1 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:17,800 Relationships. Oh boy, don't break my heart. 2 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:22,520 Here we go. This is the And so how did your 3 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,120 relationships go, Dwayne, when you were an addict? 4 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:29,440 What relationships? They went up in flames. 5 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,280 All. Of them, yeah, yeah. 6 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,600 Women was like women would run the other direction for me. 7 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,880 Really. You know, to be to be on a more 8 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:43,040 serious note in my addictive behaviour, in my selfish, 9 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:48,040 self-centered behaviour, I harmed every relationship I had, 10 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:51,400 not not only my romantic relationships. 11 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,680 Like I harmed my relationship with my mother. 12 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:55,720 I harm my relationship with my father. 13 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,280 I harm my relationship with my brother. 14 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,880 I harm my relationship with with coworkers and employers. 15 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,280 I took from them. I took from them. 16 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:08,000 I was blind in regards to my selfishness and destructiveness. 17 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:13,440 Wait, wait. You have human emotions also, 18 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,640 and this could upset you. No, it couldn't possibly be the 19 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,800 truth. I'm the only one whose emotions 20 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,520 matter, right? So fuck however you feel about 21 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,360 me. I'm taking this regardless and 22 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,480 living that way for years, and living that way in every 23 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,760 environment causes a lot of harm. 24 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,520 That's crazy because you when you think about it, the road 25 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:41,640 that you walk when you're just taking constantly especially 26 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:46,760 because relationship you know it's like you know it it it's 27 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:50,480 like a two way you know and then there's mirrors and all that 28 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:54,400 stuff. But whenever I'm taking 29 00:01:54,400 --> 00:02:01,720 constantly from every situation that I come into it leads to 30 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:05,160 total destruction. It's so funny how that, you 31 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:09,680 know, and I I'm always reminded of, I remember biblical stories, 32 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,000 you know, because I grew up with him or whatever. 33 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,920 But Satan was on the top of the mountaintop with Jesus, you 34 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:19,120 know, on the very top. And he was tempting, you know, 35 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,040 he was in the desert and he hadn't ate. 36 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,400 And like, physically he was at his worst point, you know, which 37 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,640 I think of, like addiction is at your worst point. 38 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,320 And then Satan started to cut deals with him and offer him 39 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:33,240 things. He's like, just worship me, just 40 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,760 worship me and I'll give you, you know, the kingdoms of the 41 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,680 world, then I'll give you this and I'll give you that, you 42 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,560 know, And Jesus, the story is Jesus overcame that, you know 43 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,120 the temptations, and he was tempted just as we are, so he 44 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:49,120 can relate. But that's those moments where 45 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:55,400 it's like, in my worst part of me, I expect the kingdoms of the 46 00:02:55,400 --> 00:03:00,280 world. I expect all of this is mine. 47 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:03,120 Very good. You know, and and it's like, 48 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:07,320 it's almost like it's the same thing with when we've talked 49 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,240 about Adam and Eve a bunch, but it's the same thing like, how 50 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,360 did Satan beguile Eve? By promising her everything, 51 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,520 right? You'll know you'll have 52 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,560 knowledge. You'll be as God yourself. 53 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,400 Yeah, yeah. God's not holding back from you, 54 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:21,680 you know. And and it's the same way with 55 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,000 relationships. It's like this view of when we 56 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:28,080 put ourselves as God or at the center of the relationship, and 57 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,160 then that person must worship us. 58 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:32,320 Very good. Yeah, because that's what it 59 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:33,960 was. You were a tyrant God. 60 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,960 Bend it to my will and I will like you. 61 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,920 The relationship's going to go well. 62 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,200 If you act, if you behave, if you perform the way I need you 63 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:49,400 to, you get to stay. If not in an unconscious 64 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:53,600 addiction, I have such inner turmoil going on. 65 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,920 I'll create a conflict bad enough for you to leave. 66 00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,920 I'll blow it up. I'm like Wiley Coyote. 67 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,720 You know how he pushes the dynamite stick down and it's 68 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,360 slow? He It's a slow it's willful. 69 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,520 We know what's going to happen. Yeah, we know he's going to 70 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,200 blow. He's going to blow himself up. 71 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:15,160 He does it. Every time that I was me in my 72 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,320 addiction to the T, it was comical. 73 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,880 It's such a hilarious. Yeah, yeah. 74 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,519 But I blew everything up. That's crazy. 75 00:04:21,519 --> 00:04:25,120 And it's like, you know what's going on? 76 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,000 Like there's this deep down part of it. 77 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,800 Very good. The God consciousness inside of 78 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,800 me knows that this is against the intrinsic values that I 79 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,000 have. I'm not in alignment. 80 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,360 I'm out of alignment. I'm causing harm. 81 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:39,840 My stomach is doing figure eights and it's not by accident 82 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:44,200 like that's an internal barometer that addicts can 83 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,840 easily shut down. The internal mechanism that 84 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:52,760 tells me I'm in the right or wrong with drugs and alcohol, I 85 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:57,120 can quiet that feeling. I can quiet that sense of 86 00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:01,960 intuition out of alignment. If I if my heart's pounding and 87 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,560 my stomach's doing figure eights, it's not by accident. 88 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,400 I need to listen to that. I need to listen to that. 89 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,680 And that's very good advice, especially if you're new in 90 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:11,760 recovery. Trust. 91 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:15,160 The intuition that we have inside of us, the whole entire 92 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:21,280 Western world, is built on the intrinsic belief that there's 93 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,080 something inside of me that's sacred. 94 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,480 There's something inside of me worth honoring. 95 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:29,000 You can't just destroy me. Listen to that. 96 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:33,160 It's so true. Do you feel like when it comes 97 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,440 to relationships and your addiction, you know, you 98 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,760 mentioned your family and then obviously you had, you know, 99 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,000 different women, you know, different relationships with 100 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,360 women and stuff like that. What? 101 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,920 What were they saying to you like in the other person's 102 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,760 shoes? Were they pointing out your 103 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,520 addiction? Were they just as hard as you 104 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,160 were? Were you attracting those type 105 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,720 of people? Like what? 106 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,600 What was happening on the other side? 107 00:05:55,840 --> 00:06:02,520 It was usually a pretty big web of crazy, and my dysfunctional 108 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:06,520 existence would definitely attract other dysfunctional 109 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,160 individuals. So I wasn't swimming in great 110 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,520 circles at that time. I was not attracting the best 111 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,200 women because that's. What I'm saying like the other 112 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,000 person is not all completely innocent. 113 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,840 No, no, you're going to. Sometimes they're. 114 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,840 Yeah, you're going to get, you're going to attract the 115 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:23,240 level of vibration you're at. So if I was vibrating at a very 116 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:27,400 dysfunctional level, a very selfish, self seeking level, 117 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,480 that's the type of partner I was getting. 118 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,880 I was getting selfish women. I was getting crazy. 119 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,600 I was getting unconscious just the way I was. 120 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,320 I was exactly the same. Is that why addicts fall in love 121 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:42,880 with each other in meetings? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 122 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:46,080 We say the deeper the psychosis, the better the sex. 123 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:49,320 Exactly. And then you can get addicted to 124 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:52,800 that. And you know, there's this web 125 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:58,200 of of layers of addiction that needs to be pulled back and to. 126 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,760 So I get to the root issue. The root issue is I don't feel 127 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:04,080 comfortable in my skin with God alone. 128 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:08,160 I need something outside of me in order to be OK, Whether it's 129 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,600 women, whether it's money, whether it's alcohol, whether 130 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,320 it's drugs, I'm not OK. I need this outside substance to 131 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:19,440 make me OK, And doing the inside work first, the know thyself 132 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:24,520 first, that's an evolving adventure that takes time. 133 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,360 But I'm willing to put in that time. 134 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,280 I'm willing to have that transformation. 135 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:35,600 I'm willing to experience that alchemy that takes place and 136 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,960 gives me a brand new existence, gives me a brand new chance at 137 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,400 relationships. I got a new, I got a new lease 138 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,640 on life. And really, it's important to 139 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,640 understand, especially just in general, this is the structure 140 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:52,360 of the universe. Life is about relationships. 141 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,960 It's not necessarily romantic relationships. 142 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,640 And the woman I'm attracting only. 143 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,880 Yes, I have a relationship to my sexual partner, but I also have 144 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:05,600 a relationship to my family. I have a relationship to money. 145 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,560 I have a relationship to my car. I have a relationship to traffic 146 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,440 when I'm in my car. I have a relationship to my 147 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:13,840 friends. I have a relationship to my 148 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,600 clothing. I have a relationship to how I 149 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:22,400 view the outside world. So my entire existence is about 150 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,600 relationships. That's so true, yes. 151 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,200 And what we are discussing right now is relationship alchemy. 152 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:35,159 We're discussing how to transform this perceived 153 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:42,840 struggle, this perceived pile of shit, into gold. 154 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,040 How do I do that, Jason? How do I turn shit in the gold? 155 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,640 Yeah, I love that and and I want to kind of get into just real 156 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:51,520 quick a little bit of history with Alchemy. 157 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,440 So there was these crazy peeps back in the day that were 158 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:58,280 alchemists and they would write all these, you know, like Miss 159 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,920 like books and stuff like that. Like they said that even like 160 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:07,840 Shakespeare, Francis Bacon and a bunch of alchemist type people, 161 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,840 whether they were Masons or Masonic, we can get into all 162 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,880 that occultic stuff or whatever, it doesn't matter. 163 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,040 And so they would practice alchemy, which is like chemical. 164 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,440 That's where chemistry came from. 165 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,760 It's people practicing alchemy, You know, It was the whole idea 166 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,760 of Philosopher's Stone and turning lead into gold. 167 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,120 And you know, you're gonna take these other things and then 168 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:31,760 we're gonna be like a lot of people were thinking that it was 169 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,600 more of like they're trying to become immortal, like a potion 170 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,280 of immortality and they're trying to create gold. 171 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:41,360 So they have all the money. But what they found out later is 172 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,640 when they begin to go through their works and go through all 173 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,080 the drawings and everything else, it was more of a spiritual 174 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:49,920 perspective. And Carl Jung did, he did the 175 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,400 Red Book and and he even wrote a book on alchemy. 176 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,920 And because he saw this as a psychological thing that was 177 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,240 happening and the spiritual thing that was happening in 178 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:02,280 inside of ourselves and what we can do with the creation. 179 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:05,760 Because when you, when you look at the first verse in the Bible, 180 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,480 it says the earth is without forming void. 181 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:13,280 And then the spirit moved upon the water and then God began to 182 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:17,120 create and so there was nothing. It was void. 183 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,800 And then, you know, there must have just been water and just 184 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,680 this dark black planet 'cause he created light first, you know. 185 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:29,640 And we have the same creational power in US, very powerful. 186 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:33,600 We're we're something that seems just nothing and dark and bland. 187 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:37,320 We can bring light to that, and then it turns into the gold. 188 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,800 You know, we can create. That's what creation is. 189 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,200 And so that's what these alchemists, this process, and I 190 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:47,120 kind of want to go through just real quick what spiritual 191 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,920 alchemy is and then what will You can be practical, and I do 192 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:53,200 want to ask you some questions with your relationships and 193 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:58,400 stuff like that. When we seek in ourselves to 194 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,840 transform our inner selves, just as the ancient alchemist sought 195 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,880 to turn lead into gold. This transformation is not about 196 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,560 becoming someone different, but uncovering the truest version of 197 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,320 ourselves. This is really important you, 198 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:14,440 and you said this earlier, it's basically getting in touch with 199 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:19,000 your higher self. And so if God is in you, it's 200 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:23,160 just learning and having that relationship with that, that 201 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:28,080 eternal immortal soul that just hops from meat suit to meat 202 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,320 suit. It's just becoming in a 203 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,720 relationship with that. Now you use a practice of 204 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,040 prayer. Absolutely. 205 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,720 And affirmations and prayer. But you do a lot of prayer. 206 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,640 When do you feel like was it the running in the woods time. 207 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,000 And if you if you guys have been listening for a while, you know 208 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,000 that story. But when do you feel like you 209 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,960 begin to get in touch with God or your higher self? 210 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,080 When in your addiction? When when was was this? 211 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,080 What do you think? Was the biggest moment the pool 212 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,880 moment or? I think both of those both of 213 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,800 those two you you got, you got me dead to rights here Jay. 214 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,720 You know my story really well. The the practice of running in 215 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:09,960 the woods and asking something bigger than the uncomfortable 216 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,920 feeling that I was experiencing for help. 217 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:19,240 There was this chemical reaction going on inside of my body that 218 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:23,280 I didn't understand at the time. And part of it was because I was 219 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,400 doing something physical. There was literally, yeah, 220 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:35,840 synapses, ATP, proteins, energy transforming in my body. 221 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:42,920 My body was demanding effort and simultaneously I started tapping 222 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:47,080 into source. I started tapping into creation. 223 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:50,560 I started tapping into this idea of being a creator. 224 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,040 What type of reality do I want to create? 225 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:57,320 Am IA creator of my life or am I the victim of my life? 226 00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,880 I didn't want to be the victim of my life anymore. 227 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:05,400 So running in the woods during those prayers, an internal 228 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,760 transformation started to take place. 229 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:10,360 And you? Believe that the prayer. 230 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,120 I don't mean to cut you off, but do you believe that the prayer 231 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,720 was that communication that brought about the change? 232 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,400 I believe, yeah, absolutely. I believe it was a catalyst to 233 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,200 the change. Because you still pray pretty 234 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:23,640 heavily now. All the time. 235 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,240 Yeah. I mean like when you do your 236 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,960 cardio in the morning, you're praying constantly. 237 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,920 Yeah, yeah, I'll do cardio 30 minutes. 238 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,280 Fasted every single day. I got a streak of over 200 days 239 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,760 going right now in a row. And those 30 minutes, I pray. 240 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,160 I'll pray the entire time. Of course thoughts come in. 241 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,680 Of course I worry about the bills. 242 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:43,120 I worry about this apt. I worry about what she said. 243 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,800 I worry about this in a while and that as soon as I can, I try 244 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,280 and let those thoughts fade away and I return to the prayer. 245 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:52,720 What really helps is having something in my headphones that 246 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,320 I'm listening to that is also a prayer. 247 00:13:56,480 --> 00:14:00,960 So that brings me present with the sense perception, the 248 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,320 auditory sense perception of hearing, so I can hear the 249 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:08,080 prayer at the same time. And that I really helps with the 250 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,480 crazy thinking that goes away pretty quick if I can be present 251 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,040 with what I'm hearing. So that transformation started 252 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,160 to take place. That connection to God started 253 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,080 to take place while I was running in the woods. 254 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:22,400 And I didn't know then, but I was kind of unearthing these 255 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:26,480 this, this consciousness inside of me that's buried underneath 256 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,640 my ego, that's buried underneath my fear, that's buried under 257 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,760 into my desire for control, these things that are blocking 258 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:36,240 me from a good existence. I didn't have a good life when I 259 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,280 started running in the woods. You know what I mean? 260 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:39,960 It was suffering. It was painful. 261 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,760 It was not enjoyable. I didn't want to live. 262 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:47,040 And then six months of dedicated practice like that, that's when 263 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,760 I had the pool moment. And I love that you brought that 264 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,560 up, man. This was such a a powerful 265 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:56,440 spiritual experience for me. There's been many spiritual 266 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,160 experiences in my life. And really, if I'm on the beam, 267 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,800 if I'm in alignment, it's all spiritual experience, like I'm 268 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,160 walking with God all the time, but I have to be in the right 269 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,800 perspective to do that. If I'm in my ego, you 270 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,560 motherfuckers are rubbing me wrong and and I'm not having 271 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,680 spiritual experience, I'm having temper tantrum. 272 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:18,240 So anyways, I was a glorified pool boy. 273 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,880 I've been living in Taos, I was working as a landscaper in the 274 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,640 summer, I was snowboarding in the winter, seasonal work all 275 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,560 year long and I was praying my ass off. 276 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:31,560 God relieve me of this obsession. 277 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,440 God relieve me of this obsession. 278 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:34,960 God would lead me in this obsession. 279 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,440 I did not want to return to drinking. 280 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:41,400 I wanted to survive more than I wanted to drink. 281 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:46,160 So I prayed my ass off. And this transformation started 282 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:49,800 taking place inside of me, inside my spirit, Inside my 283 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,680 soul. I was cleaning the pool at the 284 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:58,760 Houston residence again. The leaves I dropped to my 285 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:02,880 knees. I had not thought about alcohol 286 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,880 and I hadn't thought about it in two weeks. 287 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,160 It it just it hit me at that moment. 288 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:13,320 I didn't want it. This was something that drove 289 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:16,920 every decision I ever made for a decade. 290 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,240 I created my whole life. Around you thought about an. 291 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:24,080 Hour, minute to minute. Like what I need? 292 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,640 Who am I going to need to steal from in order to get it? 293 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,760 Where can we hide? XY and Z dominated my whole 294 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,160 life. I hadn't even thought about it, 295 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:36,120 hadn't even entered my mind in over 2 weeks. 296 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,400 And then when I went to the grocery store that afternoon, I 297 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,840 saw the alcohol in the liquor aisle and it felt like 298 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,960 mayonnaise. It felt like nothing, felt like 299 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,160 blah. I was placed in a position in 300 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,680 neutrality. It's one of the greatest 301 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,320 spiritual experiences I've ever had happen to me. 302 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:56,160 It was a major transformation. I became something new. 303 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,680 Yes, I was not the same Dwayne anymore. 304 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,280 I had had a spiritual awakening. I'd had a transformation. 305 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:06,040 I'd had this alchemy take place inside of us, and I didn't know 306 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,599 then, but we know now and I can articulate now. 307 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,240 I was getting in touch with the truest version of myself. 308 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,800 The real. You, the real me, the God 309 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,440 centered Dwayne doesn't give a shit about alcohol. 310 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:21,880 No, no, the real God centered Dwayne has gone through so many. 311 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,079 Me too. It's it's like it's laughable. 312 00:17:24,079 --> 00:17:26,880 It's comical, it doesn't matter. Yeah, that's what I always look 313 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,120 at when I talk to my higher self is like I know you've gone 314 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:32,520 through this problem a million times, but here's where I'm at. 315 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,880 So the first stage, I want to get in the first stage of of 316 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:38,160 these all chemical process so people can understand and that 317 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:41,360 is purification of the soul. This involves purifying our 318 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,440 soul. So purification is not fun. 319 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,920 Anything that you purify, you got to have to heat it up, boil 320 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,960 it. When you think of of water 321 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,920 purification, yes, you know, like the number one, the 322 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:55,440 quickest way to water, to purify some water is boil it, you know, 323 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,440 and then it gets rid of, you know everything. 324 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,960 You know. When you're anything, you're 325 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,960 purifying, it's it, there's a process to it and and usually 326 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:06,600 requires heating or we call suffering, perceived suffering, 327 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:10,960 whatever it is, it's a process of letting go because there's 328 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,280 transformation here. So people need to understand 329 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,080 this. When you begin to transform 330 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,720 anything, whether it's a substance, a chemical, whatever 331 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,480 it is, there has to be a process of letting go. 332 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,440 You can't transform without letting go. 333 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:28,240 And what do you let go of? Well, number one is our thoughts 334 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,840 are who we are. So limiting beliefs, negative 335 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:35,920 emotions, because why it does not, and you've talked about 336 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:37,760 this, it doesn't serve you right. 337 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:39,880 Right. It's not in my best interest. 338 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,280 That's a design for death. That's not a design for living. 339 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,760 My, my alcoholism. My addiction is trying to kill 340 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,560 me. That's why I had a conversation 341 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,960 with somebody yesterday and I was like, your business is 342 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:56,040 you're serving your business. Your your your business is not 343 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,640 serving you. You know, You know what I mean? 344 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,800 Like you're, yeah, you're a slave to your business where it 345 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,440 should be the other way around. And and this is the same thing, 346 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:09,560 we're a slave to our emotions or limiting beliefs because the 347 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:14,520 higher self, the higher good of doing, is helping people, is 348 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,720 giving, is expanding, it is abundance. 349 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,120 Those are all the highest things. 350 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,880 And you know, for me, we always talk about it. 351 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:27,000 And Jordan Peterson, I love, we can say inner demons or whatever 352 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,440 it is. Jordan Peterson says you have 353 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:29,720 snakes in you, you know. Yes. 354 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,040 You're a primate. You're a primate full of snakes. 355 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:38,360 Why the fuck should I trust you? So what we tend to do in this 356 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,560 process of purification of souls, we miss. 357 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,000 And this work called Young talked about this alchemy, we 358 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:48,240 miss the shadow side of things. So what we want to do is say, 359 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,320 please, Jesus, forgive me of all my sins. 360 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,440 Let's not talk about the sins. Let's not go to the sins. 361 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:56,120 Let's forgive them. Let's push them out of the way. 362 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:00,040 And then let's just focus on the light, not the darkness. 363 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,840 Purification is mastering the dark and the light. 364 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,160 You got to have both. You've got to go in there, and 365 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,840 that sucks. That shadow part of you, You 366 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,160 have to find out, like, why is that there? 367 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,400 Very good. You know, maybe it was, you 368 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,080 know, something when you were a child that was traumatic or, you 369 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,720 know, whatever it may be. But you have to embrace the 370 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,840 darkest version of you. You have to go into those dark 371 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:27,720 tunnels, You know, Plato talked about that in hell, You know, 372 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,560 going down to the abyss, going down into those tunnels. 373 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,160 And what are in those tunnels? There's serpents, there's 374 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,360 snakes, there's Dragons. You know, there's there's cats 375 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,280 that will eat you there. There's everything in there is 376 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,600 scary. It's fearful and and we don't 377 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:46,120 want to go there. But the fun part about the 378 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:49,600 alchemy is when you begin to embrace the shadow side of you 379 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,000 and understand it, then you're like, that's not real. 380 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,560 Yeah, that's not real. That's not the real me, the real 381 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,520 me, my higher Self. This is just a fear I had since 382 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,800 I've been a kid. This is so powerful. 383 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,960 This is so good. When they said Jesus said or or 384 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:08,880 or, it's said that Jesus will take the sins of the world upon 385 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,440 him. Very easy to misunderstand. 386 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,120 One new interpretation that I just heard that I really liked 387 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:18,440 was. Well, what this really means is 388 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,720 you need to understand what it is to be a Nazi concentration 389 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,600 camp guard. Yes. 390 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,320 You need to understand what it is to be the rapist. 391 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,920 You need to understand that every single horrific thing 392 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:36,280 perpetrated on planet Earth has been done by humans. 393 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,560 Yeah. And people say I can't do that 394 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,040 or I would never do that. If you say you would never do 395 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,400 that, then you're not taking the problem serious enough. 396 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,400 OK, let me put a. Know yourself. 397 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,560 Let me say you're going to be a concentration camp prison guard, 398 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:51,600 and while you're being the prison guard, I have your 399 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,960 daughter and wife, right? And I'm going to make sure that 400 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,800 if you don't show up every day and be a prison guard, I'm going 401 00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,040 to kill your daughter 1st. And then I'll kill your wife, 402 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:00,600 right? Right. 403 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:01,680 And I'll torture him. I'll rape him. 404 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,400 I'll do whatever. Now what are you doing? 405 00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:04,360 I'm a prison guard. I'm. 406 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,720 You better believe that I'm a prison guard. 407 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,040 Give me the gun. So with the right circumstances, 408 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,400 the shadow to nature will always come out the. 409 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:14,720 Point of the sins of the world. You need to take the sins of the 410 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:19,720 world upon you is to know every single horrific thing. 411 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,960 The Nazi prison guard camp. The prison camp guard. 412 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,800 The raping of the of the innocent. 413 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,720 That was done by a human. And you're a fucking human. 414 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:36,520 You're capable of that too. That's what it means to know 415 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,480 that shadow. That's what it means to know 416 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,440 that darkness. You tell me, what does it mean 417 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:46,480 when the Bible says the meek shall inherit the earth? 418 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:48,600 What is? What did they mean by that when 419 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,800 they said that? The meek shall inherit the earth 420 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:53,640 it. Doesn't mean meek, Yeah, yeah, 421 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:54,840 not, that's not. Right Meek. 422 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:55,920 We always think of somebody like. 423 00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:58,920 Quiet, shy. What did what? 424 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,560 What did they mean? I I would think, I mean you you 425 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,640 have the answer, but I would I would think like the meek are 426 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,240 those that understand who they truly are. 427 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,720 Very good there. It's something like the people 428 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:15,760 that know how to use their sword but keep it sheathed. 429 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:20,840 You need to understand you're a monster and choose not to be. 430 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:27,480 I know that I'm capable of horrific hell, but I'm choosing 431 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,840 to live the opposite existence in my recovery. 432 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:34,840 That's so good, yes. That's know the shadow and know 433 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,640 the light. I can show you the way to the 434 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,880 light because I've experienced the. 435 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,960 Shadows. The part that gets me though 436 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:49,080 with this is spiritual growth. A lot of shortcuts, a lot of 437 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,440 self help stuff. A lot of religions go into 438 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,840 denouncing. You need to denounce your 439 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,240 shadow, not and. Carl Jung talked about this, and 440 00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,800 you need to get rid of the shadow. 441 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,840 Like, ignore it, don't talk about it. 442 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:07,880 Press it down, push it down and then I'll listen to Paggio the 443 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:08,920 guy. Who dissembles? 444 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,360 Jordan Pajao? Yeah, Jonathan. 445 00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:12,040 Jonathan. And he was talking. 446 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,600 He was talking yesterday. I was listening to him podcast 447 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,440 while I was running. And he said he goes there's a 448 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:24,960 reason why every culture has like a Halloween or a Mardi Gras 449 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:29,560 or any of these day of deads or any of those he goes that's the 450 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:33,360 shadow being able to come out in a party way. 451 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,560 You know, like like you need to let it out every once in a 452 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,760 while. But they it's it's not in a 453 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,040 regretful way. You know, like in the Jewish 454 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,520 holidays, in the Bible, they have one where you can drink and 455 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,200 have fun. And you know, you get out with 456 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,520 family and you're dancing and you know, Halloween, we can be a 457 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,800 little slutty and wear like crazy clothes and put makeup on. 458 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,480 Yeah, and like all that stuff. You know, and he would they they 459 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,600 would ask him a question about that and he goes, it's not that 460 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,120 it's demonic or evil or Harry Potter or any of that stuff. 461 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,880 It's it's the shadow side of us being able to play with that, 462 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:09,080 that we would be comfortable enough with our shadow that we 463 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:13,000 could that we could play like wear a mask and have fun and and 464 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,800 dance with somebody. If you're not comfortable with 465 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,560 your shadow, then you would get drunk and then do something 466 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,920 regrettable, powerful, whether you get in a fight or whether 467 00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,040 you screw somebody you shouldn't or whatever. 468 00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,840 But if you're comfortable, you can have a festival with the 469 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:28,760 darkness. You've mastered your monster. 470 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:32,920 Yes. And now you can play with that 471 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,160 energy. Oh, I love that. 472 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,960 Yeah, I love that. He's so phenomenal because 473 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:41,800 imagery and understanding this has been going on for 12,000 474 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,600 years. Yeah, human beings have been 475 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,520 doing this for as long as there's been human beings. 476 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,440 But that's what he said. And and and and I was like, oh, 477 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,200 getting in, being so comfortable with the Shadow side. 478 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,320 I mean, it's like you're so comfortable with your shadow 479 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:57,320 addiction that you can serve alcohol to people. 480 00:25:57,400 --> 00:25:58,880 You don't do that now, but you were. 481 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:00,920 They used to for years. Yeah, used to for years and 482 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,720 years. And it not tempt you at all? 483 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,960 No, that's the shadow. That's the shadow. 484 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,120 But that's also that position of neutrality. 485 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:08,920 I I felt neutral. I had. 486 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:14,720 I had no a desire for the alcohol because of the alchemy 487 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,600 that took place inside of me, and that's really cool. 488 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,960 I never thought about it in that regards, like I was playing with 489 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,960 my shadow. Yeah, serving alcohol. 490 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:23,640 That's awesome. Well, we play with our shadow 491 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,360 with lots of things, yeah, if you really think about it, but 492 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:27,960 the Alchemy is mastering. It is. 493 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,480 It's understanding the monsters there, but being able to master. 494 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:34,760 Them so powerful. And then if you can play, I 495 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,440 mean, if you play with it, that's even you mastered even 496 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,160 more. Yes, because it's fun and it's 497 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:41,600 not so serious. It's not. 498 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,720 Keep it suppressed and put it in the closet. 499 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,280 Because we know what And that's what he was talking about with 500 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,320 Halloween and all this is puranical like, Oh my God, this 501 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,480 is evil. This is, you know, so you begin 502 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,520 to suppress things and then anytime, and we've seen this in, 503 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,840 especially here in the United States with Christianity. 504 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,520 I'm so glad you said that, bro, 'cause I fell into that big time 505 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,520 this last Halloween. I was like, I don't want to do 506 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:02,640 this. I don't want to worship the 507 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:04,160 devil. I don't. 508 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:04,840 You know who I am? I'm. 509 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,240 Above this, Well, that's why he was saying it's important to 510 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,960 explain to your kids what it is. I'll send you the podcast that's 511 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,200 really good. But you know, 'cause but he was 512 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:16,360 talking about that with like JK Rawlings and Harry Potter. 513 00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:17,960 He's like, there's all this darkness and stuff. 514 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:21,360 Yeah, phenomenal. But it's all and like Christians 515 00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:23,840 and stuff like that will be like well that's witchcraft. 516 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:28,000 That's evil And he goes, no, it's it's it's the light and the 517 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,160 dark playing out in the hero's journey. 518 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,240 So you need to see both and, and you've talked about the 519 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:34,800 different characters in it, and and we. 520 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,320 Were we were Harry Potter for Halloween this year? 521 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,320 My whole family was I was Voldemort. 522 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,160 I was straight Satan. And that's your shadow. 523 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,760 Yes, yeah. And we had a blast. 524 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,160 And and and so if you could train a child that they could 525 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:47,800 understand the light in the shadow aspects of their 526 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,240 personality, bro. You're setting them up for 527 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,120 success. Yeah, they'd be like, it would 528 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:54,440 almost be funny, like that's just a shadow, that's. 529 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,480 Just a shadow. That's instead of saying you 530 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,440 need to behave different. Yes, fuck mom and dad. 531 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:03,440 Fuck the public school system. The government's against me. 532 00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,400 Instead of saying all that, you would understand That's just 533 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,520 their shadow, that's what they're going. 534 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,600 Through and different people have different shadows. 535 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,600 Like maybe you have like with me. 536 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,160 I have a food addiction. The shadow of me is hiding 537 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,120 behind a Krispy Kreme and eating a dozen of Donuts. 538 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,160 You know are going to Taco Bell and eating 12 tacos. 539 00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:22,240 Yeah, it's dozens. I don't know why everything's in 540 00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:26,680 a dozen. I like the 1212 Tacos 12 but. 541 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:29,080 Real quick, but I apologize to interrupt. 542 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,320 But the real quick, one of my favorite analogies for the 543 00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,200 purification process. We've talked about this a lot, 544 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:38,240 but it's the blacksmith. It's the blacksmith hammering 545 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:45,320 out a sword and you talked about the heat and how hot does a 546 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:50,960 blacksmith have to get the metal in order to transform it into 547 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:55,040 liquid? I like this and hammer it into 548 00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,560 the shape that he is, is, is seeking. 549 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:03,320 Gotta get it pretty fucking hot. That's crazy the. 550 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:08,840 Hotter the flames. The more pure the metal is on 551 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:11,400 the other side of that transformation, the better the 552 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,920 sword. Same goes for my spiritual 553 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,000 development. The hotter the flames, the 554 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:23,640 deeper the pain. The deeper the pain, the better 555 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:28,360 individual I am on the other side of this chemical 556 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,160 transformation that's taking place inside of my soul. 557 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:35,440 I'm transforming into a fucking weapon. 558 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,280 I'm going to be versatile. This is actually going to make 559 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:42,280 me useful. This pain is birthing something 560 00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:46,920 that's going to be of service. Because if you shortcut or cheat 561 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,360 the process, you will have a sword that will break in battle. 562 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,480 Very good. That's the same when Young talks 563 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:56,040 about a cheap wisdom. You don't want wisdom that you 564 00:29:56,040 --> 00:30:00,880 didn't earn. No, no, that was the psychedelic 565 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,320 stuff. But we don't need to get into. 566 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,360 That so the next one is the Philosopher's Stone, and we'll 567 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:06,760 stay here for a while. We're going to have to do 2 568 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,880 parts on this, so we'll do part one and Part 2 because I want to 569 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,400 stay here for a little bit on this. 570 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,760 In alchemy, the Philosopher's Stone, our inner wisdom is not 571 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:18,080 just a mythical substance, but a symbol of divine wisdom and 572 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:21,440 enlightenment. So our Inner Philosopher's Stone 573 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,440 is our core wisdom, the part of us that remains unchanging 574 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:25,960 amidst the chaos of life. So let's stop there. 575 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:29,160 So back in the day with The Alchemist, they would always 576 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,840 talk and they have all these cool drawings, these alchemical 577 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,800 like paintings and stuff and they're it's they're crazy 578 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,480 looking. You'll see like a draghead and 579 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,520 then there's like a sword where you're talking about, you know? 580 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,080 And then there's two guys and they're tarot cards, have a lot 581 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,280 of alchemical stuff in it. And and one of the things in 582 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:47,320 understanding the Philosopher's Stone is understanding that 583 00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:51,920 there's this inner wisdom in you that is eternal. 584 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:53,200 And that's what the Philosopher's Stone. 585 00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,920 It's not about finding eternity, it's about understanding that 586 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,600 you are already eternal. You already are that. 587 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,920 Yeah, there, there is an inner wisdom in you that is eternal, 588 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:08,280 that has all the answers. So the Philosopher's stone is 589 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:11,400 that part of you, that higher self that's in you that has 590 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:15,800 divine wisdom, that is enlight. It's already enlightened and and 591 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:19,520 in all enlightenment is just being able to understand you 592 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,840 know the universe, understand the laws of the universe, 593 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:26,600 understand you know, like you said, you would just be neutral. 594 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:28,480 Be connected to God in the present moment. 595 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:32,440 Yeah, like, yeah, like like the universe doesn't care either 596 00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:34,600 way. No, it has perfect polarity. 597 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,720 It's indifferent. Yeah, and this is something that 598 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,560 you know, as above, So below the shadow is the below. 599 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,720 But they're the same. Like you need war to have peace. 600 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,480 Right. You've got to have a ton of war 601 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:49,480 usually leads to a ton of peace in that cyclic wave system. 602 00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:52,880 You know that we have in our SO if there's something good 603 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:56,160 happening, there's a polarity of supposedly something bad, and 604 00:31:56,160 --> 00:32:00,600 neither are bad or good. Your light side is just as good 605 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,640 as your shadow side. As important. 606 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:07,280 Your shadow side, my shadow side teaches me the most, you know 607 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,120 more than the light side. But so this is really cool and 608 00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,360 I'm going to talk to you about this with your addiction. 609 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:19,520 When we look at this inner core wisdom and you begin to 610 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:24,600 experience and feel that when you were at the pool, in that 611 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,440 realization, when you drop to your knees and you said I 612 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:32,640 haven't thought about alcohol in two weeks, it wasn't that you 613 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:36,120 didn't think about alcohol in two weeks, it's that you had the 614 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:39,240 power. Because what happened a few 615 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:40,760 hours later is you went to the liquor. 616 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,800 I mean, you went to the supermarket and there was 617 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:46,080 mayonnaise on the shelf. That's alchemy. 618 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:47,560 Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was. 619 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,920 I have. I'm not a victim to a fucking 620 00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:53,040 bottle with liquid in it, Correct. 621 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:54,760 You know what I mean? That's what dropped you to your 622 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,280 knees. It's like I I am powerful. 623 00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:59,000 I can create. Yeah. 624 00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:00,600 Yeah. You may not have realized it in 625 00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:04,720 that moment, 'cause you were focused on the outcome, you 626 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:05,800 know, And that's what a lot of people do. 627 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:09,560 They focus on the outcome. They don't realize that inner 628 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:11,520 wisdom. What happened in that moment, 629 00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:15,000 that spiritual moment was your higher self came out absolutely 630 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:19,520 and pointed to you. It's like hey Dwayne, it's been 631 00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,600 2 weeks. Look how bad ass we are. 632 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,920 Yeah. It's so beautiful now, 13 years 633 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:29,880 down the road and now with continued study and education, 634 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,120 and I'm so grateful that you're, you've studied this alchemy 635 00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:39,440 process so much, Jason. And now with that time and that 636 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:43,200 experience and this articulation, now I can say that 637 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,480 that's exactly what happened. I got in touch with the 638 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:50,640 appropriate power, with that inner wisdom inside of me that 639 00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,440 is always known. You don't need this. 640 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,840 You don't need this in order to be OK. 641 00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:58,160 What you need is connection to source. 642 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,240 What you need is alignment. What you need is shoes of inner 643 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:02,560 being. Are you standing in the shoes of 644 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,400 your inner being? Are you standing away from who 645 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,360 you truly are? And so, yeah, it dropped me to 646 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,480 my niece. It was it was like my Moses 647 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:15,400 burning Bush fucking experience. It was a it was a white light 648 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,080 experience for me. I haven't had many, but that was 649 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,000 one of them. The shoes of Inner Being reminds 650 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,280 me of the Wizard of Oz. You know, with door to door. 651 00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:23,800 With the red shoes, you know she's. 652 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,000 Clicking. Yeah, it's like those are my 653 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,360 inner being shoes. And it transports her to the 654 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:28,920 new. World. 655 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,520 Yeah. And that that's what the 656 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:34,360 Philosopher's Stone is. It's it's this ability to be 657 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,639 able to drop into something that's unchanging because you 658 00:34:37,639 --> 00:34:39,960 know, you have that higher self, you have that inner wisdom, you 659 00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:43,840 have that divine enlightenment. So there's it's there's chaos 660 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,320 going all around you. Like like there's Dorothy with 661 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:50,120 this big whirlwind, but she's in her shoes and she's in total 662 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,400 control. Any situation, just click click 663 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:54,520 and she's out. So powerful. 664 00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:56,800 You know, and and that's the shoes of inner being, That's the 665 00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:00,880 shoes of the higher Self is being able to OK, there's chaos 666 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,920 happening right now. Yeah, well, my higher self has 667 00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,200 been through this chaos a gazillion times, so I can 668 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,880 instantly, in my higher Self, bring order to that chaos. 669 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:12,480 So fucking good what you just said. 670 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,520 What was the first line in Genesis? 671 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:19,600 How did the Bible start? The earth without form and void, 672 00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:21,800 yeah. And then the Spirit of God moved 673 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,680 upon chaos. It was. 674 00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:26,760 Literally water. Yeah, and nothing void. 675 00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:28,640 Straight chaos. No. 676 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,080 Circle no. Or if it's void, it can't be. 677 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:32,120 Like nothingness. Yeah. 678 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:46,200 God spoke order into existence and that's that light, that's 679 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:50,280 that shadow, that's the order coming into my darkness. 680 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,960 And I need both. I understand that this is the 681 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:58,280 pre, pre cosmogonic chaos that exists in my addiction. 682 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:02,040 Yes, it's as old as the cosmos. Straight chaos. 683 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,680 The alignment with source, the alignment with God, the 684 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:07,240 alignment with shoes of inner being. 685 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:11,120 I get to experience some order. I get to experience some 686 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,920 balance. That order gives me hope. 687 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:16,760 It's not just pure chaos and tornado anymore. 688 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,720 And that gives me a direction, that gives me meaning, that 689 00:36:19,720 --> 00:36:21,880 gives me understanding. I have a chance. 690 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,960 I have a chance at actually living a life that is productive 691 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:31,240 and worthwhile. So the alchemy is that that 692 00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:33,960 order can transform my existence. 693 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:35,920 You don't wanna have too much of that either. 694 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,320 Yeah, 'cause then you have the Tyrant, then you have Pharaoh. 695 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,200 Yeah, you don't want that, that that philosopher's stone is to 696 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:46,000 be able to understand that you can have chaos and and order and 697 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,000 order together and it should be balanced like you like having 698 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,560 fun and playing. Yes, and that's. 699 00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,080 Can be our creativity or art. Can be a form of kids. 700 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:54,080 Right. Beautiful. 701 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:55,520 Beautiful. That's the same as Taoism. 702 00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:58,120 That's the same as Ying Yang. Yeah, like, like if you're an 703 00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:02,200 actor and you're playing a part in the movie, you're not that 704 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,320 character. No, you're playing a role, but 705 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,080 you're bringing chaos through the role. 706 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,640 Oh yeah, especially if you're a bad guy. 707 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,240 And it's fun. Yeah, and it's fun. 708 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:14,480 Yeah, did you know that they cast me as the villain in every 709 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:18,680 school play and I never even tried out? 710 00:37:19,240 --> 00:37:22,920 The Higher Self was like. I was still in my addiction, you 711 00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:26,160 know, and I was just ego surface all the time, bro. 712 00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:28,800 They made me the villain every school play. 713 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,600 Yeah, it's so funny. The that show Breaking Bad from 714 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:36,560 here, that kid, that part just Jesse, just, it just hit me so 715 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:40,240 hard when he's like, he did it really heartfelt, too. 716 00:37:40,240 --> 00:37:44,320 He's like, I finally realized I'm just a bad person. 717 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:48,680 I'm just a bad person. He just gave in to his chaos. 718 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:53,080 He just gave in and was like, I don't have any higher self. 719 00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:56,120 This is just who I am. And it just led to, you know, 720 00:37:56,720 --> 00:37:58,600 chaos. It leads chaos, leads to chaos. 721 00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,960 It's going to be more. Death and destruction is what it 722 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:02,640 led to. That's what it led to the fuck 723 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:05,360 it all pill. Yeah, it doesn't matter. 724 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:07,440 And that's very dangerous for us. 725 00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,840 That leads me to death. That leads me to destruction. 726 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:14,000 It's important to say that the willingness that I'm exhibiting 727 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,920 just listening to this podcast means I'm not. 728 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,640 I don't want to. Death and destruction. 729 00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:22,200 Yeah, And I want to, I want to say something controversial 730 00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:24,280 because there's a lot of people that are out there that think 731 00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,520 they need to pray to a God and then that external God will come 732 00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:32,360 in and and save them. Like I can't save myself. 733 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:36,760 Oh, God, help me, dear Jesus, help me, forgive me of my sins. 734 00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:40,560 Come into my heart and save me. You know, I need you to fly down 735 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:44,280 from heaven and save me. You know where And there's the 736 00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:45,480 philosopher's stone that's in you. 737 00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:48,560 Very good. Like you can the the best answer 738 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:52,720 for any of your chaos or problems in life is in you. 739 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:55,520 I don't. There's nothing external that 740 00:38:55,520 --> 00:39:01,040 can help me, my girlfriend or your wife or your kids. 741 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,760 They can't help you. Your boss, or I mean you're your 742 00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:07,560 own boss, but you know my boss can't help me. 743 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:13,040 If I put that burden on them in order to save me, it would be 744 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,440 too much. The only one that can handle 745 00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:18,840 that much pressure is God and the God consciousness that I 746 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:22,720 like to call source, that I like to call higher power that lives 747 00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:25,160 inside of me. We say you walk around with a 748 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,800 solution 24/7. What the fuck you complaining 749 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:29,200 for? Yes, you already have the 750 00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:30,880 answer. It's in your back pocket. 751 00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:34,240 Fucking pull it out and use it. And it takes a lot of work in 752 00:39:34,240 --> 00:39:36,400 order to get in touch with that inner being. 753 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,880 When I was new, I remember standing outside of the meeting 754 00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:44,320 hall and it was a beautiful sunset in Taos, NM going down. 755 00:39:45,240 --> 00:39:48,240 And if you've experienced New Mexico's sunsets, you know, and 756 00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:53,640 sunrises, oranges and Peach and and red and and pink and the 757 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,640 Sky's on fire. And I stood out there and I said 758 00:39:56,640 --> 00:40:01,920 with this old crotchety man, I said I think that's where God 759 00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,240 lives. And he went and he hit me really 760 00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:08,280 hard in the chest And he said. That's where God lives. 761 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:11,800 He was teaching me. He was teaching me. 762 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,680 You're walking around with the solution. 763 00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:15,600 Don't look out there for the solution. 764 00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:18,040 It's inside of you. Isn't it amazing too with that 765 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:21,840 we correlate beauty with God and external beauty with God? 766 00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,200 Like or like? Obviously God wouldn't live in 767 00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:28,120 me 'cause I'm not that beautiful inside, but God could live in. 768 00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:29,960 That we have such little. Look how beautiful. 769 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,640 That is, this is a very common experience, especially with 770 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:35,960 addicts. We don't have a high opinion of 771 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,240 ourselves. When you're when you have a a 772 00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:48,200 pet and the pet is prescribed prescription medication, 90 to 773 00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:54,880 100% of pet owners will administer the medication all 774 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:58,360 the way through the the the entire the entire duration. 775 00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:00,120 They they take all the pills they were supposed to take. 776 00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:01,480 They do the whole course of medicine. 777 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:08,080 When the individual goes to the doctor and gets the medication, 778 00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:13,120 50% of people won't even fill the medication. 779 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,440 That's crazy. And then another third of the 780 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:19,200 50% that did don't take it to its full course. 781 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,280 That's nuts. I have such a low opinion of 782 00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:23,160 myself, I'm not even going to get well. 783 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:25,320 Yeah, they've. I was watching a thing the other 784 00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:28,240 day you had they were proving that you can give advice to 785 00:41:28,240 --> 00:41:30,160 other people better than you can yourself. 786 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,840 Absolutely same idea, same principle here. 787 00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:37,000 So how do I start having a higher opinion of myself? 788 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:41,360 I'm not gonna think my way and to good living. 789 00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:42,400 This is good. We need to stay here. 790 00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:43,760 I'm. Not gonna I'm not gonna think my 791 00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:45,280 way in a good living. Hello, Dwayne. 792 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,520 You're a great guy. Everyone loves you 'cause I'm 793 00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:49,320 used to tearing myself apart. In my mind. 794 00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:53,120 I'm gonna act my way into good living. 795 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,800 I have to start taking actions that I can be proud of. 796 00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:59,080 But if I knew I had a Higher Self that lived in me and all I 797 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,760 needed to do through prayer, through whatever it may be, 798 00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:05,800 whatever modality, I can tap into that and create, open that 799 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:08,680 connection up. But it's there with me forever. 800 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,040 That makes sense. That makes total sense to me. 801 00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:14,160 I don't need to climb a mountain or or put my knees in broken 802 00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,360 glass. Go see a St. that will hopefully 803 00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:21,600 talk to me or walk a path like they did in the show Foundations 804 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,760 where you had to go to special thing to get into a pool where 805 00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:27,680 who knows what happens there. You know, we're wanting these 806 00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,080 external spiritual experiences. Or talk to a guru. 807 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,920 Or whatever it is, When it's there, it's already there. 808 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,680 Right, right. The majesty of life is all 809 00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:43,480 around us, and I'm too conditioned in my ego to see it. 810 00:42:44,240 --> 00:42:48,920 I can't even see it because I'm so busy worrying about what I'm 811 00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:53,800 here to get instead of how grateful I am. 812 00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:57,080 I get to have this existence. The artist, that's what the 813 00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:58,840 artist does for us. Art is so important. 814 00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:00,760 You mentioned beauty, the beauty of a sunset. 815 00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:05,960 Beauty is so important because it reminds us that the majesty 816 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:09,200 of life, the beauty of living is all around. 817 00:43:09,880 --> 00:43:12,880 But I'm so caught up in my day. I'm so caught up in my 818 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:14,640 addiction. I don't have fucking time to 819 00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:16,520 look at beauty. Yes, exactly. 820 00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:21,040 So the artist does that for us. And it's a nice practice to be 821 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:25,640 able to slow down a little bit and recognize, oh, there's 822 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:30,760 majesty all around me. I get to actually create my own 823 00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:32,680 world. Do I want to create a shitty 824 00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:35,240 environment? Or do I want to create a 825 00:43:35,240 --> 00:43:38,560 beautiful, prosperous life? Something that I can be proud 826 00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,840 of, something that I can share with others, something that I 827 00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,640 can contribute to others? That's a wild idea. 828 00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:46,360 When I'm in my addiction, I'm here to hurt you and take from 829 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:50,160 you, and it's about me. Flip that on the other side, 830 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:54,000 with the alchemy, it's like, can you transform yourself into 831 00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,960 something new? Can you be a different type of 832 00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:59,200 individual? What would it mean to be a 833 00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:02,960 different type of individual? Would you like that person start 834 00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:05,320 acting in the way that you would like that person? 835 00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,800 Yeah, and know that there's inner wisdom in you that can 836 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:10,000 guide you to be that better person. 837 00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:13,960 Like, like, pray to it. Like, hey, that's what I do all 838 00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:14,920 the time. I talk to my heart. 839 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,000 I'm crazy, you know? Like, I'm crazy now because I 840 00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:18,120 talk to my higher self all the time. 841 00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,760 I'm like, what would you do in this situation? 842 00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:24,200 And usually it's pretty good. It's like you're getting too 843 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,960 emotional about this. You're you're pissed off and 844 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:28,560 you're being negative for no reason. 845 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:33,040 How does this really affect you? You know, so I would ask people 846 00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:37,280 and challenge people, as you said, to understand and have 847 00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:42,520 gratitude, you know, gratitude for beauty, gratitude for why 848 00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:45,520 don't you start? Because there was a statement 849 00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:47,600 that I shared with you the other day, and it's so cool, and I 850 00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:52,680 wanted to mention this to in closing, things that you bless, 851 00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:54,920 bless you back. Things that you damned damned 852 00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:57,720 you back. What if you started thanking God 853 00:44:57,720 --> 00:45:00,120 for your diction instead of damning it? 854 00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:05,440 That would be an alchemic process, wouldn't it change the 855 00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:08,280 paradigm, It would change my whole perspective. 856 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,000 On you you would thank God for your diction now. 857 00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:14,600 It's my greatest asset. It used to be the thing that 858 00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,200 kicked my ass the most. Used to be the thing that I was 859 00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:21,040 most ashamed of. I would never tell anyone, and 860 00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:26,760 now it's what makes me most useful in the world. 861 00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:29,120 What's so cool too? Because you can go back and say, 862 00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:33,760 you know what, I kicked that fucking piece of shit dragon and 863 00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:35,840 that was the biggest fucking dragon in my life. 864 00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:39,160 So this thing I got right now, that Dragon's not even that's 865 00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:42,560 like a small one of those little puny, puny little fucking 866 00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:44,840 dragon. Yeah, that's a little guy. 867 00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:46,680 I could. I could poke him with a fork and 868 00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:49,680 he'll die compared to having to take this fucker. 869 00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:51,440 Sure. Well, And I've transformed 870 00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:55,920 myself into the sword that can handle the fucking dragon. 871 00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,000 It's like, bring it on. I know I can handle Dragons 872 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,840 because I've been through the forge, I've been through the 873 00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,960 Crucible. I've lived a journalist. 874 00:46:04,240 --> 00:46:06,200 The the hero's journey. Let's do it again. 875 00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:10,360 I'm not here to stay stagnant. Yeah, your battle warn. 876 00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,040 I mean, you're just like you too. 877 00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:13,120 Yeah. Yeah, of course. 878 00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:14,160 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're battle test. 879 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:18,320 You've lived 3-4 lives in the amount of existence you've had 880 00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,280 so far. Yeah, and that's the beautiful 881 00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,240 part. And I encourage everyone start 882 00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:25,640 having gratitude. Like if you can't do anything, 883 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:27,920 just start thanking God for everything. 884 00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:30,400 Thank God for the tree. Thank God for the rock. 885 00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:33,920 Thank God for the beauty bark. Thank God for the shitty job 886 00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:35,920 that you have. Thank the employees that are 887 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,360 around you. Thank thank your parents that 888 00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,080 won't talk to you anymore because of your addiction, 889 00:46:40,240 --> 00:46:42,960 because you stole from them. You know, just start thinking 890 00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,520 things like crazy. We we we were talking about that 891 00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:47,280 last year and I did that for a little bit. 892 00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:49,840 For me, gratitude helps my depression. 893 00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:54,760 Huge because in my depression I'm all about me and I'm feeling 894 00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:56,320 sorry for myself. Self pity. 895 00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:59,400 But gratitude pulls me out of that self pity. 896 00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:02,760 And then I begin to realize what's really out there. 897 00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:04,840 And like you said, it's all. It's all sunsets. 898 00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:08,560 The things you bless, bless you back. 899 00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:10,440 That's so good.