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Recovered Addict Podcast. 
Dwayne, why don't you introduce 

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yourself and if you don't mind, 
just real quick. 

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Kind of give a synopsis of your 
addiction? 

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Dwayne Yardman Frank, Thanks for
the intro. 

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Jason. 
Yes, a recovered podcast. 

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A Recovered Addict podcast. 
We're interested in discussing 

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any unconscious behavior. 
That contributes to any 

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addiction, you know, whether 
that addiction is to money, 

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whether that addiction is to 
women, whether that addiction is

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to alcohol or drugs. 
Me personally, my addiction 

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manifested with alcohol and 
drugs. 

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And then as those areas begin to
heal, I've been clean and sober 

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for over 13 years now by the 
grace of God and the spiritual 

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work that, you know, we do to 
maintain that spirituality or to

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maintain that sobriety. 
It's resurfaced in other areas. 

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Definitely fear, definitely 
money and fear of money. 

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You don't know and it evolves. 
So parts of the addiction have 

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healed and parts start to rear 
up after something else heals. 

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So it's interesting to see the 
layers of the onion be pulled 

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back and what comes up next. 
But we know we we have a strong 

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belief that if you're walking 
around in a human skin. 

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You're probably addicted to 
something. 

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Mine's caffeine and nicotine 
right now. 

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I'm having both. 
I was telling you about that. 

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So I mean, we all have our, what
we would call, vices. 

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And it's so funny that we use 
the word vice, you know, like a 

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vice. 
I deserve this, Yeah. 

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Yeah, exactly. 
And and it's something that I 

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have. 
I tell myself over and over and 

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over again that I have no power 
to control this, you know, So I 

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I can resist caffeine. 
But it doesn't cause me not to 

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lose my job. 
It may make me get a little 

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angry cuz I drank too much 
coffee in the morning. 

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It doesn't, you know? 
And coffee's not bad for you and

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caffeine's not necessarily bad 
for you. 

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But if the doctor told me you 
need to go straight off of 

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caffeine, like you can't drink 
any more coffee for your health,

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you know, if there was such a 
thing I would have a hard time. 

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I would lie to the doctor. 
Yeah. 

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That caffeine is a big one for 
me too. 

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Exactly. 
Definitely addicted to. 

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Caffeine. 
I've quit. 

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I do Copenhagen snuff. 
It's not a shout out unless they

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want to sponsor the show That 
nuts. 

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Our addiction to money will will
will handle that one but but 

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that would that's not as hard as
the I'm more addicted to coffee 

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and sweets like chocolate or or 
Donuts or some pastries. 

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I think those two are the 
biggest in the food genre, but I

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have to have coffee every 
morning. 

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Do you notice what I just said? 
I have to have coffee every 

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morning. 
Yeah, I'm not willing to go 

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without. 
Yes, exactly. 

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Or trust myself enough, or have 
a belief in myself enough to be 

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able to surrender to the process
of allowing myself to be okay. 

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In the morning without coffee. 
That's powerful. 

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What part of me could be okay in
the morning without coffee? 

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The God centered part of me, the
conscious presence part of me. 

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That presence part of me is not 
subject to life and death. 

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That presence part of me is not 
subject to time. 

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So is that presence part of me 
capable of getting tired? 

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Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, it. 
Couldn't be tired. 

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It doesn't need coffee. 
The subconscious is 24/7. 

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People don't realize that. 
But their subconscious doesn't 

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rest even when you're sleeping, 
Correct. 

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It's just going and going and 
going, you know, so our, our 

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conscious nature is 24/7 and 
eternal. 

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So you know that. 
I mean, and it's speaking 

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through our subconscious. 
It's that direct stream, you 

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know, that's going. 
So for me, it's like the less 

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I'm in touch with that spiritual
side of me, the more I view 

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myself as being separate. 
The weaker I become through my 

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ego, and in my ego, My ego 
cannot handle a donut set in 

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front of me. 
My ego cannot handle not getting

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mad and checking my bank account
all the time and seeing how much

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I did that earlier. 
Me too. 

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I I looked on my app because I 
was going, getting ready to buy 

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something and so I looked on my 
app and I I don't need to check 

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it. 
I'm pretty successful. 

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I'm not like Rich or anything 
like that, but I'm pretty 

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successful. 
I've worked really hard. 

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I didn't. 
For the amount of money that I 

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was going to purchase something,
I did not need to look at the 

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app. 
Is it in there? 

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Yeah. 
Has it changed? 

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Well, that's the thing. 
And there's the worry of a 

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change. 
Something unexpectedly happens 

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and I'm going to be screwed, you
know? 

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So you know that that that was, 
it wasn't like just to check it 

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and have no. 
Feeling like you, you, you, we 

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talked about this last podcast, 
but you own a rental properties,

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multifamily rental properties, 
correct? 

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For investments. 
Investment properties around 

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town. 
Yeah. 

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And you've talked about being 
able to write thousands of 

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dollars of a check and have no 
emotion, but then sometimes 

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something, and you talked about 
the plumbing last time, but then

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something can trigger and the 
next thing you know, you're spun

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out. 
I'm spun out over $3200. 

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Yes, exactly. 
A couple months ago we wrote a 

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check for. 
The down payment on a brand new 

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property, you know. 
So I definitely had spirit 

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involved in the writing of the 
down payment and I did not have 

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Spirit involved in the fixing of
the plumbing. 

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Yeah. 
And I I I wanted to bring that 

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up because this the module that 
we have with our material, we're

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getting into surrender again, 
but we're talking about the 

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sacred process of surrender and 
then the ability to be able to 

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embrace. 
Recovery, the ability to be able

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to, and I like, like David 
Goggins. 

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I I love listening to him. 
He motivates me. 

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The ability to embrace the suck,
you know, and you train all the 

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time and you're like, you know, 
now you're going like earlier 

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today. 
You're like you're going into 

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the dark place right here. 
You're experiencing the pain. 

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You're going to want to quit, 
you know? 

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And then I have to do like more 
reps. 

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Yeah, go through that. 
Yes, it's like surrendering to 

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the suck. 
This is going to be shitty and 

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but I'm going to surrender to 
it. 

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And in that process, like our 
material says, embracing 

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recovery and opening new 
pathways. 

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So when you began to get serious
after you were serious, and then

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you had a little time where you 
relapsed with alcoholism and 

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then you got serious, what was 
the process? 

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Can you remember? 
I mean, I don't know if you were

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in Taos or here in Albuquerque 
or Santa Fe. 

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Can you remember when you began 
to kind of embrace like this is 

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going to be a process and this 
is going to be my recovery? 

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Like I got a lean on these 
people. 

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I need to do this. 
You had a program that you did. 

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I need to do this program. 
When did you, when do you feel 

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like you embraced it? 
You know, after the relapse, you

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know, I shared earlier five 
months, 20 days sober, and I 

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still had some game left. 
I still had some moxie. 

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I'll figure this out. 
I'll be able to work. 80 hours a

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week and still be okay 
spiritually. 

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And I was lying to myself. 
I was not okay spiritually. 

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I was running off of cortisol 
and running myself into the 

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ground and I relapsed. 
And you know, we I got to. 

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I got to experience a position 
of complete willingness. 

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Alcohol kicked my ass Enough. 
To where I became completely 

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willing to do whatever it takes 
not to die drunk. 

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So the I was in Taos, NM and God
willing, the last two times I 

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drank, one time was in a bar, 
Ali Cantina, and I came out of a

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blackout being choked by some 
guy and take him down to the 

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floor. 
And then the bouncers, the 

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bouncers have to pull him off of
me and then it cost me $92.00 to

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leave. 
Because I had rung up a $92.00 

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tab, I had no idea. 
And then I proceeded to go home.

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I fell asleep. 
I woke up the next morning with 

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my face stuck to the carpet. 
I don't know if it was drool or 

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whatever. 
It was vomit, but that's where a

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lot of Alcoholics wake up, stuck
to the carpet and. 

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What an analogy. 
Yeah, I was really embracing. 

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Are you stuck to the carpet? 
And then I headed up to the ski 

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valley and proceeded to to drink
there. 

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And again I I'm 57, I drink like
I'm 6-7 and I've been a 

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blackout. 
I was a blackout drinker from 

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the start, blacked out, and I 
came out of this blackout in an 

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ambulance coming down the Ski 
Valley Rd. 

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The only reason I came out of 
the blackout. 

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Is because they plugged Iv's 
into me and they were pumping 

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fluids into my body. 
I was restrained on a Gurney and

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I was trying to wiggle out of 
these restraints. 

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I was fighting with an EMT and 
they had cut my pants from the 

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from the pant leg all the way up
to my knees, trying to bandage 

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my knees because I was. 
I was bleeding and I was black 

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and blue all over. 
I felt like I had been hit by a 

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bus. 
To this day, I don't know what 

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happened, but I'm very grateful 
for whatever did happen, because

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whatever did happen helped me 
start to embrace a recovery 

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path. 
It helped me perhaps have a 

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little bit of an open mind in 
regards to a different approach 

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to life. 
There are really big metal 

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stairs up there at the Ski 
Valley. 

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There are really like high 
balconies up there at the Ski 

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Valley. 
There are some rough dudes up 

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there at the Ski Valley. 
Like I said to this day, I don't

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know what happened, but I'm 
grateful for whatever did 

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happen. 
And I got, I got down to the 

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hospital and this woman is just 
laying it on me. 

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This nurse, she's like, you're 
going to die. 

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You're going to die, honey. 
Drinking the way you drink, 

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you're going to die. 
And I'm like, I know, I know. 

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And. 
I was. 

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I got as close to dying as I 
never want to get from my 

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alcoholism. 
So was it, do you think in that 

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initial phase, being unconscious
that it was fear that kind of 

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catapulted you? 
I think it was more of a such a 

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shocking experience, such a such
a shock to the system. 

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Like traumatic. 
Traumatic event. 

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The only thing that knew to step
forward next was my spirit, 

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right? 
That I didn't have anything 

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left. 
Right. 

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Do you? 
We talked about that window of 

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grace. 
Yes, I didn't have anything left

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to offer the. 
Situation I didn't have anymore.

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Game I didn't have anymore. 
I'll figure it out. 

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I didn't have anymore. 
Next time will be different. 

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All I had left was the God 
consciousness inside of me. 

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And I don't really remember 
being, you know, like that was 

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not a decision I went into ahead
of time. 

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So the ego had no game left. 
The ego was broken. 

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Yes. 
The ego was broken at 00. 

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Game left. 
I'm in the gutter. 

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Yes. 
I'm bleeding and this is, this 

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is, this is my, this is my 
story. 

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So I'm there in on the hospital 
bed and they had cut my pants. 

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I was missing a shoe. 
I don't know where what happened

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to it and you know, it was 
winter in in Taos, so it's like 

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it's a huge ski valley. 
The nurse was like, here, 

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sweetheart. 
I went down to the morgue and I 

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pulled a pair of shoes off of a 
dead guy. 

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Here, wear these shoes so you 
don't have to go into the fresh 

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6 inches of snow barefoot with 
your one shoe. 

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You're in a dead man's. 
Shoes. 

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I'm in the gutter, right? 
I'm bleeding. 

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And I'm still judging people's 
shoes as they walk. 

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My ego had already rebuilt, bro.
I said no, I didn't accept the 

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shoes. 
I was like, I'm not wearing some

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dead guy's shoes. 
What do you say about being in 

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the different pair of shoes or 
whatever? 

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And like, I don't step into 
those? 

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I'm far from stepping into the 
shoes. 

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Or I forgot. 
How you say? 

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Well, in the shoes of inner 
being, yeah, yeah. 

227
00:12:51,390 --> 00:12:52,550
Those are the shoes of a dead 
man. 

228
00:12:53,110 --> 00:12:54,110
That's. 
Totally opposite. 

229
00:12:54,150 --> 00:12:56,470
If I'm standing in the shoes of 
inner being, I'm exactly where 

230
00:12:56,470 --> 00:12:57,670
I'm supposed to be. 
I'm in a line. 

231
00:12:57,670 --> 00:12:59,470
It's so wild. 
Yeah, bro, I said no. 

232
00:12:59,550 --> 00:13:02,790
I said no. 
The spiritual advisor that I had

233
00:13:02,790 --> 00:13:05,110
been plugged in with, I reached 
out for help. 

234
00:13:05,110 --> 00:13:07,550
I called him from the hospital 
and. 

235
00:13:08,070 --> 00:13:10,470
And he answered. 
His girlfriend answered. 

236
00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:12,470
I asked to talk to the 
girlfriend. 

237
00:13:12,470 --> 00:13:15,280
I was like, hey. 
Susan there, because I knew 

238
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,800
Susan was going to be nicer. 
And then she put him on. 

239
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,240
He's like, you got me, what do 
you want? 

240
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,280
And I said, you know, I'm in the
hospital. 

241
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:25,640
Do you think you could come and 
get me? 

242
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:30,400
You'll never guess what he did. 
He said no, you can come to my 

243
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,080
house. 
He came and got me. 

244
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,480
Oh, really? 
Oh, that's awesome. 

245
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:37,680
He came and got me. 
I trudged out of that hospital, 

246
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:43,320
6 inches of fresh snow, one shoe
in the freezing tous winter. 

247
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,320
I got into his front seat of the
of his Jeep and his clock. 

248
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,600
It was an older Jeep. 
His clock just said 5:30. 

249
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:53,760
I said this guy, this 
gentleman's name is Bobby Gibbs.

250
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,720
Saved my life. 
I said Bobby. 

251
00:13:56,320 --> 00:14:00,440
Is it 5:30 in the morning or is 
it 5:30 at night? 

252
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,280
He says 5:30 in the morning. 
Dwayne, it's 5:30 in the 

253
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,880
morning, 5:30 in the morning. 
And he came and got me. 

254
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:10,640
That's wild. 
And he reached his hand out when

255
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:13,270
I was there. 
Asking for help. 

256
00:14:13,430 --> 00:14:16,190
And he answered the call and he 
answered the call. 

257
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:19,590
And those are the those are the 
men that were around me that 

258
00:14:19,590 --> 00:14:22,110
offered me that window of grace 
to start doing something 

259
00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:25,270
different. 
So not only did your higher self

260
00:14:25,310 --> 00:14:27,950
offer you a window of grace 
where God stepped in and and 

261
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:31,430
showed you like, hey, this is 
that like your ego can't handle 

262
00:14:31,430 --> 00:14:32,950
this anymore, This is where 
we're at. 

263
00:14:33,230 --> 00:14:37,390
But then those people that you 
knew, those friends, those 

264
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:40,510
recovering addicts, themself, 
they. 

265
00:14:41,050 --> 00:14:42,530
Came in and offered you a window
of grace. 

266
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:48,210
Yeah, they embraced me, They 
embraced me and I felt ashamed. 

267
00:14:48,210 --> 00:14:50,970
I felt guilty. 
I had let them down. 

268
00:14:51,010 --> 00:14:53,450
Oh, this worry, worry, worry. 
And if anyone's out there that 

269
00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:57,250
has tried and are attempted to 
to sober up and has and has had 

270
00:14:57,250 --> 00:15:01,490
a slip or has gone back out and 
is experiencing that, it's a 

271
00:15:01,490 --> 00:15:03,010
common, it's a common 
experience. 

272
00:15:03,010 --> 00:15:06,730
Experiencing shame, experiencing
guilt, even a nervousness to try

273
00:15:06,730 --> 00:15:12,450
again and reenter program. 
That man saved my life. 

274
00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:13,930
That man saved my life, he told 
me. 

275
00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:18,330
Dwayne, there's no room for 
shame and guilt in this deal 

276
00:15:19,650 --> 00:15:21,970
because I don't feel shame and 
guilt. 

277
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:24,650
Well, it's so funny to me, 
especially with alcoholism, 

278
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:28,250
like, you think that you would 
not relapse like you're going to

279
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:31,650
be one and done like there's no 
addiction that I know of that 

280
00:15:31,650 --> 00:15:35,490
you don't relapse, whether it's 
me, you know? 

281
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:40,200
Having nicotine or caffeine or 
whatever, or me having money. 

282
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,480
I mean, you're constantly 
relapsing, you know, I mean the 

283
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,920
consequences are a lot more, 
whether it's drugs or alcohol, 

284
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,760
of course, you know, when you're
getting blackout drunk or drugs,

285
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,840
you know, that's like that could
be really, really bad. 

286
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,560
But if it's heroin or meth or, 
you know, something like 

287
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:57,320
fentanyl. 
But whenever it comes to this 

288
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:02,040
idea that you think that okay, 
I'm, I'm, I'm good. 

289
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,240
You know, like this isn't going 
to happen to me again. 

290
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,520
You know, I feel the cravings, 
but I'm being strong enough, you

291
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,720
know, I've done this for months 
where I've. 

292
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:15,160
I've knuckled it and yeah, yeah.
But this is cool because in our 

293
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,760
when we're talking about the 
sacred process of surrendering 

294
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,000
and an embracing recovery and 
opening new pathways, the 

295
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,040
material says as an essential 
cornerstone in the intricate 

296
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:28,080
journey of recovery, that that 
the art of surrendering. 

297
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:31,260
It is an essential cornerstone 
and I know you've talked about 

298
00:16:31,260 --> 00:16:33,980
cornerstone before and I think 
that would be interesting. 

299
00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:37,300
You know, whenever you're 
looking at a building and 

300
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:40,340
something being built that 
cornerstone that that is what 

301
00:16:40,340 --> 00:16:42,620
the Mason builds it off of, 
correct. 

302
00:16:42,660 --> 00:16:45,620
You know, So you have to start 
with the cornerstone and I'm not

303
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:48,500
a Mason, so you know, somebody 
can correct us in the comments. 

304
00:16:48,940 --> 00:16:51,780
But from what I've gathered is 
and the Bible talks about, you 

305
00:16:51,780 --> 00:16:53,660
know, having your faith in the 
cornerstone. 

306
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,940
You've got to have that and you 
talk about it inner being, you 

307
00:16:56,940 --> 00:16:58,140
know, being in the shoes, inner 
being. 

308
00:16:58,340 --> 00:17:00,180
But that's the cornerstone. 
Like when. 

309
00:17:00,180 --> 00:17:02,100
So the cornerstone is where you 
start at. 

310
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:04,660
It's like this is where we're 
going to start building a 

311
00:17:04,660 --> 00:17:07,020
process of recovery. 
Yes. 

312
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,020
And the cornerstone is the 
surrender. 

313
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:12,460
Absolutely. 
I don't have enough to figure 

314
00:17:12,460 --> 00:17:17,579
this out on my own. 
Reaching out for help, asking 

315
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:22,140
for assistance, admitting 
defeat, all these things are the

316
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:25,859
same. 
That cornerstone, usually if I'm

317
00:17:25,859 --> 00:17:29,820
operating in my ego and if I'm 
operating in my addiction, I'm 

318
00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:34,540
still operating unconsciously. 
I'm still trying to get my 

319
00:17:34,540 --> 00:17:39,940
selfish desires met ahead of any
spiritual lifestyle. 

320
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:44,100
So if I'm behaving in that 
addiction, if I'm behaving in 

321
00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:48,340
that unconsciousness, we've 
talked in, you know, in a 

322
00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:52,060
previous podcast about the world
of form. 

323
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:57,320
Yes, then the world of form is 
totally my focus is totally my 

324
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,320
drive is totally my 
concentration. 

325
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:03,040
Yeah, everything is everything. 
Everything is is form, form, 

326
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,520
form. 
The more form the better. 

327
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:10,320
And I'm obsessed with how the 
world of form is treating me and

328
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:13,240
if it's not I'm I'm pissed if 
it's not treating me well. 

329
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:20,200
But the hard part about having 
my focus of on world of form if 

330
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:23,440
especially if my identity. 
Is wrapped up in the world of 

331
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:24,960
form. 
Is the world of form. 

332
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,720
Is very transient. 
Comes and goes and comes and 

333
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:28,920
goes. 
None of those things stay the 

334
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:30,680
same. 
Money comes and goes. 

335
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,800
Relationships come and go, Jobs 
come and go. 

336
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,280
Traffic comes and goes. 
Energy comes and goes. 

337
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:42,840
So if I am blinded by my 
addiction and I'm wrapped up in 

338
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:49,760
the world of form, any little 
thing can can. 

339
00:18:52,690 --> 00:18:54,290
Pull the rug out from underneath
me. 

340
00:18:54,490 --> 00:18:58,290
Any little thing can collapse my
foundation. 

341
00:18:58,810 --> 00:19:03,650
Basically, I'm built on sand. 
I do not have a cornerstone to 

342
00:19:03,650 --> 00:19:05,330
build a strong foundation on 
have. 

343
00:19:05,570 --> 00:19:07,930
You ever been in like an older 
car and the brakes don't work 

344
00:19:07,930 --> 00:19:10,130
very well? 
That's what I feel like. 

345
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,450
Really pump hard. 
And it's like I'm pumping. 

346
00:19:14,010 --> 00:19:16,690
You're praying that it works. 
I'm praying and I'm pumping and 

347
00:19:16,850 --> 00:19:19,170
it's like sometimes work, 
sometimes doesn't. 

348
00:19:19,570 --> 00:19:22,410
But I mean it's like or you get,
like I've had loose steering 

349
00:19:22,610 --> 00:19:25,570
wheels, you know, like, I mean, 
you know, I was almost at one 

350
00:19:25,570 --> 00:19:27,890
time. 
So, you know, to get a $500 car 

351
00:19:27,890 --> 00:19:29,010
is a big deal. 
Yes. 

352
00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:31,810
You know, I think I paid 300 for
a car and got, you know, one of 

353
00:19:31,810 --> 00:19:36,970
the cars, you know, and Mazda 
323, like a little tiny 80s car,

354
00:19:36,970 --> 00:19:40,130
you know, or something 70s. 
And it was all like trashed and 

355
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:42,290
ripped and everything. 
But it drove, yeah, you know, 

356
00:19:42,290 --> 00:19:44,370
so. 
But I can remember it's like 

357
00:19:44,610 --> 00:19:47,250
brakes were hardly working. 
The steering was really crazy. 

358
00:19:47,250 --> 00:19:48,690
Like I you. 
I wouldn't go on the freeway 

359
00:19:48,690 --> 00:19:49,770
with the car, you know what I 
mean? 

360
00:19:50,330 --> 00:19:53,290
But it got me from point A to 
point B, you know, when I was 

361
00:19:53,290 --> 00:19:55,530
struggling. 
But I That's what I'm thinking 

362
00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:57,970
of. 
It's like trying to drive a car.

363
00:19:58,170 --> 00:20:00,250
That's all fucked up. 
Yeah, it's. 

364
00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:01,810
The same thing. 
You're built on sand. 

365
00:20:01,810 --> 00:20:04,930
When you need to to stop, you 
might not be able to. 

366
00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:07,180
And that's the analogy of my 
addiction. 

367
00:20:07,260 --> 00:20:09,780
And that's this. 
I that's the world of form I 

368
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:12,980
needed to stop and I wasn't able
to because I was too wrapped up 

369
00:20:12,980 --> 00:20:15,020
in the world of form. 
I didn't have any other tools 

370
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:17,100
wrapped up in the spiritual 
dimension. 

371
00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:20,340
So yes, the vertical, yes, enter
vertical dimension. 

372
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:22,500
Yes. 
So vertical dimension we want 

373
00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:27,380
forefront, we want ahead of in 
front of the horizontal 

374
00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:28,460
dimension. 
World of form. 

375
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:33,940
We want vertical dimension world
of spirit if my identity. 

376
00:20:34,340 --> 00:20:36,940
Is wrapped up in the world of 
spirit. 

377
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:41,820
My consciousness, my spirit, my 
soul, my God consciousness, my 

378
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:44,180
higher self, my shoes of inner 
being. 

379
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,820
Those things we've already said 
are eternal. 

380
00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:51,340
Those things are not subject to 
life or death. 

381
00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:53,940
Those things are not going 
anywhere. 

382
00:20:54,260 --> 00:20:58,940
So when life comes and tries to 
fuck me up, I can handle it. 

383
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:01,310
Because those things don't come 
and go. 

384
00:21:01,350 --> 00:21:05,030
Yes, 100%. 
I'm not going to crumble because

385
00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:09,310
now I'm building on bedrock. 
Now I'm getting that cornerstone

386
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:12,390
in place for the rest of my 
life. 

387
00:21:12,390 --> 00:21:14,910
If I have appropriate 
cornerstone in place with the 

388
00:21:14,910 --> 00:21:18,590
world of spirit, then I can 
build a beautiful life where I 

389
00:21:18,590 --> 00:21:21,870
can honor the world of form. 
We start having really good 

390
00:21:21,870 --> 00:21:24,390
jobs, we start having wonderful 
relationships, we start. 

391
00:21:26,190 --> 00:21:30,910
Respecting the flow of energy 
and money and and and our life 

392
00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:34,990
gets really big and we can honor
the world of form, but that's 

393
00:21:35,030 --> 00:21:38,070
only because it doesn't dominate
me. 

394
00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:43,670
I'm built on bedrock because I'm
my cornerstone comes from the 

395
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:45,270
realm of spirit. 
And that's a. 

396
00:21:45,310 --> 00:21:47,470
Difficult thing to articulate, 
especially when you're new, 

397
00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:50,590
especially when you're like just
surrendered and now I need a 

398
00:21:50,590 --> 00:21:54,040
spiritual cornerstone like. 
That's a hard thing to take, no,

399
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,000
no. 
I don't know. 

400
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:55,520
Yeah. 
You don't. 

401
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,520
Most people don't know. 
You don't know that when you're 

402
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,520
new. 
When you're new, you just get 

403
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,080
busy. 
You just get busy. 

404
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,840
Start taking action, start doing
something different. 

405
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:12,480
Going to a website where you can
find a list of potential 

406
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,440
meetings for a program, that's 
something different. 

407
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:18,680
Maybe going to a treatment 
center, that's something 

408
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:24,030
different. 
Maybe reaching out to to friends

409
00:22:24,030 --> 00:22:27,750
or family and starting to admit 
I have I have an issue. 

410
00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:30,270
I need some help that's 
something different that's 

411
00:22:30,270 --> 00:22:31,950
different than going and picking
up the bottle. 

412
00:22:32,110 --> 00:22:34,910
Well, even even in the 
organization that you're a part 

413
00:22:34,910 --> 00:22:39,190
of, they have zoom. 
So you know there's there's 

414
00:22:39,190 --> 00:22:41,030
zooms and everything else 
nowadays. 

415
00:22:41,030 --> 00:22:44,870
So you if it's so bad you can't 
even leave your house, if you 

416
00:22:44,870 --> 00:22:47,450
have Internet, you're golden. 
Yeah, you don't even need to 

417
00:22:47,450 --> 00:22:49,930
leave your house nowadays, 
especially with the Internet to 

418
00:22:50,050 --> 00:22:52,650
just find find solution. 
Right. 

419
00:22:52,650 --> 00:22:54,370
Yeah. 
So I mean that that's the part 

420
00:22:54,370 --> 00:22:58,250
that is exciting is that now 
that there's there's books, 

421
00:22:58,530 --> 00:23:02,810
there's audio there, there's a 
podcast, there's mentors there, 

422
00:23:02,810 --> 00:23:05,970
there's so many programs, 
hundreds of thousands of 

423
00:23:05,970 --> 00:23:08,730
programs out there. 
So, and I guarantee you there's 

424
00:23:08,730 --> 00:23:10,970
one that will and you have to 
expect. 

425
00:23:11,370 --> 00:23:13,530
I mean, you always joke about 
it, but I mean. 

426
00:23:14,510 --> 00:23:17,390
You've been 13, you're sober. 
And how much did that cost you? 

427
00:23:19,630 --> 00:23:21,910
Thousands of dollars? 
Costs a lot, yeah. 

428
00:23:21,910 --> 00:23:29,630
It says, you know, we say it 
usually costs nothing to belong 

429
00:23:29,630 --> 00:23:34,510
to any recovery program, but the
admission price is really high. 

430
00:23:34,710 --> 00:23:37,390
That's that's what I always when
I was £50 heavier than what I am

431
00:23:37,390 --> 00:23:39,750
now, I was like, it cost a lot 
of. 

432
00:23:40,710 --> 00:23:43,190
Bad food and alcohol to get me 
this fat. 

433
00:23:43,390 --> 00:23:46,190
Oh yeah, my obesity costs 10s of
thousands of dollars. 

434
00:23:46,190 --> 00:23:47,670
Absolutely. 
Over years and years of just 

435
00:23:47,670 --> 00:23:50,230
eating shitty and and and 
drinking tons of beer. 

436
00:23:50,270 --> 00:23:52,350
Yes. 
One of just one of the benefits 

437
00:23:52,350 --> 00:23:55,790
of yes, healing and addiction. 
So you're it's gonna it's it's 

438
00:23:55,790 --> 00:23:58,790
gonna cost time. 
It's gonna cost effort, you 

439
00:23:58,790 --> 00:23:59,830
know. 
And that's where you have to 

440
00:23:59,830 --> 00:24:02,150
surrender the suck. 
You know, like this sucks. 

441
00:24:02,790 --> 00:24:04,670
But I got to surrender this. 
This is really cool. 

442
00:24:04,670 --> 00:24:08,980
I like this breaking free. 
Our material says it's breaking 

443
00:24:08,980 --> 00:24:12,780
free from diction isn't merely 
about bidding adieu to damaging 

444
00:24:12,780 --> 00:24:14,980
substance where you're just like
saying goodbye. 

445
00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:19,700
It's about surrendering to the 
new life that beckons you, one 

446
00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:21,900
filled with profound growth, 
healing and the joy being 

447
00:24:21,900 --> 00:24:23,780
present. 
So if I and we talked about this

448
00:24:23,780 --> 00:24:26,300
last podcast with the ULP, so I 
don't want to get too much into 

449
00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:29,460
that. 
I don't know how to surrender to

450
00:24:29,460 --> 00:24:33,220
a new life cuz I have no 
freaking idea of what a new life

451
00:24:33,220 --> 00:24:35,260
could be. 
Your new life, you would have 

452
00:24:35,260 --> 00:24:38,260
never guessed 13 years ago. 
The life you live right now, 

453
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:42,660
having a wonderful family, you 
know, an amazing woman, amazing 

454
00:24:42,660 --> 00:24:48,020
children, you've got at least 
$1,000,000 in property. 

455
00:24:48,860 --> 00:24:52,100
So I mean and you have 
successful, you do multiple jobs

456
00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:55,660
successful. 
I mean if somebody said in 13 

457
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:58,620
years join when you're in the 
hospital and you're getting 

458
00:24:58,660 --> 00:25:01,300
offered dead pair of shoes and 
that nurse comes to you and she 

459
00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:03,480
goes. 
Dwayne, I'm from the It's like 

460
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:05,240
Christmas Eve story or whatever,
you know? 

461
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:06,560
And it's like, I'm from the 
future. 

462
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,640
And don't worry honey, 
everything's going to be OK 

463
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,840
because in 13 years, this is 
what you're going to have. 

464
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,720
You would not believe her and 
you would have laughed at her. 

465
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,880
Exactly. 
I wouldn't have believed her. 

466
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,280
But nothing. 
There's no way at 10 times out 

467
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,920
of 10, you tell me. 
Guess how good your life's going

468
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,780
to be? 
10 years from now, 13 years from

469
00:25:26,780 --> 00:25:30,020
now, if you follow this 
spiritual path, if you start 

470
00:25:30,020 --> 00:25:33,180
trying to have vertical 
dimension 1st, 10 times out of 

471
00:25:33,180 --> 00:25:37,420
10, I'd sell myself short. 
Oh, every time, even now, even 

472
00:25:37,460 --> 00:25:41,420
13 years from now, what you can 
imagine is not even. 

473
00:25:41,420 --> 00:25:43,660
Yes, yes, that's. 
Because vertical dimension's 

474
00:25:43,660 --> 00:25:47,020
going to take you for. 
Right, yes, one of our some of. 

475
00:25:47,060 --> 00:25:50,580
Our trying to imagine it now, 
it's like and your higher self 

476
00:25:50,580 --> 00:25:52,630
is like, dude. 
I got you. 

477
00:25:53,110 --> 00:25:54,910
I'm the power that creates 
worlds. 

478
00:25:55,510 --> 00:25:58,390
I got you, bro. 
Yeah, you have no idea what's in

479
00:25:58,390 --> 00:26:00,030
store for you. 
It's going to be good. 

480
00:26:00,390 --> 00:26:03,030
Your dream is to have a house in
Barcelona. 

481
00:26:05,310 --> 00:26:07,230
I just roll around planets all 
the time. 

482
00:26:07,670 --> 00:26:09,710
I create galaxies. 
No problem. 

483
00:26:11,190 --> 00:26:15,230
Rooftop villa in Barcelona. 
Done the I was just talking 

484
00:26:15,230 --> 00:26:16,550
about that this morning. 
That's funny. 

485
00:26:16,790 --> 00:26:19,390
It's, you know, manifestations 
in the air. 

486
00:26:22,820 --> 00:26:24,860
Yeah, it's a it's wild. 
You know the. 

487
00:26:25,020 --> 00:26:27,140
New life. 
Because I think this is really 

488
00:26:27,140 --> 00:26:29,540
important. 
It feels like, It feels like 

489
00:26:29,540 --> 00:26:32,420
you're gambling, like like it's 
like, Oh my God, I may, you 

490
00:26:32,420 --> 00:26:34,420
know, like if I get this new 
life, then I may be able to, if 

491
00:26:34,420 --> 00:26:36,940
I can just get a job. 
You know, I was talking to an 

492
00:26:36,940 --> 00:26:41,460
addict a couple weeks ago and 
the whole obsession, because you

493
00:26:41,460 --> 00:26:44,420
got to be obsessed about things 
because you're addicted too. 

494
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,200
So now it's like, I'm gonna get 
addicted to this new life. 

495
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:48,640
That's all I know. 
And that's all I know. 

496
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,600
So I've gotta get my Social 
Security card back again. 

497
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,920
I've got figure out my driver's 
license and get the interlock 

498
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,080
put in. 
Yeah, so I have some 

499
00:26:57,080 --> 00:27:00,760
transportation and then I'm 
gonna get a job, and then that's

500
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,080
gonna solve all my problems. 
But what happens when? 

501
00:27:03,870 --> 00:27:07,630
People offer you a drink at the 
job or offer you a joint or say 

502
00:27:07,630 --> 00:27:10,230
hey you know, we we like to go 
after work. 

503
00:27:10,230 --> 00:27:13,630
We like to do this and you know 
here's some this helps during 

504
00:27:13,630 --> 00:27:15,230
just take a bump of this, this 
will help you. 

505
00:27:15,870 --> 00:27:16,830
Focus. 
Yeah, Yeah. 

506
00:27:17,710 --> 00:27:20,790
So, So how do you handle that? 
You know, it's like, how do you 

507
00:27:20,790 --> 00:27:24,950
surrender to a new life, like 
surrendering to that? 

508
00:27:25,820 --> 00:27:27,660
Like that, it seems so 
overwhelming. 

509
00:27:27,940 --> 00:27:29,260
It is. 
It can be overwhelming. 

510
00:27:29,260 --> 00:27:31,340
It is a difficult process for 
everybody. 

511
00:27:31,340 --> 00:27:33,980
Everybody's path will be 
different along the surrender 

512
00:27:35,060 --> 00:27:38,980
idea, especially with the with 
the old life into a new life. 

513
00:27:39,540 --> 00:27:43,060
If I can have faith, you know 
there's a difference between 

514
00:27:43,060 --> 00:27:47,220
having faith and being faithful.
So if I have faith, it's like 

515
00:27:47,220 --> 00:27:49,580
sure I have faith, I believe, I 
believe in God, I believe in 

516
00:27:49,580 --> 00:27:53,100
something bigger than myself. 
But if I'm faithful. 

517
00:27:54,630 --> 00:27:59,350
Then my feet are what say I 
believe in God. 

518
00:27:59,350 --> 00:28:02,510
I believe in something bigger. 
I believe in something else. 

519
00:28:02,750 --> 00:28:07,070
I'm acting in a manner where I 
know I'm going to be taken care 

520
00:28:07,070 --> 00:28:08,350
of. 
I was just talking with my wife 

521
00:28:08,350 --> 00:28:15,630
last night and I had a older 
spiritual advisor tell me one 

522
00:28:15,630 --> 00:28:17,870
time. 
He said Dwayne, All forms of 

523
00:28:17,870 --> 00:28:22,990
spirituality stem from food, 
shelter and God. 

524
00:28:24,510 --> 00:28:28,670
And he said, if you got those 
three, everything else is extra 

525
00:28:28,670 --> 00:28:32,230
gravy, so be grateful. 
And I didn't understand what he 

526
00:28:32,230 --> 00:28:34,710
was telling me at the time, but 
he was telling me. 

527
00:28:35,990 --> 00:28:42,190
And if I have a knowing, not a 
belief, but a knowing inside of 

528
00:28:42,190 --> 00:28:46,390
me, inside my cells, I'm going 
to be taken care of in regards 

529
00:28:46,390 --> 00:28:49,510
to food, I'm going to be taken 
care of in regards to shelter, 

530
00:28:49,510 --> 00:28:52,830
I'm going to be taken care of 
because I have God in my life. 

531
00:28:54,730 --> 00:28:58,010
Everything else is extra gravy. 
Everything else just comes. 

532
00:28:58,010 --> 00:29:02,890
And now I'm walking in faith 
because I have an inner knowing 

533
00:29:03,130 --> 00:29:07,650
that I'm going to eat, I'm gonna
have a safe place to be and it's

534
00:29:07,650 --> 00:29:11,090
going to expand. 
It's going to get even better. 

535
00:29:11,450 --> 00:29:13,170
Yeah, and I think it's important
people. 

536
00:29:13,170 --> 00:29:15,090
I want people to understand this
is a cool side note. 

537
00:29:15,090 --> 00:29:18,150
Like, it's really cool. 
So the New Testament in the 

538
00:29:18,150 --> 00:29:20,910
Bible was Coinee Greek and it 
was very common and that's what 

539
00:29:20,950 --> 00:29:22,750
it started out with. 
Now you have English 

540
00:29:22,750 --> 00:29:25,510
translations, so every time you 
translate something and trying 

541
00:29:25,510 --> 00:29:27,590
to convert it from one word, it 
can get screwed up. 

542
00:29:28,070 --> 00:29:30,910
So in the Bible they use the 
word belief a lot in the New 

543
00:29:30,910 --> 00:29:33,950
Testament, but that's a wrong 
translation cuz when you look it

544
00:29:33,950 --> 00:29:38,070
up in the Coinee Greek, it's a 
trust, It's a trust truth. 

545
00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:40,690
Yes. 
So that's what you're saying 

546
00:29:40,690 --> 00:29:41,530
right now. 
Knowing. 

547
00:29:41,690 --> 00:29:44,490
Yeah, so don't look at it. 
I don't like the word belief 

548
00:29:45,210 --> 00:29:48,330
because it's not. 
It's like a hope into something 

549
00:29:48,330 --> 00:29:50,650
that's ethereal. 
Just like, I don't really know. 

550
00:29:51,010 --> 00:29:55,650
We're like a trust in the truth.
Like this is the cornerstone. 

551
00:29:55,970 --> 00:29:58,290
I'm going to trust in that. 
I'm going to trust in the 

552
00:29:58,290 --> 00:30:01,250
vertical. 
Like I can trust in this because

553
00:30:01,250 --> 00:30:04,170
this is that. 
I can look around creation and 

554
00:30:04,170 --> 00:30:05,650
see that this is alive. 
You. 

555
00:30:06,250 --> 00:30:07,890
Know I can see God in 
everything. 

556
00:30:08,300 --> 00:30:11,940
So that I can trust and I don't 
have to have like some prayer 

557
00:30:11,940 --> 00:30:14,980
and belief and hope. 
You know and something that I 

558
00:30:14,980 --> 00:30:18,460
can't see understand, no feel 
touch. 

559
00:30:18,740 --> 00:30:22,100
You know our senses are made for
us to understand the spiritual. 

560
00:30:22,420 --> 00:30:24,100
Yes. 
Do you see what I'm saying? 

561
00:30:24,540 --> 00:30:28,500
And so I I think this is really 
important because in Part 2 of 

562
00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:31,260
the material it says 
surrendering ego, embracing, 

563
00:30:31,260 --> 00:30:36,580
empathy and and I want us to to 
because this is so important. 

564
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:40,040
Because we're so narcisstic and 
we've talked about that before, 

565
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:45,120
the narcissistic ego, that we 
have to look with the vertical 

566
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:51,000
and dissolve the barriers that 
fosters connectedness to the 

567
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,880
vertical. 
So you want to surrender and you

568
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:57,920
want to understand that like 
very specific process, you have 

569
00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:01,400
to begin to become self aware 
enough and you got to ask 

570
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,690
yourself. 
Where am I being narcissistic 

571
00:31:03,690 --> 00:31:05,570
at? 
Why am I making this about me? 

572
00:31:06,250 --> 00:31:09,370
You know, why don't I go to my 
parents house and sit and listen

573
00:31:09,370 --> 00:31:13,370
to them and not talk very much? 
Why am I getting angry when I go

574
00:31:13,370 --> 00:31:16,010
to my parents house? 
Why, when somebody talks to me 

575
00:31:16,530 --> 00:31:18,690
that I don't want to listen to 
them and I want to talk? 

576
00:31:18,690 --> 00:31:21,250
Do you see what I'm saying? 
I'm already thinking about what 

577
00:31:21,250 --> 00:31:24,050
I'm going to be saying while 
you're speaking, and I missed 

578
00:31:24,050 --> 00:31:26,970
the whole point. 
Yes, yes, it's been extremely 

579
00:31:27,610 --> 00:31:30,690
egotistical, extremely 
narcissistic, difficult. 

580
00:31:31,660 --> 00:31:39,260
To start having a laser point 
inspection, laser point focus, 

581
00:31:39,260 --> 00:31:44,380
laser point awareness on my 
selfishness, on my ego. 

582
00:31:44,820 --> 00:31:48,860
However, that's what's necessary
in order to transform. 

583
00:31:48,860 --> 00:31:52,220
That's what's necessary in order
to have a new pathway into new 

584
00:31:52,220 --> 00:31:53,900
life. 
How do I start building on this 

585
00:31:53,900 --> 00:31:57,460
new cornerstone? 
I have to be willing to address 

586
00:31:57,780 --> 00:32:00,540
the old behaviors that are no 
longer serving me. 

587
00:32:01,190 --> 00:32:03,750
The God consciousness inside of 
me, the spiritual dimension, 

588
00:32:05,910 --> 00:32:10,310
knows that when I'm behaving 
selfishly, I'm getting further 

589
00:32:10,310 --> 00:32:13,190
and further away from the shoes 
of inner being. 

590
00:32:13,430 --> 00:32:18,190
That's why it feels so bad. 
We start to get our moral 

591
00:32:18,190 --> 00:32:22,190
compass back. 
It was easy to throw morals out 

592
00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:25,430
the window. 
When I'm not feeling from drugs 

593
00:32:25,430 --> 00:32:30,550
and alcohol, it is not easy to 
throw my morals out the window. 

594
00:32:31,190 --> 00:32:38,230
My integrity out the window when
I'm raw right and in the present

595
00:32:38,230 --> 00:32:40,670
moment and now I don't know how 
to handle life. 

596
00:32:40,910 --> 00:32:43,470
But This is why it's so 
important and these are the 

597
00:32:43,470 --> 00:32:47,030
beginning steps of surrendering 
and understanding because this 

598
00:32:47,030 --> 00:32:48,790
is very very practical like 
right now. 

599
00:32:49,270 --> 00:32:52,670
And you do an amazing that 
you've shared with me and I use 

600
00:32:52,670 --> 00:32:56,230
it all the time, a hundreds of 
times a day is. 

601
00:32:56,730 --> 00:32:59,210
And it's so simple, guys. 
So you can start this right now.

602
00:32:59,730 --> 00:33:03,210
When you get that narcissistic 
ego pops up, start trying to 

603
00:33:03,210 --> 00:33:04,850
recognize it. 
You're only going to recognize 

604
00:33:04,850 --> 00:33:08,250
it maybe 20 times in a day. 
Then it turns into 50 times, 

605
00:33:08,250 --> 00:33:11,130
then it turns into 200 times, 
then it turns into 2000 times. 

606
00:33:11,410 --> 00:33:12,890
And then using the one that you 
say. 

607
00:33:13,050 --> 00:33:15,210
And we talked about it before, 
but this is so simple. 

608
00:33:15,330 --> 00:33:17,210
Anyone can do this right now. 
A kid can do this. 

609
00:33:17,530 --> 00:33:18,690
That's not real. 
That's not real. 

610
00:33:19,210 --> 00:33:20,330
That's not real. 
What is that? 

611
00:33:20,530 --> 00:33:23,090
That's a crazy thought. 
That's not real. 

612
00:33:23,090 --> 00:33:25,570
What is that? 
That's a selfish, selfcentered 

613
00:33:25,570 --> 00:33:26,920
thought. 
Up. 

614
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,320
That's not real. 
On average, every human being 

615
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:33,280
has 60,000 thoughts a day. 
On average, 58,000 of those 

616
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,840
thoughts are repetitive and 
unnecessary. 

617
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:40,560
They do not serve me. 
We have to start catching those 

618
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,800
repetitive and unnecessary 
thoughts. 

619
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,920
Those repetitive and unnecessary
thoughts are usually my ego. 

620
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:50,320
It's usually my selfishness. 
It's usually my judgment and my 

621
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,080
superiority, and it doesn't 
serve me. 

622
00:33:53,590 --> 00:33:56,590
It takes me to a very low 
vibration, and enough existence 

623
00:33:56,590 --> 00:33:58,950
at a very low vibration makes it
easy to pick up a drink. 

624
00:33:59,310 --> 00:34:04,750
Or I'm gonna stare at Cynthia's 
the secretary's ass when she 

625
00:34:04,750 --> 00:34:07,950
leaves, and then when I'm 
talking to her, instead of 

626
00:34:07,950 --> 00:34:10,949
listening to her and value her 
as a human, I'm gonna think of 

627
00:34:10,949 --> 00:34:13,030
her and what I'm gonna be able 
to do to her. 

628
00:34:14,070 --> 00:34:16,949
Yeah, now your thoughts, because
those aren't real. 

629
00:34:16,949 --> 00:34:19,750
If you could catch those and be 
like, this is my ego wanting to 

630
00:34:20,070 --> 00:34:24,050
conquer something or. 
Or not put this person on a 

631
00:34:24,050 --> 00:34:27,730
spiritual plane where I'm equal 
with them and I'm gonna look at 

632
00:34:27,730 --> 00:34:29,130
their higher being and they look
at my. 

633
00:34:29,130 --> 00:34:32,090
So if you're like, that's not 
real, that's not real. 

634
00:34:32,250 --> 00:34:34,010
It's hard. 
That's hard to do. 

635
00:34:34,929 --> 00:34:37,889
Absolutely. 
Because there's really no in the

636
00:34:37,889 --> 00:34:40,489
beginning of that. 
There's no. 

637
00:34:40,650 --> 00:34:43,770
And I don't wanna get too 
spiritual here, but. 

638
00:34:44,389 --> 00:34:46,909
If you began to obsess over 
thoughts, and we've all done 

639
00:34:46,909 --> 00:34:49,590
this every single one of 
especially if you're males seem 

640
00:34:49,590 --> 00:34:52,150
to do this more than females, 
but especially if you're a guy 

641
00:34:52,429 --> 00:34:55,429
and you've got testosterone and 
and now you're working with 

642
00:34:55,429 --> 00:34:58,190
somebody at work or you're 
getting in close proximity. 

643
00:34:58,350 --> 00:35:03,430
There's this whole idea of 
obsessing over another woman, 

644
00:35:03,430 --> 00:35:05,150
even though you may have a 
girlfriend or a wife or 

645
00:35:05,150 --> 00:35:06,390
whatever. 
It may be a fiance. 

646
00:35:06,710 --> 00:35:09,190
And then you begin to obsess 
over what is the obsession. 

647
00:35:10,720 --> 00:35:14,160
That's not real. 
But your ego now has control of 

648
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,040
you. 
And now the ego can turn around 

649
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,880
and say, yeah, this is real. 
Imagine this. 

650
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,800
But guess what begins to happen,
especially if you have somebody 

651
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:24,680
that's not very conscious that 
you're working with now they're 

652
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,520
playing that out too. 
And especially if they're 

653
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:28,560
attracted to you, they can. 
If they're not attracted to you,

654
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:31,800
then you just look like a creep 
and it and and then now you get 

655
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:33,800
a reputation at work or you get 
fired, right? 

656
00:35:34,330 --> 00:35:37,490
So if they're attracted to you, 
what's going to happen? 

657
00:35:37,570 --> 00:35:39,370
They're going to meet you at 
that level of vibration. 

658
00:35:39,370 --> 00:35:42,090
And then it's just like a bottle
or a needle. 

659
00:35:42,250 --> 00:35:45,490
Yeah, the consequences are what?
You lose your family. 

660
00:35:45,770 --> 00:35:47,250
Yes. 
Go down the rabbit. 

661
00:35:47,250 --> 00:35:49,850
Go all the way down the rabbit 
hole with the crazy thought. 

662
00:35:49,930 --> 00:35:51,930
OK. 
Yes, I have a crazy thought. 

663
00:35:52,930 --> 00:35:54,730
I'm going to. 
You know, this woman is so 

664
00:35:54,730 --> 00:35:55,810
attractive. 
I have to. 

665
00:35:55,810 --> 00:35:56,690
I have to. 
I have to. 

666
00:35:56,930 --> 00:35:59,970
She's just the best. 
Go all the way down the rabbit 

667
00:35:59,970 --> 00:36:01,890
hole. 
Who's at home? 

668
00:36:02,650 --> 00:36:06,150
My wife. 
And my children go all the way 

669
00:36:06,150 --> 00:36:09,070
down the rabbit hole. 
I behave in a dishonest, selfish

670
00:36:09,070 --> 00:36:09,590
way. 
Right. 

671
00:36:10,230 --> 00:36:14,550
Narcissistic. 
And I and I take action on that 

672
00:36:14,550 --> 00:36:17,190
Selfish thought. 
Now I have to be. 

673
00:36:17,470 --> 00:36:21,950
I have to perpetuate the 
dishonesty at home. 

674
00:36:22,450 --> 00:36:26,410
Now I have to be pretend to be 
the man with integrity when I'm 

675
00:36:26,410 --> 00:36:28,770
with my family. 
And maybe that pretending is 

676
00:36:28,770 --> 00:36:30,890
hard for me. 
Maybe that pretending creates 

677
00:36:30,970 --> 00:36:34,610
uncomfortable feelings inside of
me because I'm not in alignment 

678
00:36:34,650 --> 00:36:39,050
with shoes of Yes, yes, maybe 
it's so uncomfortable we begin 

679
00:36:39,050 --> 00:36:43,210
to fight. 
Maybe it's so uncomfortable I 

680
00:36:43,210 --> 00:36:46,900
blame my partner. 
For how I'm feeling because of 

681
00:36:46,900 --> 00:36:50,260
my dishonesty, because of my 
unconscious behavior, maybe I 

682
00:36:50,260 --> 00:36:54,020
project onto her what I have 
done now. 

683
00:36:54,100 --> 00:36:56,340
It is so uncomfortable. 
Take it all the way down the 

684
00:36:56,340 --> 00:36:58,180
rabbit hole. 
It's so uncomfortable. 

685
00:36:58,860 --> 00:37:02,460
She leaves. 
Who does she take with her? 

686
00:37:03,820 --> 00:37:04,940
Your family? 
Yeah, the kids. 

687
00:37:04,980 --> 00:37:06,380
She. 
Takes the kids she took. 

688
00:37:06,460 --> 00:37:09,940
So I lost my wife and I lost my 
kids because. 

689
00:37:10,850 --> 00:37:14,770
Of this selfish, self-centered 
thought that I couldn't detach 

690
00:37:14,770 --> 00:37:16,410
from. 
So what's different than the 

691
00:37:16,410 --> 00:37:18,810
bottle are the nice ass. 
No difference. 

692
00:37:19,650 --> 00:37:22,770
No difference whatsoever. 
Both of them take me away from 

693
00:37:23,250 --> 00:37:25,850
my inner being. 
Both of them take me away from 

694
00:37:25,850 --> 00:37:28,650
my integrity. 
Both of them take me away from 

695
00:37:29,210 --> 00:37:33,050
my high vibration. 
I know with enough experience 

696
00:37:33,330 --> 00:37:39,370
that if I were to say yes to 
that bottle, I would. 

697
00:37:39,820 --> 00:37:42,020
It would make it easier to 
behave in my unconscious, would 

698
00:37:42,020 --> 00:37:44,500
make it easier to behave in my 
ego, and it would make it easier

699
00:37:44,500 --> 00:37:47,740
to make selfish decisions. 
Yes, OK, it's like there are 

700
00:37:47,740 --> 00:37:49,260
selfish decisions. 
I realize that. 

701
00:37:49,460 --> 00:37:51,980
But now it's OK because I'm not 
willing to. 

702
00:37:52,020 --> 00:37:54,740
I'm not willing to look. 
It's easier to look away. 

703
00:37:55,060 --> 00:37:56,740
It's easier to turn the blind 
eye. 

704
00:37:57,060 --> 00:38:00,220
I I It becomes an obsession. 
I'm obsessed about the alcohol, 

705
00:38:00,500 --> 00:38:03,100
so I can't even see my poor 
behavior. 

706
00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:06,020
And then it turns into, you 
know, and you know this. 

707
00:38:06,020 --> 00:38:09,100
It turns into maybe you were an 
alcoholic. 

708
00:38:10,060 --> 00:38:12,420
Or an alcoholic. 
But then it turns around and 

709
00:38:12,420 --> 00:38:15,940
turns into the woman in that 
that you're obsessing over. 

710
00:38:15,940 --> 00:38:19,700
Invite you to a bar now. 
Now you're like, well, I 

711
00:38:19,700 --> 00:38:21,420
probably could have a chance. 
She invited me. 

712
00:38:21,420 --> 00:38:23,940
So I'll just have a drink 
that'll loosen things up. 

713
00:38:23,980 --> 00:38:26,700
Double screw drinking, yeah. 
Literally. 

714
00:38:26,700 --> 00:38:30,340
Literally, but they'll. 
Come back from that. 

715
00:38:30,460 --> 00:38:31,300
No, you're done. 
Just. 

716
00:38:31,300 --> 00:38:33,300
Take on for a while. 
But I I like this in the 

717
00:38:33,300 --> 00:38:37,340
material because it says the aim
is to bring you to the reality 

718
00:38:37,340 --> 00:38:40,530
of the present moment. 
Thereby limiting the notions of 

719
00:38:40,530 --> 00:38:42,930
grandeur and fostering an 
understanding of our inherent 

720
00:38:42,930 --> 00:38:46,890
human value. 
It takes you when you get say 

721
00:38:46,890 --> 00:38:49,850
that's not real. 
Present moment. 

722
00:38:49,850 --> 00:38:51,130
Present moment. 
Present moment. 

723
00:38:51,210 --> 00:38:52,490
Be present, Jason. 
Be present. 

724
00:38:52,490 --> 00:38:53,610
Moment. 
That's not real. 

725
00:38:53,730 --> 00:38:58,610
Be present. 
Then it begins to silence that 

726
00:38:58,610 --> 00:39:01,730
narcissistic crazy ego. 
Jason, you know what I mean. 

727
00:39:01,810 --> 00:39:05,140
The monkey mind. 
It begins to silence that then 

728
00:39:05,140 --> 00:39:07,380
peace begins to come back in. 
Very good. 

729
00:39:07,500 --> 00:39:11,940
But if I'm addicted to the drama
of not of not having peace, 

730
00:39:12,180 --> 00:39:14,140
because this is the thing and 
you've shared this with me 

731
00:39:14,140 --> 00:39:18,940
before, is and and I'm this way 
too, being addicted to getting 

732
00:39:18,940 --> 00:39:21,140
in trouble. 
Oh yeah, big time. 

733
00:39:21,500 --> 00:39:26,900
The the energetic response, the 
chemical reaction that takes 

734
00:39:26,900 --> 00:39:29,380
place in my brain when I'm in 
trouble. 

735
00:39:30,010 --> 00:39:32,050
I can get in trouble for doing 
really well. 

736
00:39:33,290 --> 00:39:35,170
Whatever it is, I still want to.
I just get in trouble. 

737
00:39:35,170 --> 00:39:37,250
I subconsciously create 
situations where I'm going to 

738
00:39:37,250 --> 00:39:39,850
get in trouble because I'm 
addicted to the fear. 

739
00:39:40,330 --> 00:39:46,370
I'm addicted to the fear I feel 
when you have it out for me, or 

740
00:39:46,370 --> 00:39:49,650
when you don't like me, or when 
you want to punish me and that's

741
00:39:49,650 --> 00:39:52,450
that's like you really got to 
pull back the layers to start 

742
00:39:52,450 --> 00:39:55,010
working at some deep. 
Seats and women. 

743
00:39:55,010 --> 00:39:56,370
Women get that way with bad 
guys. 

744
00:39:57,020 --> 00:40:00,220
You know like they get addicted 
to the drama like and I I've had

745
00:40:00,220 --> 00:40:01,340
a good friend of mine. 
She was that way. 

746
00:40:01,340 --> 00:40:03,660
She's like why does the 
relationship only last two years

747
00:40:03,660 --> 00:40:06,420
or less, you know and why am I 
always attracted to guys with 

748
00:40:06,420 --> 00:40:09,380
neck tattoos and you know and 
and which there's nothing 

749
00:40:09,380 --> 00:40:10,700
against that. 
I have a ton of tattoos. 

750
00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:15,580
But I'm just saying it's funny 
how these patterns began to 

751
00:40:15,580 --> 00:40:18,500
develop and the material says 
this and I think it's this is 

752
00:40:18,500 --> 00:40:21,660
this is oneness. 
But in a very simple way this 

753
00:40:21,780 --> 00:40:25,580
this step will guide you on 
focusing on the similarities we 

754
00:40:25,580 --> 00:40:28,080
share with others. 
Rather than the difference 

755
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:31,040
bridging gaps. 
She has a nice ass and she 

756
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,120
doesn't. 
That's not so. 

757
00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:35,920
I need to focus and obsess over 
the difference. 

758
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:41,160
The gap, yes, that that's very 
rare to, you know, to to like 

759
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:44,680
super beautiful people. 
The reason we like them are 

760
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,040
beautiful paintings are 
beautiful. 

761
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:49,240
Art is because it's rare. 
Like less than 1% of the 

762
00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:53,230
population is, you know, a 10. 
You know A9 or A10 and if you 

763
00:40:53,230 --> 00:40:55,830
are then congratulations and you
have your own issues with that. 

764
00:40:56,390 --> 00:40:58,990
But ego wants to play roles and 
all kinds of things with that. 

765
00:40:59,390 --> 00:41:02,110
But if you're a good looking 
guy, you're going to get hit on 

766
00:41:02,110 --> 00:41:05,470
all the time. 
It's just part of of of how you 

767
00:41:05,470 --> 00:41:08,390
handle that can turn into an 
addiction too. 

768
00:41:09,110 --> 00:41:10,270
Do you, do you know what I mean?
Absolutely. 

769
00:41:10,590 --> 00:41:15,270
And then now you've created 
separateness because the 

770
00:41:15,270 --> 00:41:17,870
separateness is the part that 
causes. 

771
00:41:18,630 --> 00:41:22,510
The ego to play in its playing 
field, You've entered the egos 

772
00:41:22,510 --> 00:41:26,270
football field, you've stepped 
on and the ego has game, a game 

773
00:41:26,270 --> 00:41:29,470
that you can play and it has 
rules and has other players 

774
00:41:29,470 --> 00:41:32,790
that's going to play with you. 
You've stepped on to that court.

775
00:41:33,550 --> 00:41:35,630
You know that football field, 
the soccer field, whatever you 

776
00:41:35,630 --> 00:41:37,670
want to call it, however you 
want to compare, you've stepped 

777
00:41:37,670 --> 00:41:40,150
into the arena now. 
Now you got to abide by the egos

778
00:41:40,150 --> 00:41:43,590
rules and play that game. 
And that game is she's separate 

779
00:41:43,590 --> 00:41:46,510
from me and I want that because 
it's separate. 

780
00:41:46,930 --> 00:41:48,730
Not that I value her just as a 
human being. 

781
00:41:48,970 --> 00:41:51,170
No. 
You know, or this guy. 

782
00:41:51,170 --> 00:41:55,370
I don't like him and I'm judging
his shoes when I have one shoe 

783
00:41:55,370 --> 00:41:57,970
on and I was offered dead man 
shoes, you know? 

784
00:41:57,970 --> 00:42:01,450
Do you see what I'm saying? 
Yeah, what keeps score? 

785
00:42:02,610 --> 00:42:03,650
The ego. 
Yes. 

786
00:42:03,730 --> 00:42:09,390
What deals in degrees, you know?
He's a little spiritual. 

787
00:42:09,390 --> 00:42:10,750
That guy's very spiritual, 
though. 

788
00:42:10,830 --> 00:42:14,070
Oh, well, she's she's kind of 
skinny and and cute, but 

789
00:42:14,070 --> 00:42:16,110
actually that one over there, 
she's super sexy. 

790
00:42:16,350 --> 00:42:19,110
What deals in degrees? 
What deals in levels? 

791
00:42:19,110 --> 00:42:20,870
You're kind. 
You know, they're they're all 

792
00:42:20,870 --> 00:42:22,950
right. 
But he that he's making over 

793
00:42:22,950 --> 00:42:26,030
250K a year, he's doing good. 
Or I could never get that guy. 

794
00:42:26,270 --> 00:42:27,950
Yeah, I'm not good enough. 
I'm not, Yeah. 

795
00:42:27,950 --> 00:42:30,230
So what deals in degrees? 
What deals in levels? 

796
00:42:30,470 --> 00:42:31,670
What? 
Who keeps score? 

797
00:42:32,350 --> 00:42:36,190
The ego? 
All of that is my egoic mind. 

798
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:40,040
The egoic mind loves it because 
then I'm in the mind. 

799
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:42,560
Then I'm thinking, thinking, 
thinking, separate, separate, 

800
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:44,440
cetera. 
All of these are judgments. 

801
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:48,200
All of these are judgments. 
And the more and more I go down 

802
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:52,120
the rabbit hole, the crazy 
thoughts with my judgments, the 

803
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:57,280
more and more that venom has an 
opportunity to enter my life and

804
00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,440
I lose myself in the world of 
form. 

805
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:04,320
We talked about the four steps 
to a resentment, and it's not 

806
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,310
the teeth. 
Of the snake that kills me. 

807
00:43:07,630 --> 00:43:09,550
It's the venom coursing through 
my veins. 

808
00:43:09,710 --> 00:43:14,430
Because now I've been comparing 
myself to this outside person, 

809
00:43:15,230 --> 00:43:19,750
keeping myself separate for 
weeks, for months, for years. 

810
00:43:20,030 --> 00:43:24,070
I've had years of practice to be
separate from you and everyone 

811
00:43:24,070 --> 00:43:26,310
around me. 
It's a very stressful way to go 

812
00:43:26,310 --> 00:43:28,030
through the world. 
It's a it's a hard way to go 

813
00:43:28,030 --> 00:43:29,990
through the world. 
We were to open the session 

814
00:43:29,990 --> 00:43:31,950
today. 
We were talking about, you know,

815
00:43:31,950 --> 00:43:35,510
David Goggins, embrace the suck.
And one of the ways I like to 

816
00:43:35,510 --> 00:43:39,910
say that is choose your heart. 
Choose your heart. 

817
00:43:39,950 --> 00:43:46,630
It's hard to live an addicted 
life where I'm uncomfortable in 

818
00:43:46,630 --> 00:43:51,630
my own skin, I judge everyone 
around me I'm I behave in fear. 

819
00:43:51,790 --> 00:43:54,030
I don't know how to handle my 
emotions. 

820
00:43:54,370 --> 00:43:56,570
And I use substances to block 
all that out. 

821
00:43:56,570 --> 00:43:59,090
And I'm constantly losing things
in my world. 

822
00:43:59,290 --> 00:44:01,530
I'm losing jobs, I'm used losing
relationships. 

823
00:44:01,530 --> 00:44:04,370
I'm losing self respect. 
I don't even respect the person 

824
00:44:04,370 --> 00:44:06,530
I am anymore. 
It's hard to live that way. 

825
00:44:06,770 --> 00:44:09,250
And a lot of people aren't 
willing to live that way. 

826
00:44:09,250 --> 00:44:14,970
They just take their life. 
But it's also hard to adopt 

827
00:44:15,410 --> 00:44:19,770
responsibility and start 
embracing a path to recovery. 

828
00:44:19,890 --> 00:44:24,710
And it's also hard to start. 
Recognizing my crazy selfish 

829
00:44:24,710 --> 00:44:29,870
thoughts over and over and over 
and take responsibility for my 

830
00:44:29,870 --> 00:44:34,550
crazy, selfish thoughts and then
start behaving differently. 

831
00:44:34,550 --> 00:44:39,270
Start walking in faith as if I'm
going to be okay because now I 

832
00:44:39,270 --> 00:44:43,030
have tools and a foundation to 
build on. 

833
00:44:43,510 --> 00:44:46,030
It's also hard to live a 
spiritual lifestyle. 

834
00:44:46,270 --> 00:44:50,130
You just have to pick your 
heart. 100% yeah. 

835
00:44:50,130 --> 00:44:56,130
And and I think whenever, like 
for me, I know I I've gotten to 

836
00:44:56,130 --> 00:44:59,250
the point spiritually where I 
know when my higher self is 

837
00:44:59,250 --> 00:45:01,930
there and when it's not, or I 
have glimpses of my higher self.

838
00:45:02,530 --> 00:45:05,610
So I know when it's it's not the
good Jason, right? 

839
00:45:05,610 --> 00:45:07,410
Like this is not a good Jason 
right now. 

840
00:45:07,410 --> 00:45:10,690
That's thinking this thought or 
doing this action or eating this

841
00:45:10,690 --> 00:45:13,810
donut, whatever it may be, or 
going running through a drive 

842
00:45:13,810 --> 00:45:16,770
through and eating shitty food. 
It's like, what caused that? 

843
00:45:17,330 --> 00:45:20,050
Why do I have the desire right 
in this moment? 

844
00:45:20,250 --> 00:45:23,370
Like I told you today I had, I 
was going to get my blood work 

845
00:45:24,370 --> 00:45:26,810
because I've been doing like the
extra stuff and doing all this 

846
00:45:26,810 --> 00:45:30,330
great things and getting blood 
work done and and and dialing 

847
00:45:30,330 --> 00:45:32,290
things in and getting my health 
like perfect. 

848
00:45:32,330 --> 00:45:36,090
Focus with your nutrition. 
All that and then two donut 

849
00:45:36,090 --> 00:45:37,090
stores. 
Why? 

850
00:45:37,090 --> 00:45:39,490
I'm driving Krispy Kreme on the 
right, Dunkin' Donuts on the 

851
00:45:39,490 --> 00:45:42,170
left, and I get into my monkey 
mind on both. 

852
00:45:42,490 --> 00:45:44,590
I didn't stop. 
Thank God, you know? 

853
00:45:44,830 --> 00:45:48,870
But it was the same scenario. 
And I know it's like that's not 

854
00:45:48,870 --> 00:45:50,390
real. 
That's not real. 

855
00:45:50,830 --> 00:45:53,110
That is not the Jason that I 
wanna be. 

856
00:45:53,590 --> 00:45:56,590
The Jason that goes in and gets 
6 Krispy Kreme Donuts and then 

857
00:45:56,670 --> 00:45:58,710
eats them in his car real fast 
with the chocolate. 

858
00:46:00,110 --> 00:46:02,070
A chocolate. 
They have the Krispy Kreme, they

859
00:46:02,070 --> 00:46:04,230
have the chocolate. 
Just chocolate milk. 

860
00:46:05,390 --> 00:46:10,470
Those are delicious pure sugar. 
I'm just spiking my glucose. 

861
00:46:10,950 --> 00:46:13,790
I'm gonna get diabetes. 
My family all died from diabetes

862
00:46:13,790 --> 00:46:18,190
and health issues early, My 
father obesity. 

863
00:46:18,390 --> 00:46:22,230
It's a generic thing and it's 
just a separate scarcity 

864
00:46:22,230 --> 00:46:23,950
mentality. 
That's all it is. 

865
00:46:24,350 --> 00:46:26,870
I won't be able to get this. 
I need this now. 

866
00:46:27,470 --> 00:46:31,150
Narcissistic ego says I don't 
care about my health. 

867
00:46:31,190 --> 00:46:34,200
I don't care how I look. 
I don't care about my 

868
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,520
relationships with people. 
I don't care about my work. 

869
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:40,000
All I care is satisfying this 
craving that I need right the 

870
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,520
fuck now. 
And I don't care about anything 

871
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,680
and I'm going to do this, You 
know, that's hard. 

872
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:50,480
Living that life is hard. 
It is because it comes with 

873
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:54,080
guilt and shame and depression 
and suicidal thoughts. 

874
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,080
It leads, like you said, you're 
gone. 

875
00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:00,440
Like if you if you run that 
rabbit hole all the way down, it

876
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:03,000
leads to death. 
If you would have ran the rabbit

877
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:05,680
hole, Dwayne probably wouldn't 
have been here now. 

878
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,560
Absolutely not. 
He wouldn't have had the life 

879
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:10,920
that you live now. 
You would not have had that. 

880
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:12,960
There was. 
There's no way, especially with 

881
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:18,080
a more in your face addiction 
like alcoholism or drug 

882
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:19,840
addiction, drug. 
There's no such thing as 

883
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:22,040
recreational meth use, you know 
what I mean? 

884
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:24,840
Like, if you're doing meth, 
you're probably addicted and 

885
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:26,640
you're probably all the way in, 
you know what I mean? 

886
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:30,160
There's no like or heroin, any 
hard drugs like that. 

887
00:47:30,850 --> 00:47:33,370
So those are more in your face 
addictions, they're they're 

888
00:47:33,370 --> 00:47:35,130
blatant and they're loud and 
it's like. 

889
00:47:35,130 --> 00:47:36,410
Well, socially they're not 
accepted. 

890
00:47:36,450 --> 00:47:36,930
Either. 
Correct. 

891
00:47:36,930 --> 00:47:39,170
So it's a little more subtle. 
It's a little more subtle with 

892
00:47:39,170 --> 00:47:42,250
my addiction to sugar, it's a 
little more subtle. 

893
00:47:42,250 --> 00:47:44,090
It's a lot more subtle with my 
addiction to fear. 

894
00:47:44,650 --> 00:47:46,050
You know what I mean? 
Who doesn't have that? 

895
00:47:46,050 --> 00:47:48,970
Who's not walking around afraid?
It's a it's a rare, rare 

896
00:47:48,970 --> 00:47:52,010
individual where they're walking
in faith, they know they're 

897
00:47:52,010 --> 00:47:56,690
connected to God, and in the 
present moment, they're OK above

898
00:47:56,690 --> 00:48:00,490
when the literature was talking 
about being present. 

899
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:04,360
Being present and being able to 
tear down these old boundaries, 

900
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:07,960
these these walls that I have 
built up, this old tyrannical 

901
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:12,240
structure of my mind. 
I'm tearing down these old 

902
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:16,680
thoughts that no longer serve me
one of our nice mantras, one of 

903
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:18,800
our nice tools. 
So a tool we've already 

904
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:20,200
discussed today. 
Let's get into. 

905
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:23,160
And our material part 4 talks 
about practical steps so that 

906
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:26,720
let's get into practical steps 
to surrender and and and one of 

907
00:48:26,720 --> 00:48:28,280
them is surrender prayer 
mantras. 

908
00:48:28,710 --> 00:48:29,870
So why don't you continue what 
you're saying? 

909
00:48:29,950 --> 00:48:30,830
Perfect. 
Perfect. 

910
00:48:30,830 --> 00:48:33,830
So one of the one of our our 
mantras is that's not real. 

911
00:48:34,470 --> 00:48:36,470
That's not real. 
That's a nice prompt for when 

912
00:48:36,470 --> 00:48:38,750
the selfish selfcentered 
thoughts enter my mind. 

913
00:48:39,990 --> 00:48:42,190
Another nice mantra we've been 
doing I've been sharing this 

914
00:48:42,190 --> 00:48:46,510
with my mother even recently is 
thank you God for this moment. 

915
00:48:47,510 --> 00:48:50,110
Thank you God for this moment. 
Thank you God for this moment. 

916
00:48:50,110 --> 00:48:53,070
Thank you God for this moment. 
So if I'm interested in 

917
00:48:53,190 --> 00:48:56,150
rebuilding the structure of my 
mind. 

918
00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:58,440
What am I going to rebuild it 
with? 

919
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,880
I have 60,000 thoughts a day. 
What am I going to occupy those 

920
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:07,680
thoughts with? 
Thank you God for this moment is

921
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:11,880
a thought. 
Thank you God for this moment is

922
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:15,760
an idea. 
Thank you God for this moment is

923
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:18,480
an energy. 
So the undercurrent of the 

924
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:23,840
mantra we understand is where 
does all power generate from? 

925
00:49:24,290 --> 00:49:28,410
Is God two weeks ago? 
Is God three months from now? 

926
00:49:28,410 --> 00:49:30,730
Is God two weeks from now when I
have to pay my bills. 

927
00:49:32,530 --> 00:49:36,170
The only place my consciousness 
can exist is right here, right 

928
00:49:36,170 --> 00:49:41,490
now, in this present moment. 
It's not subject to time, so it 

929
00:49:41,490 --> 00:49:44,770
is not two weeks in the future, 
and it's not four days ago. 

930
00:49:45,210 --> 00:49:50,170
It's just always so if God is in
the present moment. 

931
00:49:52,430 --> 00:49:55,830
And the power I want to get 
connected to is in the present 

932
00:49:55,830 --> 00:50:01,830
moment. 
It makes sense that I'm saying 

933
00:50:01,910 --> 00:50:05,110
thank you God for this moment. 
Thank you God for this moment. 

934
00:50:05,230 --> 00:50:10,030
I'm really aligning myself with 
the power that's available to 

935
00:50:10,030 --> 00:50:14,270
me, the power that can help me 
overcome an addiction. 

936
00:50:15,510 --> 00:50:18,770
One easy mantra. 
Especially fresh when you're 

937
00:50:18,770 --> 00:50:20,610
raw. 
Raw, trying to sober up or 

938
00:50:20,610 --> 00:50:23,450
trying to heal an addiction is. 
God relieve me of this 

939
00:50:23,450 --> 00:50:25,530
obsession. 
God relieve me of this 

940
00:50:25,530 --> 00:50:27,570
obsession. 
God relieve me of this obsession

941
00:50:27,570 --> 00:50:31,970
over and over and over again. 
5000 * 10,050 thousand times. 

942
00:50:32,210 --> 00:50:34,250
Does not matter how many times I
have to say it, I just have to 

943
00:50:34,250 --> 00:50:36,210
say it until it's an inner 
knowing for me. 

944
00:50:36,650 --> 00:50:41,050
I believe the repetition, the 
mantra is powerful enough to 

945
00:50:41,050 --> 00:50:44,590
rewire the brain. 100%. 
We can create new neurological 

946
00:50:44,590 --> 00:50:47,710
synapses with the repetition. 
How many times did Michael 

947
00:50:47,710 --> 00:50:51,470
Jordan have to shoot a free 
throw before it was just second 

948
00:50:51,470 --> 00:50:52,750
nature? 
Yeah, I used to train 

949
00:50:52,750 --> 00:50:56,550
salespeople and we used to do 
word tracks, and it's just 

950
00:50:56,550 --> 00:50:58,630
practicing them over and over 
and over again. 

951
00:50:58,630 --> 00:51:01,590
Or when I was in the military, 
Yes, yes, it's because you're 

952
00:51:01,590 --> 00:51:03,470
gonna. 
And this is so good because in 

953
00:51:03,470 --> 00:51:06,630
the military, we used to always 
say when shit hits the fan, 

954
00:51:06,670 --> 00:51:09,030
you're gonna fall to your lowest
level of training. 

955
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:13,000
Mm HM So if you have a high 
level of training, when the shit

956
00:51:13,000 --> 00:51:16,960
hits the fan, it's just gonna be
on like you're just gonna be on 

957
00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:19,400
like just just cruise control. 
Yeah, autopilot. 

958
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:20,560
Just boom, boom, boom. 
Exactly. 

959
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:25,200
So whether it's a mantra, 
whether and we're gonna get into

960
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,640
the practical Steps to surrender
next podcast and then we're 

961
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:30,120
gonna talk about embracing 
treatment opportunities and 

962
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:32,000
embracing community and what 
that looks like. 

963
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,200
But I think this is really 
important because I wanna help 

964
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:37,900
people. 
Maybe you're a Christian, maybe 

965
00:51:37,900 --> 00:51:39,860
you're Muslim, maybe we we don't
care. 

966
00:51:39,940 --> 00:51:43,020
Like whatever your your 
religious, you know, whatever 

967
00:51:43,020 --> 00:51:46,380
you lean, you go towards, you 
know, if it helps you to put a 

968
00:51:46,380 --> 00:51:49,220
mat out and pray towards the 
east or whatever it may be, 

969
00:51:49,540 --> 00:51:51,220
maybe you're into mindfulness 
meditation. 

970
00:51:51,740 --> 00:51:53,620
But a good one is the Serenity 
prayer. 

971
00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:57,660
And if you have to say the 
serenity prayer 500 times a day 

972
00:51:58,500 --> 00:52:02,340
to get you to get your mind 
kicked back into gear, pray. 

973
00:52:03,020 --> 00:52:04,300
Praying. 
How many times not only do you 

974
00:52:04,300 --> 00:52:06,440
do mantras, but you pray too? 
All day long. 

975
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:08,320
We prayed right before the 
podcast. 

976
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:09,480
You always prayed before the 
podcast. 

977
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:10,960
Yeah, we we like to open with 
prayer. 

978
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,400
We always say we'd like to open 
the door for God first. 

979
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,760
I love that allow allow God into
the situation first. 

980
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:19,000
That's a prayer. 
These are simultaneous. 

981
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:22,040
And now it's kind of beautiful 
because you're doing a couple 

982
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:25,160
things at once. 
You're having a relationship 

983
00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:29,880
with the God consciousness 
inside of you, my ego. 

984
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:34,840
Over time, God willing starts to
be a little more submissive. 

985
00:52:36,050 --> 00:52:39,490
To the vertical dimension, 
letting God come in forefront. 

986
00:52:40,170 --> 00:52:46,170
And I'm also thinking I'm very 
interested in in in having how 

987
00:52:46,170 --> 00:52:49,130
many, how many positive thoughts
a day do I need to have to live 

988
00:52:49,130 --> 00:52:53,250
a good life? 
If I have 60,000, can I hit 

989
00:52:53,250 --> 00:52:55,290
60,000? 
Yeah, exactly. 

990
00:52:56,250 --> 00:52:58,970
Put perfection in the forefront 
and head in that direction. 

991
00:52:59,010 --> 00:53:01,920
Right and so. 
We're simultaneously praying, 

992
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:04,560
We're simultaneously thinking, 
We're simultaneously rewiring 

993
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:08,560
the brain, and we're 
simultaneously conditioning the 

994
00:53:08,720 --> 00:53:12,040
ego to be more and more 
submissive to my spirit. 

995
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:14,200
It's a hell of a deal. 
It's a hell of a deal. 

996
00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:15,760
We're doing all of that at the 
same time. 

997
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:20,200
Navajo. 
Ancient or or famous. 

998
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:23,840
Navajo saying Every step can be 
a prayer. 

999
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:28,480
Every step can be a prayer. 
I actually start walking my 

1000
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:29,720
prayers. 
I used to. 

1001
00:53:30,390 --> 00:53:36,030
I was having a big issue. 
I had an exfiance who laughed 

1002
00:53:36,030 --> 00:53:41,390
and my ego just was so wrapped 
up and my identity was so 

1003
00:53:41,390 --> 00:53:47,230
wrapped up in this relationship 
and the relationship went away 

1004
00:53:48,310 --> 00:53:51,670
and I lost. 
I lost my identity. 

1005
00:53:51,910 --> 00:53:54,310
Should I kill myself? 
Should I kill myself? 

1006
00:53:54,310 --> 00:53:59,190
I'm not me anymore and all of 
that had to go away in order for

1007
00:53:59,190 --> 00:54:03,000
my ego. 
To break open. 

1008
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:06,240
And when the ego breaks open, 
whatever it is, whatever 

1009
00:54:06,240 --> 00:54:08,960
traumatic event happens, 
whatever words of wisdom we 

1010
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:12,480
hear, whatever that window of 
grace is, that's when God's 

1011
00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:16,400
light can start to shine in. 
I was simultaneously doing 

1012
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:21,040
cardio in my living room on a 
stationary bike that I bought 

1013
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:25,120
for 250 bucks is the best 250 
bucks I ever spent in my life, 

1014
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:30,630
my roommate at the time. 
Showed me this video of Oprah 

1015
00:54:30,630 --> 00:54:35,070
and Eckhart doing their ten part
series on a new Earth. 

1016
00:54:36,150 --> 00:54:39,510
And I would put Oprah and 
Eckhart in my ears and I would 

1017
00:54:39,510 --> 00:54:51,870
cycle and I got some tools that 
helped me reaffirm and and find 

1018
00:54:51,870 --> 00:54:55,990
my true identity. 
And so my identity was not 

1019
00:54:55,990 --> 00:55:01,910
wrapped up in this relationship.
My identity started to be 

1020
00:55:01,910 --> 00:55:04,670
connected to a source, started 
to be connected to God, 

1021
00:55:04,670 --> 00:55:06,990
consciousness. 
I was working at a restaurant 

1022
00:55:07,390 --> 00:55:10,590
while all of that was unfolding,
and I would walk around that 

1023
00:55:10,590 --> 00:55:15,790
restaurant and I would say I'm 
only whole and complete in this 

1024
00:55:15,790 --> 00:55:19,630
moment. 
I'm only whole and complete in 

1025
00:55:19,630 --> 00:55:22,190
this moment. 
I was praying and I was using a 

1026
00:55:22,190 --> 00:55:25,260
mantra. 
And I was rewiring my brain and 

1027
00:55:25,260 --> 00:55:28,580
I was starting to connect to 
source all at the same time. 

1028
00:55:29,420 --> 00:55:31,140
And that's how I walked around 
at work. 

1029
00:55:31,300 --> 00:55:34,900
And that catalyst of the 
relationship going away led to 

1030
00:55:34,900 --> 00:55:37,900
that moment it had to go away. 
I want to get into something 

1031
00:55:37,900 --> 00:55:43,180
before we, before we wrap it up.
That so people understand is we 

1032
00:55:43,180 --> 00:55:45,980
are not professionals. 
We're not medical professionals 

1033
00:55:45,980 --> 00:55:49,740
with like there's treatments, we
always encourage people to go. 

1034
00:55:49,740 --> 00:55:52,830
There's thousands of. 
Programs, there's help. 

1035
00:55:52,830 --> 00:55:54,270
There's zoom class. 
We talked about that earlier. 

1036
00:55:54,510 --> 00:55:58,270
But I want people to understand 
that, you know, so don't take 

1037
00:55:58,270 --> 00:56:00,550
this as medical advice. 
Don't take this as anything. 

1038
00:56:00,670 --> 00:56:03,070
All we're doing is just opening 
up and sharing each of our 

1039
00:56:03,070 --> 00:56:05,470
journeys. 
Yes, about what is going on. 

1040
00:56:07,230 --> 00:56:08,790
Do you have anything before we 
go? 

1041
00:56:09,030 --> 00:56:10,870
Because I I think this is really
important. 

1042
00:56:11,590 --> 00:56:15,830
How, how before we wrap it up 
just quickly, Dwayne, how 

1043
00:56:15,830 --> 00:56:20,590
important was it for you to get 
plugged in? 

1044
00:56:21,300 --> 00:56:22,980
With the community or group or 
something? 

1045
00:56:25,540 --> 00:56:27,500
I would. 
I would not be here. 

1046
00:56:27,500 --> 00:56:29,860
If I didn't, I would have died 
drunk. 

1047
00:56:33,380 --> 00:56:39,380
It takes experience to 
understand that wisdom is 

1048
00:56:39,380 --> 00:56:47,540
collective and together we can 
make a better decision every 

1049
00:56:47,540 --> 00:56:50,020
time. 
Then I can make a loan. 

1050
00:56:50,650 --> 00:56:54,570
Especially if I'm just lost in 
my ego, that's good. 

1051
00:56:54,650 --> 00:57:01,610
So without a recovery program, 
without a a group or or it's 

1052
00:57:01,610 --> 00:57:07,210
support, without people guiding 
me, there's no way I'd be 

1053
00:57:07,210 --> 00:57:09,210
sitting here today. 
So I'm eternally grateful 

1054
00:57:09,210 --> 00:57:10,210
because it saved my life.