Just want to warn you right now I just do my makeup and I look
incredible. Oh yeah. 3221.
One, let's see it. Oh, OK, OK, OK.
I I don't want to say. Don't you dare.
I know exactly what you're going to say.
OK, tell me what you think. OK, first of all, flip it
around. So.
So yeah, honestly, Lil Gordon flip.
That ass around. Yeah, yeah, flip that ass real
quick. No.
So it's, so it's horizontal. Oh, of course.
Yeah. Are you being recorded too?
Hold on. I'll.
I'll stop. OK.
I want to record. OK.
No, Yeah, we're good. Didn't need, didn't need to do
that. But you know.
OK, so you look Lil, you look fantastic.
Thank you so much. And I will and I will predict
wait, not predicate. I'll preface that with also
saying you also look fantastic with no makeup.
You know what girls do in the comments when like a girl loses
weight and they're like, she looked good both ways.
And it's like, yes, but also, can we just celebrate, you know?
Totally, and I 'cause I said it first, yes, there's got to be a
better way to do this. I just worry if I have a
different angle it won't look as good.
You fully reverted to like traditional woman right now
like. It's.
Unbelievable best angles like. You know why?
OK, so like Wellness check? OK, yeah, I want to check.
Is that good? This is great.
This is good. When I.
Never mind. No, go ahead.
No, I was going to say it's giving teacher.
No, it's good. It's good.
We're good. I.
Know it's it's the. But we already know we don't
need, we don't need sexy Lil for the entire.
We need. We need professional.
We need bosses Lil. Yeah.
Yes, exactly. Also, it's so cold so I'm in so
many layers. If people aren't listening to
the watching the YouTube, they're they are really missing
out. They are really truly missing
out. OK, Wellness track.
Let's do yours Wellness track. So I'm going to a Hanukkah party
later, which is why I got ready. Great.
And then I put on my, I did the hair, I put on the makeup and I
was like, you can look good. Wow.
You can, I just don't. You know what?
I. Mean.
OK, that was a lot more real than I thought it was.
That was some deep rooted like to the core and sister, I'm
right there with you. OK, I no, no, I get it.
I get it. Where you go you.
Know. I am kind of I'm.
All right. I aren't the I'm not the biggest
slugger that's ever existed in the world.
No. And then when I see it done and
it's funny, I do revert back, but just like, oh.
Yeah. Oh, OK.
Who's this model? Yeah.
No, literally. I'm literally you're gonna go
out and just absolutely be an animal to people.
Don't look at me. Just absolutely picture.
It lasts longer. Scum.
Yeah, I will pose. Yeah.
So it's. Great.
I really like it. It looks really it takes a while
though, right? It takes a while.
It takes a while and I'm taking a note from the the youth and
it's like, you know what? Just because I don't understand
it doesn't mean it doesn't work. You know, like makeup techniques
and like where to put stuff. Like they work?
No. Yeah, they're proved they work.
It works. I don't it works.
This is not what I was doing in 2012.
You know what I mean? Oh yeah, 2012 makeup was, yeah,
rough. Yeah, it was rough.
Rough. We were filling in our eyebrows.
They're looking like people from like like what?
England where they still do it now where they put like 6 lbs of
makeup on. Yeah, the orange, the orange
thing going on. OK, what a delicate little.
Oh, pinkies up. What a gentleman.
Two shots of espresso. Let's go.
Probably gonna, probably gonna hit right when the meeting ends.
Gonna be good. You're gonna have butt rain,
but. Is that what I am?
No, it's going to say like I'm going to start, like the energy
is going to hit. Oh, OK.
I really like the fit. It's nice.
Thank you. Conservative.
Yeah. Because yeah, you're not showing
up to a Hanukkah party with your titties out like.
That's no as a Catholic. As yeah, Oh yeah, I will say
former, former. This is giving various Catholic
though OK. So here's Dylan.
I'm really trying to keep this lighting without getting my hand
in the shot. Well, everyone has seen that you
look good. You can put it down.
It's you're relishing in it, you're relishing and it's OK.
When that Wellness track moment was so it was core deep, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Because you know what, I think
we delude ourselves and maybe not you because you're in the
business more, but. Like, oh, do you want?
You don't want to see the thoughts going through my head
when I look in the mirror. What the fuck are you?
What are you in? What are you?
What are you hiding?
Do you think you are? Yeah.
OK, real talk, can I ask you what kind of an existential
question? Go for it.
Do you feel like you're outside matches your inside?
Absolutely not outside. My outside is is my outside's
tall big guy. My inside is like 5 foot 5.
George Costanza. Yeah.
And and you're like, yeah. It is.
The way my my inside does not match at all.
But I think that's part of the charm.
People meet me, they expect one thing and then they go, what the
fuck is going on with this guy? I really have people be like, do
you like realize like how I got? No, no, no, I got, I don't.
Please, I don't. I wouldn't want to be known
please. Exactly.
It's it's no, it's it's quite a lot.
Saw a photo of me the other day from when I was 21.
Oh you posted it, I saw that that sent me that made my spine
feel weird. It's weird, right?
It is because it's so immediately you but also like
the side by. Side so different So different.
So different. This is full onk like you're.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm, you know what I was thinking when I saw
that. I go.
So people, everyone has an era of their life where they like,
that's the era they were meant to like be in.
Not that the other eras don't work, but it's like, OK, I'll
I'll give you an example. I saw Saw Marty Supreme last
night, the new Timmy Chalamet movie.
How was it? Good.
I was. OK look, I'm going to be real
with you. I didn't love Timmy for a while.
I don't know why. I just, I just, oh, wait, I kind
of liked Wonka, OK. All right, that's an inside
move. That's an inside move.
It, you know, I actually think Wonka was maybe the turning
point for me because I was like, you know, he's doing this dumb
movie and he's and he's fully committing.
That's what I'll say. He fully committed to Wonka, the
singing to everything, noodle, noodle toast or yeah, like he
did it all And it was not a great movie, but it wasn't bad.
And I went, you know what I got? And again, full on point I got,
I got respect for this kid. He's literally like 4 years
younger than me. Whatever reason, I don't know
why I, he always rubbed me the wrong.
He reminded me of kids in high school that I just like, didn't
like, you know? Like kind of this cuspy we are
putting people in boxes PC. Believe.
That's what we do, PC. Believe.
Get on the ground. What are your pronouns?
But yes, yes. Cusp like there were a couple in
my school who were traditionally hot enough to get away with
being a theater kid and then they gave him two doses of like
but also. Yeah, yeah.
Love rap, though, was like, yeah, OK.
But what I was going to say is that number one movie's great.
He's he's so good in it. I'm like, it's just he's great.
He's like he he crushes it. Mad respect for him.
But I think I think Timmy is in his era of like early 20s to
maybe early 30s of when that's the that's the time where he
looks and matches like that's what he is. 20s for me.
No, just didn't match, didn't look.
The hair was going no, but now the the unk mode is starting to
sink in and I go, OK, now I'm getting to and unfortunately, I
mean, I hope it's now, but it's like the true era might not be
50s, but God, man, I don't want to wait another 20 years, but
oh, I think it's gonna be you. Is that what you're saying?
I. Think we're gonna be?
Hold. I think it's gonna.
We're gonna pop. You think we're gonna pop?
You think we're gonna get our first agent at 55?
I think we are John. I really do.
And I and I've come to peace with it.
I feel the same way about getting married.
I might be in my 50s for the first time because I think and
I'm, you know, I don't have kids, so the timeline's off.
But like, I was thinking about that specifically with our art
and our way. I think we want too much now
that isn't that, that when we're there, we'll have this like
stateliness and we'll have this like inner knowing and aura.
Yeah, the calm. Yes.
And like, I'm gonna have salt and pepper Gray.
I'm gonna be wearing a lot of chunky turquoise.
You are gonna be even in more neutrals if that's possible.
Which I I know I mean and I'm just gonna be 1 skin tone.
Can I be honest with you? Can I be kind of ruthless right
now? Go ahead.
You're giving condoms. I am and because my beanie is
like a little bit different color, it's filled, right?
The tips filled I'm giving, I'm giving, I'm giving used condom,
not regular condom used but. You're you're a name brand.
You're a name. I'm Trojan variety pack, so this
is before OK, I honestly OK, this is this is brand new one.
This is the used one. Disgusting.
Mate, disgusting. You're disgusting.
You're foul for that mate. You're foul.
Absolutely lewd, yeah. Oh my God I have this Co worker
at the restaurant that says Minge.
I love minge.
It means like, right? I mean, yeah, it's downstairs.
It is downstairs. It is a disgusting term for
downstairs, but I love the term minge.
It like it feels the way, you know, some English words that
just like it's a, it's like a good.
It's like chewing a nice, like a nice pretzel minge.
Yeah, yeah. Good mouth feel.
Good mouth feel talking about minge.
Disgusting. Yeah, you fucking lewd mate,
Enough of that. Over the lawn, mate.
Over the lawn. I'll get my wall to check.
OK, Yeah, we'll check. OK.
I've I've I've been watching Hugh Grant ROM coms.
OK. All right.
Which ones? OK, OK.
Because there's some good ones. There are some good ones.
I've been a ROM com kick. I've never liked them.
I have never. I've always been like the now,
and that might be reflective of something deeper.
It's all good. Don't eat.
Yeah, I've always been like, these are bullshit.
But also I will say a lot of them, the stories aren't very
good. No, they're so bad.
But there are some really good ones.
Crazy, stupid love. So yeah, yeah, yeah, so good.
I actually watch it and I go, how do, how are other people not
watching this and going like, I need to make ones that are this
good because most of them are like real bad.
OK, so I watched Crazy Stupid love that one.
That one's great. I watched 4 Weddings and a
Funeral. Love.
Really good. Really good.
I don't love how they tied it up at the end.
It kind of felt like, you know how sometimes you watch a movie
and it feels like the writers all of a sudden were like, oh
shit, this movie needs to end in 10 pages, Let's just wrap it up.
Yeah. Which is a lot of movies
nowadays where someone's just like, what if it all just worked
out in the next scene? OK I know and they spend 40
pages on the dumbest shit in the beginning.
But they also build it up where you're like, oh, I want to see
how this is going to go. So if way 40 the way the way
'cause I don't know if you remember how 4 weddings and
funeral ends. OK, so she's about to get
married, right? So she's already married and
then so he goes all these weddings, he meets the one that
he loves blah blah. He he can never be with her.
She gets married to someone else.
He then like settles for a different woman that's always
wanted to be with him. And then it's on his wedding
day, she shows up just to like congratulate him and he leaves
the wedding and leaves her at the altar to be with the other
woman. And they like and and she shows
up to his house later and is like, I'm sorry.
And it's raining and she shouldn't.
She starts to run away and he grabs her and they make out in
the rain. And look, it's that perfect ROM
con scene, except for the fact that I'm like you've.
Just ruined a life. Over that other yeah,
absolutely. Like I go.
So what's the, what's the theme we're trying to say here?
Like just settle? But then if the like, like I
don't, I don't know what the point is.
Like you're always supposed to be it just, it just, I was like,
they didn't. Yeah.
Yeah, no creativity there. No creativity.
And also does she, do we know if she divorces or?
She divorced him. She, she was like, it wasn't
meant to be that. She tells him that.
Oh, she also tells him that on his wedding day, he's like, oh,
I'm sorry, it can never be us. And she's like, oh, the count
wasn't for me or something, right?
Literally like some Scottish count.
And and then part of me is. And again, not to blame women,
but this is just a. Person sounds like you're about
to blame. Women, it's a person thing
because it could be a guy as well.
If it's someone else's wedding day and you guys have been
intimate multiple times and you know that they secretly love
you, maybe don't tell them you're single the day of.
Maybe don't. Maybe send a card by the way.
Two days before 2 days. Before after the honeymoon.
Congratulations on the wedding by the way.
I am single. I know you don't care any like.
I know, but Dylan, let me push back a little bit.
Two days before, 2 days before. You're right, two days before is
better. Two days before is better and
listen. To.
Isn't it better that he didn't go through with the marriage at
all? Because then Can you imagine the
turn around of a honeymoon and then being like Psych?
You're right, it's better he didn't go through the wedding,
but day of everyone's there rented the parents like I I
truly think when everyone's like if anyone doesn't think this
wedding, speak now forever hold your peace like you never you
never you you can't. No.
It's not romantic unless one of the people is is bad.
But that's the problem they made in this movie.
They didn't make the wife bad, which I think is like she
shouldn't have been. She didn't do anything.
But also, Oh my God, that like have that.
I know we're not supposed to feel bad for her.
I felt so bad for her. Yeah, I felt so bad for her.
I go, you just fucked this woman's life up.
Hey, by the way, forever. She's always going to be
thinking about that. Can you imagine the baggage you
would have if you were left at the altar?
Dylan can. You imagine, Can you imagine the
guy she goes with next and gets married to who's always thinking
it's only me because the other guy left?
I mean, talk about looking in the mirror every day on that.
Here's what I'm saying. I kind of know myself enough to
know what I would do if I was left at the altar.
What would you do? You think?
Let's tap into our most reactive and you know.
OK, hold on. Wait.
So. So I'm at the altar.
Yeah, it's the love of your life.
Oh, love of my life, because in this I don't know if it was so.
Far. OK, love of my life is love of
my life is so she so guy, this guy walk in and oh, I mean full,
full ape rage. I, I literally go to the guy.
Like, are you kidding me? Yeah.
And I and I get what I and I go like in the cartoons.
Hey, Jack and Lee, we got to take care of this guy.
And I go, we absolutely beat the fuck out.
I mean, because that's what that's what you do.
You come to my, you come to my house on the day of my wedding
and you disrespect me like that. And by the way, the whole Palo
Dino family is that, I mean, the guy dies, the guy dies.
Between the. Uncle and the family absolutely
destroys it. He's a he's a piece of dust.
Just all of us like. Yeah, and by the way, same thing
on your wedding day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And everyone's going to already while they're doing it.
But I never fucking liked you. Yeah.
So. But let's say, let's say she
just runs away. He's not there.
I think I tried it. You make a joke or you?
Try I try to make a you got to be of all the of course, this
happens to me like I don't know, I put that on Sunday.
Morning, huh? Hey folks, sorry you can't
return the tuxedos like something dumb like that.
I'll. Eat some food.
I'm just going to regroup a little bit.
Yeah, yeah. I go, I I take a mic.
We are still having the reception.
We paid for it. We are still having this party
and then fully breakdown drug. Probably most I've ever drunk
before. Yeah, really, really bad.
I think, yes, something along those lines.
What? What do you think you do?
I fully leave the state. You, you walk, you say nothing
to anybody, you walk out and then you get on a bus, Yes.
Anywhere it. Just it takes you to the airport
or a bus depot. We don't hear from you for six
months. 6 full months. 6 full months.
My mustache has grown in I started volunteering at, you
know, Glacier National Park. I, I.
Mean a better place to be, yeah. Right.
Like I, I know that's what I mean.
I know myself. I would fully need to go like
Farrell. He he go like, all right, So I'm
gonna, I'm gonna play it. Yeah, I'm gonna actually, I'm
gonna show, like, show you. You're the director.
This is OK. So he's like they go the the the
priest goes and do you Arnold, I'll make up a name that's not
real. So Arnold, I'm making up a name
so they can't even like get into your head.
Do you Arnold, take this Arnold And he goes.
I don't. And he turns and he walks out
and he and through the doors close.
Silence. I'm I'm sitting down.
You are just like. You do this, you do this thing
well, you, you look down and you go.
Yes, and you know what? My dad does this.
Yeah. Wow.
We. Yeah, Yeah.
You just look. You go.
You look up. You look at everyone.
You look at me. And I go.
I go, I'll see. I go.
Yeah, Yeah. I literally go.
See ya. You turn, you just walk out.
You just walk out and no one sees you.
Your your mom goes to try and stop.
I I go, I go and she'll let her let her go.
She's. Gonna be all right, yeah.
She's gonna be all right. Yeah.
And as I would hope you would do for my wedding, I would quickly
MC and be like, hey, guys, so Lil's gone.
Lily, just I just want to, I just want to set the step.
Lily is gone. She will not be coming back.
So she has she has told me. Lily and I did this weird thing
that we made. We wrote a will for our dead
weddings. So here's what's we plan this.
So here's what's going to happen now.
OK, Somehow there's a video of you being like, hey, guys, so my
wedding went bad. Here's what's going to happen.
Thank you. I'll see you all in six months.
That's honestly, yeah. Little.
Faith we have. Yeah.
We have no trust. Yeah.
We plan the death of our weddings.
You know what? I love it.
Not a horrible movie idea, no. I'm kind of obsessed with this.
I think we should jam on a screenplay because I think
there's a lot of anxious people out there who relate, who will
relate. My God, to think someone,
because I it's got to be sub 10% people that that leave a wedding
like no one does it because think of how many people think
of how many people get proposed to and they're like no, but they
but they in the moment they say yes.
Yes, and then 12 hours later. You gotta.
You know what's so funny? Your reaction?
First of all, how would you feel if a girl proposed?
We're speaking so broadly here. I know we're both.
In Lil I know you always are so worried about the PC police
breaking your door down, but everyone knows you're
progressive. We, you know, you're, you love
everyone. OK, you.
Have to remember that a lot of people are in that majority
we're talking about and so they get it.
Everyone is assuming you're coming from a but hey, look,
it's I just. Want to be sensitive to
everyone's story? I look, I know we're, we're,
we're especially careful after the podcast title from 2 weeks
ago. Yes, we are, Dylan.
Thank you for acknowledging. That yes, we are OK and all.
That was tough. That was a tough one for me.
Mia culpa. Yeah, that's what a husband says
when you when you catch him cheating a Mia culpa.
OK. Here's what I'm saying.
Let's say you're with someone for like 8 months.
OK. And.
You're like. OK, OK.
Oh, she proposes to me. Yeah.
OK, Now look, I'm, I'm going to be straight up, I want to be
truthful with you, OK? I'm a pretty progressive guy.
Yeah. I would compare to.
Yeah, I, I guess compared to where, you know, I would say in
my zip code, yes. In your zip code and for your
demo. Oh my God.
Miles ahead, miles. Miles ahead.
As soon as I get a eyebrow piercing, no longer.
You would look sick and. It'd be a very different yeah,
yeah, yeah, you. Would have to change a lot about
your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, guys. If I get a eyebrow piercing,
call 311 it. No one needs to come, all right,
is all I'm saying. If she proposes to me, I
honestly think I'd be like we got we can't, we can't do but
oh, but I do think part of me would be like, oh, like I do
think one of my legs would maybe start to go up just a tiny like
it wouldn't fully, but a little pop, it would start to pop off
the. Yes, 'cause that feels good.
That's like a beautiful like Moi.
Now, here's why I think it's this is so patriarchal, but we
are in. We are.
Yeah. It's patriarchal, not
patriarchal, right? It's patriarchal.
Patriarchal society. We are in a quote UN quote
patriarchal society. I do think there's something, if
you're fully like something as a man, if you're really thinking,
OK, I raised my hand by accident, let's lower that as a
man in the society with your partner if you're
heteronormative. And I do think there's something
good about humbling yourself and getting on a knee and saying
like, like reverse, even though the power dynamic should be
equal, like reverse power dynamic and being like, I'm
humbling myself. I'm putting myself down to be
like, I am asking you because I like, like a respect and like, I
love you. Like I see where it's coming
from. I think there's something good
there because and as being also like, I don't know, if someone
proposes to me like I'm sick, sick.
I'm the I'm like going to be 10 feet away from them.
Go back. What'd you say down there?
I'd make it into a joke. I fully would not.
I'd I'd start laughing. I definitely would start
laughing. What's the worst way to you for
you to get proposed to you think also I think you would I think
you would propose to your man, but I do think it would you
would like for the man to propose to you just from the
years of being like men and just all.
All I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man.
The fucking ground. You ask me to be with you.
It's my boot. OK.
So and he'd be like, babe, chill, I love you like sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry this is from this is from other people.
This isn't about you. I'm sorry, it's.
Lower. Lower.
Yeah.
You kiss the ground. You pull out a gun.
Because say it. Say.
It say it, say you love me and you'll never fucking leave.
He's like, you know, OK, woo. You go.
Sorry, my bad. That was yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, the. Answer's yes 'cause.
I'm spitting. Yeah, yeah.
You're spitting. Yeah.
OK, I, I, I go back and forth because, you know, we've lost,
we've lost the art of the gesture in today's modern
patriarchy, in today's modern scene.
You know, I agree. Like back in the day, I was
talking to grandpa. He loves to.
Hold on, wait a second. Oh, no, wait.
I just, I just want to interrupt.
I know we usually only do 40 minutes.
We're coming up a nut. We're coming up on 9 minutes
left. We're going to have to end and
restart because the pod is cooking and because, oh guys, I,
I forgot, can we forgot to like tell the audience?
As of right now, I think I might be doing solos every now and
then, but it's usually just going to be Lily and I once or
twice a month. OK, that's kind of the vibe.
And look, I mean, you guys like that more downloads go up when
Lily is there. Hey, that's fine.
OK, Hey. The numbers don't lie.
The numbers don't lie, sweetheart.
OK. All right.
It's something personal. But also, you want to hear it
more, maybe bump those numbies up to where, where the numbers
don't lie and Lily goes, OK, maybe I will be there 3 * a
month, you know, but right now that's, that's, that's what the
vibes are going to be guys. It's going to be about twice a
month and that's where we're at. So, but you can still send in,
still send submissions, send advice, questions to Lily and
me, 347-566-9741, that's the hotline, all that stuff.
Sorry anyway, I had to do the housekeeping.
Completely forgot. Because of the housekeeping,
because this business first and foremost.
But this is basically it's just us Facetiming and I forget that
other people are just like, listening.
Totally. I actually did forget for about
a minute until I saw the recording and then I was like Oh
my God, Big Brother. And now I.
Remember Big Brother, Big Brother Panopticon?
I love that word. By the way, such a good shout
out to George Orwell. Pan out the gun.
OK, so grandpa, this story, so he.
Loves telling me about the story of him and grandma meeting and I
was just like Oh my God So what at the.
Bar right. Yes, and she was smoking and he
was like a lady that smokes and then and then he was like, I'm
gonna dance with her all night and his friend Mousy or whatever
was like. That's really what's his name.
And then Mousey was like, you're gonna leave a guy hanging and
he's like, I think I met the love of my life, baby, you know,
like it's. Legit.
And then they'd literally Just Dance.
And then he literally just asked her to walk her home.
And then he was like, I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah, now here's the problem though.
I. Know.
I think that set up all of us to go.
That's the only way that we can find love.
It's. Our sickness.
It is 'cause we're such romantics and all of.
Us in the Palladino family. And we heard that.
And we go like somebody's going like my computer, Sorry.
We heard that. And we were like, oh, that's
what we have to get. Thunderbolt lightning strike.
Totally. Or or else it ain't real.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got to be like that.
You got to be. When you see the guy, a guy
walks up to you and you go, yeah, it's you, yeah.
I know, I know. Grandpa sold his car to buy the
ring for her. I know.
Yeah, he like pawned his car. I mean, it also it sounds like
it's a made-up story from the 1930s, but he literally pawned
his car to get a ring and asked her to marry him.
I think 14 days later. 10 days later. 11 days later.
But here's what I mean. Can you imagine the giggle
giggle if you were out with a with a lady and you were like
maybe in her neighborhood, maybe it was like a 20 minute walk.
You know what I mean? Maybe you're going from Tribeca
to the to Lower East Side. Yo, you got it?
Yeah. I live there.
Yeah. And then she was like, no, you
don't have to. And you're like, no, I insist.
Oh. Walking her home, yes.
And then that's where it ends. You don't even kiss, you just
walk her home. She will be like what the hell
just happened? Oh, walking your girl home and
then taking her to her door and then just saying like it was
great to see you. Bye.
Yeah, the. Girl.
This is the girl. This is the girl.
Going inside. Open closed door, but here's the
wall. Wall.
Because even that gesture, it's. So it's a gesture, right?
OK, it's a gesture thinking about the old, the olden days
and. It's like.
Yeah, people used to be like, hey, do you want to wear my
Letterman jacket? Oh, you're right.
And they were like, does that mean we're going steady, you
know? As it does a.
Lot of gesturing or like. There's more gesturing.
There is because. Sex took a little bit longer.
Yes, even though I'm very pro, we are yes, of course porking
here, but it's. Hey, there's one thing I'm pro,
OK? I was about to make a joke and
you're not gonna like so. I'm no, I I felt the restraint
from here and I really appreciate.
It I know you appreciate it. Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna I'm
gonna text it to you. No, no, I'll, I'll, I'll tell
you after the show anyway. So yeah, but there's something
nice about the restraint of being like, let's just, no, I
got you. So the knee, you're right, I
don't need it. It sometimes when I see it, I'm
like, oh brother. But then if I really think about
it. But here's my nightmare public.
Or I was gonna say, yeah, restaurants.
But you know what I love Jumbotron at a sports game.
I love that. You know, I didn't think you
would. I love it.
You're on screen. You're on screen.
But also it's like kind of funny and dumb, yes.
And everyone's like, yeah, yeah. And you get, so then you get to
like perform for everyone. They're like, yeah, it is kind
of OK. What what event?
I'm saying baseball for you. Right, hockey.
Hockey. Oh, no, hockey.
Because it's kind of like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, hockey.
'S and then and then all there's this tender moment that softens
all the tough guys. All the, all the fighting, Yeah,
yeah, yeah, you. Know they are like Oh my gosh
this sport is so brutal but look at love persist.
OK, hockey game. I would say ideally something
where he brings you out on the ice to like play a game.
He sets something up to where you get chosen.
You have to like hit the puck in and then he comes out and
they're like, oh, hold on a second, one second.
And then he, yeah, yeah, that's nice.
Here's my perfect scene. I take that game too seriously.
Like, if it's like a like a goal game, I go crazy way too hard.
Yeah. Yeah, you fall like.
Yeah, I have a gash. You're a gash.
Like fully gash? I have full, I'm fully.
I have a flesh. Wound you're bleeding.
And then he's like Jesus, babe, like.
He goes, OK, well I. Yeah.
Yeah, honestly. Cooler.
Yeah, yeah, and smooching. OK, what about you?
What game? Oh, what game for me.
Yeah, U.S. Open.
Damn, No, it's too all the the golf and everything.
It's too like, yeah, it's, it's too pretentious, too high end.
I'm like bocce ball like. Oh my God, you are 59 years old.
Yeah. I don't know.
I mean, like football is too. It's too big of a thing.
Maybe basketball game? I see a Knicks game for you.
We'd it'd have to be something where I rigged it to where like
I I made the half court shot. I can't I can't miff the half
court shot. So whether they like put a drone
in it or something. So it has to be.
Just see the ball. It's just like.
Yeah, that's that's the only. Yeah, I think that would be or
or. I don't know the.
Olympics. Oh, soccer would be kind of
yeah. Did you do a sport?
Did you swim? I swam, I played bat.
I hated all of them. Totally.
Yeah, I think you were. Put upon you because of your
height. Exactly.
That's why I didn't want to do it.
And I just like I didn't have the, I just knew immediately,
like I didn't care about competing.
And then also when you compete for something and you're not
that good at it, it's it's even more frustrating because you
want to be really good so that you're competitive with
everyone, but then the same time you're like, but I'm not the
best. Yeah, I know.
It's it's brutal. You know what?
That's why I sustain here. Musical theater and sports, same
deal. Dance.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Instrument.
Yes, you can want to be good. You can practice, practice,
practice. Some people just have that
inner. It's like, like chefs, like real
chefs. They got it, yeah.
I can follow a recipe like anybody else, but you got to
know how to. No, yeah, I'm not coming up
with. I'm not the creative.
Like throw some paprika and then you go, paprika, this is this is
ice cream. And they go, trust me, it'll
work. And then you taste it and you
go, holy shit. What?
Yeah. What the?
OK, little hot tip for the viewers.
If you have fresh fruit that you're just going to eat right,
you're just going to eat a little fresh fruit, sprinkle a
little salt on there. Sprinkle a little salt on your
cantaloupe. I swear to God.
You know, I, Yeah. That brings that brings some
stuff out. Yeah.
Some real flavor out it. Just adds a little.
So you're. Saying sweet and you're saying
kettle corn. It's making a little sweet and
salty kettle corn. OK, I like that.
I think salt, salt on the yeah, not a, not a salt and salt on
the, the, the cantaloupe. Yeah, yeah.
Salt on a Oh, salt on a, on a watermelon.
Yeah. No, that's really good.
You know, I've never thought about how I would propose and I
don't know, 'cause I don't want to do the big out in front of
people stuff, but I also don't want to do the like we're
sitting next to each other and I'm just like, here you go,
Yeah. Yeah.
Totally this. I honestly, I'm like, the first
thing that comes to my mind is like somewhere in a mountain,
just like on a mountain randomly cause 'cause hey, you know who's
witnessing? God's witnessing.
Yep, who? Neither of us, but still.
Believe in but. He's he's he's there they.
They. Are there?
They are there. That's gorgeous.
You are gonna propose on like. Yeah.
You know what was so crazy? I was about to say the the.
Space Mountain. No.
Do you remember hit cinematic experience Finding Nemo?
Yeah, do. You remember what they called
the volcano in the fish tank in the dentist's office?
No, but I can't believe you do. But I.
Wanna hot Kaluki? Now I now I know why you
remember Mount Wanahogaloogie. It's so good.
That's where I'm going to propose Mount Wanahogaloo.
It actually go on. Proposing on a volcano is good
because if she says no immediately, you have somewhere
to jump. Oh, or you jump right, You don't
push them. Oh no, because it's actually
better for you to jump because then they feel bad about it for
the rest. Of.
Their life, girl. How was it?
Did he do it? I said now and he killed
himself. Oh my God.
What? Yeah, he.
Jumped into the OK hold on, let me pause this and then we'll
come back in 2 minutes. Oh my God, this is so goodbye.
OK, we got it. We gotta stay on topic.
We. Gotta stay on topic.
We don't we don't have we don't have the we got, we got 20
minutes, then I gotta go pick up Uncle George.
Really. Yeah.
We, I'm, I'm just getting in that Grand Central well.
We're just you're having a little gentleman's walkabout.
Yes. Here, pick it up.
Move it. Here we go.
Let's move it. Perfect.
OK, we're back, guys. Thanks.
Had to take a quick little break.
Lily's foam was about to melt. This is good.
This is a good angle to put it at.
I know you'd have to be standing for like an hour but.
Worth it? It's good, good lighting.
I was honestly, I was taking some selfies while we were
having a little break because you know what, people aren't
doing that these days. I think wait.
People are do it in a very specific way.
Do you know what I mean? You know, I used to always and
this is A and this isn't an, an admittance admission.
This is an admission. Look at you look.
At you admission denied. Yeah needs all of the schools I
play through. This is an admission I used to
on girl, like when I would see a girl's photos and there'd be
like 30 pictures of herself. Sometimes I'd be like, what are
you doing? Like why are you taking all
those photos of you? But I do think I'd always think,
oh, they're taking them to send to other people.
But sometimes you just want to see that you look good.
And you just, it's, it's allowing yourself to appreciate
how you look in that moment and love yourself.
And if there's nothing wrong with it, it's not egotistical.
It's literally just saying like, hey, I look good.
I want to see that I look good. And I'm taking some photos of
myself. And yeah, are there 50 of them?
And there should be 10. Yeah.
But I'm taking a bunch. Totally, and here's what I will
say. We'll never be this young and
this gorgeous ever again. So if you And that's why I've
really come around on like nudes.
Gotcha, Gotcha. Yeah.
No, like, so I know I'm in a very specific age of women where
we're all trying to figure out like, you know what?
No, I am a professional sensual lady.
Or just like me and my boyfriend haven't had sex in three years?
But whatever. My God.
Yeah, Yeah. And the girl that like says it
as a yes. The girl that says as a joke at
dinner. And then everyone's like.
Girl, are you OK? You really should.
You go three years. I know.
Well, if it's not for the IVF, you know, like we're just in
this video. No, I know.
I get it. I get it.
Of course, yes.
So I have a couple of friends who have done boudoir photo
shoots for themselves. So now explain what that is.
And OK, here's what I think in my mind.
Sepia tone photos like a saloon dress pushed.
Up. Yep, corset.
Wuthering Heights, whatever it is kind of thing.
Yeah. Chase Lounge, Yeah.
Exactly. I think maybe one of those like
repeating guns westerns. Yes, and and it's a little bit
like you know what, girl? Capture it.
For you.
It is for you and that's how I feel about Cellulite and things
that are moving all over and like the changing body, you
know? Got it.
Yeah. Oh my gosh, it changes.
Before you know it, you wake up with a new thing that says
you're decaying and it's just like.
Don't I know it? Yeah.
You forgot who you were talking to.
Yeah. What's crazy is from this angle.
Please don't take this the wrong way.
Go ahead. I mean you have a almost AI
generated. Perfect arch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.
This, this looks like it's a. It looks like it's a filter.
No, it's. And it's fully just my egghead.
This is actually crazy, you're right.
I think it might be the angle, but I have almost.
You could use my head to draw a perfect circle like on your
geometry test. Yes, you could.
It's actually blowing me away. But I.
Have a compass head. Compass head.
If you put a compass, you put the point on my nose.
It would trace out my head there.
Wouldn't be. No, there wouldn't be.
Wait, let me see the sides. Let me see what?
Do you have any dents? Yeah, no, at the at the top
there is, it goes up. And I think it maybe.
It's just, yeah, you see right there.
I think it's just the angle because that's a little flat
right there. What happened, you know?
You can just What didn't happen to that?
I fell off my skateboard. Yeah.
My mom was just like trying to tenderize the chicken and she
used one side of my head. I love stories parents tell
where they're like, yeah, so then we like, kind of dropped.
Yeah, we kind of dropped them. We kind of dropped them, Yeah.
But he was OK. He was good.
He did go, duh, for a minute, and then he was fine.
He reset. He did a fucking factory reset.
I know. Have I told you I've had
nightmares about that, Like that I'm going to be alone with my
child and like, not like drop it horribly, but just like bonk his
head in the side of something, be like, God, I'm so happy my
wife didn't see that. Like 100% a hundred.
Percent Hey, buddy, we're OK, we're OK.
He's like, I'm like, it's OK, it's OK.
Eyes over here. But that happens.
It happens. It happens to every like 100.
Percent or they like eat a battery and you're just like,
you know what we're going to. Take that.
I don't know how long that's been in your mouth, but we're
just going to pull that out of there.
OK, so you're, you're in the age photos, selfies, taking selfies.
Selfies, Cellulite, Gray hair, wrinkles.
Let me just say something. Here's my soapbox.
Dylan and I know we are going to love everybody because all
bodies are beautiful and autonomy is a gift and a
privilege. However.
And also free will and consciousness is a curse.
But go, go ahead. Totally.
Yes, Yeah. Like it does generally break my
heart that 22 year olds are getting Botox.
Agreed. Agreed.
Yeah. And filler.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, you know, I can't get one
more real from the girly pops that are like today's 13 year
olds versus US at 13. We don't need to.
Whoa, like I I actually feel like a pedophile seeing 13 year
old girls trying to look 22 and then 20 who's trying to look 13?
Yeah, you're like, what the? Yeah.
No one just looks the age that they are.
By the way, This is why like Wellness check, I've been
watching ROM coms from the 90s. Totally.
Because it's just, it's not that.
Oh yeah, Just to finish that up. Oh yeah, What else?
So four wedding City funeral. Good.
I then tried to watch Nodding Hill you might like.
It slow, not that much. And the writing is not good.
It's not also if Hugh, Hugh, if you're watching this, you're,
you're a, you are a pretty nice man acting wise, not.
Doesn't have it. Doesn't have it.
He's just very charming. But also that might have been
what he was put in. It might have been that might
have been the wrong comes he was put in because maybe later on as
I'll see him on something else and be like, oh, he's good.
I think he's got the potential. But some of them can't take the
writing that isn't great and turn it into.
Right, he's no McConaughey that way.
Hey, he's no McConaughey. Yeah, we'll say that.
And, and guess what? He's probably fine with that.
Yes, he is. Oh, I think his bank account and
his life is just fine. But Notting Hill, I was watching
it. There's a part in it where he
meet, you know, if anyone's seen it.
He meets this insanely famous superstar, invites her back to
his place because he spilled orange juice on her.
She says yes, which already I was like, that wouldn't happen,
but OK, I'll suspend disbelief for that goes up, changes.
Goes to. Leave Roommate's not even there.
This one roommate's crazy. Actually roommate is best part
of the movie. He's.
Just a minge. She also weirdly has like a huge
Dick in the movie. Like you don't see it, but he's
always in tidy whities and you're like, yo, put the thing
away. Yeah, yeah, actual absolute
hammer. And then she goes to walk out
and she looks at him and just kisses you.
Grant and I, she just met him that day.
And I go OK, that this. That's the shit that makes me go
ROM coms or bullshit because like you can't like it was just
out of nowhere. And then it's revealed later on
she's having problems with her boyfriend.
And you're like, OK, it's, it was just, there was stuff where
I was like. I know, I know.
But overall, the 90s ROM coms I'm in, I'm in that mode.
Right. You gotta watch.
You gotta, you gotta watch Runaway Bride.
You gotta watch My Best Friend's Wedding.
You gotta watch the Julia robot the robots Julia Roberts lineup.
Oh, he's not that into you or something?
No. That movie is really
problematic. Oh, she was like, you should see
he's just not that into you. Who said that?
Me. My friend.
Oh. What's wrong with it?
It's the most like, hey, who cares if it's toxic?
If you're beautiful, it'll work out.
Oh. Kind of like crazy stupid love
honestly, even though I think that writing is so amazing.
Is that one about toxicity though?
It's not. He's just want that into you.
Yes, it's about basic. No, I'm saying crazy stupid love
isn't like about toxicity. Crazy, stupid love, I think.
It's about a. It's like.
Well, she gives the the high score, gives the kid her nudes.
Remember that. Yeah, I remember seeing that and
being like, yeah, but they're both under rage.
Interesting. Counterpoint.
And that's on. That's on record, by the way.
It's so funny. Yeah, you're right.
At the end, when I saw that, I was kind of like, wait, so we're
just like, OK with this? Right.
But in a way, and here's what I'll say to to defend it, that
was tame for that era compared to what else was going on.
And it was like not totally unrealistic.
We all knew. We know what I mean.
There was always a babysitter or a teacher.
Yeah, sure. That was that was that was a a a
trope. That was a trope.
OK, wait, can I tell you about OK, 2 two things And then we, we
have a submission. I, I might be able to play it
real quick. I just want to because you're a
cat lady and I think you're going to have you're going to
have some thoughts about this, but I.
Think. OK hold on.
So my dad the other day is telling me a story because dad
wants to go see grandpa down in Tennessee and they were driving
back from Tennessee. They both both your mom and my
dad rented cars to drive all the way from Tennessee back to New
York instead of paying for plane tickets.
So. That's how you know.
The frugality never leaves you
if your grandparents are immigrants.
Exactly. So yeah, six people in a a house
with what, 3 bedrooms? I think maybe.
Yeah, I, I, my Uncle George and Dad, like, slept in the IT was
yeah. There's a basement, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my dad, when he's driving, is
calling Aunt Cheryl. It's calling your mom and being
like, hey, where are you? Where are you?
And she goes, I'm not telling you.
I'm not telling you, Jim, Like, I'm not going to.
He goes, where are you, understand?
She goes, we're not having this conversation.
Like she just doesn't want to, like just being a sister, just
like fucking with him. I love it.
Then my dad starts speeding because obviously speeding.
He says he's weaving in and out of traffic, going on the the the
the side, like not the divider, but the shoulder swerving in and
out. And then about an hour later, he
gets a call from your mom and she goes, hey, are you in a
white like Ford Explorer? And he's like, yeah, why?
Yeah, he goes. Why?
He goes because I was in traffic and I saw this guy weaving in
and out and going on the shoulder and speeding 80 down
the side. And I went, who is this
psychopath? And then I saw a the side
profile and I go, that must be Jim.
And he goes, yeah, that was me. He goes, why didn't you call me?
I would have stopped and said hi.
Like, I love that. I love I, I mean, just the most
like sibling. I'm just imagining her in the
car being like, who is this? And she goes, that's got to be
Jim because that's got to, that has to be my brother.
It's my brother. And she was right.
And he's in the car like. Yeah, no one.
You're right. 100% I will make better time than Google Maps
says. But what I love about my mom is
like, that's what keeps her a stone cold bitch.
No, I'm not telling you. I'm not telling you where I am.
I love it. No.
You don't like, I don't want to. I don't want to deal with
whatever the follow up to that question is.
Yep. I don't want to hang out with
you more I. That that's what it is.
I don't want to see you. I don't want you to know my
location. I don't want you to drive up
next to me and then like fuck around and then we both get into
a six car pilot. Like none of that.
I'm not telling you where I am. I've had enough time with you.
Leave me be. She's like listening to an audio
book or something in the car. Yeah.
Oh my gosh, So what cracked me up about her?
Such a beautiful time. The trip sounded great.
I think some crazy shit happened.
Crazy. Shit did happen.
Really. Remember Mark?
Grandpa's bestie Mario? Oh.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard about that.
Yeah, we don't have. Yeah.
And then very sad. RIP and my mom might have
bronchitis antmare fractured her foot.
Like it did fracture her foot. Dude I have family.
Like the older I get the more I'm just like the facade, the
wool that was pulled over our eyes.
To think that we were just like a fun and normal family is
actually infuriating. How hard we were gaslit.
We were gaslit when we're all together because I remember
leaving family reunions feeling like I did nitrous oxide.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it was amazing.
But also, and I just, it would have if someone had like sat me
down and been like, you're from an insane family.
Everyone is at some level mentally ill.
So like you, you're going to have to expect that that is
going to show itself at some point in your life.
A lot of this would have made a lot more.
I would have been looking in the mirror and been like, what's
going on? I'd have been like, Oh, it's the
the sickness. It's the yeah, yeah, it's in my
genes. I can't.
Help it. It's my blood.
It's. My blood.
So. So something that comes up quasi
regularly with friends who do ultimately meet Grandpa, Uncle
George or even are just with me, my brothers and my parents.
Yeah, they look at me like this. Are you OK?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
And you go. I love this by the way.
Yeah, yeah. You go.
This is my norm. I think this is what families
like. This is good.
Yeah. Being at a dinner table and
everyone is literally screaming, screaming, threatening to kill
each other. Literally.
Uncle George being like, I want
to kill you, Grandpa. Anybody got a baseball bat?
I'm gonna be pissed.
You out of this guy? Yes.
I was reminiscing on all those Thanksgivings where it's just
the kind of like the wives like and then you like hear something
get a little loud in the corner and you're like, and then all of
a sudden it's like, that's not how that happened.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It always was but then I was
thinking about and Erica hates when I bring this up the the
reunion at Uncle George's where he had the van and it was
literally 14 children in that camper van.
And then we dog piled Erica and all farted on her and she cried
and almost threw up. I mean, that's objectively
really funny. I know.
And then later that night we all walked on that very dangerous
road to Dairy Queen. Do you remember that?
In Long Island. On Long Island on Smith Rd.
where Uncle George lives, Dan was there.
Kaylee. Was there?
We must have felt like we were like in a 1970s movie, walking a
Dairy Queen. I mean eleven children. 11 kids.
And like the oldest. One was 1616.
And it's Kelsey with her Tiffany choker.
And by the way, that's like an entire bloodline of the family
that could have been taken out by 1 truck, 1 truck, one this,
by the way, you're driving and then you, you drop a bag of
chips. Oh shit, all of them.
This is OK. So this is a good segue to crazy
family. So I, I volunteered for the
institute, some, some institute for the blind in, in New York
City. That helps that helps the blind
and I was just volunteering for their for their Christmas party
and I'll probably have to go soon.
OK, so so OK, so while I'm there, people are blonde,
they're like and and these they're do you have?
To say people are blind. OK, yeah, yeah, sorry, we're at
the blind. I have to say blind six more
times. But there's also some people
that are like like special needs mental, like they need help.
You know what I'm saying? Like, like, like differently,
Abel, whatever the fucking word is, let me fucking tell Liam.
Like literally it got. How about your?
Dog Anyway, yeah. And so I'm helping all of them
on giving them them food. I'm also just like witnessing
and just like watching how they are.
I felt so at home because it literally felt like I was with
the palatinos, like just just no, that just like the the chaos
of this huge party and people like, like them.
Like, yeah, dude, it was what it was.
It was amazing because they all, they all like, they all were
like they, they had so much character and it was like really
fun to help them. It was also like a, a beautiful
thing to do. But I'm saying like some of the
people there that like. I guess what I'm trying to say
is that like the home that I was working in, I was like, our
entire family should also be in this home.
And that's nothing bad to say to people that, look, I'm taking
all of this Lil, it's all good, no one's going to come for you.
OK, But but let's just say the home I was working in, I said
every single one of our aunts and uncles should have also been
in that home. And also to wrap this up, at the
end, they're giving away presents, right?
They're giving away prizes. Guess what the grand prize was?
No, not sure. Meta glasses, they're blind.
Lil, they're blind. Meta AR glasses, they're blind.
I actually looked, Yeah, I actually looked around and went
like, is this Siri? Are they kidding me?
That's a very intense, like, oh, who's pissing you off?
Who's pissing you off? I just saw your eyebrows.
Liam. But he's just like, no, no, all
right. Where are you?
You have a responsibility. No, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll
finish up on five. But how how crazy is that meta
glasses? It's like, I'm sorry.
Read the Room. Yeah, read the room.
What do you give someone beats pros to like the school of the
deaf? That's literally, it's an insane
thing to do and someone want it and they literally have
sunglasses on 'cause they can't and they're like woo and.
That is, first of all, that is like somebody on the board of
trustees or whoever's on the gift giving committee was like,
that's hilarious. Yeah, for sure.
They're they're evil, Yeah. Or they, there were, there were,
there were some people there that could see.
And so I was like, it should just be like, they should have
been the only ones in the pool because because it was one of
these, it was one of these like homes where it's like blind
people. Then also people that some
people are in wheelchairs like so it's like, it's like all
comers. So the people that are like in
wheelchairs, I'm like, they can see like, so they should have
gotten it. And I and I'm it's actually
funny. There were two people that were,
it was a couple, they were in wheelchairs.
It was so cute and they they talked about the meta glasses
and I'm looking at them and the first thing in my head is like,
OK, they could actually really use those like that would be
helpful. And then I see who wins and I
look at the person that they give them to that wins who can't
use them. And I look over the people that
in the wheelchairs that can and they're just like, like they
like they were like they were like, I almost wanted to go off
to him and go, I know that you should.
Have yeah, that's fucked up. That's.
Fucked up dude. OK, the guy like stands up and
goes the wrong way and they're just like, can I plea it?
Just dude, I I wish you could have been there because so many
people reminded me of like everyone in the yes.
Yeah, here's and here's what I will say.
I do a lot of grads this. One woman kept asking for ginger
ale's. She asked for 10 ginger ale's
and she wouldn't open them. She'd just put them in her bag
and like, you and everyone's seeing that and it's just like,
OK. What are we going to say?
No woman asked for an extra thing of cake and then just
immediately like had me put it in A to go thing and I'm like, I
mean, yeah, I don't care. Wait.
What were you doing there though?
The woman was asleep. She had a piece of cake in front
of her. I walked up to try to grab it
because I figured she was asleep.
She wakes up, she goes, no, I'm still working.
I'm I was in heaven. I was honestly in I go, this is
this is humanity. This is like I I love it was
amazing. Yes, I just have to say it's
like that is the Paladinos. And like, I know our other sides
of the family also have their own flavor of stuff going on,
but like the the Paladinos set us up to move in the world of
like, yeah, not much, I don't think much phases us.
That's it. The they set us up to yet never
be phased by anything. We can kind of talk or interact
with anyone because our baseline is already there.
So I guess it's kind of good. No, it is good because when we.
Walk into other families. That's why whenever I walk in
other families and they're not Paladino Lever, I'm always like,
oh, this is going to be easy. I can, I can swing with the best
of them, you know, I'm just. Like absolutely.
And then? You'll be.
The darling of the evening. Because you're just like, hey,
listen, you guys are the most normal people I've ever met.
And they're like, you have to say that, Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. And I go, no, no, no, you don't
understand, but you probably sometimes you bring the Paladino
energy. And a couple Thanksgivings ago,
I was at my I was at a partner's family's place and me and her
uncle started arguing about the Fed and taxation for like 30
minutes, like monetary policy. And by the way, I wasn't
arguing. I was just having fun getting
him riled up. And everyone else was just
looking at us like. And I go.
And he's just like, he's just like, you're insane.
What are you talking about? I go, what are you talking
about? Like.
Yes. OK, really quick story.
So in May I officiated a wedding and I was warned about an uncle
at this wedding whose politics would not align with mine.
Oh, I I think I remember you telling me this.
Yeah. Heavily and heavily.
So I was told not to. Totally.
So I was told not to bring up a geopolitical topic.
Got it. OK, which obviously makes me
want to bring it up. More makes you want to bring it
up top of mind. I'm going to awkwardly introduce
it in a very roundabout way to provoke this man.
OK, so. That's the other thing and I I
will say it's unfortunate, but it's just in us.
If you're dating a Paladino, you have to know we love to fight.
It's like. It's Oh my God, it's in our
genes and you have to you as the Paladino have to learn to tamp
that down and have it pull back. But when you get around other
Paladinos and you know you can let it out, it's literally have
you as you have you just in our first SEC.
Have you ever had a partner be around you and your brothers and
they've never seen you go full at it yelling at each other?
But then like 10 minutes later, you're fine.
I don't know if you guys like my brother and I will go zero to
screaming at each other and then 10 minutes later we're like
laughing and fine. And if you haven't witnessed
that, they're like what just happened?
Yeah, no, yeah. It's it's shock, it's awe, it's
concern. It's.
It's it makes them feel like they hallucinated a. 100%
they're like should. I.
Are you OK? And I go, oh, we're what do you
mean we're fun? It's we're not even thinking.
About it, literally nothing happened.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we were screaming at each
other and I go, you're a fucking idiot, dude, you always do this
blah, blah, blah, screaming. And then 10 minutes later, I'm
like, look at this SpongeBob. Yeah.
Yeah, so I think it's funny also when it's like sister to brother
fighting. Cause.
Literally the Christmas where that occurred, I was, I was like
getting like, like grizzly bear, you know what I mean?
And then Duncan goes no nails, no nails.
And I'm like, like, no, no nails, no nails.
Your your boyfriend's like, wait, what the?
Traumatized from the one time I scratched him a little bit.
I mean, come on bro A. Little.
A little bit. You deserve it.
You need to draw blood. No complain when there's blood,
please. OK, so finish the story of
Warren something. No, no, finish your.
OK, well, this was talking about what did this.
Yeah, I don't even remember. You were talking about the
priest and whatever, Yeah. Oh, no, yeah.
Forget about it. Yeah, just don't tell Palladino
what to do or what not to do 'cause we will certainly do the
opposite. But I will say I remember that
story the, the, the moral of the story with you at the wedding
was that you didn't bring it up and the guy came up to you and
after and said you are a very good officiant and you guys had
a good conversation, right? So I.
Guess moral? Is don't.
Yeah. It's listen to your friends when
they're like, don't bring up this geopolitical topic with my
uncle. Yes, exactly.
OK, go. Can you hear this?
Yep. I'm a dog person, but I think
I've come to the realization that cat people are more
creative because the amount of imagination that it takes or
that these cat owners have to basically project human emotions
onto these mute do nothing animals.
She's. Like it takes a level of
imagination dogs people just don't have.
It's kind of cooking though. I always.
Tell when a dog. Is oh, it it turned out there's
more. Hold on.
I'm not happy. You're you're upset.
Like, where are you picking up on these emotions?
This cat has done nothing this whole time.
And like, you talk to a cat person like, well, he's the
troublemaker. She's a sassy.
One this is you. And it's like the cats just
stand there and do nothing. And that takes a certain level
of creativity dog people don't have.
Yeah, So what are you? Thinking all what this man just
said is I just love that cat. People are delusional.
That is what that man just said. So let me just say something to
you. You're calling my cat boring?
What do dogs do? They eat other dog shit.
Here we go, here we go. This is the first thing cat
people do. Instead of defending, they just
go to blaming dogs. No one's no one's bringing dogs
up. Everyone loves dogs.
The only point he's making is that cats, I would say she goes
and is there not? Do we?
Do we not project emotions on the cats?
Are they? I would say they're a little bit
more mute than dogs are. OK, so we're saying we're
projecting emotions because the cats don't bark.
See, this is the thing. Cats, people are never going to
'cause they're just cause, 'cause you're here's what I'm
going to tell you what you're going to say.
You're going to say cats just aren't Super Express with it
because they don't need to be. They're not needy and they don't
have to do too much to show their emotions.
If you actually are with them and are around them, you can
know their emotions and they're very subtle and tame and
relaxed, whereas dogs are all over the place.
That's not what I was going to. Say I think he has, I think he
has a bit of a point. Here's what happened to him.
He was with someone who's a cat person who was creative.
And then he said something like, I don't get why you're so into
this cat. That cat didn't move.
And you call it the cutest, most troublemaker sitting in the
whole wide world. And then this person who may or
may not dress like me was like, was like, what are you saying?
And he goes, I just think it's interesting that most cat people
are creative like you. And she was like, oh, creative,
like me. What does that mean?
And then he goes, oh, I think he's butt hurt.
I think that he fucked up. He fucked up bad.
We're not creative, Sir. We're not creative.
You. Delusional.
Or you're saying we're not delusional?
Our cats have emotions, we're not making them up.
Creativity. Let me show him something.
Let me show you what you just roasted.
It's just he's just going to be sitting there.
How do I turn this? On OK now you have auntie vibes
for sure. There we go.
What the cat? That's just.
Come on. I mean, that's very cute.
You're right. Yeah, but is that an emotion or
is that just cuteness? What are you talking about?
Peace, tranquility, serenity. Those are not emotions.
Safety, comfort, connectivity. I just, I've never seen a happy
cat. You haven't met enough cats.
I don't like this guy. You know what?
I don't like this guy one bit. I get what he's saying.
Here's you know what? Here's he's.
Protesting. He's protesting.
She's going to punch a hole in the wall.
Here's what I'll say. Good stand up bit to the to the
guy that said it. You could make it work, but then
you're going to get a lot of people.
You're going to get a lot of people in the audience like you
sitting there like this. Yeah, yeah, OK, but let's talk
about dogs for a second. Here we go.
Let's talk about dogs for something.
Oh, let's hear it, OK. This is a real thing that
happened. OK.
You know how dogs get all crazy when women have their period?
Like they get their nose up in there.
I didn't know that. Oh, I know dogs get up in.
I know dogs Nuts. Yeah, they want the minge.
When a woman has their period when they're in the minge.
It was so rough. And so I was at a friend's
house. I was probably 17 years old, had
my period. This dog literally fucking
Trojan horses me underneath the dining room table.
And then the dad just goes, he does that.
Dog try to dog try to perform on you.
That was the first. Fall.
That makes me nauseous, what I'm saying.
Yeah, yeah, don't imagine it. Yeah, yeah, the the image is
real bad. Move past it.
Move. Past I'm actually like I'm
actually. Cried.
It's it's it's a foul. It's disgusting.
Yeah. What else?
And you like? Dog owner, you are deranged.
You're not, well, like dog owners will see the most
inappropriate behavior in their dog or they're like when they're
humping each other at the dog park and they're like, it's a
social. Thing Yeah, yeah, You know what
I'll give you that I'll give you that We we.
What? We, we apologize for a lot of
things, just say it's a dog, they're humped, but but OK, some
owners do that. If my dog starts to hump or do
any of that immediately I stop. Even though I will say that's us
projecting like human. You guys aren't watching.
Like if you like raise your hand and zoom it like raises your
head. It's so annoying.
That's just projecting like human.
Desires and objectives on. The dogs, but whatever we're
around are the humans and at the end of the day it's like, I'll
stop the dog from doing the humping thing so it doesn't make
someone uncomfortable. But you're right, some dogs
would be like, it's just a dog is what they do.
It's like, yeah, but then it's they do the same thing with you
know what we don't have? We only have 4 minutes left, but
we've given you guys a nice an hour and 20 minute app.
This is great. You know what?
It's the same thing that people do when they have kids and the
kid comes up and just pulls your hair out of your, your hair, not
mine out of your head. And they're like, what do you
want? It's the three.
Right. Excuse me.
Excuse me? Get control of your animal.
Yeah, control your dog. Control your dog and it and it's
a 3 year old. It's a toddler.
Control your dog sticky. Look and.
I love kids. Yeah, I get it.
But also control your dog. Control your dog.
You. Should say that one day I think
it's gonna be. Brutal, that will be.
Oh my God it's such a diss too. But how awesome that would feel.
It's a if you're like kid literally like bites my elbow,
pulls my hair, and then gets a lollipop stuck on my shirt or
whatever. Yeah.
And you go, hey, can you control your dog?
And they're like, excuse me? And you go, you heard what I
said. Do you control the animal 'cause
it's your, it's your issue. Leash em, man.
Leash em. You pull.
I got a leash. Yeah, leash.
You have one. Oh man, no leash.
And then you walk away, put a leash in, you just go.
You put a leash in that thing and then you walk.
OK, really quick, he dropped. $20.00 for some reason I don't
know why. Pick it up you poor piece of
shit. I don't know why, just.
Hibble money, you know, you just fucking go so crazy for you and
the boys ever on like a backpack leach.
My mom did it for me one day. She said she tried it one day
and I literally like almost ripped her arm off.
And also she said I just dropped to the ground and started
kicking and screaming in the middle of like 5th Ave.
And so she's like, OK, I'm not. I'm not doing this again.
Yeah. I mean, like, no, just just just
having an attack on the ground spazzing out like.
Yes, no, I think it's like my mom definitely did it once.
It did not go well, but I do fully understand the concept if
you are solo with three children.
And I just do think it's a beautiful overlap that we're the
third of twin sets like. I mean, chains, I'm not.
I'm literally chaining you. I'm chaining you to to my hip.
Yes. And someone says if I see a a
parent walking around and they have three kids chained to them,
guess what I do? I go.
I tip my hat to them. I tip.
I go, thank you. I actually go up to them.
I go, thank you. Yeah.
You shake their hand. Yeah.
You're like, thank you. Yeah, somebody gets it.
Yeah, someone gets it. The kids are literally like 30
LB chains. But like just I get all nutsy
when I see The Walking scrolling parent and there are just little
tots who who just learned how to walk.
Just take, you know, and it's, it's for their safety at the end
of the day. I know.
I don't care. No put them.
I love seeing when it's like baby B orn baby B orn stroll.
Yeah, I love it. You know, it's love it as as we
have 60 seconds left. How funny of a prank it would be
to just run up and grab the kid and start running away?
You'd have to know the person, but like how funny?
No, no, obviously. But like, don't you think it
would be funny to OK, like it's you and me and then we hire
someone that you don't know to just run up and grab the kid and
just start sprinting 'cause like, I mean, you have a heart
attack. But then quickly, it's a.
It's a. We come out.
Like yeah I do. I do think it would be rude.
Unless obviously if it's your kid like no, but for everyone
else. Yeah, I don't enjoy that, right.
Yeah, I there's something there. There's something.
There, there's something there, there's a way to do it that
doesn't traumatize the parent for the rest of their life.
Or the kid. Or the kid.
Oh my God, the kid. I completely forgot.
The kid is fine. Kid is fucked.
You're OK, you're OK, you're OK. We love you guys.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for selling your
Wellness checks and we'll be back in a couple weeks.