringe.
It really is mustache here in my mouth.
It's really just cringe. Sorry, dude.
Will Smith, you got to. You just got to.
You got to stop. I next let's let's let's let's
look at the voicemail we got real quick.
You got to get back here we go. I do this.
I I, so I, I put put the podcast number up and this one guy has
been texting me like on it for, I mean, a week.
Crazy shit about his girlfriend and how and and he also I know
I'm old because he's talking and slang that I've literally had to
use ChatGPT to even understand what he's saying which makes me
feel very old. I am and he went to a strip club
and then didn't tell his girlfriend and then his
girlfriend found out and she was really mad and and you know, I,
I just, I was actually like trying to help him.
I was like, oh, you should do this.
You should try that. And he didn't listen.
And then somehow it all worked out and she apologized because
and he iced him out, which, you know, is crazy.
But then I found that he's like 24.
And I go, OK, you, you neither of you are going to do anything
smart for at least another four years.
And then he sent me. 40 memes and I'm going to I I mean I'm
like scared to look at them because I don't know what
they're going to be about. He talks about how he wants to
like fuck goth baddies. Anyway, he just called me twin.
He just texted me right now. You got to get based and learn
about Agartha lore. Twin.
What does that mean? Agartha?
What's Agartha? Agartha is a legendary Kingdom
that is said to be located on the inner surface of Earth.
I mean what the hell dude, what are we talking about?
The Though the exact story varies, there are many different
versions. It is usually said to be located
in Central Asia and led by a powerful figure, sometimes
called the King of the world, who secretly influences the
surface. Is related to belief in the
hollow. Oh hollow earth theory.
Like how there how there's more like dinosaurs and shit.
This Wikipedia is a is a. Crazy it has a drawing though it
looks like it was. Drum by like a like a a 12 year
old in algebra class. Wow OK this is crazy.
Actually you it's melting ice caps go inside Agartha.
Land. Land of an advanced race, and
there's another sun inside the Earth.
Spaceship base. Spaceship base to and from other
galaxies. This is inside.
Center of gravity 400 miles down, huh?
I'm like that cat. Hall Hall Cave City of advance
semi advanced raced. What's semi advanced?
This is wow. In this photo you guys can't
see. They're even the the the person
has a key where they're like sediment, granite basalt and
plastic basalt. I mean, someone spent a lot of
time on this and they put scale in miles.
Wow, there's another ocean in. I mean, this is just the most,
this is some of the stupidest shit like.
Who people believe this? I go test atom blast.
Cold air rushes back to earth through center of the shaft.
I can't believe this is on Wikipedia.
Who the fuck put this as the photo?
This is crazy. It's from It's from Walter
Sigmeister's 1960 book. Agartha.
Yeah, the guy was on acid. What are we talking about
anyway? Sorry, twin, I'm I'm not going
to I'm I'm not going to get based and learn about Agartha.
But thanks for texting me for an entire week.
OK, here we got we got another. 34756697. 41 Call the hotline.
Here is an entry. Wow, a minute and I haven't
listened to this so let's hope it's good.
Ow Jesus Christ, that beat OK anyways, one time in 6th grade.
Oh, this is I'm doing the cringe storm one one time in 6th grade,
right. I was sitting there, I tell my
mom's dad she was at home and then my, I really, hey, my
eyebrows a little too gushy today.
And so I started plucking right fucking fucking.
And then all of a sudden I got too carried away and, and it was
all gone. Just just just completely off.
And so for the next like 2-3 days, I tried to draw them back
on like that one Germa clip where they're like, oh, oh, why
do you look like you have no eyebrows?
I couldn't draw them back on this eyeliner.
Germa clip What's a German? Clip.
I don't know what that means. Stayed in my bed for like 2 days
straight and then and then my brother was like hey why do your
eyebrows look like that? I got scared.
I was like I don't know. And then I was forced to to deal
with what I did. The constant of my accent.
I didn't get beat or anything but.
Like I didn't get beat. Oh my God.
I mean, what? Why would you get beat for that?
OK, kind of saying the quiet part a lot about what their
childhood was like. Maybe not the best.
My mother, my mother pulled me aside.
She's like, did you see her eyes off?
I was like, I was like no. And she wiped my face.
I like to came off and it was horrible.
And I was the same day. I don't want to say the first
day of school, but like it was. I think it was.
No, it was in the middle of the year, but it was on Monday early
in the morning and I caught every time my brother asked me
why did you say her eyebrows off?
I started bawling my eyes out and and that was that's what
happened to me. It was very sad.
Thanks. That's it.
OK, bye. Thank you.
Hey, that's great. That's a great submission.
Great story. You plucked your own.
You plucked your God damn eyebrows out and that's OK.
You know, you were just do you were just exploring your face a
little bit. You were saying what do I what
do I want to look like? What do how do I want to change
my face up? You were you were.
It's completely fine, man. You're exploring the sexuality
of your, of just your face and you went too far, but that's
fine. I mean, the fact that you said
my mom didn't beat me is concerning because why would
she? But I don't know you're well
enough to go into that. I'm happy you didn't get beat,
and I'm happy your eyebrow grew back.
You drew it on with with, I mean, that is, that is dude,
that is something that happens when you're a kid, but you like
do some shit. And I'm pretty sure I shaved my
eyebrow off, right. I think I, I, I did something to
my eyebrow. I shaved something with it.
You just you get you like as a kid, you're so curious and you
know what's going to happen, but you kind of like don't believe
it is or you, you just like want to know what is it like?
And so then you do it and you go, Oh shit, I actually did it.
I. Remember one time I went crazy
on my nose like trying to get all, trying to get like all the
blackheads out of it and shit, and which in reality, like it's
impossible because they're not actually blackheads.
It's just like a bunch of sebum oil.
It's a whole thing. I'm going to have to go into it.
But then I like went too hard and then my I got like cut.
I got like cuts on my nose. Dude, this is I mean this is
embarrassing or whatever. I got like cuts on my nose and
like I guess dead skin or like. It was like, it was like.
Scarred a little bit and then I went to school the next day and
this girl remember how mean kids were where they would just bring
up the thing that they see immediately.
I mean, I guess they just, I mean, all kids are just kind of
autistic. They just haven't learned the
social norms. So she was like, what happened
to your nose? And I go, I fell, I just lied.
I'm like, oh, I fell, I fell down.
That's what happened. She goes, no, are you picking at
your nose? And I was like, how did she
know? I'm dude immediately, first
thing, she said. She goes, no, I don't think you
were. I think you were messing with
your nose and you would cut all of it.
And I was like, Oh my God, so embarrassing.
Everyone knows. Everyone knows that I'm insecure
about my appearance. But then you know, she probably,
she never thinks about it. I still think about it.
What was her name? Jenna something I forget her
last name. Actually, I can probably now.
My phone's up there. I was about to be like, looking
at it on my phone, but my phone's up there.
Jenna, we made out once. It was good.
So maybe she she obviously didn't care that much about the
nose. That's all I'm saying.
Your boy still figured it out, is all I'm saying.
Let's go to Agartha. So yeah, So there's that.
And good submission. Thank you for submitting that
347-566-9741. How that we already talked about
a successful summer. Hey did you guys see this the
baby music video where he re enacted that woman getting
murdered in Charlotte? This is crazy, I can't really
play it. Maybe, OK, maybe I can screen
record and I'll put this, I'll put this in the YouTube, but I
just, I can't, I can't put the sound on.
I can't put. The sound on because they'll
take me down and guys, every every view matters.
By the way, whoever left the review, thank you for doing that
Keep it up. Share it with the friends.
All right, how do I do a new screen recording?
Here we go record selected record entire screen.
Yeah, OK bam OK all right so all right, so watch this.
This is so make him play it like for a second.
I like, you know them names. OK, so it it's on the train.
If you guys don't know this woman got she got stabbed in the
train through his side, but the whole thing is OK so.
He he re enacted what happened this Ukrainian woman getting
poked. I'm just I'm trying I'm going to
try and use PC language. She got poked by some guy in the
train and the the music video is called Save Me by the Baby.
And first of all, he's showing the guy who's like upset who
does it. And then he's on the train and
the baby's rapping on. First of all, he's on actual,
the actual Charlotte MTA, which by the way, he wasn't allowed to
do. Apparently he got in trouble for
that, but it shows the guy pulling the dude.
He pulls a knife out and then he goes to slime this chick and
then do baby grabs his hand and like like like first of all,
it's not even a knife. What is that I?
Have no idea what that is. And it's like him saying it's
basically him Mark Wahlberging. He goes if I was there 911
wouldn't have happened but instead it's for this woman.
This is crazy. I cannot believe anyone allowed
him to do this. This is wow and someone
comments. I really wish I lived in the
reality where this is how the story ended.
Rest in peace. A lot of people are hating on
him for making this but I'm glad a celebrity finally brought some
attention to what happened. Oh my God, man.
What is wrong with people all these people in wow.
I mean all the comments are paused.
I never not a fan of his music but or flow OK just had to be
mean. But I wholeheartedly respect him
for the video and he deserves it from everyone else.
He's trying to make a difference until unlike many others in the
limelight. What dude?
Heavenly Father, I pray that you keep the person reading this
alive, safe, healthy. OK well crazy.
What is it with people getting randomly super religious on
YouTube? This is crazy man.
This is absolute like. All the comments should be this
is nuts. Why are you doing this?
Why are you acting out? And then the baby like walks him
out and how do they film this? And then he also walks him by
the cops and the cops are are those the actual cops?
How are they OK with this? Based on a true story.
That's what it says at the end. Come on, man starring Jonathan
Debaby Kirk. And then he and then at the end
he has him and and the girl and the guy all together.
I mean, I guess like is I guess it's positive, right?
I mean, it's it's written by Jonathan Debaby.
His last name? 'S Kirk.
We're not, we're not even going to No, I I guess it's positive,
right? But isn't it weird like
reenacting something? It also just happened like like
3 weeks ago. And he went, I know what I got
to do. I got to make a music video
saying about how I if I was there, this shit wouldn't have
happened. I would change it up.
Mark Wahlberg should just been, just should have just been in
that, too. Be like you shouldn't do that.
Come on, you shouldn't stab him like this is so crazy to do and
and I and it's crazy to me that some people that everyone is
like celebrating it. Bro, what you're making a music
video you're you are monetizing off of saying like, if I was
there, it would happen a little differently.
I might have had had to get involved and I haven't listened.
I haven't looked at the lyrics and maybe and oh, it's a
dedication to arena, OK. I mean, I guess that's kind, OK.
And then on the has the GoFundMe, all right, Am I about
to change my mind because we know this happens, all right?
He did put the GoFundMe at the bottom of it.
Fuck, fuck. All right.
I guess I would still, I still don't like it.
But you know, he put the GoFundMe in there and, and that
I yeah, I guess that is nice. It is still crazy to do that.
He could have just tweeted about it I guess.
But yeah, he put that in. Whatever.
OK, I was going to try and we'll move on, but it's still fucking
insane. I wanted you guys to know about
that. It's still insane.
Let's end with OK, we'll end with Bam bam and oh, here's some
short things that happened to me this week that that brought me
joy or I was happy to do OK. I was on my bike and.
Because this is just the the short corner.
Short corner. I was driving on my bike and I
was at motorcycle, I was at scooter, whatever.
I was at the light and the light turned green and then this chick
walks across the street. That's all I'm going to say of
this. It's just annoying person walked
across the street and she completely ignored that everyone
had the right away and she kind of was being very, very
self-righteous. And someone beat to her and she
looked at him and like rolled her eyes and gave the finger and
kept going. Which by the way, pisses me the
fuck off. I know I'm, I'm, I'm assuming
most of you guys feel the same way.
And then I saw some older woman to her face be like, it's a
green light bitch. And then I laughed out loud
through my helmet and kept going and I I faith in humanity was
restored in me. So that was nice.
It's always nice to see someone publicly shame someone else for
something that is very, very objective.
You're. Wrong.
You know, that was nice. I like that.
Maybe some people don't agree. I like that.
It made me happy just to see some like 58 year old woman just
call a young girl bitch. It's a green light bitch.
I was like, oh, that felt good. I told someone something was in
their teeth at AI was at a party and I told someone something was
in their teeth. Man that felt good.
That is man that's good. That feels.
I'm going to, I'm going to. I cannot wait to keep doing
that. It's awkward to do, but when you
see something is in someone's teeth, it is your duty to tell
him. And when you do, it doesn't
matter how weird it is. They're grateful for the rest of
the night because we've all been there.
We've all looked in the mirror and been like, why didn't
someone tell me something was on my teeth?
And then I did the thing where I go, hey, look, I don't really
know you that well, but I just got to tell you, you seem like a
nice person. There's something in your teeth.
I don't want you to deal with that for the rest of the night.
And they go, wow, you're very, they go, I can trust you a lot
more now. You're very honest.
And I go, fuck yes, dude. I mainly did it for myself, but
also I did it for you. I am honest, yes, I am honest.
Even though some of the things in the conversation that you
said were interesting, I said were interesting as well, even
though I completely didn't agree with that.
But let's go back to the thing where I told you something was
in your teeth because I didn't want you to get embarrassed.
That was good. Do it tell people something's in
their teeth. Nothing's going to happen.
I know it's awkward and I I did a thing where dude, I, I was, I
was. Looking at her and I've noticed
a thing in her teeth and then I go.
Like it took me about 8 minutes. I go, am I going to tell her
right now? I don't know if I'm going to
tell her. I don't know.
And she's like, I was, And then you went to Korea or whatever
because she, her husband's Korean.
She and she's like, and then just keep looking at it going
that shit. It's not going to move, is not
going to move in her teeth. And she, you know, every now and
then she would close her mouth and you know how kind of like
you close your mouth and you swallow you like, and I was
like, maybe I'll get a pull. It'll get pulled out when she
does that. It didn't, it didn't.
And she kept talking and I kept looking at it and it was, it was
lodged in between at the top of the teeth, you know, like where
the IT needs the gum in between the teeth, that little crack, it
was lodged in there. And I go, Oh my God, it's not
going to get out. It's not.
I go, I got, I said I got to step up.
I got to be the dad that stepped up.
That's a good step dad. And I got to be the step friend,
step guy. And and then I'm looking at the
friend, the girl talking to her because I go.
Maybe she'll say something because she knows her more and
it's her duty as a friend to tell her friend of the slipping
in her teeth. She doesn't say shit, shows what
kind of friend she is. At this point, me doing this, I
go, I'm actually better friends with you than this other woman
you've known for eight years because I I stepped up, I looked
out for you. I did the thing.
I said, hey, I care about you. I don't want you to get
embarrassed. Here's the thing right here.
Take it out of your teeth. I'm so sorry, love, that that is
me. What you have to do, you do it
in a British accent. You go.
I'm so sorry, love, but there's something you're TAFE and you
got to take it out because I don't want you being embarrassed
the rest of the day. I'm really sorry about that.
I know, I know it's going to. Completely mess up the flow of
the conversation. Everything's been going on.
But trust me, you don't want to be walking around with that
pepper and you take for the rest of the day.
And I did it. I did that.
And I should. And you know what I should have.
Hey, you're welcome. I saved you.
So yeah, I should have gotten that.
Everyone in the party should have been like.
And give it up for Dylan. Yeah.
Thank you. I just tried to save a woman
from being embarrassed when she gets home at the end of the
night. And then maybe it would have
been like she did give me $10. That would have been cool, but.
Yeah, it was you. You got it.
And the good woman didn't do it. And I finally just was like, oh,
you got to get out of your teeth.
And then the other her friend was like, I didn't even notice
it. And then I go, how are you not
noticing it? Oh, wait, you're staring at her.
Oh, oh, you're telling me when you talk to someone, you look in
their eyes the entire time. You don't ever look around.
You don't ever uncomfortably look around even though you're
listening to them because you're like hyper aware of what's going
on. You're telling me you don't look
at someone's face while they're speaking and then kind of start
to analyze their face and the different parts of their face
and what's symmetrical and what's not?
You tell me. That's just me.
You tell me you don't notice their teeth and go like, oh,
they have nice teeth where you go, oh, their teeth are a little
messed up. But it also brings flavor and
and character to who they are as a person.
It's you're saying it's just me that does that.
OK, All right, that's fine. That's fine.
It felt good dude. Telling someone something.
Telling someone something is in their teeth.
What a good feeling. You feel like a hero.
You are a vigilante. I'm a vigilante for justice.
I'm a vigilante for cringe, embarrassment, justice.
That's what I did. Just like that girl that plucked
her eyebrow out. Good story.
Sorry I didn't have more to say about it, but good fun story.
Thanks for sharing that. I hope more people would share
stories. How long have you been doing
this? Probably 40 minutes, right?
Yeah, maybe. OK.
I have one more thing I wanted to talk about, but we'll talk
about that next week because I like to.
Oh fuck. We didn't talk about the Charlie
Sheen documentary. We'll talk about it next week.
It's OK. We would talk over long enough.
You guys are great. It's it's cool dude.
We have we have more shit to to discuss.
This is great. I'll write that down.
I you know, I got some. Stuff to say about the show the
show machine thing. You know, watch the Charlie
Sheen documentary, then you can, and then you can.
And then, you know, here, watch the Charlie Sheen documentary,
call in with your takes on it. And then next week I'm going to
talk about it as well. And we'll be a whole family.
Talking about what what happened with the Charlie Sheen doc?
There's a new. Documentary every single week.
So it's kind of hard because if they're always trying to one up
each other and it's crazier and crazier.
Like you know, there was that one about the the girl who was
getting 15,000 text messages and then spoiler alert, it ended up
being her mom and her mom is like crazy.
Not Kleinfelter syndrome, Crazy Munchausen.
Yeah, Munchausen syndrome. It was nuts.
That one was really good. And then there's the Ye.
There's the the Kanye West one, which like I want to watch, but
also there's a part of me that goes, I don't want to give this
guy any more attention. But the Charlie Sheen one?
Watch it. No, you know what?
I'll. I'll talk about it.
No, Fuck, how much time do we now?
We'll talk about it next week. You guys are great.
Thanks for listening to the show.
Remember to call in 347-566-9741, leave a message
with some cringe, ask for some advice, tell us whatever you
want to do. Remember the guy that told the
story about the coffee going down the front of his truck?
That one was pretty good. I hope you guys have a good
week. Talk to you soon.
Hey, give it up one more time for Dylan.
Hey, talk to you soon guys.