1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:02,600 Welcome to the recovered attic podcast. 2 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:06,000 It's Jason Rigby host. My other host today is Dwayne 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:10,100 yard when Frank and this is our first episode first episode. 4 00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:13,400 So this is going to be fun. So I want to start off first off 5 00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:16,600 like recovered. Like the word recovered, because 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,800 I know that's already going to tick people off because they're 7 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:23,600 looking at it like you're never recovered like it when you do 8 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:27,600 training or when you do any type of, you know, know you and we'll 9 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,900 get into your story in a little bit, but I know you're 13 years. 10 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,500 Years sober, right? With alcoholism correct. 11 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,900 So, never really got too heavy into the drugs. 12 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,400 A lot of drugs will pop a lot, like a lot. 13 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,200 I didn't do all the drugs, but I did do a lot and, however, the 14 00:00:43,208 --> 00:00:47,300 alcohol was always prevalent. So, that's the main deal for me. 15 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:50,200 However, yeah, definitely experimenting with other some. 16 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:53,900 So, so, you did alcohol and drugs, but you've been 13 years. 17 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,600 No alcohol, no nothing, right? And the crazy part is, when I 18 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:01,300 first met Dwayne years ago, you were Serving alcohol to me. 19 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:06,100 Correct. So I think that's that's that's 20 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,800 a really cool is that you could get to the point and and that's 21 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:13,000 what I would like look at and we'll get into spiritual aspect. 22 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,100 But when you look at the that physical aspect of not even 23 00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:19,800 being or wanting it like it's not like you could serve it to 24 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:22,600 somebody, you know, at a restaurant or whatever because 25 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,000 you at that time you were working at a high end restaurant 26 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:30,400 and you you could serve drinks and never ever have a Fire to 27 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,100 say, hmm. I wonder what this tastes like. 28 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:34,900 Yeah, it's an absolute Miracle to be placed in a position of 29 00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:38,400 neutrality. This thing that used to dominate 30 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,900 my world, right? Every decision based around, 31 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:44,100 this particular substance meant nothing to me. 32 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,600 So to get to that level because there's a lot of people that are 33 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:51,400 listening right now and they're like, you know, I'm just every 34 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:52,600 minute. Yeah, struggling. 35 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:56,100 Like I'm really struggling. You know what I imagine if you 36 00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:59,300 clicked on this you know and you are you look this up in a 37 00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:01,100 podcast. So, you're all Google and then 38 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:04,400 our podcast showed up, then you're facing addiction issues 39 00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:06,200 in. This isn't, and I want people to 40 00:02:06,208 --> 00:02:11,400 understand the show isn't just for alcohol or drugs, because 41 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,300 that's what we tend to think addiction correct. 42 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,800 Yes. But, I mean, how many addictions 43 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,600 are there out there? Countless, you can be addicted 44 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,900 to a, I don't know. Scrolling on Instagram. 45 00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,700 Yes, Yaks. Yes. 46 00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:27,800 It's a big rambling food. Yeah, I was listening to a guy 47 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,300 last night. Andrew Dice Clay. 48 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,000 Hmm. You know, the old comedian from 49 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,300 back in the day and I don't know if you've heard of him or not, 50 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,900 but he was like, yeah, he was a really famous back. 51 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:39,500 In the early 90s, he had movies and all that stuff and he was an 52 00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:43,000 addict for he didn't really you know he chain-smoked you know 53 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:47,000 when his it was part of his act but the big thing was he was 54 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,500 addicted to gambling and he would do like Blackjack and do 55 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,300 all five or six sets or however you do it. 56 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,900 I don't know. I'm not a gambler at all like I 57 00:02:53,908 --> 00:02:57,300 don't like doing that and so he would do all the hands and then 58 00:02:57,300 --> 00:03:00,400 throw down like 50 Grand a hand. Because he was making so much 59 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,400 money, and he's up there with Eddie Murphy and all that stuff 60 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,600 back in the day and he's like, I just had intuition, I knew what 61 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,500 the cards were. So there was like this whole, 62 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:12,300 giving yourself an excuse, and I want to get into this because 63 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:15,600 we're going to get into the training that we've put together 64 00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:18,400 and we're going to get into some modules and stuff like that that 65 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:21,900 you guys can go a long and we'll have PDF downloads for you and 66 00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:24,600 formats and stuff like that and a whole course that's going to 67 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,500 be coming out. But when you think of that it's 68 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:31,200 like what is the self that? I think that you've got this 69 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,900 like, you know what I mean? Like he's like, well, I can 70 00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:36,500 count cards, right? I'm special, I'm not going to 71 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,300 lose but he ended up admitting that he lost shitloads of money, 72 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,800 you know? And just like you you think 73 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,900 you're special, but you're still hooked on drugs, you're still 74 00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:47,500 hooked on alcohol or sex or whatever it may be absolutely 75 00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:50,800 terminally unique. I'm so unique is going to kill 76 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,400 me. I love this TV. 77 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,500 You say what's the word? I'm not, I'm not much, but I'm 78 00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:00,900 all I think. That's so good. 79 00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:04,700 Yeah, it's an insane. The insane part of addiction is 80 00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:07,800 always my ego, right? He's always the part of me that 81 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,300 doesn't like, to look at reality. 82 00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,700 That doesn't like to take responsibility, right? 83 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,900 The part of me that needs to be right? 84 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:16,800 And really, I'll run you over to get what I want. 85 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,399 Yes. If I'm in my ego so do you think 86 00:04:19,399 --> 00:04:23,700 that like if we want to take it and I want people to tune us out 87 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:26,400 because we're going to give you a warning. 88 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,100 We're going to talk a lot of spiritual aspects of things. 89 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,600 And you may not, you be like, I don't want that whoosh it, you 90 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,900 know, that type of thing. But when you really, really, 91 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:40,800 really look at the recovered addict like the recovered part 92 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:43,900 that when we do past tense and this is something we're talking 93 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:48,200 about earlier at the gym, is the reason that you can say that. 94 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,900 And I want you to kind of articulate because you did such 95 00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:52,400 a great job. The reason that you can say that 96 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:57,100 is because That join is gone pretty much. 97 00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:58,600 Yes. Yeah, we were talking about that 98 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,700 earlier. I have and you have also 99 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,000 recovered. I love the idea that this is 100 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,500 going to be a little controversial recovered. 101 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:07,000 They're not right. But they're still if you're 102 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,000 alive you still have this inside of you and you know, that maybe 103 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,500 one perspective. But another perspective is we've 104 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:17,300 done the necessary work, the necessary Spiritual Development 105 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,000 to have brought about a personality shift, personality 106 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,200 change. Yes, I like my personality that 107 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,200 person. That I am is different and 108 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,500 Dwayne left to his own devices is not capable of doing that by 109 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,200 himself. Steve. 110 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,400 A thief is not going to teach me how to stop stealing, right? 111 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,500 Yes. That's so true. 112 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:39,800 Just gonna freakin still right and and that could be an 113 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:46,100 addiction. I know I remember being sober 114 00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:51,200 and needing to steal because I didn't know how else to get this 115 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,400 high, right. How else do you feel? 116 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:54,800 And But we don't want to get in trouble. 117 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,700 So we don't want to tell the stores even though this is 13 118 00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:59,400 years ago, this is, but but it was like just little hair 119 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,200 product right hair, gel, your hair, gel hair jobs like I 120 00:06:02,207 --> 00:06:04,700 needed to steal this here tells the size of a can of dip, you 121 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:05,800 know, easy that is. Yeah. 122 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,900 In your pocket, did you? Yes. 123 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,400 Yeah. It's like, it's like what was 124 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,600 it? Six bucks. 125 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,400 Maybe. And you probably had this 126 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:16,200 expects easily, but it was the whole idea of was just the 127 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:21,700 addiction of getting the energetic response of fear 128 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:25,500 trouble of what if I get caught Thought, but this is really, 129 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:29,700 really, really good way because people need to understand that 130 00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,500 they're addicted. Mentally. 131 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,000 Yes. I mean, not just, we're going to 132 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,900 talk to spiritual part but they're addicted mentally to 133 00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:37,400 those. It's like, you were saying going 134 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,200 to the drug dealer? Yeah, I would get more high on 135 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,000 the way to the drug dealer that I would get from the actual 136 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,800 drugs, are a cops behind you. Yeah, yeah. 137 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:49,100 I used to drive around in my rearview mirror, I never looked 138 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,300 forward on the road. I just looked in the rearview 139 00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:52,900 mirror and hope they didn't bump into things. 140 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,400 What do you think? Cause that like from mental 141 00:06:56,400 --> 00:07:00,100 emotional standpoint, what do you think caused that desire to 142 00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:01,900 almost like you want to get caught or something? 143 00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:03,700 Like serial killers have that you know, where it's like 144 00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:06,400 they'll do they'll mess up on purpose to hopefully get caught 145 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,600 type of a thing. You know some of them are that 146 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,200 way. What do you think it's desire to 147 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,500 like screw yourself over? Yeah, I think there's this. 148 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,900 You know, there's that's a big question. 149 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,300 That's a difficult question to answer. 150 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:20,700 It could be different for many different people part of it is 151 00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:23,600 definitely unconscious, right? I don't know. 152 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:29,000 No. How to confess what I'm doing is 153 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,200 wrong. Mmm. 154 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,000 But I know deep down inside of me, maybe the part of me that's 155 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,700 non-physical. The part of me that's Connected 156 00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:37,000 To Source. The part of me that is of god 157 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,300 right now is that this is probably isn't, right? 158 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,500 So do you think it what you think? 159 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:43,500 It's narcissism like because it's like you said I'm not much 160 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:46,700 but I'm all I think about. So do you think it's a point of 161 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,300 that? Where it's like you're just not 162 00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:53,700 because you know, you know, the story here, recently my 163 00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:56,000 girlfriend, I were trying to help somebody You know, what is 164 00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:00,000 it so much pride and and all that, but it's like you could 165 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,600 see them just being so narcissistic, and just wanting 166 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,500 to take all the time for people, you have never give it's in 167 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:09,600 early sobriety this idea of what you just the question. 168 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:14,600 You just posed about why this desire of getting caught, why 169 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:20,400 this narcissism I'm not recovered enough when I'm fresh 170 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:25,900 trying to get well, To take responsibility for the harm on 171 00:08:25,900 --> 00:08:27,900 causing. I don't like that. 172 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,600 I don't know how to take responsibility. 173 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:34,299 So that's a key that I mean, this is not some spiritual, we 174 00:08:34,299 --> 00:08:36,600 think this is very practical. This is self-awareness, 175 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,900 practice, absolute. I don't know that so good. 176 00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:41,100 I don't know how, I don't know how to kill. 177 00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:44,200 I'm stuck. I'm gonna screw up and get in 178 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:48,600 trouble, and you're gonna Force responsibility on me because I'm 179 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,800 not evolved enough yet, right? Ask for it, you know, they own 180 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,400 it. Own the responsibility. 181 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,800 It's almost like we're right there and we're going to get 182 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,300 controversial. Sometimes in the things that we 183 00:08:57,300 --> 00:09:00,800 say and you know, some of you and I like to say, we're not 184 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,200 left, we're not right, we're not none of those things. 185 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,700 You know, we're just here, trying to help people. 186 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,500 And so, some of the things that we say is going to kind of seem 187 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,600 right. Some things we say is going to 188 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,000 seem left, so I don't want you to kind of pigeon-holed, listen 189 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,100 to this, you know, I want to make sure we start that off 190 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,800 right off the bat. You know, there's no politics in 191 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,700 any of this, but I do think like, and we've talked about 192 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:22,700 this before I do think. Society when there's not, you 193 00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:26,600 know, regulations or rules are for you to be responsible. 194 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,700 Mmm. Yeah, then it's like in my it's 195 00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:32,900 almost weird like in my addiction I can be responsible 196 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,900 but I'm really being irresponsible, if that makes 197 00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:37,500 sense. It's like it's almost like I 198 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,600 need some type of its gang members, for instance, and maybe 199 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:44,000 people are listening and they've been in a gang or whatever, I 200 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,800 need the structure of this screwed-up family. 201 00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:49,800 You know, even though they're telling me to go, you need to 202 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,200 Oh, you know, like they were doing initiation in California 203 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,800 where they were like, slicing people's ankles, their hide 204 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,700 under a car. And then that was like the I 205 00:09:56,700 --> 00:10:02,600 need some type of messed up structure and you've worked with 206 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,300 tons of of addicts. Like I mean that's your calling 207 00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:06,300 and that's what you do every week. 208 00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:11,700 You work with tons attics, why do you think people crave, you 209 00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:14,900 know, like responsibility like and I know when you are in the 210 00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:17,900 very beginning and I think this is really interesting is 211 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,600 something that was helping you out in the Very beginning. 212 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:21,700 It was an older gentleman, right? 213 00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:23,600 Correct and such a beautiful certain. 214 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,900 We'll get into that later with you being able to be by his 215 00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:31,800 bedside when he passed away. But like doing self-esteem, obol 216 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,100 acts. Like, what would he tell you, 217 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:39,700 you know, so you come in broken and you and I lived a life based 218 00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:43,200 on selfish self centeredness and I lived the life where I heard a 219 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:47,300 lot of people and I was ashamed of a lot of things I've done, 220 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,800 right? And, you know, when he starts 221 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:55,700 Seeking any recovery. You know, I was walking around 222 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:59,400 broken as walk around broken and these men that I was around saw 223 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,400 that and yet one of them grabbed me, was this older gentleman 224 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,200 Bobby and Bobby said, like an old-school a old school. 225 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:09,400 I didn't have a choice and this is New Mexico, right? 226 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,400 Correct. Yeah. 227 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,700 Small town New Mexico. Yeah. 228 00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:16,000 So this is and he said, hey, you want some self-esteem? 229 00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:21,700 And I was a little crying. I could really use some of that. 230 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,000 Start doing a steam of relax, my love. 231 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,800 That that's so good. Start behaving in a way that you 232 00:11:28,808 --> 00:11:34,600 can be proud of the man, you are go over there and help you see 233 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,500 them. You see that group of people go 234 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:39,300 through the trash? Maybe that's all you can do in 235 00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:43,100 the moment be if service? Yes, yes, it's so good like 236 00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:46,500 taking the trash, maybe that's what you doing and I think might 237 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:47,900 be it. Yeah, and some people that 238 00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:51,500 they're coming to addiction wanting people to help them. 239 00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:55,300 Sure she and I'm here and I'm just Center of my attention. 240 00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:59,100 And I'm just going to replace you see this all the time and 241 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,700 it's conditioned to also. It's like I have 30 years of 242 00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:03,800 conditioning. There's just, I'm the center of 243 00:12:03,808 --> 00:12:05,900 the universe. You guys better help me. 244 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:06,900 Right? Right, right, right. 245 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:10,000 Yeah, for me. And, and those everyone else in 246 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,100 the room here for right. Right. 247 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:14,200 Right. And you know what a wild idea? 248 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,400 Paradoxical idea. That the only way I'm going to 249 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:23,200 get better, is if I start helping others, mmm, I start 250 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,800 putting others needs ahead of mine. 251 00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:29,500 And that, that's, that's part of that the how because you are 252 00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:30,700 going to get back to that. And make sure we're 253 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,500 understanding that. How that's part of it. 254 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,600 I mean, there's, there's a long process that you get to go 255 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,500 through. Yes, yes. 256 00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:40,000 That's one of the things is like, you can start doing a 257 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,300 steam mobile acts in service to others. 258 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,500 Absolutely. And you don't and that can 259 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,200 Happen right away. Mhm, yeah, that can happen right 260 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,800 away. So taking out the trash. 261 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,500 Perfect, example. So let's say you're staying with 262 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:55,200 someone and you're an addict and you're listening to this go take 263 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,300 out their trash. Yeah. 264 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:59,100 Clean the bathroom that you're using kicked out of your house. 265 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,600 Yes. And now are staying on 266 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,900 Grandma's. Couch uncle's couch, because 267 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,300 nobody in is going to have to have you. 268 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:10,200 It's right people that go to Grandma's house, throw the 269 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,600 trash. Yeah, go cut the lawn, FML 270 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,500 taneous lie. Okay. 271 00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:19,000 So we were just, we opened the conversation with not, knowing 272 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,300 how to suit up and show up for responsibility. 273 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:28,300 Mmm, I'm actually Showing up for some responsibility by throwing 274 00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,700 the triggers. Yes. 275 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:31,900 Thank you in the trash. What is this responsibility 276 00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:34,000 giving me? Yes, what is this? 277 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,400 Doing? A steam Obelix giving me, huh, 278 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:38,700 your Jordan. Peter talks about that with the 279 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,000 sock. Yes, he really does. 280 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,900 Yeah, clean your room. Yeah. 281 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,800 One of his big deals that I really resonate with Jordan 282 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,200 Pederson. He'll say, people are looking 283 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,000 for the meaning that will transcend the tragedy of their 284 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,500 life. Living a an addicted lifestyle. 285 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,800 A if fish self-centered lifestyle is tragic. 286 00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,700 Yes, I run people, I hurt people. 287 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:05,000 And people start to remember that and avoid me. 288 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,200 Mmm. So it's and then some people are 289 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:13,100 looking for. As much individual 290 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:17,600 responsibility as they can shoulder to help themselves 291 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,300 their family and their Community. 292 00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,700 That's so good. And as a little experience, 293 00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:29,800 wisdom and understanding takes place in this search for 294 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:32,300 Spiritual Development, or Consciousness development or 295 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:38,100 recovery development, come to find out Those are the same 296 00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:44,200 thing when I shoulder individual responsibility to improve myself 297 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,700 which in turn, improves my family which in turn improves my 298 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:52,700 whole Community I find the meaning that transcends the 299 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:57,000 tragedy myself self existent. I am no longer existing in this 300 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,500 selfish self-centered way because I'm shouldering 301 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,500 responsibility. You just change the Matrix. 302 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,700 They are living in like that programming change. 303 00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:06,300 That's the recovered piece. Mmm. 304 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,500 Yes. And I and that's so good in the 305 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:10,800 end. Like we're very being very 306 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,400 extremely practical right now and I want to get into the 307 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,900 module number one because I think we, I think this is really 308 00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:17,900 important will get into your story. 309 00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:20,700 My story I was homeless and we'll get into that at some 310 00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:23,700 point, but I just want to start this first episode. 311 00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:26,200 I'll just, you know, helping people right off the bat cool 312 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,100 and giving them, you know, tools and then they can follow through 313 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:32,400 this process with us in these and then like eventually, like I 314 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,300 said, we'll have courses and stuff like that for people to 315 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:38,800 take, but our module, One is understanding addiction. 316 00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:42,800 And, you know, one of the things that we have is in, when we look 317 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,500 at understanding our, the, why the, how all those things, the 318 00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:50,000 how, when what, where is the nature of addiction? 319 00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:55,400 And it what we say in our course, is that it's in 320 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,400 composting physical, emotional, spiritual dimensions, and we'll 321 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:04,500 get into those, but it's not a matter of moral, failings, or 322 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,900 willpower. But rather addiction is a 323 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:10,400 disease or disagrees is like to say that. 324 00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,500 I like that that affects the brain and it's functioning. 325 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:18,300 So the nature of addiction when you hear that, what is that? 326 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,800 What is how does that resonate with you as far as like being 327 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,200 able to help somebody understand the nature of addiction? 328 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,400 You know what I think we've touched on it a little bit but 329 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,900 it's excellent to jump into the module and get more specific, 330 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:35,500 regards to pulling back the understanding of my selfishness. 331 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:39,200 Mmm. The nature of my addiction. 332 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,300 What does it mean to be addicted? 333 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:44,000 To something, there are different components. 334 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,900 There's definitely a mental component, there's definitely a 335 00:16:47,908 --> 00:16:50,800 physical component. There's definitely a spiritual 336 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:56,600 Lacking component, right? And at the, at the same time, 337 00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:07,700 with all of that's happening at the same time, What blinds me is 338 00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:11,099 my selfishness in those areas, okay? 339 00:17:11,099 --> 00:17:12,599 Seriously. Like like specifically, like 340 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:17,200 areas like the way that I treat my family with my mom? 341 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,700 Yes. The way that I treat and you had 342 00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:21,500 talked about that the. So let's, let's do this, because 343 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:24,900 it's really interesting. So, like your mom kicked you out 344 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,700 after you got sober, right? Correct. 345 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:28,400 I got Sober Sober for three months. 346 00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:33,300 I wasn't doing anything to deal with my emotional well-being. 347 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:36,700 Mmm, I was just Just not using it where you just like purely 348 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:39,400 white knuckling, your addiction and some of them are some people 349 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,600 out there, right now, that's in. That's why there's a large 350 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,000 majority of people struggling with addiction, will try and do 351 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:45,800 this. I'll figure it out. 352 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,600 I have enough game, I have enough Moxie, I can do this on 353 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,300 my own, I'll do it. The way I am is enough and we're 354 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:54,100 programs another form of self and there's two. 355 00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:56,300 Absolutely, I'm big enough course, I'm big enough. 356 00:17:56,300 --> 00:18:00,000 I'll do it well, and especially in, in our world in the United 357 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,800 States in the new world. We're top work harder. 358 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,400 Yeah. Apply more. 359 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,800 Yes well I don't if you just if you just grab stronger will you 360 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,000 could do it, do it. Yeah, work harder. 361 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:15,800 And that's how I mustered those three months, but I was horrible 362 00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:22,700 to be around judgmental hurtful. No, no, just a mere. 363 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,400 Yeah, absolutely. No control. 364 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:29,200 When it came to my language or disrespectful completely works 365 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,200 like, this is my mom, but not completely, I'm grateful. 366 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,000 Yeah, yeah, yes, the ungrateful part? 367 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,400 Yes. Three months, Albert. 368 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,900 Kicked me out of the house because I was too miserable to 369 00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:40,700 be around. He couldn't stand being around 370 00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:43,500 the type of person. I am when I'm behaving in my 371 00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:48,000 selfish addictions whether I'm using substances or not. 372 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,400 When I many divorces are from that, probably all of them. 373 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:55,000 Yeah, probably all of them. Because what's wrong with me? 374 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,500 Is you hmm. If only you were different I 375 00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,800 would be okay. And that nobody to see that it 376 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,800 got fish sauce have this. Only what did you say? 377 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,500 See that again? What's wrong with me? 378 00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:07,200 This is my Go speaking with this is the second greatest lie of 379 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,700 addiction, right? First greatest lie is this time 380 00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:13,900 will be different. The second greatest lie is well, 381 00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:18,500 what's wrong with me? Is you if only you were 382 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:22,800 different, I would be okay. And that's a delusion. 383 00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:25,400 What is it about me? That wants you to be different. 384 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,000 That's so good. Ego, my control. 385 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,600 If only the government was different, I would be okay if 386 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:35,300 only my education was different. I would be okay if My mom wasn't 387 00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,700 solely. My mom was different. 388 00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:38,300 Yeah, then, I wouldn't have to be mad at her. 389 00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:39,300 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 390 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,200 I'll be okay. Are my grandma's letting me 391 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,100 sleep on the couch if I? Yes, and my ego is constantly 392 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,300 demanding that the world around me changes so that I feel fine 393 00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:49,900 or my boss. You know, because traffic 394 00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:51,800 there's a lot of addicts that are functioning. 395 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,400 Sure. And we're speaking of those two 396 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,100 and this is all addiction. Like you may think you have your 397 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:59,300 sexual addiction under control, but it's going to pop it. 398 00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:02,000 Ugly, head up. And then we're going to get into 399 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,700 that about cutting the head of the snake off. 400 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,600 Yeah. Because you Really good stuff on 401 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:09,500 that, join that helped me out a lot in a lot of my personality 402 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:12,500 because I have an addicts. I've always the only thing 403 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:15,800 that's cause me not to go Hog Wild, and any of my addictions 404 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:20,200 is purely ego fear. Mmm, I'm a very fearful person. 405 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:23,500 So the reason I won't do drugs and I've been offered tons of 406 00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:25,300 drugs on its homeless. The reason I wouldn't because I 407 00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:27,600 was so afraid of something taking me over. 408 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,800 Not that, I would become an addict because I care about 409 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:30,900 myself. I tried to kill myself punch 410 00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:34,400 times, all that stuff, you know? And if you're unfit to be like 411 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,300 I'm such a loser. I can't even kill myself 412 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:41,000 properly, and if you really want to kill yourself, you could do 413 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:41,500 it. I failed it. 414 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:45,400 So, it's just me. Being always say like suicide is 415 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,900 the ultimate selfishness. Absolutely. 416 00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:48,300 Because you're not caring about anybody else? 417 00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:50,800 No, no family. Nobody and then this is your 418 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,400 legacy. This is how you going to leave 419 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,400 the Earth is you and you're just going to get another meat suit 420 00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:57,600 and we'll get into that new and it's just a lesson that you 421 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:02,100 learned next, you know. But in the meantime, whenever 422 00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:05,000 you look at the nature of a Action. 423 00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:08,000 And what you said is dealing with selfishness. 424 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,400 Absolutely. Yeah, and when you look at 425 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,400 selfishness in and of its in, and of its nature. 426 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,700 So let's get into that because we're dissecting, kind of, like, 427 00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:18,900 we're going to go deep into addiction. 428 00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:20,700 I mean, we're going to do hundreds and hundreds of 429 00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:23,800 episodes of these. And so, until one of us fall off 430 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:31,800 the wagon, right? Will be on here and we both of 431 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,400 us because we've known each other very, very well both. 432 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:37,000 Of us got to the point to where I mean I used to back oh I have 433 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:40,300 it sitting right here whatever that's an addiction but I've 434 00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:42,300 gotten to the point like I don't even want to drink alcohol 435 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,200 anymore. I may have a beer here or there 436 00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,800 and I've never had it an addiction with alcohol, but it 437 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,400 lures, my vibration. For sure. 438 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,400 It is poison, absolutely. So I'd always the sounds like a 439 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,900 good idea and then if I do it, like if I drink more than three 440 00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:58,700 beers, you know, I can have two or three Dos Equis, but I drink 441 00:21:58,700 --> 00:22:03,100 more and I get a buzz then with Lily in like an hour or two, I'm 442 00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:06,600 feeling low. And I don't feel like I'm not 443 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,100 being my abundant best. This isn't me at my best. 444 00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:13,100 Yeah, you know, this is, you know, so whether whether you 445 00:22:13,100 --> 00:22:15,300 have a little bit because I believe everybody is an addict, 446 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,900 you know? I mean down deep inside so we're 447 00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:20,800 really speaking to everyone. Everyone everybody has you know, 448 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,200 like you said and I have this if one is good if thousands better 449 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:30,000 and to keep it real like even even playing, everyone's on an 450 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,300 even playing field here addiction to fear. 451 00:22:32,300 --> 00:22:35,100 Mmm addiction to work. That's me. 452 00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:37,300 Absolutely. You don't have to have ever 453 00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:40,200 touched the substance in your life to not be addicted to fear. 454 00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:42,300 Mmm. Well, does that then it turns 455 00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:44,900 into like addiction to fear turns into people-pleasing and I 456 00:22:44,900 --> 00:22:47,600 can go all into that and never feeling upper limits and we're 457 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,000 going to get it. We're going to do shows on upper 458 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:49,900 limits. You Opie's. 459 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,300 Yeah of I do I never feel good enough you know? 460 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:56,700 So and this is a situation that we had when we were helping 461 00:22:56,700 --> 00:23:00,400 someone last week with this is their whole thing was, I can't 462 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:04,200 be social and less, I have alcohol or drugs in my system. 463 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:08,000 Like I'm not good enough to do because I'm an introvert. 464 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,400 I'm not good enough to talk to people and that wasn't your 465 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:14,900 situation because I want people understand all addictions 466 00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:19,100 manifest themselves differently. This isn't like I don't like 467 00:23:19,100 --> 00:23:21,100 programs or everything's like cut and dry. 468 00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:22,500 Yeah, because this is individually. 469 00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:26,500 Like you were just like I'm gonna drink a whole bottle and I 470 00:23:26,508 --> 00:23:29,900 don't really hear I do care but at the if I really cared, I 471 00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:33,600 wouldn't have wound up naked, you know like pissing in you 472 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,000 know pissing on Somebody or something. 473 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:39,700 I doubt you did that that a lot. But but I remember you telling 474 00:23:39,700 --> 00:23:42,600 me like the greatest gift that you found was like, you found a 475 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,500 hidden bottle. Oh yeah, you'd forgot that you 476 00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:48,600 displacement and was I was in. I was in a blackout and I didn't 477 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:52,500 remember rice dashing this bottle where I did stash it and 478 00:23:52,500 --> 00:23:56,100 then 11 a.m. the next morning. You find it. 479 00:23:56,100 --> 00:23:58,500 I found it and you're like, fucking gold. 480 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:08,500 You manifested that right too but it's so funny because it's 481 00:24:08,500 --> 00:24:12,000 like you were like the blackout drunk hurt yourself and like I 482 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,700 said, we'll do more to your story but it may be into a whole 483 00:24:14,700 --> 00:24:19,100 podcast on that, but it's people's addiction and how they 484 00:24:19,100 --> 00:24:22,100 handle it or how they think they're handling it with their 485 00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:24,300 ego. It manifests, in plays out 486 00:24:24,300 --> 00:24:26,300 itself. So uniquely in different. 487 00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:29,700 Absolutely. And it's Sneaky, yes, it's very 488 00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:31,100 sneaky. Well, I didn't think I was 489 00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:34,200 addicted to that, but all I think about is my bank account. 490 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,900 And I just check it. I check how many times I check 491 00:24:36,900 --> 00:24:39,100 my app on my phone. Is it money still there? 492 00:24:39,700 --> 00:24:44,100 Yes it's here too. - yeah I'm in a bar in 18 years or whatever. 493 00:24:44,100 --> 00:24:47,800 Right. But but I but I'm addicted to to 494 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,500 checking because I've I'm addicted. 495 00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:51,400 The fear of money. Yes, are our. 496 00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:55,500 I used to be an alcoholic and now I'm obese and I'm addicted 497 00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:57,900 to food. It does just illegal drug. 498 00:24:57,900 --> 00:25:01,900 I'm addicted to go to the gym. Yes, work out twice a day now 499 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:04,100 just to keep my crazy mind quiet. 500 00:25:04,900 --> 00:25:07,000 Yes. Yeah, I'm burning my muscle 501 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,200 tissue in my joints. Are breaking apart, however, 502 00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:13,600 twice every day every day. Yeah, and I'm better than 503 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,400 everyone else. Yeah, exactly. 504 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,000 Exactly. You could look better, I'm 505 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,400 better than everyone else, you know. 506 00:25:18,700 --> 00:25:22,900 So I kind of want to get into the physical dimension on this 507 00:25:22,900 --> 00:25:25,400 lesson and we won't get through all of this will go to the next 508 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,800 one. But in the last thing, it says 509 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,700 physical addiction Alters the brain structure and functioning 510 00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:33,200 primarily impacting, the reward system, substances are behaviors 511 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,500 that are addictive stimulate this. 512 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,000 Reward system and we've talked about this for dopamine and all 513 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:42,000 these and evolution psychology tells us this, you know, like we 514 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,800 it's been ingrained in us, we want to search and search and 515 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,400 then when we find the berries, are we find the deer that we can 516 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,400 hunt and kill everybody? That's that. 517 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,900 Dopamine hit. So you can be at the casino 518 00:25:51,900 --> 00:25:54,300 because some of you are addicted to that and you can be pushing 519 00:25:54,300 --> 00:25:55,400 the button. Push the button, then all the 520 00:25:55,400 --> 00:26:00,200 sudden, all the cherries light up and you think 03 you know and 521 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,300 then you're addicted to that feeling and so you're searching 522 00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:04,500 for that yet. That's just a physical. 523 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,300 All evolutionary psychology thing. 524 00:26:06,700 --> 00:26:09,500 It really doesn't have power over you when you begin to 525 00:26:09,500 --> 00:26:11,800 understand it very good. Yeah. 526 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:18,700 Yeah, that that's powerful. We like to say, you know, you 527 00:26:18,700 --> 00:26:25,100 and I talked about this a lot. When my internal state is 528 00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:29,600 independent of my outside circumstances, I'm mastering my 529 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,700 environment. Oh yeah, that's so good. 530 00:26:31,700 --> 00:26:35,200 I'm mastering my environment. I have emotional intelligence 531 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,300 and those are the people. I like to hang out with. 532 00:26:37,300 --> 00:26:39,000 You want to hang out with emotionally intelligent people, 533 00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:42,700 but when I'm behaving in addiction, I'm ruled by my 534 00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:45,800 environment. Whatever's going on around me. 535 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:52,100 Dictates my emotions. So I go to a party and I see 536 00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:54,100 some alcohol and easily run to that. 537 00:26:54,500 --> 00:26:57,000 I'm feeling a lack. Yes, yes, yes, yes. 538 00:26:57,300 --> 00:26:59,900 And then I want to feel electric and I want to feel like I fit 539 00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:02,600 in. So I'm going to give in to the 540 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,000 circumstances that are around me. 541 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:08,500 I think for a lot of people that are lost in their addiction and 542 00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:13,000 it was certainly my case. Once I ingested, the substance, 543 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:19,900 And I had a physical experience with the substance for the most 544 00:27:19,900 --> 00:27:22,200 part. I instantly it in. 545 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,600 Hmm. I was instantly a part of to you 546 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,600 begin to start screwing it up because you're drinking too much 547 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,900 in the beginning. That feels wonderful. 548 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:31,900 Yeah. Oh my gosh. 549 00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:33,200 I was like, mr. Popular. 550 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:35,000 And people wanted to be around him. 551 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,000 Had a great time. We left. 552 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,700 The can't wait to do that again. Let's do your skiing and 553 00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:44,200 partying and and the progression of chasing that feeling feeding 554 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:47,100 it. And belonging and connected to, 555 00:27:47,900 --> 00:27:54,700 it's easy to get blinded by the ego, and my selfishness, because 556 00:27:54,700 --> 00:27:56,900 then I'm just chasing this feeling of belonging. 557 00:27:57,100 --> 00:27:59,600 But my life can't be one big party. 558 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:04,200 Yes, I tried to make it that I tried to say, let's drink and 559 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:07,600 that's when I start to feel connected and then the physical 560 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,300 structure of my brain gets rewired. 561 00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:16,500 So that I'm chasing this feeling that I Think only exists when 562 00:28:16,500 --> 00:28:19,600 I'm pouring substance. So you literally have to change 563 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:25,100 your whole life to find this fitting in. 564 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,100 So it's like I need to find alcohol. 565 00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:31,100 Mmm. In a situation so that I fit in. 566 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,200 Yeah. And and fit in fill a part of 567 00:28:34,300 --> 00:28:37,800 right or connected to write all of those were kind of saying the 568 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,300 same thing. We're getting into some Oneness 569 00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:41,400 so I'm going to, I'm going to work at it. 570 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,000 I'm going to work at a bar. I'm going to work at a strip 571 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:43,900 club. Oh yeah. 572 00:28:43,900 --> 00:28:47,100 So that Mint. So I so I'm going to change 573 00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:48,600 everything. I'm gonna become this crazy 574 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,700 night, owl do all these things. You know. 575 00:28:50,700 --> 00:28:53,800 I do I'm going to make money so I can function but I've 576 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,000 literally given myself up to this addiction. 577 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,500 To the point of I'm going to change my whole life. 578 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,600 I've designed my world around this thing. 579 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:02,800 Yes. Are you go design your world? 580 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:03,600 That's awesome. Yeah. 581 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,100 All right, I've created a world mmm around this because we're 582 00:29:06,100 --> 00:29:08,100 manifesting whatever. Absolutely, yeah. 583 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:09,900 How is it that you got the job at the bar. 584 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:11,800 Right. Right right. 585 00:29:11,808 --> 00:29:14,800 Powerful creators. We can we can, we can absolutely 586 00:29:14,900 --> 00:29:19,800 We create the world record where we think about, we desire. 587 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:23,400 So you know like most I don't want to say the word most let me 588 00:29:23,408 --> 00:29:26,600 not say that's wrong but you you've been in the restaurant 589 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,900 arena for a while, I'm used to do that, a lot of bartenders are 590 00:29:30,908 --> 00:29:33,700 taking drinks. A lot. 591 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,700 Yeah, that's on the side or whatever I worked in the service 592 00:29:36,700 --> 00:29:41,100 industry for over 20 years. Hmm, and a particular type of 593 00:29:41,100 --> 00:29:44,900 person is attracted to that environment, right? 594 00:29:44,900 --> 00:29:48,000 There's weed, drugs and alcohol, every single kitchen. 595 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:52,900 I don't care where you are, has drinks going on, and and brings 596 00:29:52,900 --> 00:29:56,300 going on. So your draughts of an addict is 597 00:29:56,300 --> 00:30:00,800 drawn to that environment because that environment allows 598 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,400 them in their minds to be able to Function. 599 00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:05,200 Because at least I'm making money. 600 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,400 At least I can pay my rent. Hmm. 601 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,000 I mean, they probably have a shitty car. 602 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,100 Probably not living in a nice place or whatever, but I've 603 00:30:12,100 --> 00:30:17,600 given up myself to the addiction so much that I've created an 604 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,100 environment because I want people to understand this 605 00:30:20,100 --> 00:30:22,200 because when you really, this is really powerful what you said, 606 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:26,500 you know, because this gives you, if you can create that 607 00:30:26,500 --> 00:30:28,800 environment, you can create an environment. 608 00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:30,600 You can create another environment. 609 00:30:30,700 --> 00:30:31,900 Yes. Because you've created that 610 00:30:31,900 --> 00:30:34,100 environment, you just did that because like you said it was 611 00:30:34,100 --> 00:30:36,400 fun. It's fun to be at 1:00 in the 612 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,500 morning and people are dancing and drinking and I want to do 613 00:30:39,500 --> 00:30:41,100 that too. That's fun. 614 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,800 You know, I mean I want a drink and get super buzzed in the 615 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,800 short term that's fun, but if I'm doing it night, after night 616 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,600 after night, after night, and I'm serving drinks and I'm 617 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:53,900 taking a drink and serving drinks and then when you get 618 00:30:53,900 --> 00:30:57,100 off, I've seen this, you know, bartenders get off their shift 619 00:30:57,100 --> 00:30:59,800 and then they go sit at a table. What do they do? 620 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:03,100 They drink drink. Yeah, so, you know, over and 621 00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:06,200 over and over, and over again. You're making these micro 622 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:11,100 choices to service your. Your ego is making these micro 623 00:31:11,100 --> 00:31:12,900 choices to service the addiction. 624 00:31:13,500 --> 00:31:15,500 So you're living to the addiction. 625 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,400 You don't even know who you are. You see what I'm saying? 626 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,700 Like solutely. Yeah, you're not. 627 00:31:19,700 --> 00:31:21,500 And you like I said, you've been in this over. 628 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,000 Yeah. And I you just said, really 629 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:25,400 resonated with me in regards to you. 630 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:29,000 Don't know who you are. Those micro decisions are made. 631 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:34,400 Usually in my I'm pretty unconscious to those decisions. 632 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,200 Yeah I got and I just work at a restaurant not what exactly it 633 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,800 looks pretty and and I can function, I pay my rent, I'm 634 00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:42,800 holding down a job. Yes, yes, it looks pretty. 635 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:43,800 Yeah. It looks pretty. 636 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,100 I like maybe I'm still young and I look good. 637 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,600 I showered. Yeah, I look at it smell good. 638 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,000 I showed up guys are hitting on me all the time or girls are 639 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,200 hitting on me all the time. I mean, I look great even though 640 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:57,700 my like livers about it's like it's not a rupture. 641 00:31:57,700 --> 00:32:01,400 Yeah, it's not to go anymore. But but I look good and I had a 642 00:32:01,408 --> 00:32:03,400 miniature in the car before I walked in. 643 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:05,200 Yes. Yeah. 644 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,700 And then I'm going to do three or four shots during your shift. 645 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,900 Yeah. And then get off and do more 646 00:32:09,900 --> 00:32:12,100 substances that are going to help me drink even more. 647 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,300 Yeah, I dated a bartender for a while and she was that way. 648 00:32:15,500 --> 00:32:18,800 She would she would take the little minis that reminded me 649 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,500 and put them in her coffee for the start of her shift. 650 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,400 So she would go to Starbucks. Yeah. 651 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,700 And get a coffee and then put these little minis in her 652 00:32:25,700 --> 00:32:27,700 coffee. To start her shift and looks 653 00:32:27,700 --> 00:32:30,300 pretty and the early afternoon. You know she'd go to work at 654 00:32:30,300 --> 00:32:32,900 4:00 in the afternoon or whatever three and then next 655 00:32:32,900 --> 00:32:34,800 thing you know she's drinking all the way till 2:00 in the 656 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,500 morning. Addicts are usually super high 657 00:32:37,500 --> 00:32:41,800 functioning people and it's very interesting because they can fit 658 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,300 many personas that makes you super popular. 659 00:32:44,300 --> 00:32:47,200 He fit in with whoever you can fit in with the jocks who could 660 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,100 fit in high school, you know, you can get in with the jocks, 661 00:32:49,100 --> 00:32:51,400 you can fit with the, with the, with the punks you could fit in 662 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:55,900 with the skaters, the Glee Club you fitted with everybody and I 663 00:32:55,900 --> 00:33:00,000 was able to turn on and off these personas to fit into 664 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,400 whatever scenario I was in but that's because I was trying to 665 00:33:02,408 --> 00:33:06,000 get whatever I wanted to get All selfish selfish self 666 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:09,300 centeredness knew who to be in particular, situations, two 667 00:33:09,300 --> 00:33:14,600 million even at work because I'm just there for me and you could 668 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,600 get to the level of and I'm like I said we're not right or left 669 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,400 or whatever. You know I always say I'm not 670 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,400 right-wing or left-wing overthrowing the whole bird out, 671 00:33:22,300 --> 00:33:25,700 but but you know, somebody that had that was Bill Clinton. 672 00:33:25,900 --> 00:33:27,300 Hmm. You know, he had sexual 673 00:33:27,300 --> 00:33:29,400 addiction and all that stuff and you could see that clearly. 674 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:33,100 I mean, there's proof on all that but he became the president 675 00:33:33,100 --> 00:33:37,300 of the United States. And then people would be like 676 00:33:37,300 --> 00:33:39,700 there was people in the people do may not remember this 677 00:33:39,700 --> 00:33:42,300 timeframe, but there was like the Republican Party, the head 678 00:33:42,300 --> 00:33:44,200 guy of the Republican Party Newt Gingrich. 679 00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,800 He would like shake his head. He be like I would go in an 680 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:50,500 office with him, talked to him for 30 minutes and I'm agreeing 681 00:33:50,500 --> 00:33:53,900 with him by the in 30 minutes like he was such a chameleon, 682 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:57,400 very convincing. Yes, this addict worked his way 683 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:00,100 all the way up to the president of the United States you know 684 00:34:00,100 --> 00:34:01,900 and you could be an addict like a psychopath or whatever I'm 685 00:34:01,900 --> 00:34:04,500 saying he was but I mean obviously it's a sec. 686 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:09,400 So addiction problem, but you can get to that level of the 687 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:12,000 highest function, it still looks pretty. 688 00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:13,000 Yes. Yeah. 689 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:14,800 Exactly. And you're just meant like you 690 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,900 said, you're manipulating people to get what you want. 691 00:34:17,900 --> 00:34:21,600 And then the whole Center, the universe is built around you to 692 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,600 accomplish whether you want women or guys, or whatever it is 693 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,900 if you could get to that level and I'm that way too like I can 694 00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:33,300 see that I can see that self with me you know it's like how 695 00:34:33,300 --> 00:34:36,199 can I accomplish this? And then it becomes a game. 696 00:34:36,300 --> 00:34:37,000 Absolutely. Yeah. 697 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:40,300 If you're selfish and self-centered, why wouldn't you 698 00:34:40,300 --> 00:34:45,100 manifest a position where you almost are the center of the 699 00:34:45,100 --> 00:34:47,300 universe? Mmm, everyone knew who Bill 700 00:34:47,300 --> 00:34:48,900 Clinton was? Yeah, that's what I was doing. 701 00:34:48,900 --> 00:34:50,699 What he said to do. Yes, exactly. 702 00:34:50,699 --> 00:34:52,600 Yeah. How do you get to that position? 703 00:34:53,100 --> 00:34:55,100 100%? Yeah, your governor in Arkansas. 704 00:34:55,100 --> 00:34:56,500 How do you get there? And then next thing, you know, 705 00:34:56,500 --> 00:34:59,500 either present United States like hearing, you know, but it's 706 00:34:59,500 --> 00:35:01,800 that's just a high, the highest of the levels. 707 00:35:01,900 --> 00:35:04,700 But what you were saying about you and I want to get into to 708 00:35:04,700 --> 00:35:07,200 this because there's a lot of people that are that are like 709 00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,300 bartenders or whatever. You know, addicts are probably 710 00:35:09,300 --> 00:35:14,100 listening to this right now. When you get to that, where 711 00:35:14,100 --> 00:35:18,000 you're having to manifest the environment to support the 712 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,900 addiction. So, like, what like with you 713 00:35:22,700 --> 00:35:25,100 Were you when you started you were sober. 714 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,200 You were, you were partly sober where you were. 715 00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,500 You sober when you were, when you got into the food industry? 716 00:35:30,500 --> 00:35:33,500 Or you know what? In the beginning, I was not, 717 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,300 okay? I started my was, you know, 718 00:35:35,300 --> 00:35:39,000 Started From The Bottom. I was a dishwasher at a catering 719 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:42,400 company and I drinking that drinking and high the entire 720 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:44,100 time. It was owned by a couple of 721 00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:46,000 lesbians. And they were, they were, they 722 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,000 were tough on me, and they would yell at me. 723 00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:51,900 So go wash the dishes, right? And we love hygiene. 724 00:35:52,300 --> 00:35:54,900 Love lesbians. I just want to tape, they were 725 00:35:54,900 --> 00:35:57,400 great, they were tough, but they were tough on me, right? 726 00:35:57,700 --> 00:36:03,000 And I used to steal campaign after the parties were over that 727 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,700 we through, and I was high all day and drinking champagne. 728 00:36:06,700 --> 00:36:09,700 I was 14 years old. I started very young even 14 729 00:36:09,700 --> 00:36:11,700 years old, fourteen-years-old started drinking. 730 00:36:11,700 --> 00:36:13,700 When I kicked off my addiction career. 731 00:36:13,700 --> 00:36:19,200 Absolutely your diction career. I love for decades. 732 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:24,800 Yeah and there are already there Had this lack in spirit, how 733 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,400 many 14 year olds were working at a catering company. 734 00:36:27,500 --> 00:36:28,900 So, you're being highly productive. 735 00:36:28,900 --> 00:36:30,800 Yeah, well, highly big chameleon. 736 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,200 Also, I knew what I needed to do in order to get what I needed to 737 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:37,900 get. And what I wanted to get was 738 00:36:37,900 --> 00:36:42,600 checked out. I wanted to not feel I wanted to 739 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,400 not deal with whatever this lack was going on. 740 00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:46,900 Inside me. I didn't have the articulation 741 00:36:46,900 --> 00:36:49,400 then I didn't know I was spiritually lacking. 742 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:51,800 I didn't know I was living selfishly. 743 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,500 I just knew that I wanted to do not feel whatever it was. 744 00:36:54,500 --> 00:36:56,600 I was feeling you're like this feels great. 745 00:36:56,700 --> 00:36:59,500 This feels amazing. She's so unconscious like what? 746 00:36:59,500 --> 00:37:02,900 Me know I can look at it now and and know when the monkey my it's 747 00:37:02,900 --> 00:37:04,800 just a monkey mind that ego mine. 748 00:37:05,300 --> 00:37:07,600 You know, it's like I love this. This tastes amazing. 749 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:09,600 I want. You know, I don't want, I don't 750 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,500 just want one or two Donuts. I want the whole, that's my 751 00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:13,900 problem. I want the whole does. 752 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,000 We're gonna do well, yeah, I'm gonna eat. 753 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,500 I can slam six Krispy Kremes in no time. 754 00:37:18,700 --> 00:37:20,800 We're people may eat one or two, the normal person. 755 00:37:20,900 --> 00:37:22,400 Yeah. And I'm like thinking thing 756 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,000 about it. Well, there's still six left in 757 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,400 that box hour. Later is like, I'll grab another 758 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,000 one. Yeah. 759 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:28,000 Hour later. Grab another one. 760 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:29,000 Yeah. The next, you know, I've made a 761 00:37:29,008 --> 00:37:31,000 whole dozen donuts in a couple hours. 762 00:37:31,100 --> 00:37:33,900 Yep. So I started working in the 763 00:37:33,900 --> 00:37:37,500 service industry. While I was partaking in active 764 00:37:37,500 --> 00:37:40,800 alcoholism and drug addiction, the beautiful part of one of the 765 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:42,900 beautiful parts of my story is, I sobered up and then I still 766 00:37:42,900 --> 00:37:46,600 worked in that industry. Yeah, see that would be tough. 767 00:37:46,700 --> 00:37:48,900 It was tough to me. That would be tough. 768 00:37:48,900 --> 00:37:51,100 Having it around me. It was, it was tough. 769 00:37:51,100 --> 00:37:54,700 But if I was doing the appropriate spiritual work to 770 00:37:54,700 --> 00:37:58,300 know that, I am not my environment. 771 00:37:58,400 --> 00:37:59,300 Mmm. Yes. 772 00:37:59,300 --> 00:38:01,900 I'm not a bottle that has nothing to do with my identity. 773 00:38:01,900 --> 00:38:04,000 That has nothing to do with what's going on inside of me 774 00:38:04,300 --> 00:38:05,700 what we already talked about earlier. 775 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:10,100 If my internal state is independent of my outside 776 00:38:10,100 --> 00:38:16,000 circumstances, That's one of the most beautiful Miracles that 777 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:19,400 recovery has to offer us. I can now go anywhere in the 778 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:20,600 world. A free man. 779 00:38:21,300 --> 00:38:26,500 Because I'm separate from those things that used to dominate me. 780 00:38:26,500 --> 00:38:30,000 Now, they're not you it's not the real, you has nothing to do 781 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:31,700 with me. Yeah, it's just a bottle with 782 00:38:31,700 --> 00:38:35,600 liquid, and yeah, bottles, some of the, some of the recovery 783 00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:41,800 programs like to say, you know, The substance is but a symptom 784 00:38:42,300 --> 00:38:44,700 of my real disease. I like that as symptoms. 785 00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:47,900 I know that's going to work immediately. 786 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,600 I'm so self-centered and self-centered. 787 00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:52,100 I needed to work immediately. Let's just do that. 788 00:38:52,100 --> 00:38:57,600 Mmm, Yeah. And and it's that instant 789 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,200 gratification that instant, it's the instant like, oh let me 790 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:01,800 swing to the McDonald's drive-thru. 791 00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:02,900 Exactly. Yeah. 792 00:39:02,900 --> 00:39:05,100 And then I'm going to order, I'm not just, I'm gonna order a 793 00:39:05,100 --> 00:39:08,300 strawberry, shake a Big Mac, 20 pieces of nuggets. 794 00:39:08,700 --> 00:39:11,300 You know, I'm going to order if I'm going Hog Wild and I'm gonna 795 00:39:11,300 --> 00:39:14,900 do it now because how many, like, for me and then that, I've 796 00:39:14,900 --> 00:39:17,800 done that multiple times, but how many times it's just like 797 00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,000 the split seconds. Oh, dude, I couldn't possibly 798 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:23,500 cook a chicken breast, right? And make a salad with a little 799 00:39:23,500 --> 00:39:27,100 dressing. No, I'm just back to the, I 800 00:39:27,100 --> 00:39:29,600 don't even have to stand up. Yeah. 801 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:30,800 See, get a TT? Yes. 802 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,500 Exactly. You could do it in like any, I 803 00:39:33,508 --> 00:39:36,300 mean, a lot of people have food addictions and in you. 804 00:39:36,300 --> 00:39:38,900 Look at that and it's like, it's so tough because it's literally 805 00:39:38,900 --> 00:39:41,300 everywhere. Yeah, and I know you being able 806 00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:44,400 to work in an environment and control that that could help a 807 00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,100 lot of people with food addiction because they're going 808 00:39:46,100 --> 00:39:47,400 to be in that environment. Yeah. 809 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:48,200 You're going to see a drive-thru. 810 00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:49,800 Everywhere you go. There's plenty of 811 00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:53,300 jack-in-the-boxes, which I love. There's, you know, I mean like 812 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:56,800 and I have to Make that choice not to go there, you know, an 813 00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,900 occasional treat myself to something and you do the same 814 00:39:58,900 --> 00:40:00,400 thing. Occasionally, you treat yourself 815 00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,500 like once a week treatment or something like that. 816 00:40:03,900 --> 00:40:06,300 But at that for the most part, you're being disciplined in your 817 00:40:06,300 --> 00:40:10,800 life, the discipline coincides, walks hand-in-hand with 818 00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:14,200 responsibility. So when you begin to take 819 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:19,200 responsibility for yourself then the how becomes the discipline 820 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,700 not the white knuckling part and this is where we're going to 821 00:40:21,707 --> 00:40:24,100 we're going to do a whole lessons on surrender because I 822 00:40:24,300 --> 00:40:26,200 That's really good. But let me I want to in it in 823 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,200 this because I think this is so good. 824 00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:31,600 On the physical side, you said over time, the brain becomes 825 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,600 accustomed, these high levels of dopamine and develops a 826 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,600 tolerance, isn't it funny? We can develop a tolerance for 827 00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:40,400 drugs, we can develop tolerance for alcohol but the brain does 828 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:44,400 the same thing. It develops and becomes a cosmic 829 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,600 high levels of dopamine. So you begin this. 830 00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,200 Call it. Requiring more of the substance 831 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,100 or the behavior to achieve the same effect. 832 00:40:52,100 --> 00:40:53,800 This is so good. There's like physics and 833 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:54,600 everything. Else. 834 00:40:55,000 --> 00:41:00,000 I need more like I'm a sex. I don't want to just watch this 835 00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,400 type of porn. I'm going to watch this kind. 836 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:05,000 I don't want just one girl. I want to girls. 837 00:41:05,100 --> 00:41:06,200 Oh no. Now I got two girls. 838 00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,700 Now I need to do an orgy. Now I need I want guys to and 839 00:41:09,700 --> 00:41:16,300 girls you know so this addiction just is this abdominal Snowman? 840 00:41:16,300 --> 00:41:20,000 That's like I want more, you know, I need more more. 841 00:41:20,300 --> 00:41:23,100 So you know it's like and it's like if it's one it's 1,000. 842 00:41:24,300 --> 00:41:26,800 How do you look at that, you know, from a physical level when 843 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:29,500 you think of like dopamine and tolerance levels because 844 00:41:29,500 --> 00:41:32,300 obviously, you went through that whole process of I need more 845 00:41:32,300 --> 00:41:33,300 more, more more. Absolutely. 846 00:41:33,300 --> 00:41:34,900 There's there's a, we have a funny. 847 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,600 I have a nice Circle. And, and you know, we've talked 848 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:42,200 about this before, also we joke, but it's half true. 849 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,700 You know, with say, well, I just I just suffer from the disease, 850 00:41:44,700 --> 00:41:46,400 more. Yes. 851 00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:47,500 What does that mean? It's like, it doesn't really 852 00:41:47,500 --> 00:41:51,400 matter what you're holding. I just want more so good. 853 00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:53,900 They'll say yes. Here here is this pill? 854 00:41:54,700 --> 00:41:58,400 And if you take this pill, you won't want to drink anymore. 855 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,200 You want to gamble anymore or you won't want to over eat 856 00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:07,100 anymore. I love that if I'm already down 857 00:42:07,100 --> 00:42:10,400 in my addiction, if I've already experienced enough of the 858 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:15,000 neurological wiring, the dopamine necessity. 859 00:42:15,300 --> 00:42:16,700 Hmm. And they offer me, those two 860 00:42:16,700 --> 00:42:18,900 pills. I'm the only type of person that 861 00:42:18,900 --> 00:42:20,900 says. Well, what happens if you take 862 00:42:20,900 --> 00:42:24,500 two Mmm? Yeah, I'm just, I'm just Dicted 863 00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:26,500 two more. I'm addicted to more. 864 00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:30,100 That makes it so much simpler though and it's almost funny. 865 00:42:30,500 --> 00:42:31,800 It is comical. Absolutely. 866 00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,500 It's like oh you know instead of taking this one part I want to 867 00:42:34,500 --> 00:42:36,200 pills. Yeah it's that eating two 868 00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:37,700 Donuts. I want six donuts. 869 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:42,600 It's the say it's just it does so good and I know some people, 870 00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:46,100 I hope you're getting this right now, addiction to more addiction 871 00:42:46,100 --> 00:42:47,100 to more. What is that addiction? 872 00:42:47,100 --> 00:42:50,400 How simple is that? How easy is it to be unconscious 873 00:42:50,900 --> 00:42:54,400 to my desire for more? If I was eating, Do not 874 00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:58,200 consciously. Do you think I'd need six of 875 00:42:58,200 --> 00:42:59,200 them? No, no. 876 00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:00,900 I ate a donut to to feel satisfied. 877 00:43:00,900 --> 00:43:04,000 There's so much going on there. Like scarcity and comfort and 878 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,600 like, dopamine receptor. I mean, I was just, it's like I 879 00:43:06,607 --> 00:43:09,100 need all of these. Your it was funny because you 880 00:43:09,100 --> 00:43:11,000 were talking about this, you know, you were with somebody 881 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,200 yesterday and you guys were eating something and, you know, 882 00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,200 it's like it's like, no, no, no, I need mine. 883 00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:16,600 Like you're like, no, I need mine. 884 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,600 Like, you know, and and then you have two people that are like, 885 00:43:20,100 --> 00:43:22,300 there's not enough, you know what I mean? 886 00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:25,400 We had a massive amount of food and that's not deserve each of 887 00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:30,100 us are like I'm gonna get as much as soon as I did because I 888 00:43:30,100 --> 00:43:33,200 don't want the other person to eat the whole thing, right? 889 00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:35,500 Yes, yes. One person could not eaten what 890 00:43:35,500 --> 00:43:38,500 was available to us. So the the more yeah. 891 00:43:38,500 --> 00:43:41,500 But my ego says well I better get it down so good, bro. 892 00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:43,300 Yeah, yeah. What part of me is that? 893 00:43:43,500 --> 00:43:46,900 Yes, I selfish and self centeredness, I could have fed a 894 00:43:46,900 --> 00:43:51,300 family of eight with the amount of food we had and I'm the one 895 00:43:51,300 --> 00:43:53,100 other person in the room. I'm concerned. 896 00:43:57,300 --> 00:44:00,800 I need two more, that's disease. Yes and I'm the same way it 897 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:03,800 slides in the ego. It's like at work it's that way 898 00:44:03,900 --> 00:44:06,200 you know operating in a hot you're operating at a high level 899 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:09,100 and then you're like well obviously this person's 900 00:44:09,100 --> 00:44:12,300 threatening me. So I need to do this to them 901 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:13,900 it's like a chess game, you know. 902 00:44:13,900 --> 00:44:15,600 Yeah. And because I want more power, 903 00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:19,200 you know I need more of this or whatever, you know, and screw 904 00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:21,400 them because they don't know what I've gone through. 905 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:23,800 I've been homeless and I've been this and I tell my story, you 906 00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:25,600 know, my ego story over and over again. 907 00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:28,700 And then I get to this level where my brain just switching to 908 00:44:28,700 --> 00:44:33,300 this reptilian mindset, you know, of like everybody's you 909 00:44:33,300 --> 00:44:35,800 know, and my enemy, you know what I mean. 910 00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:40,700 So I do need more and I do want more and there's nothing wrong 911 00:44:40,700 --> 00:44:42,700 because there's a big difference, let's send in this 912 00:44:42,700 --> 00:44:44,800 because I think this would be really good and we'll get to the 913 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:46,300 emotional Dimension next podcast. 914 00:44:46,900 --> 00:44:52,000 So this desire for more Like there's a positive like 915 00:44:52,100 --> 00:44:56,500 emotional abundance, physical abundance, virtual abundance and 916 00:44:56,900 --> 00:45:00,700 so, what's the difference between like the ego more and 917 00:45:00,700 --> 00:45:03,100 the spiritual abundance? You know what I mean? 918 00:45:03,100 --> 00:45:07,500 Oh, I love that question. Yeah, if I'm blinded by my ego, 919 00:45:10,100 --> 00:45:11,700 There's not enough for both of us. 920 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,600 Hmm yes there's definitely not enough for everybody right. 921 00:45:15,700 --> 00:45:18,100 I'm just going to make sure there's enough for me just to 922 00:45:18,100 --> 00:45:19,800 selfishness to get all the presents on Center. 923 00:45:19,900 --> 00:45:24,700 Yeah, if I'm coming from interbeing, Infinite Source. 924 00:45:26,300 --> 00:45:29,000 No matter what it is and never runs out. 925 00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:32,500 That's so good. Never runs out that my 926 00:45:32,500 --> 00:45:36,000 connection to Inner being my connection to infinite 927 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:37,900 abundance. If it's infinite then you better 928 00:45:37,900 --> 00:45:39,500 treat it like it's infinite, right? 929 00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:41,500 That's so good. It's my ego. 930 00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:48,600 That wants to make it finite. and, We know from experience. 931 00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:51,900 And that's why we're having this podcast living in, the infinite 932 00:45:52,300 --> 00:45:56,000 is much better way to go through the world 100% and we'll close 933 00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:56,500 the net.