1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:04,080 Aaron and Danny, to lifelong best friends, take turns picking 2 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,040 topics. Then they see where it ends. 3 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,480 So wild. It's weird and sometimes 4 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,520 specific. Whatever it is, you know it will 5 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,720 be terrific. It's hyperfixation time. 6 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,200 Hey everyone, welcome to hyperfixation time. 7 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,560 I'm Danny. Hey, I'm Aaron. 8 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:26,040 And if you can't tell, we're in Wisconsin. 9 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:28,920 Oh, hey there. I don't know. 10 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,240 I just like, I, I don't like saying it exactly the same way 11 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,680 every time. So I'm like, oh, hey. 12 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:36,560 I don't know. Yeah, I like it. 13 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,400 I like the switch up. You should do that. 14 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:42,920 That's right. Well, anyways, it's Aaron's turn 15 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,920 today to talk about a main topic. 16 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,480 I don't know what it's going to be yet. 17 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,960 I have no guesses at all really. But. 18 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:56,320 Few clue, I don't know myself. But yeah, she's going to teach 19 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,080 us about something today or talk about something today. 20 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,840 So I'm excited to hear what that is. 21 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,720 And before we get to that, we're going to catch up a little bit 22 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:09,320 and talk about microfixations, which if you're new here, is 23 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:13,720 basically Aaron's little made-up term for our like weekly 24 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,120 hyperfixations. Just something that we're 25 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:19,400 interested in or this week in particular, something we're 26 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:22,840 doing or just interested in. So yeah. 27 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,880 One thing that's been bugging me is that it's technically it 28 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,720 should be a hypo fixation. Because hyper. 29 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,720 Yeah. But I like micro. 30 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:32,120 That's fine. It's ours. 31 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:36,920 Yeah, people get the gist. So jumping into the 32 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,560 microfixations, do you want first or second I'll? 33 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:42,880 Go second. OK, OK, Well, last week I gave 34 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,880 you the option of a couple things, one of them being a 35 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,760 game, but I'm going to talk about that today because, and 36 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,400 I've already talked about this game before, we're talking about 37 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,120 Animal Crossing again. Again. 38 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,240 And here's why. Do you know? 39 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,400 I'd be surprised if you knew, I guess, what's going on with 40 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,720 Animal Crossing. Right now, yeah. 41 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,160 No, no. So, OK, so Animal Crossing New 42 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:08,960 Horizons quick history lesson for you came out in 2020, March 43 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,440 of 2020. I played it. 44 00:02:10,479 --> 00:02:11,440 Yep. Yeah. 45 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,720 And it was wildly popular when it came out. 46 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:19,320 A little over a year later, they came out with a giant update. 47 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:25,160 And the controversy was that when they released this update, 48 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,760 they were like, this is the final update, Like, we're not 49 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,960 going to update anymore. And the Animal Crossing 50 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:34,920 community did not appreciate that information because they're 51 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:38,280 just like, excuse me, this is a wildly popular game like 52 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,000 Nintendo you've made. I don't know how much money off 53 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,080 of that. A lot, yeah. 54 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,920 Yeah, and you're just not going to give us updates anymore? 55 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:54,680 Like, come on, randomly in last fall, so fall of 2025, Nintendo 56 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,440 was just like, hey, we're going to do an update on January 15th. 57 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,280 JK yeah. Years later. 58 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,760 Yeah, years later 5. Years later, almost. 59 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,640 So the update came out and they actually released it a date 60 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:09,200 early. So it came out on January 14th. 61 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,160 And you know, by the time that this episode is airing and 62 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:13,640 everything, that's going to have been a while. 63 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:19,040 But basically I've just been playing nonstop again since 64 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:20,800 then. So it's a lot of fun. 65 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,480 And I think really like the update itself is fun, but it's 66 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:28,080 nothing like crazy crazy, but it's just kind of fun. 67 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:32,520 Like feeling nostalgic for this time period of when everyone was 68 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,000 playing Animal Crossing. And like, all the Youtubers that 69 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,760 I follow are playing it and, like, just kind of seeing 70 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,560 everybody like this resurgence of the Animal Crossing 71 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,080 community. Yeah. 72 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:43,840 It's fun, I love it. I love it. 73 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,640 I know it was fun. I I remember like visiting other 74 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,840 people's islands and stuff at that time and it was like 75 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,960 perfect for Covad times and everything. 76 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,880 It was. So what are the updates? 77 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,720 There are, yeah, some major ones. 78 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,560 Like the biggest thing about it is that they released like a 79 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,720 hotel. And so basically it the hotel is 80 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:05,840 on your island and you can like decorate different rooms in the 81 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,560 hotel. They released like a lot of new 82 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,120 items with this hotel and like just the update in general. 83 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:16,800 There's like there's actually some breath of the wild like 84 00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:20,399 Zelda inspired villagers and like items you can get. 85 00:04:20,399 --> 00:04:22,320 I don't even have them yet. I think you have to get like 86 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,320 Amiibo for it. There's some like quality of 87 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,600 life updates with it that's really nice. 88 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:33,720 Like crafting is a lot easier because you can like mass craft 89 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,080 things, you know, like, instead of just like crafting one at a 90 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,000 time, you're like, I want ten of these, you know? 91 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:40,920 Nice. That makes it more efficient. 92 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:44,760 Or for you at least. Yeah, that's awesome. 93 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:45,920 Stuff like that. So. 94 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:50,280 Yeah, Oh my gosh, I forgot what my microfixation was. 95 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,320 I mean, if I'm going to be genuine and honest, my 96 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,920 microfixation has been on Minneapolis and what's going on 97 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,360 there right now. That is fair. 98 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:07,200 And we've talked about this before and I am just having, I 99 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,760 guess, a really hard time with it. 100 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,760 And I'm not trying to get like too into the weeds with this, 101 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:18,640 but I am confused and I'm sad and I'm angry and I feel 102 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,880 helpless and hopeless in a lot of ways. 103 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,600 Yeah. So not to bring it down. 104 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,400 I'm sorry. It's just like I just. 105 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,280 Feel like I'm like so silly over here talking about Animal 106 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:31,520 Crossing. Well, I can I'm. 107 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:35,120 With you, no, it's OK. OK, I, like I said, I was like, 108 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,760 I wasn't going to bring it up. And then I was like, but 109 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,760 genuinely, this has been my hyper fixation of the week of 110 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,040 just like, and which is not a good thing 'cause I've been 111 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,320 doomed scrolling and everything, which I don't recommend. 112 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:53,240 But I just want to say that regardless of political beliefs 113 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:57,920 that you have, nobody deserves to die in such ways. 114 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:03,240 And I'm, I, my company that I work for is actually based out 115 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,640 of Minneapolis. So I'm there quite a bit. 116 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,720 Well, not quite a bit, but you know, I'm there. 117 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:11,240 I've been there often in the last few years that I've been 118 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:15,400 there and it's like a second not home, but I have my friend that 119 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,480 lives there and everything. So it just feels a very. 120 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,520 It's like a sister city or something. 121 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,360 Yeah, yeah, that's a good way to put it. 122 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,040 Yeah. Like a sister city for me. 123 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:27,120 Minneapolis and Madison too, like just in general, are sister 124 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,000 cities too because of the schools and everything I feel. 125 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,960 Yeah, like a lot of people. That don't go to school here 126 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,480 will go to Minneapolis. Yes, Yep, a lot of 127 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,960 Wisconsinites. Yeah, over to Minnesota. 128 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,880 And yeah, my heart's just with everybody. 129 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:45,080 And I hope that we can just try to find some of our empathy and 130 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:50,720 humanity again in all of this. And that's my genuine topic. 131 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,520 And I'm also playing Balter's Gate again. 132 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,680 That's fine. Yeah, I picked it up again 133 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,920 because I need something to distract myself. 134 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:05,120 And when this comes out, like, this will be old news because 135 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,240 the news just moves so quickly. But yeah, I don't know what else 136 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:11,240 to say about it really, other than like, that's how Aaron and 137 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:15,880 I feel is just, we're angry about it, scared for the state 138 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,480 of the country. But Balter's game is fun. 139 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,400 I feel like it's like, is it good to break the tension with 140 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,960 that or is it bad to break the tension? 141 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,600 I don't know what your main topics going to be, it could be 142 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,160 serious, could be silly, but we got to transition somehow I 143 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:33,800 guess. I know I didn't give you any 144 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:39,800 clues because I have a hard time deciding and didn't know what 145 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:46,040 the time, but this episode comes out a few days before 146 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,560 Valentine's Day. That was going to be my guess. 147 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,600 This is it's going to be something Valentine's related. 148 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,560 Really OK, because I was looking. 149 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,960 At the calendar. I know I was like, I had like 3 150 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,240 different topics in mind and then I was like, I have like 151 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:02,000 half research on like three or four different things right now 152 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,720 because I just don't know what mood I'm going to be in or like 153 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,920 what makes sense. And so then when I was like, 154 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:11,120 well, this one is going to come out closer to Valentine's Day. 155 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:15,680 Like I could do like the history of Valentine's Day, but I wanted 156 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:21,040 to change it up a little bit and I was hyper fixated on this at 157 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,440 one time. So again, it just felt genuine. 158 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,080 Can I give guesses or anything? Yeah, yeah, give. 159 00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:30,400 Me can I be love languages? Yeah. 160 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:33,640 It is all right. Nice. 161 00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:35,480 See, you're a freaking detective. 162 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,960 You know, every time I'm like, I have no clue. 163 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,320 It could be anything. I don't. 164 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,520 Know, I don't think I've known every time, but well. 165 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,240 You get. At least close. 166 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:46,720 Yeah, you. Get very funny yes so love 167 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:50,800 languages is my. Sister will be so excited about 168 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:55,480 this episode. Sorry in advance for some of the 169 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:58,480 myth busting I'm going to be doing or I. 170 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,240 Don't believe in it. Like, well, I don't want to be 171 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,520 all rude, but yeah. We'll get into it, don't worry. 172 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,720 I feel the same way. But how long have you and Dwight 173 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:12,840 been together now? We have been together for like 174 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,560 10 1/2 years. OK. 175 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,000 Yeah, Yeah. Is that right? 176 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:21,760 11 years, something like that. PJ and I, it's, it's basically 177 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,520 about three years at this point or three years. 13 years, I'm 178 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:30,880 like, yeah, three, that makes sense. 13 years we're going on 179 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,640 officially, like when we started officially dating was probably 180 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:38,120 it's like 12 1/2. So basically around then I just 181 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:42,560 remembered like this coming up a lot around that time and we 182 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:45,840 talked about it and everything and like I had him do the test 183 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,960 and all that. But did you and have you and 184 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:52,960 Dwight ever taken the love languages? 185 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,520 Like I think we have, I know I for sure have, yeah. 186 00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:00,680 And I feel like similarly, like, you know, similar time period 187 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,560 and everything. Like I feel like maybe towards 188 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:05,440 the beginning of the relationship, either he did take 189 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,640 it or I've just kind of thought about like what his love 190 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,880 languages would be and all that, you know what I mean? 191 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,880 Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. You've been with somebody for 192 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,680 long enough. It's like, OK, I realize it's 193 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:17,760 this and this. Yeah. 194 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:22,480 So do you remember what the five love languages are? 195 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,720 Yes. OK, So there's gift giving, 196 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:32,160 there's physical touch, there's acts of service, quality time, 197 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:38,840 and words of affirmation. Nice good memory. 198 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:41,320 Thank you. Yes, that's spot on. 199 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:46,800 So the concept was introduced in 1992 by Doctor Gary Chapman. 200 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:52,760 He was a Baptist pastor turned marriage counselor and he wrote 201 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:56,200 this book based on his experience with with couples. 202 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:59,960 So his book was called The Five Love Languages, The Secret to 203 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,080 Love That Lasts. Yeah. 204 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,040 So words of affirmation, access service, receiving gifts, 205 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:10,600 quality time, physical touch. Basically it's like, how do I as 206 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,720 a partner to somebody else? How do I show them that I love 207 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:16,800 them? There may be a little bit of 208 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,920 everything, but technically Doctor Gary Chapman said that 209 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,520 technically there's like a primary and a secondary, so it's 210 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,560 like really only two. I feel like I've evolved in from 211 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,680 one thing to another to another, so I don't know for sure what 212 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,800 mine are anymore. I feel like just personal 213 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,520 opinion real quick is like, yeah, you know, when I was first 214 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:40,880 introduced to this idea and kind of took the quiz and like, 215 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,080 thought about it for myself and everything like that. 216 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:47,640 Like I definitely had the ones, you know, that in my head were 217 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,920 true for me. Like this is how I feel loved 218 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,280 because that's it too. It's not just like how you show 219 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,000 love, but it's how you feel loved. 220 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:59,280 And then I feel like if you like think about those things too 221 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:03,320 much, I feel like you're forgetting about some of the 222 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:07,560 other aspects and you kind of need all of them to paint a full 223 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,280 picture, if that makes sense. And so I feel like if you go, 224 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,080 well, I don't need this thing at all. 225 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,080 So like I don't need gift giving. 226 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,680 That was, this is kind of my personal thing is like when I 227 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,800 first took this test, it was like, I don't need gift giving 228 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,800 at all. I don't feel loved that way. 229 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,920 And then you tell people that over and over and over again. 230 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,040 And then finally you're just like. 231 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:27,200 But I mean, maybe. Sometimes I want a gift. 232 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,240 Yes. I put in my notes. 233 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,920 I was like, but I kind of like all of these things, yeah. 234 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,160 You know, Important in their own ways, you know? 235 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,800 They they are. I think at the time when I took 236 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:43,080 it way back, you know, like I said, like maybe 20/14/15 ish. 237 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:51,160 I'm pretty sure I did physical touch and words of affirmation 238 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:55,200 and I'm not sure if I would say that those are mine today, to be 239 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,840 honest. You know, you know how like the 240 00:12:56,840 --> 00:13:00,120 Enneagram, we talked about it, that doesn't change. 241 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:03,480 Like that's foundational, what your motivations are and 242 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:08,560 whatever this I feel like I kind of am like this has to change or 243 00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,880 ebb and flow and sometimes like you need a little bit of it all. 244 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:15,920 So like, but basically so he kind of came up with these five. 245 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,760 So words of affirmation means. I know it's kind of 246 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,880 self-explanatory, but just want to make sure. 247 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:24,840 To go over it, yeah. Words of affirmation so showing 248 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,880 love through verbal appreciation, compliments, and 249 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,320 encouragement. Quality time is showing love by 250 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:34,360 giving undivided attention, engaging and meaningful 251 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,800 conversations, and participating in various activities together. 252 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:41,200 Gift giving is showing love through thoughtful and 253 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,160 meaningful gifts that symbolize appreciation and affection. 254 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,920 Acts of service is showing love by performing various tasks that 255 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:50,360 are helpful and ease the partner's burdens. 256 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,280 And then the last so physical touch is showing love through 257 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,960 physical gestures like hugging, kissing, holding hands, you 258 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,400 know, that kind of thing. Not just alone, but also 259 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,200 sometimes around others as part of that. 260 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,080 But according to his theory, each person has the one primary 261 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,040 and the 1 secondary love language. 262 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:13,520 And he theorized that people tend to naturally give love in 263 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,280 the way that they prefer to receive it. 264 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:20,400 And the point of that, like to your point, this is like the 265 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:24,520 point of the book was saying that it's, it's better to figure 266 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:30,160 out what each person in the in the relationship is and not do 267 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:34,360 what you want, but do what they want, if that makes sense. 268 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,920 No, it does make sense. Just to like clarify, I guess 269 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,680 this is really I never read the book. 270 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,360 My sister definitely did and explained it all to me. 271 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,320 Like all my knowledge. My sister just told me all this. 272 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,880 She could have she could have been the host of this episode. 273 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,560 We. Should have her on. 274 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:56,920 But anyways, and I think that that theory is just like a 275 00:14:56,920 --> 00:15:00,720 really good starting point for this type of conversation and 276 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,800 similar to when we talked about the MBTI. 277 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,720 By the way, if you are new here, haven't listened to those 278 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:09,320 episodes, we have an entire episode about MBTI and 279 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,640 Enneagram. Go check them out. 280 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,920 MBTI was our first episode too so. 281 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,280 So Aaron and I are very interested in like personality 282 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:19,480 and. All that psychology. 283 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:23,080 I think that that idea is just like a really good starting 284 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,640 point. And if you're having issues in a 285 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,800 relationship, it is a good conversation starter of being 286 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,760 like, hey, like like if somebody's not feeling loved in 287 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,960 the relationship and the other person is confused because 288 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,320 they're like, what do you mean? I'm showing you love in these 289 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,960 ways. And then the person on the 290 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,640 receiving end is just like, oh, well, I don't feel loved in that 291 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,120 way. Like I wouldn't have even seen, 292 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,280 you know, that as a form of you showing love. 293 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,000 I don't know. It's just like a good way to 294 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,200 have those conversations. Totally. 295 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:54,000 So really I was going to give an example. 296 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:58,320 So if like, you know, partner number one, their love language 297 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:02,720 is access service, they may be confused when they do laundry 298 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:07,320 and put the laundry away that their partner #2 does not like. 299 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,480 Oh my gosh, thank you so much. And just like really, really 300 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:15,440 received that as an act of love, viewing it maybe more simply as 301 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,240 just performing household duties, which is which is fair 302 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:24,200 because the partner #2 maybe prefers the love language of 303 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:29,120 words of affirmation. And they may try to use that for 304 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,960 to them that words of affirmation to express their 305 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:36,320 love. But the partner #1 will not 306 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,920 value that as much as the spouse. 307 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,360 I feel like this is just like far more confusing. 308 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,240 It's just if you understand each other's love languages, you know 309 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:47,920 how you give and you know or you know what you want to give based 310 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,760 on what they prefer and you know what you want to receive based 311 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,240 on what you prefer. And it's usually different 312 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:58,080 things. So I know 1 of PJS is quality 313 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:02,600 time and he does not like it if I'm on my phone when we're 314 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:06,040 watching something because he wants to watch it together. 315 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:10,119 And I've worked on that. One of mine is physical touch. 316 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,880 I well, again, I'm not sure if it's like as strong as it was 317 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,520 when it, when I first did this, but he's not a physical touch 318 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:21,359 person. But he'll still know when I need 319 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:24,119 a hug or when I need to just like, hold his hand for a bit. 320 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:29,800 And even though that's not something he prefers, he will do 321 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,160 it because he knows that that's what I like, you know? 322 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,040 Yeah, and that's super important. 323 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,240 And I'm happy to hear, you know, like that he recognizes that and 324 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:40,680 and like that you recognize that quality time is his because, you 325 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,160 know, then you can practice the phone stuff. 326 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:46,760 Like that's really why this is like a good conversation 327 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:47,800 starter. Again, I don't know. 328 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,320 Totally. What were your love languages, 329 00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,760 you and Dwight's do you remember? 330 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,160 Or what would you say now, I guess. 331 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:58,200 Yeah, good question. So I know words of affirmation 332 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,320 is definitely a big one for me. I don't remember exactly what my 333 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,800 test results said or anything like that. 334 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,120 I just know that that that's true for me. 335 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:10,520 Yeah. Like I need, I need you to tell 336 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,960 me 50 times a day that you love me and think that I'm amazing or 337 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,600 I'm not going to believe it. OK. 338 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,320 So it's you know what? I mean, yeah. 339 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:24,120 So it's in that way. Would you consider telling your 340 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:28,520 partner, Oh my gosh, you look very hot or that sure looks 341 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:29,800 great? Do you think that that's words 342 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,760 of affirmation or? Yeah, OK. 343 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:34,160 I think that counts and OK, yeah. 344 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,920 So like I need to be with somebody that's going to do 345 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,240 that. And fortunately, thank you 346 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:43,360 honey, to like he is very good at that type of stuff of just 347 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:45,560 like constantly lifting me up in that way. 348 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:50,440 I would figured he would be. Both of our guys would be pretty 349 00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:55,000 receptive of this stuff. Yeah, I'm trying to think of 350 00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:59,240 like what a secondary 1 was maybe like I feel like it's like 351 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,360 AI don't know, maybe quality time trying to remember. 352 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,960 I don't know because yeah, like the rest of them all almost feel 353 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:09,160 slightly tied. I know that in the past gifts 354 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,080 was definitely not one and I would say like that is almost my 355 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,960 bottom. But like I said, I don't want to 356 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,040 like, get rid of it. Like if you if somebody, and 357 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,440 this doesn't always have to be romantic, I guess I want to say 358 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,600 like, this can be like amongst friends or like family members 359 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,200 and everything too, you know what I mean? 360 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,880 But like, if somebody does have like, a thoughtful gift for you, 361 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:32,560 like, yeah, that I feel loved. From that, yeah. 362 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,360 And then I would say for a Dwight, like definitely physical 363 00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:40,560 touch would be the biggest 1. And I I feel like he does 364 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,680 appreciate acts of service as well. 365 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,880 OK. Yeah, I think that even though I 366 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:51,200 think physical touch would still be like my #3 probably, but I 367 00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:56,840 would say acts of service. See, it's hard because anytime 368 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:00,920 PJ gives me a compliment, I'm like, you know, really, yeah, I 369 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,920 can't take it. I can't take it, but I like 370 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,280 hearing it. I don't know, that makes no 371 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,440 sense. I realize that we just had this 372 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,480 conversation where he's like, what can I say? 373 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,680 And I'm like, I don't know. I just can't. 374 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,400 I just can't accept it for some reason. 375 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,720 But I enjoy it at the same time. So that makes not a ton of 376 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,320 sense. But I guess access service and 377 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,880 probably quality time, but in the sense of just like, yes, I 378 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:30,720 may be on my phone. But I can multitask and I'm 379 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,560 working. On it, So you're saying that's a 380 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,880 secondary for you is quality time, OK. 381 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,600 I would say yeah, because I do, yeah, I do prefer like even if 382 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,640 he's just like playing video games, I'll and we have a, his 383 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,320 office is downstairs and we have a TV in there. 384 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,680 So he's playing video games. I'll just like come down there 385 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,600 and watch whatever show I'm watching at the time. 386 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,320 And even that's like we don't have to be talking or walk 387 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,400 watching the same thing necessarily for my quality time. 388 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,600 It's just like I want to be around you, you know? 389 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,000 No, like if you have a person that you can literally just like 390 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,680 be in the same room with and it feels like you're alone, I feel 391 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,640 like that's the ultimate honor. You know. 392 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:10,720 What I mean? Yes, totally. 393 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:16,480 And I'm an Aquarius, which we are very we like our alone time 394 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:19,000 and and like just kind of some space. 395 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,640 And we do have that too. Peter and I, even though we both 396 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,680 work from home and we have for the less almost six years. 397 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,560 You think that we get sick of each other and there are days, 398 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:32,920 but but like I still need he and he'd like just for some reason, 399 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,280 after all this time, like recognizes that that I need my 400 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:39,000 alone time at the same time, but yet at the same time, quality 401 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,920 time is important to me too. I don't know. 402 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,480 Like I said, this is all just like. 403 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:47,000 Yeah, I think we're going to get to that, you know, with like the 404 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,480 myth busting and everything like that. 405 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:53,080 And nobody is just going to have just one, because they're all, 406 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,120 they're all needed. Yeah, I think so. 407 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:59,600 And yeah, like you mentioned there, it may be the ones lowest 408 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,680 on the list, but it doesn't mean that every once in a while you 409 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:07,080 don't want that or something. So this framework has become 410 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,800 very popular and easy to share and it got pretty popular around 411 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:15,440 2010 and 2013 ish. Again, the book was published in 412 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:22,320 1992, but in 2013 Oprah Winfrey endorsed it and kind of that 413 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,240 made it take off. The book itself that he wrote, 414 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:30,760 Doctor Chapman is has sold over 20 million copies and has been 415 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:35,400 translated into 50 languages. In terms of the timing, this was 416 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:40,080 also around the time of like the rise of dating apps too. 417 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,800 And social media became, you know, pretty, I mean, it was 418 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,200 there, but it just became more of a thing I feel like. 419 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:50,080 And even like with the hashtag love language or love languages, 420 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:54,920 there's like over 2 billion views by 2022 with that hashtag 421 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:59,360 on social media platforms. So it it like took off 422 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:03,400 essentially even years after it was published. 423 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:08,440 You could definitely see like on dating profiles like people 424 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:12,320 listing that as one of their attributes or something like for 425 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:15,400 sure love languages, acts of service. 426 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:17,160 Yes. I don't know. 427 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,360 Yeah, for sure. I feel like, I mean, again, it's 428 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:21,320 like it's a it's a starting point, I think. 429 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,520 So despite the popularity of this book, Chapman's credentials 430 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:28,960 and viewpoints have faced some scrutiny over the years. 431 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:33,440 For example, his doctorate is in adult education, not like a 432 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:38,920 psychotherapy view. And he's a pastor as well, which 433 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:46,840 led him to make these theories based on heteronormative couples 434 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,120 as well. So that's part of the 435 00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,560 controversy to those perspectives from a 436 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:56,680 heteronormative couple and works exclusively with heterosexual 437 00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,760 couples. I do have a question, yeah. 438 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,600 And I don't know if you'll know the answer or not, but like, is 439 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,600 his book really coming at it from, like a scientific 440 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,360 perspective? And like, we did these studies 441 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:11,720 and blah, blah, blah. It's just like, OK, so it's more 442 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,320 written. Aaron's shaking her head no. 443 00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,040 Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I forget. 444 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:19,880 I forget it's an audio. Platform sometimes, but anyway, 445 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,960 so it's more so it's just like. His observations, observations, 446 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,240 yeah, yeah, cuz he was a pastor turned marriage counselor. 447 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:33,080 So this is like the themes that he saw over his time in his 448 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,120 profession. But again, like there's that's 449 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:38,400 like a very, it's probably a white, again, heterosexual 450 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,680 couples. So it's it's not all inclusive. 451 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,000 And when asked about same sex couples, he said I don't deal 452 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,680 with all that. Oh, OK. 453 00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:49,440 So. The one thing I was just going 454 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:54,120 to say is like, in terms of that regard, like, yeah, 455 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:58,560 controversial, like, OK, gross. But what I was going to say is, 456 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:02,240 like, it reminds me of the seven wonders of the world that we 457 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,160 were talking about, where it's like, you have this idea and you 458 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,080 want to share this idea. And then you just like, don't 459 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,240 realize how big it's going to be and that people are going to 460 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,440 treat this like a science even though it wasn't ever supposed 461 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,400 to be like a science, You know what I mean? 462 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,360 Yeah, totally. No, that's a good comparison for 463 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,640 sure. I feel like the audacity of 464 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:24,480 white men in general. Sorry, I'll take that out, but. 465 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,080 Why not? Or keep it. 466 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:31,760 OK, so whether intentionally or not, he has developed a 467 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:35,440 framework that is typically gender specific. 468 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:38,240 The book has received approval from many therapists though, 469 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,280 though some express some reservations. 470 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:46,640 For example, Lisa Bobby, a psycho psychologist. 471 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:52,200 Psychologist, psychologist and clinical director of Growing 472 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,960 Self Counseling and the Coaching in Denver notes that much 473 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,040 relationship advice has become more inclusive since the 474 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:02,520 publishing of this book. So we've, we've evolved, we've, 475 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:04,240 we've gotten better. And I think that that's 476 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:06,160 important. Also, it just reminded me of 477 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:10,600 like when we talked about with the POTS episode with Katie, how 478 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,680 the research isn't out there because it's like these 479 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:18,240 minorities, women that are the main people or these might, in 480 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:22,080 this example, minority. Maybe they're not even minority 481 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:25,880 anymore, but just like homosexual couples, you know? 482 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,640 I don't know what you're getting at right now. 483 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,080 OK, I'm a little lost. In that I just mean like it it, 484 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,720 it evolved over time. Like we're just learning about 485 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:39,840 this stuff recently by including more than one demographic. 486 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:44,400 And what are we learning about? Like what, what the what 487 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:47,640 relationships mean and like what are the important things of it 488 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,040 and whatnot. OK, yeah, sorry, I feel I'm 489 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,480 going to take this out. No, I'm just like, I just got a 490 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,840 little lost. There no, I just meant like it 491 00:26:55,840 --> 00:27:01,240 reminded me of just research is done primarily in general across 492 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:08,280 studies and like subjects and whatnot with like white. 493 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:09,840 Got you. OK. 494 00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,560 Yeah. And so I think that now she said 495 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:15,760 that we've been evolving from this. 496 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:18,920 But you know, based on his book initially. 497 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:23,800 I guess I would be really curious like are there studies 498 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:27,240 that have been done since this book came out on the love 499 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,720 languages? Like people actually did the 500 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,880 science now? Yes, yes, we will get there 501 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:36,200 because one of the other criticisms is that it's not 502 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:38,560 strongly backed by research. Yeah. 503 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,440 So really actually research hasn't shown that this approach 504 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:46,200 actually helps relationships in a proven way necessarily. 505 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,960 It's just some limited scientific evidence supporting 506 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,520 the effectiveness overall. And again, his model was built 507 00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:57,480 on his own observations, not multiple variables and things to 508 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:02,160 to find a common I guess. But anyway, there's little 509 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,480 evidence that matching partners by their love language leads to 510 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,840 a better relationship satisfaction. 511 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:12,720 So just cuz you match love languages does not mean that 512 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,240 that relationship will be successful necessarily. 513 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:19,920 It might be I feel like. I mean, I feel like his theory 514 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,880 wasn't necessary that you have to like be with somebody that 515 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:25,000 has the same live languages as you. 516 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:29,840 It's more so that you're just like trying to accommodate your 517 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,480 partner's love language. But I and I think at the time 518 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:36,960 when it got popular, it was like, what's your love language? 519 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:40,080 And I think people did really think that you had to be the 520 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:41,840 same. Yeah, that makes sense. 521 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:43,560 Like. I said with the dating profile 522 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:44,400 like. Yes. 523 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,680 I'm Tiffany and my love language is. 524 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,360 Yeah, yeah, totally. No. 525 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:55,200 And I, yeah, I think that that's where it comes from is like just 526 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,480 you shouldn't, if you're on the dating profile, you shouldn't be 527 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:00,680 like, oh, their love language is just like mine. 528 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:02,320 So that means we're going to be great together. 529 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:04,680 It's that's not, that's not necessary. 530 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:07,480 It could happen, but it's not necessarily like it's going to 531 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,360 happen for sure. Human emotional needs are more 532 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,680 complex than 5 little categories, essentially. 533 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,640 All of this sounds good in theory, but one thing that I was 534 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:20,640 kind of curious about when researching this topic was have 535 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,400 you ever felt. We kind of talked about this, 536 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,360 but have you ever felt really loved even when someone wasn't 537 00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:29,080 doing your love language on paper? 538 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,680 You know, let me get. Fonder for a second, you know. 539 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,600 Yeah. It's hard because I feel like 540 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:40,640 I've known about this idea for so long at this point that I was 541 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,920 because I I've known about the love languages longer than I've 542 00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:45,600 been with Dwight. Yeah. 543 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:49,080 OK. And so it's just like, hard 544 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:53,120 because I feel like in my entire dating life, I knew about this 545 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:54,920 concept. That's true, yeah. 546 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:59,760 So I'm trying to like think of an example of like somebody 547 00:29:59,960 --> 00:30:04,360 loving me in a way that was different than what I want to. 548 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:09,600 I don't know, I guess I just feel like I can recognize if 549 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:13,400 somebody's doing something because they want to show me 550 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:15,320 that they love me. Do you know what I mean? 551 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:17,600 Yeah. Like whether you can see that 552 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:23,640 it's important to them, which makes it very like, OK, that's, 553 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:24,760 that's awesome that they did that. 554 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,520 I think you can recognize that as you get older at least. 555 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:31,600 So like, I guess in the past, I probably wouldn't have thought 556 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:35,760 of like acts of service as a big one for me, but I feel like I 557 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,080 totally can understand when somebody's like doing something 558 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,520 to help you out. Like that's amazing, you know 559 00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:43,720 what I mean? And like, wow, I do feel so 560 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:46,240 loved for that. And I think Dwight's very good 561 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,400 at that as well. And I'm even thinking, like I 562 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,400 said, outside of romantic relationships, people can do 563 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,040 these things, and it makes you feel loved. 564 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:56,320 And so like, I'm thinking of, like, my dad cleaning off the 565 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,080 snow of my car or something, like in high school, you know 566 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,160 what I mean? And it's like, oh, thank you. 567 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,920 Like, that you wouldn't do that for somebody that you don't 568 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:05,880 love. You know what I mean? 569 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:06,840 Yeah. Totally. 570 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:08,920 Yeah, I think that's a good example, honestly. 571 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,640 It doesn't mean that you appreciate it any less. 572 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,840 You just know that that's how they're expressing it, you know? 573 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,440 Do you have any examples that you can think of like that? 574 00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:24,320 Honestly, gift giving is a big one and I would say that when 575 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:29,960 somebody gives me a sentimental gift, that's just like, how the 576 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,000 hell did they know that this is something I would enjoy? 577 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:36,480 My mom's really good at it. A couple of my sisters are 578 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,680 really good at it. I am bad at it. 579 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,880 So I'm, I don't know why, but I've just never been good at 580 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,880 gift giving. It just stresses me out. 581 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,040 Actually, I do know why, but that's a whole nother story. 582 00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,600 I'm curious. I think it's because I don't 583 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:53,400 like wasting things and I want to get you something that you're 584 00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:55,680 going to use, and I want to be sure of that. 585 00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:57,880 Does that make sense? Instead of just being like, I 586 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,800 think they would like this, even though that might be more 587 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,720 sentimental to some people, I would rather know that it's not 588 00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:06,560 something that's going to go to waste and that they actually 589 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,680 need it or like it or want it, you know? 590 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:13,920 So my mom's really good at that and I recognize it in the sense 591 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,880 of like, it's not as important to me necessarily. 592 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,720 Again, it feels great to get a gift, but like when it's 593 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:24,680 sentimental one where you're like, wow, that I'm just like, 594 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:27,160 she's really, you know, showing that to me. 595 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:30,240 So I think that's the first thing I would think of gift 596 00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,120 giving. It's a good one. 597 00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:34,800 And then I think, you know, there's also on the flip side, 598 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,720 if you've shown love and it just didn't translate the way that 599 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,560 you hoped necessarily to other people. 600 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,440 But we don't. We don't have to go through 601 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:46,200 examples. OK can I actually give a juicy 602 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,080 example here of something really quick? 603 00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:53,920 So I have an ex that really liked to do gift giving. 604 00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:58,680 And This is why I specifically was like, no, gift giving's not 605 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:02,000 my love language because he would get me, like, he would 606 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,600 send me like, flowers or something. 607 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:08,200 And then I just didn't really care about it that much. 608 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:10,800 Like I, I kind of, you know, it's like, oh, that's a nice 609 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:12,640 gesture, but like, that's pretty at the end of the day. 610 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:14,600 Like, that's my reaction. Like, oh, thank you. 611 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:16,880 You know, yeah. Yeah, and. 612 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:21,400 He wanted me to be like, oh, my God, thank you so much. 613 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,320 Like, I just love it. I'm crying. 614 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,080 I love these flowers. You know what I mean? 615 00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:25,560 Yeah. Like. 616 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:29,360 That on social media, that's a good boyfriend or whatever. 617 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:30,760 Yeah. And so he would get really 618 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:34,000 frustrated that I didn't have like a bigger reaction, you 619 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:34,880 know? Yeah. 620 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:37,960 And then that makes sense. Pretty much is why I was like, 621 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,400 oh, no, like I don't like if giving. 622 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,200 And then I also was like, I don't want flowers. 623 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:46,560 Like I don't like flowers. And then after a while I was 624 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,800 like, well, sometimes I want flowers. 625 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:52,800 I know what you mean. I know. 626 00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:55,600 I definitely know what you mean. It's like it's not that 627 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,400 important, but also it's like it's nice to be thought about 628 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:03,320 outside of I don't know. So what relationship science 629 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:07,320 shows matters more essentially is what I then looked into. 630 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:11,080 So this is more research based and specifically with a 631 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:15,920 research, sorry, a relationship scientist, Doctor John Gottman, 632 00:34:16,199 --> 00:34:19,440 he came to the conclusion based on against, you know, scientific 633 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:23,920 research, that small bids for connection are what counts the 634 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:25,800 most. So healthy couples respond to 635 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:28,400 the little attempts that their partners make to connect 636 00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,400 throughout the day, like sharing a funny moment or opening up 637 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,840 about something personal. I would agree with that. 638 00:34:35,639 --> 00:34:40,080 Yes, this actually was like a big TikTok trend for a little 639 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:41,280 bit recently. Was it? 640 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,360 OK, Yeah. The bid theory, yeah. 641 00:34:43,639 --> 00:34:46,360 OK. And people would like, so 642 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:50,280 basically somebody would like record, you know, their partner 643 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,840 unexpectedly. And then they would just be 644 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:56,800 like, it got transitioned from the bid theory to be calling to 645 00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,640 be called the bird theory if it was like an accident. 646 00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:02,880 And This is why, because basically people would be like, 647 00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:06,400 oh, like I saw the craziest bird today. 648 00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:09,720 And then you need to get a reaction out of your partner. 649 00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:12,680 And like their reaction basically says like how much 650 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,360 they love you. Because it's like if they're 651 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,400 just go like, OK. And they're just like on their 652 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,920 phone, like that person doesn't love you, you know what I mean? 653 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:24,080 And everyone in the comments would be like, break up with him 654 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:26,120 or something, you know what I mean? 655 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:29,160 But like, I didn't really see that much, but usually what I 656 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:33,360 saw was like the partner being like, really like, what do they 657 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:35,160 look like? You know, like being really 658 00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:38,560 interested in what the person was saying and like, that's like 659 00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:40,800 a sign of connection essentially. 660 00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:42,920 But also, like, if birds aren't your thing, it's going to be 661 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,280 like, oh cool, glad you saw that. 662 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,520 You know, I don't think it was always like the bird. 663 00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,120 It just kind of evolved because I think people like, started 664 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:54,000 misreading, misreading it. That's so funny, I didn't know 665 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,360 that. Gosh, you're so good at like, 666 00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:58,040 TikTok. Good at it or addicted to 667 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,720 TikTok? Who knows, It's been better, 668 00:36:01,720 --> 00:36:03,600 don't worry. There are worse things. 669 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:07,040 OK, so the other thing that he found Doctor John Gottman is 670 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,760 that positive interactions outweigh the negative. 671 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:15,480 So basically you have to make sure or he suggests that for 672 00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:20,680 everyone negative interaction with your partner, there should 673 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,720 be 5 positive ones. So you're in them. 674 00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,800 They don't. They don't like cancel each 675 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:29,280 other out necessarily. So you're supposed to like, 676 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:33,560 measure that. I mean, it's, it's what he said 677 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,440 that stable relationships tend to have more positive moments 678 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,880 than negative ones in general. So I'm not saying it's like you 679 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:44,560 have to be like, I'm going to tick this tick, you know, But 680 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:48,080 it's like if you start noticing that you've had more negative 681 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:53,080 reactions or, you know, interactions, I should say, and 682 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:56,720 it becomes like pretty apparent, then that's maybe not the best 683 00:36:56,720 --> 00:37:00,120 relationship. You know, I don't know, PJ and I 684 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:04,320 don't really like yell at each other fight necessarily. 685 00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:10,800 We get mad at each other and like get frustrated and probably 686 00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:14,000 say things that we don't necessarily mean, but like we've 687 00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:18,440 never been ones to be like, and this is no judgement. 688 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:24,480 This is just him and I, but just being like yelling or any sort 689 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,920 of like like blame. I think too, it's like we we 690 00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:30,600 both come to the table with trying to understand the other 691 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,400 person's perspective. I'm not saying my relationship 692 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,760 is perfect by any of this, just so you know, but I just mean 693 00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:39,960 like I think that you would notice if there's more negative 694 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,880 than positive. Yeah, do. 695 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:47,240 You have anything about that? No, like I think it just sounds 696 00:37:47,240 --> 00:37:50,200 like, you know, that's what good communication is. 697 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,000 And I would agree for my relationship as well. 698 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:55,120 Like yelling is not good communication. 699 00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,320 OK, yeah, no, it's true. Yeah. 700 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:02,720 And then how couples handle conflict is also a key part of 701 00:38:02,720 --> 00:38:05,680 relationship. So again, no relationship is 702 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,720 perfect. But couples who stay together 703 00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:09,840 tend to repair after disagreement. 704 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:13,320 So recognizing when things are tense and using small gestures 705 00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,520 or words that calm that conflict. 706 00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:19,160 So it could be somebody maybe breaking the tension a little 707 00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:21,560 bit with like humor, because that's just how their 708 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:27,120 relationship works or showing up in a way that is we're going to 709 00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:30,880 get through this together maybe. And you, you know, based on your 710 00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,640 partner, I think in your relationship, what what works 711 00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:36,800 best for you to Like, I'm somebody who can't go to bed 712 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:40,440 angry. Well, I have, but I don't like 713 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,520 to because I will keep spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning in 714 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:48,200 my head, but everything. So how we handle conflict, we 715 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:52,000 know that about each other that like this is how I need to 716 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,920 repair this part before we can move on, you know? 717 00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,000 Does that make sense? I feel like I'm not making 718 00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,560 sense. You're totally making sense. 719 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:05,480 I always feel like, yeah, you do, man. 720 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,760 I just don't really have anything to add. 721 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:12,120 I guess that's okay. So at the same time, so again, 722 00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:15,800 there it's not research based necessarily this five love 723 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,200 languages that came out of the book and everything, but can it 724 00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,480 still be useful to the point that we've been making? 725 00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:25,760 Yes, it can be. And it has some limits though. 726 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:29,760 So thinking in terms of love languages can spark those 727 00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:32,880 conversations about how you and your partner show care. 728 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,320 It might help you notice ways that they are expressing 729 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,160 affection that you hadn't thought about before. 730 00:39:39,240 --> 00:39:43,760 But instead of treating love languages as like a relationship 731 00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:48,560 handbook, it's more helpful to ask questions like, are there 732 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:52,360 ways I show love that my partner doesn't immediately recognize? 733 00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:56,600 Do I really pay attention to how my partner feels valued beyond a 734 00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,320 label? Am I emotionally responsive? 735 00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:01,720 Not just expressive, So just kind of. 736 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,760 To your point of just like it's, it's, it's not a bad thing to 737 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,280 know what, what those things are. 738 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,680 It's just don't put everything on it. 739 00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,000 You know, it's more, it's more than just that. 740 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:16,720 I mean, we're humans. We're complicated. 741 00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:22,000 I'm curious thinking about this like because I feel like at some 742 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:27,040 point I saw maybe a list where they had extra items like more 743 00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:29,520 than just the five. Did this come up for you at all? 744 00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:31,720 No, it didn't. That didn't come up for me. 745 00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:37,320 What did was that Chapman wrote more books around this, but it 746 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:41,760 was like the first or the Five love languages of Children 5 747 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:46,200 Love languages for Singles, 5 Love Languages of Appreciation 748 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:51,080 in the Workspace and the Five Love Languages military military 749 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:54,160 edition so he. Military edition. 750 00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,200 Yeah. OK, what is that? 751 00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:01,560 Strengthen relationships and military families, OK. 752 00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:03,360 So gotcha. Yeah. 753 00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,040 So he came out with more, but I don't. 754 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,480 Yeah, I guess I'm not sure about more. 755 00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,480 Basically, I was just trying to think of like, because what 756 00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:15,480 we're saying here is that love is more complex than just these 757 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:18,680 five things. And I'm, I was trying to think 758 00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:23,600 about, like, do you think that you've ever felt loved from 759 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,840 something that's not on that list? 760 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:27,960 Do you know what I mean? For sure, yeah. 761 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:29,720 And like can you think of an example? 762 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:33,000 No. I know it's like it's a hard on 763 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,760 the spot question. I know. 764 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:40,040 I think one thing to maybe get the ball rolling with that is 765 00:41:40,040 --> 00:41:44,280 like, have you ever heard this? Like to be loved is to be known. 766 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:48,400 So like if somebody shows and I feel like, you know, that could 767 00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,400 be maybe shown through a gift or something like that. 768 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:55,280 Like when somebody truly knows you, like maybe knows your weird 769 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,520 habits that you have that maybe you didn't even realize about 770 00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,840 yourself. Like I feel like that is to be 771 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:04,280 loved, you know what I mean? Yeah, OK. 772 00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,240 I do have an example then. OK, great. 773 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:12,800 I am an extreme empath. I've been doing research on like 774 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:17,280 highly sensitive person as well, especially based on this, these 775 00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:20,720 last well, this last 10 years to be honest. 776 00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:24,800 But one thing that PJ knows is that my battery gets drained 777 00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:29,880 pretty quickly. And so when I come home from a 778 00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,880 long weekend with weather and I have a great time, it's not 779 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,440 saying anything bad about these like people that I'm around. 780 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:41,440 But when I come home and he's like, he's already cleaned the 781 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:44,560 house and then he's like, he knows I like to lay on the 782 00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,440 couch. So like, he'll have the couch 783 00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:49,080 all set up and ready for me because he knows I need to, 784 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:52,800 like, decompress. And just like I I can't do much 785 00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:54,280 else. So it's not, it's not doesn't 786 00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:56,040 necessarily. I guess it's kind of acts of 787 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:59,320 service, would you say? But like, I was like, more 788 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,720 nuanced, like more. Yeah, yeah. 789 00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:05,000 More specific to me. What about you? 790 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:10,240 Do you have one? I would say like if like Dwight 791 00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:16,440 will make sure that I'm like eating because I, I will just 792 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,800 not do it. And it's not necessarily because 793 00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:22,680 I'm like, oh, I forgot. It's like I'm just busy and like 794 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,640 I'm determined to do something else or whatever it is like. 795 00:43:25,720 --> 00:43:29,280 So yeah, he'll just like make sure that I'm fed and hydrated. 796 00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:34,120 Because if I'm not, then one, maybe I'll become super hangry, 797 00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:38,360 but two, I get migraines and so like, yeah, just always on 798 00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,120 migraine alert. So I feel like those are good 799 00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,120 examples of that. Yeah, for sure. 800 00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,600 I think it gets like you get to know your partner that you find 801 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:48,680 like this the specifics of some of these when you were talking 802 00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:50,160 about like are there more than the five? 803 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,080 So I looked it up. So there is some research that 804 00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:57,240 expands on Chapman's idea to include emotional, so like 805 00:43:57,240 --> 00:44:00,880 empathy and support and intellectual sharing ideas 806 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:03,600 style. Yeah, me too. 807 00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:06,760 Along with activity appreciation and financial needs. 808 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:12,000 Love is complicated. So the bottom line? 809 00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:16,320 Love languages are fun and can open a doorway into deeper 810 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:21,840 communication, but they're not a scientifically proven formula 811 00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:25,680 for relationship success. What really matters in these 812 00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:28,680 lasting relationships is how people respond to each other 813 00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:32,000 emotionally, build that trust, communicate and nurture 814 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:35,520 connection day by day. That's it, Happy Valentine's 815 00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:38,560 Day. Happy Valentine's Day. 816 00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,920 Are you guys going to do anything for it, do you think? 817 00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:44,640 We usually never do it. Yeah. 818 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:48,160 Do you guys? And I would say my son's 819 00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:52,120 birthday is like right after Valentine's Day, so I heavily 820 00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:53,920 associate them with each other now. 821 00:44:54,240 --> 00:44:55,960 That makes sense. Yep, Yep. 822 00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,600 You're more preparing for that. I'm sure it's a Hallmark 823 00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:01,840 holiday, but it's also fun. I get it too, you know. 824 00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:05,960 Do you? Want. 825 00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,760 I enjoyed that. I feel like it's on brand for 826 00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:17,400 our podcast and definitely like let us know in the comments if 827 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:21,600 you know your love language or if you feel like this is all 828 00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,360 garbage. I don't. 829 00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,360 Know there's like a balance, like I don't want to poo poo on 830 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:30,560 it, but it's just like, yeah, sure, take it with a grain of 831 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:32,280 salt, you know? It's just interesting to talk 832 00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:33,240 about. Yeah, for. 833 00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:35,440 Sure how I feel about it. Yep, definitely. 834 00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:41,280 And I think just the idea of like the misalignment, I think 835 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:43,840 it's interesting and important for a lot of couples to think 836 00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:47,240 about. Anyways, for next week, I feel 837 00:45:47,240 --> 00:45:55,160 like we just keep being similar. I'm going to still stick with my 838 00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:57,960 topic. I don't really know how to give 839 00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:01,800 a clue for it. I'm going to say that it's going 840 00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:06,960 to be timely, but not about Valentine's Day. 841 00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:11,120 What else happens in February? No. 842 00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:16,840 Leap day, Leap year. Yeah, fun fact, I actually used 843 00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:18,400 to date somebody that was born on. 844 00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:19,920 Oh, really? So they're. 845 00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:22,000 Like they were born on February 29th, Yeah. 846 00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:24,480 Yeah, they're like 10 right now, actually. 847 00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:25,920 No, I'm just kidding. Pretty. 848 00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:30,200 Much, yeah, so that you can look forward to for next week. 849 00:46:30,240 --> 00:46:33,360 But this was a lot of fun. Thank you, Aaron, for informing 850 00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:35,440 us. And again, let us know in the 851 00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:37,840 comments what your love language is. 852 00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:40,240 Let us know something that you want us to talk about on an 853 00:46:40,240 --> 00:46:42,720 episode. What's your hyperfixation? 854 00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:46,440 Let us know, I don't know just how you're getting through these 855 00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,080 dark times that we're living through because we did touch on 856 00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:53,480 that this episode as well. And I think, you know, one thing 857 00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:56,520 that we, sorry, briefly talked about is like, you were not sure 858 00:46:56,520 --> 00:47:00,400 if you could even record today because of how heavy everything 859 00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:04,480 is. And I think everybody just don't 860 00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:08,960 let them take our joy. We need to keep doing the things 861 00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:14,360 that you love and just sitting around and wallowing is not 862 00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:18,400 going to change anything, so don't let them steal your joy. 863 00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:22,920 Yes, like Mr. Rogers says, also find the helpers. 864 00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:25,000 Yeah, look for the. Helpers. 865 00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:27,480 Yeah, look for the helpers. Be a helper. 866 00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:32,120 Yeah, for sure. Anyways, if you can, if you can 867 00:47:32,120 --> 00:47:34,080 in some way, I mean, that could be so many things. 868 00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:36,600 It doesn't mean that you have to be like in Minneapolis to do 869 00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:39,480 anything, but there are ways that you can help support. 870 00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:42,480 Absolutely. Well, anyways, we'll see you 871 00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:45,840 next time. Until then, embrace the spiral. 872 00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:47,480 Stay curious. Bye. 873 00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:53,240 Bye the end. It's hyperfixation time.