1 00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:09,600 Is it anyway anyway. Hello and welcome to whose song 2 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,700 is it anyway? I'm dr. 3 00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,600 Haley Bosher. And for this special season of 4 00:00:13,608 --> 00:00:17,300 the podcast focusing on women in the music industry I'll be your 5 00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:20,800 host. Thank you so much for being on 6 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,600 the hissing, Is It? Anyway, podcast today Imogen 7 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:27,200 it's a pleasure to have you and you're one of the only guests 8 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,600 that we've had on this podcast twice. 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,800 So you're basically a regular now. 10 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:33,900 Okay. Well, I hope this continues for 11 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,300 you this trend. Yeah, so really excited to have 12 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:38,500 you back to talk about sex, slightly different from last 13 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:41,800 time, but just in case, there's anybody listening who doesn't 14 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,500 know you or didn't listen to the previous episode, which I don't 15 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,200 believe that there is. But anyway, just for 16 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,100 completeness. A yeah. 17 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:51,200 Can you fly Please introduce yourself and tell us a little 18 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,000 bit about who you are and what you do. 19 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,900 So my name is Imogen Heap, and depending, how old you are, what 20 00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:58,700 country you're from, what kind of job you're in? 21 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:00,300 You might know me for all kinds of different things. 22 00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:03,000 Some people just know me for one song which is called hide and 23 00:01:03,008 --> 00:01:06,000 seek, and it's a cappella that uses a harmonizer. 24 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,900 So it just hear my voice and it's a very beautiful song and 25 00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:12,500 that's kind of sustained, you know, probably about 20 percent 26 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,400 of my income for the last 20 years. 27 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:15,600 Maybe something like that, maybe not. 28 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,000 That's probably ridiculous. And there's a lot of income from 29 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,100 that one summer got, right? But if you're somebody with a 30 00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:25,400 child and who's had a child under two from six years ago, 31 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,800 then you might know me for the Happy song and you might not 32 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,700 know any other songs but there's a song I wrote called the happy 33 00:01:29,700 --> 00:01:33,300 summer which is probably my second most popular song which 34 00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,300 is a song that makes babies happier. 35 00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:38,200 Scientific equipment and worked with scientists that sounds all 36 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,200 a bit kind of weird and contrived but there's actually a 37 00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:41,800 lovely song and I wrote it intentionally. 38 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,400 So that, you know, parents sued, having a hard time with their 39 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,700 child from personal experience that this is to be able to get 40 00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:49,000 like a couple of minutes of peace. 41 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,400 So I wrote that for that, but I also make technology, I've 42 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,600 developed some gloves over the last 10 to 12 years. 43 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:58,800 We want them to be able to reach inside my computer and not have 44 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:01,400 to kind of hunched over it. And one likes a my voice. 45 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:05,000 So add some kind of Reverb to a piano line or something I can do 46 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,000 or in the flow of the performance. 47 00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:10,000 I've also been working on digital identity system for 48 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,400 Music Makers. So a lot of people have got 49 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,600 chain space. Eight years ago, I heard about 50 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,500 me because I was the first person to really serve piece of 51 00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:19,400 music with a smart contract and most recently in the last Is, 52 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,600 which is one of the investment to you about Helen Lawson was a 53 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,400 Imaging or emerging as the Maricopa. 54 00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:28,500 Hey, I'm Odin and AI is all the way to now and but for years 55 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:31,400 ago, I was like, I need to find a way to simplify my life, and, 56 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,900 to help fans, or journalists or any one kind of be able to 57 00:02:34,900 --> 00:02:39,000 interface with me without me having to be 24/7. 58 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,600 So, that was the initial idea, but now Legends come taken a lot 59 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:45,100 of different terms and soon, mojin will have a voice. 60 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,600 It's much, like mine, you'll be able to sing one. 61 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:51,500 So that would be Coming out soon if it's all in that concern, you 62 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:53,800 release this podcast only so that's going on. 63 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,500 Yeah, I do lots of things basically, but I'm and I also 64 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,900 make music, I make music with a Harry Potter play and I've done 65 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,900 lots of bits and bobs for, you know, whenever I can do any, for 66 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,800 bringing in cash, but ultimately, it's just, I just 67 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,100 love to do what he's crazy projects. 68 00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:10,200 And as recently, I've been diagnosed ADHD and it does kind 69 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,700 of like make a lot more sense about what I've done. 70 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:14,700 The things are done. When Partners have chosen, the 71 00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:17,400 decisions that I've made over life and the speed and the 72 00:03:17,408 --> 00:03:20,500 conviction of which they were done, And then the kind of like 73 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:25,300 lacks attention to it later on and just these huge amount, this 74 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,700 huge projects and huge throats that get started in the in the 75 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:31,000 world of kind of excitement and Hyper focus of these projects in 76 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,900 the earlier. So yeah, it's good to know these 77 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:36,300 things now and I'm excited about, you know, having kind of 78 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,700 being empowered with this knowledge. 79 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:40,400 Really this diagnosis. Yeah, that it is helping me. 80 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,600 It's also, you know, turning my world upside down because what I 81 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,200 thought was again is is now a lot of thing. 82 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:50,100 But also anything that I blamed myself for I now can I blame it 83 00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:53,900 on the ADHD, huh? Well I'm really interested to 84 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,600 talk to you more about this because well, so for context I'm 85 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:02,700 also neuro-diverse, I got my diagnosis long time ago and so I 86 00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:05,300 used the term neuro-diverse because I don't think that the 87 00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:08,600 specific diagnosis is actually, it's not words that we would use 88 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,900 these days. The terminologies have changed. 89 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,600 So at the time it was high-functioning. 90 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,700 Asperger's is that the name of the diagnosis that they gave me 91 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:18,000 but they wouldn't use time like that. 92 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,800 Now, it's not very Inclusive and they don't even use a Spurgeon 93 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,200 anymore. They would just call it autism. 94 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:27,400 But anyway, so when I just for context, because I'm kind of 95 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:30,000 coming at this also from a neurodiverse, protective, I find 96 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,300 it really interesting and as I mentioned that this season is 97 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:36,500 all about inclusivity in the music industry, and it's, that 98 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:39,800 means in all different ways including neuro diversity. 99 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,700 So, can you take me back to before the diagnosis? 100 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:48,000 What was it that made you decide to go down that road and maybe 101 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:51,100 explore whether this This is something that applies to you. 102 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:55,200 Well, as is typical. I kind of always felt there was 103 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,000 something that didn't quite add up, but it's really hard to 104 00:04:58,008 --> 00:05:02,000 explain what it was. There are few things that I just 105 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:06,200 kind of put down to just being bad at things like time key. 106 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:10,700 For example, the time being is the worst one but also a kind of 107 00:05:10,708 --> 00:05:13,100 strange thing that I noticed early on and I actually wrote a 108 00:05:13,108 --> 00:05:15,900 song about it called feeling strange, not my vessel but it 109 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:19,900 was a point where I was really thinking an In version of this. 110 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,200 And the only way I can describe it is that I feel out of time. 111 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,600 I feel like there's a space between where my head is and 112 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:30,200 where the rest of everyone else's time is, and it often 113 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,000 makes it hard to engage in the moment because you're kind of 114 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,500 working hard to feel like you're really there. 115 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,800 And so, sometimes it really spun me out. 116 00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:43,800 And I felt very disengaged distant from within, and that, 117 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:48,900 and I think when things get as they do very, very frenetic. 118 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:52,400 And busy because of the way, my mind kind of diverse from one 119 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,700 thing to another and set things off these. 120 00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:58,600 Flurries yeah, I kind of found myself feeling very displaced 121 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,600 and going to have time so it wasn't until yeah. 122 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:05,900 Actually, I because I am taking, I'm trying out drugs and it's 123 00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:09,600 really curious because I did spend a lot of time a lot of 124 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,900 time by myself and I have done a whole life, you know, and I 125 00:06:12,908 --> 00:06:16,700 realize that basically I go from these extremes about being 126 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:18,900 highly social life and soul of the party. 127 00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,200 Enough to spend and like, host parties. 128 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:25,500 I love that that same time. I'm also very interested and I'm 129 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:28,000 actually most of the time I'm hosting a party so that I don't 130 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:32,800 have to talk to anyone just so I can like, flowing around and you 131 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,700 know, Buzz about and kind of make things nicer people and 132 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,400 have an excuse to not talk to them. 133 00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:42,200 Because I do find it hard to talk about the day-to-day and 134 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,900 what goes on the road. I just don't care plan, keep 135 00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,400 track of what's going on, but I love to talk about that deep 136 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,700 things, and feelings, and experiences. 137 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,800 And Things that we might be shameful about. 138 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,000 I love talking about all that stuff. 139 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:56,500 So yeah, I had this feeling earlier on and I haven't even 140 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,600 have like memories of. I was actually talk to my dad 141 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,500 about the other day. They would go on holiday. 142 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,800 I didn't used to come home very often but we better like three 143 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:08,300 or four holidays and because I wasn't by my piano. 144 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,200 I now realize that my piano is the thing that makes me feel 145 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,600 scented. It's the bits that it's always 146 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,800 been a place where I would go to rest to kind of feel. 147 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:23,900 Varying connect with time Feelin, the flow and feel very 148 00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:27,500 full and kind of grounded and and there's a few other things 149 00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:32,500 that helped me do that unless exercise 6 and yeah just like 150 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,900 being very interested in something when it is that and 151 00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:36,600 then we go after me. You got off my brain gets 152 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:40,600 excited but music and the improvisation side has always 153 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:45,400 been a very like my home space. So when I would go away and he's 154 00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:50,600 on some holidays with my family There was like, desperate need 155 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,500 to find a piano. Like, I felt like I couldn't 156 00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:58,700 breathe without it and I would just feel so mixed up and just 157 00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:02,700 kind of torn apart and not really just didn't feel like me 158 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,000 and I needed to find these kinds of sometimes we'd like traipse 159 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,700 through a market in some, I don't know but like Poland or 160 00:08:08,700 --> 00:08:12,400 something where we were and just trying to find the piano and 161 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,700 then I would sit there for like a couple of hours and just be 162 00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:18,400 like and then I would feel sent it again, just like this little 163 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,000 checkpoint. And it's doing goddamn that I 164 00:08:21,008 --> 00:08:25,100 also realized how much I needed that especially because lockdown 165 00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:28,200 was like terrible for me just not being able to have any 166 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,600 freedom to go off and do my crazy thing and I have a child 167 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,900 daughter and as also kind of when it really triggered it was 168 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,799 childbirth because that was the first time in my life, really? 169 00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:42,500 I mean, I've been so lucky to have a thing that has empowered 170 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,800 me and about ADHD. If that's all I knew it 171 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,900 obviously has kind of you know, really giving me an opportunity 172 00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:52,300 because I Can super hyper, hyper focus and stick to one thing and 173 00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:55,700 like, you know, be awake for 72 hours and just finish your thing 174 00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:59,300 and just have all these strands and again because of the 175 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:03,300 attention diverting between things, it means I can do a 176 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:05,300 Baseline and then I can go to the drums and I can do the 177 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,100 engineering and then I can do this and I'm pretty somebody 178 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:09,900 then I could go for a jog and I'm totally happy in that space 179 00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:11,700 of like one thing to the next to the next. 180 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:14,500 The next, if it's kind of connected it's just that the 181 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,200 mundane things that I really struggled with. 182 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,800 But if I'm on my own, making my music That's not a like things 183 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:25,000 like getting dressed my whole life, I just found it so hard 184 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,400 like this. So just horrifying feeling in 185 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,700 the morning. But oh my God, I got to get 186 00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:31,800 dressed. God, what am I going to do? 187 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,200 How am I gonna do? What am I gonna wear? 188 00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,400 And I'd make such a thing out of it. 189 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,400 I just tried to find mechanisms in my even in my teenage years 190 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:39,900 it was great man. Has come to enforce. 191 00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:42,100 It's like yeah, that's good, it's giving it wrong, don't 192 00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:45,000 worry about that. But the minute I, you know, I 193 00:09:45,008 --> 00:09:47,800 went to boarding school and then I kind of had to wear my own 194 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,600 clothes after school. It's like I don't know what to 195 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,000 do. So I just chose black because I 196 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,800 was like, okay, I'm black or then. 197 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,300 I was like, no, I'm white. And I went all white and the 198 00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,800 whole dining hall wants turned around and gasp tapping. 199 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,300 Sounds only white wonder, I just find these things. 200 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,300 These tiny decisions, so hard to make. 201 00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:06,800 So, yeah, I just look back at my life now and kind of go. 202 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,000 Okay, that makes sense. And even relationships, you do 203 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:14,800 realize I get hyper focus on people that in mistaking, it for 204 00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:17,200 or allowing love to come in or whatever it might be. 205 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:21,500 But yes, just so so So grateful to know that. 206 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,100 So, yeah, I'm taking these drugs so that the thing about it is 207 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:27,800 now, I feel I don't have that delay, like, I feel like I'm 208 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,300 talking to you now or anytime today. 209 00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:34,200 I felt truly like in the moment, I haven't, I feel as if I guess 210 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,800 people feel, I don't know, not in any case, but I don't have 211 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,500 this sense of I'm like, always like your head and everything 212 00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,700 else to slightly behind or that I'm not really there. 213 00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,900 Yeah. So that's a nice feeling because 214 00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:51,500 that is that was 24/7, that kind of Of like, trying to Center 215 00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:55,400 Center be sent. So, that's a really nice and I 216 00:10:55,408 --> 00:10:57,600 just, yeah, much going back to using on myself now. 217 00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:02,100 And, and I've started to create mechanisms to basically 218 00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:06,600 structure in my day because I've never ever had any structure 219 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,000 ever. And I'd always set these huge 220 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,700 tasks, like, particular, Financial life, impossible, to 221 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:15,200 Cask, like, let's reinvent the music ecosystem. 222 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,000 That's one task orders, do that, I did that. 223 00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,700 Oh, let's just like make this Just roll music making system 224 00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:24,400 because do that. And off, we go these huge things 225 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:29,100 and then always leaving the most important things to the very, 226 00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:33,000 very, very last thing and the procrastinations just like, so 227 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,900 defeating the time now kind of? Yeah, I've read some stuff. 228 00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:40,600 I'm trying to create things to make it easier and setting 229 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:44,000 myself up for ruining the day. Now to seems I've dropped off my 230 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:48,300 daughter, I go and have the run or do you just a walk or 231 00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:50,300 something? That's like, like a nice thing, 232 00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:54,400 but I feel my body's kind of moved and then I have some good 233 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,900 stuff here where it will be. And she's basically here to make 234 00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:59,400 sure that I go down into the studio. 235 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,500 And I do a thing for an hour which is music focused. 236 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,400 And then, you know, have multiple meetings, all these 237 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,300 other companies that have started up over the years to do 238 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,900 music technique and Technology ID systems, whether it might be 239 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,500 adopting an AI. So yeah, it's been helpful and 240 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:19,000 I'm and I'm doing it bit by bit but I feel very grateful because 241 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,800 I was Any already lost myself. I couldn't find. 242 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,000 I couldn't find myself over there. 243 00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:29,200 Any plans involved here? And yeah, I couldn't find myself 244 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,100 as a mom. Yeah, probably really hard 245 00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:36,900 because I had to, because I happen to adore my daughter, and 246 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:39,800 I just have so much fun with her, but I've struggled. 247 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:44,800 I basically hyper-focus on her, you know, for many years and 248 00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:48,800 only did what was absolutely necessary if a music. 249 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,400 So, Ali Monday. So, I did, I did a commission 250 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,300 every year reporting that a significant amount of cash by 251 00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:56,100 got lucky or something would happen. 252 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,500 There would always be some outlier think that maybe Ariana 253 00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:02,800 Grande cover of a song or, you know, Jason to reload as a song 254 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,300 on my son's or whatever it might be, that's always happens. 255 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,700 Right. My life tightly. 256 00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:09,600 But music career since I was about 28, that started to 257 00:13:09,608 --> 00:13:12,600 happen. So, yeah, I have found it very 258 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:17,300 hard and I also got a bit ill. I had have this thing called 259 00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:19,000 Hashimoto's, which is kind of not really there. 260 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,100 Now, Actually what it is. That's what it. 261 00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,000 What am I eating? Is a bit strange, but I was 262 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:27,500 just, like, ridiculously tired and yeah, can keep awake. 263 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,900 It was really getting in the way of my day. 264 00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:32,800 I was like I was like kind of narcolepsy like just like if I 265 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,300 could live literally sat down for what half a second on a 266 00:13:35,308 --> 00:13:38,100 slightly comfortable thing, I would just fall asleep and I was 267 00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:41,500 like, I had extreme jet lag and I was like pushed into the sofa 268 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,600 could pick up So eventually. Yeah, it's kind of Miss 269 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,300 diagnosed with depression. Took some pills for that. 270 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,100 It was really not down. Kind of, yeah. 271 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:53,800 Strang up in a, just a total mess talking to the doctor kind 272 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,100 of held it together. And then I was like, so imagine 273 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:59,100 how are you? And I was like, there's a 274 00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:02,700 slight, let it all out and it's just that clearly very stressed. 275 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,900 And I was very surprised how they diagnosed over the phone, 276 00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:08,200 but I guess they saw like over the years. 277 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,700 I've kind of inquired about it but I've never gone through with 278 00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:14,100 it. And yeah, it was I really 279 00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:17,200 struggled with her to take them or not the depression things the 280 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,200 integrated but it did help me get through a patch. 281 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:24,200 And then I suppose, the big thing that happened was, I went 282 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:29,200 to Edinburgh for a the Edinburgh Fringe because a friend, slow my 283 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:33,000 position beatboxing. And improvising guy had this 284 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:36,700 one-man show either way. He's using my our company 285 00:14:36,700 --> 00:14:38,600 gloves. These gloves, he wore a pet and 286 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,200 he's divides devised this show with the gloves for. 287 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,900 He's like, take his voice and like set our samples. 288 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:46,100 And the words can see, I didn't know what it was about, and it 289 00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:49,100 was about his journey as a mostly single dad. 290 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,900 Add having to come from. Same as me, it's like do what 291 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:54,300 you like, but I don't go do these crazy things and then you 292 00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:58,300 have a child in your life and you can't do anything ever again 293 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:01,600 the same way and because we've had no structure and never had 294 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,900 to really get anything else. First we do it was and that's 295 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:07,000 the same for short every parent out there. 296 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:12,100 But to kind of the things that we need to do are always the 297 00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:14,700 last things that we do. We can't some people just 298 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:16,000 without go to that, they ought to do that. 299 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,100 And off we go. I think it's like, I've got. 300 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,400 Okay, go do that thing. I'll do that later. 301 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:23,200 Yeah. And then I could pletely, forget 302 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,000 about it and that's really not good. 303 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:29,500 If you have child who needs like feeling and mappings and like, 304 00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:32,200 really basic things that if you just haven't thought about the 305 00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:33,800 fact that you haven't got enough nappies. 306 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,400 That's quite distressing if you're in the middle of nowhere 307 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,700 with no one to help you. So yeah, it was not a fun times 308 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:45,100 anyway, so he had this diagnosis because in his play he talks 309 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:49,100 about near, you know, basically about commit suicide and then 310 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,400 His next door neighbor, kind of knocks on the door just at the 311 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,500 point where he's actually going to go and do anything. 312 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:58,400 And yeah and he didn't know, but that's what's going to happen. 313 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,400 But so I don't like doing the door so I can commit suicide and 314 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,700 it's kind of like thankfully decided to answer the door and 315 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:09,300 and yeah, and then had this conversation. 316 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:12,400 This guy was led to him being diagnosed ADHD. 317 00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:15,900 So after the show I was like, wow, that was a really Brave 318 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,700 peace. Thank you for this amazing. 319 00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:22,100 But I still didn't kind of like I didn't associate myself with 320 00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:24,400 the person of the struggles that he was having. 321 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,100 I just kind of understood from the point of yak see, we're 322 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,100 having a child as a musician as part. 323 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,200 There's no support. We don't get in, like, child 324 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,300 support targets. What like they artists dancers. 325 00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:38,000 Anyone like us do and so when one self-employed goes into law. 326 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,600 So yeah. Anyway he was struggling and 327 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:45,500 then I think he got this diagnosis and then he got help, 328 00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:48,500 you know, he got some, got some power, we got some drugs and he 329 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,900 was like, I want you to all of his friends are kind of said. 330 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,600 Thank you. Well, Darlin, you know, bought 331 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,300 some stuff from him. Never say, with my friend 332 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:57,100 diarrhea and I was like, wow, that was so brave. 333 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,400 I don't was really cool. There's like, you know that 334 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,300 you're, you know, that you already oedema and I thought it. 335 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:07,200 No, come on, as I seen you over the years. 336 00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,400 I know we have so much similarity in the were in the 337 00:17:09,407 --> 00:17:12,200 process of what we do and and I really think you should check it 338 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,300 out and I was that okay? Like, I didn't think I really 339 00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:17,700 didn't think anything of it and I immediately forgot kind of 340 00:17:17,708 --> 00:17:20,099 went went home with that Bob. You know, some people have said 341 00:17:20,099 --> 00:17:23,200 to me that, you know, my best friend back to your best 342 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,700 friend's of said, you know, you probably should get an Autism 343 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:29,200 diagnosis codes. You, you definitely are. 344 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,700 And I'm like, hey, be either on Monday. 345 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:34,200 Perhaps, I'm not really fast either way at the moment. 346 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,600 But then the thing which kind of, I kind of remember who it 347 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:39,400 was but I was I think I was in the playground being buy like 348 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:45,400 frumpy from be self before this happened and and somebody said, 349 00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:49,100 hey, you should be this book and it was called better late than 350 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,300 never. Never and it's a diagnosis, 351 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:53,700 middle-aged women. Same age as me with the child 352 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:59,200 and the child was game, Daniel ADHD testing whether which, 353 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,700 obviously the mom was like, huh? And then it kind of led to her 354 00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,600 dragons, but all the things she read. 355 00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:05,400 I'll, I never read books. I got obviously. 356 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,600 So I got a lot of books. I love the food. 357 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,000 I love the look of them. I like them, but I just can't 358 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,300 read them. And I've read so many starts of 359 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,700 books and just can't, ya can't keep going. 360 00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:17,100 But there have been a few in my life that have really focused 361 00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:18,700 on. And this is one of them, and I 362 00:18:18,708 --> 00:18:22,200 just did. In a bar and I was like, I'm 363 00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:24,400 going to go. We expect do my second favorite 364 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,300 was this to people rather than you about something so good. 365 00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:29,300 We're gonna follow up and that's when I actually learned what I 366 00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:32,500 get to do, what I don't really know what it works and then 367 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:36,100 yeah, as I was reading it, all the things about her childhood 368 00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:39,700 and how much you got in trouble and the kind of, like, just that 369 00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:43,000 constantly playing up very promiscuous as a young girl, 370 00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:46,700 getting up to the no-good or like inviting in danger, just 371 00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:49,000 because it was exciting taking drugs. 372 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,700 Like I'm not being affected at all in the same way that my 373 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:55,600 friends were just like, kind of feeling a bit car whenever 374 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:59,100 there's going to be a little. And I just, yeah, I have always 375 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:04,600 had things and I was like, wow, that all is exactly a lot of 376 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,300 that is so much like I was and I never bake that for. 377 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,900 So then, yeah. Then I thought, okay. 378 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,500 So I'll show me for eating. He was a person who but God 379 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:16,100 willing when I went to him and it's all been a bit. 380 00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:19,600 Wow, really. So I started taking Instructs. 381 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:26,200 The concerto and they are whittling and I'm thinking but 382 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,600 the moment I think it's them into a negative 5/4 times. 383 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:35,400 Ankle which is 76 78. Is it something else? 384 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:44,800 And I'm still not like totally comfortable with it but it's 385 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:49,800 helping me prepare my space. Where plan is Not to be on these 386 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,500 dogs forever. I have made good decisions. 387 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:56,900 I'm finding words coming much better ideas, forming memory 388 00:19:56,900 --> 00:20:00,700 being better and finding. I mean I love to think in 389 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:05,300 systems and I've always loved that and I think yeah again it's 390 00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:08,700 just like being able to reach in there like they're basically is 391 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:13,300 extra space in my head. That's what it feels like before 392 00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:17,600 these drugs. My head was always buzzing and 393 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,600 it just totally like do Ejected tangential thoughts. 394 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,000 When I always have to come back and I still don't nap. 395 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,800 Since you asked me a question about 20 minutes ago and I'm 396 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:29,900 still your family but worse than this and I wouldn't follow 397 00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:32,200 through thoughts and I feel like I am but I'm kind of connecting 398 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,500 and then I sort of got any other languages, I think it. 399 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,700 Yeah so the space in the head is has been really amazing and with 400 00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:41,100 that space. I've been able to take a bit 401 00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:46,300 more of a bigger view on things and see patterns and see where 402 00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:48,800 actually I didn't need help with some of the team and where I 403 00:20:48,808 --> 00:20:50,200 needed. Add them or so. 404 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,700 Actually, for the first time in my life hired, an engineer to 405 00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:56,500 like, help me in the studio. I mean, I've had a Lexi who 406 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,500 would like, you know, when I had this other Studio bit further 407 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:02,200 out, you know, we prepare session so many things, but I've 408 00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:04,600 I've never had somebody full-time. 409 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,700 Was awful times actually, Monday Tuesday, Wednesday, just to 410 00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:10,000 like, be around to select fix stuff. 411 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,100 Do stuff. And it's just amazing. 412 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,300 It's like, but I've got helping everything I've got, like four 413 00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:17,200 p8, they do all the other stuff, but when it comes to the things 414 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,000 that are really important to me, I don't know. 415 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,700 Of the and I think it's because I feel no, I've got to do that. 416 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:28,400 You know, I've got to suffer the updates and the spinny ball. 417 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,900 That's my Penance for doing the fun stuff. 418 00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:33,600 But actually what happens is, the minute has been a ball comes 419 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,300 up. I just thought distracted off. 420 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,200 I go and do something else and I don't fulfill that task. 421 00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:41,400 So that's been good and I have never structures. 422 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,200 So I yeah, I do my music and then I have these wonderful from 423 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,000 130. I'm trying to, you know, I have 424 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,000 these like, Open Spaces where I can chat to people and then, 425 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:54,600 Well, she says, if anti-gun work with school choir, well then I 426 00:21:54,608 --> 00:21:56,600 got a bunch of kids. We were supposed to be doing 427 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,400 choir but then I realize it that's not really possible to 428 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:00,800 learn the songs of the tiny amount of time. 429 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,600 They give me. So in our writing or something 430 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,100 said about the school to try and raise money for the school roof. 431 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,000 Yeah. So anyway, I think I'm trying to 432 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,300 create a structure and it's been very helpful as well because 433 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,600 yeah, my the father of my child you're on the number. 434 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,000 We also read the book that I was like, look this really explain. 435 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:22,800 Quite a lot of why I was so impossible and why I just 436 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:26,100 couldn't do certain things that you felt, I should have easily 437 00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:32,300 been able to do and also why I like insanely irritating when 438 00:22:32,300 --> 00:22:36,200 I'm older than I did. And I just won't shut up about 439 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:40,900 it and just want desperately to work on that through the days. 440 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:47,900 And so the point where I had no sleep and so it's very 441 00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:49,900 enlightening. Very helpful. 442 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:53,400 And even, you know the other day even though my best friend like 443 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,700 lazy, she, you know, she totally accept it. 444 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,700 She knows it. She's also the one that's like 445 00:22:58,700 --> 00:23:02,400 to get dirty. Thought it is G. 446 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,900 Also just like my mom actually just stuff in the bin in the 447 00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:08,800 news about the most likely source of ADHD people brought 448 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:14,300 him off it and I have a bunch of friends who also have been 449 00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:16,800 likely to be diagnosed. So there is a suspicion to me 450 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,000 like it is all in my head, you know? 451 00:23:19,900 --> 00:23:21,400 Is it one of my head? Like I said, no. 452 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,000 Have you seen this in heels? And I felt like they were doing 453 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,700 it. So see you could not be and I 454 00:23:26,708 --> 00:23:28,700 like no I don't destroy my world. 455 00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:33,200 Again I've just started to make sense of my life and it does 456 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:38,600 make sense and I believe it. So I really thought of like it's 457 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:43,600 quite a different party woman. My mom'll make see and kind of 458 00:23:43,608 --> 00:23:46,700 sends me these things like some like arcing so you're doubting 459 00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:48,800 it or I definitely owe. You just sharing it because I'm 460 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,500 happy. Interested and it's just yeah. 461 00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:52,300 But that just happened the other day and I was the first time 462 00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:57,000 I've been like, oh, okay, maybe this is all in my head and, you 463 00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,800 know, so yeah, early days. Yeah, I think it's, I mean, 464 00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:02,900 there's so much. I just want to say thank you so 465 00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:05,800 much for sharing and being vulnerable and talking about 466 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,700 your story, because I'm sure they'll be people listening. 467 00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:11,800 And I was, you can't see me when people listening to us, but I'm 468 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,900 nodding along furiously because so much of what you said is a 469 00:24:15,900 --> 00:24:18,300 complete mirror of my life experience as well. 470 00:24:18,300 --> 00:24:20,700 And I'm sure Able to sing to this will have this as well. 471 00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:22,900 People find it. So strange that like I'm a 472 00:24:22,900 --> 00:24:25,000 high-functioning person. I do all these different 473 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:26,600 projects but I can't get dressed. 474 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:30,700 I'm currently not dressed. Yeah, I'd like that. 475 00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:33,700 Yeah it's actually people my friends say to me like you're 476 00:24:33,700 --> 00:24:36,300 the most dysfunctional high functioning person. 477 00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:40,100 I know because you can do all these mad projects and really 478 00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:44,200 high exciting things. But I forget to eat and you 479 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:48,800 know, do find it really hard to do the daily tasks and things 480 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,000 that people People and sometimes you feel like a bit of an alien 481 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,200 in this world where it's like how come everybody else knows 482 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,500 how to do small talk and like knows how to get dressed in and 483 00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:59,200 it's Phil. So all of that was just so 484 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,000 resonant and so I'm really grateful that you shared it. 485 00:25:02,700 --> 00:25:05,100 Just give a chance for the actual book because it wasn't 486 00:25:05,100 --> 00:25:07,300 actually that book that I asked Mike to be. 487 00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:10,500 There was a, it was a book called Dirty Laundry and it's 488 00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:13,200 just come out and it's these two bloggers. 489 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,800 One of them, you know, kind of struggle for many years and went 490 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:19,000 to many different jobs than just couldn't hold it down because 491 00:25:21,300 --> 00:25:25,000 But then found a space in some, what did? 492 00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:27,300 So she's. But anyway, they wrote this 493 00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:30,700 blog, they started doing this blog because it's funny. 494 00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:33,200 Actually, I just with you tell you how they found out is the so 495 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:37,800 like many the basic new the the guy rolled around to his 496 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,300 girlfriend's. They don't babe, if you've got 497 00:25:41,100 --> 00:25:43,200 something to do, come in the name of it but it's like 498 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,800 something to do with like a tampon but like a handmade 499 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,000 tampon and all I got handmade pad. 500 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,500 He's like but basically I don't know if you'll like this book 501 00:25:52,500 --> 00:25:55,400 whenever I found my period. I'm like, oh wow, I just come 502 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,900 on. I 503 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:20,600 was just I had to go to the toilets and Try and wash it out. 504 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,200 It was a tremendous. There's like that slip stream at 505 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,600 the site, completely oblivious to that have thing. 506 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,100 That happens every single day, every single month since I was 507 00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:29,500 like 12. Yeah. 508 00:26:30,100 --> 00:26:33,000 You think we'd get the memo by now but yeah I know exactly what 509 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,900 you mean by the time we just got around to figuring out and 510 00:26:35,900 --> 00:26:39,300 probably going to stop anyway. I guess know. 511 00:26:39,300 --> 00:26:41,600 So that's how they discovered. It was like Hey baby but you 512 00:26:41,608 --> 00:26:45,700 know are you are you are you wearing a real tampon or one or 513 00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:47,200 one that or have you forgotten something? 514 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:48,800 I have you forgot to change your tampon something because it's 515 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,000 just like Like so many times they just been like, oh my god. 516 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,300 I've been wet for quite a while actually now I don't do that. 517 00:26:56,300 --> 00:26:57,900 Makes you happy. So things too much. 518 00:26:57,900 --> 00:27:01,600 Do you don't have these Cups than cups which is great 519 00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:02,600 because. Yeah, yeah. 520 00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:06,300 I'ma say I went, I go with period pants because better for 521 00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:08,500 the environment and you can't forget about it. 522 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,400 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think things like nobody told 523 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,900 me about this. These coupling, though, it does 524 00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:17,800 take a while to get used to. But so, feel so good. 525 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,400 Not to be like, landfilling. You know, it's just how is that 526 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,200 not a thing that people get here about it? 527 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,800 And that literally I was certified and something toggle 528 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,300 know if they're C8. So someone talking about thank 529 00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:31,700 you Justin. So anyway, yeah and so that's 530 00:27:31,700 --> 00:27:35,700 when they realized that. Yeah because she's I think she's 531 00:27:35,700 --> 00:27:40,400 just been diagnosed ADHD and that was a very ADHD thing to do 532 00:27:40,900 --> 00:27:43,300 and so in the middle of the night she was like oh my God! 533 00:27:43,300 --> 00:27:45,300 We've got a, we've got to like set up an Instagram. 534 00:27:45,300 --> 00:27:48,600 We got to tell people that this is what they need to know this 535 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,700 you know about The I can't remember the name of it. 536 00:27:50,700 --> 00:27:53,300 There's a kind of made-up humankind thing that they made, 537 00:27:53,700 --> 00:27:55,600 anyway, and that's how they started their blog and then just 538 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:57,900 got like, millions of views and I started following them 539 00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,100 tonight. They came up with all these 540 00:27:59,100 --> 00:28:01,800 great terms for things. Like, you know, what happens 541 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,900 when you go to a hotel or you go home and you got the most tiny 542 00:28:04,900 --> 00:28:07,800 bedroom because some nice persons congregate or you just 543 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,900 managed to tell you in some other type of focus time and 544 00:28:10,900 --> 00:28:13,300 then the minute you like trying to get dressed in the morning. 545 00:28:13,300 --> 00:28:17,700 The whole floor is covered in every possible thing and it 546 00:28:17,700 --> 00:28:18,900 stays there for a very long time. 547 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,300 And that they called it the floor drug. 548 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,400 And that's like, yeah. Thought. 549 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,200 Oh it's good. Another one was like, oh, they 550 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,400 got so many good terms anyway. It's they've got like a 551 00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:31,100 glossary. I love it. 552 00:28:31,100 --> 00:28:34,500 I love it because it also just makes like it's just that 553 00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:36,700 feeling of. Like I'm not a complete alien. 554 00:28:36,700 --> 00:28:41,800 There was actually quite a lot of us then operate this way and 555 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:45,600 I feel like that's for me because the thing about getting 556 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:49,700 a diagnosis is not that it's just like oh there's a Label 557 00:28:49,700 --> 00:28:52,500 that I can use now but also that it helps you. 558 00:28:52,500 --> 00:28:55,000 Let yourself off the hook a little bit and be like, this is 559 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,700 an actual thing. These are some of the traits 560 00:28:57,700 --> 00:29:02,400 that I clearly display and I can let myself off the hook a bit. 561 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,800 And then also like you said strategize around like okay. 562 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,000 What can I what do I really need to get better at in order to 563 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,800 like live a fulfilling operational life other things 564 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,600 I'm like, get it doesn't bother me that. 565 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,400 I don't get dressed. I don't care about that. 566 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,600 Like, but obviously, I need to find a way to make sure that Say 567 00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:27,300 it's a nice example here is my food but just yeah, it's it's 568 00:29:27,300 --> 00:29:28,700 been there for a while. Yeah. 569 00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:32,200 Anyway, so it's I'm, I'm lucky. I'm lucky that I have had 570 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,200 diagnosis. I'm really lucky that in my 571 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:38,500 life. I've had manifested a job that 572 00:29:38,500 --> 00:29:43,100 perfectly suits my condition, but, you know, I know people who 573 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:47,300 obviously haven't had diagnosis or they have and they haven't 574 00:29:47,300 --> 00:29:51,800 had that luxury. Both of, you know, having the 575 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:55,600 space to allow your hope Focus to be that your kind of secret 576 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:59,100 super weapon secret. Yes. 577 00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:05,300 Super tool over the movements and put super super super powers 578 00:30:05,700 --> 00:30:08,300 could harness it. Yeah, but I wasn't aware that I 579 00:30:08,308 --> 00:30:12,000 was harnessing it, but I have now but it also kind of makes me 580 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,600 think you know are hyper focus on music because it was 581 00:30:14,608 --> 00:30:17,800 something that gave me this feeling but I also you know, 582 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:21,300 hyper focused on Art and Other things that I was younger, but 583 00:30:21,300 --> 00:30:24,200 this was the thing that stuck and I'm very grateful that it 584 00:30:24,208 --> 00:30:26,600 did. But I do Wonder, like if I went 585 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:31,300 to a school that didn't have a piano, you know, or I wasn't 586 00:30:31,300 --> 00:30:33,300 lucky like that. And the, the school that I went 587 00:30:33,300 --> 00:30:37,100 to sell that I had this weird covered with a Atari computer in 588 00:30:37,100 --> 00:30:39,900 it and I really hyper focus in kind of learned how to program 589 00:30:39,900 --> 00:30:43,800 from the age of 12 like music on this thing and if I hadn't had 590 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,700 those opportunities, you know, I can't. 591 00:30:45,700 --> 00:30:49,200 I just put fail miserably if I tried to do that. 592 00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:52,400 A thing which cool sets you up for, which is like, go do these 593 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:55,000 things are these things, memorize these things do this 594 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,400 two tests. Go do this thing in a structured 595 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:01,700 day, which is a possible. And then, you know, and then go 596 00:31:01,700 --> 00:31:06,600 get a job or go to university. And, yeah, it just, it feels. 597 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:10,500 It feels like, I don't know. I just hope that they realize 598 00:31:10,500 --> 00:31:14,100 that there are way more new. I diverse people. 599 00:31:14,100 --> 00:31:18,100 Then there are diagnosed and that it's really, really, super 600 00:31:18,100 --> 00:31:21,000 common and that there Amazing things that you can do. 601 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,500 If you do have these buttons and you're supported in that way. 602 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,800 And yeah, I just, I see scalp going to school. 603 00:31:28,100 --> 00:31:29,700 And, you know, that's part of the reason why I'm going to 604 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:33,400 today, it's just to kind of breathe a little kind of 605 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:38,100 spontaneity and fun, and improvisation, and space. 606 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,700 There's not sat down as also. I don't want to learn songs with 607 00:31:41,700 --> 00:31:44,900 them because I'm like, it's just like anyone could do that. 608 00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:49,200 Let's do something wild and crazy and it's really fun. 609 00:31:49,300 --> 00:31:53,200 Um, and I can immediately tell, you know, the new diverse kids 610 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,700 come forth and being really good as I'm writing. 611 00:31:55,900 --> 00:31:58,700 So yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I love what I Love Ken 612 00:31:58,700 --> 00:32:01,300 Robinson like he's dead now but you know what, he talked about 613 00:32:01,300 --> 00:32:05,500 education and creativity to encourage the passions in kids 614 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,300 and I think yeah you know you were diverse kids really 615 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:12,900 struggle with the system especially in as a result as a 616 00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:14,800 result. The whole of humanity was not 617 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:19,200 benefiting from our like weird but can have skills that could 618 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:20,700 Good. If we were supporting the right 619 00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:22,600 way. Just as you know typical 620 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:25,400 atypical not you know that what's that? 621 00:32:25,700 --> 00:32:27,700 What's the other frame there? A typical. 622 00:32:31,700 --> 00:32:33,700 I think it's really interesting that you said you had lots of 623 00:32:33,700 --> 00:32:36,400 friends who had also been diagnosed because I thought 624 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,000 Frasier's. I was like, I don't know. 625 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,500 Any neurotypical, people maybe they don't actually exist but 626 00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:44,500 one of my friends, she's actually a neurodiversity 627 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,900 expert. That's her job and does research 628 00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:50,100 in all of it and she was like, no, no, no, these People exist. 629 00:32:50,100 --> 00:32:53,500 It's just that you connect with like-minded people. 630 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,100 And so actually probably everyone in your circle is a bit 631 00:32:56,300 --> 00:32:58,900 on the neuro-diverse side. Something the door. 632 00:32:59,100 --> 00:33:02,300 Yeah, I know it because like I said, sometimes you can have 633 00:33:02,300 --> 00:33:04,500 effects on people. You can be really, super intense 634 00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:07,800 I can talk about copyright for four hours and the other person 635 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,200 if they're also like that way inclined, they're just laughing 636 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:12,800 it up. Whereas I think neurotypical 637 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,900 people just like run away from me. 638 00:33:19,300 --> 00:33:20,900 In the other people to spit. Yeah. 639 00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:24,600 And I think also because it's that this other thing I learned 640 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,800 about from reading this book, do story was about object, 641 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,700 constancy that I've really experienced my whole life is 642 00:33:31,700 --> 00:33:33,500 that I don't tend to miss people. 643 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:37,100 As long as I don't love them or you know that do adore them, I 644 00:33:37,100 --> 00:33:40,200 just don't miss people like the minute they've gone away for me. 645 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:42,200 I'm like doodoo brains over here. 646 00:33:42,300 --> 00:33:46,400 You know I love my daughter. I mean, yes, sometimes I will 647 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,800 miss her but most of the time I find out, she's Happy. 648 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:55,200 I'm just like I'm so like great about that and I'm gonna make 649 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,100 you a lot coats are. But I feel like in my life, you 650 00:33:58,100 --> 00:34:01,100 know, my friend, the friend who stuck around other ones, who 651 00:34:01,100 --> 00:34:04,000 don't need you to be there all the time or the don't want to 652 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,400 kind of like o to do this. And I bought this thing at the 653 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:07,200 jobsite. Oh my God. 654 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:08,199 Have you seen this new thing on the Telly? 655 00:34:08,199 --> 00:34:10,800 I'm like no don't no. Don't want to know too much 656 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:11,800 information. Thank you. 657 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,900 But if they're like, I need to talk to you about this new thing 658 00:34:15,900 --> 00:34:18,500 that I've did it together. Not come to my world. 659 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,100 So yeah. So it is those people that are 660 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:23,400 the surgery. I mean, the arouse. 661 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,199 I've had with Partners where they're like, you didn't text me 662 00:34:26,199 --> 00:34:28,800 for 3 days. I'm like, I forgot you existed. 663 00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:32,600 Yeah, no. And it's like, it's like, no, it 664 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,500 doesn't. It's not aged connected to how I 665 00:34:34,500 --> 00:34:37,300 feel about that person but I'm when you're hyper focused on 666 00:34:37,300 --> 00:34:38,699 something else which is tends to be you. 667 00:34:38,708 --> 00:34:41,199 Just switch between one thing and the other and you're just 668 00:34:41,199 --> 00:34:45,100 like, yeah, I just didn't even I was just it's so here that I 669 00:34:45,108 --> 00:34:47,900 knew were over there gone. I'd forgotten you were a thing 670 00:34:47,900 --> 00:34:52,100 to be honest. But it's I think this is the 671 00:34:52,100 --> 00:34:55,500 whole thing is you it's all about communication as well. 672 00:34:55,500 --> 00:34:58,800 Like now I understand more about how I operate. 673 00:34:58,900 --> 00:35:02,900 I think if people in your life you can explain to them that you 674 00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:05,500 said getting someone else to read that book and being like 675 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:08,200 this kind of explains was a bit like this and this will help you 676 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:12,900 interact with me in a less kind of friction way because you can 677 00:35:12,900 --> 00:35:15,700 understand how my brain is functioning in this situation. 678 00:35:15,700 --> 00:35:19,000 So maybe like don't take it so personally that I forgot you 679 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:20,300 existed. Did in that moment. 680 00:35:20,900 --> 00:35:23,800 That's quite extreme example. But you know what I mean? 681 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:28,600 And it's, I think for me, it's been helpful to be able to learn 682 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,800 more about it in order to communicate with people. 683 00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:33,600 Although I do typically tend to connect with people who sort of 684 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,900 get it anyway. But I agree with the thing, we 685 00:35:35,900 --> 00:35:39,100 said about school, like, I was in trouble at school, all of the 686 00:35:39,100 --> 00:35:40,900 time and they just didn't understand it. 687 00:35:40,900 --> 00:35:43,400 Because they were like, she seems like a bright kid, but 688 00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,100 like she's such a pain in the ass and like, you know, I was 689 00:35:46,100 --> 00:35:49,000 always into tension or and I wouldn't go to school. 690 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,000 A couldn't even keep up with like the schedule and the 691 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,400 timetable. I would just run on my own time. 692 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:56,000 And so they were always like threatening to kick me out and 693 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:57,600 stuff like this. But it'd be, you know, in the 694 00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:58,500 end, it worked out. Okay. 695 00:35:58,500 --> 00:36:03,000 But it was real, I really hated school which is a shame because 696 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,400 of the structures and the rules and the stuff that I just 697 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:09,500 couldn't understand but I do hope that in general Society is 698 00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:11,800 learning more about neuro diversity. 699 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,500 And how to better kind of like accommodate different people's 700 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,400 needs to because like you said, I love the way talk about it. 701 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,800 So positively That it's like, it can be a superpower, there's so 702 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:25,400 much amazing stuff that you can do if it's supported and and 703 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,600 you've got the right kind of support network and and 704 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:32,100 strategies in place that, you know, we can do amazing things. 705 00:36:32,300 --> 00:36:35,300 I just can't necessarily do the things that neurotypical people 706 00:36:35,300 --> 00:36:39,300 can do, but it goes both ways. Neurotypical, people cannot 707 00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:43,900 focus on something for 72 hours without sleeping more blinking. 708 00:36:45,100 --> 00:36:46,100 But, yeah. And they're all different 709 00:36:46,100 --> 00:36:48,500 awesome. Major benefits to not doing 710 00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:51,600 that. You staying well you don't get 711 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:55,400 tired. I get like eventually weird and 712 00:36:56,100 --> 00:36:57,400 able to be there for your family. 713 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:01,300 So yeah it's a I don't know how long it's going to last but you 714 00:37:01,300 --> 00:37:04,100 know I imagine in my head and was checking in The New Zoo but 715 00:37:04,100 --> 00:37:07,800 I feel like within a year or a year from now and I've been on 716 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:11,600 the inside or something wrong. Just I think I just got back and 717 00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:14,600 that was and then a bit. I don't remember. 718 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:17,000 It was either because I also have no concept of time. 719 00:37:17,100 --> 00:37:22,000 Yeah. That was yeah, I sort of just 720 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:27,400 getting to swing that and very helpful and I hope that in a 721 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:31,900 year from now that I will have a structure and things will be a 722 00:37:31,900 --> 00:37:34,100 lot more simple than that was crazy because if these 723 00:37:34,100 --> 00:37:37,300 structures and then I would like to not feeling it. 724 00:37:37,900 --> 00:37:41,500 Yeah, well, thank you so much for sharing your story. 725 00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:44,900 It's been really interesting and as I said, Resident cat and I 726 00:37:44,900 --> 00:37:49,100 just take a moment to let you share with our listeners. 727 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:52,200 Listeners something that you're working on at the Minotaur 728 00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:55,000 recently that they might go and explore. 729 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,900 I'll put links to things like dive will put a link to the book 730 00:37:57,900 --> 00:38:01,000 so I'm sure people go and look it up now but links to things 731 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,900 that you're doing that people can look look out for well. 732 00:38:04,900 --> 00:38:07,500 I've got lots of things in the works. 733 00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,300 One of them is a reading amazing. 734 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:13,800 He's actually so excited about it's 15 minutes long. 735 00:38:14,300 --> 00:38:16,600 It's like a journey for the last two years and I really don't 736 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:18,800 want to talk about it but um it's called what anything to me. 737 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,500 And it's got these three stages to it that I like them 738 00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:25,900 progression. I kind of it's a power is a 739 00:38:25,900 --> 00:38:30,100 power battle I suppose between myself and another in a sexual 740 00:38:30,100 --> 00:38:37,300 way or in a kind of allowing not allowing somebody to drive you 741 00:38:37,300 --> 00:38:42,700 to call you, to wish you to what that means like a question of 742 00:38:42,700 --> 00:38:46,100 identity. So it's also it also mirrors, a 743 00:38:46,100 --> 00:38:49,000 lot of Journey and thoughts about AI as I do. 744 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:53,500 That my own name legit, but it's also originally started as a 745 00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:57,500 power play comedian some thing. But, interesting, the person 746 00:38:57,500 --> 00:39:01,800 that I voted about is also the one kind of introduced me to 747 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,700 generative art forms Network 22 years ago. 748 00:39:05,100 --> 00:39:07,200 So it's all kind of interconnectivity and very, very 749 00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:11,300 strands main strands. And now doing video, they will 750 00:39:11,300 --> 00:39:15,300 get this as if you want. But I'm doing, I'm trying to 751 00:39:15,300 --> 00:39:18,400 pull together all this Redstone like the Creator passport. 752 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:22,400 My own In those that you'll be able to use ability and sing a 753 00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,300 song with my voice but probably Advocate possible. 754 00:39:25,500 --> 00:39:29,200 The kind of question of like it's owned by government. 755 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:31,400 But yeah, so that's one thing that's all coming up. 756 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:34,600 There's going to be another song which if I can get it together, 757 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:38,000 is going to be nonsensical language that I've connected 758 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,000 with another app called time. I was just having a nice chat 759 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,400 with her one bit. I chose Parables, she sounds a 760 00:39:44,408 --> 00:39:48,600 bit like, having film as I was talking to her and we come up 761 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,900 with this. Nice language. 762 00:39:52,100 --> 00:39:55,400 I'm going to kind of post the chat as the how I made the song 763 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,000 and then I have asked most often with the should be up to sing it 764 00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:02,000 with me and so she's doing scene of it as an agency. 765 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,800 We didn't seem to it with a short moving its but it'd be the 766 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:09,400 first time people hear that boys and I want to put it as a so 767 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,700 what was that? It'll be the first time a i Mojo 768 00:40:12,500 --> 00:40:17,600 is on Spotify and the idea being that over time scale and I might 769 00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:21,000 sing that song and In folks that come different online, different 770 00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:23,000 functionalities or different range or different time. 771 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:27,000 But who needs bethadone room? But yeah, I mean, any Inspire 772 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:30,000 Inspire inspiration like, as to how sweet really well is Holly 773 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,300 Hunter and Hunted. Plus she's amazing to live with 774 00:40:33,300 --> 00:40:35,200 that drivers tongue they'll be home. 775 00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:38,200 And so and also everything sort of school for. 776 00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:41,400 I got to the net and I have to go because I'm doing that. 777 00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:42,700 It's nice. It's actually hanging. 778 00:40:42,700 --> 00:40:45,300 Thank you so much. Really appreciate your time. 779 00:40:45,700 --> 00:40:50,400 Thanks for listening and if you If you enjoyed this episode, 780 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,700 please like, share and subscribe.