And OK, wait 321, welcome back to the Dill and Lil Show special
edition. It has been three years since we
last recorded. I'll actually tell you exactly.
December 21st was the last time we recorded.
It's when we said we were going on the hiatus.
So much has happened. Oh my God, I I went through a a
whole relationship during that time actually.
Wow, you did? Oh shit, I went through.
I started and ended one within that time.
We don't have to get into. That wow, I was like, OK, he's
being really. Vulnerable.
Don't know why. I mean, that was just the inside
of my brain kind of just realizing how time moved on.
No. Totally.
Don't really want to talk about that right now.
We don't. We we have to go over that.
I actually don't even. There's a lot going on in that.
Well, we'll talk off there about just I.
Also would love to like not even acknowledge the year 2022.
Oh, was that a was that a specifically bad year for you?
Really I. Was in a really weird
relationship, so we're just going to.
Like, OK, that was that one. Yeah.
OK, so that that's a Mulligan. So we go that one, and then we
go silent and then. That one you just pull out, you
just do the thing you just highlight and you just go
delete, like delete from cell. If like your life is like a
Google Sheets, you just delete that cell.
Totally. And you know what?
I worked through this with a couple different professionals
in my life. 'Cause you need a couple.
You do need. 11 was. One is not enough have.
You ever had one tap out? Yeah.
I had one break up with me. That's.
Gotta. Not jelling.
Oh yeah, corporate speech. We're jelling, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, not jelling is I'm taking your problems with me
after work and it's it's affecting my mental health.
Yes, I used to feel like what a, what a disservice to my memory,
what a disservice to, you know, the way life is.
And then I kind of hit this point where I was like, Nah,
like I really just want to control alt delete and that is
my healthy. So we're good.
There's so much of life that I wish I could remember.
That was just. I just can't.
Yeah. I'll give you an example from
the ages of 12 before. Not really.
That's kind of wiped. And I don't know if I'll unlock
something at some point as to why, but right now I have.
An idea? Go on.
Oh yes. Yes, yes, true.
A lot of that was yeah, yeah, I think, let's see from, if I
think back to yeah, I was addicted to meth, if any of you
guys know. As a 12 year old, it was really
sad. It was hard.
But LA, you know, it sneaks up on you.
And it gets you. And I was building a ton of
Legos, which I have not rediscovered.
That hasn't changed. I yeah, I can't.
Like, I remember some random things.
I remember getting in trouble. I remember, I remember handball.
You know what? I remember handball.
I miss handball. I was good at handball, but my
bad Was that was that not it's? Just funny.
You're like, I don't remember much.
I remember handball. I saw my grandpa.
I literally saw like. I don't remember much 8 year old
men but the games we played. We played stickball.
Remember when Grandpa wrote a book about the games he played
in the street? Yeah, I do remember that I had
to like, read a passage in front of him.
Yeah, I I read 1 about stickball and I was like, this does sound
fun but also sounds like something that would have been
used in the Scorsese movie, like as B roll, like as B roll 4
showing like where the time was. Yeah, we're in the old times.
Yeah, we're old times. Everyone's in one of those hats.
All the New York. All the kids are like in three
piece suits which which like can we maybe bring that back?
Oh wait, is this not a perfect segue to sniffing babies?
Let's go to sniffing babies. Really quick just cause it's
such a classic. Story yeah, so before so just so
you guys know, before the episode, we we tried to like
write some things down. That's what we wanted to talk
about and we could just, we kind of just yeah, rah rah, rah and
Lily just the only thing she's like, I have other things that
I'll remember, but we got to write down sniffing babies.
But let's go. I I probably have some
experience with this because I have now a nephew so it's.
Like yes you do. So it's like I, I did give him a
sniff, but let's, let's hear you.
OK, so I worked Thanksgiving Eve at the restaurant that I
occasionally pick up shifts at, and that is a notoriously rough
shift. Bad shift.
The Thanksgiving Eve shift.
Because it's people who are going to be cooking all day the
next day, so they don't want to even think about it and or.
Hold on, that's why you go to a restaurant.
That's what I mean. But like, it's 12 people who are
like, we're going to be cooking all day tomorrow.
So tonight let's just do this. They want to like really put all
of the work onto the servers and the cooks because they're like
tomorrow I'm going to have to actually.
Yeah, I'm going to do this for no money.
Yeah, it's like, OK, that's not the yeah, OK, we don't got to
get into that. But yeah, he.
Can't. But so it was that it was a lot
of drunk old guys at the bar who either, you know, alienated or.
Or. Kicked out of their families and
'cause you can just tell that their dads and husbands at one
point, you know what I mean? Yeah, you can tell.
They say something like my family is here and here is at
least 50 to like 300 miles away from them.
It's Duluth. You know, yeah, it's Duluth.
It's it's far and or they they yeah, they say things like my
yeah. My, you know.
Yeah, she has my kid. It's not our kid.
It's my kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I don't see my daughter anymore because my ex, you know,
took. Her and my daughter's mad at me
because, you know, yeah, I've, you know, I drunk drove her to
the prom and. Haven't seen my grandkids in six
years. Yeah, exactly.
But I have so getting. Bombed at the bar and then it
was a lot of like, it's rough, it's rough and then it's like 22
year olds who are like home for the 'cause that.
Is that's kind the Wednesday before is the bike from from
from around it's what 18 to 20/18/21.
It's real good actually even a little bit after, but that
especially when you come home from college.
Oh yeah, real good. Real good, that's.
Kind of like. Yeah, that's the tingles.
For sure better than Christmas Eve. 5 million miles, 5 million
miles, 'cause you're 'cause there's no plans, so the kids
just go out and get tank. Destroyed.
Why haven't they made a a Thanksgiving Eve movie with
that? That's really, I think it has
some elite, I know. But let's unpack the maybe the
elitism involved in that scene. You know what I mean?
Everyone's home from college. OK, Lily's really trying to
break. We're saying it's.
Not relatable. Maybe it's just not relatable,
no. I don't think I don't think that
I think Thanksgiving's relatable to everyone here.
Now, here's why I'll push back. And.
Here's why it should be. And here's why it shouldn't be,
because what it's based in is. Genocide.
Killing I think that yes people are coming home from college,
but Thanksgiving is most people have that off no matter what
right their. Home anyway.
For sure their home anyway, but I get what you're saying.
It is a very much college thing. But right though, hit your
niche. But but I know what you're
saying because some people, they are, they are going to work the
next day. And no hate because you get
those double hours. And sometimes it's nice to work
on the holidays because you have an excuse to get away from
everyone. And then you're in the office,
the restaurant, and there's no one there.
And you're like, I'm making 42 an hour because it's usually
wow. And nothing's going on.
And you're just. And you're on.
I, you know, you make the story like work today.
Capitalism, you know, whatever. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, you're in the walk in the back.
Walk in, you're cooling off, you're left like.
Steam's coming up. You're having so many coffees,
you're just maybe you throw a little bit of, maybe you throw a
little nip in there or whatever, you know?
Yeah, ass throwing ass you. Throw ass or.
You just throw ass on your own in the back.
Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Totally for it.
Yeah. Working is is nice.
I used to. I used to try to work via
bartending or catering, Yeah. On like Thanksgiving Eve or
sometimes I liked working on Halloween because then it was
like, I'm going to a party, but I'm also getting paid because I
don't really want to just dress up and go, yeah.
Correct. And by the way, like now that
well I used work as an excuse as so I wasn't going home for the
holidays. But there's no work, you know.
Oopsie. Whoopsie, Daisy.
Oopsie, Daisy. I really, that's the most I can
say about it, but. But you picked up.
Hold on. Sorry to get back.
You picked up. You were there Thanksgiving Eve.
This is why we this is good. This is why we need each other,
because if not, we'll both lose the plot.
So quickly. OK, so I'm flying around and a
former Co worker who just like stops by to eat is also at the
bar and there's like a billion babies in the restaurant at one
point. Like there's toddlers, there's
infants, there's tweens like. And this baby was at a high
chair and I was clearing food off this baby plus parents table
and I leaned over the baby to pick up and I didn't sniff.
You just were breathing. Purpose.
I was just breathing. You were just sustaining life.
You were you were respirating as.
I was respirating. As an animal does.
As one does as I have to and then it.
Would have been you would have died if you didn't.
I I would have in front of a baby if I didn't.
And traumatize the baby. You had to.
You had to respire. And then I just like got that
little powder hit, you know, that little fresh ass baby
powder head. But then I smiled at the baby
because I was so close to the baby and these parents were like
like did not smile at me, smiling at their baby.
So I just got the hell out of there and I felt really weird
about it. That's well, first of all, you
had the I will. You know what, Lily?
You had the experience of most men through, I will say, of
trying to have a little bit of joy at something and then
immediately, because they might look like a, you're a guy and
you might look like a creepy guy.
And I will say history. History has not really reflected
well on what a lot of us have done.
Well said well. Said you immediately get put
into the like, is this guy a creepo?
You know, yeah. Is this guy Yeah.
Is this is this guy APDF file Yeah.
Have you noticed a? Yeah, I can walk around like
this. Yeah.
Any baby I want. You can pants a cheek and most
of the time they'd be OK with it.
Totally, except. But this one time you.
Not having it. OK.
Were they foreign? Were they foreign?
I. Could I Didn't ask.
And she's giving me German vibes, maybe like German.
It's giving even a little slobic.
Yeah, for sure. Polish even.
And so we're doing a lot of weird generalizations, but I.
Mean, but we're not. I know 'cause Italians aren't
like that, no. Italians aren't, no, it's a
north. It's a cold area of Europe.
Where Yeah, OK, so I go to. My friends who's eating there
and she was the server for a bit.
How did the baby smell? Fantastic.
OK, Yeah. But I wasn't there to sniff the
baby. Of course you respired and the
baby happened to be and you were downwind.
Let's just say you were downwind.
No way is it downwind or upwind. No, I'd be up.
You were, you were downwind. You were downwind.
Because crosswinds, because I'm leaning over clearing plates.
And then when I came back, it was like baby smells.
Yes, yeah, downwind. So you.
Yeah. And you so you can't even the
winds were in your favor it. Came to me.
It came to me. But you got and you got that hit
of oxytocin. Woo, which is why I then smiled
at that baby. Smiled.
Love it. Love a baby.
Hi. Yeah.
Hi, so then I go to my friend and I was like dude, what's the
politics on smiling at babies? And she goes well it depends on
the baby. And I was like.
Hold on. She.
Was like, yeah, I mean, like, if you know the baby, you should
feel free to go ahead. And I was like, wait, how do you
like know? Just a baby though.
You don't. She was like, well, why would
you be smelling babies? You don't know.
So then she heard me. What she heard was what's the
politics on sniffing babies? Yeah, that's OK.
Which then answered a different question I had.
Which was that actual question? Which was depends on the baby.
You couldn't sniff babies if you know the baby.
I think you got to really know the baby though.
But you have to really know the baby.
I also think the act of sniffing a baby is it's not a good look.
Like, like, you can't. You got to take you.
You got to take a whiff. You're not taking an inhale.
You know the difference. You can't.
Like, yeah. Let's say.
OK, let's. This 20 LB weight is a child.
All right. It's I.
Hate this flex. Let's just say.
Well, this just happened to be my room.
I don't know. Also, most children are kind of,
I will say this is kind of yeah. OK, so baby comes up.
I'm holding the baby, right. This is, I'll bring the mic
closer so people can hear. This is, I think, what is
acceptable just that little not I think it's the exhale that
really is bad. All right, I'll practice on my
portable material tonight. OK.
Bluetooth microphone. Yeah, OK.
Thank you. OK, so OK, So what if you're
holding it like this, which you only do to babies, you know?
Yes, of course. So you're an uncle, Obviously
you're not going to hold it out like, hey.
Yeah, this is disgusting. Yeah.
Right, so let's say I'm but let's say I'm holding a good
friend but not blood related baby.
That's tough. So let's say I'm bouncing the
baby like this all. Right.
You're yeah. Can I do this?
You got it's got to be subtle though.
OK, Hold on. We're we're having a OK, you
have the baby, we're talking now.
We're having a conversation. You're not really doing it
right. Are you the parent?
I'm the parent. OK, yeah, he's so cute, but I do
a thing where I'm like, oh, oh, hold on one second.
Jamie texted me right there I go.
I I just happened to look up but I'm.
But then I go, I'm aspirating. I go, no, I get it.
He's he's really. Yeah, I think that's fine.
I think a little sweep, it's completely fine.
But and you can also do the thing where it's like the baby
put this, OK, the baby's here. You're you're rocking it and
you're like, so maybe it's up here and you're, and then you do
the thing where you're like, oh, you're so cute.
And then maybe you just passively and then you.
Just it has to be part of the event.
It can be a standalone event. Oh yeah, fuck, that's good.
You just you just met this person and they're like, oh,
good. I can.
Oh, that's good. That's a good baby.
Thank you. What's his name?
I don't care. Thank you.
Just for. OK.
Well, I'm glad we got that away. So let's can we talk about being
an uncle? How does?
That I will say we got the episode for the forget the name
for the episode. It's obviously stepping babies
because I think it's an experience everyone has,
especially because everyone talks about the baby smell.
I think we we do have to parse a little bit, yes.
Is the baby smell the actual baby or is it the powder that is
consistently used? I've thought about this deeply.
OK, what do you think it is? Truly.
Yeah. And I'm not.
I'm speaking. From your experience?
Come here boys, cuff him. You're reading marks.
Wait, hold on writing that down. Woke police do need to make that
a sketch. What are the Miranda rights for
the? One, you have the right to say
your pronouns. Just think of everything that a
Republican. Yeah.
Republican person. Yeah.
You have the right to wear whatever wig you want.
And you and you must tell us at all times what your dietary
restrictions are. Yeah, OK.
Do you need utility assistance? We can help you with that.
Of course, you will be in a differently abled cell if you
need it. I feel like Michael Scott where
he's like joke idea. Do you remember in the Office
where he was like joke idea, like whatever in Mars?
Yeah, I'm like, so OK, what do you think it is?
Ceremonially. Got it going.
To be different person to person, but for me as like I'm
not going to have kids, but like do I like react when I see a
loose baby? Of course.
On your body. Where's the mom?
You know I. Mean loose baby I'm I'm I'm
reacting too but fucks his. Mom, you know, some people are
just like, wow, people really shouldn't have kids.
But like, you know, like people do react differently to like
kids situations. Like I think for me it is of
course the baby products, but I think it's just that fresh,
fresh skin and that fresh hair and that like.
Depends honestly if the baby's cute or not.
I will say this not to because I believe babies.
Don't smell good. Because here I will say this and
not the baby shame because a lot of babies, they go through
different, different stages. Before I had a nephew, there
were a couple babies that I held and or met that were close and
I'm I did what you did. I took AI took a sniff and I I
would say I was conscious about it.
Really. I don't think yeah.
I wasn't curious. I was curious because everyone
talked about it and I wasn't convinced.
Yeah, totally. And I sniffed them a lot of
times. It was not great.
And there was no, you know. What I was, I was apathetic.
You know when you smell something and you go, there's
no, not really a smell. Yes, you smell a piece, You
smell a piece of IKEA furniture. There's no smell.
You just go. It's just exists kind of how or
I was like, it smells like a baby, whatever, it's fine.
Then I met my nephew. I got one with I go I, I
honestly think it's like you're a sleeper cell and then the
genes of something that's connected to you activates it.
And then I, I immediately go, I'll die for you.
Like I I literally was like OK, I have my purpose is to if there
is for some reason. You are in the middle of the
street and a bus is barreling towards you.
I don't know why you're left there, but it I'm activated.
Sleeper cell. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I'm literally running as fast as I can.
You also stop the bus, you don't get hurt.
That's how deep that goes. Spider Man on the train.
Yes. Oh, I love that scene.
I love that. Scene.
Great scene, yeah. Oh yeah, right.
It's this OK also? There a guy named Toby to have
that scene in his history. Really good, Yeah.
No, that scene, anyone watching is like, you know, the scene's
good. When the girl's watching,
they're like wow. And all.
And all the guys go like, that's really cool.
That's yeah. Together.
It's achieving that scene is achieving all for all all
genders. It is.
I think it's the most woke scene of all cinema if I'm being
honest. Of also yeah, from 10 years ago.
Yeah, we're looking at 20 years ago. 20 don't.
Don't talk about that. I know it's not 2015, I'm sorry.
Wait, which? Which episode?
I'm sorry, which movie was that Spider man?
I think it's the second one that Tobey Maguire's in.
Spider Man train scene. Let's see.
You're right. Wow, you are right on the money.
Yeah, Spider Man 2. Really.
Intro. Movies.
I will say the thumbnail is not not great for Toby, but you know
what? That's real acting.
That's how that's how you're supposed to look.
You're supposed to look hot when you're.
Doing it No 100. Percent and I think he.
Was like. Yeah, he's like this.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we don't need
Zoolander, dude. No, no we don't.
No, I love him. I think he was the best spider
man. Wow, I was on the L train but I
I guess it's the L in Chicago. No, it's supposed to be the.
It's Queens, I thought. Yeah, well, the Hell's not in,
but it's all good. Yeah. 2000, Wow. 2004 that was.
Second one. That was almost 22 years ago.
That makes my stomach hurt deep. Yeah, I get a balcony close by.
We're locking that door if I were ever to.
You have to do it that way and he see you and you have to have
it recorded. So, because that is, it's going
to give at least one person a bit of a laugh.
You know, like. He really said see you and we
have someone here that was on that that was on the scene how
it happened and what did you experience?
Well, he went to the top and he brought a megaphone and before
he literally went New York City show you that does it in the
voice. No, and I'm not going to lie, I
did laugh a little bit. So sorry to his family, but that
was hilarious. Have you thought about what you
want your last words to be like? If you you know how like we have
all these like and Russian Czar Nicholas said whiskey and women
are the only two things that matter or whatever.
OK, I want it to be that, even though that's like, not me, that
is, do we have are there famous last word?
There are. Do you?
Know the phrase famous last words.
That's no Is that the Bible thing?
God, you're so happy about that. The Famous Last Words is a 2025
documentary. Let's see.
But what is Famous Last Words? You know, like when you say
like, yeah, I was saying. What are?
Oh, True. True.
Yes, it's a saying. Yeah, I'm an idiot.
Let's see 19 most favorable, most memorable last words of all
time. Cool.
Let's do it. Let's do like 6.
Yeah, let's just say I don't think they're they're done in
the also in 7 minutes I'm going to have to leave and then
restart. Actually 6 minutes 43 seconds,
but all good guys. This is what happens.
What guys, look, this is what happens when you don't pay for
Zoom Premium. Now look, this continues and you
guys start allowing us to get Zoom Premium.
Oh boy. OK, let's.
See. French grammarian Dominique
Buhurs I'm about to or I am going to die.
Either expression is used. That's.
I actually like that. That's hilarious.
It's who he is. Yes, he's a grammarian.
Either expression is used. Pretty baller.
He definitely had to think about that.
He did. Emily Dickinson.
I must go. The fog is rising.
It's like the end of a book. In a book it's great, but in
real life? OK, you're right.
I'd be like the last sentence of a book.
Yeah, OK. Hold on.
You be Emily. Say, say I must go in.
The fog is rising. Say that I'm your brother.
OK, I'm there. I'm OK.
I'm your brother watching. And I have like cholera or
whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I must go in the fog. It's rising.
You die. Die.
Are you fucking kidding me? Like that's what she says.
No, no, no, no. I understand.
No, I know. Yeah, Dad.
I know what she did, but that's what she says.
Yeah, I'm sad too. She doesn't say I love you or
anything. She that's what's.
Come on. I got to I got to take a walk.
That's. Kelly Dickinson's brother.
I know. What she did.
I know. What?
Yeah, I know you're more. I get it.
She's also my sister. I'm allowed to be upset, Dad.
That's so. Awesome.
OK, apparently one Reddit user's great uncle.
He's he's flew for the Navy in World War Two.
He flew commercial jets. And while laying in the hospital
bed, he said those last, these last words to his brother.
Looks like a good night to fly. I'm going to cry.
That's a good one. That's.
Yeah, that's that. Now that.
Yeah, yeah, I he's not even. Yeah, that's really, really
awesome. Yeah.
Oh, this one's sad. I'm actually not.
I'm not that. Steve Jobs.
Yeah. No, no.
It's actually really fucked up.
Whoa. Jane Austen.
I want nothing but death. That's fucking baller.
That is so punk rock. That's that's punk rock.
It's OK. All right, now you're no, you're
Jane Austen. Let's do it again.
I'm going to show you how I would respond differently as as
the, as the brother of the Jane Austen.
OK, You're dying cholera again. So.
Good. It's I want nothing but death.
I Yeah, I want nothing but death.
OK, OK. I don't think I'm going to
respond the way you think I'm going to respond.
I don't think so either. It's so funny to think about
that this time I have tuberculosis.
OK thing but. Death.
God, that was so fucking cool. Oh my God, that was awesome.
Fuck crying. That was so cool.
That's you. It's what you got to say.
It's UN. It's objectively cool.
There's no way that you. It's not cool.
That is cool and I have to say this is a hilarious thought
exercise to do even though I don't want them to perish, of
course. But how you know at my brother?
He be at his funeral. Knowing how one of them might
go, it's going to be. Yeah, I mean, Connor's going to
say some. Yeah, Connor's going to say some
dumb shit. He is.
He's going to be like, I was the greatest guitar player of all
time. Yeah, You know, he's always
going to be like, at least I have a fat hog.
And then he's going to, he's literally going to say that.
And honestly, like God. That's pretty funny.
That's a good one. I think funnier when I go.
Oh, yeah, Oscar Wilde. Either that wallpaper goes or I
do. Very funny.
Very gay. Oh, Buddha.
Too long. Too long, Karl Marx.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who
have not yet said enough. Whoa.
Damn. That makes you think.
Yeah, makes you think he did. He was working through some
shit, even till the end. I will say I would, I would hope
at the end you would kind of give that up, but.
Yeah. He knew his place.
He knew he had to have some fire.
Last word that's. Good, that is good.
Can you write that one down? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We. I'm gonna put that on the wall.
Ludwig Van Beethoven. Friends applaud.
The comedy is finished. That's good.
That would make me sob. Yeah, that.
I would sob, especially if he was your homie.
Yeah. Oh my God.
Oh, I'm I'm going that one with this one will actually make you
sob. Don't do it.
I said it. Who said it, though?
A Reddit users patient. No, can't do it.
Can't do real people like that. I'm.
Literally like. No, it's not.
No, no, no, I, No, it's not, no. No, no, no, no.
No. Say it, say it, say it, say it.
I just wanted to say goodbye to someone.
Still, I'm so scared I'm going to die alone.
Hey, guys, on that note, we do have to restart the zoo.
You won't. I promise you won't.
I promise. I'll promise you this because.
Because because hopefully I go before you just in the.
No, I no. OK, but I don't want you to go
before me. Yeah, OK, whatever.
We go at the same time. OK.
Louis, What is it, Lou? Thelon Louise, Thelon Louise for
style. We drive and it's not a car.
It's a 18 Wheeler and it's it's and then you're like, that's the
way to go. Well, Lil look and I go well Lil
looks like it's a good day to fly and then we.
And somehow you have flamethrowers that you're doing
out both windows. And Pipes.
Yeah, that's a really good way. Yeah, let's pray for that.
OK, Hold on. I'm going to leave and come
right back. Stay right there.
He's loud and we're back. OK.
What a great little. Did you outfit change?
Did I? No.
Oh, in the beginning of the pod I I took off.
I had a puffer on. I was just too hot sometimes.
There's a lot of talking and a lot of, you know, you heat up
the body, the Palladino body heats up, you know?
Also, I really did not speak to anybody all day until this so it
was really whoa what a warm up. OK, so let's we, we waited until
40 minutes into the podcast to do what we're supposed to do in
the beginning, which is the new segment called Wellness check
where we just check in, we see how each each person is doing
what they've done that is maybe on the edge of mental health.
What? Are you drinking?
Water, just water, but it's in like a oh, does it look?
Oh, it looks color. No, it's water.
Look. Looks so suspiciously like.
Like wine? Scott's Whiskey.
Everything in life is Scotch and whiskey.
OK wait, were there any other good ones?
Where do we end on? We ended on the I just wanted
something to do I knew. Oh, we all I wanted.
I wanted to because I knew you would like this one.
French nun, Luis Marie Therese. A woman who can fart is not
dead. Let's fucking.
Go Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew you'd like that one.
I knew like the one. And then she rips out a fart.
Oh, I want that. I want that one.
This one is way too like, serious like, and then Ben
Franklin, Winston Churchill. I'm bored with it all.
That's fine. Fuck you, Winston.
Actor Humphrey Bogart. I should have never switched
from Scotch to martinis. That's kind of funny.
That's awesome. There's something glamorous
about drinking like that. You know what?
I. Mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Till the end. Let's see.
Oh, I was just kind of sweet. Richard B Mellon and his brother
Andrew played a game of tag that lasted 7 decades on his
deathbed. These were Richard's last words
to his brother last tag. And then his brother remained it
until he died 4 years later. That's sweet.
Yeah. That's.
They were. About half of these are tear
evoking. Wait, that really actually got
me. That's a good one.
Yeah, but I do have to say I think I'm committed to trying to
make see. Fucking fuck y'all wait because
of the the way I have my only people watching we'll see the
way I have my chair set up. Don't I look short?
You. I'm giving short guy vibes right
I'm. Giving you are actually.
I'm getting like, I come up to the bar and I go, hi, one beer
please. They're like OK pipsqueak and I
see your ID and then I have lifts on too.
Yeah, you. Do please one.
You do look short for the first time I think I've ever seen you.
What's funny is I shot this sketch over summer and it was
like all the writing was done via Zoom and everyone I met
said, yeah, I thought you were going to be short, which really,
really hurt my feelings. Of.
Course, yeah. They're like, yeah, you really
just gave like, like you, I thought you were going to be
like 5-6. And I go OK.
And every one of them I go. What was it?
Yeah, Yeah. What was it about me?
What do I need to change? Because that's giving, that's
giving five. OK.
And any 5-6 guys out there? No hate.
But when you're 6. 6/6 and but also but also when someone says
you seem cause here's the thing, a short guy cannot seem short.
No, he can't. No.
When someone says you seem short, yeah, that's a they're.
And you're sick. That's crazy.
That's a dead. That's like someone saying, I
thought you were going to be a lot heavier.
Yeah. And.
You're like, can I be honest with you?
What? That's happier me.
You think you give, you think you give much more overweight
vibes. You think you give on Zoom that
they're like, I don't know, it must be below the camera.
It goes out because. Of what I wear, which is totally
totally fine. OK, I can see that.
I do not like to show my corporeal form.
This mortal coil, you are not showing anyone the mortal coil.
If you can see Lily's mortal coil, you are very you're.
My husband. You're very privileged ladies.
Last night. So what happened?
Well, last night I finally took him home and I should have an
immortal coil. And what would they?
What was the term for like a slut back then there?
Was a name. Harlot, you harlot.
Tramp. Tramp, tramp.
OK, I'm in my I'm in my tramp era.
Ladies, I'm in my tramp era. Which is literally you just like
going on a a freight train and going between cities.
In like a medium T-shirt, yeah. OK, OK, Wellness, Wellness
check. You start.
Here's what I did. So obviously I I live alone now
in my room. We don't have to get into it.
You don't have to. Already.
Yeah, I live alone in my room now.
We don't have to get into it. I went to go do laundry and I
looked at my bed and first of all, sometimes I sleep on top of
the comforter, which is a different conversation.
It's just it's not that cold in here.
I want it to be whatever and I don't have to make the bed in
the morning. Huge.
I look at the bed I have. I have two pillows.
Yeah, left and the right. I have two outer pillows that
match the comfort and then two the the actual pillows.
You put the head on you. Know, yeah.
Yeah. And then I'll, I, I look at my
laundry basket, I look at the bed and then I go, I'm just
going to do the two pillows that I sleep on and I'll and I'll
switch and I'll watch the other ones next week.
Love it. But a little, that's a little
like, bro, just watch all of it. It's a little sad.
Yeah. It's a little like you're really
emphasizing to yourself that you not only sleep alone, but you
don't expect anyone else to be in that bed.
The more I say it out loud, the actual sadder makes me sound.
But it's that's that's what I'll just check.
I like that thought. It's almost, in a very backwards
way, a conservationist effort. It is.
Yeah. It is almost conserving water.
Except for the fact that the laundry machine will use the
same amount of water no matter how many pillowcases I put in
there, right? No, it's something you tell
yourself makes sense. OK, now we also know I've been,
we haven't talked about this in the show, but I've been more in
my dad era, making Legos, getting back into that stuff as
a whole different. Yeah.
But it's been fun play time. Play time for Papa.
And. And PG play time.
OK, EW. Put your hands down.
Fucking pervert. Shut up.
I don't even think about that. And play time.
Play time for Papa PG. But I was in the laundry room
and they have like a little bookshelf which hold on.
I love it when houses have that little communal library outside.
I think it's. So cute.
I love it. I always walk by.
I've almost never taken the book from it, but I've always gone.
I would like, yeah. Yeah, no, I want to be a house
that has that if possible. Now I was down there, you know,
I mean, and I see this book. I'm going to go grab it.
Hold on. I'm I'm in short.
I'm going to turn the camera up. I'm in short.
I'm fine. But, you know, really tall.
Let's go. Oh, here.
It's right here. OK, I find it.
OK. Yeah.
Looking forward to this. Looking forward to this.
Paint by Stickers. It is a it is a book where you
where you take out stickers and you make famous pieces of art.
Let me show you now. First of all, they look
horrible. They don't look good.
They look really bad. They look really bad.
And this one's OK. This one's actually OK.
You know what? That's kind of cool.
That's kind of. Cool.
OK, I. Started.
Now this person, this person, I didn't do either of those.
This person gave it up after the third one and I started, I
started this one so hard. So now I know why they got rid
of it, because there's all these tiny little stickers.
And the stick. Is not strong enough.
You need some 3M in this bitch. I don't know what's.
The three M, yeah. Their stickers are not strong
enough. They're not sticking.
Some of them are like a millimeter and then my big
finger and I was trying to do it and relax in bed last night and
I was getting physically. Angry.
Like a little ill. Like like like this is not
sticking like it's. It's no longer my case.
Yeah, yes, yes, and. Then I also just was like but
but. I can't believe you picked up
stickers. Painting by stickers.
Paint by sticker, Paint by sticker.
Sticker. And the woman with?
The Yeah, Masterpieces, The woman with the pearling is the
one. And then on the back, move over
Renoir and put down that brush. Peel the sticker, place the
sticker and watch your painting come to life.
This is 15. $15 I'm so pissed off that they didn't take the
chance to rhyme there. That's so annoying.
Yeah, you're right. What do you move over to?
Renoir is like a huge opener. Yeah, but what?
Move over Renoir. Put the paintbrush in that jar,
peel the sticker. Place this, but the way.
Hold on. Wait, they use sticker twice?
Yeah, they do. Sticker.
Place the sticker. Hate it?
Yeah. OK.
So if you. Were they thought 0 about?
This they thought 0 about it. They put you know what?
They put no artistry into the copy of the book, and that's how
I. Believe can I just say something
and this is. Too thin it's too.
Small. And also I will just say, do you
think the guy that made this, this is the.
It is a guy, by the way. The guy that made this Oh, oh,
Oh, yeah, no woman is no, because no woman makes this and
thinks anyone is going to. But like guy autistic brain is
like, yeah, peel stickers and make art.
Yeah, I'll do that for six. Hours, but you don't have to
think about it. Yeah.
No, I was thinking the guy that made this piece.
Of Kirasami. Kirasami.
Yeah, the famous wave. I don't know if that's the
right. We have to look that up you.
Think we'll look it up? Yeah.
You I just want it. Feels about his beautiful piece
of art. Historic Art.
You know what I have to say with that guy specifically?
Lonely 33 year old man create wood sticker.
Pick up at the local Little Free Library.
OK, but here's what I'm saying. That particular painting got
exploited beyond in college dorm tapestries.
Yeah, you're right. It was just turned into
something that people. Yeah, yeah, you're right.
It's it's a way to the way of painting.
Let's see here, Kanagawa so close with AK.
How are you supposed to? You didn't remember?
It I shouldn't have guessed. If I didn't know it was, it was
not. It was not a racial version
that. Happened.
It was not. What just happened?
You said a Japanese name that just didn't happen to be his.
You didn't say, like, Park, which is Korean.
You're like, it's the way that, yeah, that would have been you.
Hold on a second. I've been like, hold on a
second. Hey now.
Yeah, the great wave of the great of the great wave off.
Oh, interesting. Love it.
Oh, no, wait, hold on a second. It's the Great wave off
Kanagawa. That's the name.
OK. It was a wood block print by the
Japanese Ukio E artist Hokisa Hokusai.
So you actually. Yeah.
Beautiful name. Beautiful so.
But that's just where I'm at. Yeah.
I saw that and didn't immediately just look past it.
I went, I'm going to take this. And then I'm.
Also it caught my eye and I and then I also washed 1/2 of my not
my clothes of the place that I sleep, my pillowcases.
So that's the Wellness check that I'm at.
OK, so on a field one to yeah. On a scale of 1 to Shalia, where
are? You.
Yeah. Where are you?
I'm Yikes. On it, I'm pre Yikes, pre
diabetic, pre Yikes. I'm pre Yikes.
Where? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where it's like, OK, it's not that bad.
I'm aware of it. You know, it's kind of funny.
I'm able to laugh at it. I'm giving it back.
It's all good. And I would say, I would say I
kind of live in that area for most of the life.
You thrive in that area. I.
Thrive in that area I. Don't want you to I thrive if
it's not good for you No, no, I'm good comes out when you're.
There, yeah. And then you and then every now
and then I go take a long hike in the woods and then people
think I'm at Yikes. But I'm actually getting down to
I'm all good because like, what's on the on the scale of 1
to Shalia, what's like a one or two like, say, like say la vie,
yeah. It's like a.
It's not perfect but but. That's life.
Yeah, that's life.
I would say one or two is that's life.
You know what I want to start saying legitimately with a fake
cigarette in my hand? This.
I guess. Beats working.
I love that. I love that.
Without a job though. That just happened.
You go. You just pushed me closer to the
Schlea scale. Leah.
No beats working is pretty. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See you later. All right.
What's your What's your Wellness?
Wellness check. OK, so a bit of a series of
unfortunate events started putting the layoff and then I am
moving because I have a slumlord and in the last two days, yeah,
some yard in the last two days I've lost my wallet and my bike
broke and like the pedal just like came off the bike.
OK, so I'm just a little bit at like, yeah, tell me talk, talk
to. Me.
How far into using the bike did the pedal come off?
I was at a friend's house about 3 miles from home last night
after our friendsgiving and then I biked for like 7 minutes and
then it broke. That's that's that's bad you
got. It it was 28°.
Yeah. And then you're like, you got
it. And this was after the wallet
has been lost. After the wallet's been lost so
I'm walking around with a temporary print out and cash.
Please don't mug me if you know where I live.
Can we print out of what your ID?
Of my IG. It's on construction paper and
it's with the scissors that make the like WAVY.
Like on with hard stickers, you know, 29 Oh my God.
So. That was the.
So I'm not well, OK, so then I I don't do just 'cause my own
flavoring. Oh, oh, that's that's.
More for us, that's the context. It's never just like, oh, I
watched one of my pillow case. It's like I did that and then it
led me to get the sticker book. So I couldn't call an Uber
because most Ubers don't let you put your bike in there.
Fine. I am too anxious to try to put
my bike on the front of a public transit bus.
That's just not my story. 'Cause you're like, I'd freak
out. I'd they're too much, yeah.
Yeah, I'm in front of the bus. Yeah, trying to put it on
everyone's like, yeah, you. Know honk in and someone just.
Comes out and knocks you out. Frog me see the fake bucket
construction paper ID They're. Like the?
Fuck my $7.00 and then so so I'm just like OK.
I am now trying to figure out where to park my bike overnight
to then walk home and then come get it tomorrow with the Today
with the car to take it to the bike shop.
Question can I? Why wouldn't you just walk home
with the bike? Second layer of the Wellness
check. Got it.
OK. Probably because it was cold.
It's. Not going to.
You thought? It would take you 6 hours.
I did. It probably would have taken me
34 minutes tops. But you know what?
You just wanted to get away. It was a it's a constant
reminder. Yeah, it's that.
Wanna get away? It was.
That yeah, it was, and I will actually deal with this more
inconveniently tomorrow 'cause now I have to go back into the
city. Hope it didn't get stolen, you
know? Oh Dell just bad.
It was such ADHD decision making.
It's awesome, it's just you wanted to get away from the
thing that was causing you. I hate.
You I can't deal with this. I can't deal.
With this I hate you bike. I hate you bike.
I hope someone doesn't steal you, but they really mistreat
you. I was hoping someone comes up
and calls you ugly. Yeah, I hope you get.
I hope you, I hope someone wants to steal you, gets up cold and
then it's like, I'm not stealing this piece of shit.
This ugly bike? Yeah.
They call you, Yeah. So that's, that's a certain
flavor of unwell all in there. I didn't even think to walk home
with it. OK.
All good. So I'm walking out my bike in
front of a Holiday Inn Express in the middle of Philadelphia.
OK. And this.
Not the worst place. No, it was the smartest I could
be. And the this gentleman comes up
to me as I'm walking my bike. Here we go.
Excuse me, Miss, can I have a second of your time?
I know it's the holidays. Now, can't you see what's
happening to me? It really is like, bud, I know
you're doing so much worse than you, but not now.
Right now we're at the. Stairs still and and I like
turned to him like cocked. Let's go.
I waited for the spiel. Horrible like I I felt.
It's OK, we're. Heart shrunk.
My heart shrunk in that moment. Grinch through a Grinch, yeah.
And I and he finishes and I go. I am nothing for you.
Look at my wallet. It's it's construction paper.
And he doesn't say anything. He just keeps walking.
And then I cry. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. But the way I said I have
nothing for you, it was Lucifer working hard in my body.
That was Lucifer's voice. Like Lucifer?
Said I got it. I'm going to bring it up.
I have nothing for you. It's OK, we all get there.
We have emotions, we freak out it.
Would have been anybody I would have said that the Brad.
Anyone. Yes.
Even though he's a actually, we can't talk about him, he's
cancelled. He's a fucked up guy.
Wait, really? Brad Pitt is bad.
He's a bad guy. I.
Want to talk about the next episode?
That's interesting, 'cause I'm. I'm really into that.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, Brad Pitt asking you for
money would be. So what's?
Happening. Yeah, something's happening.
Look, we've all been. Yeah.
You went through too much, though.
You were you were on the edge. That was you.
That was you mentally. You were mentally Shalia.
I was. Mentally and he came up and
asked and you go, dude, I'm I'm I'm jumping off the balcony I.
Was really but the the the like I just.
Because you were just like, what can we say?
OK, burnt. Can we just say this?
We know this person is not doing well.
Of course they're like, like we can't even compare.
We can't. I I would wish so I we don't.
We can't. I would hope that they would
still have some semblance of social norms to realize like
maybe this person, you just you would just say if you had to ask
humans for money, you would maybe learn that there's certain
people in certain situations. Maybe that's their ROI on that.
It's going to be pretty low, but can.
We even apply that logic. No, you can't even blame them.
You can't blame. Them you can't because that's
some level of like. Gretzky, you miss 100% of the
shots you don't take. He's taking the shots and he oh
boy, did you lose that one. But I, I.
I'm bringing levity to the situation.
That was extremely sad for you. And for them and it was, but it
was this moment of like I wanted to growl.
Yeah, I wanted to leave me alone.
Yeah. And hey, that's valid.
That's valid. That's valid.
And so it is. It is valid.
She's a woman. The.
Thought about right how I looked.
Oh my God, And I'm red in the face and yeah.
And it comes up. Can I ask for a second?
I have nothing for you. You know why you were upset?
Because you knew that you weren't going to tell him to
fuck off and instead you listened.
That's why you were upset because you did this.
You saw him and then all of your morals and everything were like,
you got to see what? Go ahead, dude, don't this floor
is yours and then go, hey man, I don't know if you noticed while
you're doing that, my bike is missing a pedal.
I'm locking it up in front of a holiday and then I'm obviously
not staying at. So no, I can't help you.
I'm sorry. I wish you the best of luck.
Have a wallet? I don't have a wallet.
We actually are a lot closer than you would think at this
very moment in terms of who can help who.
So, so Wellness check was not perfect.
And I'm definitely like a woman on the edge, you know what I
mean? Like one more inconvenience and
I think like, I think like like an insurance fire.
You're like, you're at you got to be kidding me level.
One more thing is you got it is SpongeBob voice.
You got to be kidding, Yeah. Yes and what I've been doing to
calm down recently. I don't scrap my hair or
anything anymore but I've been huffing this Tresemme heat
protecting serum. You just been smelling it.
Let's not do that. What's in that?
It really calms me down. OK, you know what?
I'm going to give you 3 days of that.
That that should have been what? You're well on this check by the
way. The other shit, I mean, I guess
it all led to that. Hold on.
What led you to go? Let me smell this.
Well, this was given to me by a friend and since I'm moving, I'm
just going through all this crazy crap that I've
accumulated. And this came out and I was
like, huh, I forgot about this and I've just been.
You gave it a smell and he went. It's very soothing.
It smells like a hair salon, but let me just read ingredients.
It's trust my new baby. It is trust my new baby for
real. The third ingredient is Adam
Amodima Thycone, and I think that must have addictive
properties. Amodima spell it.
AM ODIMETHICONE she moves her body like a.
She moves her body like a Oh no, it just has fragrances.
Oh, sick, it says. It has an unpleasant smell.
That's not what I'm getting. And then we have Toko feral
acetate. I'll.
I'll just, I'll just go out on a limb and say, yeah, absolutely
none of this going straight into your.
Nostrils. Nasal receptors is probably
great, but it's what you need right now.
I need like a 2/2 day cover of not worrying about the habits
that I'm developing. 100% and we all and that's.
What? Wellness check.
Is about, I would say by Sunday I'll be back to like, you know
what, that's life. I'll be listening to Frankie.
I'll be smoking it though. And you'll be chilling.
Wellness check is about just saying let's check with over
checking in. Is it something that's been
going on for a couple weeks or is it a three day scenario?
Or is it sticker by number? Sticker by number.
And yeah, and that's a couple days, 'cause everyone, everyone
has a three day Bender of like, where am I going?
And then usually you get yourself back.
Great. And you have, I don't know about
you, but my snap outs come in this form of like, what are you
doing? For sure.
Whoa. Whoa, let's.
Eat a meal, take a shower. Yeah, relax.
You're good. I got I started.
I got I I watched a couple episodes of Seinfeld last night
started to bring me back. Yep, recalibrate put.
The stickers down turned the Seinfeld on.
I went OK. I'm back to basics.
Yeah, back to basics exactly. Legos.
I just for you keep. Going just ride that.
Look, I'm riding it. It's just something that I do to
just. It just takes the edge off a
little bit, Papa. 'S play.
Time Papa's play time put. Those hands.
Down. Put the hands down.
OK, there are other things. Let's see, and we said sniffing
babies. We said, I kind of honestly,
Lil, I kind of want to do well, what did you do for
Thanksgiving? Because we're we're probably at
an hour. I almost want to do an apple.
We talk about Thanksgiving, another day, just to break it
down. But what?
Yeah, 'cause I think we've, we, we threw a lot at the listener
and they got a quite a ride. We got quite a ride.
I know, and this has just been such a nice comeback.
I actually have not felt four years past, but it is now coming
back to me that like what has happened in July.
Oh, that's good. That's a good thing to Yeah.
So, so as soon as the zoom goes off, there is going to be a bit
of a dealing with that. It just sniffed the Tresemme.
Yeah, just. What is it?
Which one is it? Just so we can know.
So it protecting heat, heat protecting spray tames frizz and
reduces breakage and it's salon quality.
Wow, now does it say anything on the back about smelling it
'cause if not, I think you're good to go.
You could sue the FDA. That's true, but listen to this
saucy first sentence. OK, our experts tips.
Whoa. OK, Medicare for all, inches
away. OK, Tramp mid shaft.
OK, someone is horny at dressing the.
End of the naughtiness but spray liberally. 68 inches away from
mid shaft is a crazy sentence for a heat protecting spray
bottle. Yeah, I actually need to take a
walk after that because that's just like, yeah, you need to
spray like a cat. It says nothing about smelling
on it though. No, I would love to add to our
Thanksgiving discussion because I will need to think
strategically about how I talk about it Wasn't it wasn't
interesting non family Thanksgiving.
It's what I'll say. Yeah, I think we'll, we'll have,
I mean, I don't know what you're doing this weekend.
I think we might like bang one out and maybe on on Sunday maybe
we do a quick well 30 or 40. OK, can we do like Sunday Eve?
Yes, for sure We can figure out. I do just want to cause
Thanksgiving was so close. I do, yeah.
I want to talk about we can do this off air, but I want to talk
about the having a personality card conversation at the table,
trying not to speak. And seeing how long you can do
that, 'cause it's really hard for us.
Yes and, and yeah. Wait, ways to get through
things, 'cause there are ways to when you meet people and when
you meet people and then they everyone asks you the same kind
of question. You almost have to prepare for
it. You do you have a lot of stock
and. Stock.
You gotta have stock. With interchangeable adjectives,
so it doesn't sound like you're a robot.
And make some shit up. Yeah, so I'll just tell you
quick because this is just one little moment of Thanksgiving.
So I talked to Grandpa and I asked my parents and Erica to
and now you to not tell him that I'm laid off because the last
time we spoke we got into a blowout fight about.
How? Our generation is a lazy, close
minded country ruiner. That's good.
Yeah, so I was just like, yeah, I'm not going to be telling him
that. So I jump on the phone for like
5 minutes and he goes. Lily Bell, how's work going?
Fantastic grandpa. They gave me a raise.
I'm making 250 KA year I. Was so tempted but all I said
was you know it's work. I'm just looking for new
opportunities and all good. You just got to hit them with
with the old guy platitude day by day.
Yeah. Just grateful to be here.
One step at a. Time, one step at a time.
Yep, if the Lord sees fit. I'm hey, I woke up today and I'm
thankful for that. That's all.
You just say shit like that and then they just go.
And that's a conversation that is a literal dialogue.
For but there are levels of this is what we'll talk about this
Sunday or next week. There are levels of the
conversation and when you've had those higher levels, the low
levels are excruciating and boring.
Rough, rough, yes, can't wait. We didn't talk about the guy,
the advice? We'll do that too.
Long right now. Yeah, I just 'cause I don't
want, I don't want to be like in the you should, you know what I
mean? I like, I think it's like a 5 to
8 minute thing, not like a two to three minute thing.
OK, so much. Fun.
Yeah. An absolute blast.
We're blasting off. Absolutely.
Yeah. And guys, you know what I would
love for people to send in their Wellness check for the week.
We'll see what other people have.
Send in your Wellness check what you've been going through.
And we can relate to that mental, that mental illness
because we all have it. We do all have it and let me
just say something, the holidays are not easy.
They're hard. Religious, not religious.
Sentimentality is in the air. Melancholy's in the air.
Melancholy is in the Air is the is the title of the episode on
Sunday. Not Today.
Today's. Today, melancholy.
In the air we've already. Alright guys, thank you so much.
Thank you for. Listening.
Listening and watching yeah we, we love you all, we miss you all
and Oh yeah just either DM me your well on this checks or
347-566-9741. I got a little Google Voice #3.
679566 Just listen better. Yeah, just listen better.
Hi, guys. We love you.